Neon Epoch Evangelion
by Lostfactor
Summary: Revisionist fiction with some different characters and a different underlying premise. Rabid purists should just keep on walking.
1. In Lordless Times

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 1: IN LORDLESS TIMES +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Restore us, O Lord God Almighty,  
make your face shine upon us,  
that we may be saved.  
- PSALM 80:19  
  
]++[  
  
Gendou Ikari, from his seat high above the city, sat and watched  
mankind's best and only defense against the end of the world come under  
siege with a bemused expression on his face.  
  
The massive, vaguely-humanoid thing that was pulling itself out of the  
ocean and swatting away aerodrones clumsily had been detected hours  
earlier, advance radar picking up an unusual energy spike. It was  
precisely what everyone in Tokyo-3 had been waiting for, and the first  
few stages of the defense system had worked flawlessly. The UN remote-  
controlled drones had acted first as advance scouts, then in their  
designed role as an intercept system, firing madly at the beast as it  
swam towards Tokyo-3. By the official UN estimation, the target should  
have been neutralized well before it made landfall, before it even made  
it to the sunken remains of Japanese cities submerged by the Second  
Impact.  
  
Dr. Ikari, however, knew better. He had advised against the UN's  
interception plan, but had been ignored, his own project discarded in  
favor of conventional weaponry. Unsurprisingly, he was relegated to  
the status of the contingency plan, with the obvious implication being  
that there would be no need to actually trust his project with the  
safety of humanity. The United Nations preferred to throw all of their  
conventional firepower at the target, expecting that it would fall just  
like any other threat in human history. Ikari knew better, and as he  
watched the drones fail to even dent the dripping black monster he  
couldn't help but smile. "They should be contacting NERV any moment  
now," he said contentedly, folding his hands together after adjusting  
his glasses.  
  
"It's ironic," noted his companion, not bothering to look out the  
observation window of the helicopter. Gendou stared out the window for  
a moment longer, then turned to face the other man, satisfied that  
there would be no unusual developments from the battle. "When I was  
younger, I remember how Americans would make jokes about Tokyo being  
attacked by monsters. They would laugh and say that the city was  
constantly being crushed by Godzilla, that anything that went wrong in  
Japan was because of all the monsters attacking it." He chuckled. "I  
suppose those of them that are still alive are finally being proven  
right."  
  
"More likely they're expecting us to take care of them," replied  
Gendou, glancing out the window again. Part of it was the eye of a  
commander having a chance to study his opponent before the battle, but  
there was another element to his examination beyond simple academic  
interest. He had poured immense amounts of effort into the project,  
and now that effort was going to be made visible to the world. "I was  
told that the boy was contacted. Is he in Japan yet?"  
  
"His flight should have already landed," replied the other man,  
adjusting the tight brown fabric of his uniform and finally taking a  
look out the window himself. The beast was still drawing itself up to  
its full height, seeming to no longer be concerned by the drones  
swarming around it. "Katsuragi was given the responsibility of making  
sure that he arrives at Central Dogma safely; he should be there by the  
time the Angel reaches Tokyo-3." He paused, a small frown appearing on  
his face. "Gendou... in all honesty, are you certain about this boy?"  
  
"The Third Child. There can be no doubt in the matter." Gendou stared  
out the window a moment longer, then leaned back against his seat. He  
took a deep breath, seeming somewhere between excited and nervous - at  
least, to the extent that he gave off the sensation of any emotion.  
"Half of the equation had to be moved into place by human hands... it  
seems only fitting that we have less control over the second half."  
  
Gendou's fellow passenger opened his mouth to speak, but before he  
could get a word out the door to the cockpit of the helicopter opened,  
and the pilot leaned his head towards the pair of scientists. "Dr.  
Ikari, Dr. Fuyutsuki? The UN council is requesting the presence of  
NERV's commanders, sir. I've been ordered to return to Tokyo-3."  
  
Both of the passengers nodded, and the pilot swung the door shut again,  
then banked the helicopter away from the ensuing battle. Outside, the  
beast was beginning to tear away at the drones wholeheartedly, taking  
slow steps towards Tokyo-3 as weapons exploded against it to no effect  
whatsoever.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil Richelieu was extremely confused, a little scared, and naggingly  
hungry. The hunger, he'd determined, was the deciding factor, the  
element of everything that made him the most uncomfortable. He'd been  
confused about what was going on since long before he'd gotten on the  
plane, and like any sane person he was scared of going to a country  
where he didn't speak the first word of the language. That was nothing  
new - they were problems he was accustomed to. It was the hunger  
gnawing at his gut that made him painfully aware of how disoriented the  
situation really was, how badly he just wanted to go home and forget  
that he'd ever received the letter.  
  
Sighing, he scuffed his sneakers against the curbside dirt, brushing  
back his blonde hair with one hand and unzipping his backpack with the  
other. Reaching in, he rummaged around for a moment, then removed the  
letter itself, complete with the photo. The letter itself was fairly  
bland and uninteresting - an invitation to join the International  
United Nations School for Exceptional Children in Tokyo-3. It was the  
photo that made the whole thing seem at once more alluring and more  
suspicious, part of what at once made him want to get on the plane and  
fly to Japan and at the same time part of what made him uneasy about  
the situation.  
  
Looking at the photo again, Neil could still recall the odd sensation  
he'd gotten from it the first time he'd seen it, the same hints of  
subtext that he'd still not quite figured out. The woman in the photo  
didn't look like she was a day over 22, slender, shapely, and leaning  
just far forward enough for Neil to give a view halfway down her  
shirt. She was wearing a yellow tank top and short cut-off jean  
shorts, making a "V" with her fingers and smiling at the photographer -  
and, by all appearances, at Neil as well. Her purple hair draped  
itself over her shoulders, and her brown eyes stared at him with a sort  
of subtle intelligence.  
  
It was an attractive photo by iteslf, but the scribbling handwriting on  
the photo made it all the more intruiging - "I'LL MEET YOU AT THE  
AIRPORT. HOPE THE FLIGHT IS COMFORTABLE!" Underneath the text was a  
lipstick smear and a signature that Neil couldn't make out - it might  
have started with a "K," but after that first letter he was utterly  
lost. The text itself lended the photo a human touch, the sense that  
it was just a communication of a woman to her lover. It seemed like  
too much of a personal touch for an academic institution, but the woman  
in the photo was nobody that Neil had ever met before, nor did his  
mother claim any knowledge of what was going on.  
  
"And so you get on a plane and fly halfway across the world. Idiot."  
Neil shook his head at himself, tucking the letter and photo back into  
his bag, then standing and slinging the duffel over his shoulder,  
brushing back his hair once again and adjusting his light blue shirt.  
It was a long-sleeved shirt, and combined with his black jeans normally  
gave the impression of professionality without the air of snobbishness,  
something Neil liked about it. He'd rolled the sleeves up, however,  
the unseasonal heat of Japan almost requiring it of him. Taking one  
last look around, he resolved to pick a direction and walk in it, to  
get down to the city instead of simply sitting and waiting.  
  
Then he heard the roar of jet engines, and he turned his head towards  
the airport, expecting to see another plane taking off or landing. The  
runway, however, remained completely silent, none of the planes having  
moved since Neil's landing. Glancing skyward, Neil looked around for a  
moment before noticing the moving shapes off to one side, the slowly  
rising group of objects that took him a moment to parse. He'd never  
been much of a fan of the military, but he recognized the oddly flat  
body with two rotating thrusters on either side from the news. "The UN  
aerodrones," he muttered, watching as their thrusters shifted and sent  
them flying forward. "What the hell is going on in this city?"  
  
Something tickled at the back of Neil's mind, watching the drones fly  
past the city in swarms, focusing his light green eyes on the other  
groups of drones that were now raising around the airport. He  
remembered how insistent the pilot seemed to have been about getting  
off the airstrip and to a shelter, how he seemed to think that Neil was  
insane for staying and waiting. Neil wanted very badly to know what  
was going on in the city, and he was feeling horribly exposed where he  
was. Whoever the woman in the photo was, she would just have to  
understand.  
  
Gauging the slope of the hill the airstrip stood atop of quickly, Neil  
hopped over the guardrail, then began half-jogging and half-jumping  
down the grassy earth, headed into Tokyo-3.  
  
]++[  
  
"All weapons are being repulsed by the target! Heavier artillery will  
be ready for usage within two minutes!"  
  
"Current estimated drone duration less than 300 seconds!"  
  
"Northwestern tank battalion has launched a salvo! They're reporting  
no reactions from the target!"  
  
Much as he was trying not to betray any emotion, Gendou couldn't help  
but smile as the alarm messages rang through Central Dogma. The  
facility's main monitor was providing a constantly-changing video  
stream, showing the beast as it tore through the drones that came at  
it, storming across the tanks thrown desperately in its path, continued  
on despite all efforts of the armed forces to at least slow it down.  
"Your weapons can't harm it," Gendou said idly, watching the scene with  
the air of a man surveying a particularly amusing evening show.  
"That's an Angel. Conventional weaponry is useless against it."  
  
"We're well aware of your theories, Dr. Ikari!" snapped the American  
representative, scowling at the huge display monitor. Gendou let the  
point drop, and the UN representative glanced at the report sitting  
before him for a second before looking back to the screen. "Prepare to  
hit the target with all heavy ordnance as soon as it enters the seventh  
circle. Keep the drones moving after it. It can't be invincible - all  
we have to do is find its weak point!"  
  
"Fire prepared for concentration on target in seventh circle. All  
artillery being re-calibrated." There came a pause as the camera  
displayed the huge beast lumbering into the killing zone, looking  
almost curious. "Commencing firing! Missile launching, all fire being  
adjusted for the target's movement! Remaining tank battalion units  
have already plotted their attack paths!"  
  
The explosions of artillery shells and heavy missiles obscured the  
beast for a moment, and there was an audible tension in the air as the  
technicians waited to see if the beast had finally fallen. Gendou was  
expecting no such result, and was entirely unsurprised when the Angel  
raised a hand and thrust forth a beam of energy, tearing through two of  
the missile drones that were trying to fall back for reloading. The UN  
members behind him gave a startled gasp, shocked as the beast continued  
to move forward, ignoring the artillery fire entirely, and the panicked  
shouts of failure echoed through the control center. "Dr. Fuyutsuki,  
you may wish to being getting the crews prepared for operations," noted  
Gendou, pushing his glasses up on his nose nonchalantly.  
  
"NERV doesn't have command yet, and we can defeat this thing without  
your assistance!" The American representative was obviously becoming  
aware of the fact that his statement carried little actual weight with  
it, and he swallowed hard as Gendou looked at him almost mockingly.  
"Contact the ground crews. Tell them that they're authorized to use  
any means necessary to neutralize the target before it reaches the  
city, including..." All eyes were on the representative as he paused,  
smoothing back his hair. "Including N2 devices. We must stop the  
creature at any and all costs."  
  
"They're serious about the Evas as a last resort," muttered Fuyutsuki,  
examining the screen with a worried expression. He sighed, shook his  
head, then glanced down at Gendou, his expression unreadable. "You're  
not going to raise any objections?"  
  
"Unless they see the beast's power for themselves, they will not learn  
to fear it," replied Gendou, almost unnervingly still as the beast  
walked his way through a line of soldiers. "If they do not learn to  
fear it, they will not be willing to provide NERV with all that we need  
to defeat them. I'm providing for the future." He paused, then turned  
towards Fuyutsuki almost as an afterthought. "Has Katsuragi managed to  
pick up the boy yet?"  
  
"We haven't received any communications," replied Fuyutsuki. "He might  
have been evacuated into one of the shelters, which would mean that  
she's looking for him. Hopefully, it won't be too much longer."  
  
"Indeed." Gendou turned back towards the main monitor, then glanced  
down towards the lower levels of the control center, the technicians  
running around in tan uniforms with red shoulders and doing their best  
to remain efficient despite the crisis. "It would be a shame for  
NERV's first entry on the world stage to be a failure."  
  
]++[  
  
Panting, Neil leaned up against the closest wall he could find,  
exhausted from the dash down the hill. It had been steeper than he'd  
expected, and not wanting to get his entire outfit filthy with dirt  
he'd had to move faster than he'd thought himself capable of. He'd  
been moving through the outskirts of the city as quickly as he could,  
but he needed to stop before he wore himself out completely, something  
that seemed entirely possible in the cloying heat. Rubbing his nose to  
get the scent of overheated asphalt out of his nostrils, Neil kept  
walking, glancing around the streets for any signs of people.  
  
He hadn't realized, until he was going into the city, exactly how  
strange the situation was. Despite the fact that he'd been told that  
the school boasted a large population, the flight he'd come in on had  
been a privately chartered jet, and it had landed on the absolute  
outskirts of Tokyo-3, leaving Neil to move through the smaller portions  
of town on the edge. It defied any logical conclusion other than the  
letter being somehow falsified, but that seemed equally unusual - who  
would go to such lengths to get Neil into Japan? Combined with the  
fact that he'd still seen no evidence of any other human being around  
him, he was feeling more than a little perplexed.  
  
Glancing around, Neil resolved to look for a telephone, hoping that he  
might be able to get in touch with the number listed on the letter. He  
spotted something a little down the street, further towards the  
outskirts of town from what he could gather, and he walked over to it  
briskly, past the perfectly square white buildings and between the  
posters of Japanese writing that lent the otherwise bland area some  
color. Reaching the phone, Neil noticed the sounds of gunfire getting  
louder in the background, but tried to push it out of his mind as he  
picked up the telephone in his right hand, trying to rummage through  
his bag with his left.  
  
The gunfire grew louder, and then Neil heard a series of crashes  
accompanying it. The fact wouldn't have attracted his attention except  
for the fact that it seemed to be headed in his direction, giving him  
good cause to look in the direction of the source, then proceed to drop  
the phone in absolute shock. The aerodrones were circling overhead,  
spitting bullets at something huge and black lumbering through the  
city, and Neil could do nothing but stand and stare as it came into  
view. It had a sickly look to it, with painfully thin arms and legs,  
but the jutting bone-white spikes off its arms and back made it look  
far more dangerous. The only spot of color on the thing was a massive  
red orb set in what seemed to be its chest, encircled by spines of  
bones that looked like an exterior ribcage. By any standards, it was  
frightening, but it was made even worse by sheer size - the beast was  
at least a hundred feet tall, and Neil couldn't tell if it seemed  
bigger out of fear or if it really was even larger.  
  
It took Neil a moment of staring at the massive beast to even realize  
that it was still moving towards him, another moment or two before his  
brain fully registered the fact and reminded him that he needed to  
move. He took a step back from the thing, and the motion seemed to  
draw its attention, as it turned more fully towards him. Its head was  
situated between two huge bone-white shoulders, and it looked almost  
like a bird skull laid flat against the thing's body. Neil froze once  
again, and the beast took a step towards him, the massive black foot  
slamming into the pavement nearby almost tenatively.  
  
Forcing his legs to work again, Neil turned and began running away from  
the thing, knowing that it could probably cover more distance but also  
knowing that standing in place wasn't helping. The beast seemed to  
watch him for a moment, then turned back towards the aerodrones,  
swatting them out of the air as if they were children's toys. "The  
hell is going -on- in this city?" Neil shouted to nobody, skidding to a  
halt and staring after the huge black monster.  
  
Hearing the screeching of tires behind him, Neil whirled around to see  
a low-slung blue sportscar lurching towards him as if it were in a  
stock race. The car nearly tilted as the driver turned it hard to the  
left, skidding to a halt inches away from Neil in the middle of the  
intersection, and the left-hand door flew open a second later. Neil  
glanced inside the car, still confused as to what was going on.  
  
The woman who smiled at him and waved was clearly the same woman in the  
photo that Neil had been sent, although she now wore a more formal  
black high-necked sleeveless dress with white piping around it. Though  
he felt slightly bad about it, Neil couldn't help but notice that the  
dress would have been short on anyone, and the woman was tall enough  
that it magnified that aspect significantly. "Ohayo! Haite kudasai."  
  
Neil simply stared at the woman in the car for a moment, and she stared  
back, seemingly put off by his immobility. "Haite kudasai," she  
repeated, cocking her head to one side. Neil, still confused, did  
nothing, and the woman's expression darkened. "IMA, IMA!"  
  
"I'm sorry, I really haven't the vagues idea what you want me to do,"  
offered Neil. "I don't speak any Japanese."  
  
A shocked expression passed over the woman's face, then darkened to  
disapproval as she smacked herself in the forehead. Then she turned  
back towards Neil, smiling once again as though nothing had happened.  
"Hello. Get in the car, please."  
  
Realizing that he really should have figured things out from context  
without any need for explanation, Neil got in the passenger's side of  
the car, only barely having time to close the door before the car took  
off, pulling a U-turn and heading in the direction of the firefight  
with the monster for a moment before streaking off parallel to the  
beast's path. "Sorry about the quick introduction there," offered the  
woman, seemingly unfazed by the gigantic crashing noises behind her.  
"My name's Misato Katsuragi. Glad to finally meet you, Neil."  
  
"This day just keeps getting weirder," muttered Neil, glancing out the  
car's rear window towards the firefight, drones falling in droves out  
of the sky. "Do you know what the hell that thing is? It almost  
stepped on me out there."  
  
"Official classification hasn't come in yet, but as soon as the UN gets  
tired of blowing themselves up it'll be classified as the Third Angel,"  
replied Misato, grabbing a small but thick booklet from the dashboard  
and handing it to Neil. "Here, read this - it might answer a few  
questions. You'll need it once we get to Central Dogma."  
  
"Central Dogma?" Neil shook his head, willing to write off almost any  
oddity at the moment, and glanced down at the handbook. The volume  
proclaimed itself as the "Personnel Procedures & Information Manual,"  
with the only indication of the source organization being a red logo  
that consisted of half of a fig leaf imposed over a single word -  
NERV. "What the heck is this? I was told that I was -"  
  
"We haven't got time to keep up the act right now, Neil," replied  
Misato, steering the car hard to one side as an aerodrone collapsed to  
the ground nearby. "There is no International Tokyo School for  
Advanced Children, or whatever it was that the letter talked about.  
It's a front." She smirked at him, then winked and flashed a victory  
sign with her hand. "You've been recruited by the organization that I  
work for, NERV."  
  
"NERV?" asked Neil, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're telling me  
that some organization in Japan just randomly decided that they needed  
me to work for them? I'm barely sixteen!"  
  
"First of all, NERV isn't a Japanese organization. We're a special  
branch of the United Nations. Second, we didn't choose you randomly."  
Misato pressed down harder on the gas pedal, trying to pull further  
ahead of the Angel. "Remember in school, when you underwent the Marduk  
Tests?"  
  
Trying to breathe regularly, forcing himself to remain calm about the  
increasing surreality of the situation, Neil nodded, thoroughly  
confused. "Back in seventh grade, yeah. Everyone born right after the  
Second Impact. They said they were testing for residual radiation  
sickness, if we had any defects that were emerging as a result."  
  
"You were being tested for a little more than that," replied Misato,  
pulling onto a low road running between a pair of mountains. "It's not  
important what right now. Just know that you're here for a reason, and  
we didn't just randomly drag you out here."  
  
"It's starting to feel like that," replied Neil, watching as they  
approached the two mountains, then glancing back towards the Angel  
almost casually. He noticed that something was different, then  
suddenly realized what it was - the aerodrones were falling back,  
pulling away from the Angel in a single motion. "Misato? You know why  
the drones would stop attacking the Angel?"  
  
"Probably gave Commander Ikari the order to take command of the  
operation," replied Misato, driving for a moment longer before she  
slammed on the breaks and glanced towards the Angel herself.  
"Unless..." She stared at the Angel, watching the sky for something  
that Neil couldn't have guessed at. Then her expression widened into  
shock. "They're using an N2 mine! Neil, get down!"  
  
Neil had less than a second to react, but the various events of the day  
had already overloaded his ability to be fixed like a deer in  
headlights. Wasting no time, he flung himself down on the seats a  
moment before Misato flung herself on top of him. He had a second to  
contemplate the fact that an extremely attractive woman was lying on  
him before he heard an explosion that sounded like the world tearing  
itself apart, a bright flash of light rushing through the windows  
before the car picked itself up and went flying.  
  
]++[  
  
"Mine has been detonated. Interference prventing any confirmation of  
the target's status." Gendou glanced down at the lower level of the  
command center, watching with disinterest as the technicians moved  
about their stations. The area was set up almost like a set of  
stacking dolls, with the top level being a command post, then the  
primary monitor area being a level lower and slightly wider, and so on  
down until the center reached the floor about three layers further  
down. "Drones are still covering the area. Civilian casualties  
estimated to be zero. Severe damage to the Second Circle's northern  
district."  
  
"Confirmation is hardly necessary. Nothing could have survived that  
blast." The same representative from before smiled at Gendou,  
apparently quite pleased with himself. "Looks as though we're not  
going to be needing your assistance after all, Dr. Ikari."  
  
"Am I the only one who notes the fact that nothing is supposed to  
behave like this thing has so far?" asked Fuyutsuki, smirking slightly  
at the representative while Gendou continued to watch the monitor.  
"Nothing could be that huge. Nothing could have shrugged off the  
drones so easily. Nothing could have survived that blast. Nothing  
seems to be doing quite well today."  
  
The American's fist tightened, his face darkening into a scowl. "Why,  
you arrogant -"  
  
"Sir! Sensors are back on line, and a high-level energy spike is being  
detected within the crater! Signature is consistent with previous  
readings of the target!"  
  
"That's impossible," muttered the representative, turning away from  
Fuyutsuki and towards the main screen. "Somebody get a visual feed out  
there! If it's still alive, it has to be on its last legs! I want the  
drones ready for another salvo of fire!"  
  
"Visual feed in five... four... three... two... one... we are..." The  
technician's voice faltered as the smoke cleared from the display,  
revealing a haze over the crater of smoke and debris. In the center  
stood the Angel, the only significant damage to the thing appearing to  
be the large crack across its face. As the camera watched, the face  
shifted to one side, and another face of the same style emerged from  
the inky blackness of the thing's skin. "T...target is confirmed to  
still be active by visual confirmation. Damage inflicted by the N2  
mine is negligible at best."  
  
Nobody spoke for a moment, simply watching as the beast began to step  
towards the heart of Tokyo-3 once again. "Conventional weaponry is  
useless against an Angel," announced Gendou after a moment of  
respectful silence, turning his chair to face the representative. "As  
I have said before, there is only one weapon that we possess capable of  
protecting the human race. I believe that you have exhausted your  
alternatives to your satisfaction?"  
  
"We don't have any choice left," sighed the American, looking like a  
broken man as he sat in his chair and prepared to exit the control  
room. "From this point forward, NERV is in official control of this  
operation. May God protect us if you can't deliver, Ikari."  
  
The elevator installed beneath the representative's observation post  
activated, and his chair slid down into the floor, leaving only Gendou  
and Fuyutsuki in the uppermost level of the command center. "File the  
target as the Third Angel. Prepare Unit 01 for launch as soon as the  
pilot arrives at Central Dogma. Until then, hold off the Angel as best  
as possible." Gendou stood, then looked at Fuyutsuki, his glasses  
reflecting the light at just the right angle to prevent Fuyutsuki from  
seeing the man's eyes. "I leave this portion of the operation to you.  
I will need to greet the Child."  
  
Fuyutsuki thought for a moment about offering the consolation that the  
activation couldn't possibly be any worse than the unit's first, but  
decided against it, instead turning towards the lower levels as Gendou  
descended on another elevator. "Start the Magi working on a full  
analysis of the target. Calculate a launch trajectory for 01, make  
sure that it can emerge in a fairly open area of the city." He closed  
his eyes for a moment, basking only momentarily in the sounds of the  
facility finally working to capacity. "This is NERV's day to shine.  
Let's start it off right."  
  
]++[  
  
"On the bright side, the car landed on its wheels, so we're saved the  
trouble of righting it," noted Misato, trying as best she could to see  
the positive aspects of the blast that had flung her car into the side  
of a mountain, sent it rolling along the road they'd initially been  
traveling on, and taken off both mirrors along with the antenna. Neil  
knew enough about cars to be impressed that a sportscar could survive  
through the blast, much less take the small amount of damage that it  
did. Misato, however, seemed much more concerned about the fact that  
she'd had it fixed only a few days earlier.  
  
Doing his best to keep his mind off the bizarre occurences of the past  
hour or so, Neil had found himself flipping through the handbook Misato  
had provided for him, though ultimately it seemed designed to answer  
questions that he wasn't asking. "Misato?" he asked, somewhat quietly  
as the car screeched through the streets of the city. "Why does NERV  
want anything to do with me? From everything this handbook is saying,  
it's a research organization devoted to studying the Second Impact -  
nothing that I'd be any good at. What use am I?"  
  
Misato swallowed hard, taking a turn off of the main road she'd been  
driving along and heading towards what looked like a tunnel underneath  
another mountain. "I can't tell you that right now, Neil," she  
replied, sounding more than a little guilty. "But you're needed, and I  
can assure you that we'll take care of you. Don't be afraid."  
  
"You don't honestly expect me not to be concerned?" asked Neil,  
incredulous as he stared out the back window around the skyline of  
Tokyo-3. Something about it just didn't seem right to him, as if there  
were something fundamentally wrong with the way the buildings were  
constructed. "You've already told me that you lied about why I was  
brought here, and that you're connected to those things that the drones  
were fighting before..." He paused, thinking on the manual in his  
hands for a moment. "What does NERV actually do, anyways?"  
  
"So you're not going to believe that it's just a facility for studying  
the Second Impact?" Misato asked, closing her eyes and smirking  
slightly for a second before paying attention to the road once again.  
"It's partially true. NERV is an organization devoted to the study of  
the Second Impact, but it's also responsible for another task -  
defending humanity against the Angels. We've been waiting for them to  
show up, but it looks like we finally got rewarded for our hard work."  
  
"And how were you planning on defending against them?" asked Neil,  
turning back towards the front of the car. He noticed that the tunnel  
they were driving towards was actually sloped down somewhat, and it  
looked as though a metal door was blocking access to most of the  
thing's length. "The UN forces didn't seem to fare very well against  
them. What makes you think that you can do any better?"  
  
"First of all, Neil, you're a part of NERV. It's not 'you,' it's  
'we.'" She pulled to a stop in front of the metal door that Neil had  
noticed slightly inside the tunnel, the front of it decorated with the  
same fig-leaf logo that was on the front of the handbook. Rolling down  
her window, Misato grabbed what Neil assumed was an ID card from her  
purse, inserted it into a slot outside of the door, waited a moment,  
then removed it and tucked it into back into her purse. "As for the  
second part of the question... you'll see why very soon."  
  
The door in front of the car slid open horizontally after a moment, and  
Neil could see that there was light coming from further down the  
tunnel, something bright enough to rule out lights from further down  
the tunnel. Misato pressed on the gas once again, and the car swung  
down into the tunnel, descended down a gentle, curving slope for a  
minute or two before Neil began to see what seemed to be an entire  
landscape at the end of it. "Welcome to NERV's base, Neil," announced  
Misato as the tunnel finally straightened out, sending them into the  
light that Neil had seen before. "This is the Geo-Front."  
  
Neil's eyes took a moment to comprehend what he was seeing, another  
moment to actually believe it. Misato was driving along a highway  
suspended above what looked like an entire other world, a subterranean  
Eden by all appearances. The space was absolutely huge, and looking up  
Neil could see what looked like a city suspended from the top of it  
all. After a second of thinking, he realized that the turns they had  
taken in the tunnel had put them directly underneath the center of  
Tokyo-3, and he recalled the unusual appearance of the buildings up  
above. "There's... a city on the ceiling?" he asked, overcome less  
with fear and more with simple amazement.  
  
"Sort of," replied Misato, rolling her window down and letting the  
fresh air roll in from the outside. Neil was listening to her, but was  
still surveying the area in awe, taking in the concept of an  
underground forest next to a perfectly clear lake. "The buildings  
above are designed to retract down here in the event of an Angel  
attack. It's part of our defense system." The highway curved  
slightly, and Neil got a look at what appeared to be a pyramid set  
alongside an inverted pyramid. As he looked, he could see a red blob  
on the side that slowly came into focus as the same fig-leaf logo as  
before. "And that's the entrance to our headquarters - Central Dogma."  
  
]++[  
  
Central Dogma, Neil discovered, was designed specifically with the  
purpose of repulsing any invasions with psychological warfare - the  
layout of the structure was such that getting lost seemed to be a  
certainty rather than a likelihood. Largely featureless corridors  
blended together, with a uniform teal color only occasionally offset by  
numbers indicating what level of the facility they were passing  
through, usually only meaning that they were coming to another row of  
escalators. "I think I remember where we're going now," announced  
Misato as they rode downwards on another escalator, from the fifteenth  
to the sixteenth level. "Once we get to the bottom, we go left, then  
take a right, then another left..."  
  
"We've been here before," announced Neil as they stepped off the  
escalator, looking around the facility. "I'm almost certain of it.  
And I'm willing to bet that you said the same thing about where we  
should go the last time we came by here."  
  
Misato ruffled for a second, obviously annoyed by Neil's remark, then  
calmed slightly, shaking her head and sighing. "You're probably  
right. I still haven't gotten used to navigating this place." Rubbing  
the back of her head, she looked around for a second, then struck off  
straight down the corridor ahead of them. "This is the way, I think.  
Down here a little bit."  
  
"Says the woman who doesn't know where we are," noted Neil, saying it a  
little louder than he'd intended and catching Misato's attention. She  
stared at him, and he held up his hands in defense, smiling  
sheepishly. "Sorry. It's how I deal with stress."  
  
"Actually, I thought it was kind of funny," replied Misato, turning  
back towards the hall and walking down in for a moment. Her eyes  
widened, then she smiled broadly, picking up the pace of her steps as  
she headed towards the end of the hallway. Neil began following after  
her, almost slipping into a light jog behind her. "Yeah, this is the  
way! We take the elevator here to level 27, and then -"  
  
Halfway through Misato's sentence, the doors of the elevator at the  
opposite end of the hall slid open, revealing another tall woman at the  
end of the hall. Misato seemed slightly upset to see her, and Neil  
could see why - she looked attractive, but in a far more frigid manner  
than Misato. Her hair was short and bleached blonde, her eyes an icy  
grayish-blue, and the expression on her face was severe enough to  
shatter glass. Under her swinging white lab coat she wore a black  
miniskirt, dark stockings, and a dark blue top with a odd sort of  
pullring at the top of the high neckline. "You're late, Captain  
Katsuragi," she snapped, glancing at Neil almost as an afterthought.  
"He was supposed to be here some time ago."  
  
"We got a little lost," replied Misato, trying hard to maintain some  
semblance of dignity. "Neil, this is Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, head of the  
technical division here at NERV. Ritsuko, this is Neil Richelieu."  
  
Ritsuko didn't say anything to Neil immediately, simply looking at him  
with curiousity. Neil felt distinctly uneasy, as if he were being  
examined before being sold. "You're taller than I'd expected," she  
announced after a moment, turning on her heel back towards the  
elevator. "Come on, both of you. We don't have much time left to get  
you on the ground, Neil."  
  
Neil opened his mouth to ask what Ritsuko was talking about, then  
decided against it, shaking his head and walking after her and Misato  
into the elevator. The elevator doors slid shut behind him, and the  
elevator began to descend, moving faster than Neil had expected it to.  
"Dr. Akagi?" he asked after a moment, drawing the blonde woman's  
attention rather unexpectedly. "Can -you- tell me why NERV recruited  
me?"  
  
"You'll find out in a few moments," replied Ritsuko as the elevator  
lurched to a stop, dinging loudly before the doors slid open again and  
revealed another corridor, this one connected to a long catwalk.  
"Follow me."  
  
Misato and Ritsuko both stepped out without hesitation, walking down  
the corridor swiftly, and Neil hesitated for a second before sighing  
and heading after them. The corridor itself was no different than most  
of the various corridors in the facility, but the catwalk was somewhat  
disturbing, suspended above a large body of a purplish-orange liquid  
that Neil couldn't identify except for an oddly familiar scent. "Am I  
expected to clean this up?" he asked, smiling weakly at the attempt at  
the joke. Neither Misato nor Ritsuko took any notice, and he sighed.  
  
The catwalk led to a door, which Ritsuko slid open with a few button  
presses and then stepped inside. Misato followed, and so did Neil,  
trying as best he could to get a clear look around. The entire room  
was dark, and aside from slight glimpses of the sloshing liquid beneath  
them Neil couldn't see anything. The metaphorical implications were a  
bit much. "Will somebody -please- tell me why I'm here?" asked Neil of  
nobody in particular, intending to make it come out as a demand but  
having it wind up as more of a pleading request.  
  
On cue, the lights of the room snapped on, and out of the corner of his  
eye Neil was aware of something absolutely huge. Slowly, he turned his  
head to see a huge, demonic head staring directly back at him, giving  
him a bit of a start. Backing up, he could see that whatever he was  
looking at was at least vaguely humanoid above the shoulders, with  
purple armor broken occasionally by green highlights and an orange  
neck. The thing's head looked as though it were wearing a helmet over  
everything besides its gunmetal-gray mouth, all harsh lines and jagged  
teeth closed stoically. The helmet sported a large horn jutting out of  
its forehead, but what arrested Neil's gaze were the eyes, staring back  
at him with what seemed to be a malicious intelligence. "This... this  
is a giant robot?" asked Neil, absolutely stupified.  
  
"Incorrect," came a man's voice over a loudspeaker, causing Neil to  
look for the source. "It is the artificial life form Evangelion, Unit  
01." Neil finally found the origin of the speech, a sort of skybox  
overlooking the machine where a man stood, dressed almost entirely in  
black except for a red shirt underneath his jacket, with messy black  
hair, a neatly trimmed beard, and disturbingly dark glasses. "I am Dr.  
Gendou Ikari, commander of NERV. You, Neil, will pilot EVA-01."  
  
Neil stared at the skybox for a second, then at the Evangelion. It was  
still staring back at him - it almost felt as though it were taking the  
measure of him as a pilot, the same sort of gaze that Ritsuko had used  
earlier. "You want me to pilot this," Neil said, meaning it as more of  
a question but winding up simply stating the fact. "I'm a teenager  
from America who hasn't even been in the Boy Scouts, and you want me to  
pilot a giant robot - or artificial life form, whatever - against the  
huge black monster out there." He looked up at Gendou, who was still  
staring down at him, unmoving. "That's it, isn't it?"  
  
"You are one of the only human beings capable of piloting the machine,"  
replied Gendou, still speaking in an almost-monotone, a sort of voice  
that implied to Neil he wasn't expecting to be questioned about his  
declarations. "This machine is the only weapon capable of stopping the  
Angels, and if the Angel above us is not stopped you can imagine the  
danger the world will be in. You will pilot it now, or I will use  
someone less suitable to pilot the machine, and I assure you that the  
second option will result in failure."  
  
Almost on cue, the door at the opposite end of the catwalk slid open,  
and a stretcher was wheeled in by a trio of medical personnel. It took  
Neil a moment to see that someone was on the stretcher - another boy  
about his age, heavily bandaged and obviously in no shape to do much of  
anything. He was in an odd sort of skintight suit covering most of his  
body, with what looked like armor on his chest and simple spandex  
below. The stretcher was wheeled next to Neil, and he got a better  
look at the boy - the slight androgyny of his facial features, the  
bright red eyes that looked eerily inhuman, the light cyan hair limp  
against the pillow of the stretcher.  
  
Then the facility shuddered, presumably from some kind of impact, and  
the entire catwalk bucked just enough to send the boy on the stretcher  
falling towards the floor. Neil was the only person close enough to  
catch the boy, who said nothing as he fell, not even making a sound as  
Neil caught him. For a moment, he thought that the boy might be mostly  
healed, but then he felt warm blood seeping onto his hands, and he  
looked at the boy's face to see him grimacing in agony. "This is the  
alternative pilot?" asked Neil, smart enough to figure out what was  
going on.  
  
"Correct. Ryo Ayanami, meet Neil Richelieu." Neil helped Ryo back on  
to the stretcher, stared for a moment, then looked up at Gendou again.  
"I assure you, Neil, that if Ryo attempts to pilot the Evangelion in  
this condition, he will die. The choice is yours."  
  
"Not much of a choice, is it?" asked Neil, glancing back towards Ryo  
for a moment before dropping his duffel bag. "Tell me I've got the  
fate of the world and a half-dead Japanese boy on my hands, and then I  
get to choose whether or not I pilot the thing. Lovely." He glanced  
back at Misato. "You knew about this, didn't you?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Neil, but we couldn't tell you before," replied Misato,  
hiding her face and keeping her voice low enough that Neil couldn't  
tell if she was genuinely sorry or not. "You have to understand that  
there are no other options. You're one of the only people -"  
  
"Who can pilot them. Yes, I'd picked up on it." He sighed, shaking  
his head. "This has not been a good day for me, Dr. Ikari. I get  
flown here on false pretenses, nearly stepped on by something out of a  
bad Godzilla film, flung around like a baseball in a sportscar, and now  
I have to choose between my life and the lives of everyone else on  
Earth?" He stared at the man in the skybox, trying hard to feel  
angrier. "You couldn't have just explained things to me genuinely?"  
  
"This is childish," snapped Ritsuko, drawing Neil's attention towards  
her. "Neil, you need to pilot the Eva. We're not asking you to do  
anything other than get in it and do your best."  
  
"Wrong, Dr. Akagi," growled Neil, turning his head just enough so that  
he could see her out of the corner of his eye. "None of you are  
'asking' me to do anything. This place, this... situation, none of it  
involves my choice. I couldn't look myself in the face ever again if I  
said no." He stared up at the skybox again, eyes narrowed. "Didn't  
you have enough faith in my humanity to give me a choice?"  
  
"You would have said no," replied Ikari, apparently unconcerned with  
Neil's mental state. "I have no intentions of dealing with such a  
scenario."  
  
Neil shook his head, clenching his fists in anger. "You have no idea  
what I would have said," he snapped, staring at Gendou for a moment  
before turning back to the Eva. "You don't know what I would have said  
if you'd just explained..." He sighed, hanging his head before staring  
at Gendou again. "All right. I'll pilot it."  
  
]++[  
  
"I feel dirty," muttered Misato as the command elevator brought her and  
Ritsuko up towards the second level of the control room, slightly below  
where Gendou would be sitting. She was putting on the red jacket that  
displayed her rank as Director of Operations, a melancholy expression  
on her face. "You should, too."  
  
Ritsuko didn't bother to look at Misato as the elevator made a dinging  
noise, the doors sliding open. "I see no reason to feel badly about  
myself. We needed Neil to pilot EVA-01. He's piloting it. This was  
the only way that we could be certain that he wouldn't back out of his  
responsibility." She strode towards the center of the elevated  
platform, the primary console operators at their seats and beginning to  
relay information from the Evangelion unit. "Why does that make you  
feel bad?"  
  
"What we did down there wasn't right, Ritsuko," replied Misato,  
stepping out after her a moment afterwards. "Maybe he would have  
piloted without that. Maybe we didn't have to -"  
  
"The possibility exists that he would have done so regardless of our  
actions, correct," noted Gendou, taking his seat on the highest tier of  
the command center. "NERV is not free to take risks on possibilities,  
however. We do not have the time for moral debates. Begin the launch  
procedure for EVA-01."  
  
Misato closed her eyes as the technicians began to finish setting up  
the communications circuit with Neil. She still felt uneasy, but as  
the director it was her job to oversee the operation. "Neil?" she  
asked, hoping that the area microphones were picking her voice up.  
"Can you hear me, Neil?"  
  
Far lower in the complex, sitting inside the Eva's cockpit, Neil perked  
up at the sound of Misato's voice. The cockpit itself, he'd found, was  
actually modular - a long white tubelike thing known as the entry  
plug. It was overly large, but at least it was comfortable, although  
he was curious as to how the two handles would help him control the  
machine, considering both only moved forwards and backwards a small  
range. "I can hear you," Neil replied, glancing around the darkened  
cockpit. "Am I just going to be sitting out here for the whole time?"  
  
"No," replied Misato, and no sooner had she replied did the cockpit  
lurch forward and down, seemingly sliding into something. "You're  
being inserted into the Evangelion unit now. Wait a moment for the  
chamber to seal, then the cockpit will flood with LCL."  
  
"LCL?" asked Neil, glancing around again as he heard mechanical noises  
above him. His question was answered a moment later as he felt a warm  
liquid around his ankles, and glancing down saw a watery, orange-  
colored liquid seeping up towards him, filling the cockpit with the  
distinct smell of blood. "Misato! How am I supposed to breathe!"  
  
"Don't worry. Just inhale the LCL, and it will oxygenate your blood  
directly." Neil was still wary, but as the liquid began to rush to his  
mouth he resolved that he didn't have much of a choice and took a deep  
breath just as the liquid reached him. He hacked for a moment as the  
liquid filled his lungs, and had the distinct sensation of smothering  
for a moment before he felt himself breathing again. "If you're ready,  
we're going to begin synchronization."  
  
"Suppose now is as good a time as any," muttered Neil, feeling like  
more and more of a guinea pig. His mouth tasted like he'd been chewing  
on a tissue, a sort of dry but offensive feeling. "Let's get this over  
with."  
  
Up in the command center, Misato nodded, flashing a quick gesture of  
approval to Ritsuko. "Begin synchronization of the pilot and the Eva,"  
announced Ritsuko, sending the technicians into swift activity. "Be  
careful - according to the earlier readouts, we've got less than a one  
percent chance of synchronization."  
  
"Couldn't go any worse than the machine's first activation," noted  
Misato, leaning over the shoulder of Ritsuko and examining the  
monitors. "How's he doing?"  
  
"At 45% synch and holding," relied Ritsuko, looking on with approval at  
the various graphs of Neil's status. "We haven't even had a chance to  
load the pilot's data into the machine yet. That's an impressive  
ratio. I'd say the machine is ready for launch."  
  
Misato nodded, stepping away from the technicians and focusing her eyes  
on the central screen's display of Unit 01 lower in the facility. "All  
right, Neil, you've achieved a decent rate of synchronization. We're  
going to launch you to the surface now. Do you feel all right?"  
  
"Yeah, fine," replied Neil, although he left out the odd sensation that  
the Eva was giving him of being juxtaposed between two bodies at once.  
He could feel the limbs of the Evangelion as if they were his own, but  
it felt as though there were some kind of fuzzy barrier between the  
two. "I'm ready to go. What do I do once I get up there?"  
  
"We'll discuss that when we get there," replied Misato, nodding to  
Ritsuko. "All hands, disengage the safety locks on EVA-01 and move it  
to launch platform 5! Prepare to release the Eva as close to the  
Angel's position as possible!" There was another shudder sent through  
the base, and Misato felt a sinking feeling as she realized what it  
was - the Angel was trying to penetrate the Geo-Front's armor, to get  
down to Central Dogma. "Launch!"  
  
Neil heard Misato's shout of launch, but he didn't immediately  
understand what she meant, only hearing a few mechanical noises that he  
assumed were from the Eva. Then he suddenly felt his body accelerate  
far faster than his stomach as the machine lurched upwards at  
disorienting speeds, mercifully remaining straight but still making him  
feel as though he was going to lose what little contents his stomach  
could scrape together. Just as he was beginning to grow accustomed to  
the sense, the machine lurched back to a stop, and it took Neil a  
moment to realize where he was.  
  
The Angel was standing at what looked like a fairly close distance,  
just beginning to turn around to see Neil. Glancing to his right, he  
could see that he was standing next to a reflective glass building,  
tall enough to give him a picture of the rest of the Evangelion -  
slightly hunchbacked, spindly, covered in the same sort of ridged  
purple armor that he'd seen when he first viewed the thing's  
shoulders. Aside from the armor, it was almost shaped like a rather  
oddly-proportioned human. "I'm on the surface," shouted Neil, looking  
back towards the Angel. "What do I do now?"  
  
"First things first," replied Misato's voice, sounding somewhat  
reassured simply by Neil's presence on the surface. "Try to  
concentrate on walking. The Eva is controlled mostly by your thought  
processes - if you focus on making it walk, it will."  
  
"Gotcha," replied Neil, nodding for his own benefit. "All right...  
walk forward." He focused, trying to stretch his mind outwards to the  
extended limbs that he'd sensed before, the legs just slightly removed  
from his own legs, and moving them in familiar patterns. His efforts  
were rewarded as he felt the Eva move, hearing the sound of crunching  
pavement as it stepped forward. Maintaining his focus, Neil took  
another hesitant step, and again the Eva moved as he willed it,  
bolstering his confidence. "Right. Walking seems to be working fairly  
well. When do we move on to weapon systems?"  
  
Misato coughed, and Neil saw that the Angel had finished turning,  
simply observing him casually for a moment. "The Evas don't have any  
onboard weapon systems," Misato's voice offered, although Neil had  
already forgotten his question, trying to figure out what the Angel was  
going to do. "There are a few -"  
  
If Misato continued talking, Neil didn't hear her, his world suddenly  
turned upside-down as the Angel grabbed him with lightning speed,  
holding his upper arms tightly. Its arms seemed to surge for a moment,  
then it twisted and hurled the Eva into the side of the building that  
Neil had been admiring a moment earlier, sending the windows into  
shattering convulsions and Neil's back into a wave of searing pain.  
Neil screamed almost involuntarily, unprepared for the sensation of  
agony racing through his body. "Misato!" he shouted, struggling to  
regain control of the machine as the Angel advanced and he slid to the  
ground. "What the hell is going on?"  
  
"That's not really your body, Neil!" shouted Misato, growing slightly  
panicked at the fact that the Angel was attacking. "It's part of the  
process of synchronization! You've got to remember that it isn't you!"  
  
"Easy for you to say," grunted Neil, forcing himself to focus on the  
machine again as the Angel moved towards him. He knew that he couldn't  
force it back to its feet in time, so instead he focused on his arms  
and shoved himself sideways as hard as he could, sending the Eva  
tumbling backwards as the Angel shot some kind of energy lance into his  
position a few instants prior. Grabbing on to the nearest building,  
Neil forced himself back to his feet, then noticed that the Angel's  
eyes were starting to glow. "Gods, this was a stupid plan."  
  
A half-second later, energy exploded from the Angel's general  
direction, sending the Eva tumbling backwards head over heels and  
encasing Neil's body in agony. Forcing himself to remember that the  
pain wasn't real, he tried to dig in the machine's heels, make it come  
to a stop as he staggered back to his feet. "Neil!" shouted Misato,  
panicking in the control room as the technicians shouted warning about  
the machine's synchronization flow reversing itself. "Neil, what's the  
situation out there!"  
  
"I don't know - how do you say 'shit-poor' in Japanese?" Neil shouted  
back, struggling with the gigantic Eva to try and figure out some kind  
of plan to take care of his opponent. The Angel was already on him as  
he managed to stand erect again, and as it lunged at him he thrust his  
left arm up to block the thing, hoping that it would be deterred. The  
Angel gripped the forearm tightly, almost looking curious, then its arm  
seemed to ripple once again as it grabbed the Eva's forearm with the  
other hand as well and forced the limb in a direction that it didn't  
bend. Neil screamed in agony as the arm twisted and snapped, the  
knowledge that it wasn't real doing him no good.  
  
Misato shouted his name as he fell backwards, but it was all Neil could  
do to try and concentrate on the Eva's body again and try to stagger to  
his feet. The Angel stood over him for a moment, then grabbed the  
Eva's head and dragged it unceremoniously to its feet, leaving Neil  
momentarily curious as to what it was going to do. Then light flared  
from the palm of the Angel's hand, and Neil felt the incredible pain of  
something sharp being jabbed into his eye roughly. He screamed again,  
losing all connection with the Eva as he felt the blows to his eye come  
repeatedly, until finally the spear of light sheared through his eye  
and drove through his head. The agony was too intense as he felt the  
Eva hurtle backwards and hit the nearest building, and Neil felt  
himself withdrawing from the machine, trying desperately to feel his  
own eye again. The pain receded enough for him to think again, but the  
sense of another set of limbs grew more distant as well.  
  
Down in the control room, Misato shouted his name again and again, but  
Neil was beyond answering her, lost in a haze of pain and the knowledge  
that he had to pilot the machine. He found himself pushing desperately  
against the two handles of the cockpit, hoping against reason that  
they'd actually unlock the secret to piloting the Eva. He could see  
the Angel approaching, and he thrust at the controls furiously, knowing  
that the Angel was going to kill him as it picked him up by the head  
once again. Then it did something odd - it stared at Neil for just a  
moment, cocked its head to one side, and then dropped him, turning away  
and focusing the energy blast it had used on Neil on the ground. It  
took Neil only a second to realize that the Angel had discarded him,  
that it didn't think he was a threat any longer.  
  
Lying on the ground like so much discarded waste, Neil's mind began to  
pedal backwards, to remember a time earlier in his life...  
  
]++[  
  
"Aw, lookit him now, he's starting to cry." The older kid chuckled as  
if it were the most amusing thing in the world, then tossed Neil  
backwards, onto the dirt of the playground. "Go away, kid. You can't  
even touch us."  
  
"I..." Neil staggered to his feet, trying to ignore the fact that he  
knew he hadn't done well, brushing the fine sand off and trying to look  
impressive. "I won't let you hurt my friend."  
  
The older kid looked back at him, staring for a moment before laughing  
and turning away from Neil again. "Shut up, you little punk. When we  
get done over here, you'll be next, and you can't stop us."  
  
Neil felt anger surge through his body, and he jammed his hands in his  
pockets, wishing that he could find something to help. He rummaged  
around for a moment, then found his pencil, the point still amazingly  
intact. He stared at it for a moment, then looked at the older kid,  
and gripped the pencil firmly. "Leave him alone," he said, stepping  
forward. "Leave him alone!"  
  
Kicking Neil's friend, the kid didn't even bother to look back at him.  
"Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do about it, kid?"  
  
Breathing hard, Neil ran towards the older kid, pencil gripped firmly  
and his eyes narrowed. He knew that he just had to make them realize  
that they couldn't push him around that easily, that once he'd done  
that they wouldn't bother people any more. One of the older kid's  
friends shouted something to the kid, and he turned just as Neil lept  
at him, pencil rushing towards its destination before anyone could  
think to even slow it down...  
  
]++[  
  
"Synchronization is down to 30% and falling fast! We can't control it  
any longer!"  
  
"Pulse flow is reversing itself! The machine is starting to reject the  
connection with the pilot!"  
  
Ritsuko's eyes narrowed for only a second, her expression otherwise  
remaining completely professional. "Arrest the flow manually," she  
snapped, leaning over the central technician and surveying the  
display. "What's the pilot's status?"  
  
"We can't tell! There's no feed from the cockpit any longer!" shouted  
one of the other technicians, hammering madly on the buttons of their  
computer. "The machine is refusing all external influence! Synch  
ratio continuing to decrease!"  
  
Misato could only stare at the display on the main screen, EVA-01  
slumped awkwardly against the nearest vertical surface, something that  
looked like blood seeping out of the wound in its head. "Neil!" she  
shouted, hoping against logic that the machine could still hear her.  
"Neil, snap out of it!"  
  
Then, as if spurred on by Misato's words, the unit's remaining eye  
flared a bright white, silencing the entire command center as it began  
to awkwardly climb back to its feet. It remained stationary for a  
moment, then held up its left arm, surveying the twisted mess for a  
second before the arm seemed to bubble and repair itself, pulling  
itself back into the proper position. "T-the unit has regenerated its  
forearm," announced one of the technicians, trying to remain  
professional as the Angel turned towards the revitalized Eva. "Synch  
ratio is back up to 45% and rising."  
  
Staring at the Eva, the Angel seemed curious for a moment, then lashed  
out with its energy lance towards the purple machine, regarding its  
sudden revival with an air of moderate curiousity at best. The Eva  
sprang sideways effortlessly, landing atop a nearby building that  
happened to have a radio tower. Grabbing the tower, the Eva ripped a  
section out of it, the jagged metal forming a makeshift spear as the  
machine jumped and lunged towards the Angel. EVA-01 drove the spear  
towards the red orb in the center of the Angel's chest, but the Angel  
shifted position just enough to send the shaft straight through its eye  
instead as the machine landed atop the Angel. There was a moment that  
the huge titans remained, then the Angel bucked forward and forced EVA-  
01 to jump off and push the two of them apart. Staggering to a stop,  
the Eva stared for a moment, then with a great tearing noise the mouth  
opened and let out a great roar before rushing towards the Angel again.  
  
As EVA-01 rushed at the target, it suddenly slammed into a previously  
nonexistent barrier, a field of constantly expanding concentric  
octagons that Misato instantly recognized. "The Angel's fully  
manifesting its AT field!" she shouted, turning towards the technicians  
while hope for Neil's victory conflicted with what she knew to be the  
facts of the situation. "EVA-01 still hasn't manifested its own AT  
field! We've got to -"  
  
"Unit 01's field is unfolding!" shouted one of the technicians,  
prompting Misato to stare back up at the monitor. Unit 01 was pushing  
on the field as if it were plastic, and it was bending inwards, much to  
the Angel's apparent horror. The Eva's hands finally burst through,  
and it grabbed the Angel's forearms, yanking it forward until the  
machine stuck its foot out and forced the Angel to a stop. However,  
the Eva continued to pull on the arms, ripping the forearms clear out  
of their sockets before it kicked the Angel back and sent it stumbling  
to a stop. Discarding one of the forearms, the unit examined the spike  
at the end of the remaining one, then rushed towards the Angel,  
tackling it and knocking it down effortlessly.  
  
There were no words for what was happening as the team watched 01 drive  
the spiked elbow towards the red orb over and over again, watching as  
spiderweb cracks began to show on it. The Angel's remaining eye glowed  
for a second before EVA-01 stabbed its own arm through the eye,  
blinding it and stopping the energy blast as the Eva snapped off one of  
the beast's other bony protrusions and resumed its assault of the red  
orb. The cracks were beginning to appear more regularly now, and it  
seemed as though it would shatter under the stress. The Angel was  
thrashing like a wounded animal, but 01 gave it no notice, panting  
breaths coming from its terrible mouth.  
  
Ritsuko averted her eyes, no longer able to remain professional while  
staring at such savagery, and she saw a display that kicked the scene  
out of her mind entirely. "There's an energy buildup in the Angel!"  
she shouted, drawing everyone's attention back to the gauges and  
displays of the technicians. "It's going to self-destruct!"  
  
"Neil!" shouted Misato, feeling a worry for the pilot that she couldn't  
quite place. Her warning proved ill-timed, and before the Eva could  
even move out of the way the Angel seemed to shift over to pure energy  
and explode outwards, catching Neil directly in the center. The  
explosion was huge, towering high into the heavens and forming a  
pattern that looked very much like a cross, waves of energy seeping  
along the pattern as it slowly dissipated. Misato could only stare for  
a moment, unsure if Neil had been killed in the explosion. Her answer  
was given a moment later as the Eva slowly emerged from the red haze of  
the explosion, not in prime shape but certainly still functional.  
"Thank God. Can we get any kind of status on the pilot?"  
  
]++[  
  
Inside the cockpit, Neil breathed heavily, feeling the dull ache of a  
headache soaking through the back of his skull. He had only vague  
recollections of the last few moments, only the most distant awareness  
of what had happened. The scent of blood that he'd first caught when  
the LCL flooded the chamber was reeking in his nostrils, a thick scent  
that felt cloying and painful. Out of the corner of his mind he could  
hear Misato calling to him, and he tried to pull himself away from the  
Eva, to speak back to her, to let her know what he knew.  
  
Then, much to his shock, he felt the Eva pull back, and he suddenly  
felt as though he were leaving his body behind, being yanked away from  
himself. Memories began rushing through his brain of a bright, sunny  
day on a hill, holding his child in his arms, his mentor standing  
beside him, a scene Neil knew he'd never experienced. He found himself  
fighting to remain himself as he felt more memories, of a man that he  
loved, of giving birth to his son, of things that he had nothing to do  
with. "I'm not a mother," he snarled, pushing the memories out of his  
mind. "I'm a man! I'm not a mother!"  
  
As the memories of a woman seeped away from Neil's mind, he found  
himself experiencing more memories, more sensations that were not his  
own. Memories of a place of perfect, searing light filled his mind, of  
scientists staring at him within a glass tube, of human-like shapes  
with the red orbs of the Angel shambling across African plains, of  
hurtling into the Earth. "This isn't me," growled Neil, struggling to  
remember himself, to establish his own identity as he felt the Eva  
taking it away from him. "No! I have my own identity! What are you?"  
  
Neil felt the light from outside fading away, and he found the Eva  
moving as he willed it, standing and facing another reflective  
building. As the light slipped away, he saw the empty socket left by  
the Angel's stab through the Eva's head bubble for a moment, revealing  
a single green eye. The eye was human, normal - and, as Neil studied  
it as best he could, he realized that it looked exactly like his.  
  
Screaming, Neil thrashed against the metal of the cockpit for a moment  
before falling into blissful unconsciousness.  
  
]++[  
  
"Cockpit feed re-established," announced one of the technicians, her  
fingers dancing across the keyboard in front of her. "The pilot's life-  
signs are all normal. He's unconscious, but there don't appear to be  
any other abnormalities otherwise." She sighed, obviously relieved.  
"EVA-01 has shut itself down for retrieval."  
  
The tension that had permeated the control room seemed to almost  
physically relax itself, and Misato found herself leaning on the  
balcony of her level of the command center, a few feet away from the  
consoles. "Thank God," she breathed, brushing the few loose strands of  
her hair away from her face, only realizing as she touched her forehead  
that she'd been sweating. "Retrieve EVA-01 and eject the pilot. I  
want a damage assessment of the machine as soon as possible."  
  
One level higher, Gendou had already stepped back to the elevator down  
from the highest command post, Fuyutsuki stepping in behind him. The  
doors slid closed behind them, leaving the noise of the command room  
behind them. "He's done well," noted Fuyutsuki, rubbing his forehead  
out of relief. "I must admit, I was a little worried when the Angel  
did so much damage to EVA-01."  
  
"In the end, there was no question of the outcome," replied Gendou, the  
smile on his face making him look the part of the cat that had finally  
caught the canary. "Unit 01 has finally found the correct pilot, the  
one that will lead it to the true destiny of mankind." He chuckled to  
himself. "The old men wouldn't be happy about it if they knew."  
  
"You're certain that they won't?" asked Fuyutsuki, sounding a little  
concerned. "If they do find out, I'm certain it would be the end of  
our own work. Not just on the father - it'd mean the end of NERV  
completely. There's too much of you invested here for them to let it  
lie if -"  
  
"SEELE will not find out," replied Gendou, the smile fading from his  
face, the stoic demeanor that Fuyutsuki was accustomed to returning.  
"There is too much of import occuring to sacrifice everything. We will  
continue to operate on schedule, and we will make no special note of  
the Third Child." He turned away from Fuyutsuki, adjusting his  
glasses. "There are no alternatives, and there is no turning back."  
  
"And what about the moral implications?" asked Fuyutsuki, seeming  
almost like an attempt to get in the last word. "What we're doing...  
do you wonder about what it says about human beings?"  
  
"No," replied Gendou, stepping towards the elevator doors a moment  
before the ding announced their arrival at their destination. He  
paused a second, as if he were going to say something more, then  
stepped out of the elevator, turned to his left, and began to walk down  
the hallway, other matters occupying his mind.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Making friends in a strange new place.  
Making enemies in a strange new place.  
Making peace in a strange new world.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 2: COURTING DISASTER  
"This is what I have to do, what I need to do for the whole world."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	2. Courting Disaster

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 2: COURTING DISASTER +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for  
yourselves this day who you will serve, whether the gods your  
forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in  
whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we serve  
the Lord.  
- JOSHUA 24:15  
  
]++[  
  
Staring out across the green hills of her homeland, Nieve Soryu-Leary  
admitted to herself what she would never admit to anyone else - that  
she was of mixed feelings about leaving her home. On the one hand, she  
knew that her destiny lay elsewhere, that she'd been put on Earth to  
perform other duties. That was the only face that she presented to  
others, the only side that anyone at NERV's European branch office in  
Ireland would have been able to vouch for. But another part of her  
wanted to stay in Ireland, in the land that she was accustomed to, the  
place that she'd come to recognize as her home.  
  
The wind whipped around behind her, and she pulled her legs closer to  
herself with a shiver, red hair fluttering in the gust as the chilling  
blast shot up her dress. She'd been half-tempted to wear something  
smaller, but the long green dress had proven to be the only object in  
her wardrobe warm enough for the icy winds of the day. Even the dress  
was ill-suited to the outdoors, and by all rights she should have been  
inside the base, not sitting on the stone wall a few meters away. She  
knew that it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for  
her, before she was dragged back and forced to undergo some new test or  
new practice. But she was determined to take a moment for herself, to  
enjoy her few free moments outside.  
  
"You'll catch cold if you stay out here," noted a familiar voice behind  
Nieve, prompting her to turn around. Standing there was a man that she  
considered possibly the most attractive specimen of humanity that she'd  
ever met - Ryoji Kaji, six feet tall, muscular, possessed of long black  
hair in a perpetual ponytail, quick blue eyes, a strong chin, just  
enough stubble to be cute without being lazy, and an easygoing air that  
seemed to put everyone around him at ease. He was wearing a blue shirt  
that he had apparently stopped buttoning halfway up and tan slacks,  
observing Nieve with a rather casual gaze. "It wouldn't do to have the  
Second Child out of the action due to sickness, would it?"  
  
"I'd not lose control of myself to that degree," replied Nieve,  
smirking to herself as her blue eyes focused back on the hills, looking  
away from Kaji. "You might be the man in charge of me, Mr. Kaji, but  
don't forget that I've lived here longer than you. I'm at no danger of  
catching cold, not in this weather." She glanced back at him, noting  
that he was now walking towards her at a leisurely pace, and for the  
first time she realized that he had a grave expression on his face.  
"What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"Heh. I can't keep these things secret from you, can I?" Nieve  
frowned at him, lowering herself off the rock, and Kaji sighed, shaking  
his head. "I got word a little while ago from NERV's headquarters in  
Japan, the main branch. The Angels have finally come. The third hit  
the city, but the Third Child in EVA-01 managed to destroy it." He  
paused. "The other end seemed reluctant to disclose the method, so I'd  
assume that something happened that they didn't expect."  
  
Nieve tried to continue feigning interest, but her mind was elsewhere,  
and had been since the moment that Kaji mentioned the return of the  
Angels. "They came back," she muttered to herself, turning her eyes as  
slightly as possible towards the horizon, a gesture that Kaji noticed.  
"Sorry. It's nothing. I'm just -"  
  
"Come on, Nieve," he said, reaching over and clasping her on the  
shoulder to try and make her feel better. He smiled at her, and she  
smiled back weakly. "What happened to your fire for this job? You  
said that you were going to have the situation under control within  
seconds, that no matter how many Angels attacked you'd be ready and  
able to take all of them out. Is something wrong?"  
  
"Just..." Nieve shook her head, not wanting to admit to any feelings  
of doubt. She knew, on a basic level, that Kaji was right, that she'd  
had the historically best luck with her Eva, that with her extensive  
training she was more prepared for the conflict than any of the other  
Children. Any apprehension that lingered, she decided, was without  
merit, and the best thing to do was to ignore it. "I just wonder what  
humans did to bring them here in the first place."  
  
"Good question," replied Kaji, an odd sort of half-smirk on his face  
that implied he knew more than he was letting on. "That's the same  
question that I asked when I joined NERV. My own bad luck to wind up  
with the Intelligence division and end up studying humans more than  
angels, I suppose." He smiled at her, and she smiled back, forcing  
herself to feel better. "Anyways, I didn't just come out here to tell  
you that. You're also wanted back inside for further testing."  
  
"Heh. I've been testing with EVA-02 since I was ten, and even before  
that I knew that I was expected to pilot it eventually. I was maybe  
the only person to know that I was a Child before the Marduk Report was  
published." She chuckled, shaking her head but beginning to head back  
towards the facility along with Kaji. "You'd think that the  
technicians had finished their tests by now."  
  
Kaji nodded, again with the sort of half-smirk on his face. It made  
Nieve a little uneasy, especially when she knew she had every right to  
know everything that was going on within the European branch of NERV.  
"Better hurry, then," he replied, an actual smile replacing the smirk  
almost too quickly for her to register. "You've got to get back to  
testing, and I've got to get to work pushing the transfer paperwork  
through. They want EVA-02 to be transferred to Japan."  
  
"So soon?" whined Nieve, obviously displeased with the idea. "I don't  
want to go to Japan. It's always been too hot down there, and since  
the Second Impact it's gotten even worse." She sighed, looking down at  
her dress. "None of my clothes will work down there, unless I want to  
be constantly swimming in my own fluids."  
  
"Tell you what, then," replied Kaji, his smile broader now. "You don't  
have the clothes you need, and I really don't want to have to deal with  
paperwork for longer than I have to. So, if you perform well on the  
tests that they've got lined up for you, I'll knock off of work early  
and take you shopping for a more suitable wardrobe. Sound good?"  
  
Nieve knew that Kaji was basically baiting her - he worked for NERV,  
and having the de facto responsibility for taking care of the Second  
Child it reflected poorly on him if she did poorly. She also knew that  
she really didn't need an entirely new wardrobe, and that Japan wasn't  
so hot that she'd be unable to breathe in what she already owned. But  
she also knew that any excuse to spend time with Kaji was worth it, and  
an excuse to spend time with him and get to go shopping on his money  
was doubly worth it. "It's a deal," she replied, smiling broadly and  
extending a hand to shake on it. "I'll show you just what I can do."  
  
]++[  
  
His first thoughts, much to his relief, were of his horrible day as a  
young boy, a thought that normally agonized him. At the instant that  
he awakened, however, Neil was so deathly afraid of the sensation that  
he'd gotten from the Eva of having his identity stolen that anything  
distinctly his own was a blessing. It took him a few more moments to  
actually remember the combat in the Eva, another few moments to  
identify his location. What he'd at first thought was simply the  
blinding white that came after being in darkness for too long was  
actually the flourescent glow of a hospital light, drab white ceiling  
helping to augment the feeling. "A hospital," he muttered, glancing  
down at the curved metal foot of his bed, the unspeakably generic white  
sheets, the blue and white speckled pattern of the hospital gown. "I  
must have fallen unconscious inside the Eva."  
  
Memories of the battle came flooding back to Neil, of his horrible  
performance against the Angel, of the red frenzy that had come over him  
when the beast discarded him, of feeling his mind invaded by something  
distinctly other. He sat up, staring at his hands, half-expecting  
blood to still be on them. "I wonder how long I've been down here," he  
muttered to himself, glancing around the room for a second or two  
before his eyes found the room's other resident.  
  
Ryo Ayanami lay deathly still, an IV hooked into one of the boy's arms  
and bandages still covering his body. The only thing that gave Neil a  
clear indication that the other child wasn't dead was the fact that his  
head turned towards Neil, moving almost agonizingly slowly, red eyes  
staring directly into Neil's. The gaze felt as though it looked right  
through him, an uncomfortable sensation to say the least. "One day,"  
the boy said flatly, and it took Neil a second to realize he was  
answering Neil's earlier question. "Congratulations on your successful  
mission."  
  
"Thanks, but it was as much luck as it was talent," replied Neil,  
blushing slightly at his own remark. Ryo's expression remained fixed,  
stoic and unconcerned. The stare had seemed strong the first time Neil  
had seen it, and now it looked bored, but both emotions seemed to only  
be present in trace amounts. "Looks like your last battle against an  
Angel went worse than mine, though. Still, we're in the same hospital,  
so -"  
  
"I haven't gone into battle against an Angel yet," replied Ryo, turning  
his stare back towards the ceiling in the same eerily slow fashion as  
he'd moved before. "My Eva was damaged during other operations. I was  
injured at the same time."  
  
Neil frowned, something tickling at the back of his mind for an instant  
before he said anything. "Wait a minute," he said, prompting Ryo to  
half-turn back towards him. "If you've never seen combat against an  
Angel, why was the one I faced called the Third Angel? What happened  
to the first two?"  
  
Staring for a moment, Ryo turned his gaze back towards the ceiling,  
less out of disrespect and more out of a simple desire to lay in the  
most efficient position. "I have no idea," he replied, speaking  
somewhat more softly than before. "I was never briefed on the  
numbering scheme for the Angels."  
  
"Oh." Neil paused for a moment, unsure of what to say, due in no small  
part to the fact that he couldn't tell if he was boring, annoying, or  
cheering up Ryo. "I'm sorry. I just thought that since you'd been  
here longer than me, you'd know more."  
  
"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, sounding entirely genuine as he  
continued to stare at the ceiling. He paused for a moment, then looked  
at Neil again, almost seeming to have traces of something between  
jealousy and apprehension on his face. "Are you my replacement?"  
  
"Your what?" asked Neil, suddenly feeling extremely confused and not  
liking the sensation. "No. No, I'm not here to replace you for  
anything, at least not as far as I know. Maybe I am, but I wouldn't  
agree to it." He stared at Ryo, feeling as confused as he had before  
he'd woken up. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"My prior performance was less than satisfactory," replied Ryo, a touch  
of bitterness creeping into his tone so subtly that Neil wouldn't have  
even recognized it except for Ryo's normally emotionless voice. "I was  
unsure if you were intended to take my place, considering the fact that  
you got 01 to activate."  
  
"That's a big deal?" asked Neil, confused. "I just got in and did what  
they told me. Was it supposed to remain inactive?"  
  
"EVA-01 was built as a test platform, not as a combat model. Its first  
activation was a disaster." Ryo's gaze turned back towards the  
ceiling, the same dearth of emotion in his speech as before. "After  
that incident, its chance of activation was rated at approximately  
.001%, and it was almost written off as unusuable. Weren't you told?"  
  
"No," replied Neil, shaking his head and sinking back into his pillow,  
suddenly unsure of whether to feel very big or very small. "No, it  
doesn't seem as though they want to tell me much of anything around  
here." He stared at the ceiling itself, unsure of what was truly going  
on at NERV, and the image of Unit 01's green eye burning itself into  
his memory.  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko, much to her annoyance, was unable to get Misato's comment from  
the previous day out of her head, the question about her methods  
lingering even as she remained confident she had done the right thing  
for everyone. "Maya, pull up the synchronization records for EVA-01  
during the battle," she sighed, rubbing her forehead and closing her  
eyes for a moment. "If Neil's going to be piloting 01 consistently, we  
need to know how the synch pattern will line up."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," replied Maya, fingers tapping for a few moments while  
Ritsuko put her glasses back on and leaned over the young woman's  
shoulder. Under normal circumstances Maya should have been observing  
the curve the entire time, but EVA-01's first battle had been anything  
but normal. The graph popped up, and Maya began scrolling along the  
various chronological readings, Ritsuko watching her carefully.  
"Manged to reach 45% within five seconds, far better than the expected  
time for that unit... it only fluctuated slightly while Neil was having  
trouble with the Angel, up to about the moment that it started to  
reverse itself."  
  
"Mmm. Then it started rising again." Ritsuko placed her finger on the  
screen at the lowest point of the graph, hovering slightly about 15%.  
She hadn't realized how low it had gotten at the time, only a few  
points away from the limit for being able to control the Eva at all.  
Pushing the thought out of her mind, she traced the curve upwards,  
somewhat surprised by the speed and height of the curve. "Reached an  
apex of... 72%." She blinked. "Is that figure correct?"  
  
"I'll double-check the machine's onboard log," offered Maya, getting up  
and stepping over to one of the other consoles. The other two primary  
technicians, Makoto and Shigeru, had the day off, but Maya had  
volunteered to come in and lend a hand to Ritsuko. Ritsuko nodded  
absently to the young woman, taking Maya's seat as she continued to  
trace along the graph absently. The ratio on screen was higher than  
any historical rate with any unit, much less the most tempermental unit  
ever produced. "No known problems with the installed recording  
equipment, even with the damage that it sustained. It looks accurate."  
  
Still scrolling along, Ritsuko almost didn't notice when the graph  
began to rise again, with a similar steepness and an even higher final  
value. "Maya?" she asked, thoroughly perplexed. "What was the status  
of the Third Angel at reference position 753?"  
  
"Give me a moment," replied Maya, obviously unsure of why her commander  
was asking that but complying without question. She tapped a few keys,  
brought up another display, then scrolled to the point that Ritsuko was  
referencing. "The Third Angel had been destroyed slightly prior.  
Exact timing is difficult, but it's estimated around position 734.  
Why?"  
  
"Come look at the synch graph," replied Ritsuko, waving the technician  
over. Maya stared at her for a moment, then stepped over to Ritsuko,  
glancing over her commander's shoulder. "At 753, the synch graph  
starts rising again, hits a peak of 95%, fluctuates wildly, then drops  
off rapidly as EVA-01 shuts down. What could that correspond to?"  
  
Maya frowned, looking more closely at the graph. "I don't know," she  
replied, cocking her head to one side and trying to think. "After it  
emerged from the Angel's explosion, EVA-01 stopped moving, and we  
didn't get an internal feed until the unit had shut itself down for  
retrieval. Maybe Neil knows more about what happened."  
  
Ritsuko nodded, then stood just as she heard the elevator into her  
level of the complex slide open. Curious, she glanced towards the  
opening door, and her eyes widened slightly when she saw Fuyutsuki  
stepping out of it. "Vice-commander," she said, quickly snapping  
herself into a fully standing position and bringing her right arm into  
a salute. "What brings you here?"  
  
"Errands," replied Fuyutsuki, waving for both Ritsuko and Maya to stop  
saluting. "Commander Ikari wants to see the readouts of EVA-01's first  
sortie, but he's currently tied up with another aspect of the  
project." He sighed, stepping over to the console and noticing the  
synchronization graph on the monitor. "What brings you here today, for  
that matter? I was under the impression that you didn't have to come  
in today."  
  
"I don't," replied Ritsuko, nodding and turning to print the readouts.  
"But I wanted to take a closer look at EVA-01's data before we came  
back to work, to get a better feel for the machine's operating  
parameters." She paused for a moment, then shrugged, hitting the  
button to print the information. "Also, I wanted to check on the  
repairs for Unit 00. We're taking a few measures to cut the expected  
repair time for the moment - until we get in the other Eva units that  
we're expecting, it seemed like the best plan to have at least one  
other machine ready to act as backup."  
  
"You came in just to do that?" asked Fuyutsuki, sounding somewhat  
impressed as the printer began spitting out the pages that he'd  
requested. "I'm sure that the crews would have been working on that.  
It probably wasn't -"  
  
"They didn't have all the information," replied Ritsuko, stepping past  
Fuyutsuki and grabbing a large white folder with the NERV insignia in  
black on the front off of the balcony. "I figured out a few ways to  
accelerate the machine's regeneration process while I was up last  
night. I had the crews get started on it earlier this morning, but I  
prepared a second copy in case you'd like to review it." She handed  
the folder to Fuyutsuki, who looked a little surprised. "I would  
imagine it meets with your approval."  
  
"Heh. Sometimes you remind me a little too much of your mother."  
Fuyutsuki flipped open the folder and began to look through the sheets  
of paper, examining the processes described with some admiration. A  
few of the passages caught his eye, and it took him a moment or two to  
realize that he'd seen something similar before. "Is this based off  
of -"  
  
Ritsuko nodded. "Whenever my mother mentioned her, she sounded so  
hateful that I'd assumed she had done almost nothing for the project.  
Imagine my surprise when I found out that between her and the  
commander, most of the research had already been done when my mother  
became a part of the organization." She glanced away, smirking  
bitterly at herself. "Anyways, she'd put forth some of these theories  
in the most rudimentary forms - I was examining her papers and decided  
that we might be able to use some of them for repairing the Evas."  
  
Fuyutsuki stared at Ritsuko for a moment, then remembered that he'd  
come for a purpose. Glancing back at the printer, he realized that it  
had finished the readout, and he stepped over to it, picking up the  
neatly piled sheets of paper and tucking them against the folder that  
Ritsuko had given him. "I'll show it to Commander Ikari, but I doubt  
he'll have any objections," he noted, stepping over to the elevator and  
pressing the small button beside it to open the doors. "You're doing  
an excellent job, Dr. Akagi. I'm impressed."  
  
The elevator slid open, and Ritsuko watched as Fuyutsuki stepped in and  
the doors slid shut again. Then she glanced to one side, realizing  
that Maya was staring at her, and she shook her head, feeling a little  
silly. "Sorry," she offered, stepping back to the console she'd been  
working at and adjusting her glasses slightly. "Let's look into this  
final synch spike a little more closely."  
  
]++[  
  
Neil had expected to find that the doctors had cut off his only good  
outfit in order to make sure that he was all right after the Eva's  
bizarre behavior, but much to his pleasant surprise he'd gotten them  
back completely intact. Changing into them, however, proved to be a  
far less pleasant experience - they were stiff, slightly scratchy  
against his skin, and still reeked of the blood-scent of the LCL. As  
he sat in the waiting room, having finally found a position that was  
fairly comfortable even with the awkwardness of the outfit, he hoped  
that a decent wash would get at least the scent out.  
  
He'd learned only slightly more about the situation after the doctors  
came in to check on him after about an hour of waiting in the room with  
Ryo. According to them, EVA-01 had shut down after he fell  
unconscious, and they'd run a full checkup of his body immediately  
afterwards, including an MRI and a few blood tests. Everything had  
come up clean, which did virtually nothing to make Neil feel any better  
about his experience with the machine. The only question that he'd  
really wanted answered was about the mental invasion that he'd gone  
through, and that didn't seem to have anything to do with his body.  
  
Sighing, Neil opened his duffel bag and began to go through it for the  
book that he'd been reading on the plane to Tokyo-3 before he heard the  
unmistakable noise of high heels on tile. Looking up, he saw Misato  
standing in front of one of the elevators, now wearing a slightly more  
conservative black skirt with a dark red blouse. She also was wearing  
what looked to Neil like a red flight jacked with yellow piping around  
the shoulders - the same sort of jacket that he remembered Dr. Ikari  
wearing, although with different colors. Zipping his duffel bag, he  
stood up, waving to her.  
  
Misato noticed him, then walked toward him, the clicking noise of her  
heels all the more noticable by the fact that the waiting room was  
empty except for the two of them. She stepped walked down the row of  
chairs that Neil had been sitting him, walking up to him with what  
looked like a genuine smile on her face. "So," she announced, coming  
to a stop in front of him and examining him almost casually. "How are  
you feeling?"  
  
"Confused," replied Neil, grabbing his duffel bag and slinging it over  
his shoulder. "Scared. And now that I think about it, a little  
hungry, too." He smiled weakly at his own joke, and Misato smiled  
back, either thinking he was funny or pretending to for his sake. "So,  
they want me rooming with you?"  
  
"Well, not specifically," replied Misato, gesturing towards the  
elevator. She turned and started walking, and Neil followed, listening  
intently, having been wanting an explanation of his housing situation  
since one of the doctors had let it slip. "They were going to place  
you in a free apartment closer to Central Dogma, but after what  
happened to you right after you got here it seemed a little unfair.  
Since my apartment has more room than I could use, I assumed you could  
stay with me." She stopped and hit the button for the elevator,  
glancing at Neil with what seemed to be apprehension. "Is that all  
right?"  
  
"Perfectly fine," replied Neil. The elevator dinged open, and Neil  
stepped on, wondering to himself if Misato had actually requested him  
to be housed with her or whether she'd been ordered to do it. "Are we  
going to get lost going to your car, or have you gotten a little more  
skilled with the layout here?"  
  
There was a half-second of awkward silence before Misato pressed the  
button on the elevator, then she chuckled and hit the button, smiling  
at him. "The hospital is straight down from the parking lot. That one  
I got right off the bat." She flashed him a smile, flipping her hair  
back as she turned her head in a smooth motion that seemed natural at  
the same time as it seemed artificial. "You'd better get used to the  
layout, too. You're going to see a lot of Central Dogma, now that  
you're awake. They'll give you a couple of days, of course, but once  
you have a little time, then -"  
  
"I become their guinea pig," replied Neil, sounding a little disdainful  
as the elevator dinged to a stop. "Of course. No man makes a better  
test subject than one who chooses to be so." He sighed, shaking his  
head and catching a stare from Misato as he stepped out of the elevator  
into the parking garage. She followed him for a moment as he walked,  
then he stopped dead, hanging his head. "Misato? Can I ask you an  
honest question?"  
  
Misato blinked for a moment, confused. "Of course," she replied,  
stepping around so that she was in front of Neil. "What is it?"  
  
Neil cleared his throat, then swallowed hard. "How dependent on me is  
NERV's defensive status?" He paused for a second, but before Misato  
decided that he was done he started speaking again. "Don't tell me  
that it isn't, because I can do the math. I'm asking you a question  
when I know that I won't like the answer, so the least you could do is  
give me the honest answer I'm not supposed to know."  
  
Staring back for a moment, Misato nodded, slightly put off by the  
conviction in his voice. "There are other Evangelion units completed  
and fully operational, and the Marduk tests have indicated pilots for  
all of them. However, other than 00 and 01, the units have all been  
constructed at different locations, and it'll take at least a week for  
any of the other units to reach Central Dogma assuming optimal  
transport time. And when you consider training and everything  
else..." She sighed, wanting to be able to mask things with words but  
failing. "Bottom line, NERV isn't planning on anyone other than you  
and Ryo for at least two more weeks, and we're still not entirely sure  
how long it will take Ryo to recover."  
  
"Put bluntly, I'm the only asset NERV has for the immediate future,"  
Neil offered, fixing his eyes on a point that wound up coinciding  
nicely with Misato's feet. He felt a vague sinking feeling in his gut,  
and tried to push it out of his mind. On some level, he'd been hoping  
that Misato would tell him that there were others there, that Neil  
could go back to his home, but he knew that now there really was no way  
out. "I guess at some point I should go back to the plane and get the  
other things I'd packed off -"  
  
"You didn't think I'd just leave all of your belongings in limbo, did  
you?" asked Misato, grabbing his chin and bringing his face to eye  
level once again. She flashed him a smile, and he smiled weakly back  
as she turned on her heel and began walking towards her car again.  
"Everything is already inside my apartment. All that's left for you is  
to unpack it." She smiled back at him again, a gesture that Neil was  
getting used to and starting to like. "You're going to like staying  
with me - we'll make -great- roommates!"  
  
]++[  
  
"I'm home," announced Neil to absolutely nobody, staring into the  
absolute mess of Misato's apartment. She'd warned him that it wasn't  
pristine, but just from what he could see of the dining room it looked  
like a federal disaster area. Beer cans littered the floor, instant  
noodle cups were piled all over, and boxes remained stacked all over,  
as if they were a part of the furniture. He could see two doors  
leading off of the room to what he assumed were the bedrooms, the  
kitchen past a counter to his right, and another door to his left.  
"Looks lovely." He stepped forward, hoping he could figure out which  
was his room was his by simple elimination.  
  
Misato let out a loud cough, and Neil froze in mid-step. There was a  
slightly lowered area for a few steps inside of the apartment,  
something that Neil had been slightly curious about. "You don't wear  
your shoes inside the house," she snapped, demonstrating by slipping  
off her heels just inside the lowered area before stepping up into the  
dining room. Neil shrugged, then pushed off his sneakers roughly  
before stepping into the dining room. "Sorry, but that's the way  
things work here."  
  
"Don't worry about it. My mom was anal-retentive about keeping dirt  
out of the rug too." He glanced around for a moment, noticing that  
there was actually a narrow hallway leading from the dining room into  
what looked like a den. "So, where do I room?"  
  
"Right here," replied Misato, stepping up to the closest of the two  
doors and shoving it open. The room was dark, but Neil could recognize  
his boxes from where he was standing. "The bathroom is right there -"  
she pointed to the door to Neil's right "- and my room is near the den,  
over there." She gestured down the hallway, and Neil craned his neck,  
noticing something that he assumed was a door and deciding that it  
ultimately didn't matter much. "Any questions?"  
  
"Where do we do laundry?" asked Neil almost instantly, stepping into  
his room and tossing his duffel bag onto the bed. "This is my best  
outfit, but it stinks like blood from the LCL." He thought for a  
moment, then reached up and felt his hair for a moment, feeling some  
unfamiliar flakes between the strands. "Come to think of it, I  
probably need a shower myself. I stink even without that stuff."  
  
"I hadn't noticed," replied Misato, lying. "The laundry room is a  
couple floors downstairs - I'll show it to you tomorrow, when I  
normally do my laundry. For the time being, how about you go hop in  
the shower, and I'll order out for some pizza?" She smiled softly at  
him, and he nodded, unzipping his duffel bag and grabbing his razor and  
towel. "It'll be here in a couple minutes, so don't take too long.  
Pull the handle to turn on the shower."  
  
Neil waved absently to Misato as he slid the door to the bathroom open  
and then closed, placing his razor on the sink and slinging his towel  
over the nearby rack. The bathtub itself was fairly small, and the  
faucets looks old, but they were clean, and the knobs were tight enough  
that Neil was convinced of their reliability once the water began  
running. He started the shower, letting it run and heat itself up for  
a moment as he began to undress, turning towards the mirror above the  
sink almost unconsciously.  
  
There had been a bathroom at the hospital, but Neil had known that he  
didn't want to look at himself in the mirror there, knowing full well  
that he wouldn't be happy with what he saw. Now he got to take a good  
look at himself, and he looked about as bad as he'd expected. His  
hair, although not as bad as he'd imagined, had obviously not dried  
very well, and there were bits of dried LCL holding strands together.  
The clothes, too, were slightly colored, although his jeans were dark  
enough that he could only barely notice it. His eyes looked bloodshot,  
and there seemed to be a scratch around the eye that the Angel had  
stabbed through in the Eva. He looked, in his eyes, like he had been  
on a bender to end all benders, something that made him more than a  
little dissatisfied with himself.  
  
Shaking his head, he took off his clothes, noticing that he looked a  
little thinner than before, and stepped inside of the shower, the rush  
of hot water making him feel better almost instantly. Time, as far as  
he could observe, worked differently inside the shower, and he lost  
track almost as soon as he stepped inside, letting the heated air and  
the clean scent of soap distract him for longer than he could measure.  
By the time he stepped out of the shower, he knew that he'd taken  
longer than the couple of minutes that Misato had recommended, but he  
also knew that he felt better about himself than he had when he stepped  
in.  
  
As he dried off, it took him a moment or two to realize that he was  
being watched. Glancing up, he saw a penguin standing in front of him,  
a metallic collar around his neck, small metal claws attached to the  
end of his wing gripping a towel slung over his shoulder, yellow frills  
extending above his eyes with an indescribable expression on his face.  
"Hmm. A penguin." Neil went back to drying himself, then a moment  
later his brain fully understood what was going on. "A penguin. In  
the bathroom. Watching me."  
  
Misato was eyeing the pizza outside the bathroom, and finally, fed up  
with waiting for Neil, was about to take her first bite when she heard  
a crashing noise from the bathroom along with a startled shout. She  
stared at the bathroom door as the sound of bare feet against tile came  
loudly for a minute or two, followed by the door sliding open to reveal  
a notably disgruntled and still somewhat wet Neil, towel wrapped  
tightly around his waist. "Misato?" he asked, prompting her to put  
down the slice of pizza in her hand. "Why is there a penguin in the  
bathroom?"  
  
"Oh! I guess you've met your other roommate ahead of schedule."  
Misato stood, elbowing past Neil to stare at the penguin in the  
bathroom, then looking back at Neil, who was still utterly baffled.  
"That's Pen-Pen. He's one of those warm-water penguins engineeered  
after the Second Impact. Sorry about that - I told him to wait." She  
glared at the penguin, wagging her finger disapprovingly. "Neil is  
just back from the hospital, Pen-Pen, and I told you to be nice to him!"  
  
"Wark!" replied the penguin indignantly, glaring at Neil. Neil glared  
back, then stepped back into the bathroom and snatched his clothes from  
the floor, walking out as decisively as he could. He could wait to  
shave. The penguin watched him go, then slid the bathroom door shut  
with a slam as soon as Neil was clear of it. Neil glared back at the  
bathroom, then started walking towards his room.  
  
"Don't be mad, Neil," pleaded Misato, and while he said nothing in  
response to her, he didn't slam the door as he went in, something that  
gave Misato hope. "He's just used to being treated like a person. I  
picked him up while I was working in NERV's European branch, over in  
Ireland, so he's been with me for longer than I've been back in  
Japan." She picked up the pizza again, thinking for a moment as she  
heard shuffling noises in Neil's room. "Are you coming out for dinner,  
or what?"  
  
A second later, Neil's door opened and he stepped out, now wearing gray  
sweatpants and a blue t-shirt. "Of course I'm having dinner. I  
haven't had anything decent to eat since the night before I got on the  
plane to come over here." He sat down at the low table with Misato,  
grabbing a piece of pizza and tossing it on a plate. "Do you have any  
parmesan cheese?"  
  
]++[  
  
Arms folded beneath the pillow, Neil stared at the ceiling, pretending  
to be at least somewhere near sleep for nobody's benefit. He'd taken  
the opportunity after dinner to set up a few of his more important  
possesions, including getting his old VCR to attach to Misato's  
television. She'd been a little apprehensive about the project, having  
confessed some distrust of technology. "We've got a DVD player," she  
had argued, though it came about the same time that Neil had already  
finished plugging the DVD box into the back of the VCR. "Why use  
outdated machines?"  
  
"There's more obscure stuff out there, the kind of things that don't  
get released or even re-released on DVD," replied Neil at the time,  
fiddling around and trying to plug in the VCR at the back of the TV.  
"Heck, by the time I was born, VHS was already on the way out. I'm  
lucky that I've managed to get some of the real classics on tape before  
it was too late. Most of my collection is back in America, but some of  
my favorites are here."  
  
"You're a movie buff," Misato had offered, provoking an approving nod  
from Neil. "Weird occupation, if you ask me. They're just stories."  
  
Neil had found that comment particularly amusing, and he'd finished  
connecting the VCR at almost that exact moment, so he was prompted to  
stand up and face Misato again. "To you, maybe they're just stories.  
But I'm American. Movies are what we use to remember the past, to  
express our values at a given time, to give our fears voices. That's  
the beauty of American cinema - even when it's bad, it manages to say  
something about where our society is, what we're thinking."  
  
He'd felt proud then, if only for a moment, as if he were in control of  
the situation. At home, he never really got a chance to talk about his  
hobby passionately - his mother was disinterested, most of his friends  
were a part of the same hobby anyways, and he didn't have the charisma  
to attract others. For that moment, he'd felt as though Misato were  
genuinely interested in his stories, that what he did for a hobby  
really meant something.  
  
"But it doesn't mean anything, not really," he muttered to himself,  
finally starting to feel the effects of being in another country. "I  
talk like I'm preserving my national heritage, but I'm really just  
having fun with something that I enjoy." He chuckled, shaking his head  
and rolling over to his side. "And talking to myself. That can't be  
good."  
  
After he'd finished hooking up the machines, the evening hadn't lasted  
much longer. He'd shown Misato most of his movie collection, she'd  
feigned interest in a couple of titles, then she'd excused herself with  
the explanation that she was needed early over at Central Dogma, and  
they'd both gone to bed. Neil still felt like an intruder, as if  
Misato had only offered to put him up out of guilt. On the other hand,  
she'd seemed to genuinely enjoy dinner with him, saying that Sunday  
nights were best enjoyed with someone you could talk to.  
  
Sunday. The thought hadn't even occurred to him before, that it would  
be Monday the next day and he wouldn't be attending school. The  
transfer paperwork that NERV had given him for his school had gone  
through without a hitch, but somehow he doubted that the organization  
had any particular interest in worrying about his education. It wasn't  
his grades he was really worried about - he knew that with his grades  
and the way that his mother had made him study, he could make up for  
any lost time in school. It was the fact that it was what normal  
people did, that other people his age would be going to school while he  
did nothing.  
  
The irony of the situation - that he was exempt from school when he'd  
been planning on attending a special school - struck him somewhat  
bitterly, and he tried to laugh but could manage no more than a weak  
smile. After the horrifying touch of unit 01's mind, the joke of the  
situation seemed a cold comfort. Thinking on the situation, he knew  
that he wanted to go home more than anything, that the risk of losing  
himself to the machine's identity felt like it would choke him.  
  
Closing his eyes tightly, he forced the experience out of his mind,  
remembering Ryo lying on the stretcher in front of the Eva and Misato's  
frank explanation about the state of NERV's defenses. "I couldn't ever  
look myself in the eye if I walked away from this," he muttered to  
himself, clenching a fist under the covers unconsciously. "This is  
what I have to do, what I need to do for the whole world." He took a  
deep breath, then relaxed his eyes, feeling himself finally start to  
drift into sleep.  
  
Without provocation, his mind started drifting back to the death of the  
Angel, his memories filtered through a red haze of one eye and the vile  
scent of LCL. He remembered the sensation that he'd continued to  
experience as EVA-01 tore off the arms of the Angel and used one of  
them to blind the beast, of watching it writhe beneath him helplessly  
as the Evangelion forced away the beast's life. Much to Neil's horror,  
he found a grin growing at the corner of his lip, and in the instant  
before he became fully aware of what he was thinking, he realized that  
he did want to pilot the Eva again, that he wanted to experience those  
sensations again.  
  
Neil's eyes flew open, his breathing now coming harder. Touching his  
forehead, he felt the faintest traces of a cold sweat along his brow.  
Sighing, he wiped off the perspiration, shutting his eyes tightly once  
again. Sleep would be a long time coming tonight.  
  
]++[  
  
Gendou Ikari knew, on a purely academic level, that there were more  
important tasks that needed to be attended to, that he had more  
pressing matters which required his attention. There was a pressing  
meeting with SEELE's council that required his presence in light of the  
Angel's return, the problem of EVA-00's recovery, dealing with Neil  
having no training, and other matters of a more administrative nature.  
However, he also had faith in his staff and their abilities, and he  
knew that they would be capable of sustaining themselves for five  
minutes while he attended to more personal matters. "Hello, Ryo."  
  
Ryo was looking better than he had earlier - some of the bandages had  
come off, and his movements seemed to be quicker as he turned to look  
at Gendou. The doctor pulled a folding chair next to Ryo's bed, and  
the young boy looked at him for a moment with his red eyes before  
finally addressing him. "Dr. Ikari," he said, his lips managing to  
curl into a slight smile. "I didn't think you'd come. You said that  
Mondays were always busy."  
  
"You're down here by yourself unless I check on you," replied Gendou,  
smiling faintly himself. "Fuyutsuki can supervise for the time it  
takes me to check in on you." He chuckled, a thought occurring to  
him. "I almost wish that Neil had taken longer to recover - it would  
have given you some company down here."  
  
The comment was meant to cheer Ryo up somewhat, but Dr. Ikari could see  
by the sudden darkening of the boy's expression that it had succeeded  
at doing precisely the opposite. "The Third Child," replied Ryo, his  
tone dearth of the slight joy that he'd expressed earlier. "Dr. Ikari,  
I understand that my performance in 00 has been less than  
satisfactory. However..." He paused, struggling for the words. "Is  
Neil Richelieu intended to be my replacement?"  
  
For a second, Dr. Ikari was taken aback by the comment, the words  
stinging dangerously close to words he'd heard before. Then he forced  
himself to regain his composure, his smile returning, glasses hiding  
the slight pain in his eyes. "Your replacement? Don't be foolish.  
Neil serves his own purpose at NERV, not yours. You can't be  
replaced. I promise."  
  
"I see." Ryo's gaze lingered on Gendou for a moment, then he stared  
back towards the ceiling, still seeming a little upset by the  
appearance of Neil. "You probably need to get back to your work. It's  
more important than spending time with me, I understand."  
  
Gendou nodded, standing and adjusting his glasses again. "Today is  
going to be a busy day, so I don't know if I will be able to see you  
again. I would like to, but business has to come first." He turned  
towards the door, glancing back towards Ryo over his shoulder. "I've  
spoken with your doctors - you should be out of here within a day or  
so. You're recovering wonderfully."  
  
"Thank you for letting me know," replied Ryo, his voice completely flat  
again. Gendou lingered a moment, then headed towards the door,  
grabbing the handle and preparing to step out. "I'm sorry that you  
couldn't stay longer."  
  
Quite to his surprise, Gendou found himself frozen in place, the words  
bringing him back in time, back to the time when he had said farewell  
to his son. An apology for not being able to stay any longer was the  
last thing that he remembered saying on that day, the only salve that  
he could try to offer his son as he walked away from him. Shinji had  
cried, he'd remembered - cried for his mother, pleaded with his father  
until his uncle finally made him stop, cried at nothing at all. The  
thought gave Gendou more pause than he'd been expecting, and he froze  
for a moment, lost in memory.  
  
A second later, he returned to the present, his mind once again focused  
on the jobs that he had to finish for the day and the meetings that he  
needed to attend. "I'm sorry, too," he replied to Ryo, opening the  
door and stepping out into the clean hallways of the hospital, forcing  
thoughts of his son out of his mind as he began walking towards the  
elevator. He had more pressing matters to deal with, and he couldn't  
be letting himself show weakness for emotions.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato watched Neil for a moment, his eyelids only half-opened and his  
hair still unbrushed as he downed his cup of coffee in one sitting,  
then reached for the pot again, pouring himself another cup as an  
almost automatic response. "That's your third cup so far," she noted,  
taking a bite of oatmeal as Neil sipped the warm liquid again. "Is  
there something I should know about?"  
  
"Not really," Neil replied, only partially lying. "I just didn't sleep  
well last night, and I need to stay awake if I want to finish  
unpacking." He sighed, rubbing his forehead as his eyes began to  
regain their focus. "Misato? Do you know if any long-term studies  
were done on the effects that piloting an Evangelion can have on  
someone's mental state?"  
  
"The Evas haven't been around long enough for anything like that,"  
replied Misato, sipping her own coffee before frowning at Neil. "Is  
something wrong? As the commander of Operations, I can't have any  
serious faults in my pilots, or it reflects badly on both my division  
and me." She paused a moment, then grinned sheepishly. "Besides, I'd  
probably take a pay cut, and they barely pay me enough as it is."  
  
"You'd make a good psychologist - you're worried about mental problems  
and money." Neil took another long sip of coffee, trying to sound  
wittier than he felt. "No, it's nothing, just can't seem to get the  
first battle out of my head. It... well, it isn't what I'd been  
expecting to find in Japan." He shrugged. "Don't worry about it."  
  
Staring for a moment, Misato nodded, apparently willing to trust Neil's  
judgement about the situation. Something else tickled at the back of  
her memory, and it took her a minute to realize what it was, nearly  
spitting out her own coffee as she remembered. "That's right! We've  
got to figure out what you're going to do for school! I think that  
there's a -"  
  
"Don't worry about it. I figured it out while I was trying to get to  
sleep next night." Misato did something of a double take, and Neil  
shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole affair. "I'm going  
to get in touch with my school back at home and see if I can't set up  
some kind of correspondence course going. I'm used to learning more or  
less on my own anyways, and it's a private school, so they won't ask as  
many questions as long as the money's there."  
  
Misato stared at Neil in surprise for a second, rather impressed that  
he'd though of so much in such a short period of time. "You must not  
have gotten any sleep last night at all," she muttered, taking another  
sip of coffee. "Wouldn't you rather go to the local school? I mean,  
we couldn't transfer you in today, but Ryo goes there, and -"  
  
"Language," replied Neil, prompting Misato to nod in recognition almost  
before he'd raised the objection. "I know that they say the best way  
to learn a language is to find yourself immersed in it, but I doubt  
that this is what they mean by it. I've got it all planned out.  
Consider it taken care of."  
  
"I don't really have much choice in the matter, I suppose," replied  
Misato, taking one last bite of her oatmeal before standing and  
fluffing her hair one last time. "Anyways, I have to get to Central  
Dogma on time today, so while I'd love to stay and chat, there are  
other things that drag me away." She winked at him, stepping swiftly  
over towards the door, pausing only momentarily to grab her purse and  
slip her shoes on. "Your keys are on the counter over there. There's  
leftover pizza in the fidge. Be nice to Pen-Pen!" Throwing open the  
door, she burst out of the apartment, then took off running, heels  
hitting the tiled floor outside loud enough for Neil to hear even after  
the door had closed behind her.  
  
Neil stared at the door for a moment, then took another sip of coffee,  
feeling worse about himself than he had before. "I lied to her," he  
muttered, staring down into the steaming brown liquid as if it were  
about to offer him solutions to all his problems. "She was just  
concerned about my school situation, and I lied to her. What's wrong  
with me?"  
  
Sighing, Neil finished his cup, reaching up and pouring another, unsure  
of what else he should do. He was vaguely aware of the penguin walking  
over to the refrigerator and taking out a bucket of fish, more focused  
on his own woes than what the bird was having for breakfast. "This  
isn't working too well for me," he muttered into the mug, drawing a  
stare from Pen-Pen. "I think I need to take another shower, get  
dressed, then go for a walk." He thought about the idea for a moment,  
then finally looked up at the penguin, who was apparently unconcerned  
with the prospect of being left alone. "Do you know if Misato has a  
map of the city?"  
  
Pen-Pen stared back at him for a second, cocking his head to one side  
as he squatted on the tile floor of the kitchen with his bucket of  
fish. "Wark," he pronounced at length, shaking his head before  
bringing the fish back towards the refrigerator. Neil sighed,  
shrugged, then put down his mug and headed towards his room, looking  
for something that he'd be willing to wear for the day.  
  
]++[  
  
Despite Neil's hopes for the contrary, the heat outside was still  
sweltering, doing little to make him feel any more comfortable in the  
unfamiliar landscape. He'd known that the Second Impact had caused  
worldwide changes to weather patterns, but he hadn't expected it to  
make Japan universally uncomfortable. Luckily for him, the teal shirt  
that he'd picked out was light enough to keep him from sweating to  
death, although he still had to leave it untucked and roll his sleeves  
up. His attire had proven to be the lesser of his problems.  
  
Finding a map, he'd found, was the harder problem to solve. Most of  
the shopkeepers that he'd found spoke English, if a broken form of it,  
but finding a map that wasn't entirely in Japanese was difficult.  
Combined with the fact that he'd not had a chance to convert his  
dollars to yen, by the time he finally managed to buy a map he had  
wasted half an hour without accomplishing anything. He'd gone back to  
Misato's apartment, unpacked the rest of his belongings, had a few  
quick bites of food, and then resolved to give the walk a second try,  
now armed with a map and a need to get fresh air.  
  
So he found himself skirting the edges of the city, up in the foothills  
surrounding the city, walking along the sidewalk and occasionally  
glancing back into the heart of the city. The buildings were now their  
proper heights, all of them standing as tall as Neil had expected  
before he'd come to the city. It looked beautiful, in its own way, the  
gleaming metal and shimmering glass towering above everything. In  
another way, it looked artificial, and in Neil's mindset it looked like  
a prison.  
  
Coming to a stop as the road turned again, he leaned over the edge of  
the guardrail, staring straight down at the rather steep grade to the  
city before looking across the city once again. "Why did I lie to  
Misato?" he muttered, thinking aloud largely because he doubted anyone  
else could speak reliable English in the area. "Because I still want  
to deny that I'm here, because I know that I have to stay here." He  
sighed, shaking his head at himself as he gazed at a couple of  
buildings that looked like they had the NERV insignia on them,  
facilities he assumed helped defend the city in lieu of a functional  
Evangelion unit. "I should want to stay here. I should be happy that  
I'm getting a chance to -"  
  
A cough came from behind him, and Neil turned to see the source, a  
little surprised. Sitting beneath a tree slightly up from the other  
side of the road was a young woman that Neil guessed to be about his  
age, wearing a teal-gray skirt and white blouse that Neil assumed was a  
school uniform. She was slender, her body visibly well-shaped even  
from her sitting position, but it was her face that drew Neil's  
attention more than anything. Framed by perfectly cropped black hair,  
it was what Neil imagined that Japanese poets had dreamed of for  
centuries, with high cheekbones, delicate features, perfectly shaped  
brown eyes, strong nose, a small mouth curling into a slight grin.  
"Sumi masen," she implored, waving to Neil's left slightly.  
  
The speech caught Neil off-guard for a moment, then he snapped out of  
his admiration and realized that they didn't speak the same language.  
"Oh, crap," he muttered, rubbing his forehead and wracking his brain.  
"Okay, Misato went over this last night... um... je ne parle pas -  
wait, that's French. Er... damn it, I remembere part of it..." He  
stared up at the girl, who seemed to be waiting patiently with the same  
half-grin on her face. "Um... American desu?"  
  
"I know," she replied, smirking at him. He gaped, and she giggled,  
apparently amused by the situation. "I heard you talking to yourself  
before. Sorry, I couldn't resist. 'Sumi masen' means 'pardon me.' I  
was trying to look at the city, and you were in my way."  
  
"Oh," replied Neil, feeling somewhat relieved at the fact. He stood  
for a moment, then realized that he still hadn't moved. "Oh, crap,  
sorry," he muttered, stepping over towards the tree quickly. The girl  
laughed, then began sketching on the pad of paper resting on her knees  
as she stared out across the city. "I'm Neil. You would be?"  
  
"Eiko Suzuhara," she replied, putting down the pencil she'd been using  
and offering her hand. Neil took it, gave it a quick shake, then  
released it and let her get back to her sketchwork. "I'm sorry - I  
didn't mean to take you away from whatever you were doing. I just need  
to try and get this finished soon, or I think I'll go insane. I just  
can't seem to get the light on the buildings right."  
  
"Can I look?" asked Neil, receiving a hesitant nod from Eiko. He took  
the sketchbook from her slowly, then looked at the drawing. It wasn't  
perfect - as she'd said, the light off the buildings didn't look quite  
natural - but it was an excellent piece. "You're good," he noted,  
flipping back through to some of the other works in the book. "You're  
really good. Are you a professional?"  
  
"Heh. I wish." Eiko blushed slightly as Neil handed the sketchbook  
back, obviously unaccustomed to the praise he was offering. "The last  
time I showed my work to an actual professional, he said that I'd never  
be good enough to get my own book. That was a couple years ago, and  
I've been practicing as much as I can since then."  
  
"If that's indicative of the results, you'll make him eat those words,"  
replied Neil, hesitantly taking a seat next to the girl. She seemed  
unperturbed, and he leaned against the tree, looking out over the city  
with her. "That's your school uniform, isn't it?"  
  
She nodded, then put her pencil down, craning her neck slightly to  
investigate him. "Why are you here?" she asked, prompting Neil to  
scramble to his feet. "No, I didn't mean sitting there, I meant here  
in Tokyo-3. It's not exactly a tourist attraction, you're obviously  
not Japanese, and you don't even look like a tourist. Are you a spy or  
something?"  
  
Neil shook his head, sitting back down and feeling a little more at  
ease. "I'd hope that someone would tell me if I was," he replied,  
smiling at the girl as she folded her sketchbook closed and folded her  
hands over her knees. "I'm here on United Nations business from  
America. I just couldn't stay cooped up inside my apartment any more.  
You ever get that feeling? Like you need a breath of fresh air or  
you're going to suffocate?"  
  
"You should try living at my house. The way my parents talk about my  
drawing... sometimes I wonder if we're even related." She shrugged,  
grabbing a small satchel and tossing the sketchbook in along with her  
pencil. "They want me to be a lawyer, or a doctor, or something along  
those lines. Never mind my test scores..."  
  
"My mom's been pressuring me to be a scientist like her for years,"  
replied Neil, rising to his feet as Eiko did, suddenly wondering if  
he'd said something wrong. "I'm sorry, am I bothering you? I can  
leave if you want me to. You don't have to -"  
  
Eiko shook her head, smiling at him before tapping her watch. "I  
promised friends from school that I'd meet them down by the arcade in a  
little while, and it takes a few minutes to walk down there." She  
hopped down to the sidewalk, then paused for a moment before smiling up  
at Neil. "Why don't you come, too? There's always plenty of room, and  
we need another person anyways now that my brother isn't around. Or do  
you have something that you need to do?"  
  
"Anything I have can wait," replied Neil, hopping down next to her and  
smiling back. Something about Eiko made him feel a little more  
comfortable about where he was, as if he could have something like a  
normal life even with the fate of the world riding on his shoulders.  
"Lead the way, Miss Suzuhara."  
  
]++[  
  
Walking down from the hill with Eiko only further confirmed Neil's  
initial feelings about the girl and her comforting effects, the way  
that she had about her of making him feel like he actually was home.  
They talked briefly about their families, about their school, about  
what it had been like for Neil moving to Japan, everything. He'd  
almost intended to mention that he was a part of NERV, but it didn't  
seem to come up, and as they approached what Eiko said was the arcade  
he'd begun to wonder if it really matter. "Hold on a second," she said  
a few feet away from the building, sticking out her arm in front of  
Neil. "I'll get them over here, we'll do introductions, and we'll all  
go in. Okay?"  
  
"Sure, I guess," replied Neil, shrugging as Eiko dashed across the  
street towards a pair of boys who looked nowhere near Japanese. One  
was slightly shorter than than Eiko, with wavy dirty-blonde hair and  
wire-frame glasses. The other was a head taller than Eiko, his hair  
bleached blonde and standing almost perfectly vertical, forming a  
dramatic series of spikes that Neil assumed were the result of  
excessive use of hair gel. Both were wearing school uniforms - short-  
sleeved white shirts and teal-gray pants - but the one who had been  
using too much hair gel was wearing a black windbreaker over his  
shirt. Eiko conversed with them for a moment, then the three started  
walking towards the other side of the road, Neil doing his best to  
remain calm.  
  
The trio came over to the other side of the road swiftly, and Neil felt  
his confidence rise slightly when he noticed that he was still a bit  
taller than the one with the windbreaker, even with the height his hair  
added. "Okay, Neil, this is Vash -" she gestured towards the blonde,  
who extended his hand for Neil to shake "- and Kensuke." The other boy  
simply nodded at Neil, extending his own hand for Neil only after Vash  
had gotten a handshake. "Guys, this is Neil."  
  
"Vash?" asked Neil, the name sounding a little odd on his ears. "Is  
that a traditional Japanese name, or -"  
  
"It's a nickname," explained Vash, striking a pose. "My real name's  
Koji, but I've been a Trigun fan since I was old enough to watch it.  
Even modeled my hair after Vash." Neil stared for a second, cocking  
his head, and Vash grew slightly frustrated, dropping the pose.  
"Trigun? Big series over here? Vash the Stampede, greatest gunman to  
ever walk the Earth?"  
  
"Sorry," shrugged Neil, half-expecting Vash to be insulted. The other  
boy stared for a moment, then shrugged back and slapped him on the  
shoulder. "Just not my thing, I guess. Maybe I'll check it out while  
I'm here - it looks like I'll be staying for a while."  
  
"Neil's here with the UN," offered Eiko, waving to the lone car on the  
road to let them pass. The car obediently came to a stop, and the four  
teens dashed across to the other side, the porcelain-white storefronts  
largely the same on both sides except for the more colorful arcade  
building.  
  
"You're here with the UN?" asked Kensuke, suddenly seeming to perk up.  
Neil nodded, and he grinned broadly, apparently interested in the  
fact. "Did you get to see the battle that went on a few days ago?  
That was amazing! With the UN aerodrones, and that Evangelion thing,  
and that big black monster - it's a shame that most of the reporters  
didn't get any good footage of it, but I managed to get a couple good  
shots while the Evangelion was in the fray."  
  
Vash's expression darkened, but Neil didn't notice, beginning to think  
that there might be some positive aspects to his obligation. "I  
arrived here on the day of the battle," replied Neil, smirking at the  
other teen. "I'm EVA-01's pilot. They sort of threw me into the  
middle of things, but -"  
  
Without warning, Neil saw Kensuke's expression darken for an instant  
before he felt the distinctive impact of a fist across his chin, a blow  
that he'd been unprepared for. Staggering backwards, he rubbed his  
jaw, then looked up to see Vash recovering from the blow, rubbing his  
fist. "What the hell was that about, Vash?" he asked, standing erect  
again. "I just said -"  
  
"Do you have any idea what you did in that thing, you idiot?" asked  
Vash, sneering at the other teenager venomously. "If I'd known you  
were the pilot of the Evangelion, I wouldn't have even let you get this  
close to me. You didn't have the vaguest idea what you were doing out  
there!"  
  
"I wasn't really planning on being sent into the middle of a war zone,  
no," replied Neil, scowling back at Vash. The people on the sidewalk  
were beginning to back away, looking a little apprehensive at the  
events. "All things considered, I think I did pretty well."  
  
"Pretty well? You did more damage than the beast did!" He lunged at  
Neil, and Neil stepped back this time, letting Vash's blow swing wild.  
Vash wasn't moving as if he were actually much of a fighter, and Neil  
could tell it from the way he moved - he was moving like someone from a  
movie, a stance familiar to Neil. It was impressive to look at, but in  
an actual fight it didn't have much practical usage. "You put Eiko's  
brother in the hospital! You almost killed him!"  
  
"Eiko's...?" Neil's attention flew from Vash for an instant, looking  
behind him towards Eiko. The expression on her face was easy to read,  
torn between what seemed to be two reprehensible choices. His gaze  
narrowed, and in that instant Vash moved faster than Neil had been  
expecting, slamming him hard across the face again. Neil fell  
backwards, hitting the white sidewalk hard and looking up to see Vash  
glare at him. "Look, I might have screwed up, but I didn't have any  
training!"  
  
"Then why the hell did you get in the machine?" replied Vash, grabbing  
the collar of Neil's shirt and yanking him up. "If you knew that you  
weren't going to be able to do it right, why didn't you say so in the  
first place and save everyone a lot of trouble?"  
  
Neil felt the same sort of red haze of anger that he'd experienced in  
the Eva drift over his vision, an all-too familiar feeling from his  
youth. "Because I didn't have any choice," he snarled, lashing out  
with his fist towards Vash's nose. The other boy was apparently not  
expecting Neil to hit back, and he moved back too slowly, letting  
Neil's fist slam directly into the brittle bone of his nose. Vash  
staggered backwards towards Kensuke and Eiko, a thin red trail  
beginning to emerge from his left nostril. "If I didn't pilot the Eva,  
the entire city would have been destroyed. More people would have been  
hurt."  
  
Vash touched his nose, then snarled up at Neil, a faint hint of blood  
on his fingers. As his mouth began to open, Neil began to regret what  
he had done, wishing that he could turn back the pace of events and  
undo everything he'd done before, wishing that he'd just shut up about  
piloting the Evangelion. "You could have killed my girlfriend's  
brother and my friend," he spat, drawing himself back up to his full  
height and staring at Neil dead-on. "I still owe you one for that."  
  
"You girlfriend?" Neil glanced back at Eiko, and suddenly the  
expression on her face became much easier to understand. Feeling like  
an absoulte idiot, he took a step backwards, away from the group.  
"I... I was just trying to protect the city. I didn't mean to hurt  
anybody, really." He looked up at Eiko, who seemed more concerned  
about Vash than anything. "Please, believe me... I didn't mean to hurt  
people, especially not... I'm sorry."  
  
Everything had been set up to go right, and Neil could tell that it had  
all gone wrong, Vash glaring at him, Eiko unsure of her emotions,  
Kensuke all but urging Vash to have another go at the other young man.  
Neil sighed, then turned away, pushing his way past the small crowd  
that had gathered towards what he knew was Misato's apartment. He  
hated himself for hurting Eiko's brother. He hated Vash for making him  
feel bad. He hated the fact that Vash was dating Eiko. But more than  
anything, he was hating himself for the instant that he had hit Vash.  
  
As he glanced at his hand, still sore from the impact, he realized that  
he wasn't really angry because it had upset Eiko. Clenching his fist,  
he let it swing down by his side, knowing that what truly made him  
angry at himself was the fact that he'd enjoyed hurting the other young  
man, that he'd felt good seeing him bleed. He took a deep breath, then  
leaned against the nearest traffic light, closing his eyes for a moment  
before taking out the map and unfolding it.  
  
]++[  
  
It took Neil a moment or two to realize that Misato was staring at him  
as he stormed into the house, kicking off his sneakers violently as he  
stepped into the apartment and into the dining room. "It hasn't been a  
good day," he muttered, flopping down at the opposite end of the table  
and wiping the thin film of sweat off his forehead for what seemed like  
the hundreth time. "What are we doing for dinner tonight?"  
  
Misato shrugged, taking a sip of her beer, now changed into the tank  
top and shorts that he remembered her in from her photo. "I don't  
know. I was waiting for you to decide." He sighed, and Misato cocked  
her head at him, eyes wide. "What went so wrong? You seemed like you  
were in a good mood this morning."  
  
"Things change," he growled, instantly feeling bad about it. "I... I  
don't want to talk about specifics, really. Just found out how much of  
an outsider here I really am." He sighed, rubbing the back of his  
head. "It's nothing that I'm not used to, but that doesn't mean that I  
like it much."  
  
Frowning for a second, Misato seemed to be momentarily lost in thought,  
as if debating the best way to make Neil feel better. "Well, look at  
it this way," she offered after a moment or two, holding up one hand  
with her fingers splayed. "Number one, you've got me around, and I  
think you're a decent person. Number two, you're the only person who's  
managed to pilot Unit 01, which is pretty impressive in and of itself.  
Number three -"  
  
"Piloting the Evangelion was the whole problem!" he snapped, slamming  
his fist down on the table. "I... I put somebody in the hospital  
because I wasn't good enough, because I didn't know what I was doing.  
What kind of a defender am I if I cause more damage than I fix?"  
  
"Hey, don't talk like that," said Misato, leaning across the table and  
pushing Neil's head up to face her. The warmth of her hand felt good  
against his skin, a thought that he found entering his mind despite his  
moral objections. "Most people probably would have run away from the  
Evangelion when we told you to pilot it. You got in, you did your  
best, and you did what you were supposed to. More people would have  
died if you hadn't gotten into the machine."  
  
"I know that. I'm not that stupid." Neil sighed, shaking his head and  
beginning to feel slightly better as he squeezed his eyes shut. "It  
just feels so much more personal, knowing that somebody was hurt. The  
fact that he would have been in a worse condition if I hadn't piloted  
the machine feels like cold comfort."  
  
Neil felt a soft warmth around his shoulders, and he realized that  
Misato was sitting next to him, squeezing him around the shoulder. He  
blushed, something that the woman didn't seem to notice. "Don't let it  
get you down. Let it push you forward. The next time an Angel  
attacks, remember what you did wrong and be ready to not make the same  
mistake twice." She noticed his face and squinted at him. "Is  
something wrong?"  
  
A distinct scent hung on Misato's breath, something that Neil had  
gotten accustomed to through means that he would have rather not dealt  
with. He felt a familiar tension rising in his gut, remembering his  
father and the way that he'd acted towards Neil. Swallowing hard, he  
looked away from Misato for a moment, then back at her. "You're drunk,  
aren't you?"  
  
"Little bit." She giggled, and Neil felt some of his tensions melt  
away, noting that Misato seemed to be in somewhat better control of  
herself than his father had ever been. "I'm more hungry than I am  
drunk, though. So what do you say we figure out what we're going to do  
for dinner, then eat, then sit down to one of your wacky old movies?"  
She slapped him on the back, grinning broadly at him.  
  
"Sounds good," Neil replied, smiling back and receiving another hearty  
pat on the back for his approval. "Anything you had in mind?"  
  
]++[  
  
For the second night in a row, Neil found himself lying in his bed,  
eyes wide open, sleep evading him as if it were a physical construct.  
Images of Eiko and Misato both danced in his head, inviting him to do  
what he assumed most other boys his age did in his situation, and he  
could feel parts of his body unconsciously responding to the thoughts.  
He sighed heavily, clenching his fists underneath his pillow and trying  
not to think about what was flooding his mind. "I'm disgusting," he  
muttered, feeling the temptation growing slightly. "I shouldn't even  
want something like that."  
  
Eiko's face kept drifting across his memory, almost as if it were  
haunting him. All he'd meant to do was impress her and her friends,  
make them think that he was something special. Instead, he'd made them  
hate him, made them think he was the lowest form of life. It was a  
moral impasse - he wanted to run away, because he knew that would mean  
he didn't have to face them again, but he also knew that he couldn't  
run away, that NERV was depending on him. And he also wanted to see  
Eiko again, wanted to make her smile again.  
  
"And to feel Misato's touch again," he muttered, recalling the sort of  
perfect warmth that her body had radiated, the scent that lay  
underneath the the sharp, noxious haze of alcohol. Before, he hadn't  
thought much about her, hadn't really addressed the immensely  
attractive woman that he'd first seen in a photo and found to be in no  
way diminished by reality. He'd had a gigantic monster and a crazed  
bloodlust to deal with at the time, more pressing issues. Her embrace  
changed that, made her more real, more tangible.  
  
Reality. That was what he found himself drifting back to, over and  
over. The Evangelion, NERV, Misato, Eiko, Tokyo-3, Ryo lying on a  
hospital bed, even Pen-Pen - all of it had felt misty and without  
substance before, images battered at him at such speed that he couldn't  
really process any of them. Everything seemed at though it were  
bleeding out of the abstract into the realm of Neil's world, as if  
something he'd thought of as nothing more than a particularly involved  
daydream was being given length.  
  
He couldn't run away from it. He couldn't avoid it. NERV was his  
reality, the Eva's perfect green eye an unmistakable truth. Feeling  
his hands begin to shift unconciously underneath his pillow as the old  
thoughts began returning despite his best efforts, he clenched his  
fists tighter, straightening his body and turning to lie facedown on  
the bed. "Guess I'm in this for the long run," he muttered to the down-  
stuffed fabric. "Whether I like it or not."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
A Child learns their place.  
A Child questions their place.  
A Child finds a new place.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 3: CHORUS SINGS WINTER  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	3. Chorus Sings Winter

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 3: CHORUS SINGS WINTER +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
How can I, your servant, talk with you, my lord? My strength is gone  
and I can hardly breathe.  
- DANIEL 10:17  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo's hands gripped the smooth metal of the cockpit's handles, felt the  
nylon seat soft behind him despite the soaking of the entire chamber  
with LCL. The cockpit was still dark, only an audio feed established  
to his Evangelion, synchronization not yet started and an uneasy  
sensation of peace permeating the air. Above the unit, the observation  
deck was bustling with activity, technicians preparing for EVA-00's  
first activation on record - even though Ryo could see none of it, he  
knew it was happening, felt almost reassured by the silent knowledge of  
its presence. Anyone else would have been nervous, sitting in the  
uncomfortable liquid and waiting for some kind of communication, but  
Ryo barely batted an eyelash, knowing that he would be notified as soon  
as his interaction was required.  
  
"Katsuragi should have been here," muttered Ritsuko, hurriedly sipping  
coffee from a white china mug before setting it down atop a computer  
terminal and checking the display. "Even if it is only a technical  
activation of the unit, that's something that she should be present  
for. Especially considering that Ryo's our only asset if the Angels  
attack prematurely."  
  
"I informed Captain Katsuragi that her presence would not be necessary  
at this test," replied Gendou, his gaze never shifting for a moment  
from the orange Evangelion unit sitting below him. The fluid had been  
drained from the holding cell that it was stored in, the catwalk and  
other restraints retracted, leaving only the unit standing alone. "We  
still have certain questions about this unit's reliability. It is  
possible that it will need to be scrapped. Depending on the outcome of  
this test, we will form a plan of action as far as mandatory attendance  
goes." He paused. "Is the unit ready for synchronization?"  
  
"All systems are prepared," replied Ritsuko, standing from the computer  
display and glancing around the room. She stepped towards the lone  
microphone towards the front of the room, knowing that in lieu of  
Misato's presence it became her task to direct the pilot. "Ryo, we're  
going to begin synchronization. Are you ready?"  
  
"Yes," came the flat reply. The boy's tone always disturbed Ritsuko,  
almost as if he were mocking her, despite the fact she knew he was  
doing no such thing. She pushed the thought out of her head, flashing  
a quick hand signal to the other technicians on deck.  
  
The last few restraints on the Eva snapped loose, and power began to  
surge through the gigantic cord plugged into the back, making the unit  
stir for a moment as it started activating. "Pilot's lifesigns are  
stable," noted one of the technicians, the sound of tapping keyboards  
filling the room as the unit slowly began to accept its pilot.  
"Machine appears to be fully ready for synchronization."  
  
"Good," replied Ritsuko, feeling more confident about the test than  
before. Despite the fact that Tokyo-3 was the world headquarters of  
NERV, it had disturbed her slightly that only the first two Evangelion  
units were housed at the facility, as if it were the most expendable  
part of the organization. Knowing that EVA-00 was working properly did  
wonders for her sense of safety. "We'll bring the pilot up to the  
standard operating level of 45%, try to maintain it for a few minutes,  
then shut down the unit."  
  
Sitting within the Eva, Ryo could finally see the world around him, the  
machine's external cameras finally active. It was only interesting  
from an academic point of view - the massive teal room had only one  
distinguishing feature, the skybox that sat at roughly eye level with  
the Eva unit. Ritsuko's voice came over the radio, but he only paid  
partial attention to her statements, knowing the bulk of what she was  
explaining to him - that he needed to focus on the machine as he'd been  
taught, that he would begin to expand his perception to the Eva's.  
Moving his mind outwards, feeling the Eva's limbs begin to emerge at  
the corner of his mind, he felt the sudden tickle of something else, as  
if another human were breathing down his neck. "Ritsuko, I'm getting  
the sense of another person in here," he noted, remaining calm despite  
the disturbing nature of the sensation. "Is everything all right?"  
  
Ritsuko paled slightly at Ryo's statement, looking towards Gendou for  
some kind of reassurance. The commander remained immobile, staring at  
the machine with a gaze that seemed neither approving nor hateful. "I  
think so, Ryo. Remember, you're dealing with the earliest unit, so  
there are some eccentricities to the machine that hadn't been fixed  
yet. The production models -"  
  
Before Ritsuko could say another word, the other end of the  
communication line snapped off with a hiss of static, and Ritsuko  
looked out of the control box to see the machine suddenly twitching in  
an almost human manner, moving in a way that it shouldn't have been.  
"Feed lines to the cockpit have been lost!" shouted one side of the  
room, drawing Ritsuko's attention immediately.  
  
"Establish a feed with the pilot immediately!" she shouted, moving away  
from the window towards the lone available console. Hitting a few  
keys, she brought up the synchronization rate monitor, wondering what  
was going wrong. The rate seemed to be flowing perfectly normally,  
slightly faster than what had been predicted for the prototype unit but  
otherwise unsurprising.  
  
"No response from any attempts! The machine is refusing all outside  
contact!" There was the sound of more keystrokes as Ritsuko looked up,  
saw the Eva rearing to its full height, gripping its head as though it  
were in pain. The giant's lone red lens of an eye stared at her for  
one piercing moment, then jerked away, the thing's hands gripping its  
head as it shook. "Machine appears to be under another individual's  
control! Its AT Field is unfolding!"  
  
Looking up, Ritsuko saw the thing stabilize on its feet, hands lifting  
away from its head as it stared at the skybox. "Cut the power,"  
ordered the commander, remaining perfectly stable as the machine seemed  
to finally take notice of Gendou's position. Then Ritsuko could only  
gape as the Evangelion formed a fist and hurled it towards the skybox,  
driving at the structure with all its might. For all that she knew the  
observation deck was strong enough to withstand such a blow, Ritsuko  
found herself suddenly very afraid and feeling very helpless.  
  
Then the blow hit, the box folding inwards ever so slightly with the  
force of the impact. Ritsuko flung herself down behind the console as  
the tearing noise filled the air, then looked up to see the massive  
machine throwing another punch, Gendou's position unchanged. Panic  
struck, and Ritsuko quickly keyed in a quick series of commands,  
hearing the loud hiss from the dock that indicated the machine's power  
supply had been jettisoned. "Power cut off!" she shouted, wondering  
how many of the technicians were still monitoring their stations.  
"Thirty seconds of power remaining in the machine!"  
  
"Eject the entry plug," Gendou said, his command louder than before but  
still perfectly calm. The Eva slammed its fists against the skybox  
again and again, the reinforced windows spiderwebbing and beginning to  
break apart, Ikari remaining unmoving all the while. The Eva's upper  
back split open, and the long white tube of the entry plug shot out,  
but still the machine moved for a moment longer, pushing its hands  
towards Gendou as if the commander were the devil himself. Watching  
the great giant's hands shatter throught the glass, Ritsuko could feel  
herself freezing, knowing that in an instant the unit would break  
through the window and kill them all.  
  
And then the unit ceased to move at all, hands frozen in a death-grip  
around the commander's position. Gendou stared at them for a second  
longer, then turned and headed towards the stairwell down into the  
floor level of the holding bay. "Get a medical team to the entry plug  
immediately," he barked, not even taking notice of the still-cowering  
technicians. "Begin to analyze the data on this activation; see what  
went wrong."  
  
Down at the floor of the chamber lay the entry plug, looking almost  
like refuse that the Eva had discarded. Inside, Ryo writhed, trying to  
maintain focus despite the pain. The LCL felt like liquid fire,  
clogging his lungs and burning him apart from the inside. He pushed  
against the upper hatch of the cockpit, trying not so much to get out  
as to simply drain the horrible burning liquid. But it was sealed  
tight, and it took ten minutes for the medical team to pop open the  
seal, while the LCL casually burnt him away, covered in blood and  
scorches...  
  
]++[  
  
In the depths of Central Dogma, Ryo Ayanami woke from his memories, the  
notion of wishing to forget escaping him. His life consisted of  
routines, of the simple patterns that he'd grown accustomed to, and  
recalling the day that he suffered his injuries had become a routine as  
much as awakening to the fluorescent lights and pale white walls of the  
hospital. For a week before Neil Richelieu had arrived at Tokyo-3,  
he'd lay in bed, waking when his body had enough sleep, contemplating  
nothing for hours until he was fed, sleeping, awaiting moments when the  
commander desired to talk to him. Then Neil had broken the routine  
with his brief and sudden arrival, an arrival that would have been a  
welcome relief from boredom if Ryo truly understood the concept of  
being bored.  
  
By Ryo's estimation, it had been at least four days since Neil had  
departed, and Ryo had noticed a marked change in the doctor's tone  
since then, almost as if they were contemptuous of Ryo's continued  
presence even as they commented on his amazing healing. They would  
stand over him in their white coats, telling him that he had healed  
third-degree burns when they had expected he'd be lucky to even walk  
again, all the while clearly wishing that it was Neil instead. Ryo  
would have felt jealous, perhaps even said something, if it had  
bothered him. Regardless of their emotions towards him, he would be  
released eventually, and return to service as an Evangelion pilot.  
  
Something in the air told him that today would be that day. He no  
longer felt the residual burning pain in his lungs from the LCL, no  
longer had a dull ache seeping through his limbs, no longer tried to  
remain perfectly still to ease the pain of motion. The doctors, in  
their angry tones, had told him his recovery was amazing, that no human  
should have healed the injuries he'd suffered so quickly. It was an  
academic footnote to him, of only minor consequence. As before, he  
stared at the ceiling, simply waiting, knowing that time would pass and  
he would be given a new routine to follow.  
  
A creak came from the door of the room, and he turned his head to look  
at the door, pain finally absent from the motion. The light spilling  
out from the hallway seemed unimaginably bright for a moment, the only  
break being the dark silhouette of one of the doctors. "Get up," he  
ordered, resent barely concealed beneath his voice. "You're being  
released."  
  
]++[  
  
"It looks empty," Nieve announced, staring down from the catwalk to the  
bottom of the holding bay. There were still traces of the odd-colored  
liquid that had filled it before dripping towards the bottom, looking  
more viscous than Nieve could remember it seeming. "Every day for the  
past few years, I'd come in here and see it standing here, as if we  
were old friends. Now it's gone." She smiled at herself, looking over  
at Kaji. "I sound silly, don't I?"  
  
"Only a little," he replied as she rose to her feet, her heels clicking  
against the thin metal of the catwalk. While she had the freedom to  
wear what she chose, he had to wear the deep blue jumpsuit of the  
Intelligence division of NERV, a suit that he loathed with a passion  
and had informed Nieve of more than once. "But it'll be fine. In a  
few days, we'll be in Japan, and then you'll get to see if all that  
practice in EVA-02 was worth the time."  
  
"Hmmph." Nieve shrugged, stepping around Kaji towards the sliding door  
out of the holding bay. "I'm wondering if all the time we've spent  
sitting around here was worth it." The doors slid open on her  
approach, Kaji a few feet behind her. She smiled to herself, hoping  
that he was admiring the low back on her dress instead of just  
following her as an officer. "It took days just to get the transfer  
order put through. We should have moved faster."  
  
Kaji chuckled, hearing the hiss of the doors shutting behind him as  
Nieve continued down the corridor heedlessly. "As I remember, it  
wasn't us putting through the transfer paperwork, it was me." He  
shrugged. "Considering the immense amounts of money put into NERV, it  
makes sense that the UN would want to know what we're doing with the  
machines."  
  
"No, I would think that they'd want to get the machine where it can be  
useful as fast as possible," she replied, sounding frustrated. She  
stopped before an elevator, pressing a button on the side and waiting  
impatiently for the machine to bring the car to the appropriate level.  
"By the time we get there, the Angels could have been exhausted  
completely. That would make the expense of EVA-02 worthless."  
  
The elevator dinged, and Nieve stepped in as the doors slid open, Kaji  
following behind her as she pressed the button to bring them to the  
surface. "I'm afraid you're going to have to wait even longer to get  
into a combat situation, much as you're looking forward to it," he  
replied, drawing an irritated stare from Nieve immediately. "We're  
also responsible for the transport of the Sixth Child from Africa. EVA-  
05 is being transported to the nearest possible rendezvous point over  
land, and we'll pick both of them up before heading to Japan."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" asked Nieve, staring at Kaji for a second,  
obviously hoping that his statement wasn't true. He shook his head,  
provoking an irritated growl from Nieve as she slammed her fist against  
the side of the elevator. "God damn it, that's pointless! They could  
airlift the pilot and the machine from NERV's headquarters there! It's  
taking longer for us to get there anyways, and now they're just slowing  
us down!"  
  
"UN policy is to try and keep the Evas in groups of two during  
transportation, in case something attacks the transport." Kaji offered  
another shrug as Nieve continued to fume, crossing her arms angrily  
across her chest and gritting her teeth. "Cheer up. I'm sure that the  
two Children who are there can keep everything under control until you  
get there."  
  
"Are you insane? The First Child hasn't even seen combat yet, and the  
only reason the Third Child managed to get away from the Third Angel  
with his life is because something happened to the machine." Kaji's  
eyes widened slightly at Nieve's second statement, obviously not  
expecting her to be aware of the specifics of EVA-01's first battle.  
"The techs let me review a transcript of the battle. From what you  
told me, I thought that the Third Child had won through skill, not  
luck."  
  
"Give him a little more credit than that," replied Kaji, seeming a  
little hurt by Nieve's statement for reasons she couldn't discern.  
"Neil didn't have any training in the Eva, but he did manage to beat  
the Angel. Even if the victory wasn't flawless, it's better than  
nothing."  
  
Nieve said nothing, simply sulking against the wall for a moment,  
trying to think up a way to get to Tokyo faster than she'd been  
scheduled to. "Could we go on ahead?" she asked, turning towards Kaji  
and softening her expression somewhat. "I mean, as long as the convoy  
picks up EVA-05, it will get transported. So why can't we just move on  
ahead with EVA-02?"  
  
"Because we're not allowed to," replied Kaji. The tone was familiar to  
Nieve, carrying the subtle implication that his tolerance was running  
low. "Nieve, you'll get there in due time, and I'm certain that your  
machine will have more than enough work to do once we get there. Relax  
for a minute."  
  
"I seem to be the only once concerned about this," she muttered  
bitterly, turning her gaze away from Kaji indignantly. She knew that  
she wasn't a political leader, that she couldn't have the sway of an  
entire country, but she also knew that without the Children the Evas  
were essentially useless. She knew how important she was to the entire  
project, and knowing that she didn't have any control over the  
situation at all made her angrier than she'd expected. Kaji said  
something to try and calm her down, but she wasn't listening, harboring  
a deep sense of being manipulated and a temporary animosity towards the  
Third Child.  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo knew, on a visual level, that Central Dogma and the First Municipal  
High School of Tokyo-3 were very different places. The wooden green  
and manilla hallways broken regularly by windows looked nothing like  
the sleek metal of NERV's corridors, the light streaming in from the  
outside a far cry from the almost suffocating artificiality of the  
underground facility's light. As far as Ryo was concerned, however,  
there was no meaningful distinction between the two as he walked  
towards Class 2-A, which for all he cared may as well have been the  
locker room of Central Dogma, Commander Ikari's office, or the entry  
plug itself. It was simply a new routine, a new route to memorize.  
  
He'd been given clear instructions as to how the routine was to be  
maintained before leaving for school, all given in short, staccato  
commands from Dr. Ikari. "You will arrive for school at precisely 8  
AM." "You will dress in the provided uniform, without any wrinkles or  
stains on your clothing." "You will not discuss any of NERV's internal  
procedures." "You will not volunteer to let any other students into  
NERV facilities." The briefing had gone on for at least an hour, with  
Ryo giving a simple nod to each statement. They were not questions,  
nor was there any need to question the routine. It was what Commander  
Ikari had decided upon, therefore it was to be followed.  
  
Checking the sign above the door one last time, Ryo pushed open the  
door to the classroom, walking in quietly and ignoring the stares of  
others. He knew where he was to sit, a lone seat near the window in  
the classroom, and he stepped over to it without even looking twice,  
placing his bag next to his desk and facing forward, waiting for class  
to start.  
  
"You're Ayanami, aren't you?" asked a voice, male, the name coming  
across almost as an accusation. Ryo turned to see another boy his age  
leaning over his shoulder, his bleached blonde hair projecting off of  
his head at an angle that didn't seem physically possible, the  
expression on his face seeming somewhat uneasy. Over his uniform he'd  
slung a black windbreaker which he'd left unzipped. "I recognize you  
from earlier. You haven't been here since the first day."  
  
"I am Ayanami, correct," he replied, turning back towards the front of  
the room. He saw no more need for a discussion with the other boy, but  
his view was obviously not shared as the boy sat down backwards at the  
desk in front of him, studying Ryo's features as if he were preparing a  
report. "You're in my way."  
  
"Not from where I'm sitting," replied the boy, still eyeing Ryo as if  
he were about to bite. "You're part of NERV, aren't you? One of the  
Eva pilots?"  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo, still unsure of where the conversation was heading,  
opening his bag and beginning to put his notebooks inside the desk.  
The boy was still staring at him, and he noticed that he was beginning  
to attract something of a crowd around his desk. "Is there a point to  
this?" he asked, the faintest hint of annoyance in his words.  
  
"I'm wondering why you're in school," replied the boy, leaning over  
Ryo's desk further. Ryo took no notice of it, continuing the simple  
routine of putting his books away. "That Neil kid, the other pilot,  
he's not coming to school. Why does he get out of it?"  
  
Ryo didn't answer immediately, placing one notebook on his desk and  
opening it to a blank page. "I would imagine that his absence has  
something to do with the fact that he doesn't speak Japanse," he said  
at length, drawing what looked like a befuddled look from the boy as if  
he hadn't considered the possibility. "If you want to talk to him, I  
suggest you find him instead of me."  
  
"Vash, leave Ayanami alone," shouted a voice from the back, drawing the  
blonde boy's attention. The boy, who Ryo assumed was Vash, stared back  
at Ryo for a moment, studying his gaze. Ryo took notice of it, simply  
staring dead ahead and waiting for class to start. Shifting  
uncomfortably in his seat, Vash stared for a moment longer, then shook  
his head and stood from the chair, turning and heading towards the back  
of the room.  
  
"Excuse me," came another voice, obviously addressing Ryo. He glanced  
to his side, seeing a short-haired young girl sitting next to him. She  
glanced towards the back of the room quickly, then leaned slightly  
towards Ryo. "You know Neil?"  
  
Nodding, Ryo turned back towards the front of the room, unconcerned by  
the events that had just transpired. It was far more important to him  
that the professor was entering the room, putting his own books down  
and preparing to begin class. Then Ryo heard a small noise to his  
side, and he glanced towards the girl to see her looking as though she  
were about to say something, mouth half opened. She shook her head and  
smiled at Ryo, then turned towards the front of the room.  
  
His routine demanded that he turn back towards the board, that he focus  
on the professor and listen to what he had to say. Still, Ryo found  
himself staring at the girl for a half-second longer, a vague sensation  
that he could not explain tickling at the back of his mind. He turned  
back towards the front of the room, his attention on the professor, but  
he found himself wondering what the girl was going to say, wanting to  
find the answer to his questions more than he wanted to follow his  
routine for just a moment.  
  
]++[  
  
Sighing heavily, Misato placed the telephone back down on the cradle,  
feeling exhausted just from the act of simple conversation. She felt  
the sudden urge for a cigarette, to have the distinct scent fill her  
nose and filter through her lungs, just to relieve the stress for a  
moment, but she pushed the thought out of her mind, knowing that there  
was a reason why she had stopped smoking in the first place.  
"Americans," she muttered, shaking her head as she turned to face  
Ritsuko. "They never want to let go of anything military."  
  
"Will they be transferred?" asked Ritsuko, sipping her coffee and  
apparently unconcerned with Misato's stress. They were waiting inside  
Misato's office for Neil to arrive, more out of the fact that it was  
the room closest to the locker room that had a phone inside. It  
certainly wasn't for comfort - the only pieces of furniture inside were  
a single floor lamp that Misato insisted upon using instead of the  
fluorescent lights, a swiveling business chair, and the gray metal desk  
that all offices were given. Misato's excuse was that she hadn't had  
any time to decorate it, but Ritsuko would have sooner believed that it  
was simply because Misato had no interest in furnishing the place.  
  
"Your concern for me is noted," muttered Misato, sinking backwards into  
the padded nylon of her chair. "Yes, they'll be transferred. EVA-03  
will be moved over land to Nevada, then it and EVA-04 will be airlifted  
here. They expect they'll be here in a day or two." She sighed,  
rubbing her forehead as she leaned back, feeling slightly relieved that  
the only sound in her office was Ritsuko's breathing. "It's a shame  
that we can't just get the other two units lifted here. They'd come  
faster."  
  
Ritsuko took another sip of her coffee, the bitter taste keeping her  
mind alert and off of unimportant matters. "EVA-02 is too far away to  
lift here. The plane would have to make a stop in America, and their  
facilities aren't equipped to handle the European prodction model."  
She glanced at the teetering piles of paper that had already  
accumulated atop of Misato's desk, noticing that the top one looked to  
be a personnel file for Neil. "You know, you should bring the Third  
Child's data down for filing."  
  
"Do I tell you how to do your job?" sighed Misato, rubbing her forehead  
more vigorously. She shook her head, knowing that Ritsuko was looking  
at her disapprovingly even with her eyes closed. "Sorry. I didn't get  
any sleep last night, and I'm not exactly at the top of my game right  
now."  
  
"I hope you don't think I believe that," replied Ritsuko, drawing  
Misato's attention instantly. She sat up in her chair, looking towards  
the other woman for some kind of cue from her expression, but Ritsuko  
had already turned away, sipping her coffee as if she hadn't said  
anything. "You got drunk. Poor judgement on your part, especially  
considering that we're staring Neil's training today."  
  
Misato glared, the accusation stinging more than she'd expected it to.  
"I didn't get drunk, I just had a couple of beers. That's not 'poor  
judgement.'" She looked towards Ritsuko, who continued to stare off  
into the distance, not even giving Misato a second glance. "You could  
benefit from occasionally using some poor judgement, you know. It  
would do wonders for your social life."  
  
The comment was meant to sting, but Ritsuko's glance back told Misato  
that it had succeeded at doing virtually nothing. "There's time in the  
day for me to have a social life or a career with NERV," she replied  
flatly, obviously unaffected by the accusation. "I'm too good at the  
latter to be concerned about the former."  
  
Wanting to get the last word in, Misato was cut off by the noise of her  
office doors hissing open, and she looked up to see Neil standing in  
the doorway. She stood, and Neil stepped in slightly, obviously  
uncomfortable in his new attire. "I put the suit on," he muttered,  
still apparently checking it out as Misato walked towards him. "It  
feels strange, though. A little too close to my skin. Like I'm still  
not wearing anything."  
  
"It's called 'skintight' for a reason," replied Misato walking towards  
him. "Besides, if we really didn't have you wearing anything, I think  
the female technicians would be staring too much." Ritsuko rolled her  
eyes at the comment, and Neil blushed slightly, Misato ignoring both as  
she ushered Neil out of the door and back into the hallway. "Come on.  
We've got to get you down to the entry plug, then get you out to the  
surface for training." Neil obliged, stepping out into the hallway.  
Misato began to follow him, then stopped, holding up a finger to  
indicate that she'd only be a minute.  
  
Ritsuko stared at the other woman, a puzzled look on her face. "Why  
the delay?" she asked, finally displaying something other than self-  
righteous calm in her tone. "If he's ready to begin the tests -"  
  
"Something just occurred to me," Misato interjected, leaning against  
one side of the door frame and extending her legs just far enough to  
make leaving impossible without tripping over her. "Do we even have  
pilots for the two American units? The Marduk Report skips the  
identity of -"  
  
"We know who the Fourth and Fifth Children are," replied Ritsuko before  
Misato had even finished her objection, drumming her fingers against  
her clipboard out of impatience. "The Marduk Report concealed them  
because they were not introduced to the project at a younger age, and  
we thought it best to keep them protected until the Angels attacked.  
Same as with the Third Child." She paused for a moment, Misato still  
leaning in the doorframe. "Are we going to get to work, or are you  
going to stand there all day?"  
  
Misato considered saying something else for a moment, another thought  
rolling around in her head, but she decided against it. "That was it,"  
she said, letting the doors to her office slide open again as she  
stepped out to see Neil waiting, leaned against the opposite wall of  
the corridor and drumming his hands against the hard metal. "Sorry  
about the delay. Let's get to work."  
  
]++[  
  
The hum of the engine and the high wail of the sirens were the only  
sounds that penetrated the transport truck, but the emptiness of the  
vehicle made the noises echo all that louder. In a vehicle designed to  
house dozens of soldiers for transport into a combat situation, a  
single teenage girl was hardly enough to counteract the echoing effects  
of the chamber's size, and so she was seranaded by redoubled humming  
noises, refracted squeals, and the gentle thumping of the wheels as the  
truck moved along the highway. It was intimidating somehow, the lack  
of any human contact combined with the echoing sounds, but Niobe  
Littmore refused to allow it to disturb her, keeping her mind focused  
on the task ahead of her. She would be at the rendezvous point in  
several hours, and when she got there she had to be ready to perform  
her duties, ready to meet the NERV officers waiting for her and be the  
pilot of her Evangelion.  
  
Her parents, true to form, had not stayed to watch her leave, instead  
promising her that they would call her on her cell phone. Glancing at  
the small phone, more out of something to do in the emptiness of the  
truck than in anticipation of the call, she smiled bitterly, still  
feeling a rush of pride for being the Sixth Child. Despite the  
progress that the continent had made since the Second Impact, Niobe  
knew that most of the world still thought of Africa as the most  
primitive location on the face of the planet, that all of its  
inhabitants were still squatting in the bush, that there were about  
five cars across the entire length of the continent and they were  
constantly driving across deserts or savannah. To be one of the  
Children was something to be proud of anyways, but Niobe knew that she  
had to be more than proud, that her status held more importance than it  
did for perhaps any of the other Children.  
  
Lost in her own thoughts, Niobe almost didn't notice when the phone  
rang, its soft buzz lost in the bland din of the transport truck until  
it had already rung twice. Slapping herself for her stupidity, she  
grabbed the phone, flipped it open, then pressed it to her ear as the  
connection was established. "Three rings," stated her father's voice,  
deep, disapproving as always, as if Niobe were personally responsible  
for all the woes in his life. "You said you would answer right away."  
  
"You're right, I did," Niobe replied, not feeling up to trying to argue  
the point with her father. She knew that it was an immaterial issue,  
and she also was all too aware of the fact that trying to argue with  
him was a no-win scenario. "We should be at the docks in about twelve  
hours. If traffic continues to be light, it'll be sooner." She  
paused. "You don't think that I'm going to be able to do it, do you?"  
  
"No," replied her father, no hesitation in his voice. Niobe gave  
another bitter smile, knowing his old game of expectations against  
capability. He never expected that she could do anything - just  
listening to him, it was a miracle she could tie her own shoes. "I  
don't. So you've got to prove me wrong, don't you?"  
  
"Right," replied Niobe, leaning back in her seat, fighting the urge to  
undo her seatbelt and start pacing. "I'm a little worried, though.  
I've been thinking about the situation, and really, I've only been  
training on EVA-05 for two years. That's a lag compared to some to the  
other Children. I'll do my best, but I don't know if -"  
  
"If you're going out there expecting to be anything other than the  
best, you can forget about coming back," snapped her father, the anger  
evident in his voice. Niobe winced, less at the peak in volume than at  
the fact that she should have known that was the wrong thing to say to  
him. "You are Niobe Littmore of South Africa. Nobody will care about  
you at all if you can't be the best pilot of all the Children. Now  
tell me what you're going to do, now, before I hang up in disgust."  
  
A single tear started to bubble from the corner of her eye, but she  
ignored it, forcing herself to remember the whole reason she was  
sitting in the transport. "I'm going to be the best," she said, doing  
her best to sound strong. "You just watch, dad. I'm going to be the  
best pilot that they've got."  
  
There was a momentary pause from the other end, as if the signal had  
gone dead. Niobe realized when her father began speaking again that he  
simply had let his speech halt for a moment, that it had nothing to do  
with the reception of the phone. "Call me Joseph, not 'dad.'" He  
sounded slightly less disapproving than before, almost as if he were  
proud of her response. "You're an adult, you should act like one."  
  
"Joseph. You're right." She fought down the urge to apologize,  
knowing that it would only make the situation worse. "I'm almost out  
of range on the phone, Joseph. If there's anything else you want to  
say, you should probably say it now." Although Niobe didn't say it,  
part of her wanted him to say that he was proud of how far she'd come,  
that all the effort she'd put into making EVA-05 work correctly meant  
something to him. But she knew that he'd say no such thing, and that  
same part of her wanted him to not answer her, to let her maintain the  
illusion that he'd said what she wanted just as they moved out of  
signal range.  
  
"Your mother will mail you any personal belongings you need once you're  
in Japan," her father said briskly, scattering the thoughts she'd had  
for a split-second with those few words. "We will be in touch once you  
get there." Then the dial tone sounded for a second before Niobe heard  
the trademark static that indicated she'd moved out of signal range.  
She paused, then shut the phone, knowing that it would be useless once  
she got to Japan but not wanting to deplete the power on the off chance  
that she was wrong.  
  
Niobe put the phone down next to her for a second, then picked it up  
again, looking at it intently. As she stared, she found a desire  
swelling inside of her to hurl the phone against the opposite side of  
the transport, to take some solace in the noise it made as it split  
apart and left her alone forever. The sensation grew to be almost  
overpowering, and she felt her grip on the device tighten before she  
released it and put it down on the seat next to her. Closing her eyes,  
she leaned back against her seat, doing her best to stay confident with  
the fears shouting for her attention inside her head.  
  
]++[  
  
The scent was familiar, but that didn't make the LCL flooding the  
chamber any more pleasing than it had been the first time, nor did it  
make the salty taste in his mouth or the sticky scent of blood any less  
disturbing. It wouldn't have been so bad, however, if he hadn't needed  
to wear the suit. Misato had shown him what was called a plugsuit a  
few minutes before he'd been expected to change into it, and he'd been  
reluctant at the time. "It helps you synchronize with your Eva," she'd  
explained, going on to spout some technobabble that she admitted she  
didn't even understand fully. The bottom line was that they wouldn't  
let Neil get into the entry plug this time unless he put on the  
plugsuit, and that meant he didn't have much choice if he wanted the  
next Angel attack to go any more smoothly than the first one. He  
needed training, and to train, he needed to use the Eva again, whatever  
his feelings on the uniform were.  
  
As the cockpit flooded with LCL, he looked down on the suit again,  
still amazed by the way that it managed to feel tight without being  
restrictive. His first impression of it was that it was some sort of  
modified green wetsuit, with a piece of purple armor molded onto the  
chest and upper back. Once he'd actually gotten into the thing,  
though, he'd found that it was somewhat different, with all sorts  
different little ridges and bumps across it that looked variably like  
screws and plugs. Aside from the colors, he'd been informed by Misato  
that it could easily be distinguished from the other Children's suits  
by the blocky "03" on the chest. Why it mattered wasn't made clear to  
him, especially since the suit vacuum-sealed itself to fit more or less  
anyone who put it on. He didn't find it uncomfortable physically - it  
actually felt a little nice, almost comfortable. It was the sensation  
of being exposed that made him uneasy, even as the LCL rushed up clog  
his mouth and lungs.  
  
Coughing for a moment as the liquid flowed in, Neil felt the sensation  
of normality kick in once again as the cameras activated, the cockpit  
now feeling a lot more comfortable than before. Misato warned him that  
synchronization was beginning, and he felt the same tickle at the edges  
of his mind, the same way that the machine had felt before. It felt  
less frightening now, even though it was only his second time in the  
machine. "All right, Misato, I'm ready when you are," he announced as  
the restraints were removed and the Eva moved towards the launch pad.  
"Let's start the training session."  
  
In the command room, Misato nodded, signaling to the technicians to  
launch the machine towards the surface. "We're launching you into the  
Geo-Front for training, Neil," she explained, moving over towards  
Ritsuko as the computers tracked the machine's progress out of Central  
Dogma. The central screen had moved away from monitoring the Eva in  
its docked position, now centering on the machine's intended emergence  
point. "How's his synchronization rate doing?"  
  
"47% and holding steady," replied Ritsuko, sounding slightly displeased  
with the result of the readings. "It's above normal operating  
parameters, but I'd expected higher, especially considering his rates  
before." She sighed, examining the display more closely, obviously  
looking for some kind of spike in the readout. "Perhaps it's the  
machine acting up again."  
  
EVA-01 lurched out of the exit port a few hundred meters away from  
Central Dogma, Neil keeping his mental control over the machine to keep  
it from falling. The radio was silent for a moment, then Misato's  
voice came over the channel, a slight bit of a crackle added to it as  
if the radio were malfunctioning. "All right, Neil, basics first.  
That cord plugged into your back is your power supply. It's what keeps  
the Eva running. If it gets disconnected, though, you only have five  
minutes of operation left with the internal batteries. There are  
spares placed all around the city, so you should be able to move around  
without worry."  
  
Neil took a quick glance behind him, noticing that trailing wire as if  
for the first time, then nodded, stepping off of the exit port and  
finding the Eva's controls far more managable than before. "Okay. Got  
that." He paused, testing the machine's arms and hands for a moment.  
"What else should I really have been told about before I got in this  
thing?"  
  
Misato's response signaled the beginning of an amount of time that Neil  
couldn't begin to really gauge, save by the fact that he knew he was  
moving through the Eva's systems at a whipcrack pace. He finally got  
an explanation of why the machine had two vertical black fins extending  
from its shoulders, as Misato explained that they stored the only on-  
board weapon for the machine, the progressive knife. What was  
progressive about it wasn't explained, although Neil assumed it had  
something to do with the sheer size of the weapon. Then he was briefed  
on weapon depots, the Eva's built-in targeting system, the armor  
structure, flexibility, muscle mass, synchronization, launch ports,  
number designation, on and on until he could feel his head start to  
swim.  
  
What made it worse, other than the fact that he still loathed the  
sensation of the LCL in his mouth and lungs, was the fact that he still  
hadn't actually been trained at all. He'd assumed that the point of  
the exercise was to let him be more effective the next time an Angel  
attacked, not simply to be given a rundown of how EVA-01 worked. As he  
picked up what Misato told him was the standard-issue Evangelion rifle,  
letting the targeting crosshairs pop into view on his camera, he could  
no longer resist sighing. "Why do I get the impression that there's a  
reason why you're just briefing me on all of this?" he asked, putting  
the rifle down in the grass of the Geo-Front. "Couldn't I get some  
kind of actual training?"  
  
The radio stayed silent for a moment, as if Misato hadn't heard the  
question. "There's one other system that we need to go over before we  
get into training, but I still haven't quite figured out how to explain  
it to you." She sighed. "I mentioned that the armor wasn't the  
primary defense of the Evangelion, and it isn't. The primary defensive  
system is the AT Field."  
  
"AT Field?" asked Neil, the phrase sounding odd even though it wasn't  
complicated. A memory tickled at the back of his mind, recalling some  
of the shouts he'd heard over the radio after the Angel had punched  
through his helmet. "You shouted something about that with the Third  
Angel, didn't you?"  
  
"Yes. All of the Angels have an AT Field, part of why the UN forces  
weren't having any effect on the Third during its approach." Another  
memory came to Neil's mind, more hazy than the first, knowing that  
while he was raging against the Angel in a red fury that he'd torn  
through some kind of glowing barrier. "The AT Field keeps the machine  
safe from all conventional weaponry, but in the Evas, it also allows  
you to neutralize the AT fields of the Angels." She paused.  
"Unfortunately, it's tough to explain how to activate one... sort of  
like tensing a muscle, from what Ritsuko's told me."  
  
"Uh-huh. So that's my training on it." He sighed, trying shifting his  
focus around inside of the Evangelion, feeling very much as if he were  
trying to find a needle in a darkened concert hall. Wishing that he  
could shut off the radio for just a minute, he struggled, muttering  
anything that he could think of into the bloody liquid around him to  
try and make the Eva deploy the damn field. After a minute, he growled  
loudly, shoving the handles of the cockpit back and forth with as much  
force as he could muster. "Damn it, ACTIVATE THE FIELD!"  
  
He had expected, at best, for Misato to restraing the impulse to laugh  
and for his machine to simply remain unresponsive to his demands.  
Instead, he heard the background chatter on the radio suddenly take on  
an excited tone, and the air a few meters away seemed to start  
shimmering with a vaguely green tone. "Well done, Neil," announced  
Misato, sounding a little surprised that he'd managed to do it as  
well. "The field is deployed. Whatever you just did, that's how you  
get it to work."  
  
"Throw a hissy fit. Great plan." He kept his voice low enough so that  
he didn't think that Misato could hear him, but he suspected that she  
guessed what he was saying regardless. "All right. If we're done with  
the briefing, can we get on to something resembling real training?"  
  
]++[  
  
School, despite his brief encounter during the morning, had run  
according to the routine that Commander Ikari had laid out for him, one  
that he found easy to follow. He listened, took down everything the  
professor said, read what the professor told him too, and simply waited  
until the class was dismissed for the day. Without the concept of  
boredom and nothing else to anticipate, the hours flew by for him, and  
before he knew it the class was let out, spreading out from the drab  
white building across the campus, towards their various homes. Ryo  
knew this part of the routine as well, that he was to report to NERV as  
soon as he was let out, and he headed towards the bus stop, knowing  
that it would bring him close enough to an access route for him to be  
there on time.  
  
"Ayanami-san!" The shout drew Ryo's attention, the voice recognized  
instantly by his mind as the voice of the girl from the classroom in  
the morning. She was running towards him, a piece of paper fluttering  
in her hand, something indeterminate flashing in her eyes. For a  
moment, Ryo thought that she might be heading towards someone else,  
that perhaps he wasn't the only Ayanami in the class, but the  
expression in her eys combined with her slowed pace as she approached  
him dashed that theory. "Can I ask you a favor?"  
  
Ryo stared, somewhat confused by the question. "What do you want me to  
do?" he asked in response a moment later, certain that she'd simply  
misphrased her question by accident.  
  
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to," she replied, looking  
slightly perturbed by his own question and confusing him further.  
"I... I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to give this to Neil."  
She extended the piece of paper that she'd been holding, and Ryo saw  
that it was a sketch of a city, presumably Tokyo-3, around the middle  
of the day, black and white pencils with some intentional smudging.  
  
"Why?" asked Ryo, taking the sketch regardless of the question. He  
turned it over, expecting some kind of text on the back, but it was  
blank. Confused by both the question and the sketch itself, a vague  
frown stirred at the edges of his face. "Did he lend it to you, and  
now you need to return it?"  
  
"It's a gift," replied the girl, a thin smile crossing her face. "When  
we met, I was... well, it's not really important. I just want him to  
know that I'm not mad at him, that I don't blame him for what happened  
to my brother." She sighed. "Tell him to hold on to it, as a  
keepsake, and tell him that Eiko wants to talk to him again. Please."  
  
"Eiko," repeated Ryo, staring at the sketch, trying to understand the  
girl's statement. He knew that there was some emotion at play, one  
that he couldn't quite pick out or understand, and it made him feel  
uncomfortable, knowing that she was speaking about something beyond his  
comprehension. "I'll give it to him," he said after another minute of  
staring, trying not to sound curious once again as he tucked the sketch  
into his bag. "He and I will probably see one another at NERV."  
  
"Thank you," Eiko replied, giving a slight sort of bobbing bow to Ryo  
before turning to run back towards her friends. She took a few steps,  
then stopped and turned back, an expression on her face that Ryo  
couldn't place. "I'd go see him myself, but... well, I don't know  
where he lives. I really appreciate it."  
  
Ryo did not respond to her final statement, staring after her as the  
bus pulled to the curb in a cloud of exhaust and sand. She wanted to  
use him, use him to perform a function that she was incapable of  
performing herself. That was nothing that Ryo was unaccustomed to, and  
it was nothing that he had ever felt anything but neutral towards. For  
the barest moment, however, he felt himself feeling jealous, almost  
resentful of the fact that she only cared about him to the extent that  
she could use him. He pushed the thought out of his mind, stepping  
onto his bus and showing his pass as he walked towards the nearest  
empty seat. It was a distraction from his routine, something that he  
could not afford.  
  
]++[  
  
"UN Forces have engaged the target. We should have visual in a few  
moments." Makoto Hyuga was in his element, fingers dancing across the  
keyboard and keeping a close watch on the sudden energy spike that had  
appeared on their monitors a few minutes prior as Misato stood over his  
shoulder. They still hadn't relayed any information to Neil, but  
Makoto's fingers hovered over the alert button, and Misato knew that  
all they were awaiting was the arrival of Commander Ikari. "The  
pattern is blue. It's definitely an Angel."  
  
"Hold on. I'm sure that the commander is -" Misato was cut short as  
the hiss of an elevator filled the air, and she glanced up to see Ikari  
taking his seat on the level above while Fuyutsuki stood next to him.  
The commander's expression was fixed not on the main monitor, but  
instead on the wireframe map suspended in midair slightly beneath the  
monitor, a single flashing red dot indicating the Angel's position.  
"Commander, we've identified the energy pattern as an Angel. We  
haven't contacted 01 yet, but -"  
  
"Classify this as the Fourth Angel," announced Gendou, his tone making  
it questionable whether or not he'd even listened to what Misato was  
saying. A half-second later, the main screen began displaying the  
visual feed from the UN forces, this time only from the onboard camera  
of the aerodrones. The thing was easily as huge as the prior Angel,  
but it looked different, almost like the top half of a squid, skimming  
along the surface of the water towards Tokyo-3 and ignoring the attacks  
of the drones. "Sound the alert."  
  
Neil heard the wailing horn fill the air for a second, followed a  
moment later by a calm female voice announcing something in Japanese.  
He shouldered the rifle he had been using for target practice, knowing  
that something was going on. "Misato?" he shouted, hoping that the  
communicaton would be audible over the roar of the alarm. "What's the  
alarm for?"  
  
"We've just confirmed the Fourth Angel's presence," replied Misato,  
sending a chill up Neil's spine. He'd known, on an academic level,  
that he was going to have to fight another Angel, but the familiarity  
he was slowly establishing with EVA-01 seemed to melt away at the  
thought of actual combat. He didn't want to be put in a situation like  
before, but he gritted his teeth, trying not to show his apprehension.  
"Head back towards the entry port you'd used - we'll launch you to the  
surface from there." She paused. "You'll need to get rid of the  
rifle."  
  
Sighing, Neil tossed the rifle to the ground, sending EVA-01 running to  
the entry port. It was already sliding into action, rails extending  
vertically and the platform for the unit to stand on popping up at  
ground level. Pressing his back agains the rails, he put both feet  
firmly on the platform, then felt the machine lurch downward and around  
for a second. A sickening motion later, the unit was shooting upwards  
again, this time towards the streets of Tokyo-3.  
  
"Once you're at the surface, there will be a weapons depot a few meters  
to your left. You can get another weapon from there." Misato sighed,  
glancing back towards the main screen. The Angel had moved within  
range of NERV's cameras, but the visual was still unclear, largely  
because the Angel was now both moving too quickly and causing too much  
destruction for a clear picture of the beast. The purple thing seemed  
to be hurling energy projectiles around, but Misato couldn't tell  
exactly how. "What's the status on Unit 00?"  
  
"Ryo was supposed to arrive here in a few minutes," replied Ritsuko,  
obviously trying to remain calm despite the situation. "He might be a  
little late, but he'll get here. EVA-00... well, it's up to 80%  
functionality, but the armor is still weak and we're not certain how  
reliable the neural connections are. It's probably not a good idea -"  
  
"Prepare EVA-00 for deployment as a backup unit. Notify Ryo that he is  
to descend to the locker room immediately upon his arrival, to suit up  
and stand by inside his machine." Misato, shocked, stared up at the  
commander, who continued to stare at the main screen dispassionately.  
"He will not see action unless Neil fails."  
  
The statement, from anyone else, would have sounded like an attempt to  
reassure Misato, but in her agitated state it only made her more  
nervous about Neil's prospects, and she knew for a fact that Gendou had  
no interest in calming her nerves. "Don't worry, Neil," she muttered,  
low enough so that the surrounding microphones couldn't pick up her  
voice. Glancing towards Maya's console, she studied the gauges for an  
instant, wishing that she knew more about what the displays meant, and  
at the same time wishing that she felt more confident about Neil's  
prospects.  
  
Neil emerged on the surface, swallowing hard before turning towards one  
of the white buildings with the NERV logo that he'd noticed the day  
before with Eiko. The top of the building slid away, revealing an  
array of weaponry, some ranged, some not. Neil grabbed the rifle, an  
identical duplicate to the one he'd used earlier inside the Geo-Front,  
then listened to Misato's instructions, quick information on the Angel  
and the strategy that she'd formulated. He positioned his Eva as he  
was told, leaning it against a nearby building and crouching, breathing  
coming more heavily while waiting for the Angel.  
  
It felt like hours passed after Misato's last few words to Neil as he  
sat in the cockpit, Eva unit waiting patiently against the building,  
its pilot waiting for the signal that the Angel was within range. The  
rifle was in his hands, the targeting crosshairs beeping about his  
visual field, as he craned the machine's neck around, staring off in  
the direction that the Angel was supposed to be coming from. His palms  
felt sweaty, the LCL felt like thick smoke clogging his eyes, ragged  
breaths seemed to tear themselves out of his throat, and more than  
anything he wanted to have been able to tell Misato that he wouldn't  
pilot the machine. But he stood fast, waiting for something to emerge  
in his field of sight, doing his best to fight off the boredom of  
waiting and the terror of what he knew was coming at once.  
  
Just before the effort required became too great, Neil saw the purple  
form that he'd been told to expect emerge from behind a mountain,  
hovering slowly into the city. It was standing upright, and as it  
drifted in Neil could get a good look at the thing's body, a flattish  
triangular head perpendicular to its relatively featureless body,  
covering the red orb that Neil knew to be the Angel's core as if it  
were a cowl. At either side of the Angel dangled what looked to be  
tentacles, though they were glowing a bright purple, and they were  
moving entirely the wrong way for tentacles. "The Fourth Angel's in  
visual range," he announced, bringing the rifle around slowly. "I'm  
attempting to target the core -"  
  
As Neil brought the rifle around to face the Angel, shifting the target  
crosshairs to focus loosely around the red orb, the beast suddenly  
lurched into movement, flying towards Neil's position with a burst of  
speed. Fighting down a panic, Neil pushed the unit away from the  
building, forcing it to stand and jump back before raking the Angel's  
position with rifle fire. The bullets bit harmlessly into the target,  
and Neil could only watch as the twin tentacles lashed out towards him  
in a frenzy, slicing through the building that he'd been leaning  
against a second prior. He jumped backwards, trying to squeeze off  
another round of shots at the core but being blocked by the protective  
shield of the Angel's head.  
  
"Neil, its AT Field is protecting it right now!" shouted Misato's  
voice, cutting through the loud humming that the thing's tentacles gave  
off and the crashing of buildings around the Eva as Neil continued  
jumping backwards and out of harm's way. "You've got to try and get  
closer to the thing, to unfold your own field and neutralize it!"  
  
"Easy for you to say!" Neil shouted back, pulling down the trigger and  
letting the rifle blast out another series of rounds. He watched as  
the bullets bounced off thin air, small octagonal ripples appearing as  
they hit nothing, the Angel still approaching faster than he could  
dodge. A swipe of the tentacle cleaved through the rifle, and he had  
to duck away as it slashed at him again. "Misato, there's no way I can  
get close enough to it! Those tentacles will cleave right through me!"  
  
"You can't be hurt by them if your AT field is deployed!" replied  
Misato, a slight falter in her voice making Neil momentarily wonder if  
she was trying to convince him or herself. "You unfolded it once  
before, now do it again."  
  
"R-right," replied Neil, skidding EVA-01 to a halt and trying his best  
to force his perception outwards into the machine, the same way he had  
during training. The Angel paused for a moment, apparently unsure of  
what Neil was trying to do, then lunged forward once again, whirling  
its tentacles and tearing through the landscape around it. "AT Field,  
Activate. Activate. ACTIVATE!"  
  
Then one spinning tentacle of the Angel rammed through the chest of EVA-  
01, punching straight through the armor and bursting out the other  
side. Neil felt his heart suddenly freeze up, and he coughed for  
breath, trying to tell if the taste of blood in his mouth was the LCL  
or his own. Pain shot through his left side, intensified as the Angel  
shoved its other tentacle through the same hole, widening it before  
withdrawing both. The Eva fell, and Neil gasped for breath, knowing on  
some academic level that he was having a heart attack before he felt an  
electric shock race through his body.  
  
"EVA-01's pilot avoided a cardiac arrest!" shouted Maya, her station  
devoted to monitoring Neil's vital signs. "The plugsuit's  
defibrillator activated automatically, but he should be fine in a few  
moments! Synchronization down to 38%!"  
  
"Why didn't you activate the AT Field?" muttered Misato, averting her  
eyes from the prone Evangelion on the monitor. She sighed, shaking her  
head and knowing what she had to do even as she hated it. "EVA-01  
won't be active again soon enough, and we can't let the Angel take it  
out. Deploy EVA-00."  
  
]++[  
  
Since his arrival, Ryo had been given orders almost faster than he  
could process them, first instructed to get in his new plugsuit, then  
to get in the entry plug, then to wait for some kind of contact from  
the control room. It was nothing new to him, a sudden barrage of  
orders in a crisis situation that he'd been half-expecting even before  
he arrived. He'd quickly been told that Neil was on the surface, and  
that EVA-00 was to act as backup in the unlikely case that something  
went wrong with the other Evangelion unit. An understandable caution,  
and still relatively routine.  
  
It wasn't until the LCL began to flood the cockpit that he knew there  
was something wrong, that he was going to have to deviate from the  
routine. The salty aroma of the liquid filled the cockpit as Ryo  
tightened his grip around the handles, remaining calm despite the track  
record that he'd had with the machine. Taking a deep breath of the  
liquid, he coughed involuntarily as it filled his lungs, waiting for  
the radio to come on-line. "Ryo, Neil's in trouble on the surface,"  
Misato announced, sounding particularly concerned. "We need you to  
cover him while he's refitted with some supplementary armor."  
  
"Understood," Ryo replied, feeling the machine begin to tickle at the  
back of his mind. The external cameras came to life, and for a moment  
Ryo wondered if the machine was going to activate properly, if it would  
go berserk a second time. But this time there was no other presence at  
the back of his mind, nothing but the empty spare limbs of the machine  
and his own pragmatic thoughts. Feeling the pad lurch towards the  
launch tube, he extended his own thoughts into the machine's mind,  
remaining perfectly calm as the machine raced towards the surface.  
  
"EVA-00's synch ratio holding steady at 41%," announced Makoto,  
surveying the displays as Misato fixed her gaze on the main screen.  
"Some of the neural connections weren't fully regenerated before the  
unit was launched - it's unlikely that the ratio will rise much higher  
than that."  
  
"We don't have any other choice," replied Misato, hanging her head  
slightly as the surface port opened and EVA-00 stepped out, moving  
swiftly towards a weapons depot and grabbing a shotgun out from the  
inside. "EVA-01 needs someone to cover its retreat, and at the moment  
we've only got one alternative." Sighing to herself, she focused her  
gaze back on the main screen, knowing that she couldn't afford herself  
the luxury of guilt. "Ryo, your display should be picking up Neil's  
location. Cover him while he recovers, then keep the Angel occupied  
while he retreats."  
  
Neil, for his part, was slowly feeling his breathing return to normal,  
the pain in his chest ebbing away just like the electric tingle still  
running along his arms and legs. Some part of him felt guilty for  
screwing up once again, but he tried to force himself to remain calm,  
moving his mind out to the Eva's limbs once again. The pain in his  
chest returned, but he focused on the fact that it wasn't really his  
pain, that he had to keep focused about it or he was certain to die.  
Glancing around, he saw that the Angel had already moved off, then  
noticed EVA-00 stepping around the corner from another building,  
shotgun held tightly and confidently. The machine looked much like  
Neil's, save for the orange color, the lack of shoulder flanges, and  
the single red eye in place of EVA-01's pair. "Ryo?" he asked, still  
trying to get EVA-01 back onto its feet.  
  
"I'll cover your retreat," replied the boy's voice flatly, his machine  
stepping over the still-prone Eva before firing a round from the  
shotgun. The Angel seemed to take notice of him as the shells exploded  
against its AT Field, and it whirled around even as Ryo shifted his  
position and fired again, drawing the Angel's attention away from Neil  
and EVA-01. "Get to one of the entry ports." Another tentacle swipe  
cleaved through a building and came dangerously close to Ryo, but the  
Eva's movements didn't falter, still leading the Angel carefully away  
from the other machine.  
  
Breathing deeply, Neil hefted his own Eva back to its feet, noticing as  
he glanced down that there was what appeared to be blood pouring out of  
the wound on his machine's chest. "Neil, do what Ryo said!" snapped  
Misato over the radio, and Neil looked towards the direction that Ryo  
had come from, seeing one of the ports open a few dozen meters away.  
"We'll fit you with a quick armor plate, then send you back to the  
surface."  
  
Taking a step towards the entry port, Neil froze as he heard the  
humming noise of the Angel's tentacles cutting through something,  
looking back towards Ryo and EVA-00 in terror. The Angel had sliced  
apart the shotgun, and there were no depots visible from Ryo's  
position, forcing him to simply bob and weave out of the Angel's  
range. It was clearly a losing maneuver, and the Angel was moving  
faster than Ryo seemed to be able, the lashing tentacles tearing up the  
land around the machine in great furrows of dust. As Neil watched, EVA-  
00 began to crouch slightly to jump away from the Angel, and the great  
beast casually drove both of its tentacles towards the Eva's left knee,  
driving straight through the armor and causing the Eva to buckle to the  
ground.  
  
"Ryo!" shouted Neil, turning his machine around as the Angel snapped  
the lower leg clean off at the knee, then drove its tentacles hard into  
the machine's right shoulder. The Eva writhed for a moment as the  
energy whips slid through its body, then raised its hands to grab the  
tentacles and try to yank them out, the effort obviously futile.  
"Misato, he's going to die out here! He hasn't got any weapons to  
defend himself!"  
  
"Neil." The voice was calm, controlled, and unmistakably male, and  
Neil knew without even asking that it was Ikari speaking now. "EVA-01  
is losing blood, and is suffering from severe damage. If you do not  
retreat, you may not be able to continue functioning for much longer.  
Return to the facility immediately."  
  
"And let Ryo die?" Neil scowled, ignoring the pain in his chest as he  
started running towards the Angel, deploying one of the knives in the  
shoulder units and holding it with the blade facing downward as he took  
a deep breath. The commander's voice came over the radio again, but  
Neil wasn't listening, focusing entirely on making the machine do what  
he wanted. Letting the knees buckle slightly, he flung his Eva  
skyward, hoping that he'd judged his jump correctly as it flew through  
the air, skimming over the buildings towards the Fourth Angel.  
  
Braced against a building, Ryo ignored the searing pain in his leg and  
shoulder, trying not to think about the thick taste of blood in his  
mouth as he tried to force the tentacles out from his shoulder before  
they tore it off. He pushed with all his strength, but there seemed to  
be some kind of barrier preventing him from fully commanding the Eva,  
and the tentacles forced themselves further into the wound even as he  
struggled against them. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see EVA-  
01 flying through the air, and he turned his gaze towards the machine,  
wondering what Neil was trying to do.  
  
Feeling the air whistle past his machine as he fell towards the Angel,  
Neil found himself thrusting the handles of the cockpit forward even  
though he knew they had no effect, gritting his teeth as he anticipated  
the impact. The Eva slammed hard into the AT Field, leaving the  
machine crouched on the top of the apparently stunned Angel. Focusing  
his strength and trying to feel the same anger that he'd felt earlier,  
Neil drove the knife down, pushing against the surface of the Angel's  
field and trying to break through. There was a momentary resistance,  
then the orange octagons rippling out from his position faded into  
nothingness and the Eva's feet hit the curved back of the Angel, the  
field successfully neutralized.  
  
Then Neil remembered that the back of the Angel was curved, and he felt  
EVA-01's feet slipping, the machine sliding down towards the ground.  
Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around the Angel's head, trying to  
bring his prog knife to bear against the core that he knew was  
underneath the hood and just out of his visual range. The Angel seemed  
to understand the concept well enough to know that it wanted it not to  
happen, and it began to thrash its body back and forth, forcing Neil to  
tighten his grip as best he could, feeling the pain in his chest  
intensify with the Angel's movement.  
  
Remaining still for a moment, Ryo watched the situation, Neil stabbing  
the knife in his hand desperately, the blade scraping against the  
Angel's underside but failing to damage the core. The Angel was in a  
frenzy, unable to lash its tentacles with enough accuracy to hit Neil's  
Eva, but Ryo knew that the damage to EVA-01 was too intense for him to  
continue holding on for long. Forcing his Eva back into action, Ryo  
felt the salt taste in his mouth intensify as he pushed his machine  
forward, but ignored it and reached towards Neil's hand, grabbing it  
and pointing the blade in the right direction. "Here," he said,  
forcing Neil's grip towards the core, letting the tip of the blade bite  
into the red orb. "It's right -"  
  
Although its tentacles weren't quite able to stab EVA-01 again, the  
Angel was more than capable of hitting EVA-00, and it stabbed through  
the wound in the shoulder again, spreading it once more. Ryo winced  
inside his machine, feeling the shoulder begin to give but knowing that  
he had to help Neil. Shifting his weight, he pushed forward with Neil,  
both Evas forcing the knife into the core as the tentacles of the Angel  
sliced through the upper part of the right shoulder and left it hanging  
by a thread. The blade sliced through the hard red surface of the  
core, and the Angel arched backwards, slamming Neil against a building,  
then froze, tentacles fading away harmlessly.  
  
For a moment, neither EVA-01 nor 00 moved, both bleeding onto the  
ground slowly, their pilots hurt by their experience. Then Neil stood  
again, walking to the Angel and yanking his knife out, sliding the  
weapon back into his shoulder unit as he walked towards EVA-00. "This  
is Unit 01. The Fourth Angel has been neutralized." He paused, then  
gritted his teeth and grabbed the damaged EVA-00, helping support it as  
he grabbed the severed leg and started heading back towards one of the  
entry ports. "I'm escorting EVA-00 back with me."  
  
]++[  
  
Showered and changing back into his clothes, Ryo could hear shouting  
outside the locker room, recognizing Misato's voice as the one shouting  
and Neil's voice coming in occasional response. "You disobeyed a  
direct order!" she shouted, something in her voice sounding as though  
she weren't as angry with him as she was trying to act. "How can NERV  
trust you as a pilot if we can't trust you to follow orders? The Eva  
isn't a toy, you know."  
  
"But the pilots are?" asked Neil, sounding more than a little  
contemptuous. The question struck a nerve with Ryo, catching his  
attention as an earlier thought resurfaced. "Misato, you know how I  
feel about that boy that was hurt during my first combat. I couldn't  
abandon Ryo to the Angel, knowing that he didn't have any chance to  
survive."  
  
Misato shouted something back at him, but Ryo's attention was focused  
on the thought that Neil's statement had given him, making the rest of  
the conversation seem less important to him. He stared at the door to  
the room for a moment, then turned back to dressing, tucking his shirt  
in and taking his shoes out of the locker. It was a moment longer  
before Neil walked into the room, still in his plugsuit, the expression  
on his face unreadable. "They let you come down here earlier," he  
noted, heading over towards the shower stalls. "Lucky you. I can't  
get this stuff off me fast enough."  
  
Ryo didn't respond immediately, the strong scent of LCL hitting his  
nose as Neil walked past him and rounded the corner to the showers. He  
heard the hiss as the plugsuit was depressurized, then the sound of the  
faucet being turned on followed by a cloud of vapor dripping out from  
the stalls. "Misato was angry with you for disobeying orders," he  
noted, meaning it as a question but knowing that it sounded like a  
statement. "Why did you do it?"  
  
"There wasn't a choice," replied Neil, his voice coming as a shout over  
the stream of pressurized water. Ryo finished tying his shoes,  
grabbing his bag out of the locker and remembering what Eiko had said  
to him. "Besides, something tells me they were Gendou's orders, not  
Misato's. And it all worked out, right? The Angel's defeated, we're  
both still alive, and aside from my chest still hurting everything  
seems to be fine." He paused. "Why did you come up to save me?"  
  
"I had no choice," replied Ryo, knowing that the thought was the same  
but somehow catching that the sentiment was entirely different. "I was  
placed in EVA-00 to act as backup in the event that something happened  
to your machine. Something did." He paused, reaching into his bag for  
a second, then removing his hand without the sketch. Knowing that Neil  
had no choice but to break routine, to do specifically what he was told  
not to do, made the same curiosity he'd experienced earlier in the day  
return to him almost involuntarily. "Thank you for saving me."  
  
"Don't worry about it. You did the same for me." The water shut off,  
and Ryo waited for a moment as Neil came out from the stalls, towel  
wrapped around his waist as he headed towards his own locker. He began  
to open the locker, then froze, pausing mid-motion. "Look, Ryo, I  
don't know about you, but I was terrified out there. The first time  
that I got in that machine, I woke up in a hospital. It almost  
happened again." He paused. "You kept me from that, and I really  
appreciate it. Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome," replied Ryo, the words coming to him without  
hesitation or conscious thought. He flashed his mind back to getting  
inside of EVA-00, knowing that his experiences had been no better than  
Neil's, but he couldn't remember feeling any fear. All he remembered  
feeling was the desire to do what he was told, to accept his new  
routine as it was presented to him. Fear didn't even enter into the  
equation. "It's what we have to do, after all."  
  
Slinging his bag over his shoulder, the First Child stepped outside of  
the locker room, noting Misato briefly as he walked past her and down  
the corridors of the building. He hadn't given the sketch to Neil on  
purpose, suddenly finding himself asking why it was his job to convey  
messages, why it was that Neil was important enough that EVA-00 could  
be risked to make sure that he survived. The questions would have been  
passionate in anyone else, but Ryo was not angry about his situation,  
simply beginning to sense a kind of curiosity in himself for the first  
time.  
  
Ryo's routine dictated that he needed to report to Commander Ikari's  
office, that he needed to speak with the commander about other  
matters. Instead, he stood still, opening his bag and taking out the  
sketch, staring at it for a moment. "Neil said he didn't have a  
choice," he muttered to himself, something bubbling underneath his skin  
that he couldn't quite place. The way that Neil had acted, as if Ryo  
were worth breaking routine for, left an odd sense in his head, leaving  
him almost to wonder if perhaps Neil knew something he didn't, some bit  
of information he wasn't privy to.  
  
Then the concepts sank once again, routine asserting its presence and  
the sketch slipping back into Ryo's bag. Quickening his pace, he  
turned down the corridors of Central Dogma, his routine static and  
unchanging despite the thoughts floating in his head. Something was  
different about Neil, something that he didn't understand, something  
that he needed to at least begin to know, but it was nothing so great  
that it superceded what others needed him for. Once he understood why  
Neil needed him, it would all make sense. He was certain of it.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
An enemy unknown.  
Allies unaccounted for.  
New emotions almost unnoticed.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 4: LOVERS UNAWARE  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	4. Lovers Unaware

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 4: LOVERS UNAWARE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
The heart is deceitful above all things  
and beyond cure.  
Who can understand it?  
- JEREMIAH 17:9  
  
]++[  
  
Misato leaned against the wall, staring out of the hallway into the   
den. Neil wasn't saying anything, simply staring at the screen,   
watching one of his various movies, the sound low enough to keep Misato   
from catching most of the dialogue. He hadn't said a word to her since   
they'd left Central Dogma earlier, eating his dinner and silence and   
going straight to the den. It worried her, especially because she had   
a fairly good idea of why he wasn't speaking to her in the first   
place. "Neil," she said, receiving no proof that he was listening.   
"You're going to have to talk to me eventually."  
  
"I know that," he replied, slumping forward on the green felt couch.   
When Neil had first come to the apartment, he'd liked the way that the   
orange-yellow of the walls combined with the couch's tones. Now, they   
seemed vile to him, almost as though they were closing in. "But I   
don't want it to be now." He grabbed the remote off the couch seat   
next to him, turning the volume up noticably before tossing the remote   
back down decisively.  
  
Frowning, Misato walked over to the couch, turning the volume down as   
she sat next to Neil. His eyes remained fixed on the television atop   
its stand, an anger still visible in his gaze. Swallowing hard, she   
forced herself to remain calm, making her voice as soothing as she   
could. "Neil, if I hadn't sent Ryo up, you would have been killed.   
There was a good chance that you would both have been killed if I'd let   
you keep going with EVA-01. I know that it seems cruel, but we had no   
choice but to -"  
  
Neil's gaze hardened once more, his eyes narrowing further as he   
crossed his arms across his chest. "I know that, too," he muttered,   
suddenly sounding less angry at Misato and angrier with himself.   
"There weren't any other options. But..." He sighed, grabbing the   
remote and clicking off the movie, as if it were making him feel even   
worse. "It doesn't feel fair, Misato. Ryo's the better trained   
between us. I'm not suited to being a pilot, not really able to hold   
my own."  
  
"These things happen, Neil," she offered, reaching over and squeezing   
his shoulder. Neil felt his cheeks flush, something that made Misato   
smile slightly, a fact that only intensified his blushing. "You're   
only sixteen, like you said in the car. Nobody expects you to be   
perfect at this just yet. Besides, you just disobeyed orders to save a   
teammate, and it worked out all right in the end, didn't it?" She   
smiled, and he managed to smile weakly back at her. "There you go.   
Nobody blames you."  
  
"I blame me," he replied, the smile turning somewhat bitter as he   
picked up the remote and clicked the movie on again, rewinding for a   
moment to get back into the film. Misato watched him for a moment,   
thinking on the one piece of news that she'd neglected to give him,   
trying to figure out if it was a good time. Noticing the stare, Neil   
glanced back towards the woman, eyebrows cocked. "What? Is something   
wrong?"  
  
Misato shook her head, sighing. "No, there's just something I should   
have told you." Standing, she stretched, almost wishing that she was   
wearing her uniform instead of her tank top and shorts - it would have   
helped Neil to take her more seriously, at least in her mind. Closing   
her eyes for a second, she turned towards him, unconsciously crossing   
her arms across her chest. "Neil, EVA-03 and 04 are on their way to   
NERV from our facility in America. The Fourth and Fifth Children are   
being recruited to pilot them."  
  
"Hopefully it's not like the recruitment I had," replied Neil, sounding   
a little bitter but still focusing his attention on the movie. Misato   
took a deep breath, feeling a little relieved - the biggest part, as   
far as she knew, was out of the bag. He sighed, then paused the movie   
and looked up at her, his interest apparently sparked. "So, who are   
they? Where are they from?"  
  
"Japan. They're native." She sighed, sitting back down next to Neil.   
"We've actually known who they were for a while, but we've concealed   
their identities for a while since they haven't been a part of the   
project." Smiling, she hit the play button herself, letting the movie   
start rolling once again. "You probably haven't met them - Koji Nekasa   
and Eiko Suzuhara."  
  
The last name didn't ring a bell, but Neil immediately recognized the   
second name, and he could draw the obvious conclusion for himself.   
"Koji Nekasa?" he asked, feeling something that he couldn't quite   
identify bubbling under his skin, shutting his eyes tightly. "He lives   
in the area, doesn't he? Stands a bit shorter than me, has blonde hair   
and blue eyes?" Blinking, Misato nodded, not quite understanding where   
the questions were going. "I've met him, then. He prefers to be   
called 'Vash.' I met him the day after I got out of the hospital."  
  
"You don't mean...?" Misato stared at Neil, having some idea of who he   
was referring to but not wanting believe in the odd synchronicity of   
the event. "His brother? Was it his brother that you put in the   
hospital during -"  
  
"No. It was Eiko's brother." He was breathing heavily, eyes closed   
tightly and anger beginning to come to the top of his emotions. "He   
hit me, hard. As though I'd done it intentionally. And I..." His   
eyes tightened, then snapped open, glaring at Misato with an intensity   
that she hadn't seen before. "You can't let them be pilots! Eiko   
doesn't deserve that kind of pain, and Vash isn't qualified to pilot   
the machine!"  
  
Misato was taken aback for a moment, not expecting such a strong   
response from Neil, but she reasserted herself a second later, staring   
back at him harshly. "Neil, this isn't a question," she said, trying   
to sound firm without sounding angry. "We don't have any control over   
who can and can't pilot the Evas, and we need all of the Children to be   
able to assist us during crisis situations."  
  
His anger visibly intensifying, Neil almost threw himself to his feet,   
glaring at Misato, hands clenching into fists. "Vash doesn't have the   
first clue about piloting an Eva! He'll just be a burden!" He stopped   
for a second, taking a deep breath and visibly trying to restrain   
himself. "I'll do better. I won't make another mistake like I did   
before. So you don't need to bring in the other Children."  
  
"It isn't because of your performance," replied Misato, shaking her   
head as Neil seemed to briefly calm down slightly. The statement made   
her feel a little uneasy, simply because she harbored her own   
suspicions that EVA-01's performance during the battle against the   
Third Angel had something to do with the sudden centralization of all   
the Evangelions. A silence settled in the air for a moment, Misato   
picking up the remote and clicking off the movie once again. "While I   
appreciate your feelings on the subject -"  
  
"Don't you understand? These are facts!" Neil's anger resurfaced   
almost immediately, his eyes flashing under the light of the living   
room lamp. "Vash is only concerned about himself, about his friends   
and his situation! The first time he gets hurt in the Eva, the first   
time things don't go entirely right, he'll be off for the hills. And   
Eiko..." He stopped, and Misato could swear that she saw a drop of   
water fall from his left eye. "I'm asking you, Misato, as one of the   
pilots, please, don't do this."  
  
"This isn't up for discussion, Neil!" Misato snapped, getting angry   
despite her best efforts. Somewhere inside her, she was vaguely aware   
of the fact that she agreed with Neil, but she pushed that feeling   
underneath, knowing that it wouldn't get her anywhere. "They're   
already going to be contacted and brought into the project. Whether   
you approve or not, it's going to happen."  
  
Neil stared at Misato, his face twisted into an angry expression that   
she couldn't remember ever seeing before. "What gives you the right?"   
he asked, voice quiet but still obviously angry. "What gives you the   
right to just tear people away from their lives, to make them get   
inside of..." He looked away, shutting his eyes tightly. "Misato,   
don't do it. They don't need to come to NERV."  
  
"It's already done," replied Misato, no longer truly angry but keeping   
her voice firm. "I understand that you might have personal issues with   
Vash, but there's nothing that can be done about it. You're just going   
to have to learn to live with it." She looked away, feeling terrible   
about the words coming out of her mouth. "The need gives us the   
right. You're the only people that can do it."  
  
An uneasy silence hung in the air for a moment, Neil staring at Misato   
and Misato hiding her head from him. Then his face grew angrier, brow   
furrowed as far as the skin would allow. "Don't you have any kind of   
conscience?" he shouted, whirling on his heel and stomping off to his   
room. Misato didn't follow him, listening as the door slammed shut   
down the hall and sighing heavily.  
  
]++[  
  
Eiko felt anxious, but didn't say a word, something that would have   
surprised most of her friends if they'd known it. She'd never been   
someone to hide her emotions, especially something like anxiety, but   
now she found herself feeling uncomfortable simply by feeling it,   
knowing that she shouldn't be feeling anything but normal and knowing   
that her friends would be upset if she said anything. So she kept   
silent, but as she walked across the lawn towards school, she couldn't   
help but keep her eyes peeled for Ryo, knowing that he wouldn't be   
difficult to spot if he was in the area.  
  
"Hello? Earth to Eiko?" The voice startled her, and she had to glance   
back and forth for a second before realizing that Hikari had been the   
one speaking, standing to her left. She looked towards her friend and   
smiled sheepishly, trying to hide her embarassment. Hikari had stopped   
walking, folding her arms across her chest as if awaiting an answer.   
Eiko's grin widened, and Hikari cocked her head to one side, her brown   
hair's twin ponytails swinging with it and her blue eyes staring at   
Eiko from above her freckled cheeks. "Is something wrong, Eiko?   
You've been acting totally out of it for the past couple days."  
  
"Feh, she's just worried about finally losing me to some other woman,"   
Vash interjected, poking his head between the two women and smiling at   
both of them for a second, his thin-framed sunglasses perched on his   
nose. "With my dashing good looks and sparkling personality, I can   
hardly blame her." He smiled broadly, then noticed that Eiko, Hikari,   
and Kensuke were all staring at him, at which point his smile slowly   
shrank to nothing. "Or maybe not."  
  
Shaking her head, Eiko smiled at Vash, leaning over and giving him a   
quick peck on the cheek as a sort of consolation prize. He smiled back   
at her warmly, and for a brief moment Eiko's anxiety seemed to lift   
away. Then she noticed two men moving towards her out of the corner of   
her eye, and she turned her head, studying them in confusion. They   
were dressed in black business suits, both wearing dark sunglasses and   
with slicked-back hair. At first, she thought that they might simply   
be heading in her general direction, but as they walked past the school   
she knew they were heading towards her.  
  
"Wait - I recognize those guys," noted Kensuke, adjusting his glasses   
slightly as they walked closer. "Those are intelligence officers from   
NERV. Probably here for Ayanami about something." Kensuke glanced   
back at his friends, noticing that they were all staring at him out of   
curiosity. "I find out a lot of stuff on the Internet. It's a   
military buff's heaven."  
  
As the agents continued walking towards her, Eiko felt her pulse   
quicken for a moment, a fear rising within her that she'd gotten Ryo in   
trouble because of the sketch. She gritted her teeth, glancing up   
towards Vash, who put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.   
The agents seemed to take no notice, stepping up to the four students   
and standing for a moment. "Are you Koji Nekasa?" one asked after a   
moment, ignoring Eiko entirely and staring at her boyfriend.  
  
"Yeah," replied Vash, squeezing Eiko's shoulder again in a way that   
made her wonder if he was nervous about something. Then she remembered   
the day he'd met Neil, and another rush of panic went through her body,   
wondering if NERV or even Neil would send out agents as a result. "Is   
something the matter?"  
  
Neither agent paid attention to Vash's question, turning their gazes   
towards Eiko. "And you are Eiko Suzuhara, correct?"  
  
"I am," she replied, unsure of whether to be terrified, honored, or   
embarassed. It was one of the few times that she could remember being   
truly without words, something that did absolutely nothing to make her   
feel any less anxious. Gritting her teeth, she stepped forward   
slightly, putting her own hand over Vash's on her shoulder and trying   
not to look intimidated. "Listen, I don't know what we did to deserve   
this, but -"  
  
"This is just about your birth, not your actions," noted one of the   
agents, the statement thoroughly confusing Eiko and Vash. They both   
reached into their pockets, pulling out small red plastic cards with   
pictures of the Eiko and Vash on the left side and a recognizable logo   
in white on the right side. "NERV wishes to welcome both of you as   
pilots of the Evangelions."  
  
]++[  
  
It was hard not to hear Misato as she got ready to go in to work for   
the day, but Neil did his best to shut the sounds out, focusing instead   
on the mournful notes wafting from his CD player, basking in the music   
as he laid back with closed eyes. He wasn't really mad at Misato, or   
at least not like he had been the night before, but he still didn't   
feel up to talking with her, both out of embarassment and because he   
wasn't very happy with himself, either. It was a sensation he was   
growing accustomed to, but that didn't make it any more tolerable.  
  
Hearing Misato sing to herself in the shower, Neil flicked the pause   
button on the CD player, smiling to himself - he'd only been living at   
her apartment for a short time, but he'd learned that Misato would only   
sing in the shower or when drunk, and while her voice slurred horribly   
when drunk, she did have an excellent sense of pitch. Besides, she   
sounded different when she sang, since it was one of the few times he   
heard her speak Japanese. It was worth savoring.  
  
"Besides, I'm probably not going to be here much longer," he muttered   
to himself, sighing deeply as Misato hit a particularly high note. He   
knew that he had driven a wedge between them with his final harsh   
words, and it seemed unlikely that she'd want to continue living with   
him afterwards. Rolling from his back to his side, he thought for a   
moment, feeling a prickling sensation in his body as he heard her   
giggle loudly. Even if he did stay, he knew that their relationship   
would be different, and he found himself unintentionally thinking about   
whether or not he still had any chance with her romantically.  
  
Less than a second after the thought popped into his head, he found   
himself chuckling at it, as if his subconscious hadn't been serious   
about it. Then he took a deep breath, feeling the thought come rushing   
right back and making him frown at himself. It was ludicrous, to think   
that a woman nearly twice his age was interested in him as anything   
other than a younger brother, and merely thinking about it made him   
feel like some kind of pervert. But the thought wouldn't remove itself   
from his mind for a moment, and he found himself thinking about her for   
a second before he shook his head, reminding himself that he had better   
chances with Eiko.  
  
Eiko. The thought of the other woman brought back his at once pleasant   
and painful memories of that day, a meeting that he'd assumed would   
never be repeated. For all he knew, it would never be, considering the   
fact that he put her brother in the hospital because of his own   
ineptitude. Still, he felt hopeful, knowing that she might feel some   
sympathy for him once she'd experienced piloting the machines herself.   
It wasn't easy, and perhaps actually dealing with it would make Neil's   
faults seem more bearable.  
  
Then the thought of Eiko actually piloting the things hit him full-on   
once again, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn't want   
her to have to go through the pain that the great machines put the   
pilots through. Thinking back to his first battle in EVA-01, he   
recalled the horrible sensation when the Angel had blown through his   
head, wondering if Eiko would have to deal with the same thing. It   
felt wrong for him to inflict that on someone else, for another person   
to have to deal with it. Recalling what he'd thought when he heard   
Misato tell him that the Fourth and Fifth Children were arriving, he   
closed his eyes more tightly, feeling like a reprehensible human   
being. Even though he'd had to stay because of NERV's reliance on him,   
it wasn't fair to others to make them go out because he was unwilling.  
  
Before his thoughts could go any further, the door to his room swung   
open, and he opened his eyes, turning to see Misato standing in the   
door, wearing the short brown skirt, black shirt, and red jacket that   
she seemed to wear every day to work. "Neil," she said flatly, her   
tone utterly devoid of emotion. "Were you planning on avoiding me   
again?"  
  
"Not really. I was more planning on just not going towards you." He   
smirked, realizing the stupidity of his response even before he'd said   
it. "But that's the same thing, isn't it?" He sighed, sitting up and   
looking towards the doorway, trying to judge Misato's emotional state   
from her face but seeing that she was keeping herself calm for   
precisely that reason. "Misato, I'm sorry. I said some things last   
night that were far too harsh, things that you really didn't deserve.   
And I -"  
  
"Don't worry about it," she replied, her characteristic half-smirk   
drawing itself across her face and finally giving Neil some idea of   
what was going through her head. "We both had a lot of stress to deal   
with last night, and I wasn't really fair to you either." Neil paused,   
then nodded, and Misato stepped into the room, grabbing him by the   
shoulder and pulling him up. "Now let's have some breakfast."  
  
]++[  
  
Sitting in the employee lounge a few hours after breakfast, Misato   
watched over one of the surface cameras as EVA-03 and 04 were taken   
down off their transports, launch ports open to bring them down to the   
bays that they would be stored in. The area had been roped off by the   
local police, allowing NERV all the time they needed to get both   
machines down to Central Dogma. The procedure wasn't particularly   
interesting, but like most of Central Dogma the lounge had been   
designed with a purely utilitarian point of view, and as such was kept   
a perfectly bland white all around except for the silver of parts of   
the furniture. There were windows along the wall that Misato was   
facing away from, but she didn't feel like watching the Geo-Front do   
nothing - there were no animals to make it interesting, just plants and   
the eerie almost-sunlight from the top of the chamber.  
  
Tilting her head to one side, she studied the two new units a little   
more closely, noting that they looked different from both of NERV's   
Evas in subtle ways - they were mostly a solid color with slight   
shading of another tone, and their heads looked far more human than   
either of the original units. If she had to put a word to them, it   
would be regal. As EVA-03 began to be lowered into the Geo-Front, it   
occurred to her that they were completely identical except for color,   
that otherwise their structure was identical. It also occurred to her   
that if she was picking out minor structural details in the machines,   
she was getting dangerously close to going numb from boredom.  
  
"It's good to see you showing some interest in your position," came a   
male voice, and Misato whipped her head around to the door of the   
lounge, seeing Fuyutsuki standing and watching. She suppressed the   
urge to blush, sitting straight up and trying to straighten her shirt   
out before he held up a hand for her to stop. "Don't worry about it,"   
he offered, grinning wryly, almost bitterly. "You look better than   
most of the professors that I used to work with."  
  
Unsure of what to say, Misato smiled politely, then looked back towards   
the monitor hanging from the ceiling. Fuyutsuki watched, then sat down   
at the table nearby, watching with her as EVA-04 began to be removed   
from its restraints and loaded onto the entry port. "It's good that   
they're arriving now," she noted at length, doing her best to cut the   
awkward silence that had settled in the air. "With Ryo's unit out of   
comission, we need all the help we can get."  
  
"Mmm," replied Fuyutsuki, nodding sagely. "It was never designed for   
combat. It was only supposed to be a test bed. Small wonder that it   
didn't fare well." He sighed, shaking his head. "The damage done to   
it is going to cost a huge amount to repair, and we're already over   
budget because of the repairs for 01. And that's on top of the costs   
for upgrading EVA-00."  
  
"So you're making it more suited to combat," Misato stated, almost   
meaning it as a question, glancing towards Fuyutsuki for some kind of   
confirmation. He nodded, understanding the intent, and she turned back   
towards the monitor, the tension rising again. She could tell that   
there was something he wasn't telling her, and after a moment of   
waiting she looked back at him. "You didn't come down here to watch   
the new units be brought down."  
  
"No," replied Fuyutsuki, shaking his head and sighing ever so   
slightly. Misato had some idea of what was coming, and leaned back in   
her chair, still focusing her gaze on the monitor's display on the   
surface. "I suppose you probably expected some kind of questioning   
about Neil."  
  
"After he outright denied the Commander? Yes." Closing her eyes   
gently, Misato was vaguely curious about whether they were going to try   
and deny Neil the right to pilot the Eva anymore. It wasn't something   
that she expected, especially considering that Neil was the only pilot   
who'd managed to reliably dispose of the Angels, but it didn't leave   
her mind as a possibility.  
  
Fuyutsuki smiled to himself, not entirely certain of what Misato was   
thinking but willing to make a guess about it. "It isn't about Neil's   
defiance with the last Angel," he offered, drawing her attention back   
over to him. "Commander Ikari has other plans for him. A little   
disobedience is acceptable, I suppose." He paused, frustrating Misato   
as he simply sat for a moment, glancing back up towards the monitor.   
"It's about his rooming with you."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Misato, now thoroughly confused. She   
remembered discussing the housing situation with the commander, and   
he'd seemed almost pleased to have her volunteer. "If you're worried   
about a conflict of interest, it seems rather counterproductive. My   
first concern is supposed to be the safety of our pilots, isn't it?"  
  
"You're being quite defensive today." Fuyutsuki turned his gaze from   
the monitor towards Misato, and she saw that there was a sort of glint   
in his eye, a sort of smug satisfaction further augmented by the grin   
on his face. "We're extremely pleased with the fact that this has   
worked out so well, and it's obviously strengthened the ties between   
you and Neil. So Commander Ikari decided that it might be an idea   
worth taking further." He paused, Misato now getting another thought   
about where the discussion was going. "If I remember correctly, you   
have two spare rooms in your apartment?"  
  
Misato nodded, feeling slightly relieved by the seeming confirmation of   
her new suspicions. "Building up unit cohesion, then?" she asked,   
smiling to herself and looking up at the finally-descending EVA-04.   
She thought back to the prior night, remembering what Neil had said   
about Koji. "It could hardly make things worse."  
  
]++[  
  
By the time the agents had finished with Vash and Eiko, it was time for   
lunch in the classroom, something that they were both eager for, if for   
no other reason than to have a brief respite from the military   
information that the agents had fed to them. They'd said outright that   
most of the information the two children were being given wouldn't make   
sense until they'd actually had a chance to pilot an Eva, but that   
hadn't stopped them from going on for hours about terms that still   
seemed vague even after hearing them several times. They were both   
assured, however, that when they arrived at NERV headquarters after   
school, they would be given their chance to pilot the machines. It   
made Eiko more than a little nervous, but she said nothing.  
  
Running to get back to class on time, both found themselves arriving at   
the room faster than they'd expected, though it wasn't clear if fear or   
hunger was spurring them onward. Placing his hand on the door to the   
classroom, Vash stopped, then glanced back at Eiko and winked, a sure   
sign to her that he was planning something. He turned the handle, then   
stepped into the room and spread his arms wide, obviously pleased with   
himself. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the new pilots of   
the Evangelions," he announced, drawing everyone's attention   
immediately. "Vash Nekasa and Eiko Suzuhara!"  
  
Eiko caught a glimpse of Ryo out of the corner of her eye, but before   
she could even take a full step towards him the rest of the class   
rushed towards them, running off at the mouth with questions. Everyone   
other than Ryo bunched around them, trapping them around the door, a   
fact that didn't seem bother Vash in the least. She smirked to   
herself, relieved to see how well he was taking the news, though   
suspecting that part of his enthusiasm came from the attention he was   
receiving. "Excuse me," grunted Eiko, trying to elbow her way out of   
the throng. "Coming through."  
  
"Vash, why'd they pick you?" asked one of the other students, someone   
that Eiko didn't recognize but wasn't paying much attention to in the   
first place. "I mean, you're kind of a goofball, and it's not like   
you're that threatening..."  
  
"That's not true!" replied Vash, blushing even as his face contorted   
into a frown. He reasserted his prior demeanor swiftly, however, once   
again being the serene new pilot. "Besides, it's not about combat   
experience, it's about talent! Only a few people can pilot the Evas,   
which makes it even better luck that I happen to be one of them!" He   
smirked to himself as Eiko finally neared the outer edge of the crowd,   
placing his hands firmly on his hips. "Now that I'm in NERV, I'll show   
all of the slackers working there what it means to be a pilot -"  
  
"Will you?" Ryo asked, his voice quiet as usual. Something about the   
tone demanded attention, and the murmur of the other students died down   
as Vash looked at Ryo. The boy remained seated for a moment, then rose   
to his feet, his eyes still peering down at his notebook. "You're so   
certain that the problem is we're not doing our job correctly?"  
  
For a second, Vash seemed taken aback, simply staring at Ryo while Eiko   
managed to work her way out of the crowd. More than ever, she wanted a   
clear view of what was going on, especially considering the fact that   
she needed to talk to Ryo. Then Vash's expression changed to one of   
anger, his blue eyes flashing as they narrowed. "If you were doing   
what you're supposed to, Eiko's brother wouldn't be in the hospital!"   
he shouted, gesturing more in the general direction of his girlfriend   
than directly towards her. "You're supposed to be defending this city,   
and instead you nearly kill someone on your first mission!"  
  
Ryo finally turned towards Vash, his expression calm enough to be   
unreadable, red eyes almost seeming to look right through the other   
boy. "Neil had never piloted the machine before," he stated, still in   
a quiet but forceful tone. "He had no combat experience. Much like   
yourself, Vash."  
  
Eiko couldn't tell if Ryo knew his final statement would strike a   
nerve, but she could tell from the swift darkening of Vash's expression   
that it had succeeded anyways. "If he didn't know what he was doing,   
he shouldn't have gotten in the Eva!" shouted Vash, thrusting his fist   
into the nearest desk forcefully enough to produce a loud noise. "He   
should have known that!"  
  
"And who would have piloted the machine then?" asked Ryo, remaining   
motionless and apparently unafraid of Vash's anger. The comment made   
Vash's eyes widen, though the boy's anger seemed to remain just as   
intense. "I couldn't walk, much less pilot an Evangelion. Neither of   
you were part of NERV at the time. If Neil hadn't gotten in the   
machine, everyone would have died."  
  
Vash continued to glare at Ryo, while Ryo's expression remained   
unchanged, simply staring back at the other Child. "Well, you won't   
need Neil anymore," Vash snapped, obviously trying to keep a handle on   
his anger. "Eiko and I are going to do the job better than you've been   
able to."  
  
"I see. Because you obviously know more about how it should be done."   
Ryo stared at Vash for a second longer, then sat back down, turning   
away from the other boy while Eiko stared at him in shock. She knew   
that Vash's boasts were out of line, but she also knew that it was part   
of who her boyfriend was, part of the way that he related to the world   
around him. Ryo's words had been too harsh, and she suddenly wondered   
if Neil would feel the same way once he knew she was a pilot, if she   
wouldn't get to try and be friends with him because of it. The thought   
of it made her sad, though she couldn't quite place why.  
  
The crowd around Vash was laughing slightly at Ryo's final comment,   
deepening Vash's frown as he elbowed his way towards Eiko. "Shut up,   
guys," he muttered, touching Eiko's shoulder affectionately before he   
walked down to his desk and slouched back in the chair, obviously no   
longer so pleased about being a pilot. Eiko walked over to her desk,   
sat down, then glanced over at Ryo and thought for a second about   
asking him. Sighing, she looked away again, wishing that she could see   
some trace of emotion on Ryo's face, so she could at least guess at   
what he was thinking.  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve Soryu-Leary, bored, overheated, and irritated, stared over the   
rail of the massive battleship, watching NERV personnel confer amongst   
themselves on the docks as she pushed back a few red hairs that had   
fallen to stick on her forehead. "I'll admit, I wasn't looking forward   
to this to begin with," she announced loudly, glancing over her   
shoulder to make sure that Kaji was listening to her. "But now I've   
changed my mind. This isn't a stupid plan, this is the -worst-   
possible plan."  
  
"Your objections have been noted," replied Kaji, grinning at her.   
Nieve still found the gesture attractive, but considering the   
circumstances it made her feel more self-conscious than anything else.   
He was leaning against the side of the ship's bridge, wearing a white   
shirt with rolled sleeves and black slacks, apparently comfortable in   
the heat. "Why don't you enjoy the rest and relaxation a little?   
We're not likely to get much more of it."  
  
"Ick. How can you relax in this weather?" Nieve shook her head, then   
wiped the thin film of sweat off her forehead, feeling extremely   
unattractive. She knew how much she was sweating, and even the thin   
fabric of the light green sundress she was wearing (which, mercifully,   
wasn't thin enough to show her underwear, something she'd been afraid   
of) held in what seemed like enough heat to cook a chicken. Her hair   
was going limp from sweating, she'd already had to run to her cabin to   
put on another layer of deoderant twice, and no matter what she did it   
seemed to get worse. She looked as though she didn't have any control   
over her appearance at all, something that made her feel extremely   
unsettled. "Can't this branch of NERV get its act together and arrive   
on time?"  
  
Almost on cue, Kaji leaned forward off of the side, staring down the   
road that led to the bustling gray concrete dock. Nieve frowned in   
curiousity, then followed his gaze, seeing at length what he was   
looking at - a visibly huge transport rumbling towards the docks, with   
something yellow and equally huge strapped to the back of the truck.   
"They're moving pretty fast," he noted, walking over to Nieve's   
position to get a better view. "Should be here in a few minutes."  
  
"Good," replied Nieve, turning away from the transport. She knew that   
the yellow machine on the truck was EVA-05, but she hadn't been in the   
mood to wait for it for hours, and she hardly felt like watching its   
final approach. "It's about time. Now we can get to Japan and get the   
Angel situation under control, before the Third Child's luck runs out."  
  
Kaji said nothing, glancing towards Nieve and making a small "hmmph"   
noise that seemed halfway between amusement and exasperation. Then he   
was off, heading towards the plank that led to the docks while Nieve   
remained on the ship. She folded her arms, feeling resentful despite   
herself and wanting to simply get moving to Japan. Kaji had given her   
an explanation about why they couldn't simply airlift EVA-02 from   
Ireland with a stop in America, but it seemed ludicrous to her that   
facilities built to service the Evangelions couldn't accomodate one.   
More likely it had something to do with politics, a suspicion that she   
couldn't prove but accepted in her mind as more or less factual.  
  
Glancing up, she saw a few smaller trucks ahead of the one carrying the   
Eva were approaching ahead of it, one of which was probably carrying   
the Sixth Child. Scoffing, she turned away from the docks again,   
seeing if she could find a spot that was at least somewhat shielded   
against the light of the sun. It had frustrated her to be so powerless   
when she'd first found out about the transport method, and it had   
gotten no better, to the point where it seemed to her for brief moments   
that even the sun was mocking her lack of control with its heat. She   
knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she could keep a handle on the   
situation without the Sixth Child, and she found herself almost   
involuntarily resenting the other pilot without having even met her.  
  
"Nieve." The voice wasn't quite a shout, but it was loud enough to   
draw her attention towards the plank that Kaji was walking up,   
attention that was immediately refocused on the girl walking behind   
him. She was taller than Nieve, but that barely registered in Nieve's   
mind - she had gotten used to being shorter than almost everyone a long   
time ago. Nieve did wonder how she was able to tolerate the heat in   
jeans and a button-down white blouse, but the woman seemed unaffected   
by the heat, long black hair waving behind her as she walked, blue eyes   
glinting in the sun, her features sharp and almost edged. "They're   
here."  
  
"I can tell that," Nieve muttered, pushing away from the rail and   
walking over towards the Sixth Child. Kaji and the girl walked towards   
Nieve at the same time, and Nieve extended her hand to the other Child   
as they met, a gesture the woman accepted. "Nieve Soryu-Leary. Second   
Child. Pleased to finally meet you."  
  
The other woman's gaze seemed harsh, almost disapproving of the   
presence of someone else on board the ship. "Niobe Littmore," she said   
calmly, her voice deeper than Nieve had expected but still notably   
female. "Sixth Child." She paused, still holding Nieve's hand as if   
unsure what to do with it. "But you should know that already,   
considering your background with the project."  
  
"Well, yes. I was being polite." She shrugged, still feeling rather   
resentful of the girl simply because she'd delayed their progress.   
"Daughter of Joseph and Mary Littmore, lived in Neo Cape Town for most   
of your life, father worked as a bureaucrat for NERV before positive   
testing came back and you were confirmed as the Sixth Child. You   
entered the program three years ago, when EVA-05 was completed."   
Giving a self-satisfied little grin, she let go of Niobe's hand and   
turning her gaze immediately back towards Kaji. "So, does this mean   
that we can get on our way to Japan?"  
  
Kaji looked at her uncomfortably for a moment, then Niobe turned away   
from Nieve and towards Kaji as well, a motion that surprised the other   
girl. "Nieve is right. Every second we stay here is another second   
that we're falling behind in our goals." She sighed, then stared at   
Nieve somewhat resentfully. "If not for you, I would already be in   
Tokyo-3."  
  
"And if not for you, I'd be closer," replied Nieve, her gaze narrowing   
slightly at the accusation. She didn't like the idea of this girl   
thinking of herself as the more important one, especially considering   
the fact that Nieve had been with the program for nearly twice as long   
and had more experience with her Eva. Both girls glared at one another   
for a moment, then Niobe's expression softened, and Nieve realized the   
humor of the situation. She smirked, then looked back at Kaji. "So?   
Can we leave?"  
  
"Gods," muttered Kaji, holding his forehead and shaking his head.   
"There's two of you." Sighing, he looked up at the two girls, an   
expression that Nieve knew meant he was going to tell them something   
they didn't want to hear. "We've still got to wait for EVA-05 to get   
loaded onto the other transport, and that will probably take another   
hour or so. Then we can leave." He paused, letting both girls sigh in   
exasperation before continuing. "Don't worry. The ships are fast   
enough to get us there within another couple days. You'll be in Tokyo-  
3 before you know it."  
  
"Not soon enough," muttered Nieve, turning her head away from Kaji as   
defiantly as possible. From the corner of her eye she could see him   
shaking his head again, then heading towards the plank down to the   
docks once again. Nieve kept her head turned for a moment, then looked   
over at Niobe, who seemed no happier with the situation than Nieve.   
"At least we didn't go all the way to South Africa, right?"  
  
"I suppose," replied Niobe, a bitter grin on her face as she turned   
towards the docks, surveying the huge yellow machine on the transport   
truck. It seemed patient, unconcerned with whether or not Niobe was   
tired of waiting for it, simply waiting until it was needed once   
again. Shaking her head, Niobe turned back towards Nieve, who'd   
followed her gaze towards the Evangelion. "Would you like to get some   
lunch?"  
  
]++[  
  
He'd marked the hill where he and Eiko had first met on his map of   
Tokyo-3, and somehow it only seemed appropriate for him to go back   
there, staring out over the horizon as the sun continued its descent   
below the horizon. Teal shirt hanging uncomfortably over his back,   
Neil sighed, dangling over the guardrail that he'd leaned on when he   
first met the girl, not sure if he had come to steel himself or simply   
to avoid having to deal with the reality of the situation. He would   
have liked to believe that he was doing it to be symbolic, but   
something inside him knew that he was afraid of going to Central Dogma,   
knowing that both of them would be there.  
  
And, he admitted silently to himself, he wanted to believe that Eiko   
would be there, too. It was stupid, overly romantic, and a chance in a   
million, the sort of scene that he'd seen millions of times on screen   
but he knew never happened in real life. Closing his eyes, he chuckled   
at his dellusions of grandeur, for once not feeling particularly bitter   
about them so much as amused. Part of the reason why he enjoyed the   
movies so much is because they obeyed a logic that he could understand,   
that you could break down. And much to Neil's personal chagrin,   
science had never provided hard and fast rules about how individuals   
worked.  
  
"Neil?" The voice was instantly recognizable, and it took Neil half a   
second to realize that he wasn't just imagining Eiko's voice. Pushing   
off of the rail, he glanced to one side to see her standing a few feet   
away, still wearing her school uniform and smiling at him. The irony   
didn't escape him, but he pushed it out of his mind, more concerned   
about what she would say next. "I didn't expect to find you here."  
  
"Ditto," Neil lied, turning fully to face her and suddenly feeling very   
exposed. "I... well, I expected to see you down at Central Dogma, but   
I just wanted to come up here first, with the sun going down and   
everything." He paused, shifting uncomfortably on his feet and rubbing   
the back of his head, wishing that he had something better to say, that   
he actually was in a movie and knew all the right words. "I was afraid   
you were still mad at me, and I knew that Vash would still be."  
  
"He'll come around sooner or later," replied Eiko, shrugging and walked   
across the street to her perch beneath the tree. Neil hesitated for a   
moment, then she gestured for him to come over towards her, smiling.   
Glancing back and forth, he walked across as she fluffed her skirt and   
sat down, setting her schoolbag down to her side. "Actually, I came up   
here because I didn't want to go to Central Dogma right away." She   
paused, letting Neil sit down, leaning back against the tree behind her   
and feeling the rouch bark against the skin of her neck. "So, when did   
you find out that we were the Children? Did you know when we met?"  
  
Suddenly feeling as though he were being accused, Neil shook his head   
vigorously, eyes widened a little at the implication. "I wasn't told   
until last night," he replied, more firmly than he'd planned but still   
conveying the message. "Misato let me know - she didn't think that I   
knew you." He paused, easing himself a little closer to her. "I'm   
assuming that they didn't let you know until this morning, or I would   
have seen you before."  
  
Eiko nodded, letting her hands touch the grass, the soft give of the   
ground tempered by the thin sharpness of the blades. For some reason   
it suddenly felt as though every sensation was keener, more important,   
something she had to experience anew and remember. "They told us on   
our way to school," she replied, watching as the light glanced off the   
buildings of Tokyo-3, admiring the way that it seemed to put on a   
spectacle for the whole city without realizing it. "Neil? Can I tell   
you something?"  
  
Neil looked at the girl sitting next to him, admiring her for just a   
second, the way that her hair fell around her pale face, the way that   
her eyes reflected the light from the sun, the way that her face   
curved. One part of him felt disgusted with himself for studying her,   
knowing that he couldn't have her, but he was unable to help it, caught   
up in the unspeakable sadness that seemed to be hanging over her.   
"What is it?"  
  
"I'm scared, Neil," she replied, her eyes still focusing on the   
gleaming light of Tokyo-3. "I'm really afraid of piloting those   
things. Not just because of what happened to Toji, but because..."   
She sighed, turning her head away from Neil, almost as if she were   
ashamed. "Because I don't want to get hurt." Closing her eyes, she   
laughed bitterly. "Selfish, isn't it? You're putting your life in   
danger every day, and now that I'm supposed to share the burden I don't   
want to do the same."  
  
"Hey, don't say that," Neil replied, putting his hand on Eiko's   
shoulder before his mind had even registered the fact that he very much   
wanted to touch her. A slight flush rose to his cheeks, but he ignored   
it, knowing that it would fade by the time she looked back at him.   
"It's not something that anybody wants to deal with. Heck, when I got   
here, I was expecting to be put into a school program. If I'd known   
what I was getting into..." He paused, stopping to think about the   
implications of the statement. "Well, I probably still would have   
come, all told."  
  
"You're brave," she said, her voice no longer sounding angry but   
impressed. Looking back towards him, she smiled, feeling touched by   
the fact that he hadn't outright told her she was being cowardly.   
"Vash would probably laugh at me, tell me that we wouldn't have   
anything to worry about." The though made her laugh involuntarily,   
remembering how he'd pranced about in class before Ryo had spoken up.   
"He's not a bad person, Neil. I know that you -"  
  
Shaking his head, Neil held up his free hand, and Eiko stopped talking,   
feeling that she owed him that much. "I don't think he's a horrible   
person. If anything, I'm more angry at -" Pausing, Neil shook his   
head again, somehow feeling uncomfortable telling Eiko how he'd felt   
the night afterwards. He thought that it was because of his thoughts   
about her, but something within him knew that wasn't it. "It's not   
important. The point is that I'm not really that brave."  
  
It was Eiko's turn to shake her head, barely believing the words that   
she heard coming from Neil's mouth. "You've got to be kidding me," she   
replied, almost laughing but restraining herself. "Staying in a   
foreign country, changing your entire life, all to put yourself in   
danger? That's bravery, at least by everyone else's definition." She   
turned towards the city once again, leaning back against the tree's   
rough surface. "You're a strange boy sometimes, you know that?"  
  
"This isn't the first time it's come up," replied Neil, recalling   
Misato saying similar words to him the first night he'd been out of the   
hospital. Removing his hand reluctantly from her shoulder, he edged   
closer to Eiko, pulling his knees up to his chest and looking at her   
intently. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you - piloting those things   
isn't fun, and it's not that safe. NERV would probably tell you   
otherwise, but - well, you've been around for both of my performances   
in EVA-01." Eiko nodded. "I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to   
pilot them, even for not piloting them."  
  
Neil's voice trailed off, and for a second he wondered if the world was   
working cinematically enough that Eiko would move in to kiss him, if he   
could really be that lucky. She did no such thing, however, looking at   
him for a moment before turning her gaze back towards the city. "It   
sounded like there was a 'but' coming," she said softly, a tone in her   
voice that Neil couldn't quite place.  
  
"But..." He trailed off again, still unsure of whether or not he   
wanted Eiko to pilot the Evas or not. Try though he might, he couldn't   
think of anything good to say for or against it, then he gritted his   
teeth and said the first thing that sprang to his mind. "But if you   
pilot one of the machines, I'll protect you." His cheeks flushed the   
instant he said it, but she was looking at him now, and he knew that he   
couldn't just stop talking. "We'll be on the same team, right? So   
we'll back each other up. I'll keep you safe as best I can, and you'll   
keep me safe. So it's not so frightening after all."  
  
Eiko stared at Neil as if she were considering the implications of his   
words, then she smiled and nodded, relaxing the stress on Neil a   
little. "Thank you," she said, putting her hand on his and giving it a   
small squeeze. Neil forced himself not to blush again, although he   
felt the unmistakable urge to. "I would have talked to Vash about it,   
but... well, I thought he would think I was being silly. And I knew   
that you knew more about being a pilot."  
  
It took a great deal of restraint on Neil's part not to say what he was   
thinking, and he forced himself to remember that Eiko was touching his   
hand and he wouldn't be thinking entirely clearly. He wanted to tell   
her to leave Vash, that he knew he would be better for her, that she   
was incredibly beautiful. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew   
that was what he would say in a movie, and the thought made him wonder   
if he wanted to say it because it was true or because he felt obligated   
by the situation to say it. "Don't worry about it," he replied, simply   
smiling and cocking his head slightly to one side. "I'm glad I could   
help."  
  
Opening her mouth to speak again, Eiko was cut short as a blaring alarm   
filled the air, a noise that Neil had only heard once before but   
wouldn't have forgotten no matter what. "The Angel alarm," he said,   
rising to his feet and looking around. Eiko hesitated for a moment,   
then gritted her teeth and stood along with him, trying to follow his   
gaze enough to find the cause. "They might have detected it before it   
got close enough to the city to -"  
  
"There," Eiko gasped, watching the horizon as the sun slowly sank   
beneath it. Neil followed her gaze, watching the sun for a moment   
before he realized that something was blocking his sight. Moving his   
eyes towards the obstruction, he realized that it was a gigantic   
octohedron, as if two pyramids had been glued together at their bases,   
floating slowly out of the hills towards Tokyo-3. For a moment, he   
wondered if it might be some kind of defense system that NERV hadn't   
deployed before, then he saw the aerodrones flying towards the thing   
and exploding as they hit the unmistakable AT field.  
  
"Welcome to the monkey house," muttered Neil, hoping that NERV had some   
kind of contingency plan until he and Eiko arrived at Central Dogma.   
Grabbing her wrist, he tugged gently on it, and she began following   
him, both of them first jogging and then running down the hill. Neil   
surveyed the slope on the other side rail, then decided that he didn't   
want to pull the same stunt he'd tried on his first day with a sheer   
drop. "This way," he decided, pointing to his left as he started   
jogging, Eiko following shortly after as the Angel slowly approached   
the city.  
  
]++[  
  
"I wonder what's going on in Tokyo-3 right now," muttered Nieve, lying   
on her back in a reclining chair in the shade. She'd finally given up   
the dress entirely and changed into her swimsuit, a low-backed black   
purple one that she'd tied an absolutely transparent sort of beach   
skirt around. It was still warmer than she would have liked, but it   
was at tolerable levels, even though she felt horribly exposed out of   
her dress, especially with Niobe sitting nearby still wearing more   
casual dress. "Hopefully not -another- Angel."  
  
"At the speed we're going, they'll all be destroyed by the time that we   
get there," muttered Niobe in agreement. Nieve was curious about   
Niobe's eagerness to get to the city, but she didn't say anything, too   
concerned about the thought of not being there to really think much on   
other details. "It's because your facility was built so far away from   
all the others, you know. If they'd built the European branch in   
Germany like they'd originally planned, then we both would be there by   
now."  
  
Nieve let out an indignant squawk, sitting up like a shot. "Pardon me   
for not being born in Germany, Miss Littmore, but the European facility   
was built because that's where my father was and that's where my mother   
was. It would have been silly to build in an entirely different   
country." She leaned back, ignoring the retaliatory stare from Niobe.   
"Besides, I would probably be there by now if we didn't have to pick up   
your machine along the way."  
  
Both girls remained silent for a second, staring at each other before   
letting their mouths curl into smiles. "You're surprising, Nieve,"   
muttered Niobe, turning her gaze out towards the sea. She'd been on   
large freighters before, but it was always a rare occurence, and never   
for so long a time. In some ways, it was a little frightening, but in   
other aspects it made her somewhat invigorated. "Not at all like what   
I'd expected."  
  
Scoffing, Nieve propped herself up on her elbows, smirking at the other   
girl. "What?" she asked, trying to make her speech sound as accented   
as possible. "Did you expect me to down a pint, curse, swear upon the   
name of God, Jesus Christ, and the Saints, then dance a jig?" Niobe   
giggled in response, and it made Nieve feel a little better,   
considering how dour the other girl seemed to be. "For what it's   
worth, I expected you to be squatting in the bush rubbing paint onto   
yourself and crying out that the ships were demons."  
  
"Fine, fine, point made," replied Niobe, still giggling slightly but   
feeling slightly stung by Nieve's comment. Though she recognized that   
the statement was being made ironically, she had felt very isolated as   
she'd boarded the ship, driving up amongst the the mass numbers of NERV   
personnel made up almost uniformly of caucasians and oriental   
individuals. "I didn't mean to imply that, I just... well, I know your   
background with Project Eva. I would think you'd be comfortable   
waiting."  
  
"Waiting for what my entire life has led up to? Not likely. I want to   
get out there and get a move on with this already." She leaned back   
once again, staring up at the overhang from the deck that shielded her   
from the bright sun. "Besides, I've read the reports about the Third   
Angel's attack, and I heard some of the radio chatter about the   
Fourth. The Third Child might be lucky, but he hasn't spent his life   
preparing for this." Glancing towards Niobe, she gave a smug grin. "I   
have."  
  
"You're not the only one," replied Niobe, sounding a little resentful.   
Nieve leaned forward again, trying to get a better look at the other   
girl's face, but her face was angled so that Nieve could only see her   
profile silhouetted against the light of the sun, not enough to make   
out an expression. "You might have been in testing for three years   
before I was, but I've been training my entire life to be the best at   
everything I do." Niobe turned her head and smiled at Nieve, but the   
smile wasn't exactly a friendly one. "So don't think you're alone in   
having the initiative."  
  
Nieve frowned slightly, not having expected such a reaction from   
Niobe. It was common knowledge that she'd been in NERV longer than any   
of the other Children, and she'd certainly been training with her   
Evangelion longer than any of the others. She'd assumed that her   
seniority would give her some kind of clout with the other Children,   
but she was beginning to wonder if the others might also prevent her   
from maintaining control over the situation. "Well, then," she   
replied, mirroring Niobe's smile. "We'll just have to make sure that   
we both do our best, won't we?"  
  
"Sounds about right to me," replied Niobe, leaning towards the red-  
haired girl with her hand extended. Nieve took her hand and shook it,   
the grip between them exchanging all the information either of them   
needed to know. In the back of her mind, Niobe found herself wondering   
if perhaps she was wrong, if Nieve might turn out to be the better   
pilot of the two of them despite her best efforts. "We'll be the best   
together."  
  
]++[  
  
"Fifth Angel 'Ramiel' is approaching a position directly above Central   
Dogma," announced Makoto, fingers dancing across the keyboard as the   
monitor displayed the strangely-shaped Angel's approach. The alert had   
sounded some time prior, but as the sun set the Angel still had made no   
motion to attack, causing Misato to wonder if perhaps it had another   
destination in mind. "There's no mistaking its route. It'll be   
overhead in a few moments."  
  
Misato sighed, worried about where both Neil and Eiko were. They   
should have headed straight to NERV when the alert had sounded,   
although she wasn't sure if they'd run into problems along their way.   
The thought of an aerodrone crashing down on them occurred to her, and   
she shook her head, trying to push the terrible concept out of her   
mind. "We can't wait any longer," muttered Misato, more to herself   
than to anyone in the control area. "Maya, what's the status on EVA-  
03?"  
  
"Unit 03 fully secured, all equipment checked out," replied Maya, her   
monitor still displaying a flat line for the unit's synchronization   
gauge. Vash had been put into Unit 03 on standby when the alert had   
sounded, but Misato had been reluctant to deploy him alone, especially   
considering the fact that he didn't have any combat experience. "We'd   
need to flood the cockpit and begin synchronization before we could   
deploy the unit, however. Estimated time if we begin now is one   
minute."  
  
"All right." She took a deep breath, then motioned to the   
communications officer to open a channel with the cockpit of EVA-03.   
"Vash?" she asked, still feeling a little uneasy about the reliability   
of the production-model units. Academically, she'd been informed by   
Ritsuko that they were designed to be more functional than 00 and 01   
and knew that to be the truth, but she wasn't used to working with   
them, and had learned from prior tests that an Eva couldn't be counted   
on until it had been activated at least once. "Can you hear me?"  
  
Sitting in the cockpit of the machine, half-admiring the purple   
plugsuit with its black chestpiece, Vash almost didn't realize that   
Misato was speaking to him until she'd fallen silent, and which point   
he sat back in the cockpit correctly, gripping the metal handles on   
either side. "Loud and clear," he replied, nodding to nobody. "What   
about Eiko? Is she inside her Eva yet?"  
  
The response was a bit delayed, giving Vash all the answer he needed   
without Misato having to speak a word. "Damn it, where -is- she?" he   
muttered, thumping his hand idly against the side of the cockpit.   
"I've been down here training, and she's off doing God knows what." He   
shook his head, feeling betrayed despite himself. Though he would have   
liked to say that he wasn't a jealous person by nature, the thought   
that both Neil and Eiko were missing made it dangerously easy for his   
mind to draw the connection, and he was beginning to feel very much   
alone.  
  
"Don't worry. I'm sure she and Neil will be here soon." Misato   
paused, glancing towards the main screen, wishing that the Angel would   
stop or that Neil would arrive before she had to send Vash out. She   
shut her eyes, then turned back towards the primary microphone. "We're   
going to send you out to engage the Angel on the surface. We don't   
have much information on its capabilities at the moment, so you're   
going to be flying blind for a little while. Are you ready?"  
  
"Of course," replied Vash, drumming his fingers eagerly against the   
metal handrests, eagerly awaiting the activation that he'd heard   
about. "What happens now? You flood the chamber with some kind of   
liquid, right? The agents told us a lot about the machines this   
morning, so I -"  
  
"It's called LCL," replied Misato, motioning for Maya to begin flooding   
the cockpit. She briefly considered mentioning to Vash that she didn't   
think the liquid was particularly pleasant to inhale or even be around,   
but decided against it, waiting until Maya gave the sign that the   
cockpit was completely flooded and that she was ready to begin   
synchronization. "All right, Vash, we're going to begin synchronizing   
you with your Eva, and we'll be moving you to the launch pad at the   
same time."  
  
Coughing at the uncomfortable sense of having the noxious liquid in his   
lungs, Vash nodded before realizing that Misato couldn't hear him. "Go   
ahead," he announced, watching as the the space around him flashed   
before his cameras turned on and gave him a clear view of the drained   
holding room. He felt as though there were a second set of limbs   
besides his own, a sensation that he'd been expecting from his earlier   
briefing as the machine started moving towards the launch pad. "All   
right. I think I'm ready. Let's get this started."  
  
"You're being cocky," announced Ryo's voice, coming over both Vash's   
radio and the speakers in the control room. Misato sighed, shaking her   
head at the communication, wishing that Ryo were emotional enough so   
that she could write it off as jockeying for position. With EVA-00 out   
of comission, Ryo could only wait in the locker room on the off chance   
that he was deployed in another unit, something that she assumed the   
other Children would have been resentful of. Ryo had accepted it   
without a word, and had remained silent until he'd opened communication   
with the Eva. "Don't be so sure of yourself."  
  
Vash frowned inside of the Eva's cockpit, feeling as though Ryo was   
hoping he'd screw up. "You just watch, Ayanami," he shouted over the   
radio, extending his mind outwards towards the Evangelion's limbs,   
flexing the machine's fingers and preparing for combat on the surface.   
"You don't think I can do it? I'll show you just how great a pilot I   
can be."  
  
"EVA-03, launch!" shouted Misato, half because she knew that the   
machine needed to be deployed immediately and half because she wanted   
to stop whatever was going on between Ryo and Vash as soon as   
possible. The main screen, which had a small box window in the upper   
right-hand corner displaying EVA-03, showed the machine's launch pad   
rocketing upwards, and Misato turned towards Maya, with Ritsuko leaning   
over the other woman's shoulder. "What's the status of the pilot?"  
  
"Synch ratio at 47%, the standard projected rate for the production   
models." Maya's fingers were moving with practiced grace, the computer   
shifting displays at an amazing rate. "The AT field is deploying   
normally. No problems with the machine."  
  
The mention of EVA-03's AT Field surprised Misato, and she cocked her   
head to one side, apparently unsure if she'd heard Maya correctly.   
Ritsuko noticed the gesture, and she sighed, shaking her head and   
knowing that Misato hadn't been paying attention to her e-mail again.   
"All of the production models are fitted to automatically deploy an AT   
field upon synchronization," she explained. "We've incorporated the   
design into EVA-00, and made some tweaks to EVA-01's systems so that   
the field will activate more easily. Didn't you read the brief on it?"  
  
"I had other things on my mind," replied Misato, blushing slightly at   
the embarassment. Watching the monitor, she waited as Vash reached the   
surface, his Eva screeching to a halt with the platform, the black   
machine reflecting the setting sunlight just right to show off the   
iridescent purple underneath. The Angel was only a short distance   
away, still slowly floating through the air, approaching Central   
Dogma's location horizontally. "All right, Vash, there should be a   
weapon depot a few meters to your right. Retrieve a standard rifle and   
get a bead on the Angel."  
  
Vash shouted an acknowledgement, and Misato watched as the machine took   
a hesitant step forward. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed   
Makoto's screen suddenly light up a brilliant red, and she refocused   
her gaze on the display as his fingers raced across of it. "Energy   
buildup detected in the Angel!" he shouted, and Misato looked up to see   
a glowing pinprick of light suddenly appear on the smooth side of the   
Angel. "It's about to attack!"  
  
A warning came over the loudspeaker, but Vash had only barely   
registered it when he saw a column of light erupt from the Angel,   
streaking towards his chest as though it were seeking him with its own   
intelligence. He watched, horrified, as it slammed into the AT Field,   
the green octagons rippling outwards for only a second before the beam   
tore through it without hesitation, as if the field had only been a   
momentary distraction. Then it his the center of his chest, and Vash   
had a split second to contemplate the fact that there was something   
touching his chest, something that burned with the heat of the sun.   
Then the touch became a violent stab, and he couldn't help but scream   
as his Eva was flung backwards against the rails of the entry port,   
feeling like his flesh was being burnt away vigorously.  
  
"EVA-03's frontal armor is currently at 37% and falling fast! AT Field   
is not slowly the beam! Synch ratio is down to 22% and falling   
rapidly! Pilot's mental activitiy is peaking dangerously!" Maya   
stared up at the screen as her hands seemed to pound the keyboard,   
glancing back and forth before the gauge of the remaining chest armor   
stopped at 13% and the beam dissipated. "It looks like it's charging   
for another shot! Captain Katsuragi -"  
  
"Recall EVA-03 immediately," Misato said firmly, trying to ignore her   
feelings of despair at the machine's sudden deactivation. She'd paid   
attention to the briefing about the capabilities of individual   
production models, and she knew that Vash's unit had armor unsurpassed   
by the other Evangelions. Shaking her head as the black machine   
descended once again, the Angel beginning to drift away towards their   
location, she turned towards the communications officer, forcing her   
gaze to remain stoic and calm. "Aoba, try to establish contact with   
the pilot. Do we have a location for Neil and Eiko yet?"  
  
"Both entered the facility shortly before the Fifth Angel attacked EVA-  
03," replied the officer, moving more calmly than the other two   
technicians. "We've kept a link open to the entry plug - you should   
still be able to talk to Vash. I don't know how responsive he'll be,   
though."  
  
Misato stepped over to the primary microphone, hardly able to blame   
Vash for his silence. The size of the control room seemed to only   
redouble the volume of his heavy breathing, and it did nothing to quell   
Misato's growing fears about the Angel and their chances. "Vash?" she   
asked, hoping that he could hear her. "It's all right. We'll get you   
out of the machine, and we'll figure out a plan. You didn't do   
anything wrong." She wanted very badly to say the same thing about   
herself, but having watched what happened to the machine and heard Vash   
scream couldn't even believe the concept.  
  
]++[  
  
There wasn't time to go to the lockers for changing, not even enough   
time to get some kind of briefing from Misato, only time to rush to the   
docking area as fast as possible, clambering over the catwalks through   
the massive rooms housing the Evangelions before finding EVA-03's room,   
Eiko and Neil watching as the black monstrosity was slid back into   
place, restraints clamping over it as the entry plug slid out and let   
the LCL spray out to the sides. Cranes brought the white cylinder down   
to the catwalk, and Eiko leaned over it as Vash emerged, holding his   
chest and coughing up first LCL and then blood. "Vash," she said   
softly, touching his shoulders gently. "Vash."  
  
"It's okay," he said, trying to sound as undisturbed about the   
situation as possible as the doors at one end of the catwalk slid open,   
medical personnel rushing in with a stretcher as Vash tried to stand.   
His nose was filled with the scent of burning skin and blood, a   
combination that did nothing to raise his spirits. "Just a little more   
intense than I'd expected. Give me a few hours, I'll be up and running   
without a problem."  
  
"Honey, I'm sorry," Eiko replied, hugging Vash as gently as she could.   
Drips of LCL fell from him onto her hair, and the liquid seeped through   
the white cloth of her blouse as she held him. "I should have been   
here sooner. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Honey, please, I'm sorry."   
She leaned forward, kissing him gently on the lips before the medics   
motioned for her to move aside, picking Vash up and putting him on the   
stretcher while she watched.  
  
Neil watched from a few feet away, Eiko kneeling on the catwalk and   
watching forlornly as the stretcher was wheeled away, Vash looking   
fairly confident despite the experience. On some level, Neil felt as   
though he should be touched, but he only felt resentful, wishing that   
he could be the one she felt that way about. Swallowing the sense of   
resentment, he stepped over to Eiko, putting his hand on her shoulder   
and drawing her up. "It's okay. He'll be all right. Now come on,   
we've got to get in our own machines."  
  
"Correct," announced a familiar voice, and Neil glanced around before   
seeing the same skybox from EVA-01's holding back slightly to one side   
of the black machine, Gendou Ikari standing inside and looking at Neil   
and Eiko dispassionately. "We have ascertained the Angel's   
capabilities, and Captain Katsuragi has plotted a course of action.   
Both of you will put on your plugsuits and prepare for a briefing on   
the plan of action. Eiko, you will pilot EVA-04."  
  
Eiko's eyes were shut tight, and as he watched Neil could see a single   
tear seep out of the corner, something that tugged at the strings of   
his heart powerfully. Without even realizing it, he reached up with   
one hand, wiping the tear away from the girl's face, feeling an   
electric tingle across his arm as he touched her soft skin, another   
tingle coming as she looked at him, her eyes filled with an expression   
that he couldn't describe. She nodded, and he nodded back, smiling   
slightly at her. "I'll show her down to the locker room," he   
announced, shooting one last stare at Dr. Ikari before leading the girl   
towards one of the catwalk's exits.  
  
Before they'd reached the end of the walk, the facility seemed to   
shudder slightly, and Neil stopped, looking towards the skybox once   
again in hopes of some kind of explanation. "The Angel is drilling   
into the Geo-Front," announced Dr. Ikari, sounding perfectly   
unconcerned by the fact. "It extended an appendage slightly before you   
arrived in this room, and it has begun to penetrate the upper levels of   
armor. We have approximately an hour before it gets through the armor."  
  
"So we're on a schedule now," muttered Neil, not having been terribly   
comfortable with the situation before and certainly not pleased by the   
new development. Then he felt Eiko squeeze his upper arm, though he   
couldn't be sure if it was out of fear or sympathy. Either way, it   
made him less afraid, and he smiled at her before continuing their path   
from before, his steps falling faster now.  
  
]++[  
  
The plan, as it had been described by Dr. Fuyutsuki, seemed simple   
enough. After Vash's disastrous encounter with the Angel's attack   
capabilities, it was decided that an indirect attack was required, and   
Misato had suggested the use of a long-range weapon to penetrate the   
Angel's AT Field and destroy it. NERV, apparently, didn't possess   
anything up to the job, but after a few quick phone calls they'd   
obtained a prototype photon weapon from the JSSDF and adapted it for   
use by the Evangelions. Neil got the distinct impression that the   
Japanese government was not happy about having to hand over the weapon,   
but he also got the impression that they didn't have much say in the   
matter. Combined with a makeshift shield that Ritsuko had gotten   
assembled, Neil was to shoot the Angel with the rifle while Eiko   
shielded him from any retaliatory strikes.  
  
It was simple, but risky, and as Neil sat in the soft grass near the   
entry plug, the plugsuit managing to keep him surprisingly warm, he   
could only think about the chances of the plan actually succeeding.   
Between the time it had taken to deploy the Evas, to move the photon   
rifle, to prepare the pilots for remote insertion into the machines,   
and to hook the rifle into the Tokyo-3 power grid so that it could   
actually fire, there were only ten minutes left, and Eiko and Neil had   
been told that it would take a few minutes before everything was truly   
ready. "I'll have one shot, two if I'm lucky," he muttered. "This is   
going to be impossible."  
  
Feeling a touch on his shoulder, he looked back, expecting to see   
Misato and being suitably surprised to find Eiko standing over him.   
Her plugsuit looked different than his, less armored and almost   
entirely silver to match her Eva, with the arms along with a few bits   
of highlighting here and there a bright red. It looked far more like a   
wetsuit than his did, aside from the two bits that looked almost like   
headlights just below her ribs and the high collar. What attracted his   
attention first, however, were the thin wire-framed glasses she wore.   
"I didn't know you wore glasses," he said, wanting to talk about   
anything besides the obvious.  
  
"Most of the time, I wear contacts," she replied, sitting in the grass   
next to Neil. He was trying his best not to notice her figure, knowing   
that he let his thoughts drift in that direction that the plugsuit   
would do nothing to hide it, but in the skintight garment she wore it   
was severely difficult. "Misato told me that they'll get me ones I can   
wear inside the Eva, but until then I'm wearing my glasses. My   
contacts would just float off, since they flood the cockpit, and all."  
  
"Yeah. Flushing your eyes." He glanced towards the two silent   
machines for a second, watching as the technicians scrambled to ready   
the entry plugs. "Eiko? I've got to be honest, here... I'm scared,   
too. This is a hit-or-miss operation, and..." He paused, struggling   
for the words despite himself. "You've seen my track record in EVA-  
01. Screwing up at the beginning is the way that I operate."  
  
A shout from the raised platform where the entry plugs lay told both   
Neil and Eiko that it was time to begin the operation, and both stood,   
walking towards the platform as swiftly as possible without running.   
"It's my turn to reassure you, then," she shouted as she climbed into   
EVA-04's plug, Neil stepping gingerly into his own cockpit. "I'll   
watch over you. Just do your best, and I'll take care of everything   
else."  
  
The words seemed to echo in Neil's head even before Eiko had finished   
saying them, and as the top of the entry plug slammed down he gripped   
the handles of the cockpit firmly, determined to perform the operation   
correctly. He felt the plug lurch into the air before being lowered   
into the machine, and for the first time he barely even noticed the LCL   
flooding the chamber, simply waiting until the unit was active and   
taking his position, lying on the ground with the rifle in his hands,   
targeting systems circling around the Angel as the Eva's fingers   
wrapped around the rifle's trigger. In front of him, he could see the   
silver Eva that Eiko was piloting grasp a massive shield, holding it at   
just the right angle so that Neil could still get a clear shot at the   
Angel. "We've got five minutes left, guys," announced Misato's voice.   
"You've got to make this count."  
  
"Don't miss. I've got it." Neil closed his eyes for a second, then   
gently nudged the rifle to the right, watching as the target crosshairs   
centered themselves around the Angel. The lower right-hand corner of   
his display popped open a window to keep him up to date about how much   
time he had left, but he forced himself to ignore it, watching   
carefully for the instant that the crosshairs lined themselves up and   
then pulling the trigger. The sudden sense of firing was liberating,   
and for a moment he could see the beam streaking towards its target,   
the blast a perfect shot through the center.  
  
That was an instant before a spot of light flashed on the Angel's   
surface, and a beam struck out directly in the opposite direction from   
the blast of the photon rifle, sending Neil's beam off into the hills   
harmlessly and slamming hard into the shield that EVA-04 wielded.   
"SHIT!" shouted Neil, losing his control for a moment as he watched the   
world around him explode in a spray of red energy. "This is EVA-01.   
The Angel managed to deflect the shot. How soon can I fire again?"  
  
It was a moment before any response came from Central Dogma, and Neil   
could see the shield that Eiko was wielding didn't hold up as well as   
NERV's staff had hoped, the Angel's beam obviously damaging it before   
the beam subsided. "You can fire again in ten seconds," announced   
Misato, sounding quite pleased with herself. "It'll take the Angel   
another twenty seconds by out calculations, so you should -"  
  
"-No-!" shouted Eiko, her Eva lurching into action. Before, it had   
stood beside the prone EVA-01, holding the shield to one side to act as   
a barrier. Now it stepped over the rifle, standing with its legs wide   
enough to straddle the weapon, the shield held close against its body.   
"If we try to fire like that again, it'll just deflect the shot again,   
and I doubt we've got the time for a third shot. We've got to wait   
until it takes a shot at us, and then fire at it before it can react."  
  
"Eiko, that's suicide!" shouted Neil, slamming his fists against the   
sides of the cockpit. He could see the targeting crosshairs lining   
themselves up, but he resisted the urge to fire, suspecting that Eiko   
was right about the Angel being able to stop them. "That shield   
couldn't possibly last against another shot, and once it goes, you'll   
be -"  
  
"Protecting you," replied Eiko firmly, her eyes focused on the thin   
point of light she could see on the Angel's surface. She felt   
adrenaline rushing through her body, a terror like she'd never   
experienced before, but tempered at the same time by the certainty that   
she'd make it through. "Neil, don't fight me on this. I know that you   
won't let me down now, that you'll make the shot and destroy the   
Angel." She shoved EVA-04's heels into the ground, bracing herself.   
"Go for it."  
  
The blast hit with the force of a hurricane, and the silvery Evangelion   
couldn't help but slide backwards slightly with the power of the   
blast. Neil cursed as he focused on the targeting crosshairs once   
again, thrown off their target by the sheer force of the impact. He   
tried to move the rifle closer to the target's center, but the cone of   
light exploding against the shield was too intense, all but blinding   
him as he focused on the crosshairs. Above him, Eiko felt the shield   
melting away, and gritting her teeth she released it, letting it fly   
away as she crossed her arms across her chest and focused all of her   
energies on remaining stationary.  
  
When she'd been greeted by the agents, she was informed that EVA-04 had   
reflective armor, that it would cut down on the impact of any such   
energy attack. The fact was small consolation as the sheer force felt   
as though it seared away her flesh, and she couldn't help but scream,   
gripping the handles of the cockpit until her knuckles turned white as   
the Angel seemed to drive a knife straight through to her bones. The   
sudden, pained scream was all Neil needed to hear, and he closed his   
eyes, focusing on the weapon for just a second, turning it slightly to   
one side, and pulling the trigger.  
  
Below, every voice inside of the command center went silent, the main   
display showing the blue-white bolt of energy streaking towards the   
Angel even as the rumbling above Central Dogma grew louder. Misato   
found her lips beginning to move in a prayer half a second before the   
beam burst through the Angel's AT field and then through the Angel   
itself, the Angel's attack suddenly dissipating as the tip of its drill   
broke through the ceiling of the Geo-Front. There was a moment that   
time stood still, and then the Angel began to fall, the monitors of its   
condition all showing that it was dead. "Eject EVA-04's entry plug   
immediately," announced Misato, knowing that the machine had to be   
causing its pilot severe pain.  
  
"EVA-01, eject!" shouted Neil, watching as Eiko's machine tumbled to   
the ground in front of him. He could only see it for a second, then   
suddenly the view went blank and he felt the entire entry plug lurching   
upwards with a speed that he'd never experienced before, and the thing   
rotated madly as it flew into the air, the LCL spraying out with a loud   
noise as he felt the plug fall back towards the ground. It hit with a   
thump, and without hesitation he kicked the top of the plug open,   
jumping out as Eiko's plug skidded to a halt from the back of her   
machine.  
  
Grabbing the handholds for the manual opening, Neil pulled hard for a   
moment, then suddenly felt a spray of hot LCL directly in his face, a   
disgusting sensation under any circumstances. Forcing it out of his   
mind, he climbed into the plug, worried that he'd find Eiko dead   
inside. She lay in her chair, body limp and eyes closed, but her chest   
was slowly heaving up and down, breathing regularly. "Thank God," he   
muttered, stepping over to the pilot's chair along the curved surface   
of the plug, hoisting himself up next to her. "Eiko? Eiko?"  
  
"Mm." The girl's eyelashes fluttered for a second before her eyes   
actually opened and stared up at Neil, a pain filling them even as they   
looked hopeful. "You... got it, right?" He nodded, words escaping him   
as she coughed up a mouthful of LCL. "I... I'm glad. I knew that you   
would get it in time. I knew -"  
  
Neil knew, on some level, that it was the wrong thing to do, but he   
couldn't keep himself from grabbing Eiko and holding her tightly,   
embracing her even as he felt his eyes begin to water. "Don't do that   
again," he whispered, unsure of what he was feeling, whether he was   
crying from fear of failure, fear of her near-death, fear of the   
machines, or even just to remind himself that he could cry. The tumult   
of emotions inside simply wouldn't give him the moment's respite that   
he needed to sort himself out. "Please, don't put yourself at risk   
like that."  
  
"All right," replied Eiko, returning the embrace. Neil felt his cheeks   
flush as his body acknowledged the attractive woman in a skintight   
outfit hugging him, but if she noticed she didn't say anything. They   
needed no more words for a time, and both lay in the embrace until the   
technicians came to check on them, their Evangelions silent without   
their pilots, both pilots answering to the most basic need of human   
contact.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
A voyage across dangerous waters.  
An encounter of momentous implications.  
Hearts with perilous secrets.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 5: LEVIATHAN  
"You might as well have asked me to turn back the tide."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	5. Leviathan

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 5: LEVIATHAN +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
No one is fierce enough to rouse him.  
Who then is able to stand against me?  
- JOB 41:10  
  
]++[  
  
It was an unusually warm day, even for Tokyo-3, and as Eiko reached to   
her forehead to brush the beads of sweat away she wondered if it might   
have something to do with the prior day's battle against the Fifth   
Angel. She'd heard Ritsuko mention something about the particle   
disturbance thrown up by each blast that EVA-01 fired, and having   
experienced its attacks she would be willing to guess that the Angel   
could have left more than enough have residual heat in the area. She   
frowned at the thought, glancing down to her thin red blouse, the   
lightest long-sleeved shirt she owned that was still too thick for the   
season. She'd even caved in and worn jean shorts, but still the heat   
insisted for lighter material.  
  
A cough from her left turned her attention back towards Hikari, and she   
blushed slightly, feeling a little silly for having not paid attention   
to her friend. "Sorry," she said, grabbing the front of her blouse and   
flapping it, trying to get some cooling air into the shirt. "It's just   
too hot out today to focus on anything. Good thing that we're not in   
school, or nobody would be paying attention."  
  
"-I- would," insisted Hikari, and Eiko flashed her a quick smile before   
giving a slight giggle at the concept. Hikari took her position as   
class representative far too seriously sometimes, something that Eiko   
found astonishing given the young girl's other tasks. Mercifully   
enough, however, Eiko had been able to drag the brunette away from   
housecleaning duties to the hill where Eiko had first met Neil, a hill   
that now provided an excellent view of the Fifth Angel as NERV   
struggled to break it down and move it. "If it's so hot out, why did   
you wear a long-sleeved shirt?"  
  
Eiko sighed, then pulled up one of the sleeves slightly, revealing the   
criscrossing pattern of red marks that extended down from her wrist.   
Hikari gasped lightly, and Eiko shrugged, pulling the sleeve back   
down. "They didn't mention exactly how painful things are," noted   
Eiko, sounding just slightly bitter. "Oh, sure, the Evas have armor,   
but it doesn't feel like it on the inside - it felt like the damn thing   
had set me on fire and then gone after me with a knife."  
  
Hikari spread her arms sympathetically, and Eiko leaned over, letting   
her friend give her a quick squeeze before they both returned to their   
prior positions, Eiko with her legs extended and arms propping her up   
against the ground, Hikari with her knees drawn up to her chest and   
arms dangling around them. "Weren't you scared?" she asked, eyes wide   
with curiosity. "Knowing what that thing was able to do to Vash... I   
know that I would have been terrified."  
  
"Yeah, I was scared," replied Eiko, sinking her head slightly at the   
thought. She felt some measure of guilt for not being in time to keep   
Vash out of harm's way, but she had to admit that she was glad it had   
been him that went up first instead of her. "But I knew that Neil   
would protect me." The thought of the blonde boy made her smile again,   
his green eyes standing out in her mind with their unique light shade.   
"He's amazing. Even if he isn't the best pilot, he feels more   
determined than anybody, like he could destroy the Angels by force of   
will alone."  
  
"Sounds like quite a guy," noted Hikari, a touch of cynicism sounding   
in her voice. Eiko looked over to her friend, but she was still   
smiling, though there was a touch of sadness to her. Before Eiko could   
take a guess at what was bothering her, however, the girl spoke up, her   
voice cracking slightly. "He did put Toji in the hospital, though.   
And they're still not sure when he'll get out."  
  
"I know," replied Eiko, sounding more resentful than she had meant to   
despite herself. The information from the doctors came daily, but   
after being nearly crushed by a collapsing building there didn't seem   
to be a particularly good prognosis for Eiko's elder brother. There   
were questions about whether or not he would ever walk again, and every   
so often his condition would start drifting towards critical and send   
Eiko's entire household into a flurry of panicked activity. "But that   
wasn't his fault, not really. He was trying as hard as he could. He   
just was outclassed by the Angel."  
  
"Probably," replied Hikari, sounding as though she genuinely believed   
Eiko but still had some nagging doubts in her head. "I... I don't   
blame Neil, not really, I just wish that I knew Toji would be all   
right." She sighed, then glanced at her watch, eyes widening slightly   
at the display. "It's 9:30. We should probably head towards NERV,   
then I head back to housework."  
  
Eiko nodded, and both girls rose to their feet, Eiko trying her best to   
remember Neil's directions into the locker room. It was a complicated   
facility, and the fact that she'd only been in it once under a high-  
stress situation only made things worse. "I wonder if Neil will be   
there," she muttered to herself, drawing a stare but not a comment from   
Hikari. For a split second, she found herself wondering about what   
made him captivating to her, but she shoved the thought out of her   
head, knowing that there were other matters to deal with. Glancing one   
last time at the remains of the Fifth Angel, she kept heading towards   
NERV, trying her best to ignore the sweat seeping out from beneath her   
skin.  
  
]++[  
  
Despite the other thoughts swimming around in his head, Neil found   
himself feeling rather pleased with himself as he rewound one of his   
movies, listening to the gentle whir of the VCR as he leaned back on   
the couch and stared at the ceiling. He'd felt bad about being pleased   
with Vash's injuries, he'd felt bad about the fact that he'd caused   
Eiko pain, and he felt bad about not having been at Central Dogma fast   
enough. But despite all of that, he felt as though he'd regained both   
Eiko and Misato's goodwill, and that was a prize more than worth the   
few negative feelings about who he was.  
  
Misato, for her part, was thumping about in her bedroom a few meters   
away, ostensibly getting dressed, though Neil wondered what sort of   
dressing procedure required a large amount of noise and the occasional   
Japanese curse. The longer he spent around Misato, the more he became   
convinced that she acted responsible at work because she had to, that   
if she could have swaggered in and had a grand time directing the Evas   
on the surface she would have. Glancing towards the half-opened door,   
Neil briefly found himself considering peeking inside, then shook his   
head and scolded himself for the thought. "Come on, you're finally   
managing to be a decent person," he muttered, smirking to himself.   
"Don't screw it up now like you usually do."  
  
Closing his eyes, he flashed back to the momentary embrace between he   
and Eiko, something that managed to feel more real than anything else   
from the previous few days. Even with the blood-stench of LCL floating   
in the cockpit and the knowledge that she was hurt, simply feeling the   
warm embrace of someone who he knew might like him was electrifying,   
something that he hadn't felt in too long a time. It felt almost like   
a benediction, as if with one hug Eiko had absolved him of everything   
that he'd done wrong since his arrival, that a single piece of human   
contact made everything brighter once again.  
  
A few final thumps came from the bedroom, and the door creaked open,   
Neil looking towards it almost unconsciously. He knew that part of   
that was on the off chance that the door had opened before Misato had   
finished changing, but he pushed the thought out of his mind,   
determined to feel at least decent about himself for the rest of the   
day. It turned out to be an empty suspicion anyways, as Misato stepped   
out a second later in the same black dress she'd worn the day Neil had   
met her, red jacket slung over her shoulder. "You look good, Misato,"   
he noted, nodding his approval. "I didn't think you were going into   
work today, though. I was getting a movie ready."  
  
"Didn't I tell you?" asked Misato, her face wrinkling into a frown at   
the thought that she'd forgotten. Neil felt a knot beginning to form   
in his gut, a familiar memory pushing itself back to the surface, and   
he turned away from Misato, stopping the VCR and turning it off with   
the remote. "I didn't tell you. Neil, I'm sorry, I must have   
forgotten." She paused, noticing that his face was drawn tightly. "To   
be fair, I had a lot of other things that I -"  
  
"It's not you," Neil interjected, shaking his head and shoving the old   
thoughts back in the dark little recesses of his mind where they   
belonged. "You just reminded me of... someone that I used to know."   
Sighing deeply, he shut off the television and turned towards Misato,   
his face neutral once again. "So, then. What did you forget to tell   
me?"  
  
"The convoy carrying the Second and Sixth Children is only about a   
day's travel away," she replied, flopping down on the couch next to   
Neil. Neil, for his part, was doing his best to avoid the sensation   
that Misato had given him, reminding himself that there was no alcohol   
upon her breath and that she'd genuinely forgotten. "NERV wants me to   
go over to greet them, especially since..." She paused, biting her   
lower lip for a second, a gesture that Neil didn't notice. "Well,   
Commander Ikari has his reasons. The big thing is that they want for a   
member of the staff to meet them on the boat, for diplomatic reasons."  
  
Neil nodded, trying hard to focus on what Misato was saying instead of   
his own bitterness, reminding himself that there were more important   
things to consider. "Are you going to be riding back with them?" he   
asked, slouching slightly in his seat, fixing his eyes on the green   
fabric of the couch, his determination to feel good about himself   
slowly eroding from within.  
  
"-We're- going to be riding back with them," replied Misato, drawing   
Neil's attention back towards her. She smiled broadly, winking at him   
and flashing a victory sign with her fingers. "NERV doesn't just want   
a member of the administration on the voyage - they want their best   
pilot, too. The flight leaves at around 10:30, and we should be there   
by 11. Then we just get to enjoy a bit of a cruise until we get back   
into Tokyo-3's harbor." Looking at Neil, her eyes widened slightly,   
noticing that he was obvious displeased with Misato's news. "What's   
wrong? Don't you like boats?"  
  
"You just decided that I'd come along, without even asking me," he   
muttered, standing and turning away from Misato once again, holding the   
back of his head tightly and closing his eyes as he paced. "Hell, you   
didn't even decide that I got to be -told- that we were going until it   
was too late to do anything about it -"  
  
Before he could continue on his tirade, Neil was stopped by Misato's   
hand on his shoulder, pulling him around and making him realize that he   
was failing dramatically to keep his mind off of less pleasant   
thoughts. "Neil, I know that I should have told you, and I'm sorry,"   
Misato said, her voice measured and calm. If Neil hadn't seen the   
concern on her face, he would have been certain that she was furious   
with him. "What's going on? I know that I didn't get a chance to tell   
you about this beforehand, but it seems like this is really getting to   
you."  
  
"I know, I know," replied Neil, shaking his head and scolding himself   
internally, reminding himself that dwelling on his past failures wasn't   
a good idea. "It's just... something that I got used to once before, a   
situation that I hate. Nothing that you did." He sighed, sinking his   
head and staring at Misato's feet. Almost instantly he felt his eyes   
tracing the path of her pantyhose, and he shut them, feeling even worse   
about prior events. "So. When do we leave?"  
  
Misato cocked her head slightly to one side, trying to figure out what   
was wrong with Neil. An answer presented itself almost immediately,   
but she pushed it out of her mind out of discomfort. "Hey. Don't look   
so sad." Neil stared up at her, and the look in his eyes brought back   
the same uncomfortable thought. She pondered for a second if it made   
her uncomfortable because of what it said about his past or because of   
what she was, but then forced herself to forget it, smiling and tugging   
Neil forward. "Now, get some clothes together, and we'll head down to   
the airfield. You might actually enjoy yourself as a dignitary."  
  
"Heh." The thought made Neil smile a little, and he shook his head as   
he stepped into his room, trying to figure out what he could bring and   
not worry about the next day. He felt bad about being so awkward   
around Misato, but the memory of being forgotten by people he cared   
about was too strong in his mind, still fresh even with the time   
between. "And I guess I do care about Misato," he muttered, smiling to   
himself as the words passed his lips. He'd known it, but he hadn't   
really admitted it - the woman had something about her that made her   
likable, even when she did things that angered him. Sighing heavily   
but painlessly, he grabbed a shirt from his bureau, trying to figure   
out if he should bring another pair of pants.  
  
]++[  
  
NERV's planes, Neil discovered, had apparently been designed by the   
same team that had come up with the aerodrones. It would have been   
visible to anyone that had seen the drones before that there were   
obvious design similarities - tilt-wing thrusters, a blocky body with   
an almost awkward tail behind it, short wings - but on the inside, it   
seemed to still echo the same design philosophy of complete   
pragmatism. He'd been expecting the same sort of padded nylon seats   
that the Eva cockpits sported, and instead was given a cold metal bench   
painted a nauseating shade of blue. "They could have made the planes a   
little more appealing," he noted, staring across the narrow room   
towards Misato.  
  
"We hardly had the budget," replied Misato, a grin drifting across her   
face despite herself. "NERV was barely given enough money to buy a   
coffee machine, much less fund the development of the Evangelions. So   
we have to make do with what we can get our hands on." She sighed,   
glancing out one of the small glass windows as the plane began to lurch   
away from the city, its movements feeling awkward and forced. "And   
there are nations in the UN still opposing further budget increases for   
the project."  
  
Giving an absent nod, Neil leaned towards his own window, watching as   
the plane turned to unintentionally give him a clearer view of the   
city, out into the surrounding foothills and the smaller portions of   
civilization. He distantly recognized an area he thought might have   
been the part of Tokyo-3 that he'd first entered, but as the plane   
continued turning it became a moot point. Letting his viewpoint shift   
with the plane's movement, he watched the Fifth Angel's remains   
shifting into view, the slumped-over octohedron lying in the road,   
cranes busying themselves by taking apart the smooth surface with   
precision. "Misato?" he asked, leaning back towards the dark-haired   
woman and away from the window. "Why did I get chosen to meet the   
other Children?"  
  
Misato almost didn't seem to notice Neil's question for a moment, a   
briefcase open next to her and papers being rearranged swiftly within.   
Then she paused and looked up at him, smiling but obviously   
distracted. "Because they wanted one of the current pilots to be   
there," she replied, turning almost immediately back to the papers.   
"Why do you ask?"  
  
"That's not what I meant," Neil replied, giving another glance out the   
window as the plane began to fly over other parts of Japan, too quickly   
for Neil to get anything but a quick glimpse at them. "Why me,   
specifically? Why not Ryo, or Eiko, or even Vash? They don't have   
functional Evas at the moment, right?"  
  
"Right," replied Misato, still sounding distracted. "I don't think   
that the medical division is even particularly taken with the idea of   
having Vash pilot a machine at the moment." Neil leaned forward, and   
he caught a momentary glimpse of what looked like a personnel report   
with a picture of a red-haired girl before Misato shuffled another   
sheet atop it, scanning the lines quickly. "But Commander Ikari didn't   
want one of the other Children on the ships. He wanted you."  
  
"Ikari," muttered Neil, glancing out the window almost as a reflex,   
noting the blue water absently. He'd never had a chance to speak with   
the commander for more than a few seconds, only knew him from their   
distant interactions in the Eva docks. Still, something about the man   
felt infinitely cold, almost as bad as the Angels themselves. "Was he   
trying to sell out Tokyo-3, or did he have some kind of rationale   
behind it?"  
  
Flipping her hair back with an odd sort of nod, Misato continued to   
stare at the papers in her briefcase, almost as if she was looking for   
information that wasn't there. "You have the best record against the   
Angels, that's why," she replied, sounding distracted. "I think he's   
worried about the prospects of having 02 and 05 be attacked on their   
way here, especially since it'd be a difficult proposition to fight   
back against an Angel on the ocean. So he's sending the best."  
  
Neil opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again, gritting his   
teeth and staring out the window of the plane as the blue ocean   
stretched along outside. "The best fighter," he muttered to himself,   
not liking the concept of being good at fighting even though he knew it   
was necessary. A thought tickled at the back of his mind, and he found   
himself wondering if he didn't like the idea of fighting or just the   
fact that he piloted the Eva to do it. Closing his eyes, he remembered   
the green iris of the Evangelion, a memory perfectly fresh despite the   
fact that it had been more than a week since his first battle. Then he   
remembered tackling the third Angel in his crimson anger, the sensation   
as he drove anything sharp he could find into the beast's body.  
  
Then he recalled the memory that had driven him into the fit, a memory   
that time had mercifully dulled but not removed. His brow furrowed   
unconsciously as he remembered kneeling in the sand of the playground,   
dark red stains in front of him, a thin trickle of blood running down   
his wrist as the teachers milled about the bully. At the time, he was   
too young to understand what had happened, only knew that he was trying   
to do the right thing and had obviously made a mistake. They'd moved   
away soon after that, as soon as the older boy's family had decided not   
to press charges against Neil's parents.  
  
"He didn't die," Neil muttered to himself, eyes still closed tightly   
and brow furrowed. His words were quiet, but Misato heard him, and she   
turned away from the papers in her briefcase to look up at him with   
concern. "They said his arm would never work right again, but he   
didn't die. And he never bullied anyone again, I'm certain of that.   
So it was the right thing then, the right thing now..."  
  
"Is something wrong?" asked Misato, drawing Neil's attention away from   
his memories with a sharp and surprised reaction. "You seemed to be -"  
  
Shaking his head, Neil turned away from Misato again, feeling even   
worse for her having heard him. He suspected that she already knew   
what a horrible thing he'd done, but on the off chance that she didn't   
he wanted to make sure that she didn't find out, either. "It's   
nothing," he replied, focusing on a speck in the distance that he   
assumed was either Tokyo-3 or the boats that they were approaching.  
  
Misato frowned, then stood and walked over to his side of the plane,   
sitting down beside him and touching his shoulder gently. "I said it's   
nothing," he snapped, recoiling slightly at her touch, but he fell   
silent afterwards, simply staring out the window. Misato hesitantly   
extended her hand again, then withdrew it, standing and walking back   
over to her briefcase. Whatever Neil was going through, she knew it   
was probably best for her to remain uninvolved.  
  
]++[  
  
"Are we sitting in these entry plugs for a reason?" shouted Vash,   
visibly irritated from the small window on the computer display as he   
crossed his arms and sulked. Kozou Fuyutsuki involuntarily smiled,   
amused both by the boy's insistence upon information and his continued   
zeal to pilot the Evangelions despite his first encounter with the   
machines. He glanced up towards the three entry plugs barely touching   
the surface of a pool of LCL, on the other side of the observation   
booth, letting his eyes rest upon the one with "03" emblazoned across   
its hatch in blocky letters, almost feeling disappointed at the fact   
that Vash couldn't see the smile.  
  
"This is a synchronization test," replied Fuyutsuki after a moment,   
stepping away from the computer console and towards the room's primary   
microphone. The room itself was fairly large, although the fact that   
it shared the same bland color scheme as the rest of Central Dogma made   
it seem even larger. However, the testing area, more or less a   
vertical column filled to the windows with LCL, was only about the size   
of a truck, just large enough to fit eight entry plugs and not a single   
one more. "It's designed to help us keep track of how solid your   
connection is with your Eva unit. All you have to do is synch up with   
the machine like normal."  
  
Vash turned his gaze to one side slightly, biting his lower lip and   
looking intensely undecided about Kozou's response. "Couldn't you just   
do that while we're in the machines?" he asked, perking up slightly as   
he turned back towards the camera monitoring his cockpit. "I mean,   
that's when it matters anyways, so then you'd have the most pertinent   
information right away, and -"  
  
"Keep in mind that this would be occurring during an Angel attack,"   
noted Ryo calmly, his eyes shut inside the entry plug, resting his   
hands calmly on his knees. Vash immediately took offense at the   
comment, but without any way of glaring at Ryo he simply crossed his   
arms and scowled at nothing. "It's very simple. I've undergone the   
tests before. I am ready when you are, Professor Fuyutsuki."  
  
"Understood. You should feel something in a few moments." He stepped   
away from the microphone, over to the unoccupied monitoring station to   
his left, checking the vital signs of the pilots briefly before   
stepping over to the other station. Maya was already tapping away at   
the keyboard, Ritsuko leaning over her shoulder and watching the graph   
move up and down regularly with an air of calm superiority. "How are   
they doing?"  
  
"Ryo is at 43% - higher than we'd been able to get previously, due to   
00's eccentricities. I suspect that the modifications made to the unit   
have helped the synch ratio somewhat." She furrowed her brow slightly   
for a moment, took a quick note of something on her board, then turned   
back towards the display of the Children's synch ratios. "Eiko is   
holding steady at 46%, while Vash is managing to peak at 50%. It's a   
testament to the connections of the production models that he hasn't   
fallen below that yet."  
  
Fuyutsuki nodded, glancing briefly at the display of the pilots' status   
before watching the synchronization graph himself, noticing something   
about the display for a second without being able to place it. He   
watched the graph move for a moment, then realized what it was. "The   
graph is updating on a real-time basis," he said, turning towards   
Ritsuko. "I thought that your mother -"  
  
"Dr. Akagi modified the code yesterday," interjected Maya, grinning   
slightly at the fact as she swapped a couple of displays. "She said   
that her mother must have been drunk when she wrote the code for some   
of the monitor displays, that there was too much unnecessary code that   
was clogging it down. The whole system is running faster." She   
stopped, then blushed, turning to Ritsuko immediately as her brown eyes   
widened. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I spoke out of turn."  
  
"It's fine, Maya," replied Ritsuko, giving a little smile to the   
younger woman. Maya's blush disappeared, and she gave a quick nod, her   
almost boyish haicut bobbing ever so slightly before she turned back to   
her station. Ritsuko shook her head gently, then turned towards   
Fuyutsuki. "I was simply going through some of the operations code   
that mother put onto the systems, and I noticed that there were ways to   
streamline the process. She probably just didn't think of them at the   
time."  
  
Nodding, Fuyutsuki turned back towards the console, unable to keep   
himself from smiling. He remembered Naoko Akagi as though he'd worked   
with her the day before, and she seemed to have produced an almost   
identical child - the same motivation, the same passion, the same   
absolute unwillingness to let even the smallest imperfection remain.   
It was one of the things about Naoko that had helped get the project   
rolling. "You're very much like your mother, you know," he noted,   
looking over at the blonde woman. "If you hadn't changed your hair   
color, you might be indistinguishable from her."  
  
"Then I suppose it's just as well that I did," replied Ritsuko, smiling   
grimly. Fuyutsuki stared at her for a moment, then shook his head,   
turning back towards the display before him and studying it. He wanted   
to say something to her, but somehow it seemed like entirely the wrong   
time, and he was willing to stay silent for the time being. Besides,   
he had other matters to attend to.  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo stared into the single eye of EVA-00, the same bright red as his   
own eyes by what he assumed was a rather ironic coincidence.   
Technically, his routine dictated that he should have gone straight to   
the locker room and changed out of his plugsuit, but considering that   
his routine was inextricably intertwined with that of the Evangelion it   
only made sense for him to examine the updated machine at least once   
before he piloted it. So he'd made his way down from the testing room   
to the holding room where the prototype unit was housed, standing on   
the catwalk above the huge pool of liquid surrounding the machine, arms   
hanging limply by his sides.  
  
He'd expected that some changes would have been made to it, but he   
hadn't expected that it would be turned blue. Aside from the neutral   
white arms with a few bands of black around them, the entire machine   
was a bright blue, white highlights in a few key locations. There were   
other modifications made as well, and Ryo could see that the shoulders   
had been fitted with the standard flanges of the EVA series, the left   
arm already equipped and the unit for the right arm visible from his   
position on the catwalk. It looked far better suited for combat,   
something that Ryo could tell was in order after his battle with the   
Fourth Angel.  
  
"Ayanami-san?" The voice was clearly recognizable, and Ryo turned his   
head towards the source to see Eiko, now dressed in the same red shirt   
and jean shorts from the morning, walking towards him casually.   
Staring for a moment, Ryo wondered if she'd figured out he hadn't given   
Neil her sketch, something that he assumed she would be upset about if   
she knew. "Is something wrong? Vash said that you weren't in the   
locker room, and I wasn't sure if -"  
  
"I was examining my Evangelion," replied Ryo, turning his gaze back   
towards the machine and studying its lines. Eiko took a step back,   
getting the impression that Ryo didn't want to talk to her, something   
that seemed a little odd considering his usual dearth of emotion. Ryo   
was distantly aware that she took a step back, but it was of little   
concern to him. "I expect that it will be ready for operation again in   
the near future."  
  
"Um... I'm looking forward to that," replied Eiko, not sure if there   
was a correct response to the statement that she simply didn't know.   
"We can use all the backup we can get, right?" She smiled, suddenly   
wondering why she'd come all the way down to the Eva bays to find Ryo.   
She'd never asked him about the sketch she'd gave him, but she knew   
that things were fine between her and Neil, and that meant that it   
hardly mattered.  
  
Ryo glanced towards the girl, noticing that she was uncomfortable but   
barely even considering that it could be because of him. He remembered   
watching the video of the battle, watching Neil eject himself the   
second the Angel had been defeated and rushing to her side. She had   
put her life dangerously close to being extinguished for him, and Neil   
had done the same for Ryo, an action that he still hadn't figured out   
the rationale behind. Looking at Eiko, he began to wonder if there was   
some connection between the two incidents, if there was a single   
unifying cause behind the risks they had taken. "Would you put your   
life on the line for me, Eiko?" he asked, looking back towards the   
Eva. "Like you did for Neil?"  
  
The question surprised Eiko into taking another step backwards, her   
face drifting somewhere between fear and indignation. "I... I don't   
know. It hasn't happened, has it?" Ryo said nothing, only continued   
to stare at EVA-00's single red eye, and the girl wondered what made   
him ask her something like that. "I guess that I would, if I knew that   
you would do the same for me. That's how people keep each other safe,   
isn't it?"  
  
Something in Eiko's voice made Ryo want to speak up, but before he   
could get past opening his mouth the same door that she'd entered from   
slid open and Vash stepped out. He stared for a moment, then stepped   
over to Eiko almost too swiftly, standing just far enough between her   
and Ryo for the implications to be obvious. "Ayanami," he said, trying   
to sound formal but making the name wind up sounding more like an   
insult than anything else. "I was a little worried about you. Thought   
you might have gotten yourself hurt."  
  
"I see," replied Ryo, staring at Vash intently, trying to gauge the   
man's intentions. "Because that's something that I do often." Vash's   
brow furrowed at the remark, and Eiko gently put her hand on his   
shoulder, seeming to calm him somewhat. Ryo simply stared for a   
moment, then turned back towards EVA-00, knowing that he couldn't ask   
Eiko anything with her boyfriend around and having lost the thought   
anyways. "I'm fine."  
  
"Yeah. You're just the spitting image of a normal teenager." Vash   
turned slightly away from Ryo, then put his hands on Eiko's shoulders   
and turned her away gently as well. Ryo noticed that Vash was still   
staring at him, and he turned his head slightly towards the other   
Child, expecting to see the same sort of hateful gaze that he was   
accustomed to getting from Vash. The expression, however, was quite   
different than he'd been expecting, torn somewhere between pity and   
confusion. "Well, we're off to actually enjoy our day, but... um, glad   
you're all right, Ayanami."  
  
"Thank you for your concern," he replied, turning his gaze back towards   
EVA-00 completely. He was distantly aware of the sound of the catwalk   
doors hissing open and then closed, but he busied his minds with other   
thoughts until he heard the noise a second time a few moments later.   
It still might not have piqued his interest had it not come from the   
other end of the catwalk. As it was, he turned his head towards the   
noise, seeing Gendou walking towards him, long black coat hanging   
loosely over the red turtleneck he wore, dark glasses obscuring his   
eyes as usual. "Dr. Ikari. Am I late for something?"  
  
"No," replied Gendou, stopping about a meter away from Ryo, one hand in   
the pocket of his black slacks while the other hung limply at his   
side. "I was looking for you, but I was informed by Dr. Akagi that you   
had not returned to the locker room after the testing. The Magi   
pinpointed your location here." He paused, and Ryo knew without him   
saying another word that Ryo needed to undergo further testing   
elsewhere. "There are still things that I need you to attend to today."  
  
Ryo nodded, turning towards Gendou and walking towards the commander   
even as Gendou himself turned away from the boy and headed for the door   
that he'd come in from a few moments earlier. "Dr. Ikari?" he asked,   
coming to a stop rather suddenly as a thought occurred to him, causing   
the doctor to stop in mid-stride and turn back to face Ryo. "Eiko said   
that people sacrifice themselves for others because they expect the   
action will be reciprocated. Is that why Neil saved me against the   
Fourth Angel?"  
  
"Perhaps," replied Gendou, turning just enough so that Ryo could see a   
satisfied sort of half-smirk on his face. It was an expression that he   
recognized as a sign of Gendou's approval of his actions, and to the   
best of his memory it had never come as a result of asking a question   
before. "But you don't need to worry about that, Ryo. You're   
different, and you know that."  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo, nodding and beginning to walk once again. Gendou   
nodded, then continued walking towards the exit from the Eva hangar.   
Glancing back at the Eva one last time, his lids half-closed from a   
sensation that he couldn't put a name to, he remembered what he was   
going to ask Eiko before - if she would be willing to put her life on   
the line for the Eva, knowing that it was as alive as Ryo.  
  
]++[  
  
It had been years since Neil had been on a boat, and the most recent   
occurrence had seen him below deck and vomiting for much of the trip   
due to a stomach virus. As the plane gently touched down on the   
surface of the carrier that Misato had directed his attention towards,   
he felt a slight sense of excitment, his determination to feel decent   
about himself fighting to make being on the boat at least vaguely   
enjoyable. Stepping outside, he was almost immediately struck by the   
wind, and he winced as a blast hit him directly in the face, sending   
his hair fluttering and forcing him to shut his eyes instinctively. "I   
didn't remember this much wind," he shouted to Misato, the hum of the   
engines of the plane still too loud to speak normally over.  
  
"Because the boats are going so fast," replied Misato, smirking as she   
stepped out of the plane, dark sunglasses obscuring her eyes and both   
her jacket and skirt fluttering madly. She glanced around for a   
second, then pointed towards the front of the ship, drawing Neil's   
attention to the tapered point. "See, that's the front of the ship,   
called the port... and, um, up there is the observation deck, which   
they call the starboards." She paused, glancing around. "And I think   
you're supposed to bow when you get on an unfamilar boat."  
  
Neil stared at Misato for a second, not sure whether to laugh or sigh.   
He finally settled for shaking his head, resting his hand on Misato's   
shoulder and smirking. "The front of the ship is the bow. Port is the   
left side of the ship, and starboard is the right side." He paused.   
"I had to learn that for a report at school one year."  
  
Misato didn't seem to be pleased at learning about Neil so much as   
irritated at being proven incorrect. "All right, then, what do they   
call the observation deck?"  
  
"'The observation deck,' usually," replied Neil without missing a   
beat. He and Misato stared at one another for a moment, then both   
laughed, the silliness of the situation overcoming them. Neil felt a   
momentary rush of confidence at the laugh, as if the one moment of   
humor made everything else correct itself. "Listen, is it okay if I   
walk around for a little while? I'd like to get some time to clear my   
head."  
  
"Go right ahead," replied Misato, waving somewhat distractedly towards   
him as she glanced around. "I'm fairly certain you can't get too far   
on a boat." She smirked, then took a few steps away from the plane,   
motioning for Neil to do the same as it prepared to lift off once   
again. "I'll try to find the Children and get you introduced, you just   
take the time you need. No worries."  
  
Offering a quick nod, Neil stepped away from Misato's position as the   
plane's engines started full-force and began to lift it away from the   
surface of the carrier. The wind was blowing something fierce, and   
Neil forced himself to resist the temptation to stare at Misato's skirt   
on the off chance that it would fly up, instead walking towards the   
starboard walkway of the ship and taking in the salt air. Looking   
around, he found himself taken by the sheer visual blandness of the   
ship, the ship basically one big mass of gray and the ocean one big   
mass of blue. It was the exact sort of environment he didn't want -   
completely uninteresting to anyone except a military buff, giving him   
plenty of time and space to think.  
  
Shutting his eyes for a second, he placed his hands firmly on the rail   
of the ship and leaned slightly over the edge, staring down into the   
blue depths that stretched on below him. "The sea has no memory," he   
muttered to himself, knowing that he was mangling the quote but knowing   
also that the sentiment was the same. There was something unspeakably   
comfortable about the waves, and the thought ocurred to him, almost   
idly, that if he fell into them he would probably drown within   
seconds. It wasn't a contemplation of suicide, nothing that he wanted   
to do, but the thought popped into his mind regardless, and it   
disturbed him for understandable reasons. Staring down into the water   
again, it almost seemed to be surging upwards, and he pushed backwards,   
away from the rail.  
  
"Hey, watch it!" shouted a light female voice behind him, too late for   
Neil to do anything but surrender himself to inertia. The same voice   
let out a shriek as Neil fell on the source, sending both himself and   
the unidentified girl staggering backwards into the bulkhead behind   
them, and Neil could feel his unstable position on his feet. Then he   
felt himself get shoved from behind, he heard the girl shriek again,   
and his foot hit a puddle as he staggered forward, feeling very   
confused as both of his feet ceased to be underneath him. Not wanting   
to crack his spine, he forced himself to twist around in midair,   
landing roughly on the soft, warm deck.  
  
It took him a moment to remember that the deck of a military transport   
would be neither soft nor warm, and only half a second to recall the   
girl's voice that he'd heard. Pushing himself up slightly on his arms,   
his face turned a bright crimson as he looked down to see his hand   
firmly atop the girl's breast, her legs just wide enough for his to   
slip between them. The girl herself was blushing as well, her face   
beginning to match the color of her hair, and Neil found himself   
forcing himself to resist the temptation to take the opportunity he had   
with the thin fabric of the green dress the girl wore. "Hi," he   
offered sheepishly, trying to smile.  
  
Almost the exact second that he offered his apology, the girl's face   
shifted from surprise to anger, and she brought her left hand hard   
across Neil's cheek, shoving him away with her right arm. Neil   
acquiesced, rubbing his cheek as he backed away into a standing   
position once again, while the girl was still blushing as she stood up   
once again. "You -pervert-," she snapped, a distinct Irish accent   
showing through her words as she crossed her arms tightly, almost as   
though she was hugging her chest. "First you nearly crush me, then you   
try to cop a feel?"  
  
The accusation stung more than the girl could have known, and Neil   
scowled, still rubbing his cheek for a moment. "I wasn't trying to cop   
a feel, I -fell-." He sighed, dropping his hand to one side and   
scowling at the girl. "Besides, it's not my fault that you told me to   
watch out after I couldn't stop. You might as well have asked for me   
to turn back the tide."  
  
"Very convenient that you fell directly onto me, isn't it?" she asked,   
obviously not about to let the event drop. Looking somewhat closer,   
Neil could see that there was still a slight flush to her face, as if   
the event had embarassed her more than she wanted to admit to herself.   
"And don't think that I didn't see you turn in mid-air. You wanted to   
land on me, right where you wanted me."  
  
"Gods, how much thought do you think I put into this? I didn't want my   
spine to hit metal and crack into half-spines." He shook his head,   
closing his eyes, brow still furrowed out of anger. "And to think that   
I was going to apologize to you." Still shaking his head, Neil turned   
to continue walking, then felt the girl's hand grip his shoulder   
firmly. "What? What -now-?"  
  
"You had bloody well -better- apologize!" she snapped, tugging hard on   
his shoulder and spinning him around to face her again. She was   
standing right next to Neil now, and he could see that she was   
significantly shorter than he was, forcing him to look down at her.   
"No moral person would -" She paused, and Neil could tell that she was   
tracing the path of his vision with her own eyes as her gaze slowly   
moved down until she was staring down her dress, at which point she   
began trembling with what Neil assumed was anger. Neil sighed, then   
winced as her hand slapped him once again. "And cut that out!"  
  
"Cut -what- out? Listening to you?" The accusation about immorality   
had stung far more than her slap, but Neil didn't want to say that,   
especially not under the circumstances. He rubbed his cheek, feeling   
somewhere between angry at the girl and disgusted with his own   
actions. "What the hell was that slap for, anyways?"  
  
"That's the price of admission," she replied, folding her arms now   
across the top of her dress, a rather awkward-looking position by   
Neil's standards. "You tried to grope me and look down my dress. Any   
self-respecting woman would make a man pay for that, don't you think?"  
  
Grimacing, Neil felt his fist clenching, eyes shut tight as he felt   
anger begin to trickle in from the back of his head. He was the   
victim, not the aggressor, and he hated being treated as though he'd   
done something terribly wrong, just as he'd hated the way people had   
stared at him on that day in the schoolyard, like he was some kind of   
monster. "You don't want to know what I think," he snarled, his nails   
beginning to bite into the palm of his hand. Then he realized what he   
was doing, and his fist relaxed as he felt the crushing weight of shame   
begin to fall on him, the mere thought that he'd been ready to hit the   
girl making him feel almost nauseous.  
  
Opening his eyes again, he stared at the girl, seeing on her face that   
she'd recognized the sudden change in his mood, though he couldn't   
quite tell from her expression whether that had made her angrier or a   
little frightened. "I'm sorry," he muttered, stepping around her and   
walking away without looking back. The thought of having almost wanted   
to attack her wouldn't leave his mind, and he was so intent on the   
concept that he nearly slammed right into Misato, skidding to a halt   
inches away from her.  
  
Misato was smiling, the sort of satisifed grin that she wore whenever   
she was particularly pleased with how things had worked, a grin that   
came up fairly frequently living with her. "Good job, Neil. The two   
of you saved me the effort of finding you." Putting her hand firmly on   
his shoulder, she turned him around towards the girl, who was now   
several meters away and staring at Misato as if she'd seen the woman   
before. "Nieve! Nieve, come over here!"  
  
The girl took a step hesitantly, then faster, then faster again, wooden   
sandals clanking against the surface of the ship as she stepped towards   
Misato and Neil. "Misato, you've got to be kidding me," she said,   
raising her eyebrows as she stared at Neil, now looking him over as if   
he were for sale. "There's no way that he's the Third Child. I refuse   
to accept it."  
  
Neil had been suffering from a fairly consistent sinking feeling since   
he'd almost hit the girl, who he assumed to be Nieve. As Misato smiled   
and shook her head at the girl's comments, Neil looked back towards   
Nieve and felt the feeling redouble itself. "You haven't changed at   
all since I left Ireland. Nieve Soryu-Leary, this is Neil Richelieu,   
the Third Child. Neil, this is Nieve, the Second Child."  
  
Staring at Nieve for a moment, Neil opened his mouth to say something,   
but Nieve obviously had no intention of letting him speak just yet,   
still looking him over with a critical eye. "So this is the great and   
mighty Third Child. Small wonder you've had such uneven performance   
against the Angels - you can't even keep your hands off a girl when she   
happens to be walking behind you." Neil frowned, and Nieve shot him a   
grin that at first looked nasty before Neil realized that it was more   
mischevious than anything. "Don't worry about it, though. Now that   
I'm at NERV's headquarters, I'll keep everything under control. After   
all, I do have the most experience."  
  
"Really? Where were you during the first three attacks, then?" asked   
Neil, sounding as bitter as he felt, though his bitterness was   
direction more towards himself than towards Nieve. She scowled, and   
Neil shook his head, holding up his hand in an abortive peace gesture.   
"Sorry. I'm not trying to fight you." She seemed to listen, at least   
for the moment, and he turned back towards Misato. "Didn't you say we   
were meeting the Sixth Child, too?"  
  
"Oh! Niobe!" Nieve slapped her forehead, apparently no longer   
interested in dealing with Neil for the time being. "She and Kaji were   
taking a quick tour of the ship. I don't know why he offered to take   
her instead of me, but they should be around any second now." She   
smiled, obviously satisified with herself, then noticed that Misato's   
face had contorted into what looked like a painful grimace. "What's   
wrong? Low tide hit you?"  
  
"Kaji?" Misato asked, her voice barely above a hiss, somewhere between   
rage and trepidation from what Neil could hear of it. "Do you mean...   
Ryoji Kaji?"  
  
"Hey, Misato. Long time no see." The voice was deep, eminently   
masculine, with just the slightest touch of sarcasm in it. Neil turned   
to look behind himself and Misato as the elder woman still stood in   
abject horror, and saw the man standing there, tall and sinewy, a sort   
of scruffy attractiveness about him with his slight beard stubble and   
unruly hair tied into a ponytail. His blue eyes sparkled with a   
notable intelligence as he walked towards the group, gesturing for the   
girl next to him to walk along with him. "I see you've already been   
reunited with Nieve."  
  
"Captain Katsuragi." The girl next to him extended her hand towards   
Misato, ignoring the fact that Misato still seemed to be in some kind   
of shock. Her deep brown skin stood out in stark contrast to the tones   
of the rest of the group, long black hair fluttering in the wind, and   
Neil instantly realized that she was the Sixth Child. "Captain   
Katsuragi?" She paused, hand still waiting, then looked towards Neil   
and Nieve. "Is something wrong with her?"  
  
Misato finally seemed to spring into action again, whirling on her heel   
and glaring at Kaji with venom. "Since when have you been a part of   
NERV?" she snapped, the words coming out with stuttered gasps and an   
emotion that Neil couldn't quite place. "The last I knew, you were   
trying to -"  
  
"People change careers, honey," replied Kaji, smirking as Misato   
visibly ruffled. He turned towards Neil, ignoring the angry woman   
standing a few feet away as if he didn't have a care in the world. "So   
you're the Third, right?" Neil paused, then nodded. "Hmm. A little   
scrawnier than I thought you'd be. Has Misato told you any stories   
about us, or does she keep mostly to herself now?"  
  
"Wait a minute. You two used to -date-?" Nieve knew on an   
intellectual level that she had absolutely no chance with Kaji, but the   
thought that Misato had not only had the chance but succeeded got under   
her skin for reasons she couldn't quite explain. She glanced back and   
forth between the two adults, her face twisted into a grimace of   
confusion, as if she was trying to envision the pairing. "Why didn't   
you ever tell me?"  
  
"It's not like it matters," Niobe interjected, shaking her head at the   
situation. "As long as you're both responsible officers, there's no   
problem, is there?"  
  
"-Responsible-? This man is the least responsible person I -know-!"   
Misato's gaze remained fixed, but Neil still thought that he saw a hint   
of something else there.  
  
Kaji smirked at the accusation, obviously not disturbed in the least.   
"I managed to keep Nieve alive, didn't I?" he asked, letting his smile   
grow at Misato's indignation. "I think you're just afraid that you   
won't be able to control yourself around me."  
  
"...this isn't going well," muttered Neil, shaking his head and turning   
away from Misato and Kaji's shouting match. Much as some part of him   
wanted to watch the scene unfold between the two of them, he had other   
things to think about, most importantly the creeping feeling of guilt   
in the pit of his stomach. He glanced at Nieve for a moment and found   
himself wondering what sort of person would even consider hurting   
someone like her, what the fact that he'd thought about it said about   
him as a person.  
  
]++[  
  
"No way." Niobe cocked an eyebrow, reaching across the table to grab   
the salt shaker as she stared towards Nieve. "I don't believe it."   
Snatching the shaker, she poured another round of salt onto the meal in   
front of her, hoping that the flavor would cut the actual flavor of   
what she'd been served. Whatever innovations the military had managed   
to make over the years, cooking was not one of them, and even if NERV   
was in command of the transports it was still a UN military action.  
  
"Believe it. He landed -right- on my breast." Sighing, the redhead   
idly took another bite of the gummy meat that had been served to her,   
the flavor almost like that of a hot dog but not quite as enjoyable.   
The event still hadn't left her mind, that instant of being completely   
helpless, and she had to admit to being terrified for just a moment.   
She certainly wasn't going to tell that much to Niobe, however,   
especially considering how draconian the other girl seemed to be about   
being the best. "Then he was trying to cover up, like it was a total   
coincidence. His hand landed on my breast, and he tells me it was an   
accident."  
  
"Stranger things have happened," replied Niobe idly, taking a sip of   
the dark black coffee in front of her, savoring the sharp bitterness of   
it that helped keep her awake. The bland gray surroundings of the mess   
hall did little to keep her attention on the events going on around   
her, and though she'd been getting more than enough sleep since the   
voyage began she was finding herself getting tired from simple boredom,   
something that the coffee helped to offset. "Still, even if he was   
taking advantage of the situation, you can't blame him. You are a   
pretty girl his age, after all."  
  
"Um. Yeah." Nieve shifted uncomfortably in her seat at the remark,   
and Niobe noticed but stayed silent. For a second, Nieve simply stared   
down at the food in front of her, feeling a pang of guilt, then she   
looked back towards Niobe and forced other thoughts to the forefront.   
"I guess you're right, though. Besides, other than the charming first   
impression he made, he is kind of cute."  
  
Chuckling to herself, Niobe smirked slightly, pleased to see that Nieve   
had apparently gotten over the fixation with Kaji that she'd professed   
on one level, wishing that it had remained on another. As long as   
Nieve remained focused on personal relationships, she wasn't focusing   
on piloting the Eva, and that meant that she was falling behind. It   
was one of the first things that Niobe's parents had taught her, that   
she needed to stay focused on the task at hand, that anything else was   
a dangerous distraction. "Considering how much you were cursing him on   
the way here..."  
  
"That was before I met him," muttered Nieve, thinking for a second   
about the few moments that she'd actually interacted with him. He'd   
seemed nice underneath the anger of the circumstances, fairly witty and   
more polite than she would have expected. Then she remembered that odd   
moment when he seemed as though he were angry enough to hit her, his   
fist clenched tightly and his entire body simply seeming threatening.   
It had almost been scary, and for a moment she thought that he was   
going to hit her back. Almost idly, she wondered if that was how he   
managed to be such an excellent Evangelion pilot, with that same sort   
of anger. "Now... well, he doesn't seem like the sort of person I'd   
envisioned. Different. In a good way."  
  
Niobe's smile dimished slightly, but she didn't seem to notice, simply   
taking another bite of the same gum-meat that Nieve had and feeling the   
blandness of the meat shine through despite the excessive salting she'd   
heaped on it. "I'm reserving judgement," she said, poking at the meat   
almost idly with her fork. "After all, now that we're here, he might   
start to slack off. You can't really be certain about him as a pilot   
until you work with him in a combat situation."  
  
Shaking her head, Nieve smiled back at Niobe, sipping the iced tea   
before her and idly wondering how it was Niobe could drink hot coffee   
when she knew she'd be going back out under the hateful sun. "Niobe, I   
wasn't talking about him as a pilot. Just as a person."  
  
Pausing for a moment, Niobe stared at the gleaming metal of her fork,   
as if it might give her some sudden burst of clarity. She wanted to   
believe that she'd known that was what Nieve had meant, but there was a   
nagging suspicion in the back of her head that she was intentionally   
avoiding thinking about Neil as a person. "We're Eva pilots," she said   
at length, standing up and picking her tray up at the same time.   
"There isn't much difference for us." Just saying the words made her   
feel something knot inside of her, but she pushed it out of her mind   
and reminded herself that she was telling the truth, stepping away from   
the table and walking towards the dish disposal. "I'm going to go   
check on EVA-05. Will I see you for dinner?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. The USS Constance isn't known for its collection of fine   
eateries." The comment brought a smile to the lips of both girls, but   
as Nieve continued to poke at her meat, Niobe's comment wouldn't leave   
her head, even as Niobe's shoes clicked along the metal floor out   
through the door, the room becoming dangerously empty except for   
Nieve. Shutting her eyes for a moment, she remembered the anger on   
Neil's face, and she couldn't help but wonder for an instant if there   
was some truth to Niobe's words.  
  
]++[  
  
The hold that contained Niobe's Evangelion was differently structured   
from the holding bays of the NERV facilities she was used to, the Eva   
stretched horizontally in a bed of the same liquid that usually covered   
its entire body, gently sloshing against the machine as the ship moved   
with the waves. She hadn't been given much explanation as to why the   
liquid was necessary, but her theory was that it provided the organic   
parts of the machine with nutrients, to make sure that it stayed   
healthy despite any extertion. "Not that you've been getting much   
exercise," muttered Niobe, wanting to reach out and touch the machine,   
a desire made impossible by the position of the Eva. "You're getting   
fat and sloppy."  
  
Her comments were ironic, and she knew it - EVA-05 had been   
intentionally designed as the fastest machine of the initial production   
run. Still, she could feel that she wasn't talking so much about the   
machine as she was talking about herself. There was something under   
her skin that had been nagging at her ever since she'd met Nieve, a   
nagging question about herself that she couldn't seem to shake despite   
what she knew to the contrary. She knew that she'd had excellent   
performance during every single test run of the machine, that she'd   
never failed a synchronization test and never missed a beat on a   
training simulation.  
  
"But all that was artificial," she muttered, slumping against the gray   
wall of the hold, still staring at the yellow form of her Eva as it lay   
in the liquid. "I've never actually participated in combat, and I know   
that Nieve's never had the chance to, either." Closing her eyes, she   
remembered watching the initial footage from the battle with the Third   
Angel, remembered the sudden pang of fear she'd gotten when the Angel   
broke the Eva's arm, when it tore a hole through the machine's head.   
Even though she'd prepared for the shock associated with the neural   
feedback, she couldn't help but be scared by the idea.  
  
"And I can't be afraid. I know that." She smirked to herself, pulling   
her knees to her chest and hugging them tight against her body, feeling   
very small next to the massive Eva. That was another thing that Joseph   
had taught her, that she needed not to be afraid. Sometimes she   
wondered, when she was certain that nobody was looking, if her father   
expected her to do all this through force of will alone. It was   
certainly the most likely possibility, but considering that she was the   
pilot of a machine piloted solely by force of will, she could hardly   
blame him for his view of things.  
  
Realizing that she was focusing on the issue at hand and blowing it out   
of proportion, she shut her eyes for a moment, focusing on clearing her   
mind and focusing on the important matters. "You're just worried about   
whether or not you're going to be as good as you need to be," she   
scolded herself, opening her eyes again and staring at the Eva. It was   
the truth of the matter, she kept reminding herself, that she was   
starting to have doubts about whether or not she could live up to   
Joseph's standards.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself of her training, of   
everything that she'd learned as a child. "I will be the best pilot,"   
she muttered, almost seeming to address the Eva instead of herself. If   
she could pilot the machine by the force of her will, then all that was   
necessary to pilot it better was more willpower. And she knew that the   
only way that she'd be noticed as a pilot was to be the best at it, to   
not shrink at the responsibility. "I'm not afraid. And I'll show them   
all just how good I can do."  
  
]++[  
  
"Does this mean that you've forgiven me about the accident on deck?"   
shouted Neil, trying his best to keep up with Nieve without bumping   
into her, a difficult task given the darkness of the ship's corridors   
and the fact that his legs were much longer than hers. She'd hunted   
him down while he was in the middle of lunch, insisting that he   
finished immediately and come with her, and since he still felt guilty   
about his earlier moment of angery he had acquieseced without much   
resistance.  
  
"I'm considering it, anyways," replied Nieve, doing her best to   
navigate the dull gray corridors in the insufficient light provided by   
the small bulbs on the ceiling. The corridors did have differing looks   
to them, but since they were so narrow and dark, and the fact that most   
of the differences between them were the arrangements of pipes and   
objects on the walls, it was still difficult to tell where she was   
going. Stepping forward and counting the doors on her left, she nodded   
decisively, then walked to the third door and flung it open. "Come on!"  
  
Neil, still unsure of where Nieve was taking him, shrugged and followed   
her through the door, down an equally narrow corridor of stairs with   
much brighter light at the end. Stepping down off the end of the   
stairs, he looked around the room and felt an immense sense of deja vu,   
staring at the massive red golem before him that he knew to be an   
Evangelion unit. The holding bay wasn't painted the digusting teal-  
gray of NERV, but the purpose was obviously the same. "Evangelion unit   
02," announced Nieve proudly, gesturing towards the Eva with a   
flourish. "Mine."  
  
"Very nice," replied Neil in a tired voice, looking around the room and   
ignroing Nieve's indignation at his reaction. He could see a crane set   
up to insert the entry plug, a few computer consoles up against a wall   
presumably for monitoring the Eva's status, even a catwalk over the   
prone Eva's back. Stepping forward and peering into the orange-purple   
liquid that filled the pool in which the Eva lay, he could see long   
metal tubes attached to a few ports on the machine, what he assumed to   
be the equivalen of the machine's normal restraints at Central Dogma.   
Glancing towards the head, he saw two pairs of almost camera-like eyes,   
one stacked on top of the other. "It's kind of odd-looking."  
  
"Odd-looking?" replied Nieve indignantly, turning him forcibly away   
from the Eva and towards herself. "This is the first -real-   
Evangelion! The one you pilot was just a test model. EVA-02 is the   
world's first production model." She smirked at the machine for a   
second, then shrugged. "It doesn't mean as much now that the other   
three Evas have been completed, but this thing was the parent of all   
their designs. They wouldn't exist if it wasn't for my machine."  
  
Something about that comment struck Neil as odd, and glancing back   
towards the Eva's head he realized immediately what it was. "I've seen   
03 and 04, and neither of them have four eyes." He cocked his head   
slightly, examining the head more closely. "Did they change the design   
after yours was made?"  
  
"Don't be an idiot," replied Nieve, gritting her teeth at the mention   
of the other two Evangelion units. She already felt as though she'd   
let everything get out of hand by not being in Tokyo-3 sooner, and Neil   
had inadvertantly reminded her of precisely that. "There were two   
production designs approved by NERV. Those units are part of the   
American-Japanese design run. EVA-02 is the Euro-African design, same   
as EVA-05 over in the other bay." She paused for a second, realizing   
what that statement must have sounded like. "But most of the systems   
that the production designs on both sides incorporated first debuted in   
this machine. It's the first ever."  
  
Neil stared for another second, then shrugged, not sure of exactly what   
Nieve wanted him to say. He still felt guilty about what had happened   
earlier, but considering the way he'd felt at the time the last thing   
he wanted was to be anywhere near an Eva. Looking back towards the   
immobile goliath, Neil recalled Gendou's initial name for the Evas, an   
artificial life form, and found himself wondering for a second if they   
had minds of their own underneath the mechanical parts. Shaking his   
head at the thought, he turned back towards Nieve, determined to change   
the subject. "Do you know where you'll be living in Japan?"  
  
"I was told that NERV would set up housing for me," replied Nieve,   
leaning back against a wall of the holding bay and crossing her legs as   
she leaned. "They didn't say where, though." She paused, then opened   
her mouth to speak again when the boat suddenly rocked violently,   
sending both Children to the floor, Neil landing roughly on his back   
and Nieve falling face-forward onto the metal floor. The liquid in the   
Eva's tank sloshed violently, splashing onto the walkway to either   
side, a few drops falling onto Neil and Nieve.  
  
Getting to his feet, Neil waited a second or two before standing   
completely, knowing that he'd probably fall right back down if the ship   
rocked again. The ship remained stable, and he rushed over to Nieve,   
helping her back to her feet gingerly, trying to keep his hands far   
clear of any area that might be distantly construed as sexual. "Are   
you all right?"  
  
"Fine. Just wondering what the hell is going on." She rubbed one of   
her knees for a second, then both Children froze as a blaring alarm   
came over the ship's speakers. Nieve glanced around for a second, then   
tugged Neil over towards the console that he'd noticed before,   
hammering down a few keys as if she'd been using the Eva monitoring   
equipment all her life. Recalling Misato saying something about Nieve   
having been with NERV longer than any of the other Children, Neil   
suddenly wondered if she might have been using the equipment for almost   
her entire life. "No way. I don't believe this."  
  
"What?" asked Neil, leaning over towards the computer screen that was   
now displying an external camera view. He watched nothing for a   
moment, simply a picture of the ships moving along with them, then saw   
a sudden burst of waves besides one of the ships, a massive bone-white   
form emerging from the water and smashing into the ship before diving   
once again. He stared for another second, trying to figure out what it   
could be, before he realized that the answer was obvious. "An Angel.   
One of the Angels is attack us."  
  
Nieve couldn't keep herself from grinning broadly at the thought,   
glancing over to the other side of the room before running from the   
console towards a strongbox. Neil almost didn't notice for a moment,   
then glanced over to see her quickly rifling through the contents of   
the box as if looking for something specific. "What are you doing?" he   
asked, confused."  
  
"Isn't it obvious? I'm getting out my plugsuit." She continued   
looking for a moment, then proudly grabbed something red, tossed it   
atop the box, and began to push off the straps of her dress before   
realizing that Neil was still looking at her. "Turn away!" she   
snapped, blushing a deep crimson and pulling the straps back up in   
indignation. Neil shrugged, and turned his back towards her, at which   
point she resumed the process of undressing.  
  
Despite everything, it took Neil a great deal of self-restraint not to   
turn around and glance at Nieve, especially as he heard her make small   
grunts of effort that his mind turned into different noises entirely.   
He drummed his fingers against his leg, still anxiously watching the   
external camera as the Angel slammed agains the surrounding boats of   
the convoy. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned to see   
Nieve in the same style of plugsuit that Eiko wore, red where her suit   
had silver and orange where Eiko had red. "You're going to have to act   
as my operator, all right?"  
  
Without waiting for a response, Nieve began dashing across the floor   
towards the entry plug, and Neil stared at the console, wondering what   
it was she expected him to do. "Nieve!" he shouted, causing her to   
stop as she climbed into the white entry plug, glancing backwards at   
him. "I don't know how to work the console!"  
  
The sudden expression of frustration on Nieve's face let Neil know that   
she was not happy with this sudden development on his part, though he   
assumed she knew he'd not had the time to learn how the console   
worked. "All right," she shouted across to him, climbing in the entry   
plug but not closing the hatch. "Press the big red button on top to   
open the comm lines, and I'm assuming that Misato can coach you through   
the process. The green button to your right starts the synchronization   
process, and the yellow one moves the crane. Hit the yellow one when I   
close the plug."  
  
Seeing the plug slam shut, Neil gritted his teeth and shook his head,   
then pressed the yellow button as Nieve had told him, then immediately   
looked back towards both the plug and the Eva, worried already that   
he'd done something wrong. The port on the back of the Eva had opened   
correctly, however, and the crane had started to move, obviously on a   
path to insert the plug. Taking a deep breath, he slammed down on the   
red button, glancing around for a second before finding the   
microphone. "This is holding bay... um... holding bay..." He shook   
his head, putting a hand over the microphone as he sighed. "This is   
the holding bay with EVA-02 in it. The Second Child is preparing to   
activate EVA-02. Entry plug is being inserted."  
  
"-Neil-?" came Misato's voice, obviously spoken with intensity but   
oddly quiet. Neil looked around for a second, then saw a small headset   
resting to one side, the obvious source of Misato's voice, and grabbed   
it, slipping it over his head and adjusting it slightly. "What the   
hell are you doing in the holding bay? And what do you mean that EVA-  
02 is being activated?"  
  
"Well, Nieve and I were down here looking at EVA-02 when the Angel   
started attacking, and, well, we just sort of assumed..." He shook his   
head, glancing behind himself towards the Eva, watching as the entry   
plug screwed itself into the Eva's back, the plates sliding closed with   
a satisfying mechanical noise. "Look, that's really not the important   
thing to think about right now. What is important is the fact that I   
need you to give me a hand, that I don't have the vaguest idea what any   
of the buttons on this console do."  
  
There was a pause on the other end, then Neil could hear muffled   
cursing in Japanese before Misato came on again. "All right. Console   
operation isn't exactly my forte, so we'll have to do without some   
functions of it. There should be a green button to the right of the   
screen that says 'Activate' on it. Hit the orange button above that,   
then hit the green button."  
  
"Got it," replied Neil, hitting the orange button and watching various   
labeled displays pop up on screen. He knew most of the terms on them   
from his own experience in the Eva, and closing his eyes for a second   
he hit the green button. He waited a second, then stared back at the   
console display, watching as the information from the Eva suddenly   
began assaulting the screen at lightning speed. "Um... plug flooded   
with LCL! Synchronization currently at 51%, some fluctuation, and...   
uh... what do I do now?"  
  
"You type in 'launch,' backslash, 'port one,' backslash, 'zero-two.'"   
The calm tone to Kaji's voice was a sharp contrast with Misato's angry   
explanation moments earlier, but Neil hesitated for a moment, unsure   
about why Kaji was on the radio. As if sensing his question, Kaji   
offered an answer almost immediately. "Niobe's being launched in EVA-  
05. We've got power cords ready for both machines on the ship."  
  
Misato shouted something about the fact that she should be in charge of   
deploying the Evas, but Neil ignored it, typing the commands as Kaji   
had instructed. The top of the holding bay seemed to fold away, and   
Neil watched as the Eva behind him slowly rose to its feet, pulling   
itself out of the opened ceiling. He'd never watched the huge things   
move before, only having seen them stationary or while he was inside   
one, and the effect was somewhat terrifying, seeing the great beast   
slowly clamber out of the holding bay like some undead monstrosity from   
its coffin. "EVA-02 is out of the bay," he stammered, still somewhat   
shaken by the sight of the huge thing in motion. He glanced at the   
display again, then his eyes went wide. "It's saying that the unit has   
only three minutes of operation left!"  
  
"EVA-02 activated on battery power. That number will jump back up once   
it plugs itself into the main power feed at the top of the ship." Sure   
enough, Neil heard a mechanical noise above, then the screen flashed a   
green light saying that EVA-02 was connected to an external power feed   
and the operation time began to go back up towards five minutes. "Now   
hit the red button again to open a communications line with the pilot   
as well."  
  
On the deck of the ship, Nieve smiled to herself as she drew the Eva up   
to its full height, feeling comfortable as she watched the spray of   
foam that she knew concealed the Angel racing about the other ships.   
Hearing the hiss of the radio, she leaned back in her seat and   
tightened her grip on the handles of the cockpit, keeping her mind   
focused on the external limbs of the Eva. "Nieve, there should be a   
standard-issue pistol on Ship Seven," said Neil, sounding a little   
hesitant, something she only took quick notice of as she glanced around   
and located the seventh ship. "Can you make it?"  
  
"I think so," replied Nieve, judging the distance quickly. The Eva   
couldn't make the jump directly, but Ship Twelve was between her and   
the target, and that made it the ideal stepping stone. Crouching, she   
pushed off of the ship with all the force she could muster, feeling the   
air whistle past the surface of the unit as it hurtled towards the deck   
of the ship. Forcing herself to ignore the sensation of fear that   
she'd miss the deck, she focused instead on the machine, keeping   
careful control as it slammed down on the ship's deck, tilting it   
slightly from the impact. Letting herself drop into a crouch again,   
she jumped once more, noticing out of the corner of her eye that Niobe   
had already moved to her target and had the pistol in her hands.  
  
Grimacing to herself and controlling her machine carefully as it landed   
on Ship Seven, Nieve saw the pistol instantly, grabbing it and letting   
her targeting system kick in as the furrow of water stilled slightly,   
then lunged in her direction. Niobe was aiming at the beast already,   
and she made a quick gesture towards Nieve, who immediately took aim   
and started firing. The bullets flew true, but slammed off the air a   
few feet away from the Angel, bouncing off the characteristic octagonal   
disturbance. "Damn! The Angel's AT field is too powerful! Our   
weapons don't have any -"  
  
Before she could finish speaking, Nieve realized that the Angel was   
headed straight for her, and to her shock the thing sprang out of the   
water, a spray of sewater following it as its huge jaws snapped open.   
The thing was even larger than she'd thought, far larger than the boat   
she was on, with jaws that seemed to take up half of its sharklike   
body. As it lunged towards her, she saw a glint of red down where a   
throat should have been, a sign that she recognized instantly. Moving   
quickly, she sent her Eva flying to one side as the beast's massive   
bulk smashed into Ship Seven, snapping the ship in two as the Angel   
sank back beneath the waves.  
  
The leap hadn't been as controlled as she'd wanted, and she found   
herself almost tumbling out of control for a second before she forced   
the Eva to remain under control, landing roughly on Ship Twelve as the   
other ship began to sink, the spray of water cloaking the Angel pausing   
for a second as though unsure of where to go. "Are you all right,   
Nieve?" asked Niobe, and Nieve glanced over to see EVA-05 on the move   
towards her position.  
  
"Yeah," she replied, forcing her machine back to its feet as the   
Angel's distinctive wake began to turn around, curving back towards the   
ship that Nieve was standing on. "I've figured out where its core is -   
it's located inside the Angel, down its throat." She paused, still   
unsure if the radio feed was working correctly. "Misato? Can you hear   
me?"  
  
"Loud and clear," replied Misato's voice as Nieve jumped away from the   
ship she had been standing on, letting the Angel slam into it and start   
to turn as she jumped closer to Niobe. Niobe fought down a rush of   
panic as the other Eva landed on the boat, finding herself suddenly   
terrified of the thought that the Angel might come towards her. "When   
the Angel attacked you, it opened its mouth. You've got to hit it   
while it's attacking, otherwise you won't have a chance."  
  
"Roger," replied Niobe, closing her eyes tightly for a second while she   
brought her pistol to bear. She couldn't be afraid, not now, not once   
she'd finally gotten the chance she wanted to show how good she really   
could be as a pilot. Keeping her eyes open and gritting her teeth, she   
rooted her Eva in place, waiting as the beast sprang out of the water   
and let its massive jaw open, then giving the target crosshairs a   
second to center on the glinting red core before pulling down hard on   
the trigger, repeating that she must not be afraid over and over like a   
mantra.  
  
The bullets raced towards their target, then bounced harmlessly off of   
the Angel's AT Field, and Niobe's spirits sank. "Target's AT Field is   
still too powerful to penetrate!" she shouted, hurling her Eva sideways   
with panicked quickness. She meant for it to land on the nearest boat   
lightly, but she wasn't moving gracefully enough, and the yellow   
machine moved too far, flying over the boat and straight over the   
ocean. Horror seeped into her bones, and for a split second she could   
feel the LCL in her mouth as if it was choking her, feeling like she   
was drowning. Then she jerked hard on the handles and forced her   
machine to turn, barely grabbing onto the bow of the ship before the   
rest of her machine sank into the water with a colossal splash.  
  
"Niobe!" shouted Kaji, watching with gritted teeth as the displays   
showed the malfunctioning portions of EVA-05's lower body. The   
machine's access ports for the chemical bath hadn't been completely   
shut, and the salt water that was flooding into them was preventing   
most of the lower body from functioning until she could flush them   
out. "Misato, EVA-05's lower torso is malfunctioning! It's a sitting   
duck on that ship!"  
  
Misato began to shout orders, but Nieve knew that there wasn't any time   
to debate tactical strategies, just to act before EVA-05 was eaten by   
the Angel. And as she stared down at the spray of water sent up by the   
Angel, she knew there was only one way that they could neutralize the   
AT Field and still be able to defeat the Angel. "Hey, Neil, you   
remember your battle with the Fourth Angel?" she asked, popping out the   
progressive knife from her left shoulder flange and grabbing it as she   
dropped her Eva into a crouch. "Time for me to steal a trick from your   
book."  
  
Before anyone could even try to talk her out of it, Nieve had launched   
her Eva skyward, but this time it wasn't towards another ship. The   
Angel almost seemed to notice that she was descending towards it, blade   
the prog knife pointing downward, but it didn't slow down until she   
slammed hard into its AT Field, pushing the field inward for just a   
moment before it dissipated and she landed on the Angel's back.   
Without hesitation, she drove the prog knife hard into the beast's   
back, then gripped it firmly as the Angel began thrashing, desperate to   
get the Eva off of its back.  
  
For a second, Neil could only stare in disbelief, then he remembered   
his role as operator and began watching the graphs again, occasionally   
glancing at the external camera and hoping that Nieve was all right.   
"EVA-02 has... um... I don't know what it did, exactly, but the Angel's   
AT Field has been dissipated." His eyes widened, and he gritted his   
teeth, wishing that he could be outside, making up for the horrible   
thoughts he'd had earlier. "It's taking a lot of damage from all of   
the Angel's thrashings. Can't last much longer."  
  
Hearing Neil's words felt like a slap across the face to Niobe, and she   
gritted her teeth, letting go of the pistol and preparing for something   
that she'd only tried once before with limited success. "I'm not   
afraid," she whispered to herself, swinging EVA-05's body forward under   
the water, then backwards, then forwards again, then back and up in a   
massive arc. The Eva pushed itself up and out of the water in a huge   
spinning flip, water flushing out of the chemical ports in long trails   
as the machine regained control over its lower body, then started to   
fall back towards the ship. Slamming to a stop on the ship's deck,   
Niobe grabbed the pistol, taking aim on the Angel. "Hold on just a   
little while longer, Nieve."  
  
The targeting crosshairs centered on the Angel, and Niobe took a couple   
shots, drawing the Angel's attention. Without thinking, it lunged   
towards the ship that Niobe was standing on, bursting out of the water   
with an added flourish as EVA-02's ducts began to flush themselves.   
Nieve smirked inside the machine as Niobe gritted her teeth, once again   
forcing herself not to be afraid as she let the crosshairs center on   
the red core, then fired without hesitation, jamming down on the   
trigger as hard as she could, firing until the pistol clicked empty.  
  
All those watching the battle saw as the pistol discharged over and   
over into the Angel's mouth, a painful and decisive sight as the Angel   
continued to sail through the air. Then they saw the thing slam into   
EVA-05, and there was a moment of panic as the ship lurched downwards,   
unable to easily support the combined weight of both Evas and the   
Angel, no clear indication that the Angel wasn't about to drag both   
Evas to the bottom of the ocean and leave them there. It wasn't until   
the entire scene had remained frozen in place for a moment or two that   
it became clear that the Angel had only made it to the ship through   
sheer momentum. "The Angel has been neutralized," announced Nieve,   
flashing a thumb's-up with her Eva as she climbed off the back of the   
huge sea beast.  
  
]++[  
  
Getting EVA-02 and EVA-05 back into their holding bays had proven to be   
an interesting task at best, an infuriating one at worst. While   
transporting the two machines back was a simple task, they lacked the   
fine manipulators to reattach most of the restraints, and it was also   
difficult to shut the machines back down properly under the   
circumstances. In the end, both machines wound up not being fully   
restrained except for a few jury-rigged mechanisms, with the entire   
crew assuming that any damage done to the machines would be easily   
repaired along with the damage from the Sixth Angel.  
  
It had been an uninteresting voyage otherwise, though as Neil idly   
watched the two Eva units being unloaded from the ship he realized that   
there were few other things that could have happened to make the trip   
any more interesting. For his part, he simply wished that he'd done   
more to help, along with still feeling bad about what he'd almost done   
to Nieve. It had stuck in his brain uncomfortably, something that   
struck him as somewhat petty considering that nothing had actually   
happened, but disturbed him more by its implications than by actuality.  
  
"Neil!" shouted Misato, drawing Neil's attention away from the ship and   
back to her newly-repaired car. She'd gone to pick it up almost as   
soon as they'd arrived back in Tokyo-3, and she seemed quite protective   
of it now that it was finally out of the shop again. "I've gotten all   
your stuff squared away - not that there was much of it. Now all we   
need to do is to get Nieve, and we can go."  
  
Before Neil could ask the question that sprang into his mind, he saw   
Nieve approaching the car herself, backpack slung over her shoulder and   
a suitcase in either hand. Neil stepped forward to help, but she waved   
him off, looking particularly irate. "Kaji just told me to come over   
here," she announced, not sounding happy about it. "Would you care to   
explain to me why that is?"  
  
"You need to live somewhere while you're in Tokyo-3," replied Misato,   
smirking as she took a set of keys out of her pocket and tossed them   
towards Nieve. Nieve dropped a suitcase and caught the keys, examing   
them suspiciously for a moment as though they might bite. Neil had a   
sneaking suspicion where the discussions was headed, a suspicion that   
was confirmed in his mind as soon as Misato stepped over and picked up   
Nieve's suitcase. "Commander Ikari's orders. You're rooming with us."  
  
Staring for a second, Nieve looked at Neil, then at Misato, then back   
towards Kaji, who was busy loading Niobe's belongings into his car.   
She doubted, somehow, that she was going to be rooming with him, but   
the simple thought that she was getting that lucky ruffled Nieve's   
feathers, especially considering that she had more or less won the   
battle against the Angel for them. "This trip just keeps getting   
better," she muttered, stepping over to Misato's car and cursing the   
heat.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know. Considering that he also gave me a hand with   
the bible quote this time around, I'm starting to seriously owe him.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Know thy friends.  
Know thy enemies.  
Know thyself.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 6: GNOTHI SAUTON  
"You don't work with the Eva, you tell it what it's going to do."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	6. Gnothi Sauton

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 6: GNOTHI SAUTON +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing   
the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.  
- ROMANS 3:20  
  
]++[  
  
The room was filled with a pitch-black, permeating darkness, save for   
the single spotlight at the end of the table that shone on Gendou,   
reflecting off of his glasses at just the right angle to obscure his   
eyes. He leaned his elbows comfortably on the table, hands tented just   
in front of his mouth, the same pose he found himself shift into   
reflexively any time that he was performing his duties as the commander   
of NERV. The fact that he had to perform this aspect of those duties   
immediately was something of an irritation, but confessing such to his   
superiors would have only made the situation worse, and he knew it.  
  
As he'd expected, a white light at the other end of the table snapped   
on, followed by colored lights to the sides, red and green on his   
right, blue and yellow on his left. Each light illuminated the face of   
a man, all visibly older than Ikari and bearing some kind of   
condescending expression towards him. It was nothing that he wasn't   
accustomed to, the sense that the others thought of him as lesser   
because of his youth and inexperience. He made a point not to be   
disturbed by it. "May I ask why this emergency meeting has been   
called?" he asked, remaining in the same position as though he were   
stone.  
  
Silence remained for a second, the other figures remaining motionless   
as if to test Gdenou's patience. After a minute, the figure at the end   
of the table, looking like the oldest of all and wearing an odd   
contraption over his eyes, furrowed his brow for a moment before   
replying. "The Third Angel, Sachiel. The Fourth Angel, Shamshel. The   
Fifth Angel, Ramiel. The Sixth Angel, Gaghiel. Ikari, do these names   
mean anything to you?"  
  
"NERV's first four encounters," he replied coldly, sounding as though   
he had no idea what the other man was implying even though he knew   
perfectly well. "We have successful neutralized the first six seals   
now. If you desire, I can provide video footage of the battles, though   
the footage of the Sixth Angel -"  
  
"You avoid the point," noted the man sitting in the green-lit spot,   
staring smugly at Gendou as though he were simply waiting for the   
younger man to make a mistake that he could be damned for. "Four   
angels in slightly less than two weeks. You have had to make serious   
repairs to four Evangelions, plus the cost of cleanup, plus the cost   
that you have incurred by choosing to modify EVA-00 without the   
comittee's approval." He paused, his expression and pose unchanging.   
"SEELE does not wish to see its money poured after nothing."  
  
"It is hardly nothing," replied Gendou, casually pushing his glasses up   
with one hand before returning to the same position as before. He knew   
that his movement would make the others look down on him somewhat, but   
he also knew that there was virtually nothing that he could do to   
improve their opinion of him. "Mankind must defend itself from the   
Angels. Without the Evas, we cannot do that."  
  
"Perhaps you forget that there are greater purposes to the Evas," spoke   
another figure, this one inside the yellow light. Gendou felt a twinge   
of resentment at the statement, at the implication that he wasn't sure   
about what his own project was supposed to be doing, but he ignored it,   
remaining silent and motionless. "Your primary job is not to create a   
military force with the machines. You would do well to remember that."  
  
This time it was Gendou's turn to remain silent, pushing up his glasses   
again and letting the rest of the council wait for a moment before he   
said anything. "I have not forgotten," he replied, folding his hands   
back into their prior position. "Complementation is proceeding   
according to schedule. There are only six seals broken in the first   
place. Accelerating the timetable would only ensure our destruction."  
  
"We do not lack patience, Ikari," replied the man at the head of the   
table, still unmoving. He stared at Gendou for a moment, as if he was   
expecting the other man to flinch, but Gendou remained motionless,   
simply staring down the table as though the situation was perfectly   
normal. "But we will not tolerate defiance. This project is too   
important for waste, and if you prove to be wasting either our money or   
our time you can be certain that you will lose your occupation."  
  
"I would not doubt it," replied Gendou, noting that they'd apparently   
come up with a new euphemism for his death. He'd never bothered   
bringing it up, but he knew without a shadow of a doubt that SEELE   
would destroy him irrevocably if they decided he was no longer useful.   
"You need not worry. Complementation is progressing, and the rash of   
Angel attacks is a freak occurrence. I already have my staff looking   
into it."  
  
"Good. See that you produce some answers." There was a pause, then   
the colored lights snapped off, the other men's faces vanishing from   
the table. It was nothing surprising - Ikari knew they were holograms,   
knew that no memeber of the council would be daring enough to appear in   
person before him. The figure at the other end of the table remained,   
however, still glaring hatefully at Gendou. "The comittee will   
reconvene in pritvate." He paused. "Do not think that you are beyond   
our power, Gendou."  
  
Then the last light flicked off, and only Gendou was left, sitting   
alone at the table. He paused for a moment, then reached into his coat   
pocket, drawing out a small silver telephone. Pushing back his chair   
and standing, he flicked the the receiver open, pressing a button and   
putting the phone to his ear, waiting only for the sound of the phone   
being picked up before speaking. "Speed up the timetable on Ayanami,   
Dr. Fuyutsuki. SEELE is growing nervous."  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe had never grown accustomed to moving, had never really had the   
chance to. However, as she'd unpacked her belongings into her new   
space, set up the photographs and posters that she wanted to keep with   
her over the dull gray walls of the room, she found that she was an old   
hand at it even without prior experience. It was somewhat gratifying,   
especially considering that she'd been afraid she had brought too   
much. Instead, as she looked around her room, her belongings arranged   
meticulously as she'd been taught, she realized that the room actually   
looked a little sparse. Shrugging, she wrote it off to her lifestyle   
and the inherent blandness of the room's paint scheme, bending over and   
smoothing the sheet on her bed.  
  
"May I come in?" asked Ryo's quiet voice, muffled almost to   
inaudibility by the door between him and the room. Niobe jumped   
slightly at the noise, not having expected it despite the fact that   
they were living together. She'd been informed by Kaji on their way   
from the boat that Ryo had volunteered to have someone share his   
apartment, but he had barely spoken two words to Niobe her entire first   
night there. It had actually been somewhat disturbing, the blue-haired   
boy remaining silent even after her attempts at conversation, simply   
eating dinner and then going straight to bed.  
  
Pushing the thought from her mind, Niobe walked over to the door and   
opened it, flashing a smile at him. He was already dressed in his   
school uniform, and Niobe felt a little underdressed, still wearing the   
boxer shorts and oversized navy blue blouse that she'd worn to bed next   
to Ryo's immaculate shirt and slacks. "Come on in," she replied,   
stepping away from the door as he moved into the room. "You came at   
just the right time - I just finished up unpacking."  
  
Ryo didn't respond to her comment, instead simply looking around the   
room, red eyes scanning over everything as though he'd never seen such   
a place before. After a moment, he stepped over towards the lone table   
in the room, picking up one of the small porcelain figures that Niobe   
had placed there. She felt a rush of embarassment and worry at the   
same time, but said nothing, simply watched as Ryo delicately turned   
the small white lion cub over in his hands. "What is this?" he asked   
quietly, sounding genuinely curious.  
  
Frowning, Niobe stepped over to him, snaking her arm around and   
plucking the small figurine out of Ryo's hands and staring at it in   
admiration for a second. "It's a lion cub," she replied, smiling   
unconsciously as the memories came flooding back. "My father gave this   
to me when I got the female lead in 'The Nutcracker' for my school. I   
was eight, I think. Maybe nine." Placing the lion back amongst the   
other porcelain animals gently, she turned back towards Ryo, still   
smiling. "They're about the only thing that I collect, and that was my   
first one."  
  
"Why do you have it here?" asked Ryo, staring at the small collection   
of animals with almost empty eyes. The question took Niobe aback   
briefly, but then she realized that he wasn't asking as if he didn't   
want them there - he genuinely didn't seem to understand why she had   
brought it with her. "Do you need it for something?"  
  
Cocking an eyebrow, Niobe stared at Ryo again, trying to figure out   
what was going on behind his red eyes and pale skin. "I don't -need-   
it, no," she replied, sounding a little indignant despite herself.   
"But it helps me feel more confident. Every time I remember that day,   
I remember what it felt like for my dad -" She shook her head,   
catching her self. "I remember what it felt like when Joseph was proud   
of me, pleased that I had been so successful. And that makes me feel   
better about now." She shrugged, blushing again. "It's just a   
keepsake."  
  
"A keepsake," muttered Ryo, his left hand closing more tightly around   
the strap of his schoolbag, recalling the sketch that Eiko had meant   
for him to give to Nieve that still sat within the bag. He understood   
the word, but as he stared at the small porcelain object he still   
couldn't understand the meaning behind it. "Does that mean that it's   
an object of art? Is that all?"  
  
"No, that's not it," replied Niobe, gently touching the boy's shoulder   
and drawing his attention back towards her. His eyes were penetrating   
in a way that she'd never seen before, a sort of hungry curiosity   
dancing across them as though everything was completely new to him.   
Looking into them, Niobe felt as though she could feel an underlying   
sadness to him, but she pushed it out of her mind, focusing instead on   
the question. "A keepsake is something that you care about. Something   
that helps you remember. Don't you have anything like that?"  
  
Ryo stared back at Niobe for a moment, then looked towards the   
porcelain animals once again, still feeling very confused. "No," he   
replied at length, knowing that the answer was correct but feeling as   
though he hadn't quite understood the question. "I don't have anything   
like that." He paused, then looked back at Niobe, seeing the shock   
evident in her blue eyes. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
"You..." Niobe shook her head, shocked at Ryo's response both on   
general principal and because of the vague memories that it stirred up   
at the back of her mind. Shutting her eyes for a second, she composed   
herself silently, then stared back into Ryo's eyes, the same sensation   
of being scrutinized by the red iris as before. "It's just odd, that   
you don't have anything like that. Don't you have things that you want   
to remember, things that remind you of happy times?"  
  
"I have no problem remembering things," replied Ryo, glancing back   
towards the animals before recalling that he had a routine to keep and   
looking at his watch. He had only thirty minutes to get to school by   
eight, meaning that he would have to walk quickly if not jog. He was   
running behind on his routine, not something that usually happened to   
him. "I have to go to school now," he announced, stepping out the   
door. "I will see you again tonight."  
  
"Um. Okay." Niobe was unsure of what to say, the boy's comments   
lingering in her head even as he walked out of the apartment and shut   
the door behind him. Flopping backwards onto the bed, she stared   
upwards at the room's fluorescent light fixture, a pale white that   
seemed to cast the dull gray into even starker relief. Her room was   
right near the front door to the apartment and had no windows, and   
shutting her eyes it felt as though it were a newfound prison, sharp   
contrast to her window-filled room painted a bright yellow back at home.  
  
Sighing deeply, she opened her eyes again, tilting her head towards the   
arrangement of porcelain figures on her table, the small lion cub at   
the head of the group from where she was staring. "Doesn't have any   
trouble remembering," she muttered, feeling both confused by Ryo's   
responses and somewhat useless. She wasn't supposed to go into NERV   
until later in the day, which meant that until then she had to find   
something to entertain herself, which further meant that her mind had   
nothing to focus on besides Ryo's cryptic comments.  
  
An idea formed itself in her head, and she thought on it for a second   
before smirking to herself, pushing off of the bed's clean white sheets   
and stepping out of her room. Ryo had shown her where his room was,   
and she had no doubt that it was unlocked. "We'll see what you -do-   
have, Mr. Ayanami," she muttered to herself, walking down the hall past   
the kitchen, turning left and away from the bathroom and den towards   
his bedroom. Placing her hand on the door handle, she had a brief   
moment of guilt at the thought of invading his privacy, but she   
swallowed that thought, resolving to tell him when he got home before   
turning the handle and opening the door.  
  
The room was almost completely empty, and for a second Niobe wondered   
if she'd gotten the wrong room, if he had another spare bedroom in the   
apartment. But as she stepped into the room and looked around, she   
could see another one of Ryo's school uniforms hanging up in the still-  
opened closet, and she knew that she'd gotten the right room. It was,   
for all she could tell, a hospital room, completely sparse, the white   
bed unadorned, a single metal table in one corner of the room with a   
few objects on it, a clean bureau agains the wall near the head of the   
bed, and a few bandages on the floor. Curious, Niobe glanced about for   
a second before stepping over to the table, feeling as though she were   
walking through a mental institution.  
  
While she'd had some idea of what was on the table before she'd walked   
over to it, something inside of her had wanted not to believe it until   
she saw it, made her want to think that her eyes weren't catching the   
full picture. Standing beside it, there was no question that she was   
seeing correctly, a table with more bandages piled on it, a few beakers   
of water, and the unmistakable orange perscription bottles that seemed   
to somehow have spread throughout the world as the universal symbol of   
medication. Narrowing her eyes, she picked up one of the bottles,   
examining the label as though she expected to see someone other than   
Ryo's name on it. Most of it was in Japanese, but she could read the   
name without trouble. "Ayanami Ryo," she muttered, placing the bottle   
back down on the table and scanning the room again.  
  
She finally found something else in the room besides the slightly-  
stained bandages and the utilitarian items, posted within the closet as   
though to obscure it even futher. It was a tiny photo, wrinkled so   
badly as to be almost unrecognizable, taped up on a part ot the wall   
that seemed unlikely to be reached by the sunlight, the lines around it   
making it very clear that it had been torn from something else, most   
likely a newspaper or a magazine. All it was, much to Niobe's   
surprise, was a picture of a kitten lapping up milk, a rather cute   
picture aside from the obvious age of the thing. "This is all he's   
got," she muttered, stepping away from the closet and sitting down on   
the bed. "Just that one photo."  
  
Closing her eyes, Niobe found herself drifting back to a time many   
years prior, the part of the story about the porcelain figure that she   
hadn't told Ryo, when she was practicing as hard as she could to get   
into the part. She gritted her teeth, remembering how bright the sun   
had been on that one day, dancing across the pages of her book as she   
flipped through it, savoring the words as if they were a release. She   
had known that it was in her interest to be practicing, that without   
more practice she didn't stand as good a chance of getting the lead,   
but she was enjoying a momentary break, simply reading her book and   
relaxing in the warm caress of the sun.  
  
Then she remembered her father storming in, and her eyes closed tight,   
hands gripping the edge of the bed more tightly almost reflexively.   
She remembered her father's strong hands grabbing the book out of her   
hand, his deep voice bellowing at her with an intensity that she'd   
never heard before, her smaller voice pleading with him not to do what   
she knew he would. Her grip on the bed tightened again, and she   
remembered seeing shreds of pages on the floor, her father pulling her   
roughly to her feet as she tried to reassemble the pages, pushing down   
the bookcase without any restraint. A single tear began to form at the   
corner of her eye, thinking about the sight as her toys were snapped   
apart, broken indiscriminately.  
  
Without even meaning to, her mind brought her to that horrible day,   
sitting in the wreckage of her room, her father standing over her with   
the sun seeming to wrap around her, ignoring the fact that she was   
shedding hot tears over the torn white paper on the floor. "You were   
getting distracted," he had said, his voice the same sort of stern   
bellow that he used whenever Niobe had failed to do the right thing.   
"Distractions prevent you from reaching your full potential. I know it   
seems harsh now, but you'll thank me in the future, when you're   
successful."  
  
A lone tear splattered against Niobe's leg, catching the sunlight from   
Ryo's window, and she snapped out of her reverie, looking around his   
room once again as she wiped the water from her dark skin. "Just like   
this," she whispered, standing from his bed and feeling unusually   
oppressed by the walls, more so than she had even in her own room. "It   
looked just like this, after Joseph got rid of everything." She   
sighed, rubbing the back of her head, stepping swiftly over to the door   
and through it, closing it firmly behind her. Despite the warmth of   
Tokyo-3, she suddenly found herself feeling very deeply cold, down to   
the bone. Hesitating for a moment, she walked to her room, resolved to   
grab a towel and get into the shower. It seemed like the only thing   
that could even start to cut through the chill of memory.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil awoke, as he had ever since he'd come to Japan, with a single   
image flashing across his vision, the sight of the green eye against   
EVA-01's helmet. At first, the sight had scared him, but now it simply   
seemed to be a persistent memory, one that it might take years to train   
out of his mind. Though he couldn't recall ever hearing of someone in   
a similar situation, he also knew that he was one of the first people   
ever to pilot the Evas, and from what else he thought about himself he   
knew that he wasn't a normal person anyways. Once the eye had faded   
away, he blinked, rubbed both of his own eyes to clear the sleep from   
them, stumbling to his feet and grabbing a ratty Third Eye Blind shirt,   
one of the few things he had from his father.  
  
Still not thinking entirely clearly, he shoved open the door to his   
room, blinking in the bright light as he headed towards the cupboard   
where Misato kept her cereal, opened the small wooden door with a   
little too much force so that it slammed against the fridge, then   
pushed his hair back with one hand and grabbed for the box of cereal   
that he knew was there. Feeling his hand close around it, he tugged,   
then realized that there was someone else holding onto it. Checking,   
he saw the other person's hand, and half-consciously followed it up   
their arm to their shoulder to Nieve's face. "Oh. Morning, Nieve."  
  
"Morning, Neil," replied Nieve, sounding perfectly alert as she tugged   
on the box. Neil slowly found his eyes returning to focus, and he saw   
that Neil was wearing a rather revealing outfit from bed, a thin blue t-  
shirt that stretched down to midway on her hips. She stared at the   
cereal box for a moment, then released it with a shrug, leaning back on   
her arms. "You can have it first. I'm in no hurry."  
  
"Thanks," replied Neil, his reflexes slowly returning as he removed the   
box from the cupboard, then opened another to get out a pair of bowls.   
He hesitated for a moment, then remembered that Nieve was there as well   
and would need a third bowl. "You seem to be in a better mood this   
morning. Sleep well?"  
  
His comment seemed to remind Nieve of something, and as he began to   
pour cereal into his bowl she grabbed his shoulder, spinning him around   
slightly and standing disturbingly close to him. "Don't think that I   
necessarily forgive you for yesterday!" she snapped, ignoring Neil's   
sigh as she held onto the chest of his shirt. "You tried to take   
advantage of me, and I don't appreciate that. If you ever do something   
like that again, I will be -far- angrier than I was yesterday, and you   
can be certain that you -won't- get to live it down." She paused, then   
released his shirt, apparently satisfied by the blank stare she was   
receiving from Neil. "But yes, I didn sleep well. Better than I have   
in a while. I'm kind of surprised, to be entirely honest."  
  
Neil considered what to say for a moment, then decided not to dwell on   
the prior day's events, though he still felt a twinge of guilt when he   
remembered how angry he'd allowed himself to get. "Glad to hear it,"   
he replied, finishing with the ceral and then offering it to Nieve.   
She took the box, and he stepped over to the refridgerator, pulling out   
the red carton of milk within and pouring it over the brightly-colored   
cereal. "You had a better run of it than I did - my first night in   
Tokyo-3 was spent first inside an Eva, then in a hospital bed."  
  
Chuckling even though he wasn't quite sure why, Neil grabbed a spoon,   
then walked over to the table and sat down, crossing his legs and   
beginning to eat. Nieve, having been ready to pour the milk herself,   
had been stopped in her tracks by Neil's last comment, something she   
hadn't expected. She still thought he had done a terrible job in his   
first encounter with an Angel, but she hadn't known what had happened   
afterwards. "You were put in the hospital?" she asked, regaining her   
composure as she poured on the milk, then went to sit down next to Neil.  
  
"Yeah," replied Neil, biting his lip momentarily before taking another   
bite of his cereal as Nieve sat down beside him. "I was out of it for   
most of the battle, come to think of it. They said that I did   
excellently, but I only have distant memories of it." He shrugged,   
noticing that Nieve hadn't taken a bite of her cereal but deciding not   
to ask about it. "I was released after a couple days, though. It   
wasn't anything serious."  
  
"Oh," replied Nieve, suddenly feeling guilty for being so angry about   
his performance in EVA-01. She'd assumed that he'd been in complete   
control of the machine, that he simply hadn't been paying much   
attention, but the thought that he might not have been threw a new   
light on things. Realizing a split second later that she was letting   
herself mope, she forced herself back into a determined smile, slapping   
Neil heartily on the shoulder. "Well, the only cure for that is to   
make sure that you've got a firm control over your Eva. Trust me, I've   
been working with these things longer than anyone, I'll teach you   
everything I know."  
  
Neil wasn't sure of exactly what to say, so he stayed silent for a   
moment, taking another bite of cereal and knowing that Nieve was   
staring at him. "Misato taught me how the thing works already, and I   
sort of got a crash course in piloting it against the Third Angel." He   
paused, and he could see as Nieve took a bite of cereal that she wasn't   
happy with his statement, though he couldn't quite tell if she was   
angry or just sad. "But it is hard, working with the machine. I still   
haven't mastered it."  
  
"Working -with- the machine?" asked Nieve, almost certain that she   
hadn't heard him right. She stared at him and cocked her head to one   
side, and Neil, unsure of what she was expecting, nodded. Nieve said   
nothing for a moment, then could no longer resist the temptation to   
laugh, ignoring Neil's indignant expression for a moment. "I'm sorry,   
I'm not laughing at you," she offered, holding up a hand as a peace   
gesture as she leaned on the table with the other. "It's just a silly   
concept. You don't work with the Eva, you tell it what it's going to   
do. Make it work -for- you."  
  
Before Neil could say a word in response, Misato cleared her throat   
behind both of them, and they turned their heads to look at her, Neil   
particularly fascinated by her outfit. She was wearing a black   
miniskirt and a black jacket over a bright red blouse, with a small   
golden pin on her lapel that was shaped like the NERV insignia. "Good   
morning, guys," she said, waving to the pair of them as they stared,   
neither having expected her to be so elaborately dressed. "Sorry, but   
I'm not going to be able to have breakfast with you this morning. I've   
got to be to Central Dogma early, so that we can leave on time."  
  
Watching as Misato moved across the room, stepping into the kitchen   
quickly and grabbing the lunch that she'd made the night prior, it was   
only a matter of time before one of the Children asked Misato what was   
going on. As it happened, it wound up being Nieve. "Where are you   
headed?" she asked, sounding just the slightest bit accusatory. "You   
didn't tell us anything about a trip today."  
  
"This is one you're not going on," she noted, winking at Neil, who   
smiled back. She'd remained genuinely apologetic about the prior   
incident, and Neil appreciated the gesture, even though he was certain   
Misato didn't know exactly why. "There's an American company, Babel   
Technologies Limited, that has apparently been working on developing an   
alternative to the Evangelions." She paused. "Apparently, NERV's   
American branches have been working with the company, along with the US   
government. We only got a report from our intelligence department   
about it recently."  
  
Scowling, Nieve slammed her fist down on the table, furious. "I -knew-   
it!" she snapped, gritting her teeth in anger, feeling as though she'd   
been violated even further by not knowing the details. "I knew that   
there had to be a reason why we had to go by ship instead of going   
through America. I didn't think that it would be that bad, but..."   
Sighing, she leaned back, holding herself off the floor with her arms   
and still obviously angry, though she wasn't sure if it was more   
because she'd been delayed by the American obfuscation or because the   
implication was that she needed to be replaced. "So, NERV's going to   
do something about it, aren't they?"  
  
"Yes. Hear them out." Misato closed the refridgerator door, lunch in   
hand, and ignored Nieve's indignant squawk as she turned back towards   
the Children. "Listen, Nieve, if we just blow them off, then NERV will   
probably lose the support of the US, and considering the fact that   
we're in a budget crisis anyways, we'll only be shooting ourselves in   
the foot by doing it. So we're going to go to BT's presentation of   
their weapon, they'll do a demonstration, and the UN will decide   
whether they want NERV to switch to their project instead of our own."   
Nieve coninued to glare at her, and she sighed. "Nieve, it's not going   
to be able to manifest an AT Field. It's not using any of the   
technology that's been developed with the Evangelion project. There's   
no way that it can stand up to an Angel, and I'm sure that will be made   
clear in the demonstration."  
  
"And what if they don't?" snapped Nieve in response, obviously in no   
mood to back down. "I know that the UN has only given approval to the   
project because they've realized that they don't possess any weaponry   
strong enough to destroy the Angels. If they think that they've got   
something capable of hurting them, they'll sideline NERV again!"   
Misato said nothing, and Nieve's scowl deepened as she slammed both of   
her fists down on the table. "I'm starting to think that you want   
their new weapon to work!"  
  
"Maybe I -do-," replied Misato, freezing in mid-step and then turning   
back towards Nieve. Nieve was about to speak up again, but she could   
see the strange expression dancing in Misato's eyes, somewhere between   
concern and simply anger. "You're not invincible. None of you are.   
And fighting the Angels isn't a video game, it's real life." She   
paused, realizing that she was sounding far harsher than she wanted to,   
and forced herself to take a deep breath. "The point is, if they come   
up with something that could actually fight the Angels without putting   
your lives in danger, I'd be happy to use it instead."  
  
Nieve wanted to say something in response, wanted to say that she'd   
almost rather have her life on the line and at least know that she was   
in control of whether or not the Angels won. But Misato's expression   
told her that it was better to hold her tongue, and she went back to   
eating her cereal, scowling as Misato stepped down into the area where   
her shoes were, slipping on her heels casually. "I'll be back late   
tonight, probably," Misato announced, staring at both of the Children   
and hoping for some kind of response. "Have a good day, both of you."  
  
The door closed behind her, and Neil and Nieve both sat in silence for   
a second or two. Then Nieve leaned over and smacked Neil firmly in the   
back of the head, feeling more frustrated than ever. He turned towards   
her with a questioning expression on his face, but she already knew the   
question. "You could have said something to back me up, you know," she   
said, sounding rather hurt. "We're pilots. We've got to stick   
together about these things."  
  
Shutting his eyes, Neil remembered the surge of anger that he'd gotten   
when he and Nieve had first met, remembered the way it had felt when he   
had hit Vash on the day they had met. It was a dangerously   
intoxicating feeling, and even the memory of it send a small tremor of   
adrenaline through him. "Maybe Misato's right," he said, standing   
despite the fact that he wasn't done with his meal. "Maybe it's better   
if there is an alternative, if we're not the people that are piloting   
the Evas."  
  
Left speechless by the boy's statement, Nieve simply sat and watched as   
Neil got up and went to his room, shutting the door behind him. She   
suddenly felt very small, unsure of what to do, and very much a   
spectator instead of an authority. She wanted to know what was going   
on, but more and more it felt as though others were plucking her   
strings. The thought was an uncomfortable one, and she pushed it from   
her head, focusing instead on her momentary resentment of Neil's   
statement. "Men," she muttered to herself, recalling how casually Kaji   
had taken their delayed arrival. "They just don't understand anything."  
  
]++[  
  
Vash could already tell what Kensuke was thinking, staring at the other   
boy with a blank expression. School being out had given him an excuse   
for not seeing his friend, but with the beginning of the week, there   
was no longer anything he could do. Instead, it had become a waiting   
game, Vash slumped back against the wall with his chair leaning back,   
Kensuke turned just far enough to stare at the other boy, both waiting   
for the other to say something. After what seemed like an eternity,   
Kensuke sighed, shaking his head and adjusting his glasses before   
staring at Vash once again. "Let me get this straight," he said,   
sounding a little baffled. "You had the Eva. You knew how to pilot   
it. You knew where the Angel was. Am I getting all this right?"  
  
"And the damn thing sent me back into the docks," replied Vash,   
gritting his teeth. He was resentful of the whole occurence on more   
levels than he could even begin to enumerate, especially knowing that   
it just made Neil seem all the more innocent for his actions. "Look,   
Kensuke, it wasn't up to me. I was recalled. You're the military   
buff, you should know that I couldn't choose whether or not I felt like   
coming back in."  
  
"Yeah, but I'm not the one who was in the Eva," replied Kensuke,   
shutting his eyes and grinning as the thought passed through his mind.   
Vash's scowl deepend, feeling as though he was receiving all the wrong   
kinds of attention. "Heck, after all that posturing about how you were   
going to show those slackers at NERV how an Eva should be piloted, it   
was that gaijin that wound up defeating the Angel, wasn't it?"  
  
"His name is Neil," replied Vash, sitting up, unsure of why he felt the   
urge to defend the other boy. He shook his head, closing his eyes for   
a second before glaring at Kensuke again. "Besides, he had Eiko   
protecting him, otherwise he would have been out of there as quickly as   
I was. I said that the two of us would show them, didn't I? How would   
they have done it without me?"  
  
One of the boys sitting next to Vash chuckled, and he glanced over,   
certain that they were either laughing at him or about him. The stare   
was harsh enough that the boy felt the urge to explain, and he opened   
his mouth, then started laughing again. "You mean, 'How would they   
have done it without my girlfriend,' right?"  
  
Gritting his teeth, Vash snapped his head back towards the front of the   
room, focusing on the white walls of the classroom and the bland green   
of the chalkboard. "That's a pretty prejudiced view to take," he   
muttered, narrowing his eyes and feeling the stares of Kensuke and the   
others on him. There was a time that he could have deflected all of it   
with a casual joke, but now he'd lost that ability with his rather   
public failure, and all he could do was endure. "Where is Hikari,   
anyways? She should be telling us that class is starting soon."  
  
Ryo was distantly aware of the conversations going on behind him, but   
he payed them little mind, hearing Vash defend himself against the   
assertions of others that he had done terribly in the Eva. He had   
other things on his mind, most importantly Niobe's comments before he   
had left. Staring out the window with a blank expression, he watched   
as the sun traced its golden rays across the city, light glinting off   
the irregular window or the sheen of a car, the sky a mix of clear blue   
and vapor-filled white clouds. It was the ideal day, and aside from   
the ongoing recovery operation being performed on the remains of the   
Fifth Angel, an operation going on too far away for Ryo to be able to   
see it, the city looked like any other Japanese city in the wake of the   
Second Impact.  
  
"Ayanami-san?" The voice was one he was familiar with by association,   
and he turned his head towards the desk next to him to see Eiko,   
sitting as usual, always seeming somewhat nervous about talking with   
him. He stared at her, assuming that would be acknowledgement enough   
of his attention, and she swallowed hard. "Have you... have you seen   
Neil since the last battle? I thought that he was going to -"  
  
"Neil was on the ship transporting the Second and Sixth Children," Ryo   
replied flatly, surprised that she hadn't been informed by Dr. Ikari or   
Dr. Fuyutsuki. Not wishing to continue the conversation, he looked   
back out the window, observing the city again, Eiko's presence   
reminding him of the sketch that he still held in his bag. For the   
briefest of seconds, he wondered about the connection between that   
object and the objects in Niobe's room, wondering if their purpose was   
the same.  
  
Forcibly reminding herself that Ryo was just another kid her age, Eiko   
reached over and tugged on his shoulder, turning him back towards her.   
She was momentarily worried that he would be angry, but if he was he   
certainly didn't show it, keeping the same flat expression that he wore   
at nearly all times. "Didn't an Angel attack on the ship?" she asked,   
certain that Ryo would know the answer. "I heard rumors that the JSSDF   
Naval Branch was going to be deployed, because it looked like the ships   
weren't going to be able to activate the Evas."  
  
Ryo blinked for a second, feeling something that he'd never felt   
before. The small period of time since Neil's arrival had seen a   
number of new emotions enter his world, but this was one of the more   
awkward ones, something that told him he simply didn't want to talk to   
her for whatever reason. "You should ask Captain Katsuragi about these   
things," he said flatly, turning back towards the window. "Dr. Ikari   
has told me not to discuss NERV's operations in school."  
  
Eiko frowned, unsure of how to interepret the response. With any of   
her friends, she would have known that they were being flippant, and if   
she'd said that her parents had told her not to do something it was   
almost a certain precursor to her doing precisely that. But Ayanami's   
statement seemed different, as though it genuinely mattered to him that   
the commander had given him the order. "All right, all right, I'll ask   
them this afternoon. Will you at least tell me what's going on with   
Neil?"  
  
"I believe that the Second Child has moved in with he and Captain   
Katsuragi," he replied, still feeling the awkward sense of almost   
impatience at the back of his skull, not bothering to turn towards Eiko   
this time. "Her housing arrangements were made before she arrived in   
Tokyo-3." Eiko didn't say anything in response, and he took it to mean   
that she was finished talking, allowing him to refocus his attention on   
the situation in his apartment with Niobe.  
  
"She...?" Eiko whispered the word to herself, not loud enough for Ryo   
to hear, not wanting to explain emotions to him that she didn't even   
fully understand herself. It wasn't particularly unusual, she assumed,   
to have the personnel for a military organization housed together,   
though she knew that Kensuke would know the answer. But something in   
her didn't want for Neil to be living with a girl, to be living near   
anyone else female. She frowned, sinking her head and shutting her   
eyes tightly, trying to understand why it even mattered to her.  
  
At the back of the room, Vash could see Eiko's head sink, and he knew   
from experience that it meant she was upset about something. He'd been   
humiliated enough already, but he didn't like the thought that she was   
being humiliated by something else, the idea that he was falling down   
on his own tasks because of his classmates. "Hey, Eiko!" he shouted,   
starting to stand from his seat. She turned her head towards him, then   
one of the girls from the glass shoved her head in front of him, asking   
him some mocking question that he was only paying the vaguest attention   
to. Grimacing, he tried to stand, but he still found himself   
surrounded by a sea of noisy questions.  
  
Ryo was lost in his thoughts, an experience that he wasn't accustomed   
to, when he heard Eiko's chair slide back. Slightly curious, he   
glanced towards her, then followed her gaze towards the back of the   
room, seeing Vash swamped by almost the entire remainder of the class.   
"Vash isn't doing too well," she muttered, only barely speaking loud   
enough for Ryo to overhear.  
  
Closing his eyes, Ryo remembered Eiko's words to him before, standing   
in front of EVA-00. Pushing his own chair back, not quite sure of what   
he was doing, he stepped towards the group of students, startling them   
simply by the fact that he'd moved out of his seat towards them.   
"Leave him alone," he said flatly, his quiet voice carrying an   
intensity with it that somehow managed to cut through the louder voices   
surrounding Vash. "He was given poor tools to work with in his first   
encounter. That's all." He paused, letting his words sink in as he   
lowered his gaze slightly. "He didn't understand what it was like to   
pilot an Eva any more than you do. Now he does."  
  
There seemed to be something hiding within Ryo's words, and that   
combined with his simple bluntness effectively silenced everyone as he   
walked back to his desk, sitting down without another word and turning   
back towards the window. The emotions stirring with him hadn't   
entirely settled from his actions, but they seemed different somehow,   
in a way that he simply couldn't place. Shutting his eyes for a moment   
before staring back out at Tokyo-3, wondering why he was feeling   
different now, what all of the new things in his life meant for him.  
  
]++[  
  
Despite her best efforts, Misato had managed to be late for the   
departure to the conference, and she'd had to turn around and speed her   
way across Japan to Tokyo-2 in order to be there in time, something   
she'd tried to explain to a police officer before showing him her NERV   
ID and getting back on her way. It was somewhat embarassing, but she'd   
never been particularly adept at the art of being anything other than   
late, something she remembered her mother always scolding her for.   
And, as if to aggravate the problem further, the parking spaces   
allotted for NERV's core personnel had already been filled, meaning   
that she had to take the only free spot in the parking garage on the   
lowest level before running in high heels into the building and to the   
conference room where it was being held.  
  
It was as much of a surprise to her as she expected it would be to the   
rest of the staff at the meeting when she managed to walk in before the   
presentation had started, and she checked her watch to find that she   
had a good ten minutes before the speaker was scheduled to begin. The   
projector was showing the classic Second Impact footage, the orbital   
pictures of a huge explosion, the news reports about a tiny object   
moving at amazing speeds hitting and melting the South Pole from   
orbit. Smiling to herself, she smoothed back her hair, then casually   
walked across the tan-walled room, heels clicking despite the thin   
black carpeting as she approached the circular table reserved for   
NERV's senior officers. She could see Ritsuko's blonde hair before she   
reached the table, and she tried to take her seat as casually as   
possible, hoping that the other woman wouldn't make an issue out of her   
timing. "Hey, Ritsuko," she said, smiling at the other woman as she   
sat and waved. "Have you been waiting long?"  
  
"We left when we were scheduled, Captain Katsuragi," replied the other   
woman, wearing a deep blue outfit otherwise similar to Misato's, her   
white lab coat wrapped around her and trailing over the edge of the   
chair. Misato sighed almost involuntarily, knowing now that she wasn't   
going to be able to live down the situation. "You hadn't arrived at   
the time."  
  
"There were other things that required my attention," she replied   
flatly, staring up at the screen in front of her, watching the latest   
computer-rendered display of the meteor tearing through the atmosphere   
and striking the ice cap. She bit her lip, forcing herself to keep   
away from her first reaction. "Nieve was distressed by the implication   
that we're willing to sell her out for the first alternative that comes   
along."  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, shutting her eyes and letting a humorless smile   
drift across her face for a moment before taking a sip of the champagne   
in front of her. "That's hardly something she needs to worry about,"   
replied Ritsuko. "Whatever the Americans have cooked up, it won't be   
able to manifest an AT Field." She paused, and Misato knew what she   
was doing, trying to let her implications sink in before she said them   
outright. It was a habit that Misato remembered from the earliest days   
that she'd known Ritsuko, something that had annoyed her then and still   
did. "You should have told that to Nieve."  
  
"I did," Misato replied, still watching the footage, her left hand   
resting on the white tablecloth of their table while her right moved   
unconsciously to a spot an inch or so below her left breast, feeling   
the mark beneath it even through the layers of cloth. "It didn't do   
any good." Turning towards Ritsuko, she wondered how the other woman   
managed to stay so certain about the situation, how she had no doubts   
that their jobs would still be there when they woke up the next   
morning. "You can hardly blame her. Her mother and father gave their   
lives to the project... more even than that. And she's on the road to   
do just the same."  
  
"She has nothing to be worried about," replied Ritsuko, uncrossing her   
legs and then crossing them again in the opposite direction, obviously   
fighting the urge to light a cigarette. "If the American branch didn't   
use information from Project Evangelion, then they can't have developed   
anything capable of using an AT Field. And if they did use information   
from our project, then they wouldn't have brought us here, because all   
they would have is an alternative design."  
  
Misato sighed heavily, feeling as though she were carrying on a   
conversation with a brick wall. Sometimes she thought it would   
actually be better if Ritsuko didn't have emotions, so that she didn't   
lace all of her words with an air of self-importance, with the   
implications that she was doing everything right and Misato was doing   
everything wrong. Forcing herself to think about something else,   
Misato turned back towards the screen, noticing that the footage had   
looped back to the orbital photos and news reports. "You don't think   
that the American branch told the company what actually happened at   
Antarctica, do you?"  
  
"Perhaps," replied Ritsuko, still sounding remarkably calm about the   
situation. "It's NERV's best-known classified information. Many   
governments that weren't to be informed managed to obtain the data   
anyways." She paused to sip her drink, now focusing on the footage as   
well. "But unless the American branches managed to gain tremendous   
resources when we weren't watching, I doubt they know everything. We   
didn't tell them the whole truth, after all."  
  
Opening her mouth to reply, Misato was cut off when she saw Ryoji Kaji   
walking towards the table, dressed in the black uniform of NERV's   
Intelligence Division, his top button left open and black tie hanging   
loosely around his neck. He wore his usual casual expression, ponytail   
swinging back and forth behind him, the same two-day beard stubble that   
had always infuriated her. "What are you doing here?" she hissed as he   
sat down next to Ritsuko, leaning across the table in an effort to keep   
the conversation as private as possible.  
  
"Acting as the head of NERV Intelligence," Kaji replied bluntly,   
leaning back in his chair and obviously not worried in the least by   
Misato's concern. "Didn't you hear? Considering that the last   
director obviously didn't have as tight a hold on NERV's various   
divisions as he thought he did, he got replaced. I was next in line,   
apparently." He shrugged, offering only a smile in response to   
Misato's irate stare. "I'm as surprised as you are, frankly."  
  
"Surprised doesn't begin to describe it," muttered Misato, turning   
angrily back towards the main screen with her arms crossed. She wanted   
to say something to him, but the words didn't seem to want to come, at   
the tip of her tongue but just barely managing to escape her somehow.   
Irritated now by the presence of Kaji, Ritsuko's cold arrogance towards   
her, and the fact that she had been late in the first place, she   
glanced at her watch, hoping that the presentation would begin soon.  
  
Before her eyes could fully register the small digital numbers, the   
room began darkening, and the Second Impact footage faded away,   
signaling the start of the presentation and the first good news that   
Misato had gotten since the day had begun. There was a brief moment of   
silence and darkness before a man stepped up to the podium in front of   
the display screen, the darkness managing to obscure his features. He   
coughed gently, and the projector began rolling a new sequence of   
pictures, still of the Second Impact. The man let a few shots of the   
sequence show, then bent the microphone in front of him down and began   
to speak.  
  
"Sixteen years ago, the first of January, the year 2000, at   
approximately 8:23 GMT, an asteroid struck Antarctica with enough force   
to utterly destroy the ice cap." The sentence was accompanied by   
camera footage of the cap immediately after the impact, almost entirely   
empty except for a few remaining icebergs. "A research team on the   
site was lost as the first casualties of the strike, but many soon   
joined them as global water levels rose and the climate of the Earth   
underwent immediate changes." The sequence changed to a slow pan of   
the buildings of Manhattan, some still poking out of the water at the   
very top. "It was termed the Second Impact, after the First Impact   
that destroyed the dinosaurs. We humans proved significantly harder to   
kill off."  
  
Another sequence began to show, this one of NERV's American facility   
under construction. Misato mentally noted the convenience that they   
were showing only the American side of the equation, but she held her   
tongue, knowing that any outbursts would only make things worse. "It   
was only a short time after the Second Impact that we learned the truly   
horrific implications of what had happened. A research branch of the   
UN, NERV, learned that among the other changes, the strike had awakened   
a race of beings known as the 'Angels', creatures of unknown biology   
and shocking power. It was almost certain that mankind would be wiped   
out by these beasts, unless some kind of defense was formed."  
  
Once again, the display behind the speaker changed, this time showing   
EVA-03 in dock in its American facility. "The head of NERV at Tokyo-3   
threw its resources behind the Evangelion project, headed by Dr. Gendou   
Ikari and Dr. Yui Ikari. However, the project suffered from numerous   
setbacks, including but not limited to the death of Mrs. Ikari and the   
fact that the project itself was based off of unreliable science to   
begin with.  
  
Misato tensed, and she felt herself gripping the tablecloth more   
tightly as the sequence behind the speaker began to show the opening   
moments of the battle against the Third Angel. Ritsuko put a hand on   
her shoulder, and she glared at the other woman, though she couldn't   
tell if it was because she resented the implication or that she was   
simply angry about the presentation. "They're intentionally showing us   
at our worst," Misato snarled. "They don't even understand what's   
going on, and they're making us out to be crackpots."  
  
"Don't worry," replied Ritsuko, managing to sound almost non-  
condescending with her tone of voice. She placed her hand gently on   
Misato's shoulder, and Misato sighed, feeling even more like a child   
that had to be kept under control as the speaker continued to speak of   
the flaws of Project Evangelion and its lackluster performances against   
the Angels. "This will never get off the ground. I'm certain of it."  
  
The speaker paused for a moment, then waved his hand, and the lights   
snapped back on, the presentation screen behind him going blank.   
"However, NERV's American branches invested their research into more   
productive methods of holding off the Angels, and we're proud to   
announce that we've at long last been successful at producing a   
reliable, -functional- defense against the Angels. Ladies and   
gentlemen, I present to you the first fully autonomous combat robot,   
Jet Alone!"  
  
With a flourish, the presentation screen rose behind the speaker to   
reveal a window, staring out into a cool gray room that housed the   
robot he spoke of. It was equal in scale to the Evas, from what Misato   
could see, with a bulky white torso and a squat red head almost seeming   
to be stuck on as an afterthought. There wasn't much of the machine   
visible, but she could already hear the murmurs amongst the crowd about   
the machine's appearance, apparently pleased that it was less   
disturbing than the Eva. Misato grimaced, and she stood forcefully, no   
longer able to control herself. "That machine wouldn't last a minute   
against an Angel!" she snapped, sounding angrier than she'd meant but   
as angry as she felt.  
  
Pausing for a second, the speaker smiled and gestured towards Misato, a   
condescending attitude about him. He reminded Misato of someone she'd   
seen in a movie once, a used-car salesman that simply seemed to ooze   
slime. From her point of view, it seemed an apt comparison. "And we   
hear from the senior staff of NERV, at long last." The comment met   
with a chuckle throughout the room, something that served only to   
aggravate Misato's anger. "Well, ma'am, I wasn't planning on opening   
the floor to questions just yet, but since you insist, please, explain   
to us why it wouldn't work."  
  
Misato sighed, but before she could say a word Ritsuko stood behind   
her. She wanted to look back, to tell if Ritsuko was looking at her   
with anger or approval, but she knew that doing anything of the sort   
would make NERV look even worse. Coughing, Ritsuko turned the   
attention of the room towards her, a minor shift from Misato. "It   
can't manifest an AT Field," she announced, sounding perfectly calm.   
"The whole reason that the Evangelion units are being used is because   
they are capable of utilizing and neutralizing the AT Fields of the   
Angels."  
  
"Ah, yes. I almost forgot. The Absolute Terror Field, the absolute   
crowning achievement of Project Evangelion." Leaning forward on his   
podium, the speaker stared at Ritsuko, a cocky half-smirk on his face   
at the mention of the field. Misato winced involuntarily, seeing that   
the man had obviously been prepared for the mention. "Such an   
acheivement, in fact, that I have yet to see a single coherent   
explanation of what it is. In fact, I have yet to see much coherent   
explanations about -anything- coming out of the project. Very   
convenient, isn't it?"  
  
"If you don't believe me, you can look at the battle footage," replied   
Ritsuko, her calm not shaken whatsoever by the murmurs of the other   
attendees. "The phenomenon classified as the AT Field is displayed   
clearly in all of the encounters we have had with the Angels. And in   
all cases, it was necessary for an Evangelion unit to neutralize the AT   
Field of the target."  
  
The speaker opened his mouth to speak again, but Misato stepped forward   
before he had even said a word. "Dr. Akagi is forgetting something.   
The battle footage will also clearly demonstrate how effective   
conventional weapons are." She offered the same kind of smug grin to   
the speaker that he had been wearing moments earlier, a gesture that he   
replied to with an outright frown. "Jet Alone is a conventional   
weapon. Do you really think that that's all there is to it? Throw a   
big enough weapon at the Angels, and eventually they'll make a dent?   
If an N2 mine wasn't able to damage an Angel, how will Jet Alone do any   
better?"  
  
"It won't have children staking their lives on its reliability,"   
replied the speaker, drawing another chorus of murmurs from the   
assembled crowd. Misato's gaze narrowed as she gritted her teeth,   
annoyed at the thought that he would try to play on the audience's   
sympathies so blatantly. "Perhaps some of you aren't aware of this -   
the Evangelions are piloted by sixteen-year old children. Children   
recruited specifically by NERV, not volunteers."  
  
Once again, the crowd began to talk amongst itself, and the speaker   
grinned again at Misato, almost as if he were challenging her to come   
up with a better argument. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to   
block out the nagging suspicions that she was still having about   
precisely that, forcing herself not to think about the injuries that   
she'd seen the Children suffer. "They're not forced to stay," she   
replied, letting her eyes open once again and staring dead at the man   
at the podium. "We ask them to come, and they say yes. They're free   
to leave at any time."  
  
"And I imagine that you make that option perfectly clear," replied the   
speaker, provoking another murmur through the crowd. Some part of   
Misato knew that he was trying to egg her on, and that same part   
recognized that despite everything he was succeeding. "Another bit of   
Project Evangelion's science, the concept that only these children can   
pilot the machines. Rather sketchy, if you ask me."  
  
"But if only certain adults could pilot the machines, I doubt that   
you'd have any problem with that," replied Misato, forcing herself to   
keep her anger in check, somewhat gratified by the fact that the crowd   
was at least equally receptive to her statements as those of the   
speaker. "Frankly, isn't everyone's life at stake when it comes to the   
Angels? Is it any less fair to ask for children to pilot the Evas than   
it is to ask the rest of us to sit and watch?"  
  
The statement stung Misato even before she'd finished it, and she felt   
guilty about saying it, but she continued to stand, making sure that   
her facade didn't falter for a moment. The speaker seemed to have no   
such compunctions. "I think that's precisely the point I was trying to   
make," he muttered, his face obviously displeased with the direction   
that the session had taken. "All right, everyone. Questions will no   
longer be fielded. The demonstration of Jet Alone's capabilities will   
begin in approximately half an hour." He paused, obviously nervous.   
"You'll have the chance to decide for yourselves who you want to rely   
on."  
  
]++[  
  
EVA-00's repairs had been completed, aside from the standard   
maintenance performed on the machine, and for some reason Ryo found   
himself feeling unusual about that fact. The routine was one that he'd   
had drilled into his brain long before he ever got inside of the   
machine - it would be activated, be repaired, be activated again, be   
repaired again, and so on until all of the Angels had been destroyed.   
But there had never been any mention of the machine's design, of the   
color or appearance of his machine. He hadn't noticed it before, but   
after his conversation with Niobe, the thought wouldn't leave his head,   
the fact that his Evangelion unit was no longer the same as he   
remembered it.  
  
Objectively, it was immaterial. He knew that all it meant was he had a   
new routine to memorize, that now his unit was changed and he had to   
work with it. Yet as he stared at the single red eye of the machine,   
the blue helmet, the chest surrounded by the nutrient bath that kept   
the biological portions of the machine functioning correctly, he found   
himself wondering if perhaps the Evangelion itself was his equivalent   
of Niobe's keepsakes. It was an odd thought, and he realized it,   
sitting on the cold metal catwalk in his plugsuit, watching the machine   
remain stationary, two red eyes staring into a lone red eye. He knew   
that the machine was his to use, but he was almost certain that he did   
not use it to remember, which meant by Niobe's definition that it was   
not a keepsake. Still, the thought wouldn't leave his mind.  
  
"Ayanami Ryo, right?" The voice surprised Ryo, and he turned to see a   
red-haired girl in a bright red plugsuit at the end of the catwalk that   
led further into the Eva hangars, the blocky numbers on her chest   
marking her as the Second Child. He stared at her for a second, then   
rose to his feet and nodded, and she walked over to him, a slight   
bounce in her step as she extended her hand while walking. "I'm Nieve   
Soryu-Leary. Pleased to finally meet you."  
  
Ryo took her hand and shook it once she got close enough, examining her   
quickly before turning back towards his machine. For his purposes, the   
conversation had no reason to continue. Feeling a hard tap on his   
shoulder, he turned towards her, seeing that she obviously had very   
different feelings on the matter. "Aren't you going to talk to me?"   
she asked, looking a little hurt. "Seeing as how I'm the new Child and   
all?"  
  
"I hadn't planned on it," replied Ryo, turning back towards the Eva,   
his mind fixed on his prior train of thought. He was examining the   
project logically, a routine that he'd been taught by Gendou, something   
he expected primarily to use against the Angels. He knew that Eiko had   
mentioned her sketch was a keepsake for Neil, and he knew that it was   
supposed to be something that helped one remember. He also knew that   
Eiko had defended Neil with her life, and he knew that Neil had   
defended him with his life. There was a connection beneath it all, one   
just out of his reach, and it brought on the same sensation that he'd   
felt when Eiko was talking with him before in class.  
  
Nieve watched for a moment, trying to be polite, then shook her head   
and tapped Ryo hard on the shoulder again. He remained stationary for   
a moment, then turned his head towards her, eyes staring at her with an   
inexplicable intensity. "What are you thinking about?" she asked,   
trying to strike up a conversation once again as she glanced towards   
EVA-00 herself, admiring the machine's smooth lines. "You're obviously   
lost in thought, and it's obviously something about the Eva. So,   
what's going on?"  
  
To the best of Ryo's memory, nobody had ever asked him what he was   
thinking about, not even Gendou. The question felt odd, a definite   
break from routine, and he wondered for a moment if he should just   
remain silent. "I... I was thinking about events that have happened   
recently. I was attempting to figure something out." He paused, then   
turned back towards EVA-00, feeling as though he'd done something   
wrong. "I don't know exactly what."  
  
"Hmm. Fair enough." The statement sounded more than a little odd to   
Nieve, but she could identify with the feeling at least slightly, and   
besides that she didn't want to create tension between her and her   
fellows. Turning fully towards the blue unit herself, she crossed her   
arms across her chest, slightly unnerved by the synchronicity of the   
Eva's red eye compared with Ryo's eyes. "These machines are funny like   
that - even though you control them, you get to thinking about why you   
bother with it." She paused, her voice audibly shifting down   
slightly. "Why you stick with it even with all the bad things they   
bring to you."  
  
Ryo caught a hint of something else in Nieve's tone, but he didn't know   
what, lost in another train of thought. Perhaps there was a connection   
between why Eiko defended Neil and wanted him to have the sketch that   
lay within the piloting of the Eva. "Why do you pilot Eva?" he asked,   
turning slightly towards Nieve.  
  
Nieve grinned broadly and flashed Ryo an enthusiastic thumb's-up, the   
note of sorrow from her earlier words completely gone. "Because you're   
in complete control inside of the Evangelion," she replied, turning her   
smile back towards the machine and re-crossing her arms. "No matter   
how little you can control in the world around you, the Eva is yours.   
Nobody else can pilot it, nobody else can control it." She smirked to   
herself, lowering her head slightly. "You get to be the ruler of your   
own little castle."  
  
"Control," muttered Ryo, staring back at the Eva. He had been told by   
Gendou that he piloted the machine for the good of humanity, but if the   
others piloted it the way that Nieve described, it would certainly   
offer explanations about what was going on. His mind was forming   
connections quickly, extrapolating the idea that Eiko had been piloting   
the Eva to the fact that she had saved Neil, an oddly warm sensation   
flooding his body. "I understand."  
  
"Well, it's not a tough concept," she replied, more for her own benefit   
than his. She glanced towards the boy, his eyes still fixed on the   
Eva, and found herself wondering almost involuntarily what he was so   
intent on figuring out, what gave him the strange sort of intensity   
that he was carrying with him. Shaking her head, she turned towards   
the exit out of the Eva hangars, stepping around Ryo gingerly. "I'm   
going to go get changed. I just needed to come in for some minor synch   
work - most of my data's up to date, with all the testing NERV required   
up in Ireland. You..." She paused, unsure of how to say goodbye to   
the boy. "I hope you figure out whatever it is you're thinking about."  
  
"I will," replied Ryo, his voice flat but his mind racing. The noise   
of the catwalk door opening and closing only distantly registered in   
his brain, with his brain far more intent on finishing the connections   
that Nieve had started him on. He was intrigued by the fact that she   
could come up to the solution to his questioning so quickly, even   
without knowing most of the situation. Staring into EVA-00's eye, he   
wondered if perhaps Nieve's statement had wider implications than she   
had said, that the Eva was a path to controlling others as well.  
  
]++[  
  
Sitting in one of the chairs set up for the viewing of Jet Alone's   
military demonstration, Misato found herself checking her watch for   
what seemed like the thousandth time in only a few minutes. There were   
still fifteen more minutes until the demonstration started, and with   
the slow crawl of minutes after the embarassing events of earlier it   
seemed as though it would be fifteen hours. But she'd forced herself   
to sit in the bland green skybox overlooking an abandoned airfield,   
Jet Alone visible at the far end of the field as various personnel set   
up what she assumed would be the tests for the machine. If nothing   
else, she wanted to prove to Ritsuko that she could be on time.  
  
Ritsuko, unsurprisingly, had given Misato a few choice words about her   
outburst after the fact, but Misato had been paying little attention to   
the other woman's scolding, more concerned about what she'd said to the   
speaker. She remembered Neil's anger at being coerced into the   
situation, remembered how Vash and Eiko were practically shoved in   
their machines with less than a day of training. For all that she   
wanted to believe that she was telling the truth, that she wasn't party   
to an organization that went about and randomly stole children for its   
own purposes, she was feeling as though that was the ugly truth of the   
situation.  
  
"Mind if I sit here?" The voice was deep, masculine, and familiar, and   
Misato whipped up her head to see Kaji standing over the seat next to   
her, mouth curled into his characteristic smirk, obviously not troubled   
in the least by the demonstration about to take place. Misato said   
nothing for a moment, then gestured towards the seat with a wide motion   
of her arm, a clear indication for him to sit. He nodded in gratitude,   
then took his seat, still staring at Misato. "Thanks. This place is   
starting to fill up."  
  
"Don't get the wrong impression," Misato snapped, whirling towards Kaji   
and glaring at him. "I'm not letting you sit there because we have a   
past. I'm letting you sit there because those of us who actually know   
what's going on in this situation need to stick together." She   
paused. "It's no coincidence that most of the NERV staff that's in   
attendance today works at the American branch. They wanted to make it   
look like they were being fair, but they just want to have our   
positions. So we staff members need to stick together."  
  
"Actually, I hadn't even considered the possibility you were giving the   
seat to me because of us," replied Kaji, leaning back and stretching   
his arms into the air above him. Misato frowned at him, then turned   
back towards the airfield, knowing that Kaji was at least partially   
lying but having no way of doing anything about it. "I thought that   
you were just giving the seat to someone who asked."  
  
Sighing, Misato turned her head towards the wall on her left, closing   
her eyes as she looked specifically away from Kaji. "Why are you here,   
Kaji?" she asked, feeling suddenly as though she was back in college   
all over again. "You weren't in NERV before. You weren't even in it   
when I joined, when we were still together." She paused, an idea   
occuring to her. "Did you come here for me?"  
  
"I came to find something," replied Kaji, the humor seemingly   
evaporated from his voice. Misato turned back towards him and could   
see that he was being deathly serious, something that she'd only seen   
happen a few times in all the time she'd known him. His eyes were   
focused on Jet Alone, but she knew that he wasn't actually looking at   
it, that the robot simply provided a convenient object to stare at.   
"That's all you need to know right now. You'll find out eventually."   
He paused, then turned towards her with a grin, as though he could   
cover everything up simply by acting casual again. "Besides, right   
now, I'm just here to watch the Americans make fools out of themselves."  
  
"You're in the right place." Neither Misato or Kaji had noticed   
Ritsuko enter the room, nor had they seen her walk towards them until   
she was standing more or less directly over Kaji's shoulder. She   
seemed not to mind the fact that she had been unintentionally ignored,   
simply sitting down without any ceremony and staring out at the robot.   
"I managed to get a look at the robot's blueprints, and the thing isn't   
capable of manifesting an AT Field. It won't be an effective weapon   
against the Angels."  
  
"That's great, Ritsuko, but we don't have any Angels handy to   
demonstrate that fact," replied Misato, slumping down slightly in her   
chair. Checking her watch, she could see that there were only a few   
moments until the presentation began, a fact that did little to   
reassure her. "They'll just see the fact that it works against   
conventional targets, and they'll find it a lot more comfortable than   
the idea of sending out children. We'll be back to square one."  
  
Neither Ritsuko nor Kaji had a response to Misato's statement, and the   
three staff members remained silent as the lights in the room dimmed   
slightly and Jet Alone began moving, the announcer's voice giving   
everyone watching a clear description of each action taken by the   
machine. Misato failed to be even vaguely interested, too worried   
about the prospects of sending the machine into combat against an Angel   
to be paying attention to its performace. She could see that it was an   
effective weapon, but it was hardly up to the standards of the Evas,   
even without considering the factor of the AT Field.  
  
Jet Alone's demonstration was scheduled for half an hour, and Misato   
found herself glancing at her watch in despair as the machine walked   
through a line of drone tanks, the loudspeaker coming on once again.   
"Jet Alone will now turn to the left and retrieve its primary armament,   
the experimental Phase Cannon." There was a pause. "Um... Jet Alone   
has apparently detected a threat outside of the primary target."  
  
Misato knew the tone of voice that someone used when trying to cover up   
from her own usage, and she brought her attention back towards the   
white robot as it lumbered across the airfield on its spindly limbs,   
moving far faster than it had been before. "Er... Jet Alone's onboard   
systems appear to have suffered a minor malfunction. It's nothing   
serious, a simple navigational error. We'll have it cleared up in a   
few moments."  
  
"They're lying," muttered Misato, watching as the machine lumbered off   
of the airfield and into the foothills surrounding the field, heedless   
of the obstacles in its path. She glanced towards Kaji and Ritsuko,   
and both nodded to her as she stood, headed for the exit with her   
companions close behind. She had to get to the command center for the   
robot, find out what was actually going on. And, though she hated the   
thought, she might find something out that would ensure the project's   
abandonment.  
  
Luckily enough for Misato, the control room was only a couple floors   
above, and it was only a short climb upwards into the center. Once she   
stepped inside, she could see that the officials were doing their best   
to contain a disaster before it became a catastrophe, the green metal   
room lighting up with red alerts all over, computer screens flashing   
angry screens and announcing the alert situation with grating noises.   
One of the staff members inside stepped towards Misato, but she pushed   
him aside, stepping into the room without even bothering to show her   
badge. "What's going on?" she demanded, drawing the immediate   
attention of nearly everyone in the room.  
  
An awkward pause hung in the air for a moment, then the speaker from   
the earlier presentation stepped forward, looking extremely nervous.   
"Jet Alone's undergone a serious malfunction. It's headed straight for   
Yokohama-2, south of here. Once there, it's apparently received orders   
to self-destruct." He paused, sighing heavily and obviously   
distraught. "It's not obeying any of our commands. Something's   
corrupted the system."  
  
Despite herself, Misato smirked, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt   
that the project wasn't going to get any further than it already had.   
"Shame about that, really. We're going to have to destroy the   
machine. Get in touch with the UN intercept forces, have them scramble   
the aerodrones to Jet Alone's location and -"  
  
"You can't do that!" exclaimed the former speaker, a panic rising in   
his eyes that gave Misato pause. All three of the NERV staff members   
stared at him for a second, and he sighed heavily, distraught. "Jet   
Alone is powered by a nuclear reactor. If you destroy it, then the   
reactor will go critical... it'll turn the area into a radioactive   
wasteland."  
  
Misato paused for a second, then clenched her fists tightly, resisting   
the urge to hit the speaker as hard as she could manage. "You knew   
this? And you were simply betting on the fact that it wouldn't get   
damaged in a battle?" The speaker offered no answer, and Misato   
slammed her fist against the nearest computer console, feeling the   
uncontrollable urge to do a lot more damage than simply hitting   
something. Then, taking a deep breath, she reached into one pocket of   
her jacket, retrieving a small cellular phone. "All right. I have an   
idea."  
  
]++[  
  
"Eiko, are you ready?" The question was a statement more than a   
question, with an obvious right and wrong answer, something that   
unnerved her slightly as she watched the ground race beneath her   
machine. She'd been stopped just before leaving the facility, told to   
quickly change back into her LCL-soaked plugsuit and get back into the   
Eva's entry plug, do just what she'd done before except for the fact   
that it was no longer a simply synchronization test. The mission   
information had only been relayed to her after she was in the air, over   
a static-filled radio connection with Misato. Luckily, the connection   
had grown better as they'd gotten closer, but with her Eva facing   
facedown towards the ground, her thoughts were more on how strong a   
hold the plane had one her machine than they were on the radio   
conenction.  
  
"I'm ready," she replied, knowing that she'd have to be sent in even if   
she wasn't "Get you into Jet Alone, then do my best to hold the   
machine back while you try to shut it down. Simple enough" Closing   
her eyes, she felt the Evangelion's limbs around her once again, the   
same as before, but this time Neil was nowhere nearby. He had been to   
the synch testing required and then left before she'd shown up, and   
she'd been stopped before she had a chance to go see him. She hadn't   
even been given a choice, just forced into the Eva. And she hated   
being forced. "Why am I being used, anyways?"  
  
"Your machine has armor designed to reflect energy projections from the   
Angels," replied Misato, watching as the speck in the sky that she knew   
was the Eva transport plane grew closer and closer. She had already   
changed to the skintight red-white radiation suit that Jet Alone's   
staff had provided, an awkward fit to say the least. "If I'm not able   
to make the thing shut down in time, you've got the best chance of   
survival."  
  
Misato's words sent a sudden tremor of panic down Eiko's body as the   
plane neared the drop point, the power cord attached to her back being   
given more slack in anticipation of her release. She'd felt confident   
before, knowing that Neil was there to keep her safe, but relying on   
Misato felt different. Despite the way that she knew she'd seemed, she   
also knew that she wasn't very brave. "You'll be able to shut it down,   
right?" she asked, watching as her display began to show the drop point   
far below with a blinking light. "I mean, it can't be that hard, can   
it?"  
  
Biting her lip, Misato watched the plane come closer, the silver   
surface of EVA-04 glinting in the sunlight. "I certainly hope it's not   
that hard," she replied, moments before the plane let out a burst of   
smoke and let the Eva begin to fall, the black cord trailing behind it   
unwinding from within the plane at an amazing pace. She watched as the   
machine seemed to suddenly realize that it was falling, moving from a   
prone position into a sort of mid-air crouch before it hit the ground   
hard, debris rising from the ground as a deafening crash filled the   
air, the gray pavement of the ground shattering under the landing's   
impact.  
  
Eiko remained crouching for a moment, then extended the Eva's hand   
towards the ground, letting Misato climb in. The woman climbed into   
the palm of the gigantic gray hand, looking almost like a speck against   
the sheer size of the Eva's palm. "All right," she said, still   
speaking over the radio as Eiko stood, clasping her other hand around   
Misato to make sure that the woman didn't fall. "Now you've got to   
catch up with Jet Alone. There should be some kind of guide on your   
display -"  
  
"Got it," replied Eiko, digging in her machine's heels for a second   
before she started it running, focusing her entirety on making the   
machine go as fast as she could, feeling its muscles pulsing just   
beneath the surface of its armor. She crashed out of the airfield,   
through forests and plains, the power feed from the plane remaining   
steady as she began to approach the white and red robot, crashing its   
way across the highway as cars fled from it. "I can see it, Misato!   
What now?"  
  
Ignoring the distinct dizziness that being jostled in EVA-04's hands   
had caused, Misato forced herself to remember her own momentary   
briefing. "Place me on the back of the machine," she replied,   
squinting slightly as the machine opened its hands and extended one   
towards the robot's back, running ever closer to the other machine.   
"Once I'm inside, get in front of the thing and do everything that you   
can to push it backwards. Your AT Field will help slow it down, but   
you might have to grapple with it - the field isn't really meant to be   
used like that."  
  
The robot was only walking, and while it took long strides it was only   
seconds before Eiko's hand was resting on the thing's back and Misato   
jumped off, flashing her a quick sign of approval before grabbing hold   
of a hatch and yanking it open forcefully, jumping inside. Gritting   
her teeth more firmly, Eiko moved to one side and ran around the   
machine, pushing her Eva's legs harder than she'd thought possible as   
the silver unit raced past the robot, then came to a stop slightly   
ahead of it as it turned to face Jet Alone. "AT Field, full power,"   
she muttered, focusing all her energy on the field itself and shoving   
the handles of her cockpit as far forward as they could go. The robot   
hit the octagonal field only a few meters away from EVA-04, then began   
pushing against it, obviously not distressed by the fact that it was   
being held back. "Shut it down, Misato."  
  
Misato distantly heard Eiko say something, but the thought was pushed   
from her mind as she entered the service room of Jet Alone, cast in a   
red light by the flashing alerts covering the room. The entire thing   
was a maze of pipes and cubes that didn't seem to serve any immediate   
function, obviously designed for engineers and not for her. Struggling   
to ignore the intense heat of the room, she glanced around for the   
console that she'd been told would be there, scanning the room for a   
second and wishing that the helmet she wore had some kind of peripheral   
vision before she noticed a flashing computer screen set up against a   
wall. Hopping over to the screen, she began tapping away at the   
keyboard, struggling to remember the commands as the screen flashed a   
warning of only four minutes remaining before self-destruct. "Eiko,   
this might take a minute."  
  
"Hurry!" Eiko shouted, already feeling the cold steel of Jet Alone's   
body pressing closer to hers, the AT Field buckling inward despite her   
concentration. She doubted that she could withstand the thing's death   
throes, much less grapple with it, but as it came closer she found   
herself without any other options, jerking her arms upwards and pushing   
them against the thing's chest, digging in her heels as best she   
could. "I can't hold it back!"  
  
"You're going to have to!" replied Misato, grimacing at the computer   
screen. "The system won't allow me access to it - I think it's part of   
the program malfunction! I'll have to shut it down manually!" She   
reminded herself mentally that she didn't know how to do that, then   
began looking around for something that looked as though she could move   
it, something that might be an emergency shutdown lever of some sort.   
"We've got three and a half minutes left until it explodes, at least."  
  
"That's supposed to make me feel better?" asked Eiko, noticing that   
someone up on the plane had seen fit to add the countdown clock to her   
display as well, blocky green numbers seeming to count down until her   
death. Panic gripped her body, and her hold on the Eva faltered for a   
moment, giving Jet Alone the chance to surge forward. The machine   
slammed into her chest, and she forced herself to stay upright,   
wrapping her arms around it and trying to push it backwards with all   
the force that the machine could muster. As she felt her heels digging   
furrows in the ground beneath her, however, she could tell that it   
wasn't working. "Please, Misato, shut it down. I don't want to die."  
  
"Neither do I," Misato muttered to herself, seeing what looked like a   
row of gigantic buttons along one wall of the room. Glancing around   
for a second to see if she could see any better possibilities for an   
emergency shutdown switch, she sighed and threw her body against the   
nearest cylinder, pushing all of her weight behind it. "I'm trying to   
shut it down, Eiko, but it seems like it's jammed in place." She   
paused, suddenly feeling very helpless as she struggled desperately   
against the warm metal. "I don't think I'm going to make it."  
  
Eiko felt something warm against her eyes, and for a moment she thought   
that the LCL was warming from damage, the way that it had against the   
Fifth Angel. Then she realized that tears were forming at the corners   
of her eyes as she strained against the machine, watching only the   
green numbers slowly tick away to a minute. "You've got to shut it   
down, Misato. You've got to." She felt the tears beginning to flow   
more freely, the white robot proving too forceful for her to hold it   
back. "I don't want to die. I don't want to die."  
  
Misato felt sweat pouring out of every conceivable part of her body,   
the thick scent of the salty fluid filling her nostrils and her mouth   
going bone-dry in the horrible heat of the room. All her efforts   
didn't seem to be even budging the metal cylinder in front of her, even   
as she forced everything she could behind it, trying to push it in,   
knowing that if she could just manage that everything would be all   
right. "I'm trying, Eiko," she replied through gritted teeth, the fear   
of death striking through her desperately. "I'm trying as hard as I   
can."  
  
The countdown was down to half a minute and going fast, and Eiko found   
herself unable to control her terror any longer, her focus on the Eva   
fading almost entirely. "Shut it down, Misato! I don't want to die!   
Please, there's more that I want to do!" Her tears were blurring her   
vision to practically nil, but she could still see the green numbers   
running down, closer and closer to their mutual destruction. "I don't   
want to die! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"  
  
In the back of her mind, Misato knew that the countdown was reaching   
the final seconds, and she forced everything she could against the   
cylinder one last time, still without it budging a centimeter.   
Defeated, she slumped weakly against it, knowing that she could no   
longer do anything. Then, as she leaned on the heated metal, she felt   
it suddenly retract along with its fellows against the wall, moving   
back to be flush with the surface of the metal room, the alert light   
going off. "It... it shut down," she muttered, unsure of what to think   
for a moment. "Jet Alone shut down."  
  
Eiko, curled into the fetal position with her eyes shut tight,   
tenatively opened them, almost unable to believe the words even as they   
echoed in the cockpit. The countdown had stopped at less than one   
second remaining. "You did it, Misato," she breathed, wiping away her   
tears as best she could in the liquid bath of the LCL. "You shut it   
down in time. You saved us both."  
  
"Yeah," replied the woman weakly, leaning against the now-smooth wall   
as the temperature returned to normal, knowing that she had nothing to   
do with Jet Alone's sudden decision to shut down. The machine had shut   
itself down at the last moment, and Misato knew that it wasn't a   
coincidence, that somebody had sabotaged the project. It was a   
foolproof plan - NERV looked better for having stopped the runaway   
robot, the robot itself would be scratched forever for having nearly   
unleashed a nuclear blast in Japan, and the American branches of NERV   
would get very firmly reminded of their place in the world. She   
remembered Ritsuko's insistence that the project wouldn't get off the   
ground, and a rather disturbing thought struck her as she removed her   
helmet, letting her hair flop against her suit, wet with perspiration.   
"Whatever the cost, we're safe now."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The sky seeks the earth.  
A man seeks a woman.  
The Children seek one another.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 7: HIEROS GAMOS  
"Because I love him."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	7. Hieros Gamos

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 7: HIEROS GAMOS +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all   
knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not   
love, I am nothing.  
- 1 CORINTHIANS 13:2  
  
]++[  
  
It was a beautiful day outside, even by the standards of a city that   
hadn't seemed capable of shifting out of summer since the Second   
Impact. There was just enough of a breeze wafting through the air that   
the heat wasn't oppressive, just enough clouds drifting across the sky   
to keep the sun from beating down too harshly, just enough of a peace   
settling across the city that made it seem like the perfect day to run   
outside and do something actually enjoyable. Of course, Vash realized   
idly that part of what made the day seem so perfect was the fact that   
he was stuck in the bland classroom, watching the sunlight stream onto   
rows of identical desks instead of the ground, listening to the   
professor drone on about the Second Impact as he seemed to do for every   
single class.  
  
Vash was bored, a fact that he didn't even bother to try hiding,   
leaning back against his chair and yawning loudly as the professor   
explained what the old Tokyo was like before it was submerged. It   
wasn't the fact that the lecture was nothing new, it wasn't the fact   
that the day outside was beckoning to him, and it wasn't even the   
simple nature of the classroom, boys and girls in perfect little rows   
with bland uniforms set against bland walls. Much to his surprise, it   
wasn't even due to the fact that he had something else far more   
important on his mind. It was the fact that the days felt as though   
they were blending together, as though the entire city was entering a   
collective yawn and expected everyone else to go along. With the   
success of the mission against Jet Alone, NERV hadn't had a crisis to   
deal with for a week, leaving the Children to sink into a routine of   
synch tests, school, and waiting for another Angel attack.  
  
"Hey, Vash, are you awake?" The sudden noise of Kensuke's voice   
snapped the boy out of his reverie, and he sat up straight in his   
chair, focusing on the bespectacled face of his friend with a quick   
nod. Kensuke stared for a second, then chuckled, shaking his head and   
standing from his seat. "You really weren't paying attention. It's   
time for lunch."  
  
Nodding again, Vash stood, catching sight of Eiko sitting at her desk   
next to Ryo, her sketchbook opened and laying on the desk in front of   
her. "You and Hikari go on ahead," he said to Kensuke, stepping down   
the row towards Eiko, smirking silently to himself. Walking quietly,   
Eiko didn't even seem to notice the sound of his footfalls, totally   
absorbed in her latest sketch. Vash leaned over her shoulder and   
watched for a moment, slightly surprised that she was sketching one of   
the Evas, then coughed. "Eiko?"  
  
Eiko gave a small start, then glanced up at Vash with a smile, smacking   
him lightly on the side. "Jerk," she muttered, turning back towards   
her sketchbook with the smile still lingering on her face, her pencil   
reoriented for erasing. "You shouldn't surprise me like that when I'm   
trying to draw. Now I've got to do this entire portion over again.   
Hard enough to do it from memory as it is."  
  
"I'm sure you'll get it right," replied Vash, reaching down and   
squeezing her shoulder affectionately, feeling gratified as she closed   
her eyes and let her head fall backwards slightly. There was something   
about Eiko that had that effect on Vash; when she was happy, it made   
him feel better, whatever else was going on around him. Then he   
remembered that he'd come over to talk with her for a reason, and he   
swallowed, still feeling slightly awkward about bringing up the topic.   
"So... do you still want to -"  
  
"Of -course-," replied Eiko as her smile grew wider, pushing back from   
her chair and standing up, then embracing Vash heartily. He was a bit   
surprised for a moment, then returned the embrace, feeling oddly   
energized by the warmth of her body next to his. "I wouldn't have   
agreed otherwise." There was a momentary pause, then she pushed back   
from him slightly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Now go on.   
I know everybody's waiting for you. I'll be along as soon as I'm   
finished with this."  
  
Vash nodded, returned the peck on the cheek, then headed out the door   
of the classroom after Hikari and Kensuke, the trio planning on having   
lunch out in the garden of the school. Eiko watched him go for a   
second, then sat back down, feeling a slight tingle go through her body   
at the memory of Vash's words. Her parents were always either thinking   
of her as the perfect young Japanese woman or trying to mold her into   
one, but she knew that they would have never counted on something like   
this. She smirked at the thought, knowing how resentful they were of   
her open relationship with Vash, then turned back to her sketch,   
resolving to focus on other things.  
  
"What were you planning on doing?" asked Ryo in his usual quiet tone,   
the voice further muffled by the fact that he was facing away from   
Eiko, with the end result that she didn't even realize he had said   
anything for a moment. She turned to look at him, sunlight filtering   
through his pale blue hair as though it were glowing from the inside,   
his position almost artificial in the way that he held it. "I could   
tell what Vash was going to say next."  
  
The sound of Ryo when he was curious disturbed Eiko just enough to give   
her pause before she answered, as though he'd spent the past sixteen   
years of his life locked in a hole only being fed snippets of   
information. At first, it had seemed almost endearing, but after   
knowing the boy for nearly two full weeks it had already grown to   
simply be one of his many vaguely disquieting habits. "It's nothing,"   
she replied, turning back towards her sketch, tracing the structures   
around EVA-04's eyes as best she could. Something about the machine   
looked wrong, but she couldn't quite place what it was. "Just...   
somewhere we were planning on going after school."  
  
"I see. That's why you didn't let him finish." The statement was   
blunt and emotionless, but there was still the hint of subtext beneath   
it, and what bugged Eiko was the fact that she couldn't quite tell if   
she was reading something into nothing or if Ryo was being subtle   
enough that she couldn't quite tell the difference. She turned back to   
her work again, trying hard to focus on something other than Ryo's   
comment, working on getting the details of the Eva's eye correct.  
  
Before she knew it, her mind was superimposing Ryo's red eye over what   
she rememberd of the Eva's eyes, and she shook her head, realizing to   
her dismay that she wasn't going to be able to forget his question so   
easily. She sighed, then put down her pencil, feeling very much as   
though she were betraying Vash. "I'll tell you, but you have to   
promise me something, Ryo. Promise me that you won't tell anyone else."  
  
Ryo didn't reply for a moment, then turned slowly towards her, the   
light still filtering through his hair in an odd way, reflecting off of   
his red eyes and almost inhumanly pale skin. "Who would I tell?" he   
asked, the question one that Eiko would have heard as bitter coming   
from anybody else. He remained silent for a moment, and Eiko realized   
that the question was an accurate one, knowing that she was virtually   
the only person she saw him talk to outside of Dr. Ikari.  
  
"All right," she muttered, taking a deep breath and glancing around the   
room to make sure that nobody else was listening to her or might   
overhear her. She pushed down the pang of guilt in her chest, leaning   
towards Ryo so that she could whisper. "My parents are out of town for   
the week, and this is the first night that we don't have synch testing   
to go to. So Vash and I decided that tonight we would..." She paused,   
feeling awkward simply thinking the words, much less saying them. "We   
would give ourselves to one another."  
  
For a moment, Eiko wondered if the euphamism was too much, if Ryo   
wouldn't understand what she was talking about. Then his head cocked   
slightly to one side, and Eiko could see from the expression in his   
eyes that he understood her meaning even if he didn't understand the   
motivation. "Why?" he asked, blinking once as he stared at Eiko, the   
question sounding almost childlike in its honesty.  
  
Eiko was taken slightly aback, and she gritted her teeth involuntarily,   
turning away from Ryo once again. "Because I love him," she replied,   
trying once again to finish the curving lines around the Eva's eyes and   
finding the pencil not going where she wanted it to. "I mean, that's   
what you do when you love someone. You give control to them, put   
yourself in their hands, because you trust that they won't abuse it.   
And they do the same."  
  
"I see," replied Ryo, memories of last week's conversation with Nieve   
popping into his mind once again. Once again, his thoughts drifted   
back to the battle against the Fifth Angel, and while he hadn't caught   
all of the radio conversation from the battle he remembered Eiko's   
words to Neil. "What about Neil?"  
  
Without even thinking, Eiko's hand jerked towards the paper forcefully,   
and she heard the characteristic snap of her pencil breaking as the tip   
erupted into small bits of lead, leaving a single black stain around   
the corner of the unfinished eye. She suddenly found herself furrowing   
her brow, thinking about when she had been standing in the path of the   
Angel's beam, trusting that Neil would protect her, that he wouldn't   
let her die. "Neil is just a friend," she said, breathing hard and   
forcing herself to remember that the statement was the truth. "That   
was something different. We were just... assuaging our fears."  
  
Ryo stared for a moment, then nodded and turned back towards the   
window, leaving Eiko to her own thoughts on the topic. At the back of   
her mind tickled the idea that loving someone was entirely about not   
being afraid of being alone, but she shook her head, feeling angry at   
herself both for telling Ryo about something that she shouldn't have   
and for doubting something that she knew was the right thing to do.   
Her gaze hardened, and she pushed back from her desk decisively,   
standing and walking to the front of the room to sharpen her pencil   
again and get back to work. She knew what she was going to do, and she   
knew that it would finally send her parents a message about who she   
was. Forcing everything else out of her mind, she pushed her pencil   
into the hole, trying to avoid grinning at the obvious implications.  
  
]++[  
  
"Synch ratio is up to 57%," noted Maya, her voice loud enough from   
surprise so that Niobe could hear her. Sitting in the cockpit of the   
entry plug, feeling the body of her Eva around her, Niobe couldn't   
surpress a satisfied grin, knowing that she'd managed to surpass her   
prior record for her synchronization. Though the facility had been   
quiet since the Jet Alone incident, she'd been practicing, doing her   
best to keep her focus steady for when another Angel did attack. From   
the results of the test, it seemed to be working.  
  
"Not a bad rate. She's at the head of all the Children." Ritsuko   
noticed the smile spreading across the girl's face on the monitor into   
the entry plug, and she smiled back despite the fact that Niobe   
couldn't see her, pleased to see that at least one of the Children was   
doing fine. Misato's comments from the battle with the Third Angel   
hadn't come out of her mind despite the seemingly huge gulf of time   
between when the Third Angel attacked and the present day, but despite   
Misato's objections Niobe seemed to actually enjoy being inside the   
Eva. "You're doing excellently, Niobe. We'll just need a few more   
minutes, and then you can get changed."  
  
"Do I have to?" asked Niobe, her grin widening, her question only   
partially sarcastic. On some level, she was looking forward to getting   
out of the plug, the scent of the LCL clogging her nostrils and still   
making her feel somewhat queasy from time to time even years after   
she'd first breathed it in. On another level, however, she wanted to   
keep training with her machine, to be absolutely ready as soon as the   
next Angel attacked to take it out by herself. And, she admitted to   
herself, a part of her didn't want to go back to the barrenness of   
Ryo's apartment.  
  
Ryo. The thought hadn't even entered her mind until she thought of the   
apartment, but suddenly his face came into her mind like a tidal wave,   
the fact that she'd been spending time with her roommate for about a   
week and still barely knew him at all. Trying to talk with him was   
agonizingly difficult, he never seemed to smile, and any conversations   
that he seemed to accidentally get himself involved in ended within a   
few utilitarian sentences. Oddly enough, it didn't make him annoying;   
for Niobe, at least, it just made him more intruiging, almost as if he   
were challenging her to figure out what made him tick.  
  
Maya frowned at the console display, hitting a few buttons quickly and   
double-checking the equipment monitors before leaning over towards the   
microphone. "Niobe? Your synch rate's down by four points now.   
That's a severe drop - are you all right?"  
  
Even knowing that Maya was simply concerned, Niobe couldn't help but   
grit her teeth at the words, scolding herself for getting distracted.   
She knew that distractions would be the kiss of death for her career,   
that she couldn't afford to be making mistakes like that if she wanted   
to make Joseph and her mother proud of her. "Sorry," she said, rubbing   
the back of her head idly. "It's nothing."  
  
Wondering what the girl was hiding, Ritsuko frowned at the monitor for   
a second, then heard the hissing noise of the doors opening and turned   
her head towards the only door in the room, seeing the familiar form of   
Dr. Fuyutsuki walking towards her, a thin smile playing upon his lips.   
She pushed away from the console instantly, standing up as straight as   
possible, and watched as his smile grew wider inexplicably. "Vice-  
Commander Fuyutsuki," she said, nodding in deference to him as he   
walked towards her. "It's a pleasure to see you, sir. Are you going   
to join us for Niobe's monitoring?"  
  
"There's not much else to do in the monitoring room, is there?" he   
replied, his tone sounding almost envigorated as he leaned over Maya's   
shoulder and examined the display. "Hmm. She's doing even better here   
than she was in South Africa." He paused for a second, then turned   
towards Ritsuko, still smiling. "Actually, I didn't come down here for   
Niobe's synch tests. I needed to talk to you about something."  
  
Fuyutsuki could see from the look on her face that she wasn't thinking   
of the same thing as he was, and for a brief instant he felt his chest   
tense slightly, the only break in his otherwise regal facade. "Maya,   
I'll be back over in a moment," Ritsuko announced, either not noticing   
Fuyutsuki's momentary lapse or simply not commenting on it as she   
brushed past him, stepping towards one of the far corners of the room.   
He remained in palce for a moment, then followed afterwards as she   
turned towards her, crossing her arms across the blue pull-ring blouse   
she was wearing, looking so much like her mother that it was almost   
disturbing. "Is this about Ayanami?"  
  
At the back of his mind, Fuyutsuki remembered sitting in a bar with one   
of his colleagues, before the Second Impact had occurred and he'd gone   
on to other projects. It had been autumn then, one of the last few   
autumns that Japan would experience, and while he remembered that day   
for other reasons besides his conversation with his fellow professor,   
he remembered what he'd said, almost a warning, that he didn't value   
human connections enough. Staring at Ritsuko and feeling a lump in his   
throat, Kozou found himself feeling as though he should have paid more   
attention at the time. "Yes, it's about Ayanami," he lied, feeling   
somewhat cowardly. "Gendou is still curious about the status."  
  
"Such things take time," replied Ritsuko, smiling humorlessly and   
sinking her head slightly. "'His' soul is still nearly pure, however,   
and it looks as though the Commander's theories were correct about its   
development. I'll need to run a few final tests before I can be   
certain about anything, but it looks like everything is proceeding   
according to schedule." She paused, looking up at Fuyutsuki somewhat   
curiously. "Was there something else? It seems odd that you'd come   
all the way down here just to ask me that."  
  
"There's little else to do at the moment. It's supposed to be my day   
off." He mirrored her earlier grin, shaking his head and turning back   
towards the door. "I'm getting too old for all of this. I'm starting   
to think that I've been too old for it for years now." He stared at   
the teal-gray door, and for a brief second he wondered if age was   
really the problem, if anything would have been different if he was ten   
years younger. "Keep up the good work, Dr. Akagi."  
  
"Likewise," replied Ritsuko as the door slid open and Fuyutsuki stepped   
out, an odd sort of abnormality in his step that she couldn't quite   
place despite years of working with the man. Shrugging it off, she   
walked back over to the monitoring console, glancing quickly over   
Maya's shoulder to see if Niobe's synch ratio had gone back up after   
the drop. It didn't seem to have fully recovered, but it was holding   
steady at 56%, still an impressive score. "You're doing well, Niobe.   
I think we've got all we need for the moment."  
  
"Dr. Akagi?" asked Niobe, blushing slightly at the thought of her   
question. She'd overheard a little bit of the vice-commander's   
discussion with Ritsuko, enough to hear Ryo's last name spoken, and it   
had only reaffirmed her focus on the boy. "Does Ryo... have any   
family?" She paused, then shook her head. "Wait. That's not what I   
mean. Everybody has family. I meant -"  
  
"No," she replied, gesturing for Maya to begin draining the entry plug   
and shut down the synchronization system. Niobe looked visibly taken   
aback by Ritsuko's response even as she hacked up the LCL from her   
lungs, red-orange liquid falling across the yellow chest of her   
plugsuit. "Ryo doesn't have any family that I'm aware of." She paused   
for a moment, unsure of whether or not she was giving the girl too much   
information for her own good. "The only family that I've ever seen him   
with is Dr. Ikari, and I know that's not really what you meant."  
  
"Oh. I see." Niobe suddenly felt very small as she felt the entry   
plug lift up, moving so that she would be able to step out, the lights   
inside shutting off as it lurched to a horizontal position. She'd   
never even thought about it before, but the sudden realization of Ryo's   
loneliness made her feel sad, as though she were intruding upon   
something. "No wonder he doesn't have any keepsakes," she muttered,   
waiting for the top of the entry plug to pop open, to step out of the   
blood-scented cockpit and take a cleansing shower as she felt the same   
chill from a week prior begin to touch her.  
  
]++[  
  
Sighing, Neil grabbed the lone sweater that he'd packed with his   
clothes out of the closet, pulling the warm green fabric over his head   
and finally feeling some warmth seep back into his body. He stood in   
place for a moment, then shook his head and stepped out, turning down   
the hall towards the living room where Nieve sat cross-legged on the   
couch, wearing blue jeans and a loose black blouse as she flipped   
through the channels on Misato's television idly. "You don't think   
that it's even a little chilly in this apartment?" he asked, feeling   
vaguely ridiculous for wearing a sweater in such a normally hot   
location.  
  
"You're kidding, right?" replied Nieve, rolling her head back onto the   
back of the couch, then turning it limply towards Neil, a mischevious   
smile on her face. She saw from the expression on his face that he   
wasn't kidding, and she turned her face back towards the television, a   
broad smile spreading across it with the obvious implcation that she   
was struggling not to laugh. "This is barely even comfortable, Neil.   
What kind of mutant heat tolerance are you Americans born with,   
anyways? You think that it's the greatest thing in the world to be out   
in the sun enjoying yourselves. If God had intended us to stay in the   
sun, he wouldn't have invented shade and clouds."  
  
Dropping his head into his hands, Neil shook his head as best he could   
manage, groaning slightly. "Yes, Nieve, we're total freaks. It's   
unbelievably that we'd want to bask in the light of the star that makes   
our planet habitable instead of a barren hunk of lifeless rock."   
Sighing once more, he stepped over to the couch himself, flopping down   
on the green cushions at the other end, glancing over at Nieve briefly.   
She'd been living at the apartment for nearly a week, and Neil was   
finally beginning to feel more comfortable about her, no longer feeling   
the intense guilt he had about nearly hitting her. Then he glanced   
towards the television, watching as two Japanese women ran around in a   
store trying to smash things. "What the hell are you watching,   
anyways?"  
  
"It's one of the more popular game shows around, according to Misato,"   
she replied, chuckling involuntarily as the shorter-haired woman began   
to attack a bag of flour that burst into a cloud of white dust. "I   
forget exactly what she called it - something like 'Arukade Mazushi Wa   
Hito Okane No Notaneno Kutsujyuko o Uketsukeru.'" She paused for a   
second, and Neil could see her trying to mouth the Japanese words   
again, quiet sounds of the awkard syllables passing her lips before she   
frowned and shook her head. "It's got to be the dumbest language in   
the world."  
  
"Tolerant as always," replied Neil, staring at the television again.   
The two women had apparently moved beyond the stage of the game in   
which they broke things, now happily picking apples out of mud with   
their teeth and trying to throw them in a basket with their hands tied   
together. Despite himself, Neil couldn't help but smile as an   
overenergetic announcer screamed urgent statements in Japanese, either   
pleased with the women's performance or damning them to hell by the   
sound of it. "This is actually kind of amusing, in a sadistic sort of   
way."  
  
Nieve smiled at him for a moment, then back at the television, vaguely   
registering the fact that Neil had moved slightly closer to her. She'd   
entirely forgiven him for the incident on the ship, willing to admit at   
least to herself that part of the reason that she was annoyed about   
that was simply the fact that she'd lost control of the situation.   
Though she'd been certain that she'd hate him once they actually met,   
she couldn't help but find his company refreshing, even if she was   
starting to feel as though the rest of the world around her was going   
stale.   
  
Sighing, she tried to focus on the game show, but her last thought was   
sticking in her mind, reminding her of how uneventful things had been   
in Tokyo-3 after all. She'd expected to be fighting the Angels, but as   
it turned out the city wasn't the hotspot of activity that she'd   
expected. "I'm bored," she announced as one of the women on the   
television screamed in victory, while the other found the apples that   
she'd collected being thrown at her.  
  
Her announcement seemed to come out of nowhere to Neil, and it took him   
a moment to register it as the show flashed what he assumed was the   
Japanese equivalent of a commercial announcement. "You're the one who   
wanted to watch this," he noted, turning towards her and earning a   
glare for his comment. Shrugging, he rubbed the back of his head,   
knowing that arguing with Nieve was an exercise in futility of the   
first order. "All right. What do you want to do?"  
  
"Dunno," she replied, drumming her fingers on the padded arm of the   
couch, glancing around the pale yellow walls almost as if she expected   
something to emerge from them. She knew that there wasn't much of   
anything that Neil could do about her particular breed of boredom, but   
having said something she knew she'd have to figure out something to   
do. "We could play a game, I suppose."  
  
"Is it bigger than a breadbox?" asked Neil almost unconsciously,   
grinning at the joke. Nieve frowned in confusion and stared at him,   
and he shrugged. "It's from a movie. Twenty questions. I ask you   
that, and you ask me what's supposed to be bigger than a breadbox, and   
then I tell you that I've never seen a breadbox so I..." He paused,   
noting that the girl's expression wasn't changing, and he blushed,   
shaking his head. "Never mind. That's out."  
  
Nieve thought for a moment, then grinned, turning her entire body   
towards Neil and grabbing his left arm, yanking him over towards her   
somewhat roughly. Neil felt a momentary rush of heat in a familiar   
direction, but he forced himself to remember that he was being an   
idiot, that Nieve was just trying to have an easier time talking to   
him. "We could play truth or dare," she suggested, the broad grin on   
her face obviously suggesting that she preferred that option. "I   
haven't played that game in -years-, and it's fun."  
  
"Yes, if you're a giggling twelve-year-old girl at a slumber party,"   
replied Neil, frowning slightly at the mention. Nieve frowned, and he   
held up a hand to signify peace, letting the frown evaporate from his   
face in hopes that Nieve wouldn't think he was too upset about the   
suggestion. "All right, fine. Do you want to go first, or should I?"  
  
A small shudder of excitement went through Nieve's body, more at   
knowing that she was able to more or less force Neil into playing the   
game than out of any particular love for it. "I'll go first," she   
replied, leaning back against the arm of the couch as far back as she   
could comfortably go. "And I'll take a truth, if you don't mind. Ask   
anything you want."  
  
Neil shrugged. "All right. Don't you think that it's just a -little-   
cold in this apartment? You've had the air conditioner on full-blast   
for nearly an hour now. If Misato wasn't away at the late shift of   
NERV, she'd have turned it off a long time ago."  
  
"Do you know how you're supposed to play this game?" muttered Nieve,   
shaking her head and frowning once again. Neil simply smiled, and she   
was reminded not for the first time of how annoying the boy could be at   
times. "You ask me something -personal-. Something you don't think   
I'd want to tell you. Otherwise, there's no point." She paused. "And   
no, I -don't- think it's cold in here."  
  
"Fine," replied Neil, still smiling to himself. He'd never been a   
particularly social boy, and while he didn't want to admit it this was   
the first time that he'd actually played the game with someone that he   
didn't know much about. It was an almost intoxicating feeling, and   
without even thinking he'd come up with a question and let it tumble   
out of his mouth. "If you could kill anyone on the planet, who would   
it be?"  
  
There was a momentary pause as Neil actually realized what he said, and   
both Neil and Nieve stared at one another. Neil imagined that she was   
wondering why the hell he'd ask a question like that, something that he   
couldn't blame her for. For one second he was certain that she'd never   
look at him as anything but a horrible human being, that he should have   
asked pretty much any other question in the world and it would have   
been better. Then Nieve smiled, as though she'd just gotten the   
punchline to the joke. "You're a sick little boy, you know that?" she   
scolded, obviously thinking that Neil was kidding around. Neil   
mimicked the smile, still somewhat bewildered by the fact that he'd   
asked the question in the first place. "All right. You obviously   
don't know how to do this. We'll just skip to your turn."  
  
Still feeling as though he were treading on dangerous ground, Neil took   
a deep breath, thinking for a moment on the choice. "Truth," he   
announced at length, almost resolving to lie before he realized that it   
wouldn't make him feel any better about himself.  
  
Nieve seemed to be greatly pleased by the boy's choice, and she bit   
down on her lower lip, tilting her head back and staring at the   
television as if expecting inspiration to strike. She watched for a   
moment as the woman from before who had been pronounced victorious   
tried to make out with a cow, to predictable results, and an almost   
sinister grin spread across her face as she looked back up at Neil.   
"Okay, Third Child. You might be the king of the battlefield -" Neil   
winced slightly at the title "- but tell me this: have you ever kissed   
a girl?"  
  
In light of Neil's thoughts, the question came as something of a   
surprise, and once again it took him a moment to register. "Yeah,   
plenty of times," he replied, glancing back towards the television, the   
game show apparently nearing the end, with the woman on screen covered   
in mud and cow slobber getting showered with yen. "And you said I   
didn't get the point."  
  
Only when Nieve hadn't responded for a full minute did Neil turn to   
look at the girl, not having expected such a long pause. The color   
seemed to have drained from the rest of her face straight to her   
cheeks, making her normally pale skin even more stark against the   
bright red of her cheeks and hair. Her eyes were wide with something   
between shock and hurt, her mouth frozen in a small "O" shape, suddenly   
looking vulnerable instead of relaxed as she lay across the couch.   
"Nieve? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Um, no. Not a thing." She closed her mouth firmly, her expression   
turning perfectly blank as she sat up and then rose from her seat,   
tugging down briefly on her blouse. "I'm going to go to sleep now.   
It's late, and I'm tired." She paused, and Neil could tell that she   
was making a concentrated effort not to look at him. "I'll see you   
tomorrow morning at breakfast."  
  
There was no doubt in Neil's mind that there was something else going   
on as Nieve walked swiftly around the couch, out of the room and down   
the hall, stepping into her room and slamming the door as Neil   
watched. Shutting off the television, he thought he could hear the   
noise of quiet sniffling, and he lingered on the couch for another   
moment, then sighed, picking himself up off the couch. Whatever was   
wrong, unsurprisingly, was his fault, and that meant that he was   
obligated to help her.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash was in the bathroom, though Eiko wasn't sure if it was out of an   
actual need to relieve himself or an attempt to make sure that he   
didn't falter when the moment came. Staring at the ceiling of her room   
as she lay on her back, the plain tan faux-wood shimmering slightly in   
the light from her floor lamp, she couldn't really blame him, suddenly   
feeling very nervous herself. She knew that she wanted to do this,   
knew that she was doing something that would be wonderful, but glancing   
down at her navy blue sheets and fluffy white comforter, around the   
room to her various manga posters and artwork, it was difficult not to   
get a sense of the sheer weight of the occasion.  
  
"I'm going to lose my virginity tonight," she muttered to herself,   
feeling a slight tremor beneath her skirt and turning over to feel the   
soft fabric of the bed. "These are the sheets that I'll make love on   
for the first time. My school uniform is going to be the last outfit I   
wear before I become a woman." She smiled, feeling somewhat wistful   
already, scolding herself gently for being immature. If her parents   
had even the vaguest inkling of what was going on in their apartment   
while they weren't there, they would have a heart attack instantly.  
  
Her parents. She'd heard jokes, in movies, about thinking about your   
parents before sex, but for some reason the thought didn't make her   
nervous as she pushed back from the bed, now kneeling and facing the   
headboard, looking at the art that she'd plastered over the dull mother-  
of-pearl wall. If anything, the thought about her parents made her   
feel more resolute, more certain about what was going to happen. "Your   
little girl isn't going to grow up as some silly little ninny," she   
muttered to herself, closing her eyes and remembering the first time   
her father had ever told her what he expected of her. She felt a   
slight pain in her chest at the thought, and she forced herself to take   
a deep, cleansing breath, reminding herself that she was doing the   
right thing.  
  
"Eiko?" Vash's voice was unusually quiet, his usual surface bravado   
stripped away. Eiko paused for a moment, then stood from her bed and   
turned towards him, nearly on the opposite side of the room due to the   
position of her bed. Both stood for what seemed like an eternity,   
staring at each other as though getting any closer would be poisonous,   
with the sort of trepidation that could only come from inexperience.   
At length, Vash sighed, reaching up and rubbing the back of his head.   
"Okay. Do, um, you know what we do first?"  
  
"Not exactly," replied Eiko, lifting her left arm hesitantly, then   
gritting her teeth slightly and taking a step towards Vash, knowing   
that one of them had to do something to get through the nonexistent   
barrier between them. Her single step seemed to do exactly that, and   
Vash stepped towards her as well, both taking their slow paths towards   
on another until they were nearly touching. Eiko reached over and took   
his hand, squeezing it gently, then lifted his arm and put it on her   
shoulder. "I think... I think we just have to hold each other and   
kiss, like we usually do. We're human. The rest will come."  
  
Swallowing hard, Vash nodded, then drew Eiko closer in an embrace, and   
Eiko blushed involuntarily as she felt the physical display of Vash's   
emotions quite starkly. She stared at him for a second, then pushed   
her head forward into a kiss, her tongue seeking out his almost   
hungrily as their mouths opened together, the embrace pulling tighter   
as their tongues danced between them. Eyes closed tightly, Eiko began   
to feel the familiar feelings creep through her body, a desire for   
something more, to be closer to Vash, as close as they could possibly   
be.  
  
Gripping the collar of Vash's shirt firmly, Eiko tugged him back   
towards her bed, smiling even as her breathing began to come slightly   
faster, an odd sort of sensation spreading from her chest through her   
entire body. She broke the kiss for just a second to smile at him,   
then flopped backwards onto the bed, pulling Vash along with her. The   
sense of hitting the sheets came at almost the exact same instant that   
Vash was, quite suddenly, atop her, his warmth seeming to encompass her   
body, and Eiko couldn't help but give a little gasp as she felt a   
slight tremble from between her legs. "This is nice," she whispered to   
his ear, staring up at the boy as they looked at one another. "This is   
very nice."  
  
"Yeah," replied Vash, pausing for just a moment before he tenatively   
raised his right hand and set it down on Eiko's right breast, as though   
he were afraid that touching it might burn him. Eiko felt the fabric   
of her shirt and bra suddenly contort against the soft flesh beneath,   
and another small tremor went through her body as Vash began to rub the   
spot, moving his hand around on her chest as though he were trying to   
figure it out. The girl's breathing was definitely coming faster now,   
and she reached up to him, pulling his head down towards her and   
shoving her tongue as far into his mouth as she could reach, eyes shut   
tightly.  
  
Feeling Eiko's excitement, Vash pushed his own tongue into her mouth,   
still kneading the soft skin of her breast through her shirt while   
bringing up his other hand to touch against the second. As Vash   
squeezed the fabric of her shirt on her other breast and she felt the   
tickling of her nerve endings, another tremble went through her body,   
and her back arched slightly, pressing her closer against the boy as   
she let out a soft moan. Her legs were trembling, she realized in the   
back of her mind, and there was a newfound sense rising between them as   
Vash worked her breasts gently, their tongues probing one another and   
bodies locked close together.  
  
A thought drifted across Eiko's mind as the fabric encompassing her   
breasts tightened, and as she trembled she began to spread her legs   
ever so slightly, feeling a rush of surprise as Vash's legs began to   
slide between them, her skirt riding up on her hips as they gently   
parted. Vash, apparently getting the idea, pushed his legs downward,   
spreading Eiko's legs faster than she had been, and in an instant she   
felt a hard pressure between her legs, pressing against her and filling   
her with an almost unspeakable passion. "That feels wonderful," she   
gasped, arching her back slightly and feeling a surge through her body   
as she rubbed against him. "That... it..."  
  
"I know," replied Vash, sounding just as breathless as he paused for a   
moment before pushing against the spot, sending Eiko into another   
tremor of excitement from the contact. Words failed her, and she   
simply gasped as her body sent decisive approval through every fiber of   
her being, the whole of her skin suddenly feeling as though it had been   
stretched tighter to let her feel everything more clearly. At the same   
instant, she felt Vash's hands clutch against her chest more tightly,   
and involuntarily she felt herself buck against the boy between her   
legs, feeling another wave of excitement flow through her as a sticky   
wetness began to grow between her legs.  
  
Eiko suddenly felt incredibly empty, as though Vash were too far away,   
and reaching up she began to undo his shirt with trembling hands, her   
body beginning to lose control under the gentle ministry of his hands   
and the perfect thrusts against her between her legs. His shirt fell   
open, a thin trace of sweat visible against his chest, and Eiko tried   
to pull him closer, wanting to feel more of his skin against hers, feel   
his warm all over her body. Vash resisted, and she found herself   
wondering why for a moment before she felt his hands raise off of her   
breasts and move to the buttons of her blouse, telicately undoing each   
one as he continued to press against her gently. The air in her room   
seemed to kiss along her bare skin as the blouse opened, and even the   
simply contact of his fingers against her skin sent her into further   
excitement.  
  
Her blouse fell open, and Vash's fingers spread the thin white fabric   
further, letting his fingers brush across her bare stomach as Eiko felt   
her chest heave. For a moment, both froze, the situation somehow   
losing its reality, becoming more fluid and mystical in the growing   
passion of the two. Then Eiko could stand no more waiting, and she   
pulled Vash closer to her, feeling herself tremble as their stomachs   
touched, Vash's open shirt falling limply around her. Vash seemed to   
instantly regain his train of thought, and his hands sought and found   
her breasts once again, carsessing the partially-exposed skin with   
newfound passion, and Eiko gasped as she hugged him more tightly,   
arching her back in slow and steady rythym with the motion of his   
legs. "Vash," she gasped. "Vash... Koji, I love you."  
  
"I love you, Eiko," the boy replied, leaning his head closer and gently   
tracing along Eiko's neck with his tongue. She felt the heat in her   
body grow as her hands clenched involuntarily, feeling every single   
part of her body in ways that she never had, every point of contact   
with Vash another electric rush through her most sensitive areas.   
Leaning her head back, she let herself gasp softly, almost sounding   
like whimpering as the two Children moved together as though they'd   
been practicing secretly for years, their bodies complementing one   
another perfectly. Eiko smiled broadly as her gasps grew louder,   
Vash's fingers beginning to trace tenatively under the lace of her bra,   
sending new waves of pleasure through her body. She remembered her   
conversation with Ryo in school, and knew that she'd told him the right   
thing, that this was all she wanted, to give control of her body to   
Vash entirely.  
  
Then she thought, almost inexplicably, of Ryo's words about Neil, just   
as Vash pushed against her between her legs in a way that she hadn't   
expected, eliciting a loud gasp of pleasure even as the smile faded   
from her lips. The thought of Neil suddenly wouldn't leave her mind as   
Vash's tongue traced downwards towards her bra, and she found herself   
feeling guilty, as if she were doing something wrong. Pushing the   
thought from her mind, she moved her hands towards Vash's head as his   
tongue gently flicked across the surface of her breast, still feeling a   
warm stickiness flooding from between her legs, her body obviously   
wanting what was being offered to it.  
  
Despite her efforts, as she closed her eyes and gasped she saw Neil's   
face once again, as if he were watching her. She could see on his face   
the look of absolute terror that he'd had after the Fifth Angel was   
defeated, the seemingly boundless concern that she'd been injured, and   
Eiko's mind suddenly felt guilty about her actions, as though she truly   
was doing something wrong. Her body felt differently, and she pushed   
hard against Vash once again, sending another tremor through her body   
in reaction. The sensation was wonderful, but she knew even as it   
tingled across her skin that she couldn't keep going, that it wasn't   
right. "Stop," she whispered, her mouth dry and her body actively   
protesting the concept. "Vash, stop. Stop."  
  
For a moment, it seemed as though Vash hadn't heard her or had simply   
chosen not to stop, and the latter thought sent a minor rush of terror   
through her at the obvious implications. Then the boy's motion against   
her slowed and stopped, his hands resting on her breasts as he moved   
his head to look at her, obviously disbelieving. "What's wrong?" he   
asked, frowning and removing his hands, glancing over her body. "Did I   
hurt you? If you need me to move, or something, I'll do it. Believe   
me, at this point I'd just about -"  
  
"You didn't hurt me, honey," Eiko replied, touching his cheek gently   
with her right hand and feeling very exposed as she lay beneath him.   
Almost unconsciously, she reached over to her right side and drew her   
blouse across her, feeling as though everyone was staring at her   
despite the emptiness of the room. "I... I just can't right now." She   
sighed, closing her eyes and feeling tears tickling at the back of   
them. "I'm sorry. I know we talked about this, I just... I'm not   
ready right now."  
  
Vash stared at her for a second, then pushed away from her and stood   
from the bed, leaving Eiko to close her legs. "You certainly could   
have fooled me," he said, sounding quietly angry as he began to button   
his shirt, turning away from Eiko and obviously upset about the   
situation. Eiko stood herself, letting her skirt fall back down her   
hips and her blouse fall open once again, stepping over to Vash and   
touching his shoulders gently and hearing him sigh. "Sorry. I'm not   
mad." He paused. "We don't have to rush things, honey. It's all   
right if you're not ready. I just sort of wish that you'd told me this   
before."  
  
"I know," replied Eiko, turning her back towards Vash and starting to   
button her blouse, feeling as though she couldn't have possibly done   
the right thing. She hadn't meant to stop, hadn't even wanted to, and   
as the warmth between her legs faded she realized that she still wanted   
Vash. But despite that, she found herself almost glad that she'd asked   
Vash to stop, the thought of Neil still filling her mind's eye, the   
indescribably sweet expression on his face as he pulled open the entry   
plug. Sighing, she finished buttoning the blouse, beginning to tuck   
the white fabric back into her skirt, feeling as though her parents had   
won despite her best efforts.  
  
]++[  
  
The bustle of Tokyo-3's streets was all but lost upon Ryo as he walked   
slowly and resolutely down the sidewalk, his eyes focused loosely on   
his destination and only deviating momentarily to get a scan of the   
surrounding area. The sun was nearing the final stretch of its motion   
across the sky, and people were going home, back to their families,   
something that Ryo knew academically even without knowing it from   
personal experience. "Home," he muttered to himself, his voice quiet   
enough that none of the people walking near him on the sidewalk seemed   
to notice the blue-haired boy talking to himself.  
  
"Home is where the heart is. Home is where you lay your hat. Home is   
where your loved ones are." The phrases were all that he really knew   
about what the word meant, and he found himself stopping, staring   
across the street at a small apartment building, a middle-aged woman   
calling to a group of children and ushering them inside. Academically,   
of course, he knew what a home was - it was a place where people lived,   
an area from whence something originated. But he'd become increasingly   
curious about whether or not words that he knew the meaning of didn't   
have another meaning, one that Dr. Ikari simply had never explained to   
him.  
  
"I don't have a hat," Ryo said after a moment, a statement that would   
have been bitter coming from anybody else but was simply a statement of   
fact from him. "I don't have loved ones. My heart is in my chest."   
He paused for a moment longer, then realized that he had been watching   
the mother and her children for too long, that they were inside and he   
had broken from the routine that Commander Ikari had given him.   
Turning sharply on his heel, he returned to his steady pace down the   
sidewalk, heading towards his apartment building, feeling neither   
relieved nor bitter about being done with his testing for the day.  
  
Ryo found himself thinking back on Eiko's words as he continued to   
think on the idea of a home, thinking about what it meant to have a   
home. The girl had told him that you had control over what you loved   
because it gave control to you freely, because you surrendered your   
control to it in turn. Thinking on the subject, he knew that he had no   
such place, that wherever he went he was controlled by routine. He had   
no say in the routine, only the terse statements that Dr. Ikari laid   
out for him, even in the Eva. Nieve had said that the Eva was a place   
where she had total control, and Ryo thought on that for a moment   
before another thought entered his mind.  
  
Freezing in place again, Ryo stared blankly into space, fascinated with   
the new concept that had implanted itself into his brain. He had no   
illusions about who he was, but something had occurred to him as he   
thought on Nieve. She was in total command of herself, from what Ryo   
had seen, and that meant that she had more than enough control. And   
Eiko had said that loving someone meant that you gave control to them,   
that you surrendered all control to their hands. "Perhaps that's the   
answer," he whispered to himself, feeling an odd sensation flood his   
body. "Love gives you control. If someone loves you, you have   
control."  
  
Turning his head, Ryo looked away from the direction that his apartment   
complex lay in, instead looking down in the direction of Misato's   
apartment. He had been told by Gendou to memorize the locations of all   
the dwellings of NERV personnel in the event of an emergency, and he   
had done so as a part of his routine, without any sort of complaint.   
It was simply another insertion to routine, nothing that was abnormal,   
but now it began to tickle at the back of his mind, the knowledge that   
in that direction lay Nieve's dwelling. It wasn't new information, but   
for some reason it seemed to be registering for the first time, as   
though she'd never been there before.  
  
"Nieve has control," he muttered to himself, beginning to pick up his   
feet and turn slowly away from his destination, something deep within   
him pulling against it. He knew that he wasn't to deviate from his   
routine as he was contemplating, that he was supposed to keep heading   
to his apartment, to cook dinner, exactly as Gendou had laid out for   
him. Still, there was something that suggested this deviation from his   
routine was important. "If she loves me, she gives me her control. I   
have control." The last words seemed almost alien to Ryo, as though   
they'd come from someone else's mouth even as they passed his lips.  
  
An eternity seemed to pass Ryo by as he found himself torn between   
routine and the strange sensation that he should seek out Nieve, that   
she would give him something he'd never experienced before. Finally,   
he pulled his feet away from the path to his apartment, turning fully   
to face down the street that held Misato's apartment, then began to   
walk slowly across the street. His mind railed against his actions   
with as much intensity as Ryo ever had, but something deeper told him   
that he should continue, the voice within seeming to grow more urgent   
with each heavy footfall.  
  
]++[  
  
It had been too long since Nieve had entered her room, and Neil was   
getting tired of waiting outside, feeling terrible enough as it was   
without her silence towards him adding to the problem. Sighing, he   
knocked lightly on the door to her room, ignoring the scrawled message   
posted outside that she was not to be disturbed. "Nieve?" he called a   
second or two after knocking, hoping that the knowledge of who it was   
would make her more receptive. "Are you going to tell me what's going   
on, or -"  
  
"Go away!" shouted Nieve from inside the room, her words snapping   
across Neil's face like a slap from a metal glove. Neil winced   
physically at the harsh tone to her voice, leaning away from the door   
and up against the doorframe somewhat weakly. He hadn't meant to make   
her so upset, and worse yet he didn't even know what he'd done. It   
felt as though it had been an eternity since he'd been able to have a   
simply fun night with a friend, much less a girl, and the thought that   
he'd ruined something so wonderful made something clench up inside him.  
  
Closing his eyes for a second, Neil leaned his arm back and rapped   
against the wood of the door once again, this time slightly gentler.   
"I thought I told you to go away!" snapped Nieve, this time with a note   
of sorrow shining through the girl's elegant Irish accent. Her words   
cut just as deep as before, but Neil gritted his teeth, resolving that   
he wouldn't give up until she at least looked at him again. Knocking   
again, he turned back towards the door this time, focusing all of his   
efforts on making himself stay strong, on not panicking over something   
so trivial. "Gods, Neil, just go watch a damn movie or something!   
What the hell do you -want-?"  
  
"To know what's going on!" replied Neil, his eyes narrowing and his   
brow furrowing in frustration. Nieve didn't respond immediately, and   
Neil took that as a sign that she wanted him to continue talking,   
though in the back of his mind he was aware that he would have heard   
that no matter what she'd said. "I was having fun with you, Nieve, and   
now you're angry with me. Don't I at least get to know what it is that   
I did wrong?"  
  
"-Everything-!" snapped Nieve, pulling the door open suddenly and   
shocking Neil into freezing in place. Her eyes were bloodshot, and   
there were small wet stains darkening the fabric of her blouse, both   
signs that Neil recognized. However, looking at the anger burning in   
her eyes instead of the small droplets of water gathering at their   
corners made it clear that she had no interest in being comforted by   
the boy. "You don't get it at all, do you? I -don't- -like- -you-!   
I've disliked you since before I even -met- you, and living with you   
hasn't made anything better! Now go the hell away and leave me alone   
like I -told- you to!"  
  
Nieve's door slammed shut in Neil's face, the boy's facial muscles gone   
slack, eyes a mixture of shock and sorrow, something between anger and   
devestation moving through his mind. On some level, he felt as though   
he'd known the truth of the matter, that he knew Nieve didn't like him,   
that he shouldn't have obscured that from himself. Another part of him   
wanted to be angry, wanted to simply break through her door, to hurt   
her the way that she'd hurt him. The two thoughts seemed to war with   
one another, and Neil could only stare at the wooden door blankly,   
wanting at once to both walk away and walk into the room.  
  
A moment or two later, the door opened again, and Nieve stepped out,   
staring dead at Neil. Neil's brain remained fused for a moment, then   
he began to stammer something resembling an excuse, taking a couple   
steps backwards before Nieve's left hand jerked up and grabbed his   
sweater by the chest, pulling him to a stop. "Don't go," she muttered,   
staring towards the ground, obviously upset about before. "I owe you   
an apology." She paused for a second, then weakly let go of Neil's   
sweater. "I don't dislike you, Neil. I used to. Heck, sometimes I   
even wish that I did. But I don't dislike you."  
  
"Well, that makes us living together work a little more smoothly,"   
noted Neil, unconsciously clenching and unclenching his fists, trying   
to dissipate the feeling of anger he'd gotten from before. It was   
eerily reminiscent of when he'd met Nieve, as though there was some   
connection between their anger. Taking a deep breath, he shoved the   
thought out of his mind, focusing instead on the downturned face of his   
other roommate. He felt the urge to reach over to her, but something   
in him told him that it was better if he didn't. "What made you so   
angry?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand," Nieve replied, turning away slightly and   
sniffling. A single tear fell from the corner of her eye, and she   
wiped it away as fast as she could, hoping that Neil hadn't noticed   
it. She felt ridiculous enough as it was, and she hated the sensation   
that she'd let herself go so badly, that Neil could see every   
imperfection about her. It bothered her, and she was only distantly   
aware of the fact that it was upsetting her more than she'd expected,   
trying to focus her attention on the grain of the wood in her door   
instead. "It's nothing."  
  
Neil frowned for a moment, then clenched his left hand momentarily   
before reaching towards Nieve's shoulder, feeling a rush of blood   
through a familiar area as he forced himself not to panic. Nieve's   
shoulder shifted slightly, and the fabric of her blouse fell slightly   
off of her shoulder, sending another jolt of excitement through the boy   
standing near her and leaving him to almost jerk his hand forward,   
landing somewhat roughly on her shoulder. She reacted almost   
immediately, and for a split second Neil worried that she'd be angry,   
but instead she simply turned towards Neil, eyes wide simply with   
curiosity. "Tell me," he said softly, feeling another emotion besides   
fear start to trickle through him.  
  
"It... it was when you said that you'd kissed a girl before," she   
replied, folding her arms across her chest uncomfortably and looking   
down once again. "Being part of NERV... I was kind of like Ireland's   
national celebrity for a while, one of the Children going to defeat the   
beasts that would ravage our world. I've had more boyfriends than I   
can even count." She paused for a moment, not noticing that her words   
were obviously making Neil a little uncomfortable. "But... I never   
kissed any of them. I've never kissed before."  
  
Hearing a soft sort of stacatto whimper coming from Neil, Nieve   
suddenly felt a surge of guilt, almost certain that he was crying a   
little. In an instant, she felt as though she'd been an idiot, that he   
must have been lying about kissing a girl before, that he'd only said   
it because he assumed that she'd kissed a boy before. Then she looked   
up, and her expression darkened as she saw that Neil was giggling   
slightly. "You've really never kissed a boy?" he asked, obviously   
doing his best to restrain from laughter.  
  
Nieve's hand exploded hard across Neil's cheek, and Neil had the   
distinct sense that he should have known better beforehand as he turned   
back towards the girl and rubbed his cheek. "-Jerk-!" she snapped,   
stepping back into her room and slamming her door once again as Neil   
hear the hiss of Pen-Pen's refridgerator opening. "I should have known   
that I was right about you the first time! Go away!"  
  
"Oh, come on, Nieve, I'm sorry," replied Neil, knocking on her door as   
he looked over towards Pen-Pen, who had presumably been woken from his   
sleep due to all the noise. The penguin and the boy stared at one   
another, and Neil grinned sheepishly, waving at the smaller bird for a   
second before he turned back towards Nieve's door and knocked again.   
"Please? Pretty please? Talk to me?"  
  
"What, so you can get a few more laughs?" shouted Nieve through the   
door as Pen-Pen made a small "wark" noise and headed towards the door   
to the bathroom. Nieve no longer seemed even vaguely sad about the   
situation, only angry. "No thanks! Go away and find something -else-   
to laugh at!" She paused. "And don't think that Misato isn't going to   
hear about the way you've treated me, either!"  
  
Sighing, Neil knocked on the door once again, leaning forward against   
the wood finish and feeling as though he'd managed to screw things up   
once again by simply being himself. He really hadn't meant to do   
anything mean, it had just struck him as a little funny, and he   
couldn't keep himself from laughing a little at the thought. "Nieve,   
really, I'm sorry," he shouted, listening for a moment and receiving no   
response. "If it makes you feel any better, it's really not all it's   
cracked up to be!"  
  
There was another momentary silence from behind Nieve's door, and Neil   
wondered if he should repeat himself, leaning his ear towards the   
surface. "WHY THE -HELL- WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL -BETTER-?" screamed   
Nieve, almost the instant that his skin touched the wood, causing Neil   
to wince backwards at the sheer volume of her statment.  
  
"Um... I don't know," replied Neil, rubbing his ear casually and   
wishing that he hadn't decided to go with such a stupid plan. He   
paused for a moment, wondering if Nieve was truly as angry as she was   
acting, then decided that giving up would only make things worse as he   
reached forward and knocked on her door again, sighing heavily. "Look,   
Nieve, when I said that I'd kissed a girl before, I exaggerated a   
little. It hasn't been 'plenty of times.' Just a couple. Does that   
make you feel any better?"  
  
No response came for a moment, and Neil sighed, shaking his head and   
turning away from the door just as the door creaked open again. Neil   
froze, then turned towards the door, hoping that he'd see Nieve sad   
once again for getting so angry with him. She didn't look even   
remotely sad, but at least she didn't seem as angry as before, which   
was at least a step in the right direction. "Why did you exaggerate?"   
she asked, cautiously stepping out of her room and towards the boy, her   
motions slow but graceful.  
  
"Because I wanted you to be impressed," Neil sighed, sinking his head   
and ignoring the small yelp of triumph from Nieve's direction. "I'm   
sorry. I should have been honest, I just..." He shook his head,   
remembering all the other times that he'd horribly struck out with   
women and feeling like an absolute wreck. "I was having fun spending   
time with you. I didn't want it to end, and I didn't want you to think   
I was some kind of loser." He shut his eyes tightly. "But I shouldn't   
have lied."  
  
"You lied to try and impress me," repeated Nieve, grabbing Neil's chin   
and pulling his face back up to her level. His eyes flew open at the   
unexpected contact, and for a moment all he could register was the look   
on her face, suddenly happy once again, a moment that was only broken   
by the noise of the bathroom door opening again and Pen-Pen announcing   
his presence with a warking noise. "That... well, it's not exactly   
sweet, I guess, but I don't think any other boy has done that for me."   
She paused, then blushed, putting a hand to her mouth as she giggled   
slightly. "Listen to me. I sound like a ninny."  
  
Shaking his head, Neil found himself suddenly unconcerned with the   
brief surges of anger he'd felt towards the girl, totally fixated on   
her simple presence so close to him. There was something about her,   
something unspeakably attractive, a sort of vibrancy about the way that   
her hair fell and her mouth moved as she spoke that captivated him.   
"You don't sound like a ninny," he said, scolding himself internally as   
familiar feelings began to bubble within his lower areas once again.   
"You sound..." He paused. "Cute."  
  
Nieve giggled again, then smiled and turned towards Neil, putting her   
hands behind her back and holding them together tightly as she forced   
herself to be brave. "Okay, Neil. I've thought of how you can make   
your lying up to me." She paused for a moment, letting Neil lean   
towards her, hanging on her next words. Basking in the power for just   
a moment, she turned her head slightly away and closed her eyes, still   
smiling broadly. "Kiss me."  
  
The words came unexpectedly, and even though Neil very much liked the   
concept he found himself freezing, certain that he must have misheard   
her. He paused for a moment, then decided that he was reading too much   
into the statement, that she meant something different. "On the   
cheek?" he asked, eyes wide.  
  
"Are you an idiot?" snapped Nieve, frowning momentarily and raising her   
hand slightly as if she was going to slap him again. Then she smiled   
again, turning her head towards Neil and opening her eyes again. "No,   
on the lips. I..." She felt a sudden tightness in her chest,   
something that she couldn't remember ever having felt before. "I want   
you to give me my first kiss."  
  
"Um." The noise escaped Neil's lips more out of an absolute   
bewilderment about what to say than anything else, the entire situation   
leaving him at a loss for words. His life had never consisted even   
partially of girls, attractive or otherwise, asking him to kiss them,   
and his mind was already making him try to second-guess Nieve's   
statement. "Isn't this something you should save for someone that   
you're dating? And this could make living together kind of awkward.   
Now that I think about it, if we're going to be piloting the Evas   
together, we might need to -"  
  
"Gods, you -are- an idiot," muttered Nieve, slapping herself on the   
forehead and forcing herself to ignore the little voice in the back of   
her head telling her that he simply wasn't attracted to her at all.   
"I'm -asking- you to kiss me. I -want- you to kiss me. Is that such a   
terrible thing?"  
  
"I..." Neil paused for a moment, then shook his head as he realized   
that his objections weren't doing any good, that he was betraying the   
old adage about not looking a gift horse in the mouth. He swallowed   
hard, then took a step towards Nieve, feeling the familiar tingling   
sensation spread through his lower body as he gently put his hands   
around her shoulders. She seemed to tremble a little at the contact   
herself, and Neil saw a hint of nervousness in her eyes, something that   
he couldn't remember having ever seen before. "So. What do you know   
about this?"  
  
Rolling her eyes involuntarily, Nieve forced herself up higher,   
stretching to her full height, still notably shorter than Neil.   
"You're the veteran, Third Child," she replied, intending to sound   
confident but whispering despite herself. The immediacy of the moment   
was slowly sinking into her mind, and it became more and more   
frightening with every moment that she waited. "You tell me what to   
do."  
  
"Well, you'll need to tilt your head back a little, and, er, I'll need   
to lean down, so that our mouths are a little closer," replied Neil,   
feeling very awkward as he leaned his head towards the girl's, her head   
tilting back. "And, um, you need to close your eyes. Like this." He   
shut his eyes, then leaned forward, intending to lean just far enough   
that she could see what he was doing. Instead, he found his lips brush   
against hers, and there was a sudden electrical feeling across his   
entire body, freezing him in place for a moment as he distantly heard   
the sound of a door opening. "Um. Maybe we should -"  
  
Quite to both Nieve and Neil's surprise, Nieve's hands found their way   
to the back of his head and pulled it close, pressing her lips against   
his as her mouth fell open almost involuntarily. Neil felt another   
surge of passion flow through him immediately, but this time wasn't   
immobilized by the sensation, instead letting his own mouth open,   
gently pushing his tongue into the girl's mouth. She let out a small   
gasp of surprise as she felt the wetness of his tongue touching hers,   
then seemed to lose herself in the moment as well, moving her tongue   
along with his, letting the two tongues stroke one another.  
  
Feeling the emotion of the moment, Neil let go of Nieve's shoulders,   
then wrapped his arms around the girl as their tongues rubbed together,   
her hands still tight against the back of his head, fingers splayed   
through his hair. He'd never experienced anything like what was   
happening, a fact that was distantly making itself known as the two   
Children held one another close, their mouths locked still in a   
passionate embrace of their own, tongues pressing and rubbing in a sort   
of slow waltz. Every other kiss he'd ever felt had been different, as   
though the other person were holding something back. But Neil could   
feel that there was something passionate inside of Nieve, that she was   
pouring her heart and soul into him, and for a brief moment he thought   
that he could lose control, that he could surrender himself entirely to   
the gentle rythym between them.  
  
Then, as though someone had given a signal, Neil and Nieve both   
withdrew their tongues in unison, mouths breaking apart with a slow   
certainty. Both Children paused for a moment, eyes still shut, then   
looked at one another as their eyes slowly drifted open, Nieve letting   
a smile play across her lips as Neil simply stared in amazement. He   
could still taste her skin within his mouth, still felt the lingering   
touches of her tongue. "That was -definitely- all that it's cracked up   
to be," she muttered, her voice sounding different, excited, an odd   
sort of tone as she stared into Neil's eyes. "Neil... I think... I   
think that I might..."  
  
A cough came from the doorway behind them, and both Nieve and Neil   
suddenly released the other, freezing in place as soon as their hands   
were off the other, then slowly turning to look, Neil turning his neck   
while Nieve simply craned to stare around him. In the doorway stood   
Ryo, still wearing his school uniform, blue hair framing the blank   
expression of his face. "Ryo," breathed Neil, unsure of what to say,   
getting the distinct impression that there was something else lying in   
Ryo's expression, something he couldn't quite put a finger on. "How   
long have you been here?"  
  
"Since you started kissing her," replied Ryo flatly, the vaguest hint   
of some kind of resentment in his voice. He paused for a moment, then   
opened his schoolbag, rustling in it for a moment before fishing out   
the sketch that Eiko had given him more than a week ago, slightly   
wrinkled but for the most part no worse for the intervening time   
period. "Eiko wanted me to give you this. I apologize if I   
interrupted anything."  
  
"No," replied Neil, stepping forward to take the piece of paper from   
Ryo. He stared at the sketch in his hand and suddenly felt even more   
awkward, recognizing it immediately as the sketch that Eiko had made of   
the Tokyo-3 skyline as the sun set, the day after he returned from the   
hospital. Flipping it over, he could see a few scribbled words in   
English, and he wondered idly if she'd only given the sketch to Ryo   
recently, completely confused. "Um... listen, do you want to sit down   
for a while? To talk?"  
  
"I have to get home," replied Ryo flatly, turning around and opening   
the door once again, then stepping out into the hallway of the   
apartment building, staring out the bay window across the hall from   
Misato's apartment, watching as the sun began to slide below the   
horizon, the light glancing off the buildings of Tokyo-3. "I will see   
you at Central Dogma tomorrow."  
  
The door fell shut, and Neil stared at the sketch from Eiko, unsure if   
he should feel bad about kissing Nieve because of Eiko or if he should   
feel bad about taking the sketch from Eiko because of Nieve. His mind   
settled on simply feeling bad for whatever reason, and the sensation   
only redoubled as Nieve gently touched him on the shoulder, drawing his   
attention back towards her. "What is it?" she asked, sounding just the   
slightest bit bitter. "Just the city skyline?"  
  
"Yeah," muttered Neil, breaking free of Nieve's touch before turning   
and stepping back towards his room, unable to tear his eyes away from   
the pencil lines of the drawing. "I'll just put this away, then we can   
go back to whatever you want." He opened the door slowly, stepping   
into his room and feeling unspeakably confused, wishing that he didn't   
feel bad about kissing Nieve at the same time that he wished he didn't   
feel guilty about taking the sketch.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato sighed, leaning over the piles of paperwork on her office,   
feeling as though what she wanted more than anything else in the world   
was a good beer and sleep. Even a week after Jet Alone going berserk,   
she had yet to actually get to work on any of the necessary files for   
the incident, still working on all of the official reports needed for   
the Fifth Angel. What bugged her more than anything, however, wasn't   
the fact that she had to keep filling in the same information in form   
after form when the UN knew perfectly well that the Angels and NERV   
were going to follow certain patterns. It was the way that the whole   
filing process seemed to dehumanize the events, to make it seem as   
though the Evas were just like particularly specialized tanks.  
  
Sinking her head into her hands and closing her eyes, needing to get   
away from the numbing fluorescence of the overhead lights, she thought   
back to the stark terror in Eiko's voice during the Jet Alone incident,   
the scream of pain that Vash had let out against the Fifth Angel,   
Neil's horrifying first couple of battles. "They're so brave," she   
muttered, trying to figure out what it would be like if she was   
thirteen years younger, if she was told that she could pilot the   
gigantic machines. She wanted to say that she would have agreed, but   
she knew that she couldn't be certain. The thought that she wouldn't   
made her feel even more guilty about her job, as though she had no   
right to send the Children into such danger if she wasn't going to   
place herself at the same risk. She found herself feeling even more   
guilty as she thought on it, as she wondered if she'd be willing to   
take orders from someone sitting in an armored command center while she   
put her life on the line.  
  
"Thinking too much, Misato," she muttered to herself, pushing her head   
out of her hands, then pushing her chair back and standing from her   
desk. It occurred to her momentarily that she might not feel so   
exhausted by the simple act of being in her office if she did something   
to spruce up the bland teal of the walls, but she shook her head at the   
thought, knowing that she'd never remember to bring anything in, much   
less find the time to arrange the room. "Time to go home, say hi to   
the Children, and then drink until you stop worrying so much." She   
grinned at the thought, grabbed her keys off the desk, then walked out   
of the office, flicking the light switch off as she stepped out and   
began to try and find her way through the maze of the base.  
  
Roughly ten minutes later, she finally found herself on the right level   
to catch a transport to the surface, the employee level. It was a   
large enough level to support a far bigger and far lazier staff than   
NERV actually employed, and at times Misato wondered if it hadn't been   
built simply for the purpose of spending as much money as possible on   
the construction of the base. The thought was an idle bit of mental   
noise as she walked towards the elevator that led to the garage, hoping   
that nobody had dinged her car.  
  
As she walked past the main employee lounge, she heard a deep,   
distinctive male voice, and she instantly realized that it was Kaji   
speaking. She froze for a moment, unsure about whether or not she   
should eavesdrop, then grinned and leaned towards the half-opened door   
inward, looking as best she could for where Kaji was. After a second   
or two of looking, she saw him, sitting at one of the round white   
tables with Dr. Fuyutsuki, apparently speaking casually with him.   
Misato frowned for a moment, then continued to stare, determined to   
find out what was going on with her former lover.  
  
"I have to admit, it wasn't something I planned on," Kaji muttered,   
letting out a small puff of smoke from his cigarette, leaning back in   
his chair and then staring up at the ceiling. "You know why I came, I   
imagine. I remember reading about you, hearing how you'd started to   
investigate Gehirn before most people even knew it existed." He   
smirked, though he still didn't turn back towards Fuyutsuki. "Imagine   
my surprise when I learned you'd sold out."  
  
Fuyutsuki smiled, taking a sip from the steaming coffee mug sitting in   
front of him and apparently unhurt by Kaji's comment. "I suppose you   
had to be there to understand," he replied. "You ought to be more   
careful, though, if you're trying to follow in my footsteps. I could   
turn you in, and then everything would be over for you."  
  
"You won't, though," replied Kaji, tilting his head down towards   
Fuyutsuki. The elder man simply stared back for a moment, then slowly   
shook his head, a gesture which apparently satisfied Kaji enough for   
him to lean back in his chair once again. For a split second, Misato   
thought that he caught sight of her spying in through the doorway, but   
he didn't seem to react at all, and she breathed a small sigh of   
relief, trying to press her ear closer to the two men. "I doubted I'd   
be so lucky as to get any help from you."  
  
Nodding, Fuyutsuki took another sip from his mug, still seemingly   
amused by Kaji, almost as if the two were old friends. Misato tried to   
think if they would have had an opportunity to meet beforehand, but   
hard as she tried she couldn't think of any chance the two would have   
had. "Everything that I wanted to know about this project I   
found out a long time ago," he replied, a slight note of sorrow   
creeping into his voice. "Even if I hadn't found out everything, I   
don't think that I could betray her like that."  
  
Kaji chuckled slightly, taking the cigarette hanging from his mouth out   
and exhaling another small cloud of smoke overhead. The sight of him   
leaning back and smoking brought Misato back several years, to happier   
times between the two of them, but she forced herself to ignore the   
memories. "I couldn't come between a professor and his favorite   
student," muttered Kaji, tapping his cigarette ash into a small black   
ashtray adorned with a small NERV logo. "Or has that position been   
taken by Gendou now?"  
  
"That's Commander Ikari to you," replied Fuyutsuki, no trace of malice   
in his voice at the statement. He paused for a moment, then began to   
speak again, this time with a touch of bitterness in his voice. "So   
how does -she- factor into all of this? Or can you just not go through   
with this without having something to sleep with?"  
  
Chuckling once again, Kaji looked towards the door, and Misato was   
certain that he saw her standing outside, feeling his blue eyes stare   
directly into hers. He said nothing, however, turning back towards   
Fuyutsuki after a moment. "Do you really think I'm that shallow?" he   
asked, turning his cigarette vertical and rubbing it out in the ashtray   
in front of him. "Besides, it's not like she and I don't have a past   
as it is."  
  
Misato felt a sudden rush of warmth through her body at his words,   
suddnly thinking that she knew what he was talking about. The thought   
that Kaji was still attracted to her digusted her on some level, and   
she knew that she'd left the man for good reason, but another part of   
her was flattered. She'd wondered why he'd come to NERV, but even if   
it wasn't only to be with her, the thought that he'd even consider it   
was gratifying. She smirked to herself, still listening in, wondering   
where else the conversation would go, distantly aware of the fact that   
she'd agreed to cook dinner for Nieve and Neil and that she'd be late.  
  
"You two don't have the kind of past that would lead into that,   
though," replied the elder man, a minor scowl drifting across his face   
as he took another sip from his coffee mug, the combination of the   
light from the bay window and the white mug presumably obscuring his   
face from Kaji. "And besides that, Ryoji, it's been years since you've   
even seen her. Do you honestly expect me to believe you have feelings   
that strong about her?"  
  
"It's Kaji to you," the younger man replied, grinning slightly at the   
joke before pushing his chair back and stretching, revealing fully the   
slightly dissheveled shirt he wore, his tie hanging loosely around the   
unbuttoned collar, pants wrinkled and belt absent. Misato couldn't   
help but smile at the casual appearance of her former lover, the way   
that he still seemed to be unable of maintaining any aura of   
seriousness. "And I don't expect you to believe anything I tell you.   
If our roles were reversed, wouldn't you feel the same?"  
  
"Probably," replied Fuyutsuki, standing as well. Backing away slightly   
from the door, Misato got the distinct impression that she should move   
away more, but she found herself unable to leave, captivated by the   
thought that Kaji was infatuated with her. She could no longer see the   
men's conversation, but she kept her ear tilted towards the door enough   
to hear Fuyutsuki continue speaking. "Do you plan on telling Misato   
about this?"  
  
Kaji laughed. "That I'm seeing another woman? She'd never recover   
from it. I think she's still taken by me." The words hit harshly, but   
Misato listened for a moment longer, trying to convince herself that   
perhaps she'd heard incorrectly. "Really, though, I wish that she'd   
move on with her life. It's a little embarassing to have her still   
doting on me."  
  
Dr. Fuyutsuki said something more, but Misato didn't hear it, still   
lost inside the sound of Kaji's last few words, her eyes wide with   
shock as she managed to kick her body back into motion and stepped away   
from the door. "I don't dote on him," she muttered, her expression   
slowly changing from shock to anger, ignoring the sorrow that had hit   
her almost subconsciously. Closing her eyes for a moment, she stepped   
away from the lounge, walking towards her car with resolute intensity   
once again.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe lay on her back, still wearing the loose black jeans and yellow   
tank top that she'd been wearing all day, staring up at the ceiling of   
her bland gray room and waiting for Ryo to return. Despite her efforts   
to think about something else, which had been rather half-hearted to   
begin with, she'd been unable to tear her mind away from thoughts of   
the cryptically silent boy, the weight of his loneliness settling upon   
her with an odd sort of finality. Though she wanted to believe   
otherwise, he probably thought that she was avoiding him, and when   
somebody was as lonely as he seemed to be, she doubted that he had an   
easy time accepting someone else wanting to be near him. "Poor Ryo,"   
she muttered, turning her head to one side, staring at her small table   
and the porcelain figures on it. "He doesn't have anyone."  
  
The thought warmed her heart slightly, cutting through the slight chill   
she always seemed to feel when thinking about Ryo. She wanted to be   
there for him, for reasons that even she couldn't quite explain, almost   
as though he was calling out to her. The thought made her giggle   
slightly, but she felt bad for having been so distant from him, for   
letting him stay alone. Reaching to her right, she felt the smooth   
surface of the package she'd assembled for him, something that she was   
certain he'd appreciate. A mental picture of his smile entered her   
mind, and the thought brought a broad smile to her own face, so   
intoxicatingly pleasing that she almost didn't notice as the front door   
to the apartment opened.  
  
Ryo, for his part, simply removed his shoes as he had learned to,   
leaving them snugly arranged against the wall of the small lowered area   
within the apartment, then stepped forward and glanced to his left as   
he heard noises from Niobe's room. He was only distantly concerned   
with her, more occupied with what he had seen going on between Neil and   
Nieve. A part of him felt an odd tightness, yet another feeling that   
he wasn't accustomed to, knowing that Nieve had given at least part of   
her body to Neil. That, by Eiko's definition, meant that Neil had   
control.  
  
Closing his eyes, Ryo thought back to the day that he and Neil had   
fought the Fourth Angel, to Neil's defiance of orders as he jumped upon   
the Angel's back. At the time, Ryo had thought that Neil was simply   
sacrificing himself, but as he looked on the situation he realized Neil   
was in little danger at the time, that Ryo had already sacrificed   
himself to defend the other Child. It was an odd thought, something   
that Ryo was distantly aware of as he recalled Eiko's sacrifice for   
Neil, of Nieve's lips touching to Neil's. Almost unconsciously, he   
found himself clenching one of his fists gently, thinking distractedly   
that Nieve should give herself to him as Niobe's door opened.  
  
"Hey, Ryo," the girl said, smiling broadly, one hand cradling the small   
package next to her back, the other leaning against the doorframe. Ryo   
simply stared blankly at her, his red eyes betraying absolutely no   
emotion that she could discern. "I was getting a little worried about   
you. You usually come straight home after school and testing."  
  
"I had something else that I needed to do," he replied flatly, still   
trying to figure out what was going on inside him, what had driven him   
to break his routine in the first place. He paused for a moment,   
staring at Niobe, then turned away and faced towards the door to his   
room, unsure of what precisely was going on. "I'll change out of my   
school clothes, and then I'll cook dinner."  
  
"Wait!" snapped Niobe, stepping out into the hallway just as Ryo began   
to walk down it towards his room, the package still pressed up against   
her back. Ryo paused briefly, then slowly turned around to face Niobe,   
his expression still blank. Niobe felt a sudden unease, as though she   
were intruding into something unspeakably private, but she pushed the   
thought out of her mind, taking a step towards Ryo. "Do... do you want   
to talk about what you did? I've been alone all day, and I could use   
somebody to talk to."  
  
Ryo blinked, staring at Niobe without any idea of what she was trying   
to do. Another new sensation began to wash over him, coming with the   
knowledge that he'd already broken routine severely earlier, that he   
needed to maintain this portion of the day or Dr. Ikari would think   
something was wrong. "Very well," he said after a moment, his voice   
not betraying any emotion. "Tell me whatever you would like."  
  
Niobe shook her head, feeling a mild frustration well in the back of   
her mind, an emotion that she knew she shouldn't have been feeling.   
She wanted to help Ryo open up to her, but it seemed as though the   
effort itself was in vain. "That's not what I mean," she said, taking   
another step towards him. "Tell me what you're feeling, what's going   
on in your mind." She paused, receiving nothing but an empty stare   
from Ryo. "Like... I don't know, tell me what you did after you left   
Central Dogma."  
  
The requests for conversation finallly made sense to Ryo, and he   
nodded. "I walked for approximately ten minutes towards this   
apartment, then turned and walked ten minutes towards the residence of   
Captain Katsuragi. At the apartment, I delivered a pencil sketch that   
the Fourth Child had asked me to give to the Third Child. When I had -"  
  
"Forget it," Niobe interjected, feeling very much as though she were   
hitting her head against a brick wall. A sensation was growing in her   
that this was just another test, the sort of trial that Joseph had   
warned her about before she had left home. He'd told her then that it   
was up to her to make sure that she could get past such things, that if   
she couldn't handle such simply problems she couldn't possibly be the   
best. Choosing a change of tactics, she brought the package out from   
behind herself, smiling once again as Ryo's eyes immediately focused on   
it. "My first paycheck from NERV came through today. I bought this   
for you."  
  
Staring for a moment, Ryo gingerly extended one hand, taking the gift-  
wrapped package in it and turning it over to examine it. Slinging his   
school bag over his shoulder, he recalled the routine that Dr. Ikari   
had taught him, the places where the tape would join the paper with   
itself and where he should slide his finger firmly through, the   
relatively precise art of unwrapping such objects. Niobe smiled all   
the while as Ryo's hands moved with practiced and controlled grace   
across the smooth surface, breaking through the tape and removing the   
paper, then opening the small cardboard box within, staring at the   
object for a second before removing it.  
  
"It's a penguin," announced Niobe as the boy stared at the small   
stuffed animal, handling the soft plush of the animal gingerly as if he   
was going to break it. Both Children simply stood for a moment, and   
Niobe took a deep breath, trying not to feel the tension that she'd   
experienced before, reminding herself that all the boy needed was a   
little more prodding. "I thought that you'd like it. You said you   
didn't have any keepsakes, so I assumed -"  
  
"You wanted me to have some," noted Ryo, the slightest hint of emotion   
creeping at the edges of his words. Niobe nodded as he turned over the   
small stuffed bird, trying to figure out why she would have done such a   
thing. He still didn't quite understand Niobe's concept of keepsakes,   
and his thoughts were too full of Neil to truly guess at her ultimate   
purpose, still preoccupied with the question of how he was so   
different. "What should I remember with this?"  
  
The blank maleability of the statement struck Niobe harshly as she   
thought of speaking with her father, recalling the weeks immediately   
following the declaration of her as the Sixth Child. Staring into   
Ryo's eyes, seeing the dearth of emotion within them, Niobe suddenly   
felt another pang of sympathy for the boy, devoid of friends or family,   
only the commands of Dr. Ikari. It took a great deal of restraint not   
to shed a tear, and Niobe had to pause before she spoke, making sure   
that her voice didn't break. "You can remember anything you want," she   
replied. "It's entirely up to you."  
  
Ryo's expression still betrayed no emotion, and in the back of his mind   
he remembered that he was breaking routine once again, that he would   
have to inform Dr. Ikari of such. "Thank you," he said somewhat   
curtly, nodding to her and turning towards his room once again, Niobe   
simply staring towards the point where his eyes had been moments   
earlier. "I'll change now. Is there anything specific that you want   
for dinner tonight?"  
  
"No," replied Niobe somewhat weakly as the boy opened the door to his   
barren room, stepping in and shutting the door behind him, leaving   
Niobe to stare blankly at the door for a moment. She felt a single   
warm streak of water trickle down her face, and she sniffled gently as   
she wiped the tear away, suddenly filled with self-doubt. All she had   
wanted to do was to make him feel better, to not be so alone, and it   
didn't seem to have done anything. "I couldn't do anything. I failed."  
  
An urge began to rise within Niobe, one that she'd told herself had   
been squished some time ago, and she felt the desire to simply go back   
to her room and simply cry. Gritting her teeth, she clenched one fist   
tightly, reminding herself that crying was for the weak, for the people   
who knew that they couldn't be good enough. "I'll help you, Ryo," she   
said, quietly but firmly, still fixing her eyes on his door and feeling   
pangs of sympathy in her chest. Something had snapped within her by   
looking at him, and as she finally turned away from his door, stepping   
into her room to dry her face, she told herself that she refused to   
accept failure, that she would make the boy open up. "With God as my   
witness, I'll make you smile."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The Child of an unknown land.  
The Child of an ancient land.  
Two Children closer than they think.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 8: PARALLEL SPIRITS  
"I don't want to hurt people."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	8. Parallel Spirits

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 8: PARALLEL SPIRITS +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one   
another.  
- 1 JOHN 3:11  
  
]++[  
  
Neil's eyes were closed tightly, the warm stickiness in his right hand   
glaring in his mind as he flopped back down on the bed, breathing more   
heavily and hoping that Nieve hadn't heard anything. He tended to   
doubt it, but the mere thought of her knowing what was going on only   
increased his revulsion with himself as he clenched his hand into a   
fist, feeling the fluid flow from between his fingers. "I'm   
disgusting," he muttered, waiting for a moment before pulling his pants   
back up to his waist, hating himself for failing at long last when he'd   
been doing so well before. "Other people can control themselves when   
they feel this way. It's like I'm some kind of animal."  
  
He'd done his best to control the reflex, but Nieve had been shooting   
him somewhat odd looks all evening, and the fact that Misato had been   
unusually quiet had only made things worse. Slightly to his credit,   
he'd managed to restrain himself until ten, when he finally turned in,   
insisting to himself that he wouldn't give himself anything for only   
moments before the thought of Nieve lying on top of him grew too   
great. It wasn't as though he felt any better afterwards, with all the   
guilt bubbling through him, but at least it was guilt instead of lust,   
something he was used to dealing with.  
  
"I'm sorry, Nieve," he muttered, wiping his hand off on the mattress,   
already wishing that he could take everything back, that he'd never   
discovered it was possible to relieve his tension in such a way. He   
might not have been able to control himself much longer anyways, and he   
knew that, but on another level he also felt terrible about ruining a   
wonderful evening by succumbing to the urge. He had enjoyed kissing   
Nieve more than he could express, enjoyed the taste of her lips, the   
feel of her tongue. "But I'm not a good person," he muttered. "Not   
when it comes down to it. Good people don't fantasize about a girl in   
the room next to them."  
  
Then his thoughts drifted to Eiko, and he found himself feeling even   
more guilty as the momentary physical pleasure drifted away, tilting   
his head towards the pencil sketch that he'd placed up on his wall.   
She hadn't dated it, and what he'd initially thought was English on the   
back was a meticulous Japanese script. It looked somewhat different   
than Eiko's handwriting on the front, but he couldn't be sure, and it   
ultimately didn't matter. The simple fact that she'd given him the   
sketch meant something, but without knowing when she'd given it to Ryo   
he couldn't figure out quite what. If it had been before the Fifth   
Angel, it could have just been a peace offering. If it came later, it   
could have been an expression of gratitude. Or at either time, it   
could have meant something more, something he didn't even want to   
contemplate for fear of being disappointed.  
  
"Eiko and Nieve... they deserve better than me," Neil muttered, the   
warmth of his fluids still tangible on his hand, the guilt still just   
as fresh. "They're good people. They deserve someone who doesn't lay   
in bed at night and dream that they're whores." The whispered   
statement was harshly directed inward despite its volume, and Neil   
winced slightly at the thought, suddenly feeling even worse about   
himself. Bad enough that he was unable to control himself, but to   
think that he was dragging the girls down to his level felt even worse.  
  
Unexpectedly, he heard the sound of his door opening, and he jerked up   
in his bed, terror and excitement rushing through him at the same   
instant, both emotions springing from the thought that it would be   
Nieve at the door. He paused for a moment before he realized that it   
was Misato standing there, the light from the kitchen silhouetting her   
against the darkness of the room, her body leaning at an odd angle in   
the doorframe. "Misato," he breathed, not sure whether Misato knowing   
about how perverted he truly was would be better or worse. "Is   
something wrong?"  
  
"Pretty much everything," muttered Misato, stepping into the room and   
shutting the door behind her, pausing for a moment as her eyes adjusted   
to the darkness of the room and she became visible in the twighlight of   
the stars from Neil's window. Neil touched the wet spots still damp   
upon his bed and tried to fold the blanket over them as Misato stared   
out the window, apparently unconcerned. "Hey, Neil, you want to know   
something?"  
  
Misato turned towards Neil, and in an instant Neil recognized her   
expression, feeling a sudden rush of heat flow through his body, though   
he couldn't pinpoint the exact emotion behind it. "Um... sure," he   
replied, sitting up straight in his bed, another old guilt drifting   
back into his mind.  
  
"I was in Antarctica during the Second Impact," the woman replied,   
flopping down at the foot of Neil's bed, the strap of her tank top   
falling slightly from her shoulder. "I was visiting my father down   
there, maybe the only time I went to see the bastard, and in the early   
morning I head him screaming as everything started getting fucked up."   
She paused for a moment, her eyes just out of Neil's sight and keeping   
him from seeing what she was feeling. "That bastard kept mother and me   
out of his life for so long, and then when I finally went to see him,   
he..." She trailed off. "I was twelve, then."  
  
"You were there when..." Neil's voice faltered, the thoughts of his   
own failure and his concern for Misato suddenly dampened by the   
knowledge of who he was talking to. "We learned that there was only   
one person at the site of the Second Impact that survived, the child of   
one of the researchers. That was you?"  
  
Nodding, Misato pushed herself upwards, sitting up straight although   
somewhat wobbly, her expression still not entirely readable but   
distinctly sad. "There was a lot of screaming," she muttered,   
describing the events with a sort of clinical detachment that was   
almost frightening. "People were running all over, panicking... but my   
dad wasn't scared at all. Or if he was, he didn't act it. He just   
pulled me out of my bed and carried me to the escape capsules, sealed   
me in that little metal cylinder and sent me off into the ocean, his   
expression just sad, not afraid." She paused for a moment, looking   
away from Neil. "He died there. He never even tried to get in a pod,   
just stared as the light spread and covered him. I saw."  
  
"That's... amazing," gasped Neil, leaning towards Misato slightly.   
"Misato, I had no idea..." His words faltered again, and the shock   
slowly began to fade away as he thought about his own father,   
contemplated the idea of his father voluntarily sacrificing himself for   
his son. It wasn't something that he could wrap his head around.   
"Your father must have been an amazing person."  
  
"Fuck him. He was never home, he made my mother cry, and he made me   
cry. The only thing he ever did to make up for it was to save my life,   
and I think he just did it to feel better about what he did to us."   
She sighed heavily, leaning forward and balancing on her knees, head   
hanging low. "But that's what everyone does, isn't it? They'll screw   
you as long as they like, until they know that they need to make your   
last memory of them a good one. And if they come back into your life,   
you'll find out that they were lying all the while, won't you?"  
  
Uncomfortable, Neil shrank back slightly from Misato, an awkward   
silence spreading between the two for a moment. "I have a scar from   
the Impact, you know," she slurred after a moment, turning towards Neil   
and suddenly perky once again. "Do you want to see it?" Neil nodded   
tenatively, and Misato shrugged, grabbing the bottom of her tank top   
and yanking it upwards. Neil felt his heart skip several beats, and it   
took him a few moments before he realized that Misato had stopped just   
shy of flashing him, the shirt pulled high enough to reveal the curve   
of her breasts. "Right there," she muttered, pointing to a cross-  
shaped scar to one side of her breast, not particularly large but   
distinguishing.  
  
A lump firmly lodged in Neil's throat as his body responded without   
thought to Misato's sudden exposure, the scar below her breast the last   
thing on his mind. On the one hand, the fact that she had obviously   
had several beers before entering his room was somewhat disturbing, but   
on the other hand she was an extremely attractive woman undressing in   
front of him, and Neil couldn't help the fact that he noticed that. "I   
see," he managed after a moment, the words coming out as more of a   
croak than a statement.  
  
Misato paused, then noticed the young boy's discomfort, and she glanced   
down at the blanket, a sick sort of smile crossing her face. "You're   
not even looking at the scar. You're looking at -me-." Neil's eyes   
went wide, and he glanced down at the blanket, simultaneously feeling   
angry with it for betraying him and angry with himself for still being   
unable to control himself. Misato didn't seem to care, shoving herself   
towards the boy, legs still dangling off the bed as she leaned towards   
him. "Are you a virgin, Neil? Have you ever wondered what a woman   
feels like?"  
  
Neil swallowed hard, the close presence of Misato intoxicatingly   
difficult to resist. He closed his eyes for a moment, forcing himself   
to forget the extremely attractive woman next to him and focusing   
instead on the distinct scent of alcohol on her breath, knowing that it   
would drive out any other feelings he had on the matter. "Misato,   
you're drunk," he said firmly, his breathing coming harder   
unintentionally.  
  
"Yep," replied Misato, grinning widely for a moment before falling   
backwards away from Neil, her head nearly hitting the footboard of the   
bed as she started laughing. There was an odd bitterness to her laugh,   
as she clutched at her chest, shaking slightly with each heave of her   
chest. After another moment or two, she pushed herself back to her   
feet and stood unsteadily, waving back and forth slightly. "Yep, I'm   
sure drunk, all right. Know what? It's easier that way." She was   
still laughing as she staggered into the door, hitting the wood for a   
moment before actually putting her hand on the knob.  
  
"Hey, Neil, can I tell you something else?" she asked as she turned the   
knob slowly, leaning against the door. Neil paused, then nodded, guilt   
and arousal causing an unsteady mix within his internal chemistry.   
"Most guys would have just told me to lay down and put out. And if   
you'd told me to, I would have." She paused for a moment, then laughed   
again, opening the door with an unsteady sort of force. "Your loss, I   
suppose. I wouldn't have even felt bad about it afterwards."  
  
With that, Neil's door finally shut, Misato's heavy footfalls stil   
vaguely audible as she staggered down the hall. The boy remained   
sitting stark upright for a moment or two before collapsing back down   
upon his bed, his mind fighting a battle with his body's renewed desire   
for gratification. He had wanted Misato, but even as he'd felt   
disgusted at himself for that he'd felt something burning inside of   
him, an urge to blame her for his failing of control, to hurt her for   
lapsing in her judgement. Sighing heavily, Neil lay down and closed   
his eyes, the familiar image of EVA-01's green eye drifting across his   
vision as he began to drift into sleep.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash did not want to deal with Kensuke. He didn't want to deal with   
Hikari. He didn't want to deal with most of the class, and he   
certainly didn't want to sit through an entire day of school. What he   
wanted to do was figure out what in the world had gone wrong the night   
before, what had made Eiko suddenly decide that she didn't want to make   
love to him that night, why everything had suddenly gone wrong when it   
seemed to be going perfectly. Unfortunately for him, he also knew that   
Kensuke wasn't stupid enough not to figure out what was going on, that   
Hikari would be told sooner or later, and that when two class members   
found out about something like that it wasn't long before the entire   
class knew about it, even if one of those people was Hikari. So while   
he was disappointed when he entered the classroom to see the students   
of his class gathered around his desk, he wasn't particularly surprised.  
  
Kensuke was the first to step forward from the crowd around Vash's   
desk, eyes wide beneath his thick glasses, his curiosity almost   
uncontainable as Vash walked towards the back of the room, distantly   
noting the fact that Ayanami was the only member of the class not   
crowded around his desk. "What was it like?" Kensuke breathed as Vash   
elbowed his way to his desk, slinging his schoolbag to the ground.   
"Did you like it? Did she like it?" He paused for a second, then   
leaned closer to Vash, smirking. "Does she look as good under those   
clothes as she does with them on?"  
  
"That's my girlfriend you're talking about, you pervert," snapped Vash,   
smacking Kensuke in the side of the head lightly, not truly angry with   
his friend so much as he was irritated with the entire situation.   
"It's none of your business." He paused for a second, glancing around   
to the other students in the vain hope that they'd get the message.   
"Come on, guys, what's going on."  
  
Nobody spoke for a moment, then Hikari stepped forward, her ponytails   
bobbing slightly as she moved. "Nekasa, while I can't endorse what's   
going on, I'm afraid that you're obligated to tell us what happened   
between you and Suzuhara last night." She paused, and Vash couldn't   
help but sighing, knowing that Hikari was just as interested as the   
rest of the class. "Please?"  
  
"Oh, for God's sake," he muttered, shaking his head as he clutched at   
his forehead, feeling even worse about the situation. He was entirely   
at a loss to explain how he'd managed to strike out to himself, much   
less to the entire classroom, and with Hikari behind them there was   
little he could do to drive everyone off. "Nothing happened, all   
right? Absolutely nothing."  
  
A pause settled in the air for a moment, then everyone seemed to start   
talking at once, and Vash slumped down into his chair, feeling   
humiliated once again. He remembered the day after the Fifth Angel   
attacked, recalling how he'd been chewed apart by the class for   
bragging, and he knew subconsciously that the entire class was laughing   
at him on some level, something that he entirely didn't need. "You   
didn't even get a kiss?" asked Kensuke, closest to Vash as he sat in   
his chair, his expression disapproving. "Man, you really screwed   
something up."  
  
"It wasn't -that- little!" snapped Vash, hearing everyone suddenly fall   
silent once again as he leaned forward on the small wooden desk, the   
classmates all staring intently with the obvious expectation that he'd   
begin to finally tell them what they wanted to hear. Vash shook his   
head, then leaned back again, tilting his head just enough to focus on   
the manilla ceiling instead of his fellow students. "I just didn't get   
as far as I'd expected, all right? Something came up."  
  
Hikari made a small coughing noise, but it was lost in the din of the   
classmates almost assaulting Vash with questions, still finding the   
subject fascinating. One boy asked him if he'd gotten to see her   
boobs, another shouted about how far he'd expected to get, and a third   
asked if he'd made her angry and not want to do it. Vash slumped in   
his chair, plugging his ears as the questions came and his embarassment   
increased, ignoring the small grunts from Hikari's direction.  
  
The questions continued to come, and at length Vash pulled his hands   
out of his ears, slamming them down on his desk and silencing everyone   
other than Hikari. "We didn't have sex, all right?" he announced at   
length, figuring that directness was the only thing that would satisfy   
his classmates. "We got close, but for some reason Eiko wanted us to   
stop. Are you all satisfied now?" Hikari glanced towards the front of   
the classroom for an instant, then tugged roughly on Vash's shirt, only   
increasing his already-present irritation further. "What -is- it,   
Hikari?"  
  
"Eiko..." The single trailing name was enough for Vash to know   
instantly what was going on, and he glanced with terror towards the   
back of the group of students. Sure enough, Eiko was plowing her way   
towards her boyfriend, her school uniform getting slightly dissheveled   
as she forced her way though the crowd. "Eiko's coming over here,"   
Hikari stated at length with a note of belated satisfaction, stepping   
back slightly from Vash.  
  
Vash felt his heart skip a quick beat as Eiko shoved the last staring   
member of the crowd out of the way, then glared down at him, obviously   
having heard more than enough. There was a brief pause, then the   
entire class suddenly dispersed from around Vash's seat, all returning   
to their own chairs as Kensuke turned around and leaned forward. "He's   
going to get killed," he muttered dejectedly to himself, leaning his   
chin down atop his folded arms. "Too bad. I was going to show off my   
new video game."  
  
For a split second, Vash felt the intense desire to reach over and hit   
Kensuke firmly, but he was cut short as Eiko fixed him in place with   
her glare. Sighing heavily, he stared up at her, trying his best to   
look innocent and wondering in the back of his mind why these things   
always seemed to happen to him. "You told the entire class," she   
breathed at length, obviously angry. "You went and told everyone   
exactly what was going on between us."  
  
"-No-," replied Vash, shaking his head enthusiastically and getting the   
distinct impression that this was the sort of thing that could end his   
relationship permanently. The thought unearthed a mild twinge of anger   
with him at the sudden turn of events, the fact that she'd been willing   
to give herself to him a day earlier and now was furious with him. "I   
just told Kensuke. He must have spread the word." He paused for a   
moment, then leaned forward and tapped his friend on the back,   
eliciting a bored sort of stare from the other boy. "Come on, man.   
Help me out here."  
  
"Sorry, Vash, you've dug your own grave this time," muttered Kensuke,   
turning back away from the blonde boy sitting behind him. "I'm not   
getting involved in a domestic disturbance."  
  
Gritting his teeth, Vash began to reach towards the other boy, then was   
stopped once again by the harsh stare of his girlfriend. "You know   
what?" she asked, shaking her head and crossing her arms across her   
chest. "I'm not mad about that. I was -proud- of what we've got. I'd   
be happy if everyone knew what was going on between us. What bugs me   
is the way that you're talking about it."  
  
His confusion compounding, Vash pushed his chair back and stood,   
rubbing the back of his head, noticing as he looked around that every   
class member had their gazes half-turned towards the arguing couple, as   
though they simply couldn't get enough of them. It was precisely the   
time that he didn't want to be dealing with the attention of everyone   
around him, and some part of him wasn't surprised that his desires on   
the subject mattered little. "Exactly why would that be?" he asked   
Eiko at length, wishing that he could rewind the morning and take back   
his words.  
  
"Like..." She paused, then hurled her arms down angrily to her sides,   
fists clenched and voice rising in both pitch and volume. "Like you   
didn't care about the fact that it was -me-! You're talking about last   
night as if you just wanted to get something to sleep with!" She   
paused, then lowered her gaze slightly, gripping her right shoulder   
with her left hand uncomfortably. "Is that the truth? Did you just   
want to have sex?"  
  
"You're not being fair, Eiko," Vash snapped, feeling even more exposed   
than he had before. "I love you. You -know- that. I was there with   
you because I wanted to be with you. But it's not like I wasn't   
looking forward to having sex, too." Eiko's eyes suddenly snapped up   
towards Vash, angry once again, but by that point Vash was struggling   
to save face in any way possible, and a solution sprang to his mind   
almost unbidden. "Believe me, I'd have no problem finding a girl that   
actually -wanted- to sleep with me instead of one who pulled out at the   
last possible -"  
  
"Jerk," snapped Eiko quietly, letting her right hand freely slam across   
Vash's cheek, the unmistakable popping noise of the slap filling the   
otherwise silent room and drawing a few students to stop pretending   
that they weren't watching. Vash let his head recoil from the impact   
for a moment, then turned towards Eiko slowly, seeing something between   
anger and sadness welling up in her eyes. He opened his mouth to   
speak, but Eiko simply turned away and stormed over to her seat,   
sitting down forcefully.  
  
Vash stared after her for a moment, then flopped limply to his desk,   
knowing that he'd said the first thing that popped into his mouth and   
screwed everything up again. It wasn't the first time that he and Eiko   
had fought over something, but it was the first time he could remember   
her slapping him in something other than a joke, and he knew that meant   
something important. "You really did screw up back there, Mr. Humanoid   
Typhoon," noted Kensuke, tilting his head back slightly towards Vash.  
  
"Shut up, Kensuke," growled Vash, crossing his arms across his chest   
and feeling intensely bitter. He was certain that the whole thing was   
tied back to Neil somehow, knowing that most of the things wrong with   
his relationship has started right about the time that Neil had   
arrived. The simple fact that he knew he'd have to work with the boy   
was bad enough, but Neil ruining his relationship seemed even worse,   
especially in light of what Neil had done to Toji. "Eiko should be   
even angrier than I am," he muttered, unsure of the exact connection to   
Neil but willing to bet that it was there anyways.  
  
The entire class remained silent after the small drama had played   
itself out between Eiko and Vash, nobody daring to speak a word as the   
professor stepped in, the class standing and bowing appropriately with   
as little noise as possible. Vash, not particularly interested in   
class anyways, only distantly heard the noise of the professor   
preparing his lecture, beginning to outline his discussion topics. He   
wished that somebody would say something to make him feel better, that   
one of his friends wasn't simply observing him and waiting for him to   
fail, but nobody spoke as the professor launched into the beginning of   
his lecture, as usual centering around the Second Impact.  
  
It was almost an afterthought at first when the loud siren tore through   
the air that signaled Tokyo-3 was under attack, and while the rest of   
the class jumped to its feet it wasn't until a moment or two later that   
Vash realized it was the Angel alert. "Everyone, line up for   
evacuation!" shouted Hikari, immediately springing into her role as   
class representative, getting the rest of the students into line. Vash   
finally rose to his feet, feeling horribly disoriented as he stepped   
towards the back of the line, more going through the motions than   
anything else.  
  
"You don't go into a shelter," said Ryo's quiet voice, somehow managing   
to cut through Hikari's shouting despite the obvious discrepancy of   
volume. Vash simply stared at the other boy for a moment, then smacked   
himself on the forehead and stepped out of line, heading towards the   
door as he remembered his role. Hikari didn't even seem to notice as   
he elbowed past her and ran for the stairs, Ryo close behind, and   
somehow her ignorance didn't particularly surprise him.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's head was still doing somersaults as she stared at the central   
screen, watching the black vaguely humanoid thing fly towards the city   
at an amazing clip. The UN aerodrones were engaging it with their   
typical effectiveness, the beast alternately ignoring them entirely and   
simply plowing through them. From the blurry camera shots that they   
were getting, it looked much like the Third Angel, albeit with more   
curves and a slightly different face that looked suspiciously like a   
Chinese yin-yang. "This is the worst possible time," muttered the   
woman, balancing still somewhat unsteadily on her high heels, one arm   
across her chest and the other raised so that she could rub her   
forehead. "At least all six Children are finally here."  
  
Ritsuko stared at Misato disapprovingly for a moment, overtly enough   
for the woman to notice and glare back. "You're hung over," noted   
Ritsuko calmly and harshly, her gaze focused back on the display of   
Maya's screen. "You really ought to be acting a little more   
professional, especially in these circumstances." She glanced back at   
Misato, and Misato snorted disapprovingly while Ritsuko turned her gaze   
towards the display of the Angel. "What's the current status of the   
Eva units?"  
  
"All of the pilots are awaiting synchronization," replied Maya, fingers   
dancing across the keyboard and bringing up small portraits of the   
pilots sitting inside their cockpits. "We've detected no connection   
abnormalities. Everything is at peak functionality." She smiled, then   
turned towards Ritsuko, swiveling her chair around just enough to face   
the other woman. "We've been working overtime to make sure that we   
were ready for the next Angel attack at full strength, and it's paid   
off."  
  
"Shigeru, open a communications channel to all of the units," Misato   
shouted as best she could, still rubbing her forehead and hearing the   
communications officer's reply as if through a thick blanket. She   
didn't remember exactly what had happened the prior night, lost in a   
haze of alcohol and bitterness towards Kaji - who, she noted, hadn't   
shown up for work, or at least had managed to avoid her thus far - but   
she'd seen an odd expression on Neil's face when he'd come out to   
breakfast, enough to make her wonder exactly how poor her judgement had   
been. It wasn't as though she'd intended to drink until she passed   
out, just that she'd needed to bleed away the memories that had filled   
her head, and there wasn't any other way available to her.  
  
Noticing the quick hand gesture from the younger man that indicated the   
communications were open, Misato stepped towards the main microphone,   
leaning towards it and nearly hitting it with her mouth. "Eiko, Ryo,   
you'll be sortied first. We'll launch you near the outskirts of the   
city, where you'll be able to obtain long-range weaponry from within   
the nearby weapons depots. Your mission is to destroy the Angel before   
it clears the ruins of old Tokyo. Nieve, Niobe, I want you ready to be   
launched as backup as necessary." She paused for a moment, feeling   
another railroad spike of pain driving itself between her eyes. "Is   
everyone clear on the plan."  
  
Leaning back in the cockpit of his machine, Neil heard the choir of   
affirmitive responses from the other Children as he focused on the   
sense of the LCL around him, the noxious scent becoming no more   
familiar as time went by. "So even though you aren't planning on   
involving me in the mission, I still have to breathe this into my   
lungs," he muttered under his breath, low enough to keep the command   
center from hearing. "All right, Misato. I'm ready if you need me."  
  
Vash scoffed at Neil's statement even as he distantly heard the noise   
of EVA-04 and EVA-00 moving towards the launch tubes, sitting at the   
ready inside his own cockpit. "Nobody will need you, Neil," he   
snapped, wishing that he'd remembered how to open a private channel   
between the two machines but not particularly caring. "They barely   
need Ayanami, for that matter. I'm sure that Eiko will be more than   
capable of handling the Angel by herself."  
  
A surge of jealousy pulsed shallowly through Neil, and he leaned   
forward himsely, resting his hands lightly on the grips of the cockpit,   
the smooth silverish metal offset by the orange color of the blood-  
scented liquid in the chamber. "You're not worried about her at all?"   
he snapped, sounding slightly more protective than he'd meant to. "If   
I were you, I'd be begging to be sent up there, to make sure that she   
was all right."  
  
"I'm sure you'd be able to save her if she was, too," replied Vash, the   
cynicisim dripping from his voice as small bubbles of air formed in the   
LCL from his speaking. He'd meant to sound like the reasonable half of   
the argument, but he was distantly aware of the fact that he had failed   
miserably. "Because, after all, everyone loves having you around.   
Never mind that -"  
  
"Children," snapped Misato, distantly wondering what the cause behind   
the argument was but deciding that she didn't really want to find out.   
Glancing over towards Maya's console, she saw that both of the   
operating units had reached the dock, and she stepped away from the   
microphone slightly. "All right. Orient 04 to Port 17, 00 to Port 3,   
and unfold both weapon depots." She paused for a moment, letting Maya   
key in the commands. "Launch!"  
  
Eiko had never experienced the harsh acceleration of the Eva launch   
tubes before, and as she felt the LCL push down against her harshly she   
couldn't say that she would look forward to using them again in the   
near future if she could avoid it. Closing her eyes, she waited until   
she felt the machine lurch to a stop as she'd been taught, hearing the   
loud clanging noise that she'd been told to expect as the Eva was   
brought forcibly to a stop. Opening her eyes slowly, she could see the   
taller buildings of old Tokyo still poking out from beneath the waves,   
empty and damaged, many lying at odd angles. She glanced behind her   
quickly, looking at the white buildings of Tokyo-3 almost as   
reassurance, noticing Ryo's blue machine several meters away. "This is   
Unit 04," she announced, glancing around for a moment before seeing the   
white building with the red NERV logo on one side that she knew   
designated a weapons depot. "I'm obtaining a weapon now."  
  
"Good. Your Eva's targeting system is designed for encounters like   
this, so it should work well. Take the rocket launcher on the far   
right, then point it out towards Tokyo Bay. Your target should appear   
within a few moments." Eiko silently absorbed Misato's commands,   
removing the large tubular weapon from the storage facility and letting   
her machine's hand slip around the handle, her finger resting loosely   
on the trigger as she looked out across the blue waters of the bay.   
She heard the noise of Ryo's Eva coming up behind her, another rocket   
launcher in his hands, cradled with the grace of a professional. "As   
soon as the Seventh Angel appears within range and you lock on, begin   
firing. If at all possible, destroy it before it gets into Tokyo-3."  
  
"Just like a video game, huh?" asked Eiko, smirking despite herself as   
she watched the targeting cursors dance across her display, the green   
hills rising around Tokyo Bay visible at the edges of her sight, the   
blue water and clear sky almost seeming to meet as one at the horizon.   
The thought that all she had to do was act as though she was playing a   
game made her feel slightly better, and she simply focused on the twin   
targeting cursors, waiting for some sign of the Angel's form in the   
distance, watching patiently. "I won't be afraid," she muttered,   
gripping the handle tightly. "I won't be afriad."  
  
Then a black speck appeared on the horizon, and Eiko gritted her teeth   
as the green cursors lined up on her display, the beep even sounding   
like confirmation from a video game as the cursors flashed red. "Back   
me up, Ryo!" she shouted, pulling down on the trigger and watching a   
rocket streak forth from the launcher, a plume of smoke bursting out as   
it cruised towards the target. Doubting that a single shot would be   
enough, she released the trigger and pulled again even as she watched a   
glinting streak of flame fire from Ryo's position, confirmation that   
he'd gotten a target lock as well. Both launchers sent blast after   
blast towards the target, the coast of Tokyo-3 filling gradually with   
the smoke of launched rockets. "Misato, we must be hurting it!"  
  
Inside the command center, the central screen had switched over to the   
display from one of the cameras on the hills encompassing Tokyo Bay,   
providing a clear shot of the Angel as it flew along the surface of the   
water, rocket after rocket exploding with the octagonal ripple of the   
AT Field. "Negative, Eiko," snapped Misato, still feeling oddly   
distanced from the situation, due in no small part to the effects of   
her hangover. "Its AT Field is too powerful. Our weaponry can't   
penetrate it." Inwardly, she was sighing - even though the Eva   
weaponry was designed to puncture AT Fields, it was well-known that the   
ordnance could only break through a field of minimal strength, which   
made advance interception even more difficult and the Evas even more   
dangerous. "We'll have to try a different tactic. Ryo, your machine   
should be able to generate a more powerful AT Field - spread it out to   
the maximum distance and full power. Eiko, retrieve a standard rifle   
and start shooting as soon as you receive notification from the command   
center that it's within range."  
  
Nodding, Eiko dropped the rocket launcher, a growing fear mounting   
inside her gut. She knew that the Eva was designed to protect her, but   
the Angel was getting decisively closer, and even as she shouldered the   
black weapon and turned back towards the approaching beast she wondered   
if she'd be able to cut it down fast enough to stop it. "I'm ready,"   
she said, trying to force herself to be brave, finger twitching   
slightly against the trigger.  
  
"EVA-00 has spread its AT field to the maximum possible radius," noted   
Makoto, fingers dancing across the keyboard and displaying a quick   
green wireframe of the domed field expanding to encompass both of the   
units. "Still, it's not much. Eiko is only going to have a window of   
thirty seconds before the Angel reaches her, and I'd hate to think   
what'll happen if she doesnt make it."  
  
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," replied Misato, leaning   
towards the microphone as she watched the Angel grow closer and   
closer. "All right, Eiko, the Angel should be vulnerable within twenty   
seconds. Be ready to fire on my signal."  
  
Sitting in her Evangelion and slowly counting the seconds as they   
ticked by, Nieve found herself unbelievably bored despite the tension   
of the situation, and she leaned back in the dampened nylon of the   
chair, tilting her neck back and staring at the darkened ceiling of the   
entry plug. "You should have sent Neil up there," she said, sounding   
disinterested with the entire process. "After all, he's got a record   
with shooting these things down. Isn't that right, honey?"  
  
Hearing Nieve's last words, Eiko suddenly froze, the implications   
obvious to her instantly. She flashed back to the prior day, when Ryo   
had asked her about what Neil had meant to her, how he'd asked if it   
was anything like a relationship, and for reasons she couldn't entirely   
explain a wave of terror shot through her body. "I'm unprotected," she   
whispered as Misato shouted something through the comm line, her eyes   
drawn away from the bay and sinking towards the ground. "I don't have   
anyone to -"  
  
"EIKO, SHOOT!" screamed Misato, and the girl's attention was suddenly   
brought up to the black humanoid form streaking towards her. The fear   
from before suddenly found itself redoubled, and her hands nervously   
jerked the rifle around towards the Angel, her finger closing down upon   
the trigger suddenly, and the weapon jerked out of control, rounds   
biting into the ground and the air before she brought it finally down   
towards the Angel's location. Unfortunately, by the time that she was   
actually aiming at her target the Angel was only a few feet away from   
her, and she froze from panic, hands suddenly going slack and dropping   
the rifle as the beast's clawed hands sank into her chest.  
  
The sensation of being cut with burning knives from her battle with the   
Fifth Angel suddenly tore into her chest, and she tasted the harsh salt   
of the LCL as her mouth jerked open in a scream, terror gripping her   
even more firmly as her Eva's limbs flailed wildly. "Somebody, help   
me!" she screamed, the Angel crouching atop of her and driving its   
claws into the machine's silvery chest, the armor not thick enough to   
effectively deflect close combat attacks. "Help me! HELP ME!"  
  
"04's synch ratio down to 35% and dropping!" shouted Maya, turning   
immediately back to her screen and widening her eyes in shock.   
"Pilot's heart rate is critically low! She's approaching a cardiac   
arrest!"  
  
"Ryo, move to defend her!" shouted Misato, her head already aching   
without the added impetus of Eiko's screams. As she turned her gaze   
back towards the main display, she found herself thinking that the girl   
turned into a wreck without someone else she seemed to rely on nearby,   
and she instantly felt bad about trivializing the pain that she had to   
be feeling as the Angel tried to force its hands past the chest armor   
of her machine.  
  
"Understood," said Ryo curtly, pausing only momentarily at the nearby   
weapons depot to grab the first weapon that he could find and rush at   
the Angel, slamming his shoulder into the beast and sending it rolling   
off EVA-04 as the other machine twitched on the ground. Ryo's brain   
only registered the weapon in his hand after he had sent the Angel   
tumbling away, and he realized that he'd gripped one of the axes, a   
weapon that NERV had only produced in limited numbers. Ignoring the   
thought, he forced his machine forward, swinging the axe in a practiced   
routine motion, using it to deflect a slash from the Angel, then   
letting it bite shallowly into the Angel's side and cause the beast to   
stumble backwards slightly. For a split second, he contemplated the   
fact that Eiko hadn't defended him so much as panicked, then he twirled   
the axe in his hands and brought it down from above the Angel.  
  
Everyone in the control center watched with reassurance as the blue   
golem brought its axe down through the black skin of the Angel, tearing   
it nearly in half vertically and tearing the core in half. Misato   
sighed with relief, certain that the beast couldn't have survived the   
attack. "The Seventh Angel is down for the count," she breathed, her   
headache slowly fading to a painful but regular pulse. "We'll need to   
recover Eiko and her -"  
  
"Negative on the target's status!" shouted Makoto, screen flashing   
warnings as his fingers moved across the keyboard smoothly, flipping   
swiftly between multiple displays of the Angel's condition. "The Angel   
is still active!" He paused, then gaped, thin-rimmed glasses jostling   
on his nose slightly as he jerked away from the console in surprise.   
"I'm detecting -two- AT fields activating, both with a blue pattern!   
The Angel has split itself!"  
  
Misato turned her gaze back towards the main screen and watched in   
horror as the two halves of the Angel seemed to liquify and reform,   
each half into a smaller mirror of the prior Angel, one with a silver   
cast and the other with a gold shade. On the surface, Ryo felt   
nothing, simply accepted the requisite change in routine and began   
moving once again, lashing out with the axe towards the nearer of the   
two Angel clones and letting it bite shallowly into the arm of the   
beast. Half a second later he felt the claws of the other beast rip   
into his back, and he lashed out in a circular arc, missing the Angel   
entirely and instead simply sending it jumping backwards. "I require   
assistance," he noted calmly, backing away from the dual Angels for a   
moment, waiting to hear confirmation or denial from Central Dogma.  
  
"The Angel seems capable of further division," announced Makoto,   
drawing up a quick display on his screen as the blue Evangelion slashed   
desperately against its twin oppressors. "The core structure is   
organic to an extent, as though it's actually designed to take these   
divisions in stride. Ryo isn't going to be able to beat that thing,   
and throwing the rest of the Evas in isn't going to help at all."  
  
"Hold on, Ryo," Misato announced into the microphone, feeling as though   
she'd signed both his and Eiko's death warrants as she turned away from   
the main screen, trying to think through the haze of her hangover.   
Commander Ikari was still away in a conference, and that meant that she   
was the ultimate authority in the situation. Biting her lip, she sank   
her head slightly, then turned towards Ritsuko and Maya, both of whom   
were watching casually. "We'll draw the two Angels out into Tokyo Bay,   
then deploy EVA-05 with an N2 canister. Once it detonates, Niobe will   
retrieve both machines and bring them back inside."  
  
Ritsuko simply stared at Misato as she explained her plan, the same   
disapproving glare on her face that she usually wore. "You're not   
authorized to utilize N2 devices," the woman noted coldly, glancing   
towards the main screen. "The commander won't be happy if you activate   
one."  
  
"Do we really have any choice in the matter?" snapped Misato, trying   
not to show that she was losing her own confidence in her ability. She   
knew that the N2 weapon wouldn't destroy the Angel, but with its AT   
field neutralized she hoped that it might at least stun the thing long   
enough for another plan to coalesce. Ritsuko simply turned away from   
Misato towards Maya's display, and Misato took a deep breath as she   
stepped back towards the microphone, leaning towards it and wincing as   
her headache aggravated itself once again. "Ryo, Niobe is being armed   
and prepared for launch. Draw the Angel into Tokyo Bay, as far away as   
you can safely get."  
  
"Affirmative," replied the boy, the orders taken without bitterness as   
simply another part of a routine. Stepping backwards, Ryo lunged   
slightly forward and slashed at the Angels idly, more interested in   
making the beasts think that he was attacking them than actually trying   
to damage them. The two things paused for a moment as Ryo backed   
towards the water, then followed after him, moving with ponderous   
efficiency as he slashed idly towards them, just enough to look   
threatening. His left foot sank into the waters of Tokyo Bay, and he   
hesitated for only an instant as he continued backing up, letting the   
water slosh around his Eva as the two beasts advanced.  
  
Inside her cockpit, Niobe gripped the handles of her machine tightly,   
gritting her teeth and forcing herself not to feel any hesitation about   
the mission as her Eva hurtled towards the surface. She would be   
launched some distance away from Ryo and Eiko, far enough so that she   
could retrieve the N2 canister from one of the Geofront's surface   
elevators and then move in without the Angel being made aware of her   
presence. "I'm coming, Ryo," she said firmly, her voice measured as   
the Eva slammed to a stop, her head jerking down a little too quickly   
and giving her a view of her yellow-brown plugsuit before she corrected   
the error and glanced towards the surface elevator, watching as the   
canister slowly came into view. "Just hold on a little longer, and   
I'll be there. I'll get you out."  
  
Ryo did not respond, instead focusing on drawing the seventh Angel   
outwards, noticing that the Angel was intentionally trying to spread   
around him, pin him between its two halves and tear him apart. As the   
water of the bay splashed about his waist, he felt the power cord begin   
to pull slightly taught, and he realized that he couldn't draw the   
beast out any further, that it would have to be far enough. "I am   
engaging the Angel until Niobe arrives," he announced, slashing the axe   
towards the golden half's bone-white face, letting the vibrating edge   
crash into the structure with a satisfying crunch. A second later he   
saw the silvery claws of the other half close firmly around his   
forearm, and he winced as the Angel tightened its grip casually,   
tearing into the armor and crushing the bone. Nothing daunted, Ryo   
deployed the prog knife from the right shoulder flange, letting the   
left hand fly up to grab it before he drove it towards the other half,   
forcing the beast to release him and move backwards as the golden half   
extracted the axe from its face.  
  
Niobe reached down and grabbed the N2 canister before the elevator had   
even quite reached the surface, then sent her machine running down the   
streets of the city, dashing between the white buildings towards the   
site of the battle, springing over the prone EVA-04 as she ran. Both   
Angel halves turned to notice her as she approached, but she did not   
falter for a moment, pushing the handles of her cockpit further forward   
as she gritted her teeth. "Don't show fear," she hissed, jumping   
towards the bay, cradling the N2 canister in her hands as she soared   
over the blue water and Ryo began to withdraw his damaged machine. She   
waited for a moment longer, then hurled the canister as though it were   
a football towards the spot between the two Angels, landing roughly a   
few meters away and dipping beneath the water as she landed in a   
crouch. Grimacing, she activated her AT Field to full power and pulled   
the radius as close as she could, knowing that there was no time for   
her to try and avoid the blast.  
  
"Canister detonated," announced Makoto grimly as the main screen showed   
the effects, the center of the bay suddenly lighting up in a ball of   
flame, water hissing away to steam almost instantly at the site. The   
flash was too bright for a moment for any of the NERV staff to see   
through it, but a second later it faded away, leaving the Angel still   
clearly visible. Everyone held their breath for a moment, but the   
Angel remained still as EVA-05 emerged from beneath the water, several   
meters away from its initial position, looking rather banged up but   
otherwise functional. "Target is still active, but all instruments   
indicate that it's regenerating. The Magi computers are still working   
on decoding the exact time until it's finished."  
  
"Thank God," muttered Misato to herself as Maya reported all of the   
Evas on the surface still functional. "Niobe, retrieve EVA-04 and   
place it on the nearest entry port. Ryo, withdraw immediately. We'll   
have to go after this one from a different angle." She paused for a   
moment, then moved away from the microphone and leaned against the edge   
of the operations level, staring down towards the level below and the   
three red boxes that she knew housed the Magi computers. She'd   
thought, for a moment, that the project would have had its first   
casualty because of her poor decisions, and she felt as though only   
sheer luck had proven her wrong. Combined with her headache, she   
wanted more than anything to simply return home and go back to   
drinking, knowing that both the guilt and her headache could be cured   
with the one balm.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato stood at the far end of Commander Ikari's office, staring across   
the room towards the Commander at his desk and Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki   
beside him through the red light of the room, wondering if the   
commander had any reason for such a huge office besides sheer   
intimidation. The whole thing was easily four times the size of   
Misato's office, but as sparse as her office was this one seemed even   
emptier, the desk clean and organized from what she could see.   
"Captain Katsuragi," announced Ikari at length, his glasses a shining   
red under the light. "Explain your actions against the Seventh Angel."  
  
"Yes, sir," replied Misato sharply, restraining the urge to say   
something else. "The Seventh Angel, Israfel, was first detected by our   
forward radar off Tokyo Bay on a direct course into Tokyo-3. UN   
interception forces were launched immediately and had no effect on the   
target. All six Children had reported ready for combat by the time the   
target was within 30 kilometers of the bay. Reasoning that it was best   
to attempt to dispatch the Angel before it came any closer, I deployed   
Units 04 and 00, both machines designed for long-range combat. Both   
pilots were directed to the surface, obtained weapons as directed, and   
proceeded to open fire upon the Angel."  
  
Pausing briefly, Misato tried to gauge whether or not the commander was   
reacting favorably for a moment, but even if there was some trace of   
emotion on his face she was too far away to see it. "The Angel's AT   
Field was too powerful to penetrate from our location, so I ordered Ryo   
to spread his field as wide as possible and Eiko to gun down the Angel   
as soon as it had come close enough for Ryo to neutralize its field."   
She paused once again, unsure of exactly how to phrase Eiko's sudden   
panic on the field, still not entirely clear on the causes herself.   
"Eiko lost control of herself and was rendered incapable of further   
safe operation by the Angel, and Ryo proceeded to split the Angel in   
halves. The Angel proved capable of splitting itself into multiple   
forms, and I therefore decided that we would need a chance to formulate   
a new strategy. Unit 05 was sent to the surface with an N2 canister -"  
  
"I did not authorize the usage of N2 devices," interjected the   
commander, moving one hand to push his glasses up on his nose before   
folding them together in front of his face once again. "Moreover, I   
fail to see what made the deployment of EVA-05 with an N2 canister a   
necessary action."  
  
Misato gritted her teeth, forcing herself not to get angry, knowing   
that it would only make the situation worse. "To address the first   
issue, you were in a conference at the time, and as you were not   
available to authorize the device's usage I took full responsibility   
for any consequences. As for the deployment, we had one Eva pilot out,   
and one that could not handle two Angels at once. Had I simply left   
them out there, they both would have died. The Angels needed to be   
stunned for a time, and my first priority was to make sure that the   
pilots were safe."  
  
Dr. Ikari said nothing for a moment, simply stared at Misato behind the   
reflective lenses of his glasses. "Incorrect," he said at length,   
startling her slightly. "Your first priority is to destroy the   
Angels. The pilots can be replaced. Four fully functional units were   
still within the base, and could have been deployed after a new plan   
was formulated. You should not have detonated the N2 canister."  
  
Once again, Misato bit her lip, forcing herself not to scream at the   
commander for his emotionless expression. She wanted, more than   
anything, to storm over to his desk and tear him from his seat, to   
shake him back and forth until he finally seemed to understand that the   
Children were not objects to be used, but she remained silent, simply   
waiting for him to continue. There was a momentary pause, but he did   
resume, position unchanging. "Why did the pilot of Unit 04 panic?"  
  
"We haven't determined that yet," replied Misato, trying not to sound   
bitter despite herself. Eiko's sudden failure to operate her machine   
had been disturbing to say the least, and it looked bad that Misato   
didn't have any explanation for her actions. "Our suspicion is that   
some kind of neural feedback was coming from her AT field. The Magi   
are currently attempting to analyze the situation data."  
  
"Irrelevant. You had a pilot lose control of their machine." The tone   
was harsh but still nearly emotionless, and Misato was momentarily   
struck by the fact that it sounded almost exactly like she imagined   
Ryo's voice would sound if he were capable of displaying harshness.   
"The fate of the planet depends upon these children being capable of   
keeping themselves under control. As their commander, you are   
responsible for making sure that they are an effective combat unit."  
  
"Yes, sir," replied Misato, keeping silent out of knowledge that   
speaking would only make things worse. She wanted to defend Eiko, to   
say that the girl had good reason for panicking as soon as the Angel   
had come within range, but she didn't know why herself, and there was   
little that she could offer in way of a defense. Besides, she also   
knew that Gendou was right, that she needed to make sure the Children   
were capable of fighting the Angels in the first place. "I'll make   
sure that they're better prepared for the next sortie."  
  
A brief silence settled over the room, Ikari's eyes feeling as though   
they stared right through Misato despite being hidden from her sight.   
"Dismissed," he announced at length, his position remaining fixed even   
as Misato turned and stepped out of the sliding door, back into the   
comfortable by comparison fluorescent lighting of Central Dogma's teal-  
gray hallways. She paused for a moment, then leaned against one wall   
of the corridor, her headache still splitting her brain in half, the   
effort of standing still and not wincing in pain in Gendou's office   
having been almost beyond her ability to bear it.  
  
"Keep it together," she muttered to herself, squeezing her eyes shut   
briefly and rubbing her forehead, knowing that the day wasn't over by   
any stretch of the imagination. She still had an Angel to deal with on   
the surface, and that meant that no matter how much her head was   
hurting, she needed to keep herself coherent. Allowing herself one   
more moment of rest before she pushed away from the wall, she began to   
head towards the command center, hoping that Makoto had come up with   
some solid information on the Angel.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash and Neil stared at one another bitterly, their plugsuits still   
damp from the LCL and hair still occasionally dripping the red-orange   
liquid to the floor of the conference room. It looked for all the   
world like a prison movie theater, except for the addition of a podium   
at the front and the absence of guards. Only the two boys were sitting   
in the room, both trying to measure one another, Vash's bright blue and   
Neil's bright green. The fact that Eiko was down in the infirmary was   
on both of their minds, even more than the fact that they didn't know   
why they'd both been called down to the room instead of the other   
pilots.  
  
It was Neil who spoke first, his guilt beginning to slowly overcome his   
anger towards Vash. "I should have been protecting her," he muttered   
to himself, breaking the gaze with Vash for just a moment before he   
turned back towards the other boy. "I should have been making sure   
that she was safe."  
  
"You're damn right," replied Vash, his glare deepening. "After what   
you did to her brother, you should be laying your life down for Eiko.   
But wait... you did that defending the city, didn't you?" He turned   
away from Neil, throwing his hands in the air and pretending to be   
suddenly repentant. "Well, in that case, obviously, please, don't get   
anywhere near Eiko. With protectors like you, the Angels are getting   
their jobs done for them."  
  
"Really? You weren't so tough yourself when the Angel blasted you in   
the chest, were you?" The accusation was meant to sting, and Neil felt   
a small twinge of guilt drowned by his growing anger. He knew that   
Vash didn't have the vaguest clue what being inside of EVA-01 was like,   
and he hated the implication that he was doing the wrong thing even   
though he kept getting in it. "I've screwed up, I'll admit. But you   
haven't managed to even get deployed against an Angel -"  
  
"Oh, I'm -sorry-, great and radiant Neil," replied Vash, ears burning   
slightly from embarassment at the mention of his lack of proficiency   
with EVA-03. "Not all of us can go berserk while we're supposed to be   
protecting the city and crush innocent civilians!" He snarled,   
clenching one hand into a fist involuntarily. "First Toji, now Eiko.   
Who are you going to screw up protecting next? Me? Nieve? The whole   
planet?"  
  
Neil's fist clenched involuntarily, and he felt the urge to rush over   
and hit Vash hard, to give Vash what he'd been asking for the day   
they'd met. The glove of the plugsuit squeezed taught for an instant,   
then the door of the conference room opened to reveal Misato, a haggard   
expression on her face as she walked to the front of the room from the   
door in the back, distracting Neil enough for his anger to fade   
slightly and turn his attention towards her podium. Vash continued to   
glare at the other boy for a moment longer, then turned his attention   
as well. "What's going on?" Vash asked, trying to sound as calm as   
possible and look like the better of the two boys.  
  
Misato took a moment, leaning forward on the podium and apparently   
trying to compose herself before returning to her full height and   
trying not to look exhausted. "I'm in no mood to try and make this   
sound better than it is, boys," she said after a moment, perceiving for   
a split second what seemed like an affirming glance from Neil. "We've   
finished analyzing the Angel, and it's as bad as it looks. The thing   
can divide its core, and it looks as though it's designed to do that   
instantly if the core sustains lethal damage."  
  
"So it keeps splitting in half," muttered Neil, still trying to cap off   
his anger and feeling guilty about the fact that he had failed to   
protect Eiko. "Eventually, it's going to get too small to target   
effectively if it keeps that up. How are we supposed to defeat   
something like that?"  
  
"We've come up with an idea," replied Misato, rubbing her forehead once   
again at Neil's question, wishing that she had a better answer than she   
did. "The core takes a moment or two to split, just like a dividing   
cell. If we deal a fatal blow to the core one moment, then hit the   
remaining core before it finishes splitting, that should be enough to   
finish the thing off for good." She paused for a second, less out of a   
dramatic necessity and more because she needed to allow her aching head   
a brief rest. "It's not a certainty, and we'll need to have the blows   
be nearly perfectly timed. But it's the best plan that we've been able   
to come up with."  
  
"Fair enough," replied Vash, leaning back slightly in his seat and   
resenting Neil slightly more. The other boy had managed to make   
himself look significantly smarter than Vash, something that was more   
than a little annoying in light of recent events. "So why aren't the   
other Children in here? Aren't they going to be involved in the   
operation?"  
  
The question had been coming since the beginning of the briefing, and   
Misato had known that, but it still took an effort not to sigh in   
response. She'd heard the boys shouting at one another before she'd   
entered, and the argument that was no doubt about to ensue wouldn't be   
good for her head. "The primary units for this operation will be EVA-  
01 and EVA-03," she announced after a moment, trying her best to filter   
out the disgusted noises from both Children. "Both units have stronger   
armor than the other Evas, and they're better suited to close combat.   
This is going to have to be a close combat operation by nature. You   
two will have to work together."  
  
Both Children, unsurprisingly, were shouting at Misato the instant   
she'd finished talking, each one screaming about how the other was   
unfit to pilot the Eva in the first place, their complaints eerily   
similar. Either way, Misato's headache wasn't helped by the shouting,   
and after a few moments she slammed her fist down on the podium with   
enough force to shut both of the Children up. "This isn't open for   
debate! Neil, you're going to work with Vash. Vash, you're going to   
work with Neil. The operation won't start for another five hours, so   
we're going to send you back to your homes for a time." She paused,   
rubbing her temple. "Don't be childish about this, you two. For   
everyone's sake."  
  
Misato remained at the front of the room for a moment longer, then   
stepped out from behind the podium and headed towards the door,   
desperately in need of some beer or some painkillers, preferably the   
former. Vash and Neil said nothing, instead choosing simply to stare   
at one another, unflinching as Misato stepped out of the room and they   
were left alone.  
  
]++[  
  
It was a ten-minute drive from the most accessible car exit from   
Central Dogma to Vash's house, plus the ten minutes it took for the   
Children to shower and change back into their street clothes for what   
little relaxation they could hope for. Misato had hoped, for the sake   
of her sanity, that the boys would have shouted themselves out by that   
point, but to her amazement their argument hadn't even slowed down   
since they had gotten in the car, both trading insults recklessly.   
Nieve, either put off by the argument or simply lost in thought, was   
being entirely silent in the front seat, staring out her window and   
ignoring both of the boys. At the back of her mind, Misato was vaguely   
aware that the boys were really repeating the same few things over and   
over, Vash saying that Neil should feel guilty for his mistakes, Neil   
saying that Vash wasn't even good enough to have the time to screw up.   
On a more conscious level, however, she had heard more than enough   
shouting as she pulled her car to a stop in front of Vash's house.  
  
"All -right-," she snapped, silencing both boys as she turned back   
towards them, her eyes beginning to grow bloodshot from stress and her   
headache. She had the urge to shout at them for their immaturity, but   
forced herself to remember that she was dealing with teenagers even if   
they had adult responsibilities. "Vash, your parents should be back by   
now. We're not going to be evacuating the populace again until half an   
hour before the operation commences. NERV should contact you before   
then."  
  
Vash nodded curtly, glaring at Neil as the other boy glared back. He   
wanted very badly to hit Neil, though he couldn't quite decide why,   
whether it was because of Neil's injuring of Toji, or the fact that   
he'd turned Eiko against him, or the fact that he hadn't protected   
Eiko. Distantly, he wondered for a split second why he was so certain   
that Eiko's reluctance had been a result of Neil, but he pushed the   
thought out of his head as he opened his door and unbuckled his   
seatbelt. "See you later, gaijin," he snarled as he stepped out of the   
car, slamming the door as he walked towards his house.  
  
Neil watched him leave for a moment, unsure of whether he was angrier   
at Vash or himself. "'Gaijin' means something bad, doesn't it?" he   
asked after a moment, glancing over towards Misato as she nodded.   
Sighing, Neil looked back towards Vash's house as the car began to move   
once again, unsure of whether he was more angry at himself or at Vash.   
He certainly didn't feel as though Vash had any right to question his   
performance in EVA-01, but he also hated himself for what he'd done in   
the machine, for the way he felt around it. Still, it wasn't as though   
he'd set out in the machine to crush one of Vash's schoolmates.  
  
The thought of Vash's school tickled something at the back of Neil's   
mind, and it took him a moment to think to look down at the floor of   
the car where Vash's schoolbag still sat, forgotten in the argument   
from before. "Stop the car, Misato," Neil said, grabbing the bag from   
the floor and feeling himself sigh inwardly. "Vash forgot his bag.   
I've got to run back and give it to him."  
  
"You're not going to do that," announced Nieve as Misato slowed the car   
down to a stop, the redheaded girl suddenly taking an interest in the   
situation and turning back towards Neil, her voice sounding slightly   
empty as she spoke. "It'll be a disaster. I'll take it - he's not too   
fond of me either, but -"  
  
"I don't want you anywhere -near- him," snapped Neil, speaking somewhat   
more forcefully than he'd intended and surprising Nieve. Opening his   
door, he glanced back and forth for a moment, unsurprised to see no   
traffic on the road as he stepped out. "I'll do it. Besides, this way   
I might get to tell his parents what a pathetic kid he really is."  
  
Slamming his door shut, Neil crossed the street and walked idly towards   
Vash's house, not turning back out of the presumably justified fear   
that Misato or Nieve would try to stop him. He wanted to do something   
more final than argue with Vash, but despite himself he couldn't figure   
out what in the world he actually planned on doing inside the house,   
already feeling guilty for wanting to hurt the other boy. As he   
stepped up to the front door of Vash's house, he grinned at himself   
bitterly, recalling that at least being angry at himself had kept him   
from feeling guilty about the prior night.  
  
Neil took a deep breath before knocking on the door, waiting for a   
moment and hearing nothing from inside. It was tempting to simply turn   
around and walk away, but Neil forced himself to remain, knowing that   
he would only feel worse if he ran away. "Vash?" he shouted, trying to   
sound as innocent as possible as he knocked once again. "It's me,   
Neil. You forgot to -"  
  
Without warning, the door swung open, and Neil felt a familiar scent   
assault his nose as an older man stared at him, eyes only dimly focused   
and long black hair tied in a messy ponytail and looking somewhat   
greasy. The man was obviously rather tall, but looked shorter because   
of his slumped posture, dissheveled blue shirt and jeans hanging   
loosely off his body. "You're one of those kids from the program,   
aren't you?" he asked, the words slurred and spoken with a crippling   
Japanese accent. "Fighting those big black things, right?"  
  
"Um... yeah," replied Neil, beginning to feel another memory bubble   
into his head as the stink of fermentation reeked forth from the man.   
He bit his lower lip for a moment, wondering if the man was of the same   
mindset as Vash about Neil's performance or not and feeling   
uncomfortable regardless. "Is Vash here, or has he -"  
  
"He's here," slurred the man, stepping aside from the door and   
gesturing for Neil to step in. Neil hesitated for a moment, then   
stepped up into what seemed like the same depressed space as Misato's   
apartment, the implication obvious. He removed his shoes, and the man   
nodded approvingly, shutting the door and awkwardly staggering towards   
a nearby couch, beer cans strewn about the floor and couch itself,   
television blaring something incomprehensible. "You look like a good   
kid. Probably for the best, you kids doing this stuff. God knows that   
I need my rest nowadays." The man paused for a moment, taking a sip   
from what seemed to be a largely random beer can, then staring back at   
Neil. "C'mon over, sit down. Let's talk."  
  
"Really, that's all right," replied Neil, taking a step back and   
suppressing a slight twinge of terror as the man turned back to   
whatever he was watching with a shrug. Neil stared at him for a moment   
longer, unpleasant memories jumping to the surface, then turned around   
to see Vash standing behind him, still glaring. Giving a small start,   
Neil began to take a step backwards towards the drunk man on the couch,   
then realized that wouldn't make things any better. "Vash. I was   
looking for you."  
  
Vash said nothing for a moment, then reached over and firmly grabbed   
Neil's collar, yanking him away from the small den and tugging him   
through the brown halls of the house into what Neil assumed was Vash's   
room. Yanking Neil in, Vash slammed the door to the small room, then   
turned and glared at the other boy, his opinion of Neil obviously not   
getting any better. "I'm going to open this door in a minute," snarled   
Vash, "and when I open it, you're going to leave this house and -never-   
say a word to -anyone-. Not Misato, not Nieve, not -anyone-. Do you   
understand that?"  
  
"I..." Neil trailed off, suddenly feeling intensely guilty, knowing   
that he was intruding on something private. "I just came because you   
left your bag in Misato's car. I thought you might need it." He   
swallowed for a moment, hoping that maybe he was incorrect about his   
assumptions on who the man was. "Was that man your older brother, or -"  
  
"Don't you -dare- make fun of my father," replied Vash, grabbing Neil's   
collar once again and pulling the taller boy towards him, eyes   
sparkling with anger. "He's my problem, all right? I hate him, and   
I'm disgraced by him, and you have absolutely no right to intrude   
here." Neil mumbled something, turning his head down and away from   
Vash, and Vash's eyes narrowed as he shook Neil roughly. "What did you   
just say?"  
  
"At least you have one!" snapped Neil, anger beginning to take over   
from guilt as he broke free of Vash's grip with one hand, the other   
tensing into a fist. Stumbling backwards, he rubbed the back of his   
neck for a moment as Vash continued to glare at him, trying to compose   
himself. "I said that you should be thankful that you've got a father   
in the first place."  
  
There was a moment of silence between the two boys, then Vash's stare   
grew darker, grabbing at Neil's collar once again. Neil held the other   
boy's hand back tightly, but Vash continued to struggle against him,   
his eyes flashing with anger. "Oh, so you just spawned spontaneously   
from your mother, did you?" asked Vash, glaring harshly and managing to   
force his hand closer to Neil's collar. "That's just great, Neil. You   
don't have to live with -anyone's- opinion, because you're just so damn   
special."  
  
Neil glared for a moment, then his anger took over, sending his arm   
snapping up towards Vash's collar and grabbing it roughly, taking   
advantage of the fact that his arms were slightly longer. "My father   
was an alcoholic too," replied Neil, his hand tightening around Vash's   
collar unconsciously. "He started drinking almost as soon as I was   
born. He died when I was ten. Mother never divorced him, even though   
he never did anything, even thought he just wasted his life and made   
mine miserable." He scowled, tightening his grip even more. "What   
gives you the right to judge me? What makes it all right for you?"  
  
Both boys remained quiet for a moment, Vash's hand slightly away from   
Neil's collar, Neil's grip almost tight enough to tear the white fabric   
of Vash's school shirt, the dark brown walls suddenly seeming   
oppressive. Then Neil felt guilt start to seep through his body, and   
he let go of both Vash's collar and Vash's wrist, wondering for a   
moment if the boy would try once again to grab his collar. The   
Japanese boy did no such thing, simply staring angrily at Neil, shock   
creeping into the edges of his expression. "Here's your bag,"   
announced Neil flatly, dropping the small schoolbag and stepping around   
Vash, opening the door and beginning to walk out.  
  
Vash heard the door close only distantly, his arms slowly sinking back   
down to his sides, Neil's words hitting him with a sting he hadn't   
expected. He still wanted to be angry with the other boy, but   
something about the situation made it feel impossible, made him feel as   
though he was doing something wrong by resenting Neil's unconditional   
acceptance from others. "He's been through the same thing," muttered   
Vash, the words sounding alien to his ears. "He's dealt with it just   
like I have."  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's table was unusually quiet, both Children remaining perfectly   
silent as they ate their lunches, Misato slumped over her lunch and   
still feeling as though a sledgehammer was working the inside of her   
skull. "This is nice," she muttered to herself, ignoring the icy stare   
she was receiving from Nieve for a moment. Neil simply hadn't spoken   
since whatever had happened at Vash's house, and Nieve seemed to be   
angry about something without any intention of telling Misato what it   
was. "This is really nice. Don't you two think so?"  
  
"Yeah," muttered Nieve, obviously lying. "Nice." Neil noticed her   
tone and looked up at her, but she didn't look back, simply eating her   
lunch quietly. He wondered for a moment if she was angry with him, but   
then noticed that she was glaring daggers at Misato, waiting for the   
woman to take notice of her. A thought occurred to Neil, and he turned   
back to his lunch as well, hoping that he got a chance to talk to Nieve   
before she did anything.  
  
"What's going on, Nieve?" asked Misato, her speech sounding pained as   
she forced herself to sit upright, jostling the table slightly. She   
could tell that Nieve was angry with her, but she hadn't wanted to say   
anything beforehand. Nieve simply glared at Misato for a moment   
longer, then went back to eating her lunch, angering Misato slightly as   
her headache continued to pound at the back of her skull. "Listen,   
Nieve, I can tell that you're angry, so just tell me what -"  
  
"I was sitting down in EVA-02 for the whole time, waiting for you to   
sortie me, and you just left me there," replied Nieve, gripping her   
fork more tightly as she stared over at Misato. "I sat, and I waited,   
and I didn't say anything about it as I waited for you to send me to   
the surface. But you didn't. You just left me there doing nothing.   
That's why I'm angry."  
  
Groaning, Misato leaned back slightly, tilting her head towards the   
ceiling and trying to ignore the increasing headache. "Nieve, we only   
sent out three Evas," she said at length, forcing her voice to remain   
quiet and calm despite how annoyed she was getting at everything around   
her. "We only needed to send out three. It's not like Neil or Vash   
were deployed."  
  
"No, you're saving them for this afternoon!" snapped Nieve, eyes   
flashing with anger as she glared towards Misato. Neil felt himself   
unconsciously pushing away from the table, the shouting making him feel   
deeply uncomfortable even as he felt the desire to clench his fists   
once again. "You're giving everyone else their turn in the field, but   
you're -sidelining- me! I'm probably the best pilot that you've got,   
and after all the effort I've given to this project, you're just   
ignoring me!"  
  
Misato gritted her teeth for a moment to try and restrain her own   
irritation, but all the resentment that she'd felt over the course of   
the day so far had to come out sooner or later, and as she leaned   
forward towards Nieve the young girls could see that she'd made herself   
a perfect target. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe there's some   
kind of -risk- involved in these operations, you insolent little girl?   
Have you ever thought that maybe we don't want to send you all to your   
deaths? Has it begun to cross your tiny little mind that maybe the   
Evas have different capabilities for a -reason-? Or do you just feel   
like shouting at me so that you can feel better about yourself?"  
  
The table was once again silent, Misato glaring at Nieve in anger,   
Nieve recoiling slightly and obviously not prepared for the sudden   
outpouring. Sighing heavily, Misato pushed herself up from the table,   
standing somewhat wobbly and knowing that she'd lost control over   
herself, that she needed to be more collected in situations like this.   
"I need a beer," she snarled at nobody in particular, turning towards   
the refridgerator and sliding open the door, knowing that she'd feel   
better once the alcohol started to blot out her hangover."  
  
As her hands closed around the golden can of alocohol, Misato heard the   
sound of silverware slamming down to the table, and she whirled around   
angrily, expecting that Nieve had gotten a second wind for her little   
hissy fit. As she stared at the table, however, she realized that it   
had been Neil, his hand still pressing the fork down into the table,   
eyes shut tightly and fist clenching in his free hand. "Do you really   
think that will make anything better?" he asked, sounding as though he   
was trying to be angry but failing despite himself. "You think that as   
long as you've got a beer you... you..."  
  
Neil's words trailed off into silence, and the entire room followed   
him, all three people unsure of what more there was to say. At length,   
Misato looked at the can in her hand for a moment, then put it back   
inside the fridge, ignoring the slight spike of pain in her head that   
seemed to come with the knowledge she'd get no such relief. The   
refridgerator door swung shut as Misato stepped back towards the table,   
and all three were about to return to eating when the phone rang and   
cut through the silence.  
  
Misato stood silently, stepping over to the black telephone and picking   
up the receiver as casually as possible, feeling guilty for what she   
hadn't done and wondering if Neil hated her now. She put the receiver   
to her ear and opened her mouth to speak, but before she even got past   
the first syllable of a greeting Ritsuko's calm, analytical voice had   
already started. "The Angel is regenerating faster than we'd   
expected," she announced, the hint in her voice that it was somehow   
Misato's fault. "You're required back at Central Dogma immediately."  
  
The two Children at the table couldn't hear Ritsuko's voice, but they   
could hear Misato's startled exclamation that Ritsuko couldn't be   
right, and as intelligent people they had no trouble figuring out what   
it was that Ritsuko couldn't possibly be right about. Gulping down one   
final bite of their lunches, both stood, turned towards the door, and   
walked to the small recess where their shoes remained just as Misato   
hung the phone back on the hook and turned towards them. "That was Dr.   
Akagi," she announced to the pair, her head still splitting. "The   
Seventh Angel has almost finished regenerating. We need to start the   
operation early."  
  
]++[  
  
Both EVA-01 and EVA-03 had been moved to the same oversized holding   
bay, prepared for immediate launch as soon as the last elements of the   
operation were in place. Neil, lost in thought, stood on the catwalk   
in front of his Eva, green and purple plugsuit hugging tightly to his   
skin and feeling unexpectedly nervous. He'd never worked with Vash   
before, but he recalled how angry he had been when he left the boy, and   
he remembered the red haze of his vision when the Eva had gone   
berserk. "I've got to control it," he muttered, remembering Nieve's   
words about who was in charge of the Eva. "It's my tool. I won't lose   
control of my temper with it. I refuse to."  
  
Neil stared at the purple head of the beast, the monstrous jawline, the   
diamond-shaped eyes, and he thought of Nieve once again, knowing that   
she and Niobe had already been placed inside their respective units.   
The girl had been mostly silent after Misato's angry shouts towards   
her, but she'd given Neil a quick kiss before they'd gone into the   
locker rooms, saying nothing to explain. Something about her was   
unspeakably sad, something that Neil couldn't quite place, and he   
wished that she was being allowed to pilot her machine into the   
operation, knowing how badly she wanted to be in control of defeating   
the Angel. Shutting his eyes, he thought of her, then of Eiko, the   
faces of both girls dancing at the edge of his vision like some exotic   
form of torture.  
  
"I thought you'd be out here." Vash's tone sounded oddly regretful,   
but Neil still took a moment longer before looking towards the other   
boy, his black and purple plugsuit looking rather striking against his   
spiky blonde hair. He was at almost the other end of the catwalk,   
seeming hesitant to get any closer to Neil. "Do you mind if I come   
over? I want to talk."  
  
"Actually, yes, I mind," replied Neil, feeling somewhat bitter as he   
turned away from Vash once again, his right hand clenching into a fist   
almost unconsciously. "I think I know what you're going to say,   
anyways. You want me not to get in your way, even though you've never   
piloted the Eva before, even though you have no idea what you're   
doing." He sighed. "Fine. I don't care. I didn't stay in Tokyo-3 to   
argue with you. All I want to do is to destroy the Angel."  
  
"God, give -me- a chance to talk, will you?" snapped Vash, glaring over   
towards Neil and shaking his head. Neil's expression softened slightly   
as he looked towards the other boy, and Vash found himself wondering   
about the sort of person that he'd claimed to hate, the same person who   
had given his all to defend Eiko for no personal gain. "I... I   
wanted..." He swallowed for a moment, then turned towards Neil   
completely and started walking. "I wanted you to hit me. The way that   
I hit you when we first met."  
  
Neil didn't reply, simply turned and stared back at the boy as Vash   
came to a stop within arm's length of Neil, his expression stoic. "I   
owe you an apology," he said curtly, the statement clearly taking a   
great deal of effort to say. "When I blamed you for hurting Toji... it   
wasn't fair. You hurt Toji because of something that we did." He   
paused, then sank his head slightly, staring towards the catwalk and   
the liquid sloshing around beneath. "Kensuke wanted to get a look at   
one of the Eva units in action, after he'd gotten his hands on some of   
the design details over the Internet. So Toji and I agreed to help him   
out on the surface. We shouldn't have been out there in the first   
place." He paused, then turned his gaze back towards Neil, setting his   
jaw. "So, I'm telling you to hit me. Because I'm the one who hurt my   
friend, not you."  
  
For a moment, neither boy moved, Neil simply staring at Vash, Vash   
closing his eyes tightly and waiting for Neil to hit him. Then Neil   
turned back towards his Eva, and after a moment Vash seemed to realize   
that he wasn't being hit and opened his eyes to stare at the other   
boy. "No," said Neil, crossing his arms across his chest defiantly.   
"I won't."  
  
"What, am I not good enough for you to deign to touch? Come on, Neil,   
you know that you want to." Vash spread his arms wide, presenting   
himself as an open target for the other boy. "Go ahead, hit me. Just   
smack me in the chin. You know I can take it. One solid blow, and   
then I'll -"  
  
"I said no!" snapped Neil, turning around and glaring at the other boy,   
fist clenching involuntarily, his mind forcing down the desire to do   
exactly as Vash said. "I don't want to hurt people. I don't want   
revenge." He paused for a moment, letting his hand relax as Vash   
stared at him, his breath beginning to relax slightly. "You might have   
led your friend out of safety, but that doesn't make it your fault that   
he got hurt. You were right, it was my fault. I should have had more   
control over the Eva." He paused, then extended his hand towards the   
other boy. "Can we move on from here as a team?"  
  
Vash stared at the outstretched hand for a moment, then smiled despite   
himself and took it in his, giving it a firm shake before letting go   
and glancing towards EVA-01. Neil turned towards the machine himself,   
wondering if he'd done the right thing or not, then felt Vash tap him   
on the shoulder. "Can you dance?" Vash asked as Neil's head turned to   
face him, a grin slowly spreading across the Japanese boy's face.  
  
"Not particularly well, no," replied Neil with a shrug. "But I can   
manage it." He paused, cocking his head slightly and trying to figure   
out what it was that Vash wanted. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Had an idea," replied Vash, smirking and turning towards the door at   
one end of the catwalk, glancing back at Neil over his shoulder as he   
walked towards it. "I was talking with one of the head technicians   
before I managed to find you, and he turned out to be a pretty nifty   
guy. Just thought of something that might help us focus against the   
Angel." His smirk widened, and he flashed an incomprehensible hand   
signal at Neil before stepping through the door and letting it hiss   
closed behind him, Neil still baffled as to what the other boy's plan   
was.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato could feel Ritsuko's eyes staring at her as she switched her   
gaze back and forth between the main screen's display of the   
regenerating Angel and the display at Makoto's console of Neil and   
Vash's Evas racing through the launch tubes towards the surface. Her   
headache had only slightly improved, but the fact that Ritsuko was   
watching her seemed to cancel out the positive effects of the slowly-  
receding headache. As the two Evas exited the Geofront and headed up   
closer to the surface, Misato finally sighed and turned towards   
Ritsuko, eyes narrowed. "Is there something you want to ask?"  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, expression still icy as she shifted her grip on   
her clipboard. "Not a thing," she replied, sounding almost bitter.   
"I'm just somewhat surprised that you're still sober. I had expected   
you to come back drunk again."  
  
The comment struck Misato like a slap across the face, and she fought   
the urge to slap Ritsuko at the same time that she fought the urge to   
shed a tear. "I did, too," she replied at length, turning towards the   
main screen where the two Eva units were finally emerging. She took a   
second to compose herself, then leaned over into the microphone,   
clearing her throat slightly. "All right, boys, you remember what you   
have to do. Hit the core simultaneously."  
  
Sitting in the cockpit of his machine, Vash flexed his fingers and let   
the Eva flex its own, watching as the Angel slowly returned to its   
original form. The LCL still stank like blood, and it reminded him   
vaguely of the horrible burning he'd felt as the Fifth Angel's beam had   
hit him square in the chest, but he forced the thought out of his mind,   
tightening his grip on the handles and grinning sinisterly. "All   
right. Shigeru, you ready?"  
  
On the upper level of the command center, the long-haired console   
technician grinned, letting his fingers dance across the keyboard for a   
moment. "All ready, Vash," he announced happily, hitting one final key   
and letting the room's speakers fill with the aggressive noise of an   
electric guitar playing to a drum backup. He smiled for a moment, then   
noticed that everyone else on the upper level was staring at him and   
shrugged. "He thought that it would help them focus against the   
Angel. Keeping in time with the beat, and all."  
  
"Well, now I know why you asked if I could dance," sighed Neil,   
flipping open the Eva's shoulder flange and letting the progressive   
knife pop out into his hand. He glanced towards Vash, and the black   
Eva nodded back at him as it deployed its own knife, holding the thing   
with the blade pointing down. Taking a deep breath, Neil began to move   
the Eva forward, Vash walking next to him as the Angel rumbled to life   
once again and slogged its way towards the shore. "Let's get to work."  
  
Both machines hesitated for a moment as the Angel stared at them, then   
rushed forward at the same moment, letting the Angel watch them come.   
The beast's arms shot out at both of them, and Neil let his machine   
skid to a halt as Vash continued forward, one claw catching on the   
upper right arm of EVA-03 while the arm aimed at Neil snapped against   
thin air. Seemingly frustrated, the Angel took a step forward with one   
foot, attempting to snatch at EVA-01 with its free arm, and Vash   
switched the prog knife to his left hand, then let the blade slice   
through the Angel's core as it went off-balance. "It's going to   
split!" he shouted, breaking free of its grip and stepping back to   
where Neil was standing, the pain in his upper arm severe but managable.  
  
Certainly enough, the black beast split back into its two smaller   
forms, the gold one taking lumbering steps towards Neil and the silver   
one heading straight towards Vash. "Distract them, then force them   
back together," Neil said firmly, sidestepping a blow from the golden   
Angel half and chopping into the thing's shoulder with his knife. Vash   
gave a quick nod with his unit, then jumped backwards as the silverish   
Angel lunged forwards, letting the beast overextend its reach before he   
slammed the prog knife down into the back of its head. Both halves   
recovered within instants, only for the two Evas to hit them again,   
driving them apart with surprising synchronicity.  
  
As the two Evangelions worked together, driving the Angels in a loop,   
first away from one another and then back towards their starting point,   
Maya heard a beeping noise from the console over the still-playing   
aggressive guitar music, and she stared at it with surprise, watching   
the synch graph. "Both pilots have achieved a synchronization of 60%!"   
she shouted, amazed. "The rate seems to be leveling off, but they're   
doing amazing!"  
  
Neither Vash nor Neil heard Maya's statement, and even if they had it   
would have probably had no effect upon them as they continued to drive   
the Angel's halves back with remarkable efficiency, now keeping them   
unaware of the other's position while forcing them back towards the   
center. Both pilots drove their target towards a single center point   
until the halves were within a few meters of one another, then both   
Evas flashed one another a thumb's-up sign, and clenching their free   
hands into fists they slammed hard into the Angel's face, sending it   
staggering backwards into itself. The parts seemed disoriented for a   
moment, then merged back into the original Angel once again, apparently   
willing to recombine.  
  
There was a momentary pause as the two Evas waited for the Angel to   
recombine, then both pilots rushed at the thing, prog knives at the   
ready as it staggered slightly. Neil's Eva reached the beast first,   
and slipping around a half-hearted claw swipe he drove his knife into   
the thing's core just as the music reached a climax. Seconds later,   
Vash followed suit, driving his own progressive knife into the core as   
well, and the red orb suddenly splintered and cracked for a moment.   
Seconds later, the entire Angel exploded, and the main screen of the   
command center was filled with the red haze of the explosion as the   
music finally ended.  
  
"EVA-01 reporting," announced Neil, his body feeling slightly achy from   
the impact of the Angel's explosion and the LCL tasting distinctly   
bloodllike but otherwise fine. "Looks like we destroyed it."  
  
Misato confirmed Neil's statement as the explosion began to fade from   
sight, but Neil had other things on his mind as he shoved the prog   
knife back into the shoulder flange, stepping over and extending his   
Eva's hand to Vash. Vash paused, then handed the prog knife off to his   
other hand and shook it, a rather corny display in the Evas but still   
somewhat gratifying. "You did well," noted Neil, smirking.  
  
"So did you," replied Vash, releasing his Eva's hand and pausing for a   
moment. Then his picture appeared on Neil's display, and Neil was   
surprised for a moment before he realized that the other pilot had   
opened a private communications line with him. "Listen, Neil..." Vash   
seemed oddly hesitant, looking away from the other boy's face. "I   
really appreciate what you did today, but I need to tell you   
something." He paused briefly. "Eiko makes a better friend than a   
lover. You should remember that."  
  
Almost involuntarily, Neil felt his grip tighten around the handles of   
the cockpit, the scent of blood suddenly increasing within the LCL. He   
knew, consciously, that he wasn't alone anyways, that Nieve and he   
seemed to be taking the first few tenative steps into a relationship,   
but Vash's thinly-veiled warning somehow still managed to sting just   
beneath the skin. "Yeah," replied Neil, sounding oddly distanced even   
to himself. "I'll remember what you've said, Vash."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
As one, they are gifted.  
As one, they are resolute.  
As one, they can be betrayed.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 9: WITH ONE VOICE  
"It's important that the Children remain aware of their place."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	9. With One Voice

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 9: WITH ONE VOICE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our   
God. The Lord will do what is good in his sight.  
- 1 CHRONICLES 19:13  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe couldn't sleep. It wasn't anything that she was unaccustomed to   
in and of itself, especially considering that her father had always   
praised it as one of her positive traits - she'd always been of the   
mind that time spent sleeping could be spent far more productively   
doing something else. Her problem, rather, was the reason that she was   
suffering from insomnia, the battle against the Seventh Angel earlier   
in the day. She still remembered watching Ryo rail against the two   
halves of the Angel, utterly outmatched but still remaining unafraid.   
It was inspiring to watch him, and even though she'd known from the   
radio chatter that dropping the N2 canister was the best possible thing   
to do part of her had wanted to join in and help Ryo, to match herself   
with him.  
  
She wanted to talk to him about it, but she hadn't gotten the   
opportunity after the battle, and once the mission was over and she was   
able to get out of her Eva once again Ryo had already been pulled aside   
by Commander Ikari and not arrived home until dinner. And, despite her   
best efforts, she hadn't managed to get up the courage to strike up the   
topic with him once he was actually home, managing to get a few words   
out each time before she trailed off and he lost interest. "Doing a   
great job, Niobe," she muttered to herself, rolling onto her side, the   
room dark enough from both the absence of light and the naturally dim   
shade of the walls that she honestly could see nothing, not even in   
vague outlines. "Really making him open up."  
  
Then she heard the sound of a door open, and the noise of soft   
footsteps along the floor. Sitting up quickly, she felt her heartbeat   
accelerate slightly, knowing full well that it was Ryo, and she   
wondered for a moment where he was going. Another thought occurred to   
her immediately, and she threw the blanket off her body, sliding off   
the bed and tiptoeing towards the door to her room, letting it open   
just a crack and peeking out towards Ryo. Somehow, the thought of   
going out to him seemed far more terrifying than any Angel, but she   
forced herself to be brave, pushing open her door all the way and   
stepping out of her room, noticing that Ryo was stepping into the small   
living room of the apartment. She hesitated another moment, then   
followed after him, making every effort to be as quiet as possible.  
  
Grinning slightly at the thought of how silent she was being, Niobe   
tiptoed her way past the kitchen, turning right down the hallway that   
led to the bathroom and the living room, walking past the bathroom into   
the living room and barely suppressing a gasp. Ryo was standing in   
front of the sole window in the living room as moonlight streamed   
through it, wearing a loose-fitting pair of white pants and nothing   
else, the light seeming to catch his achingly pale skin at just the   
right angle to make it almost glow. His arms were spread slightly from   
his sides, palms turned towards the window, neck bent ever so slightly   
and blue hair barely brushing the base of his neck. The entire scene   
was almost painfully beautiful, and Niobe found herself suddenly and   
unexpectedly attracted to the boy as he stood in the light, hesitant to   
say anything.  
  
Almost unintentionally, she coughed, and the beautiful crystalline   
moment as he stood in the light shattered as the boy turned towards   
her, arms sinking back down to his sides as the moonlight began to   
filter through the thin blue hair, his expression blank as usual.   
She'd half-expected that he would actually be smiling, but in the week   
that she'd been there she hadn't seen him smile even once. "What is   
it?" he asked, his tone one that Niobe would have pegged as annoyed if   
that was something that she considered him capable of. Coming from   
Ryo, it simply seemed flat, utilitarian, the most expedient way to link   
vowels and consonants together.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," replied Niobe, cocking her head slightly and   
letting her black hair swish behind her, trying to evoke some kind of   
response from the boy and receiving none. She'd always been told at   
home that it was one of the more attractive things that she did   
unconsciously, but she couldn't for the life of her remember any time   
before that she'd wanted to make a boy attracted to her, even if she   
couldn't explain quite why she was attracted to Ryo in the first   
place. "Why were you standing in the window?" she asked after a   
moment, unconsciously pulling her blue nightshirt more tightly closed   
around her breasts.  
  
Ryo didn't answer immediately, instead glancing back towards the   
window, and for a moment Niobe wondered if the question had   
unintentionally angered him. "The light is comfortable," he announced   
at length, the words sounding slightly odd as he said them, as though   
he were struggling with the concepts. "They remind me of when I..."   
He paused, shutting his eyes for a moment, now definitely searching for   
the words. "Of when I was at my younger home."  
  
"Home?" The statement immediately struck Niobe as moronic, and she   
scolded herself for not realizing that Ryo must have lived somewhere   
other than the apartment during his lifetime or there would be some   
more indications of his living conditions. Despite her brief   
discussion with Dr. Akagi, she'd never really thought of Ryo as having   
parents, that somehow the boy simply didn't seem emotional enough to   
have had them. "Was that where you lived before here? Somewhere else   
in Japan?"  
  
"I can't remember," replied Ryo flatly, turning away from the moonlight   
and back towards Niobe, his speech once again seeming natural and   
unforced, as though he were more comfortable with what he was now   
discussing. "Why could you not sleep? Did I wake you up when I walked   
over?"  
  
"No," replied Niobe, blushing slightly as she shook her head and sank   
her gaze slightly lower. She felt somewhat embarassed, feeling as   
though she were acting like some lovesick twit around her most recent   
crush, but something about Ryo kept her from feeling entirely   
comfortable, and despite herself she found it enjoyable. Closing her   
eyes for a moment, she looked back up at the boy, smiling just the   
slightest bit. "I was thinking, Ryo, and... I'm sorry that you got   
recalled in your Eva. I'm sorry that you didn't have a chance to do   
anything more."  
  
"Why?" asked Ryo, sounding genuinely confused. He cocked his head   
slightly to one side, the moonlight once again making his skin seem to   
glow with just the slightest aura. It was an undeniably attractive   
pose, one that Niobe found herself once again attracted to. She forced   
the thought out of her head and turned her gaze slightly to one side,   
knowing that she was being silly. "Why are you sorry that I was   
recalled?" asked Ryo again, as though she hadn't heard him the first   
time.  
  
"Because it wasn't fair," replied Niobe, feeling somewhat unsure why   
the concept was so alien to him. She stared at him for a moment,   
trying to gauge the expression in his bright red eyes and having no   
success, her mind saying one thing while something inside of her said   
something else. "You didn't get a chance to prove yourself, to show   
what you could do." She paused for a moment, still looking as deeply   
as she could into Ryo's eyes, trying to figure him out. "Doesn't that   
matter to you?"  
  
Ryo stared back at Niobe, then shook his head, the moonlight sifting   
through his shifting hair in an odd fashion, looking almost angelic.   
"Who destroys the Angel is irrelevant," he said flatly, turning his   
body back towards the window and staring at the pure light, his feet   
arching slightly as though the light would embrace him and take him   
away from the dull gray apartment. "All that matters is that the Angel   
is destroyed. That is our duty. Whatever role we play is fine."  
  
Confused, Niobe stared at the boy, his back facing her once again, the   
same amazing beauty seeming to flow into him once again as he stood in   
front of the window and watching the moon stream light into the room.   
Niobe recalled a discussion that she'd had with her father some time   
prior to her departure, and for a moment she felt guilty about admiring   
Ryo, turning her head away slightly. "But don't you have any ambition   
of your own?" she asked after a moment, internally hoping that he   
wouldn't turn around to reply to her as she focused on him as best she   
could with her peripheral vision.  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo, turning only slightly towards Niobe. "I must   
succeed at the role given to me. Anything else only complicates   
matters. That is what Dr. Ikari tells me." He paused for a moment,   
his words ringing awkwardly in Niobe's ears. "There is no middle   
ground in this conflict. As long as we are successful, nothing else   
matters."  
  
"I see," replied Niobe, feeling herself growing still more attracted to   
Ryo despite the fact that her mind was telling her not to be. She   
paused for a moment longer, and Ryo turned fully back towards the   
window, beginning to shift back into the crystalline pose of before.   
Her mouth opened to say something, then shut before any words passed   
her lips, simply taking in the inexpressable beauty of Ryo standing in   
the light for a moment. "I... guess I'll go back to my room, then,"   
she said at length, receiving only a nod from Ryo as she turned and   
walked out of the living room, no longer trying to sound particularly   
quiet. She paused, allowed herself one last glance towards the boy,   
then felt her pace quicken as she walked back to the room, feeling as   
though she'd been caught stealing from the cookie jar.  
  
Once inside her room, Niobe leaned against the door for a moment,   
taking a deep breath and forcing herself to calm down, feeling her   
heart rate slowly return to normal. She'd known that the boy was   
withdrawn, but somehow it all seemed to make sense to her from those   
few little words that he'd spoken to her tonight, and as she stepped   
over to her bed she found herself feeling as though she were an idiot   
for not noticing the obvious earlier. "He's like me," she muttered to   
herself, slumping back down onto the bed and feeling the fabric of the   
sheets massage her skin. "The same drive."  
  
Pulling the blankets back over her body, snuggling against them and   
closing her eyes, Niobe thought again of the boy standing in the   
window, and she felt her chest start to ache slightly. She knew that a   
romantic relationship should be out of the question, remembered   
Joseph's words to her about precisely that before she'd left, but she   
knew that if her father had been in her shoes he would have felt the   
same way. "I think I like him," she whispered into her pillow, letting   
sleep embrace her and hoping for pleasant dreams.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil woke up slowly, his mind still filled with the dreams of the   
previous night, dreams of EVA-01 and an unspeakable anger lurking at   
the back of its mind, dreams of Nieve and Eiko and something horrible   
approaching. What made them worst as he woke up was the fact that he   
didn't remember them being particularly frightening except for the fact   
that he knew he should be frightened, that the only apprehension they   
provoked in him felt like an obligation. Opening his eyes gradually,   
he let them slowly adjust to the sunlight from his window, green irises   
refocusing to let in the right amount of light, then he rolled over   
away from the wall and towards the door to his room, noticing that   
there was something between his eyes and the door. It took him a   
moment to register before he realized that it was Nieve.  
  
Suddenly and completely awake, Neil jerked to an upright position, then   
instantly thought better of it and grabbed the hem of his blanket,   
bundling it up around his waist and legs as he stared at the girl,   
wearing the thin blue t-shirt that she always seemed to wear at night.   
She was leaning forward just far enough so that Neil could see the   
hints of what lay beneath the fabric, and he swallowed hard as he felt   
his body respond to the glimpse involuntarily. "Morning, Nieve," he   
offered, forcing himself to look up towards her face, unsure of why she   
was smiling so broadly. "Um... is there any particular reason you   
wanted to wake me up this morning?"  
  
For a moment, Nieve said nothing, simply stared at Neil and smiled, his   
concern growing ever larger as she continued to stare at him without   
speaking. Then she reached forward and grabbed his head, pulling him   
towards her and planting her lips firmly upon his, letting her tongue   
slip inside of his mouth ever so slightly before rocking backwards and   
standing at her full height once again. "You didn't kiss me   
yesterday," she explained, noting Neil's somewhat baffled expression.   
"I wanted to remind you what you missed." She paused. "Besides, I   
always wanted to do something like that."  
  
"Um." Neil raised his left hand to the back of his head, rubbing it   
gently before stepping out of his bed and continuing to stare at the   
girl. She seemed perfectly happy with the situation, although Neil had   
been learning from experience that Nieve's happiness could be a   
somewhat transient thing. He certainly enjoyed the taste of her lips   
again, but he couldn't get the picture of Eiko from his dreams out of   
his mind, and it made him feel guilty to enjoy Nieve's kiss, even   
though he knew he was being silly. "Glad to see you're in a good mood,   
at least."  
  
Both Children stared at one another for a moment, then Neil moved   
first, heading for the door and opening it. He paused, glancing back   
towards Nieve, worried for a moment that she might have been upset by   
his actions, but she was still smiling, and walking forward swiftly she   
edged past Neil towards the kitchen, looking entirely pleased with the   
world. Neil waited for a moment, then followed afterwards, tugging on   
the ratty green shirt he was wearing as his old black sweatpants   
dragged slightly on the floor. "You don't seem upset about the Eva   
thing anymore," he noted, stepping into the kitchen behind her, wanting   
very much to hold her but doubting that she'd be willing to let him.   
"Did you just sleep really well?"  
  
"I got over it," replied Nieve, her voice dropping a little as though   
Neil's words had upset her slightly. He tried to step over in front of   
her as she poured her cereal, but she'd turned her head at just the   
right angle that he couldn't see what she was doing, her body position   
to prevent any non-awkward movement past her. "I'm still a little   
annoyed by it, yeah, but I reminded myself that you were up there, that   
it wasn't just any of the others." She smirked as her face came back   
into view for Neil, finishing with the cereal and setting it down on   
the counter. "If I can't be in control of the situation out there,   
you're the next best choice."  
  
"Thanks, I guess," replied Neil, not entirely sure what to make of the   
comment as Nieve extracted the milk from the refridgerator, almost   
bumping into Pen-Pen as he waddled out of his own smaller refridgerator   
with a sleepy look on his face. He stared at the girl for a moment,   
then shook his head and pulled a bowl down from the cupboard, preparing   
to pour himself a bowl of cereal. Nieve left the milk on the counter,   
then sat down at the table as a particularly loud crash came from down   
the hall towards Misato's room.  
  
Neither of the Children took particular notice of the noise, and sat   
down to their breakfast, eating quitely, Nieve sneaking quick looks at   
Neil and Neil trying to decide exactly why. There were a few more   
crashes from down the hall, then Misato finally made her way out of her   
room, walking down the hall towards the table, staring at Nieve and   
Neil with a somewhat disapproving look on their face. Neil give her a   
quick glance in reply, noticing she was wearing the same black dress   
that she had on the day they'd met and getting the impression that   
something important was happening. "You two need to get dressed," she   
announced, stepping over to the kitchen, her NERV coat slung over her   
shoulder as she opened the cupboard and extracted a bowl. "We're   
needed down at Central Dogma by ten AM sharp."  
  
Checking his watch, Neil shrugged, letting his arm drop back down to   
his side and glancing quickly over at Nieve. "It's only eight," he   
announced, taking another bite of his cereal, feeling somewhat more   
curious about Nieve's behavior towards him than Misato's sudden   
preoccupation with the time. Misato frowned, checked the small watch   
on her own wrist, then slapped it once and sighed, the device obviously   
not working correctly. "What's the big deal, anyways?"  
  
"Didn't I tell you about this one?" asked Misato, glancing towards Neil   
and recognizing the look on his face. He didn't look as hurt as on the   
day when they'd flown out to meet with Nieve and Niobe, but the   
expression was the same, a sort of bitter realization that he'd been   
given something to do without having been told. "I didn't. I screwed   
up again." Sighing, Misato went over to the table, sitting down across   
from Neil and trying to look as apologetic as possible. "Neil, I'm   
sorry. I know that I should have -"  
  
"Forget it," muttered Neil, turning his gaze down towards the cereal   
and taking another bite, trying to ignore Nieve's stare in his   
direction. He was almost certain that Misato still didn't know about   
his father, but after what had happened the prior afternoon she hadn't   
touched a beer all night, and Neil wondered if she had some idea of   
what was going on. "So what is it?"  
  
"The JSSDF," replied Misato, apparently satisfied with Neil's response   
as she leaned her upper body back, placing her hands flat against the   
floor and using her arms to keep herself from falling backwards. "You   
remember that we got the particle rifle from them, right?" She quickly   
tilted her head far forward enough to see Neil nod, then leaned her   
head back again to stare at the ceiling. "That was supposed to be   
their next-generation weapon, and they've been more than a little   
annoyed at NERV's possesion of it. Even though we're ostensibly above   
the world's governments, that doesn't mean that they're going to be   
peaceful about it, and we needed to do something to smooth relations   
over with the JSSDF before things get really ugly. So we're   
participating in their annual war games."  
  
Nieve, who had been focusing largely on giving odd sideways glances   
towards Neil and eating her cereal, suddenly took notice of Misato,   
dropping her spoon into the bowl and staring intently at the woman.   
"We're getting to pilot the Evas into a war game?" asked Nieve, leaning   
towards her left and propping herself off the table with her arms,   
provoking an immediate stare from Misato. Neil, sitting across from   
Misato and to Nieve's right, noticed that her blue nightshirt was   
riding up slightly with her movement, and he forced himself to look   
away as his gaze began to trace up her leg.  
  
"Yeah," replied Misato, sounding a little put off by Nieve's sudden   
enthusiasm. Nieve leaned back and grinned widely, pumping one fist in   
the air in a sort of victory sign but remaining quiet. "I didn't like   
the idea, but especially after the Jet Alone incident they claim they   
want some proof that the Evas are safe. Commander Ikari thought that   
it would be a good opportunity for us to -"  
  
"How could you be -opposed- to this?" asked Nieve, still grinning   
widely, her cereal all but forgotten as she rocked back and forth   
gently, obviously excited. "This is -spectacular-! I'll finally get a   
chance to show off what I can really do with my Eva!" She paused for a   
second, still grinning as she turned towards Neil and thumbed her chin,   
then looked back towards Misato, now kneeling and leaning towards the   
woman with her hands on her knees. "Are we going to have video footage   
taken? Can I get a copy of it? I want to send it back to Dublin, to   
show everyone there just how much control I've got over the   
situation." She paused again, then glanced over towards Neil again,   
grinning more broadly. "Neil, do you want a copy for your friends back   
in America?"  
  
"Not really," replied Neil, shaking his head gently and taking another   
bit of his cereal. His tone was somewhat nonchalant, but his body   
language expressed something else, and he was distantly aware of that   
as Nieve moved closer to him. Even though his experience with 01 the   
prior day had been relatively safe, he still couldn't get the stare of   
its green eye out of his head, the uncomfortable taste of the LCL   
seeming more unpleasant the more he thought about it. "I don't   
particularly want to do this anyways."  
  
Staring at the boy, Nieve's eyes went wide with shock, then she shifted   
her entire body towards him, still leaning forward with her hands on   
her knees. "You're kidding, right?" she asked, cocking her head   
slightly to one side and trying to make eye contact with him as he   
stared down at his cereal. "What's not to like about piloting the   
Eva? You're the only one who can do it, and that makes you more   
important than anyone else in NERV." Misato let out an indignant   
grunt, and Nieve shrugged half-apologetically, not bothering to glance   
back at her. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I don't like piloting it," replied Neil, closing his eyes for a   
moment, recalling the flood of memories from the thing during his first   
night in it. "It feels like I'm intruding in someone else's mind, like   
I'm forcing them to do something. And it feels like the Eva resents   
me. Maybe it's just me, but..." He sighed and trailed off, glancing   
up at Misato and noticing that she looked somewhat worried. "Misato,   
the Evas are alive, aren't they?"  
  
Misato said nothing for a moment, sitting fully upright now, the hint   
of fear tickling just beyond the edge of her expression. "Yes, they're   
partially organic," she answered at length, sounding as though she were   
trying to think of a way to sugarcoat the answer. "But they're not   
sentient. They're not even thinking. That's why we've got you as   
pilots, because you act as the machine's brain. You give it direction."  
  
"Doesn't feel like that," muttered Neil, taking another bite of his   
cereal somewhat sullenly. Nieve stared at him for a moment, then   
reached over and gently rubbed his knee for a second before returning   
to her previous position of sitting, eating her breakfast casually.   
Neil looked up at her and stared, trying to understand why she felt so   
comfortable about piloting her Eva, but she simply continued eating,   
leaving Neil to try and figure out his own explanations for her actions.  
  
]++[  
  
Nursing a cup of coffee in a white china mug in one hand, sketching   
down figures on a clipboard with the other, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi glanced   
up at the main screen of NERV's command center only quickly before   
jotting down a few more notes on her clipboard. Technically, she had   
an hour before she actually had to be in to work, but she knew the   
amount of pressure that was being put on NERV to perform well during   
the exercise, and she knew that the burden of responsibility for the   
technical aspect fell on her shoulders. "Maya, run another pulse   
through EVA-02's neural interlocks. See if that got rid of the   
static. Makoto, check on the status of EVA-04's chest armor."  
  
"Pulse flow static is currently at less than one percent in all   
interlocks for EVA-02," replied Maya as Makoto set about performing the   
task he'd been given. The younger woman continued talking, but Ritsuko   
only distantly heard her, jotting down another quick pair of notes and   
taking a sip of her coffee as she felt her eyes beging to grow   
sluggish. Makoto began to say something about EVA-04 as well, and   
Ritsuko tried to focus for a moment before slumping forward slightly,   
eyes falling shut.  
  
A moment later she felt someone jostling her shoulders through the thin   
fabric of her lab coat, and she forced herself upright once again,   
looking at Maya and smiling, trying to assuage the woman's concerns.   
"I'm fine," she said, mentally scolding herself for getting so close to   
sleep when there was so much left to do. Rubbing her forehead for a   
second, she took another sip of coffee, knowing that she'd need still   
more of it if she was going to remain focused. She hadn't had a chance   
to sleep the prior night, rushing repairs on the units damaged in the   
battle against the Seventh Angel. "Makoto, I'm sorry, I need you to   
repeat yourself. What's 04's status?"  
  
"All welding of the unit's chest armor has been completed," replied the   
technician, apparently unconcerned by the request for reiteration, his   
eyes remaining focused on his computer display through his thin-framed   
glasses. "Organic damage was less than seven percent and has been   
fully regenerated. No damage known to the interlocks." He paused for   
a second, then turned towards Ritsuko, looking slightly worried. "You   
might want to go get some rest, ma'am. You're looking haggard."  
  
"No rest for the wicked," replied Ritsuko, stepping over to Makoto's   
display and quickly checking his screen, then turning back towards   
Maya. "Maya, run a quick pulse through 04's interlocks. If there's   
any abnormalities, let me know. Makoto, see if EVA-00's arm is fully   
repaired yet - the workers said that there might be some minor damage   
to the target feedback devices from the palm. While you're at it,   
might as well take a quick check of its armor."  
  
Standing on the uppermost level of the command center, slightly to one   
side of Gendou, Kozou Fuyutsuki watched Ritsuko moving below, quickly   
giving commands and waiting only moments for the answers, throwing   
everything she had into making sure the Evas were at peak efficiency.   
"She's amazing," he muttered, a thin smile spreading across his face as   
he watched her. "In some ways, she's so like her mother. But she   
reminds me more of..." Fuyutski paused for a moment, then stopped   
outright.  
  
"Yui," completed Gendou, his tone completely devoid of emotion. "I've   
noticed it, to. She has the same sort of heart in her work, and she   
understands the science behind it as if she'd written all our material   
herself." The commander's hands were, as usual, folded in front of his   
face, his glasses blocking sight of his eyes and his hands blocking   
sight of his mouth, no sign of outward emotion visible. "You should   
talk to her."  
  
"There's little that I could offer her," replied Kozou, a vaguely   
wistful note creeping into his voice as he watched the woman working   
beneath him, her motions quick and practice despite her obvious   
exhaustion, white coat fluttering with her movements. "After all,   
she's made advancements in the science that never even occurred to me.   
She's a natural. I'm just an outdated old teacher."  
  
Gendou's head tilted towards Kozou ever so slightly, the light that   
reflected from his glasses seeming to angle away just enough to give   
the slightest glimpse at the man's eyes. "That's not what I meant."  
  
Kozou's eyes went wide, and he stared at Gendou for a moment with his   
lips drawn tight, studying the man's almost entirely obscured face as   
best he could, trying to discern something of his emotions. Then he   
shut his eyes and grinned bitterly, staring back down at Ritsuko and   
shrugging his shoulders gently. "Am I that obvious?" he asked, not   
truly expecting an answer as Gendou turned his gaze back to its prior   
position. "Besides, let's not be foolish. Both of us remember her   
from when she was the same age as our Children are. We're old men,   
Ikari."  
  
"A professional attitude," noted Gendou flatly, keeping his gaze   
unmoving, his tone offering no hints towards his evaluation of the   
situation. Kozou took a quick glance towards the other man, then   
turned back towards Ritsuko, smirking to himself as he remembered her   
volunteering with her mother, back before she'd chosen to dye her   
hair. Taking a deep breath, he stopped his thoughts where they lay,   
knowing that Gendou was right about his attitude as he turned his gaze   
back towards the main screen and focused on the day ahead.  
  
]++[  
  
Even after all the time he'd spent going through synch testing and   
piloting the machine in combat, Neil still had to brace himself against   
the harsh scent of the LCL, still had to suppress the gag reflex as the   
salty liquid flowed down through his throat, still could feel the   
liquid filter its way though his lungs. It was a sickening feeling,   
and while he'd become somewhat more accustomed to it, he still disliked   
it. Then he watched the screen activate around him, and he felt the   
Eva's body around his, giving him cause to push the LCL out of his mind   
as he focused on extending his perception. "EVA-01 is active," he   
announced, knowing that the command center was waiting for his   
confirmation.  
  
Sitting in the cockpit, Neil could hear the other Children give their   
own confirmations, and he relaxed against the seat, almost idly trying   
to feel the Evangelion's mind, seeing if he could sense that presence   
again, if Misato was telling the truth about the machines having   
nothing but bodies to be moved. He began to feel something at the   
absolute back of his head, almost as though it were a soft voice   
speaking to him, but before he could focus on it he saw Nieve's face   
appear on his display in a sort of windowbox, a sign that she'd opened   
a specific communcation with him. "Hey, Neil," she said, grinning   
somewhat devilishly. "You think you can handle your machine out there,   
or is it going to tell you where to go?"  
  
"Not funny," muttered Neil, feeling slightly hurt but forcing a smile   
despite the fact. Pushing the small voice out of his head, he focused   
once again on the machine itself, twitching his fingers against the   
handsets of the cockpit. "You just make sure that you don't lose   
control. Remember who's got more experience here." Neil flashed a   
grin at the girl, and she stared at him in shock for a moment before   
sticking out her tongue at him and cutting off the communication. He   
chuckled to himself, then closed his eyes, preparing for the harsh   
sensation of launching the machine.  
  
In the command center, Misato glanced towards the main screen in front   
of her, then looked over towards the camera that was relaying her   
activities, flashing it a quick smile before turning back to the   
technicians. "Send 00 to Port 11, 01 to Port 25, 02 to Port 31, 03 to   
Port 46, 04 to Port 10, and 05 to Port 22." She paused for a moment,   
then remembered that she was being expected to explain everything into   
the camera, and sighed as she looked back towards it, forcing a smile.   
"We've position the Evangelion units in various positions around the   
city. In the event of an emergency, ports are spread across the city   
to ensure that a unit can arrive at any location within two minutes."   
She turned back towards the console technicians, glancing towards Maya   
to get confirmation of her assignments for the units. "Launch!"  
  
Eiko had to suppress a momentary rush of terror as she felt the pad   
beneath her unit lurch upwards, the sense of vertigo from the high-  
speed deployment being the least of her problems. She could still   
remember the feeling of the Seventh Angel's claws tearing across her   
chest as her Eva fell backwards, and somehow it had seemed infinitely   
worse than when she'd stood against the Fifth. It was unreasonable,   
and she knew it, but as she heard the clanking noise of the gate   
opening on the surface and felt her machine scraping to a halt, the   
morning sun making her unit shine radiantly, she couldn't help but feel   
a momentary rush of panic that the same thing would happen again. Then   
she glanced to one side and watched Neil's unit emerge from the ground   
as well, and for reasons she couldn't explain she felt slightly safer,   
knowing he was there as well.  
  
All six machines were standing in the city, and Misato grinned as she   
glanced down at her itinerary, glad to have the chance to finally show   
what NERV could do. She could still remember the Jet Alone   
demonstration freshly, and she knew that the JSSDF wouldn't be able to   
deny the effectiveness of the Evas after an actual demonstration. "All   
right, you all should know where the weapon ports are. Neil, Niobe,   
retrieve a standard-issue rifle from the nearest port, then arm it and   
fire at the presented targets." She watched the main screen for a   
moment, then turned towards the camera again, still a little unhappy   
that she had to explain everything. "The city is filled with certain   
structures designated as weapon ports, designed to allow the Evas   
access to a wide variety of weapons suitable for almost any situation.   
In the even that a necessary weapon is not available, one can be sent   
to the surface via the entry ports."  
  
The next few minutes were mind-numbingly boring for all six pilots as   
Misato continued to run through the list of required information, many   
demonstrations seeming to require repeat application. For her   
purposes, however, Misato was quite pleased to run through the list,   
even if explaining things to the camera got tiresome swiftly. Despite   
the commander's rather harsh reprimand from the previous day, the   
Children moved with perfect efficiency, their units working in perfect   
synchronization. Ryo took a flight of missiles to his AT field without   
any trouble, Neil and Nieve demonstrated the process of neutralizing   
the field, the Evas showed off their close-combat capabilities, and   
even without having a direct feed from the surface Misato knew that the   
government was impressed.  
  
"We've been doing this stuff for more than enough time," muttered   
Nieve, casually bringing her Eva's prog knife in a wide arc and hitting   
the targets presented for her, barely even trying as the machine moved   
the way she directed it. "They must have gotten it by now." She   
hesitated for a moment, then continued forward, opening a quick   
communications channel with Misato. "Can we get on to the actual games   
sometime soon? I'm getting bored."  
  
"Pushy," muttered the woman, smirking at the small picture of Nieve   
that appeared on the main screen before flipping the microphone over to   
the private channel. "We'll be done in just a moment. I'll give you a   
quick briefing." Switching the microphone back to its previous   
setting, she turned towards the camera, glancing towards Makoto and   
getting a quick handsignal of approval. "This concludes the   
demonstration portion of the games. We will begin the second stage in   
five minutes after a quick briefing of the pilots." She waited for a   
moment for the camera to turn off, then turned back to the microphone.   
"Okay, guys, you can stop. We're going to be starting the actual games   
soon."  
  
Nieve let out a quiet but still audible noise of triumph, while Eiko   
felt her hands close more tightly around the handrests of the cockpit.   
She knew that there was no chance that they would be using anything   
that came close to an Angel, but still, she was getting tired of the   
injuries she endured every time she piloted the machine. "Misato? Are   
the games going to be... y'know, using real bullets?"  
  
"The term is 'live-fire,' Eiko," interjected Niobe, letting her Eva   
rest at a somewhat neutral position, drawing it up to a comfortable   
height and letting the limbs go limp. "And the UN doesn't permit live-  
fire wargames with its forces after what happened in the Portugal Strip   
of Spain a few years ago."  
  
Misato frowned for a moment, unsure of how Niobe knew so much, then   
remembered that her father had been working for the UN peacekeeping   
force before she'd been declared as the Sixth Child and he had signed   
on with NERV. "You're right, Niobe," Misato said into the microphone,   
staying as calm as possible. "The weapons in the depots are already   
being withdrawn and replaced with the ones we'll be using. They're   
laser taggers, mostly; the few explosive weapons we use are just   
flashpowder and paint." She paused for a moment, then allowed herself   
to smirk. "Besides, as long as your AT field is deployed, none of the   
JSSDF's weapons will be able to hurt you." Eiko seemed to be satisfied   
with the answer, and Misato checked her watch quickly, making sure that   
she still had a few moments to explain the basic nature of the   
exercise. "We've only got a minute or two to go over the operation.   
Everybody pay attention."  
  
Listening as Misato described the plan of attack, she found herself a   
little nervous despite herself, the LCL in her mouth starting to feel   
vaguely cloying at the back of her throat. They were defending Tokyo-3   
as if it were under attack by an external army, and Niobe and Neil were   
the two pilots who were to be venturiny outside the city towards the   
source of the enemy, to try and cut off their opponent at the root. It   
was the highest-risk position, and Niobe knew that it went to her   
because she had the highest synchronization with her machine, but it   
still made her nervous, to know that she was going to be watched   
closely by the command center. "I'm not afraid," she muttered to   
herself, focusing on her machine instead of her fears, letting Misato's   
instructions slowly sink over her like water.  
  
Eiko, on the other hand, seemed far less apprehensive than before as   
Misato went into detail about the drone units that the JSSDF would be   
using. "Great. So it's basically a glorified paintball game." She   
smirked at the thought, relaxing her grip and regaining her confidence   
slightly. "This could actually be fun."  
  
Glancing at her watch once again, Misato saw that it was almost time   
for the games to begin, and she still hadn't quite gotten through   
everything that she'd wanted to. "All right, all of you report back to   
your entry ports," she announced, taking a deep breath and trying to   
reassure herself with the knowledge that the worst that could happen   
was that NERV would lose the game. "When I give the word, you'll all   
recover your weapons, then fall into the formation described. We're   
going in five... four... three... two..."  
  
]++[  
  
One more of the drone tanks that the JSSDF was controlling crossed   
before Neil's line of vision, and he swung the heavy rifle in a wide   
arc, releasing the trigger until he saw the crosshairs line up over the   
small green vehicle and beep red. Without thinking, he pulled down on   
the trigger once again, in theory firing the rounds of weaponry   
required to tear the tank asunder and leave its pieces scattered along   
the foothill it was descending. Instead, it simply beeped an   
acknowledgement, stopping its motion and setting off a flare to   
announce that it had been killed. "I've secured this side," he said,   
trying to remain calm, feeling himself breathing more heavily from the   
adrenaline rush of battle.  
  
Misato glanced at the map displayed slightly below the main screen of   
the command center, studying it as best she could and recalling the   
positions of the six Eva units. "Good job, Neil, but there's another   
detachment heading in from the northern edge. We still haven't been   
able to pinpoint the enemy's location, so you should -"  
  
"The northern edge is taken care of," announce Nieve decisively, and as   
the main screen of the command center shifted to her location Nieve   
pumped the shotgun she'd grabbed from the nearest weapons depot and   
fired towards the advancing tanks, noting the small flurry of flares   
that went up with some satisfaction and watching as the other tanks   
tried to steer around their downed comrades. She momentarily cursed   
the fact that she wasn't working with the normal laws of physics - if   
the games had been live-fire, she was willing to bet she could have   
used the downed tanks to at least slow down their companions - but   
focused back on the approaching tanks, stepping backwards and waiting   
for them to fall back into formation before taking another shot with   
the gun. "I think these ones were coming from the same location as the   
group on Neil's side."  
  
"Understood," replied Misato, taking another quick glance at the map   
and examining the positions of the red dots that represented the tanks,   
forcing herself to remain focused. "Eiko, there should be another   
group approaching from the southwest. We'll mark the location on your   
display. Try to hit them with some long-range fire before Vash moves   
in to clean up." She paused for a moment, letting herself breathe,   
then turned towards Makoto. "Have we gotten a location for their base   
yet?"  
  
"Seems like Nieve was right," he replied, drumming his fingers across   
the keyboard and bringing up a quick sequence of displays. Misato   
stared over his shoulder, and he gestured towards the southern edge of   
the map on his screen. "It looks like they're based in that direction."  
  
Nodding, Misato leaned back over to the microphone, taking a moment to   
cock her head at just the right angle to keep her hair out of her face   
as she leaned over. "Neil, Niobe, we think that we've located their   
base to the south of the city. Move in that direction and check it   
out. You might want to grab new weapons if you're nearly out of ammo."  
  
Fingers still gripping tight against the cool metal of the handrests,   
Neil took a moment before his brain fully parsed Misato's statement,   
the battle taking some hold of him. He felt uncommonly connected to   
his machine, the prolonged battle and the ease at which he was able to   
deal destruction to the enemy a heady feeling to say the least. At the   
back of his mind he could feel the same red frenzy from before growing,   
but he forced it back, reminding himself that he had a job to do. "EVA-  
01, moving towards the target," he announced, realizing that his voice   
was sounding more husky as he began to lumber in the indicated   
direction, cradling the rifle in his arms.  
  
Misato watched from within the command center as Niobe began to move   
through the city to meet up with Neil, her movements quick and   
practiced, running and firing at tanks as though she'd been holding the   
rifle since she could walk. "She's amazing," muttered Misato, admiring   
the girl's motions all the more with the knowledge that she'd only been   
training for three years. "Probably the best pilot we've got." She   
paused for a moment, then glanced back towards Makoto's display,   
checking on the status of the enemy units. "They're all doing well,   
though. The JSSDF's barely been making a dent."  
  
Niobe could distantly hear the sound of Misato talking, but she wasn't   
paying attention to it, ignoring the shells that bounced off her AT   
field as she and Neil moved towards the supposed location of the base,   
rifles firing and flagging tanks down with minimal effort. "This isn't   
even a challenge," she muttered, stepping lightly to turn her machine   
around and take out a pair of tanks that had tried to circle the duo.   
"I can do better than this. These machines can't even touch us."  
  
"Yeah," Neil muttered, feeling somewhat distracted, forcing himself to   
stay calm as he continued to fire his rifle, the LCL slowly becoming   
comfortable even as he became more conscious of how vile the liquid   
was. Firing another few rounds at the tanks scattered around the   
foothills, he glanced towards where the base was supposed to be, then   
froze, watching as a much larger vehicle began to step towards the   
city. It took him a moment to recognize it as something other than an   
Angel, its spinly white limbs swinging back and forth as it walked, a   
squat red head pushed into its torso. "Um, Misato? Is this what I   
think it is?"  
  
"Switch to the camera nearest Neil," announced Misato, waiting as   
Makoto keyed in the commands and shifted the view on the main screen.   
Almost the instant the display came on the screen, Misato gasped, not   
believing her eyes as the awkward-looking form of Jet Alone advanced   
towards the camera. "My God. They deployed it." It took her a moment   
to fully process the implications of her statement, and she shook her   
head as her eyes focused back on the robot. "Neil, Niobe, that's Jet   
Alone! Be careful - it's got a nuclear reactor!"  
  
Eiko heard the noise from her position inside the city, and she felt an   
involuntary tremor of panic go through her body, losing control of her   
Eva for just long enough to make her shot go wide, the rocket exploding   
in a shower of flashpowder and paint against one of the weapon depots.   
Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to stop moving for a second,   
regaining control over herself and reminding herself that it wasn't   
anywhere near her. "I'm not afraid," she whispered, bringing the   
rocket launcher in her arms back to bear at the group of tanks   
advancing towards the city. "I'm not afraid."  
  
Neil stared at the robot for a moment, his thoughts of the tanks all   
but gone, suppressing the desire to rush at the thing and tear it   
apart. He didn't doubt for a second that the Eva was capable of it,   
but he forced himself to back off, feeling his breath coming more and   
more heavily as he took a step backwards with his machine. "What   
should we do?" he asked, suddenly feeling very awkward, his instincts   
telling him to move forward even as his brain told him not to.  
  
"Destroy Jet Alone." Commander Ikari's voice cut through the entire   
command center like a knife, and Misato jerked her head around and   
upwards, not having even realized that the commander was sitting   
there. She felt a momentary rush of terror at his order, knowing that   
even without the threat of an imminent meltdown Jet Alone was still   
perfectly capable of providing a nuclear threat. "It will respond to   
your weaponry just like the other units involved in this exercise. Do   
not hesitate."  
  
The command made Neil's vision start to swim with the same red haze as   
before, and he forced himself to remain focused, stopping his Eva and   
digging his heels in as he tried to reassert control. Then he saw Jet   
Alone suddenly move faster than he'd thought the machine capable of,   
and before he could move his Eva out of the way he felt the thing's   
clawlike hands lurch up and slam into his neck, the LCL suddenly   
tightening hard against his skin with the impact. Once again, the   
blood taste of the liquid filled his mouth, and he felt his lungs   
suddenly constrict, eyes tearing and shutting involuntarily as he   
distantly wondered why his AT field hadn't protected him.  
  
In the command center, Misato stared at the screen, momentarily   
panicked as she wondered the exact same thing. "What's wrong with Unit   
01's AT field?" she shouted, whirling towards Maya as the young woman   
typed at her console frantically.  
  
"I don't know! It deactivated almost as soon as Jet Alone started   
approaching the unit! Maybe an internal malfunction!" She paused for   
a moment, then frowned, drumming at the keys once again and bringing up   
another display. "EVA-01 has re-activated its AT Field! There appear   
to be no malfunctions within the field generators or with the unit   
itself!"  
  
Niobe didn't hear any commands from the radio, but she knew that she   
had to get Neil free from the robot, stepping around and trying to get   
a clear shot at the machine as she trained her rifle towards it. As   
Neil's Eva seemed to finally react, its arms slowly reaching up and   
trying to pry off Jet Alone's hands while still keeping a hold on its   
rifle, Jet Alone seemed to notice Niobe's movement and swung 01 so that   
it remained facing the other Eva. Cursing, Niobe turned and glanced   
for the nearest hill, hoping for a moment that she might be able to get   
a height advantage and defeat the robot's tactics. "No," she muttered   
to herself, gritting her teeth and forcing herself to remain   
stationary, tilting her head and searching for an angle at which she   
could hit the robot without moving. "I won't always have hills. I   
have to be better than that."  
  
His own hands moving to his throat, Neil tried desperately to pry away   
Jet Alone from his throat, anger redoubling in intensity as he held to   
the rifle awkwardly and the LCL's salty taste increased. His hands   
went rigid, and for a moment he felt himself sinking into the Eva's   
mind once again, the soft voice from before seeming to whisper to him   
more audibly, offering him power to free himself from the pain. Then   
he felt the machine lurch slightly and the grip relax, just enough so   
that he could see Jet Alone leaning to one side, its left leg setting   
off a flare to indicate damage. The implications hit him immediately,   
and his mind drove the anger out just as he brought the rifle down   
towards the robot's right shoulder, firing in a wide arc as he felt his   
breathing become more labored once again.  
  
Jet Alone's shoulder erupted in a shower of flares as the theoretical   
rifle blast hit it, and reaching up with his left hand Neil found the   
robot's arm now much easier to tear away from his neck. The other   
remained in place for only a moment, then he heard the sound of a rifle   
discharge beside him and saw Niobe hitting the left shoulder and arm   
with her own rifle. Both glanced at one another for only a moment,   
then trained their rifles on the robot's body and fired again, the   
thing's chest exploding in another shower of flares as it staggered   
backwards and fell. "Are you all right?" asked Niobe, turning her   
machine only halfway towards EVA-01 and scanning the hill for any more   
targets.  
  
"Yeah," replied Neil, gently touching his neck within the cockpit,   
feeling the slight depressions left in his skin through the tight   
fabric of the plugsuit. "My AT field malfunctioned for some reason."   
The words brought a slight surge of terror through his body, and he   
remembered again the sensations he'd experienced without it, feeling as   
his machine's body was torn apart each time. He remembered again how   
he'd been forcing himself to suppress the anger running from his mind   
before Jet Alone began strangling him, and his mind began to circle   
around a somewhat distasteful thought, the LCL suddenly feeling more   
cloying once again.  
  
"We're underdefended!" shouted Misato's voice, bringing the attention   
of both Neil and Niobe back to the battlefield. In the command center,   
Misato was simply staring at the map in something between anger and   
shock, watching as a group of red dots moved ever closer to the city   
unhindered. "While you two handled Jet Alone, the enemy took the   
chance to get a large battalion out nearby! Our other Evas are dealing   
with other incursions!"  
  
Neil stopped listening to Misato, letting his breath beginning to come   
heavily once again as he swung his Eva around, letting the rifle in his   
arms train on the group of tanks, pulling back the trigger as the   
crosshairs locked on almost immediately. Instead of the noise he'd   
expected, he heard a loud click, and pulling down the trigger again he   
realized that the guns were still tracking ammunition even without the   
need. Freezing for a moment, he felt the adrenaline in his system   
begin building once again, and he started running towards the   
battalion, dropping the rifle even as he opened the shoulder flange on   
his left shoulder and let the prog knife pop out, grabbing it with his   
right hand. "Only one way open, then," he hissed, hearing his voice   
sinking back into the awkward raspy tone he'd begun to take on earlier.  
  
Misato's eyes went wide as Neil drew the knife and launched his Eva   
into the air, knowing from the sight of him that he was fully aware of   
the fact that his knife hadn't been prepared for the war games and   
wasn't supposed to be used. The purple machine sailed across the sky   
for a moment, its powerful muscles keeping it high in the air until it   
began to sink back towards the ground, and Neil ignored the growing   
haze of adrenaline and fury as he aimed his Eva's feet towards the   
first tanks he could hit, slamming down on both of them and only   
distantly feeling them explode beneath his heels. Reaching towards the   
lead tank, he brought the prog knife down with all the force he could   
manage, and the massive blade stabbed through the tank, leaving it   
hanging on like a limp piece of meat.  
  
The sheer rage and speed of Neil's actions left Niobe stunned for a   
moment, and she scolded herself for not acting faster as she watched   
EVA-01 bring its knife around in a wide arc, using the tank still   
hanging to it as a club to smash away the other drones. "Pay   
attention," she snapped to herself, knowing that someone at base had   
noticed her momentary delay, growing angry with herself as she trained   
the rifle on the drones as they came within range, firing the instant   
that her display showed a target lock. "Ryo wouldn't have been   
distracted like that. No wonder he barely notices me."  
  
Below the surface in NERV's command center, Misato's head was still   
reeling from Neil's actions as Vash rounded a corner and opened fire on   
the tanks as well, leaving Neil free to move towards the nearest   
weapons depot and retrieve another rifle. It was the same sort of   
insane maneuver that he'd pulled during the battle with the Fouth   
Angel, a sort of combat tactic that she wouldn't have expected from   
someone who'd never been in any kind of military organization before.   
"He's got something," she muttered, only paying partial attention to   
the display on the main screen as Neil and Niobe struck out towards the   
supposed location of the base again, arms folded across her chest and   
brow furrowed in thought.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi?" Shigeru's voice cut through the woman's thoughts,   
and she turned towards him, knowing that the Children had the situation   
more or less under control. "We're getting a call in from the JSSDF.   
They're asking why we just destroyed expensive military hardware in a   
non-live-fire exercise."  
  
"We were demonstrating the ability of the Evas to improvise on the   
field," she replied, biting her lip and lowering her head forward even   
as a resolute smirk spread across her face. She'd known when Neil had   
lept into the air that NERV was going to have to answer for property   
damage, but she was willing to rely on the hope that it wouldn't be   
enough to undo the good press that the organization had already gotten   
from the exercise. "No tank could pull something like that. If   
they've got an issue with it, tell them to contact us afterwards and   
we'll reimburse them." Shigeru nodded, and Misato turned back towards   
the main screen as he went back to his work. She watched as Neil began   
firing on the would-be military base of the exercise, staring at EVA-  
01's sinisterly grinning face, and for a moment she wondered what it   
would mean if Neil was right about there being something more within   
the machine than just the pilots.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's role in the war games was finished, something that made her   
feel somewhat relieved despite herself. Though she wanted to be   
certain that the Children were all right, she knew that all that   
remained were ornamental activities on their part, formalities that   
they had to undergo as the pilots. And besides that, she was far more   
concerned with the seemingly impossible process of getting through to   
the head of the JSSDF operations for the games, still angry and scared   
by the knowledge that Jet Alone had been deployed. "No, I will -not-   
contact the head of the military after the formalities are over," she   
repeated, handset cradled between her shoulder and ear as she tried to   
rearrange the piles of paper on her desk. "NERV's command overrides   
your orders."  
  
There was an awkward pause on the other end, and Misato frowned,   
knowing full well what it meant. "I... I can't verify that you're with   
NERV, ma'am," the soldier on the other end lied, his voice obviously   
nervous. It was telling, at least to Misato, that the true problem   
wasn't that he couldn't contact his commander, but that he had   
apparently been ordered not to allow contact from NERV. She'd   
suspected as much from the way that he'd been stalling, but his   
reaction to her statement made it very clear.  
  
Letting the statement hang in the air for a moment while she thought,   
Misato leaned back in her chair, letting the papers lie momentarily   
while she sighed and wondered idly when it was that the American   
branches of NERV had turned their experimental weapon over to the   
JSSDF. A though occurred to her, and she smirked, leaning forward once   
again. "All right, but you might want to humor me," she said, leaning   
on one elbow as she stared at the still-dissheveled papers on her desk   
again, realizing that there was still more paperwork that she was weeks   
behind on. "Or you could not humor me, and I could go public with the   
information that a purely defensive army deployed an experimental   
weapon that presented a threat of nuclear meltdown during its first   
activation." She paused for a moment, letting the soldier on the other   
end squirm just long enough. "I'll give you a minute to think it over."  
  
Placing the phone down on the table and decisively pressing the small   
gray button to hold the call, Misato smirked at her own deviousness,   
rather pleased with how the plan had gone. She was certain that by the   
time she picked up the phone again she would have at least moved   
forward in the chain of command, if not given the commander outright.   
Then she heard the hiss of her office doors sliding open, and to her   
surprise she saw Commander Ikari walking through them, face unreadable   
as always. "Commander," she snapped, standing quickly and offering a   
salute, feeling a slight tension in her chest at the thought that she'd   
done something wrong.  
  
"You can stop attempting to contact the JSSDF command," he announced   
flatly, head tilting ever so slightly towards the handset of her   
telephone. Misato stared at him blankly for a moment, then looked at   
the phone, gently picking it up and hanging it back on the receiver.   
Sometimes she found herself wondering just how closely Gendou watched   
his staff, recalling that it wasn't the first time he seemed to know   
what she was doing when he shouldn't have. "I was aware that they were   
deploying Jet Alone. We allowed them use of it for the exercise."  
  
Misato's eyes went wide for a moment, and she stared at the commander   
in disbelief before her gaze narrowed and she leaned forward on her   
desk. "Commander, Jet Alone nearly caused a nuclear explosion in the   
heart of Japan during its first activation. You're telling me that you   
voluntarily deployed the machine for a -game-?"  
  
"You are forgetting your place," he said rather harshly, and Misato   
could feel herself flush slightly at the reprimand, knowing that he was   
right. "It was the only weapon that the JSSDF could possibly have   
deployed that would pose even the most remote threat to the Evas." He   
paused for a moment, reaching up with one hand and adjusting his   
glasses, his expression unchanging as he stared at Misato. "You did an   
excellent job of commanding the units today. I saw none of the   
problems of the encounter with the Seventh Angel. If the Children are   
to remain a cohesive unit, I am sure that you realize they will need   
threats that match their capability, just as they will need adequete   
leadership."  
  
"Of course," replied Misato, her head still spinning, recalling how   
conveniently Jet Alone had shut down the day that it went berserk.   
She'd suspected at the time that someone had sabotaged it, and while   
she hadn't said anything Ritsuko had seemed the most likely candidate.   
The fact that the commander was so cavalier about dispatching the   
weapon made her start to wonder more about what had really been going   
on during the testing day, but she pushed the thought out of her mind,   
knowing that there were more important matters to attend to. "I   
apologize for my outburst. It won't happen again."  
  
Gendou nodded, then turned and stepped into the doorway as the door   
itself slid out of the way. He paused for a moment, then turned his   
head halfway towards Misato, the light reflecting off his glasses at   
the right angle to keep her from seeing his expression, though she knew   
from experience that it was unlikely to be anything but neutral. "Your   
promotion paperwork is currently being approved," he announced after a   
moment, his tone no different than the one he had used to scold her.   
"I doubt it will be rejected."  
  
Kozou was waiting for Gendou as he stepped out into the hall, his arms   
folded behind his back as the commander turned towards him. "The old   
men have called a conference," he announced, watching Gendou's face for   
some kind of response and receiving none, almost disappointed by the   
man's passive reaction. "They've been waiting for a few minutes now.   
It wouldn't be wise to continue aggravating them."  
  
A thin smile played across Gendou's lips, the change in expression   
subtle as always, only betraying the barest hint of emotion. "They're   
claiming it's because of the Seventh, aren't they?" he asked, tilting   
his head ever so slightly forehead, his slightly sunken eyes staring up   
at Kozou from just behind his glasses, reminding Fuyutsuki vaguely of   
when he had met the man before the Second Impact. Pushing the   
nostaligiac thoughts out of his mind, Kozou nodded, and Gendou's smile   
grew just enough for Fuyutsuki to notice. "But it isn't. They know   
that there are still more seals remaining than broken. They're trying   
to keep an eye on me."  
  
"You can't say that they're wrong," replied Kozou, no bitterness in his   
voice as he brought his arms out from behind his back, watching calmly   
as Gendou nodded in response before returning his head to a more   
neutral position as he pushed his glasses back to be more snug with his   
face. "After all, you do the same thing."  
  
"Of course," replied Gendou, the smile gone from his lips as he stepped   
past Fuyutsuki, heading down the corridors towards the conference room,   
Kozou hesitating for just a moment before following afterwards.   
"Keeping a close eye on those that you command is the tendency of all   
those in power." Stopping in front of an elevator, he pressed the   
button to bring the car to their level, then waited patiently for the   
door to slide open.  
  
Both men stepped into the elevator once it dinged at their level,   
descending towards the lower levels of NERV's headquarters with almost   
alarming velocity. At the back of Fuyutsuki's mind, a question was   
slowly gestating, and after a moment he decided that he needed to ask   
it. "Why did you have Unit 01's AT field deactivated against Jet   
Alone?" Gendou turned his head towards the older man, but Kozou kept   
his expression stoic. "There was no way that the robot could have   
broken through the field, and I saw you press the button. Did you have   
that much confidence in the Third's ability?"  
  
For a moment, Gendou said nothing, and Kozou wondered if perhaps he   
would receive no response from the other man, despite the fact that   
they were technically equals on the chain of command. Then the   
commander turned his head away from Kozou, staring back at the elevator   
doors. "It's important that the Children remain aware of their place.   
I do not want the Third believing that he has nothing to fear within   
his Eva." He paused for a moment, glancing up momentarily at the small   
level display to the left of the elevator door as the numbers steadily   
grew, approaching the lowest level of Central Dogma. "EVA-01's pilot   
is too important for that. I never doubted for a moment that he would   
be able to defeat the robot, especially with the help of the Sixth."  
  
The elevator dinged to a stop, two levels above what Kozou knew to be   
the bottom of the base, and Ikari stepped out casually, not even   
glancing back to make sure that the elder man was following.   
Fuyutsuki, knowing his duty, followed a few respectful steps behind the   
other man, thoughts about NERV and its mission dancing around in his   
head, no answers seeming readily accessible.  
  
]++[  
  
"LCL draining from plug." The announcement came over the still-  
functional radio of the Eva as Neil could feel the sticky liquid seep   
out of the chamber, coughing as it passed beneath his head and his body   
suddenly rejected the liquid filling its lungs. It always gave him a   
momentary rush of panic as he began hacking it up once again, knowing   
that even though there was a residual deposit of oxygen left, even   
though it was technically impossible for him to drown in LCL, for at   
least a second his lungs were filled with an alien substance and wanted   
very badly to push the fluid out of his body.  
  
Participating in the games had been disturbing to say the least, and   
even though he didn't want to admit it Neil knew that the worst part   
hadn't been the pain of Jet Alone's clawlike hands gripping his   
throat. He'd been thinking, as best he could, about why his field had   
failed him in that moment, just like they had against the Fourth Angel,   
and although he hated the implications of it the only explanation he   
could think of was that it was a result of him trying to reject the   
Eva. He'd felt that odd sort of battle-lust drawing at the edge of his   
perception, and he'd wanted nothing more than to push it away, to keep   
it suppressed and keep the machine under his control, like Nieve had   
said. And he couldn't help but think that the downed AT field was a   
result of that.  
  
As his head sank forward slightly, Neil's thoughts were scattered to   
the winds as the entry plug lurched backwards, the mechanical noises of   
the Eva's back armor opening filling the air as the entry plug ejected,   
then more noises taking over as cranes gripped the white cockpit and   
slid it out of the Eva, pulling it over towards the proper unloading   
spot, the hatch above Neil popping open as he felt the pod set down.   
He hesitated for a moment, then stood and pushed it the rest of the way   
open, climbing out of the cockpit and trying to wipe the LCL off of his   
plugsuit as best he could, still feeling disturbingly exposed and   
covered by the salty liquid.  
  
"Neil!" The voice was more than familiar, and Neil turned to see Eiko   
running down the catwalk in her silver-red plugsuit, the almost   
mirrorlike surface of the outfit reflecting the teal walls of the   
holding bay and the purple-orange nutrient bath slowly refilling the   
Eva's hangar. Neil felt a momentary surge of excitement at the sight   
of the girl, then almost immediately felt guilty for it, reminding   
himself that he had Nieve around, that Eiko was out of his reach.   
Despite the reminder, however, as she came to a stop a few inches away   
from him it was very difficult to not think he could simply reach out   
and have her. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Hmm?" Neil's mind took a second to recall that he'd been choked by   
the robot, and he blushed slightly as he nodded, rubbing the back of   
his head uncomfortably and feeling even more exposed than before.   
"Yeah, I'm fine. It hurt, but nothing that I can't deal with." He   
smiled at the girl. "You seemed to be working really hard out there,   
though. I was impressed."  
  
"You were doing -way- more than I was," giggled Eiko, smiling at Neil,   
her eyes nearly on the same level as his. He blinked quickly, noticing   
as though for the first time that he and Eiko truly were almost the   
same height, while Nieve was significantly shorter than him. "That   
jumping thing you did was absolutely amazing. I was sure that we'd   
have to do a lot more work to keep from letting those units in, but you   
did it."  
  
Knowing distantly that he should still be feeling guilty, Neil smiled   
despite himself, glad to see that she was still being so energetic even   
after yesterday's events. "You keep talking like we were playing a   
video game," he said, closing his eyes for just a moment and basking in   
the moment. "That's a big thing for you, isn't it?"  
  
"I'm a sixteen-year-old kid," she replied, smirking widely before   
reaching over and lightly smacking Neil in the head. It was a   
different sensation from when Nieve hit home, somehow more inviting and   
more pleasant. The thought made him feel guilty once again, but as he   
looked back at Eiko he found himself unable to maintain the feeling.   
"Besides, I've always had a talent for games. I'm just good like   
that." She paused, looking away from Neil slightly. "Too bad I'm not   
nearly as brave in reality."  
  
"That's not true," Neil replied, putting his hands lightly around her   
shoulders, feeling her body underneath his hands even through the   
reinforced material of the plugsuit shoulders. He swallowed hard as   
she looked up at him, the sensation a little disturbing at the same   
time that it was appealing. "You were the only thing that kept me   
alive against the Fifth, remember? You're braver than you give   
yourself credit for. I think you just don't let yourself believe it   
like you ought to."  
  
Eiko's stared seemed to turn happy once again, a look that made Neil   
feel better about himself even as his guilt about Nieve compounded.   
"You really think so?" she asked, sounding disbelieving even as Neil   
nodded his affirmation. Sensing a moment of tension, he removed his   
hands, not wanting her to think that he was coming on to her even as he   
wanted to very badly. If Eiko noticed, she said nothing, closing her   
eyes for just a moment before opening them again. "Listen... I was   
wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me at school from now on. I   
know it's probably a bit of a hike for you, but -"  
  
"Sure," said Neil, the word coming out rushed despite its brevity, and   
Neil blushed slightly as he realized that he'd replied far too quickly   
with far too much enthusiasm. He took a casual step backwards, rubbing   
the back of his head once again and forcing an awkward smile, still   
feeling the warmth in his face from his blush. "I'd love to meet you   
for lunch. I can get directions to your school from Misato, and while   
it might be a little bit of a hike, it'd probably be good for me."  
  
Watching from the end of the catwalk opposite of where Eiko had   
entered, Nieve felt her gaze narrow as the two other Children talked.   
She couldn't hear their conversation clearly enough to know what was   
going on, but she could see the smiles on their faces, and watching the   
movements between the two it was easy to decipher the exchange even   
without proximity. "Jerk," she muttered to herself, feeling uncommonly   
alone as she leaned against the doorframe at her end of the catwalk,   
arms crossed over her chest and hands holder her upper arms tightly.   
"You didn't even come over to see me, and I'm in the next hangar over."  
  
Closing her eyes, Nieve tightened her grip on her arms slightly more,   
almost as though she was trying to embrace herself in lieu of Neil.   
She tried to remind herself that she was being foolish, but somehow the   
thought of her boyfriend talking to Eiko made her feel uneasy, as   
though he was having doubts about her. She could remember the night of   
their first kiss vividly, and remembered how awkward the evening had   
seemed after Ryo had dropped off the sketch from Eiko, recalling how   
distracted Neil had seemed when she'd tried to kiss him again.   
"Something about that girl I don't trust," she muttered, consoling   
herself with the thought that she still lived with him, that she had   
access to him in ways that Eiko couldn't.  
  
Almost unexpectedly, Nieve found herself grinning, her eyes slowly   
opening as she realized the implication of her living situation with   
Neil. "Of course," she muttered, staring at him once again and feeling   
more confident than she had a few moments earlier, her course of action   
now clear and somewhat reassuring. "He'll be mine. I -know- he'll be   
mine." Touching her fingers to her lips gently, she closed her eyes,   
remembering the sense of Neil's tongue within her mouth, her own tongue   
darting out without thinking, touching against the thin fabric of her   
plugsuit and tasting the salty LCL still soaked through it. She   
frowend at the taste, the stared at Neil and Eiko for another moment   
before nodding decisively, turning on her heel and walking swiftly off   
of the catwalk.  
  
]++[  
  
"We have been kept waiting, Ikari," cautioned the holographic image at   
the head of the table in the darkened conference room, white light   
illuminating the figure just enough to make the outline of the older   
man clear to Gendou. Gendou resisted the urge to smirk at the   
statement, keeping his hands folded in front of his mouth, glasses   
tilted just right to keep the light reflecting off them in the pool of   
white light where he sat. "You know what happens when we are kept   
waiting."  
  
"You ask me if I remember what happens, then remind me that you are in   
control of NERV," replied Gendou, keeping his tone just neutral enough   
to avoid sounding particularly snide. He knew that the council members   
would probably see his remarks as inappropriate regardless, but he also   
knew that it would ultimately have little bearing on their opinion of   
him, just as he knew that if they had only called a conference because   
of the Seventh Angel they wouldn't have bothered to wait for him. "I   
was attending to organizational matters within Central Dogma. I came   
as soon as I heard."  
  
There was a brief pause, the old men staring at Gendou through their   
patches of solid light and waiting for Gendou to crack, Gendou simply   
waiting for one of the old men to open their mouths once again. At   
length the man in the red patch spoke, his mouth moving only slightly   
as he looked down his nose at Gendou. "You've broken the seventh seal   
without notifying us immediately. There was damage to multiple Eva   
units."  
  
Gendou resisted the urge to shrug, instead continuing to stare dead   
ahead from behind the lenses of his glasses. "Damage to the units is   
inevitable. They are being forced into a combat situation." He paused   
for a moment, letting his statement sink in. "The Evas were   
constructed for defeating the Angels."  
  
"Incorrect," snapped the man at the head of the table, moving ever so   
slightly, his face visibly angry even with the massive mechanical visor   
that obscured his eyes. Gendou couldn't help but think that the man   
would have made an excellent corporate chairman, with his well-tailored   
suit and slicked white hair combining perfectly with his angry   
expression. It was a somewhat humorous image, but Gendou's lips   
remained umoving as the man spoke once again. "The Evas were   
constructed for usage in the complementation of humanity. Your chief   
goal is the advancement of that project."  
  
"Unless the chamber is open, there is hardly a rush on the completion   
of the project," replied Gendou flatly, allowing himself a wry smile at   
the statement. "There are ten seals remaining before we can begin.   
But your fears are groundless besides - the project is advancing on   
schedule. We have not been forced to make any deviations due to the   
Angels. You may rest assured of that."  
  
"We have noticed that you've been using NERV's resources to great   
effect, Ikari," said another man, this one sitting in the patch of blue   
light. Their appearances were distinct, but Gendou had learned to tune   
out the visual while sitting in the room, instead focusing only on   
their voices, old, deep, and unanimously displeased with any   
performance that he provided. "And we are fully aware of the fact that   
you used the Evangelions as war machines today. We know about the war   
games you've engaged in."  
  
Taking a moment before he responded, Gendou pushed his glasses back up   
on his nose, then tented his hands in front of his face once again,   
acting calm even as he felt the gazes of the council upon him. There   
was something to be said about their potency, considering that none of   
them were even present at the meeting, that only Gendou was actually in   
the room, but their stares still carried weight as though they were   
present. "I'm not surprised that you know," he said at length,   
sounding perfectly calm. "NERV informed SEELE about this operation   
several days ago."  
  
"Precisely." This was from a man sitting in a yellow patch, generally   
the one that Gendou thought of as the least judgemental of him. "NERV   
did not request permission from SEELE, did not even first contact us to   
see if we approved of the course of action. It simply declared what it   
was going to do." He paused, letting the implications of his statement   
sink in. "NERV is not autonomous, Dr. Ikari. You are subordinate to   
the will of the council. Do not forget your place."  
  
"Of course," replied Gendou, a great deal of his self-restraint going   
into the effort of not grimacing with anger at the remark. The   
smaller, more petty part of him wanted to remind the old men that as   
long as he had control of the six Evas becoming autonomous would be no   
great task, that if not for him and his wife the project would never   
have gotten half as far as it was. But he said nothing, knowing that   
the time was wrong and that the results would be nothing if not   
negative. "I am not attempting to bully the council. I simply wish to   
retain a favorable relationship with the government in control of the   
country."  
  
Silence hung in the air for a moment, and Gendou could feel the enmity   
of the council very clearly, knowing full well that they were trying to   
get him to slip up, to give them some reason to replace him with   
someone that they felt they could trust completely. It was a   
psychological war that Gendou was tired of, but he knew that to admit   
exhaustion was tantamount to admitting that one wished to lose, and so   
he said nothing, simply sitting in place and waiting for one of the   
council members to speak once again. "The Council will not tolerate   
disobedience, Ikari. As long as we share a common goal, we will not   
interfere with your work."  
  
"I'm certain," replied Gendou, making a conscious effort to keep the   
sarcasm out of his words. "My highest priority is the completion of   
the Human Complementation Project. I have no illusions about that.   
But until we finish destroying the seals, there will be no path open to   
God. We all know that."  
  
"Do not lose sight of our goals," snapped the man at the head, glaring   
at Gendou for one last moment as the lights around the other seats   
snapped off one by one, the holographic conference quickly winding to a   
close. "You've proven to be a invaluable ally, Dr. Ikari. But if we   
find proof that you have betrayed our trust in any way..."  
  
"...SEELE will make me regret it," Gendou finished as the white light   
surrounding the old man snapped off as well, leaving the only light the   
one that shone down on Gendou himself. Gendou sat for a moment, then   
stood, removing his glasses and wiping them on his black jacket,   
blinking a few times to regain his bearings. "I never had your trust,   
however," he noted, placing the glasses back over his eyes as he turned   
towards the barely-visible outline of the door out of the room, taking   
slow and measured steps towards it and listening to the echo of his   
footfalls within the empty chamber. "One cannot betray something that   
one does not possess."  
  
]++[  
  
Rubbing the back of her neck, Misato leaned back in the chair situated   
outside of the locker rooms, closing her eyes and simply waiting for   
Nieve and Neil to emerge from within the changing rooms. The one   
saving grace of the day was the fact that it had been relatively brief;   
there were more activities going on, but none of them required her   
presence, and she honestly doubted that she could stand much more   
military chest-pounding. She hadn't been having a good week to begin   
with, and more than anything she simply wanted to go home, lay back,   
and have a nice can of beer, something that she couldn't help but feel   
guilty about as she thought of Neil's shocked reaction from the day   
prior.  
  
Feeling hands touch the back of her neck, Misato jumped slightly, the   
sheer shock of having someone else touch her startling her eyes open.   
She felt the hands moving gently, kneading her skin in an effort to   
relax the tension that had seeped through her body, but the touch was   
familiar, and she glanced behind herself to see Kaji standing over her,   
gently rubbing her shoulders. "You looked tense," he explained with a   
sheepish grin, apparently undaunted as she knocked his hands away. "I   
though I might be able to help."  
  
"Who's doting on who, then?" she muttered, standing from her chair and   
turning to face the man. He was wearing the formal uniform of the   
intelligence department now, looking rather similar to Fuyutsuki's   
command uniform except for being a navy blue shade rather than earthy   
brown. It looked somewhat awkward on him, as though he was only   
capable of existing comfortably in loose shirts and slacks. "What are   
you doing down here, anyways? Don't you have formalities to attend to?"  
  
"Probably," he replied with a shrug, taking a step towards her even as   
she took a step away from him. He frowned for a moment, acting as   
though he was hurt, then shrugged again and took a step back away from   
Misato, smiling all the while. "But you're probably expected, too.   
After all, you are the operations director of NERV."  
  
"I did my part for the day," replied Misato, folding her arms across   
her chest and turning partially away from Kaji. Part of her wanted to   
keep facing him, but part of her wanted to turn away from him entirely   
and enter one of the locker rooms to keep out of his reach. She   
settled for the partial turn. "Besides, I've got two Children to take   
care of. It's a big responsibility. Not something that you'd know a   
whole lot about."  
  
"Hey, I wasn't accusing," protested Kaji, hands raising in mock-  
surrender, Misato giggling slightly in response despite herself,   
catching the gesture a second afterwards and stopping herself as a   
crimson flush began to filter to her cheeks. She worried for a moment   
that Kaji would say something, but he didn't seem to notice, simply   
smiling at her with his usual charismatic half-smirk. "Besides, even   
if we're not up there, it'll be taken care of. Ritsuko will cover for   
us." He glanced back and forth, then grinned devilishly and leaned   
towards Misato. "Remember the time that we spent a week in my   
apartment...?"  
  
Misato couldn't help but grin at the memory, closing her eyes and   
flashing back to the hazy summer days, the weather in Japan still   
reeling from the Second Impact that was fresh in the nation's mind.   
"That was fun," she muttered, mind distantly flashing back to sweaty   
embraces that had nothing to do with the heat, the unbelievable   
laziness and enjoyment of that week. "And Ritsuko kept telling our   
professors that we were sick, getting all our assignments moved back."   
She smiled and giggled, the memories of earlier days beginning to flood   
back. "Remember when we came back - that was almost right after she   
died her hair, and she was trying to act like she was the bad girl of   
the two of us - and she was waiting for us at the gate?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember," replied Kaji, shaking his head and chuckling along   
with Misato. "She was so angry at both of us, saying that we'd   
spending a week doing nothing but acting like animals while she was   
working her ass off..." He began laughing harder, the whole sequence   
replaying itself in his mind, Misato joining him as her mind began to   
recall things she'd spent some time suppressing. "And the whole time   
you were just staring at her with that dopey grin on your face, and   
then you shouted that it was so -worth- it, and then she threatened to   
tell all your professors exactly what you were doing..."  
  
Tears of laughter were seeping out from the corners of Misato's eyes as   
she joined in with Kaji, the whole sequence of events seeming just as   
funny after many years as it had been at the time. After a moment or   
two more she let her laughter die off, wiping her tears away as her   
lungs heaved a few more final chuckles. "Those were good times," she   
said, leaning against the nearest wall for support as she returned to a   
standing position, feeling like she'd shed a few years just through the   
memories. "I miss them."  
  
"So do I," replied Kaji, his voice suddenly serious. Misato opened her   
eyes, letting a few last tears from laughter fall down her cheeks as   
she looked into the man's eyes. There was an unspeakable sadness held   
just behind them, an expression that she could only remember seeing   
once before in her life, and she suddenly found herself wondering if he   
been lying to Fuyutsuki about seeing someone else. "Those might have   
been the best days of our lives, Misato. You, me, and Ritsuko... just   
three college kids having fun." He smirked, tilting his head slightly   
to one side and staring at her, the same sadness lingering just behind   
his eyes.  
  
A second later, the doors of the locker rooms hissed open, and both   
Nieve and Neil stepped out, Neil wearing the same outfit that he'd worn   
on the day he had arrived in Tokyo-3 and Nieve wearing her green   
dress. Both Children froze as they saw Misato and Kaji talking, and   
Misato suddenly realized that she was only standing a few inches away   
from the man. "Um, hi, guys," she muttered awkwardly, stepping back   
swiftly and glaring at Kaji, wanting very much to be angry with him.  
  
Much to her surprise, the sadness behind his eyes was gone now, and he   
simply looked at Misato and the Children rather neutrally, flashing a   
quick smile at Nieve and letting it widen as she blushed. "Well,   
Misato, it looks like your big responsibility is here," he said,   
offering a quick wave to the group as he began walking down the hall   
away from them, taking the first few steps backwards before turning his   
back and simply turning his head slightly behind him. "Have fun!"  
  
For a moment, Misato stared after the man, suddenly finding it far more   
difficult to be angry with him despite the last few moments of their   
encounter. There was something about his eyes as he'd looked at her,   
something that reminded her powerfully of watching her father's face as   
he'd sent her away from Antarctica as the Second Impact exploded behind   
him. Then she frowned, and turned towards the Children, knowing that   
she was giving the whole thing more importance than it deserved.   
"Let's get going," she announced, drawing her car keys out of her   
pocket and letting them echo slightly in the empty air of the corridor.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe stared at her small table, the pictures laid out along it, the   
porcelain animals that adorned it still frozen in their poses. She   
felt her arm hesitate for a moment, the importance of her task only   
beginning to hit her as she stood over the table, one arm holding the   
box and the other prepared to put an end to her distractions with one   
quick motion. She didn't want to do it, she realized, her right arm   
twitching against the surface of her belongings, the table shifting   
ever so slightly as her weight shifted. "But I have to be better than   
this," she reminded herself, her breath starting to quickly. "Come on,   
Niobe. One quick cut, then it's over, and you're ahead of the others.   
He'll notice."  
  
Closing her eyes, Niobe drew her arm roughtly across the surface of her   
table, hearing the noise of breaking glass as picture frames collided   
with one another, scraping across the table before they fell together   
into the brown cardboard box with a crash and a notable impact. Niobe   
withdrew her arm, feeling a slight sting on the underside, and she   
noticed a small bit of glass sticking out of her skin, the transparent   
shard beginning to coat with red liquid. Grimacing, she yanked the   
glass out, ignoring the pain and letting the small trickle of blood   
drip from her arm. "Nothing else for it," she muttered, placing her   
arm down and sweeping more of her photographs off into the box.  
  
She'd figured out what she had to do as the war games had ended, and as   
she hefted the box and left the porcelain figures in their roost   
amongst a few pieces of broken glass and drops of blood she recalled   
the sudden perfect realization as her Eva had descended back to the   
hangar once again. Neil's flawless maneuver after being attacked by   
Jet Alone had made it clear that she should have been better, and a   
moment or two of thought on Ryo had revealed the problem. "Joseph was   
right," she said, grabbing the photo frames off the top of the dresser   
and tossing them in the box almost gleefully, the blood from her   
earlier cut still letting out small drops. "All these things are just   
distractions. Ryo doesn't have any distractions, and he's perfectly   
focused."  
  
Ryo. The thought of the boy standing in the moonlight wouldn't leave   
Niobe's mind, and as she threw the last photo from her bureau into the   
box she placed it down on the floor, letting herself sit on the bed and   
close her eyes, thinking about the boy. He was perfect, she knew it,   
totally focused on his goal. "Awfully pale, though," she muttered to   
herself, smiling at the thought of her father seeing her with him,   
knowing that at the very least it would have sent him into a seizure.   
She knew how he felt about the matter of dating in general, and part of   
her wanted very much to respect that, to acquiesce and ignore the boy.  
  
"But he's perfect," she continued, arguing with nobody but herself as   
she leaned back, opening her eyes and staring at the dull gray ceiling   
of the apartment. "He knows what it takes to succeed, what you have to   
sacrifice, how much focus you have to invest. If Joseph met him, I   
know he'd see that, see how determined he is to succeed." She sighed,   
grinning to herself as she remembered how attactive he'd looked as   
well. "And he'll notice me. I'm not good enough now, but he'll notice   
me. I've just got to focus more."  
  
The words that came from her mouth made her think for a moment, and   
sitting up once again Niobe looked back towards her table, the   
porcelain animals still sitting there in perfect rows. Almost   
unconsciously, she picked up the box and stepped over to the table once   
again, staring down at the frozen beasts as if they were about to lash   
out at her. "They are a distraction," she whispered, feeling the same   
hesitation that had struck her before she'd swept away the   
photographs. From the small wound on her arm, one last drop of blood   
leaked its way out from beneath her dark skin, trickling down and   
falling to the floor with a light noise.  
  
Gritting her teeth, Niobe reached over and grabbed the nearest few   
animals, then hurled them into the box, unable to avert her gaze from   
the box as the small figurines shattered into bits of paint and pure   
white, falling down amongst the already-broken photo frames. The sight   
was desensitizing despite itself, and even as Niobe reeled from the   
implications as she watched, she felt herself reaching over and   
grabbing another handful, tearing the animals off of the table and   
throwing them almost gleefully into the tan box, listening to them   
shatter with a sort of perverse satisfaction. "I can remember things   
just fine," she muttered as she picked up the last animal, the small   
lion cub that her father had given her. It sat in her hand for a   
moment longer, then fell towards the box, shattering into splinters   
with the rest of its brethren.  
  
Staring at the sea of broken animals, Niobe collapsed backwards onto   
the bed, feeling both satisfied and forlorn. Part of her was more than   
happy that she'd rid herself of the unnecessary distractions, but part   
of her was feeling the pain from severing the attachment, realizing   
that she'd thrown away things that she held dear. Tears trembled at   
the corner of her eyes even as she smiled at the box, and she was so   
lost in her own thoughts that she almost didn't notice as Ryo entered   
the apartment, back from his trip to the store for dinner supplies. He   
stepped next to Niobe's room, then glanced inside, more out of routine   
than anything. "You've removed your keepsakes," he noted flatly.  
  
"Yes," replied Niobe, still feeling rather hurt. She closed her eyes   
for a second, letting the tears that had begun to form in her eyes   
fall, then she turned towards Ryo once again, feeling her resolve begin   
to strengthen, knowing that she'd done the right thing. "I got rid of   
my distractions," she announced, standing and turning towards him, her   
jaw resolute, blue eyes flashing with determination.  
  
Ryo simply stared back at the girl, almost as if he wasn't sure what   
was going on. "All right," he said at length, sounding thoroughly   
uninterested as he moved past Niobe's room and into the kitchen,   
beginning to unload the groceries from his arms. Niobe felt a   
momentary surge of resentment, then reminded herself that she still   
hadn't proven herself different, that all she'd done was simply take   
the first step. Smiling to herself as she repeated the mantra in her   
head, Niobe grabbed the box and stepped out of her room, her   
satisfaction growing with each step as she slipped on her shoes and   
prepared to dump the box in the disposal.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Opportunities unexpected.  
Complications unavoidable.  
Advances unhindered.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 10: STRUGGLING TOWARDS DIVINE  
"What else does he want?"  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	10. Struggling Towards Divine

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 10: STRUGGLING TOWARDS DIVINE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;  
I refused my heart no pleasure.  
My heart took delight in all my work,  
and this was the reward for all my labor.  
- ECCLESIASTES 2:10  
  
]++[  
  
Despite the innate grayness of Ryo's apartment, Niobe had found that  
keeping the window of the largely-unused living room open did wonders  
for making the place seem less drab, and as she laced the ribbons of  
her old ballet shoes up around her calves she took a moment to stare at  
the pool of light streaming in from outside of the apartment. She'd  
woken up early, but Ryo had already left, presumably because he was  
needed for tests down at Central Dogma before school started. She  
planned to go to the facility herself before she was scheduled for  
synch testing, to try and get some actual practice in the Geo-Front  
with EVA-05, but there were other things that she needed to do first.  
  
With a smile of satisfaction, she tied the pale yellow ribbon on her  
left leg, the light color in stark contrast with her dark chocolate-  
colored skin, and she shifted her legs slightly, grabbing the other  
shoe from off the couch and slipping her right foot into the remaining  
shoe. Though she'd disposed of nearly all her personal belongings  
nearly a week prior, her shoes had remained, a gift from her mother  
that had strictly utilitarian purposes. She'd tried actively to forget  
about the day that her mother had given them to her, knowing that the  
memory was ascribing importance to them where they should have none.  
  
The ribbon pulled tight on her other leg, and Niobe stood, feeling  
perfectly comfortable in the tight fabric of her outfit, almost more  
comfortable with the skintight material clinging nuzzling her flesh  
underneath than in looser clothes. It reminded her of the plugsuit,  
though the fit was slightly different, and the thought of her Eva made  
her feel better about her actions, reminding herself that she was doing  
nothing for her own gratification, simply to become a better pilot. "I  
have to be better," she whispered to herself as she stepped over to the  
small black boombox that she'd set up at one side of the room, smiling  
as she said it, comfortable with the rate at which she was progressing  
and simply stating the words as a mantra. "I have to be the best."  
  
Leaning over, she pressed the small white play button on the top of the  
device, then glanced around the room as the disc began to whir inside  
of the machine, looking at the bland and colorless furniture, all  
shoved up against the walls to give her enough space to move. Taking a  
deep breath, she slowly arched her body into a ready position, toes  
poised to move as soon as the first note came from the instruments on  
the disc, arms held loosely but capably, only waiting for the song to  
start.  
  
A lone trilling note came from the dusty speakers of the box, and Niobe  
closed her eyes as she began to move her body slowly, letting her legs  
arch and step in time with the music, feeling the warmth of the sun on  
her body. The music was beginning slowly, and it was perfect, the  
notes simply hanging in the air and letting Niobe gradually step her  
way into the routine, the sun embracing her as her movements slowly  
became faster with the beat of the music. A violin quickly joined the  
flute, and the tempo increased ever so slightly, a change that Niobe  
noticed immediately and shifted her pace to accommodate, focusing only  
on what she needed her body to do as the two instruments were joined by  
more and more. "Keep focused," she muttered, trying to call up  
memories of her old classes back at home. "Let the music take you."  
  
Stepping softly around the room, tensing her feet and balancing on the  
absolute edge of her toes as the music proceeded to increase its speed  
slightly, Niobe felt her muscles tensing beneath the fabric of her  
leotard, her body gradually becoming less and less affected by what was  
outside of it, the music taking her along with it. It was a wonderful  
sensation, but she knew enough not to focus on the exhaltation of the  
growing dance, instead keeping her mind on the music, knowing that  
focusing on the feeling ensured that it would vanish. Her legs moved  
in slow, sweeping paths, stepping around the room in prefect time, her  
motions all but silent, hair swinging behind her as she danced. Then  
the music began to increase in tempo once again, still moving slowly  
but now enough for Niobe to know that it was nearing the end.  
  
More instruments joined the piece as Niobe opened her eyes, moving  
quickly enough that she only distantly registered the shapes of the  
furniture in the room as she twirled about, the only truly prominent  
feature the bright stream of light from the window. It seemed almost  
approving as she let herself move in and out of it as the music  
demanded, her position pulling away from the sunlight for a moment,  
then back towards the beautiful spot where it hit the floor, then away  
once again. Still, she kept her mind on the music, moving her body  
back towards a ready position as it trailed off, feeling the thinnest  
film of sweat covering her muscles, her chest heaving only slightly.  
One foot was arched high, the other tapping slowly, counting out the  
beats until the next piece, one she knew was far faster, began.  
  
Then the short, staccato noise of a violin cut through the air, and  
Niobe thrust herself once more into action, feeling as she moved a  
second too late, knowing that if she had reacted just a half-second  
earlier she would have been able to do more before the deep oboe joined  
into the melody. She gritted her teeth, closing her eyes and once  
again focusing entirely on the music, whirling her legs and arms in  
patterns that she knew by heart, letting her feet pull her up to the  
tips of her toes before letting her back down, the muscles in her  
thighs shifting and tensing with trained perfection, thrusting her into  
the air a few inches at a time, then letting her legs react smoothly to  
the landing, no abrupt stops or awkward returns to the ground.  
  
Opening her eyes once again, she continued to focus on the music as she  
twirled around, her breathing coming heavily as her body moved in  
intricate loops, arms brought up to her chest to keep her balanced as  
she spun. The room had been reduced to colors, for her, meaning that  
it was an indistinct blob of gray broken only by a pure white stream of  
light, a stream that nourished her even as it seemed to threaten her  
already-warm body with overhearting. Her thoughts didn't stray for an  
instant, however, ignoring the warmth of the sun and the colors of the  
room, hearing only the music and feeling only the direction her limbs  
needed to move, the world around her seeming to move in slow-motion as  
she calmly concentrated and wove her way around the room, focus  
unwavering.  
  
"What are you doing?" The voice was unmistakably Ryo's, and it managed  
to cut through the music, distracting Niobe and leaving her unbalanced  
in the middle of her movements, Ryo's form swinging in front of her  
vision for a moment as she felt herself start to fall. Gritting her  
teeth, she shifted her weight and slammed her feet down, forcing  
herself to remain balanced. It seems for a moment as though she would  
fall regardless, but a moment later she felt herself balance as the  
room slowly returned to normal in her eyes, Ryo standing in the hallway  
staring at her, wearing what looked to be purely functional clothes, a  
plain white shirt that hung loosely around him couple with light tan  
jeans.  
  
"I was dancing," replied Niobe after a moment, regaining her breath  
slowly, glancing down and realizing how tight the fabric around her  
chest was stretching. Blushing, she glanced over at Ryo to see if he  
was looking, but his eyes were simply fixed blankly on her, something  
that seemed relatively unsurprising considering what she knew about  
him. "Ballet." She stepped over to the chair pressed against the  
wall, snatching the white cotton towel from it as she pressed the stop  
button on the boombox. "I didn't think that you'd be back so soon."  
  
Ryo didn't reply immediately, simply watched as Niobe wiped the thin  
film of sweat off her body, the small droplets of water glittering  
against her dark skin in the sunlight. "Why do you do it?" he asked at  
length, cocking his head slightly to one side as she rubbed the liquid  
off of her legs.  
  
"Because it helps me focus," she replied, grunting slightly, untying  
the knot that held the ribbons of her shoes on her legs casually and  
letting out an inward sigh of relief at the relaxation of pressure on  
her feet as she slipped out of them. Closing her eyes momentarily, she  
arched both feet, enjoying the cool air against them for just a moment  
and taking a deep breath, her chest still heaving. "It's a great way  
to practice without actually being in the Eva. You learn to react to  
things in a whole different way, to just drift along with what's going  
on around you and not worry about the little details."  
  
Once again, Niobe received no immediate response from Ryo, and she  
grimaced slightly, feeling as though she'd done something wrong.  
Turning her back towards him, she paused for a second, then drew the  
towel against the exposed part of her skin, arching her back as best  
she could, doing her all to look alluring. He still didn't seem to  
notice, and she suppressed a twinge of anger, wondering if something  
was wrong with him. "You dance to be better in the Eva," he said  
flatly, the slightest hint of emotion in his voice suggesting that it  
was more of a question than a statement. She turned her head slightly  
towards him and nodded, resisting the urge to look hopeful. "Why?"  
  
Smiling, she turned fully towards Ryo, trying to push her chest  
outwards slightly, knowing that it would make her at least look  
temporarily more attractive. "Because I plan to be the best," she  
announced defiantly, slinging the white cotton towel over her  
shoulders, taking a few steps towards Ryo and swinging her hips as best  
she could. She felt a bit ridiculous, but with a minor pang of  
resentment she reminded herself that she was dealing with a very pale  
man, someone who probably wasn't naturally attracted to her skin. "So  
that I can get the job done. So that we're successful, no matter  
what." She paused, staring into his blank eyes, wondering if he hadn't  
gotten the point of her statements. "You want that, and I want that  
too."  
  
Ryo simply stared back at her, and Niobe felt something between  
frustration with him and frustration with herself knot up inside of her  
gut as she stared at him. "That's good," he offered at length, turning  
around and heading back down the hall. Niobe glared at the boy for a  
moment, and before he reached his room he stopped and turned halfway  
around. "I'm going to go change for school. If you need me, I will be  
in my room."  
  
The door to Ryo's room shut, and Niobe found herself staring blankly at  
the space he'd occupied a few moments before, eyes wide and her mind  
struggling to figure out what was going on with the boy. Sighing  
heavily, she walked back to her room, grabbing her ballet shoes and  
dragging them along behind herself half-heartedly, unsure of what to  
do. She knew that she was attracted to him, but it seemed rather  
certain that he still wasn't attracted to her, that for whatever reason  
he still didn't think she was good enough. "What am I not doing  
right?" she muttered, shutting the door to her room and staring at the  
gray wall, then slumping against the door and tilting her head towards  
the full-length mirror against the wall to her left.  
  
An idea began to surface in her head, and after a moment's hesitation  
she flicked the lock on her door, tossed her shoes on the bed, and took  
a deep breath, staring at herself intently in the mirror as she removed  
her leotard, peeling the sweat-soaked fabric off her body, examining  
the skin underneath. She frowned and took a step closer to the mirror,  
looking herself over, certain that it had to be something about the way  
she looked, that there had to be some reason why he didn't seem to be  
returning her affections. Turning to look at herself from the side,  
she tried tracing over her body, trying to find any flaws, any stray  
bits of fat that might be blossoming up like tumors.  
  
"Nothing," she muttered to herself at length, walking over to the bed  
and flopping against it, feeling somewhat refreshed by the cool air  
wafting over her back. "I'm fine. I'm thin. I'm pretty. Even Joseph  
tells me that. Why doesn't he like me?" She pushed her head against  
the pillow, letting the soft darkness envelop her eyes as she sighed  
heavily. "What am I doing wrong? We've even fought the Angels  
together now. What else does he want?"  
  
Something stuck in her mind, and after a second her eyes widened, the  
reason for his continued ignorance of her painfully obvious. "It's the  
Angels," she mutterd, smiling and pushing herself off the bed, feeling  
a sudden sense of relief. "I've only had a little time to prove  
myself, and he can't be certain yet if I've just been getting lucky. I  
just have to keep working harder, to be more innovative." She smiled  
more broadly, rolling onto her back as she flopped back on the bed,  
clutching her hands together and folding them over her chest, feeling  
the soft spandex of her bra brush against her bare arms. "How silly.  
I of all people ought to recognize a challenge when one is given to me."  
  
Laughing at herself, Niobe felt as though a weight had been lifted off  
her shoulders as she resolved to do still better, standing from the bed  
as she resolved to do all she could against the next Angel. Stepping  
over to her closet, she thought for a moment before grabbing a light  
yellow blouse and a short tan skirt, unfastening her sports bra as she  
stepped back towards the bureau to fetch another one. "I'll make him  
like me," she breathed, shutting her eyes slightly as she opened a  
drawer and began to feel for the underwear. "I know I will."  
  
]++[  
  
Glancing around the dusty entrance to the schoolyard, Neil suddenly  
found himself feeling very lost, wishing that he'd been able to try  
going to the school before. He and Eiko had planned to have lunch on  
the Thursday after the war games with the JSSDF, but Neil had forgotten  
the fact that his schedule at Central Dogma prevented any such activity  
until the following Monday. And with Nieve's various advances, he  
hadn't found the time to check out the school, leaving him surrounded  
by Japanese children without any distinct way of finding Eiko.  
  
"Excuse me," he said to a passing group of girls, receiving no  
acknowledgement as they walked past and giggled, though Neil couldn't  
tell whether it was at him or something else. Frowning, he turned  
towards another group, but they were already past him before he could  
even get a word out. "Um, excuse me, anyone," he asked again, trying  
to draw attention to himself as the Japanese children flowed past him,  
their uniforms identical, none of them even giving Neil a sideways  
glance despite the fact that he stood out like a sore thumb. "Excuse  
me, does anyone know where Eiko Suzuhara is? Eiko Suzuhara.  
Anybody." He paused. "Anyone know where the -ground- is? Anybody?  
Do you even see me?"  
  
Neil still received no response, and sighing he stepped over to the  
nearest bench set up along the dusty walkways in front of the school,  
the sand surrounding the concrete sidewalk scuffed into the sidewalk as  
students continued to take shortcuts through the sand towards their  
destination. Tilting his head back, Neil tried to think of another way  
to find Eiko, having little success as other thoughts filled his head.  
He was still trying very hard to understand why Nieve had seemed to  
fall so completely for him, especially considering the context of their  
first meeting. It wasn't that he disliked the attention, or even that  
he disliked her, but it was a little bit baffling to him. "Suppose  
it's looking a gift horse in the mouth," he muttered, closing his eyes  
to the blue sky above him, trying to free his mind from thoughts of the  
red-haired girl.  
  
"Over here!" Neil recognized the voice, and leaning forward he could  
see Eiko standing at the edge of what looked to be a garden, standing  
on her tiptoes and waving towards the bench where Neil sat, a small bag  
in her left hand as she waved with her right. Waving back, Neil shaded  
his eyes from the sun for a moment, then stood and walked over to the  
place where she stood, smiling at her and waving gently as she returned  
to a normal standing positiong. "I'm sorry. I should have known that  
you wouldn't know I was."  
  
"It's okay," replied Neil with a shrug, following closely behind Eiko  
as she walked through the garden-like area towards a series of benches,  
a few other students sitting around them underneath the cool shade of  
the trees. "The other students here were particularly helpful." Eiko  
took a seat at one of the benches, and Neil, feeling the slightest bit  
uncomfortable, took a seat on the same bench, trying to put the right  
amount of distance between the two of them so that they could talk  
normally without looking as though they were an item. "Doesn't Vash  
usually have lunch with you?"  
  
Eiko shrugged, opening the small bag and drawing out what looked to  
Neil like an old Chinese takeout container. He stared for just a  
second, then went about opening his own lunch, a simple turkey sandwich  
with a few crackers and a soda. "It depends on whether or not he has  
something else to do at lunch," Eiko explained, taking a bite out of  
the takeout container of something that Neil couldn't identify. "This  
time he was meeting with Kensuke to settle some game dispute. I think  
Vash was in the lead, last time I checked."  
  
Neil took a bite out of his sandwich, watching the girl as she ate,  
noting involuntarily the slender curves of her neck, the almost  
delicate way that her jaw moved as she chewed her food. He wanted very  
much to be thinking of her only as a friend, especially with Nieve in  
the picture, but something about her appearance made it seem  
impossible. "Don't you like video games?" he asked after a moment,  
trying to distract himself as he turned back towards the white-bread  
sandwich in his hands.  
  
"Oh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," replied Eiko, winking  
slyly at Neil and making him grin despite the guilt that was starting  
to swim through the boy's thoughts. "But I'm not nearly as competitive  
as those two are. As far as I know -" She paused for a moment, then  
leaned over towards Neil's ear, sending a minor electric rush through  
his body. "I think it's their way of trying to decide who has the  
bigger penis."  
  
Almost choking on his sandwich, Neil had to jerk forward and cough as  
he started laughing, completely thrown by Eiko's remark. She looked  
concerned for a moment, but he held up a hand as the coughs faded,  
replaced entirely by laughter that she soon joined in. "I didn't think  
that you were allowed to say things like that," breathed Neil, his  
throat stinging slightly from the brief moment of asphyxiation, eyes  
tearing just enough to glitter in the sunlight.  
  
"I'm -not-," replied Eiko with a slight giggle, taking a small bite of  
her lunch once again before turning back towards Neil, still smiling.  
"If my parents knew that I said something like that, they'd have a  
heart attack. Heck, they'd have a heart attack just from learning that  
I knew that word." Her eyes shut lightly, and her smile seemed to  
shift ever so slightly to bitterness. "But, hey, that's the way things  
work over here. You're not supposed to learn about these things."  
  
Taking another bite of his sandwich, Neil stared over at Eiko,  
searching for the right words to say. He knew that the girl was  
letting him into something deeply private simply by her tone of voice,  
but he wasn't sure if he wanted to be let in, if that wouldn't  
complicate things even more. Sighing slightly, he edged closer to her,  
feeling a rush of guilt but happy to see that she didn't seem upset by  
his movement. "You sound bitter," he noted, trying to sound as non-  
judgemental as possible.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I am, a little," replied Eiko, leaning back against the  
bench, the fabric of her blouse tightening against her body and  
producing a hard lump in Neil's throat as he looked almost  
involuntarily. He almost wished that Nieve was there, that if he had  
the girl by him he wouldn't feel so guilty about his proximity to  
Eiko. "It never comes down to what I want, not with my parents. Heck,  
I remember how proud I was when I..." She trailed off, then tilted her  
head slightly away from Neil, almost as if she felt guilty as well.  
"Never mind."  
  
Neil frowned for a moment, then reached over and put his hand on her  
shoulder, prompting her to look back at him immediately. "You can't  
tell me that much and then expect me to 'never mind,'" he said,  
grinning even though he felt slightly bitter about her sudden  
recalcitrance. She smiled a little at the statement, and Neil found  
himself feeling ever so slightly better about himself as he edged a  
little closer to the girl. "Come on. Please, let me know."  
  
Eiko's face began to turn a deep crimson, and glancing around the  
garden for a moment she leaned her mouth back towards Neil's ear, the  
same shock running down Neil's spine as he felt the warmth of her  
breath. "Vash and I... we almost slept together," she announced,  
trying to sound as decisive as possible, her eyes turned in such a way  
that she couldn't see Neil's right fist clench involuntarily. "I know  
that's probably not as big a deal for Americans, but... well, it's  
really not supposed to happen here. Frowned upon." She leaned away as  
Neil's hand relaxed, his eyes flashing for just an instant with anger  
as he looked back towards her. "My parents would have been so angry if  
I'd gone through with it. It would have been like setting the house on  
fire."  
  
"But you didn't," offered Neil, feeling instantly relieved by the  
knowledge that it hadn't happened. He felt like a horrible person for  
it, but still, he was reassured to know that Eiko was still a virgin,  
even though he knew academically that it shouldn't have any bearing on  
him. "Why?"  
  
The blush on Eiko's cheeks deepened, and Neil opened his mouth to  
retract the question before Eiko sighed deeply, shaking her head.  
"It's really kind of embarassing," she breathed, staring towards the  
ground for a moment. "I wanted to do it, but... I just couldn't go  
through with it." She smirked, staring over at Neil, an odd sort of  
look resting behind her eyes that Neil couldn't quite understand. "You  
know what's really weird? I couldn't stop thinking about you. We were  
getting started, just fooling around, and then I just suddenly couldn't  
stop thinking about you." She blushed more deeply, as though she was  
afraid Neil would be angry. "Weird, right?"  
  
Neil simply stared at the girl for a moment, her statements unlocking a  
tumble of emotions within him that he couldn't even start to sort out  
as he swallowed hard and tried to figure out what to say. "I don't  
know," he said after a moment, wiping away a thin layer of cold sweat  
on his forehead, his words slowly piecing themselves together in his  
mind. "I don't really have a frame of reference with this sort of  
thing." He paused for a moment, then swallowed again. "If this was a  
movie, that'd be a sign that we were going to wind up together in a  
really bad romantic comedy, though. You know, you'd think about me  
when you were with your other half, and I'd think about you when I was  
with my other half, and... it'd be funny to somebody, I guess." He  
swallowed hard once again, remembering the awkard feeling he'd gotten  
the night he and Nieve had first kissed. "But we're not in a movie."  
  
Both Children stared at one another, something sparking between their  
eyes as the sun filtered through the trees onto them, a certain tension  
hanging in the air that neither of them wanted to approach. "We  
weren't talking about me before, though," Eiko said at length, edging  
slightly away from Neil and blushing a bit more. "We were talking  
about video games. You like video games?"  
  
Part of Neil had wanted to pursue the previous topic of discussion, but  
the more conscious part of his brain knew that nothing lay down that  
path, that they'd gotten as far in that discussion as they were likely  
to. "They're okay," he replied, shrugging somewhat absently and taking  
another bite of his sandwich, reaching into the depths of his lunchbag  
and drawing out his soda, opening the carbonated drink and letting a  
small mist of the foam out of the top. "I never really got into them  
too much. My mom was always way better at them than I was."  
  
"Heh. My mother wouldn't touch the thing with a ten-foot pole. She  
said she grew up thinking they were moronic and never saw any reason to  
change her opinion." Taking a deep breath, Eiko smiled at Neil again,  
both Children fully aware that they were avoiding the tension between  
them, grasping at straws for any topic that would keep them off of the  
obvious one. The two stared at one another for a moment, then went  
back to their lunches, almost as if the lunch had become too painful  
from subtext to continue.  
  
Then Neil heard footsteps on the concrete walkway, the sort of  
organized military clicking that simply didn't come from students  
walking together. Glancing over, Neil saw the unmistakable uniforms of  
NERV's intelligence division, the immaculate black suits and reflective  
sunglasses, three agents glancing around with obvious intention. Neil  
reached over and tapped Eiko on the shoulder just as they seemed to  
notice the Children, and Eiko and Neil both took one final bite of  
their lunches as the agents walked over to them, expressions neutral if  
not stern, the trio moving out to flank the Children as though they  
expected the two to try and escape. "Neil Richelieu and Eiko Suzuhara,  
correct?" asked one of the agents standing directly in front of the  
Children, a large white man with slick brown hair, built like a  
football player and taller on top of that.  
  
"Yeah," replied Neil, standing up a moment before Eiko, dwarfed by the  
agent. He'd gotten used to looking at people at eye level or lower,  
and the size of the man combined with the sheer height difference was  
enough to give Neil a sense of distinct unease. "Is something wrong?  
We didn't know that there was any -"  
  
"Come with us," said the man, apparently unwilling to listen to the end  
of Neil's statement. He turned on his heel, then gestured with one  
hand towards the two Children as they exchanged a quick glance, the  
other agents moving to block off any possible exits as best they  
could. "Something important is happening down at the base. You're  
needed." With that, he started walking, and both Neil and Eiko  
followed, having no doubts that they would not have been given any  
choice about the matter, the tension between them finally replaced with  
something else by the sudden arrival.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe's arms were folded across her chest, her irritation evident as  
she sat towards the back of the room, the other Children mostly grouped  
slightly further forward in the otherwise-empty conference room. She'd  
wanted a chance to practice in her Eva, to get some more hours clocked  
at least trying to improve her abilities, and instead she'd been pulled  
from Ryo's apartment and taken to the bland teal room, waiting for the  
Children to arrive. All it meant to her was that she was wasting time,  
time that she knew could be spent in many ways, all of them infinitely  
better than the present. "This is a waste of time," she muttered,  
trying to keep her voice low enough that the other Children couldn't  
hear her. "If they're not going to have us actually do something, they  
might as well let us get something done on our own time."  
  
"Probably another formal event," noted Nieve, sounding a bit more  
relaxed and leaning her head back towards Niobe. She smirked at the  
other woman, and Niobe returned the grin, having some identification  
with her simply by virtue of their mutual experiences as long-standing  
pilots. It was something that Niobe assumed the other Children simply  
couldn't quite understand, that the environment of NERV was different  
for those who had spent so much of their times in the organization.  
"NERV has to keep up appearances with the outside, and we'll get  
dragged along in the interim. It's useless, but at least we usually  
get free food."  
  
Almost without thinking, Niobe glanced towards Ryo as she nodded to  
Nieve, her eyes going wide as she saw the boy's stare actually fixed on  
something other than the empty space in the front of the room.  
Following his gaze with her eyes, she realized that he was staring dead  
at Nieve, and Niobe felt a minor twinge of jealousy, suddenly wondering  
if perhaps there was something more that she didn't know about Nieve.  
The other girl -had- been with NERV longer, and though she didn't know  
for a fact she was willing to suspect that Ryo had been with the  
organization at least as long, possibly even longer than either of  
them. Distantly, she heard Nieve still talking to her about one of the  
various formal events that she had attended in Ireland, but Niobe only  
nodded distantly, the new potential wrinkle attracting the breadth of  
her attention.  
  
"But Nieve isn't interested in Ryo," she whispered to herself, barely  
speaking loud enough to hear her own voice, much less for anyone else.  
As though on cue, Nieve leaned over to Neil, sitting a couple chairs  
away from her, grabbing one of his hands rather violently and planting  
a quick peck on his cheek. Niobe watched as discreetly as she could,  
then turned her eyes back towards Ryo, his gaze still on the other two  
Children. "I have to make sure that Nieve doesn't leave Neil," she  
muttered to herself, shifting somewhat uncomfortably in her seat,  
feeling slightly less afraid on one level while she felt even more  
nervous on another.  
  
The noise of the lone door of the room opening drew the attention of  
all the Children towards the side of the room, Vash and Neil both  
exchanging a glance of familiarity first. They'd expected to see  
Misato step through the door, but instead they saw Dr. Fuyutsuki step  
in, surveying the group somewhat sternly before walking down towards  
the front of the room, followed closely by Dr. Akagi. None of the  
Children knew what to say as the two scientists reached the podium at  
the front of the room, but as Kozou opened his mouth to speak Nieve  
finally seemed to find her voice. "Shouldn't Misato be down here?" she  
asked, a minor feeling of unease growing in the pit of her stomach.  
  
Fuyutsuki stared at the girl for a moment, a look on his face that  
almost seemed to be stern but was just the slightest bit too soft for  
it. "That's not fesable at the moment," he replied at length,  
gesturing for Ritsuko to step over to the podium as he made a quick  
hand gesture towards the back of the room where the projector was  
operated. Most of the Children glanced at least briefly towards the  
rear of the room at Fuyutsuki's gesture, but Nieve simply stared ahead  
at the projection room, feeling her disquiet compound as an image of a  
volcano appeared on the main screen.  
  
Vash muttered a question about what was going on too low to be heard  
reliably, but before he had a chance to raise his voice Ritsuko began  
talking, her voice quiet but forceful. "This is a picture of Mt.  
Asamayama, to the north. It's a volcano, but it's been dormant for  
years now. However, it recently seemed to begin undergoing some  
seismic activity once again, so a research team was dispatched to try  
and determine the cause." She paused for a moment, and the image  
projected on the screen behind her shifted. "This was the result."  
  
Niobe had to lean forward to even have the vaguest idea what she was  
seeing, the picture blurry and only containing the barest detail,  
largely a vast sea of black speckles covering a field of red. Towards  
the center, however, she could make out a fuzzy shape, something that  
looked as though it was more than simply a collection of the black dots  
in an unusual pattern. "That's impossible," she muttered, blinking and  
tracing over the imagined lines with her eyes. "Is that... an Angel?"  
  
"Yes," replied Ritsuko flatly, the image changing once again to a  
closer shot of the same shape. "We flew Captain Katsuragi to the site  
this morning to investigate further and confirm that it was, in fact,  
an Angel. Our scanning equipment revealed that it was, in fact,  
generating an AT field with the correct pattern, and it was registered  
as the Eighth Angel about half an hour ago." She paused for a moment,  
letting the implications of her statement sink in. "However, we do  
have one distinct advantage in this situation. The Angel appears to be  
in a dormant state, and from what little we've been able to observe of  
its physical structure, we've been led to believe that the Angel is in  
some kind of larval stage." Once again, she paused, and the display  
behind her switched to a picture of a wireframe model of the proto-  
Angel, various computer displays still visible around it. "The chance  
to study an Angel before it reaches maturity is unprecedented. We  
might even have a chance to develop weaponry better suited to  
destroying them."  
  
"Our goal is to capture it," Fuyutsuki said bluntly, arms folded behind  
him, his face stern without looking threatening. "Unfortunately, we do  
not have any robotic recovery equipment capable of performing the  
operation. Our best equipment could only take these photographs for  
five seconds before being destroyed by the heat and pressure of the  
magma, and it was still several dozen meters away from the target.  
There is no automated means of recovering the Angel."  
  
"What about the Evas?" asked Nieve, sounding particularly enthusiastic  
as she leaned towards the front of the room, a grin spreading across  
her face as her eyes sparkled with a sudden flash of inspiration.  
Fuyutsuki frowned at her as though she'd interrupted him, but she  
didn't seem to notice, turning towards Ritsuko instead. "The AT field  
can withstand the force of a nuclear explosion, and the machine itself  
is more than armored enough to keep itself alive down there. Why don't  
we use one?"  
  
Dr. Fuyutsuki sighed heavily, drawing Nieve's attention sheepishly back  
in his direction. "Because there is no other method, we planned on  
using an Evangelion unit to attempt to recover the embryo," he said  
somewhat curtly, the comment obviously directed towards Nieve as she  
began to blush a deep red. "Unfortunately, the conditions are poor for  
even an Eva. The AT Field will provide limited buffering effects, and  
as such we'll have to rely on extra shielding placed on the machine.  
It's a risky operation."  
  
Niobe's right hand twitched for a moment, then clenched into a fist as  
she stood swiftly, her stare resolute as all eyes in the room turned  
towards her. "I'll do it," she said flatly, no doubt in her mind as  
she remembered what she'd figured out about Ryo, knowing that she  
needed to make him respect her. "Equip my Eva, and I'll do it." She  
closed her eyes, feeling a slight rush of terror at the thought of  
diving but knowing that she couldn't afford not to.  
  
Kozou stared at Niobe for a moment, then turned back towards the  
Children as an aggregate, looking slightly irritated, in all likelihood  
because of the constant interruptions. "After some brief deliberation,  
we decided on the usage of EVA-02," he announced after a moment,  
Niobe's eyes snapping open and her mouth shaping into a small circle  
from surprise. "The Eva unit will be outfitted with -"  
  
"I'll do it!" snapped Niobe, stomping her foot slightly, realizing that  
she was making something of a fool out of herself but not caring. A  
deep red blush began to blossom on the surface of her cheeks, but she  
ignored it, knowing that she had to be involved in the mission, that  
she couldn't let Nieve gain any more ground on her. "Didn't you hear  
me? I'm happy to do it! Just give me the chance, and I'll..." She  
trailed off, realizing that she was hardly sounding as though she were  
the most responsible of the pilots, closer to a whining child. "I'm  
sorry. I spoke out of turn."  
  
The room remained silent as the girl sat back down, hanging her head  
slightly and folding her hands on her lap, eyes closing tightly and  
tears of embarassment seeping to the surface of her face. "EVA-02 is  
designed to operate under extreme environmental conditions," Ritsuko  
said after a moment, as though she were trying to placate Niobe, a  
thought that only made the girl feel worse. "The unit is equipped with  
additional heat and radiation shielding anyways, along with anti-  
corrosive agents and armor designed for higher integrity under extreme  
heat. It's built specifically for missions like this."  
  
Doing her best not to allow herself tears, Niobe still felt them  
dripping from her eyes out of sheer embarassment as she felt everyone  
look towards her for some kind of response. At length, Kozou cleared  
his throat, drawing the attention of the room back towards him.  
"According to the operation specifications, we'll have two other Eva  
units on standby in case something goes wrong with the operation.  
Captain Katsuragi has requested EVA-01 and EVA-04, taking into  
consideration the unique properties of both machines."  
  
Once again, Niobe knew that now was the moment to speak, but this time  
she stood slowly, drawing everyone's attention merely by virtue of her  
motion. Gritting her teeth, she forced the tears to stop, ignoring the  
ones that were still on her face with the knowledge that not  
acknowledging their presence would make them less noticable to others.  
"If I'm not assigned to the active spot, I'd like to stand as backup,"  
Niobe said softly, almost as though she'd been defeated. "If it's  
fesable."  
  
An awkward pause followed, and Niobe could feel in the bottom of her  
gut that they were going to say know, could see Ritsuko and Fuyutsuki  
exchange a nervous glance before the woman opened her mouth to speak.  
"We'd planned on going with Misato's decision," she offered at length,  
sounding almost sheepish as Niobe hung her head once again. "Your  
enthusiasm against the Angels is noted, but -"  
  
Neil felt a lump of guilt forming in the base of his gut, and shutting  
his eyes for a second he forced himself to his feet, wondering for only  
an instant if he was doing something to be kind or simply to alleviate  
the sensation of guilt he felt. "Let Niobe go instead of me," he said  
firmly, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, Niobe included.  
"I'm forfeiting my spot on the mission. She wants it more than I do,  
so she'd probably do it better anyways." He paused for a moment, then  
shrugged, reminding himself inwardly that he wouldn't have to pilot his  
unit if Niobe went instead. The thought made him feel guilty once  
again, but he pushed the guilt out of his expression, forcing himself  
to stay indifferent in his appearance.  
  
"Fine," muttered Fuyutsuki, raising a hand and waving it idly in the  
air, sounding as though he was thoroughly exasperated by the whole  
situation as he rubbed his forehead for a moment. "We'll send 04 and  
05 along. It's unlikely that they'll be doing anything, anyways."  
Sighing deeply, he folded his arms back behind his body, composing his  
expression once again. "The units will be airlifted as soon as  
possible. Ladies, please report to the locker room to change into your  
plugsuits."  
  
Still feeling slightly embarassed, Nieve stood as both Ritsuko and  
Fuyutsuki moved to file out of the room, followed closely by Niobe.  
She sighed, then leaned over to embrace Neil, a gesture which somehow  
managed to surprise him. "I'm going to miss you," she whispered,  
smiling at him with obvious meaning and planting a single finger on his  
lips before she turned away towards the exit. Almost unintentionally  
her eyes drifted towards Eiko, and she saw the sort of forlorn stare on  
the girl's face that she recognized from her own experience, the  
knowledge that a loved one wouldn't be around for something important.  
Instinctively, she grimaced, knowing without looking that the gaze was  
tracing directly at Neil. "But she's not going to get you," she  
whispered to herself, stepping past Eiko as she spoke the final few  
words, her mind whirling with ways to make sure that Eiko didn't pose  
any threat to her.  
  
]++[  
  
The nutrient bath for EVA-02 had already been drained, and so the red  
golem stood at its full height, unobscured by anything but the air as  
the technicians scrambled about, fastening large gray armored plates to  
various locations to ensure that the machine was protected against the  
heat and pressure of the volcano. Standing inside the observation  
booth, Ritsuko sipped a cup of coffee with mild disinterest, her job  
primarily restricted to simply telling the workers when they'd attached  
something incorrectly. "Ants," she muttered to herself, trying to  
decide whether to smile or frown at the thought as the workers  
scrambled about. "We're just ants next to the Evas."  
  
Another armored plate began to flash sparks around the edge as it  
attached itself to the existing armor of the Eva, and Ritsuko found  
herself frowning at length, the comparison between ants and humans  
feeling particularly apt. The expression on Niobe's face had been  
painful to look at, painful to even recall. "We've trained the  
Children to be soldiers," she muttered to herself, shaking her head at  
the sudden bubbling guilt, knowing that she'd only done what was  
necessary. "Enthusiasm like Niobe's is a good thing. It shows that  
she's willing to do what she has to." Something at the back of her  
head told Ritsuko that she was oversimplifying the issue, but she  
ignored the thought, focusing instead on the Eva in the hangar,  
watching as sparks flew from welders, human technology rising up to  
meet the frailties of humanity.  
  
Hearing the noise of the door into the observation room slide open, she  
turned slowly, staring across the banks of computers towards the door  
as Fuyutsuki stepped in, looking as though he was slightly embarassed  
merely by his presence in the observation room. "Dr. Fuyutsuki,"  
Ritsuko said flatly, offering a slight nod before turning back towards  
the teal-gray hangar of the Eva unit. "You didn't need to stop by. I  
have the situation entirely under control." She paused for a moment,  
frowning. "Weren't you planning on leaving with the group for  
Asamayama?"  
  
"Other matters called," Fuyutsuki replied, sounding as though he were  
still more than a little irritated from the conference earlier as he  
stepped up besides Ritsuko, staring out over the Evangelion as it was  
modified. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment, then Kozou  
opened his mouth, wanting to say one thing but knowing full well that  
it wouldn't come out of his mouth. "Gendou's hoping to step up the  
timetable on Ayanami again."  
  
Ritsuko only nodded, apparently unconcerened by the new development, as  
though she'd actually predicted it. Her normally rather stern  
expression shifted ever so slightly into something closer to a frown as  
she sipped her coffee, the only outward sign that she'd even heard  
Fuyutsuki until she spoke again. "I'm not sure if that's fesable.  
We've already accelerated the schedule far beyond what I'd consider  
reasonable." She paused for a moment, knowing full well that Commander  
Ikari knew the facts as well as she did. "The council suspects  
something, don't they?"  
  
"They'd hardly be keeping such a close eye on us if they didn't,"  
replied Fuyutsuki flatly, his gaze softening somewhat as they avoided  
the topic that seemed glaring in his eyes. Beneath the observation  
deck, more sparks erupted from the Eva as an armor plate was welded  
into place, the once-red machine now looking as though it were wearing  
some kind of medieval armor. "They know that Gendou isn't going to  
simply sit back and watch as they try to carry out their plans, but I  
don't suspect they know any of the specifics about Ayanami. We did a  
good job covering up for what occurred with Gehirn." He paused for a  
moment. "Is there any way that we could accelerate the schedule?"  
  
"I'll look into it," replied Ritsuko flatly, the vaguest twitch in one  
of her eyebrows as she sipped her coffee once again, pausing for a  
moment before she leaned towards the microphone nearby and began to  
shout commands at the workers. Watching her, Kozou felt the vaguest  
hint of guilt, as though he was deceiving the young woman simply by his  
presence, that he should tell her everything that she needed to know.  
"Is there anything else?" she asked at length, raising from the  
microphone and turning towards Fuyutsuki.  
  
"Yes," he muttered under his breath, feeling very much the part of the  
fool, talking just softly enough so that Ritsuko couldn't hear him.  
For a moment, he allowed his face to relax slightly, letting the  
tension melt away to be replaced with sorrow, the knowledge that he was  
only peripherally annoyed with the conduct of the Children feeling  
numbingly obvious in his mind. Then he returned his expression to its  
prior state, composing himself flawlessly before offering one final  
glance down at the Eva. "Do your best, Dr. Akagi. Your mother always  
did."  
  
Ritsuko nodded as the older man stepped towards and out of the sliding  
doors into the control room, her expression remaining blanlkly  
professional as he walked away and as she turned back towards the Eva  
unit. "Mother hated the Ayanami project, though," she whispered to  
herself, feeling a sudden sense of dislocation as stared at EVA-02, as  
though she were one of the technicians scrambling across the machine's  
surface. "If she knew what I was doing, she'd probably hate me."  
Staring at the Eva, Ritsuko waited for a moment to feel resentful of  
the statement, but despite her expectations she felt nothing besides  
the cold existence of fact. Shrugging, she took another sip of coffee,  
the last few touches being put on the red golem in the hangar.  
  
]++[  
  
"This is a little cramped," muttered Eiko, glancing around the strictly  
functional belly of the plane before stealing a quick glance out the  
window. She'd rode in NERV's transport plane for the Evas, but this  
was the first time that she'd had to use one of the personnel  
transports, and she wasn't particularly taken by the accomodations.  
Combined with the relative chill of the high altitude and the lack of  
insulation compared to the skintight plugsuit she wore, it was proving  
to be a relatively unpleasant mission so far. "If we're so important  
to NERV, you'd think that they could afford slightly better planes."  
  
Nieve, leaning against the back of her seat and apparently taking the  
opportunity to enjoy the sweet nipping sensation of cold once again,  
glanced over towards Eiko with a rather surprised expression on her  
face. "You didn't know?" she asked, looking somewhat unsurprised by  
Eiko's weak shake of her head. "NERV's been in a financial crisis for  
a while now. They've only got a limited budget to begin with, but  
operating six Eva units at once, combined with all the damage that the  
city has incurred over the Angel battles... it's way beyond the ability  
of the organization to pay." She shrugged, acting somewhat nonchalant  
about the knowledge. "Misato bitches about it occasionally, but most  
of my information I've picked up from Kaji. Part of his job is to make  
sure that nobody's swiping money, and considering how tight NERV's  
financial reserves are he's been doing that more than anything lately."  
  
Eiko stared at the redhead for a moment longer, then glanced out the  
window, examining the scenery below her while Nieve made a show of  
seeming relaxed. In reality she was watching Eiko as closely as she  
could manage through half-closed eyes, trying to get a better sense of  
the girl. She understood why Eiko would be interested in Neil, but it  
still made her uneasy, the thought that somebody else would try to take  
him from her. Sighing, she tilted her head towards the still-silent  
Niobe, the African girl looking particularly stoic as she sat perfectly  
still in her yellow-brown plugsuit. "It's a shame that Neil couldn't  
come," announced Eiko after a few moments more, sounding more forlorn  
than her words would suggest. "He probably would have enjoyed the  
landscape."  
  
"Boy, you don't know Neil at all, do you?" asked Nieve, feeling a quick  
tightness in her chest as Eiko turned towards her, wishing that the  
other girl hadn't brought up Neil at all. "He's not into stuff like  
that. He said so himself." She smirked, folding her arms across her  
chest and feeling particularly secure in her assertion, glad that she  
had more leverage over Eiko than she'd thought.  
  
"I meant the view of Tokyo-3," Eiko said, sounding a little put off by  
Nieve's words and gesturing out the window towards the gleaming white  
city receding in the distance. "It's nice. It looks almost like the  
first day we met, with the sun being bright enough to reflect off all  
the buildings." Eiko smiled at the thought and pressed one of her  
palms against the window while Nieve blushed a deep red, and Eiko  
seemed to sense it a moment later, glancing back towards the other  
girl. "Is something wrong?"  
  
Nieve wanted to scream that there was indeed something wrong, that she  
didn't want Eiko to take Neil from her, that Eiko had someone to hold  
on to already, that it simply wasn't fair. But she knew that wouldn't  
fix anything, and taking a deep breath she shook her head, closing her  
eyes completely. "Not a thing," replied Nieve, doing her best to sound  
as though there were truly nothing wrong. "You've just known Neil  
longer than I have, but I thought that since I lived with him, I might  
have a better idea of what he's like. Sorry."  
  
Eiko nodded rather hesitantly, staring at Nieve a moment longer and  
then turning her gaze towards Niobe. Niobe only gave a quick glance in  
response, trying to remain focused even as she tried to alleviate the  
sense that she was being given the task of a backup unit as a way to  
keep her happy and cooperative instead of as an indication of her  
abilitiy. Eiko continued to look at Niobe, and at length Niobe flashed  
a quick smile, less out of actually being happy and more out of a  
desire to get the girl to look away. "Why did you want to pilot your  
unit so badly on this mission, anyways?" Eiko asked at length, drawing  
Niobe's attention fully towards her.  
  
"Piloting the Eva is what I do," she replied flatly, trying to take a  
page from Ryo's book, knowing that she had to stay detached in order to  
stay focused. She stared at the girl, beginning to wonder if perhaps  
Eiko had some kind of affection for Neil, her brain immediately  
figuring out how that would factor into her own situation. "I want to  
get more practice with the machine in real combat, to get more  
accustomed to its capabilities, how it moves, how it performs certain  
functions." She added the fact that she needed to be better at  
piloting it silently to herself, simply sinking her head slightly. "I  
never seem to use it to its full potential."  
  
"You don't trust it," offered Nieve, her tone sounding slightly harsh  
to Niobe. The young girl's expression darkened, and she looked towards  
Nieve to see that the girl wasn't trying to be condescending, a warm  
smile on her face as she looked towards Niobe. "That's your problem.  
I've seen it when you're in battle. You think that everything has to  
run on a script, that you can't deviate from it. But you've got to  
remember that you're in charge of the Eva, not the other way around."  
She shrugged, the blush from before fading slowly from her cheeks.  
"Sometimes, you just need to think about something for a second and  
take control of it, because even if you don't make the right decisions,  
at least you've got a handle on them. You've got to improvise."  
  
Niobe couldn't tell, for a split second, whether she wanted to smack  
herself or hug Nieve. The suggestion seemed so obvious, the clear  
reason why Ryo didn't seem to be impressed with her, because she simply  
didn't improvise enough. "Thank you," Niobe said softly, smiling at  
the other girl, who offered a slight blush once again along with a  
shrug. Nestling back in her seat, Niobe let her thoughts run wild,  
knowing that she'd have to wait until she got into another Eva battle  
before she could prove to Ryo that she was worth his attention.  
  
]++[  
  
It was a testament to the personnel who worked under NERV that what had  
been a geological survey site hours earlier had become an emergency  
command center for the operation in such a short time, at least in  
Misato's eyes. She took a moment to survey the room, the gray  
computers pressed up against every wall, screens wrapping around the  
length of the walls to display even more information to the group than  
Central Dogma's main screen. "This isn't so bad," she muttered to  
herself, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot against  
the cold metal of the floor. "It's not the best facility we could be  
using, but it's as close as we'll get on short notice.  
  
Hearing the sound of the doorknob turning, Misato quickly turned her  
gaze towards the brown door to see the three Children assigned to the  
mission file in, Nieve first, followed closely by Niobe and Eiko.  
"We're here," Nieve announced, ignoring the redundancy of her statement  
as she came to a harsh stop and stood as straight as she could. "Have  
our Evas arrived yet?"  
  
"Before you did," replied Misato reaching over towards one of the  
consoles and hitting a few buttons to bring up a display of the three  
machines, all crouching slightly outside of the base. "The planes  
dropped them off a little while ago. We're ready to insert the entry  
plugs as soon as the last few preparations for the mission are  
complete." She glanced back towards Nieve, noticing the look of  
absolute horror on the girl's face. "What's wrong?"  
  
Nieve said nothing immediately, only stepped towards the display and  
stared at what she knew to be EVA-02, now covered thoroughly by gray  
plates that seemed to break up every smooth line of the machine's  
body. "My Eva," she whimpered, reaching over towards the screen and  
touching it gingerly. Misato frowned, not sure if the girl was being  
serious or just kidding around, hoping that it was the latter. Nieve  
stared for another moment at the Eva, then buried her face in her  
hands, shaking her head back and forth. "It was so young... so  
beautiful... and now it's got ugly gray plates welded all over it, no  
beauty whatsoever." She paused for a moment, then began wailing  
loudly, almost sounding as though she were screaming.  
  
Misato, no longer in any doubt as to the seriousness of the girl,  
sighed and turned away from the girl as Nieve slammed her fist against  
the top of the console, hitting it in mock melodrama for a moment  
before standing up once again. Flashing a smile towards the other two  
girls, both of whom looked utterly bewildered, Nieve turned her gaze  
back towards the now-awkward EVA-02, with some curiosity. "It is  
pretty ugly, though," she noted, folding one arm across her chest while  
the other thumbed her chin. "Wasn't there anything more graceful  
available?"  
  
"You should have seen the prototypes for this," replied Misato with a  
shrug, turning back towards all three Children with a mildly serious  
expression on her face. "Trust me, we could have made your Eva look a  
lot uglier than that."  
  
"Thanks, I'll pass," replied Nieve somewhat sheepishly, taking a couple  
steps back and nearly bumping straight into Eiko. She glanced back at  
the other two Children, pleased to see that they were letting her do  
the talking, then turned back towards Misato, folding her arms across  
her own chest in almost a mirror of Misato's position except for the  
very notable difference in proportions. "So we're going to recover the  
Angel. Do we have a plan for this, or is that something we're going to  
make up as we go along?"  
  
Shooting Nieve a quick harsh stare, Misato pressed a few buttons on one  
of other consoles, bringing up a wireframe dislay of the volcano  
itself, complete with a flashing red dot that represented where the  
Angel was supposed to be. "This is the last recorded depth of the  
Angel," she announced, gesturing towards the obvious position. "We're  
hoping that it's moved closer to the top of the volcano, but the safest  
assumption is that it has remained stationary. We've already set up a  
tether system for EVA-02 at the top of the volcano, so all that remains  
is to lower it in, grab the Angel, then hoist it back out. That's  
assuming that everything goes according to plan."  
  
"And what if everything -doesn't- go according to plan?" asked Eiko,  
trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible but knowing that the  
slightest bit of implication had probably crept into her voice  
anyways. Nieve snapped her head back and shot Eiko a glare, but Eiko  
simply shrugged, hoping that the other girl would realize that she  
hadn't meant it as a desirable scenario.  
  
Misato didn't bat an eyelash, hitting another pair of buttons and  
bringing up something that looked essentially like two gigantic  
railroad tracks mounted on some kind of glove. "We've taken along a  
pair of the technical division's prototype rail cannons for Eva usage,"  
replied Misato, sounding as though she was a little nervous about the  
weaponry. "That's where the backup units come in. Both rail guns have  
a single piece of ammunition, and they should be able to propel it at  
high enough speeds that the lava won't melt it. If you can't destroy  
the Angel with that, we're planning on using them to fire in an N2  
canister and detonate it once it reaches the Angel."  
  
Nieve gulped, feeling a minor twinge of fear at the mention of the N2  
canister, knowing full well what would happen to her machine if she  
were grappling with the Angel when it went off. It was one thing when  
the machine was on land, but beneath a sea of lava she didn't doubt for  
an instant that the effects could be lethal. "So, am I just supposed  
to hold onto the Angel's tail or something?" Nieve asked at length,  
swallowing hard and reminding herself that she would keep the operation  
under control.  
  
"The technical division gave us a present to deal with that, too,"  
replied Misato, drawing up another display, this of another awkward-  
looking device that suspiciously resembled a gigantic letter "I."  
"This is supposed to be an electrostatic containment cage. Once you  
get to the Angel's position, Nieve, you'll use this to contain the  
Angel until you return to the surface. We'll take care of restraining  
the beast once you've done that." She paused for a moment. "Everybody  
clear on what they're supposed to be doing?" A general nod seemed to  
rippled through the three Children. "All right. Report to the  
technicians downstairs, and they'll help you get your Evas started up."  
  
All three girls filed out of the room, and Misato turned back towards  
the display, listening only idly to the door close softly as she  
brought up the model of the volcano once again, examining the depth.  
She hadn't mentioned the fact that the Angel might have gone even  
deeper into the volcano, largely because she hadn't wanted to consider  
the fact, knowing that as it was EVA-02 was going to be hard-pressed to  
withstand the heat and pressure of the magma flow. She frowned for a  
moment, then her eyes went wide as she felt hands on her shoulders, a  
familiar gesture that caused her to whirl around, smacking Kaji's hands  
away. "Don't do that," she muttered, sounding angrier than she felt.  
  
"Sorry," he offered, holding up a hand in protest and smirking at her.  
She glanced over him quickly, noticing that he hadn't bothered getting  
in uniform for the operation, still wearing his normal wrinkled and  
untucked shirt with slightly dissheveled slacks. "I'd finished with  
everything that I had to do around here, so I thought that I would stop  
by. See how you were doing, how this new command post was treating  
you." He paused for a moment, glancing around as though it were  
another effort to make small talk. "It's a lot less... vertical than  
Central Dogma. And no global map."  
  
"We wouldn't -need- a map," replied Misato, turning away from him once  
again and staring intently at the volcano map, trying to act as though  
she were actually interested in it and knowing full well that Kaji knew  
her attention was on him. "The entire operation's taking place in the  
one location. It's superfluous." She paused for a moment, hoping that  
he would say something, that she wouldn't have to give voice to the  
thoughts in her head. Kaji remained silent, however, and after a  
moment she sighed, turning halfway towards him. "You didn't come by  
here to talk about the command center."  
  
"No," Kaji confirmed, taking a step towards Misato, his voice serious  
once again. Misato had always been slightly disturbed by that habit of  
his, the ability to go from superficial to deathly grave in a moment.  
"I came here to ask you something. You got to find out why I came to  
NERV, it's only fair that I get to ask you my own question." He stared  
into the woman's eyes as though he was waiting for a response, and at  
length Misato nodded, still wondering exactly what he was trying to  
do. Kaji coughed, then took a deep breath. "Why did you leave me?"  
  
It was the last question that Misato had expected him to ask, and she  
found herself blushing in spite of herself, recoiling slightly at the  
directness of the question. She stared up at Kaji once again, as  
though she was expecting him to retract the statement within a moment.  
"I..." She paused for a moment, unsure of how to respond, then turned  
away from him, staring down at the computer console that she had been  
operating, avoiding his gaze intentionally. "I had told you that I  
loved you, but you never said anything back. That was when I realized  
that it wasn't true, that I'd lied to you." She closed her eyes,  
dredging up memories that she didn't want. "I never really loved you,  
Ryoji. I loved whay I thought you represented. That's why I left.  
Because you deserved better."  
  
An awkward pause hovered in the air for a moment, then Misato felt his  
hand on her shoulder oncce again, as though he were trying to comfort  
her despite what she'd said. The thought made her want to be sick, and  
she shrugged her shoulder roughly, brushing the hand off and sending a  
clear message. "Misato, I think that -"  
  
"Just go," she said firmly, her voice devoid of emotion, not even the  
slightest hint of sorrow at the edge of her words. Kaji hesitated for  
a moment, but Misato could feel and hear that he'd taken a step  
backwards, that he was doing what she'd told him. "I have work that I  
need to do." There was another brief pause, then Misato heard the  
noise of his shoes clicking across the floor, the slight creak in the  
hinges of the door into the room cutting through the air as he opened  
it, returning just momentarily as he shut the door behind him.  
  
Misato continued to stare at the computer console for a moment, as  
though she was terrified Kaji would still be there if she turned  
around. "You lied," she muttered to herself after a minute, pushing  
herself to her full height, feeling slightly wobbly on her feet despite  
the fact that she'd been completely sober the entire day. Shaking her  
head, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to feel  
bettter about herself even as she reminded herself about what she had  
done wrong. "You lied to him."  
  
Hitting another few keys on the console in front of her, Misato tried  
once again to focus on the map of the volcano, but her mind wouldn't  
stop straying towards Kaji. She'd told him what she almost thought was  
the truth, what she wanted to believe, but she knew that it wasn't  
true, that she'd lied to him beyond a shadow of a doubt. And, even  
though she couldn't explain it, it somehow felt like his fault, as  
though he'd told her to lie to him for some strange reason. "Just like  
dad," she muttered to herself, grabbing the nearest chair and flopping  
down in it somewhat weakly, staring into nothingness forlornly.  
"Everything about him... it's like dad."  
  
Sighing, Misato leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her  
head in her hands, trying to understand her own emotions and finding it  
more difficult than she'd expected. She wanted to hate Kaji for what  
he was. The moment that she'd realized she was falling for someone so  
much like her father, she'd wanted to hate him, and part of her did  
hate him. But as she glanced towards the door out of the room, she  
realized that she didn't truly hate him, not all of her and certainly  
not with much enthusiasm. "It's all your fault, dad," she muttered,  
wishing that the console technicians would arrive soon, that the  
operation could begin and take her mind off personal matters.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe hated to admit it, but Nieve was right about EVA-02 looking ugly,  
especially at close proximity. It came into sight slowly, climbing up  
the ridge to the mouth of the volcano with labored movements due in no  
small part to the massive restrictions that the armor visibly imposed  
upon it, the electrostatic cage for capturing the Angel dragging limply  
behind it. The Eva looked for all the world as though it had fallen in  
a particularly large pool of cement that had dried a bit too quickly,  
and while she didn't doubt the functionality or the necessity of the  
armor she couldn't help but feel a little reassured that her Eva hadn't  
been chosen for the mission. "You look good, Nieve," she offered with  
a slight smirk, hoping that the other girl would be willing to take the  
joke.  
  
"Quiet, you," hissed Nieve, sounding slightly less than angry but still  
making it clear that she found nothing funny about her Eva's  
appearance. Inside her cockpit, she could already feel the coolant  
that was being pumped into the LCL, the slight chill to the liquid the  
only visible benefit to the bulky and restrictive armor around her  
machine. "So, I just jump in?" she asked, turning her attention  
towards Misato as she stepped to the edge of the volcano's mouth,  
orange-red magma bubbling within the circular mouth of brown stone. It  
looked disturbingly similar to LCL, a thought that made Nieve cought  
involuntarily.  
  
Misato glanced towards Maya quickly, and the console technician paused  
for a moment before flashing a thumb's-up, obviously unaccustomed to  
the equipment she was working with. "That's right," Misato replied,  
sighing at the fuzzy camera feed at the dive site, wishing that they  
were back at Central Dogma already. "The power cord that's acting as  
your tether will catch you about halfway down, and it'll lower you  
gently the rest of the way. Try not to do anything particularly  
reckless - it's capable of supporting your weight, but it is jury-  
rigged, and it might be a little more unstable than we thought."  
  
Glancing down towards the lava, Nieve swallowed hard, trying to remind  
herself that as long as she maintained her concentration she could  
control the situation. Closing her eyes, she moved her Eva forward,  
taking four measured steps before she stepped off the edge of the  
volcano and towards the center, the heat rushing up to meet her almost  
instantly. Mercifully, it only felt like a warm breeze as it reached  
up and struck her Eva, but she still felt a surge of terror as her  
machine hurtled towards the magma, then lurched to a stop with a loud  
noise of twisting metal. "What was that?" she shouted, knowing that  
the tether wasn't supposed to make noises that sounded so fatal.  
  
"Looks like one of the struts gave a little when you fell," replied  
Misato, trying to sound as calm and reassuring as possible just as she  
tried to feel as calm and reassured as possible. "That's better than  
we'd expected. We had prepared for as many as seven struts giving  
way." She was lying, but she was hoping that Nieve wouldn't pick up on  
that fact. "It should be perfectly capable of holding your weight.  
Besides, in the worst-case scenario, you've got your backup units to  
pull you back out of the magma.  
  
"Wow, lucky me," muttered Nieve, for the first time that she could  
remember feeling distinctly uncomfortable in the cockpit of her Eva.  
Sighing heavily, she forced herself to remain focused, gripping the  
electrostatic cage firmly as the molten rock came up to meet her, the  
similarity to LCL striking her more and more firmly and disturbing her  
even more with every passing moment. "You don't think it's possible to  
lower me any faster, do you? Get this over with?"  
  
"Not safely," replied Misato, sensing the young girl's fear clearly  
through the radio. She glanced over towards Makoto, who nodded a quick  
confirmation of her statement, then turned her gaze towards the screen  
showing the feed from the Eva's camera coming closer and closer to the  
lava. "Don't worry. There's a hot spring near here, and I'll take all  
you girls over afterwards. It'll be great."  
  
"The last thing I'm going to want after diving through molten rock is  
a -hot- spring," Nieve offered, angry that Misato was implying she  
could be bought into complacency. She'd known Kaji to do the same  
thing, but somehow it felt different with Misato. Feeling a rush of  
heat as her Eva's feet touched the magma and sank into it, Nieve  
gritted her teeth slightly before relaxing as the heat seeped into her  
body without harm. She'd known, academically, that her Eva would be  
all right, but the waiting had made it less tolerable. As the magma  
slowly eveloped her machine, she frowned at the heat, but her fears  
seemed far less near at hand as she sank through the red mass. "Are  
you guys guiding me? I can barely see a thing."  
  
"We've got your position up on our monitor," replied Misato,  
alternating her gaze between the display from EVA-02's camera as it  
descended and the small wireframe model of the volcano that was  
tracking her position relative to that of the Angel. Staring for a  
moment longer, she stepped over to Makoto's station, his fingers moving  
across the keyboard with slightly more hesitation due to his  
inexperience with the hardware at his disposal. "Any indication of how  
close she is to the target?"  
  
Makoto shrugged, gesturing towards the wireframe display somewhat  
weakly. "There's not a lot that we can do until the machine comes  
within visual range. NERV's detection systems don't reach out far  
enough to pick out details like that." He tapped a few more keys,  
checking the rate of descent for the Eva. "It'll be a few more minutes  
at best, though. We'd better relax while we've got the chance."  
  
On the surface, staring down into the magma, Niobe felt restless,  
shifting the weight of her Eva slightly from foot to foot, trying to  
get over her own fear of inactivity. She knew that her parents  
wouldn't be impressed by her task as a sideliner, and she doubted that  
it would do her any good with Ryo, either. "This is maddening," she  
muttered through a private channel to Eiko, stepping over to the spot  
next to the green steel crane that supported the tether line where the  
rail guns awaited usage. "There's nothing for us to do but wait. We  
might as well have stayed home."  
  
"Calm down, Niobe," offered Eiko, apparently relaxed in her cockpit,  
looking as though she still disliked the taste of LCL in her mouth but  
otherwise looking fairly composed. "Nieve's got the situation under  
control." She paused for a moment, her expression suddenly becoming  
somewhat wistful and bitter. "It's probably just as well that Neil  
isn't here. She'd just be flirting with him the whole time."  
  
"You sound upset by that," noted Niobe, remembering the odd look that  
the girl had shot towards Neil and the tone in her voice when she spoke  
about him. "Don't you and Vash ever flirt with one another? You can't  
expect that they'd do any differently."  
  
"Well, yeah, but..." Eiko shook her head, turning her eyes away from  
the private communication and looking somewhat upset by the question.  
"There's nothing wrong with flirting, it's just that..." She trailed  
off once again, as though she still hadn't figured out what it was that  
she wanted to say. "I don't think that Neil particularly likes it. He  
just doesn't seem like that kind of guy. Too moral." Eiko smirked at  
her own words. "He's different, that boy. Nice."  
  
Niobe frowned for a split second, turning her own gaze away from the  
private communication display, the words making her suddenly feel even  
more nervous about her prospects with Ryo. "I'm sure Vash would love  
to hear about that," she noted after a moment, hearing Eiko make a  
slight noise in response as Niobe cut off the transmission, already  
feeling a minor twinge of guilt. She knew that she should have to use  
tactics like that to get what she wanted, that her father had taught  
her better than that, but she also knew that her father would have  
wanted her to do her best no matter what the methods required, and she  
forced the guilt from her mind.  
  
In the command center, Misato gave a quick glance towards the wireframe  
display of the volcano and Nieve's position, then turned back towards  
Makoto's position. "Something's wrong," she noted, stepping over to  
the younger man and staring at the display on his screen. "Nieve  
should have the embryo within visual range by now. Could it have  
matured already?"  
  
The volcano's heat felt oppressive to Nieve as she continued to  
descend, hearing Misato's voice only distantly as she strained her  
vision to try and make out something that resembled the Angel. The  
entire world around her seemed to be a blurring black and red, as  
though nothing in the world existed besides those two colors, and the  
longer she stared into nothingness the more certain she was that she  
would never make out the Angel in such poor conditions. Then something  
tickled at the edge of her vision, and she forced EVA-02's head  
forward, struggling to make out the slowly-appearing shape. "Misato!"  
she shouted, feeling overjoyed as she leaned further forward, seeing  
something that she knew simply had to be the target. "I think I've  
found it!"  
  
Misato and Makoto exchanged quick glances, then Misato looked towards  
the main screen to see what looked like an egg with a tail hovering in  
the ocean of magma, coming ever closer to the Eva. "Looks like you did  
it, Nieve," she announced gladly, giving a quick look in Makoto's  
direction to confirm that the Angel's AT field was registering. "All  
right. Your display should have target crosshairs now, directing you  
on how you need to place the cage - it shouldn't be anything too  
difficult."  
  
"Of course not," replied Nieve, snapping her arms up and quickly moving  
them into place, letting the cage hover a few feet away from the Angel  
for a moment before it engaged. The I-shaped bar that she had been  
holding generated what could only be described as an electrical box,  
humming quickly shut as the Angel stirred ever so slightly. Nieve  
paused for a moment, curious if it was going to struggle any further,  
then breathed a sigh of relief. "The Eighth Angel is in my hands.  
Let's get back to the surface, okay?"  
  
Her tether tugged gently on her back, and Nieve felt a warmth of  
satisfaction flood her body as she stared down at the still-undeveloped  
Angel, pleased with her own control of the situation. The sweat slowly  
beading off her body was mingling with the LCL and enhancing the  
already nauseating taste of the liquid, but otherwise she felt quite  
comfortable as the tether pulled her towards the surface, trusting that  
it would hold until she reached the surface. "This was a pleasing  
change," she noted, glancing down and seeing the proto-Angel moving  
around slightly. "Hmm? Misato, the Angel looks like it's moving."  
  
"You're certain? Hold on a second, I'll go check on it." Nieve made a  
grunt of acknowledgement, then stared back down at the Angel, and her  
eyes widened in horror. The thing was growing larger, thrashing  
against the electrical walls of the cage, each hit expanding the wall  
out further and further as the beast grew. "My God! Nieve, it's  
waking up! Quickly, release the cage! Current objective is to destroy  
the Angel!" Nieve had already dropped the cage when Misato's order had  
came, and she stared in terror as the cage expanded for a moment  
before breaking asunder, the Angel uncoiling itself and taking just a  
moment to turn towards her before launching into motion.  
  
Nieve's eyes could only barely make out details of the beast as it  
turned towards her, a jumble of black shapes moving towards her with a  
sudden aggressiveness, a speed that her Eva couldn't begin to match in  
the sluggish lava. Forcing herself to remain calm, she popped open one  
of her shoulder flanges, retrieving the prog knife from the flange just  
as the Angel tore past her AT field without even wavering, claws and  
teeth sinking into the surface of her armor. Nieve winced, then drove  
the knife forward into the Angel, simply targeting the largest black  
shape that presented itself to her.  
  
The blade hit the Angel firmly, then twisted and snapped from the force  
that Nieve put on it, leaving her with nothing but the handle to a prog  
knife as the Angel backed off and then rushed at her once again. "My  
prog knife can't even dent the thing!" she shouted, trying desperately  
to move her Eva sideways as the thing slammed into her, then hurled her  
aside towards the wall of the volcano. Bits of searing heat were  
trickling across Nieve's skin, and as she slammed into the wall she  
felt the Angel attacking without any hesitation. Then she heard a  
terrifying hiss of static from the radio, and another blow from the  
Angel sent her nearly into unconsciousness.  
  
Above, in the command center, every gauge monitoring EVA-02 suddenly  
snapped off as though it had never been there to begin with, as though  
the Angel had found some kind of hidden switch and flipped it entirely  
by accident. "We've lost the feed to Unit 02!" shouted Shigeru,  
turning towards Misato from his seat across the room. "Communications,  
vital monitors... nothing's responding! The Angel has cut her off!"  
  
Misato shouted an order over the radio to Niobe and Eiko, but Niobe  
already knew what it was going to be and had already set her machine  
into motion, grabbing one of the railguns and tossing it towards Eiko,  
then grabbing the other and slipping it onto her Eva's arm. Glancing  
down, she saw two large metal spikes sitting in the same location, and  
she picked up one somewhat gingerly, then rushed to the edge of the  
lava, unsure of exactly how the weapon she was wielding worked even as  
targeting crosshairs. "Misato? What should I do now?"  
  
"Your targeting crosshairs are orienting themselves to the best  
estimate of the Angel's position that we have. Pull the trigger on the  
railgun for a second, then place the slug between the rails." Niobe  
frowned at the instructions for a moment, but she waited for the  
crosshairs to line up accordingly, then pulled down on the railgun's  
trigger, expecting nothing to happen. To her surprise, the two long  
rails began to crackle with electricity, and with a smirk she  
remembered the way that the device was supposed to work as she slammed  
the slug between the rails, letting it hover there for a moment before  
releasing the trigger. Suspended by the magnetic field between the two  
rails, the slug was suddenly propelled forward with incredible  
velocity, splashing a pillar of magma upwards as it raced down towards  
the Angel's position, Eiko's gun discharging almost immediately  
afterwards.  
  
Beneath the surface of the magma, Nieve pulled her Eva out of the wall  
of the volcano, then glanced up to see the Angel heading for the  
surface for only a second before the two rail gun shots zoomed past the  
Angel and into the depths of the volcano. Then the irritating static  
hiss died, and she could hear Misato shouting something, presumably to  
Niobe and Eiko. "This is Nieve! Both shots missed the target!"  
Staring upwards at the Angel, she felt the tether pulling her  
vertically too slowly, and gritting her teeth she began to force her  
Eva's limbs in a rythmic swimming patter, the bulky armor hindering the  
motion but her acceleration still higher than the tether.  
  
Staring at the display from EVA-02's camera, Misato looked towards  
Makoto, who offered her a grave nod. "We're left without  
alternatives. Eiko, you'll need to retrieve the N2 canister and shoot  
it towards the Angel's location. If an Angel with armor this powerful  
gets to the surface, we might not be able to stop it. Hopefully, Unit  
02 will -"  
  
"No!" shouted Niobe, staring down into the depths of the lava, trying  
to figure out another way to defeat the Angel. She remembered Nieve's  
words, remembered how she'd ached when Ryo hadn't looked at her, and  
suddenly she sprang into motion once again, popping open the shoulder  
flange over her right arm and retrieving the knife with her free left  
hand. "There might be another way. Nieve, when you see the prog  
knife, if you have any chance of hitting the Angel's core, do it!"  
  
Misato screamed something over the radio to Niobe, but the young woman  
ignored her as the target crosshairs lined up and she pulled the  
trigger of the rail gun. She remembered the principle of the gun from  
some the advanced studies her father had forced her to take at school,  
that any metallic object would work as a slug without any need for  
gunpowder. Gritting her teeth, she slammed the progressive knife  
against the rails of the gun, then released the trigger, letting the  
knife start spinning down into the depths of the volcano. "Please last  
long enough," she whispered, feeling a growing sense of dread in her  
gut.  
  
Beneath the surface, Nieve's entire body seemed to be coated in warm  
blood and sweat as the kicked viciously towards the surface, only  
peripherally hearing Niobe's words as she struggled to catch up with  
the black blob of an Angel. Then she saw another projectile coming  
from above, and for a brief moment she wondered if the they'd already  
sent down the N2 mine, a thought that filled her with a momentary  
terror before the projectile tore into the back of the Angel. She  
watched as the largest flat part of the beast was torn open by the  
spinning blade of the prog knife, and her mind recalled Niobe's words  
as she saw the blade snap off, the hilt rushing towards the depths of  
the planet.  
  
"Got it," she hissed, grabbing the small handle and pressing her thumb  
against the almost unnoticable button towards the top, letting the  
remainder of the broken blade eject while a new blade forcefully popped  
up. Though the idea of having the blade being replacable had seemed  
silly to Nieve at first, she had to admit that it seemed like a much  
better idea than the alternative as she got a glimpse of the Angel's  
core, thrusting her Eva's body up to meet the beast. Already the armor  
over the core was knitting itself back together, but Nieve drove her  
weapon towards the pulsing red orb without hesitation, letting the  
knife break through the core forcefully. The Angel spasmed for a  
moment, then the red light from the core faded as she forced the point  
more deeply in.  
  
"We're detecting nothing from the target," noted Makoto, the relief  
obvious in his voice as the display from EVA-02's camera showed the now-  
sinking Angel. "The Eighth Angel has been neutralized." He paused for  
a moment, hitting the button to resume the tether's retraction almost  
as an afterthought. "The commanders aren't going to be happy about  
this."  
  
"Then screw them," replied Misato bluntly, breathing a deep sigh of  
relief. She knew that she had to have been willing to use the N2  
canister, but despite that fact she still didn't feel sure that she  
could have ordered the dvice's detonation, knowing that Nieve would  
have probably been killed in the explosion. Pushing the thought out of  
her brain as irrelevant, she leaned into the microphone of the jury-  
rigged command center, the adrenaline of the situation slowly seeping  
into a dull headache. "Good job, guys. I'm -definitely- taking you to  
the hot springs now. You earned it."  
  
]++[  
  
Despite some rather noisy protests from Nieve, the hot springs had  
turned out to be fairly enjoyable, although as soon as she learned that  
you were expected to bathe naked Nieve proceeded to the deepest part of  
the springs that she could stand in comfortably and refused to move.  
The other girls and Misato didn't have the same problem, but aside from  
a few minor disputes everything flowed smoothly afterwards, Nieve  
extolling at length how her Eva would be restored to its crimson  
livery. Then Niobe had remembered that there was something more that  
she needed to do, and as soon as they had arrived at their chosen  
restaurant of the night Niobe had taken it upon herself to use the  
payphone outside, standing the the small glass booth while outside neon  
lights flashed eagerly to all those who happened to be watching.  
  
Another ring on the other end without any answer, and Niobe frowned  
almost involuntarily, beginning to grow slightly worried as well as  
slightly irate. She'd wanted an opportunity to talk to Ryo, to finally  
get his attention, and she was more than willing to stand in a phone  
booth that stank of liquor and urine to do so, but the thought of  
having done so for nothing was more than a little disgusting. "Come  
on, Ryo," she muttered, tapping her foot against the one spot of the  
phone booth that didn't seem to have used gum stuck to it. "Pick up  
the phone."  
  
Sighing as yet another ring came, Niobe shook her head and was ready to  
hang up the phone when she heard the unmistakable click of someone  
picking up on the other end. "Hello?" asked Ryo's voice, and Niobe  
smiled broadly, bringing the receiver back to her ear. "Who is this?"  
  
"It's me. Niobe." She paused for a moment, expecting some sort of  
recognition from the boy, then sighed and decided to simply move on.  
"I'll probably be back late tonight, now that we've completed the  
operation and everything. We're having dinner at a restaurant Misato  
won't stop raving about, but it looks kind of seedy to me." Once  
again, she received no answer from the other end, and she shook her  
head, reminding herself that she needed to try harder. "What did you  
have for dinner?"  
  
"Food," the boy's voice replied flatly, sounding as disinterested as he  
always did. "Were you successful in retrieving the Angel before it  
emerged?"  
  
"No," replied Niobe, leaning against the glass wall of the phone booth,  
smiling despite herself. "It must have been further along in its  
development than we thought - it broke out of the cage and disabled  
Nieve." Letting the statement hang in the air for a moment for  
dramatic effect, she took a deep breath, knowing that Ryo would have to  
notice her after he heard the whole story. "We were assigned rail guns  
from the technical division, but our first shots went wide. Misato was  
going to use an N2 canister, except I thought faster and used my prog  
knife as a projectile." She closed her eyes, waiting for Ryo to say  
something. "Creative, right?"  
  
The other end remained silent for a moment, and Niobe felt her smile  
start to falter ever so slightly, still waiting for the sound of  
approval from the boy on the other end. "I suppose," he said at  
length, his statement not even sounding bored so much as unconcerned.  
"Is Nieve all right?"  
  
A small twitch went through Niobe's free hand at the question, and  
Niobe could feel a red flush beginning to blossom across her cheeks.  
"Yeah," she replied weakly, her hope swiftly waning, smile now more of  
a joke than anything else. "She's fine. After I gave her the prog  
knife, she destroyed the Angel."  
  
"I appreciate that you let me know," replied Ryo, still sounding flatly  
emotionless. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment as Niobe  
stood in the booth, struggling to control herself. "If you're back  
before 10:30, I will probably be awake. Otherwise, I will see you  
tomorrow morning."  
  
"Yeah. Great. Bye." Niobe didn't wait to hear the boy's response,  
hanging up the receiver on the hook gently, trying to compose herself  
and having limited success. Her body shuddered slightly as she stared  
at the phone for a moment, tears bubbling behind her eyes, simply  
waiting for the right catalyst to burst. "I did everything right," she  
muttered to herself, unsure if anger or sadness was growing within  
her. "I did everything right. What else could I be doing wrong?"  
  
Eyes shutting tightly as the tears began to flow, Niobe slammed her  
fist into the glass wall of the phone booth, wishing that she had the  
strength to break it, to feel the pain as a punishment for her  
failure. She had failed, even though she didn't know it. It was the  
only logical explanation for Ryo's continued ignorance of her in favor  
of Nieve. "I'm doing something wrong," she choked, body shuddering in  
time with the ragged breaths she drew, growing only more enraged with  
herself as she cried. "I'm crying. I shouldn't cry. I must not  
cry." Gritting her teeth, she forced the tears to a stop, taking a few  
more breaths as her respiration returned to normal, feeling as though  
she'd failed even worse because of her reaction.  
  
Sliding the door to the phone booth open weakly, Niobe stumbled out,  
the blinding lights of the city blurring into a montage of colors  
against blackness with her still-drying tears. "Calm down, Niobe," she  
muttered to herself, forcing her lungs to take slowly measured breaths,  
eyes shut and shoulders moving with the breaths she took. "This is  
just a problem. Just a challenge." She remembered the day that Joseph  
had destroyed her belongings before, remembered that she'd felt she was  
doing the right thing when she'd done the same herself. "I've got to  
overcome it. I can overcome it."  
  
The door to the restaurant pushed open with minimal effort, and Niobe  
stepped quietly over to the table where the others sat, eyes focusing  
on her. She knew that there were still tears fresh on her face, still  
the slightest bits of red around her eyes from the crying, but she  
refused to acknowledge them, instead simply picking up her menu and  
bringing it up in front of her face. "Niobe, are you all right?" asked  
Nieve, reaching over and trying to force down the menu.  
  
Niobe placed the menu gently on the table, forcing a smile despite  
herself. "I'm fine," she replied, trying to sound happy but winding up  
sounding simply blank. "Just had an emotional conversation with my  
parents over the phone." Pausing for a moment as she felt tears begin  
to well once again, Niobe forced herself to control her emotions,  
wondering only distantly why she'd chosen that excuse. "They said that  
they're very proud of me."  
  
Misato shot Niobe a look that made the girl wonder if she had convinced  
the older woman, but if Misato suspected something she said nothing,  
simply turning back to her menu as though nothing had happened. "Order  
whatever you'd like, girls," she said, doing her best to sound generous  
and smiling at the trio. "You worked hard. You earned it."  
  
Staring at the menu before her, Niobe felt as though she'd earned  
nothing, that she hardly deserved to partake in Misato's generosity.  
If she'd done anything worthy of a reward, she knew that Ryo would have  
taken notice of her, that he wouldn't be so fixated upon Nieve.  
Closing her eyes for a second, she remembered standing in front of the  
mirror and looking at herself. At the time, she'd been certain that  
there was nothing wrong with her body, that she was perfectly healthy  
and attractive. "But I could be wrong," she whispered to herself,  
staring at the menu once again, looking over the entire thing for  
something small. Folding it shut, she put it down on the able and  
crossed her arms over it. "All right. I'm having the chicken salad."  
  
A pause settled over the table, then Misato placed her menu down  
beneath her elbow, leaning over towards Niobe with a somewhat secretive  
expression on her face. "The chicken salad here isn't some huge dish,  
Niobe," the elder woman whispered, apparently trying to keep Niobe from  
looking as though she didn't know. "It's just a small bowl. About the  
size of a bowl of cereal. It's an appetizer."  
  
"I know," replied Niobe firmly, watching as Misato's eyes widened in  
shock, feeling that the other girls were staring at her as well. She  
managed to force another smile, hoping that she was being slightly more  
convincing the second time around. "I had a big breakfast this morning  
with Ryo. Just not that hungry right now. Besides, I told him to wait  
up for me, so we'll probably have something more to eat then, anyways."  
  
Eiko and Misato seemed to be satisfied with the excuse, but Niobe saw  
that Nieve was still staring at her, an odd sort of concern in her eyes  
as though the Irish girl was trying to figure out whether or not Niobe  
was telling the truth simply from staring into the other girl's eyes.  
"You're really not hungry?" she asked, waiting for Niobe to nod in  
affirmation. "Even though we didn't get to have lunch?" Niobe  
frowned, but nodded once again, not liking the direction that Nieve's  
questions were taking. At length, Nieve picked up her menu once again,  
glancing over the choices but keeping her menu angled just right to  
keep staring at Niobe.  
  
Under normal circumstances, Niobe would have been slightly disturbed by  
the other girl continuing to stare at her, but she'd forced herself to  
block those feeling out for the time being, focusing on trying to feel  
good about herself. She'd done something good, one more thing right on  
top of all the things that she'd done wrong over the course of the  
day. Taking a deep breath, she turned away from Nieve, staring off  
towards the waitresses, waiting for one of them to come for their  
order. "I'll make myself prettier," she whispered to herself, keeping  
her lips still enough so that Nieve wouldn't notice that she was  
talking. "Then he'll notice me. Then I'll be successful."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Somebody has to take the power.  
Somebody has to take the chances.  
Somebody has to take responsibility.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 11: AUTHORITY SONG  
"Maybe I couldn't have done anything to stop him."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	11. Authority Song

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 11: AUTHORITY SONG +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
"We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for  
blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God."  
- JOHN 10:30  
  
]++[  
  
Emerald eyes fluttering opening slowly, Nieve's morning began as most  
of her mornings did, the sharp and piercing beep of the alarm clock  
waking her from a series of nightmares about falling into the depths of  
something unspeakably tall and malicious. She took a moment to flex  
her limbs gently, feeling the fabric of her sheet rub smoothly against  
her skin as she wanted, reminding herself that she had control over  
where she went once again, then she rolled over and extended her arm  
just far enough to hit the snooze button, less out of a desire to go  
back to sleep and more because of the simple fact that her alarm clock  
was propped on the edge of her nightstand so that the only button she  
could reach from her bed was the snooze button. It meant that she had  
to get up to turn it off but didn't have to listen to it blare the  
whole time, the best of both worlds in her opinion.  
  
Blinking a few times, Nieve pushed herself to her feet, letting the  
blanket slide off her body as her eyes began to focus once again,  
taking in the pale yellow of the walls with slightly darker trim,  
nightstand sitting beside her bed, the closet at the opposite end of  
the room, her dresser near the closet, various magazines strewn about  
of the ground. The sun was already beginning to filter into the room,  
and Nieve winced away from the light, still adjusting to the dimly-lit  
room, taking a moment before the light was no longer painful to stare  
at. "Mornings suck," she muttered to herself, glancing down at her  
legs, resisting the urge to think of them as fat as she stood,  
reminding herself that nobody else thought anything like that about her.  
  
Tugging her nightshirt down so that it went as far down her hips as she  
felt it could safely go, Nieve half-walked and half-stumbled to the  
alarm clock, flipping the small switch on the top that turned off the  
alarm. She took a quick glance at the time, making sure that she'd  
moved fast enough so that she was still in control of the schedule  
she'd set for herself, then took a quick look at herself in the mirror  
situated over her desk, blinking a few more times as the sun streamed  
in through the window. "Hair," she muttered, still feeling half asleep  
as she grabbed her brush, straightening the tangled red mass into  
something slightly more presentable.  
  
As the brush worked through her hair, Nieve's brain began to kick into  
gear once again, beginning to remember the previous day just as a dull  
ache started seeping through her back. She was still smarting from  
when the Angel had slammed her into the wall, the armor having cracked  
and frayed just enough to let some of the white-hot fingers of magma  
reach in and scrape along her back. Her thoughts, however, only  
briefly touched upon the reasons for the minor stinging burns across  
her back, more concerned with Eiko's words and the way the other girl  
had seemed to regard Neil. "Just wait," she whispered, noting to  
herself that her voice sounded normal once again and undulled by sleep  
as she reached down to her desk and grabbed a small object, palming in  
and taking a deep breath. "I've got the relationship in my hands."  
  
Opening her door quietly, she glanced down the hall towards Misato's  
room, making sure that the elder woman still hadn't woken up as well as  
making sure that Neil was still in his room. She smirked, then heard a  
small noise coming from the kitchen, and her head whipped around to see  
Pen-Pen emerging from the refridgerator, looking somewhat sleepy before  
he glanced over towards Nieve and blinked. His beak opened slightly as  
though he was about to make a noise, but Nieve shook her head  
vigorously, then placed her finger firmly against her lips, the gesture  
obvious. The penguin cocked its head to one side, somewhat confused,  
then turned and waddled over to the larger fridge, apparently willing  
to listen to Nieve.  
  
Letting out a quiet sigh of relief, Nieve made one last glance down the  
hall, then slowly walked over to Neil's room, her hand gingerly  
touching the doorknob as though she expected it to be hot. Letting her  
hand curl around it slowly, she turned the knob gently, wincing at the  
slight rattling noise that it made, feeling it stop turning and waiting  
for an instant before pushing the door inward. The hinges on the door,  
mercifully, were new enough that they hadn't developed any kind of a  
squeak, and Nieve opened the door just enough to slip inside of the  
room, then shut it behind her, taking another deep breath before she  
turned towards Neil.  
  
Neil was still asleep, lying face-up on his bed, blanket clutched  
around him as though it had been deathly cold the previous night. The  
sun was streaming onto him, light dancing along the low-necked black  
shirt that he was wearing and catching a few strands of his blonde hair  
in the process as his head tossed back and forth. Nieve couldn't help  
but smile at the still-sleeping boy, and tucking the small object from  
her desk into the spandex of her underwear with a quick hand movement  
she stepped over to his bed, looking down at the boy as he tossed back  
and forth. "Cutie," she muttered to herself, kneeling next to the bed,  
trying to get a closer look at the boy's face.  
  
His head rolled back in her direction, and Nieve could see that to her  
surprise his expression was one of agony, face twisted into a grimace  
and eyes shut tightly as he tossed back and forth. Nieve frowned for a  
moment, unsure of what to do, wishing that there was some way that she  
could take control of the boy's dreams and make everything all right,  
that she could fix the problem somehow. Sighing, she stared for a  
moment longer, then reached over to him, letting her fingers gently  
brush against his shoulders. "Neil," she whispered, hoping that she  
could wake him up peacefully. "Neil, wake up. You're having a  
nightmare." She waited for a moment, the boy's thrashing continuing,  
head tossing back and forth as though he was trying to shake the  
thoughts out of his head. "Neil," she repeated somewhat louder,  
shaking the boy's shoulder. "Neil!"  
  
Without warning, Neil's green eyes flew open, and the boy lurched  
upright into a sitting position, his breaths coming quickly and  
raggedly, seeming so shocked that he didn't even notice as his quick  
movements forced Nieve's hands off of his shoulder. Nieve watched as  
he breathed, leaning forward against the bed and his entire back moving  
up and down with every breath. Frowning, Nieve reached out and touched  
his back gently, and Neil whipped around, staring at her with an  
unreadable expression for just a moment before he visibly calmed.  
"Nieve," he said, breath still coming raggedly as he looked at the  
girl. "I heard your voice. You were calling to me."  
  
Nieve nodded, rising from the floor and sitting next to him on the bed,  
putting one arm around his shoulders and feeling a warm rush begin to  
move through her body. "I was," she replied, rubbing his shoulder  
slightly with one hand. "You looked as though you were having a  
nightmare, and I was worried about you. I woke you up."  
  
"That's not it," replied Neil, shaking his head and leaning forward for  
a moment, looking as though something was frustrating him terribly.  
"There was something else. You were saying something about..." He  
paused, then shook his head again and looked towards Nieve, appearing  
slightly more calm but still obviously haggard. "Never mind. It's  
just a nightmare. Why were you in here, anyways? Was I making too  
much noise?"  
  
Shaking her head, Nieve felt a minor rush of nervousness, her free hand  
involuntarily moving towards the place on her hip where her underwear  
held the item in place. "I didn't even now you were having a nightmare  
when I came in," she replied, feeling her own voice grow a little husky  
as though to match Neil's. Taking a deep breath, she looked towards  
the boy, reminding herself that she wasn't doing anything wrong and  
that she was doing what she wanted, looking into the boy's green eyes  
as the sunlight filtered through his hair. "Neil... have you ever  
thought about what you want your first time to be like?"  
  
Cocking his head to one side, Neil looked as though he didn't  
understand the question for a moment, then his eyes widened and he  
blushed a deep crimson. "Um... not really," he replied, instinctively  
gripping the blanket and trying to bunch it up around his lower torso,  
feeling his body react to the thoughts that the question sent through  
his mind even as he didn't want it to. "I try not to think about stuff  
like that. It'll happen when it happens."  
  
"You're too complacent somtimes," noted Nieve, sinking her head away  
from Neil and smiling, hoping that her hair was hiding the nervousness  
in her eyes. She reminded herself to be steady, to not lose sight of  
the fact that she didn't want to lose Neil, that he was a wonderful  
person and that she was making a valid choice. "See, me, I think about  
what I want it to be like. I -know- what I want it to be like. And  
you've probably noticed that I'm not someone who likes to let things  
slide like you do." Closing her eyes for just a second, Nieve turned  
her gaze back towards Neil, smiling at him still, trying to peer into  
the depths of his green eyes. "What would you like it to be like?  
Just thinking about it now."  
  
Giving a shrug, Neil closed his eyes for a moment, feeling guilty for  
humoring Nieve but also knowing that he'd feel guilty if he didn't at  
least give her a fair chance. "I... I don't know," he replied after a  
second or two of thought, feeling himself blush even as he began to  
think about the fantasies that he'd had, the compounded guilt from  
every dream he'd ever had about a woman hitting him almost  
simultaneously. "I've never really given it any thought. I suppose...  
I would want it to be somebody nice. Somebody who likes me." He  
shrugged, opening his eyes and doing his best to look normal. "That's  
all I can think of. Somebody who likes me."  
  
"I like you, Neil," Nieve offered, her voice now noticably more husky  
than before as she edged closer to Neil, her free hand moving from her  
hip and slipping underneath the covers gently. Neil stared at Nieve,  
eyes wide, as though he were watching something from a movie play  
itself back in real life. "Would you be happy if it was me? Would you  
want to make that kind of a comittment with me?"  
  
"Nieve, I..." Neil stammered, backing away from her slightly and  
clamping one hand down on top of her hand beneath the covers. Nieve  
frowned slightly, already feeling somewhat vexed by the situation, but  
she tried her best to restore her prior expression, knowing that her  
being angry would only scare Neil off irrevocably. "Nieve... we've  
only been together for a week now. It seems awfully fast to be  
bringing something like this up."  
  
The girl forced herself to ignore the sensation that Neil's words gave  
her, the sudden red spike of tightness that drove through her chest as  
he spoke. "I'm just asking," she asked, sounding as innocent as she  
could, trying to keep her expression unchanged as she edged back  
towards Neil, closing the gap between them once again as the blankets  
shifted around them. "Be honest. Haven't you ever thought about it?  
Haven't you ever -wanted- to, even if you didn't want to deal with the  
consequences?"  
  
A memory of the night that he and Nieve first kissed shot through  
Neil's mind, and he was suddenly certain that the girl knew everything  
that had happened, that she wasn't in the dark about all of his little  
perversions. "N-no," he stammered, trying once again to back off from  
the girl and feeling incredibly guilty, as though he'd violated her  
even without touching her. "I wouldn't do that to you, Nieve. I  
wouldn't want to objectify you like that, like you were some kind of...  
I don't know. No. No. I respect you too much."  
  
Once again, Neil's words stung entirely unintentionally, and Nieve  
frowned for a split-second before moving closer to him once again, her  
mouth opening to speak once again. Then a loud crash came from down  
the hall, and both Children glanced at one another momentarily, their  
discussion quickly shifting to the backseat against the instincts  
they'd begun to develop from piloting the Evas. Nieve reluctantly let  
go of Neil as both of them rushed to the door of his room, almost  
hurling it open and glancing down the hallway, half-expecting Misato to  
have injured herself.  
  
Instead, Misato was simply walking out of her room, looking  
surprisingly well-composed for the morning, a short khaki skirt  
wrapping around her waist and a tight black shirt peeking out from  
beneath her red uniform coat. "Morning, kids," noted Misato, stepping  
past both of them and waving almost idly, giving Pen-Pen a quick  
scratch on the side of his head before removing the cereal from the  
cupboard. "This is new. You two are usually up long before I am."  
She paused, then glanced back at them, grinning somewhat sinisterly.  
"Did you two do something that I probably shouldn't know about?"  
  
"No!" exclaimed Neil, blushing a deep red and shaking his head  
vigorously, not noticing the pained expression that came over Nieve's  
face as he spoke. Nieve, for her part, hid her face behind Neil's  
back, grateful for the first time that he was tall enough to allow her  
to do such things, her hand gravitating once again to the spot on her  
hip. Closing her eyes for a moment, she turned and followed Neil as he  
stepped into the kitchen, looking rather sheepishly towards Misato.  
"Nieve just came in to talk. Nothing happened."  
  
Misato smiled at Neil, then reached over and tapped him lightly on the  
nose before returning to the process of pouring herself a bowl of  
cereal. "Not my place to judge. But I was sixteen too, y'know - I  
remember what it was like." Neil felt another wave of guilt move  
through him at the remark, knowing that it was supposed to be joking  
but that it felt more like an accusation in light of Misato's  
attractiveness. The woman finished with the cereal and handed it off  
to him, stepping over to the table. "So, are you two going to be ready  
in time?"  
  
Everyone froze for a moment, Neil's expression turning from embarassed  
to forlorn, his motions slowing slightly as he retrieved a bowl from  
one of cupboards and grabbed a second one for Nieve. Nieve hesitated  
for a moment, then reached out and touched his shoulder gently, knowing  
that something was very wrong even as Misato let out a small gasp. "I  
forgot to tell you again, didn't I?" she asked, sounding as though Neil  
had broken her heart. Neil said nothing, and Misato stood from her  
cereal, stepping over to Neil and putting her own hand on his  
shoulder. "Neil, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She paused for a moment,  
then winked at Nieve and turned the boy around, unintentionally pulling  
Nieve's hand off of his shoulder. "I'm sorry that you can -fall- for  
something like that!"  
  
Staring at Misato blankly, it took Neil a second to realize what was  
going on, and he managed a weak smile, pouring his cereal and shaking  
his head. "I'm sorry, Misato, I just don't find that particularly  
funny," he said, stepping over to the refridgerator and retrieving the  
milk as Nieve watched, feeling as though she'd lost control of the  
situation entirely. "It reminds me of... of something that my father  
used to do."  
  
"Oh." Misato paused, and she and Neil exchanged a look, one that Nieve  
almost wished she could have been a part in simply because she knew she  
was missing part of the story. Almost without realizing it, her left  
hand clenched into a fist, her frustration at the situation. Not only  
had she failed to get anything accomplished in Neil's room before, she  
couldn't stop Misato from making upset, and she didn't know enough to  
know why he was upset in the first place. "I'm sorry, Neil. That  
wasn't fair of me."  
  
"It's okay," he replied, sounding somewhat more energetic than before,  
then glancing down at his cereal for a moment, then pouring in the milk  
and leaving it behind for Nieve. Nieve stood in place for a moment,  
still trying to figure out how to get the morning back under control,  
her hand closing against her hip once again as a bit of strength.  
Taking a deep breath, she poured herself a bowl of cereal, resolving  
that she had to be patient, that such things took time.  
  
]++[  
  
Breakfast, by necessity, wound up being somewhat quiet, although Nieve  
wanted to say something to Neil through the entire meal. She wanted to  
continue their discussion from the bedroom, to try and get him to admit  
that he was attracted to her, but with Misato sitting and watching them  
it seemed almost unspeakably uncomfortable. Then Neil had asked to  
take a shower more or less immediately after breakfast, and Nieve had  
been left alone to her own devices as Misato went back to her room to  
sort out a few final papers before she went into Central Dogma. She  
distantly heard when Neil emerged from the bathroom, but she knew that  
it would be better to wait this time.  
  
The words he had said to her about respecting her too much still stung  
slightly as she looked over her body, reminded herself that he must be  
attracted to her, that he wouldn't have kissed her in the first place  
if he hadn't wanted to. She wanted to believe that about herself, but  
it felt rather difficult in light of how easily the situation in his  
bedroom had gone out of her control, how eager he had seemed to deny  
that he had any attraction to her the second that Misato showed up.  
"He was just trying to look like a gentleman, though," she muttered,  
pulling on a rather short green skirt, one that she'd managed to bleed  
out of Kaji before they'd set sail for Tokyo-3. It flowed nicely while  
being short enough to be revealing, exactly the sort of thing that she  
wanted for today.  
  
As she buttoned a low-cut red blouse and listened distantly to the  
noises of Neil dressing in the next room, she forced herself to remain  
calm, her breathing already coming slightly heavier as she reviewed her  
plans in her mind, figuring out what she wanted to do, how she was  
going to approach her. One of the signs of being in command of a  
situation was being versatile, something that her mother had taught her  
years before and that she'd remembered despite her relative youth at  
the time. "Eiko won't get him," she whispered to herself, grabbing the  
object that she'd tucked against her panties from her desk once again  
and slipping it into the pocket of her skirt, closing her eyes and  
reminding herself to be brave.  
  
Waiting for a moment until the noises of getting dressed faded from  
Neil's room, Nieve once again opened the door to her own and stepped  
out, glancing down the hall to see if Misato was watching her or not.  
There was no sign of the woman, and smirking to herself Nieve turned  
and opened Neil's room, ignoring the distinctly wet scent of steam and  
the mild perfume of the shampoo as she stepped towards the boy, who was  
still busy brushing his hair and didn't seem to notice Nieve for a  
moment. "Oh. Hi, Nieve." He paused briefly, then turned towards her,  
teal shirt hanging open around black jeans, his green eyes showing no  
traces of his prior nervousness as he brushed his hair. "I'm sorry if  
I seemed angry with you before, but -"  
  
"Don't worry about that now," replied Nieve, letting her eyelids fall  
closed just enough for her lashes to dangle in front of her eyes,  
placing her hands behind her back and folding them together, then  
walking as seductively as possible towards Neil, an odd smile upon her  
face. Neil gave her a somewhat odd look, but she ignored it, stepping  
up until they were nearly touching, then placing one hand flat upon his  
stomach, slowly walking it up to his chest. "You and I, we were having  
a conversation before. That's what I wanted to finish."  
  
"Um." Neil stared for a moment, then took a step backwards directly  
into his dresser, the furniture clattering against the wall as he  
stepped into it and shocking him into freezing in place for a moment.  
Nieve began to step forward, and Neil clumsily began to button his  
shirt, looking almost as though he expected her to try and bite him.  
"Much as I like the topic, Nieve, can I ask what brings it on? It just  
seems... awfully sudden."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" asked Nieve, feeling a growing knot of dread  
about what she didn't know that Neil wasn't telling her, wanting  
nothing more than to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he  
told her everything. Instead, she simply walked over to the bed,  
sitting down and trying to look as seductive as possible, not bothering  
to fold her legs and letting them hang open slightly. "I just want to  
talk about it. I thought you were attracted to me." She paused for a  
moment, then sank her head slightly. "Don't you find me attractive?"  
  
Blinking, Neil shook his head to clear it, then realized the gesture  
that he was making and began nodding more enthusiastically even as  
Nieve's expression darkened somewhat. "Of course I'm attracted to  
you," he said, sitting next to her on the bed and looking somewhat  
scared of making a mistake, something that made Nieve at once happy and  
disturbed. "You're a beautiful girl. But... I don't just think of you  
as a sex object. I don't want you to believe that about me."  
  
"I don't," replied Nieve, edging herself closer to Neil to his  
surprise, twisting her body around so that her lips brushed against his  
softly as her mouth moved in speech. "But you think of me sexually,  
don't you? You think of what I would look like without my clothes  
on." She grinned, assuming that Neil's blush and his look of  
discomfort came solely from her proximity as she leaned her lips harder  
against his. "I know that you do. I remember the day that we met on  
the ship, how you tried to sneak a peek at me as I changed into my  
plugsuit. You were attracted to me. More than that, you wanted to  
sleep with me. Didn't you?"  
  
Then a knock came on the door, and both Children froze as Misato opened  
the door, smirking at the two as Nieve hung around Neil and Neil  
realized what the situation looked like. He began to gesture  
frantically that nothing had happened, trying to break free of Nieve's  
grasp, not noticing the hurt expression that drifted across the girl's  
face even as Misato held up a hand to stop the boy. "You don't have to  
explain anything to me," she said firmly, shaking her head in an amused  
manner, clicking her tongue slightly and smirking at the two Children.  
"I understand. I'm going to be at Central Dogma for most of the day,  
but I'll be back for dinner, and I might see you when you come in for  
your synch testing." She paused, then winked at them as she stepped  
out of the door. "Have fun today."  
  
"Wait!" Neil bolted up from Nieve's grip, a sense of guilt surging at  
the implications she'd made as he blushed again and rushed towards the  
door out of his room. "I didn't do anything! We were just..." His  
voice trailed off just as he opened his door and the front door shut  
decisively, leaving him standing into the doorway of his room looking  
rather blank. Pausing for a moment, he glanced back towards Nieve, who  
had taken the opportunity in Neil's absence to bring her legs up  
against her body, knees tight against her chest. "Nieve, I'm sorry, I  
just don't want Misato to think -"  
  
Nieve shot a rather harsh stare at Neil, feeling rather guilty in the  
back of her mind but knowing that it was necessary. She was already  
feeling as though she'd lost control of the situation once again, and  
the only way that she could think of to regain control was to be just  
the slightest bit devious. "To think what?" she asked, sounding as  
hurt as she possibly could as she stared up at him, her green eyes  
wide. "That you're attracted to me? Is that such a bad thing?" She  
batted her eyelashes twice, trying her best to play up the sort of hurt  
that she was feeling, reminding herself that it wasn't lying so much as  
overplaying.  
  
Shaking his head, Neil stepped back over to the bed, obviously confused  
and embarassed at the same time, feeling another knot of regret  
bubbling through the back of his skull. "That's not it at all," he  
insisted, sitting down on the bed once again and touching Nieve's knee  
gently, feeling an electric rush through his arm at the contact. Nieve  
kept her face hidden as she smirked momentarily, ignoring the sense at  
the back of her mind that she'd manipulated Neil when she shouldn't  
have. "I just don't want you - or Misato, or anybody else - to think  
that all I'm interested in sex." He remembered the night that he and  
Nieve had first kissed again, another pulse of guilt going through his  
body. "I don't want you to think that about me."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Nieve steeled herself for what she knew she had  
to do, knowing that she didn't want to let Neil go no matter what it  
took, that she wanted to keep him close to her as she reached out one  
hand and pressed it down against his. She let her hand rest there for  
a moment, then tightened her grip around Neil's hand and pulled him  
towards her even as she pulled her own body backwards, yanking him down  
towards the bed as she fell flat on her back. The bed squeaked  
slightly as Nieve felt the warm weight of Neil sink on top of her, and  
before he had a chance to say anything she pulled his head close to  
her, expecting that it would fall just to one side of her own until she  
felt his breath softly blowing on her chest. "I don't think that about  
you, Neil," she said gently, not missing a beat despite the slight  
shock of his position. "I think you're wonderful. And I think you do  
think about me like this."  
  
Feeling the soft warmth of Nieve's breasts encompassing his head,  
smelling the unmistakable perfume that he knew came solely from her own  
personal scent, Neil lost himself for a moment before his brain  
reminded him of what he'd done to the poor girl, how he'd thought of  
her exactly like this. The pleasure of the moment began to give way to  
regret and trepidation, and Neil pulled away, staring at Nieve with  
some surprise as he stumbled off of the bed and groped for his socks.  
Nieve stared at him as he moved away, her expression shifting from a  
secure grin to one of abject horror. "I - it's too soon," he  
stammered, backing his way into the door before opening it. "I - we -  
I need to take a walk. Later."  
  
Neil stumbled out of the room, then a few seconds later Nieve heard the  
front door close as well while her head slowly turned towards the  
ceiling. Her hand slipped into the pocket of her skirt, fingers  
brushing gently against the rigid foil of the condom wrapper, a small  
shiver going through her body at the thought of what could have  
happened before she felt herself cursing at how she'd gone wrong. "I  
just didn't want him to leave," she muttered, rolling slightly to one  
side, her eyes watching the sunlight coming in through Neil's window  
even as she curled back into a semi-fetal position as before. "I  
wanted to make sure he stayed with me."  
  
Closing her eyes, Nieve closed her fist around the condom wrapper once  
again, drawing it out from her pocket and staring at the small item for  
reasons she couldn't entirely explain, suddenly feeling intensely  
embarassed. "But maybe he'll leave anyways," she muttered, tossing the  
condom over her shoulder, hearing it distantly fall into the depths of  
one of Neil's various still-present boxes from when he moved in.  
"Maybe I couldn't have done anything to stop him." She sighed,  
wrapping her arms around her and squeezing herself, feeling as though  
she'd let herself lose control of the situation once again.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato was still smirking about Nieve and Neil as she arranged her  
desk, the thought of the two of them hugging with such intensity making  
even the unspeakably mundane process of filing paperwork about the most  
recent Angel incident somewhat enjoyable. She'd managed to use the  
increased lull between attacks to give herself slightly more leeway,  
but there was still an amazing number of forms that needed to be filled  
out, and that wasn't even counting the report that she had to type up  
later. Despite the stack of forms in front of her, however, she was  
whistling to herself, reminding herself that things seemed to be  
getting more normal, that if nothing else the Children seemed to be  
adjusting to their lives in Tokyo-3.  
  
Humming to herself with satisfaction, Misato heard the noise of her  
door opening only distantly, busying herself with the paperwork and  
determined to get as much of it done in a day as possible. "I'm a  
little busy at the moment," she announced, raising her hand and waving  
the person off, seriously doubting that it was anyone particularly  
important. "My job comes with a lot of responsibilities, so if you  
don't mind -"  
  
"Not at all," replied Kaji's distinctly masculine voice, and Misato  
whipped her head up to see the man standing in front of her, still  
dressed in the same sort of unkempt outfit as the last time she'd seen  
him, wearing his characteristic half-smirk. "I'm happy to wait." He  
leaned casually against one of the teal-gray walls of the woman's  
office, folding his arms across his chest and staring idly at the  
ceiling, his lack of faith in Misato's determination to work obvious  
from his position.  
  
"What are you doing here?" snapped Misato, still feeling somewhat  
irritated about how hurt he'd managed to make her feel the other day at  
the same time that he'd managed to make her miss being with him. She  
didn't like the idea of wanting to be with him again on a basic level,  
and the knowledge that he was allegedly seeing somebody else entirely  
only made the concept seem more replusive to her. "I have work to do,  
Ryoji. Please, whatever you came for, make it fast."  
  
Chuckling, Kaji shook his head gently, a gesture that made Misato  
somewhat nervous for reasons she couldn't entirely place. "Since you  
put it that way, I just came here to offer you a congratulations," he  
replied, smiling broadly at her despite her expression of confusion.  
"You probably wouldn't find out normally until later today, but there  
are benefits to being at the head of Intelligence. I managed to sneak  
a peek at your promotion paperwork, and it's gone through without a  
hitch. And I couldn't wait until later to let you know."  
  
Misato stared at Kaji for a moment, then shrugged, turning back to the  
paperwork. "It's a meaningless promotion to me," she replied,  
scribbling more notes onto the forms in front of her, trying to work as  
quickly as possible in hopes of getting the whole thing filed and  
finished before the end of the day. "If it means anything, it'll  
probably just translate into more work for me to get done on a daily  
basis, and I'm swamped as it is. I was already in charge of  
operations." She paused, realizing that she was sounding almost as bad  
as Ritsuko, and she looked up at Kaji with a small grin. "But thank  
you."  
  
"Put it like that, then you're welcome," replied Kaji, sounding  
somewhat half-hearted about it as he turned his head slightly towards  
the door, still leaning against the wall. Misato turned back to her  
work, expecting him to leave at any moment, then glanced up to see him  
still standing in place, apparently perfectly comfortable in the small  
square room under the mind-numbing fluorescent light. She cleared her  
throat, and he simply looked back at her, his expression as innocent as  
she imagined he could fake. "What?"  
  
"You said you came down to congratulate me," replied Misato, cocking  
her head slightly to one side. "You did. Don't you have other work to  
be doing?"  
  
"Not at the moment. The Intelligence department doesn't have to deal  
with nearly as much paperwork as the Operations department. Most of  
what we do is on the field." He paused for a moment, and Misato  
internally prayed to herself that he wouldn't step over to her desk,  
knowing almost as soon as the thought materialized that he would do  
just that. Surely enough, he walked over to the desk and stared down  
at the form, reading it upside-down but still staring at it intently.  
"Hmm. They classified it as 'Sandalphon.' Who names the Angels,  
anyways?"  
  
Growling, Misato glared up at Kaji, trying her best to snatch the forms  
out of his sight and ignoring the smug grin on his face. "Maybe you  
don't have any work to do now, but the rest of us do, and some of us  
would actually like to have a chance to -do- it." She glared at him  
for a moment longer, then returned to her work, feeling something odd  
knot within her from her words but not sure of exactly what it was.  
"Did you just join NERV to pester me?"  
  
"That's not a very mature way to look at things, is it?" he asked  
innocently, moving around so that he was once again standing in front  
of her. She continued to write on the forms, trying to push thoughts  
of Kaji out of her head even as he looked at her, then jumping slightly  
as she felt one of his hands touch her cheek. She looked up to see  
that he had kneeled so that he was at eye level with her, his other  
hand moving up and clasping the other side of her face, leaving her  
gaze locked on his face. "Think about something, Misato. The United  
Nations has convinced more or less everyone that the Second Impact was  
caused by a meteor striking the South Pole. The alternate branches of  
NERV, the majority of the UN itself, even some of the Children, all of  
them are in the dark about what -really- happened at the South Pole."  
He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. "Doesn't that  
disturb you a little bit? Doesn't that make you wonder what might  
really be going on?"  
  
Misato stared at Kaji, and her arm twitched uncontrollably, the pen  
hard against the paper tracing a long black line through the majority  
of the form that she'd been writing on. A second afterwards, her brain  
realized what had happened, and she tore her gaze free of Kaji's face,  
looking down and seeing that she'd managed to runin the form. "Now  
look what you did," she snapped, snatching the form and crumpling it  
into a ball, tossing it into the small garbage can next to her desk as  
she stepped around the lone piece of furniture besides her chair and  
headed towards the door. "I've got to go get another copy now. I'm  
going to trust you enough to assume you'll leave."  
  
The doors slid open and shut as Misato stepped through them, trying to  
maintain a calm expression as she stepped into the artificially-lit  
corridors of the base, walking towards the nearest elevator, Kaji's  
words still ringing in her ears. Something about it disturbed her for  
reasons that she couldn't quite place, as though she should have stayed  
and asked him more, thrown the desire to get the forms filed away to  
the wind for just a moment. Reaching the elevator, she pressed the  
button and waited for it to ding open, her mind still circling around  
the question he'd raised.  
  
As the elevator opened, Misato instantly felt the strong burning aroma  
of a cigarette hit her nostrils, and she realized a second later that  
it was from Ritsuko, standing in the elevator, clipboard in one hand  
and a cigarette in the other. "Good morning, Misato," she said  
distantly, flicking her blue-gray eyes up from the clipboard  
momentarily as the other woman stepped in. "You look disturbed.  
Hangover?"  
  
"No," Misato replied, wincing slightly at the barely-veiled  
accusation. She glanced over at the blonde woman, studying her for a  
second before shaking her head and simply turning her gaze back towards  
the doors of the elevator. "Kaji." She paused for a moment, staring  
at Ritsuko as the other woman continued to let her cigarette smoke  
drift into the air, the small stick of paper perched between the  
woman's fingers for no apparent reason. "If you're not going to smoke  
that, would you mind putting it out?"  
  
Ritsuko glanced up at Misato for a moment, then slowly placed the  
cigarette against her lips, took a single long draw from it, then  
returned to her prior position as she exhaled the cloud of smoke from  
her mouth, ignoring Misato's angry stare. "Why are you so irritated  
with Kaji, anyways?" she asked at length, a note of nervousness seeming  
to creep into her voice. You seem to be getting along fine with him.  
As though you're willing to just let all of the years between you be in  
the past."  
  
"Don't even joke," replied Misato, scowling and turning away from  
Ritsuko, feeling a little hurt by the implications as the smoke of  
Ritsuko's cigarette continued to seep into her nostrils, reminding her  
of the time spent with Kaji years before. Crossing her arms across her  
chest, she gripped her upper arms almost instinctively, the feeling of  
nostalgia creeping into the back of her head with the same slow  
infectiousness of the smoke. "Besides, even if I wanted that jerk  
back, it's a moot point. He doesn't know that I know it, but I  
overheard him talking with Fuyutsuki before, and -" she paused for a  
moment, trying to enhance the dramatic effect of the moment "- he's  
been seeing someone new since he came to Tokyo-3."  
  
The comment seemed to upset Ritsuko, and the other woman's body  
suddenly seemed to tense at once, her grip on the cigarette tightening  
and sending the growing ash at the tip falling to the ground. She  
turned towards Misato, mouth almost opened to say something, then was  
cut short by the loud grinding noise of the elevator coming to a stop  
violently, sending both woment crashing to the floor as the elevator  
shuddered. Misato didn't even notice the other woman falling  
immediately, feeling only the hard impact of the wall against her back  
followed by a sharp burning pain against her leg. Glancing down, she  
saw that Ritsuko's cigarette had relocated itself directly beneath her  
leg, and she snatched the small item out from beneath her, frowning at  
it as she lamented the assumed ruination of her pantyhose. "What the  
hell just happened?" she asked, turned towards Ritsuko as she tried to  
get back to her feet.  
  
"I think -" Ritsuko's reply was cut short by the lights flickering and  
snapping off, and the blonde woman glanced towards the ceiling briefly  
before pushing her upper body up, forced flat against the floor of the  
elevator from the shock. "I think we just lost power. And from the  
looks of it, the emergency generator hasn't kicked in just yet." She  
sighed, dusting herself off as she stumbled back to a standing position  
and retrieved her clipboard. "This isn't going to be good."  
  
"Great," muttered Misato, slamming her fist lightly against the almost  
oppressive teal-gray of the wall, the metal beginning to grow warmer to  
the touch. "We're stuck in here until the emergency power kicks in.  
And without any air conditioning." She paused for a moment, then  
noticed that Ritsuko was frowning. "What? Don't tell me that we're  
stuck here longer than that?"  
  
"Emergency generators are geared solely towards combat operations under  
severe duress," replied Ritsuko, shaking her head and slipping out of  
her lab coat, letting the white fabric fall to the ground to reveal her  
pale arms against the sleeveless blue pull-ring top she wore. "They're  
meant to facilitate minimal operating parameters of the command center,  
including the three Magi supercomputers, our positioning systems and  
cameras, and the operation of the Evangelion units." She stopped,  
wiping her brow as the heat in the elevator continued to grow.  
  
Misato frowned back at the woman, feeling a growing sense of  
nervousness. "Elevators weren't on that list," she said weakly,  
receiving a nod from Ritsuko that carried the implication that she  
should have figured that out sooner. Muttering a curse under her  
breath, Misato slid off her red jacket, already feeling the warmth in  
the closed metal container, knowing that it was probably going to get  
worse with the oppressive heat of Tokyo-3. "God damn it. And I  
thought I was finally going to get ahead with my workload."  
  
]++[  
  
Staring at the console in front of her, waiting for the emergency power  
feed to allow her to resume working, Maya Ibuki couldn't help but feel  
a momentary surge of panic at the situation, even hoping that the only  
logicaal reason for the sudden outage wasn't the actual reason. "Dr.  
Akagi isn't here," she muttered, hunched slightly over her console,  
hands between her legs, the half-skirt portion of her uniform pushed up  
slightly in a way that would have disturbed her except for the white  
leggings beneath. She glanced backwards, short black hair jostling  
slightly as she turned. "Makoto, do you have any idea where she might  
be?"  
  
"Not without the computers," replied the young man, leaning back in his  
chair and staring at the ceiling, thick round glasses not dark enough  
to block his eyes even with the lights on like Commander Ikari's. "We  
don't know where Captain Katsuragi is, either." He paused slightly,  
then tilted his head towards Maya, smiling slightly, the tension  
visibly lying just beneath the surface of his expression. "Don't  
worry, Maya. I'm sure that you'll do fine. Ritsuko wouldn't trust you  
with so much responsibility if you weren't good."  
  
"Yes, but..." Maya trailed off, turning back to her console and  
feeling oddly uncomfortable. She didn't like the idea of working  
without her superior around, not having Ritsuko's approving gaze  
watching as she took care of the Eva pilots and the machines.  
Something about the blonde woman made her feel safer, more reliable,  
and the thought so distracted her that her drak brown eyes took a  
moment to focus once the computer console reactivated. Blinking  
slightly and shaking her head, she placed her fingers nervously on the  
console, then forced herself to keep moving, letting the displays come  
at their usual pace. "All three Magi computers are back on-line. We  
have auxiliary power."  
  
Makoto stared at Maya for a moment longer, then turned back to the  
console in front of him, letting his fingers dance across the keyboard  
and displaying the camera feeds near the power plant that served as  
NERV's primary generator on the main screen. He frowned as he glanced  
up at the display, able to identify right away what the problem was  
with the power feed - something large and conical, like a spear, had  
jabbed directly through most of the facility, tearing apart the  
facility like a toy. The source of the devestation took little to  
guess at. "Requesting a new power feed from Tokyo-2. Estimated time  
until reply is three minutes. Activating local scan for AT fields."  
  
Sitting on the upper tier of the command center, Gendou Ikari stared  
dispassionately at the display in front of him as it brought up a  
picture of what he knew to be the next Angel, a dead ringer for a  
gigantic spider with four massive long legs supporting a small disk-  
like body. He heard the footsteps behind him, but ignored them, simply  
watching as the Angel moved slowly through the city, trying to gauge  
the beast's capabilities from the way it moved. "AT field pattern is  
blue! This is an Angel, without a doubt!"  
  
"And it managed to slip in past our detection systems," noted Kaji,  
standing a few feet behind Gendou. Fuyutsuki, at one side of the  
commander, seemed surprised at the younger man's presence, but Gendou  
simply raised a hand to indicate that he was fully aware of the  
situation, stopping the vice-commander's turn without even turning the  
gaze. Kaji smirked, taking another few steps towards the commander  
casually. "Rather impressive, considering that we're talking about  
something that doesn't look capable of swift movement. I wouldn't  
think it could get past us that easily."  
  
"It couldn't," replied Gendou, only distantly listening to the shouts  
of the console technicians on the levels below, doing their best to  
analyze the beast with no thoughts about how it could have arrived.  
"Even if it materialized out of thin air right in the middle of Tokyo-  
3, the UN scanners would have detected it before it destroyed the power  
plant. The scanners have far too wide of a range to be that easily  
avoided."  
  
Kaji nodded gravely, shooting a quick glance towards Fuyutsuki as if to  
remind the older man about their earlier conversation. Fuyutsuki said  
nothing, simply kept staring at the main display, and Kaji shrugged,  
stepping slightly in front of Gendou and staring at the commander's  
reflective glasses with a slight smirk. "So if it got in without us  
knowing, somebody let it get in. And I know it wasn't us." He paused  
for a moment, glancing over his shoulder back at the gigantic spider.  
"You think this is part of the old men's plan?"  
  
"There's no question about it," replied Gendou, calmly adjusting his  
glasses as though Kaji had simply asked for the location of the  
restroom. "They know far more about the Angels than they are willing  
to reveal to anyone. And I would not put it beyond them to send an  
Angel to us where we live." He paused for a moment, staring at the  
screen still, his expression unmoving, then reached over and bent the  
microphone slightly in front of him down towards his mouth, knowing  
that the amplification was necessary for the technicians to hear him.  
"What is the status of the Evangelion units?"  
  
On the second level of the command center, both of the technicians  
froze for a moment, then Maya turned to her console, drawing up the  
dimly-lit feed to the Eva hangars. "All six units are prepared for  
combat," she replied, sounding somewhat nervous about the words. "But  
we don't have any pilots. And with Tokyo-3's power cut off, we can't  
even sound the Angel alert."  
  
Gendou resisted the urge to frown, knowing full well what was going on  
with the Angel's sudden attack and the loss of power. "Reach as many  
of the city's emergency support personnel as is possible via cellular  
phone," he said curtly, making sure to remain calm, knowing that he was  
being watched carefully. "Tell them to spread the alert through the  
city through any means possible, and to evacuate the city's population  
to the outskirts. The Angel is after Central Dogma; it will not  
pursue." He paused, then stared at the Angel once again, watching it  
slowly lumber towards the center of Tokyo-3, remaining confident in its  
eventual destruction.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil simultaneously loved to take walks in the middle of the day and  
hated them, both for the exact same reason. He'd been informed by  
Misato that the sort of widescale desertion of the city seemed to  
happen in most Japanese cities, that everyone was at work in the middle  
of the day for the most part, leaving the streets almost entirely empty  
as Neil walked through them. On one level, it was extremely nice to  
not have to compete with others for space or volume, to simply be able  
to walk casually through the whitewashed streets with the sun pouring  
down on him, to soak up the inexplicable serentiy of the fortress city  
with only a few people around to possibly distract him. On another  
level, however, it meant that he had nothing to dull the sound of his  
own thoughts, even when the last thing he wanted was to be with himself.  
  
At the time, he'd felt guilty about knowing what he'd done the night of  
their first kiss, the way he'd let himself think about her as nothing  
more than a sex object. He had been almost certain that she'd known,  
that she was trying to force him into showing that to her, making it  
clear to her what a demented little pervert he really was. But the  
more he thought about it, the more he realized that she hadn't had the  
vaguest idea about what he'd done to her in spirit, a thought that  
somehow made him feel even more disgusted with himself as he turned a  
corner, heading unconsciously towards Eiko's school despite the fact  
that lunch was hours away. Knowing that she was genuinely asking him  
about what he thought only made him feel worse about the way he'd acted  
in the morning, as though he'd been trying to convince her that she was  
unattractive despite the fact of the matter.  
  
"I don't deserve her," he muttered, his thoughts drifting to Eiko, mind  
fully aware that he shouldn't be thinking of Eiko of all people but  
unable to tear away from his mental picture of the girl. He felt as  
though he were betraying Nieve anew simply by thinking about the other  
girl, as though he was driving a dagger through her heart as his feet  
pulled him without thought towards the girl's school. "I don't think I  
deserve Nieve. That's got to be it." He sighed heavily, feeling  
something else bubbling beneath his guilt, as though he'd given himself  
the wrong conclusion, that there was something else lying beneath his  
own insecurities.  
  
Stepping to the crosswalks of an intersection, his finger pressed the  
button to request a walk signal automatically, head sinking to the  
street and waiting for the telltale noise that announced it was safe to  
walk. Lost in his own guilt, it took Neil a few minutes to realize  
that there hadn't been any noise even though there should have been,  
and glancing up to the traffic lights his eyes widened when he realized  
that the lights themselves had gone out. Frowning, he glanced down the  
street both ways, then started running, his sneakers making a light  
slapping noise against the pavement as he dashed to the other side and  
started moving consciously towards the school, hoping that the others  
might know something about what was going on.  
  
He had no idea of the time between when he started running and when he  
arrived at the school, his brain blotting the interceding minutes out  
in a blur of fast-moving scenery and the rythymic sound of his feet  
hitting against the pavement. All he knew as that the school's entire  
population seemed to be already waiting for him as he rushed to the  
front gates, milling awkwardly about the courtyard in front of the  
white school building and talking to one another in hushed voices.  
Frowning, Neil glanced about for a moment, then caught a glimpse of  
Ryo's thin blue hair, enough to send him jogging through the glut of  
students towards the other boy. "Ryo! Ryo!"  
  
Ryo turned towards Neil slowly, almost sluggishly, movements that would  
have seemed robotic in anyone other than the strange pale boy. As Neil  
neared his position, he could see that Vash and Eiko were standing  
nearby, obviously as confused as everyone else by the circumstances.  
"The power went out," Ryo said flatly, somehow managing to sound as  
though he wasn't simply explaining the blatanly obvious. "Our teacher  
assumed that something must be wrong. He told us to wait out here for  
the Angel alert."  
  
Neil frowned, his own jumble of guilty feelings pressed beneath the  
reality of the situation. "I haven't seen any signs of the UN  
aerodrones," he noted, gesturing towards the sky somewhat idly. "Why  
would it have to be an Angel attack?"  
  
"Because it's obvious," replied Vash with a shrug, speaking louder than  
was absolutely necessary. "Take a look around you. This entire city  
is designed to fight the Angels. Whenever anything big happens here,  
it involves either NERV or the Angels. Hell, the parents of most of  
the children in this school work for NERV or a company related to it."  
He shrugged, gesturing his arms in a wide arc as though he was trying  
to impress somebody, a thought that Neil found just the slightest bit  
disturbing in light of his own feelings about Eiko. "So if something  
goes wrong... well, if you lived in a city structured around the  
Angels, what would -you- assume?"  
  
"I live here too, Vash," replied Neil, sounding slightly exasperated as  
he glanced around the area, the other students giving the four Children  
more space as though the Angel was targeting them specifically. It was  
an odd sensation, being so visibly isolated, and Neil felt a pang of  
something that he couldn't quite place before he turned back towards  
the group. "So what do -we- assume? Should we head for Central Dogma,  
or -"  
  
The boy's words were cut short by the loud screeching of tires from  
down the street, followed by a load engine roar that seemed to fill the  
street and hurtle towards the school like a meteor. Everyone standing  
in the courtyard of the school seemed to turn towards the source of the  
noise at once, watching a billowing cloud of exhaust trailing behind  
the source vehicle as it screamed down the street, finally revealing  
itself as a red compact car, obviously not designed for the sort of  
driving it was receiving. The Children watched as the car turned and  
screeched to a stop, the howl of screeching tires filling the air  
before it froze in place and the driver's-side door opened forcefully.  
  
Smiling broadly, Nieve leaned out from behind the driver's seat, waving  
at the four Children enthusiastically. "Hey, guys!" she shouted,  
leaning slightly further and waving the group over. Neil started  
walking first, followed closely by Ryo and more distantly by Eiko and  
Vash. "The police are sweeping the city, and they got to us first.  
It's an Angel attack, but NERV doesn't have power, either. Disabled by  
the Angel's arrival."  
  
Nieve's sudden appearance had shocked most of the courtyard's residents  
into silence, but the announcement of an Angel attack started most of  
the students talking once again, Japanese pouring out of their mouths  
in panicked tones. "They must have recognized the word Angel,"  
muttered Nieve, scowling momentarily towards the ground before turning  
back towards the assembly. "Hey! Listen! You don't have to worry!  
The Angel is only headed towards the center of the city! Wait for the  
police, and they'll help you evacuate towards the edges! You'll be  
fine!" She paused for a moment, perceiving only a visible increase in  
the panic of the area at the mention of the word "angel." "Vash, could  
you translate that?"  
  
Vash cocked his head slightly, curious why she asked him, and Neil felt  
the same curiosity, suddenly wondering if he was getting what he  
deserved for his actions earlier in the day. Then Vash shouted  
something in Japanese, and Nieve smirked once again as the courtyard's  
inhabitants seemed to calm slightly. "All right! Everyone, get in the  
car now! I've already picked up Niobe, and we're in a rush! There's  
an Angel on the loose!"  
  
The four Children glanced at one another for a moment, then all four  
ran towards the car, Vash reaching it first with trained muscles and  
opening the door for the others. Neil prepared to get in, then  
hesitated and glanced towards Nieve, giving her a somewhat quizzical  
look. "How did you get the car, anyways?" he asked, giving the car  
another look and distantly noting that her expression seemed to droop  
into shock slightly. "Misato took her car to work this morning, and I  
know you don't have a car here -"  
  
Feeling a hand close around his chin, Neil had only an instant to smell  
the natural perfume of Nieve's skin before the girl jerked his face  
towards hers, pressing her head close to his, less than an inch between  
them as her lips parted slightly. "Girls get to have secrets," she  
whispered alluringly, smiling broadly and making a quick kissing motion  
with her lips before leaning away from Neil and releasing his chin as  
she slipped back into the driver's seat. Neil paused for a moment,  
then sat in the backseat, feeling himself wedged against Ryo. He gave  
a quick glance towards the pale boy, and the boy stared back, red eyes  
emotionless as usual.  
  
Nieve, only concerned with the fact that all of her necessary  
passengers had arrived, smirked broadly, slammed the car into reverse,  
and whirled it around towards the nearest entrance to Central Dogma.  
Ignoring the shouts of her passengers, she slammed on the gas, letting  
the tires squeal for a moment before the car went screaming towards the  
Children's destination.  
  
]++[  
  
Her hand gripping the small red-white plastic card firmly, Nieve swiped  
the card defiantly through the small scanner at the door once again,  
then glanced up at the massive gray doors, expecting them to slide open  
and split the NERV logo painted on them in half as they revealed an  
entrance to the Geo-Front. "God DAMN it!" she snapped, slamming her  
fist against the scanner and turning back towards the other Children,  
all standing near the car and watching as Nieve tried desperately to  
open the door set slightly into the side of a hill. She knew that an  
explanation was unnecessary, but more than anything she wanted to give  
one just to make herself feel better, as though she'd screwed up  
slightly less. "The scanners aren't going to read our cards," she  
announced, not even bothering to mask her anger. "Who in the hell  
designs an emergency power system that seals you off from help?"  
  
"We're not cut off," replied Ryo flatly, stepping towards Nieve and  
gesturing towards the lower corner of the door. Nieve followed the  
gesture with her eyes, letting them rest on a small square grate that  
was barely big enough to let a person crawl through. "The air ducts of  
the base are designed to allow entry during situations like this. We  
can crawl through there and then make our way to the Eva hangars."  
  
Staring at the duct for a moment, Nieve sighed, sounding dissatisfied  
with the plan. "That could take forever. By the time we find the  
hangars, the Angel could be done with whatever it came for. And  
besides, if the doors out here aren't working, I doubt the doors within  
are going to be much better." She paused and stared for a moment, then  
sighed loudly once again, shaking her head even as she tried to think  
of a better plan. "Maybe there's another way in for things like this.  
I know that the Ireland NERV base had an external entrance that led  
directly into the Eva hangars... maybe we've got one here, too."  
  
"That could take -longer-," argued Vash, speaking loudly enough to draw  
everyone's attention towards him. He shifted somewhat uncomfortably,  
wanting more than anything to finally have a chance to do well with his  
Eva, more than aware of the fact that his performance had been rather  
lackluster aside from his action against the Seventh Angel and that he  
still hadn't lived down all of his original bragging. "If we go in  
through the air ducts, at least we know that we'll get in. Wandering  
around searching for an alternate entrance might wind up making  
everything worse."  
  
Nieve frowned for a moment, knowing that the responsibility for the  
group had to fall on her, that she was the most capable of keeping  
control of the situation. Forcing thoughts of the morning's events out  
of the mind, she took another quick glance towards the air duct, then  
nodded. "All right, we'll need to split up, then. Three pilots  
against one Angel should be more than fair, and with any luck power  
will be restored sometime soon." She glanced at Neil, trying to figure  
out whether she was angry with him or herself. "Who's heading into the  
ducts?"  
  
Vash and Ryo both raised their hands in almost perfect unison, and  
Nieve paused for a moment, glancing at both of the boys briefly before  
sighing. She knew that neither of them would be able to keep  
themselves under control, and that meant that either herself or Neil  
would have to go with them, since she hardly trusted the others to keep  
the situation stable. "All right, then I'll deal with the ducts, too,"  
she offered, realizing a moment later that Neil and Eiko were winding  
up in the same group. She frowned briefly, looking towards the boy and  
staring at him.  
  
"We'll search for something outside," Neil offered, taking a step  
towards Nieve hesitantly, then awkwardly planting his hands on her  
shoulders. He began to move towards her lips to kiss her, but she  
smirked and put a finger over his lips, stopping him mid-motion and  
winking at him. Neil frowned slightly, obviously still feeling bad,  
but Nieve made another quick kissing motion at him, some little sense  
of relief creeping into her at the thought that he was at least aware  
of the situation. "First team to get to their Evas launches first, I  
suppose."  
  
The boy released Nieve's shoulders, then glanced to his left and his  
right, trying to decide which way to start looking first. At length,  
he turned to his left and started walking, Niobe following closely  
afterwards. "Don't worry," called Eiko, putting a little more distance  
between herself and Neil, her pace indicating that the situation wasn't  
going to last long. "I'll keep a close eye on Neil for you."  
  
Nieve frowned, staring at the group as they walked away, now suddenly  
wishing that she'd let Neil kiss her before. She'd felt for a moment  
as though she'd regained control in their relationship, but now she  
couldn't be sure of whether or not he was simply trying to humor her.  
"That's exactly what I'm worried about in the -first- place," she  
muttered at Eiko's receding form, tapping her foot impatiently for a  
moment before turning towards Vash and Ryo, storming over towards the  
air duct. "Come on. Let's get this moving."  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's shirt was untucked, one hand lifting her now sweat-soaked  
purple hair away from her neck and the other flapping the open bottom  
of her shirt in some attempt to cool herself off. Sitting at the  
opposite corner of the room, Ritsuko had unzipped her top down about as  
far as it could go without becoming outright obscene, her makeup  
beginning to smear slightly from sweat. She was still puffing on a  
cigarette, and the bitter taste of smoke filling the room combined with  
the salty taste of her sweat was an unpleasant combination for Misato,  
especially in the suffocating heat of the elevator. "This is  
terrible," she muttered. "How long do you think it's going to be  
before they get us out of here?"  
  
Ritsuko stared into space for a moment, then glanced up towards the  
lights on the ceiling, shifting her body slightly with an audible noise  
from her shirt. "The emergency power came on about twenty minutes  
ago," she replied after a moment's thought, glancing back down towards  
her clipboard almost idly. "As soon as it came back on, they would  
have sent a request for an alternate power feed from Tokyo-2." She  
paused. "It depends on how mad Tokyo-2 is with NERV, I suppose."  
  
"So we're going to be here for a while," muttered Misato in response,  
slumping to the floor as Ritsuko gave a quick nod. Inwardly, Misato  
was cursing at the Japanese government - the war games had done a great  
deal to smooth over relations with the military, but it had been cited  
by a large number of anti-NERV groups as reckless endangerment of  
civilian lives for a purpose peripheral to NERV's creation. And even  
if the Prime Minister was supportive of NERV, if he rushed in to help  
them, it could be severely damaging to his chances in the next  
election. "And I thought that my biggest problem today was going to be  
Kaji."  
  
"Why are you so angry with him?" asked Ritsuko, cocking her head  
slightly to one side and staring at Misato, a thin trail of smoke  
wafting out of the corner of her mouth. Misato said nothing, simply  
turned her head towards the wall, but she had the creeping suspicion  
that Ritsuko wasn't about to let the situation rest. "After all, you  
left him, not the other way around. And you said yourself that he's  
dating somebody else. So what's the problem?" She continued to stare  
at Misato patiently, a thin smile on her lips as she waited for her old  
friend to respond.  
  
"-Everything-," replied Misato at length, still not turning her head  
towards Ritsuko. "He's irresponsible, unreliable, self-centered,  
arrogant..." She sighed, shaking her head and turning towards the  
blonde woman, surveying her somewhat critically. "Really, why in the  
name of God would he be thinking about -dating-? It's a step beyond  
his usual irresonsibility into outright recklessness."  
  
Unable to keep herself from laughing, Ritsuko stared towards the light  
fixtures in the ceiling of the elevator, the same thin smile playing  
across her lips as though she had a secret. "I'm surprised to hear you  
say that, of all people. We both know that you're more... amorous than  
I am." Ritsuko tilted her head towards the other woman, and Misato  
smirked weakly back. "Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it.  
It seems like entirely the right time to find some comfort."  
  
"But that's not fair to the woman!" replied Misato, slamming her fist  
against the wall of the elevator with more force that Ritsuko would  
have expected. "We've got a responsibility to this project, to devote  
ourselves and our time to it. If he's taking his job here seriously,  
then he can't take a relationship seriously, and if he takes his  
relationship seriously he'll fall behind here." She paused for a  
moment, Kaji's face drifting across her memory, remembering that she'd  
tried to say much the same thing to her father at one point. "It just  
isn't right."  
  
"You're being narrow-minded," replied Ritsuko rather firmly, a note of  
resentment creeping into her voice. "Maybe Kaji would find someone  
that was just as devoted to their work as he was to his, someone who  
wouldn't feel as though she was being deserted. That could be  
wonderful, almost perfect." She paused for a moment, and Misato looked  
towards the other woman, unable to figure out the expression in her  
eyes, at once wistful and guilty. "Someone like me, for example."  
  
The comment struck Misato harshly, and she stared at her friend, trying  
to figure out what she meant, forcing her mind to continue working  
through the bitter cigarette smoke and the thick coating of sweat  
tracing over her skin. "You're enamoured with him?" she asked, cocking  
an eyebrow slightly, hoping that she'd understood the scientist  
correctly. Then Ritsuko turned towards Misato with an oddly  
condescending stare, and Misato suddenly made the connection, her mouth  
falling partway open as she stared at Ritsuko. "You... you wouldn't."  
  
"Don't be naive," replied Ritsuko flatly, sounding even a little  
insulted by Misato's response as she turned her head back towards the  
clipboard, ignoring the anger growing across Misato's face. "Even if  
you don't want Kaji any more, he's a charming man. Certainly more than  
I ever expected." She paused for a moment, then looked up at Misato  
disapprovingly, appearing much older as if through a trick of the  
light. "Or did you want him for yourself, just like before?"  
  
Misato frowned deeply, hurling herself to her feet and staring at the  
other woman, suddenly feeling unspeakably violated. It would have been  
better, she realized, if it wasn't Ritsuko, if it was someone new,  
somebody that she couldn't remember Kaji ever having met. But the  
knowledge that her best friend and her lover from college were together  
seemed to taint her memories, almost like a backward-spreading cancer.  
"It has nothing to do with whether or not I want him!" she snapped,  
trying her best to sound determined. "Ritsuko... how could you? How  
could you violate me like this, steal someone that I -"  
  
"Stop it," snapped Ritsuko, glaring at the other woman with an  
intensity that Misato couldn't remember having ever seen on the blonde  
woman's face. She felt a momentary rush of curiosity that both  
terrified her and intruiged her as Ritsuko pulled herself up to face  
Misato, trying to remain dignified despite the sweat draining through  
her hair and the smeared makeup across her face. "In case you hadn't  
noticed, Misato, it's been -years- since then. Maybe time stood still  
for you after college, but the rest of us have been trying to -do-  
something with ourselves." She turned her head away from Misato, eyes  
shutting. "Or is that really what you think of me? That I'm not even  
fit to have what you've discarded? A great friend you've turned out to  
be."  
  
"That..." Misato's mouth hung half-open for a moment, wanting to say  
something but unsure of what, then let her mouth close and shook her  
head as she turned away from Ritsuko. She wanted to know why it made  
her so much angrier that it was Ritsuko instead of someone else, why  
she felt as though she would have been able to deal with the situation  
otherwise, but all she felt was a growing sense of abandonment in her  
gut, and the desire to let all her memories burn away in a haze of  
forgiving alcohol.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil had never quite understood why the field that protected the Angels  
was called an Absolute Terror field, but staring ath the massive,  
spider-like beast off into the distance, feeling the summer breeze whip  
across his body like a harbinger, the name suddenly seemed to seem far  
more appropriate to the sense that the beasts exuded if not the  
function of the field. Shaking his head, he turned back towards the  
small recessed portion of the hill, fingers tracing along the edges of  
the grass and slipping beneath them, feeling the grass pull away with  
little resistance to reveal a single door with a metal handle set into  
it. Neil didn't even have to look at it closely to know that it bore  
the red NERV insignia, and he turned towards the lower point of the  
hill where Eiko and Niobe were searching. "Guys! I think I've found  
something!"  
  
Both girls stared at him for a moment, then ran up to Neil's location  
as he gripped the handles of the door and pulled them out, feeling the  
harsh resistance of something both designed to be used only in  
emergencies and something that hadn't been well-maintained. As the two  
girls arrived, Neil felt the door give, and as the handles finished  
coming out of the door he heard an audible pop as the door swung  
inwards. "Yep," he muttered, glancing down the dimly-lit shaft that  
the door seemed to lead to, the surface of the corridor seeming  
perfectly sheer. "This is an entrance. Or something."  
  
"It's a high-speed entrance," announced Niobe, kneeling towards the  
black hole and feeling a momentary surge of relief - they would be  
getting to their machines first, something that she hoped would impress  
Ryo slightly. "They're usually used as emergency escapes instead of  
entrances, but I've seen them before. You get in and just slide along  
with it." She shrugged. "Considering how far down the Geo-Front is,  
it seems like a reasonable method of emergency entry."  
  
"Super Fun Happy Slide," Eiko and Neil said in perfect unison, both  
glancing at one another and blushing as Niobe looked back at them with  
a disapproving stare. Neil spoke first, his thoughts temporarily off  
his continuing regrets with Nieve. "I didn't think that they had that  
show over here. They translate it?"  
  
Eiko sighed, then shook her head and smacked Neil lightly. "I speak  
English too, remember?" she asked, and Neil's eyes widened with further  
embarassment as Eiko laughed gently. "Don't feel bad. I think that  
they've translated most of the show, but for some reason the government  
didn't want them airing it on television until after the whole thing  
had been completed. It might have been because of -"  
  
"Angel attacking," Niobe said flatly, drawing both of the other  
Children's attention back towards her as they flushed slightly. She  
shook her head, then jumped into the chute, and both Neil and Eiko  
could hear a soft swishing noise as the fabric of her clothes rubbed  
against the metal of the corridor's walls. Both of the other Children  
moved to the edge, taking a moment to stare into the darkness before  
Neil took a deep breath and threw himself into the chute.  
  
The tunnel was dimly lit, but only enough to slightly disorient Neil as  
he felt himself plunge into a black field of nothingness, the tunnel  
taking turns that seemed nonsensical and sending him hurtling along at  
speeds he couldn't believe. It reminded him slightly of the Eva launch  
in reverse, and as the lights continued to flash against his eyes the  
comparison seemed oddly apt, his body hurtling through the darkness  
with no way of relating its position to anything, feeling only the  
insane turns of the tunnel that seemed to conform to no human logic.  
By the time that the end was in sight, his inner ear had been thrown so  
far out that he fell to his hands and knees on the padded cushion  
waiting for him, the entire room gyrating about his head as though he  
were still on the slide.  
  
Less than a second later, he felt something slam hard into his back  
from a direction that he couldn't quite place due to the continuing  
sense of vertigo, and as he was having difficulty even staying stable  
on all fours he couldn't hope to do anything but fall as the soft  
weight impacted against his spine. He let out a small grunt as he felt  
his body roll, only vaguely aware of movement, still feeling as though  
he was descending towards the base. Gritting his teeth, he shut his  
eyes, forcing himself to remain stable until he felt his balance re-  
assert itself, his body telling him that he was lying down on a padded  
something, a warm weight lying on top of him.  
  
Still disoriented, Neil didn't even begin to consider what that warm  
weight might be until he opened his eyes to see Eiko lying on top of  
him, body pressed against his, one hand clutching at his chest and head  
resting only slightly below eye level. Her fine black hair fell  
loosely around him, and Neil suddenly found himself reacting to the  
girl's presence involuntarily, his hands beginning to move towards  
her. Guilt surged in the back of his head, and he stopped himself for  
a moment before grabbing Eiko's shoulders and shaking her gently.  
"Eiko."  
  
Opening her eyes, the girl glanced down at Neil, then her eyes widened  
and she more or less hurled herself off the boy, acting as though she  
was absolutely devestated. "Gomen nasai," she blurted, seeming to  
realize only a second later that she was talking to Neil and that he  
didn't speak her language. "I mean, I'm sorry." They stared at one  
another for a moment, then Eiko smiled, laughing slightly. "Heh...  
it's as though we were dating, isn't it? Wouldn't -that- be something?"  
  
Neil wanted to believe that the girl was only kidding on some level,  
that she really did want to be dating him, but the tone of her voice  
seemed to suggest otherwise. "Yeah, that'd be something," he replied,  
half-muttering, rubbing the back of his head and feeling a tightness in  
his chest as though he'd lost something. He opened his mouth to speak  
again, then decided against it and stood, glancing around to try and  
see where Niobe had gone, half-expecting that she'd already forgotten  
about Neil and Eiko and was trying to get her Eva launched.  
  
Instead, Niobe was standing only a few feet away, her stare somewhere  
between angry and simply condescending. "We have other things to be  
doing at the moment," she said flatly, tapping her foot softly as Eiko  
stood, her arms folded across her chest as she stepped to one side of  
the entrance to one of Central Dogma's mazelike teal-gray corridors.  
"I recognize where we are. The locker room is just a little ways from  
here. Take a right at the end of the corridor, and we're there."  
  
Eiko and Neil exchanged one last glance, then nodded, and Eiko took off  
down the corridor, running past Niobe as Neil began to take off after  
her. Before he even got in the hallway, however, Niobe's arm had come  
up to block his path, and he froze in place, wondering why the African  
girl didn't want him to follow. "Is something wrong?" he asked,  
glancing down the hallway once again, seeing that Eiko hadn't waited  
and feeling the same tightness in his chest once again.  
  
"You have a girlfriend, don't you?" asked Niobe, sounding almost as  
though she was playing the role of the disciplinarian. Neil looked at  
her reluctantly for a moment, then nodded, trying to read the  
expression behind her stern blue eyes, why the girl was so angry with  
him. "I know full well that you were enjoying Eiko on top of you. I  
was standing right over here the whole time." She paused. "Don't be  
an idiot, Third Child."  
  
Niobe lingered for a moment longer, then turned on her heel, heading  
down the corridor that Eiko had gone, leaving Neil in the entrance to  
the corridor with his eyes somewhat blank. He felt as though he'd lost  
something from the tone that Eiko had taken with him, that she'd left  
him even though he knew that he'd never really had her in the first  
place. The though felt awkward, and he closed his eyes for a second,  
thinking of Nieve, the redheaded girl's quick expressions, her strong  
emotions. He thought that she might ease his pain, but he only found  
himself feeling more guilty even as he though more about Eiko, wanted  
her to take back her words, wanted even to ask her if them being  
together was really so ludicrous.  
  
"I shouldn't feel this way," muttered Neil, shaking his head as he  
began running down the hall, trying to lose himself in the simple  
rythym of his legs hitting the metal floor. He wanted to apologize to  
Nieve. He wanted to have Eiko. More than anything, he wanted to get  
inside of the Eva and forget, to try and blot out the day for just a  
moment, to lose himself in the simple act of moving the machine.  
  
]++[  
  
"Hold on a second." Nieve peeked down from the grate that led down  
into the corridors of Central Dogma, straining her eyes to try and pick  
out a definite mark on the corridor walls, the task difficult under  
normal circumstances and nigh-impossible with little to no light and  
when staring out from a ventillation duct. Frowning, she gave one last  
glance, then stared back at Vash and Ryo. "I can't tell. I don't  
think we've gone down at all since we got here, so I don't think the  
air ducts are going to get any closer. Maybe we can make the rest of  
the way on foot."  
  
The boys said nothing for a moment, and Nieve frowned, certain that  
Vash if not Ryo was staring up her skirt. At length, Ryo gestured that  
he wanted to move forward to look, and Nieve moved forward far enough  
for him to press his head against the grate, letting his red eyes flick  
around the scenery and take in the details. "That seems to be a  
reasonable assumption," he announced at length. "However, the grate is  
sealed on. We don't have any way to get it off."  
  
Vash smirked, and he elbowed his way past Ryo, an admirable feat  
considering that the ducts were barely large enough to fit a single  
occupant crawling along. "That's why you've got me here," replied Vash  
with a smirk, winking at Nieve before slamming his elbow hard against  
the center of the grate. The sound of straining metal was heard, and  
Vash slammed his elbow down once again, letting the metal strain again  
before he hit it one final time and the grate went clattering to the  
floor. Pausing for a moment, he grinned broadly, gesturing towards  
himself, obviously expected praise.  
  
"If -you- hadn't done it, -I- would have," Nieve announced flatly,  
shoveing her foot into Vash's face lightly enough to avoid actually  
injuring him but hard enough to make it perfectly clear that it was  
time for him to move. He frowned, but she ignored him, pushing him  
backwards until she had access to the now-opened grate hole, the  
darkened corridor visible just beneath. Taking a deep breath, she  
wrapped her fingers around the lip of the hole and let herself fall out  
of the grate, hanging for just a moment before she released her grip  
and landed solidly on the floor. It was the sort of training she'd  
gotten more or less unintentionally after years in NERV, and she  
smirked up at Vash, the boy's expression no longer so certain. "Are  
you coming?"  
  
Scowling, Vash shoved himself through the hole, falling gracefully to  
the ground and landing squarely, taking a moment to recover before  
standing at his full height and glancing around. "I don't recognize  
this part of Central Dogma," he said flatly as Ryo landed lightly  
behind he and Nieve, taking a few steps and looking around, arms folded  
across his chest. "And I've been all over this facility since I got  
here. We must be going the wrong way." He paused, then smirked back  
at Nieve. "Looks like you should have let me navigate."  
  
"No, then we'd be -lost-," replied Nieve, eliciting another minor glare  
from Vash as she glanced around, fixing her eyes on the door at the end  
of the hallway. Storming over to it, she ignored Vash's quick call of  
protest that the doors were sealed, simply searching for the emergency  
access panel that she knew was there. Her hands traced along the  
surface to the right of the door for a moment, then she felt the slight  
depression, and letting her fingers slip underneath the panel she gave  
a tug and let the obscuring panel clatter to the ground. "Now, we just  
need to get this open, and then hopefully it'll be smooth sailing."  
  
Behind the panel was the manual crank to open the door, and Nieve  
grasped the handle firmly in her hands, putting her body weight behind  
her and forcing the thing to turn. Then she felt it refuse to turn,  
and she frowned for a moment as she gave it another shove, trying again  
to make the door start to open. If the door made any movement, it was  
negligible, and Nieve frowned, beginning to grow irritated as she  
forced the handle again and felt it refuse to budge. "Damn thing's  
jammed," she muttered under her breath, forcing it once again, refusing  
to admit that she'd lost control of the situation, knowing that it was  
only a matter of time before the door began moving.  
  
Then she felt another pair of hands slip in and remove hers from the  
handle, barely giving her a chance to say anything before they began to  
strain against the crank and slowly turn it. She glared at Vash, but  
he merely offered a smile, a warmer sort than the self-confident smirk  
that she was used to from the boy. "You can't do everything, you  
know," he said, glancing towards the door and cranking until it was  
open enough to fit a person through. "You need other people."  
  
"I would have gotten it," muttered Nieve, crossing her arms across her  
chest and shoving past Vash through the door, feeling as though the day  
was making her useless in every possible way as she walked ahead of the  
boys through the corridors. She'd lost control of the situation with  
Neil in the morning, and now Vash was undermining her authority at  
NERV. Glancing around quickly, she gritted her teeth, trying her best  
to remind herself of who she was as she whirled to face Vash and Ryo on  
her heel, face hard. "All right! I've figured out where we need to  
go! We have to open that door, then we'll be ready to take the stairs  
down towards the locker room!" She gestured emphatically towards one  
of the doors slightly down the hall, looking towards Vash and expecting  
him to say something in protest.  
  
Vash simply stared back at her, but Ryo stepped forward, the expression  
on his face impossible to read as usual. "That would lead us back to  
the surface," he said flatly, stepping past Nieve even as she stared at  
him in exasperation, trying to figure out if both of the boys were  
conspiring against her in this. "The door you're talking about is down  
here, at the end of the hall." He paused in both his walking and his  
speech, cocking his head backwards towards the remaining Children.  
"Vash, could you help open it?"  
  
"H-hey! I'm in charge of this operation!" Nieve placed her hands  
firmly on her hips, glaring at both Vash and Ryo as they headed towards  
the door at the end of the hall. "You two don't go anywhere unless I  
say that you should!" She remained in place for a moment, waiting for  
the boys to turn and return to her, the sinking feeling in her gut  
confirming what she saw when neither seemed to notice. She closed her  
eyes tightly for a moment, feeling an intense rush of anger through her  
body before she started down the hallway, skirt swirling around her  
hips. "And I'm ordering you to open that door, like Ryo suggested!"  
  
Both of the boys seemed only to take peripheral notice of Nieve when  
she arrived at the door with them, Vash slowly opening the door with  
obvious effort. Nieve shoved past both of them as the door opened,  
standing in the doorway for a moment as though she were about to say  
something, then simply sighing and shaking her head as she started  
walking in the direction that she knew the stairs lay. She hesitated  
only momentarily to check that the boys were following her, and she  
felt her chest tense slightly with the worry that she really had let  
herself lose control. Shutting her eyes for just a second, she forced  
the thought out of her head and kept walking.  
  
]++[  
  
"This is better than I'd hoped," Neil sighed, feeling the warm  
stickiness of the LCL begin to lap at his ankles as the cockpit filled,  
leaving out his internal appendix that it was also worse of some  
levels. By the time they'd reached the docks the staff had already  
detected the Children within the building, the arrival coming just in  
time as the Angel slowly advanced towards the center of the city. It  
was, academically, a good thing, knowing that the three Evas were going  
to be able to engage the Angel, and as Neil felt the Eva's restraints  
disengage he knew that he was doing the right thing. But on another  
level, the last thing he wanted to do was to feel the Eva's mind  
tickling at the back of his own when he felt this guilty, already  
sensing that distant red haze of battle.  
  
EVA-01's retraints snapped away as the LCL finished flooding the  
chamber and Neil felt the Eva's external form embrace his, waiting only  
for the telltale lurch of the unit towards the launch bay. It took  
only a moment of waiting to realize that something was going wrong,  
that the Eva wasn't moving. "Um... er... Mr. Hyuga?" asked Neil,  
trying to remember the name of the console tech that had taken over  
Misato's job in her absence, glancing around the massive empty room in  
hopes that there was simply some detail that would make everything  
clear to him. "Why aren't we being launched against the Angel?"  
  
"We can't launch you," replied the young man's voice, and Neil frowned,  
turning his Eva around to fast the closed door that normally slid  
upwards to allow the Eva motion to the launch pad. The door itself was  
partially raised, just enough for Neil to kneel down and force it the  
rest of the way open as the console tech continued to talk to him.  
"We've only barely got the energy to keep powering the Eva units, much  
less enough to operate our launch pads. Luckily, the pads are equipped  
with emergency ladders for your units - you'll just have to climb up to  
the Angel."  
  
As Neil stepped out from his holding bay, he glanced to his right to  
see EVA-04 and EVA-05 approaching his position as well, Eiko flashing  
him a quick thumb's up as he began to climb up the launch tube as  
Makoto directed. It was slow going, and it wasn't until after the Evas  
were already in the tubes that Makoto revealed they would be using an  
emergency exit located directly over Central Dogma, explaining that it  
had the only door that they could open. The launch tubes had always  
seemed shockingly brief when being launched through them, but as Neil  
worked his way up the emergency launch tube, hearing the other two Evas  
climbing behind him, it seemed as though the corridors would go on  
forever, lit only by the natural glow of the Eva's eyes.  
  
Glancing up towards the top of the tunnel, Neil could see the sunlight  
streaming in, that the hatch had already been opened. "All right," he  
shouted down towards the other pilots as he picked up his pace. "Looks  
like it's just a little further towards the surface. Once we get  
there, we'll be set." He turned back towards the exit, focusing on the  
shimmering light at the end, hands and feet moving resolutely, almost a  
pleasingly monotonous action to distract him from himself.  
  
Then the light at the end of the launch tube suddenly went dark, and  
Neil's eyes went wide as he realized the Angel was moving over the tube  
to block it, as if it had known they were coming. A single eye stared  
down at him from the bottom of a disklike body, and for a moment Neil  
wondered if perhaps the Angel could only observe them before he noticed  
that there was an odd orange rim forming around the Angel's eye.  
Gritting his teeth, he forced as much power as he could into his AT  
field, hoping to block off whatever the Angel was about to unleash.  
  
Running into the Eva hangars, Nieve could see at a glance that the  
others had already launched their machines, and she inwardly cursed at  
herself for not having kept things under tighter control even as she  
kept herself running down the catwalks that connected the huge  
chambers, ignoring the empty rooms and heading toward her own machine.  
"We're late," she muttered to herself, halting in front of EVA-02 and  
staring at the red goliath for a moment before moving towards the entry  
plug. The white cylinder was already opened, and trying to suppress  
her own anger towards herself she hopped into the cockpit, closing the  
hatch on the top and easing herself against the nylon of the seat.  
"I've got to keep it together. Keep it under control."  
  
As the entry plug began moving towards her Eva, she heard the crackle  
of the radio's activation, confirming more than anything that the  
others had managed to get to the hangar first. "I'm glad you three  
were able to make it," announced Makoto, the voice a slight surprise to  
all three Children, Nieve able to figure out the implications as she  
felt her entry plug begin to slide into the back of the machine.  
"Captain Katsuragi isn't here yet - we don't know what's happened to  
her. The other three are trying to engage the Angel, but..." He  
paused for a moment as the LCL began to flood the Eva's cockpit without  
warning, a slight yelp from Vash coming over the radio. "I think  
they're having trouble."  
  
Still holding tightly to the ladder as though it were the only thing  
that could save his life, Neil winced as he felt the searing heat of  
acid inches away from his Eva, the octagonal ripples from the AT  
field's activation bursting across the air around him as he felt his  
vision blur slightly. He couldn't see the Angel above him, but he  
could hear the acid splashing outwards against the wall, corroding  
through the ladder as his grip faltered. "Eiko, Niobe, get back down  
to the bottom!" he shouted, trying to give some kind of orders more out  
of necessity than any idea of what he should do. Struggling to get a  
clear picture of the Angel, Neil saw the acidic orange liquid part in  
front of his vision only momentarily, and his eyes widened as he saw  
that there was a river of the stuff gushing out of the Angel's eye with  
the force of a tidal wave.  
  
For just a moment, Neil felt himself panic, the liquid hissing towards  
him with a force that he hadn't expected, and his focus left the AT  
field just enough as the liquid slammed into the field. The octagons  
rippled out for a moment, then the liquid tore through the field and  
washed along EVA-01's face and chest, steam rising from the Eva as its  
armor was corroded. Neil felt only vaguely like screaming, the pain  
too intense to even think for a moment, and any semblance of a grip  
he'd had on the ladder vanished as his throat managed a strangled gasp  
of pain, the Eva toppling off the ladder and falling backwards,  
slamming its back into the side of corridor as it fell down towards its  
comrades.  
  
Neil distantly heard Makoto shout something to him, but he couldn't  
make it out as he felt the harsh impact of EVA-04's shoulder flanges  
against his legs, then felt the weight of the other machine falling  
away from him as the world went into a hazy blur of yellow, silver, and  
flailing purple limbs hurtling towards the bottom of a dark gray  
corridor. It wasn't until he felt the harsh shock of impact at the  
bottom of the tunnel that his senses seemed to recover, the world  
slowing down as he felt the force of the other two Evas falling on top  
of him, forcing himself to ignore the lingering stinging in his skin as  
he glanced up towards the Angel, seeing the orange liquid beginning to  
trickle towards them once again. "Activate your AT fields to full  
power!" he shouted, not sure if Eiko or Niobe was listening as he  
concentrated completely on the field, knowing that things would be much  
worse now if the acid hit.  
  
As she crawled towards the vertical shaft, Nieve could see a cloud of  
what looked like steam rising from inside the shaft, and she felt minor  
surge of panic, then forced her Eva forward faster, trying to reach the  
shaft as fast as she could, knowing that Neil could very well be in  
danger. She was vaguely aware that Vash and Ryo were following behind  
her, hearing the clanging noises as their machine climbed along towards  
their destination, but she couldn't help but leave them behind as she  
lurched to a stop just short of the vertical shaft, looking downwards  
towards the tangle of Evas. "Neil!" she shouted, knowing that he would  
hear her through the radio regardless of her volume.  
  
"Don't come into the shaft!" shouted Neil, hearing the acid hiss  
against the combined AT fields of the three units at the bottom of the  
shaft once again, all thoughts of guilt evaporating as he got the  
unmistakable sensation that he was a fish in a barrel. The orange  
droplets were far slower than they had been when they forced the three  
Evas to the bottom of the tunnel, but they seemed to have lost none of  
their corrosiveness, and the moment the AT fields wore down he knew  
that they didn't have a chance. "Whatever's coming out of its eye,  
it's lethal." He grimaced as a droplet splashed against the AT field  
once again, trying his best to remain focused and fight down the sense  
of panic growing in his gut.  
  
Nieve grimaced for a moment, then felt her hands tighten almost  
involuntarily around the handles of the cockpit as she glanced over her  
shoulder towards Ryo and Vash. Both of them had heard the radio  
conversation, of that she was certain, and she flipped a switch on the  
handrests, grinning to herself as she opened a private channel to both  
of them. "All right, guys, we're going to have to deal with this Angel  
ourselves. Vash, you know how to throw a knife, right?"  
  
Vash stared at the girl for a moment, looking somewhat indignant in his  
little communication window as he nodded in response. "Who put you in  
charge?" he asked, sounding somewhat bitter.  
  
"I did," she replied flatly, giving a quick glance towards Ryo's  
display and making sure that he didn't seem to have any problem with  
her being in control. "Listen. On my mark, Ryo, spread your AT field  
as far as you can and place it at maximum power. I'm going to enter  
the shaft at that point and wedge myself in place so that if the Angel  
hits anything, it's going to hit me. Vash, when I'm in place, I'll  
call to you, and that's your cue to throw your prog knife at the  
thing. Understand?"  
  
Ryo simply nodded, while Vash seemed to suddenly take notice of what  
Nieve was saying, the plan that she described obviously not the plan  
that he'd expected to hear. "Didn't you hear what Neil said?" asked  
the boy, his face growing larger in the window of Nieve's display as  
his Eva moved slightly closer to her. "That thing's lethal! You  
should let me block the acid, and -"  
  
"-No-," replied Nieve firmly, knowing that she had to remain strong  
even if Vash protested, fully aware that any respect she had from the  
boys hinged on that fact. She rolled her Eva over so that it was lying  
against the bottom of the connection tunnel, facing up towards the  
Angel, her hands reaching up and gripping the lip of the entrance into  
the vertical tunnel. "My machine's designed for hostile enivornments,  
and I'm willing to bet that this qualifies. Ryo has the strongest AT  
field, so he's got the best chance of spreading it wide enough. And  
you've got the strongest muscle mass in your machine." She paused for  
a moment, smirking. "Besides, I've never been good at throwing knives."  
  
Opening his mouth again as if to try another protest, Vash hesitated,  
then simply closed his mouth and frowned, and Nieve closed the personal  
channel as she gripped the lip of the entrace more firmly, bracing her  
legs against the floor and letting herself wait just a moment. "Ready,  
Ryo?" she asked, glancing towards the boy's Eva and receiving a nod.  
She gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, then let her fingers dig in  
more tightly and tensed the muscles in her Eva's legs. "-Now!-"  
  
With a mighty push, Nieve's Eva seemed to rocket into the vertical  
tunnel, swinging upwards in a red blur as she distantly heard the noise  
of Ryo's AT field activating. Slamming her feet hard against the side  
of the tunnel with the ladder on it, Nieve wedged her heels in, forcing  
the Eva to remain in place, suspended just above the tumble of Evas at  
the bottom as the acid began to spray against her back. It was still  
sore from the prior day, but she forced herself to ignore it, gritting  
her teeth and digging her fingers in more deeply, reminding herself the  
acid was only hitting her AT field. The smell of burning metal began  
to mingle with the blood-scent of the LCL, and she closed her eyes,  
waiting for Vash's machine to move.  
  
Vash hesitated for just a second, trying to keep his hand steady as he  
deployed the prog knife from his shoulder and gripped the blade between  
his fingers. Then he nodded to himself and hurled himself forward,  
letting his machine twist as he lept out of the connecting tunnel into  
the vertical shaft, the Angel visible at the top, orange liquid  
spilling out from around its eye. Time seemed to slow down for just a  
moment, and Vash smirked involuntarily, feeling as though he'd become  
his namesake for just a moment, just the way that he'd always wanted.  
"Love and peace," he muttered, letting his arm snap upwards, fingers  
releasing the blade of the knife and letting it spin towards the  
Angel's eye.  
  
Then time restored itself, and several things seemed to happen at once  
as the dagger flew upwards without any sign of slowing. Vash's machine  
hit the opposite side of the vertical shaft hard, and the impact rocked  
the shaft enough that Nieve's feet slipped, her lower torso swinging  
back down and away from the wall, letting the acid fall freely towards  
the Evas at the bottom of the shaft. At the same moment, Neil's Eva  
stood forcefully, holding 05 and 04 gently and its AT field redoubling  
its power as the acid came racing towards it. Then a second seemed to  
finally pass, and as the first droplets of acid splattered against EVA-  
01's AT field once again Vash's knife drove straight into the pupil of  
the Angel's eye, the flow of acid suddenly stopping as though the Angel  
had been genuinely surprised.  
  
Another second passed, then the Angel seemed to jerk upwards as it  
exploded, the waves of heat from an explosion hitting the Evas  
assembled in the shaft but none of the actual force managing to touch  
them. Vash slammed his hands against the wall and shoved his heels  
against the ladder, his Eva only slipping a small distance towards the  
bottom before he came to a stop. Then, almost on cue, the lights in  
the tunnel itself came back on with a flickering glow. "The power's  
back," announced Vash, smirking slightly and breathing a sigh of relief  
for all the Children.  
  
"Yeah," replied Nieve, hoisting her Eva's legs up and climbing back  
into the tunnel enough to avoid falling to the bottom, then relaxing  
her focus on the Eva and smirking to herself. She released the handles  
of the Eva's cockpit, staring at her open palms for a moment before  
closing them gently into fists, a warm sense of satisfaction slowly  
flooding through her body. "It is." Her smile widened, and with one  
quick glance back towards Neil she let herself relax, confident that  
her setbacks were only minor ones as the other Evas began to climb  
their way out of the pit.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Home is where you can feel secure.  
Home is where you can feel normal.  
Home is where you can hide your secrets.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 12: A NAME LIKE HOME  
"I just wanted to feel normal again."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	12. A Name Like Home

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 12: A NAME LIKE HOME +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
But when you pray, close the door and pray to your Father, who is  
unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward  
you.  
- MATTHEW 6:6  
  
]++[  
  
It had been a night of little sleep for Neil, his mind filled with  
things that he didn't want to think about even in his dreams, ranging  
from simple guilt to outright terror, the single green eye that he  
assumed was his still-lingering memory of EVA-01 watching over  
everything like some kind of demonic overseer. That in and of itself  
was nothing particularly unusual - Neil had always been unusually prone  
to nightmares - but what was unusual was that he was able to finally  
wake from them and drift back to a mostly-dreamless sleep, the only  
image drifting through his dormant brain one of he and Nieve sitting on  
a cliff naked and staring at the setting sun, asexual enough to avoid  
him feeling guilty about it when he finally did wake up far later than  
usual. Even the way that he awakened felt awkward, a slow drift into  
wakefulness instead of the quick shift that he was accustomed to.  
  
When he did actually wake up, he realized fairly quickly that he'd  
overslept far beyond his usual waking hour by the sheer emptiness of  
the kitchen and hallway slightly outside his room. A quick examination  
of the lowered area by the doorway revealed that Misato's shoes were  
already gone, and noticing that Nieve's door was open he realized that  
the girl had already gotten in the shower, something that he knew would  
take some time. Misato had left him a quick note on his door asking  
him to bring the trash down to the disposal, and with nothing but the  
sound of rushing water from the shower to keep him company he had  
breakfast fairly silently, the yellowish walls of the apartment feeling  
at once oppressive and numbingly open.  
  
By the time he was getting dressed, Nieve was out of the shower, and  
while he had the urge to peek out and try and catch a glimpse of the  
girl in her towel as she walked back to her room, he resisted it,  
feeling slightly guilty even for thinking it as he buttoned his light  
green shirt slowly, the fabric swishing loosely over his jeans. It  
even felt slightly silly to be thinking about trying to struggle for  
glimpses of Nieve with her clothes off, especially after the girl had  
all but offered herself to him two days prior. Sighing heavily at the  
thought and only vaguely curious about why she hadn't pursued the  
subject, he exited his room a minute or two after he heard Nieve close  
her door, grabbing the dark green trash bag and slipping on his shoes  
before he headed out the door, certain that Nieve wasn't going to worry.  
  
The apartment building itself was largely open, bay windows facing the  
front doors of each of the apartments along the buildings, a hallway  
running around the apartments and to the stairwell that led down to the  
garbage disposal. Neil's feet knew the path well enough to walk it  
almost blindfolded, and he let his thoughts drift as he walked slowly  
down the hallway, morning sunlight streaming in from one side and  
bluish-white painted walls on the other, making the entire hallway seem  
almost unbearably bright. The thought that he could walk the path down  
to the trash with so much confidence was in a way slightly encouraging,  
letting him know full well that he was beginning to feel normal in  
Tokyo-3, even with the Evangelions.  
  
"And that I'm lonely," he muttered to himself as he reached the  
stairwell, the relief from the reflected light of the sun a welcome one  
as he stepped into the windowless stairwell and begain to descend  
towards the ground. His words made him feel a little selfish, but he  
knew that it was the truth - for all that he felt normal, he felt  
alone, as though despite his position of importance he was better off  
kept separate from the other inhabitants of Tokyo-3, like some kind of  
caged beast. The fact that he was so obviously not a true resident of  
Japan seemed more to aggravate the problem than to cause it, and as he  
stepped out the door of the stairwell to the outside he caught sight of  
a pair of Japanese women chatting with one another, moving slightly  
away from the entrance once they noticed that Neil was coming out.  
  
Sighing, Neil made his way across the white concrete terrace of the  
building, heading towards the boxed-in areas that the Japanese used to  
dispose of their trash, passing by numerous clotheslines and ignoring  
the stares he received as he walked. He'd always been something of a  
loner, and part of him wanted to believe that his increasing loneliness  
came primarily from that fact, the fact that he simply tended not to  
associate with many people in a normal situation. Still, that didn't  
explain why he felt lonely even in the apartment that was supposedly  
his home, why it felt as though he was distant even from Nieve. Even  
though he knew on an academic level that things were getting more  
normal for him, as he reached the small sectioned-off trash area he  
realized that they didn't feel any more normal.  
  
The trash bag was lighter than usual, and Neil threw the green  
container into the area, knowing that the rest was up to the disposal  
staff that would come by slightly later in the day. Turning back  
towards the apartment building and sticking his hands in his pockets,  
he sighed once again, scuffing his way towards the building, head  
turned downward slightly, the fact that he'd gotten up late beginning  
to get to him. He wanted, more than anything, to be able to shake the  
awkward feeling of loneliness that he'd gotten from the apartment, and  
he knew that the only real way of doing that was going back in time and  
waking up when he usually did, sitting down to breakfast with Misato  
and Nieve like every morning. It would have been enough of a  
distraction for at least a little while, even if it wouldn't have  
solved the problem.  
  
As he walked, his peripheral vision unconciously caught sight of the  
neat row of mailboxes, set unassumingly against the wall of the  
building facing towards the trash area. Neil's thoughts scattered for  
a moment, and reaching into his pocket he produced the key, slipping it  
into the lock for Misato's mailbox and pulling out the stack of letters  
within, noticing immediately that there was a rather unassuming-looking  
brown paper box mixed in with the others. Feeling a minor surge of  
excitement, Neil moved the other letters out of the way, staring at the  
box and flicking his eyes up to the return address, a grin slowly  
spreading across his face.  
  
Fastening the last few buttons on the sleeveless red blouse, Nieve  
grinned at herself momentarily in the mirror, her fingers hesitating  
and then abandoning the task of fastening the top two buttons. Much as  
she disliked the heat of Tokyo-3, it did give her an excuse to wear  
unusually comfortable clothes, and there seemed to be more of an open  
attitude towards dress, certainly more than she'd expected to find.  
Opening the door to her room and grabbing her book from her desk, she  
glanced quickly into Neil's room to confirm that he wasn't there, then  
stepped lightly into the living room, determined to enjoy herself. Her  
back had finally stopped hurting from the combination of lava and acid  
over a course of two days, and she took the fact to be a good sign,  
that the best thing she could do was to simply read a good book and  
enjoy the day.  
  
Pulling down the shade of the window in the living room before sitting  
on the couch, she leaned back and grinned, plucking the unfastened  
neckline of her blouse slightly and doing her best to settle the fabric  
of her short skirt so that she wasn't revealing too much. "Couldn't  
hurt if I reminded Neil of what he was missing," she muttered to  
herself, cracking the book open to the spot she'd left off at. She'd  
realized that the direct approach didn't seem to be working with Neil,  
and while she couldn't fathom why, she'd found that he seemed to be at  
least slightly more responsive to her simply being herself, something  
that she was more than willing to do.  
  
Hearing the front door open, she took a deep breath, less out of a need  
to give herself confidence and more in hopes of making her bust look  
larger, slightly thankful that Misato wasn't at home to make her  
efforts look trivial. Letting the book snap shut once again, she  
leaned forward to say something to Neil, then noticed that he was  
carrying the mail, his eyes intently focusing on a single brown package  
as he idly tossed the rest on the kitchen counter. Nieve hesitated for  
a moment, then stepped quietly over towards Neil as he sat down at the  
table, apparently not noticing the girl approaching him as he tore the  
box open.  
  
"What's that?" asked Nieve at length, peering over Neil's shoulder and  
letting her chest rest slightly on his back at the same instant,  
stunning him ever so slightly and giving him a moment of pause. The  
box had opened to reveal a stack of folded papers, and taking advantage  
of Neil's momentary reverie she darted her hand out and snatched the  
one closest to the top, drawing away from Neil almost the second that  
her fingers closed around the smooth white paper.  
  
A slow trickle of apprehension flooded through Neil for reasons that he  
couldn't entirely place at the knowledge that Nieve was holding the  
letter, and he pushed his chair back and stood, turning toward Nieve  
and looking at her rather sternly. That seemed to only make her  
happier, and she backed towards the living room, waving the letter  
temptingly in front of him. "Nieve, come on, give it back," he said  
firmly, walking towards her and feeling unusually immature as she began  
to circle the couch.  
  
"No, no, now I want to know what these are," replied Nieve, stepping  
slowly at the same pace that Neil was following her, slowly leading  
them in a circle around the living room, circling the couch in the  
center as they passed the television, then the window, then the  
bookshelf opposite the television. "Come on. Don't I get to find  
out? Are they poetry you've written? Naughty pictures? Articles on  
movies?" She smiled mischeviously, dancing backwards as Neil tried to  
increase his pace to catch up with the girl. "Letters from your secret  
lovers?"  
  
The last question elicited a frown from Neil, and he froze in place as  
Nieve continued to move, obviously quite happy with the game. "Wait,"  
he said, shaking his head and looking somewhat confused. "Aren't we...  
I mean, haven't you said we... shouldn't you..." He stared at the  
girl, and she simply smiled, beckoning for him to come after her. He  
shook his head for a moment, then jumped over the couch, eliciting a  
shout of pleasant surprise from the girl as she slipped out of the way,  
stepping away and beginning to unfold the paper in her hands.  
  
Once again, the boy lunged towards her, and Nieve kept moving, trying  
to open and read the paper as the room blurred around her, giggling  
almost involuntarily. She could see that the paper was on some kind of  
letterhead, which at least implied that it was of relative importance,  
but the exact logo was difficult to make out as she felt Neil grab at  
her, trying to stop her from reading the letter. "Ooh, now I'd bet  
that these -are- from your secret lovers. All the girls who you've  
left broken-hearted. You bad, bad man."  
  
His face drifting somewhere between a grimace and a smirk, Neil lunged  
at the girl once again, and Nieve accelerated her movements, circling  
the couch even as Neil pursued her. Clearing her throat, she stopped  
by the arm of the couch momentarily, then let out a giggling shriek as  
Neil tackled her, both Children falling over the arm of the couch and  
onto the soft green cushions. "Give it back!" Neil said, unable to  
keep the humor from drifting into his voice as he snatched at the  
letter, not even noticing that he was lying on top of Nieve as the girl  
wormed her way onto the seat of the couch, his body pressing down on  
her just enough to make it difficult for her to keep away from him.  
  
Nieve shot a quick glance back towards Neil, then stared at the letter,  
lying facedown on the couch as she squirmed free to the seats, Neil's  
body pressing down on top of her as he snatched at her. "'Dear Mr.  
Richelieu,'" she announced proudly, giggling as Neil seemed to redouble  
his efforts, the entire couch moving slightly as the two bodies  
thrashed. "'We are pleased to announce that your request for a  
correspondence learning program with Pritchett's Academy has been  
accepted without hesitation.'" Nieve felt herself flush a bright red,  
the words sinking in as Neil's motions slowed. "Um. Neil, I -"  
  
"Don't worry about it," replied Neil, reaching over one last time and  
snatching the paper out of Nieve's hands somewhat defiantly. She  
stared at Neil for a moment, then at the empty space in her hands as  
Neil rolled off of her onto his feet. "If you need me, I'll be at the  
table reading through this stuff. It'll probably take a while." He  
flashed her a quick smile, feeling somewhat better both from the  
arrival of the letters and the short interaction with Nieve as he  
walked back towards the now-opened box.  
  
For a moment, Nieve lingered on the couch, the soft warmth and pressure  
from Neil's body still seeming to linger in place as he left, her hair  
falling loosely around her face and moving gently as she exhaled.  
There had been something in that moment, something magical, something  
that she wanted to recapture even though she knew it was too late.  
Breathing a tiny sigh, she shoved herself to her feet, stepping over to  
the kitchen table as Neil began to unpack the contents of the box.  
"You can't let me see that much and then not explain the rest," she  
said firmly, once again leaning over his shoulder, this time propping  
one arm against the back of his chair. "What's going on here?"  
  
"I..." Neil shook his head, then turned to look at Nieve, the girl  
still giving him an oddly mischevious smile. "When I got to Tokyo-3, I  
was pretty much exempt from school, on account of not speaking Japanese  
and all. But it felt weird not having any work to do occasionally...  
too much free time, if you know what I mean. Besides, I'd fall behind  
if I didn't do something, and the Angels are going to stop attacking  
eventually. So I wrote a letter to the school that I'd attended back  
in America." He shrugged. "My mom probably had a quick talk with  
them, to boot. I doubt that the implication I was with NERV  
particularly phased the headmaster."  
  
"Hmm." Nieve nodded, then reached over and drew out one of the other  
pieces of paper, unfolding it and examining the text on it. "Looks  
like fairly standard stuff," she noted, skimming a paragraph on the  
American Civil War briefly before refolding the paper and replacing it  
in the box. "Nothing that we didn't cover in university. If you need  
any help, I could probably lend a hand." She pecked Neil quickly on  
the cheek, then turned and started walking back towards the living  
room, the matter closed as far as she was concerned.  
  
Neil stared at the girl for a second, then stood, one sentence that  
she'd said sticking out in his mind like a sore thumb. "Hold on a  
second," he said, slightly louder than he'd meant to just in hopes of  
getting Nieve's attention. The girl paused, then turned her head back  
towards him, her red hair swishing about in an oddly alluring manner.  
"You went to university?" She nodded. "But... aren't you sixteen?"  
  
"Wouldn't be able to pilot the Evas otherwise," she replied with a  
smirk, tilting her head slightly to one side and taking momentary  
pleasure in the look of complete befuddlement on Neil's face. She let  
it linger for a moment, taking pleasure in his oddly uncomfortable  
stare, then turned fully towards him, once again taking a deep breath  
and trying to push up her chest as much as possible. "I've been in  
NERV's schooling program since I was about eight. It's an accelerated  
program. Graduated with my bachelor's degree a little while before I  
came here."  
  
The boy was still frowning, and Nieve had to consciously suppress a  
giggle, his befuddlement inexplicably amusing. "I didn't think that  
NERV had a school program," he said at length, sounding somewhat put  
off. "When I first got here, Misato said that I would have to make  
other arrangements for school, that NERV didn't provide education."  
  
"Probably because you haven't been involved in the program from the  
beginning," replied Nieve with a shrug, crossing her arms lightly  
across her chest, looking less angry and more scholarly as she grinned  
at the boy. "I wouldn't be surprised if the other branches of NERV  
don't have an education program, frankly. I heard that it was  
originally going to be instituted at all the branches, but the only  
branch that actually wound up going through with it was the Irish  
one." She lowered her head slightly, her voice going down a note as  
though she was rmembering something that she didn't want to. "Dad  
always said that Mom threatened to leave the agency if they didn't have  
some kind of schooling program, considering my age and everything. It  
was one of the only things that she insisted on."  
  
Neil simply stared at Nieve as she stared at the floor, the light from  
the ceiling glancing off the faintest trace of liquid around her eyes.  
He took a step towards her, but before he could even open his mouth her  
head had already snapped up, once again smiling, the small beads of  
liquid still visible at the corners of her eyes as she ignored them.  
"Well, you've got work to do," she said flatly, turning once again  
towards the living room and stepping lightly towards the couch. "Like  
I said, I'll be in here. If you need any help with your work, feel  
free to ask."  
  
Staring at the girl as she moved to the couch, Neil slowly turned back  
towards his box, trying to figure out why he got the lingering feeling  
that there was something Nieve wasn't telling him. For a moment he  
felt as though he should pursue her, that she was just pretending to be  
all right when she really needed someone to console her. Glancing into  
the living room, he saw that she'd already leaned back into the couch  
cushions, reading through the book in her hands as though nothing had  
happened. Shaking his head, he sat back down at the table, reaching in  
to draw out the papers and organize them, a nagging curiosity at the  
back of his head that he was trying to silence.  
  
]++[  
  
Her seat towards the front, Hikari stood and turned towards the rest of  
the class, blue eyes flashing as she ordered the class to stand and bow  
as the professor left the room. It was nothing unusual, and as the  
class bowed the whispers of the students had already begun, lunchtime  
starting and bringing with it the promise of a temporary relief from  
the drab walls of the classroom. Almost the instant that the professor  
had actually stepped out of the door, the entire class became filled  
with noise, students talking loudly with one another about what was  
going on for lunch, who was considering dating whom, the latest video  
games revealed down at the arcade, all the mundane little things that  
composed their day-to-day lives.  
  
Vash, for his part, simply leaned back in his chair and smirked,  
finally feeling comfortable inside the classroom once again. He hadn't  
been as involved in the battle against the Ninth Angel as he would have  
liked, and there weren't the same sort of obvious results that came  
around when he and Neil had fought the Seventh. Still, all things  
considered, he'd been able to finally live up to the boasts he had made  
when he'd first become a pilot, something that seemed to make it  
socially acceptable to be around him once again. "Hey, Kensuke," he  
said firmly, trying to draw the other boy's attention. "What did you  
want to do for lunch today?"  
  
"Nothing special," replied the blonde-haired boy, intently typing away  
on his small red laptop computer. It was nothing unusual for the boy,  
especially since the Angels had begun to return - since he was so close  
to two of the pilots, Kensuke had informed both Vash and Eiko on a  
regular basis that he'd grown immensely in popularity on the various  
military sites. "Just eating, once I finish replying to these  
questions about the Ninth and what you did against it." He paused for  
a moment, then tilted his head back towards Vash, smirking slightly as  
he adjusted his thick glasses. "You've got something better planned?"  
  
"Much better," replied Vash, pushing back with his chair and standing  
in one smooth motion. The heads of most of the students turned back  
towards him, and he stood for a moment without moving before he drew  
his sunglasses out from a pocket of his black windbreaker, letting  
everyone watch as he flicked the orange-tinted glasses open and  
smoothly placed them on his face. "All right, everyone! -I'm- going  
out to the courtyard, and -I'm- going to be having lunch there. If  
anyone wants to hang out with your favorite Eva pilot -" he smirked  
slightly, the sheer camp value of his words hitting him as he tilted  
his head slightly forward "- you're welcome to join me!"  
  
Without any further urging necessary, the entire class seemed to  
suddenly surge outwards towards the courtyard, and Vash couldn't help  
but smile at the newfound publicity. He flashed a quick victory sign  
to Kensuke, who merely grinned and shook his head, and waited for a  
moment until most of the students had already departed, walking over to  
Eiko as Kensuke shut down and folded up his laptop. "You coming,  
honey?" he asked the girl, sitting down lightly on her desk and placing  
a hand on her shoulder.  
  
Eiko looked up from her sketchbook, letting her pencil fall against the  
paper and leaning up to give Vash a quick peck on the cheek. "I  
thought we were planning on having a quiet lunch together, just the two  
of us," she replied, sounding just the slightest bit hurt as she  
gestured down towards her sketchbook. Vash followed her gesture,  
unable to keep from smirking at the sight of himself in a long red  
trenchcoat sitting next to Eiko, both of them on a hill beneath an  
apple tree. "Guess you're going to have to tell everyone to postpone,  
right?"  
  
A lump formed in Vash's throat, his mind suddenly whirling and trying  
to figure out a way to have things both ways, to keep Eiko from being  
upset with him and still enjoy his newfound popularity. His mouth felt  
unusually dry as he started to speak, and Eiko could tell just from the  
look on his face that something was wrong, that they weren't going to  
have lunch together that day. "Eiko, honey, I'm sorry, I completely  
forgot," he begged, seeming aware of the fact that she knew what was  
going on as she turned away from him. "I couldn't tell everyone that I  
wasn't going now. They'd think I was..." He trailed off, lacking a  
decent ending to his sentence as he gently squeezed Eiko's shoulder.  
  
"I understand," the girl said, nodding slightly and trying to hide her  
disappointment, looking up towards Vash and smiling despite herself.  
The expression seemed to relieve him slightly, and Eiko felt her hands  
tighten slightly at the thought, at once pleased that he was happier  
when she was and angry that he didn't seem to be as concerned with her  
thoughts on the matter. "Just go. I'll get some work done in my  
sketchbook."  
  
"Thanks, honey," Vash said emphatically, leaning over and pecking Eiko  
gently on the cheek, not noticing the small frown drifting across the  
girl's face as she gently picked up her pencil once again. "I'll have  
lunch alone with you tomorrow." He stood, gave her shoulder one final  
squeeze before releasing it, then turned towards the door, noticing  
momentarily that Hikari was shooting him a rather nasty glare. He  
shrugged, and the brunette shook her head before exiting the  
classroom. Rubbing the back of his head and shrugging, Vash gave one  
last glance towards Eiko, then went out of the room, feeling slightly  
conflicted but still pleased at the thought of being the most popular  
boy in the area.  
  
Eiko stared after her boyfriend for a moment, then turned back towards  
her sketchbook, idly tracing in a few more lines to her work, trying to  
figure out why she should be upset that Vash was having lunch with  
other people. She knew that she could have gone if she'd wanted to be  
with him, she just didn't feel as though she really wanted to deal with  
the crowds that she knew would be surrounding him. On one level, she  
wanted the attention the way that he did, but more importantly she  
wanted someone to just be paying attention to her on a personal level,  
not to be adored by a crowd. Sighing softly, she glanced over towards  
Ryo, smirking slightly at the boy as he stared out the window as though  
waiting for something, sunlight filtering through his pale blue hair.  
"Aren't you going to have lunch?" she asked, noticing that the meal was  
already sitting on his desk in front of him.  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo flatly, not turning towards the girl as his hand  
reached casually towards the lunch, plucking a bit of food away from  
the center spread and then bringing it towards his mouth, the motion  
seeming almost robotic. Eiko stared at the boy for a moment, and her  
hands began to move almost instinctively, flipping to another page in  
her sketchbook and beginning to trace the outline that she was staring  
at, keeping her eyes fixed on Ryo as the midday light pooled around  
him. He didn't notice at first, but after a few minutes of Eiko  
staring directly at him he slowly turned towards her, red eyes fixing  
on her own. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," replied Eiko, letting the image of Ryo staring out the  
window burn into her memory as she moved her hand along the paper  
instinctively. The lines traced beneath her fingers as the pencil  
moved, the tip gently forming lines that she felt entirely confident  
in, no questions about what they represented as she let them form on  
the paper. "You don't mind if I sketch you, do you?" She blushed  
slightly, smiling at the boy as he looked down at her sketchbook, her  
hand freezing in place as he stared. "When you were staring out at the  
window... you looked like something out of a manga. I thought it would  
be good practice."  
  
"That's fine," replied Ryo flatly, his eyes focusing on the tight black  
lines on the white paper, knowing that there was a sort of form trapped  
within them, almost envying the girl's ability, his mind elsewhere.  
Routine dictated that he finish his lunch and then review the notes  
that he had taken so far over the the course of the lecture, but Eiko's  
sketch was capturing his attention as he remembered the earlier one she  
had offered to him to give to Neil. "Why do you draw?"  
  
Eiko blinked, not quite understanding the meaning behind the question  
even though she understood the words perfectly well. Ryo didn't repeat  
himself, simply stared at the girl, and after a moment she shrugged,  
feeling as though she'd done something wrong without even answering the  
question. "I don't know. I just... enjoy it."  
  
"I see." A theory was beginning to slowly form in Ryo's mind as he  
watched Eiko's hand start moving once again, tracing lines into their  
places with slow certainty, seemingly enjoying the gradual formation of  
the pattern in front of her. "Do you do it because you control what  
you draw?"  
  
Frowning, Eiko cocked her head slightly to one side, the phrasing of  
Ryo's question feeling slightly off, as though he was translating it  
from another language. Glancing down at the paper for a moment, she  
traced another few lines almost as a test, trying to think about why  
she was drawing, wanting to give Ryo a decent answer. "I guess that's  
part of it," she replied with a shrug, brow furrowing as she let her  
pencil move, the memory beginning to become cloudy from other thoughts  
cluttering her mind. "I don't know if that's all of it, though. I  
think... I think I draw more because it gives me a chance to create  
something. To define something. To turn a blank piece of paper into  
art." She smiled thinly. "It's a labor of love. You put your heart  
and soul into it."  
  
Ryo's mind had already half-made the connection that Eiko's words  
completed, and he stared at the piece of paper in front of the girl  
intently, studying the thin black lines against the white background,  
certain that he was beginning to understand. "You gave Neil some of  
your artwork," he said flatly, staring at the paper still. "Does that  
mean that you love him?"  
  
The question was as surprising as the first time Ryo had asked her  
something similar, but this time Eiko managed to maintain slihgtly more  
control over her pencil, restraining herself enough to keep from  
breaking the tip against the paper. "No," she said rather softly,  
shaking her head and turning her pencil around, beginning to rub out  
the black mark she'd made in error just enough so that she could  
retrace the line afterwards. "It was for him to forgive me. The day  
we met, I..." She paused, then shrugged. "I should have been nicer to  
him."  
  
Nodding in accordance with his routine, Ryo stared at the paper for a  
moment longer, something that he couldn't quite describe creeping at  
the back of his mind. He turned back towards the window as Eiko  
resumed her sketching, trying to understand what was going on,  
remembering the conversation he'd had with Niobe and his earlier talks  
with Eiko, knowing distantly that there was some connection. There was  
something about Neil that gave him control, something he couldn't quite  
place, something he needed to figure out. Giving one last glance  
towards Eiko, he turned towards his lunch and took another bite,  
knowing that he would have to eat quickly to maintain his routine.  
  
]++[  
  
Kozou Fuyutsuki had been told by his colleagues at Kyoto University  
that his home had always shown the signs of a man too married to  
science to marry a woman. The thought made him smile despite himself  
as he slipped on his deep red pruning gloves, the sleeves of his white  
shirt rolled up past his elbows and the bright steel shears sitting on  
a table only a few feet away. It had been years since he had seen any  
of his peers from his university - after the Second Impact, many of  
them were dead, and he had left the university shortly after the  
tragedy for his own reasons. That had been in a different home, a  
different time, for all intents and purposes an entirely different  
world. Still, as he stared at the row of miniature trees in front of  
him, set up against a large greenhouse window on a series of rickety  
old card tables, he knew that they would say the same thing if any of  
them saw his apartment. "Everything has changed," he muttered,  
flipping the small restraint at the back of the shears off and letting  
the powerful springs uncoil in his hand. "But absolutely nothing's  
changed."  
  
Pulling the lone chair in the room towards the row of trees in front of  
him, he sat down gently, then slowly wrapped his hands around the first  
tree, feeling over its surface for even the smallest imperfections,  
smiling wistfully as the light streamed in from the large window behind  
the tree. He'd taken up bonsai during his first year of teaching on  
the advice of one of the few friends he'd kept in touch with out of  
college, having been told that it was a wonderful way to release  
stress. At first, Kozou had found it to be quite the opposite, and  
he'd nearly given the hobby up outright with the excuse that he had  
more than enough stress without adding another source that also cost  
money. But he'd never been one to leave a project half-finished, and  
while he must have killed at least three trees over the course of a  
year, once he finally got the art of tending for the miniatures  
mastered he would hear no talk of quitting.  
  
Snipping off a stray branch with a steady hand, Kozou let his thoughts  
roam as he continued to examine the tiny branches of the tree, trying  
to make absolutely sure that he had missed nothing before he moved to  
the next one. The entire concept of the art, he'd come to realize,  
meshed with everything he believed in, a sort of primitive way of  
meticulously controlling an organism. "Man has always sought to  
control nature," he muttered to himself, fairly certain he was quoting  
from a book but unable to think of what book it might have been as the  
shears moved towards another stray branch. "And in the earliest days,  
we managed to do so through brute force or meticulous care." He  
smirked slightly as he clipped another branch, letting it fall against  
the dark brown soil surrounding the base of the tree. "Nothing's  
changed there, either. We've just broadened the field of control."  
  
The thoughts made him think of NERV, and he had to force his hands to a  
stop as he jerked the shears slightly in the wrong angle, nearly  
clipping off a branch that he most certainly wanted to leave intact.  
He'd always felt as though his inclusion into the organization was  
peripheral at best, even though he knew that most of the science the  
organization was built on was based loosely off of his theories. He  
knew full well that his presence had not initially been accounted for  
by SEELE, and sometimes he wondered if NERV's parent organization  
hadn't considered simply killing him long before he reached the point  
where he needed to be made a part of the administration. And how much  
of that had involved the intervention of Gendou Ikari.  
  
Giving the tree one last touch to make sure that it was doing well,  
Kozou pushed his chair back, moving it over to the next tree and  
sitting down in front of it, pausing for a moment before he began to  
trim away at the new tree to rub his hand, a dull ache spreading  
through the palm out to his fingers. "I'm getting too old for this,"  
he muttered, smirking bitterly as he thought of Ritsuko, remembering  
how he'd been mildly shocked that Kaji was dating her. He'd always  
expected that she'd want someone different, more overtly  
intellectually - but, as he grinned bitterly and snipped away a spare  
branch, he reminded himself that he'd never been a particularly good  
judge of people in general, much less women.  
  
Freezing momentarily, Fuyutsuki looked up and out the window, letting  
his hands release their grip on the shears slightly as she stared out  
at the landscape, his face vaguely visible in the pane of glass. He'd  
managed to get an apartment with an excellent view of Tokyo Bay, the  
buildings of Old Tokyo still vaguely visible through the water. The  
view of his own face made him wonder for a moment if Kaji's accusation  
had been accurate, if he'd actually sold out what he belived in now  
that he was working for NERV. "But so is Kaji," he muttered, closing  
his eyes for a moment and shaking his head. "Did I really sell out any  
more than he did?"  
  
Smirking bitterly at himself, there was a momentary pause before he  
heard the sound of his door clicking open, the lock apparently  
deactivated without any warning. Frowning, Kozou sighed softly and  
grabbed the pruning shears in his right hand, preparing them as a  
rudimentary weapon in his off hand as his left gravitated towards the  
small pistol holstered beneath the table. He'd considered long and  
hard where he should put the pistol, but most of the time that he  
wasn't at work was spent in the greenhouse, and he ultimately decided  
it was the one place where he was unequivocally fenced in. Checking  
the ammunition quickly, he prepared the pistol for firing, pointing it  
down the long navy blue hallway that led to his greenhouse.  
  
Then he saw the distinctive uniform of a NERV intelligence agent, and  
he sighed heavily, shaking his head and lowering his pistol just as the  
agent seemed to notice the doctor. "Sorry," he announced, placing the  
pruning shears on the table and returning the pistol to its hiding  
place as the black-sutied agent walked into the greenhouse. "I assumed  
that someone was breaking into the house. It seemed rather naive to  
assume they didn't know who I was."  
  
"A logical assumption," replied the agent flatly, simply watching as  
the old man closed the pruning shears once again, removing his gloves  
and standing from his chair. There was a sort of timeless patience to  
NERV's intelligence agents that Fuyutsuki found himself liking more  
over time, the sort of temporary illusion that the agent was more than  
simply a human being. "We've been requested by Commander Gendou Ikari  
to bring you to Central Dogma. He wishes to meet with you."  
  
"Heh. The old men call him to conference, he calls me to conference, I  
call the Children to conference - we're all getting autocratic with  
age." He smirked at the irony, stepping past the agent towards the  
door that led into his bedroom. "I'll change into my uniform. Give me  
a minute." The agent nodded, and Kozou closed the sliding door behind  
him, beginning to unbutton his shirt as he walked over to his closet,  
idly wondering what Gendou could want to talk about so urgently that he  
needed to use the agents.  
  
]++[  
  
It had been two days since she'd found out that Ritsuko and Kaji were  
seeing one another, but to assume that Misato was feeling any better  
about the situation would have been patently incorrect. If anything,  
she'd gotten even angrier about it, and she'd been doing her best to  
avoid Ritsuko since the incident, still not sure of when or if she was  
going to forgive the other woman. So it was extremely tempting to  
simply ignore the call to the central control area by the scientist, to  
let Dr. Akagi deal with her own problems. But Misato knew that she  
would have to face other repurcussions if she chose to ignore the  
woman, and so despite her reluctance she found herself stepping out to  
the operations level of the command room. "What's going on?" she  
asked, her voice curt as she stepped out onto the white metal floor,  
eyes scanning the area quickly for Ritsuko. "Make it quick."  
  
Ritsuko turned and looked at Misato, then gestured up towards the main  
screen, and Misato followed her gesture only to gasp slightly, suddenly  
wondering if another Angel attack was in process. EVA-05 was on the  
screen, firing at what appeared to be multiple targets with the  
standard-issue rifle as it ran across the landscape, the entire machine  
thundering across the lush green grass as it dropped the rifle and  
deployed one of its prog knives. It was only when Misato saw the prog  
knife actually take down a target that she realized Niobe was in the  
Geo-Front, running through some of the training programs designed to  
help the Eva pilots at the top of their game.  
  
"She's been out there for nearly three hours now," announced Ritsuko,  
tearing Misato's gaze away from the violently-moving Eva and back  
towards the technical director, standing next to Maya's console as the  
young woman worked the computer frantically to keep up with Niobe.  
"Came in slightly after you did, actually. She insisted on being  
deployed for training, and she's barely said a word since." Ritsuko  
hesitated a moment. "I assumed that you knew she was training today.  
She claimed you gave approval."  
  
"News to me," replied Misato coldly, staring up at the screen as Niobe  
moved with practiced grace, inflatable dummy targets popping up over  
the interior of the Geo-Front as Niobe ran through them, stabbing  
through the small pocket that represented their core with her prog  
knife as she headed towards another rifle. The targets themselves had  
been equipped with high-pressure water hoses - considered enough to let  
the Eva know that it had been hit without actually damaging it - but  
Niobe didn't seem to have even the vaguest sheen of water on her  
machine as she tore through the dummies towards the rifle. "What's her  
status?" asked Misato after a moment, glancing towards Maya quite  
specifically, flicking her eyes towards Ritsuko for just a moment to  
make it clear that she didn't want the woman to answer.  
  
Maya, however, didn't see the eye gesture, and it wasn't until Ritsuko  
tapped on her shoulder that the young woman blushed and realized that  
she was expected to reply. "Her, um, synch ratio's been holding steady  
at 57% for an hour or so now. Hasn't been tagged by one of the water  
jets yet." She paused for a moment, obviously trying to figure out the  
best way to say something. "She's doing everything -right-. There's  
no sign that she's in any specific danger if she continues. But... the  
pilots aren't really intended to be synchronized with their Evas this  
time, and there are signs of physical fatigue beginning to show in both  
the machine and Niobe herself."  
  
"How long have there been 'signs?'" asked Misato, a suspicion growing  
in the back of her mind as she stared at the yellow Eva on the screen  
for a moment. She waited for a response, then sighed and turned back  
towards Ritsuko and Maya, her eyes annoyed, just bordering on being  
outright angry. "How long?"  
  
"About an hour now," replied Ritsuko flatly, visibly angering Misato  
and causing Maya to wince slightly. The blonde woman flicked her eyes  
quickly towards the main screen as EVA-05 jumped into the lake of the  
Geo-Front before launching itself skyward once again, firing the rifle  
in its hands once again. "We couldn't withdraw it. You've got  
executive control over the Evas as long as you're here, and since she's  
just using the laser-system weapons we rigged up for the war games, we  
knew there wouldn't be any budget problems associated with her  
practice."  
  
"You also knew that I was -here-," replied Misato, scowling at Ritsuko,  
unsure whether she was angrier at the woman for not letting her know  
what was going on with Niobe or for what she'd found out about Kaji.  
"You knew the whole damn time that I was just sitting down in my  
office, and you could have called me." She stared at the blonde,  
hoping for an answer and receiving none, and after a minute she simply  
shook her head and turned towards the microphone in the center of the  
console, pulling the device closer to her mouth as she stared at the  
Eva moving frantically on the screen. "Niobe, this is Misato. It's  
time to stop training for today."  
  
The Eva faltered in its motions for just a second, then resumed almost  
immediately, letting the barrel of the rifle flash as she raked what  
would have been a steady stream of bullets across a sudden glut of  
dummies, stepping backwards even as it fired. "That's all right,  
Misato," replied Niobe, tone cold as her Eva whirled around and took a  
quick shot at more emerging targets, her motions remaining quick and  
fluid. "I'm not even tired. I'll test out here for another hour or  
two." She punctuated her statement by spinning and smacking an Angel  
dummy away with her rifle, the dummy reeling backwards and its hose  
spraying towards the roof of the Geo-Front for the instant before Niobe  
shot it firmly in the core.  
  
Misato frowned, rubbing her temple for a moment before leaning back  
into the microphone. "This isn't up for a debate, Niobe. I just gave  
you an order. You -are- going to return to the entry port now, and  
you're going to bring your Eva back down the hangar." She paused for a  
moment, glancing over towards Ritsuko, still feeling as though the  
whole mess was the other woman's fault. "And you and I are going to  
have a little talk about what I do and don't authorize."  
  
"But I..." Niobe's voice trailed off after a moment, and the Eva  
lurched to a stop as the few dummys that hadn't been destroyed  
retracted back into their housings. Misato could tell that the girl  
wasn't happy with the turn of events, but she obligingly dropped the  
rifle and headed for the nearest entry port a few dozen meters away,  
her Eva's feet moving slowly and dejectedly. "I understand, Major  
Katsuragi. I should be back down within a few minutes."  
  
Slightly suspicious that the girl was going to do something that she  
shouldn't, Misato kept a close eye on the main screen as she watched  
the Eva step on the entry platform, waiting until the Eva had seemingly  
been sucked back into the base before turning away from the main screen  
and towards Ritsuko, her eyes still angry. "Never do that again," she  
said curtly, restraining the urge to slap the other woman. "The safety  
of these children is my responsibility, and that means that I should be  
present for -every- Eva launch. No matter how insistent they are, they  
are -children-. If you haven't heard me say to launch the machine,  
leave it in the hangar."  
  
"Of course," replied Ritsuko, her tone dripping with sarcasm as she  
turned towards Maya's console to examine the data the young woman had  
gathered. Misato frowned, gritting her teeth slightly as she stared at  
Ritsuko, then she turned back towards the elevator sharply, her hair  
swishing against the fabric of her jacket as she walked. "You're wrong  
about your responsibilities, though," the blonde scientist called from  
behind her. "You're responsible for destroying the Angels and keeping  
the -planet- safe, not the Children."  
  
Freezing at the other woman's words, Misato felt her gaze grow slightly  
harsher as she glanced back towards Ritsuko, staring as the scientist  
turned back towards Maya's console as though she hadn't said anything.  
Misato could still hear Gendou's words from the battle against the  
Seventh Angel, and the thought that Ritsuko was echoing those  
sentiments was eerie in a way that she didn't want to contemplate. She  
hoped for a moment that her old friend would turn and explain herself,  
would take some notice of the fact that she wanted answer, but Ritsuko  
remained unaware of Misato's stare, or at least unconcerned. Sighing,  
Misato returned to her path to the elevator, reminding herself that she  
had other matters that required just as much attention but still unable  
to get Ritsuko's words out of her head.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe couldn't tell if the salt stinging against her tongue was sweat  
or simply the natural taste of the LCL manifesting itself for whatever  
reason. It was a curiosity borne more out of idleness and frustration  
than any actual concern for the topic - she was still crossing her arms  
across her chest, angry at Misato's seemingly random decision to pull  
her back in from the practice. She'd had such limited practice with  
her machine in the African branch, and she'd expected that under the  
circumstances Major Katsuragi would be more than happy with the amount  
of interest Niobe was showing in refining her skills. "I still had  
another hour or so of practice that I could stand for," she muttered to  
herself as the Eva moved into its hangar, the gateway between it and  
the launch tubes slamming shut behind her as her platform moved towards  
the restraints.  
  
The various gigantic devices used to hold the Eva in place clamped down  
as her camera shut off, the catwalk in the hangar visible as it moved  
towards the Eva just before the outside feed was cut. Sighing, Niobe  
knew she had seen Misato standing there, knew that for some reason the  
woman was annoyed with her. Taking a deep breath of LCL, she reminded  
herself that the only thing she'd done wrong was to take the Eva out  
for practice, that her results more than showed that it was  
worthwhile. She exhaled, then held her breath as the liquid drained  
down past her nose and mouth, coughing momentarily as soon as her head  
was surrounded by air once again, letting the residual liquid in her  
lungs splatter against the yellow fabric of her plugsuit.  
  
With a loud whirring of gears, the back of the Eva slid open, and Niobe  
felt the plug lurch as it was drawn out of the machine's back,  
remaining calm as the white cylinder began to move through the air.  
Even though she couldn't see out of it, she knew that it was simply  
going to be laid down on the catwalk until she got out and resealed the  
hatch, that immediately afterwards it would be moved back to a storage  
location. As she felt the plug shudder slightly, she realized that it  
had already set down, and reaching up she pushed the hatch at the top  
of the plug open, wincing slightly at the sudden influx of fluorescent  
light into the darkened chamber. "Major Katsuragi," she said  
respectfully, climping out of the plug onto the catwalk, shutting the  
hatch behind her. "I was able to continue training."  
  
"I know," replied Misato somewhat weakly, the look in her eyes a far  
cry from what Niobe had expected. She remembered Joseph's anger with  
her disobedience visibly, the way the tall man would storm about and  
scream at the top of her lungs, the sense of barely-restrained violence  
almost a physical assault in and of itself. Misato had none of that,  
and if anything she simply looked tired, arms folded lightly across her  
chest, gaze stern and disapproving but not hateful. "But I didn't  
authorize you to launch. And you were beginning to show signs of  
fatigue."  
  
The noise of the nutrient bath hoses activating came from below, and  
there was an echoing splash as the purple-orange liquid sloshed into  
the chamber, the largely-empty metal walls resounding with the rush of  
fluid. "I've been fatigued before. I can't let something like that  
slow me down, especially if we're in a combat situation." Niobe stood  
rigidly, head held high, her arms straight at her sides and eyes fixed  
directly on Misato's. She was doing her best to sound respectful, but  
she couldn't see for the life of her any validity in Misato's  
arguments. She'd begun to tire slightly from exercising with her Eva,  
nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that wasn't to be expected from  
someone trying her hardest.  
  
"You're ignoring what I said," Misato replied, the vaguest hint of  
anger creeping into the back of her voice. "I didn't authorize you for  
launch. You took control of an Evangelion unit and engaged in your own  
activities with it. That's a serious offense, punishable by ejection  
from NERV." The girl's eyes widened at Misato's words, a gesture that  
somewhat surprised Misato considering that she knew Niobe knew NERV's  
procedures at least as well as Misato herself. "The UN doesn't take  
lightly to these sorts of things, Niobe. If I report you, I assure  
you, Sixth Child or not, you won't be allowed to pilot any more."  
  
Niobe felt as though she'd suddenly been slapped across the face, a  
sensation far harsher than if Misato had simply hurt her. She would  
have infinitely preferred almost any physical injury to the quiet  
accusation that the woman made, the sort of calm insinuation that Niobe  
could be discarded so easily, that she wasn't so good that she couldn't  
be replaced. "I... I'm sorry," she said, tears rubbing at the back of  
her eye as she fought to hold them back, beginning to wonder if Misato  
would actually carry through with the threat as the chamber continued  
to fill with the nutrient bath. "I only did it to be ready for the  
next engagement. I was going to return the machine as soon as I was  
done."  
  
Misato shook her head, and Niobe felt a sudden rush of adrenaline  
through her body at the possibility that Misato wasn't going to listen  
to her. She knew that she could have gotten away with something so  
little if Joseph was in charge, but she'd simply assumed that Misato  
would feel the same, and in light of the fear of losing her status as  
an Eva pilot it seemed like an irresponsible assumption. "I know you  
weren't doing anything reckless. That's why I'm not going to report  
you. I'm not even particularly worried about that." She paused. "Why  
didn't you just come down and ask me?"  
  
"I assumed I would be distracting you," replied Niobe, sinking her head  
slightly as she flexed her fingers, feeling the LCL still soaking her  
plugsuit and hair beginning to dry and form an uncomfortable sort of  
crust over her body. "You have work to do, and I understand that. I  
just wanted to take my Eva out to get some extra practice in before the  
next Angel attack. Nothing more."  
  
"But you should have come asked me. I promise you, I would have been  
more than happy to let you engage in a supervised training session."  
She paused for a moment, knowing that Niobe would raise an objecting to  
the last part of her sentence, simply waiting until the girl looked up  
at her with questioning eyes. "Yes, supervised. There's a limited  
amount of time allowed for training like that."  
  
Frowning, Niobe glanced quickly towards EVA-05, flicking her eyes  
downwards as the nutrient bath began to seep up past the waist. "There  
shouldn't be a limit, though," she argued, knowing that she sounded a  
little bit whiny by saying it but also knowing that it was the truth.  
"I just want to be better at piloting my Eva, to dispatch the Angels  
more effectively. Shouldn't you be encouraging that?"  
  
"To a point, yes. But that doesn't mean that you should be rushing off  
and nearly getting yourself killed." Misato sighed heavily, shaking  
her head and rubbing her temple gently as the young African girl stared  
at her. "Niobe, the Evas are artificial life forms, and they need to  
rest at times. The same goes for you. If you try to push yourself too  
far, you can just burn yourself out completely." She paused, shaking  
her head, seeing that the girl didn't seem to be understanding what she  
was saying. "If you keep pushing yourself this hard, you're going to  
wind up dead."  
  
"Better dead than second best," replied Niobe without hesitation,  
taking some small satisfaction at the shock visible on Misato's face as  
she stepped around the woman. Misato whirled on her heel to face Niobe  
again, but the girl had already almost reached the door at the end of  
the catwalk. She paused at the sound of Misato following her, then  
turned, smiling at the woman as best she could. "I'm going to go  
change back into my clothes. You shouldn't need me for synch testing  
today - I imagine that was more than enough data."  
  
Misato paused, then nodded weakly before Niobe stepped out through the  
doors. Niobe smiled at the closed doors for a moment, then turned and  
began walking down the drab hallway of the facility, trying to figure  
out why Misato had been so upset, a vague sense of dread creeping back  
into her as she remembered Misato's threat that she could be  
discharged. "I'm a valuable asset to the, but I'm not invaluable," she  
muttered to herself, clenching one hand into a fist as she turned down  
the seemingly endless corridors. "I've got to try harder." Closing  
her eyes and nodding to herself, she took one final turn and headed  
towards the locker room, her hand gravitating towards the small button  
on her wrist to return the suit to a looser state.  
  
]++[  
  
Staring at the compressed Chemistry lecture in front of him, Neil  
struggled to remain focused, then sighed and glanced over his shoulder  
towards Nieve, the girl still lying on the couch and reading her book.  
She'd been there most of the day, and aside from a brief break when  
they'd both sat down to have lunch there hadn't been many words passing  
between them. He stared for only a moment, then returned to the  
lecture, trying to make himself remember how to note ionized particles,  
the lesson still blurring into nothingness almost the second he read  
the material.  
  
"Gods," he muttered to himself, shaking his head as he stared at the  
paper, giving up after a moment and shoving the small slip away,  
tempted to simply put it back in the box and forget about it. He was  
annoyed at himself for getting distracted, especially considering that  
taking courses had been his idea in the first place even if Misato  
would have in all likelihood been ecstatic about it. It was  
frustrating, feeling unable to focus on something that he wanted to do,  
even knowing that he was skilled with science. "But I don't really  
want to do this," he muttered after a moment, leaning over the table  
and checking over his shoulder quickly just to make sure that Nieve  
didn't hear him. "I just wanted to feel normal again."  
  
The thought made half-smile bitterly towards the table, remembering  
that his life had been something approaching normal before he'd been  
invited to attend school in Japan. He'd had a few friends, a stable if  
not normal household, and more than enough money to get by, enough to  
enjoy himself and indulge in his hobbies without worrying. It hadn't  
been perfect, but it had seemed decent to him even before he'd gotten  
the letter, before the picture of Misato had captured his attention  
enough to make him decide that flying to Tokyo-3 to attend school was a  
good plan. "Then I find out that by 'school' they mean 'gigantic robot  
with a mind of its own,' and by 'attend' they mean 'pilot,'" he  
muttered, still talking into the table, knowing that Nieve would say he  
was whining otherwise.  
  
Nieve. The thought of the girl made the boy turn his head back towards  
the living room, watching her for just a moment as she leaned back  
against the couch, apparently unconcerned with the problems that Neil  
was going through. "But she's been training her whole life to be a  
pilot," he reminded himself, turning back towards the table with a  
somewhat dejected smirk, tracing the grain of the wood with his eyes  
and trying to suppress the feelings in the back of his head. "She, and  
Ryo, and Niobe... this -is- normal for them. Heck, even Eiko and Vash  
live here. They've got their family and friends here. I'm the only  
one that's really a stranger in a strange land around NERV." The words  
made him feel even worse, pressing his face deeper in his arms,  
suddenly wanting nothing more than to feel normal again, to close his  
eyes and be back in his mother's house once again.  
  
"Wonder if mom knows where I really am," he muttered idly, finding it  
difficult to muster any particular emotion one way or the other on the  
matter. Academically, he knew that his mother must have found out by  
the time the school approved his long-distance study program - he'd  
mentioned that he was working for NERV, and considering Liselle  
Richelieu's position in the school's administrative hiearchy it seemed  
foolish to assume that she hadn't seen his application at some point.  
It was a little more questionable if she'd known what was going on  
beforehand, but either way she hadn't seemed to make any effort to  
contact her son, an action that seemed oddly characteristic of the  
woman. "A normal mother would at least call me. Or write me. She  
knows where I live - she's got to. She could have even just stuck a  
note in the package."  
  
Pausing for a moment, Neil sighed heavily as he realized that he was  
talking to himself, a sure sign to him that he was lonely. Glancing  
over at the piece of paper with the Chemistry notes on it, he realized  
that more than learning he simply wanted to have other people his age  
around again, to not feel like a toy soldier that could get called up  
by NERV whenever it was convenient for them. He wanted to not be the  
only odd man out in the organization, the only one that walked out of  
the base and got the distinct sense that his presence in the country  
was somewhat abnormal. Giving his work one last glance, he pushed back  
his chair, then started walking towards the living room, resolving that  
he could at least solve part of the problem.  
  
Nieve, head propped up against the arm of the couch as her feet pressed  
against the arm at the other end, noticed the soft sounds of footsteps  
down the hall, and she glanced over to see Neil walking towards her.  
Smirking slightly, she snapped her book closed, plucking once again at  
the opened collar of her shirt and propping herself up enough to look  
the boy in the eye. "How goes the studying, learned one?" she asked,  
shooting him a sly grin. "Finally coming to me in a last-ditch attempt  
to understand something?"  
  
"I... I just wanted to talk," replied Neil with a shrug, stepping  
around to the other end of the couch. Nieve blinked, then drew her  
legs in closer to her body, giving Neil enough room to take the seat at  
the opposite arm of the couch and lean against it slightly. He stared  
at her for a moment, his thoughts still gravitating towards his mother,  
the fact that Nieve had mentioned her mother had connections with NERV  
tickling at the back of her mind. "Have your parents gotten in touch  
with you at all since you got here?" he asked at length, feeling  
slightly awkward.  
  
The red-haired girl's expression darkened briefly, her legs drawing  
closer to her body. Neil felt his eyes widen as the girl seemed to  
approach the edge of tears for just a moment, but she held up a hand,  
not wanting to drive him away with the sensation that he was making her  
miserable. "My father and I have never been really close," she replied  
after another moment, looking away from Neil and towards the brown  
wooden floor of the apartment. "And my mother... she's been dead since  
I was ten. I don't like to talk about it."  
  
Although he was fairly certain that his own mother would have contested  
that Neil simply felt a minor rush of adrenaline through his body at  
the knowledge that he'd said something wrong, as far as Neil was  
concerned a sense of pure awkwardness seemed to suddenly flow through  
his body, Nieve's expression unspeakably painful to behold. "I'm  
sorry," he mumbled, unsure of what to say. "I was just... because of  
my... with..." Stopping himself, Neil resisted the urge to hit  
himself in the forehead, knowing full well that he was acting like an  
idiot. "Sorry."  
  
"It's all right," she replied with a shrug, turning back towards the  
boy, the sorrow in her eyes apparently having melted away. "It's not  
as though it's a particular secret, and it happened a long time ago. I  
just prefer not to think about it." She shrugged, staring at Neil for  
what seemed like a long moment before saying anything. "Did you have  
anything else you wanted to talk about, or was it just the mother  
thing?"  
  
"Um. Not really." Neil shrugged, glancing towards the television and  
almost wishing that he could speak the language, knowing that there  
would at least be something to divert Nieve's attention with. "There  
wasn't anything that I really wanted to talk -about-, I just wanted to  
talk." He paused for a moment, words in his heads simply lacking the  
critical few connections to form them into sentences. "Do you ever  
feel... do you ever feel like you just want to be normal? Like you  
don't want to deal with the Evas anymore?"  
  
"Heh. So you want to talk about -that-." Nieve smirked, leaning back  
against the arm of the couch and tilting her head back to stare at the  
ceiling, the light above her playing oddly across her skin. "I  
remember getting asked that question every single time I would get  
interviewed as a child. Everyone in Ireland seemed to hang off that  
question, if I just wanted to be a normal kid again. There were even  
protests against NERV because they said I was being denied that right,  
that I wasn't being given the chance to live a normal life."  
  
"So you're sick to death of answering the question," finished Neil,  
chuckling somewhat bitterly and shaking his head as he turned his gaze  
downwards towardst the floor. "I'm really asking great questions  
today, aren't I? First I ask you something you don't want to talk  
about, then I ask you something that you might as well just record and  
play back."  
  
Nieve suddenly leaned forward, extending one slender pale arm and  
pressing down on Neil's nose with one finger, smirking at the boy as he  
looked at her with surprise. "Don't assume that I'm not going to  
answer the question because of something silly like that," she said,  
sounding vaguely seductive as she leaned back against the arm of the  
couch. She paused for a moment, looking as though she was thinking  
about the question as though for the first time, then suddenly shifted  
her position, crossing her legs across one another so that both were on  
the couch, her arms falling between them and propping her up as she  
leaned towards Neil. "I don't know, really. I've been with NERV so  
long... it's hard to think about anything else."  
  
Both Children paused for a moment, then Nieve winked at Neil, and he  
suddenly picked up on his role. Smiling for a moment, he cleared his  
throat, adopting a mock-stern expression and staring at the girl as  
though he was being deathly serious. "Well, Miss Soryu-Leary, why  
don't you tell us about how long you've been with NERV," he asked,  
doing an intentionally poor newscaster impression.  
  
The girl giggled, a light and airy noise accompanied by a slight flip  
of her red hair in a way that Neil couldn't help but be attracted to.  
"Well, Mr. Richelieu, my father was a scientist from Japan who was  
working on a project over in Ireland when he met my mother, and since  
both were respected in their fields they were natural choices for the  
heads of NERV's European branch." She smirked for a moment longer,  
then let the joy fade slightly from her face, just enough so that she  
was visibly taking the topic slightly more seriously. "I think I was  
seven when I first got used to the idea of my parents working for  
NERV. And I was one of the participants in the first rounds of the  
Marduk Test, one of the first positively-identified Children."  
  
"Wait," asked Neil for a moment, blinking and trying to figure out  
Nieve's response, running through the other Children in his head and  
the numbers that were supposedly associated with them. "What do you  
mean by the first rounds of the Marduk test?"  
  
"Yeah, you wouldn't know about that, would you? They ran the Marduk  
tests on a few children that they suspected would be capable of  
piloting the Eva before they started testing worldwide. I just  
happened to be one of them." She paused for a moment, then giggled  
almost involuntarily. "See what I mean? I remember all of this the  
way that most people talk about their favorite toys at the time. NERV  
is my normal life."  
  
Neil simply stared at the girl for a moment, unsure of what to say as  
he turned his gaze towards the darkened television. He was enjoying  
the conversation and didn't want it to end, but he didn't have the  
vaguest idea of how to fix the problem and make sure that it kept  
going. He opened his mouth halfway, then shut it again, feeling the  
weight of Nieve's stare on him as he tried desparately to figure out  
something to say, some way to convince her to not stop talking with  
him. "Do you want to go out to dinner?"  
  
A moment of silence passed before Nieve seemed to register the  
question, Neil himself only distantly aware of the fact that he'd  
actually said it instead of simply thinking about it. "Um. You mean,  
like, out on a date?" she asked, sounding oddly reluctant as she turned  
her body towards the television, uncrossing her legs and setting her  
feet down on the floor. "You're asking me out on a date?"  
  
The question struck Neil as odd, but he nodded his affirmation, and  
Nieve smiled broadly at the prospect. She would have preferred to have  
been in charge of the relationship's direction to the point where she  
was the one that asked him out on the dates, but it was a minor detail  
in something otherwise flawless. "I'd love to," she replied, nudging  
herself over towards him, hands folded in her lap as she tried her best  
to simply look coy. "But won't Misato worry?"  
  
"Maybe. I don't think she'd even be back in time for us to have dinner  
with her." He shrugged, glancing over towards the girl as she nudged  
closer to him, feeling at once fairly ordinary and somewhat confused.  
"Besides, we haven't gone on anything resembling a date since... well,  
you know." Pausing for a moment, he smiled at her, his guilt  
evaporating for just a moment. "We are supposed to be a couple, aren't  
we?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, we are." Nieve edged closer to the boy once again, then  
reached out one long pale arm and snaked it around his shoulders,  
pulling herself closer to him. The sudden touch of the girl's soft  
skin against his body was a bit of a shock, and for a moment Neil felt  
himself resurrecting the same old feelings of guilt as though he'd done  
something wrong, thoughts drifting towards Eiko and the night of their  
first kiss instinctively. Closing his eyes, he felt Nieve's head rest  
against his shoulder softly, and he let go of the guilt for just a  
moment, letting himself simply enjoy the girl's proximity and the soft  
rushing noise of her breath.  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo knew that he had broken routine once again as he walked the steps  
to his apartment, the small white plastic bag swinging next to his own  
schoolbag as the walked down the dreary gray hall towards the place  
where he lived. At the back of his mind, he felt something that he  
couldn't put a name to, something that seemed like an internal  
regulation system to make sure that he didn't make a habit of breaking  
his routine. It was unpleasant, but Ryo ignored it, knowing that he  
was simply trying to acquire a new routine, logically reasoning that it  
fit into the larger scheme of his various patterns. Reaching into his  
pocket with his free hand, he unlocked the door to the apartment and  
pushed it inward, letting it swing open as he removed his shoes and  
stepped inside.  
  
Niobe, lying on her bed and reading, heard the noise of the key turning  
in the lock and sat bolt upright, knowing that there was only one other  
person with the key to the house. Virtually throwing herself towards  
the door out of her room, she paused for a moment in front of the  
mirror, hastily adjusting the loose yellow shirt that slipped off one  
of her shoulders alluringly, tugging on the waist of her jeans before  
she nodded to herself and stepped out of her room. "Afternoon, Ryo,"  
she said flatly, trying to sound calm, as though she hadn't waited for  
him. "How was school?"  
  
The boy stared at her for a moment, as though she'd asked the question  
in a foreign language. "The building was fully intact," replied Ryo,  
cocking his head slightly to one side and trying to gauge whether or  
not he had answered the question that Niobe was asking. She smirked  
slightly, but then shook her head at him, and he got the distinct  
impression that he'd misunderstood something.  
  
"I don't mean 'how was the building,'" Niobe replied, unable to keep a  
small smile from creeping onto her face. The way that Ryo constantly  
took her words almost literally was cute in its own way even as it  
tended to infuriate her. "I'm wondering how it was for you. Did you  
enjoy yourself?"  
  
Something in Niobe's words seemed to resonate with something deep  
inside in Ryo's mind, and he simply stared at the girl for a moment,  
trying to unearth whatever was causing the reaction. There was  
something there, and he knew it, but he had no frame of reference and  
couldn't begin to put it into words. "It's simply part of the  
routine," he replied flatly after a moment, remembering that he still  
was carrying the white plastic shopping bag, the objects withing  
suddenly seeming to acquire a greater weight. "I have something I need  
to do. If you need me, I'll be in my room."  
  
Ryo stepped around Niobe, and Niobe simply watched him as he walked  
down the hall to his room, opening and shutting the door in one smooth  
robotic motion. As soon as he was out of sight, she sighed heavily,  
shaking her head and becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the world  
around her as she crossed her arms across her chest and began pacing  
back and forth in the hallway. She wanted to know what he was doing  
that could be so important as to tear him away from her so  
instantaneously, but at the same time she knew that it was important to  
let the boy have his privacy. "It comes down to whether or not this is  
important in getting him to notice me," she muttered to herself, trying  
to think of a way that it wouldn't be, almost hoping that she didn't  
have to intrude in his room. Sighing heavily after a moment or two of  
thought, she glanced at the door to his room briefly, then gritted her  
teeth and padded gently over to the door.  
  
Letting her hand rest gently on the doorknob, Niobe took a deep breath,  
snaking her fingers around the cold metal and turning it as slowly as  
possible, tuning her ears entirely to the minute sound of the door  
clicking. She had learned to remain quiet when opening a door from her  
father, and while part of her knew that she was misusing the  
information, she also knew that he would approve of her taking the  
necessary measures to ensure that she would succeed on her own skills.  
The doorknob finally came to a stop, and Niobe pushed the door gently,  
peering into the room with quick glances until the door was open far  
enough that she could see Ryo.  
  
The boy was sitting on his bed, leaning over something, the shades of  
his room open and his arms visibly moving over something. Niobe  
frowned and strained to get a closer look, then realized that he was  
working at something as he turned partially towards her. Once again,  
she strained her eyes, trying to figure out what the carving was of,  
flicking her eyes about the room until they lighted on a photograph  
sitting slightly behind Ryo. Taking another deep breath, she pushed  
the door slightly further open, assuming that whatever Ryo was making  
was being modeled on something from the photo, finally getting a clear  
enough look at the piece of paper to realize what it was a picture of.  
  
Niobe's eyes widened slightly at the sight of the photo, and suddenly  
stepped backwards from the small crack in the door, having seen  
everything that she needed to understand. Keeping her breath quiet,  
she closed the door slowly, releasing the doorknob at just the right  
pace to keep it from making noise, quietly stepping back to her room  
and closing the door before she gave into her urge of frustration and  
slammed her fist into the pillow on her bed, the soft padding offering  
little resistance to her force. The picture was unmistakable, a shot  
from one of the earliest days of NERV, something that Niobe recognized  
from repeated exposure - a picture of Nieve standing on the shoulders  
of EVA-02 flashing a victory sign, something that her father had called  
NERV's best publicity photo.  
  
"It's Nieve," she muttered, flopping down on the bed and trying to  
control herself, feeling her breath come more heavily as her hands  
began to clench into fists around the sheets. "It's still Nieve. I've  
done so much, and he still only seems to notice Nieve." She opened her  
mouth to speak again, then simply let out a whimper of frustration into  
the air, resisting the urge to simply thrash on the bed until she felt  
exhausted, wishing that there was something that she could do. "I've  
done everything right. I spent hours at NERV today. I'm reading up on  
battle strategies. Why won't he notice -me-?"  
  
Another sigh tore itself out of her lungs as she lay on the bed, trying  
her best to figure out what was going on, remembering how many times  
her father had reminded her that the Second Child had a three-year lead  
on her. "That must be it," she breathed somewhat hollowly, sinking her  
eyes against the pillow as she closed them, trying to simply relax  
again. "She had a headstart. But I'm doing better than her. I just  
have to keep doing better, to get better at piloting the Eva." She  
paused for a moment, remembering how she'd been largely on the  
sidelines for the battle against the Ninth, willing to bet that  
factored in to Ryo's ignorance of her. "Maybe I'll talk directly with  
Commander Ikari. He'll be happy to have me put in more hours of  
training."  
  
While Niobe quietly tried to console herself with the sound of her own  
voice, Ryo sat in his room and moved a sharp knife over the surface of  
the wood, shaving off tiny chips with each motion and occasionally  
stopping to glance back at the picture he had of EVA-02. He knew how  
much Nieve seemed to feel affection for the Eva, remembered how she'd  
spoken of it in more glowing terms than any of the other pilots. That  
made him think of something that he couldn't quite place, made him feel  
as though she would be more likely to be willing to give control to him  
while he slowly worked over the soft wood, moving his hands in  
practiced patterns, recalling the procedures even though he couldn't  
remember when he'd been taught them.  
  
Though Eiko denied that her sketch given to Neil had anything to do  
with love, Ryo had figured out logically that something must have been  
going on, that between her gift of the sketch and her willingness to  
sacrifice herself for Neil's safety some kind of bond had been formed  
between the two of them. He remembered watching Neil and Nieve kiss,  
and he'd finally drawn a connection that satisfied him, knowing that  
what she had done was give him something as well. "Gifts are part of  
love," he muttered to himself, slipping the knife down and beginning to  
whittle away the red Eva's shoulder flanges so that they would be  
shaped properly.  
  
Pausing for a moment, he frowned, his words sounding strangely alien,  
something in his tone giving him the distinct impression that he'd said  
something wrong. Glancing down at the partially-finished carving, he  
tried to figure out what he was missing, how he could know that it  
wasn't as simple as that. There was something escaping his brain, and  
he set both the knife and the carving down as he closed his eyes,  
letting the light from his window wash over him as he tried to remember  
the one elusive bit of information lying just beyond his reach.  
  
"A labor of love," he said, the sudden realization surprising even him  
slightly. Eiko had claimed that her artwork was that, and he knew full  
well that love was connected to kissing. Picking up the carving once  
again, he examined it, turning it over in his hands, trying to figure  
out if he was giving control of himself up to the small piece of wood.  
It certainly didn't seem to be the case. "It's only wood. It isn't  
like Eiko's gift to Neil."  
  
Staring at the carving again, Ryo found himself wondering if it was  
worth the effort to continue working on it knowing that it would  
ultimately have no effect. After another moment, he reminded himself  
that he was obligated to see it through to the end if he truly wanted  
to establish a new routine, and shrugging slightly he picked the knife  
back up, letting it scrape against the wood once again, slowly  
smoothing the surface to the desired shape. He felt something tickling  
at the back of his head at the thought that the exercise was ultimately  
lacking in a fundamental element, and without thinking he brought the  
knife along a path into direct contact with his thumb, the sharp blade  
breaking Ryo's pale skin easily as he felt a sudden jab of pain through  
his arm.  
  
Wincing, Ryo dropped the knife, the hand holding onto the carving  
squeezing involuntarily and squeezing more of the delicate crimson  
liquid out against Ryo's white flesh. The knife fell to the ground,  
twirling slightly as it went and leaving a small trail of blood before  
it clattered to a stop, but Ryo didn't give the tool a second thought,  
staring at the wound on his thumb. His blood was seeping out slowly,  
into the wood of the miniature EVA-02's chest, staining the wood to  
match the color of the actual Eva. There was nothing particularly new  
about the wound or the pain - he had experienced being hurt many times  
before, and he was in no way unfamiliar with the appearance of his  
blood. Yet something new bubbled through his veins, something he  
couldn't place immediately once again.  
  
Taking the carving in his other hand, Ryo released it from the bleeding  
hand, placing the object down on the bed as he stared at the welling  
blood on his thumb. "Anger," he whispered, knowing the name of the  
emotion, something unconsciously providing it as he stared at his  
thumb, an unfamiliar sensation still tickling through his brain. "Is  
this what anger feels like?"  
  
Ryo paused for a moment, then squeezed his thumb against his other  
fingers, letting the liquid bubble out and run across his skin, feeling  
the sharp daggers of pain race up his arm. "Yes," he muttered, feeling  
his thumb begin to ache on top of the simple pain of the cut, releasing  
it and wiping off the blood on his sheets. "Anger. I'm angry. This  
is anger." The words sounded oddly foreign to him, and he stared at  
his hand again, feeling the newfound anger seep through him, a slow and  
innocent smile spreading across his face as the blood began to peek  
through his white skin once again.  
  
]++[  
  
Her fingers aching and wrist sore from the demands she'd placed on it,  
Eiko sighed heavily as she released her pencil, letting it tumble to  
the soft cushion of the bed as she examined the final sketch. She'd  
acquired something of a fascination for the way that light wrapped  
around objects, and while her exact memory of how Ryo had looked  
sitting in the light had faded slightly, she would have been more than  
willing to bet that her final sketch was a faithful reproduction of the  
scene, at least to the extent that was possible from a pencil sketch.  
"Maybe I can borrow the scanners at the computer labs in school," she  
muttered, staring at the piece, feeling proud of herself at the same  
time that she felt slightly drained. "Then I could color it with the  
computer."  
  
Casually, Eiko reached out and touched the rough surface of the  
sketchpad, the suggestion of doing anything that required even vague  
amounts of effort sounding utterly distasteful for reasons that she  
couldn't quite place. It had been a perfectly pleasant day after  
lunch - school had finished, and she'd gone to the arcade with Vash,  
Hikari, and Kensuke, where they'd played on whatever had sparked their  
interest while Vash bemoaned the lack of a single good shooting game at  
the arcade. Then she and Vash had spent a little time alone together,  
and Eiko had come home to finish her sketch of Ryo. There was nothing  
wrong with the day. A little boring, but nothing else wrong.  
  
"Boring," she repeated to herself, the word seeming to become more and  
more important as she thought about the day. Glancing towards the Ryo  
sketch once again, she sighed and closed her sketchbook, feeling  
utterly uninspired. That was her problem in its entirety, she realized  
as she leaned back against the pillow at the head of the bed, letting  
her head sink against the soft white cushion. The day had been  
completely boring, totally predictable, the sort of thing that she  
hated. "The only interesting thing that happened was talking with Ryo."  
  
Staring at the light ceiling of her room, Eiko suddenly found herself  
going over the conversation again in her mind, the boy's words ringing  
in her ears like a mantra. He'd asked if she loved Neil, but he hadn't  
asked it as though he was simply curious, the words sounding more and  
more like a request for confession each time Eiko replayed them in her  
mind. "Neil's a friend," she repeated to herself, wondering why she'd  
even bothered speaking aloud, knowing full well that the only person  
she could be trying to convince would be herself.  
  
A thought began to grow in the back of her head, and Eiko immediately  
felt herself wince, leaning slightly deeper into the pillow and  
jostling the bed enough to send her sketchbook and pencil clattering to  
the floor. She knew that the day had been boring, but she reminded  
herself that it wasn't indicative, that her life hadn't become  
monotonous in any way, that she'd nearly made love to Vash even though  
she knew that her parents would have hated her for it. That one  
example alone, she knew, proved more than anything that she wasn't  
simply conforming to her parents' wishes.  
  
"But we didn't go through with it," she whispered to herself, suddenly  
feeling very exposed, reaching down and trying to pull down the skirt  
she was still wearing from school, wishing that it covered more of her  
legs for the first time that she could remember. "I couldn't stop  
thinking of Neil." Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, feeling  
as though she was standing on the cusp of something massive, like there  
was something very important she was about to do.  
  
Pushing herself off of the pillow, she suddenly felt herself developing  
an idea that at once excited and terrified her, feeling only more  
secure in the concept by virtue of the fact that it scared her a  
little. She stood from the bed, then looked towards the small white  
phone that sat on her desk, the simple plastic casing almost seeming to  
mock her as it almost dared her to pick it up. With heavy feet, she  
stepped over towards the phone, feeling adrenaline move through her  
body as she gently touched the receiver, hesitating for just a moment  
before picking up the device and hearing the dull dial tone fill the  
air in the absence of other noise.  
  
Her hand remained in place for a moment, letting the receiver simply  
hover as the dial tone sounded to empty air, then slowly she turned it  
over and brought it closer to her face, her free hand slowly reaching  
over and dialing a few digits before she brought the receiver flush  
with her ear. "I'm just going to see if he picks up," she said, trying  
to breathe calmly even as she found her breath coming more quickly, a  
thin sweat beginning to form around the hand that gripped the  
receiver. "I'll just see if he picks up, and I'll go from there. If  
he doesn't pick up, I haven't done anything wrong. Just calling a  
friend."  
  
The phone let out a single droning ring, the silence of Eiko's room  
feeling almost physical as the ring died out and nothing else made  
noise in the room besides Eiko's own anxious drumming of her fingers.  
Then a second ring came and went, and a third, and Eiko found her  
fingers no longer moving, wondering if Neil was there or not,  
simultaneously wanting him to pick up the phone and wanting him not to  
ever know that she called. A fourth ring, then a fifth, then a  
clicking noise and the unmistakable voice of Misato on the other end.  
  
Eiko panicked, not even bothering to listen to Misato as she slammed  
the phone back down at the hook, all but jumping back onto her bed as  
the cold sweat from her hand began to seep out of her body  
universally. It took her a moment to turn back towards the phone,  
sitting cross-legged on the bed and staring at the small white  
appliance, and it took her another moment to remind herself that she  
might have simply gotten Misato's answering machine. The thought still  
didn't stop the adrenaline that slowly swam through her bloodstream,  
her hands pressed hard against the fabric of the bed, breath coming  
heavily and in regular intervals.  
  
"Not there," she muttered, feeling at once relieved and disappointed.  
She'd thought for a brief moment that having Neil around might make the  
day more interesting, might cut through the dull environment of the  
day, but something in the back of her mind told her she should feel  
guilty about that, that she had done something wrong. "But I just  
wanted to talk to my friend," she hissed, flopping backwards on the bed  
once again, adjusting her body until she comfortably lay with her head  
wedged within the pillows, body curled into a fetal position with her  
knees almost touching her chest. "Is there anything wrong with that?"  
  
Consciously attempting to calm herself down, Eiko simply stared at the  
phone over the edge of the fluffed pillow, half-terrified that Misato  
had caller ID and in a few moments everyone in that apartment would  
know that she had called. What made her feel odd, however, wasn't the  
fact that it was a terrifying thought, but the fact that at the same  
time she was excited by the prospect. Sighing heavily, she continued  
to stare, her sketchbook lying on the floor, open to where her sketch  
of Tokyo-3 would have been had she not given it to Neil.  
  
]++[  
  
"I'm not going to kid you. I don't want to be here. I can think of a  
few million places that I'd rather be, and half of them are prisons."  
Neil paused for a moment, face remaining stern as he took a quick  
drink, then slammed the can back down on the table. "But I'm here  
anyways. Even though I don't want to be, I'm -here-. And I think you  
ought to afford me some kind of respect just for that, just for having  
the guts and the determination to not leave no matter how much I might  
want to. Because if that doesn't mean anything to you, I'm going to  
leave, because there's no reason for me to be here." He stopped,  
staring at Nieve through the few fingers of his hair that had fallen  
down in front of his face, eyes glittering angrily.  
  
Staring back at the boy, Nieve's eyes were wide with surprise as she  
watched him hold the expression, and at length she let out a loud sigh,  
a satisfied grin spreading across her face. "Wow," she said, nodding  
at the boy as his face split into a broad smile, shaking her head in  
disbelief. "You -are- good at that." She chuckled lightly, glancing  
around the dimly-lit restaurant, the red vinyl seats and black-painted  
tables adding to the overall atmosphere that the place was intended to  
be private. "What move was that from, again?"  
  
"'Live Through,'" replied Neil, pushing his blonde hair back into place  
and grinning at the girl, pleased that she'd enjoyed the impression.  
"It was released a couple of years after the Second Impact, and it was  
one of the first films made afterwards that didn't just dramatize the  
events of those few fateful days - it actually made a meaningful story  
out of it." He paused for a second, taking another sip of the bitter  
liquid that they jokingly called coffee in the restaurant, enjoying the  
sens of the warmth seeping down his throat gradually. "What's  
interesting is that those lines weren't actually in the movie's  
original theatrical release."  
  
"You're kidding me," replied Nieve, glancing around the restaurant and  
trying to figure out if their waiter was ever going to come back and  
take their order. Although the staff had been well-dispositioned  
towards the prospect of having the two Children dining at their  
establishment, they also seemed to want to prolong the experience as  
long as possible, and while Nieve had counted at least five  
photographers trying to be discreet about taking pictures they'd only  
seen their waiter briefly to receive drinks. "How do you know them,  
then?"  
  
"Well, they were originally -filmed-, they just weren't -included-,"  
replied Neil, unconcerned about the food aspect of the evening, happy  
to simply be able to show off his knowledge of movie trivia.  
"Apparently the footage of that entire scene got left on the cutting  
room floor by accident, and nobody caught it until the writer sat down  
and watched the film once it had been released. By that point it was  
too late to do anything, but it was included on the DVD once they  
released it. Ironically enough, the movie -does- make reference to the  
same scene later on."  
  
Shaking her head, Nieve took a sip of her drink, some kind of Japanese  
soda that the waiter had recommended for reasons that she couldn't  
begin to fathom. The drink was vaguely sour, but not in the good sense  
of being lemon-flavored so much as it simply tickled the sour taste  
buds for no apparent reason. "It's amazing that you know all this  
stuff. You said it was released in 2002, right?" Neil nodded, and  
Nieve shook her head again, still surprised by the boy's memory. "So  
you know about a film released when you were -two-, and you know almost  
everything about it. That's just not normal."  
  
Neil shrugged, frowning slightly as he reached behind his ear and  
scratched a small patch of agitated skin, still feeling somewhat  
nervous that he was going to say the wrong thing now that the  
conversation had moved back to him. "While you were learning how to  
pilot the Eva, I was learning everything I could about movies," he  
offered, leaning slightly closer to Nieve. "After all, us normal  
children have these things called 'hobbies.'"  
  
"Hey!" snapped Nieve in agitated tone, the slight chuckle that  
accompanied the statement making it clear that she wasn't as angry as  
her tone would imply. "I have hobbies too."  
  
"Really? Name one." Neil tried to grin smugly, to look as though he  
was completely confident in the question, but he felt as though he was  
treading on dangerous ground with his words, and for a moment he  
worried that he shouldn't have said it as Nieve's face darkened  
momentarily. Then she smirked again mischeviously, and his tension  
relaxed slightly as she thumbed her chin, apparently struggling to  
think of something.  
  
"All right, I sing," replied Nieve after a moment, slapping the hand  
from her chin onto the table defiantly and grinning at Neil. "I used  
to be part of a choir back in Ireland. And..." She paused for a  
moment, eyes flicking away from Neil towards the wall as though to  
avoid the boy as a distraction. "I don't know if you can really count  
reading as a hobby, but if you can, that's there too." She shrugged.  
"I used to be into writing, too, but I decided that I really wasn't  
very good at it. I think I brought some of my old poetry with me."  
  
Giving a quick nod, Neil found himself suddenly and unexpectedly simply  
caught up in the simply appearance of Nieve, the way that her red hair  
seemed to pour of her head down around her head and shoulders, the  
smooth firm skin of her neck and chin, the slight capricious twinkle in  
her eyes, the way that her twin emerald orbs seemed to catch a twinkle  
of light even in darkened rooms such as the one they sat in. "This is  
nice," he said at length, surprising even himself with the words but  
unable to stop saying them. Nieve was staring at him quizzically now,  
and he knew that he had to finish what he was saying, that he couldn't  
just pretend he'd said nothing. "Just... this. The two of us sitting  
here and having dinner..."  
  
"What about it?" asked Nieve, leaning towards Neil, the small distance  
that seperated the two of them seeming to contract noticably as the  
girl leaned over, her chest pushing up and straining slightly against  
the fabric of her shirt. She didn't even seem to notice, but for the  
first time that he could remember in a long while Neil didn't even feel  
particularly tempted to look away from her.  
  
"It's nice," he finished, somehow feeling more confident by the way she  
seemed to actually be interested in his words. "It's just... nice.  
Normal. It feels like we're really just normal kids for a minute,  
without NERV, without the Evas, without the Angels. Just normal  
sixteen-year-olds out on a date with one another." He paused for a  
moment, thinking back on his words, realizing that he was repeating  
himself a conspicuous amount. "I'm babbling, aren't I?"  
  
"No," replied Nieve, reaching her hand forward towards him, her intent  
obvious as she stared into his eyes. Neil swallowed hard for a moment,  
then reached his own hand out and placed it gently in hers, feeling a  
slight tickle as her slender fingers wrapped around his hand, slipping  
between his own fingers and pressing against his skin tightly. Both  
opened their mouths to say something, then grinned in unison and closed  
them, simply enjoying the pure innocence and normality of the moment  
temporarily.  
  
]++[  
  
Breathing a last exhausted sigh, Misato typed the final few words  
necessary for her report on the Ninth Angel, then hit the quick  
combination of keys to save the document and flopped to one side of the  
keyboard with a sigh of relief. It had been a long day of work even  
without the minor incident between her and Niobe, and she wanted more  
than anything to simply go home. She'd received a call from the  
Children earlier to let her know that they were going out for dinner,  
and much as she wanted to tell herself that she would miss them she was  
almost oblivious to the fact as she blinked just to stay awake, staring  
at the glow from the computer with just enough focus to keep sleep at  
bay.  
  
"Food," she muttered to herself, hauling her body away from the desk  
with an almost herculean effort, closing the document that had taken  
her at least two hours to complete before shutting down the computer.  
"Get food. Get home. Have beer. Sleep for days." Rubbing her eyes  
forcefully, she yawned, letting out a small moan, then blinked a few  
more times and walked towards the door out of her office, flipping off  
the lights as the doors hissed open and then closed. In the back of  
her mind, she knew that there was probably something that she was  
forgetting, but it wasn't anything that concerned her as she began to  
walk down the bland hallways slowly, feeling her vision start to blur  
slightly from sheer exhaustion.  
  
Then one of her feet hit the ground at entirely the wrong angle for a  
woman wearing heels, and she found her senses suddenly focusing once  
again as she started to topple forward. A minor yelp escaped her lips  
as she tried to stabilize herself, then a louder one as she felt her  
balance give out completely, body pitching forward uncontrollably. The  
floor rushed up to meet her as she fell downwards, and she winced  
before the floor even hit her, anticipating the feel of the cold metal  
and the odd almost-scent of pain coming off her skin as she slammed  
down. "Ow," she muttered, hoping that she wasn't being watched, having  
that sneaking suspicion that she wouldn't be so lucky.  
  
"Making out with the floor?" asked Kaji, and Misato knew immediately  
that he'd seen more than enough, unable to suppress a groan as she  
looked down the hall to see the man walking towards her, the same  
disheveled outfit on that he usually wore. She closed her eyes for a  
second, then opened them again to see him standing over her, reaching  
down with one hand towards her. Feeling even worse simply because it  
was Kaji, she reached up and grabbed his hand, feeling as he helped tug  
her to her feet, stumbling back to balance as she felt her left knee  
protest the movement. "You okay? You look upset."  
  
Glaring at the man for a moment, Misato resisted the urge to reach out  
and slap him, instead simply turning her gaze away from him and towards  
the wall. "You think that I wouldn't be?" she asked, still unsure of  
exactly why she was so mad at him and Ritsuko but not nearly ready to  
forgive either of them. Doing her best to be defiant, she stepped  
firmly around Kaji, walking down the hall for a coupld steps before she  
felt a loud shout of protest from her knee once again, forcing her to  
stop and lean against the nearest wall as she hissed a breath inward.  
  
"Slow down," advised Kaji, the tone of his voice simply concerned.  
Misato wanted to believe that he just wanted her to be all right, but  
part of her couldn't help but be angry, feel as though he was babying  
her. "You must have hurt yourself more than you thought. Here, let me  
help you to your car at least."  
  
Kaji's hands closed around Misato's shoulders, and glaring once again  
she shoved his hands off of her, whirling around as best she could and  
letting her angry eyes stared into his own confused ones. "Don't touch  
me," she snapped, feeling slightly exposed from the touch even at the  
same time that she wanted him to hold her again. "I know what's going  
on between you and Ritsuko. I found out a couple days ago. Don't you  
go trying to hold me."  
  
The man's face seemed to melt with the recognition that Misato knew  
what was going on, something that gave Misato some small satisfaction  
at the same time that it made her feel cruel. "I'm sorry," he offered,  
shrugging gently at the woman as though he was talking about something  
unimportant. "I probably should have told you when we started working  
together. But you know now, so I don't -"  
  
"It isn't about whether or not I -know-," snapped Misato, feeling even  
more violated by the simple act of speaking with Kaji, wishing that she  
could simply hit him hard enough to make him realize that his cavalier  
attitude towards the situation was entirely wrong. A slow wave of  
tears began to surge upwards as she felt her lungs contract, her  
breaths coming more quickly involuntarily. "It just isn't right,  
Ryoji. Ritsuko used to be my best friend in the world. You used to be  
my lover. How could you... could you..." She trailed off, realizing  
that she sounded hysterical, a blush beginning to seep to the surface  
of her skin. "It just isn't right."  
  
Kaji's hands closed around her shoulders once again, and this time she  
didn't fight him, forcing herself to hold the tears back. "You left  
me, Misato," he said calmly, the tone his voice sounding even worse  
than before, as though he was simply stating fact. It made her feel  
like a little girl, as though she needed to be scolded, something that  
reminded her of all the worst things about her father. "I didn't think  
it would make you this angry. I thought you would understand that we  
both had to move on."  
  
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child," she said harshly, once again  
turning her gaze sharply away from him, feeling her anger breed more  
freely without Kaji's calm and measured stare looking down at her.  
"I'm only a couple of years younger than you are. I..." Once again,  
she trailed off, not ready or willing to deal with the old feelings  
bubbling back to the surface. "Ryoji... you never said that you loved  
me. I left because..." She felt her mouth curling into the right  
shape to tell him truth, then losing its nerve and going back to the  
easier and more comfortable lie. "I left because I thought I was  
holding you back."  
  
The man's rough but gentle hand brushed against her cheek, and she  
realized that despite her best efforts she was crying after all.  
Looking towards, Kaji, she wanted to make up some kind of defense for  
her actions, then found herself cut short as the man leaned in and  
kissed her deeply, pulling her face closer to his and letting his lips  
hold tightly against her as he slid his tongue inside of her mouth.  
Misato felt a brief surge of fear and confusion, then found herself  
giving in, losing herself to the man's strong embrace, the smell of  
cigarettes and a sort of manly perfume about him, even the slight  
scratch of his beard stubble against her face. She wrapped her arms  
around him as though time had flowed backwards, letting her own tongue  
seek out his. It wasn't so bad, she thought, living for moments like  
these. All of the pain he'd brought her seemed worth it for the simply  
feeling of his kiss.  
  
Almost as suddenly as it had started, it was over, and Misato felt his  
lips move away from her, his grip returning simply to her shoulders,  
the scent lingering in her nose as he moved away. Then he was simply  
holding her against the wall as she stared up at him, eyes wide in  
utter confusion, the stains of tears running down her cheeks still  
fresh. "Trust me," he said softly, as though he was afraid of someone  
hearing him. "Just have faith in me. I won't let you down."  
  
Misato wanted to ask him what he meant. She wanted to beg him not to  
go, to ask him to stay with her, to return with her to the apartment  
and hold her until everything became all right. She wanted to scream  
at him for betraying Ritsuko, wanted to slap him for having kissed her,  
wanted to slap herself from letting him do so. All of the desires were  
tugging her in too many conflicting directions, and she wound up doing  
nothing except staring at him, watching him as he released her  
shoulders and walked away, almost hurrying away from her as though  
being near her was dangerous.  
  
"Don't go," she managed to whisper a moment too late, staring at the  
now-empty hallway that he had walked down, eyes beginning to fill with  
tears once again, her emotions a convoluted mess that still felt to be  
pulling her in every direction. She slumped down against the wall to  
the floor, feeling as though she was thirteen all over again, that even  
though she seemed to be such an adult on the outside she hadn't grown  
at all. Sniffling slightly, she closed her eyes, letting the tears  
lingering in her eyes fall down her cheeks before standing, more  
convinced than before that she needed a beer, something to chase away  
the demons from her home within her mind.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Why do you wake up each morning?  
Why do you say the things you say?  
Why do you pilot the Evangelion?  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 13: QUESTIONS OF THE FAITHFUL  
"People want to believe whatever is most convenient."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	13. Questions of the Faithful

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 13: QUESTIONS OF THE FAITHFUL +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"  
But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put  
my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will  
not believe it."  
- JOHN 20:25  
  
]++[  
  
Misato Katsuragi knew, in the back of her mind, that she was dreaming.  
That knowledge, however, did nothing to alleviate the oppressive terror  
of the cold gray room that she'd been placed in after her escape pod  
from Antarctica had washed ashore, feeling just as cold and hostile  
even though it was only a construct of her dream. She still remembered  
the vicious appearance of the black-suited men that had confronted her  
afterwards vividly, as though it had all happened yesterday. Her mind  
had amplified everything for the purposes of the dream, naturally, and  
the men themselves were little more than misty shadows with glints of  
reflected light for eyes, the room a tomblike place as she sat on a  
small chair, the only proof to her that she had grown at all the fact  
that she was sitting fully-grown, wearing her red jacket from NERV over  
the single-piece nightgown she'd washed ashore in.  
  
"You are Misato Katsuragi, daughter of the Professor Katsuragi in  
Antarctica at the time." It was not in any way a question, and the  
shadowy mass that passed for one of them men didn't seem to move at all  
from the effort of speaking. "You are the only survivor of the  
incident."  
  
"Father didn't make it?" she asked, surprised to find that she had  
control over what she did and said. The dream came irregularly, but  
this was the first time that she could remember being even partially in  
control of her words. It felt as though there was someone else peering  
over her shoulder, whispering into her ear what she should say and do,  
but it was still less than the abject obedience that her dreams usually  
inflicted on her.  
  
"No," replied the shadow, the cloak of darkness that seemed to hang  
around everything around it shifting ever so slightly, like a sheet  
moved over a stack of hidden objects. "All of the scientists on the  
Katsuragi expedition perished during the impact. We will require  
testing to make sure that you are fit to continue living among humans."  
  
"What will you tell people?" she asked, feeling oddly calm, almost  
reassured by the knowledge that she was dreaming. The dream could give  
her no new information, and she knew that, knew that at best all it  
could do was organize her thoughts. "You're planning to lie, aren't  
you?"  
  
"People will be told that a meteor hit the South Pole," replied the  
same mass of shadows, the voice fluctuating slightly as it echoed  
within the recesses of Misato's unconscious mind. "It's what they want  
to believe. We won't have to try very hard to keep the truth  
obscured." There was a pause, then a thin white line traced across  
where the shadow's mouth would be, the smile sinister and arrogant.  
"People want to believe whatever is most convenient. Nobody will even  
suggest that it had anything to do with the expedition's research."  
  
Misato shook her head. "Someone will find out. The First and Second  
Angels are floating in the ocean, simply begging to be discovered. And  
I saw my father examining the First, saw the wonder with which he  
stared at the monster." She paused for a moment, sinking her head  
slightly. "You can't control the truth like that."  
  
"We won't. People will control the truth for us. They'll ignore  
people who tell them the truth they don't want to hear." The smile  
widened until the shadow's face seemed to engulf the room, mocking  
Misato as though she truly was a child once again. "What will you do?  
Scream at the top of your lungs that it was the Angels that caused the  
Second Impact? That your purpose is to prevent Third Impact? Everyone  
would call you crazy and refuse to listen."  
  
"So you will lie," replied Misato, trying to remain calm, reminding  
herself that it was merely a dream, that as long as she didn't allow  
herslf to feel terrified at the horrific black grin looming over her  
that it wasn't a nightmare. "But what are you going to do with the  
Angels? If people see them, they'll realize that something's not right  
with your story."  
  
The grin seemed to widen, then lurched towards Misato, the mouth  
opening slowly. "Don't worry. We've got our uses for them, too." The  
mouth moved in around Misato, and she suddenly felt herself pass  
through the lips of the horrible shadow, unable to keep from screaming  
any longer. "We've got our plans for the first two Angels, and we plan  
to have you help us."  
  
]++[  
  
A cold sweat was soaking through the fabric of her sheets as Misato  
woke the next morning, her long purple hair tangled in a mess around  
her head and neck as her eyes slowly fluttered open, a wad of coarse  
hair wedged in her mouth. "No wonder I felt like I was choking," she  
muttered, spitting the hair out of her mouth as she pulled her arms out  
from the tangle of the sheets, trying to pull her hair out of the  
various knots that it had contorted itself into as she rose slowly from  
her futon. Her thin blue nightgown had pulled itself almost straight  
off of her, something she almost didn't notice as she stumbled towards  
the door of her darkened room, only barely catching a glimpse of  
herself in the mirror before realizing that she would be giving Nieve  
and Neil far more of a view than she would have wanted.  
  
Blushing involuntarily, she yanked the nightgown back to where it was  
supposed to be, closing her eyes for a moment and letting the tingling  
darkness of sleep spread over her for one last moment before she opened  
her eyes once again. She'd already thrown her sheets over the small  
red alarm clock in one corner of the horribly disorganized room, but  
she was certain that she'd gotten up on time, knowing that she'd been  
getting up at the same time for years, still fighting the clock every  
single morning as though sooner or later one of them would make some  
gains in the battle. Yawning loudly, she opened her door and stepped  
into the living room, doubting that Nieve or Neil would even be up yet.  
  
It was a testament to her reflexes that Misato didn't immediately fall  
over upon the sudden shift of light from the darkness of her room to  
the brightly-lit living room, a fact that was lost on her as she  
stumbled backwards and clutched the doorframe, light seeming to explode  
across her field of vision like a spray of water. Her eyes were closed  
tightly, but still the light assaulted her, pain echoing back from her  
eyes as her pupils struggled to close fast enough to dull the pain, the  
light penetrating through the back of her eyes slowly coming to a stop  
as she felt herself slump to the floor. It was a diorienting  
sensation, and she had to blink a few times once her sense of sight  
returned, the light still glaring harsh in her eyes.  
  
"This is awfully bright for early morning," she muttered to herself, a  
troublesome thought beginning to surface in the back of her head.  
Pulling herself to her feet, she shook her head, letting her eyes  
adjust fully to the yellow-white glare from the sun, then turned and  
glanced towards the kitchen, eyes widening as she stared. Both Neil  
and Nieve were sitting at the table calmly having breakfast, still in  
their pajamas as they leaned over the wooden table calmly. Neither of  
them seemed to notice them, and as the harsh glow of light began to  
fade into the usual yellowish color of the walls, Misato began to have  
a creeping suspicion about what was going on.  
  
Neil heard the sound of Misato's footsteps first, his head turning down  
the hall a second before Nieve even noticed that he had moved. Misato  
could see that there was something just behind the surface of the boy's  
eyes, but she couldn't tell what, and at the time she didn't  
particularly care. "What time is it?" she hissed, her voice sounding  
strained, body slumped forward slightly in a posture of defeat.  
  
"Um..." Neil knew that the answer that he would have to give her out  
of honesty was the one that she didn't want to hear, and he frowned  
involuntarily, the look on her face making it very clear that the frown  
was all that she needed to see. "It's seven-thirty." Misato paused  
for only a moment, then began screaming curses in Japanese as she  
turned and dashed back to her room, Neil's eyes going wide as she began  
to pull her nightgown off before she'd even reached the door. The  
noise of violent crashing began to come from her room, and the boy  
winced involuntarily, turning back towards the table. "She overslept."  
  
"Well, duh," replied Nieve somewhat curtly, brushing back a few loose  
strands of her hair as she leaned forward to take a bite of cereal,  
ignoring the loud noises as she ate. "You should have heard her last  
night. She was having some kind of nightmare or something, the way  
that she was screaming. I was pretty worried for her." She paused for  
a second, biting her lip in a way that implied she knew she was about  
to lie. "I... I had to run to the bathroom, and I just happened to  
hear her." She paused. "Female thing."  
  
His own mind elsewhere, Neil nodded halfheartedly, staring down at the  
multicolored cereal bits breaking the pure white skin of the milk in  
his bowl, the memory of last night's dream unusually fresh. Some great  
white monstrosity had been approaching him somewhere deathly cold, and  
even though he struggled against the thing it wouldn't stop stabbing  
him with a great red spear. He felt pain, but each stab seemed not to  
kill him, only release great cascading waves of energy. It had been  
horrific, enough to wake him up nearly an hour before his usual time,  
something that he was certain Nieve had seen on his face when she'd  
gone in to wake him up. His mother had always said that he had  
nightmares because of how active his imagination was, but it had been  
years since he'd taken most of the things that his mother told him  
seriously, and -  
  
"-Neil.-" Nieve's voice cut through the boy's thoughts like razor  
wire, and he looked towards her as innocently as possible, harshly  
shocked straight out of his complacency. She was looking at him with  
obvious expectation of a response, and he nodded halfheartedly, truly  
feeling somewhat left out of the loop. "You weren't listening to a  
word I said," Nieve sighed, shaking her head for a moment before  
looking at the boy again, this time with a slightly harder expression  
on her face. "I asked you when you're planning on going into Central  
Dogma today."  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Neil shook his head, hitting the back of it in an  
attempt to at least seem good-natured, trying to blot out the memories  
from his nightmare. "Just... a little worried about Misato." His  
statement was followed, conveniently enough, with another crash from  
her room, this one sounding distinctly like shattering glass. Both  
Children exchanged a quick glance at the noise, then turned back to  
their breakfasts. "I don't know, really. Probably at the same time  
that Ryo's school gets out. It feels too lonely going in for testing  
all alone."  
  
Shrugging, Nieve took another bite of cereal, once again shoving her  
hair out of her face just before it drifted into the perfect white milk  
of the cereal bowl. "I've gotten used to it," she replied, ignoring  
another loud crashing noise from down the hall in Misato's room.  
"Heck, I told you all about it a couple days ago. Only Child in  
Ireland, and all that." She paused for a moment, then took another  
bite of cereal, seeming rather bored with the situation. "Funny part  
is that my synch ratio has never really gone up or down, not for a  
couple years now. It kind of defeats the purpose of constant testing."  
  
"I suppose so," replied Neil, staring into his bowl once again, mind  
still drifting back to his nightmare. It was the first time since his  
first sortie with EVA-01 that he'd woken up without seeing the Eva's  
single green eye staring at him, a fact that he didn't quite know what  
to do with. On the one hand, he was glad that he hadn't had to face  
that particular demon once again, but on the other hand it was  
something that he'd grown accustomed to, even if he didn't like it. He  
began to think further on the subject, then felt the inexplicable  
pressure of Nieve's eyes on him, and he tilted his head upwards to look  
at her. "I'd rather be testing than piloting, though."  
  
Nieve seemed to suddenly freeze, as though Neil had said something  
unspeakably horrific, her expression the only thing on her body that  
was moving at all as it slowly seemed to struggle between rage and  
disbelief. "What are you talking about?" she said after a moment, the  
tone in her voice incomprehensible to Neil, though he knew it was the  
result of him saying something wrong. "You've managed to do amazing  
things with EVA-01. How can you say that you don't want to pilot it?"  
She paused for a moment. "Do you mean that you just don't want to  
pilot it -now?-"  
  
Looking at the girl, Neil could see that there was some sort of pain  
simmering just beneath the surface of her expression, something that he  
was almost certain she wouldn't be willing to talk about with him. A  
minor spike of regret drove itself through his heart, and he bit his  
lower lip momentarily. "Yeah," he replied, trying to remind himself  
that he was lying for a good reason, that he wanted Nieve to be happy  
and that he knew the lie would make her happier. "That's all. I just  
really want to just have a normal day today."  
  
A look of relief drifted across Nieve's face, and she opened her mouth  
to say something before one final loud crash came from Misato's room,  
this one loud enough to send minor tremors through the table and rattle  
the spoons against the bowls as Nieve and Neil watched. A moment  
later, the door opened, and the woman stepped out, obviously trying to  
look as composed as she could, hair done up into a bun and a small red  
beret with an odd insignia sitting on her head. "No time for a  
shower," she explained as she walked over to the kitchen with  
surprising speed, grabbing a bowl and spoon quickly before pouring  
cereal in at the same time that she extracted the milk from the  
fridge. "The hat's part of the uniform. I just usually don't wear  
it. Privelege of rank."  
  
"We didn't ask," said Nieve flatly, drawing a quick glare from Misato  
before the older woman finished pouring the cereal and pracitcally  
throwing the milk into the bowl. Nieve shrugged halfheartedly, then  
returned to her own cereal as Misato sat down across from her. A  
moment of relative silence passed over the table, the only sound the  
fairly regular noise of cereal crunching between the teeth of the three  
people. Then, placing the last spoonful of her cereal in her mouth,  
Nieve chewed and swallowed quickly, turning towards Neil with a smirk  
and leaning her elbows on the table as she looked at him. "So why do  
you pilot the Eva, then?"  
  
Neil, temporarily enjoying the sugary taste of the cereal against the  
relative blandness of the milk, almost didn't notice the question,  
looking up after a minute simply because he felt the pressure of  
Nieve's stare once again. "Come on," she urged, shifting her chair  
closer to him and grinning in her usual seductive way, eyelids lowering  
just enough for her to look mischevious without looking tired. "You  
know full well why -I- pilot the thing. What about -you-?"  
  
"I..." Neil paused for a moment, the question feeling oddly alien even  
though he knew he should have asked himself the exact same thing. "I  
didn't have much of a choice when I arrived. If I didn't get in EVA-  
01, the entire planet would be done for thanks to the Third Angel. I  
couldn't very well tell them that I didn't want to." He paused for a  
moment. "Then... well, I was the only pilot they had, with Ryo's  
machine being repaired and everyone else -"  
  
Sighing loudly, Nieve brought a stop to Neil's response, adding in a  
quick hand gesture to make it perfectly clear that she wanted him to  
stop talking. "I didn't ask why -did- you pilot it," she replied  
flatly, drawing a sidelong glance from Misato as she continued to stare  
lazily at her would-be boyfriend. "You're not the only Eva pilot  
anymore, and there isn't an Angel attacking right now. Heck, you  
haven't been the only game in time for a while now. Something must  
have kept you here." She paused, then her mischevious grin returned.  
"Are you evading some other girl by staying here in Japan?"  
  
"How many girlfriends do you think I -have-?" asked Neil somewhat  
angrily, provoking only another mischevious grin from Nieve despite his  
own intensity. He sighed, then stared down at the ceral once again,  
the nightmare still occupying his mind above all else, clogging up his  
other thoughts with the memory of the pain and horror. "I'm piloting  
because... because..." He stopped for a moment, then shrugged almost  
idly, trying to look as though he was simply being casual, not wanting  
to admit that he couldn't think. "I don't know why."  
  
Looking towards the red-haired girl, Neil could tell immediately that  
he'd said something wrong as the same tension began to simmer again  
underneath the surface of her eyes, something flashing beneath them as  
she pushed her chair away from the table forcefully and grabbed her  
bowl from her place. "I'm done with my meal," she announced, sounding  
just shy of being outright angry as she stepped around the table  
towards the sink. "I'll rinse off my bowl, then I'm going to take a  
shower. Anyone who runs the water while I'm in the shower will be very  
sorry."  
  
Both Neil and Misato watched as the girl stayed true to her word,  
letting the blue-white pressure of the water rinse out the white  
remnants of her milk, then letting her bowl and spoon clatter to the  
bottom of the sink as she walked towards her room. She walked past  
Neil on her way, stretching out her hand just enough for her fingers to  
brush through the back of his hair, and Neil caught the vaguest hint of  
her unique scent before she had shut the door to her room forcefully.  
"I said something wrong," he muttered, shaking his head, feeling guilty  
for the situation and feeling worse for not being able to think more  
intensely on it.  
  
"You told the truth," replied Misato through a half-chewed mouthful of  
cereal, obviously eating as fast as she could in hopes of being  
slightly less late. "You don't know why you pilot the Eva. That's  
okay. As long as you try your best, we don't expect anythimg more."  
She paused for a moment, then noticed that the clock was reading later  
than she'd expected once again, and her eyes widened noticably as she  
shoveled a few final bites of food into her mouth and placed the spoon  
firmly into the bowl. "I've got to run to work. Be a dear and take  
care of my dishes, okay?"  
  
"All right," replied Neil weakly as the woman rushed out of the  
apartment in a flurry of motion, slipping on her shoes and grabbing her  
jacket with practiced grace, the door opening and closing as though  
she'd never even touched the knob. Neil stared after her for a moment,  
then glanced down at his unfinished breakfast. Once again, he found  
himself flashing back to his dream, remembering the taste of bile in  
his mouth mingling with blood as the great white monster stabbed him  
over and over, and suddenly he felt distinctly not hungry. Shoving the  
bowl aside, he glanced at the door to Nieve's room, trying to figure  
out the answer to her question in the back of his mind.  
  
]++[  
  
NERV's employee lounge was the only place in the entire facility that  
had an analog clock, and as a result it was constantly filled with the  
noise of the arms turning in a slow circle, the steady clicking that  
had long symbolized the passage of time even after the breed of clocks  
had more or less ceased to exist. Most of NERV's staff was in utter  
awe at the fact that something so ancient was being used in the  
facility, and rumors about why the clock was there were almost  
constantly being bantered around amongst the lower-ranking staff  
members, ranging from the simply incorrect to the outright bizzare. As  
subcommander of NERV, Kozou Fuyutsuki heard all the rumors, and he  
couldn't help but smile as he thought of them, staring up at the white  
face of the clock as it ticked along, looking very out of place set  
against the whitewashed metal walls and metallic furniture with just  
enough padding to be comfortable.  
  
"The truth just never occurs to anyone," he muttered to himself, still  
smirking as he unpacked his lunch with meticulous care, content in the  
emptiness of the massive room, the video monitors silent and the entire  
place seeming ghostly quiet. "Nobody ever thinks that an old man in  
the administration simply happens to like the way that clocks used to  
look." He glanced up towards the white-faced timekeeper once again,  
its steady beat a reassurance as he took a deep breath and began to  
eat, knowing that he had to be done quickly in order to get back to  
work on Ayanami.  
  
Without warning, he heard the sound of the door to the lounge hissing  
open, then the sound of clicking heels as Misato walked in, her red  
jacket hanging loosely open over a black shirt, red skirt and hat  
managing to complement the color scheme. She glanced around for a  
moment, holding what looked to be her own lunch in her hands, then let  
her eyes rest on Fuyutsuki with a sort of sheepish grin. "Nobody else  
here," she said, stepping towards the the table almost hesitantly.  
"You mind if I sit here?"  
  
"Go right ahead," replied Kozou, still staring down at his lunch and  
ignoring the woman as she sat and unpacked her own meal. He let the  
silence hang between them for a moment, the only noise the slow rustle  
of paper as Misato unpacked her lunch and the steady ticking of the  
clock. At length, he shook his head gently, then stared at the woman  
frankly, catching her eyes and freezing her in place. "So what did you  
come down to ask me?"  
  
Misato seemed to freeze anew at Kozou's question, a slow red flush  
seeping into her cheeks as she folded her hands in front of her.  
"Nothing," she announced at length, returning to her lunch as though  
nothing had happened.  
  
"Do you think I'm senile, or just stupid?" he asked, drawing Misato's  
gaze back towards him with a small expression of shock on her face.  
The expression vaporized as she saw that Kozou was still smiling, but  
he could see that she was trying to avoid saying something. "You  
always have lunch down in your office, because you're usually running a  
few minutes late and need the extra time to catch up. And today you  
were particularly late." The woman shifted uncomfortably in her seat,  
obviously very conscious of the fact that she was sitting across from  
one of her commanding officers. "So you must have come here to ask me  
something. What?"  
  
The woman bit her lower lip for a moment, then opened her mouth to  
respond, then closed it again as her brow began to furrow, head dipping  
forward slightly. "I..." She stopped once again, and Kozou began to  
get the vaguest inkling of what she was going to ask, recalling the  
same expression on numerous student's faces as they asked for  
extensions on their assignments. "When you were talking with Kaji a  
couple weeks ago, I... I passed by and overheard the two of you  
talking."  
  
Kozou felt a momentary tremor of concern, but he forced it out of his  
mind, reminding himself that Misato wouldn't possibly have any  
connection with SEELE, that whatever she was referring to wouldn't  
bring the parent organization sniffing around NERV. "Not very polite  
of you," he said at length, voice remaining fairly normal as he took  
another small bite of his lunch, keeping his manner as composed as  
possible. "What did you hear."  
  
"Enough," replied Misato, sending another small wave of panic through  
the elder man with the obvious obfuscation of her response. The woman  
continued to stare down at her lunch, then looked up at Kozou rather  
hashly, a single strand of her deep purple hair falling loose as she  
moved her head. "You and Kaji were talking about relationships. Did  
you..." She stammered for a moment, as though the concept was too  
horrible to speak. "Did you know that he was seeing Ritsuko?"  
  
Staring at the older man, Misato wanted him to say no, wanted him to  
ask her why she was asking somebody like him such a question, anything  
other than a simple affirmation of the fact, any excuse to believe that  
it wasn't the truth. The second the man's mouth opened, however, she  
knew that he was going to confirm the fact, something that made it  
unspeakably worse for reasons she couldn't place, even though she  
already knew the truth. "He told me about it," replied Kozou  
hesitantly, he own head sinking down towards his lunch halfheartedly.  
"That was what started our conversation, actually."  
  
Misato's spirits sank inexplicably, as though she'd been unaware of the  
situation prior. Something about the way that the subcommander said it  
simply made it feel more final, as though it was common knowledge, as  
thoug Misato was being immature for not accepting it outright. "So  
it's been longer than I thought," she said at length, more out of a  
sensation that she ought to say something than out of any actual need  
for words. She bit her lip, glancing down at her lunch and suddenly  
not feeling particularly hungry, the white surfaces of the lounge  
suddenly feeling as oppressive as the gray room of her dreams.  
  
"It surprised me, too," offered Kozou, drawing Misato's attention away  
from the walls and back towards him, staring into his eyes and sensing  
something just behind their surface. "I didn't think that Ritsuko  
would be interested in somebody so..." He paused for a moment, then  
shrugged, apparently simply giving up on the difficulty in describing  
Kaji adequetely. "Someone so like Kaji."  
  
A thought began to plant itself in the back of Misato's mind, but she  
ignored it for the time being, more concerned with the issue of Kaji  
than of Ritsuko. "She doesn't seem like someone that -he'd- like,  
either," replied Misato, poking weakly at the food spread out in front  
of her, smelling the vagely bitter odor of her meal mingled with the  
false sterility of plastic wrap. "They got along fine in college, but  
I always assumed that it was just because of the fact that I was dating  
him. I mean, Ritsuko and I..." She paused, feeling embarassed  
somewhat unexpectedly as she looked up at the commander. "I'm sorry.  
This isn't very professional of me."  
  
Both of the two adults half-stared at one another for a few moments,  
then Kozou thought to glance up at the clock, realizing with a grim  
sinking sensation that he wasn't going to have time to finish his lunch  
if he wanted to get back down to the lower levels of NERV. "I have to  
get going," he announced, sliding his chair back and standing with  
military efficiency, ignoring the unhappy rumble from his stomach at  
the knowledge that he wouldn't be eating any more until later in the  
day. "Hope I told you everything you needed to know."  
  
"Yeah," replied Misato weakly, ignoring the former professor as he  
disposed of the remnants of his meal in the nearest trash bin, her mind  
entirely elsewhere even as she distantly reminded herself that she  
needed to return to work as well. The picture of Kaji and Ritsuko  
together had planeted itself into her brain too firmly to be extracted  
easily, and more than anything Misato wanted to go back to a time  
before the two had been together. She'd known that Kaji was something  
of a womanizer - he'd had a notorious reputation before Misato started  
dating him - but if she had known that something so drastic would have  
happened, she wouldn't have been so nasty to the man on the ship where  
they reunited.  
  
The memory of the voyage to Japan with Nieve, Neil, and Niobe sprang  
back to her mind, and she frowned simply thinking about the man's smug  
assurance, his grin even a close mirror of her father's way of looking  
at her. "I didn't want him back," she snarled to herself, unsure if  
she was stating fact or trying to convince herself. "Ritsuko can have  
him. They'll probably be miserable together, and it serves them  
right." She let her voice fall silent, then stared up towards the  
ceiling of the lounge, the fluorescent light shining down towards her  
indifferently, something inexplicable clutching tightly within her  
chest.  
  
]++[  
  
LCL still hung off of the plugsuit, dripping slowly to the gray steel  
of the catwalk and splattering off of the spiderwebbing of metal before  
falling gently into the nutrient bath below. Neil was distantly aware  
of the fact as he stared up at EVA-01, the bloody salt of the LCL still  
lingering in his nostrils even as the warm and oddly comforting  
nutrient bath's fragrance was trying to force its way in. It was an  
odd chorus of input to his nostrils, but Neil's sense of smell was  
furthest from his mind as he looked at the head and shoulders of his  
machine, deep in thought. "Why do you pilot the Eva?" he asked  
himself, Nieve's question still buried deeply in the back of his mind  
as he looked towards the purple monstrosity, as if it would offer some  
kind of answer.  
  
Any hopes of such were in vain, however, as the Eva's jaw remained set  
in a firm steel grimace, darkened eyes managing to look as though they  
stared through Neil even without any motion, one slightly-damaged  
shoulder unit still jutting upwwards on the golem's shoulder. It was a  
terrifying sight, even after nearly a month of looking at it more often  
than he would have liked, and Neil sighed involuntarily, sitting  
himself down and staring up at the thing's face, the same question  
still in his mind. "Do you know?" he asked almost idly, this time  
directing the question towards the silent form of the Eva as it let the  
waves of the nutrient bath lap slowly against it. "Of course not. You  
don't tell me anything." He thought of the odd whispering voice in the  
back of his head, and smiled bitterly. "Nothing coherent, anyways."  
  
Sinking his head slightly for a moment, Neil looked back up towards the  
Eva, simply staring at the thing's profile, running through the way  
that he'd been piloting the machine in his mind. He had told Nieve the  
whole truth about why he'd remained a pilot at first, but she was  
right - once Vash and Eiko had been chosen as pilots, he had ample  
opportunity to leave, and once Nieve and Niobe showed up there were  
more than enough pilots to deal with any incoming threats. For a brief  
moment, he contemplated the possibility that he'd finally found a time  
to leave, that he might as well leave NERV and the Evas behind, but a  
pang of guilt shot through him simply at the thought. "But I don't  
know why I pilot it, though," he muttered to himself again, sinking his  
head and staring into the depths of the purple-orange fluid beneath the  
catwalk.  
  
Thinking back on the dream, he winced as he remembered the searing pain  
through his chest with each stab, then recalled the way that it had  
felt when the Fourth Angel had nearly given him a heart attack. He  
frowend as he thought of how painful simply acting in the machine could  
be, even as he found himself thinking of his first battle in the Eva,  
the way that a blood-red rage had overtaken him as he'd rushed for the  
Angel, wanting nothing more than to completely destroy his opponent,  
regardless of anything else. "And I could," he muttered, thoughts  
slowly coming together. "The Evas are the most powerful weapons that  
man's ever devised, aren't they? And I'm one of the only people that  
can pilot them, aren't I?"  
  
Neil felt a tightness deep within his chest, as though something was  
clawing and trying to get out, the mere thought of the power that the  
Eva afforded suddenly seeming repulsive. Drawing his knees up to his  
chest, he felt a tear drift down from one eye across his cheek, hitting  
the still-present LCL as it ran downwards, emotions confused only  
further by the feeling of liquid coming from his eyes. Lowering his  
head into his knees as he crossed his arms across them, he took a deep  
breath that came out just shy of a sob, the taste of LCL filling his  
mouth and lungs once again as he pressed his face further into his  
folded knees.  
  
A footfall sounded on the catwalk, and Neil forced himself back into  
some kind of composure, pulling his head loose and looking towards the  
end of the catwalk with minor trepidation. Eiko was walking towards  
him, still wearing her own silver plugsuit, still fresh from the tests  
as evidenced by the drips of LCL on her hair. "Neil?" she said  
tenatively, her steps slowing as she grew closer to the boy. "Is  
something wrong? After we were done with the testing, you -"  
  
"I'm all right," he lied, shaking his head and staring up at the Eva  
once again, regretting having lied to the Japanese girl almost before  
the words had passed his lips. "I was just... admiring the machine."  
He paused, trying to figure out ways to keep her deceived, feeling even  
worse as his mind whirled about in a search for further deceptions.  
"After all, it's been nearly a month since I started piloting this  
thing. Feels like forever, though. That's what I was doing."  
  
Eiko's stare fell heavy upon him, and after a moment his head sank,  
more guilt rising into his head as he realized he hadn't even managed  
to deceive her. "All right, I wasn't admiring the machine per se," he  
said at length, sighing heavily before looking up at EVA-01 once  
again. "I was thinking about something that Nieve had asked me this  
morning. She was trying to find out why I piloted the Eva in the first  
place."  
  
"What did you tell her?" asked Eiko, arms folding across her chest as  
she shifted her position slightly and letting the catwalk clang  
slightly as her foot shifted. At the same end that she had entered  
from, Nieve stepped in tenatively, the quite hiss of the door opening  
covered by Eiko's shift in position. She could see Neil and Eiko  
talking, and for a moment she considered walking over to them before  
she decided that she might be better served to listen in. Flattening  
herself against the doorframe, she tilted her head towards the two  
other Children, trying her best to catch their words with her ear,  
feeling slightly guilty for her actions but reminding herself that she  
needed to sometimes do bad things for the good of others.  
  
"At the time? Nothing." He stared back up at his Eva, the eyes  
seeming to speak volumes to him despite their apparent lifelessness,  
the hints of something vague and malicious seemingly wired into the  
very essence of the purple golem. "I didn't really know what to tell  
her. But I couldn't stop thinking about it, and..." Neil paused  
briefly, then gestured up towards the machine as he turned away from  
it, the meaning obvious. "So that's what I was trying to do. Figure  
out the answer to the question for myself."  
  
Staring at Neil, Eiko could feel something almost tangible coming from  
the boy as he stared at his machine, almost sadness but tinted with  
something less savory. It was an odd sensation, as though he was  
staring into her eyes without even looking at her, at once intruiging  
and distasteful. "Did you come up with anything?" she asked, resisting  
the urge to offer him a quick hug even as her arms dropped from across  
her chest back to her sides.  
  
"Maybe," replied Neil, sinking his head slightly and turning it back  
towards Eiko, thinking once again on the awesome power that the Eva  
offered. He bit his lip tightly, tasting the thin residue of the LCL  
that still lay upon his skin, wishing that he'd come up with something  
better, something more palatable. The thought of telling her the truth  
felt repulsive, but the thought of lying to her again felt just as  
repulsive, and for a moment the two disgusting feelings seemed to  
battle one another out inside of him. "I... I was thinking about how  
powerful the Eva is."  
  
He paused, then looked away, unable to keep staring at Eiko as he  
spoke, instead turning his body and eyes up into the slits of the Eva's  
eyes, hands involuntarily clenching and relaxing with a steady rythym.  
"The Eva is supposed to be the most powerful weapon that we've got in  
our arsenal. It can destroy cities, countries, almost anything. And  
the only thing that can stop it is another Eva." Closing his eyes,  
Neil felt his fists clench fully, recalling the crimson haze of his  
first battle, something in the back of his mind thirsting for it again  
as he spoke of the machine's power. "Who wouldn't want power like  
that? Who wouldn't want to be able to lay waste to everything if they  
wanted to?"  
  
Feeling a hand touch his shoulder, Neil jumped slightly before he  
realized it was only Eiko, flushing slightly as he began to feel a  
creeping dread crawl its way into his mind. "That was all I came up  
with," he offered with a sigh, wondering if Eiko was simply biding her  
time until she could run away from him, the thought hurtful but somehow  
not at all surprising. "But I hate it. I don't want to think that  
about myself. I want to believe that I'm a better person than that."  
  
"You -are-," replied Eiko, her grip tightening on Neil's shoulder even  
as Nieve winced at the sight. "I've known you almost since the day  
that you got here, Neil. You've never been anything besides kind and  
decent." She paused for a moment, blushing slightly and turning her  
head slightly away from the boy, her lids closing just enough to keep  
Nieve's presence from registering in her peripheral vision. "You even  
gave me a second chance, after the way that I treated you when you  
arrived."  
  
"That's not all there is to me, though," replied Neil with a sigh,  
forcing his hands to relax even as he tried to calm the urge to pilot  
the Eva once again, to feel the immense power of the machine at his  
disposal. "When I was a child, I..." He paused for a moment, not  
having planned on saying anything to Eiko about what had happened on  
the schoolyard that fateful day, the words coming to his mouth  
unbidden. Letting his eyes drift shut again, he turned his sight back  
towards the Eva, memories replaying themselves in his brain. "In grade  
school, I was always getting picked on by the class bully, and most of  
my friends did too. One day he was picking on a friend of mine, and  
I..." Coughing, he forced himself to continue. "I stabbed him with a  
pencil."  
  
A sudden and awkward silence filled the air, and Neil felt as though  
everyone's eyes were on him all over again, recalling the way that  
everyone had seemed to simply stare at him on that day in the  
schoolyard, blood covering his hands even as it dripped down into the  
sand. "He'd hit me, hard," he said, eyes closed tightly, head sunk  
low. "I wanted to make him stop, wanted to do something to hurt him  
back, and... my hand just closed around the pencil involuntarily. I  
didn't want to kill him. I just wanted him to be afraid like the rest  
of us were, to get a taste of his own medicine." Neil opened his mouth  
to keep talking, then closed it, certain beyond any doubt that Eiko  
wouldn't even want to look at him again, much less speak to him.  
  
Much to his surprise, the gentle pressure of Eiko's grip against his  
shoulder didn't move, and he opened his eyes to see the girl still  
standing there, obviously shaken but looking far less panicked than  
he'd expected. "You didn't kill him, did you?" she asked after a  
moment, her eyes glittering in the fluorescent light of the chamber,  
looking oddly forgiving even with her eyes wide as though from terror.  
Standing over near the door, Nieve could only stare at the two of them,  
unsure of what to think.  
  
"No," Neil replied after a moment, shaking his head and keeping it hung  
low, the intensity of the recollection beginning to fade with a  
somewhat draining sensation. "He lived. But I wound up moving soon  
afterwards. School just wasn't that friendly after everything that had  
happened." He paused for a moment, shaking his head. "I'm afraid if  
that's the only reason I pilot the Eva. If I'm getting in that machine  
with that kind of motivation, then..." There was a moment of silence,  
then he looked up at EVA-01 once again with a pained expression of  
resignation. "Then I'm no better than the Angels."  
  
"That's not true," snapped Eiko, grabbing both sides of his head and  
forcing his gaze back towards her, ignoring the somewhat awkward  
expression on the boy's face as her hands forced his cheeks inward.  
"If you were no better than the Angels, you wouldn't have defended me  
the way that you did against the Angels. Don't think like that." She  
paused for a moment, then blushed, becoming conscious of exactly how  
close her body was to Neil's, her skin feeling very exposed through the  
thin wet fabric of the plugsuit. Clearing her throat, she forced the  
thought out of her mind, concentrating on Neil. "Now, come on. Vash  
is going off with Kensuke to work on some homework, but I was planning  
on going to the arcade, like we'd planned the day we met." She  
paused. "Do you want to come?"  
  
Leaning against the doorframe, Nieve could see Neil nod, and she  
watched as the two Children headed away from her down the catwalk,  
towards the locker room to change out of their plugsuits. Nieve, for  
her part, simply stared after them, feeling a dull ache begin to seep  
through her body from her chest as she bit down hard on her lower lip.  
"He never told me anything about that," she muttered to herself, trying  
to figure out why he would have remained silent about something so  
obviously important. The first thing her mind offered was the idea  
that he simply wanted her to be impressed with him, but somehow that  
felt too simple, and in the back of her mind she had a growing  
suspicion that there was something far more fundamentally wrong.  
  
"You aren't in control of the situation, silly girl," she muttered to  
herself, shaking her head and sighing heavily as she stepped away from  
the door limply. "That's the only explanation." Taking a deep breath,  
she felt the tightness grow unexpectedly, having expected or at least  
hoped that the admission would have made her feel slightly better.  
Instead, it only augmented her fear, made her even more afraid that  
Neil was going to leave than before. She found herself frozen in place  
midway across the catwalk, her mind telling her feet to move forward  
but her feet maintaining their own opinion about the subject.  
  
Another deep breath filled her lungs with the fragrance of the Eva's  
nutrient bath, and she found her head turning towards the massive  
purple machine, observing the entire emotional drama dispassionately,  
almost managing to look bored. "I have to talk to him," she said  
firmly, clenching her fists and nodding at the machine as she let her  
eyes flutter closed momentarily. "I have to talk to him about this, to  
make sure that he won't leave me." She felt her eyelids tighten  
involuntarily. "I have to."  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve's arms were folded tightly across her chest, her eyes focused  
weakly on the television screen as another pair of Japanese women went  
through the same humiliating routine as the first time she'd watched  
the show. It was just shy of being outright disgusting, but the way  
that the contestants were being treated was far from her mind, the  
television little more than a glowing distraction from her own thoughts  
as she let her eyes remain unfocused. She'd worn a high-necked green  
blouse with a short red skirt, an outfit she knew Neil liked, but since  
the end of the synch testing for the day she hadn't had any opportunity  
to make use of that fact. "Where is that boy?" she muttered to  
herself, tapping one foot impatiently.  
  
"Out with Eiko," replied Misato from the kitchen, examining the small  
pile of mail that had arrived for the day over the noise of the  
television. She knew that the answer would do little to make the girl  
feel any better, and the loud exasperated sigh that came from the the  
living room only served to confirm her suspicions on the matter. "He  
said that he'd be back a little before dinner, assuming that nothing  
came up." She paused for a moment, letting Nieve simmer briefly as she  
sipped her beer, letting the bitter sharpness of the liquid bite  
through her mouth and start to slowly bleed away the painful memories  
of the day. "You had him all morning, didn't you?"  
  
"You make it sound like he's some kind of action figure," snarled  
Nieve, springing to her feet and stepping loudly over to the hallway,  
drawing Misato's attention as she came to a stop a meter or so away  
from the main table. Her green eyes were flashing with something  
between anger and simple pain, but there was something in them that  
made it clear neither emotion was directed towards Misato. "It's not a  
case of whose turn it is to play with him. I happen to be his  
girlfriend, after all."  
  
Misato stared for a moment, doing her best not to show the resentment  
that she felt as Nieve spoke the line, feeling abandoned even more by  
the knowledge that the Children seemed to have little difficulty  
forming personal relationships. "So you shouldn't be worried about  
him, then," she replied flatly, turning her gaze away from the girl,  
taking another sip of the dulling alcohol. "He knows that he's taken.  
He wouldn't go off and do anything with Eiko unless he didn't want you  
in the first place."  
  
The woman's words cut deep, reminding Nieve of the obvious lack of  
control she had over the situation, stinging more intensely than almost  
anything else could have. It was as bad as it had been a few days  
prior, and Nieve's hands clenched into fists, her mind reeling even as  
she promised herself that she would maintain control of the  
conversation if nothing else. "What would you know about that?" she  
asked mockingly, grinning her usual mischevious grin with a slightly  
more sinister edge. "Your boyfriend obviously doesn't want to have  
anything to do with you anymore. It's a shame that you gave Kaji up -  
he's quite an attractive man." She leaned against the wall of the  
hallway defiantly, realizing almost as soon as she had finished  
speaking that she was being too harsh but resolved to stay the course.  
  
For a moment, Misato said nothing, then slumped forward slightly,  
shoving the gold-tinted can of beer forward slightly and sighing  
heavily. "I let him go because I didn't want him," she said firmly,  
something in her voice making it unclear who she was trying to  
convince. "You don't have to listen to me if you don't want to, Nieve,  
but either way Neil isn't here." She paused for a moment, then pushed  
back from her chair, standing and stretching as a particularly loud  
shout came from the television in the living room. "What are you so  
worried about, anyways?"  
  
"Neil..." Nieve meant to say what she'd found out, but the words stuck  
in her throat, not quite wanting to come out, worried that Neil  
wouldn't forgive her if she said anything. She had to admit that she  
could understand why he wouldn't advertise something like that, knowing  
he had probably tried his best to forget it. Looking at it from such  
an angle, it made more sense that he hadn't told her, but simply  
thinking that made her remind herself that he was supposed to tell her  
everything, returning her resentment to its full pitch and narrowing  
her eyes slightly. "There's things that Neil has told Eiko that he  
won't even tell me. And that makes me worried about our relationship."  
  
"How do you know?" The question puzzled Nieve for a moment before she  
realized what Misato was asking, and a blush began to flow across her  
face as Misato regarded her with an odd sort of intensity. Misato  
sighed, shaking her head, the girl's response obvious simply by  
reaction. "You were eavesdropping." Nieve nodded reluctantly, and  
Misato felt a moment of indecision, knowing academically that she  
should scold the girl but also knowing that she had no real moral high  
ground to stand on. "You shouldn't do that, you know," she said at  
length, forcing herself not to blush as well at the hypocrisy of her  
statement, feeling unusually exposed.  
  
"Sometimes, you do things you don't like to for the people you love,"  
replied Nieve, sounding halfhearted about the defense even before she'd  
finished saying it completely, sensing an odd sort of tension from  
Misato. She stared at the woman for a moment, but Misato was remaining  
unmoved, no change in expression visible on her face. That stung  
deeply, made her feel as though she was losing even more control of the  
conversation, like she was caught in a spiral that she couldn't get out  
of. "It's not like you've never done anything wrong yourself, Misato,"  
she snapped, her vigor renewed. "You can't judge me for it."  
  
Misato opened her mouth as if to say something, then shook her head,  
grabbing her beer and stepping around the girl towards the living  
room. Nieve glared at her, but the last thing that Misato wanted to do  
was deal with more baggage from Kaji, and more than anything she simply  
wanted to blur out the day comfortably. "I'm going to go watch  
television," she announced flatly, still calm. "Neil should be back in  
an hour or so. You can talk to him then."  
  
Nieve watched as the woman slowly moved towards the couch and sat down,  
not sure whether to be angry, hurt, or simply to ignore the whole  
thing. After a moment of silent deliberation she gritted her teeth and  
lashed out against the wall, feeling a sudden shudder of pain through  
her hand as it struck the smooth plaster of the wall, her breaths  
coming harder than before. "I've been doing everything right," she  
muttered, the terror that she'd lost control of the world around her  
completely overwhelming. "Why do things keep going wrong?"  
  
As the girl's eyes fluttered shut, she was suddenly jerked roughly out  
of her reverie by the sharp noise of the telephone ringing, the piping  
beeps from the phone taking her entirely by surprise. Hoping that it  
was Neil, she stepped over to the phone swiftly, yanking the portable  
receiver out of the cradle and hearing the phone acknowledge her action  
with a more dull beep. "Hello?" she said, knowing full well anyone who  
would call the apartment would at least know enough English to  
understand what she'd said.  
  
"Major Katsuragi, please," said a deep, firm voice on the other end,  
almost sounding outright angry. It wasn't a voice that Nieve  
recognized immediately, but she knew that whoever it was, they were  
calling from the Intel department - perhaps part of the group's  
training involved making sure that they all sounded the same.  
  
"Hold on a moment," replied Nieve flatly, trying to refrain from  
letting the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach show too  
overtly in her voice. Placing the receiver firmly against her chest to  
muffle the noise of the television, she walked into the living room  
slowly, stepping around directly in front of the television and glaring  
down at Misato. "Telephone's for you," she announced, drawing an  
unhappy glare from Misato before handing over the phone with a snide  
grin. She wasn't really angry with Misato so much as Neil, but she had  
little outlet for her anger otherwise, and she could only hope that  
Misato understood that.  
  
Taking the phone from the girl, Misato turned away from the television,  
still feeling guilty from lecturing Nieve, wondering if the girl was  
acting nastier to her because she knew what Misato had done. "Hello?"  
she said, doing her best to sound professional. She could hear the  
hiss of static on the other end of the line, and when the deep voice on  
the other end began speaking she knew after the first word what the  
call was about.  
  
Nieve, still somewhat bitter about the fact that it wasn't Neil  
calling, simply stared out the window to the apartment as the sun began  
to sink beneath the horizon, the last few fingers of its rays streaming  
into the apartment in a sort of orange haze. It was a beautiful  
sunset, something that Japan had become known for after the Second  
Impact and which Nieve had always regarded as nicely ironic. At least  
for the moment it was a welcome distraction for Nieve, listening  
halfheartedly to the screaming Japanese from the television and the  
curt response that Misato was giving to the man on the other end of the  
phone, letting the sensory input blot out her worries about Neil. Then  
she heard the beeping noise of the phone being shut off, and she turned  
towards Misato as the woman turned off the television. "We're going in  
to Central Dogma," she announced. "There's an emergency."  
  
]++[  
  
A thin haze of gray smoke wafted its way through the air of the arcade,  
just enough to give the place the atmosphere of being someplace private  
without being tacky, enough to give each breath the slightly bitter  
taint of ashen haze. The entire building was filled with flash lights  
and loud noises, simultaneous shouts of victory and defeat keeping the  
atmosphere surprisingly lively even sitting apart from the tall arcade  
machines that occupied the bulk of the floor, something that Neil  
couldn't help but notice as he leaned towards Eiko on the black plastic  
table set up in the small dining area. "How long have you been  
practicing, anyways?" he asked, trying to sound as though he was going  
for casual conversation even has he found himself fixated on the girl's  
eyes.  
  
"Most of my life. Arcades are a bit thing over here." The girl  
smiled, reaching over casually and taking a sip of her soda as the  
nearby machines continued to spit out flashing lights and loud noises,  
almost giving the dining area a surreal feeling. "I think the first  
time I ever got to play a video game was when I was five. One of my  
uncles got it for me. My parents weren't too pleased, and then I spent  
most of the next few days glued to the television until I'd mastered  
it." Eiko giggled, tilting her head slightly forward and letting her  
short hair fall to cover her eyes. "I managed to beat it, though. I  
was hooked from then on."  
  
"It shows," replied Neil, simply lost in the way that the girl moved,  
the way that the fabric of her school uniform fell around her body, the  
way each strand of hair shifted as her head did. He felt a minor  
twinge of guilt for looking at her, knowing in the back of his mind  
that Nieve would probably not be happy with it, but he forced the  
thought out of his head, reminding himself that he was only looking.  
"You're better than anyone else I've seen." He smiled, shaking his  
head. "I always wanted to be better. Thought it would help me impress  
girls."  
  
Eiko chuckled slightly, shaking her head and reaching one slender arm  
over towards Neil. Neil felt a minor electric rush through his skin as  
her hand brushed the side of his head, thoughts of Nieve's gentle touch  
returning to his mind involuntarily. "You hardly look like you'd need  
help." She grinned. "Especially now that you're an Eva pilot. You're  
one of the saviors of humanity, and you've got a good girlfriend in  
Nieve. That's more than enough impressiveness for any girl I know."  
  
The girl's words sent a sting of guilt and jealousy through Neil  
unexpectedly, as though she'd just slapped him across the face and  
reminded him of the reality of his situation. "I suppose so," he  
replied weakly, sinking his head slightly, unsure if the fact that Eiko  
wasn't attracted to him or the fact that he knew full well that he  
already had Nieve was making him feel worse. For a split second, he  
found himself wondering why the situation was bugging him in the first  
place, then he realized that Eiko was staring at him and waiting for  
him to say something. Grinning sheepishly, he held up a hand, trying  
to look innocent. "Sorry. I just was trying to remember if I had a  
movie over here in Japan."  
  
A brief flicker of suspicion seemed to dance across Eiko's face, as  
though she had perceived just enough of the truth in Neil's tone of  
voice. Then a particularly bright light flashed from one of the larger  
booths, and any traces of suspicion vanished from the girl's face.  
"Really? What movie?" She withdrew her hand, still smiling at the boy  
broadly, looking as though she would have never had any reason to doubt  
him.  
  
"One of the older ones in my collection. 'Joe Versus The Volcano.'"  
He smirked, involuntarily recalling the first time he'd seen the movie,  
knowing that he looked odd to Eiko and that he had more important  
things to consider but not caring in the slightest. "Most of the stuff  
I have is on DVD, but that's one of the few movies that I have on DVD  
and video. I've practically killed the video from watching it so many  
times, but it's almost an heirloom now. My grandfather was the first  
one to own it, and my dad got it when he passed away."  
  
"What's it about?" asked Eiko, cocking her head slightly to one side as  
she reached towards her soda once again. Her hair shifted with her  
movement and fell rather alluringingly against the pale skin of her  
neck, but Neil forced himself not to think about it, his already-  
present guilt surging back upwards from the thought simply tickling the  
back of his consciousness.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Neil pushed the other thoughts out of his head.  
"Well... to quote the opening sequence, there's a guy named Joe, and he  
has a very crummy job." He paused for a moment, then smirked somewhat  
mischeviously, a gesture that he couldn't remember using until after  
he'd met Nieve. "Come to think of it, it's a lot like my life, except  
fewer Angels."  
  
He'd expected Eiko to laugh, but instead her face took on an oddly  
pitiful expression, eyes wide and glinting slightly with reflected  
light from the game booths. "Do you really hate piloting the Eva that  
much?" she asked rather softly, sinking her head slightly, her gestures  
not making it particularly clear whether she was sympathetic with Neil  
or simply sad because of what he said. He leaned closer to try and  
tell, but she'd closed her eyes, her mouth a thin line offering no  
insight into her emotional state. "You keep saying that you don't want  
to pilot it."  
  
"No, I don't particularly want to pilot it," replied Neil somewhat  
bluntly, causing Eiko's eyes to open as a rather loud burst of gunfire  
came from the direction of the arcade machines and someone let out a  
loud cry of triumph. "I didn't particularly want to when they first  
got me here, and I have to say that I haven't had experiences to really  
change that opinion about the thing." He sighed, looking away from  
Eiko and flicking his gaze towards his hand, surveying his open palm  
sitting upon the table through the slight haze and dim light of the  
arcade. "It's hard to do, and it hurts. It hurts almost constantly."  
  
"Maybe you should think harder about why you pilot it," she said  
softly, drawing Neil's attention back towards her as he closed his hand  
into a loose fist. Her face was still blank, as if she was numb about  
the whole thing. "You've got to have some reason. If it's such a  
horrible experience each time you synchronize with the machine, then  
something really important must keep pulling you back each time. What  
is it?"  
  
Eiko's voice carried an undercurrent, the unspoken implication that  
there was a right answer to her question, and Neil felt slightly guilty  
for not knowing what that right answer was. He opened his mouth  
halfway to say something, then stopped, letting the thin smoke of the  
air drift into his mouth, the taste somehow reminding him almost of the  
LCL. The boy stared for a moment, then exhaled hard, trying to collect  
his thoughts, wanting to say something perfect, wanting to say  
something that might change Eiko's opinion about him. "I..." Another  
twinge of guilt went through his body at the thought of trying to make  
Eiko like him, but he tried to ignore it, his mind whirling. "I..."  
  
Without warning, the front door of the arcade opened with a loud crash,  
and both Children whipped their heads towards the source, their  
reflexes kicking in as they saw Kensuke running towards them, glasses  
nearly falling off his nose as he dashed through the arcade booths  
before spotting them. "Found you," he shouted, running towards their  
table, obviously exhausted as he skidded to a halt a few feet away.  
"There's an emergency down at Central Dogma, and Vash got the call at  
my house. He knew you would be here." The boy paused, then looked at  
Neil somewhat suspiciously. "Well, he knew -Eiko- would be here."  
  
Resisting the urge to mutter something about how friendly all of the  
locals seemed to be towards him, Neil stood, pushing the thoughts about  
his reasons for piloting the Eva out of his mind as he shoved his chair  
back in. "We're coming," he announce firmly, trying to sound as though  
he didn't have a doubt in the world, drawing a quick glance from Eiko  
but remaining impassive. Kensuke simply nodded, then began to lead the  
two Children out of the arcade, their drinks left forgotten on the  
table.  
  
]++[  
  
The main screen of Central Dogma's control room was relaying the image  
slowly, static occasionally flickering across the screen as the  
broadcast signal from the satellites was interrupted. Nevertheless,  
there was little doubt that the object on screen was an Angel,  
certainly the most bizarre one that Misato could remember seeing. The  
beast had a single central eye surrounded by two gigantic hand-like  
formations, the whole thing looking like one huge flattened mass  
circling Earth arbitrarily. "They're either getting stranger or  
smarter," she noted, leaning towards Makoto with one hand holding her  
hat in place. "What's the readout?"  
  
"It's hard to tell from this distance, but the scanners are  
consistently giving a blue pattern," replied Makoto, nimble fingers  
springing from key to key on his console, letting the display in front  
of him flash information at an alarming rate. "Unfortunately, that's  
all we can ascertain at the moment. The AT field is too strong for  
definite scanning, and it's on the absolute outer edge of our  
scanners." He paused for a moment, his tone making Misato unsure if  
he'd drawn the obvious conclusion or simply was waiting for her to draw  
the same.  
  
"Sounds awfully convenient," offered Misato, glancing down towards  
Makoto's display only quickly before looking back towards the main  
screen, the orange Angel almost looking serene against the speckled  
blackness of space and the curving blue-white orb of the Earth. She  
knew that the beast had some kind of attack, but she hated having to  
wait for it, having to simply hope that NERV's defenses could hold up  
against the first salvo. Academically, she was aware that the alcohol  
was affecting her thought process and making her feel more aggressive,  
but she couldn't bring herself to care as she knew she should, feeling  
more as though the Angel was mocking her just out of her reach.  
"What's the Angel's current position?"  
  
"Hovering over the Indian Ocean. It seems to be moving roughly in our  
general direction." Makoto stared at his display for a moment longer,  
then suddenly tensed, leaning closer to the screen and frowning as the  
light from the display glinted off his glasses. "We're getting a  
reading of something from the Angel! A high energy reaction is  
occuring in one of the thing's 'hands'!" The technician's expression  
darkened further as he stared disapprovingly at the display. "It looks  
like it's attacking!"  
  
For a brief moment, Misato could feel terror race through her body, a  
monstrous certainty rising in her gut that the beast would use some  
kind of energy attack, something that NERV couldn't hope to  
counterattack at such an extreme range. She looked up at the display  
with horror as one of the Angel's finger-like structures flared with  
light, and her mind happily pieced together the next few moments in a  
horrifying flash-forward. What happened, however, was exactly what she  
had not expected, and she had to blink a few times before her brain  
registered that a part of the Angel seemed to be sloughing off of its  
body.  
  
The entire command room watched with a macabre fascination as the  
orange beast seemed to detach a part of its hand, letting the flare of  
energy dissipate as the flesh began to hurtle towards the Earth. All  
that the command center could do was track the path of the projectile,  
but the nature of the attack seemed obvious. "It's going to hail us to  
death," she whispered, folding her arms across her chest almost  
involuntarily and glancing towards Maya's console. Maya was sitting at  
her station, but Ritsuko was absent, still down in the Eva hangars  
preparing them for the almost inevitable launch. Despite her lingering  
anger towards the woman, Misato almost wished that she was on the deck,  
that she could get some kind of advice about what to do next. "Where  
did that segment impact?"  
  
"Towards the center of the ocean. There won't be any significant  
damage." Makoto paused for a moment, then drummed across the keyboard  
of his console again as another energy flare became visible on the  
Angel's surface, another segment dropping off into the atmosphere.  
"That one's going to hit closer. Not much closer, but enough to be  
worrisome." The man let his eyes shift away from the display in front  
of him for a moment and stared instead at the main screen, watching as  
the Angel continued to drift. "It's acting like it was a piece of  
artillery trying to calibrate itself. Taking test shots before going  
for the main target."  
  
"It probably is," replied Misato, taking a deep breath and wishing that  
she could get some sense of position from the main display of the  
Angel, wanting to turn the walls of the command center into a single  
gigantic display, to use up all the empty space so that she could  
finally get some sense of perspective for the gigantic beast. "Makoto,  
try to analyze the substance of the Angel. I've got an idea."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," replied Makoto curtly, letting his fingers trace along  
the keyboard for a moment before, information flashing in front of his  
face at a dizzying pace. "The Angel's just within our scanning range,  
but we can give it a shot." He paused again, then his computer gave a  
defiant beep as he recoiled slightly. "Er... analysis isn't certain,  
but from what we can tell, the Angel looks as though it's laced with  
explosives. The structure of its body... like some kind of glider made  
out of plastique."  
  
Misato nodded, the plan of attack becoming cleare in her mind as she  
stared at the Angel, watching it seperate another segment and send it  
hurtling towards the Earth. "It's a bomb," she announced, drawing a  
stare from all the technicans, her expression remaining calm despite  
her inward doubts. "Right now, each drop is getting itself calibrated,  
making sure that it won't miss when it drops itself onto Central  
Dogma." She paused for a second. "Makoto, assuming that the Angel  
actually hit the surface of the Earth, how much explosive force would  
it generate?"  
  
The man said nothing in response, simply keyed in a few commands and  
stared at the readout. "More than enough force to punch straight  
through our armor," he replied grimly, Misato's intended question  
obvious from her initial query. Picking up on details like that, minor  
ways that Misato would phrase a question, was something she'd found  
that Makoto excelled at, one of the things that she liked about working  
with him. "So what do we do? We don't have any way of reaching the  
Angel that high up, with the way that the beast is defended, and  
letting it fall on us obviously isn't an option."  
  
"Working on that part," replied Misato halfheartedly, her arms crossed  
tightly across her chest as she stared at the floating Angel, trying to  
determine its weakness, certain that it had something to exploit. She  
watched the beast move slowly, breaking off tiny bits of itself, almost  
casually wondering when its test shots would start hitting land,  
expecting that they would hit like miniature N2 bombs. Then a plan  
began to form in her head, and she half-smirked. "Shigeru, get in  
touch with Dr. Akagi and bring her up on the main screen. I need to  
run something by her before I decide to go through with it."  
  
Listening only distantly to the communications officer shouting a quick  
reply, Misato continued to stare at the Tenth Angel, trying to study it  
as best she could before the display switched over to Ritsuko. Then  
she heard the hissing noise of the elevator behind her, and turning her  
head she saw Kaji stepping onto the floor out of the corner of her  
eye. "Evening, Misato," he said with a quick wave, offering a sly wink  
to Maya as he strolled onto the deck rather casually, one hand stuck in  
the pocket of his slacks as though the Angel hovering overhead was no  
more a threat than a mosquito.  
  
Misato felt the instant and simultaneous urges to slap the man and to  
hide her appearance from him, feeling even filthier after having gone  
through an entire day without the benefit of a shower. She had only  
managed to get her mouth half-opened to say something to the man when  
she heard the sound of the main screen changing to another display, and  
frowning momentarily she turned towards the screen, forcing herself to  
put the Angel first, feeling as though she'd wasted a perfectly good  
haze of alcohol by forcing herself to concentrate. Ritsuko's face was  
displayed on the screen, disturbingly large in comparison to the people  
standing on deck. "What is it?" asked the blonde woman curtly, her  
eyes flicking down to the barely-visible clipboard in an almost bored  
fashion. "We've still got a few optimization tests to run on EVA-05,  
considering how Niobe's synch rate keeps peaking."  
  
"I have a question for you, Ritsuko," she replied, leaning forward and  
gesturing for Makoto to send Ritsuko the data he'd compiled on the  
Angel. "We've got a fairly good idea of what the Angel is capable of,  
but I want to know what the Evas are capable of. Considering the  
strength of the thing's AT field, do you think the Eva's would be able  
to withstand the blast, direct it away from the Geo-Front, and destroy  
the Angel if necessary?"  
  
Ritsuko looked rather irate at first, then glanced towards something  
that Misato couldn't see but she assumed was a computer display. The  
woman's eyes seemed to trace over it for a moment, then widened ever so  
slightly, the barest crack visible in her usually pristine facade.  
"You can't be serious," she said flatly, staring back at Misato  
somewhat blankly. "We're talking about enough explosive force to turn  
the Geo-Front into a blackened pit along with the rest of Tokyo-3."  
  
"Would I have contacted you if I wasn't serious?" asked Misato,  
leveling her gaze with the oversized Ritsuko, forcing herself to blot  
oueverything else as she stared at the other woman. "Now answer my  
question."  
  
Sighing, Ritsuko shook her head, a slight nodding motion seemingly  
thrown in as if to indicate that she was shaking out of exasperation  
rather than denial. After a moment, she brought her gaze back towards  
Misato, rolling her eyes slightly. "Theoretically, the combined fields  
of two Evas would have enough power to hold off the explosion at ground  
zero," she replied at length, the tone in her voice leaving little  
doubt as to her opinion on the matter. "But all six would need to be  
at ground zero to protect anything other than themselves, and that's  
assuming that the Children are generating particularly strong AT  
fields. Stronger than we could expect from some of them."  
  
"But it's possible," Misato replied, feeling a guilty sense of joy at  
the sight of Ritsuko's face darkening. The scientist nodded  
reluctantly, and Misato turned away from the display, her mind already  
attempting to formulate a more concrete plan. "Good. Makoto, run a  
simulation and determine a loose radius of where the Angel is likely to  
make landfall. Let me know once you've got something."  
  
"Please tell me that you're not planning what I think you're planning,"  
said Ritsuko somewhat weakly, her face morphing to something between  
abject horror and utter defeat. Misato felt some minor satisfaction at  
having deflated the woman's normally pristine exterior, but it was  
fleeting at best, and she didn't really want to make the other woman  
suffer. The thought brought her back to the days of college  
momentarily, the long hours that they had spent together before and  
after Kaji had entered their lives, the way that they'd been best  
friends.  
  
Forcing herself to pay attention to the situation at hand, Misato  
turned towards the main screen with a flourish, a sort of smug grin on  
her face. "The six Evas will be deployed around Tokyo-3. When the  
Angel begins to break through the atmosphere, we'll keep tracking its  
position, and all six Evas will move to intercept it. Two will  
probably be there first, and those two will hold the Angel off just  
long enough for the others to reach it, shield the city, and destroy  
it." Ritsuko groaned, but Misato ignored the other woman, focused on  
her plan. "It's possible, isn't it?"  
  
"Mathematically, or realistically?" replied Ritsuko with a loud sigh,  
one arm reaching over and punching a few quick buttons on the computer  
console off-screen, her white lab coat shifting as she moved. "In  
theory, yes, the Evas could do it. But there's not even a five percent  
chance that they'll be entirely successful." She paused for a moment,  
hitting a few more keys. "And there's an eighty percent chance that  
such an action will result in the destruction of at least one Eva along  
with Tokyo-3. Misato, this plan is insane."  
  
Ritusko's words stung, and Misato bit her lip for a moment before she  
felt Kaji's hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her aside. She glared  
at the man for a moment, planning to be furious with him, but his gaze  
was fixed up on the main screen, jaw set in his characteristic smirk.  
"There aren't any better plans, are there?" he asked calmly, his tone  
surprisingly sympathetic as he stared at his lover on the main screen.  
"The Children have managed to pull some rather impressive stunts before  
now. If we keep all of the Evas at full power and make sure that  
everyone understands the risks, I think it might be our best option."  
  
On the screen, Ritsuko's expression seemed to waver, as though Kaji's  
words lent some credence to Misato's plan. The woman didn't know quite  
what to feel about that, and she looked towards Kaji, wondering if his  
actions were in any way connected to the unexpected kiss from a few  
days prior. He simply winked at Misato briefly, then looked back at  
the screen as Ritsuko took a deep breath. "I could try to get some  
temporary field enhancers functional for the Evas whose pilots generate  
the weakest AT fields. But it's still a long shot. If they falter at  
all..." Her voice seemed to finish the sentence without any words  
necessary, the implications obvious to all in the control room.  
  
Nothing daunted, Misato nodded curtly towards the screen, then glanced  
down quickly at Makoto's display, glancing towards the upper-right  
corner where a countdown until the Angel's expected landfall was slowly  
beeping away. "All right. We've got two hours until the Angel will be  
in position at its current rate of travel, so I want the Evas ready for  
launch in one. Maya, as soon as we finish predicting the landing area,  
I want you to plot a course for the Evas I designate. Shigeru, try to  
get in touch with Commander Ikari so that he'll be here when the  
machines launch." She paused, almost wondering if she should say  
something to Ritsuko or Kaji, then shook her head and focused back on  
the task at hand. "And get the Children into the conference room.  
They need to know what the plan is."  
  
]++[  
  
A cool night breeze was blowing outside, rustling the branches of Tokyo-  
3's greenery and giving an even more eerie feeling to the outskirts of  
the silent and emptied city. Nieve could only feel the comfortable  
shift downwards in temperature distantly as the wind played lightly  
across the surface of her Eva, but it was a welcome respite from the  
mind-numbing nothingness of waiting, sitting in the flood of LCL in her  
cockpit and trying not to succumb to boredom, simply peering into the  
star-flecked sky and waiting for the Angel to send itself crashing  
towards Earth. She hated waiting, hated sitting and doing nothing,  
hated letting herself relinquish control like that. Flipping a small  
switch on her handset to briefly shut off her communicator, she sighed  
loudly, shaking her head before leaning it against the soaked nylon  
behind her. "We've been waiting for nearly an -hour-!" she screamed at  
nobody, the sheer idleness getting under her skin.  
  
Pausing, she turned her gaze towards EVA-01 standing next to her, the  
purple goliath looking almost black in the darkness of the night, only  
the occasional ray of moonlight playing across its surface giving it  
any dimensions of color. She and Neil had barely said two words to one  
another, though she couldn't be certain if he had been quiet because  
she hadn't seemed to want to talk or just because he didn't want to  
talk with her. It was infuriating that she even had to consider the  
question, and the more she thought about it the angrier she got at what  
it implied about her handle on the situation. "Say something, Neil,"  
she whispered, flipping the switch on her cockpit once again. "Say  
something."  
  
Neil, for his part, was fixing his gaze on the sky, his mind still  
playing idly with the question that first Nieve and then Eiko had asked  
him about why he piloted. The look on Eiko's face when he'd said he  
hated being a pilot was burnt into his memory, and while part of him  
knew that he should feel guilty for making that his rationle behind  
answering the question, another knew that he did need an answer,  
whatever the reason. "Why am I doing this?" he whispered to himself,  
remembering the tension in Misato's voice as she'd briefed the Children  
on the situation. "I don't want to die. I want to live to see  
twenty. I don't want this thing to keep hurting me. Why am I still  
getting it here?"  
  
Her patience pushed to the limit by the combination of Neil's silence  
and the mind-numbing waiting, Nieve sighed loudly and flicked open a  
private communication window to Neil's Eva. She saw the boy's face pop  
up, then felt a momentary bit of panic, unsure of what to say for a  
moment before she took a deep breath of LCL and steeled herself.  
"Neil, are you angry with me?" she asked at length, seeming to first  
draw the boy's attention towards her with the question, as though she'd  
only suddenly appeared. "Did I say something that made you mad?"  
  
"Of course not," replied Neil, entirely unsure of where the  
conversation was going. He felt a minor twinge of resentment for Nieve  
snapping him out of his thoughts, but he had picked up from her few  
words that it wasn't something he should bring up. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"Because you haven't said anything to me all evening," replied Nieve,  
her voice betraying a little more of her pain than she'd intended, legs  
unconsciously sliding up the seat of the cockpit towards her chest.  
"You didn't come back to the apartment with Misato and I, just ran  
right off with Eiko. And then when we finally did see each other  
again, you still didn't say anything." She paused, sighing, resisting  
the urge to curl up into a ball, knowing that she had to keep control  
over herself as much as the conversation. "I just... I was just  
wondering. It didn't seem like you."  
  
The comment stung, but Neil forced himself not to think about making  
himself feel guilty, knowing that it would only make things worse, that  
the most important task at the moment was speaking with Nieve. "I  
wasn't mad, I just wanted to spend some time with a friend. And this  
evening, I was..." He paused, unsure if telling the truth was the  
right thing to do or not. "I was just thinking about what you asked me  
this morning, about why I piloted the Eva. I never gave you a good  
answer, and I still don't have one."  
  
"It's all right," replied Nieve somewhat weakly, something else still  
tickling at the back of her mind from the sheer amount of time he'd  
spent out with Eiko. She didn't really want to talk with him about  
something so serious while they sat in the Evas, knowing that she was  
giving up a portion of her control by simply virtue of position, but  
she also knew that she needed some kind of resolution to keep herself  
under control against the Angel. "Neil?" She paused for a second, the  
LCL feeling as though it was clogging her throat as the boy stared at  
her. "Why did you start dating me?"  
  
Nieve's words were an unexpected shock to Neil, his hands involuntarily  
clenching arount the cool metal handrests out of surprise. He  
stammered for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Do we have to talk  
about this now?" he asked after a moment or two, once again feeling  
guilty because he didn't have a decent answer for the question, mind  
whirling and trying to determine something before she asked again.  
"I'd really rather be looking at your face."  
  
"Humor me," replied Nieve somewhat bitterly, unable to even tell  
herself if she was angry with Neil or not. She let the silence hang in  
the air for a moment, letting her concentration rest on the steady  
beating of the LCL against her body as her lungs took in and exhaled  
the orange-red liquid. "I know it's not very private, but it's what  
we've got for the moment. Why did you start dating me?"  
  
Closing his eyes for a second, Neil thought, the first answer springing  
to his mind being a simple statement of the fact that she had wanted  
him to. The second he let his eyes open, however, he could see from  
Nieve's face that it was entirely the wrong answer, and he bit his  
lower lip, trying to come up with something convincing. A half-second  
later he felt guilt kick in about lying to her as well, and in  
exasperation he banged his head back against the headrest of the  
cockpit, thoroughly frustrated. "Because..." He paused, knowing that  
she wouldn't want to hear what he was going to say, doing his best to  
think of a way to soften the blow. "Because it seemed right." Without  
prompting, he winced, knowing that the girl would be angry.  
  
For a split second, Nieve's expression remained confused, the slowly  
melted into a smile, a sort that he couldn't remember seeing from her  
before. It bore no traces of mischeviousness or anything else, just a  
pure, unadulterated smile, indication that she found something amusing  
or simply heartening. "That's sweet," she said slowly, as though she  
was unsure of exactly how to respond, sinking her eyes slightly away  
from the small window portrait of her on Neil's display as a red flush  
began to seep through her face as though to match her plugsuit.  
  
Beneath the ground, the staff of NERV waited uneasily in the command  
center, simply monitoring the Angel's motion patterns and waiting for  
the inevitable. Ritsuko was simply taking excessive amounts of notes  
on the Eva's synch ratios, something that Misato almost envied as she  
stared at the monitor, watching the Angel drift slowly over the Earth.  
The first few shots had begun to hit land, and there could be little  
doubt that its ultimate target was indeed Central Dogma, a fact that  
Misato took no comfort in despite the fact that it meant her  
predictions had been right. Closing her eyes for a moment, wishing  
that she had a beer once again to dull the stress of the moment, she  
turned towards Ritsuko, feeling almost desperate for some human contact  
instead of simply waiting. "How are the pilots doing?"  
  
Ritsuko's mouth had only half-opened when a sudden loud beeping filled  
the air of the command center, red lights suddenly switching on as the  
sound of an alarm siren filled the air and red hexagons lit up along  
the walls. "Angel descending!" shouted Makoto, the noise of the siren  
soon joined with the sound of clacking keys on a computer while Misato  
stared at the slowly-moving Angel with a growing sense of terror.  
"Calculating trajectory and expected landing site!"  
  
Sitting in the cockpit of his Eva, Vash couldn't hear what Makoto was  
saying, but he could hear the sudden blare of the emergency siren, as  
if the sudden flash of a red bar with the word "EMERGENCY" printed on  
it in large black letters across his display wasn't enough. Taking a  
deep breath, he gripped the handrests firmly, reminding himself that he  
couldn't afford to do anything wrong, that everyone was looking up to  
him. "I never thought being a hero would be this much work," he  
muttered, staring at the black sky, trying his best to stay calm and  
smile. His palms began to sweat as he heart the sound of Misato's  
breathing against the microphone, the liquid cold and making the LCL  
taste even saltier than necessary.  
  
On the main screen, the Angel was no longer the subject of the display,  
the screen instead displaying the probable impact error. Misato simply  
frowned at the display for a few moments, waiting for a more certain  
result from the computers, watching as a trio of yellow crosshairs  
marked the probably position and continued to shrink towards a positive  
locale, her hands gripping the microphone tightly. Then the crosshairs  
contracted again, this time flashing to a green color, and Misato  
nodded to nobody, trying to quiet her fears. "Vash, Niobe, the Angel  
is expected to make landfall approximately two hundred meters away from  
your position! All Evas, converge on that position! Estimated time  
until impact -" Misato stopped, then flicked her eyes up to the  
screen, her brown orbs going wide at the sight of the time display.  
"Ten seconds! Hurry!"  
  
Niobe could feel herself sweating with terror, but she forced the  
thought out of her mind, tensing the muscles in the legs of her Eva and  
launching herself forward, the green foliage around her snapping and  
cracking under her feet as she raced towards her target, arms moving in  
smooth synchronization, her only guide the small indicator on her  
display indicating how far she was from the expected landing site.  
"Faster," she hissed to her Eva, slamming the handholds forward as she  
concentrated hard, feeling the fatigue in the legs and not letting it  
slow her as she reached the location, spreading her AT field as wide as  
possible and looking up as Vash skidded to a halt nearby. She could  
only see a massive red fireball that she assumed was the Angel, but she  
gritted her teeth hard, focusing on her field and raising her arms.  
"Don't fall."  
  
Misato watched with inexpressible terror as the black Eva and the  
yellow Eva stood beneath a massive burning fireball, then watched the  
Angel slam against their fields, letting out a shockwave of octagonal  
ripples that seemed as tangible as any explosion. The Angel seemed to  
hesitate in mid-air for just a moment, as though it was taking time to  
explode, blocked from its original destination. "Good work! Everyone  
else, get there and destroy the Angel now! We've only got a few more  
seconds before it explodes!"  
  
Anyone else would have been panicked, but Ryo never even let the  
thought enter into his head, the arms of his Eva moving in the smooth  
routine that he'd been taught in countless hours of training, pushing  
forward on his handrests with all his strength almost by accident. He  
saw the beast almost the instant that he saw Eiko pass him, and  
realizing that he would need to move faster he kicked himself forward,  
letting his Eva rush into the warring AT fields and spreading his as  
he'd been taught, his mind almost wholly focused on the task at hand.  
At the back of his head was a nagging question about whether or not  
this would change the way that Nieve thought of him, but he forced  
himself not to falter from routine, seeing the core at the center of  
the Angel's eye, reaching up and prying open the AT field that  
protected the Angel as octagonal ripples exploded outwards from the  
gathering.  
  
Neil's thoughts had been scattered to the wind by the sheer immediacy  
of the situation, all too aware of the stakes that he was working  
under, thrusting his legs in furious motion as he ran towards the  
location, hearing Nieve's Eva beside him only distantly as he focused  
on his destination. There was none of the blood-red rage that had been  
in his mind the last time he had piloted the machine, only a sliver of  
fear eating at the back of his mind as he pulled closer to the gigantic  
orange beast, freezing for just a moment and ejecting his prog knife  
from his shoulder flange, then drawing it in a single smooth motion and  
renewing his approach towards the Angel. Nieve had manged to deploy  
her knife and keep moving, and Neil forced himself to move faster,  
rushing into the heart of the growing AT field, the AT fields of the  
six Evas resonating in harmony and holding off the beast only barely.  
There was an unbearable heat within the group, the LCL suddenly feeling  
like a sauna in the field of humanoid Evas and flashing ripples of  
octagons beneath a giant orange tent.  
  
It was a terrifying moment, staring up into the eye of the Angel as the  
AT fields beat mercilessly around him, small bursts of energy coming  
from the beast as it began to explode prematurely. Neil found himself  
losing his focus, losing his grip on the prog knife ever so slightly as  
his gaze drifted down to the other Evas. Then he saw Ryo straining to  
hold the field open, Nieve waiting for Neil to strike as Vash, Eiko,  
and Niobe held the Angel off with all their might. Something snapped  
within Neil, and he let out an almost primal yell, his course clear and  
heart resolute as he drove his prog knife upwards, letting his mind  
break freely into the body of the Eva as he and Nieve slammed the sharp  
points of their blades into the core of the Angel, everything fading  
from his mind except for the sharp impact against the red crystalline  
core.  
  
Distantly, he could hear the command center shouting as the Angel  
exploded upwards in a tower of flame, Misato's voice saying something  
about the operation being a success, that the Angel's force was being  
directed harmlessly upwards. It wasn't an insult to her that Neil  
wasn't listening, however, as she could have been saying nearly  
anything and he would have ignored her, lost in the simple beat of the  
moment, a slow heavy breath escaping his lips before being drawn back  
in again. He had his answer to Nieve's question in that single  
crystalline moment, and as he gazed over the other Children's Evas he  
smiled more broadly. "They need me," he said with a satisfied air,  
letting his eyes close gently as the explosion raged above him, for the  
first time feeling ever so slightly comfortable within the bath of LCL.  
  
]++[  
  
Between the stress of the battle and the lateness, it was an almost  
Herculean task for all three of the humans sitting around the table to  
keep their eyes open and their brains focused, although Pen-Pen was  
having no trouble whatsoever and was instead squawking quite loudly to  
protest the lateness of his dinner. Both of the Children were clearly  
exhausted as they slowly placed food in their mouths, but it was  
obviously a good exhaustion, varying degrees of smiles passing across  
their faces, and even if Misato had been in a bad mood before she  
wouldn't have been able to help being at least slightly cheered up by  
their looks. "I'm sorry the dinner isn't a little better," she  
announced apologetically, lids heavy just like those of the Children.  
"You deserve something more lavish, but there aren't any good  
restaurants open at this hour."  
  
"It's fine," replied Nieve dismissively, trying to sound aggressive but  
simply sounding as though she'd gotten a momentary second wind. Only  
one of her hands was actually involved in the process of feeding  
herself, the other gently squeezing Neil's knee affectionately.  
"Really, all I want to do is finish dinner and go to sleep. I feel  
like I could sleep for months on end."  
  
Misato nodded, then yawned loudly, leaning back in her chair until it  
threatened to fall over, her entire body seeming to shift from the  
simple act of yawning. "Well, I got something to eat while I was at  
Central Dogma, so I'm going to skip straight to the second part of that  
plan," she announced, standing from the chair and grabbing the back to  
keep it from falling down, slowly making her way down the hall towards  
her bedroom. She truly wanted a beer, but more than anything she knew  
that she needed a good night's rest, knew that it would dull the  
memories simply by ending the day. "You two did wonderfully. I'm  
proud of you both."  
  
Nieve and Neil both watched as the woman ambled towards her bedroom,  
body seeming to sway under its own weight, her purple hair swishing  
back and forth with rythymic regularity until she reached the door and  
stumbled in. Then both Children turned back towards eating, the  
silence between them feeling slightly awkward despite the flush of  
victory. "So, did you figure out your answer?" asked Nieve at length,  
looking towards Neil with eyes as wide as she could manage, doing her  
best to simply look interested instead of derranged.  
  
"I think so," replied Neil, nodding weakly, letting one hand reach out  
and pluck the girl's hand off his knee before taking it in his own.  
She flushed slightly at the unexpected contact, but Neil could tell  
that she was happy he'd done it, his guilt finally beginning to be  
forced beneath the surface. "I pilot it because you need me. Because  
everyone needs me." He paused, flicking his eyes away for just a  
moment as he tried to figure out the best way to phrase the next few  
words. "Because I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't doing my part  
to keep us all safe."  
  
The girl stared at him for a moment, then smiled at the boy with her  
typical mischevious grin, slightly dulled by the hour but still  
distinctly her own. "Noblise oblige," she said jokingly, reaching over  
and ruffling the boy's hair slightly. The two grinned at one another  
for a moment, no words passing between them, then suddenly and  
unexpectedly Nieve leaned towards the boy, letting her lips press  
against his and forcing her tongue into his mouth. Any other day Neil  
knew that he would have felt at least vaguely guilty about something  
for kissing her, but for the moment he let his other emotions ride  
above the guilt, pushing the regret below the surface and letting  
himself kiss Nieve back wholeheartedly, their tongues embracing one  
another in an inexplicably passionate moment.  
  
Scooting her chair slightly closer to Neil, Nieve smiled as she wrapped  
her arms around Neil's neck, pulling away from the kiss even as he  
struggled weakly to maintain it, the same grin on her face as before.  
"You seem to be getting better at that," she said, slapping him  
lightly, the obvious implication that she wasn't even remotely angry  
with him. The two remained lost in one another's eyes for just a  
moment, then Nieve pushed away slightly, feeling deeply satisfied  
underneath everything, as though things had finally stabilized  
themselves around Misato's apartment. "I'm sorry, I really am  
exhausted. Do you think that you can clean up?"  
  
"Of course," replied Neil, smiling at the girl, the urge to say  
something else tickling at the back of his mind. He began to reach  
towards the girl, then paused and stopped, letting her go as he pushed  
back his chair and stood, wanting to do anything besides ruin the  
increasingly-perfect evening. "You get some sleep, Nieve. And  
tomorrow..." He paused again, realizing only after he'd begun talking  
that he didn't really have an ending to his sentence. "Tomorrow, we'll  
go out on a date together. Or something like that."  
  
Nieve's smile broadened, and she gave Neil one final peck on the cheek  
as she stepped into her room weakly, hair swishing behind her as well  
as she opened and closed the door. Neil stood for a moment, alone in  
the main part of the apartment except for Pen-Pen, and the penguin too  
was heading back towards his refridgerator. Closing his eyes, Neil  
took a deep breath, letting his nose take in the smell of the half-  
eaten dinner, the warm salty scent of the meat combined with the simple  
purity of rice. He was alone with his thoughts, but he didn't feel  
resentful about it for once, simply at peace, as though he couldn't do  
anything wrong.  
  
Breathing deeply, Neil set about washing the dishes, moving them from  
the table to the sink, scraping the excess food into the trash can,  
trying to run the water at a low enough pressure to avoid waking Nieve  
or Misato. It was simple, mindless work, something that felt like a  
welcome relief after the intensity of the action inside the Evas. He  
knew, distantly, that he would feel guilty about something again, that  
the oddly Zen feeling of harmony would only last so long, but for the  
moment it didn't concern him, letting his mind drift as he slowly  
rinsed the dishes, moving the yellow sponge alonge the white china in  
smooth circles.  
  
He almost didn't notice the sound of footsteps behind him from the  
gentle rushing of the water, and he had to smile, expecting to see  
Nieve as he turned around. Mouth half-open to say something, he  
stopped and closed it as he saw Misato standing there, wearing her  
rather flimsy nightgown, an unreadable expression on her face. There  
was an odd sort of tension about her, as though Neil shouldn't have  
been in the kitchen, like he was intruding in her home. "Did Nieve go  
to bed so soon?" she asked, yawning and rubbing the back of her head  
idly.  
  
"Yeah. I told her that I'd clean up afterwards." He paused for a  
moment, noticing that Misato was taking halting steps towards him,  
something tightening within his chest. "Um... Misato, is something  
wrong? We both assumed that you were going straight to sleep -"  
  
"I did, too. Couldn't get to sleep." She sighed heavily, stepping  
into the kitchen proper and leaning against the main refridgerator  
almost idly, rubbing her forehead and letting her eyes flutter closed.  
She looked immensely alluring in the thin lace of her nightgown, and  
Neil felt his body react involuntarily to the nearby presence of the  
attractive woman. Misato, for her part, was simply trying to wind down  
from the day, her brain involuntarily processing all that she'd seen of  
Kaji through the day, the way that it had at once hurt and felt  
wonderful to be near him. "Kind of ironic, isn't it? The one night  
that I should be feeling safe, that I should be able to sleep without a  
problem, I'm having a fit of insomnia."  
  
"Um." Neil was trying his best to figure out what was going on, if  
she'd simply expected the Children to be asleep when she'd come out or  
if she genuinely wanted to see Neil. "Speaking of sleep, I should  
probably turn in myself. I've had a really long day, and I know that  
I'll have to be paying attention to things sooner or later tomorrow."  
He smiled weakly, trying to look casual as he shut off the water, in  
truth simply searching for some excuse to get out of the conversation.  
Something about Misato's manner was making him severely uncomfortable,  
and even as he started stepping towards his room he had the vague sense  
that he wouldn't make it there."  
  
Certainly enough, Misato's arm raised to block his path, the slender  
tanned skin looking oddly inviting peeking out from beneath a short  
lacy sleeve. "Hold on," she said firmly, prompting Neil to take a step  
backwards as she pushed off of the refridgerator with noticable  
effort. "I ought to thank you, Neil. That night when I..." Her words  
faltered briefly, then she blinked a few times, shaking her head  
gently. "When I came into your room at night. That was wrong of me.  
You had every right to be mad at me, to not to be near me any more...  
but you never said anything."  
  
For just a moment, an awkward silence hung in the air between the two,  
the boy saying nothing and the woman simply lowering her arm and  
hanging her head as though in shame. "You're unusual," she said at  
length, her lids half-closed, the grwoing sense of awkwardness in the  
pit of Neil's stomach amplifying with each word that passed her lips.  
"Most people... you can't rely on them. You can't really trust them,  
depend on them. But everyone can depend on you. Even though you talk  
about how much you hate the Eva, you keep piloting it." She turned her  
head slowly towards him, a bittersweet smile moving across her face.  
"I'm amazed by that about you. It's one of the rarest qualities in  
people."  
  
Neil bit his lip in an oddly reluctant fashion, and Misato simply  
stared at the boy, a tumult of emotions going through her mind, feeling  
vaguely wrong about most of them. She felt alone, abandoned, as though  
she'd lost her father all over again by losing Kaji. Closing her eyes  
for a moment, she took two quick steps towards Neil before he had a  
chance to take a step backwards, her mind feeling as though it was  
shutting down, blocking out the reality of the situation. Her arms  
reached up, unsure of what to do, and she awkwardly reached out to  
embrace the boy, holding him tightly. "You did an amazing thing today,  
Neil. You should be proud of yourself."  
  
All the guilt that he'd managed to push beneath the surface before came  
tumbling back into Neil's mind as he felt the soft warmth of Misato's  
body, the feeling of her sizable breasts softly giving way against the  
firmness of his own body, a fragrance of distant alcohol, sweat, and  
something distinctly feminine. Then he felt the warmth of her breath  
on his cheek, and the soft pressure of a kiss being planted firmly  
against the side of his face before the woman drew back slightly. "I'm  
glad that I know you, Neil," she said softly. "Congratulations on a  
job done well."  
  
The boy only nodded weakly, shocked into silence as the woman turned  
and walked back towards his bedroom, his hand gravitating towards the  
spot on his cheek where she'd planted the kiss. It had only been a  
quick one, a gentle peck on the cheek, and part of him knew that he was  
making more out of it than he needed to, that it could just be a simple  
kiss to show that she cared about him. Yet he didn't feel as though it  
had been anything so transparent, and as he let his fingers rest  
against his cheek he found himself realizing that he truly wanted  
Misato to have meant something more by it, for it to be something more  
than he expected it was. It was a deflating feeling, as though he'd  
done something unspeakably wrong.  
  
Clenching his hands into fists once again, Neil found himself slowly  
sinking down to a crouching position on the floor, his mind whirling  
once again, slowly breaking down the one beautiful moment of clarity  
he'd experienced in the Eva with wave after wave of renewed guilt. "I  
pliot the Eva to protect people," he said to himself, trying to remain  
calm, feeling as though he was lying. "I pilot the Eva to protect  
people." His voice faltered slightly as he repeated the expression,  
his mind drifting back to the momentary conversation he'd had with Eiko  
in the hangar of EVA-01, to the single terrifying thought that he'd had  
about his true motivation. He was certain that he'd told Nieve the  
truth, but the nagging doubt wouldn't leave him alone, sticking in his  
brain even as he tried to forget it.  
  
Gritting his teeth, Neil took a deep breath, forcing himself to a  
standing position and unclenching his hands, part of his body urging  
him to retire to his bedroom as he slowly took heavy steps towards the  
door. It had only been a few moments earlier that everything had  
seemed perfect and harmonious, and then with one simple action he'd  
found himself back in the same quagmire that he'd started the day  
with. "I don't understand," he muttered to himself, gripping the knob  
to his room, the same part of his body calling for him to take the last  
few steps, to release the sexual tension building within him if nothing  
else. The mere thought disgusted him, but as he pushed the door open  
he knew what he was going to do once he got inside, and fresh guilt  
assaulted him as he took a few hesitant steps into his room, mind  
already compensating for the errors he hadn't made.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
When you were a child...  
When you were innocent...  
When you were safe...  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 14: PARENTAL ECHOES  
"I'm not nearly as good as I ought to be."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	14. Parental Echoes

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 14: PARENTAL ECHOES +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Listen, my sons, to a father's instructions;  
pay attention and gain understanding.  
- PROVERBS 4:1  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2004 ]  
  
Ritsuko Akagi wanted, more than anything, to hate the woman standing a  
few meters away from her as she stared out from the oddly unstable  
hallways of the new facility, every conceivable surface marked in black  
paint with instructions about what should be fixed and what needed to  
be moved. The other woman, relatively tall with auburn hair and a  
certain austere grace about her, was standing in what seemed to be the  
nexus from which all of the construction on the building was  
concentrated. Half of the room was colored in musty dropcloths, sparks  
flew madly, and the scent of welding metal and drying paint filled the  
air as workers scrambled about, the woman in question only barely  
seeming to notice them. Ritsuko wanted to hate her, to hate her for  
what she was doing with her life, what she'd done with Ritsuko's life,  
but she found it impossible to get her emotions to concentrate against  
her mother, like trying to drown a fish.  
  
Offering a few more gestures to the workers clustered around her, the  
elder woman turned around and smiled at Ritsuko, taking quick steps  
towards her daughter and waving with one hand. Ritsuko forced a smile  
and waved back, feeling the stares of everyone in the room turn towards  
her, knowing that simply by being the daughter of Naoko Akagi she'd  
become something of a central attraction for the staff of Gehirn. "I  
didn't think that you'd get here so fast," her mother said, grinning as  
she set her clipboard down on a folding card table, apparently  
unconcerned with the thought of someone taking it. "Is the train  
already up to full speed?"  
  
"The engineer said that he'd make sure to get me here on time," replied  
Ritsuko with an awkward blush, knowing that everyone around her was  
comparing her to her mother. It was an uneasy comparison for her,  
especially since she knew how similar they looked - the same blue-gray  
eyes, the same short auburn hair, even the same height. If it wasn't  
for the fact that Ritsuko kept her hair slightly longer, they could  
have been twins. "It was a little tense moving over the new tracks,  
but I think they're concrete. Tokyo-3 is practically the nerve center  
of Japan now, anyways."  
  
"Mm. People can't seem to move here fast enough." Naoko took a deep  
breath, then sloughed off her lab coat, revealing the strictly  
utilitarian yellow blouse and brown pants she wore underneath, making  
Ritsuko feel extremely overdressed in her school uniform, the white  
fabric folding in upon itself as the woman tossed the coat idly atop  
her clipboard. "Well, without me, the project won't be going anywhere,  
so we can take as long as we like for lunch." She paused for a moment,  
then stepped out into the hallway with Ritsuko. "Your friend Misato  
won't be joining us?"  
  
"She had to study," replied Ritsuko, her eyes focused more on the  
monolithic structures behind her mother than anything else. She had  
thought at first that they were part of the wall, but looking at them  
more closely they were obviously intended to be something else, though  
what was a complete mystery. Black piping was being slowly assembled  
underneath what looked like a gigantic white box, technicians  
scrambling around with laptop computers and soldering irons. "Mother?"  
she asked hesitantly, tilting her head slightly to one side. "What are  
those?"  
  
Naoko frowned at Ritsuko for a moment, then followed the young woman's  
gaze over to the monolithic structures and let her frown evaporate into  
a grin. "I thought we weren't going to talk about work anymore," she  
said good-naturedly, Ritsuko fully aware that the woman would rather  
speak about her work as opposed to nearly anything else. Surely  
enough, Naoko had turned fully to face the structures, arms folding  
across her chest defiantly. "Those are the beginnings of the Magi.  
They're intended to be Gehirn's biggest asset."  
  
Ritsuko began to glance towards her mother for an explanation, but the  
woman hadn't finished, something that Ritsuko inwardly scolded herself  
somewhat bitterly for not realizing. "They're extrapolations of the  
work that I did on the human brain as a computer when I was your age -  
three clone brains as the central processors of the most powerful  
computers to ever exist." She smiled at her daughter, noticing the odd  
look that had come over the younger woman's face. "I used my own brain  
as the template. No matter what happens, as long as Gehirn exists,  
I'll be within it, the core of the technology developed here." She  
paused, lowering her head slightly, her smile becoming oddly  
bittersweet. "Not that anyone would notice, I suppose. But it's easy  
to feel some measure of pride in that, to think of the implications  
generations from now."  
  
Tilting her head slightly to one side, Ritsuko blinked, then glanced  
back towards the monolithic computers, understandably made somewhat  
squeamish by the thought of her mother's brain wired into a machine.  
"Why three of them?" she asked hesitantly, trying unsuccessfully to  
force out the diquieting image in her mind, knowing that however  
distasteful it was it was a necessary evil.  
  
"More is better," replied Naoko somewhat cryptically, smiling at her  
daughter as though she was discussing something perfectly normal.  
"Three machines can't have a tied decision. They'll always produce  
some kind of result whenever the staff of Gehirn provides them with a  
question." She paused, then blushed slightly as she looked back at the  
computers, her attention obviously on the machines instead of Ritsuko.  
It was something that the woman did often, something that Ritsuko had  
grown accustomed to but still didn't particularly like. "And they  
represent the three facets of who I am. One for myself as a scientist,  
one for myself as a woman -" she hesitated briefly, looking down  
towards Ritsuko "- and one for myself as a mother."  
  
A rather snide comment offered itself as Ritsuko stared at the  
monolithic computers once again, but she held it back, not wanting the  
little time that she was able to spend with her mother to be marred so  
quickly. "You never talked about them when you wrote to me," she said  
calmly, trying to restrain the resentment she felt inside her chest,  
simply folding her hands and letting them hang in front of her as she  
stared at her mother. "I would have been interested."  
  
Naoko smirked once again, this time somewhat bitterly, as she began to  
move through the hallways of Gehirn's command facility, leading Ritsuko  
along through the still-unfinished corridors and past various points of  
heavy construction. "Technically, you're still not supposed to know,"  
she said quietly, winking back towards her daughter as she turned a  
corner and stepped gingerly over a series of wooden slats covering a  
hole in the floor. Ritsuko hesitated for a moment, then followed her  
mother, her body tensing slightly as she heard the wood creak beneath  
her. "We'll just keep it our little secret." Not waiting for any sort  
of approval from the younger woman, Naoko stopped in front of one of  
the sliding doors, pressing down on a button and letting it slide open  
with what sounded like an almost tortured whine of gears.  
  
As the door slid open, Ritsuko could see two men approaching the women,  
talking between themselves in hushed and urgent tones in a manner that  
implied more a consideration of others than a need for privacy. Naoko  
stared for a second, then reached back and grabbed Ritsuko's wrist,  
yanking her daughter forward as she stepped over to the pair. "Dr.  
Ikari, Dr. Fuyutsuki," she said, her tone sounding somewhere between  
eager and respectful. "I didn't expect to see the two of you in here.  
Do you have a moment?"  
  
"Of course, Dr. Akagi," replied the man on the left, reaching up and  
gently adjusting his thin-framed glasses, the fluorescent lights of the  
newly-constructed corridors glinting momentarily off of the lenses.  
Ritsuko frowned briefly, trying to remember her mother's description of  
the heads of Gehirn, wondering if she'd ever described someone who  
looked as prematurely old as the man standing before her. He had a  
thin face and high cheekbones, looking somewhat gaunt despite the fact  
that he was obviously of normal build. A white lab coat hung loosely  
from his frame, covering a simple navy blue turtleneck and black pants,  
his brownish-black hair unkempt, eyes beady and almost disturbingly  
focused. Those eyes flicked over to Ritsuko, and a thinly humorless  
smile drifted slowly across his face. "I assume this is your daughter?"  
  
"Ritsuko, yes," replied Naoko with a nod, reaching back towards her  
daughter and pushing her forward gently, an uncomfortable sensation as  
the beady-eyed man stared at her intently. "Ritsuko, this is Dr.  
Ikari, head of Gehirn -" she gestured towards the same man that she had  
been speaking to, the thought of the oddly-intense man running such an  
important project sending a slight tremor through Ritsuko "- and Dr.  
Fuyutsuki." For the first time, Ritsuko let her eyes rest on the other  
man, feeling unsure of whether to be surprised or not by his  
appearance. If Dr. Ikari looked old beyond his years, Fuyutsuki looked  
young beyond his years - there was still a quickness in his brown eyes  
despite his obviously-graying hair, a certain nobility to his bearing  
and expression despite his age. "I'm sure I've mentioned them before  
in my letters."  
  
Nodding, Ritsuko extended her hand towards Dr. Ikari, who took it  
without protest and shook it firmly, still smiling at her approvingly.  
Ritsuko frowned ever so slightly, but she tried her best to force the  
emotion under the surface, shaking the hand of Dr. Fuyutsuki as well,  
somehow feeling less intimidated by the elder man. "It's a pleasure to  
meet both of you," she said calmly, giving a slight respectful bow to  
the two doctors, still feeling somewhat put off by Dr. Ikari.  
  
"With all the time your mother spends at work here, I'm surprised she  
even has a daughter," noted Fuyutsuki casually, earning a smile from  
Ritsuko and a slight frown from Naoko. The sight of her mother  
displeased seemed to dampen the doctor as well, and he flicked his eyes  
briefly over towards her before looking back towards the younger  
woman. "Are you planning on following in her footsteps? You'll be  
attending university very soon, so I don't doubt it's on your mind."  
  
Blushing slightly, Ritsuko nodded respectfully, unsure of whether to  
feel flattered or embarassed by the thought of being so predictably  
like her mother. She let her own eyes flick briefly over towards the  
older woman, seeing her lips moving and hearing soft noise coming from  
her mouth, realizing that she was whispering something to Ikari. "I  
was planning on it, actually," she said, knowing that Fuyutsuki was  
expecting a response even as she wanted to be anywhere but the hallway,  
the urge to be anything besides her mother growing in the back of her  
mind, as though she wanted to scream something at the other woman.  
  
Fuyutsuki, either ignoring the scene between mother and dauther  
intentionally or just not noticing it, simply smiled at the younger  
woman. "I know it's probably not on your list, but I used to be a  
professor over at Kyoto University. If you need someone to put a good  
word in for you, just ask." He paused, flicking his eyes towards Naoko  
quickly. "Knowing how smart your mother is, it's be a waste of a  
brilliant mind if you didn't get to go where you wanted to." Once  
again, his eyes flicked towards Naoko, and Ritsuko couldn't keep from  
clenching her fist in anger, the gesture cutting her more deeply than  
she'd expected. She knew that he was simply making sure that her  
mother didn't get angry again, but it felt as though she was being  
ignored on her own merits, still standing in her mother's shadow.  
  
Opening her mouth to reply to the doctor, Ritsuko found her mother  
stepping in front of her and nodding to the older man, another gesture  
that seemed to be tailored specifically to irritate her. "I appreciate  
the offer, Dr. Fuyutsuki," Naoko offered politely, dipping her head  
slightly and stepping to one side of the hallway. "My apologies for  
keeping you so long - I know that you're busy. I hope that everything  
goes well today."  
  
Both of the doctors nodded and gave quick waves goodbye, walking down  
the hallway away from Ritsuko and Naoko, once again speaking in quiet  
tones between one another. It was only after they seemed to be out of  
sight that Naoko turned towards her daughter once again, as though  
she'd forgotten about the younger woman waiting for her. "Well. Now  
you've met two of the most important people in Gehirn." She was  
smiling, as though nothing abnormal had happened. "So, ready to go to  
lunch?"  
  
Ritsuko wanted to slap her mother. She wanted to feel hate boiling in  
her stomach, to simply strike the other woman as hard as she could, to  
let her hand find her mother's cheek and hear the stinging noise of the  
slap, to scream at her that she wasn't to be ignored. But try as she  
might, she couldn't make herself feel the hatred and bile that she knew  
she deserved to feel, that Naoko had given her every reason for. That  
fact in and of itself made her want to hate the woman even more, but  
instead she simply nodded coldly and politely, watching her mother turn  
and continue leading her onward, ignoring her daughter even though she  
was standing only a few feet away.  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2016 ]  
  
Her long black hair smelled faintly of vanilla and lilac, each strand  
perfectly smooth and narrow, flowing together with the rest of the long  
thick mass as though she had a river of hair rather than having it  
actually growing from her head. It was one of the things about herself  
that Niobe took pride in, the way that her long black hair flowed  
around behind her, something that even Joseph was pleased with. He  
said that it showed her dedication, that she took enough time and  
concentration to care for it that it wound up looking so unceasingly  
beautiful, as though his daughter was a goddess in body as well as in  
action. But for the first time that she could remember, Niobe looked  
at the hair and saw anything but a tribute to her efficiency, instead  
looking and seeing a misplaced glut of effort.  
  
Sighing heavily, Niobe shifted her body slightly, throwing her hair off  
of her shoulder, letting the black mass brush against her back as she  
felt the smooth white fabric of the sheets beneath her brush against  
the bottom of her legs. The thought that she was wasting even more  
time by the simply sitting on her bed in her underwear trying to figure  
out whether or not to cut her hair popped into her head for not the  
first time, and sighing she flopped backwards, staring up at the  
fluorescent light in the ceiling of her room, oddly comfortable in the  
warmth of the apartment against the messy sheets. "If Ryo walked in  
here now, maybe he'd be attracted to me," she muttered to herself  
almost idly. "Maybe it's a good idea not to get dressed."  
  
The thought made her blush at the same moment that it made her somewhat  
happy, the simple concept of Ryo seeing her almost naked at once  
frustrating her with the thought of the boy even as she took some  
comfort in the possibility that he might finally notice her. She had  
been giving her all since she'd come to Tokyo-3, but no matter how hard  
she tried it didn't seem to matter to him, and his attention remained  
curiously focused on Nieve. "Even after the Tenth Angel," she  
whispered into the air, the words feeling like a weight placed on her  
chest. "I've got to be doing something wrong. That's the only  
possible explanation."  
  
Almost unintentionally, Niobe found herself thinking back to her most  
recent conversation with her parents, and she rolled onto her side,  
feeling the sheets tickle against her chocolate skin as she curled her  
legs up against her chest and clutched them with her arms. She'd  
gotten a call from Joseph the day after the Tenth Angel incident, early  
in the morning, still fresh in her mind even though it had been a full  
day since then. He had seemed proud, but only grudgingly so, as though  
Niobe was failing in some critical areas. "I wanted to tell him about  
Ryo," she whispered. "But I couldn't." A slow trickle of tears began  
to fill in her eyes as she remembered the harsh words he'd spoken to  
her when she brought up the concept of dating, how angry he'd seemed  
with the basic idea.  
  
Opening her mouth wide, Niobe let a deep breath fill her lungs, then  
pushed herself back to a sitting position and stared at her hair  
again. "It's not unreasonable to assume it could be a distraction,"  
she muttered to herself, an odd tightness growing in her chest. "I  
spend a great deal of time caring for it. If I just reduced the amount  
that I cared for... I would still be beautiful." She paused, her chest  
continuing to hurt as she thought of what she might look like with  
shorter hair. "And then I wouldn't have this distraction holding me  
back. I could do as good as I ought to. Ryo would finally notice me."  
  
Her hands unconsciously twitched, clenched, then relaxed again as she  
flipped her hair back over her shoulder and letting it wash down her  
back once again. She wanted the whole process to be as quick and  
painless as before, as simple as when she'd decided that her personal  
belongings had to go, but somehow it felt as though cutting her hair  
was a way of acknowledging defeat, of saying that she simply couldn't  
maintain her hair on top of everything else. Instinctively, she felt  
the urge to ask Joseph for her thoughts, then she remembered how angry  
he had been before, and she shook her head, determined to leave him be  
for the time being. He wouldn't want to think that his daughter  
couldn't make her own decisions.  
  
"Besides, I don't want to talk to him," sighed Niobe, shutting her eyes  
and squeezing them tightly, feeling the muscles in her body tense  
almost unconsciously as she remembered her father's angry words. He  
was displeased that she hadn't been sent into actual combat against the  
Seventh Angel, that she had been so easily taken out against the  
Ninth. She had deflected the criticisms as best she could, but in her  
heart she knew that he was right, that she hadn't performed as well as  
she should have in both of the battles. "Small wonder Ryo wouldn't  
notice me. I'm not nearly as good as I ought to be." Her emotions  
confused once again, she felt herself wavering on her singular decision  
about her hair, reaching over her shoulder and touching the smooth  
length again.  
  
Then the knob of her door turned, and she had only seconds to stare  
before the door opened and Ryo stood in front of her, wearing his  
school uniform despite the fact that it was Saturday. He didn't seem  
to have any other clothing from what Niobe had seen, but she was far  
less concerned with his clothing than with her own utter lack of  
anything modest, nothing except the thin lace of her bra and panties  
between her skin and the open air. Her entire body tensed hard as the  
boy stared at her, and for a moment she wondered what the boy was going  
to do, if he was finally looking at her seriously, even as she felt her  
hands drifting towards the thin white sheet to cover herself.  
  
Ryo simply stood for a moment, motionless, and Niobe stared into the  
boy's red eyes, trying to gauge what he was thinking, hands relaxing  
their grip on the sheets as she stared. His eyes betrayed nothing  
except simple observation, and the thought of his gaze simply looking  
upon her as though she was fully clothed made her hands release the  
sheet out of simultaneous frustration and comfort. It was more  
comfortable being almost naked around him, knowing that he wasn't  
thinking of her as a sex object, but she wanted him to think that about  
her, and the fact that he obviously didn't in such overt circumstances  
made things even worse. "Ryo," she said, gingerly raising one arm to  
cross across her chest, unsure of wheter she was trying to obscure her  
breats or push them forward. "You should have knocked."  
  
"I apologize," replied Ryo, still apparently unaware of the girl's near-  
nudity, a fact that began to sting far more than it made her feel  
comfortable. His body was still relaxed, exhibiting none of the  
outward signs of restrained sexual tension, just a casual observation  
of the girl who simply happened not to be wearing any clothing. It was  
beginning to make her very consciously aware of how unsuccessful she'd  
been at making the boy notice her, and she let her hand fall back  
towards the sheets, pulling them up to try and cover her body. "I came  
in to let you know that we received a call from Central Dogma."  
  
Niobe forced herself to pay attention, to push the personal concerns  
just underneath the surface of her skin out of her mind, hoping that  
the boy would take note of what she was doing. "What did they say?"  
she asked, letting her hands release the sheet as she stood, taking a  
deep breath and trying to push her chest forward slightly. She  
couldn't understand for the life of her why he wasn't reacting in some  
fashion - even if he didn't think she was particularly pretty, she  
found it difficult to accept the fact that a teenage boy wouldn't react  
at all to a vaguely-sexual situation.  
  
"We're needed for early testing," replied Ryo, apparently unconcerned  
with Niobe's appearance still, his entire body still looking as relaxed  
as ever. "Dr. Akagi has developed a new test that she wants us to  
undergo as soon as possible. We're expected there within thirty  
minutes." He paused, as though he was remembering something else from  
the call, eyes focusing briefly on a part of the room other than Niobe,  
serving only to make her feel even worse. "I assume that you can be  
dressed by then?"  
  
"Yes. Of course." Niobe bit her lower lip, watching as the boy left,  
feeling incredibly distant from him even at the same time that she  
wanted him to stay. There was a part of her that wanted him to see her  
naked, even though he didn't seem to be reacting, that wanted him to  
embrace her even if he was still wearing his school uniform. "Wait!"  
she snapped just before he'd closed the door, freezing the boy's pale  
white arm in position, drawing his gaze back in her direction even as  
she struggled to figure out some legitimate reason to delay him. "Do  
you..." She paused, then tilted her head slightly, feeling her hair  
brush across her skin and suddenly getting an idea. "What do you think  
of my hair?"  
  
The question seemed to baffle the boy, a situation that she was  
relatively accustomed to when asking ostensibly obvious questions.  
"It's there," he replied at length, letting his red eyes flick towards  
the African girl's black tresses for just a moment, almost as if he was  
trying to make sure that it was actually there as he'd expected. He  
stared at her hair for a second, then turned his eyes back towards her,  
the unspoken implication that she should have known that it was there  
without being told.  
  
"But is it..." She gritted her teeth, trying to figure out how to  
phrase her question, knowing that Nieve's hair wasn't much longer than  
hers. Thinking of Nieve gave her an idea of how to ask the question,  
and she tilted her head slightly to give him a fuller view of the  
length of the black mass. "Would you like it if I cut it shorter?  
I've been thinking that it's taking too much time to care for, so it  
might help me be a more effective pilot to cut it. What do you think?"  
  
Ryo simply stared for a moment, as if the mere concept of expressing  
his opinion was foreign to his knowledge. "I'm certain I don't know,"  
he said after a moment, his words sounding almost bitter, just the  
faintest hint of inflection in the sentence managing to give Niobe the  
impression that she was annoying him to unspeakable levels by simply  
asking such a simple question. "Knock on my door when you're ready to  
leave. I will be waiting."  
  
"All right," replied Niobe somewhat weakly, simply staring into  
nothingness as the boy closed the door behind him. Niobe stood a  
moment longer, vaguely aware after the door was shut that fluid was  
running paths down her face and neck, pooling against the soft brown  
skin of her breats and soaking into her bra. Her tears weren't of  
sadness so much as simple frustration, and she tried to remind herself  
of that fact, but she still felt like a failure for being unable to  
control her emotions enough to refrain from crying. Sniffling  
slightly, she wiped the tears away, mentally scolding herself as she  
turned and walked towards her closet, utterly baffled as to what Ryo  
saw when he looked at her.  
  
]++[  
  
The massive test holding bay had been filled with water, but to even a  
casual observer it would have been clear that there was far more in the  
testing area than simple water, though the slight murk in the water  
might have made the white shapes within difficult to make out. Even  
though Ritsuko couldn't pick out the details as she would have liked,  
she knew that the gigantic test dummies for the Evas were in there,  
their nerve input signals wired remotely to the actual Evas. It was an  
ambitious project, and she knew that, but putting NERV over budget to  
see if it could work was well worth the minor strain involved. "Maya,  
run another quick impulse through the dummies for 02 and 05. I don't  
like the neural interference ratings."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," replied Maya curtly, her tone not implying any sort of  
bitterness but a simple desire to follow Ritsuko's orders to the  
fullest of her ability. Ritsuko glanced back towards the short-haired  
young woman, the whitewashed computer terminal that she sat at  
contrasting with the teal-gray walls of the square observation booth  
but blending perfectly with the other terminals scattered about the  
room. "Both dummies are currently at 13% contamination of the neural  
pulse. That's still two percent higher than the other units."  
  
"European model," muttered Ritsuko, shaking her head as she stared out  
at the vague outlines of the dummies. She'd protested the idea of  
having more than one production model on the basis that it would leave  
some technology expected to be standard for NERV without a baseline  
compatibility, but the European Union had threatened to pull their  
support if they weren't allowed a domestic production model. It  
Sighing, the blonde woman rubbed her brow for a moment, leaning on a  
rail set slightly back from the window that bulged out into the holding  
tank, trying to think. "All right, we've been trying to bring those  
two in line since this morning. Maya, can you increase the  
contamination in the other units?"  
  
Ritsuko couldn't help but smile at the sound of the other woman's gasp,  
having expected a similar reaction when she made the request. "Ma'am?  
You're kidding, aren't you?"  
  
"We need to have all six Evas running with some common baseline, or we  
can't be certain about any of the data that this experiment collects.  
If we can't bully those two into line, we can push the other three out  
of line. It's not the ideal situation, but it's better than having our  
data all over the field." She smiled somewhat bitterly, catching the  
sheer irony in the fact that she was sabotaging her own experiment.  
"Besides, the Magi can compensate for up to 20% contamination of the  
neural pulse. We'll be best off just getting consistent results."  
  
Maya said nothing for a moment, simply staring at Ritsuko in awe with  
her brown. Then she shook her head, nodding at the older woman and  
letting her fingers fly across the keyboard once again, punching in  
commands as fast as she possibly could, the noise of clicking keys  
likely dizzying to anyone other than Ritsuko. "Done, ma'am. All six  
Evas are currently at 13% contamination."  
  
"Good," replied Ritsuko distantly, letting her blue-gray eyes focus on  
the vague white outlines of the dummies, beginning to see the shape of  
the Evas in them even though she could barely make out the general  
space that they occupied. She was apprehensive about this experiment,  
but she knew that it was worth it, and she knew that her internal  
preoccupation had nothing to do with that. There was something about  
the basic nature of what she was trying to do that left her feeling  
vaguel disquieted, as though simply being where she was was somehow  
wrong. "Prepare all systems to begin recording data once the Children  
enter the plugs."  
  
The young woman operating the primary terminal said some kind of  
respectful acknowledgement, but had someone asked Ritsuko exactly what  
she had said she wouldn't have had the vaguest idea. Her focus was on  
the clear tank still, trying to figure out if the basic principle was  
sound or not. In the back of her mind, she knew that she was doing the  
right thing, that she was trying to keep the Children as safe as  
possible. "But is that really what I'm trying to do?" she whispered to  
herself, still leaning on the rail, flicking her gaze up towards the  
top of the tank where the entry plugs sat and awaited their pilots, the  
vaguely-murky water lapping gently against the sides of the tank. "Is  
keeping them safe a peripheral benefit to our ultimate goals?"  
  
"Dr. Akagi?" The voice only barely managed to penetrate Ritsuko's  
thoughts, and it took her another moment or two to realize that it was  
Maya's soft, respectful voice speaking to her, her tone as reverent as  
ever. Slowly, Ritsuko tuirned her head to face the other woman, making  
a smile appear on her lips in hopes that the young woman wouldn't think  
something was wrong. "Commander Ikari is requesting that you call him  
at the lower levels, ma'am. He says he has some questions about  
Ayanami's latest status report."  
  
Ritsuko nodded, pushing back from the rail and turning towards the lone  
telephone mounted within the wall of the observation chamber, white  
fabric of her lab coat brushing against her legs slightly as she began  
to move. "Please step out while I talk with the commander, Maya," the  
scientist said gently but firmly, receiving no protest from the younger  
woman, simply a quick nod and swift motions to stand from her chair and  
leave the room. Ritsuko watched as she left, leaving only the blonde  
woman standing and holding the phone, glancing down quickly at her  
attire, remembering the day that she'd first met Dr. Ikari and the coat  
that her mother had been wearing. A bitter smile drifted across her  
face for just an instant, then she shook her head and dialed in the  
number where she knew the commander would be.  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve had noticed from the first day that the girl's locker room was  
far too large, as though NERV's primary branch had been expecting far  
more Children than actually existed. On some level, she understood  
that it was a government facility and had to be equipped to deal with  
advanced circumstances, that it needed to be capable of moving beyond  
its current accomodations. Even the locker in NERV's European facility  
was too big, considering that Nieve was the only one of the Children  
that ever used it. However, there were four lockers in the girl's room  
there for a single child, not thirty-nine in rows of thirteen for three  
Children. "Government spending," she muttered to herself, tilting her  
head back momentarily and staring at the fluorescent light above her.  
  
Sighing and shaking her head, she took a deep breath, then began to  
pull off the maroon t-shirt she'd picked out for the day, feeling a  
twinge of discomfort as she placed the shirt within her locker, as  
exposed as she'd ever felt. It was nothing entirely new, and she'd  
long gotten over her apprehension that the teal-gray walls of the room  
around her were watching her, that somewhere within the showers lurked  
some perverted technician with a video camera. "But this is the first  
time that I'm not going to be able to don my plugsuit," she muttered  
somewhat dejectedly, staring at the red suit hanging on a hook within  
her locker, tilting her head slightly to one side and examining the  
patterns running along it casually.  
  
Biting her lip gently, Nieve began to reach back and unhook her bra,  
then paused and stopped, the very thought feeling somewhat repulsive to  
her. She didn't want anyone other than Neil seeing her naked, and even  
Neil would probably lose what little attraction he felt towards her if  
he saw her like that. Closing her eyes for just a second, she stood  
and turned, walking towards the row of lockers behind her where she  
knew Niobe sat. She didn't particularly want to talk to Eiko for her  
own reasons, but she knew Niobe, knew that the girl would be more than  
willing to talk to her. Pressing her body against the side of the  
lockers, she peeked her head around towards Niobe, her mouth open to  
begin talking.  
  
Then she hesitated for a moment, staring, lost in a moment of profound  
shock, and her mouth snapped shut again. She remembered sunbathing at  
least once with Niobe, seeing what the girl looked like underneath her  
clothes, and she remembered her having significantly more meat on her  
bones than she saw now. It was something only barely noticable, but as  
the African girl folded her blue jeans and placed them in her locker  
Nieve could see the vague hints of her ribcage showing beneath the  
white bra that the girl wore, her arms almost imperceptibly thinner.  
Niobe said nothing for a moment, then turned her head towards Nieve  
somewhat indignantly, obviously having been aware of the girl's  
presence for some time. "What are you doing?" she asked indignantly,  
tilting her head to one side.  
  
"Niobe... you..." Nieve felt a growing tightness in her throat, her  
legs beginning to grow oddly weak at the sight of the girl in front of  
her, even as she struggled to regain control over herself. She knew  
that what she was looking at simply reminded her of an earlier time in  
her life on an academic level, but somehow the fact of the matter did  
nothing to make her feel any better. Closing her eyes for the barest  
of seconds, she gritted her teeth, then stared at Niobe, knowing full  
well that the other girl was wondering what was going on but determined  
to keep things under some kind of control. "Niobe, have you been  
eating enough lately?"  
  
For a moment, Niobe said nothing, and Nieve worried that the girl was  
going to push her away out of hand, that she was going to even be mad  
at Nieve for asking such a personal question. Then she laughed,  
somewhat bitterly but otherwise normally, and Nieve felt vaguely better  
about the situation. "Yes, I've been eating, Nieve," replied Niobe,  
shaking her head. "I've lost a little weight, I know. I weigh myself  
before I get out of the shower each day. But I've been eating."  
  
Biting her lower lip once again, Nieve forced herself not to say that  
it didn't look like she was telling the truth, knowing that she was  
meddling in the other girl's affairs even without an interrogation.  
Pausing for just a moment, she stepped out from behind the lockers and  
sat down on the bench near Niobe, gesturing for the African girl to sit  
down next to her. Niobe gave her an odd look, but she acquiesced,  
moving delicately and slowly to the indicated seat. "You're really not  
at a point in your life where you should be losing weight, you know,"  
she said softly, feeling at once guilty and pained. "This is when your  
body is developing."  
  
"I know, Nieve. I took biology, human development, all those classes.  
You don't have to explain it to me." She sighed, shaking her head  
lightly, feeling somewhat self-conscious. "I don't know. I've just  
been focusing so much of my energy on beiong a better Eva pilot that  
I've been slipping a little as far as eating goes. It's irresponsible  
of me, I know, but..." She shrugged. "Just how things go, I suppose.  
The Angels won't be attacking forever, so I'll worry about it once  
that's taken care of."  
  
"Don't bloody -say- that!" snapped Nieve, lunging over and gripping  
Niobe's shoulders firmly, letting her fingers press hard into the  
African girl's chocolate-colored shoulders, feeling the other girl  
wince slightly at the sheer violence of her reaction. It took her a  
moment to realize what she was doing, and she felt her grip loosen as  
the facts flooded back into her mind, the sheer absurdity of her  
actions feeling obvious. A blush rose to her face, the loss of control  
on her part too obvious to hope that Niobe would overlook it. "I'm  
sorry. I just... I just worry about you."  
  
Niobe stared at Nieve for a moment, but the other girl's face betrayed  
no hints of her true emotion, as though the girl was purposely hiding  
the truth for some reason. It served only to make Niobe more curious,  
and for a moment she considered trying to make the girl talk to her,  
another challenge that she had to undertake. Then she bit her lip,  
knowing that she had more than enough to deal with, feeling a pang of  
guilt for admitting it to herself but knowing that Joseph would approve  
of her focusing on the most important tasks. "Nieve, is there  
something you need to tell me?" she asked, trying to sound casually,  
not opposed to successfully getting the girl to open up if it was  
possible even if she didn't want to make it a priority.  
  
"Sorry. It's just something I feel passionately about." She paused  
for a moment, something underneath her words implying that she was  
leaving out part of the story, and she turned towards the other girl,  
smirking slightly, no hints of the truth on her face. "Just... promise  
me that you'll take care of yourself, okay? You and me, we're the  
daughters of NERV." The phrase brought a smile to Niobe's face as  
well, and they shared a quiet chuckle. "Have to stick together, you  
know."  
  
"I know. Sorry." Niobe stared at Nieve, trying to figure out what she  
felt towards the other girl, resentment and kinship clashing within her  
chest in equal amounts. On one level, she wanted to hate the other  
girl for what she represented, for the way that she usurped Ryo's  
affections, kept Ryo from looking at her. But on some level she  
couldn't be sure if it was Nieve's fault or not, and a sneaking  
suspicion whispering at the back of her mind wanted her to believe that  
it was because she simply hadn't shown herself to be good enough.  
"You're right, I should focus on eating better." The statement seemed  
to make Nieve feel better, and Niobe took a deep breath, her emotions  
still conflicted, something tightening within her chest and clogging  
her throat. "So, why did you come over?"  
  
]++[  
  
All six Children had been offered direct elevators from the locker  
rooms to the hallway that led to their entry plugs, but a certain  
sophomoric attitude had seemed to take over as soon as the Children  
found themselves actually standing at one end of the pure white hall,  
the fluorescent lighting serving to make the whole thing seem even more  
eerie. Watching from the observation booth, Ritsuko couldn't help but  
sigh, having vaguely anticipated a similar reaction from the Children  
but not watning to actually deal with it. "Walk to your entry plugs,"  
she said firmly, speaking into the audio microphone mounted near the  
observation window. "The tests can't begin until you do."  
  
Standing at the end of the hallway, Ryo, apparently unconcerned with  
his nudity, began walking quite casually towards his entry plug, the  
sound of his bare feet slapping gently against the corridor serving as  
an odd sort of rythym as her arms swung next to his side. Niobe,  
watching the boy walk, felt a sudden rush of embarassment, reminding  
herself that she of all people should have been perfectly enthusiastic  
about getting inside of the cockpit, discarding silly issues of  
sentimentality for effectiveness. Gritting her teeth, she forced the  
embarassment out of her mind and took a few steps forward, the air  
around her smelling oddly sterile as she walked only a few steps behind  
Ryo, unable to keep from admiring him slightly.  
  
Nieve still stood in the elevator, one arm crossed against her breasts  
and one shielding her crotch from unwanted observation. She glanced  
quickly at the similarly-restrained Eiko, the Japanese girl seemingly  
unsure of whether or not to blush, and sighing heavily she leaned  
towards Niobe. "Niobe!" she hissed, glancing towards the boys, feeling  
the same indecision as before at the thought of Neil seeing her naked  
as she caught sight of the boy's rather embarassed look. "Get back  
here! We've got to stick together to protest this!" She paused,  
obviously reaching. "Daughters of NERV, remember?"  
  
"In that case, you should be sticking with me," said Niobe somewhat  
curtly, looking towards Ryo for some kind of approval. She knew that  
she'd done the exact sort of thing that he'd done, but she saw only the  
barest flicker of acknowledgement from him, something that sent a wave  
of mixed anger and sorrow through her before bleeding into  
frustration. "This is to defeat the Angels. That has to come before  
our personal insecurities."  
  
The African girl's words stung Nieve like a slap across the cheek, as  
if the girl knew exactly why she'd been so worried about her  
nourishment before. Taking a deep breath, the girl glanced down at her  
body, watching the strands of her red hair drape over her shoulder with  
a slow motion, reminding herself to ignore what her mind told her about  
the way that she looked. "All right," she muttered angrily, stepping  
out and walking swiftly, feeling her entire face turn a bright red even  
as she felt slightly excited by the prospect of Neil seeing her body.  
"But Vash, you'd better not be staring at my butt."  
  
Eiko shouted something mirroring Nieve's statement, but Niobe's  
attention had already moved off of the the other Children, picking up  
her pace and reaching her entry plug almost at the same moment that Ryo  
did. For the briefest of seconds she considered trying to catch a  
better glimpse of the boy naked, but she shook her head, knowing that  
it would be a bad plan, climbing into the entry plug with minor effort,  
lowering her body onto the smooth nylon seat. It felt different  
against her bare back, at once comfortable and oddly dirty, but she  
focused on the situation at hand, reaching up and pulling the hatch  
above her shut. "EVA-05 ready," she announced out of instinct, feeling  
the slight lurch as her entry plug began to move towards the dummy.  
  
Standing within the booth, Ritsuko watched with some amusement as the  
plugs began to move, watching the smooth white cylinders dip into the  
water for the first time even as she heard the hiss of the doors  
opening behind her. It took her a second to acknowledge that someone  
was entering the room, then she glanced over her shoulder to see Misato  
approaching, obviously slightly disorganized, her hair just dissheveled  
enough to indicate that she'd been running. "You're late," announced  
Ritsuko flatly, turning her gaze back towards the tank of water idly,  
knowing that the other woman was moving forward to stand next to her.  
"We should be ready to start in just a couple of minutes."  
  
"Congratulations. I didn't think you'd be able to get six teenagers to  
walk through that hallway naked." Misato was trying to make it sound  
as though she'd been late intentionally, something that Ritsuko knew  
wasn't the truth simply from her extended experience with the other  
woman. There was an awkward pause between the two, the events of the  
past few days obviously weighing on the minds of both, then Misato  
leaned over the rail to mirror Ritsuko, staring out into the tank along  
with the blonde as the clicking of computer keyboards filled the air.  
"Remember when we were that age?"  
  
"All too well," replied Ritsuko, closing her eyes for just a moment,  
letting herself think again on the day that she'd met Dr. Ikari for the  
first time, the way that her mother had acted towards her. Something  
about the elder woman was sticking in Ritsuko's mind even as she tried  
to purge it, as though Naoko Akagi was still around within her  
daughter's mind and refused to leave during such an important  
experiment. Shaking her head, she turned back towards the rows of  
computers, taking some solace in the simple fact that she knew the  
people working under her, knowing that her mother would have never met  
any of them. "Maya, prepare to begin synchronization with the pilots.  
Run a sample pulse through the Evas in the hangar first."  
  
The cockpit of the Eva felt oddly empty without the LCL flooding the  
chamber, and Niobe couldn't help but feel a minor relief as she saw the  
liquid rushing up to meet her from the bottom of the chamber. Almost  
the second she felt it touch her feet, she giggled slightly, the  
slightly sticky orange-red liquid feeling somewhat nice between her  
toes, a vague warmth to her that seemed to call back memories of being  
in her mother's womb. As the liquid flooded over her naked skin, the  
darkness of the cockpit remaining, she felt the comparison growing more  
apt, feeling amazingly relaxed simply by the fact that she was in the  
cockpit, idly dreaming that she'd much rather pilot the Eva without her  
plugsuit as the liquid rose to cover her breasts.  
  
"It feels weird," announced Nieve over the radio, waiting until the  
liquid had flooded her lungs to say anything, still feeling vaguely  
exposed without any of her clothes on. She knew, academically, that  
none of the senior staff would be staring at her, unless Misato had  
reasons she didn't know about for leaving Kaji behind. However, it was  
still somewhat eerie, sitting inside the cockpit that she'd worn a  
plugsuit to as long as she could remember with nothing but her skin  
being gently caressed by the blood-scented liquid. "I mean, the  
plugsuit conducts the sensation pretty well normally, but... it's  
different. It's still fabric."  
  
"Sorry, but we need to get the harmonics results directly from your  
bodies for this experiment. That means no plugsuits this time  
around." Ritsuko paused for a moment, glancing towards Misato to make  
sure that the other woman didn't want to say anything, then turning  
back towards Maya. "Maya, initialize the first synchronization  
interlocks within the dummy plugs inside the Evas. Once the interlocks  
have taken hold, begin the synchronization with the pilots." Maya  
nodded, and Ritsuko turned back towards the window, unconciously  
crossing her fingers.  
  
Niobe flexed her hands gently against the smooth metal of the cockpit's  
handrests, then slowly felt the touch of the Eva's mind against her own  
mind, the machine feeling oddly distant, as though she was trying again  
to synchronize with it for the first time. "This feels wrong," she  
noted, closing her eyes and tightening her grip on the handrests, her  
cockpit remaining dark due to the simple fact that the dummies had no  
visual input equipment for the cockpits. "My Eva doesn't even seem to  
be in the right place." She paused, trying to draw the mind closer to  
her, feeling her frustration grow slightly as it seemed to slip through  
her mental fingers, like a fish wriggling free of her grip. "Why do we  
have to do this, anyways?"  
  
"Our enemies are becoming more advanced, and we need to become more  
advanced to match them. Besides, this is a test primarily for your  
safety." Ritsuko felt a momentary pang of guilt through her chest,  
recalling the questions that she'd felt earlier in the day, forcing the  
thought out of her mind as best she could and biting her lower lip for  
a second before continuing. "You're only children - you shouldn't have  
to pilot combat machines like you do. If the dummy plug system works,  
we can use the Eva units independent of you six - you can stay on the  
sidelines, controlling the machines by remote or autopilot."  
  
Hearing Ritsuko's words made Niobe feel a pang of concern once again,  
her mind jumping back to Misato's harsh words to her several days  
prior, the way that she'd told Niobe she could be ejected from NERV.  
She'd realized then that she wasn't irreplacable, and the simple fact  
of the test made Niobe feel for just a moment that she was being  
considered for replacement. Forcing the though out of her mind, she  
concentrated harder on the mind of her Eva, trying to draw the  
machine's consciousness closer. "Sounds like a bad plan," she said  
firmly, grimacing and beginning to sweat slightly. "It's hard to synch  
like this."  
  
Staring at her computer console, Maya's eyes went wide, surprised at  
the display relating to EVA-05's synch ratio. "Dr. Akagi, ma'am? You  
might want to have a look at this." Ritsuko, focused on the dummies,  
lingered for a moment at the railing, only her gaze turned back towards  
the younger woman. A second or so later, she grudgingly seemed to tear  
herself away, walking over to the computer console with a somewhat busy  
air about her, her eyes going wide as well as she saw the display.  
"EVA-05... Niobe's managed to break 45%, even with the interference and  
lowered receptivity of the dummy plug." Maya paused, then looked up  
towards Ritsuko, her eyes wide, almost hungry for some kind of  
acceptance.  
  
Ritsuko nodded down towards the other woman, her mind focused on the  
implications of the results. She'd expected that Ryo would be the one  
to hit normal operating standards with the dummy plugs, but if Niobe  
was surpassing the boy it threw a minor wrench into her expectations,  
one that she couldn't think of how to deal with right away. Shaking  
her head and focusing on the matter at hand, she leaned back towards  
the microphone, glancing quickly towards Misato, certain that the other  
woman had heard what she had been talking with Maya about. "Niobe?"  
she said, sounding almost hesitant. "You're doing an excellent job.  
Your synch ratio just passed 45%."  
  
Under any other circumstances, Niobe would have been crestfallen, fully  
aware that it would mean she was a fair ten points below her usual  
ratio. However, from the distance that she could feel from the mind of  
her Eva, she knew that getting such a high synchronization ratio wasn't  
expected, and that 45% was easily the equivalent of her normal high.  
Flipping the button that she knew was still on the side of her machine,  
she opened a private channel to Ryo, smiling at the boy. "Did you hear  
that?" she asked, hoping beyond hope that it made him notice her in at  
least some way. "Sounds as though I'm doing pretty well."  
  
"Good for you," replied Ryo flatly, his tone implying absolute  
indifference towards Niobe's accomplishment. The girl felt a minor  
pang of something that she couldn't quite place, and almost embarassed  
she flipped off the private channel, certain that Ryo wouldn't notice  
the sudden loss. She'd been certain that it would mean something to  
him that she had been doing so well, that he would be glad she was  
being successful. Instead, he'd seemed almost irritated by the  
momentary distraction, as though she truly meant nothing to him.  
Closing her eyes, forcing herself to remember that she just had to try  
harder, she forced herself to focus through the mental intereference,  
hands gripping the metal grips until her knuckles began to turn white.  
  
Her dummy standing next to Niobe, Eiko's thoughts couldn't possibly  
have been further from the Evas, still wondering what Vash had though  
of her when he'd caught a glimpse of her naked, unsure of how to take  
Nieve's comment. The news that Niobe had attained the highest ratio so  
quickly, however, brought her mind back to focusing on the Eva, and as  
she started to try harder to synch with her Eva she felt something  
tickling at the back of her mind, as though there was something  
inimical to her left. "Ritsuko?" she asked, feeling somewhat  
embarassed. "Is something wrong with Niobe's machine?"  
  
Ritsuko cocked an eyebrow at the rather odd question, and she glanced  
back towards Maya, happy to see the young woman checking on the  
question without any prompting. "Niobe?" she asked, assuming there  
could be no harm in asking. "Eiko seems to be sensing something  
unusual from your machine. We're checking it now. Do you feel  
anything wrong about it?"  
  
Niobe felt the urge to simply blurt out a negative answer and move on,  
but taking a deep breath she forced herself to remain calm, focusing on  
the sensation of the machine around her, trying to see if there was  
anything unusual about the sense of the golem. Gritting her teeth as  
she tried to split her focus, she began to feel something at the back  
of her mind, slowly moving across her hip like black slime, the  
sensation seeming painfully and disgustingly obvious once she realized  
it. "There seems to be something on my hip," she noticed, trying to  
focus harder on the Eva, ignoring the sensation of something oozing  
along her leg.  
  
"There shouldn't be," Ritsuko half-growled, stepping over to Maya's  
console and taking a look at the screen. The younger woman began to  
say something, but Ritsuko could see what was happening simply by  
looking at the flashing display, her eyes widening slightly. "There's  
something contaminating the neural impulse from the dummy, like some  
kind of cancer." She paused for a moment, reaching up and gripping her  
chin gently with one hand as she crossed the other arm across her  
chest. "But that shouldn't be. There aren't any organic components in  
the dummy, just mechanical..."  
  
Without warning, a horrible tearing sound filled the air, and everyone  
within the observation room watched as the dummy at EVA-05's position  
tore free of the wires and restraints holding it in place, the water of  
the tank slamming hard against the window as Ritsuko felt a profound  
sense of deja vu. For a split second, Ritsuko thought that the machine  
was going to go after the control room, but it turned towards the  
position of EVA-00, knocking the other Evas out of the way and lunging  
towards the dummy, slamming it against the nearest wall of the hangar.  
"Niobe! What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm not doing this!" screamed Niobe, feeling the hands of her machine  
move even as she tried to force it to stop, the white mechanical  
fingers of her dummy closing around the chest of Ryo's machine. She  
could remember feeling frustrated at Ryo in the back of her mind when  
the machine went berserk, but she forced herself not to feel guilty,  
frantically slamming the handrests back and forth as the white  
machine's fingers began to break the artificial skin of Ryo's.  
"Ritsuko, this isn't me! The dummy's gone berserk!"  
  
Ritsuko, eyes wide, turned back towards Maya immediately, the younger  
woman already beginning to act and hitting a critical combination of  
keys. "Maintenance arms dispatched," she announced, obviously  
struggling to remain calm as small panels in the walls of the hangar  
folded away to reveal small turrets. "Firing on the dummy Eva." All  
of the turrets, originally intended simply for maintenance work,  
trained themselves on the point of the Eva where the contamination had  
started, firing white beams through the water in unison. Everyone had  
expected to have a moment without any clear view of the situation, but  
none of the staff members had expected to see the trademark octagonal  
ripples of an AT field erupting from the dummy's hip.  
  
Niobe was only distantly aware that they were shouting about the  
Eleventh Angel within the control room, forcing herself to maintain  
control over her dummy, biting down on her teeth so hard that she felt  
they were near the point of snapping. The dummy's hands continued to  
push towards the entry plug within Ryo's machine, then began to slow  
slightly as Niobe forced her mind outward. "I'm the best," she hissed,  
her voice raspy through gritted teeth as the LCL's salt taste became  
more pronounced, Niobe forcing the dummy backwards a lone step with all  
the willpower she could muster. "You'll do what I say."  
  
A moment early, Ritsuko wouldn't have been willing to abandon the  
experiment for anything, but two things had changed - the presence of  
the Angel, and the fact that all of the pilots could be ejected. Her  
mouth half-opened to speak the command, but Misato was ahead of her,  
already gesturing towards the technicians. "Eject the entry plugs!  
Once they've surfaced, get all of the Children into the hallway and  
seal the entrance! Prepare to seal off this room within the next five  
minutes!"  
  
One last moment in the cockpit seemed to stretch on for eternity for  
Niobe, her mind struggling against something savage and bestial at the  
back of her mind, trying to force her hands forward and claw at the  
chest of Ryo's machine. Then both machines shot out their entry plugs  
like rockets, the LCL bleeding off into the water as the plug bobbed to  
the surface. Niobe knew the procedure from months of training, and  
without hesitation she pushed open the hatch of the plug, then dove out  
of the plug into the water, feeling the cool water smoothly slide  
against her bare skin for just a moment before she pushed powerfully  
against it and forced herself to the landing that led to the hallway.  
Pulling herself up, she saw the other Children swimming towards her,  
various degrees of modesty being attempted by the group, all mercifully  
within a few seconds of swimming.  
  
"Sealing tunnel," announced Maya as the Children began to run down the  
hall towards their elevators, a solid white door with the NERV insignia  
slamming down and sealing off the tunnel. The massive white dummy  
seemed to stagger for a moment, as though the loss of the pilot had  
some effect on it, then the beast lunged towards the window of the  
control room. A loud cracking noise rose from the glass as the thing  
slammed into it, and Ritsuko fought down a rising tide of panic as she  
watched spiderwebbing cracks begin to appear along the surface of the  
window. Maya stared at the beast with wide eyes for a moment, then  
swallowed hard and turned back to her computer. "Pattern is blue!  
It's definitely an Angel!"  
  
"Everyone, out of the room!" shouted Misato and Ritsuko in unison,  
causing a brief moment of the women staring at one another before they  
headed for the door as well. The computers were abandoned without  
question as another earth-shattering blow shook the observation room,  
water beginning to trickle in from the windows, something that Ritsuko  
knew to mean that the window was about to burst. Hesitating for just a  
moment, she slammed a quick sequence of commands into the computer as  
the technicians rushed out, then exited as well, waiting for just a  
second outside the control room for the door to hiss shut.  
  
The doctor stared just for a moment, feeling a sense of satisfaction as  
the hiss was followed by a gulping noise and the mechanical whirring of  
bolts being sealed in place. "Observation room sealed," she announced  
to the assembled technicians and Misato, barely managing to keep  
herself from wincing as the noise of shattering glass filled the air,  
followed by the odd sucking noise of water rushing to fill a vaccuum.  
Everyone else seemed to be expecting to drown, and there was almost an  
air of disappointment at the fact that the hall didn't flood as well.  
"Come on," announced Ritsuko firmly, turning and heading towards the  
nearest elevator. "We'll need to get to the main control room."  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko's mind was whirling in circles as the elevator seemed to crawl  
upwards at a snail's pace, the light walls of the transport feeling  
unbearably small, her gaze focused loosely on the door while Misato  
tapped her foot nearby. She knew that she owed the other woman some  
kind of comment, some acknowledgement that they were both riding in the  
same elevator, but she couldn't help but be distracted, her mind  
focused entirely on the unexpected presence of the Angel in the middle  
of the test. "How could it have even gotten into the facility?" she  
muttered to herself, vaguely aware that she drew a gaze from Misato but  
not caring, wanting a cigarette more badly than she could express.  
"Our sensors are working at full standards. We should have detected  
the pattern the second it came anywhere near Tokyo-3, even if it came  
from below. Unless the water itself -"  
  
"How it got in isn't important," offered Misato firmly, the underlying  
implication beneath her somewhat angry voice that she was simply happy  
to find a point to disagree with her former friend on. "All that  
matters is the fact that it's inside now. We've got to do something to  
prevent it from reaching the lower levels."  
  
Glaring at Misato for just a second, Ritsuko forced herself to remain  
composed as the doors of the elevator slid open with their  
characteristic hiss, revealing the empty control room flashing alerts  
as technicians scrambled to their stations and began operating their  
consoles. "How it got in is -very- important," replied Ritsuko firmly,  
making sure to step out first, not wanting Misato to be angry with her  
on top of everything else that had gone wrong with the day. "If we  
can't stop this one from getting in, we don't know if we can stop any  
of the others." She stepped over towards the main screen as Makoto  
slid into his chair, drumming in a quick sequence of commands and  
bringing up a display of the holding bay.  
  
Frowning, Ritsuko and Misato both stared at the main screen, the murky  
water no longer serving to obscure what was happening. EVA-05's dummy  
remained in place, something that looked like mildew on its white  
surface slowly creeping its way along the machine's body. It had  
already crept upwards from the leg into the midsection of the dummy,  
small bits of light glinting from within the black mass as though it  
was hiding some sort of coins within its depths. "Set the Magi to  
getting a better picture of what that thing is," said Ritsuko firmly,  
not waiting for Misato to give the orders. "Maya, notify the Children  
to prepare for launch."  
  
"Thank you, Ritsuko, that's -my- job," snapped Misato, drawing a harsh  
stare from Ritsuko even though the blonde woman knew she was right.  
There was a tense moment between the two even as the alarm sirens  
wailed, but after a moment Misato simply shook her head and waved her  
hands, and Maya began to prepare the Eva units for launch, draining the  
nutrient bath from their hangars as Misato and Ritsuko both stared up  
at the main screen together. There was an awkward moment as Misato  
frowned at the screen and half-turned her head towards the other woman,  
then she sighed and looked at Ritsuko. "The dummies didn't have any  
organic components in them, did they?"  
  
Ritsuko wanted to be petty about Misato's insistence at her authority  
for just a moment, but the necessity of the situation demanded  
something else, and she simply shook her head, looking up at the  
growing contamination as well. "Nothing organic in them at all." She  
paused for a moment, then glanced down at Makoto, hesitating just long  
enough to make sure that Misato wasn't about to object to the address.  
"Makoto, any more idea of what the Angel is?"  
  
"As far as the sensors can tell, there isn't one Angel," replied  
Makoto, his hands still flying across the controls for his console,  
keying in commands with practiced ease as though he'd been working with  
the machines since he was born. "The sensors are picking up at least a  
thousand tiny AT fields, and the longer we take the more they seem to  
be multiplying. From what we can tell, the only reason they were able  
to generate a field strong enough to repulse the welding lasers is  
because there are so many of them synchronizing their fields."  
  
"It's a nanite colony," Ritsuko breathed, her tone vaguely reverent as  
she turned her gaze back towards the main screen, still curious as to  
how the Angel had managed to slip past their sensors but more amazed by  
the simply fact of its existence. "The AT fields are all parts of a  
single Angel. It's just spread out over smaller parts." She paused  
for a moment, watching the slowly-contaminating dummy lurch awkwardly  
towards the control room, frowning as she watched its arm lunge towards  
the screen. "That would explain how it was able to take control of the  
dummy - it must have infested the central control unit of the  
machine." Frowning, she watched the contamination spread up the  
machine's arm and into the observation room. "What could it be  
planning now?"  
  
Silence settled over the control room for just a moment, then Ritsuko  
realized what was happening as the black cancer seemed to slough off  
the arm of the dummy and onto one of the computer terminals, her mouth  
only half-opened when the alarm sirens began to blare anew. "We're  
receiving an erroneous data signal on the Magi!" shouted Maya, the  
young woman frowning as her screen began flashing an angry red.  
"Something's attempting to penetrate the firewall we've set up!  
There's no indication of the source of the attack!"  
  
Ritsuko opened her mouth again, but Misato was already talking over  
her, and Ritsuko scowled as she watched the other woman lunge over  
towards Maya's console. "Trace their source immediately and cut them  
off. They can't possible break through our defenses." She paused,  
then turned towards Ritsuko. "Nobody could break through the firewall,  
right?"  
  
"Hacker has penetrated the first security level!" announced Maya, a  
rising panic in her voice as the alarms continued to blare, the sounds  
of the level below beginning to rise up as the assault on NERV's  
supercomputers intensified. "Source appears to be within Central  
Dogma! They're switching locations too fast - the security programs  
can't cut them off!"  
  
"Of course not. We're being hacked by something more than human."  
Ritsuko paused for a moment, then nodded towards Makoto, and the young  
man began to bring up the display of the Magi's status on the main  
screen, the three computers displayed as red squares linked by yellow  
tethers. She no longer needed to see the main display to know what the  
Angel was trying to do. "The Angel is penetrating our security  
directly. It's managed to bond with our internal network." Pausing  
for the barest of moments, Ritsuko let her lids flutter closed, her  
mind still struggling to formulate a new plan. "Maya, begin a full  
transfer of all files on all computers within the network through the  
servers. If we're lucky, it should be enough to crash the system."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," replied Maya firmly, a rising panic audible in the  
younger woman's voice as she ran her fingers across the keyboard, sweat  
beginning to bead on her forehead when her computer flashed a bright  
red screen as she hit the last key. "M-ma'am, the network is denying  
us access! All information on NERV's wide-area network is denied!"  
She paused briefly, trying to draw up another connection with the Magi,  
something between relief and further panic appearing as the screen  
emerged. "We're still connected to the Magi, but the first seven  
security levels have been breached!"  
  
The vaguest hints of sweat began to trickle along Ritsuko's forehead as  
she glanced back and forth between the main screen and Maya's console,  
mind frantically trying to process all of the information. She knew  
the Magi's capabilities inside and out, knew how well the security  
system was set up, but she also knew that it had never been designed to  
deal with anything of such magnitude. Even though NERV had been built  
with the intention of being capable of resisting every conceivable  
attack the Angels could muster, Ritsuko was fast becoming aware of how  
difficult it was to conceive what the Angels would attempt. "Try to  
sequester the Magi's local network apart from the main network," she  
said, forcing herself to remain calm, knowing that panicking would do  
no good.  
  
"Network is refusing the request to sever connections!" shouted Makoto,  
Ritsuko's head turning towards the young man even as his eyes went  
wide, the alarm siren becoming a dull ache in the background as the red  
light continued to bleed along across everything. "The thirteenth  
layer of the firewall is breached! All attempts to seal the Angel are  
failing! Antivirus system is being subverted by the Angel - it's using  
our own tools to get inside!"  
  
"I know," muttered Ritsuko, gritting her teeth and trying to think,  
shaking her head as the blaring filled the room, knowing that there had  
to be some way to keep the Magi safe from the attack. She knew that  
her mother had built in some kind of failsafe just from the way that  
her mother designed everything; unfortunately, she had no idea what  
that failsafe was. "Abandon the firewall. Sever the Magi's connection  
to the network manually by destroying the twelfth and seventeenth feed  
lines." She caught a stare from Maya, the younger woman's brown eyes  
wide, but Ritsuko only nodded. "The Magi won't initiate self-destruct  
protocol unless they're cut from their own intranet. They'll only  
investigate."  
  
"Connections severing!" announced Maya, grimacing slightly as she hit  
the key and let the loud noise of shattering explosive bolts fill the  
air, a thin red mist drifting through the control center as the plates  
detached from the wall slightly below the main screen. Ritsuko felt a  
moment of relief, then her eyes widened as she saw the red box  
representing the first Magi beginning to turn red from the upper-right  
corner. Maya saw the effect as well, and she turned to the monitor  
with wide eyes, obviously as bewildered as Ritsuko. "The Angel has  
rerouted input through external line three! Magi Melchior is being  
infected!"  
  
Ritsuko watched as the contamination began to spread through the  
computer on the main screen, knowing that there were only a few seconds  
remaining before the Angel finished its invasion of the Magi. "Self-  
destruct protocol has been requested by the Angel!" shouted Makoto, the  
terror obvious just below his voice as Ritsuko watched the blue flood  
through the red box until it took up cleanly half of the indicator.  
"Magi voted a unanimous negative on self-destruct, but the Angel's  
submitting another request! By the time the next one comes through -"  
  
"It'll have at least one Magi. It's just going to keep submitting  
requests until it has all three under its influence, and then it'll  
blow the entire Geo-Front away in one fell swoop." Sighing heavily,  
Ritsuko gritted her teeth and closed her eyes, letting her mind focus  
entirely on the problem, blocking out the noise of the alarms and the  
flashing red lights. She knew that there had to be a simple solution  
to the problem, that there was some way to keep the Magi from allowing  
the Angel into their depths. Then something occured to her, and her  
eyes snapped open, staring at the main screen as the second Magi,  
Balthasar, began to be flooded with the blue pattern. "Maya, submit  
the code for a Magi self-diagnostic. Makoto, change the voting  
interval to the maximum of fifteen minutes. Shigeru, start submitting  
every possible procedure to the Magi's voting database."  
  
None of the console technicians had time to hesitate enough to question  
Ritsuko's orders, only enough time to key in the commands as requested  
as Balthasar's display flooded with blue. Ritsuko could see the  
contamination creeping into Casper, the final of the three Magi, and  
inwardly she cringed, unsure if the system would shut down in time, and  
she couldn't help but bite her lower lip as she watched the blue begin  
to overtake the red, the peaceful color looking somehow inimical as it  
occupied half of the last bastion of defense that NERV had. Then there  
was a pause, as though the Angel had become confused, and the main  
screen froze in position. "Magi system has shut down for self-  
diagnostic," announced a calm voice that Ritsuko recognized as her  
mother's.  
  
There was a very physical sense of the tension releasing within the  
control room at the Magi's announcement, as though someone had just  
flipped a switch that told the entire staff to relax. "It's not a  
solution," Ristuko said softly, flicking her eyes up towards the main  
screen even as she hung her head, exhausted from the adrenaline of the  
situation. "The Angel is still inside the system. We've got two hours  
to figure something out, and then we're going to be right back where we  
started." Sighing, she stepped to the balcony of the control level,  
staring down at the level immediately below her, the tops of the  
monolithic computers visible. "We'll have to work fast."  
  
]++[  
  
Misato heard the hiss of the doors behind her, her head only barely  
turning towards them, her eyes moving just enough to catch the entryway  
on the absolute edges of her peripheral vision. At the back of her  
mind she half-hoped and half-dreaded that it could be Kaji, but she  
could tell instantly from the purple-green outfit and the thin blonde  
hair that it was Neil, a light red jacket in the style of NERV's  
operations uniform slung around his shoulders. "Neil," said the woman  
calmly, turning her head away from the erect Magi in front of her and  
towards the young boy, her eyes flicking briefly towards the steaming  
cups in his hands. "What's going on?"  
  
"You're in a stressful situation," replied Neil with a shrug, offering  
one of the cups to Misato casually, letting the purple-haired woman  
take it and stare inside at the deep brown coffee. "I just thought  
that you could use a little something." He paused for a moment, as  
though expecting the woman to say something to him, darkening slightly  
as she simply looked at the cup of coffee, his head drooping. "If you  
want sugar or cream, I've got some in the pocket of the jacket."  
  
Staring at the coffee for a moment, Misato took a deep breath, letting  
the earthy aroma fill her nose, an oddly relaxing scent despite the  
fact that she knew full well coffeee was anything but relaxing. It was  
a sweet gesture, she had to admit, and she found herself feeling  
somewhat mad at herself for being disappointed that it had been Neil  
coming through the door and not Kaji. "That's all right," she said at  
length, Neil's face showing that it took him a moment to realize she  
was responding to his earlier statement. "I take my coffee black."  
She paused, then smirked and nodded towards the other cup. "See you  
got a little bit for yourself, too. I didn't think you were supposed  
to be allowed to operate the machine alone."  
  
"Don't patronize me. I've been brewing this stuff since first grade."  
His tone was slightly harsh, but there was a good-natured undercurrent  
to it, and Misato couldn't help but smile with him at the thought of a  
younger Neil working a coffee machine. "Besides, it isn't for me - I  
don't like having coffee if it's not the early morning. It's for  
Ritsuko." He paused a moment. "I don't know her so well, so I thought  
that maybe you would want to..." His throat seemed to tighten slightly  
as Misato stared at him, and he eventually gave up on the prospect of  
explaining entirely, the situation obvious.  
  
"Ritsuko and I haven't been getting along too well," replied Misato  
after another moment, staring back towards the monolithic computer, a  
mess of black pipes arranged impossibly in a perfect rectangle, rising  
up until the unsightly innards were covered by the white case and red  
top that Misato had grown accustomed to when looking at the Magi. "But  
she could probably use a little human contact in there right now.  
She's never been one to say when she needs a sympathetic ear." She  
paused, her thoughts drifting back to her days in college with her  
friend, then she shook her head and gestured to the almost-unnoticable  
entry tunnel in the side of the computer. "She's right inside. Just  
crawl in and talk to her."  
  
Neil glanced towards the tunnel, simply remaining in place for a  
moment, a vague nervousness creeping through his gut at the thought of  
being alone with Ritsuko. He didn't know the first thing about the  
woman, and while he felt guilty about not being able to help in any way  
besides coffee it was another thing entirely to try and establish a  
rapport with the woman. Closing his eyes for a half-second, he sighed,  
then walked over to the tunnel, dropping down to his hands and knees  
slowly, taking care not to spill the coffee as he crawled into the  
forest of black pipes. Misato watched for a moment, her own emotions  
still feeling somewhat conflicted as she turned her gaze back towards  
the main screen, still displaying the almost-corrupted Magi.  
  
The inside of the computer, much to Neil's surprise, smelled of  
medicine and ozone, a rather noxious combination to say the least, and  
as he felt the odor assault his nose wholeheartedly he brought the  
coffee closer to his nose, letting it at least dull the smell of the  
computer as he crawled forward. "Dr. Akagi?" he called, glancing to  
the sides briefly as he continued forward, seeing hundreds of tiny  
yellow sticky notes attached at seemingly random locations in the  
corridor, a thin chicken-scratch handwriting on all of them. Taking a  
deep breath and feeling somewhat claustrophobic, Neil stared into the  
depths of the tunnel, noticing a slight light from the end, beginning  
to move more swiftly towards the end with the knowledge that the woman  
was there.  
  
Ritsuko, for her part, was bundled up nearly into the fetal position,  
knees only barely held away from her chest, her legs balancing a small  
laptop computer on them as she typed away fiercely. A small metal saw  
lay to one side along with a square section of a gray metal casing,  
only a small portable reading lamp snaked around one of the more  
exposed black pipes providing her with the light that she needed to  
continue working. Her eyes almost didn't catch the sight of Neil as he  
crawled into the small space next to her, and it took her another  
moment to register that the Third Child was there. "Neil?" she asked,  
letting her hands freeze in place over the keyboard of her laptop as  
she turned towards the boy. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Offering coffee," replied Neil somewhat distractedly, his eyes  
focusing up on the small gray casing that Ritsuko had removed the  
portion from. Ritsuko followed his gaze and smiled bittersweetly as  
she realized he was staring at the exposed gray matter of a human brain  
within, the electrodes inserted into the organ's surface tracing down  
to Ritsuko's laptop. "Dr. Akagi? Is that a..."  
  
"Yes," replied Ritsuko calmly, her gaze remaining focused on the gray  
matter for just a moment, having almost avoided it entirely since she'd  
connected her computer to the organ. "It's a clone of my mother's  
brain. She was the one who created the entire computer system that  
NERV runs on, in more ways than one." She paused briefly, letting her  
eyes flick away from the brain towards the maze of black piping and  
wires in front of her. "She claimed that each of the computers was a  
part of her personality - Balthasar representing her as a scientist,  
Melchior as a mother, and Casper as a woman. But I think she just  
didn't like the thought that her brain in a computer didn't give it a  
personality." Taking a deep breath, she looked towards Neil, seeing  
the boy look at her with wide eyes as though she'd sprouted a second  
head. "Is something wrong?"  
  
The boy gave a quick shake of his head, blonde hair swishing somewhat  
limply around his head as it moved, and Ritsuko could tell immediately  
that he was covering something up. "Not a thing," he said, trying to  
sound certain, his eyes still focused intently on the gray matter of  
Casper's central processing unit. "Well... I'm just curious..." He  
paused, then sank his head slightly, looking as though he felt guilty  
for distracting Ritsuko. "Does that mean that the Magi are sentient?"  
  
"Maybe in theory," replied Ritsuko with a shrug, flicking her eyes up  
towards the brain briefly, something in her mind blocking the emotional  
impact of the fact that it was her mother's brain inside the machine.  
"But not in reality. Mother knew that when she developed them - even  
though she claimed that each one represented a different part of who  
she was, I've never seen any evidence of it." She paused, briefly  
wondering what it would mean if the computers truly were clones of her  
mother in spirit as well, the thought of being able to talk to Naoko  
again at once inviting and somewhat frightening. Then her eyes flicked  
back towards Neil, pushing the more sentimental thoughts out of her  
head. "You said something about coffee?"  
  
Neil's gaze remained blank for a moment, then memory seemed to kick in  
as he offered the still-steaming cup to Ritsuko, a gesture that she  
accepted gracefully, her slender fingers wrapping around the warm paper  
with a smile. "I've got cream and sugar, if you want it," he offered,  
gaze turned towards the blonde woman as she shook her head and took a  
sip of the bitter liquid. "Didn't know if you'd want it or not, but I  
knew that my mother always wanted it when she was working on something  
big."  
  
"She's in the research science field, isn't she?" asked Ritsuko,  
provoking a somewhat surprised nod from Neil and letting a smile play  
lightly across her lips. "You and I have something in common, then. I  
remember that my mother was always trying to explain advanced data  
encryption to me when I was struggling to figure out how to put written  
words together in my mind." She paused, staring at the coffee  
momentarily, then looking back towards the boy. "Were you involved  
with her when she was working on her projects?"  
  
"All the time. She said that my father wasn't smart enough." He  
paused, leaning gently against the wall of pipes behind him. "It was  
fun, actually, working with her. I wasn't old enough to understand  
much of what was going on, but I knew that she liked having me  
around... and it was one of the few ways that I got to see her." Neil  
felt a slight tightness in his throat as the last few words passed his  
lips, as though he was telling Ritsuko something that he should have  
kept quiet about. "Was it like that for you, with your mother?"  
  
Ritsuko shook her head, feeling oddly exposed from the few words that  
she and Neil had exposed, as though she'd done something specifically  
wrong. "No," she said calmly, still shaking her head and turning  
halfheartedly back towards the computer screen resting on her knees.  
"Mother always said that she didn't trust human hands with her  
projects, that for all its idisyncracies technology was more  
reliable." She paused for a moment, letting her lids flutter closed  
momentarily, the smell of antiseptic from the casing holding her  
mother's brain mingling with the earthy aroma of hte coffee. "I'm  
sorry, Neil, but I really ought to get back to work. I appreciate the  
gesture, though."  
  
Neil nodded, then turned and began to crawl back out of the bowels of  
the computer as Ritsuko poised her hands over the small keyboard of the  
laptop, her mind frozen on personal matters. She knew, in the back of  
her head, that she had only slightly more than half an hour to finish  
what she was doing, that unless she could get Casper to upload a self-  
destruct program into the invading Angel and destroy it from within she  
had no chance whatsoever. It was nothing new, and the program itself  
was fairly simple, something that she knew she could get written in the  
time she had left. It was thoughts of her mother that stilled her  
hands centimeteres away from the smooth rows of keys in front of her,  
that kept her from punching in another line of code even though she  
wanted to.  
  
For a few more moments, perhaps as long as a minute, Ritsuko continued  
to stare at the keyboard, trying to force her hands forward, to  
continue coding the vital bit of software. Then she stopped and  
relaxed her hands, staring up instead at her mother's brain nestled  
within the gray metal casing, simply sitting their idly. Even though  
she knew it was a human brain, that it was the brain of the woman who  
had given birth to her, Ritsuko hadn't allowed herself to feel anything  
about it, treating it as just another interface to a computer. As  
though for the first time, she took a deep breath and let the reality  
of the situation register, let her mind take in the fact that she was  
tampering with Naoko's brain.  
  
"But it isn't really her brain," she muttered after a moment, flicking  
her eyes away from the small piece of gray matter towards the maze of  
black pipes that formed the floor of the chamber. "It's just a part of  
a computer that happens to come from a human. It might as well be an  
interface port." She glanced up at the brain once again, her mind  
drifting back to earlier in the day as the dummy plug tests had begun,  
the uncharacteristic feelings of doubt she'd had about attempting to  
duplicate the Children with computers.  
  
"Mother was just replacing humans with technology," she whispered,  
turning her gaze back towards the keyboard resting on her knees, motion  
beginning to return to her hands as she perched them over the rows.  
"And now I'm doing the same thing." The thought brought a bittersweet  
smile to her lips even at the same moment that she felt like shedding a  
tear, and both thoughts were pushed out of her head as she resumed her  
typing.  
  
]++[  
  
If Niobe had been able to wear a watch at the same time that she wore  
her plugsuit, she would have been happy to. As it was, she could only  
flick her blue eyes back towards the clock on the wall every few  
seconds, the rest of the time spent watching as the technicians  
scurried about on the lowest level of the command room, the main screen  
now darkened and looming above everything as the tension continued to  
hover through the air. "This is horrible," she muttered to herself,  
unsure if she was referring to the fact that an Angel had managed to  
infiltrate Central Dogma or the fact that she couldn't possibly have  
anything to do with the beats's repulsion. "This is absolutely  
horrible."  
  
"Got that right." The voice was recognizable, and Niobe only afforded  
the briefest of glances over her shoulder from her small chair towards  
the door that led after some small windings to the Eva hangars,  
catching just enough of the purple and black plugsuit to know that it  
was Vash speaking to her before she turned her head back towards the  
massive main screen. She had no interest in talking with the boy, but  
he seemed to have other ideas on the matter as he walked over to her.  
"I mean, bad enough that Tokyo-3 is under another Angel attack, but  
this time they don't even get to see the glorious form of their savior  
Vash Nekasa." He leaned over, shoving his face almost directly into  
Niobe's. "The people could despair."  
  
Niobe reached up rather casually, letting her hand firmly close around  
Vash's chin before shoving the boy out of her face, the yellow of her  
plugsuit almost matching the light color of his hair. Vash faked being  
hurt for a moment, then sat down directly next to Niobe, flicking his  
eyes with her as she glanced up at the clock, then towards the main  
screen, then simply smiling as she looked towards him with an irate  
expression on her face. "Was I somehow unclear about my feelings on  
talking with you?" she asked, resisting the urge to simply smack the  
boy.  
  
Vash shrugged, then leaned back in his seat, his lips curled into a  
sort of half-smirk, arms folded behind his head and a sort of innocent  
joy in his eyes. The posture itself was the apotheosis of laziness,  
something that almost inadvertantly sent tremors of resentment up and  
down Niobe's spine. "I got that you didn't want to talk to me. I'm  
just kind of lonely." He shrugged again, apparently unconcerned with  
the utter revulsion that Niobe was staring at him with. "Most of the  
others are having lunch in the lounge, since there isn't much to do  
here. And Ryo... well, I haven't tried to talk to Ryo." Another  
shrug. "Besides, you and I have never really, y'know, talked."  
  
"And you've never stopped to consider the fact that there might be a  
reason for that," replied Niobe rather harshly, her eyes fluttering  
closed at the mention of Ryo, thoughts jumping back to how she'd lost  
another chance to make him notice her at the same time that she'd  
disappointed Joseph. "I'm not concerned about making friends here,  
Vash. All I want to do is be the best pilot there is, and destroy the  
Angels while I'm at it."  
  
"Yeah, I've noticed that," replied Vash casually, drawing the girl's  
attention back towards him, his smirk having turned slightly more  
bittersweet as he stared up at the monolithic screen in front of them.  
"Awfully narrow view to have. After all, even if you don't much care  
for me - and while that in and of itself ought to be a criminal  
offense, I'm not going to force the point - the people who make your  
life important are all working here." He paused briefly, then tilted  
his head towards the girl. "You're rooming with Ayanami, aren't you?  
Haven't you been able to make the boy warm up to you after all this  
time?"  
  
The words filled Niobe with both a deep sense of failure and a creeping  
terror that Vash knew something that she didn't, that somehow the  
irresponsible boy in front of her had managed to get Ryo to finally  
open up a little bit. It was an unpleasant thought to say the least.  
"I'm not prying into your personal life," she said curtly, folding her  
arms across her chest firmly, turning her head away with a slight swish  
of her hair. "I would appreciate it if you extend the same courtesy to  
me."  
  
"Fair enough," replied Vash with a shrug, letting the subject drop with  
a metaphorical dull thump. Silence settled between the two as a few  
minutes passed, the tan-suited technicians preparing for the  
reactivation of the Magi, the upload of a self-destruct program into  
the Angel prepared. "I've gotta say, though, this has been the most  
boring Angel ever. Two hours, it's just sat and done nothing. I mean,  
it's supposed to be locked into NERV's central network, right? You'd  
think at the very least it would mess with our heads, open and close  
doors at random, stuff like that. It hardly needs the Magi to cause  
mayhem."  
  
Something about the boy's words set off a spark in Niobe's mind, the  
concept of the Angel's inactivity sticking with her like a virus.  
Closing her eyes for only a moment, she suddenly took a sharp breath  
inward as she came to a conclusion, then lurched out of her chair and  
began running for the door, her footfalls a soft slapping noise against  
the metal floor, mind ignoring Vash calling out to her. She knew that  
she had to get to the Eva hangar quickly, that she might have an  
opportunity to go into combat with the Angel yet.  
  
On the main floor of the control room, Ritsuko simple leaned over the  
absolute edge of the platform, her eyes focused on the red tops of the  
three Magi, trying to resist the urge to think about the fact that  
there was an Angel attempting to take the computers over. It was all  
she could do to remain calm as she heard the steady noise of the clock  
ticking down, the Magi running themselves through the last few stages  
of their diagnostic, Commander Ikari sitting silently on the upper  
level as though there was nothing the Angel could do to shake his  
resolve. Then a massive dinging noise echoed through the control  
chamber, and Ritsuko let her eyes flutter shut for just a moment, her  
mind drifting as she pushed away from the edge. "It starts," she said  
softly, knowing that there was still a second left before the invasion  
was renewed.  
  
Without hesitation, the red lights of the room snapped on with a  
vengeance, and the room was filled with the blaring of alarm sirens,  
Ritsuko's hands twitcing slightly as she saw the Magi displayed on the  
main screen once again. "Uploading self-destruct program from Magi  
Casper!" announced Maya proudly, her hands flying across the keyboard  
with practiced grace even as the blue contamination continued to flood  
through the last computer with astonishing grace. "Program invading  
the Angel's neural network in five... four... three... two... one...  
now!"  
  
A single moment seemed to stretch on into eternity as Maya's light  
voice announced the activation of the self-destruct program into the  
Angel's consciousness, only the last sliver of Casper's display  
remaining red, the Angel's signature blue flooding every other corner  
of the display. For a second, nobody could know if the Angel had  
actually been taken by the self-destruct program, if Ritsuko's last  
gambit had succeeded or not. That second was agony for the blonde  
woman, eyes wide and fixed on the display, all her hopes focusing  
themselves on the display as a single spot continued to shine red.  
Then there was another dinging noise, and the blue flood seemed to seep  
out as though it was water, the red flooding the displays once more.  
"We did it," she whispered, letting herself collapse forward onto the  
railing above the Magi. "The Angel is neutralized."  
  
"Negative!" shouted Makoto, drawing Ritsuko's attention towards him as  
a thin layer of sweat seemed to erupt from her forehead. "We're still  
detecting a blue pattern in Feed Line 13... it's spreading out on this  
level!" He paused for a moment, bringing up a display of a darkened  
room that was filled with vaguely massive objects, the black glinting  
of the Angel becoming visible against what seemed to be a wall.  
"Breach through Chamber 16! It's going somewhere else!"  
  
Down in the Eva hangar, Niobe could hear the radio from the entry plug,  
and even though she knew that she couldn't deploy the Eva on her own  
she could still make the commanders listen. "The Angel is heading  
towards another means of destroying the base!" she shouted, hoping that  
the external feed on her communicator was still connected, knowing  
logically that it should be but still feeling the vaguest hints of  
apprehension about it. "It had two hours while the Magi ran their  
diagnostic to try and find alternative methods for destroying our  
base. There's got to be something in Chamber 16 that it could use to  
destroy Central Dogma."  
  
"Jet Alone," announced Gendou calmly, drawing the gazes of everyone  
within the control room up towards the highest level, the commander's  
gaze dispassionated with his white-gloved hands tented in front of his  
mouth. "After the war games, the unit was stationed here in the Eva  
storage chamber - number sixteen. The nuclear reactor within could  
conceivably serve as an explosive, certainly enough to destroy the vast  
majority of our capabilities." He paused for a moment, letting his  
words sink in. "Launch EVA-05 and direct it towards Chamber 16. The  
Angel must be prevented from its alternative method."  
  
Although she was fully aware of the gravity of the situation, Niobe had  
to force herself to repress a small exclamation of triumph as the entry  
plug began to lurch towards her Eva, the confirmation of her theory  
borne out. Vash's comment has set her mind in motion, and now she was  
the lone pilot sent in against the Angel. If she didn't manage to earn  
some notice from Ryo afterwards, she would be profoundly surprised.  
The plug lurched as the plug slid into the back, mechanical noises  
surrounding her as the machine accepted its pilot. "Any idea of how I  
could destroy this thing?" she asked almost idly, waiting for just a  
moment before the familiar sensation of the sticky LCL began to creep  
around her ankles.  
  
"Neutralizing its AT field might break up the colony's cohesion,"  
replied Ritsuko, still amazed that she hadn't thought to try and put  
some kind of safeguard around other possible locations of the Angel,  
angry for not having thought of the fact that the colony could behave  
like something other than a single entity. "The Eva storage room is  
near the launch pads. We're opening the doors for you - all you've got  
to do is get in there and destroy the Angel." She paused, in the back  
of her mind wishing that it was Ryo inside the cockpit instead of  
Niobe, knowing that the boy was more machine-like and efficient.  
"You're all that we've got."  
  
"I know," replied Niobe, smirking to herself as the external cameras  
came on-line, her Eva moving out of the hangar even as she glanced down  
towards one end of the long row of launch pads. The doors to the  
storage chamber were opening with a massive creaking noise, and Niobe  
took a single deep breath before rushing her machine towards the oddly  
inviting blackness, letting the Eva's AT field embrace her as she ran  
past the vertical launch rails towards the vaguely-defined room in  
front of her. Without a pause, she deployed the prog knife from her  
left shoulder and drew it forth with her right hand, feeling the weapon  
rest anxiously in one hand as her machine took a step into the darkness.  
  
The instant the machine's massive yellow foot slammed to the ground,  
the fluorescent lights of the room seemed to flicker on, the massive  
room a teal-gray junk room for what appeared to be every extremely  
specialized weapon within NERV's arsenal. Her breaths coming heavy,  
Niobe let her gaze roam over the various shapes for a moment before she  
saw the slumped form of Jet Alone, the white robot slowly becoming  
stained with the glittering blackness of the Eleventh Angel, then  
slowly beginning to move to its feet. "I won't fail," the girl hissed,  
her hands tightening around the handrests as she lunged towards the  
robot, knowing that this time it would have no trouble generating an AT  
field.  
  
Certainly enough, the machine reached a single angry hand towards Niobe  
as soon as she had come within its reach, letting the clawlike grip  
latch onto one shoulder flange and try to pull her closer as the  
octagonal ripples dissipated into nothingness. Forcing herself to  
focus, Niobe took a deep breath of the salty LCL and jettisoned the  
shoulder flange, feeling a small twitch of pain in her Eva's shoulder  
but taking some small pleasure in watching the Angel tug only to return  
with nothing. "I'm not going to let you destroy this base," she hissed  
quietly, driving the point of her prog knife into the chest of the  
machine, watching as the metal bent and then split under the pressure.  
"Because I'm the best."  
  
Ritsuko wondered for just an instant if the girl had gone insane as she  
watched the yellow Eva rip a hole into the front of the nuclear-powered  
machine, some small terror rising that the girl would cause exactly  
what NERV was afraid of. Then she watched as Niobe drew the prog knife  
back out, letting the weapon clatter to the floor and instead forcing  
the fingers of her Eva inside of the crack, her grip tightening.  
"She's trying to force out the reactor," muttered Ritsuko, glancing  
towards Maya's display of the girl's synchronization ratio, noticing  
that it was still holding steady at her normal rate. "Is EVA-05 even  
strong enough to do that?"  
  
Niobe could only distantly hear the sound of Ritsuko's voice as she  
forced her hands to tear a wider opening in the other machine's chest  
armor, her arm muscles flexing as the whitewashed metal split and  
pulled away. Her hands closed around what she knew to be the reactor,  
and feeling Jet Alone begin to dig in its heels she forced the reactor  
backwards, placing all of her force behind the effort, feeling the  
metal beneath her Eva's fingers resist the push. A second later,  
almost as though it was an afterthought, she felt a growing pressure  
around her neck, and as she heard the clang of a discarded shoulder  
unit she realized that the robot was strangling her, the pressure on  
her throat growing intensely.  
  
Gritting her teeth, Niobe pushed forward with all the force that her  
will could muster, the sharp and remorseless fingers of Jet Alone  
closing tighter and tighter around her neck, both machines locked in an  
embrace of death. Niobe could feel her vision begin to blur, could  
taste either blood or LCL on her lips as she continued to push, her  
body aching and crying for relief. For the barest of moments, she  
wanted to stop, to figure out another plan, to request backup, anything  
to stop the crushing pressure around her neck. It felt as though the  
LCL in her throat was slowly reverting back to water, the thick  
sensation of liquid in her lungs screaming through her brain.  
  
Then she thought of Ryo and her father, thought of what it meant about  
her if she wasn't capable of disabling a simple machine that was less  
powerful than hers. A flaming trail of pain shot up both of her arms  
as she pushed the Eva's muscles harder, gritting her teeth and forcing  
herself to see clearly through the haze of pain coming from the claws  
clutching at her neck. The LCL clogged in her half-crushed throat, her  
fingers felt as though they bled, and she continued to force as much  
pressure as she possibly could on the nuclear reactor, forcing it  
forward with all of the energy that she could muster, her mind fixated  
solely on the picture of her father. "I will be the best," she  
snarled, mind distantly aware that her voice was now a raspy hiss. "I  
will be the best. I -have- to be!"  
  
Had Niobe been able to see the main screen in NERV's control room, she  
would have seen the sudden flare of light from the four optics on the  
head of her Eva, the sudden and unexpected way that her Eva's head  
seemed to shift formation ever so slightly as the lenses flared a bright  
white. As it stood, she only could see the reactor in front of her  
start to blur as she forced all of the weight of her Eva behind the  
single push, every muscle in her body screamin for release as the  
pressure on her throat grew too great, the flow of oxygen stopping for  
one critical instant. She didn't even notice, fingers wrapped tightly  
around the handrests and forcing them forward as far as they would go,  
knuckles bone-white beneath the yellow and brown of the plugsuit. A  
tearing noise was filling the cavernous storage room, but even that  
input was cut out of her mind, her entire existence focused on putting  
all the strength she could behind the push, even as she felt the black  
fingers of unconsciousness begin to wrap around her mind.  
  
With a last choking would-be scream that wound up being nothing but a  
gurgle, Niobe offered one last shove, then her eyes brightened as she  
felt the generator give in, the stressed metal of Jet Alone finally  
giving way as the generator forced hard against its back, ripping out  
as Niobe drove her machine forward and the grip around her neck  
relaxed. The entire nuclear assembly burst out from the white robot's  
back like some demented child, black glittering vaguely visible on it  
as she thrust it outwards and released it, letting it crash against the  
nearest wall as though it was a child's toy. The pain of the  
strangulation had faded from her neck, but the LCL still tasted sharply  
like blood, and without further hesitation Niobe reached up to the head  
of the Angel-infested Jet Alone, forcing one hand firmly into the  
central processor of the unit as the other grabbed one of the robot's  
arms and ripped it out.  
  
In the command center, there was still a hovering moment of panic, the  
assembled staff all still wondering if the reactor was going to go  
critical, if the Angel could still turn the robot into a nuclear bomb.  
Then a thin smile crept across Makoto's lips as he hunched over his  
console, and Ritsuko felt her entire body go limp with relief, the  
adrenaline draining from her system almost immediately. "Scanners are  
no longer detecting a blue pattern within the base. Eleventh Angel has  
been neutralized." He paused for a moment, glancing up as Niobe  
happily shoved the deceased robot into the same wall as its generator,  
the flare gone from the golem's eyes. "There's been a minor leak in  
the reactor, but nothing that the Eva can't handle. We're dispatching  
a cleanup team to perform a full cleansing of the area to avoid any  
nuclear contamination."  
  
Makoto continued talking, but Ritsuko wasn't particularly paying  
attention, something that she knew was unusual for her. She glanced  
over towards Misato, gesturing towards the microphone, and the purple-  
haired woman only nodded, understanding Ritsuko's intentions without  
further demonstration. Turning back around, Ritsuko leaned over to the  
microphone, flicking her eyes only briefly up to Niobe's Eva standing  
silently over the carcass of Jet Alone. "Well done, Niobe. I'm  
impressed."  
  
"Doesn't matter," hissed Niobe, quietly enough that she knew Ritsuko  
wouldn't be able to hear her, her breath continuing to come in short,  
ragged bursts. Staring down at the broken wreckage of Jet Alone and  
feeling the red marks still gracing her neck from the strangulation,  
she knew that she should have performed better, that she should have  
figured out some way to break free from the robot's grip. She knew  
that Ryo would notice her after what she'd done - she believed that  
with all her heart - but she also knew that Joseph would be upset that  
she'd performed poorly enough for the Angel to get a hand on her.  
Sighing, she let her eyelids flutter closed, letting herself simply  
bask in the smooth motion of the LCL around her body. "I apperciate  
it, Ritsuko," she lied, feeling her muscles slowly wind down. "I'm  
pleased with what I've done, too."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
No need to close your eyes.  
No need to stop your breath.  
No need to hold your heart.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 15: RESTING HERE WITH ME  
"I want to do this with you, Neil. I really do."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	15. Resting Here With Me

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 15: RESTING HERE WITH ME +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
All night long on my bed  
I looked for the one my heart loves;  
I looked for him but did not find him.  
- SONG OF SONGS 3:1  
  
]++[  
  
"It has been a surprisingly long time since we had one of these  
meetings," noted Gendou, leaning over his desk, hands tented in front  
of his mouth, his glasses reflecting the light and almost looking as  
though they were glowing. Around him hovered the holographic images of  
twelve monolithic structures, only numbers and the word "SEELE"  
breaking the black surface of the holograms. He had been expecting to  
meet with SEELE's administrative council, but the monoliths of  
projected light around him made it clear that he had been somewhat  
misinformed. "To what do I owe the honor?"  
  
"We are unconcerned with flattery, Ikari," announced a deep and  
rumbling voice, the sound seeming to eminate from all corners of the  
room, obviously designed to provoke some reaction in Gendou. They  
wanted to see him squirm, but he had long ago resolved that even if he  
felt the need, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. "You have  
stonewalled the council long enough. There is a limit to SEELE's  
patience, and you have exceeded it."  
  
Gendou said nothing for a moment, simply reaching up and adjusting his  
glasses, keeping his expression completely neutral. "I have answered  
the council's questions honestly. I have performed my duties as the  
commander of NERV. Please, explain to me how I have managed to even  
test your patience." There was an incredible temptation to smile as  
the last words hung in the air, but he resisted it, knowing that he  
would destroy his credibility by showing his contempt of the  
organization that gave him authority outright.  
  
"Do not assume that we are unaware of your side projects." The voice  
may well have been the same as the one before, though Gendou would have  
been hard-pressed to tell one way or the other. It was never entirely  
clear to him whether or not the old men of SEELE intentionally sounded  
similar or not, but either way it was mildly unnerving, and it lent  
some minor credence to Gendou's thoughts about the group's trust in  
him. "We have our agents keeping a very close eye on you, Gendou.  
You've given us every reason to suspect you."  
  
"But no proof," replied Gendou calmly, subtly shifting his position  
just enough so that the light bled away from the lenses of his glasses  
partially, letting the hints of his eyes peek out from beneath them.  
There was a brief silence that settled over the room, on the one hand  
the sort of silence that indicated Gendou was winning the argument, on  
the other the sort that simply implied that SEELE was attemtping to get  
a better feel for the man. They were obsessed about knowing who he  
was, what his intentions were - he had long ago realized that. It was  
somewhat gratifying to know that he'd managed to frustrate their  
efforts in the field so consistently.  
  
"Proof is not always a necessity, Ikari," said the one voice that Ikari  
could recognize distinctly from the others, the deep, angry voice that  
also served as the head of the council. Even though he could see none  
of the faces of those in SEELE, he knew the face of Keel Lorenz  
perfectly well from his many meetings with the council, the man's angry  
expression and bulky visor obscuring his eyes, the sheer age of the man  
readily apparent even from a hologram. "You seem to be under the  
mistaken impression that we are somehow bound to obey the laws of the  
courts, that we are under the burden of needing proof to verify our  
suspicions."  
  
"I am under the impression that I am the head of the Human  
Instrumentality Project, and that disposing of me would require the  
expenditure of a great deal of effort on your part," replied Gendou  
calmly, letting himself smile inwardly but keeping his mouth unmoving,  
even though it was hidden behind his hands. "You would need to  
familiarize another with my duties, to try and get the project back up  
to the current timeline after my unexpected absence. That is the  
impression that I have of the situation. If I'm somehow  
misunderstanding things, please, tell me."  
  
There was a brief silence in the air once again, and Gendou felt  
himself tense almost imperceptibly, feeling ever-so-slightly nervous  
about the situation. He didn't doubt for a second that he understood  
the circumstances under which he and SEELE were working, but there was  
the silent implication that he'd played his hand too soon. "We suspect  
that you are attempting to control the 'Father,'" announced Keel's  
disembodied voice after a moment, the proclamation echoing through the  
room from sheer volume.  
  
"Of course not," replied Gendou, letting just the vaguest hint of  
affront creep into his tone, doing everything within his power to make  
it seem as though he was shocked by the accusation. He was mildly  
surprised by it, more out of the fact that SEELE had managed to piece  
together more than he'd expected. "The 'Father' has other uses in  
humanity's ascension. I would not jeopardize a project that I helped  
to create."  
  
"We have little choice but to entrust you with it," replied Keel's  
voice harshly, the tone sounding almost frustrated, the sort of  
sensation of a lion that couldn't quite catch the rabbit under his  
foot. "But do not seek to abuse us, Ikari. If you strike us, we will  
strike back, and you cannot hope to withstand our blows." There was a  
moment more of silence, then the holographic monoliths snapped off into  
nothingess, leaving only Gendou sitting in a pool of light surrounded  
by nothingness.  
  
Gendou simply waited for a moment longer, sitting in place, making sure  
that the old men had actually left the conversation and were not simply  
waiting for him to say something incriminating behind a veil of  
silence. It was not something he believed had ever happened, but he  
also knew that it was a possibility, and perhaps more importantly he  
knew that it was what he would have done. The moment passed, and the  
scientist stood, adjusting his glasses, then turning towards the door  
that he knew lay behind him, letting it hiss and whir open, the  
fluorescent light from the hallway almost blinding as his eyes began to  
iris shut, unprepared for the sudden burst of brightness.  
  
"They're suspicious," announced Fuyutsuki's voice, even before Gendou  
had finished stepping out into the hallway, his eyes still adjusting to  
the light gradually, mind attempting to formulate a new strategy. As  
the door hissed shut behind him, Gendou afforded a sidelong glance  
towards Fuyutsuki, then simply nodded, seeing from the worried  
expression on the elder man's face that everything from the meeting had  
not been as classified as he had originally thought. "What do you  
propose we do? We've seen more than half of the seventeen great  
beasts. They're going to figure out what we're doing, and it will be  
sooner rather than later."  
  
"We do the only thing we can do. We accelerate the timetable once  
again." Gendou avoided letting the note of despair creep into his  
voice, knowing that it would only make things worse even as he felt it  
closing tightly around his neck. He was becoming fast aware of the  
severity of the situation at hand, but as he turned down the hallway  
towards the elevator he let none of it show, keeping his shoulders  
square and his gaze vaguely stern as he began to walk towards the  
elevator. "Accelerating 01's timetable should be the top priority. We  
might not have the luxury of waiting until after the final rupture of  
the seals."  
  
Fuyutsuki remained silent for a moment as the two scientists walked  
towards the elevator, only the soft clinging noise of their footfalls  
against the metal of the corridor echoing through the halls, smelling  
faintly of blood from the lower levels. "There's only so much that we  
can do to hasten the revival," noted Fuyutsuki at length, the pair of  
commanders only a few feet away from the elevator as the elder spoke.  
"A large part of the burden simply rests on the shoulders of the  
Third. We could attempt to force him into his apotheosis, but there's  
a chance that it might only obliviate the chance of revival  
completely." His voice had become something of an urgent whisper, the  
volume dropping almost unconsciously as Gendou reached out and pressed  
the white button to call the elevator to their level.  
  
"Do what you can," Dr. Ikari replied as the elevator dinged to a stop  
in front of the pair, the teal-gray doors sliding open and allowing the  
pair to step through before the chamber began to move upwards once  
again. "If we cannot achieve revival, all of our maneuverings to avoid  
the old men's ascension are for nothing."  
  
"You're going to ask us to accelerate the timetable on Ayanami as  
well." The sentence was spoken devoid of the bitterness that Gendou  
had half-expected, and the man glanced over for a moment before simply  
nodding his response to Fuyutsuki. "There's only so much we can do,"  
the older man replied, his face growing visibly more stressed, the line  
of his jaw moving in a way that made it clear to Gendou he was speaking  
through partially-clenched teeth. "We've already brought Ayanami's  
timetable to dangerously high levels. It's been proceeding well thus  
far, but we can't be certain that it won't eventually take its toll."  
  
Gendou said nothing immediately, letting his eyes focus through the  
lenses of his glasses on the metal wall of the elevator, his mind  
completely focused on Fuyutsuki's words even as it began to almost idly  
drift elsewhere. "We need a vessel by the time the Chamber of Gaf is  
open," replied the man at length, letting his eyes shut for just a  
moment, relishing the momentary blackness afforded by the backs of his  
eyelids. "I understand the workload that you're struggling under, but  
there are no other options." He paused for a moment, then turned his  
gaze towards the other man, eyes open once again. "How is the girl  
doing?"  
  
"Wonderfully," replied Fuyutsuki, his voice implying some reluctance  
about the positive nature of the adjective. "She may well be ready  
within two month's time. Rejection has already been lowered to 27%."  
He paused for a moment, then flicked his eyes towards Gendou's. "The  
resemblance... it's intentional, isn't it?"  
  
"She chose it. I only observed." The lie was harmless, but for once  
Gendou couldn't tell from the expression on Fuyutsuki's face if he  
believed the statement or not. Both men remained silent for a moment,  
then Gendou turned back to staring at the wall of the elevator, as  
though by staring at it he would unlock some vast mystery. "You are  
free to leave if you find it too disturbing, Kozou. I will not try to  
convince you to stay."  
  
Kozou hesitated for a moment, then shook his head, apparently enough of  
an answer to satisfy Gendou as the younger man turned his icy gaze back  
towards the wall. "I'm trying to see the project of my favorite  
student to fruition," he replied calmly, internally feeling a minor  
knot of curiosity surfacing inside his gut, an old question bubbling  
back to the surface. "That's all."  
  
]++[  
  
"I saw the report of your battle against the Tenth," said the man on  
the other end of the phone, the nasal tone of his native Japanese  
accent mingling slightly with the distinctive Irish brogue after all  
the years he'd spent in the country, producing an odd sort of hybrid  
sound to his voice. "You did well. 02 wasn't desigend for sprinting  
at speeds like that, but you managed to stay on equal footing with 01.  
You've improved a little since you left."  
  
Had anyone tried to guess by looking, they would never have suspected  
that Nieve's father was anything but Irish - she looked like the  
spitting image of a young girl from the island, her emerald eyes set  
against pale skin and flaming hair. She had always assumed that her  
body had somehow managed to sense her emotional relationship with her  
father and reacted accordingly, keeping the man's unmistakably Oriental  
features from her makeup. "My synch ratio is hovering up about two  
points," she replied at length, her voice cool and businesslike, no  
hints of emotions breaking the surface. "I think it's got something to  
do with the experience of actual combat."  
  
"The Sixth is doing better than you in terms of synchronization,  
though," replied her father, not sounding so much disapproving as  
simply critical, as though he was evaluating an employee. "Honey,  
you've been with the project longer than her. Is there something wrong  
with your machine that they don't know about?"  
  
"Not a thing," replied Nieve, feeling only vaguely hurt, fully aware  
that the ratio was only important because it was the only thing that  
the scientific minds of NERV could measure and compare. "Niobe's also  
more unstable as a pilot, from what I've seen. There's no  
comparison." She paused for a moment, her mind skirting the subject  
that even as she wanted to breach it, lower lip twitching slightly.  
"So. How's Valerie?"  
  
On the other end, her father sighed, and Nieve couldn't help but take  
some small satisfaction in the gesture, the simple knowledge that her  
choice of words still exerted some minor power over him. "I wish you  
wouldn't call her that. She's been your stepmother for nearly ten  
years now." He paused, as though he could see the vague twitching in  
the corner of his daughter's eyes even though he was an ocean apart  
from her. "She's fine. She wants to know how you're doing with the  
other Children."  
  
"Well, Neil and I have been dating almost since I got here," announced  
Nieve proudly, letting a smile play across her lips as she leaned back  
in the green couch of Misato's apartment, letting the sunlight lightly  
play across her body. "And Niobe..." She paused, remembering the way  
that the girl had looked vaguely disturbing two days prior, unable to  
convince the fact to leave her mind even as she found herself unable to  
shift her focus. "Niobe understands what's going on." She shrugged.  
"Nothing much to say about the others. Ryo's kind of strange, Vash is  
a buffoon, and Eiko... has her own problems."  
  
"You don't sound as though you particularly like half of them. THat's  
not exactly promising." Her father paused briefly, Nieve already  
certain of the question that he was about to ask. "Are you able to  
work with them, at least?"  
  
"Dad, don't ask stupid questions. Of -course- I'm able to work with  
them. We wouldn't have been able to take out the Ninth otherwise."  
The question stung slightly even though Nieve had been expecting it,  
the implication that her father didn't believe she could keep a handle  
on the situation audible just below the sound of his voice. It stung  
far more than the insinuation he had made about Niobe earlier, and it  
only served to reinforce what Nieve was already feeling, her hand  
beginning to form the thinnest possible layer of sweat between her hand  
and the smooth plastic receiver of the telephone. "Listen, Dad, I go  
in for testing in about fifteen minutes, and it takes about that long  
to walk there. So... I'd better get going."  
  
A brief pause hovered through the phone lines, and Nieve found herself  
letting her ears focus on the end with her father, hearing the noises  
of an assembly line behind him, indication to her that NERV's European  
branch was gearing up for something again. "All right, honey," replied  
her father at length, sounding vaguely relieved by the end of the  
conversation. "If you need anything, just call. Your stepmother or I  
would be more than happy to help." He paused again, this time somewhat  
awkwardly. "Love you, Nieve. Bye."  
  
"Goodbye," replied Nieve a second or two too later, the noise of the  
other end clicking off preceding her words by just enough for her to  
know she was speaking into dead air. She remained in position for a  
moment, leaning back on the couh, sunlight streaming in through the  
window and playing across her knees left bare by her short shirt, then  
she picked herself up and walked towards the cradle for the phone,  
skirt flowing slightly as she moved, its red fabric brushing  
comfortably against her hips, matching the movement of the loose maroon  
blouse that draped partially over it.  
  
Placing the phone down, Nieve hesitated for a moment afterwards, then  
simply leaned against the wall next to the telephone, her emotions sent  
into a mild tailspin by the unexpected contact from her father. It  
wasn't exactly that she hadn't wanted to talk to him so much as it was  
that she couldn't think of anything to say, that they still didn't seem  
to have anything to talk about outside of her role as a pilot.  
"Valerie probably would have said something, though," she muttered to  
herself, flicking her gaze over towards the refridgerator. "It's  
almost too bad that she isn't my real mother." She thought for a  
second. "But that would mean I was related to that bitch."  
  
Sighing as she whispered the words to herself, Nieve shook her head,  
trying almost in vain to think of her mother, remember what Leigh Soryu-  
Leary had been like. It had been so many years that her memory was  
faded slightly, that only the most general parts of her mother's  
personality remained in her memory amidst a hazy mess of desired  
qualities and dreamlike visions. Letting her lids flutter closed for a  
second, she shook her head, knowing that she had better things to be  
doing with her time.  
  
"Neil," she said, almost surprising herself even as a mischevious smile  
played across her lips at the thought of the boy. She still wasn't  
entirely comfortable with their relationship, but after the night  
against the Tenth Angel things had seemed to become relatively normal.  
The nagging doubts in the back of her mind refused to vacate her brain,  
but they could do little except warn, and Nieve couldn't shake the  
feeling that she finally had the relationship under control, that the  
boy was coming around. Glancing towards the door of his room, she  
pushed off from the wall and began to step around towards it, the smile  
on her face broadening.  
  
Her hand gently touched the brass-colored knob as she pressed her ear  
against the wooden surface, seeing if she could make out the noise of  
his pen scratching against paper. Though she still contended that he  
hardly needed to worry about it, Neil insisted upon keeping up his work  
from school, and that meant that the majority of Mondays and Thursdays  
was spent looking over the latest arrival of lessons and then working  
furiously to have them done quickly. It was something that Nieve had  
conceded long ago, a fight that she knew she would gain more from  
voluntarily losing than attempting to struggle out, and under normal  
circumstances she wouldn't even consider violating Neil's time to work  
on his lessons. But as she turned the knob and thrust the door inward,  
she knew that she could make him more than happy she'd interrupted  
him. "Hey, Neil, I just -"  
  
The girl's eyes traced their way into the darkened room, and withour  
warning her voice faltered and trailed into nothingness, eyes taking in  
the sheer vacancy of the room. Neil's papers lay in relatively neat  
stacks on his desk, his pens arranged in straight little rows, his room  
fully organized and devoid of nothing except for himself. For a  
moment, Nieve simply stood in the doorway, flicking her eyes about the  
room, casting her gaze left and right as though enough glances would  
reveal where he was hiding, that all it took was the right number of  
sidelong glances. "Neil?" she said, quietly enough to match her mood,  
loudly enough to drive out the last hope that he was simply off in the  
bathroom or her room for some reason.  
  
No response came to Nieve's call, and the girl took another faltering  
step into the room, glancing about, trying to remember if she'd heard  
footsteps behind her as she'd talked on the phone with her father,  
feeling vaguely resentful of the man for distracting her from her  
boyfriend. Letting her gaze cast about the yellow-walled room once  
more, she turned around, facing out towards the door out of the  
apartment and the kitchen, noticing a small yellow slip of paper stuck  
carefully to the side of the counter. Nieve frowned for a moment, then  
stepped forward and removed the paper, letting her eyes scan over it,  
her brain registering the words only slowly.  
  
"Went out with Eiko," she read, her voice soft and tinges with  
something between sadness and simple pain, the entire apartment seeming  
to fill with an ephemeral mist of desolation. "Should be back around  
two. See you then. Neil." Silence reigned for a moment, then Nieve  
felt her knees falter slightly, the back of her mind letting her know  
that she only had a moment or two before they gave up on the task of  
supporting her entirely. Eyes blurring slightly with tears springing  
from her self-perceived naivete and the ache of loneliness, she stepped  
lightly towards her room, leaning her weight on the door for just a  
moment before letting a single tear run its course down her cheek and  
opening the door with a light gasp.  
  
]++[  
  
Frowning for only a second at the small screen resting between his  
hands, Neil let his brain whirl about the problem as Eiko moved towards  
him, then moved his thumbs with practiced grace across the controls of  
the small game system, his quick motions sending his character on the  
screen into a gyrating frenzy of activity. For the barest of moments,  
victory seemed to be within reach as he struck hard against Eiko's  
faltering defenses, her character staggering backwards as the blows  
connected. Then he noticed the girl grin somewhat wolfishly out of the  
corner of his eye, and her representation on the screen struck back  
furiously, a few powerful blows landing before the system beeped loudly  
to announce Neil's loss.  
  
Neil stared for a moment, then shrugged, feeling slightly hurt by the  
defeat but trying his best to be casual about it as he flicked the  
power of the handheld machine off. "Like I said, I was never very good  
at this," he offered, handing the small portable game system back over  
to Eiko, who took both the system from Neil and her own and shoved them  
back in her schoolbag. "Wasn't that Vash's system, though?"  
  
"Yeah, but he said I could borrow it. He and Kensuke were having a  
deathmatch today on some strategy game that Kensuke's absolutely nuts  
about." She shrugged. "I can't understand how the two of them can  
spend that much time on a single game. Especially one that's so mind-  
numbingly boring. All they do is sit there and click their units  
around until they make them go where they want. Most boring thing I've  
ever seen."  
  
The mention of Vash brought a suspicion bubbling to the surface of  
Neil's thoughts, and he bit his lower lip gently, trying to figure out  
the best way to phrase it. "Eiko... the system I was playing on was  
Vash's, wasn't it?" He paused for a moment, letting the girl nod  
before sinking his head slightly, feeling slightly guilty at the same  
time that he was happy to be spending time with the girl. "I don't  
know if that was such a good idea. I mean, he doesn't really like me,  
and all..."  
  
Eiko stared at Neil for a moment, as though the thought of Vash being  
upset had never occured to her. She let the idea filter through her  
mind for a second, the thought of how irate he would be if he found  
out, and despite hereslf she couldn't help but get a little excited by  
the concept, a small grin sneaking almost imperceptibly across her  
face. "He let me borrow it, he knew that it could happen," she  
replied, sounding only slightly bitter as she winked alluringly towards  
the other boy. "Besides, it's not like he's any good at it either."  
  
"But..." Neil struggled with the words caught in his throat, feeling  
guilty for not saying anything, feeling good about what it might mean  
about Eiko's availability and feeling guilty in the same instant for  
what he was taking joy in. He was in no way opposed to the concept of  
Vash losing Eiko, but he also knew that it was the wrong thing to hope  
for, especially considering the fact that he wasn't single himself.  
"Isn't that just a little underhanded?" he asked at length, feeling as  
though he'd lost the original intent of his question entirely.  
  
"No," replied Eiko, shaking her head, feeling very defiant, knowing  
that her parents would be even less happy to see her with Neil even as  
she took some perverse sort of joy at the knowledge that Vash would be  
upset about it. "After all, he isn't the boss of me." She flicked her  
eyes upwards to meet Neil's gaze, and for the barest of moments she  
wondered what she was doing, if he was right about her actions  
betraying Vash. "Don't worry about it. It's my relationship, I'm sure  
I can manage it." She giggled. "And it's not as though he really has  
any grounds to worry, right?"  
  
"Right," replied Neil half-heartedly, giving a small forced laugh and  
turning his gaze away from the girl, letting it rest on the somewhat  
dusty terrace where some of the other students were playing some kind  
of sport that Neil didn't recognize in the least. It seemed to consist  
of three players, one left in the center and the other two trying to  
get that center player to come closer to them through repeated throws  
of a baseball. "Where's Ryo?" he asked after a moment or two of  
watching, wanting to change the subject, still feeling vaguely  
uncomfortable.  
  
Eiko shrugged, drawing her sketchbook out of her schoolbag and glancing  
towards the mystifying competition as well, her eyes resting on the  
scene before her as her hand traced lines across the paper. "Wasn't in  
school today. The teacher didn't even call his name during  
attendance." She paused in her sketching for the barest of moments,  
trying to figure out the best way to catch the way that the light  
filtered through the spectators under the bright Tokyo-3 sun, then  
nodded and resumed the process of sketching. "If it wasn't Ryo, it  
would be kind of surprising."  
  
Momentarily lost as he watched the center player weave back and forth  
between the other two players, Neil took a moment before he registered  
what Eiko was saying, but as soon as he did he trained his gaze back on  
the girl. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, sounding somewhat more  
hesitant than he'd intended."  
  
"Nothing," replied Eiko, shrugging. Then she paused in her sketching,  
as though she realized something otherwise forgotten, and her gaze  
flicked over towards Neil, her brown eyes simply resting in the boy's  
sight for just a moment. "Ryo has been absent like this dozens of  
times. He was absent when school started, and then he was absent for a  
few days before the Angel's attack." She paused. "Didn't you know  
about any of that?"  
  
"I knew that he wouldn't have been in before the Angel's attack,"  
replied Neil somewhat weakly, mind slowly attempting to take in the new  
information and happy to have the momentary distraction from his own  
problems. He'd known for some time that there was something vaguely  
mysterious going on with Ryo, but he had always pushed it to the back  
of his mind, assuming that it couldn't be anything serious. For the  
first time, however, he let himself think about the boy, realizing that  
despite the fact that he'd known Ryo longer than any of the other  
Children he knew the least about the boy. "Just hope he's all right."  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo assumed, though he had no way of being certain, that the liquid  
rushing past his skin was LCL. It was the same color as the liquid  
from the cockpit of the Eva, had the same hyper-oxygenated properties,  
and perhaps most tellingly it smelled the same, a scent of fresh blood  
that Ryo had grown so accustomed to as to ignore it completely. Anyone  
else would have found the scent disturbing, but as far as he was  
concerned it was comfortable, floating in a glass tube wide enough to  
let his limbs drift freely, the liquid flooding upwards and keeping him  
suspended as his hair fluttered about his head and he took quick,  
shallow breaths.  
  
Flicking his red eyes briefly to the walls of the tube, he could see  
both Dr. Ikari and Dr. Akagi standing near the console located adjacent  
to the tube, the blackness of the room in stark contrast to the orange-  
red haze that everything filtered through because of the liquid. Dr.  
Ikari was smiling thinly, the sort of distantly approving smile that  
Ryo had grown accustomed to, while Dr. Akagi simply did her job, every  
bit as functional as her test subject. For a brief moment, Ryo let  
himself wonder if he and Ritsuko had something in common, then he let  
his gaze turn back towards the top of the tube, a network of pipes  
taking in the LCL and shunting it off in directions unknown.  
  
Outside of the tube, Gendou Ikari simply watched the young boy in front  
of him, the thin limbs and oddly feminine poise making him seem even  
more androgynous than usual. He stared for a moment longer, then  
turned towards Ritsuko, letting his eyes flick briefly to the display  
of her computer beneath the cover of his glasses. "Contamination?" he  
asked curtly, flicking his gaze away once again to give another  
sidelong glance to the boy.  
  
"At 13.4%," replied Ritsuko curtly, her fingers still moving over the  
keyboard, letting the internal processors of the Magi filter the  
information even as she controlled it. "It peaked at slightly higher  
than that the week after the test with EVA-00, but this seems to be the  
most advanced decay so far. There are at least seven different sectors  
bearing some marks of contamination." She paused for a moment,  
frowning slightly. "He's never going to approach the levels of purity  
we could attain with a fresh one."  
  
"I know that," replied Ikari curtly, feeling something tug internally  
as he threw his gaze back and forth between the pensive Ritsuko and the  
serene Ryo, the few simple lights in the room serving more to augment  
the darkness than to brighten the room at all. "We'll approach that  
hurdle when necessary. Is he still a suitable component for the  
vessel?"  
  
"Yes," replied Ritsuko without hesitation, the vaguest hints of concern  
creeping into her voice but no sign that she had any suspicions about  
Ryo's ability. "There are some definite rough spots, but he's more  
than capable of acting in his original capacity as vessel." She paused  
for a moment, as though another idea was coming into her head, then she  
turned towards Gendou, letting the machine run itself. "I only worry  
that there might be some negative effects from all the contamination.  
It might be best to restrain his social contact as much as necessary."  
  
Gendou stared at the boy for a moment, watching the thin hair float  
through the LCL as it rushed towards the pipes of the ceiling, feeling  
a profound sense of deja-vu. "A reasonable suggestion," he said at  
length, turning back towards Ritsuko, adjusting his glasses slightly  
and forcing his face back into a purely neutral expression. "Removal  
from school for a few weeks should help. What do you recommend about  
the Sixth?"  
  
"Harmless," replied Ritsuko calmly, feeling a minor twinge of guilt but  
forcing herself to ignore it, knowing full well that she had to keep  
her mind focused on the goal. "Ryo's contamination doesn't seem to be  
high enough to have formed any actual emotional connections, and I tend  
to doubt that she could have any effect on the circumstances." She  
paused for a moment. "I suspect there is some emotional connection  
formed somewhere, but I'd tend to doubt that it's with Niobe."  
  
"Excellent," replied Gendou, gesturing for Ritsuko to open the  
communication line with the boy in the tank, something the blonde woman  
did without hesitation. "We will take data for another fifteen  
minutes, Ryo. Attempt to clear your head of all thoughts." He paused  
for a moment, waiting for the boy's quick and efficient nod that  
signaled his understanding. "You will be removed from school for no  
less than two weeks. All contact with your classmates will cease,  
except for the Fourth and Fifth Children."  
  
For the first time that he could remember, Ryo hesitated for the barest  
sliver of a moment, letting himself simply process the information  
instead of blindly following the orders. He knew that he should follow  
routine, that he should accept the strict change made by Gendou and  
work with it, but a vague voice in the back of his head was urging him  
to fight against the routine. Shutting the voice out, he nodded,  
wondering if the voice was evidence that Nieve was beginning to let him  
have some control over his own life, mildly curious about what it felt  
like to make such decisions as he let his eyes flutter closed again and  
began to clear his mind.  
  
Outside of the chamber, the sound of a hissing door filled the room,  
and both Ritsuko and Gendou turned their heads towards the noise,  
seeing Kozou walk through the briefly-lit doorway towards what looked  
to be the only piece of interest in the room, the single glowing orange  
tube set directly in the center. "Dr. Fuyutsuki," announced Gendou  
somewhat curtly, making it obvious simply from the tone of his voice  
that he was uninterested in any social overtures. "How is the girl  
progressing?"  
  
"The second and third fragment are still fighting apotheosis," replied  
Kozou, his voice flat as his feet echoed against the silence of the  
chamber, brown eyes fixed firmly on the boy floating in the tube in  
front of him. In theory, he had no compunctions with what he was  
doing, but with each passing day he felt something odd knotting inside  
his gut with growing intensity with ever test run on the boy in the  
chamber. "Unsurprisingly, the first has reached apotheosis first. The  
others are only seven layers away, and I expect that the fourth will  
break to the fifth layer by the end of the day."  
  
Gendou nodded, then flicked his gaze briefly towards Ryo, letting his  
eyes rest on the floating form of the boy for just a moment once again,  
the thin hair and slender body almost hauntingly familiar. There was a  
momentary tightness in his chest, a thought of his own son drifting  
across the back of his head, but he shoved the thought free a half-  
second later, gaze instead resting on the fellow scientist in front of  
him. "Dr. Akagi and I have already finished with Ryo's purity  
evaluation. I believe that you can oversee the completion of the  
testing with her assistance?"  
  
Kozou nodded, and the commander of NERV turned sharply on his heel to  
leave the chamber, his gaze locked in a resolute expression, resisting  
any urge to display even the slightest emotion. Watching for the  
barest moment, Fuyutsuki shook his head, then stepped over to the  
console that Ritsuko surveyed. "He's doing worse, isn't he?" he asked  
after a moment, catching the somewhat worried expression on the younger  
woman's face.  
  
"Yes," replied Ritsuko without hesitation, sounding somewhere between  
unhappy and simply defeated as she spoke. "His contamination level  
continues to increase. Commander Ikari is having him pulled from  
school to make sure that he stays pure enough to act as a vessel." She  
paused for a moment, sighing heavily. "I feel somewhat sorry for him.  
If he was a normal boy, something like this would be unbearable."  
  
For a moment, Kozou let his gaze continue to linger on Ritsuko, certain  
from her statement that she hadn't been told something important about  
the project, trying to decide whether or not it was the right time.  
Then he shook his head and turned back towards the computer, watching  
as the graphs recorded his data calmly. "We do what we have to do for  
the project," he said, letting his eyes flick up towards the boy,  
feeling the slight knot of guilt grow almost unnoticably larger. "Has  
Gendou spoken to you about the girl's acceleration?"  
  
Ritsuko smiled bitterly, letting her eyes flutter closed as she leaned  
forward on the console, her entire body arching forward in a show of  
barely-restrained exhaustion. "Of course," she replied, shaking her  
head slightly, her blonde hair swishing lightly across her neck.  
"Sometimes I wonder if Dr. Ikari is aware of the fact that he's working  
with a staff of humans." She sighed. "I had to tell Kaji that we  
weren't going to be able to have dinner tonight as we'd planned. It's  
good that he understands where my priorities are."  
  
The woman's words stuck in Kozou's head for a moment, and it took him a  
second or two to realize why. "Kaji?" he asked, waiting for a moment  
while the woman nodded her affirmation. Ritsuko's attention remained  
focused on the console in front of her, but Kozou's mind was elsewhere,  
memory reaching back towards the conversation that he'd had with Kaji  
not so long ago, remembering the accusations that the younger man had  
made. "Did you tell him why you weren't going to be able to make it?"  
  
"I told him that something had come up at work," replied Ritsuko,  
sounding only vaguely distraught by the question as she made a few  
keystrokes and turned up towards Fuyutsuki. Seeing the worry on the  
elder man's face seemed to worry her as well, and her eyes narrowed  
slightly, mouth tightening as she stared at her superior. "Why?"  
  
"Nothing," replied Kozou, shaking his head, unable to get a single  
thought out of his head. "It's just..." He paused for a moment, not  
wanting to say what was on his mind even as he knew that it could very  
well be important. Coughing slightly, he shook his head, flicking his  
eyes towards the peacefully suspended boy in the tank, trying to focus  
on the serenity of Ryo instead of the emotions at hand. "How much does  
Kaji know about the project?"  
  
Silence reigned for the briefest of seconds, then Kozou could see a wry  
smirk creep across Ritsuko's face, her eyes no longer worried as he  
turned back to look at her once again. "He doesn't know anything  
important," she said, sighing gently and turning back towards Ryo's  
console. "I know full well that we're not to discuss such matters  
outside of here. Give me some credit."  
  
"Just checking," replied Fuyutsuki, forcing an awkard grin as his eyes  
turned back towards Ryo, his thoughts whirling about his head about  
what Kaji was truly after with Ritsuko. He wanted more than anything  
to be able to write off his suspicions about the man as simple  
unfounded jealousy, but his words about wanting to find out more about  
NERV and his knowledge of Fuyutsuki's early days with the organization  
suggested that there was more going on. And Gendou's warning about  
SEELE having agents within NERV's inner sanctums was still fresh in his  
mind, mingling with his prior knowledge of Kaji even as he thought of  
his own emotions on the subject. It was a mess, something he hated to  
deal with, and taking a deep breath he tried to force the entire thing  
out of his mind, instead concentrating on the almost angelic appearance  
of the pale blue-haired boy floating in the vat of LCL.  
  
]++[  
  
It was later than Neil had planned when he found himself stepping  
lightly down the blue-white shimmering hallway leading back to Misato's  
apartment, a sort of exuberance in his step for reasons that he  
couldn't quite place. Even though the guilt was still gnawing itself a  
convenient little home in the back of his head, he fel pleased with the  
way that his meeting with Eiko had gone, the way that he'd managed to  
connect with her. He was beginning to wonder if perhaps her act of not  
being interested in him romantically was simply an act, and as he  
turned the knob of the door to Misato's apartment he was smiling, some  
vague and only slightly-guilty happiness occupying his thoughts.  
  
That happiness faded into nothingness as he stepped through the door  
and kicked off his shoes, his eyes focusing almost immediately on Nieve  
as she glared at him. She had positioned herself so as to block off  
any possible route out of the recessed bit of floor where Neil's shoes  
fell silently, arms crossed across her chest as her green eyes flashed  
with a vaguely-tingerd anger. Neil couldn't tell exactly what was  
there besides anger, but he knew that it wasn't good, and the guilt  
that had been held back from his emotions before came flooding in with  
a vengeance. "Hi, Nieve," he offered sheepishly, biting his lower lip  
gently. "Is something wrong?"  
  
"Do you find me attractive?" The words spat from Nieve's mouth as  
though they were a curse, lips moving quickly and remaining tight as  
the boy gaped at her. A slight tremble appeared in her eyes, as though  
water was beginning to flood into them, Neil feeling the guilt rush in  
without restrained as he stared at the girl. "Answer me, damn it. And  
be honest. Do you find me attractive?"  
  
Neil stared for a moment longer, then shook his head, trying to force  
himself to focus on the situation at hand, telling himself internally  
that he hadn't done anything wrong even as his brain told him  
otherwise. "Of course I do," he replied, stepping out into the hallway  
and taking a step towards the red-headed girl, feeling the tingle  
beneath his clothes as a film of sweat began to coat his skin. "Nieve,  
you're a beautiful girl." He paused briefly, trying to figure out what  
he was supposed to say next. "Yes, I'm attracted to you," he decided  
at length, sounding almost slightly defeated with his words.  
  
"Really?" Nieve's harsh glare fixed the boy in place for a moment as  
her arms seemed to tense, the slight tremor in her eyes becoming more  
obvious as her fingers pressed hard against the skin of her exposed  
upper arms, the fabric of her blouse bunched up against her shoulders.  
Then her mouth shifted from thin to angry, her teeth flashing and hard-  
set as her arms flew out and shoved Neil backwards, the sudden assault  
catching the boy off-guard and sending him stumbling backwards. "Do  
you expect me to -believe- that?"  
  
Barely avoiding tripping as his stumbling feet hit the spot where the  
floor lowered, Neil didn't answer immediately, slamming his back into  
the wood of the door and feeling a sharp jolt of pain race up and down  
his spine. "Ow," he muttered, pushing off of the door and staring at  
Nieve with mild anger, more confused than anything. "Nieve, what's all  
this about?"  
  
"You -know- what it's about!" screamed the girl, fists clenched in  
tight balls, paths of liquid sadness forming down her cheeks as she  
took a single step towards the boy. She was still furious, but Neil  
now understood what the other element he'd seen behind her eyes was,  
and as he stared at the girl's face he felt his stomach knot in upon  
itself. "Why did you -kiss- me, damn it all? Why didn't you just tell  
me to -go- -away-?" Her eyes narrowed again, although Neil couldn't  
tell if it was from tears or rage, the flow from her eyes redoubling as  
she took a few steps away from the boy.  
  
There was a taste to anger, something that Neil knew his mother would  
explain as pheremones released into the air in times of extreme stress  
to warn others. As Neil stepped back out of the lowered area and  
towards Nieve, his mouth was hanging open ever so slightly, and he  
could feel the taste of the girl's rage on his tongue, an oddly  
tingling sensation that filled him with unease and regret. Closing his  
mouth and biting his lip, he reached over to the girl as her eyes  
closed, small sobbing noises coming from her as his fingers gently  
touched the soft skin of her shoulders.  
  
Nieve seemed to awaken once again, her eyes flying open and her arms  
forcing themselves upwards, breaking Neil's almost-embrace with an  
angry burst of strength, green eyes glittering with anger even as they  
continued to tear. "Don't you -touch- me!" she shrieked, her voice  
growning more distraught with each passing moment, a sign to Neil that  
she'd been thinking about whatever was bothering her for a while,  
knotting another wad of self-loathing within the back of his mind.  
Nieve took another step backwards, stumbling briefly against the table  
as she glared and cried at Neil. "Don't do that! Don't pretend that  
you'll -be- there when you'll just -leave- like -everybody- -else-!"  
  
More than anything, Neil wanted to run away. The girl standing in  
front of him was in hysterics, crying even as she howled in anger, and  
Neil felt as though he had walked into the middle of something he  
couldn't begin to understand. For the barest of seconds, he thought  
about what it would mean if he turned and ran, destination uncertain  
but action clear, and he felt another spike of regret drive into him.  
Gritting his teeth, he took another step towards Nieve, forcing himself  
to suppress his fears and his guilt. "Nieve," he said softly, drawing  
the girl's angry, tear-streaked eyes towards him once again, the look  
sending another spear of regret through his heart. "Talk to me."  
  
"Shut -up-!" snapped Nieve, trying her best to sound angry and winding  
up sounding more desperate than anything. Her legs faltered slightly  
as she staggered back towards the living room, eyes blurry and balance  
obviously thrown as Neil followed her path slowly. "I don't need you,  
you know. I could find somebody else without a problem." She let an  
awkward, hurt smile trace across her lips, legs taking uneasy steps  
back towards the couch in the living room, tears falling and  
splattering against the carpet underfoot. "I'm in control here, Neil.  
If I want you to go, I can make you."  
  
The girl's words stung, and it took a great deal of effort for Neil to  
continue advancing forward as she staggered backwards, the uneasy blend  
of tears, anger, and a smile giving her face an almost nightmarish  
quality, her red hair swinging about her loosely. "Go away," she tried  
to snarl, the words winding up coming out as more of a choked sob than  
anything. "I don't need you around. I don't need anybody else. You  
want to leave, go right ahead, I..." The girl paused, then flopped  
backwards onto the couch, anger fading from her eyes as she lay  
backwards onto the cushions, Neil simply watching and keeping his face  
resolute even as he tore himself apart inside.  
  
For a moment, both Children remained stationary, Nieve slumped into the  
couch with her legs dangling over one of the arms, Neil standing in the  
end of the hallway and staring at the couch with a stoic expression,  
gentle noises of sobbing filling the air. Nieve could see none of it,  
hands gripping the fabric of the couch cushions and pulling herself  
into them, eyes closed tightly as tears streamed forth, her entire  
world the painful blackness of the cushion and the bitterly salty tears  
running into her half-opened mouth. A brief spear of panic went  
through her body as she heard footsteps, and she forced herself to pull  
her bleary eyes away from the couch, turning to see Neil walking  
towards her and kneeling near the couch. "Nieve, I -"  
  
"Please don't leave," gasped Nieve, eyes closing tightly once again and  
arms reaching out fumblingly towards Neil. The boy simply stared for a  
second before leaning closer and embracing the girl, feeling her arms  
wrap around him and pull him tight, another brief attack of guilt  
shooting through his body as he felt himself respond to the proximity  
of the girl and the softness of her skin beneath his hands. He knew  
that it was entirely the wrong time to be thinking about such things,  
but he had almost no time to afford himself the luxury of self-  
loathing, instead forcing himself to keep his mind on Nieve and her  
gentle, regular sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't leave  
me."  
  
"Nieve..." Neil's voice faltered, and squeezing his own eyes shut he  
pulled the girl closer, letting his fingers press hard against the soft  
skin of her back as the maroon fabric of her short-sleeved blouse  
bunched up beneath them. He knew that whatever had upset her so was  
his fault, and as he tried to think of what it might have been caused  
by he felt a surge of guilt regardless of cause, the girl's tears  
almost feeling like a punishment for what he'd done wrong as they  
soaked through his shirt to touch his shoulder. Even that thought made  
him feel guilty, as though he was being selfish about Nieve's crying,  
and shaking his head gently to keep her from noticing he pulled ever-so-  
slightly away from her, still holding her back tightly. "Tell me  
what's going on," he said, forcing himself to remain calm.  
  
Lifting tear-streaked and bloodshot eyes to meet the boy's gaze, Nieve  
remained silent for a moment, her breath coming steadily and  
regularly. "I... I was on the phone with my father when you left," she  
replied, internally feeling ashamed with herself for losing control so  
easily, a feeling that only made her want to cry more. "And then I saw  
the note that you'd left to see Eiko, and... I don't know. I'm  
sorry." The girl opened her mouth again to speak, but nothing came out  
except a quiet wail as she leaned back over into Neil's shoulder. "I  
know that I don't deserve it. I know that I'm not pretty enough to  
make you want to stay. But... please, don't leave. Don't leave."  
  
In the back of his mind, Neil was trying hard to force himself not to  
feel guilty, to focus all of his attention on the mourning girl lying  
in his arms, the lowering sunlight filtering over both of them like a  
blanket. "You -are- pretty," Neil said, unsure of what statement to  
respond to first as he clutched the girl more tightly once again,  
feeling her chest heaving and his body react to the tight embrace.  
"Tell me what's going on, Nieve, please. Where's this coming from?"  
  
"-Everyone- leaves me," replied the girl, her voice muffled by the  
cloth of Neil's shirt, almost sounding as though she was speaking from  
behind closed doors. For a moment, the girl's words simply hung in the  
air, neither of the Children saying anything as they held one another,  
her tears beginning to slow simply from exhaustion. "Because I'm not  
good enough to make anyone want to stay. I couldn't make my mother  
come back, and then she died." She paused again, then simply pressed  
her face more tightly into Neil's shoulder.  
  
Neil couldn't help but feeling that he simply wanted Nieve to stop  
crying, to be happy again, and even though he tried to make himself  
believe that it was because he cared about her, in the back of his mind  
he wondered if it wasn't really because he was being selfish about the  
situation. "You've never told me about how your mother died," he said  
after a moment of silence, pulling slightly away from the girl once  
again. "Talk to me, Nieve. Please. I'm not going to leave."  
  
There was no immediate reply from the girl as she continued to sob  
gently, her hands flexing against Neil's back for a moment before she  
pushed her face away from his shoulder and brought her emerald eyes on  
level with Neil's. Both Childern simply looked into the other's eyes  
for a time, letting themselves commincate without words, Nieve's eyes  
seeming to ask questions of the boy silently, as though she was judging  
whether or not he needed - or deserved - to know the answer.  
"Mother..." She paused, then let her eyes flutter closed, a single,  
seemingly final pair of tears seeping out from the corners of her  
eyes. "Mother died inside of Eva."  
  
For a moment, Neil's brain simply blotted out Nieve's words, lost in a  
maze of self-inflicted guilt compounded by the sheer unbelievability of  
what the girl had said. It was only after those few seconds had passed  
that he realized the full implications of the statement, that her words  
penetrated his brain and sprang into realization. "Inside of..." He  
trailed off, torn between wanting to make Nieve feel better and wanting  
to figure out how Nieve could be telling the truth. "But your mother  
couldn't have been able to pilot Eva."  
  
Cradled in his arms, Nieve's entire body seemed to tense at the boy's  
words, her tears renewing themselves as she gasped a breath, light  
still filtering lightly over the pair. "NERV didn't know who could and  
couldn't pilot an Eva then," she said, still gasping. "They thought...  
my father... everyone thought I might be able to. But..." She trailed  
off into a sea of gasping breaths for a few moments, her fingers  
relaxing and tensing with steady rythym against Neil's back. "But I  
was afraid. I was afraid of the big red monster that they wanted me to  
get inside. I... I should have kept a handle on the situation... I  
should have..." She sniffled, leaning over and pressing her face into  
Neil's shoulder once again. "I told them that I wouldn't get inside.  
And mother... mother was so angry... she said... that I had to learn to  
control myself. Then she got in, and... and..."  
  
Once again, the girl trailed off into gasping sobs, and Neil thought  
for a moment that he'd heard all he was going to about Nieve's mother,  
a thought that made him mildly irritated with the girl for leaving him  
without closure. No sooner had he realized that irritation than he  
felt guilty for it, knowing that it was selfish of him to think in such  
a way, holding Nieve more tightly as though it would somehow make up  
for his own reprehensible thoughts. "Everything went fine at first,"  
whispered Nieve's voice, soft enough without the muffling effect of her  
face pressed into Neil's shoulder, the combination making it so soft  
that Neil almost didn't hear her. "The machine was working fine. And  
then when they started synchronizing... they started, and... and mother  
vanished." She paused, hands closing more tightly around Neil's back.  
"They said that she completely dissolved, that there was nothing left  
of her but water. Nobody said it to my face, but I could hear them all  
talking." She paused for a moment, her body pressed dangerously close  
to Neil's. "It was all my fault. It's all because of me."  
  
"No. No. Nieve, don't say that." Feeling the tumult of emotions  
within himself settle into an uncomfortable numbness, Neil opened his  
eyes ever so slightly, the light from the slowly-descending sun moving  
through the window and nearly blinding his partially-opened eyes. "You  
were young. It wasn't your responsibility." He paused briefly,  
knowing that the girl would want a better excuse, too unfamiliar with  
the situation to have anything spring to mind. "You don't have any way  
of knowing that it wouldn't have happened to you. Maybe it was just  
the Eva unit."  
  
"That was 02, Neil!" snapped Nieve, anger rising in her tone, Neil  
reacting momentarily before he realized that Nieve's anger was being  
directed inwards, her nails beginning to dig into his back. "If I'd  
gotten in, mother wouldn't have had to leave! Mother would still be  
here!" She paused, tears still running from her eyes. "My father told  
me that. He told me that it all happened because I couldn't control  
myself. He hated me for killing her." The girl's body shuddered  
gently, as though her sadness had found some way of renewing itself.  
"He probably still hates me. He left me then, too. Him and that  
horrible bitch that he married after mother's funeral..."  
  
Staring at the girl's gently shuddering form, Neil found himself  
completely speechless, baffled as to what he could do to make things  
better, unsure of what to feel or what to do. Part of him wanted to  
feel reassured that it wasn't something he had done that made the girl  
cry, but in the back of his mind he couldn't shaek the thought that  
he'd somehow triggered what was happening to her, that distantly it was  
still his fault on some level. "Nieve..." He fumbled with the words,  
mouth letting out small noises of nothingness for a moment or two  
before he held her tightly once again. "I'm not going to leave,  
Nieve. I'm not leaving."  
  
A small and bitter laugh came from the girl as she pushed her face away  
from Neil's shoulder, her arms relaxing their grip around Neil  
uneasily, as though she was trying to convince herself that she was no  
longer sad. "You barely know me, Neil," she said, voice still tinged  
with sadness, eyes closed gently but still letting out small rivers of  
tears as she sat back in the couch. "You don't have anything to judge  
by. You'd leave me if you knew more about me." She paused briefly,  
trying her best to look composed, a bitter smile on her face wavering  
slightly as tears ran into her mouth. "I used to be anorexic, you  
know. I couldn't even control what I ate after my mother died. I  
thought that if I could be pretty like she was, maybe..." She paused,  
lips trembling, the facade of composure crumbling swiftly.  
  
Neil reacted to the sight of the girl's tears renewing themselves  
swiftly, bringing himself up onto the couch and pulling her close,  
slumping slightly to one side as her entire body seemed to collapse on  
him. Much as he wanted to react in some way to the fact that she'd had  
an eating disoreder, he simply couldn't wrap his mind around anything  
else that had gone wrong, and his mind simply filed away the  
information and resolved to deal with it later. "I don't care about  
that," he said, feeling slightly guilty for not reacting with more  
sympathy as he pulled the girl close, feeling her slightly tense in  
surprise. "I'm not leaving you. I'm not."  
  
Once again, Nieve's body shuddered, but instead of her tears renewing  
themselves she simply wrapped her arms gently around Neil, taking deep  
and steady breaths, whispering something that Neil couldn't quite hear  
but he assumed was another apology. "Shh," he said, rubbing his hands  
along the girl's back, glad to find her finally relaxed slightly, the  
reprieve from the tumult of her emotions leaving him free to  
contemplate what he had done wrong. He knew, beyond a shadow of a  
doubt, that it was his fault, but he also knew that it would be even  
worse if he selfishly asked the girl what he'd done, and so he remained  
silent, cradling her in his arms and letting his own guilt eat at him  
internally.  
  
]++[  
  
There was work piled high on Misato's desk, papers in piles high and  
threatening to fall at any moment, casting long shadows at certain  
angles that forced Misato to actually work at a far corner of her  
desk. The floor, too, was littered with some of the papers, a result  
of Misato's brief attempt to try and relocate one of the piles. It was  
all tedious paperwork, all form letters that she had to fill out and  
respond to and read simply by virtue of her position, and she hated  
it. "This is pointless," she muttered, her vision slightly blurring  
the letters of the page in front of her together. "It's just another  
letter complaining about property damage from the latest Eva battle.  
As though things would be any better if we just left the Angels to  
their own devices."  
  
Sighing, she realized that she was talking to herself, reaching up one  
hand to rub the back of her neck as she rolled her head about gently,  
purple hair cascading about her shoulders. Try thought she might, she  
wanted to leave, to go back to her apartment with Neil and Nieve, to  
sit and have dinner and laugh with them. Even though she knew, in the  
back of her mind, that they would leave as soon as the Angels were  
defeated, the simple fact of their presence somehow made her feel more  
comfortable at home, as though everything was running smoothly with her  
life. "Like I'm a mom," she muttered, smiling somewhat ambivalently at  
the thought. "All of my other friends have kids by now. Younger ones,  
but kids."  
  
Closing her eyes briefly, Misato's thoughts lighted on Ritsuko,  
realizing that the other woman didn't have any children either, that  
she was the only person that Misato had really stayed in contact with  
outside of college. "So maybe we're all the same like that," she  
muttered, almost idly trying to remain focused on the thought of  
children even as she found herself drifting towards the uncomfortable  
rift between her and Ritsuko. It wasn't that she didn't want to be  
friends with the blonde woman, she simply couldn't get her mind around  
the concept of Kaji dating her. She knew that it had been awkward for  
Ritsuko in their younger days, being the odd one out amongst the trio,  
and Misato had no desire to take the role for her own -  
  
Blinking, Misato realized that she'd lost any semblance of work  
completely, and shaking her head she turned back towards the letter  
lying on her desk, the words still blurring together out of sheer  
repetition. "I barely even need to be reading these anymore," she  
muttered, idly tossing the paper into the pile she was reserving for  
those that she'd read, planning on simply addressing a single form  
letter to the entire lot of complaints. "They all say the same thing,  
after all."  
  
Allowing herself a momentary pause, Misato reached up to snatch the top  
paper of the nearest pile before she heard the hissing of her office  
door sliding open. Her brown eyes flicked towards the doorway, and she  
felt her expression darken slightly as she saw Kaji walking in,  
dissheveled as usual, apparently having nothing better to do with his  
time than bothering her. "You're working rather late, Misato," he  
noted casually, stepping towards her desk with a casual grace,  
characteristic smirk on his lips. "You never used to concentrate this  
much when we were at school."  
  
"School didn't involve the fate of the planet," replied Misato harshly,  
glaring at the man as he smiled at her. Bad enough that he was dating  
her once-best friend, but she could still taste his lips upon hers, as  
though it would somehow make the whole affair fine by her standards.  
"Go do your job, Kaji. You're the head of a department, too - act like  
it." She snatched the top paper defiantly, slamming it down in front  
of her and doing her best to look as though she was reading it, still  
trying to watch Kaji out of the corner of her eye.  
  
Kaji simply stared for a moment, then took it upon himself to lean  
directly into Misato's light, blocking any chance she might have had of  
pretending to read the letter. "You were a lot more fun at school," he  
noted, his tone light, as though they had only graduated a month or so  
beforehand. "You used to come hang out with Ritsuko and I, to enjoy  
yourself." He paused briefly, and Misato took the opportunity to yank  
her gaze and the paper out from under the now-obscured light, moving to  
a still-lit portion of her desk. "Heck, you used to be dating me."  
  
"Yeah, well, times have changed," replied Misato, knowing that she  
sounded awkward and blushing despite herself, torn between wanting the  
man to simply leave her alone and wanting him to do something that she  
couldn't quite put into words. The thought of being with him still  
repulsed her, but as she stared at the letter in front of her she found  
herself wondering if she was truly repulsed by the concept, if she  
hadn't simply convinced herself over time that she wanted to be  
repulsed by him. "You're dating Ritsuko now. Go and have fun with her  
friends."  
  
"Misato, you -are- her friends," replied the man, laughing slightly.  
"You know how focused Ritsuko is on her work. How many other friends  
do you think she has?" He paused briefly, as though seriously  
considering the question. "Maya, I suppose... maybe Commander Ikari  
and Commander Fuyutsuki, but I can't imagine that either of them would  
make particularly good drinking partners."  
  
Now it was Misato's turn to laugh, the thought of the tightly reserved  
Dr. Ikari at a bar uproarious on too many levels for the woman's anger  
to avoid taking some mirth at the suggestion. Letting her eyes flutter  
closed as the laughter faded, she turned back towards Kaji, wanting to  
ask him why he had kissed her before, why he'd been so blatant with his  
affections. Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again ever so  
slightly, the words catching in her throat. "Ryoji... why didn't you  
ever say that you loved me?"  
  
The man said nothing in response, and almost unconsciously Misato found  
herself remembering why she had chosen to leave the man in the first  
place, the cold expression on his face the day that she'd told him that  
it was over. "We were together all through college. Everyone thought  
that you were going to marry me. But..." She hesitated, eyes still  
closed, restraining tears behind heavy lids. "Just those simple words,  
and I would have stayed. That was all I wanted to hear." It was a  
lie, but somehow she felt that it was what she needed to say to him,  
the only way that she could convince him. "Were you ever planning on  
telling me that you loved me? Or was I just a way for you to have some  
fun for a while?"  
  
Once again, silence hung in the air, and Misato let her eyes open,  
knowing that she was about to start crying but feeling oddly calm about  
the situation. The thought of Kaji simply standing nearby and staring  
at her with the same smug grin on his face was unbearable, as though  
everything she had gone through was trivial to him. It was a shock to  
see that the grin had been replaced by a deathly grim face, a sort of  
stoic wall that Misato had seen before but had never quite understood.  
"There was something that I wanted to tell you, before you decided to  
leave." He paused briefly, then he closed his own eyes, letting his  
head tilt forward slightly. "But that's not important now, is it?  
Like you said, times have changed. No point in trying to drudge up  
relics of another time."  
  
Misato wanted to insist, but she found her motuh stilled, as though her  
subconscious was demanding silence for some unknown purpose. Kaji's  
expression remained stoic for a moment longer, then the grin surfaced  
once again, as though nothing had happened whatsoever. "Anyways,  
Ritsuko and I are going to be going out tonight, just having a good  
time. If you want to bury the hatchet between us..." He trailed off,  
letting the implication hang in the air, knowing full well that the  
woman had caught it. "You know the place. The same place that we  
always used." Once again, a pause, but this one seeming to carry the  
implications of more to follow. "Of course, you do have your little  
surrogate family with Nieve and Neil. It's up to you."  
  
Staring at the man, Misato couldn't tell if he'd read the situation as  
she saw it that easily or was simply being snide and had made a lucky  
call. "I'll keep it in mind," she said, softer than she'd intended,  
and the man seemed to take it as his cue to depart, offering a quick  
wave as he headed out of the office. Misato's eyes lingered on the  
doors for a moment longer, then she turned back towards the letter, the  
letters of the page blurring together once again, the back of her mind  
letting her know that she had no chance of getting any actual work done  
for the rest of the day.  
  
]++[  
  
There was no chance that Niobe was actually going to be able to  
internalize the text of the book in front of her, her mind even  
momentarily blanking on thename of the book. It made her angry with  
herself to realize that, knowing that she should be able to do more  
than one thing in the day, that as long as she had the spare time she  
should be doing something productive. With Misato remaining determined  
not to let the young girl practice for too long inside of her Eva,  
Niobe was left with a glut of free time on her hand, and she had taken  
to trying to digest some literature that her father had wanted her to  
read but she had never quite gotten the chance to. "Focus, Niobe," she  
muttered to herself, closing her eyes for just a second. "You don't  
want to fall behind the others."  
  
Rolling over, she lay facedown on the bed for only a second before  
propping herself up, tan blouse shifting against her skin as she  
propped herself up on her elbows, her loose white pants shifting gently  
as her hair fell down onto the open pages of the book. "I really ought  
to get rid of it," she muttered to herself, almost happy for the  
distraction, letting it momentarily take her attention away from what  
she was failing to do with the book. "It's just a burden. And Ryo  
obviously doesn't really care about it." Pausing momentarily, she  
allowed herself a sigh, then reached over and closed the book gently,  
trying to console herself with the knowledge that most of the other  
Children were probably wasting their time in other ways.  
  
"I wonder when Ryo's getting back," she muttered, allowing herself a  
thin smile at the thought of the boy returning, certain that she was  
making some progress with him, that he was starting to warm up to her.  
She'd managed to determine that he was simply staying silent because he  
didn't want her to get sloppy, that as long as he acted aloof he could  
count on her trying to impress him. In the back of her mind, she had  
her doubts, but those were silent as she let herself roll onto her  
back, the thought of the boy's return filling her with an inexplicable  
joy. "He'll want me when all of this is over. That's all I have to  
do. As long as I keep being the best... he'll wait for me. He won't  
want Nieve any more."  
  
Frowning slightly, Niobe thought almost idly back to the Eleventh  
Angel's attack, the way that Nieve had surprised her in the locker  
room, as though she was genuinely worried about Niobe. Part of Niobe  
felt contemptuous of the implication that she needed others to worry  
about her, but she also couldn't help but smile at the thought of  
Nieve's little bit about being the daughters of NERV. "I wonder what  
she's doing," she muttered, shaking her head gently, feeling a small  
tightness in her chest at the thought. "I've barely seen her outside  
of Central Dogma, not since we got off the boat."  
  
The thought shifted the smile on her face to a bittersweet one, as  
Niobe let her thoughts drift to the other Children, little more than  
names and vague recollections of faces in her head. She knew Ryo by  
heart, from both affection and simple proximity, and she had gotten  
Nieve's face burned into her memory years before she'd even met the  
other girl. But even though she knew the names of the other three  
Children, she would have been hard-pressed to pick them out of a crowd,  
or to try and give anything more than the barest physical details about  
them. "Funny," she muttered, feeling as though it was anything but.  
"I've been here for such a long time, done so much with the others...  
but I've barely even learned who they are. As though I'm the only one  
here."  
  
Sighing, Niobe forced herself to remember her most recent conversation  
with Joseph, the man's grudging acceptance that she had improved  
carrying with it the subtle undertone that he was displaesed with the  
way that she had handled herself. "I can't let personal relationships  
interfere with the big picture," she half-whispered, closing her eyes  
gently, remembering the first time that Joseph had told her that.  
There was a vague buildup of tears behind her eyes, something she did  
her best to suppress. She knew that her relationship with Ryo was  
different, that even though Joseph would be opposed to it she was doing  
the right thing, but she knew that certain sacrifices had to be made to  
be the best. "It's all for the best. It's what I'm supposed to be  
doing."  
  
A creak came from outside of Niobe's room, and the girl's body tensed  
momentarily before she sprang to her feet, throwing open the door to  
her room with a smile. Ryo stood only a few inches in front of the  
doorway, shoes already removed, his school uniform hanging loosely off  
his pale frame, red eyes flicking towards Niobe casually. "I apologize  
for being late," he said flatly, the tone of his voice implying that he  
was apologizing more out of a sense of obligation than any actual  
regret. "I will start dinner."  
  
"No rush. I'm not very hungry." Niobe forced herself to remain  
smiling, knowing that she had to keep up the best possible face, that  
he wanted to see how good she really could be. Inside her head, she  
was slowly chanting to herself that he was only acting frigid towards  
her, that he truly wanted to be with her but simply needed to be sure  
he could rely on her. "How did your testing go?" she asked, stepping  
out of her room and into the hallway, feeling her long hair lightly  
brush against the back of her blouse.  
  
Ryo stared at the girl for a moment, blinking out of curiosity, and  
Niobe inwardly scolded herself, knowing that she should have remembered  
Ryo never understood when she asked such questions. "According to  
schedule," he replied at length, the vaguest hints of something else  
beneath the surface of his words, as though the boy was finally  
starting to melt away the icy wall between he and the African girl. "I  
will not be attending school for at least two more weeks. Commander  
Ikari's orders."  
  
Part of Niobe took Ryo's words as a sign that she was being successful  
in her quest to be the best pilot, assuming that Ikari could only want  
Ryo out of school to make him catch up to her. Another part felt bad,  
knowing that such an experience could be painful. "Do you want to talk  
about it?" she asked, still retaining the smile across her face, as  
though everything was fine. Ryo shook his head gently, and Niobe bit  
her lower lip, wanting to say something that would make him impressed  
with her, something that he would want to hear. "Not that I expect  
you'd need the school, of course. I mean, other people are just  
distractions, aren't they?"  
  
"I suppose," replied Ryo, sounding as though he truly didn't care what  
Niobe was saying as he stepped around her, his body lightly brushing  
against her as he passed. "All that ultimately matters is that we  
defeat the Angels." He stopped in front of his door, hand resting on  
the doorknob, on the cusp of simply entering the room but somehow  
restrained. Something was rising within him, something that he  
couldn't begin to explain had anybody asked, and a slow smile began to  
creep across his face, almost invisible against the gray walls and poor  
light of his apartment. "I will still get to see Nieve, however." He  
paused, realizing almost unconsciously that it was the first time he  
had spoken about the girl in name to Niobe. "That... that is..."  
Letting his eyes close, he fumbled for the words, his thoughts about  
Niobe's words on emotions and Eiko's words on love slowly drifting  
through his mind. "Good."  
  
Niobe was left utterly stunned as the boy entered his room and closed  
it behind him, part of her idly noting that he was still capable of  
throwing her off even though she thought she'd finally gotten him  
figured out. She had never heard him use that tone of voice before,  
like an innocent child discovering for the first time what it meant to  
be attracted to another person, as though he was only five years old.  
"It's an act," she whispered to herself, trying to convince herself as  
she stepped back towards her room, her hair feeling choking as it moved  
against her body. "He's just trying a different way of testing me.  
Nothing has changed. He cares about me." She took a deep breath,  
reminding herself not to get distracted as she opened the door. "He  
cares about me. He has to."  
  
Standing only inches from the door within his own room, Ryo was equally  
surprised by his statement, the words feeling alien to him even though  
they had come out of his own mouth. The light of the setting sun from  
the lone window in his room felt comfortable, as though he was back  
within the smooth tube of LCL, the gentle warmth caressing his body.  
"Seeing Nieve would be good," he repeated, the words feeling more firm  
in his mouth, still trying to understand why they felt so comfortable,  
how such an obvious breach of routine could feel right.  
  
Letting his eyes close, Ryo tried to think about the situation, letting  
his brain push the statement through the logical routine he'd been  
taught by Gendou, knowing that if he simply followed the routine  
correctly it would yield the answer. "Love is giving control," he  
muttered, wondering almost idly if he was beginning to gain some  
control over his life, if things were falling into his hands. The mere  
thought stirred something within him that he couldn't quite place,  
something powerful that he couldn't name. Shaking his head, he pushed  
the thought out and stepped over to his closet, beginning to change out  
of his school uniform, running through the old routine, his mind  
suddenly finding itself occupied with the concept of something else.  
  
]++[  
  
The stains of tears were still lying on Nieve's cheeks as Neil gently  
tucked the lone blanket he could find over her prone form, pale skin  
and red hair silhouetted against the green color of the couch and the  
mottled tan of the blanket. Her breathing still came in quick gasps,  
but it had finally managed to level off, and Neil took a minute to  
simply watching the gently motion of the girl's body from breathing  
before he turned around and shut off the small, aging VCR. "I never  
did ask what I'd done wrong," he muttered, making sure to keep his  
voice quiet enough not to stir the now-sleeping girl, his mind whirling  
about the possibilities silently.  
  
For a moment, the only noise that filled the apartment was the quiet  
buzzing of electricity through the wires of the walls and the distant,  
omnipresent humming of the cicadas. Neil sat calmly, simply letting  
himself try and piece together what he'd done wrong, all of his  
mistakes of the from the day coalescing internally, when without any  
warning he heard the front door open with what seemed like the noise of  
a gunshot. Neil froze momentarily, then carefully rose to his feet  
swiftly, redirecting his momentum to quickly lope from the living room  
towards the front door, the reflexes that he'd honed from piloting the  
Eva being directed to an entirely different purpose. Misato was  
standing in front of the door, gently removing her shoes, an odd  
expression lurking beneath her eyes. "Hi, Neil," she said, sounding  
exhausted as she removed her red jacket. "How was your -"  
  
Neil held a finger up against his lips as he lurched to a stop, giving  
the elder woman pause long enough for him to gesture towards the living  
room and start walking towards her. "Nieve's asleep," he explained,  
stepping towards her even as he forced himself not to think of the  
awkward encounter he'd had with her a few nights prior. "She...  
we..." He paused, then shook his head. "Some things happened. Bad  
things."  
  
"Must have been," replied Misato, her brown eyes lighting immediately  
on Neil's shoulder, the wet stain from Nieve's tears still obviously  
visible. Neil simply stared at the woman for a moment, unsure of what  
she was referring to, then glanced towards the wet stain on his shirt  
and blushed. "I'm assuming that you're not flexible enough to cry on  
your own shoulder, so I'll draw the obvious conclusion." She paused,  
then stepped from the small recessed area up into the main hallway from  
the door into the apartment. "Can I ask what you were talking about?"  
  
The boy didn't respond for a moment, casting his eyes towards the floor  
out of sheer uncertainty, wondering if Nieve would have been willing to  
let him tell Misato or not. Silence passed between them long enough  
for Misato to choose to step past the boy and into the kitchen, her  
purple hair brushing lightly against his head. "Her life," replied  
Neil, his gaze still fixed on the floor, feeling as though he would be  
betraying Nieve if he said too much and betraying Misato if he didn't  
tell her enough. "How much... how much do you know about her personal  
history? I would guess that since she's been with NERV so long -"  
  
"It was the anorexia, wasn't it?" asked Misato almost casually, as  
though she was simply speaking about a particularly nasty species of  
insect. Neil's head whipped around towards the woman, watching as she  
simply took a beer out of the fridge, the same inexplicable expression  
lurking beneath her eyes. It seemed almost as though something had  
snapped inside her, an expression that he'd caught glimpses of before,  
a simple burning out of her ability to care about things. "That was  
when she was thirteen. Lasted until she was fourteen officially, and  
from what I understand she only really recovered to a healthy weight  
about a year ago." She paused, looking towards the boy at length. "We  
all knew, Neil. It's part of being administrative staff."  
  
A thought occured to Neil, a concept that scared him at the same time  
that it was almost relieving, a vague realization that hadn't even  
begun to enter his mind before the moment that Misato had told him she  
knew about Nieve. "Do you know..." He paused, struggling with the  
words, almost afraid to ask for fear of learning that he was right.  
"Do you know about all of our pasts? Everything?"  
  
"Most of what we can," replied Misato, cracking open the beer with a  
loud hissing noise, the vague scent of alcohol filling the air and  
letting Neil's head flood with memories. She paused as well, holding  
the beer in her hand and simply staring at it, slowly turning towards  
Neil. "Yes, I know what happened on the schoolyard, Neil," she said at  
length, her tone almost sounding guilty, eyes hidden from him by  
lowered lids and strands of purple hair as she tilted her head  
forward. "And I know about your father, and your mother, and your  
grades in school. If I asked for your dental records, I could get them  
fairly quickly." She paused again, this time more briefly. "I'm  
sorry. I should have told you."  
  
Neil shook his head, the news striking him oddly numbly, as though he'd  
already been aware of the fact and was simply hearing it for the  
umpteenth time secondhand. "It's all right," the boy replied, almost  
feeling silly for not realizing that the organization could have access  
to such information. "I just... didn't know anything about it. I sort  
of assumed that you..." He paused, feeling himself losing the ability  
to be truly coherent, knowing he was stammering and babbling despite  
himself. "I don't really know what I would have wanted. It's just a  
lot to take on in one day."  
  
"But you should have been told," replied Misato, something lying  
beneath her tone, as though she was blaming herself for the situation.  
The woman let herself take a single long sip of her beer, something  
still lingering beneath her eyes, an unspeakable sadness that Neil  
couldn't begin to understand. "We - I - should have let you know  
exactly how much we knew about you. There are so many things that  
you've been forced to take on, and you shouldn't have to deal with all  
of them..." She paused once again, then smiled somewhat bitterly.  
"I'm sorry. I'm probably sounding painfully melodramatic right about  
now. It's just been a long day at work, and I suppose I'm being a  
little contemplative." She shook her head. "But you're probably just  
as exhausted as Nieve."  
  
Allowing himself a smile, Neil nodded, feeling inexplicably awkward as  
he moved towards the living room slowly, glancing quickly over his  
shoulder into the room where Nieve lay sleeping. He couldn't see her  
at all, and he found himself worrying about her, wishing that he was  
over watching her and making sure that she was all right instead of  
talking with Misato. "Just another day, I guess. We were bound to  
find out more about one another eventually."  
  
Misato didn't reply, but Neil could hear the soft noise of her feet  
padding against the floor of the apartment, getting louder as she  
walked towards him while he continued to stare into the living room.  
"Do you really care about her?" she asked, softly and casually, enough  
so that Neil didn't really catch the question until a moment or two  
after the woman had fallen silent. His head turned towards her, green  
eyes resting on her unreadable expression, something tensing within him  
as he began to notice how unusual Misato was acting. "You should ask  
yourself that. It's not fair to her if you don't." Her face was  
almost blank, and Neil found himself trying to figure out what it was  
that was going on behind the expression, only the vaguest hints of  
sympathy peeking through. "So... do you?"  
  
"She's my teammate," replied Neil without hesitation, knowing as soon  
as the words had passed his lips that he'd said the wrong thing,  
feeling a minor twitch of guilt at the thought. "We trust each other  
with life and death. We've got to." He paused, then sank his head  
slightly. "But it's hard to tell, I guess. Most people don't go  
through things like this. We're trying to get to know each other under  
pretty extreme circumstances." Frowning slightly, he looked towards  
Misato. "I'm not sure."  
  
"I think you do," Misato replied, her tone implying that it was more of  
a continuation of her previous statements, almost sounding as though  
she hadn't really listened to what Neil had seen. Her expression had  
shifted again, looking almost maternal, head tilted slightly forward  
and eyes angled towards the couch. "But I think you're also an unusual  
case." She paused, then turned towards Neil, a bittersweet smile on  
her face. "You're lonely, aren't you?" Neil frowned, biting his lower  
lip slightly, then nodded, and Misato gave another nod in response.  
"So you have to figure out - do you care about Nieve genuinely, or just  
because she's somebody to be with?"  
  
Neil's face morphed completely into a frow, almost scowling at Misato  
for a moment before he moved his gaze towards the couch where he knew  
that Nieve was sleeping. "I could ask the same thing about what you  
think about me," replied Neil, feeling bitter at both Misato and  
himself. "Or about you and Kaji, for that matter." He paused, knowing  
that he'd probably struck a nerve, trying to convince himself that he  
didn't care about it. "Where's all this coming from, anyways? It's  
not like you're my mother."  
  
A small, almost silent noise came from Misato's direction, and Neil  
turned towards her to see the same bitter smile that he'd seen earlier  
playing across her mouth. "I suppose you're right," she replied after  
a moment, shaking her head and stepping over to the fridge, staying  
quiet as she opened the door and placed the opened beer within, then  
closing it and looking towards Neil again, almost ashamed. "Like I  
said before, you have to deal with a lot of things that aren't fair.  
We all have." She paused, then stepped out of the kitchen, past Neil  
and towards the front door. "I'm sorry. It's been an odd day for me,  
and..." Freezing momentarily, she shook her head as she stepped into  
the lowered area in front of the door, slipping on her shoes. "Never  
mind. You're probably getting sick of other people dumping their  
emotional burdens on you."  
  
The boy's eyes went wide for just a moment, recalling what he'd been  
feeling earlier as he'd wished for Nieve to stop crying, a twitch of  
panic and guilt racing up his spine at the thought that Misato had  
picked up on it, that Nieve could have noticed as well. "It's not a  
problem, really," he replied, taking a step towards the door after  
Misato. "Just talk to me. I'll listen."  
  
"You wouldn't understand," replied Misato, shaking her head, one hand  
resting on the doorknob as the same smile seemed to freeze into her  
face. "I guess we all forget who you are sometimes - even though  
you've had all this responsibility given to you, you are just kids."  
The woman shook her head and closed her eyes for a second, Neil feeling  
utterly confused, as though he was watching a movie after having missed  
a critical portion. "I'm going to go out tonight. Can you and Nieve  
take care of yourselves?"  
  
Forcing a smile, Neil nodded. "We can handle gigantic robots and  
horrific beasts - I think we'll manage." He wanted his voice to sound  
strong, resolute, certain of itself, but instead it simply sounded as  
though he was trying to force it into precisely that, as though he was  
hiding something from himself.  
  
"Glad to hear it," replied Misato, either not noticing the tone of  
Neil's voice or simply ignoring it, turning around as she twisted the  
doorknob and pushing the door open. Standing in place, Neil wanted her  
to pause for a moment, to glance back in his direction, to make some  
last gesture before she left. It was the way that things always worked  
in the movies, the way that he would have been able to begin to  
understand what was going on, some hint inside of her brain. But he  
received no such thing, and the door closed behind her quietly as Neil  
stared, the click of the door closing signaling the last noise from  
her, filling the apartment with a now-uneasy silence.  
  
]++[  
  
As his avatar whirled about on the enlarged display area, the almost-  
holographic representation of a man in a long red trenchcoat sliding  
smoothly away from his opponent's attacks, Vash had to fight down the  
urge to let himself be overcome with euphoria and lose his focus on the  
conflict at hand. He was winning for the first time in a long while,  
and even as his opponent drove a blade towards his chest he forced the  
joystick in his hands to one side, letting the blow fly freely, the  
simple grace of the maneuver visible to the small crowd that had  
gathered to watch. Gritting his teeth, Vash flashed a quick smile  
before hammering in a swift combination of buttons and directions,  
letting his character slam the other one in the gut firmly before  
pulling out a massive silver gun and firing a single round that sent  
the other fighter sprawling. "I won," he muttered, letting it sink in  
for a moment before turning towards Eiko. "I won!"  
  
"Congratulations. I'm sure everyone's very impressed." The girl's  
tone was slightly quiet, but her lowered eyelids and wry grin made it  
clear to Vash that she wasn't truly resentful about his victory, simply  
trying to make him feel a little bad about it. A thin layer of sweat  
had beaded along her forehead, and there were a few damp patches along  
her blouse, less from the heat of the arcade and more from the simple  
stress of the game. "You did a good job, though. I didn't think you'd  
been practicing."  
  
"I haven't," he replied, technically telling the truth, adding silently  
in his head that looking through various strategy guides with Kensuke's  
help didn't count as practicing. "All the experience I've had with the  
Eva must be helping me out a bit." He paused, breathing a heavy  
breath, then shook his head and reached up to smooth his blonde hair,  
letting just a few strands fall free intentionally. "I've never seen  
you use that maneuver from the second match before, though. That weird  
thing you did, where you feinted forward and then started hitting from  
both sides. Nearly had me." He paused. "You want to go get some  
dinner? I'm starving."  
  
"Sounds good," replied Eiko, releasing her death-grip on the controls  
of the arcade machine with a smile, bouncing towards the dining area  
with a smile on her face as Vash followed close behind. "I'd never  
seen it before either, not until earlier today. Neil and I were  
playing the portable version with your GBP. He said that he was just  
pressing buttons randomly, but it worked pretty well. I stepped right  
into it."  
  
Vash felt himself tense at the mention of Neil, almost unconsciously  
slowing his steps as Eiko continued ahead, her green-gray skirt  
swishing around the smooth flesh of her legs for a moment before she  
realized that her boyfriend was falling behind. She stopped,t hen  
began to turn, and Vash felt himself tense further, not wanting to  
admit what he was thinking, knowing that it made him look horrifically  
insecure. "What's wrong?" she asked, frowning at him, her eyes  
penetrating, as though she already knew the answer.  
  
Biting his lower lip for a second, Vash laughed, waving one of his  
hands as though it was nothing whatsoever as he stepped around the girl  
and continued towards the dining area. "Wrong? Not a thing. I'm just  
surprised that Neil could know a trick that you don't." He smiled,  
shrugging as lightheartedly as he could. "I guess there's got to be  
something to do over in America, though. I just sort of assumed that  
he didn't pay much attention to games like that."  
  
There were no sounds from Eiko as the boy marched to the counter of the  
dining area, reciting the order that he knew more or less by heart and  
handing over the small sum of yen, taking some small joy in the fact  
that he was receiving a salary from NERV. It wasn't much, but it was  
enough to more than cover his minor expenses, and it made him look  
better to be able to throw down money whenever he needed to. By the  
time the man in the surprisingly crisp white uniform had given him the  
food he'd requested, Eiko had already selected a table, far from the  
counter, crouched in the flashing lights and vague smoke of the  
arcade. "Couldn't have picked something a little closer?" he asked,  
voice loud enough to carry as he walked towards the table with food in  
toe, smiling good-naturedly.  
  
Eiko said nothing until the boy actually reached the table, and Vash  
could see instantly from her expression that there was something major  
going in inside her head. "I wish that you didn't hate him so much,"  
she said quietly, the subject of her speech obvious, Vash freezing with  
the food hovering slightly above the table, the bitter taste of the  
smoek drifting into his nose and stinging his nostrils. "I've been  
friends with Kensuke for years, and you've never acted like this about  
him."  
  
For a moment, Vash considered trying to write the whole thing off,  
knowing that it would look better if he didn't appear to be jealous.  
But the damage had already been done, and in the back of his mind he  
knew that, simply letting the rest of his thoughts accept that fact as  
he sat down at the table across from Eiko. "Because I've been friends  
with Kensuke for years, too," he replied, sounding slightly more bitter  
than he'd expected. "Heck, if you were attracted to Kensuke, I might  
have an easier time understanding it. You've become awfully close to  
Neil even though he's only been here for a little while."  
  
"So I'm not allowed to make new friends?" replied Eiko, her tone rising  
slightly, the pitch of her voice becoming sharper. Vash said nothing,  
biting his lower lip and staring at the girl, doing his best to keep  
his face unreadable even though he knew that it would anger the girl at  
least a little. "Vash, we're all fighting the Angels together, and  
Neil and I happen to get along well. For all you know, I could just be  
talking about the way that it feels inside the cockpit of the Evas.  
You have no idea of what goes on when we stop by to see each other."  
  
"Well, that's another part of the problem," replied Vash, his voice  
growing slightly more angry even as he tried consciously to keep it  
down, not wanting to make a scene. He didn't dare take his eyes off of  
Eiko for an instant, knowing that she wouldn't be pleased with him for  
doing any such thing, but he suspected in the back of his mind that  
there were still a few spectators from the game before watching them,  
and even if he was wrong he knew that shouting matches tended to  
attract crowds. "I don't know what you're doing with him. You could  
be playing video games, or you could be out clubbing old ladies with  
sticks. You only talk to me about it in passing."  
  
"And? Vash, you're not in charge of me." The girl's tone was growing  
more confrontational, a tone that Vash distantly recognized from the  
few conversations that he'd heard between Eiko and her parents. "I can  
go out and spend time with other people if I want to. I don't need  
your approval." She paused, frowning at him, something on her face  
making Vash distinctly uneasy for reasons that he couldn't entirely  
piece together.  
  
Quiet settled over the table for a moment, Eiko reaching over and  
taking her food from the boy, Vash trying to figure out how to approach  
the situation without making a scene. "Would you rather be with him  
right now?" he asked at length, voice quiet without manipulation, only  
the slightest hesitation in his voice. Eiko's hands froze, hands still  
grasping her food awkwardly, a slow shock coming over her eyes. "After  
all, you're talking about me as though I make you miserable. Would you  
rather be with Neil?"  
  
"I... I don't..." Eiko paused, then shook her head, looking at Vash  
somewhat harshly. "No. No! Vash, that's ridiculous. You're my  
boyfriend. We've been together for years." She paused, then reached  
over and gripped his hand gently, squeezing it even as the thin smoke  
of the arcade wrapped around them. "Don't say things like that. You  
know that I want to be with you. I just wish that you weren't so  
afraid that he was going to steal me all the time."  
  
"Maybe I'd be less afraid if..." Vash stopped himself, realizing that  
he didn't want to admit he was scared in the first place a second too  
later. Wincing internally, he shook his head, wishing that he could  
reset the conversation completely, wanting very much not to talk about  
anything related to Neil. Then an idea occured to him, and he turned  
back towards Eiko, the bitter taste of the smoke flitting into his  
mouth as it opened. "I'm not afraid that he's going to steal you, I'm  
afraid that you're going away from me. I still don't understand why  
you didn't want me when we had planned."  
  
Eiko's eyes went wide for a moment, then she squeezed Vash's hand  
again, leaning forward as her dark hair swung lightly around her pale  
skin. "Is that really bugging you?" she asked, her voice sounding  
almost ashamed, only the vaguest hints of relief creeping in. "Is that  
what this is all about?"  
  
"Kind of," replied Vash, letting his blue eyes drift ever so slightly  
away from Eiko, focusing just enough to one side of her head that he  
wasn't looking into her eyes when he lied. He didn't like lying to her  
at all, but he needed to find a way out of the conversation, and he  
didn't want to look as though he was jealous to her. It was the only  
alternative that seemed to present itself, even if it was distasteful.  
"I mean, we've been together for a long time, and you were so excited  
about it, and..." He paused, trying to find the words, mouth moving  
silently as he tried to force out something.  
  
Then Eiko leaned still closer to him, cutting off what he was about to  
say, leaving the half-formed words within his brain to drift and  
dissipate despite their importance. "All right," she said softly,  
obviously trying to keep others from hearing her. "I have a spare set  
of keys to Hikari's house, and she and her parents are going away  
tonight. We'll have the place to ourselves." She paused. "If it  
really means that much to you, then let's do it."  
  
Vash stared at the girl, then nodded, feeling a minor pang of guilt for  
saying yes. It wasn't that he didn't want Eiko - she was probably the  
most attractive girl in his entire class, and definitely the most  
likable one. But he'd only moved onto the topic of their abortive  
effort at making love as he was grasping at straws for a way to get out  
of the conversation without looking bad, not as a way to get laid,  
especially when the only way to do so was to sneak into the house of a  
friend. Sighing silently to himself, he smiled at the girl across the  
table, not wanting to say what he was thinking, knowing that he no  
longer had a choice.  
  
]++[  
  
Sleeping had never been something that came naturally to Neil  
Richelieu, and from what he undestood from his mother he had been like  
that more or less since the day he was born. She never seemed to tire  
of telling him that he had been horribly fussy as a child, that he was  
always waking up and crying because he'd presumably had a nightmare.  
Time had passed, but Neil's predisposition towards nightmares and  
insomnia hadn't changed in the slightest, and as he lay in his darkened  
room he simply stared at the ceiling, thoughts filled with Nieve and  
Misato. In the back of his mind, the single green eye of EVA-01  
quietly beckoned towards sleep, and almost idly he found himself  
wondering whether he was better off tortured by nightmares or waking  
worries.  
  
"Wonder if Eiko knows about me," he muttered softly to himself,  
distantly aware of some noise outside of his room and writing it off as  
Pen-Pen waking to get some food. The thought that Eiko might know what  
he had done seemed like an unlikely one, but he'd also assumed that  
Misato didn't know. He thought back on the times when he'd wanted to  
tell her, feeling guilty for not telling her at the same time that he  
resented the fact that she had known all along, feeling aqs though he  
was an open book to the woman, that she knew full well the sort of  
horrible person that he really was. Biting his lower lip, he rolled  
slightly to one side, the embrace of the lone green eye in his  
nightmares suddenly seeming rather inviting.  
  
Then there was the noise of a door opening, and Neil turned himself  
back towards the door, eyes wide, expecting to see Misato stepping  
through the door even though he was certain she wasn't home yet. His  
eyes widened further as he saw Nieve standing in the door, light from  
outside in the apartment silhouetting her against the doorframe, her  
flame-red hair glinting slightly under the light from behind her.  
"Nieve?" he asked, sitting up in his bed as the girl seemed to stare at  
him, his eyes unadjusted and only slowly focusing in enough to pick out  
the girl's expression. "Are you all right?"  
  
"No," replied Nieve flatly, seeming to huddle in on herself as Neil's  
eyes irised into focus, the slender form of the girl in front of him  
becoming clearer. She seemed breathtakingly beautiful to Neil,  
something about the sheer vulnerability that she exuded making her more  
attractive to him. "I'm not all right at all. I'm..." She paused,  
her head sinking, strands of hair like fire draping down about her  
shoulders. "I'm ugly. And alone. And weak."  
  
"Don't say that," replied Neil, beginning to get out of his bed before  
he realized that the girl was moving towards him with halting steps,  
arms crossed across her chest, her blouse and skirt suddenly seeming  
very thin as Neil's body twitched into response. It was embarassing,  
but for once Neil was too focused on other problems to feel guilty  
about it, worried that something terrible was about to happen and that  
he was powerless to prevent it. "Nieve, you're beautiful. I thought  
so the first day I met you. And you're not alone." He paused, the  
girl's steps slow and small, body rocking back and forth with each  
small motion. "I'm with you. I promise."  
  
"I know," replied Nieve, one hand reaching out to close the door behind  
her, the light from outside of the room catching a single tear before  
it was obscured once again with a soft click. "I know you're with me.  
I just..." She paused for a moment, leaning backwards against the  
door, the distance between her and Neil feeling infinite to both of  
them. "Neil. Remember when I asked you if you'd ever thought about  
sleeping with me?"  
  
A hard lump congealed inside Neil's throat, his entire body tensing  
slightly as he recalled the day. "Yes," he replied, voice sounding  
slightly raspy as his throat seemed to drain itself of moisture. "I  
remember."  
  
"Give me an answer," replied Nieve, her voice sounding at once brittle  
and strong, one hand moving ever so slightly as the girl's muscles  
tensed. She felt almost drunk, the haze of sleep still resting upon  
her eyelids and her mind, only one thing standing out in her mind as  
she focused on the young blonde boy in bed before her. "Please, tell  
me the truth. Have you ever thought about... about making love to me?"  
  
Neil wanted to lie. He hated admitting it to himself, but he wanted to  
lie to the girl, to tell her that he'd never thought of it, simply for  
the fact that it would make him feel better about himself. But he knew  
that lying would only hurt her more, even as he realized that the truth  
would make it clear that he'd been lying before. "Yes," he replied  
softly, feeling unusually exposed, the surpressed guilt from his  
involuntary erection beginning to seep into his mind.  
  
"Then..." Nieve took a deep breath, and as Neil stared at her she  
pushed off of the door, her hands slowly moving towards the buttons of  
her blouse, fingers resting uncomfortably against the smooth plastic of  
the buttons. A rush of blood went through Neil as he felt the tension  
of the moment, everything becoming crystalline for one second as the  
girl stood across from him, her green eyes open wide to match Neil's  
even as they were cast down towards the floor. Then her hands began to  
move, slowly slipping the buttons free of their holes, moving swiftly  
and leaving the blouse hanging open. "Then do it."  
  
Had the apartment caught fire at that moment, Neil doubted that he  
would have been able to move unless Nieve did, that he would have been  
hard-pressed to avert his eyes as he stared at the girl through the  
scarce silver moonlight. Her skin beneath the shirt was pale, the same  
beautiful and smooth tone of the rest of her body, almost seeming to  
glow under the light of the moon. All that broke the smooth surface  
was the white lace of the girl's bra, gently wrapped about her breasts,  
both notably smaller than Misato's but for the moment the most  
beautiful and transfixing sight that Neil had ever seen. They were at  
once sexual and simply perfect, an expression of the awkward tension of  
the moment at the same time that they provided a comfortable rest for  
Neil's gaze. "Nieve..." He swallowed hard, unsure of how to finish  
the sentence.  
  
"Please, Neil. We're not children." She'd meant to sound confident,  
but her voice wound up coming out small and vulnerable as she stepped  
towards the bed, at once wanting to simply toss the rest of her clothes  
off and cover herself up once again. Her feet moved across the room  
slowly, and as she movved she shrugged her shoulders enough to sent the  
shirt falling to the floor, the blouse landing in a lump of maroon  
fabric as the dim light caressed her shoulders and arms. "I'm asking  
you as an adult, as someone who cares about you... as someone you care  
about. If you want to make love to me, do it."  
  
Neil could only watch as the girl continued to walk towards him, her  
body obviously trembling as she moved, as though she wondered why the  
boy wasn't responding in some way. Then she came within arm's length  
of Neil, and slowly she reached out to him, her hands brushing the  
fabric of his shirt, a small tremor moving through his body as he felt  
the contact. Slowly, haltingly, he reached over to her, touching his  
hand against the smooth skin of her stomach, feeling the warmth from  
her body, the electric sensation of touching the girl's skin as she  
stood in front of him, tension filling the air. "I've never done this  
before," he whispered to her, wanting very much to take her up on the  
offer even as he felt some distant reservations.  
  
Reaching down, Nieve's fingers curled around the bottom of Neil's shirt  
for a moment, then pulled it off, the night air feeling oddly strong  
against his skin as she tossed the shirt to one side. "Neither have  
I," she replied, something vaguely resembling her usual smile drifting  
across her face, both hands moving to grip Neil's, pulling his hands  
gently to her skirt, slipping his fingers in around the elastic,  
trembling slightly as she felt his hands against her hips. The  
implications were obvious, and Neil pulled down, letting the clothing  
fall to the floor, hands brushing against her legs as he moved. "But  
I'm not afraid. I want to do this with you, Neil. I really do."  
  
Gently, Nieve began to step onto the bed, her body pressing against  
Neil's as he lay back down and she rested on top of him. The sudden  
warmth and contact and cavalcade of emotions were more than Neil had  
been expecting, and even though he knew that the girl was still wearing  
some clothing he felt as though they were totally naked together.  
"You're beautiful," he said, slowly reaching up to embrace the girl as  
she stared into his eyes, the eyes of both wide as his hands rested  
against the back of her bra. The nagging reservations in the back of  
his head remained, however, and a thought occured to him even as he  
began to remove the clasps that held the bra against Nieve's smooth  
skin. "I... I don't have a condom. We..."  
  
"Shh," replied Nieve, pressing a finger against the boy's mouth even as  
he felt her body shudder slightly, a single tear forming and falling  
agains his cheek. "I... I can't have children. One side effect of  
anorexia is that it ruins your reproductive system, and if it persists  
long enough the effects are permanent." She paused, her body  
shuddering gently now, the girl not crying but seemingly ready to  
because of Neil's comment. "When I found out that I would never be a  
mother, I almost went into a relapse. I was the end of everything good  
about my mother, the last in my line."  
  
Neil felt a bit of justified guilt, and his hands began to move away  
from the girl's bra before her own hands reached up to stop them, even  
as the tears slowly fell from her emerald eyes. "Please, Neil, don't  
stop. I know..." She paused, a slight tremor going through her body.  
"I know that I'm broken. But I need to feel you right now, need to  
feel that you truly want me near you, that you're not going to leave.  
I need to be near you. I..." Her voice dropped slightly, as though  
she was terrified someone might hear her. "I love you."  
  
The words struck Neil almost like a blow across the face, something  
completely and utterly unexpected as he felt the girl press against  
him, his own arousal growing even with the tumult of guilt in the back  
of his mind. "I love you too," he whispered, her arms moving back down  
to embrace him as he released her bra, letting it fall away from her  
body from simple gravity. The white lace undergarment fell against his  
chest for a moment, then the girl rose slightly and tossed it away,  
affording Neil a full view of her small but still attractive breasts,  
the smooth white skin blending to a single red point. Neil stared for  
a moment, then almost instinctively reached up towards the girl,  
letting his hands cup against the breasts, feeling her twitch as he  
touched them.  
  
Though he'd never seen anything explicitly pronographic, Neil knew more  
than enough about what sex was supposed to be from movies. He knew the  
way that it was supposed to feel, all of the overt mechanics of the  
operation, the way that women were supposed to cry out and men were  
supposed to move, and he'd always expected in the back of his mind that  
he was more than prepared for his first encounter. From the instant  
that his hands cradled Nieve's breasts, however, he knew that he didn't  
have the vaguest idea of what he was doing, that he was dealing with  
something far beyond anything he knew. All that he could do was let  
himself go, let his body tell him what to do and react to Nieve's  
motions, hoping that it was wired into his brain, that he could go on  
some kind of autopilot.  
  
Luckily enough for him, the plan proved to work quite well, and Neil  
found time blurring into itself, his world a series of disjointed  
images of the beautiful girl in his arms riding waves of ecstacy and  
his body experiencing the same thing. He lacked the words to even  
approach description of the feeling - the closest that he could come  
was a simple physical description, and he knew without even trying that  
it didn't even begin to convey what was passing between he and Nieve,  
that there was too much going on beyond the overtly sexual. The  
experience felt magical, spiritual, perfect at the same time that it  
felt inexpressably natural, and as he felt his partner move around him  
he found himself almost losing his identity, the two bodys wrapped  
together on the bed blurring into one.  
  
It might have been hours or simply minutes before it was over, and  
either way Neil would not have been surprised by the fact. Nieve  
collapsed into sleep almost the second that it ended, only whispering  
that she loved Neil one last time before cradling herself in his arms  
and the blankets, a smile finally passing over her lips as her eyes  
drifted closed. That in and of itself almost made everything else all  
right, and as Neil held Nieve tightly, her naked flesh still pressing  
against him, he felt momentarily comforted, as though the eye of the  
Eva suddenly offered him nothing he couldn't alleviate.  
  
Then he closed his eyes, and the face of Eiko Suzuhara was waiting for  
him inside of his mind, eyes wide as though she was disgusted with the  
boy, the expression unspeakably alluring and painful.  
  
Neil's eyes flew back open again, suddenly becoming extremely conscious  
of the naked girl his arms were around, the fact that he'd though of  
Eiko feeling even worse as he looked at Nieve. He was glad that he was  
holding her, was ecstatic that she had wanted to sleep in his amrs, but  
at the same instant he wanted her to be Eiko, wanted to hold the  
Japanese girl in the same way. "I'm horrible," he whispered to  
himself, holding Nieve slightly more tightly as he closed his eyes  
again, Eiko's face still staring at him within the recesses of his  
brain. His guilt was renewing itself, and he felt ashamed for having  
not tried to stop Nieve from making love to him, as though he should  
have told her how horrible he really was. Grimacing slightly, he tried  
to push thoughts of Eiko out of his mind, the eye of EVA-01 still  
distantly watching as the two girls danced back and forth within his  
thoughts.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The weight that doesn't show.  
The weight that remains hidden.  
The weight that pulls you down.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 16: BURDENS OF THE SOUL  
"I don't want to fight you. I want to make you -hurt-!"  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	16. Burdens of the Soul

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 16: BURDENS OF THE SOUL +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no  
one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept  
my word and have not denied my name.  
- REVELATIONS 3:8  
  
]++[  
  
Hikari Horaki belonged to one of the few families that had moved to  
Tokyo-3 almost immediately after its construction that did not have a  
position within NERV, and was perhaps the only one that was not well-  
off in the first place. Her mother had been left with three young  
daughters and a dead husband only a year prior to the completion of  
Tokyo-3, and while the government had expected a flock of workers to  
fill the gaps in the city's infrastructure, only a few individuals  
seemed to actually arrive to make the city run normally, Hikari's  
mother being one of them. It had taken years for the family to move  
out of their tiny apartment and into a decent house, and it was still a  
small one, near the center of the city, barely two floors tall and only  
equipped with a single bathroom.  
  
Vash stood in the bathroom, one arm resting against the smooth white  
porcelain of the toilet, pants open as though he actually needed to go  
to the bathroom, thinking about what he knew of Hikari's past simply  
because it gave him an alternative to thinking about his own  
situation. His eyes were closed, the only sensory input other than the  
loose feel of his clothes being the vauge scent of soap and  
disinfectant, an odd combination with the tight sensation in his  
chest. If there had been a window in the bathroom, he would have  
happily climbed out it, but instead he could only stand, trying to  
think about anything other than the reality of his situation, wishing  
that he could urinate just to have something to do.  
  
Eiko's kiss still was lingering gently on his lips, the warm sweetness  
of her tongue still rolling about in his mouth, keeping his mind  
focused on what they had done even though he wanted to deny it. It had  
been uncomfortable, lying on Hikari's couch and slowly undressing, the  
passion between them building gently, just as it had before. This  
time, things had gone even more poorly, and even sooner than last time  
Eiko asked him to stop, gripping his wrists in her hands and telling  
him that she wasn't ready. It was an intensely passionate moment, and  
Vash had wanted, more than anything, to deny her the option of telling  
him to stop, to give her what he knew she wanted.  
  
It was only then, stnding in the bathroom weakly, that Vash realized  
what he'd actually been contemplating, what it said about him as a  
person, and he knew that he'd done the right thing by simply storming  
off to the bathroom, offering only a curt announcement that he had to  
go as explanation to the girl. He would never have raped her, and he  
knew that academically, but the thought that he had even considered it  
made him at once angry with himself and angry with her. "This wouldn't  
happen if she just made up her mind," he muttered, restraining the urge  
to hit the wall, feeling almost as though she was playing with him, as  
though she wanted him to show her that he was decisive enough to take  
her by force.  
  
Shaking his head at the sheer absurdity of the thought, Vash reached  
down and zipped his pants shut, letting his eyes drift open once again,  
feeling uncommonly exposed and alone as he stood in the bathroom. He  
rested for a moment longer, then reached down and flushed the toilet,  
washing his hands despite having done nothing, wanting to at least keep  
up some kind of appearance with Eiko, wanting her at least to believe  
in him a little bit. Sighing heavily, not looking forward to what he  
knew awaited him outside of the bathroom, he reached over and turned  
the knob, moving with almost unconscious ease back towards the living  
room.  
  
The girl was sitting up on the couch once again, uniform blouse now  
fastened as it was before, her hands folded across her knees, a red  
blush spread across her cheeks, as though she was ashamed to even be  
near Vash. "Hey," he said quietly, drawing her gaze up towards him,  
for once unsure of what his own expression was, completely baffled as  
to what the girl in front of him was feeling. "Sorry about getting up  
like that... I just really had to go." He tried to force a laugh,  
failing somewhat but maintaining a distant hope that he'd convinced the  
girl. "So I guess it's probably better that we stopped, then."  
  
"Vash, I'm sorry," said Eiko softly, sounding genuine, her eyes  
flicking away from Vash to focus on something that he couldn't quite  
pick out. "I'm really sorry. I'm just..." She paused, then shook her  
head. "I just don't think I'm ready right now. I know how much we've  
talked about it, but -"  
  
"It's all right," he replied, his voice losing some its usual mirth as  
he turned away from the girl, not wanting to seem angry even though he  
felt it. He hadn't really wanted to come to Hikari's house in the  
first place, and now that things had gone wrong he wanted mostly to  
simply leave, to go find something else to do, and most importantly in  
his mind to avoid talking to his father about what had happened. "I  
understand. Today isn't a good day. That's fine."  
  
"You're not listening," replied Eiko, drawing Vash's gaze back towards  
her, some of his mixed bitterness and embarassment fading away as he  
looked at the girl. She seemed not so much angry as frustrated, legs  
closed close together, anxiously wringing her hands together. "It's  
not just that I don't think today is a good day, it's..." She paused.  
"It's that I don't think that there's going to be a good day for a long  
time now. I don't know if I'm going to be ready for a while. I just  
don't know."  
  
"Okay," replied Vash, realizing as soon as the words had passed his  
lips that he'd said the wrong thing. He'd only meant that the day had  
gone wrong, not that it was a day poorly suited to their first time,  
but he knew that he couldn't let the image drop now that Eiko had  
created it, even though he found the thought distasteful. "Fine. I  
guess every time that we said we wanted one another, you were lying.  
That makes sense. That's really -great- to know -now-."  
  
Staring at the girl, Vash could see that his words had cut her deeply,  
that he'd hurt her more than he could remember ever having done before,  
and he winced internally at the sight. He wanted to simply lean over  
and take her in his arms, to make her feel better, not to have a fight  
about something that he truly didn't care about. Gritting his teeth  
slightly, he steeled himself for a fight that he knew was coming as her  
mouth opened, reminding himself that there was no other way to keep his  
image intact. "Vash, I -do- want you," the girl replied, her voice  
growing slightly angrier even as she looked ready to cry. "It's got  
nothing to do with that. It's just a really big step, and -"  
  
"And you -don't- -want- -to- -take- -it- -with- -me-," replied Vash,  
spitting out each word with staccato inflection and deliberate venom.  
He could feel his own ire beginning to rise from the energy of the  
argument, becoming angry even though he truly didn't care about the  
subject. "You can't have it both ways, Eiko. You either want me, or  
you -don't.-" He paused briefly, a thought occuring to him, something  
that he knew would sting deeply, would make the girl take notice. "Or  
would you just rather take the step with Neil?"  
  
Eiko's eyes widened at the name, and Vash knew that he'd struck the  
exact nerve that he'd intended, feeling at once guilty and pleased with  
the fact. "That's not fair, Koji," she said firmly, Vash painfully  
aware that she was angry simply by the fact that she was using his  
proper name. She only called him Koji when she was deathly serious,  
and Vash could feel the argument hurtling towards a conclusion, knowing  
he was powerless to stop it. "Neil has nothing to do with this. Don't  
bring him into it."  
  
"I think he has -everything- to do with it," replied Vash, sneering  
now, the darkened walls of Hikari's house seeming oddly suited to his  
slowly growing volume. "Why not bring him into it? He's already right  
in the -thick- of it." The boy shook his head and chuckled weakly.  
"After all, it's only after he shows up that you decide you don't want  
to go through with something that we'd been planning for -months-, only  
then that you start hanging out with someone else more than me."  
Vash's lips curled into a rather sinister grin even as he winced  
internally, wishing that he could stop, wishing that there was some way  
he could avoid hurting the beautiful girl in front of him any further.  
"Would you like him to be here right now? Do you fantasize about him  
undressing you? Are you turned on just by -thinking- about him sliding  
his -"  
  
Vash's eyes had lost focus in the rush of angry, hurtful words, as  
though the girl in front of him had simply evaporated so that it would  
be easier for him to curse at her. It also meant, however, that he  
hadn't seen her hand racing towards his cheek, his first realization  
coming as the smooth skin exploded across his face, leaving a stinging  
red mark on his cheek that matched the anger he felt towards himself.  
Keeping his jaw set, he glanced back towards Eiko, sneering at her  
externally as she stared back up at him, her eyes narrow and breath  
coming quickly. Tears were sitting just behind her eyes, and she  
stared for only a moment before she began storming for the front door.  
"Rushing off to see him?" called the boy, following her with his eyes,  
still sneering. "Want to find out what it feels like to have a gaijin  
inside of you?" He wanted nothing more than to pursue the girl, to  
take her in his arms and make her feel better, but he knew that it was  
too late, that he had to stay the course no matter what.  
  
Eiko, to his surprise, froze in front of the front door, her hand  
resting on the knob as she stared back at Vash. "I'm leaving because  
you -asked- me that, you god-forsaken little -prick-," she snapped,  
obviously on the brink of tears despite being absolutely furious with  
the boy in front of her. "You want to know what I want? Fine. I want  
to find out what it feels like for you to be -alone-. I want to find  
out what it feels like for you to try and find someone else to care  
about you." She shook her head, then yanked the front door open  
angrily. "I want to see if you can find some other girl like you  
always say you can. And I want you to -leave- me the -fuck- -alone-."  
  
The door slammed angrily behind her, and Vash only glared after her for  
a moment longer before flopping weakly on Hikari's couch, the soft give  
of the fabric feeling almost smothering. "This is all your fault,  
Neil," he muttered, certain that he wouldn't have had to defend his  
appearance in front of the girl at all if the other Child hadn't  
arrived. Cursing his fellow pilot, Vash felt a surge of liquid behind  
his eyes, and biting his lower lip he turned and pressed his face into  
the cushions as his tears began to flow, wishing that there had been  
some way to do things differently, that Eiko was still beside him.  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve had not been able to stop smiling. She lay back on her bed, book  
opened and lying beside her, only a page beyond where she had been the  
prior day, indicating much less reading than she was usually able to  
accomplish in a morning. It wasn't that she didn't want to read, it  
was simply that every time she picked up the book she found her  
thoughts thinking back to the night before and simply falling apart  
into smiles and warm memories. There was simply nothing to be done  
except lie back and enjoy the still-remembered sense of what it was  
like to make love to Neil, a blush of both joy and girlish embarassment  
flooding her cheeks each time that she thought of what they had done.  
  
"It was perfect," she whispered to herself, clutching at the pure white  
of her sheets as the sun from her window splayed lightly across her,  
across the dark green sleeveless blouse she wore and the knee-length  
white shorts. "It was everything that I wanted." She took a deep  
breath, rolling onto her side and feeling her hair move against the  
back of her neck, remembering the way that Neil felt, letting every  
touch of the previous night burn into her memory, from the brief moment  
of pain at the beginning to each crystal-clear moment of absolute  
ecstacy from the boy holding her. There was still a minor ache in her  
lower body, a reminder of the minor pain of lost virginity, but it  
didn't dull the memory any, seeming almost to make it seem even more  
bittersweet.  
  
Cradling herself in her own arms, Nieve felt slightly alone without  
Neil with her, but there was something of him lingering with her yet,  
something that she assumed came innately with the simple experience of  
making love. Even though the rush was slowly fading from her body, she  
still felt uncommonly whole, as though for once everything had gone  
completely right, as though she'd managed to completely regain control  
of her life with only one gesture. "But it wasn't really me in control  
last night," she smirked to herself, unsure about how the realization  
made her feel, trying casually to push it out of her mind. "I just led  
him where he needed to go."  
  
The sound of an opening door came from the room next to hers, and she  
suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, knowing that Neil was at least taking  
a momentary break from his schoolwork. She knew that he had gotten  
more or less no time to work on it the day prior, which was the only  
reason she was even pretending to be reading instead of hanging around  
him as she wanted to. Smooth legs moving in easy strides, she move  
from her bed to her door in one swift motion, throwing the door open  
and moving towards Neil without even bothering to pay attention to his  
emotions, simply hurling herself about him and pulling him tight with a  
joyous smile. "Hey, hon," she said, voice slightly husky. "It's good  
to see you."  
  
Neil pulled the girl's arms off of him awkwardly, and for a moment  
Nieve wondered why until she felt him turn around and embrace her,  
pulling her up and kissing her without any prompting. The pale yellow  
of the apartment walls seemed to disappear for the girl, the only thing  
on her mind the simple act of kissing the boy that she'd given her  
virginity to, feeling utterly safe within his arms, as though  
everything was made all right simply with a kiss. "I'm sorry," he said  
softly, letting her down as the kiss ended, his emerald eyes staring  
into hers, blonde hair falling down around his face. "I should have  
come over and knocked, but I thought you were reading."  
  
In the back of her mind, Nieve wanted to say outright that there was no  
way that she could get any reading done, that all she wanted to do was  
lie with him and talk with him and make love to him once again. She  
knew, however, that there was no way she would be able to maintain any  
kind of control if she gave in to the impulse, and instead she simply  
squeezed him gently, smiling broadly at him. "You don't have to worry  
about that, silly boy," she replied, gently rubbing his back. "We're  
lovers. You're -supposed- to interrupt me when I'm doing something  
else. So from now on..." Pausing briefly, she tried to figure out a  
way to say what she was thinking without losing her control of the  
situation. "From now on, come right in and start kissing me, all  
right?"  
  
"All right," replied Neil, smiling as he leaned over and planted a  
quick peck on Nieve's cheek before releasing her and heading towards  
the door. For a moment, the girl thought that he was about to do  
something romantic and unexpected, but as she saw him step down into  
the lowered area with his shoes she realized that something she hadn't  
expected was about to happen, and she felt a minor twinge of pain in  
her chest for reasons that she couldn't quite explain. "When I get  
back, I'll do just that," he offered, glancing over towards her quickly  
before turning to slip on his shoes.  
  
There was something lingering from the night before that prevented  
Nieve from truly being angry with the boy, something that somehow  
alleviated the pain of watching him prepare to leave the apartment.  
She was certain that it couldn't be any kind of abandonment, knowing  
that he had made a connection with her stronger than anything else,  
something she found herself almost silently chanting as she watched  
him. "You're leaving?" she asked, trying to simply sound cute and  
vaugely upset by the fact, some vague tint of other emotions creeping  
under her tone. "I had hoped we'd have lunch together. Maybe watch a  
movie." She paused, shifting awkwardly on her feet. Maybe... we  
could..."  
  
Neil froze, then looked back towards the girl with sorrowful eyes,  
something that only served to deepen Nieve's confusion. "I'm sorry,  
Nieve," he said again, sounding as though he'd done something horrible,  
causing Nieve to unconsciously clench one fist as the yellow walls  
about her returned to their solid state in her mind. "I... I already  
made plans with Eiko to meet her for lunch." He paused, forcing an  
awkward-sounding laugh. "I really don't think either of us expected  
what happened last night to happen, you know?" The boy rubbed the back  
of his head for a moment, then his expression drooped to the floor, his  
green eyes flicking downward. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."  
  
Forcing herself to take a deep breath, Nieve tried to take stock of the  
situation, reminding herself that Neil was at least apologizing, that  
he realized he had done the wrong thing. One some level, she wanted to  
order him simply not to go, to enforce her control through a few simple  
words, knowing now that she had the ability to do it. Somehow, though,  
it seemed as though it wouldn't fix the problem, that she wasn't going  
to win this fight. "All right," she replied after a moment, shaking  
her head gently, trying to keep it just small enough so that her hair  
like liquid fire swished behind her head alluringly. "But I don't want  
you having lunch with her for the rest of the week. All right?"  
  
A brief silence filled the air, and Nieve wondered if she'd stretched  
herself too far, the incredible high of the night before fading with  
increasing speed as she stared at the boy. "All right," he replied at  
length, shaking his head ever so gently, looking less as though it was  
a defiant gesture and more as though he simply didn't understand her  
reasons. She thought she caught the barest trace of guilt on his face  
as he turned back to tying his shoes, but if it had been there at all  
it evaporated almost instantly, and she wrote it off in her mind,  
knowing that it could well be something she was simply too accustomed  
to. "I'll let her know this afternoon." He paused. "We'll spend the  
afternoon together, you and I. There's this really romantic movie from  
around the turn of the century that I want to watch with you."  
  
"Sounds good," replied Nieve, winking at the boy as he finished tying  
his shoes, his hand already resting on the doorknob, as though he  
couldn't leave the apartment fast enough. Biting her lower lip gently,  
the girl forced herself to remember that he was simply going out to see  
a friend, trying to call back the memory of his hands upon her skin  
from the night before. "But it better not suck." A silence hung in  
the air momentarily, Neil looking at her as though waiting for her to  
say goodbye. "Have fun. I love you."  
  
"Love you," replied Neil, almost throwing the door open and stepping  
out, shutting it gently behind him and leaving Nieve standing alone in  
the apartment. She stood in place for a time, simply staring at the  
brown wood that formed the door, tensing and relaxing her hands in time  
with her breathing, forcing herself to remain calm even though she  
wanted to do anything but. "He's just going to see a friend," she  
muttered to herself, shaking her head. "Eiko is just a friend. He's  
mine now. I won."  
  
Closing her eyes, Nieve tried to summon up memories of the evening  
before once again, hoping to blot out the momentary discomfort of the  
situation with the unspeakably intense ecstacy of making love the night  
before. It had been more than simply the physical aspect, more than  
the electrical connection of her body to what felt like a wall of  
unmitigated pleasure. There was something simply normal about it, a  
comfortable moment where she'd felt entirely normal, as though there  
was nothing wrong with her body. "Just a normal girl," she muttered,  
liking the sound of it despite herself. "Just a normal, healthy girl  
giving herself to a boy."  
  
The girl sighed, then she shook her head as she heard the hiss of Pen-  
Pen's fridge opening, the small black and white bird waddling out with  
a characteristic noise. He stepped out from the kitchen and looked at  
Nieve, his wide eyes seeming naturally inquisitive, and the girl smiled  
at him, crossing her amrs and squeezing her own shoulders. "You don't  
know how lucky you are, do you? All you've got to worry about is  
whether or not we've put fish in the fridge."  
  
"Waugh!" replied Pen-Pen enthusiastically, turning back towards the  
main fridge, as though her comment made a perfectly good suggestion.  
Nieve shook her head, then turned back towards her room, hoping that  
she could do some kind of reading to take her mind off the situation,  
unable to fight down a sense of growing dread knotting itself deep  
within her chest even as she remembered the pleasure and simplicity of  
the night before.  
  
]++[  
  
Surprisingly enough, the sun over Tokyo-3 was not particularly glaring,  
hidden behind an abundance of white clouds that only let tiny bits of  
blue sky peek out from behind them. It was the sort of day that seemed  
perfectly suited to taking a walk, and Neil had suggested the same to  
Eiko once they'd finished their lunch half because of that. The other  
reason, however, was the fact that the girl was being unusually silent  
and dejected, responding with only curt sentences to Neil's questions,  
something that made Neil's internal tension from simply being with the  
girl only amplify itself. So they walked through the terrace of the  
school, around the trees and the shrubs, the sparse sun filtering  
through the vermillion of the tree branches and splaying like a mosaic  
across the gray pavement. "Nice day out today," he noted, trying to  
start some kind of conversation with the girl. "I don't think it's  
been this enjoyable here since I arrived."  
  
"Probably not," replied Eiko, her mind elsewhere, the memories of the  
previous night only amplifying from the proximity to Neil. She  
remembered how angry Vash had been with her all too well, and despite  
everything she found herself toying with the notion of his suggestion  
in the back of her mind. Much as her parents hated the fact that she  
was with Vash, she knew they would hate her being with Neil even more,  
and that somehow made the option almost infinitely more appealing.  
"I'm sorry, Neil," she announced at length, recalling Vash's angry  
words as she cast her eyes towards a small gray squirrel hiding amongst  
the bushes. "I'm not being very good company today."  
  
"I hadn't noticed," Neil lied, trying to keep his tone upbeat. "Do you  
want to talk about it?" He bit his lip almost immediately afterwards,  
and he mentally apologized to Nieve for not doing a better job of  
cutting himself off from the girl. He'd determined that if he could  
just seperate from her completely, then he wouldn't ever think of her  
after making love to Nieve, something that he wanted very badly.  
Whatever else he felt towards Eiko and Nieve, he'd made love to the  
Irish girl, and he felt as though he'd betrayed her by thinking of  
someone else. Still, he knew he would have felt guilty about not  
asking Eiko what was wrong.  
  
Eiko didn't answer the boy's question immediately, instead letting her  
eyes continue to focus on the squirrel. "Yes," she replied after a  
moment, coming to a stop just in front of one of the larger trees,  
running over the brown and gnarled trunk with her eyes simply to  
distract her thoughts. "No. Maybe. I don't know. I..." She paused,  
trying to think about whether or not she wanted to talk to Neil about  
her and Vash, struggling to think about the question without thinking  
about the situation. "It's kind of personal. You... you might not  
want to hear it."  
  
A brief rush of adrenaline washed over the boy as he stared at the  
girl, suddenly worried about what she would say. He was lethally  
afraid that she was about to profess her love for him, and even though  
he knew how utterly unrealistic the expectation was, it excited him  
somewhat. Another knot of guilt formed in his stomach, and forcing  
himself to simply deal with the situation at hand he put his hand on  
the girl's shoulder gently. "Even if I don't, I'll listen," he  
replied, biting his lower lip gently, simply waiting for the girl to  
turn her gaze towards him before he forced another smile.  
  
"Vash and I..." She paused, then shook her head. "Vash and I tried to  
make love last night." Her voice had dropped notably in volume once  
again, a red flush slowly blossoming on her cheeks as her lids  
fluttered half-shut. "It didn't go well, and at the end, he said..."  
She paused, then took a deep breath before staring directly into Neil's  
deep green eyes, something hiding just behind her own eyes that Neil  
couldn't quite place. "He said that he thought I wanted you instead.  
He said that that was why I didn't sleep with him."  
  
Neil wanted to run. The instant that Eiko's lips formed the words,  
even before his ears fully registered the pained melody of her voice,  
Neil wanted to run for his life, to go back and huddle in Nieve's arms  
and let himself be consumed by guilt that he could do nothing to  
prevent. A question pushed to the surface almost immediately in his  
mind, and for a moment he debated over whether or not to ask it before  
he decided that he couldn't possibly make the situation any worse than  
it already was. "Do you?" he asked, his voice only slightly halting.  
  
Eiko giggled weakly, somewhat surprised that the boy had actually been  
brave enough to ask the question at all. She was about to say no when  
she let herself take in the proximity of Neil, her mind wrapping around  
the concept. Something inside of her wanted not to say no, as though  
it would obliviate the possibility completely, as though it was simply  
an option that she wasn't ready to discard outright. "It's not why I  
didn't want to sleep with him, I promise you," she said after a moment,  
knowing it was a minor lie. "But... but he was so angry..." She  
paused. "I think we might be breaking up."  
  
Staring at Eiko, Neil wished that the girl had said no. If she'd  
simply said that she didn't want him, his life would be infinitely  
easier, and he wouldn't have to make any difficult decisions - he would  
simply blot out all memory of the horrible thought that he'd had,  
simply move on with Nieve. It was that closure that he needed from  
her, something she'd denied him by not answering the question, and  
despite himself he found he was angrier with her than he was with  
himself. That faded within an instant, but still he simply wanted to  
know what was going on, for the girl to say that she didn't want him.  
He only noticed at the last moment that she was saying something, and  
only looked up in time to see a fist hurtling directly towards his face.  
  
The blow hit with the force of a freight train against a toothpick by  
Neil's estimation, and he felt himself fall backwards, hitting the  
mosaic-lighted pavement roughly and wincing from both the punch and the  
impact against the ground. His reflexes had changed since he had begun  
piloting the Eva, however, and instead of simply staying where he was  
he scrambled to his feet, moving backwards to avoid getting hit again,  
the whistling noise of air letting him know that he'd barely avoided  
precisely that. Blinking once, he turned his gaze towards his  
assailant, the spiky blonde hair telling him immediately who he was  
facing. "Vash," he said dejectedly, feeling only distantly relieved by  
the presence of a distraction. "What do you want?"  
  
"Closure," replied Vash, quickly stepping forward and letting another  
punch lash out towards the boy in front of him. He wasn't a trained  
fighter, and he knew that, but he'd had more than enough practice from  
EVA-03, and even besides that he was certain that he had more skill  
than Neil. The other boy stumbled back, but Vash was unconcerned,  
balancing on the balls of his feet as he removed his black windbreaker  
and threw it to the ground. "You and I, we have unfinished business  
from the first day you were here. Toji Suzuhara's still in the  
hospital, and I still owe you a beating."  
  
"Vash, I don't want to -" Neil never got a chance to finish the  
sentence, distracted by the effort of stepping back away from another  
one of Vash's punches, the boy's hand flying wide as he glared at the  
other, Neil's feet moving swiftly as Vash continued to assault him. It  
was a steady pattern, enough for him to fall into his own pattern of  
dodging and trying to speak again. "Listen, Vash, I'm sorry about  
Eiko's brother. But I didn't do anything to her, and I'm not going to  
fight you. I -"  
  
Once again, Neil was cut short, this time by the sensation of Vash's  
knee firmly lodging itself in his gut, the motion too fast for Neil to  
dodge without his full attention. It was painful, a fast enough blow  
to knock the wind out of Neil, but Neil had also still not forgotten  
the pain of having something rammed through his chest or his skull.  
Forcing himself to ignore the pain, Neil placed his hands firmly on  
Vash's chest and shoved the other boy back, a gesture that only served  
to further enrage him. "I don't want to fight you," he sneered,  
lunging towards Neil again. "I want to make you -hurt-!"  
  
Neil could feel the rage of battle rising in the back of his head, the  
sort of crimson sensation flooding through his body as he more or less  
hurled himself sideways, the slight blurring of his vision that he'd  
grown accustomed to from being inside of the Eva. It was intense, and  
it took all the focus he had to avoid hurling his fist into Vash, an  
effort that increasingly felt as though it wasn't worth it. More thatn  
he wanted to admit, he felt as though hitting the boy swinging angrily  
towards him would fix everything, would solve all of the problems that  
he was having with Eiko and Nieve. He hated himself for feeling it,  
but as he swung aside and away from another vicious blow coming from  
Vash, he couldn't help but feel his fists clench.  
  
Then Vash feinted to the side quickly, forcing Neil to dodge into a  
momentarily sun-lit patch, the bright light of the sun's golden rays  
striking and blinding him just enough to blur Vash's form beyond  
identification. A fist hit him hard in the jaw, then another in the  
chest, sending the boy staggering backwards, vision whirling about as  
he tried to pick out his attacker once again. He was only distantly  
aware of the onlookers gathered about him, catching a glimpse of a boy  
who might have been Kensuke as he staggered backwards and barely swung  
away from another punch. "That's it, you little bastard. Bleed. You  
deserve it."  
  
Swinging aside once again, Neil touched a finger to his lip where Vash  
had struck him, feeling the warm stickiness of a thin trickle of  
blood. Anyone watching his eyes closely would have noticed something  
come over them at that instant, but nobody saw closely enough to notice  
it, and the only gesture of his face was that his eyes suddenly  
narrowed from anger. Vash lunged at him once again, but this time the  
boy was ready, and both of his hands shot out, grabbing the other boy's  
wrists and shoving his fists off of their course. "You don't know what  
hurting -is-," he hissed, tightening his fist slightly even as Vash  
angrily tried to yank his arms free.  
  
Almost as though it was afraid of what would happen if the fight  
progressed, the Angel alarm suddenly screamed to life, its loud wailing  
cutting through the air and stilling all of the onlooking students for  
a moment. Then the crowd dispersed and began to run for the shelters  
as Vash and Neil remained locked in place, both glaring at one another,  
Vash's gaze passionate and Neil's oddly inhuman, almost serene in its  
fury. Standing a few feet away, Eiko wondered for a moment if the two  
would break apart, if even the threat of an Angel would stay them from  
their course after so much anger.  
  
The moment passed, and Neil's anger suddenly seemed to evaporate,  
erased by the same sort of nervous expression that he'd worn when the  
fight had begun, the realization that he'd let his rage get the best of  
him driving through his chest like a white-hot spike. Vash took the  
opportunity to tear his arms away, still glaring at the boy for a  
moment before turning and starting to walk towards the nearest entrance  
to Central Dogma. "This isn't over, Neil," he spat, beginning to pick  
up the pace slightly. "We'll finish this once the Angel is destroyed."  
  
Neil might have nodded, or he might have simply stared at his right  
hand without moving. Either fact would not have surprised him, and  
either way he was completely focused on his hand, wondering what he had  
been thinking. He had wanted to hurt Vash, too, not just in the sort  
of passionate way that the other boy had wanted but in genuine  
bloodlust. He'd wanted to feel the other boy's jaw slam against his  
fist, wanted to hear Vash cry out in pain, wanted to make the other  
Child feel exactly what he wanted. Gritting his teeth and frowning at  
himself, he took off towards the NERV entrance as well, thoughts of  
Eiko and Nieve buried momentarily beneath a new regret.  
  
]++[  
  
"It was stupid of me to go in the first place," Misato muttered to  
herself, flicking her brown eyes towards the elevator as she heard the  
doors hissing open, knowing full well that it was Ritsuko arriving at  
long last. She didn't know why she'd thought it would have been good  
for her to go out with Ritsuko and Kaji, and in retrospect it was  
outright moronic of her. The night had been fun at first, then quickly  
had reduced itself to awkward tension painted over by artificial  
politenes on her part, neither facet something she particularly  
enjoyed. It made some sort of ironic sense, at least to her, that the  
Twelfth Angel had chosen the day after to attack Tokyo-3, as though it  
was mocking her for even trying. "Makoto, do you have anything more  
concrete on the Angel yet?"  
  
Flicking his eyes quickly towards the main screen, the young man shook  
his head, a few strands of pale brown hair falling against the thin  
layer of cold sweat on his forehead. All that was pictured on the main  
screen was a black and white orb, the two colors splaying over one  
another like a glass marble. It hovered in the air, only slowly  
drifting towards Tokyo-3, a black shadow beneath it far too large for  
the small size of the orb. "No data on the target," he replied  
bluntly, letting his fingers dance across the keyboard. "Pattern is  
confirmed blue, but the AT Field isn't registering on our scanners  
above the fourth level. It's as though the Angel hasn't deployed it."  
  
Misato frowned briefly, then sighed inwardly and turned towards  
Ritsuko, the other woman leaning over Maya's console and studying the  
patterns flashing across the console screen. "Ritsuko," she said, a  
bit softer than she'd intended, trying not to garner the direct  
attention of Commander Ikari as the man stared stoically at the scene  
unfolding on the main screen. "What's the status of the Evas?"  
  
"All operational," replied Ritsuko calmly, either not at all concerned  
with the events of the previous night or simply not caring. It was  
disconserting for Misato either way, but she also knew that it was  
hardly the time for her to bring it up. "Niobe's passed 55%  
synchronization already. Ryo's still at 40% - there's some neural  
interference that seems unusual, but I can't figure out for the life of  
me what it might be. It's probably best to just send him out and hope  
that the ratio corrects itself with a little time."  
  
Nodding, Misato turned towards Shigeru, motioning for the  
communications officer to open a line with the Evas in the hangar, the  
only real thought going through her head the simple fact that she  
wanted to be almost anywhere else. Taking a deep breath, she turned  
towards the microphone as Shigeru flashed a sign of approval, focusing  
on the image of the Angel in front of her, keeping her mind on the task  
at hand as best she could. "All right, the twelfth Angel is  
approaching right now, and we're not certain of its capabilities.  
We're going to deploy you all near the center of the city, but we're  
holding half of you back until we're more certain of what the Angel can  
do. Niobe, Eiko, and Ryo will remain by their launch ports, while -"  
  
"Send me in against the Angel!" demanded Niobe, her voice cutting  
through Misato's with both its intensity and its volume. A small  
windowbox view of the girl came onto the main screen, her face  
resolute, something lurking just behind it that Misato couldn't  
immediately place. "I can do it, Misato. Please."  
  
Were the situation not a crisis, Misato would have taken the time to  
step away and take a few deep breaths, to try and keep herself calm  
even though the world seemed to be conspiring against her. "Fine," she  
muttered, shaking her head, knowing that EVA-02 would probably have  
fared better in close combat but not willing to argue. "-Nieve-, Eiko,  
and Ryo, you'll remain by your launch ports. -Niobe-, Neil, and Vash,  
you'll head out towards the Angel and attempt to engage it."  
  
Vash's portrait popped onto the screen, and knowing that things could  
only continue to get worse Misato began to take deep breaths, counting  
slowly in the back of her mind. "Are you sure want to place Neil's  
worthless little machine out there?" he asked, an uncommonly sinister  
grin on his face. "After all, it's just the testbed Eva. It's not a  
fully functional model. A lot like the kid piloting it."  
  
"The hell you would know," snapped Neil, his own portraiit popping onto  
the screen next to Vash even as Niobe's vanished. There was anger on  
his face, but the hints of something greater were lurking just beneath  
the surface, dulled by the size of the picture and boy the boy  
himself. "You've barely been in combat with the thing, and the first  
time you go out, you aren't even able to do anything."  
  
"At least I didn't destroy half of the city!" snapped Vash, the smug  
nastiness from before replaced with outright anger as he glared at what  
Misato coiuld only assume was Neil. "I know -one- person you put in  
the hospital with your little stunt back then - how many do you think  
you -killed-?"  
  
Misato recognized the look on Neil's face, the wince that he always  
made when he seemed to find something new to feel bad about, something  
that Misato couldn't put an exact name to but still recognizable. It  
faded in an instant, though, and his expression changed back to the  
same sort of restrained anger as she began counting her breaths again.  
"Here's an idea, then - how about I just let the damn Angel crush you  
and your godforsaken hellhole of a city? Or, better yet, I find -you-  
and crush -you- personally? An empty entry plug could probably do a  
better job of piloting that machine than you -"  
  
"-Children!-" snapped Misato, her patience exhausted and a thin layer  
of cold sweat already coating her forehead. Both Neil and Vash stopped  
rather tensely, and Misato waved weakly towards Shigeru for him to cut  
off the transmission. Both portraits winked out, and Misato shook her  
head, letting her purple hair flutter slightly behind her. "Maya,  
launch the Evas into the central port cluster. 01 along route 16, 00  
along route 22. You know where the rest should go." She sighed,  
listening to the young woman at the console hit the necessary buttons,  
Misato's eyes already focusing on the silver metal of the command  
center instead of the main screen as she felt her muscles tense.  
  
A moment passed, the sound of the Evas launching filling the command  
center, and Misato half-heard the small intake of breath from Ritsuko's  
direction that she recognized from their days together in college, a  
gesture the blonde woman had always used as her own personal way of  
indicating she was uneasy. Forcing herself back to a standing  
position, Misato looked towards the woman, only able to see her back as  
the scientist leaned down towards Maya. "Prepare the dummy plugs for  
EVA-01 and EVA-03, just in case," she said, her voice sounding a little  
tired, as though hearing the two boys arguing had sucked the energy out  
of her.  
  
Ritsuko's tone, however, was not the first thing that caught Misato's  
attention. "What do you mean, 'prepare the dummy plugs?'" she asked  
curtly, drawing the other woman's attention towards her swiftly. "I  
thought that the test was aborted."  
  
"It was," replied Ritsuko, shaking her head slightly and letting out a  
small sigh. "But not before we were able to gather some data from the  
Children, enough to activate the system in its most rudimentary form."  
She shook her head again, staring towards the screen, divided to show  
the six Evas as they raced upwards towards their exit ports. "We  
imagine that the system can reach a maximum synchronization of 25% -  
enough to keep the machine operational, but it'll more or less be a  
sitting duck."  
  
"What about the pilots?" asked Misato, stepping closer to Ritsuko,  
unnerved by the woman's cavalier attitude towards the situation. "Will  
they still be synchronized with their Evas?" She forced herself to  
remain calm, to try not to lose control in front of her commander,  
studying the look on Ritsuko's face momentarily and getting all of the  
answer that she needed. "They will, won't they?"  
  
"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure," replied Ritsuko, a forced  
lightness in her voice as she stared up at the main display, the  
smallest smile creeping around the edges of her lips. "After all,  
we've never had a field trial, or for that matter a full laboratory  
test. If we take over from the pilot, though, I'd imagine that they'd  
still be able to feel what the Eva experiences."  
  
Misato didn't know what to say immediately, and instead she chose to  
simply turn her gaze back towards the main screen, watching the Evas  
race towards the surface, their colors blurring with the speed of  
motion. "You'd do that?" she asked quietly, the direction of her  
question obvious, tone low enough to be lost amongst the noises of the  
technicians on the levels below. "You'd replace the Children with  
machines?"  
  
"You saw what was going on with the Third and the Fourth," replied  
Ritsuko, her tone condescending, as though she didn't feel they  
deserved to have their names spoken. She had flicked her gaze away  
from the main screen, down towards the crimson tops of the housings for  
the Magi. "This is the fate of the planet we're talking about. If we  
can't rely on the Children, I'd be more than happy to entrust it to  
something we -can- rely on.  
  
Neil had grown accustomed to not liking the way that it felt to have  
the Eva's mind synchronize with his, to feeling uncomfortable every  
time he breathed in the blood-scented liquid that flooded the entry  
plug. Every time he found himself approaching a combat situation, he  
felt the back of his mind begin to flood with bloodlust, with the  
desire to simply hurt something, and he hated it. This time, however,  
the Eva didn't wait for the Angel or even for him to reach the surface,  
its brain wrapping around his like a bloodstained comforter, a  
disturbing feeling to say the least. Trying to force his mind to  
focus, he let himself take in the scenery as he reached the end of the  
launch tube, letting himself get his bearings as the Eva lurched to a  
stop and the scenery of Tokyo-3 came into view around him. He could  
hear the other Evas emerging around him, and taking a deep breath he  
began to move his machine towards the weapons depot, drawing out the  
first weapon that he could find.  
  
He gaped for the barest moment as he realized that he'd pulled out a  
gigantic spear before Vash slammed his black machine into Neil's side,  
just hard enough to force him to stumble to one side, throwing him off-  
balance. Neil glared at the boy as his mouth filled with the salty  
taste of blood, but Vash didn't even turn the head of his black golem  
towards Neil, simply retrieved a standard-issue rifle and turned in the  
direction of the Angel. "Sorry," he said, his voice leaving no doubt  
to his true emotions on the subject. "I stepped a little too far."  
  
Another deep breath of LCL calmed Neil down enough to ignore Vash, and  
he began to move towards the Angel along with EVA-03 and EVA-05, trying  
to fight down the anger in his head lingering from Vash's earlier  
assault in the schoolyard. Under the cloudy skies, the Angel was  
slowly coming into focus, the blue-white marble hovering above what  
seemed to be a black abyss. "Angel within visible range," said Neil,  
knowing that anger was creeping into his tone despite himself, that his  
hands were already clenching the handles of the cockpit tightly. "What  
do you want us to do now, Misato?"  
  
"Christ, can't you do anything without Misato's help?" asked Vash with  
a sneer, cutting off the commander's words before they had even escaped  
her mouth. Neil whirled the gaze of his machine towards Vash, but the  
other boy's Eva remained fixated on the Angel, cradling the rifle in  
his arms. Vash could see him out of the corner of his eyes, and as far  
as he was concerned that was more than enough, taking some small  
pleasure in seeing the other boy get riled up. "No wonder you did such  
a lousy job against the Third Angel. Misato probably hadn't learned to  
talk fast enough."  
  
"Shut up, Vash," snarled Neil, his anger growing, feeling a vague surge  
of guilt through the back of his mind as his grip tightened further  
against the handrests. He didn't want to be angry with Vash, and he  
forced himself to train his eyes on the Angel and the white buildings  
crowding around the orb, blocking Vash's words as best he could.  
"Misato, what do you want us to do?" Above him, he could see the  
clouds beginning to bunch together and grow darker, the implications  
obvious to him, trying to wash out the smell of blood from his nose and  
the anger growing in the back of his mind.  
  
In the command center, Misato could see Ritsuko visibly tensing, her  
blue-gray eyes staring with rigid focus towards the main screen  
disapprovingly. She could hardly blame the other woman, which only  
made things worse - what she really wanted to do was take both of the  
boys aside and tell them to behave themselves, as though they were  
simply being rowdy in a classroom instead of piloting gigantic war  
machines. "Hold your distance from the Angel, and split up as much as  
possible," she replied, trying to sound harsh enough to scare Vash into  
being obedient. "Observe its motions." She paused, then put one hand  
over the microphone, glancing over towards Makoto in hopes that he'd  
managed to put together something more concrete about the Angel.  
  
Makoto shook his head as he caught the woman's stare, and she sighed as  
she stared back towards the main screen, watching the Angel move. "Our  
sensors aren't even able to determine the physical properties of the  
Angel. No AT field, no discernable substance..." He paused, shaking  
his head for a moment and drawing Misato's attention back towards him  
almost inadvertantly. "It's like it's a ghost. Something that doesn't  
exist to us."  
  
Vash had heard and obeyed Misato's order, and he was flanking the  
Angel, training his rifle on the marble-colored beast hovering through  
the buildings. His mind was elsewhere, however, still angry at Neil  
for the situation the boy had placed him in, certain that it was  
ultimately his fault that there had been a falling-out with Eiko. In  
the back of his mind, he knew that he was being immature about the  
situation, but he had no desire to focus on that, instead, keeping his  
eyes trained on the Angel and watching Neil from the corner of his  
eyes. "Good job picking a spear there, Neil," he said, sneering  
slightly as he continued moving. "I'm sure that it's a really good  
choice over a gun. Because you've had such a great track record when  
fighting something hand to hand."  
  
Had Neil been given a spare moment, he would have at least have been  
happy with the fact that he had been sufficiently distracted from the  
awkward situation with Nieve to not worry about it, though he probably  
would have begun worrying about it as soon as he realized the fact. As  
it stood, however, he found himself fighting to simply keep his anger  
below the surface, to avoid doing what he wanted to Vash, knowing that  
he had a bigger responsibility. "Enough, Vash," he snarled, holding  
the spear at the ready as best he could, knowing full well that it  
would be an awkward weapon if the time came to use it. The blood-scent  
began to fade from his nose as he breathed slowly, forcing himself to  
calm down even as he felt the mind of the Eva urging him on.  
  
Nieve frowned as she watched the Evas in the distance circle the Angel,  
somewhat worried by the conversation going on between Vash and Neil.  
It was worrisome enough that she wasn't over there to keep a handle on  
the situation, but Vash was sounding distinctly unreliable, as though  
he was somehow jealous of the boy. Thinking for a moment, Nieve  
reached over and flicked open a private channel with Eiko. "Hey,  
Suzuhara," she snapped, certain that she was pronouncing the other  
girl's last name wrong and not particularly worried by it. "What's  
going on with Vash? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"  
  
"That's open to debate," replied Eiko curtly, her gaze also fixed in  
the distance, flicking back and forth between 03 and 01, both moving  
with surprisingly similar caution, as though the two boys were thinking  
the same even as they shouted at one another. She was worried about  
Neil, certain that Vash might be willing to do something stupid, but  
she was also concerned about Vash despite herself, still wanting him  
not to be so angry with her. "It's probably just more of the fight  
they were having at lunchtime."  
  
Feeling her hands spasm involuntarily, Nieve turned her gaze back  
towards the purple form of Neil's Eva, frowning and feeling the intense  
urge to rush forward and defend him. She knew that Neil wouldn't do  
anything, but she also knew that Vash was probably stupid enough to try  
something, and she didn't know what Neil would do in such a situation.  
"Be careful, Neil," she muttered, leaning forward slightly as the  
clouds above her began to let loose a small drizzle of rain, wet  
droplets splattering against the back of her crimson machine.  
  
Vash and Neil were on opposite sides of the Angel now, both of them  
slowly circling it in one direction at varying speeds, their paths  
changing slowly as it moved closer to their original launch ports.  
"Why don't you make a go for it, Neil?" taunted Vash, feeling better  
simply by how visibly the boy was becoming unnerved, his steps with the  
Eva growing less confident, hs motions becoming visibly sloppier. "You  
don't need to train for it or anything. Just go right in. Rush in and  
get yourself hurt." He sneered. "Or get other people hurt. Either  
way, it's not like you don't get to be the golden boy, right? What  
does it -"  
  
"-ENOUGH-!" snapped Neil, finally at the breaking point, unable to see  
his Eva's eyes briefly flash green as he changed his grip on the  
spear. He was tired of being heckled, but he knew that it would only  
make things worse to go after Vash directly, and he knew that he did  
have an obvious target for his anger. Gritting his teeth, he swung the  
spear low to his side as he dropped into a crouch, letting the point of  
the weapon scrape against the pavement slightly. "I don't hurt people  
with this machine. I -protect- them."  
  
Neil could distantly hear Misato shouting something to him, but he  
didn't care as he launched his machine into the air, the muscles of the  
Eva coiling and throwing him towards the Angel's position even as it  
slowly drifted forward. The scent of blood was everywhere, and as he  
felt his field of vision begin to go red he turned the spear and let  
the point jut out, his trajectory bringing him directly in line with  
the Angel, coming towards the orb in just the right way to drive his  
weapon straight through it. In the back of his mind, he wanted to calm  
the anger, control it once again, but his thoughts were being buried  
under the waves of fury that Vash had goaded him into, and without  
further thought he let out a battle cry and jabbed the spear forward,  
letting the point break through the black and white surface of the  
hovering orb.  
  
Though he wanted to forget, Neil still remembered what it felt like to  
stab the schoolyard bully with a pencil, and he'd never forgotten the  
unique sort of pressure that came from driving something through the  
body of another. He felt no such pressure as the spear jabbed through  
the orb, enough to let him know that something was wrong even as the  
others around him saw the spear pass through the orb as though it was  
nothing, the long haft whistling through the air as Neil began to  
descend once more. Some part of his mind knew that he should say  
something to Misato, but his thoughts were elsewhere as he felt his Eva  
crash to the ground, dropping to a crouch once again and preparing to  
spring back towards the orb, the spear now gripped in one hand as the  
left pressed against the ground between his legs.  
  
Letting the muscles in his machine tense once again, Neil gave a mighty  
push, his eyes focused on the orb hovering above him and intending to  
go straight through the sphere this time. With a deep breath of blood-  
salted LCL, he let himself push off once again, expecting to feel his  
machine launch itself into the air towards his destination without a  
problem. Instead, he felt a momentary lurch and only a tiny amount of  
movement from his Eva. Glancing downwards immediately, he stared at  
the ground for just a second, seeing the black shadow of the Angel  
beginning to encroach upon his machine's purple surface.  
  
It took him a moment to realize what was going on, and his eyes widened  
in shock as he felt the machine starting to sink down into nothingness,  
anger forgotten in a moment of abject terror. "I'm sinking!" he  
shouted, putting all of his force into his left arm and tearing the  
hand off of the ground. Glancing up once again, he stood to his full  
height and tried to stab the spear upwards into the orb once again,  
holding it at the very end of the haft as it drove up. The blade  
penetrated the black and white surface, but once again Neil could feel  
no resistance, knowing that he'd done nothing. "The Angel's orb isn't  
important! It can't be harmed!"  
  
Vash felt only vaguely conflicted as he watched the purple golem in  
front of him whirl the spear about, stabbing it into the nearest  
building and trying to pull itself out of the blackness even as it sank  
down to its ankles. Then he looked down to realize that the pool of  
nothingness was expanding in his direction, only a meter or so away  
from his feet. "It's growing," he snapped, taking a step backwards  
before moving back towards the entry ports, knowing full well to move  
around the black oblivion. "Better get yourself out of there, Neil.  
It's you're own stupid fault for jumping in there anyways."  
  
Neil would have said something, but he was far too concerned with not  
getting sucked into the void, feeling it creep up the backs of his legs  
even as he struggled, like some sort of inescapable quicksand. It felt  
like sandpaper rubbing across his skin, a minor pain that only served  
to accent his fear of being swallowed by the nothingness. Jaw set  
firmly, he pushed as hard as he could against the spear, trying to pull  
himself upwards, only to find that the building he'd driven the spear  
into simply sank deeper into the mire itself. "I can't pull myself  
out!" he shouted, wondering if Misato was even listening to him.  
  
"Cut Neil off from communications," snapped Misato, feeling a tension  
in her chest as she said the words, as though she was sentencing the  
boy to his death. Shigeru hesitated a moment, then did as she asked,  
his fingers moving swiftly across the console. "We're withdrawing from  
the situation. Nieve, Eiko, Ryo, prepare for immediate recall. Niobe,  
Vash, if your ports are inaccessible, head for the nearest available  
entrance as fast as possible."  
  
"Wait just one damned minute!" snapped Nieve, slamming a fist against  
the nearest handrest, fully aware of what was going on. "Nieve's still  
trapped inside that thing! We've got to do something!' She paused,  
feeling tears coming out of her eyes despite herself, feeling the port  
beneath her begin to open up to bring her back to the lower level.  
  
"I plan to, Nieve," replied Misato, taking a deep breath. "I just  
don't know what." She gestured to Shigeru, and the comm line to the  
other Eva pilots was cut off, the air silent for a moment as Misato  
stared at the main screen. "Shigeru, open the lines again, this time  
with all of the pilots on. Maya, reel in the power cable. Divert all  
available power to the winch."  
  
Though Neil could still see outside of his Eva, he was not glancing  
behind himself, couldn't see the black cable plugged firmly into his  
Eva's back begin to tense and then withdraw with surprising speed, the  
cord vanishing back into the supply port from where it had originated.  
He did, however, notice the sudden sharp pain in the middle of his back  
as it began to reach its limit, the cord still straining to tighten  
further, pulling his Eva ever so slightly out of the black muck. Neil  
could only distantly appreciate the tug of war between the power cable  
and the muck around his lower legs, but below the surface in the  
control cetner Misato couldn't help but smile as she watched him begin  
to emerge, the purple form of his Eva slowly rising from the shadow.  
  
Her smile faded the instant that she saw the cable snap, the Eva's  
knees quickly sinking back into the oblivion beneath them as Neil's  
panicked gaze turned downward. "God damn it," she snarled, resisting  
the urge to hit something. "Maya, set all of the internal charges in  
the entry port to go off. We need to eject to the maximum possible  
range." She paused, staring at the Eva as it sank down to the middle  
of his hips. "Now!"  
  
"Ejecting entry plug!" announced Maya, slamming down a button on her  
console, waiting for a moment as the Eva seemed unwilling to react to  
the command. Misato felt her body tense as she watched the back of the  
machine remain stationary, the entry plug remaining within the Eva.  
"Ejection command rejected! The Eva is refusing all external feeds up  
to level fifteen!"  
  
Neil couldn't hear Maya's voice, couldn't see the panicked faces of the  
staff on the command level as he struggled, trying to pull himself out  
of the Angel, all other thoughts evaporating out of sheer terror.  
"Somebody, help me," he shouted, obviously trying to remain calm as the  
sensation of sandpaper against his skin spread throughout his body.  
"Help me. Help me!" No response came, and he could feel it encompass  
his lower body as he sank deeper, his hands furiously pumping back and  
forth on the handrests. "Help me! Nieve, Eiko, Misato - somebody!  
Help me! HELP -"  
  
The boy's voice cut off as the Eva's sinking accelerated, and the upper  
torso of the Eva vanished into the block nothingness, swiftly followed  
by the head of the Eva as well. For an instant, the twin black  
shoulder flanges and the horn of its helmet continued to peek out from  
the midnight-black surface of the shadow, then those last remnants also  
vanished beneath the surface, swallowed by the nothingness and leaving  
no evidence that the Eva unit had ever been there.  
  
]++[  
  
Pulsing, screaming waves of blood buffeting against naked skin, oddly  
comforting in their warmth, striking against Neil with gentle force,  
the world a haze of red and black wrapped in a fish-eye style about  
what seemed to be a single green eye. The world was silent as Neil  
remembered the day he gave birth to his son, the panting and breathing,  
the hard tension uncut by sedatives despite the insistence of the man  
at his side, a pressure rippling up along his womb, blood spilling out  
and cradling the infant, the blood temperature just like the cockpit of  
the Eva, smooth against naked skin, like silky fire with hidden poison -  
  
Within Neil's mind, something railed against the sudden incoherence as  
his memory unwove itself backwards, every cell in his body straining,  
the gray matter of his head sparking together and trying to reassert  
what he knew was true. Gritting his teeth against the strands of flesh  
left drifting in the blood-red ocean of menstrual fluid and LCL, he  
forced his eyes open, a momentary wash of red passing over the green  
orbs befor he found himself lying in a teal-gray metal room, apparently  
passed out on the floor. He blinked once, then glanced down at his  
body, seeing that he was still wearing his plugsuit.  
  
Shaking his head, he looked about the room, seeing the computer  
consoles that he'd grown to expect from the testing booths of NERV, a  
single wide window looking out into a darkened room beyond. Taking a  
deep breath, feeling a surge of LCL-laced air hit his lungs, he forced  
himself to his feet, the entire room feeling as though it sloped to one  
side as he staggered over to the window, past rows of computers, light  
only falling about him and making the computers look oddly inimical.  
With uneasy steps, he walked to the window, staring out what seemed to  
be a contained winter.  
  
The boy frowned, then pressed his face closer to the window, trying to  
get a better look at what was out in the hangar. Without warning, his  
eyes snapped shut of their own accord, and he felt the ocean of blood  
about him once again, this time tearing into him with tiny knives of  
ice, washing down his lungs uninvited and choking him into submission  
as he screamed without noise. His back arched, his body spasmed, and  
his eyes flew open once again, lying on his back in the same room as  
before, the lights this time deactivated within the room but active in  
the hangar outside.  
  
"Hello?" he screamed, feeling the metal begin to chill against his back  
for no apparent reason, his echo hitting the computers and seeming to  
take physical form as a shimmering blood-red wave cutting through the  
silent and darkened air. Shaking his head, he forced himself back to  
his feet, looking out the window once again, the temperature in the  
room dropping even further.  
  
What lay beyond the silent and darkened and threatening computer room  
was a massive chunk of ice, the frost from it flooding through the  
entire hangar, bright lights shone on it from every possible anger.  
Staring hard, Neil could see the vague hints of a dark outline within  
the ice, and frowning he pressed harder against the window, noticing  
the green iris that seemed all too familiar. Something momentarily  
made him wonder if he was looking at himself in the ice, but a second  
later the ice suddenly melted, revealing the purple form of EVA-01  
sitting in a puddle of water, leaning up against the back wall of the  
hangar.  
  
Once again, without warning, the entire room shook, and Neil felt  
himself fall away from the window as the metal floor heated up once  
again, sending small darts of flaming pain through the thin fabric of  
the plugsuit for a moment before it subsided as Neil blinked. The  
moment his eyes closed, he felt himself coughing again, this time  
immersed in water, feeling something rough sticking from his chest, a  
vague white form in front of him as he bled from a wound that felt  
impossibly deep. His arms reached up to stop his assailant, then his  
eyes opened again and he found himself curled in a ball against the  
wall with the window, still wearing his plugsuit, the suit now smeared  
with dried LCL despite the fact that he felt none of the liquid in his  
hair.  
  
"Who are you?" The voice was light, almost childlike, but it was  
angry, and Neil whipped his head around to see a woman standing in the  
doorway to the room, wearing a white lab coat over what seemed to be  
another plugsuit, the lights over Neil snapping on just enough to allow  
him the minor glimpse of her. "Tell me who you are."  
  
"I'm..." He paused, then struggled to his feet again. "I'm Neil  
Richelieu, the Third Child. I - I pilot EVA-01." He paused, then  
glanced out the window, seeing now nothing but a darkened hangar.  
"Um... it was out there before, but I don't think you can see it now.  
To be honest, I don't know how I got in here - I was -"  
  
"You are not supposed to be here," the woman interjected, walking  
towards Neil. As she drew closer, Neil could see that she was indeed  
wearing a plugsuit, colored and structured like Neil's instead of the  
standard female suits, navy blue and white interplaying over the suit.  
"This is not your place. This is mine." She paused, her motions  
stopping, the light falling short of revealing anything above her waist  
in any real detail. "Where is my son?"  
  
Neil stared for a moment, then shook his head, blinking and briefly  
feeling the blood wash over him once again. There was soemthing  
familiar about the woman, something that he felt beneath his skin,  
something he couldn't put into words. "I... I don't know who your son  
is," he replied, trying to figure out why she seemed familiar. He knew  
it wasn't Ritsuko or Misato, nobody that he could remember ever seeing  
before, but as he backed against the wall with the window he felt as  
though he should know her name, or at least her presence. "I don't  
know where he is. Where am I?"  
  
"This is not for you!" she snapped, stepping fully into the light.  
Neil felt even more certain that he recognized the woman as he stared  
at her, the fragile structure of her face, the thin brown hair falling  
around her face, the quick blue eyes, but something about her seemed  
wrong, as though he'd only seen her in different circumstances. "Where  
is my son? Tell me where my son is!"  
  
"Who -are- you?" asked Neil, beginning to grow terrified, distantly  
aware of a green light beginning to flood through the hangar behind  
him. The woman was obviously growing distraught, and he could see she  
was clenching her hands into fists slowly and steadily. "I'm sorry if  
I'm not supposed to be here, but I don't know what's going on! Tell me  
who you -"  
  
"GIVE ME MY SON!" screamed the woman, her hands reaching up and  
gripping Neil firmly around the throat, pressing hard aganst his  
windpipe and lifting him up against the window. Her face was contorted  
into a fury, but it seemed uncomfortable there, something Neil felt  
himself thinking even as he felt the warmth of LCL and blood fill his  
lungs. "This is for -him-, don't you realize it? I did this all to  
keep -him- safe! If you are not my son, -get- -out-!"  
  
Struggling to breathe, Neil felt his lips opening in a silent scream of  
agony, and as he looked down at the woman he suddenly realized the  
vague recognition - she looked almost like a female version of Ryo, as  
though the two were twins. Then he felt a searing pain through his  
chest, and two holes burst through the center of his chest, geysers of  
blood erupting from each hole and splattering against the woman's face  
and hair even as she became visibly shocked. Neil felt his chest tear  
itself apart, and his eyes flew wide open, distantly noticing a vague  
light shining from them for just a moment. Then he heard a noise from  
behind him, and a massive hand tore through the wall, gripping both him  
and the woman...  
  
Before the hand could close on him and the woman, as he had no doubt  
that it would, Neil felt himself lurch back to wakefulness with a  
cough, his eyes opening slowly to a dull red-orange sea of LCL  
surrounding him. "The Angel," he muttered, his memory returning to him  
as he glanced around the cockpit, wondering if the video feed had  
simply been shut off or if he was inside the Angel still. Taking a  
deep breath, he tasted the salt of the LCL distantly before leaning  
towards the small display of battery time on his cockpit, ssing that it  
was slowly counting down.  
  
"The power cord," he whispered to himself, finding himself slowly  
reliving the situation in his mind. "That's what the tugging sensation  
must have been, the thing that was pulling me out. And then it got  
disconnected, and the Eva was sucked down..." He paused for a moment,  
the weight of the situation sinking in even as he tried to block it  
from his memory. "I must be inside of the Angel, still. The Eva's  
automatically switched to emergency power within the new environment."  
  
Forcing himself not to panic, Neil glanced down at the battery life  
display, trying to determine how long he'd been down in the Eva without  
human contact. The timer read that he had fifteen hours of power  
remaining, and while his heart made a momentary leap, he realized that  
the Eva must have shifted to bare life support, that it had cut itself  
off in order to conserve power. It was something Misato had discussed  
with him briefly when he'd first begun training inside of the Eva, and  
he tried to cast his memory back to the briefing, trying to recall how  
long the Eva could survive as a simple life-support system.  
  
"Each Evangelion unit is fitted with an emergency battery, five minutes  
of life under normal operating parameters..." He frowned, struggling  
to recall the exact number that she'd given him, speaking aloud simply  
to help fight against the loneliness of the cockpit as the waves of LCL  
washed over him. "Sixteen hours. And considering that I was flailing  
in the Eva on emergency supplies..." He paused, trying to figure out  
the math in his head for how much battery power he might have used,  
then stopped and shook his head. "I probably haven't been down here  
for very long. Must have just blacked out when the Angel sucked me in."  
  
Sighing, Neil idly checked the radio connection for a moment, hearing  
nothing but silence, a sure sign that he had been cut off from the  
others. Even in situations where Misato wasn't speaking directly to  
the pilots, he could still hear voices in the background, Ritsuko's and  
Maya's and Makoto's, the voices of the technicians that he'd come to  
take for granted. Another deep breath of salty liquid coursed through  
the boy's lungs, and he leaned back in his seat, forcing himself to  
relax. "Nieve, Eiko, Misato, please come," he muttered, slowly  
clenching and relaxing his fist, trying to figure out what his dream  
had meant in hopes that it would dull the emptiness around him.  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko stared at the display on the main screen almost idly before  
flicking her gaze back towards the console in front of her, knowing  
full well that Kaji and Misato were both watching her with questioning  
eyes. Before the Children had even finished returning to Central  
Dogma, she had set to the task of trying to figure out what the Angel  
was, and as soon as the command center was able to be cleared she had  
taken it upon herself to begin working on the analysis, Makoto and Maya  
assisting more for speed of processing than anything while Shigeru  
worked on the lower levels to re-establish contact with EVA-01. What  
was delaying Ritsuko now, however, was not the lack of an answer so  
much as the impossibility of it. "I've gotten something," she  
announced at length, leaning back in her chair. "Maybe."  
  
Nobody spoke for a moment, and then Misato stepped forward, obviously  
unnerved by the cavalier attitude the other woman was taking. "If  
you've got something, -tell- us," she snapped, crossing her arms across  
her chest, obviously doing her best to restrain her anger. "'Maybe' is  
a lot better than nothing, and it's all we've got now."  
  
"Are either of you familiar with the theory of antimatter?" replied  
Ritsuko, half as a lead-in to an explanation and half simply to shut  
Misato up while she spoke. The purple-haired woman shook her head, and  
Ritsuko managed to force a wry grin as she looked back up towards the  
main screen. "Antimatter is the exact antithesis of matter. If matter  
and antimatter come into contact, they instantly dissolve into energy.  
That's the theory, anyways - you can understand how it would be hard to  
get far beyond that stage when dealing with this stuff." She paused  
for a moment, turning her gaze back towards Misato and Kaji. "One of  
the early scientists that theorized the existence of antimatter, Dirac,  
proposed that the universe was created out of equal parts matter and  
antimatter. But if that was the case, the entire universe would be raw  
energy - everything would have canceled out."  
  
"Fascinating as 'Quantum Mechanics for Dummies' is, I really don't see  
how it applites to the situation," interjected Misato, frowning up at  
the screen, the black-white marble of the Angel still hovering over the  
city, seeming to mock the staff as it sat motionless. "What the hell  
happened to Neil? And how do we get him out?"  
  
"I'm getting there. Be quiet and listen." Ritsuko ignored the other  
woman's indignant squawk as she turned her gaze back towards the main  
screen. "The concept of a universe so composed - a universe composed  
of nothing but energy - was termed the 'Sea of Dirac.'" She paused,  
then turned back towards Kaji and Misato. "If I'm right, that's where  
Neil is right now. It's an alternate universe that we can only  
describe in the most abstract mathematical terms - the laws that we're  
accustomed to simply don't apply to it. That's why none of our  
attempts to contact him are working - they're all assuming that the  
universe he's in still operates the same way."  
  
Silence settled over the control room for a moment, and Ritsuko took  
that as an indication that it was safe for her to continue talking,  
turning back towards the main screen for a moment. "We've picked up  
the Angel's AT Field - it's within what we thought was the shadow, an  
inverted field of a constantly spreading diameter and about a quarter  
of a centimeter thick. The orb in the sky is the thing's actual  
shadow. That's why Neil wasn't able to hurt it."  
  
"All right," replied Misato, rubbing the back of her head, feeling a  
cold sweat layer over her forehead, a headache beginning to grow at the  
base of her neck. She didn't entirely understand what Ritsuko was  
talking about, but she knew that saying as much would only complicate  
matters, and more than anything she wanted to simply do her job and  
make sure that Neil got back into the base safely. "You've gotten a  
lock on what the Angel is - how do we get Neil back?"  
  
Ritsuko paused, biting her lower lip gently, and Misato knew without  
another word that Ritsuko expected her not to like the answer. It was  
something else that she rememberd from when she and Ritsuko had been  
together in college, another gesture that made her wonder if half of  
the tension between the two women didn't simply come from the fact that  
they were still working together when they should have gone their  
separate ways. "The problem is, without any idea of how the physics  
work in the Sea of Dirac, we don't really have any way of retrieving  
Unit 01." She paused. "Commander Ikari did have a plan, however. He  
contacted me a few minutes ago."  
  
Misato nodded, then realized that Ritsuko had emphasized part of her  
sentence awkwardly, as though there was something she was trying to  
avoid talking about. Giving a cursory glance back towards Kaji, she  
saw that the man was perfectly content to simply watch, his expression  
frozen in one of stoic resolution. "You weren't talking about Neil,  
though. How do you plan on getting -Neil- back?"  
  
Clearing her throat, Ritsuko turned back towards the main screen. "In  
our current situation, we have no way of damaging the Angel. Dr. Ikari  
has contacted the UN, and they've agreed to make a concerted strike on  
the Angel, dropping all globally remaining N2 devices partially into  
the Angel and detonating them simultaneously. The explosive force will  
probably level Tokyo-3 completely, but as it stands it's the only plan  
we have. With any luck, everything absorbed into the Angel will be  
repulsed." She paused. "Unfortunately, there's no way that the pilot  
would be able to survive. The pain would overload his neural system,  
and his brain would hemorrhage until he died."  
  
"So you're going to kill him," snarled Misato, her teeth clenched  
tightly, hands tempted to reach out and strike the other woman hard  
across the face. "That's the best plan that you can think of? Killing  
the pilot just to save the damn Eva unit?"  
  
"Better than losing both," replied Ritsuko, her tone remaining measured  
even as some anger began to creep into it. The woman's eyes had turned  
fully towards the main screen, as though she couldn't bear to look at  
Misato any longer. "Besides, Misato, the plan isn't going to go into  
action until seventeen hours from now. Even assuming that Neil's  
operating on full battery power - which he's certainly not - life  
support would fail sixteen hours from now, and he would choke to death  
on the LCL once it stops being oxygenated. Unless we get him out of  
there sooner, he's dead anyways."  
  
"And you're not trying to think of any plans!" snarled Misato, taking a  
step towards the other woman as one hand clenched itself into a fist.  
"You're just content to wait until he chokes to death like a dog, then  
bomb his body to pieces, just to get back your precious Eva unit!" She  
paused for a second, waiting for some reaction from the blonde  
scientist, knowing distantly that she was getting hysterical and also  
knowing that she didn't particularly care. Ritsuko said nothing, and  
Misato reached out to spin her chair around, forcing the woman's eyes  
to look towards her. "God damn it, Ritsuko, we're supposed to be the  
people -protecting- these children! We're asking them to risk their  
lives, the least that we can do is try to keep them alive!"  
  
"Trying doesn't always mean succeeding," replied Ritsuko coldly,  
pushing her chair back around towards the console curtly, her eyes  
flicking back up towards the main screen. "Commander Ikari wanted to  
move forward with the plan within four hours, you know. I had to  
convince him to wait until the pilot was already dead." She paused for  
a moment, letting the implications of her statement sink in slowly.  
"If you can think of a better way to solve the problem, feel free. I'm  
trying to do the same."  
  
On the lower level of the command center, Nieve couldn't see the women  
firsthand, but she could hear the sounds of their voices, the volume  
just high enough to catch her attention, resounding through the  
cavernous command center. She'd entered through the lowest level in  
hopes of being able to find out how they were planning on recovering  
Neil, but now she found herself with tears gently flooding down her  
cheeks, a tightness in her chest and bitter determination gripping  
her. Taking a deep breath, biting her lower lip gently and tasting the  
bitter salt of the LCL still lingering there, she tried to force  
herself to think beyond the momentary stress, to try and put together a  
plan herself. "I've got to go talk to Eiko," she said to herself,  
knowing that the girl would be willing to help her. Nodding into empty  
air, she turned around and headed towards the hangar, determined to  
find the other Child right away.  
  
Still leaning back on the upper level of the command center, Kaji  
simply watched as Ritsuko typed away furiously, Misato standing a few  
inches away from her, still obviously angry. He considered asking for  
a moment exactly why Gendou was so concerned about retrieving Unit 01  
at the possible cost of the pilot, but after a moment of internal  
debate he decided against it, certain that Ritsuko either didn't know  
the answer or wouldn't give it to him. A moment later, he turned and  
exited through the elevator, heading back down to the lower levels,  
neither of the women noticing or even giving a second thought to his  
absence.  
  
]++[  
  
Sleep and introspection were the two things nearly impossible to avoid  
inside the empty blood-sea of the Eva's cockpit, and as Neil felt his  
exhaustion grow he though that sleep was the infinitely better option.  
The last thing he wanted was to think about what he was doing to Nieve,  
to have to think about the whole mess that he'd gotten himself into and  
that he couldn't seem to extract himself from again. So instead he let  
sleep slowly embrace his world, leaning against the squishy darkness of  
the cockpit seat, trying to relax enough to let slumber wrap about his  
mind, to push out the doubts and fears that were complicating his  
mind. "They'll come," he muttered to himself, unsure if he truly  
believed himself or not as he closed his eyes.  
  
He had expected almost anything besides the wash of blood scraping  
across his skin, the thick sense of bloody noses and bruised bodies  
tearing across his mind like a razor over the tongue, no more solace in  
the recesses of sleep than he had originally found inside of the Eva.  
The feel of the Ryo-woman's hands around his neck snapped back briefly,  
only too briefly, as he found himself watching his first battle with  
the Third Angel anew, a disembodied observer watching as the two great  
titans matched one another blow for blow.  
  
"What is this?"  
  
The view shifted as the machine drove a killing blow to the Third  
Angel, now showing him as he forced the prog knife into the core of the  
Fourth. Something bubbled into the back of his mind, a silent question  
of why he piloted the Eva.  
  
"I pilot the Eva because the others need me."  
  
Once again, a sudden shift of the scene he viewed without eyes, this  
time of the single beam of pure light that he tore apart the Fifth  
Angel with. Again, the nothingness asked him why.  
  
"Because others need me. They need me to protect them."  
  
The seventh Angel. Neil and Vash moving together in synchronization,  
the point of the knife driving towards the core of the Angel, like  
every other time. Vicious, driving point destroying the beast before  
him. The question again - why do you pilot the Eva?  
  
"Others need me to pilot Eva. Who are you?"  
Falling from the sky with a crown of flames, the Tenth Angel descending  
to Earth with destructive force, and again Neil drove the point of his  
knife into the core of the Angel as though it was a benediction. Even  
with the help of the others, still he felt the blade in his hands, the  
wonderful and flawless sense of ripping through the Angel with his own  
strength. Why do you pilot the Eva?  
  
"I told you!"  
  
Again, the third. The fourth. The fifth. The seventh. The tenth.  
Each time, at the hands of Neil, a single stabbing something tore apart  
the Angel, the blood-sea of LCL washing over him silently as he lay  
within his cockpit, every second clear within his memory even as he  
felt himself being overcome by the disembodied memories. Why do you  
pilot the Eva? Why do you want to pilot the Eva?  
  
"I don't -want- to! I pilot the Eva because others need me! I pilot  
it to protect people! It has nothing to do with wanting to pilot it!"  
  
"You lie, Neil." The voice was that of the woman this time,  
disembodied as well as the images of the Eva's battles continued to  
flash before Neil's eyes, even despite the fact that he had no eyes,  
only a brain to feel. "If you didn't want to pilot the machine, you  
wouldn't. A simple situation, one that even the most foolish of humans  
could figure out." The voice paused, Neil's mind locked on the image  
of his weapon driving through the Angels, as though he was some sort of  
murderer. "Why do you pilot the Eva? Or more accurately, why is it  
that you -want- to pilot the Eva?"  
  
Neil tried to close his eyes, and the images before him blanked out  
into nothingness for a moment, his mind feeling fully awake. He didn't  
feel the dreaming state of a nightmare, the knowledege that he would  
simply snap his head back and awaken, that there was a reset button  
awaiting him. "I don't want to!" he screamed, flailing his nonexistent  
limbs, groping for something stable. "I hate the Eva! I hate that  
horrible green eye, the way that it makes me feel! I see the eye every  
night in my dreams, and I hate everything it belongs to!"  
  
"This eye?" The horrific green iris blossomed in front of the  
blackness that Neil thought he had under his control, shocking him into  
stasis as he stared into the sea of emerald eye before him. Shaking  
his head, he forced his eyes open, feeling as though he was more than  
willing to tear them open with his fingernails if he needed to, wanting  
to see the horror of the Angels more than the eye of his Eva.  
  
He was standing in Misato's apartment, the walls darkened from lack of  
light, still wearing his plugsuit for reasons he couldn't begin to  
fathom, Nieve standing in the kitchen only scant meters away from him,  
naked and dripping with an orange-red liquid that could only be LCL.  
Her eyes were opened widely, the green reflecting a nonexistent light  
brightly, almost looking like the eyes of the bestial Eva that he had  
been forced into in that horrible moment of clarity. "Eyes frighten  
you, don't they?" asked Nieve, her voice oddly cold, oddly metallic,  
sounding vaguely out of tune as she stared at him, her body hanging  
limply. "What's so scary about them, Neil, lover? What makes you  
panic at the sight of them?"  
  
"Who are you?" he spat, forcing himself to remember that it couldn't  
possibly be Nieve standing in front of him, that he was dreaming.  
Stepping backwards, he felt the rouch pattern of the wall, and biting  
down on his lip he could taste the lingering blood of LCL, as though he  
truly was standing in Misato's home, as though the girl looking at him  
zombie-like was truly the same girl that had laid beneath him pulsing  
as he gave himself to her. "Who are you? What are you doing in my  
mind?"  
  
"Perhaps you don't understand," came Eiko's voice, and Neil whipped his  
head about to see the girl standing a few feet away, from the hallway  
that led into the living room, wearing her school uniform and with the  
same sort of dead pose as Nieve. "You don't know who is in whose mind,  
do you?" The girl smiled, almost as unnerving as her previously blank  
expression. "If you dream in your sleep that you are a murderer, and  
then awaken and kill your beloved, who is truly the murderer? Are you  
still within the dream, within the mind of the murderer, or is he in  
your mind?"  
  
"Nobody is in anyone's mind," replied Neil's voice, something that  
terrified him as he turned towards the source. A boy that looked  
identical to him was standing only a meter away, eyes closed, head  
hung, wearing the same outfit that he had worn his first day in Tokyo-  
3, the first thing he had ever worn inside of the Eva. "Perhaps  
neither the murderer nor you is taking the mind of the other. Perhaps  
to dream of the murderer, you simply had to unlock the one within  
yourself. Perhaps you and the murder are one and the same."  
  
Gaping, Neil took a step backwards, then felt the warm embrace of both  
Eiko and Nieve simultaneously, a flood of panic washing through his  
body as he stared at the copy of himself. LCL began to drip down from  
the ceiling as the copy raised his head, his eyes suddenly flying wide  
open, shining a brilliant green, a perfect copy of Neil's eyes and of  
the Eva's. "They say that eyes are the window to the soul, Neil," said  
the copy, a horrific double-pronged red knife suddenly appearing in its  
hand, Neil's chest beginning to ache. "Whose window are you looking  
into? Who is the murderer?"  
  
There was a moment of peace, then the copy drove the knife firmly into  
Neil's chest, breaking through the plugsuit and burying the sharp  
points in Neil, letting the blood burst and pour out as the points  
drove straight throught the boy's body. "Why do you pilot the Eva?"  
asked the copy, ripping out the knife and driving it in once again,  
over and over again. "Why do you pilot the Eva? Why do you pilot the  
Eva? Why do you pilot the Eva?"  
  
Blood and bile bubbled up into Neil's mouth, and he hacked it outwards,  
his eyes closing as he spasmed from the sheer agony surrounding him.  
His mouth formed words that he did not know, and the entire world  
dissolved momentarily into a sea of agony and dischord, everything  
growing into a hazy swirl of blood. He regained himself, his mouth  
still tasting of blood but his body healed, drifting in a black and red  
sea of nothingness, eyes wide, mind reeling, trying to process what had  
happened.  
  
And the woman from before appeared again, hovering in space a few  
meters away from Neil, as well as if she was thousands of miles away.  
"Poor boy," she muttered, staring at him as he floated in nothingness,  
her eyes bearing only pity, none of the hatred of before. "You truly  
don't understand any of this. You were so afraid of what would happen  
if you let yourself open, if you went ahead and allowed yourself one  
damned moment of feeling."  
  
"Don't hurt me any more," begged Neil, still feeling the sharp pain of  
the knife through his chest, the ghostly apparition of the white  
assailant from his nightmares drifting over his vision, doubtlessly  
connected in some way that he couldn't peace together, the entire world  
about him coming undone at the seams. "Please. I don't know your  
son. I don't know where he is."  
  
"I wish that I didn't believe you," replied the woman weakly, sighing  
and shaking her head, her apparition fading, a light radiating from her  
as she began to flood out into nothingness once again. "Just let it  
be, Neil. Let it go. Why you pilot the Eva... let him know. Why do  
you pilot the Eva?"  
  
Neil coughed again, tasting blood coating the back of his throat, then  
with a slow knot of effort he felt his eyes drift open again. He was  
drifting inside of the Eva cockpit, the seat a meter or so away, his  
body lying suspended within the LCL, a rather painful bump on the back  
of his head. "I was truly thrashing about," he muttering, shaking his  
head momentarily and pushing himself back towards the chair, glancing  
down at the time display. It now showed that he had slightly more than  
ten hours, and he could have sworn that he'd had at least fourteen when  
he decided to go to sleep. "What's going on?" he muttered to himself,  
shaking his head and settling back in the seat. "What's happening to  
my mind?"  
  
]++[  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," sighed Eiko, staring up at the silver  
goliath as the purple-orange nutrient bath sloshed about its chest, the  
colors beneath it mingling with its naturally reflective armor to make  
the surface of its body look almost maleable. "Misato would never  
allow something like that." She paused, expecting Nieve to say  
something, then turned her head back towards the girl. "I don't  
believe you."  
  
"Fine," replied Nieve, arms crossed across her chest, her gaze intent  
as she looked at Eiko, both girls in their plugsuits and still  
occasionally dripping half-dried bits of LCL from their hair. "Don't  
believe me. It's NERV's standard procedure, though - when an Angel is  
beyond our capability to destroy, we're supposed to bomb it into  
oblivion with N2 devices."  
  
"But..." Eiko shook her head, staring back up at the silver golem of  
EVA-04, her teeth clenched tightly, a slight tremor becoming obvious in  
her voice. She hardly wanted Neil to die, but things were already bad  
enough with her and Vash, and it seemed as though agreeing to Nieve's  
desperate plan would only ensure the demolition of her relationship.  
"But Misato wouldn't allow that. She would figure something out, some  
way to get him out."  
  
"Christ, girl, have I been talking to myself the past few minutes?"  
snapped Nieve, fighting hard to keep herself under control, fists  
clenching and releasing in a smooth rythym simply to avoid her boiling  
over completely. She knew that the girl standing in front of her was  
her best chance at making sure that Neil made it out of the Angel  
safely, that she needed to rely on her even though she found the very  
thought of it distasteful. "Misato doesn't have a choice. The only  
way that we can get Neil out is if the two of us work together and go  
behind her back. She'd never approve of it if we asked her, because  
it's her job to keep us from doing just -that-."  
  
Eiko stared at Nieve for a moment, then back at EVA-04, then at Nieve  
again. "You think we'll be able to pull it off?" she asked, sounding  
hesitant, more certain of the fact that she didn't want Neil to die  
than she was of Nieve's plan to avert it.  
  
"How the hell should I know?" replied Nieve, a wry grin on her face as  
she turned towards the door that led from EVA-04's hangar to her own  
red monstrosity. "You'd think that six years with NERV would cover  
stuff like this, but instead we're both on shaky ground. What a  
coincidence." She started to walk down the catwalk, passing Eiko  
quickly, affording the other girl only a passing glance. "I'll contact  
you with the override codes once we've both gotten inside of our  
machines. Just get in the entry plug and the automated systems will  
take over."  
  
Nodding as the girl stepped through the door towards her Eva, Eiko took  
a moment to look at her Eva one more time, as though she somehow needed  
to make her peace with the best before she actually launched. She'd  
always felt as though it was watching her, but somehow it seemed  
different this time, as though it was actively waiting for her to get  
inside, almost excited to climb to the surface with Nieve and plunge  
into the black abyss of the Twelfth Angel. "It'll make Vash pretty  
jealous, at least," she muttered to herself, letting a grin eerily  
similar to Nieve's drift across her face as she started to walk towards  
the entry plug. "He'll see."  
  
"I'm starting to." The voice came unexpectedly, and Eiko stopped so  
suddenly that she nearly tumbled and fell into the nutrient bath,  
turning her head swiftly towards the direction of Vash's final stinging  
remark. He was leaning near the door that led to EVA-05, his plugsuit  
still on, cloaked in the shadows of the poorly-lit hangar. "What's  
going on, Eiko?" he asked, standing now, starting to walk towards her.  
"Why don't you just stay here? Let Nieve handle the problem. It's her  
boyfriend."  
  
Eiko was tempted to simply jump into her entry plug and ignore the boy,  
but instead she turned to face him, her eyes flashing with something  
between anger and simple intensity devoid of specific emotion. "You  
goaded him into the Angel, Vash," she said, trying to remain calm, at  
once wanting to be mad at the boy and wanting to step over and hold him  
once again. "Why are you so afraid of him? What makes you think that  
he poses a threat to you?"  
  
Vash said nothing, simply continued walking towards the girl calmly,  
staring at her intensely, a sorrow contained just behind his eyes.  
"Did you ever feel anything about me?" he asked, anger tinting his  
tone, his expression remaining morose but his words suggesting  
something else entirely. "Or was this just your way of making your  
mother and father -"  
  
"Stop it," she snapped, turning and starting back towards the entry  
plug, suddenly feeling very afraid of where the conversation was  
going. "I don't want you around me any more, Vash, and it doesn't have  
anything to do with Neil. It has everything to do with you." She  
paused, her hands resting on the edge of the entry plug for just a  
moment before she tilted back her head to look at the boy again. "I am  
not yours, Koji. I'm mine."  
  
There was a momentary silence between the two Children, but Eiko took  
the opportunity to jump inside the cockpit, sliding her body against  
the smooth seat of the cockpit, trying to remain calm, to ignore the  
unmistakabe surge of panic at what she'd said. She was afraid of what  
she had said to the boy on some level, and she almost wanted to take it  
all back, but there was no time as the top of the plug slammed shut.  
Taking a deep breath, she tried to focus on Neil as the plug began to  
move towards the Eva, its expectant face occupying the absolute back of  
her memory.  
  
]++[  
  
Whatever within the Eva was sharing space with Neil's mind, and it was  
now invading his space, the line between his reality and the world of  
the horrible apparitions about him fading like so much ice under a  
blowtorch. His counter showed an even seven hours one moment, and the  
next he saw it it swam about and seemed to dissolve into the sea of LCL  
about him, then solidified again. "What are you?" he whispered, knees  
brought up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his legs as he let  
the warm LCL buffet him weakly. "What are you trying to do to me?  
What did I do to you?"  
  
Once again, the world swam about Neil as though it was all dissolving  
into LCL, and before he knew it he was lying facedown in a pit of sand,  
tasting the salt of LCL mixed with gritty and tasteless playground  
dirt. Something in the back of his mind told him what he was seeing  
before it even materialized in front of him, but he rose his head  
anyways, spitting out a spray of pale tan sand before he saw the scene  
unfolding in front of him, the young blonde boy being thrown roughly  
across the playground and kicking up a cloud of dust around him. "Aw,  
lookit him now, he's starting to cry. Go away, kid."  
  
Reflexes borne of experience within the Eva kicked in, and Neil forced  
himself to his feet, letting himself run towards the fallen little boy,  
knowing full well the pain of being through through the sand, the way  
that it had ground itself into his eyes and stung like needles of fire,  
the rage he'd felt boil and burst within himself on that fateful day.  
As he reached his younger self, however, he felt a surge of righteous  
anger spread through his body, the knowledge that he was now sixteen  
against far younger children, that the bullies that had seemed huge to  
him as a child were now nothing compared to his size.  
  
As he looked towards the bullies, however, he felt something else flood  
through him, something odd and viscous, like honey poured down the back  
of his throat. It puzzled him for a moment, but then he felt his  
younger self run straight through him as though he wasn't even there,  
the horrible pencil gripped in his hand, deadly purpose written on the  
younger Neil's eyes. "Stop!" he shouted, knowing that he could do  
nothing as he watched the boy rush towards the bully with the pencil  
firmly gripped, helpless as the sharpened object slammed through the  
skin of the other child.  
  
Everything froze and went into slow motion, and the playground around  
Neil turned a single shade of red as his younger counterpart released  
the pencil, turning towards him with the same inhuman expression as his  
mirror from before, eyes wide and mouth grinning broadly. "Why do you  
pilot the Eva, Neil?" it asked, staring at the boy. "Why do you pilot  
the Eva?"  
  
"I do it to protect people!" screamed Neil, his voice ragged as he fell  
to his knees, kneeling before the smaller him, feeling spattering drops  
of rain begin to fall against his back, realizing a moment later that  
the rain was made of the blood-scented LCL and was washing over  
everything on the playground. "I do it because the world needs me!  
What's wrong with that? Why do you want to know that?"  
  
"Because you're lying," replied Nieve's voice as the scent of blood and  
salt filled the air, the rain of blood growing thicker about him, the  
sand beginning to turn into the same bloody mess that had come to Neil  
on the day he'd nearly killed the boy on the playground. He tilted his  
head upwards to see the naked, zombie-like Nieve standing over him,  
seeming to almost laugh at him. "You don't pilot it to protect  
anyone. You pilot it to hurt people."  
  
"No!" snapped Neil, forcing himself to his feet, LCL falling about him  
like a bloody cape, the droplets running down into his mouth and  
tasting like the blood of the innocent against his tongue, like some  
unspeakably evil and delicious meal. "I'm not like that! I only want  
to make sure that others are safe!"  
  
"Liar. You do it because you hate people." Misato was standing before  
him now, something thin and gauzy cloaking her body only enough to keep  
him from seeing anything sexual, her eyes wide and expression dead just  
like before. "Do you hate me?" The view swirled, and it was Eiko  
before him, in her school uniform. "Do you hate me?" Another swirl,  
this time revealing the naked apparition of Nieve. "Do you hate me?"  
Another swirl, bloody LCL gushing into his mouth and down his throat as  
he stared at the copy of himself from before, knife in hand. "Do you  
hate me?"  
  
Something powerful broke inside of Neil, and he lunged at the duplicate  
of himself, knocking it to the sinking mud of sand and LCL, ripping the  
knife from the hand and pointing it towards the hateful emerald eyes,  
letting the two prongs hover just above the green irises. "I want them  
to hurt," he choked, sobbing as he pressed his own body down, his teeth  
gritted tightly. "I admit it. That feeling of power..."  
  
"You want them all to die," finished his duplicate. "That's why you  
pilot the Eva - because it gives you such power to hurt, power to crush  
your enemies. Does it feel good, hurting them? Does it make you feel  
human? The knowledge that you're giving pain?" The duplicate smiled  
more broadly, yanking Neil's face closer. "At night, do you dream of  
killing them all, of grasping their bodies and crushing them? Do you  
want to hear their screams one by one?"  
  
Unable to control himself any longer, Neil let out a howling scream and  
drove the double-pronged knife towards the eyes of his double, feeling  
raw hatred and anger gripping his body with an electric sensation,  
fists clenching tightly and LCL filling his mouth as he lay back in the  
seat of the Eva's cockpit. His eyes were wide open, tears streaming  
down his cheeks, his hands drifting open, the LCL washing about him, no  
doubt in his mind now that it truly was blood, that even if it wasn't  
truly blood it was what he wanted it to be. "I'm the monster," he  
muttered. "Not the Angels. I'm the monster."  
  
]++[  
  
"All safety interlocks have been released! Synchronization is at  
operational parameters and rising! The Evas are moving towards the  
launch platforms!"  
  
Misato felt her heartbeat quicken once again as the main screen shifted  
to display the launch tubes, the red and silver machines moving towards  
their launch pads as though of their own accord. It had been only a  
few moments since she'd found out that the two had activated, but  
considering the plight of Neil it seemed to be the proverbial straw to  
break the camel's back. Though she was doing everything within her  
power to stay calm, she couldn't help but feel that she'd been thrown  
into a situation far beyond her ability to handle. "Shigeru, try to  
open a channel with the two Evas. They've got to have a pilot in them  
or they wouldn't be able to move."  
  
"Very astute, Misato," offered Nieve's voice, her face popping up on  
the main screen as soon as she began speaking, an odd sort of grin on  
her face. "Sorry about this - I know that it's grounds for dismissal,  
and all, but there's only one way to get Neil out of there alive, and  
you're not going to let us get out there and do it." She paused, then  
winked at the woman, as though she was simply talking about taking out  
the trash at the apartment. "Have a little faith in us, okay?"  
  
The communication shut off, and a moment of silence reigned over the  
level of the control booth, all of the staff members stunned by the  
sheer gall that the girls were displaying. Then Ritsuko flew into  
action, striding swiftly forward, her white coat fluttering about her  
as her blue-gray eyes flicked about the room. "Maya, force the synchro  
rate backwards! Makoto, seal off all launch tube barriers up to Level  
20! Get the Magi working on -"  
  
"Excuse me, Ritsuko, this is my job," snapped Misato, reaching out and  
grabbing the other woman's wrist curtly, feeling somehow satisfied  
simply by being able to make the scientist stop talking. Ritsuko  
frowned at Misato, but the purple-haired woman simply smiled back  
before turning towards the main screen. "Maya, launch the two Evas as  
close as you can to the Angel. Try to give them a minute or two before  
the Angel reaches itheir position, though. Makoto, I want you to  
maintain a lock on their position as best as possible, even if they get  
inside of the Angel."  
  
"You could be dismissed for this, too," snapped Ritsuko, ripping her  
arm away from Misato's grip, staring indignantly. "You're sending  
those girls into a deathtrap. We have no way of getting Neil out, and  
you know full well that they're going to get themselves trapped inside  
there too."  
  
"Have a little faith, Ritsuko," replied Misato, feeling vaguely more  
confident as she stepped forward and crossed her arms across her chest,  
watching the two Evas streak up towards the surface. She knew,  
academically, that Ritsuko was right, but somehow she couldn't shake  
the feeling that something was going to go right when they didn't  
expect it to, that Nieve and Eiko were indeed doing the right thing.  
"We barely understand how the Children can pilot the Evas in the first  
place. Let's give them the benefit of a doubt."  
  
Nieve's heart raced as her Eva lurched to a stop, the rain falling and  
splattering against her machine as she let her eyes focus on the  
hovering black and white orb and the black abyss beneath it, trying to  
ignore the terror welling up in the back of her throat. Amongst the  
forest of buildings, she could see Eik's Eva emerge as well, the silver  
reflecting what little light still remained in the city, the pattering  
noise of rain filling the city. "You ready, Eiko?" she asked, looking  
towards the girl's Eva, still somewhat worried that the girl would back  
out on her.  
  
"Of course," replied Eiko, her Eva's head turning briefly towards the  
red form of unit 02 before looking back over at the Angel, the girl's  
voice betraying that she was more frightened than she might have been  
willing to admit to Nieve or to herself. "Whenever you're ready."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Nieve looked back towards the Angel again, her  
hands gripping the metal handrests tightly, her breath coming quickly.  
She had to admit, she understood Eiko's terror at the situation,  
feeling the same way as she stared into the gigantic pool of darkness  
lightly splattered by rain, the orb seeming to judge her unworthy  
simply by placement. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to focus  
on the still-dull pain in her lower regions, to remember what it had  
felt like to be one with Neil, knowing that he needed her help now,  
that she was the only person that could rescue him. "Let's go!" she  
shouted, taking one last breath of LCL as she sent her machine rushing  
forward.  
  
In the command center, the staff had been frightened into silence as  
the two Evas raced towards the Angel, their bodies moving in smooth  
synchronization as the rain splashed off of them. Misato was distantly  
aware of the other Children filing onto the command level, but her mind  
was more focused on Nieve's motions, praying silently that the Children  
would succeed, that Neil and Nieve wouldn't both abandon her in one  
smooth motion. All she could do, however, was watch silently as the  
Evas sprang into the air and let themselves dive into the blackness,  
the puddle of midnight beneath the Angel expanding up to swallow them  
enthusiastically.  
  
Neil lay weakly in his cockpit, head slumped forward and eyes closed,  
his hands still held weakly with their palms up, tears occasionally  
drifting out of his eyes as he breathed the suffocating LCL in and out  
of his lungs. He had been spared of the visions since he had screamed  
out a confession to the things tormenting him, but he had found no more  
release in silence than in noise, perhaps even less. All he knew was  
that he could sense the woman from before drifting in the cockpit with  
him, simply waiting for him to say something. "Go away," he muttered.  
"You got what you wanted. I don't know anything anymore."  
  
The woman didn't respond, and reluctantly Neil opened his eyes to see  
her standing before him once again, the lab coat discarded, a smile on  
her face. She was beautiful when she smiled, though it didn't seem to  
be a sexual thing - as best Neil could tell through a haze of guily and  
sorrow, she looked like the perfect mother, the apotheosis of a  
nurturing woman. "I will not go away," she said softly, simply staring  
at the boy with her arms behind her back. "They're coming for you."  
  
"Who would bother?" he muttered, trying to find solace in the steady  
breaths of the blood-LCL, waiting for the life support to fail and for  
the soft embrace of death to wrap itself around his mind. "I don't  
even know why I pilot the Eva any more. I don't know who I -am- any  
more. I just want to die now. Let the others..." He paused,  
sniffling slightly. "Let the others find someone better to be with."  
  
"Stop it, Neil. Whether you like it or not, they're coming for you."  
Neil could feel the soft caress of a hand on his cheek, and looking up  
he saw the woman crouching on the chair of his cockpit right in front  
of him, a bittersweet maternal expression on her face. "You can feel  
them, if you try. Go on. Let your mind go for just a moment, let it  
ride the existence around you."  
  
Breathing deeply once again, Neil tried to let himself sense outwards,  
as though he was simply synchronizing with the Eva again. For a  
moment, he felt a surge of fear that the bestial mind of his unit would  
encounter him again as he tried to obey the woman, but instead he felt  
a simple touch of oblivion, empty abandonment filling his mind. Then,  
like a pebble dropping into a stream, something broke the surface, and  
he could feel the touch of something familiar and female. "Nieve and  
Eiko," he breathed, half-guessing and half-certain.  
  
Nodding, the woman began to fade away into the LCL, as though she had  
never truly been in the cockpit at all. "You need to decide, Neil.  
Decide why you want to be with others, whether you enjoy hurting them  
or protecting them. But either way, you cannot let yourself die now,  
can you?" She paused, giving Neil one last smile. "I leave this to  
you, Neil. We will finish this later."  
  
Then she was gone, and Neil was by himself within the cockpit once  
again, his hands gripping the metal handrests, the counter slowly  
drifting downwards. Though he couldn't be certain, he knew that there  
was a strong possibility that moving would leave him with no more power  
whatsoever, leaving him choking to death in LCL. Closing his eyes once  
again, he took a deep breath, feeling the LCL thickening, trying to  
decide what to do, Eiko and Nieve grating and caressing his thoughts at  
the same moment.  
  
Central Dogma was silent as everyone watched the main screen, waiting  
for some sign of life within the Angel, for one of the Evas to emerge.  
Only stasis was offered to the onlookers as their reward, the constant  
falling of the rain and the immobility of the Angel, the orb hovering  
motionless and seeming to taunt them. "They're not coming back,"  
muttered Vash, sounding almost as though he regretted not going  
himself. "Eiko's never coming back."  
  
Another moment of silence passed, then one of the consoles on the main  
level beeped, a single unassuming noise that indicated a minor change  
in the state of the Angel. Nobody noticed until it had beeped again,  
this time more urgently, as though something more important was  
happening. "What's going on?" asked Misato, turning her head towards  
the screen, taking a single halting step towards it, terrified that she  
would find it was the death of the Children.  
  
Without warning, a single, deafening, horrific scream echoed through  
the speakers of the control room, forcing the staff to their knees from  
sheer noise, hands clamping over ears as everyone tried to keep their  
gaze focused on the screen. Only the scream came for a moment, but a  
half-second later the blackness of the Angel's sea began to bubble  
upwards, as though something was rising from the middle, like an animal  
tearing itself out from beneath a canvas. Eyes fixed in amazement as  
the raised spot remained, then the howl died down slightly and the spot  
seemed to recede ever so slightly, as though it was weakening.  
  
Half a second later, the arm of EVA-01 burst through the surface of the  
black shadow with a shower of blood, the roar resuming as the purple  
monstrosity seemed to tear free from beneath the shadow, ripping away  
gouts of blackness in showers of blood, metal jaw tearing open and  
screaming in rage to the heavens. The rain mingled with crimson blood  
as the Eva stood in the midst of the Angel, the black and white orb  
faltering above it, then the machine reached down and pulled something  
for a moment, an unknown action until it became clear that the roaring  
golem was pulling EVA-02 and EVA-04 free of the black pit, tossing them  
gently away before tugging itself fully out of the dying Angel, wasting  
only a moment before reaching down and tearing at the blackness once  
again.  
  
Though the Eva continued to assault the Angel, it was obvious to all  
that it had already won the battle as it tore into the black pit, the  
showers of blood coating and darkening its purple skin like tar, rain  
doing nothing to wash it clean. "This is what it means to be an  
Angel," muttered Misato, feeling validated in her faith at the same  
moment that she felt terrified of the beat on the monitor. "This is  
the sort of power it grants."  
  
Sighing heavily, she felt the stares of the Children on her, and  
swallowing hard she looked back at the trio, wondering almost idly if  
the others could hear her as she spoke, knowing that there was no way  
to avoid telling them now. "The Evas... they're not as artificial as  
you might think." She could feel Ritsuko's eyes weighing heavily on  
her, obviously disapproving, but watching Neil turn the Eva on the  
screen into a ravenous beast was making her wonder what she'd truly  
sent the Children into, and she could no longer stomach the weight of  
obscuring the truth. "They're clones of the First Angel, the cause of  
the Second Impact."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Sleep brings fear.  
Sleep brings terror.  
Sleep brings death.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 17: NIGHTMARE  
"We see what we expect in the Evas. What did I expect to see?"  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	17. Nightmare

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 17: NIGHTMARE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
That night - may thick darkness seize it;  
may it not be included among the days of the year  
nor be entered in any of the months.  
- JOB 3:6  
  
]++[  
  
As her hand closed around emptiness and her eyes slowly began to  
flutter open in the half-light of the rising sun, Nieve Soryu-Leary  
wondered for a moment if the situation upset her because of her lack of  
control over it or because of more important reasons. Her emerald eyes  
lacked focus, but they could see well enough to know that there was  
nothing besides a vacant space lying next to her in her bed, that only  
the faintest depression remaining in the blankets made it clear that  
there had even been anyone else there in the first place. "He left,"  
she muttered, letting her eyes fluttered closed again, as though she  
could reset the world around her by falling back asleep until it was  
something that more suited her liking. "He left again."  
  
Nieve took a deep breath, trying to catch the last traces of Neil's  
scent inside her nose, letting herself remember the warmth of his skin  
as he'd climbed into bed, the unspeakable sadness that had been lying  
behind his eyes for the days after the Twelfth Angel's attack. It was  
almost a cruel joke, as though God was laughing personally at her - the  
day after she had finally given herself to the boy, everything had  
changed in a heartbeat, and less that a full week later she found  
herself sleeping beside him as the only proof that he hadn't completely  
left her. Sighing, she pushed herself up to a sitting position, eyes  
still closed, burning hair falling about her shoulders and letting the  
light from the window filter through behind it.  
  
She hadn't remembered what happened after she and Eiko had jumped into  
the Angel, only knowing that she felt something warm in her mind, as  
though her mother had somehow found a way to touch her from beyond the  
void. In reality, she was certain that it had simply been a  
temperature increase in the LCL, though Ritsuko claimed that she'd  
found no evidence to support that fact. But by the time she had  
regained her consciousness, Neil was completely passed out and was  
being brought down to the infirmary for testing, something that Nieve  
and Eiko also got dragged down for a brief version of. She had wanted  
to be by his side, but she could still remember the doctors roughly  
shutting the door to the bright white room on her, the dark and  
brooding form of Gendou Ikari distantly visible inside, as though he  
felt some measure of guilt for what had happened to Neil.  
  
Rubbing her eyes as she stood, Nieve let her oversized nightshirt brush  
against her hips, her mouth curling into the shape of a bitter smile as  
she tried to console herself with the thought that she was hardly built  
to give birth in the first place. Her pale feet moved across the  
darkened floor of her room, scuffing over the clothes discarded by both  
her and Neil as they had gone to bed the previous night, the normal  
order of the room obscured by recent circumstance. "He could have left  
a note," she muttered, rubbing the back of her head as she briefly  
debated between going out to have breakfast and getting dressed first.  
After a moment, she turned and headed out her door towards the kitchen,  
trying not to feel weak from the absence of her lover.  
  
Whatever the Angel had done to him showed on his face now, deep within  
his eyes every time she looked at him, a sort of silent sorrow that  
seemed to seep through to his bones. Even if he had hid his face,  
however, it was obvious just from his silence, his sudden and  
unexpected way of seeming to simply move through each day like a  
zombie, going through the motions without feeling anything. It was  
painful to watch on any level, but the sudden departure from himself  
only made the effect made more pronounced, made Nieve worry that he was  
leaving her despite everything.  
  
Shaking her head as she stepped into the kitchen, she forced herself to  
think of something else, to try and keep her own mind focused on the  
task from day to day, to wait for the boy to open up to her. She'd  
managed to get him once, and she knew that she could do it again, knew  
that it was ultimately still about control. As long as she kept  
telling herself that, she felt safe around the facts, comfortable with  
the odd and painful silence that had settled even between the two of  
them, the rare smile that graced his face despite being laced with  
overt bitterness each time that his lips curled. There was something  
lying beneath it, something larger and more frightening, and even  
though Nieve knew it was there she wanted to avoid it, to shove it into  
a darkened corner of her mind and leave it alone.  
  
Crashing came from Misato's room, and Nieve grinned, almost turning her  
head to one side, wanting Neil to be there to listen to her, to smile  
at her, to act the way that he normally did. She wanted him to be back  
to normal, for that horrific encounter within the Angel to be erasable  
somehow, and even the one time since the incident that she'd let him  
reach between her legs for solace he'd still felt off, as though the  
magic of that one moment was gone forever.  
  
The thought brought her a pause even as a louder crash came from  
Misato's room, and she felt her hands freeze upon the smooth white  
porcelain of the bowl within the cupboard, as though for the first time  
she actually realized the actions she was taking. "It's not gone," she  
whispered to herself, feeling again the oddly bitter sense of being  
broken, knowing that parts of her body simply couldn't work, wondering  
if perhaps that had something to do with it. She had no frame of  
reference when it came to making love to someone, but she had assumed  
that it would somehow help him, that he couldn't fake the emotions that  
went into it. "Maybe it's always like that, after the first time.  
Maybe people just keep doing it to recapture the magic."  
  
Another crash came from down the hall towards Misato's room, then a  
loud shout of something that the girl assumed was a Japanese curse  
word, then the sound of shattering glass followed by the opening of a  
door. Misato emerged from the hallway a moment later, Nieve's hand  
still resting on the bowl in the cupboard as the woman stepped into the  
room, white blouse over a brown skirt, trying to look strong despite  
herself. "Morning," she announced, forcing a smile as she stepped over  
to the kitchen. "Neil still in bed?"  
  
"He left again," replied Nieve curtly, freezing Misato in place as well  
as the elder woman stepped towards the cereal, as though somehow the  
mere mention of Neil was some sort of tranquilizer. "Misato..." She  
paused, unsure of how to force out the sentence. "Misato, when is he  
going to get better? Hell, what in God's name happened to him?"  
  
Misato paused for a moment longer, then finished her motion,  
withdrawing the box of cereal from the lower cupboard with a single  
smooth motion. "I don't know. For either question." She turned  
towards Nieve, a pained expression on her face as she brought the  
cereal over, the girl taking down the bowls in the cupboard  
automatically, eyes fixed firmly on Misato. "Ritsuko's been trying to  
figure out what happened, but nothing gives us the slightest idea. And  
Neil... well, you know. He's barely said five words to anybody since  
he got out of the Twelfth."  
  
Something sprang into Nieve's mind with Misato's comment, something  
that she wanted to simply ignore and push out of her brain but which  
refused to leave her alone. "Has he... talked to you about what  
happened to him at all?" she asked, fixing her emerald eyes on Misato,  
the elder woman moving with sluggish motions as she fixed her  
breakfast. Neil had said nothing to her about the events of that day,  
and somehow Misato's words gave her the feeling that Neil had been  
holding back information from her, that he had left out something  
important.  
  
It was a moment before the elder woman turned to answer Nieve's  
question, finishing with the cereal before setting it down upon the  
bone-white countertop and turning towards the girl with a swish of  
purple hair. As the woman's mouth opened, Nieve realized as though for  
the first time just how badly she needed to know that Neil was being  
silent with everyone, how much it would hurt to know that Neil had been  
talking to Misato more. The very thought made a vague disquiet grow in  
the back of her mind and the bottom of her stomach, as though warning  
her not to eat breakfast for fear of vomiting. "No," replied Misato  
finally, gesturing for Nieve to move over to the cereal as she stepped  
towards the fridge. "I would think he'd say something to you first."  
  
"Yeah," replied Nieve weakly, stepping over and pouring her own cereal,  
feeling the stress inside her body begin to snap, like some long-  
forgotten support in a building trying to bear something beyond its  
capacity. She didn't like to think about Neil in such terms, but as  
much as she'd begged him not to leave, and as much as she wanted him  
not to, it was weighing heavily upon her that he seemed to be staying  
in name only, something that she simply didn't know how to reconcile  
emotionally. "But he's been quiet to me, too. Even when we..." She  
paused, then shook her head. "Never mind."  
  
"Sex can't save a relationship," Misato offered, drawing a surprised  
look from the girl as Misato pulled out a chair from the table and sat  
down. "Don't think that I don't notice things, Nieve. I've been  
distracted lately, I'll admit, but I still remember what it was like  
when I first lost my virginity to a boy." She paused, then cocked her  
head back towards Nieve with a half-forced grin. "You practically  
radiate it."  
  
Even with the memory of that wonderful night ringing in her mind and  
her thighs, Nieve somehow didn't want to be reminded of it, least of  
all by Misato, and she felt her teeth clench unconsciously before she  
turned towards the elder woman with a mischevious grin. "And who  
might -that- have been with, Major Katsuragi? Certainly not Ryoji  
Kaji!"  
  
Misato's expression darkened, and while on one level Nieve felt  
relieved for having deflected the line of discussion, she also felt a  
minor pang of guilt at the look on the woman's face, as though Nieve  
had pried something still very painful open gracelessly. "That's none  
of your business," she said flatly, turning back towards her breakfast  
as Nieve put the cereal back in the cupboard. Nieve was trying hard  
not to feel bad, trying to convince herself that she was doing the  
right thing, but somehow she still felt disturbed by the situation with  
Neil, still aware in the back of her mind that she needed to have him  
open up to her.  
  
The silence remained between the two for a moment, then Nieve felt her  
head sink forward slightly, guilt beginning to overwhelm her, something  
that she assumed was a side-effect of spending too much time with  
Neil. "Sorry," she muttered, just barely loud and clear enough for  
Misato to understand, removing the milk and pouring it into her bowl  
halfheartedly, obviously distracted. "You're right. It's none of my  
business. I... I just need to find something else to think about, you  
know? Something to occupy my time." She paused. "I just needed to  
tease somebody again."  
  
Although Misato said nothing in response, Nieve found herself oddly  
beyond caring, realizing that she needed to put her thoughts to words,  
leaning her weight forward on the counter and setting the milk down,  
letting her eyes close even as she felt the crimson strands of her hair  
brush down to hang about her neck. "I'm worried. I'm worried about  
what's happening to Neil, about what the Angels are going to do next,  
about not having any say in all of this. I'm worried that part of Neil  
is still trapped inside of that Angel, and I'm worried because I can't  
make him open up to me to let me know what is. And I'm worried because  
until I do, he might as well still be -in- there!" She slammed her  
fist down on the counter, letting anger funnel off some of her  
emotions, a sort of temporary catharsis that somehow made everything  
feel clearer.  
  
"I know," replied Misato a second later, her voice sounding even more  
tired than before. It wasn't the sound of physical exhaustion, the  
sort of yawn that would rest just beyond the woman's vocal chords every  
time she came back from a late night of work at Central Dogma, but a  
spiritual drain, the sound of a woman left without faith. It was  
disturbing to the girl, even managing to momentarily surplant her  
apprehension about saying too much. "We just have to trust Neil, trust  
that he's doing the right thing for himself and for others."  
  
"You don't sound as though you have much faith in him," noted Nieve,  
retrieving her cereal and stepping over to the table, her steps still  
slow and slightly uneven, still feeling the same apprehension about  
Neil even though she'd hope that saying something would make it a  
little more bearable.  
  
Misato stared at the girl for a moment, then offered a somewhat  
halfhearted shrug before taking another bite of cereal, chewing and  
swallowing in a smooth mechanical motion. "I don't know," replied  
Misato, the same exhaustion in her voice, a sort of adult fallibility  
that only made Nieve feel more apprehensive. Staring across the table  
for a moment longer, Nieve set to her breakfast despite the vage  
disquiet in her stomach, still wishing that she would open her eyes and  
wake up from the nightmare, wanting very much to have a mother's arms  
to curl up in.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe was forcing a smile to remain on her lips even as she watched Ryo  
walk a few steps in front of her, still showing no sign that he was  
even the vaguest bit interested in showing some affection for her.  
After all the time that she had invested in making herself the best,  
she was more than aware that she had failed to do anything meaninful  
against the Twelfth Angel, andshe knew that Ryo was only ignoring her  
because of that, that he truly wanted to show that he cared but he  
simply couldn't risk the girl getting sloppy. It made sense to her,  
and even if it didn't truly make sense she was convinced that it did.  
"This is good," she announced to him, cutting through the silence of  
Tokyo-3's early morning air, trying to start up conversation as she did  
so often. "We're both going in for testing early. That means more  
practice. More certainty we'll do our job right."  
  
Ryo did not respond, simply walking with accustomed swiftness, wearing  
his school uniform despite the fact that he had been removed from  
school for the time being, his light blue hair swinging gently in the  
filtering sun of Tokyo-3, seting starkly against his pale skin and the  
pure white buildings. It was at least an hour before the morning rush  
would truly start for the city, before the various workers would  
scramble off to make it to their jobs by eight. Then he slowed his  
pace gently, letting Niobe catch up slightly, a minor gesture that made  
her heart soar. "I'm not going in for practice or testing. Dr. Ikari  
requested me for... other matters."  
  
"Oh." Gritting her teeth, Niobe forced herself to ignore the minor  
spasm of sorrow at Ryo's announcement, simply clenching a fist  
momentarily and letting the anger dissipate. She could distantly feel  
the eyes of some of Tokyo-3's more inquisitive inhabitants staring at  
her through the windows, as though they'd never seen a black girl  
before, though to her it felt as though they were all disapproving of  
her recent failures. "Well, I'll be there for as long as I can be.  
When are you going to be going down for synch testing?"  
  
"Two o'clock," replied Ryo flatly, lost in his own thoughts, steering  
consciously towards the entrance to NERV that lay nearest to his  
apartment, finding his steps falling unevenly despite his best  
efforts. He had never known what it meant to have your mind somewhere  
else, but the expression was becoming all too clear to him, something  
having penetrated his brain despite himself. "I scheduled it to  
coincide with Nieve's testing time. I am restricted from much personal  
contact with the girl."  
  
Niobe felt her body tense again, inwardly scolding herself at not  
having maintained more discipline, knowing that she was slipping after  
recent events, remembering with a harsh sting her most recent  
conversation with Joseph. He had been critical, but she knew that she  
deserved it, knew that she had not been nearly living up to the  
standards that she should have. "So when you're not at the apartment,  
you want to spend time with Nieve," she said, a thought ocurring to her  
somewhat sinisterly. "Is that true?"  
  
Ryo frowned ever so slightly, unsure of exactly what the question was  
asking, unclear on the precise meaning of "want." "I... I prefer to  
see her," he replied, the words feeling awkward as they came out of his  
lips, tapping something within himself that he had never known before.  
Something felt as though it was tightening inside his chest, a  
sensation that he would by routine report to Dr. Akagi as soon as his  
testing began. "You could say that I want to see her."  
  
Hearing the words in the boy's awkward sort of monotone made Niobe  
smile broadly, a gesture that Ryo couldn't see but that gave her great  
satisfaction. Her father had taught her time and again that she should  
try her best to approach a problem from a new angle when it became a  
struggle, and she was certain that she was about to catch Ryo in his  
own disapproving trap, that even though he had done everying possible  
to make it seem as though he was unhappy with her performance she had  
found a way to cut through the illusion. "Why?" she asked, her tone  
defiant and triumphant, sure of herself, a tone that she was only dimly  
aware she had been using less and less with time. "Why do you want to  
see her?"  
  
There was another unknown emotion bubbling within Ryo now, and he  
brough himself to a stop, giving himself just a moment to try and think  
about the question, to figure out the answer. It had nothing to do  
with emotion, and he knew that, knew that it was simple logical  
reasoning. That was what Dr. Ikari said he had that the others lacked,  
a knowledge of how important simple logic truly was, how much weight  
should be placed on it. "She is in control of herself," he replied as  
Niobe stepped in front of him, his red eyes focused on the tallest  
point he could find nearby. "She does not lack in her confidence or  
control, in her ability to keep herself calm and collected." He  
paused, letting his eyes flutter closed momentarily. "She is  
completely focused on defeating the Angels. She -"  
  
It was no mystery to Ryo what pain felt like, but the distinct sense of  
a slap was something that he had never experienced before, the way that  
the skin stung for a moment after the hand had removed itself, the sort  
of loud and sharp noise that seemed to only augment the pain. Needless  
to say, however, he immediately let his eyes fly open, the red irises  
flicking towards Niobe to see her withdrawing her hand, the source of  
the new pain obvious. Avoiding the temptation to frown, he simply  
stared at the girl, the deep furrowed frown molded into her chocolate-  
colored face. "What is wrong?" he asked calmly, knowing that the pain  
should be ignored as a matter of process.  
  
"You..." Niobe shook her head, unsure of exactly what to feel, only  
knowing that all of her frustration was bubbling further to the surface  
with each passing moment spent next to the girl. "Some of us are just  
as focused! Nieve isn't the only one who pilots her machine well!  
I've got a better synchronization, more practice, more skill, more..."  
  
Staring at Ryo, Niobe could tell simply by looking that she'd failed  
the unpoken test, that she should have remained calm and instead had  
devolved into hysterics. It was another failure, something that she  
knew was a massive mistake, yet another mistake that a better pilot  
would have rectified long beforehand. The boy had seen her failure,  
she knew it, and she'd done nothing but proven to him that she couldn't  
be relied upon. Able to stare into the boy's deep red eyes for only a  
moment, she turned and began walking moer swiftly away from him,  
feeling the burning heat from them as she strode swiftly towards the  
entrance into Central Dogma.  
  
"I screwed up," she muttered to herself, her legs moving swiftly,  
feeling the eyes of everyone in Tokyo-3 examining her failure, the  
sudden intensity of it biting into her as though it was a physical  
thing. "I shouldn't have done that. I should be better than that.  
I've -got- to be better than that." Taking slow breaths, she tried to  
force herself to calm down, tried to keep her mind focused on training,  
knowing that she would have to work even harder to prove that she  
deserved Ryo's trust now. "I will do better. I will make him notice  
me."  
  
Ryo, for his part, simply watched as the girl strode off swiftly, her  
chocolate skin contrasting with the white architecture and green  
vegetation about her, even with the yellow blouse and light blue skirt  
that she wore, only visible in brief bursts as her long black hair  
swung over them. He knew that something had gone wrong, but he had no  
idea what it could be, what part of his words had been wrong, how  
following routine had been the wrong thing to do. There was something  
increasingly weighing on the back of his mind, even though the simple  
idea of having something weighing on his mind was a new concept,  
something that at once frightened and excited him.  
  
The routine was failing. More than failing, it was falling apart, and  
despite his dependence on it for the structure in his life, Ryo was  
still distantly aware of what was happening. Shaking his head, a  
gesture that he could not remember ever having picked up, he continued  
towards Central Dogma, unable to even begin to grasp the larger  
implications of what had happened to his thoughts.  
  
]++[  
  
He knew that he should have still been at his apartment, at least  
speaking to Nieve if nothing else. He knew that he should have been  
doing his schoolwork, that it was expected of him if he wanted to  
continue to be allowed to study under the long-distance learning plan.  
He knew that he needed to go in for synchronization testing, that he  
needed to get in touch with his mother, that he needed to have  
breakfast if nothing else. None of that mattered to Neil Richelieu,  
however, only the steady slosh of the nutrient bath that filled the  
hangar of his Eva unit, the purple goliath that he at once hated and  
respected, the single thing that he could identify that had ruined his  
life even as he remained convinced that any ruining of his life was his  
own damn fault.  
  
Noise was echoing into the purple machine's chamber, the sounds of  
routine maintenance going on beneath him, of another Eva - presumably  
EVA-05 - slowly being recovered from training out inside of the Geo-  
Front, of his own slow breathing as he stared up at the demonic  
visage. The teal-gray room felt like a prison from his many hours  
spent within, a confinement that he felt more than deserving of as he  
looked into the blank white slits of the Eva's eyes, the curved purple  
armor, the jagged jawline looking like some baron of the deepest layers  
of Hell. Even knowing that it was a tool for defense, Neil had never  
been able to shake the thought that the Eva looked as though it was  
some horrific demon simply shackled into service by humans.  
  
"I guess it is," he muttered to himself, the sound of another voice  
serving as his only sparse distraction from his thoughts, recalling the  
way that Nieve had explained to him what Misato had said, that the Evas  
were clones of the Angels. At any other time, he probably would have  
been shocked, disgusted, somehow stirred to raction. As it was, at the  
time and subsequently he'd only been able to manage a sort of dull  
interest, some vague amusement at the irony of the situation and how it  
seemed oddly fitting in the end. "Pressing monsters into the service  
of humans. Nothing they haven't already done with the pilots."  
  
The words brought another surge of guilt into him, a newfound wave of  
self-loathing stacking upon the unabated onslaught within his mind that  
he'd been struggling to cope with since the time spent within the  
Angel. He wanted to try and blot out the things that the voices within  
the Eva had made him say, but the fact remained, and despite his  
desires he knew that he couldn't simply make the truth of the matter go  
away just by wishing alone. Even though Ritsuko had said that he was  
fine, he knew the truth of the matter, could no longer hide himself  
from his own monstrous nature with simple ignorance. The damage had  
already been done.  
  
He missed Nieve, missed being able to hold her, missed the wonderful  
night that they had shared together even with the first hints of his  
own vileness that had followed. But it was a chore for him now to even  
look the girl in the eye, to stand near her, knowing that he was the  
sort of person who could think such horrible things, certain that he  
piloted the Eva for horrible reasons. Horror was the only emotion that  
he could allow himself to feel, horror at his own thoughts and  
feelings, a full-scale introspection, a self-evaluation that he felt he  
turned up severely lacking at the end of. "I don't deserve to be  
around people," he muttered to himself, shaking his head gently and  
feeling something familiar well behind his eyes.  
  
At one end of the catwalk came the sound of a door hissing open, and  
Neil instinctively clambered to his feet, looking towards the door,  
wondering who was coming out. His spirits both dropped and raised at  
the realization that it was Niobe, disappointed that it wasn't Nieve or  
Eiko but at the same time thankful that he wouldn't have a chance to  
make it clear how monstrous he truly was. The girl was in her  
plugsuit, LCL still dripping from her long black hair as she walked  
down towards Neil. Something was slightly off about her, as though  
she'd lost a bit of weight, but it was a minor detail, one that all but  
escaped Neil's notice in a haze of self-loathing. "Hey," he said,  
offering a halfhearted wave towards the girl, eyes fixed up on the  
scowling visage of the Eva.  
  
"Words from the great Third Child. I'm honored." Her tone was bitter,  
and while Neil could tell simply from her expression and the underlying  
implications that she wasn't truly upset with him he still felt a pang  
of guilt for it, as though he had somehow become the nexus for  
everything wrong with the lives of others around him. It would have  
hardly surprised him to learn that he had, nor would it have invoked  
any particular bitterness in him. "What are you doing here so early?  
Your testing doesn't start until two. Like Nieve."  
  
"I... I just couldn't stay there," he replied, letting his eyes flick  
down ever so slightly towards Niobe as she shrugged and continued  
onward, apparently heedless of the boy standing in her path. Frowning,  
he felt himself bite his lower lip, wanting to say more even as the  
back of his mind reminded him that he hardly deserved to be around  
others. But he needed some human contact, something to avoid madness,  
something to dull the edge of what he'd learned about himself.  
"Niobe? Do you have a minute or two?"  
  
Niobe froze momentarily, internally still feeling ashamed for what had  
passed between her and Ryo, wanting a chance to redeem herself in his  
eyes. On the one hand, talking to Neil would take time that she could  
spend working on herself, but she also knew that Ryo would not be  
coming out of testing until an hour or so before his synch testing if  
that early, making it largely irrelevant. "Fine," she replied after a  
moment, turning around and looking at Neil once again. "What did you  
want to talk about?"  
  
He paused for a moment, as though he hadn't really expected her to say  
yes, then flicked his eyes back towards the purple form of his Eva, now  
feeling guilty about talking to Niobe before anybody else. "I haven't  
talked to anybody about what went on inside of the Angel, you know," he  
said softly, the quiet and regular splashing noise of the nutrient bath  
almost drowning him out as he stared upwards. "I'm still not sure if  
I'm ready to, but..." He paused, then shook his head, now certain that  
he wasn't ready to talk about it. "I started questioning why I pilot  
the Eva. Why I keep getting inside of it."  
  
Unexpectedly, Niobe found her pulse quickening as she realized the  
consequences of Neil's doubt, what it would mean if he decided not to  
pilot the Eva any longer. One less pilot would give Niobe less  
competition, and Neil as that pilot would mean that Ryo would no longer  
be able to avoid dealing with his ruse with Nieve because she was  
dating someone. On the other hand, she had a sinking feeling that he  
was willing to carry the act farther, that Neil simply denied him that  
opportunity. Biting her lower lip gently, she forced herself to focus,  
knowing that scheming and unraveling the situation would get her  
nowhere. "Go on."  
  
"Well..." Neil sighed, feeling more uncomfortable than ever around the  
girl, something handing just on the tip of his tongue but holding  
itself back for fear of driving the girl away, wanting not to show her  
what a horrible person he truly was. Even though he barely knew her,  
he was certain that she would be disgusted by the sort of thoughts in  
his head, would cut the discussion off right away if he opened his  
stupid mouth. Instead, he turned back towards the Eva, trying to go at  
things from another angle. "What do you think the Evas are? I mean,  
really?"  
  
"Artificial combat lifeform Evangelion, designed as humanity's only  
weapon against the attacks of the Angels. The results of sixteen years  
of research and development from NERV's Project Evangelion. Clones of  
the First Angel." She shrugged, obviously not understanding where the  
question was supposed to be leading. "You know what they are, Neil.  
They're our weapons."  
  
"See, I don't believe that," he replied flatly, eyes still fixed on the  
white slits that formed the eyes of the Eva, wondering almost  
academically if behind those eyes that green iris of EVA-01 that he had  
seen for just a moment was watching him, if the metal formation of its  
jaw was truly a grin at his expense. "I'm starting to wonder. I know  
that they're technically nothing more than that, but..." He shrugged  
weakly, still focused on the golem in front of him. "Maybe the Evas  
are us. Maybe they're the representations of all of the worst parts of  
who we are, one gigantic lump of all our negative qualities, something  
that just keeps getting worse the longer we pilot them." He paused,  
opening his mouth again as though to deliver some kind of cap to the  
sentence, then closing it idly.  
  
Niobe followed his gaze rather idly, the words disturbing even as she  
forced herself not to be upset by the implications. "I don't think  
so," she said at length, shaking her head as she looked up at the  
horned crest of the Eva, her arms folding unconsciously over her chest  
even as LCL slowly dripped off her plugsuit. Neil turned towards her  
slowly, cocking an eye slightly at her words, her eyes not deviating  
for a second. "I think the Eva can represent us at our worst, but I  
think it can represent us at our best. Think about it. These are the  
things that are protecting all of humanity, the weapons that we're  
using against things that would otherwise obliterate us." She paused,  
then forced a smile as she turned her head towards Neil. "It all  
depends on what you look for in it."  
  
Both Children remained silent for a moment, simply staring at the  
massive machine before them, Neil almost forgetting himself for a  
moment as he looked into the Eva's blank white eye. He'd had every  
intention of piloting again, not thinking of any way that he could make  
things better by not piloting, but he'd never even given a moment to  
consider Niobe's explanation, the though not even entering his mind.  
"Maybe you're right," he muttered, the vaguest hints of a smile  
beginning to tickle at the edges of his lips, something Niobe probably  
would not have noticed even if she'd been looking for it. "Sorry. You  
probably have other things that you need to be doing."  
  
"Kind of," she replied with a shrug, feeling more than a little  
awkward, still unsure of exactly how to end the conversation. It was  
the first time that she could remember even talking to Neil for  
anything more than the most utilitarian of reasons, and it was slightly  
unsettling despite herself. "I'll see you later, at synch testing."  
She hesitated a moment longer, then turned on her heel and began  
walking towards the exit of the hangar, sparing only a momentary glance  
back at the boy before passing through the hissing double doors.  
  
Though he was aware that she'd departed, Neil was not focusing on  
Niobe, instead letting his eyes rest firmly on the machine in front of  
him, his thoughts suddenly finding new direction and energy with her  
few simple words. "Could that have been the Angel the whole time?" he  
muttered to himself, blinking up at the monstrosity, beginning to feel  
old feelings flow back into his limbs, a sort of well-being that he  
couldn't remember having occured since the Twelfth Angel. "We see what  
we expect in the Evas. What did I expect to see?"  
  
Neil stared for a moment longer, then shook his head and turned to walk  
towards the locker room, feeling energy creeping back into his limbs,  
his vigor renewed and his eyes bright once again. He had a girl at the  
apartment that he needed to see, a beautiful girl with flaming red hair  
and smooth skin, a girl with energy and drive. Smiling ever so  
slightly, he felt the image ofher from his visions disappear, as though  
things were finally restoring themselves to the proper order.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash had a plan rattling about in his head, and as he watched the  
scenery of Tokyo-3 flash past the long black car that he rode in he  
couldn't help but smirk, the sorrow of the previous days gone from his  
mind. He knew that the NERV intelligence agents around him were  
keeping a very close eye on his motions, knew that it would probably  
get him reprimanded by Misato, but as he watched Eiko's pale cyan house  
cycle into view, set slightly back from the street by a low row of  
hedges, he also found himself unable to care. "All right, driver, stop  
the car," he announced, hoping that he'd figured the timing correctly.  
"I'm getting out here for a minute."  
  
One of the intel agents glanced back at him from the front passenger's  
seat disapprovingly, a lit cigarette hanging out of the corner of the  
man's mouth with a glowing red ember at the end, but the driver  
continued to drive, apparently unconcerned by Vash's declaration. It  
was mildly disappointing, but he'd been expecting as much, and he  
shrugged gently before reaching down and releasing the catch on his  
seatbelt, hand moving towards the door, the agent's eyes widening. "Or  
don't stop. This is going to hurt."  
  
In one smooth motion, the driver slammed on the brakes, the agent with  
the cigarette grabbed the other man's upper arm, and the agent sitting  
next to Vash tiwsted towards the boy, the shock visible in his eyes  
even behind the dark black sunglasses. "What the hell are you doing?"  
asked Cigarette, trying to sound decisive despite his obvious surprise,  
winding up just outright confused.  
  
"Getting out," replied Vash, trying to maintain his most innocent  
possible expression, eyes wide and smiling broadly as he brought his  
hand over towards the door handle. "Like I said, I'm getting out for a  
minute here, I'd like you to stop. You decided not to stop, but that  
didn't mean that I'd changed my mind about it. So, you keep going,  
I'll be waiting for you here. Have fun."  
  
"Don't even think about it!" snapped Cigarette, jerking forward and  
grabbing Vash's wrist, nearly pressing the button to de-pressurize his  
plugsuit as he yanked the boy's wrist away from the handle. His  
cigarette was perched even more precariously now, on the absolute edge  
of his lip as he gaped at the boy in a straight mix of shock and  
anger. "We're bringing you to the testing site!"  
  
"No, I'm getting out here," replied Vash, suddenly adopting a much more  
sinister expression, hoping that he'd made the impression that he  
wanted, knowing in the back of his mind that he'd reached the more  
risky part of his plan. "I know that you can't do anything without a  
pilot, and if you show up without me you're all out of a job. And I  
also know that I'm going to get out whether or not you stop the car."  
He smiled more broadly, trying to resist the cold sweat beneath his  
skin. "And if you try to restrain me, you'll be just as fired. Trust  
me on this one."  
  
Silence reigned in the car for just a moment, all three agents simply  
staring at the boy, Cigarette obviously the most flustered of the lot  
and probably the leader of this particular goon squad. Dealing with  
NERV's Intelligence branch always felt like pulling teeth, and Vash  
knew that he was bluffing when it came to his last threat, that he  
would have great difficulty getting any of them fired for trying to  
restrain him. He was betting on not having to prove himself, on the  
hope that the agents didn't know what he did. Gritting his teeth, he  
tried to remain calm, knowing that faltering would destroy the illusion  
immediately, that his only chance was to remain collected and hope that  
the lot of them bought it.  
  
Then Cigarette released his hand, and Vash happily reached over to the  
door and opened, it, holding in the release of tension until he was out  
of the car, knowing that as soon as they saw it they'd realize he had  
played the lot of them for fools. "Make it quick," one of the agents  
barked to Vash's backside, their voices too similar by design for him  
to be entirely certain of which one. The affair only merited a quick  
wave as he shut the door behind him, taking a moment to breathe deeply  
before walking towards Eiko's house swiftly.  
  
Much as he wanted to believe that he'd gotten past the difficult part,  
as he stepped towards the front door of Eiko's house he couldn't help  
but feel a minor convulsion of terror, worried about what might happen  
once he actually was facing the girl again. He had never wanted to  
argue with her in the first place, had not wanted to have it be a  
necessity in order to keep his image solid, to avoid looking like  
something he didn't want. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to  
step up to the front door, bringing his knuckles against it, then  
immediately shifting to a smile as he heart the door beginning to  
open. "Okay, listen, I know you're mad at me, Ei-"  
  
Vash stopped, then trailed off as he stared at the woman in the  
doorway, his knees going slightly weak. Though he could see where Eiko  
had gotten her looks from, it was obviously not her in the doorway as  
he had expected, and that meant that his plan had officially been  
thrown a curveball. "Um. Hi, Mrs. Suzuhara. Is Eiko-san here?"  
  
"You, young man, are precisely the last person that she wants to see  
right now," replied the woman, arms folded across her chest, her  
expression stern as she took a step forward, her relatively plain white  
dress swishing about her ankles somewhat. "First your irresponsibility  
during the first Angel attack puts Toji in the jospital - I always told  
Toji that you were a bad influence, but that boy wouldn't listen to  
anything - but then you -"  
  
A thought occured to Vash, and he held up a hand for a moment, then  
deftly stepped around the elder woman, heading towards the stairs that  
he knew led up to Eiko's room. "It's NERV business, ma'am," he said  
flatly, doubting that she was entirely convinced but also knowing that  
she couldn't tell him not to go on the chance that he was telling the  
truth. He glashed one last smile at her as she frowned at him, then  
dashed up the stairs in a blur of motion, hoping against logic that she  
would be there, instead of forcing him to go through her father as well.  
  
Luckily and unluckily enough, she was already standing at the top of  
the stairs, staring down at him angrily, her brow furrowed and eyes  
flashing darkly, arms crossed across her chest. "Whatever you're going  
to say to me, say it quickly," she snapped, taking a step forward, the  
loose bottom edge of her t-shirt slightly swishing about her blue jeans.  
  
Inwardly, Vash thanked God that she hadn't been wearing a skirt, saving  
him the difficult task of avoiding the temptation to try and steal a  
glance, knowing that it was entirely the wrong time. "Look, Eiko, I  
know you're mad at me about what happened the other night. I acted  
like a jerk. I know it. And..." He paused, shaking his head. "I  
don't know if you believe me or not, but I really am sorry."  
  
Eiko's mother loudly cleared her throat, and both Children snapped  
their gazes downwards towards the elder woman, her expression stern and  
obviously disapproving. "As I remember, you said that this was NERV  
business," she barked, her right arm beginning to gesture towards the  
door.  
  
Vash sighed, giving a quick glance back towards Eiko before looking at  
her mother again. "I'm a part of NERV, therefore it's NERV business,"  
he offered flatly, provoking another disgruntled stare that he ignored  
as he turned back towards the girl in front of him. "Look, Eiko, I'm  
sorry. There's nothing that I can say to take back the stupid things  
that I did. But we've known each other for years now. We've always  
been a couple. We -work- together. I..." He paused for a moment,  
feeling vaguely uncomfortable about going any further in front of her  
mother. "I would do anything for you. You know that. I just... get  
scared."  
  
Eiko stared at the boy for a moment, her expression neutral as she  
tried to figure out what was going on inside her head, knowing that  
Vash would need an answer of some sort almost immediately. She was  
still angry at him, and she had to admit that the thought of being with  
Neil was at least a little exciting, even more anathema to her parents  
than the boy standing in front of her. But she didn't want to be  
alone, either, and there was something unspeakably pitiable about the  
look in his eyes, a sort of lovable honesty that she couldn't help but  
be attracted to. After a moment more of simple staring, she broke down  
and smiled, and Vash smiled back. "Promise me you'll handle the Neil  
thing better, then?"  
  
"Of course," he replied, smiling more broadly and taking a step up  
towards the girl, letting her body brush up against his, ignoring the  
disgruntled squawk coming from her mother as a result. "I won't even  
get all jealous and retarded about it. Unless that's what you want.  
But it ain't what you want, is it?"  
  
"Silly boy," replied Eiko, leaning over and letting her lips brush  
agains his, feeling the familiar comfort in his kiss even as she heard  
her mother make a louder and more disgruntled noise to coincide with  
the kiss. Their lips parted after a moment, eyes locking as Mrs.  
Suzuhara shouted angrily up at them. "I forgot to ask - why are you in  
your plugsuit, anyways? Did you run out of clothes or something?"  
  
"Nope. I've actually got NERV Intel sitting outside waiting in a  
car." He shrugged, glad to see the girl giggle slightly with his  
words. "Ritsuko said that we'd be testing some kind of extended-  
operation battery down in Tokyo-2, so I'm getting airlifted with my Eva   
so that I can perform the test. Didn't say why they wanted me, though   
I think it's just because Ritsuko's got a crush on me."  
  
"You aren't always as smart as you'd like to think you are," the girl  
replied with a smile, slapping him gently on the cheek, feeling  
comfortable standing near him, a fact that made her feel at once  
relieved and conflicted. "Better get going, then. I can't imagine  
that the agents are particularly happy about acting as chauffers."  
  
Vash was comfortable once again, and as he smiled at Eiko one last time  
he turned to head down the stairs, unconcerned with Mrs. Suzuhara as  
she began to prepare some lecture or another. For his part, he was  
happy that everything had worked out, that despite the odds against him  
both of his gambles had turned out well. "I'll be back this evening!"  
he shouted to Eiko, leaning out the door even as Mrs. Suzuhara  
continued to talk. "And we'll go out to eat! Somewhere nicer than the  
arcade! Someplace where -"  
  
The door slammed shut in his face, but Vash simply shook his head and  
turned to head back to the car, sauntering ever so slightly, feeling  
terrifically satisfied with himself. Nobody had wound up thinking any  
less of him, and his relationship was repaired anyways. For all that  
things had felt to be hurtling towards a collision, as he walked back  
to the car and the obviously displeased Intel agents he couldn't help  
but think that the worst was over.  
  
]++[  
  
Staring off into the distance, Misato could see the Eva transport  
carrying the black form of EVA-03 in the distance, the black goliath  
only barely visible on the back of the plane as it flew through an  
unusually dense patch of clouds, the sky otherwise clear except for the  
lone concentration. Understandably, it reminded the woman of the day  
it and EVA-04 had first flown into Japan, and though she was now  
viewing the approach from a windowed booth high above the testing site  
it was the same general situation, right down to the only real reason  
for watching it being the absolute dearth of anything else interesting  
to do. "I wonder if he's worried," she muttered, leaning her full  
weight against the frame of the window, letting her brown eyes flick  
about the landscape, even briefly resting in the valley nearby being  
used as a testing area.  
  
"He shouldn't be," replied Ritsuko, a whirl of activity as she moved  
about the booth, checking various remote displays and jotting down  
quick notes on a clipboard. "The Twelfth Angel isn't here. Whatever  
systemic irregularities caused EVA-01 to berserk simply don't exist in  
the production models. Every precaution has been taken to ensure that  
the pilot will be as safe as possible." She paused for a moment,  
letting her lab coat settle about her, her blonde hair swishing to a  
stop. "Or are you just wishing that misery had some company right  
about now?"  
  
"Both," replied Misato grimly, sighing heavily and trying to sort out  
in the back of her head how she was going to deal with Ritsuko. There  
had been no signs of cracks between her and Kaji - part of that, she  
was certain, came from the fact that there had only been a limited  
number of indications that there was anything between them in the first  
place, even when the three of them went out. But it was still  
apparently working, and that meant that Misato had to deal with that on  
top of everything else. "I guess I'm mostly worried about Neil,  
though."  
  
"Understandable. It is your job to take care of him." The blonde  
woman sounded surprisingly dispassionate about the situation, something  
that Misato still found vaguely upsetting even though she'd more than  
known about that particular tendency of her friend from long before the  
present. "He's mentally fine. No abnormal neural impulses, no cranial  
damage - if I had to venture a guess, I'd say that he's actually a  
little better than fine. Long-term exposure to LCL can provide some  
minor neurological benefits because of the chemicals brough into the  
bloodstream, mostly an increase in the body's retention of some  
minerals and an increased reaction speed. If you still don't think  
he's all right, it's a matter for a psychologist."  
  
"I couldn't sent him to one if I wanted to. It's an informal  
guardianship." She paused, then glanced back towards Ritsuko, watching  
as her former friend moved dispassionately about the room, wishing that  
she could distance herself from the situation in the same way.  
"Besides, it probably wouldn't help him much if he did go. He just  
doens't want to talk about what happened to him in there, to me or to  
anyone else." Her eyes fluttered closed as she shook he head gently,  
distantly hearing the Eva carrier drawing closer with the roar of the  
engines becoming louder. "This isn't fair to them, Ritsuko. They  
shouldn't have to pilot these things on demand, to act like adults so  
early. I feel like we're stealing their childhood."  
  
"Our childhood was stolen too, Misato," said Ritsuko flatly, something  
barely lying beneath her words, drawing Misato's gaze back towards  
her. The woman didn't falter for a moment in her motions about the  
room, remaining resolute and unaffected by the conversation on a visual  
level. "We had to grow up in the aftermath of Armageddon. We were  
almost their age, a few years here or there, and then we watched  
everything crumble around us." She hesitated for just a moment, then  
resuming her motions. "Most of them still have fathers. That's more  
than either of us can say."  
  
Misato flicked her eyes down towards the floor, feeling the weight of  
Ritsuko's words pressing against her shoulders gently, the roar of the  
jet engines getting closer and managing to send the seeping smell of  
burning gasoline into the small control room. "I guess I'm just  
reminded of how little we can really do to protect them. They have  
faith in us." She sighed, then looked up towards Ritsuko, wanting to  
see her friend smile, doubting that it would happen.  
  
Certainly enough, Ritsuko's face remained stern, not out of anger or  
exasperation but simply from her innate drive, as though she was  
operating the booth alone and someone entirely different was dealing  
with Misato. "Then have faith in them," she replied flatly, pressing a  
few buttons and sending the control room into a beeping and flashing  
flurry of activity, effectively killing the conversation. Outside, the  
Eva carrier was gently releasing EVA-03, disengaging the onboard power  
cable immediately as the black golem landed in the center of the  
valley, workers scrambling about it. "It's time."  
  
Nodding curtly, Misato nodded, stepping over to the lone microphone of  
the room, casting her gaze outwards towards the Eva's surroundings. It  
was a green valley, almost eerily peaceful in the presence of the alien  
monstrosity that was Vash's machine, bushes and shrubs broken up by the  
thin steel-gray constructs that NERV had erected about the Eva's  
testing area. A few massive cranes were already lifting the object of  
their testing from near the bottom of the valley, a scaled-up backpack  
sort of device painted in orange and black stripes along with multiple  
large warnings. "All right, Vash, we're going to begin the testing,"  
she announced, trying to remind herself that everything was going to be  
all right, that it would only take a little time.  
  
"Gotcha," replied the boy, rubbing the back of his head as he  
straightened the Eva to its full height, still coming down a little  
from the amazing few moments that he had spent with Eiko. Though he  
wanted to spend time with the girl immediately, he didn't outright  
resent having to pilot his machine for a test, he just didn't like  
having a headache to deal with on top of everything else. He'd felt  
fine when he'd gotten in the Eva, but about the time that they'd neared  
the testing site he'd begun to feel a sort of stinging pain in the back  
of his head. Still, it wasn't affecting his performance, and he  
couldn't let something like a headache show. "So, what am I supposed  
to do?"  
  
"We're testing your machine with an external battery system," replied  
Misato as Vash swung his head about, letting his eyes focus on the odd  
orange-block device, prongs obviously designed for the port in the back  
of his Eva sticking out of it. It approached for a moment longer, then  
Vash distantly felt it plugging into the back of his machine as it  
beeped an acknowledgement of the renewed power source. "Having to run  
the Evas off of cords all the time is getting to be a little bit risky,  
and besides that we want to be sure that you can operate under variable  
conditions."  
  
"Fair enough," replied Vash, hearing a few mechanical noises behind him  
that he assumed were the sound of the battery fully attaching, letting  
himself slouch slightly into a more natural posture for the Eva,  
flexing his hands around the handrests. The slight buzzing of a  
headache remained, but as he stared out across the empty valley he  
pushed it from his mind, knowing that he had more important things to  
be doing. "It's definitely powering my Eva, if that's what you're  
wondering."  
  
Misato smiled despite herself, then shook her head to empty air, the  
gesture coming even as she knew Vash couldn't see her. "We're more  
concerned about how the Eva performs with the system attached," she  
replied, glancing towards Ritsuko and stepping slightly away from the  
microphone, knowing that Vash would be able to take care of himself for  
a moment sitting in his Eva. "How's he doing?"  
  
"All right. Synch ratio's up to about 51%, still fairly high, but  
nothing outside of his normal range. All of the armor attachments seem  
to be functioning correctly." The other woman frowned for a moment,  
then relaxed her face as though she'd discarded the concern.  
"Something's interfering with the conduction on the thrity-first  
cluster, but that's the cluster closest to the armor. Might just be  
minor interference from the electrical impulses. If he can support the  
weight comfortably, we might see about increasing the shielding a  
little."  
  
Nodding, Misato turned back towards Vash, beginning to share in the  
blonde scientist's optimism. "All right, Vash, the first thing we need  
to do is just evaluate movement. Move out of the main testing area  
carefully, but once you're out you can go a little nuts. Jump, run,  
just move around a lot. See how the new battery feels."  
  
Vash tightened his grip around the handrests of his Eva, still  
purposely blinding himself to the nagging pain in the back of his head  
and pushing his machine forward. "Understood," he replied, letting his  
fingers clench and release in steady pattern, waiting until the second  
he was outside of the testing area before pressing donw harder on the  
handrests and breaking out into a full-fledged run, letting his  
machine's feet strike the fertile green land and send up clouds of  
branches and dirt. He could feel a vague weight on his back, but as he  
dropped to a quick crouch and sprang into the air he almost forgot  
about it, the added burden minor at best. "Feels pretty much normal,"  
he announced, letting his Eva lurch to a stop, still unsure of whether  
or not Misato wanted him to continue.  
  
"That contamination in the thirty-first is spreading slowly," Ritsuko  
announced, just outside of the range of the microphone's pickup, as  
though she was afraid of what would happen if Vash heard her. Misato  
considered giving Vash a cursory reply for a moment, then decided  
against it, instead simply turning towards Ritsuko, taking a single  
step towards the glow of the computer monitor framing the blonde  
woman's face. Certainly enough, the display was showing some kind of  
contamination, something she couldn't imagine having noticed without  
looking for it but there nonetheless. "I'm not sure if it has  
something to do with the power demand on the battery, though." She let  
her mouth open halfway again, then closed it and turned back towards  
the display, trying to analyze the data being relayed.  
  
Misato shrugged, then stepped over to the microphone, wishing that she  
had some easier way of keeping in touch with Vash. "Okay, Vash,  
proceed back to the testing site and wait for a minute or two. We're  
going to see how quickly the unit calms down after activation." She  
paused for a moment, watching the black Eva begin to walk back towards  
what Misato saw as the center of the valley, the sky around it  
beginning to grow ever so slightly darker, heavy clouds beginning to  
move in slowly. It was an unusually fast change in the whether, and  
Misato couldn't help but think of the way that the Angels had  
occasionally interfered with weather by sheer virtue of the amount of  
energy they threw up. "Vash? Are you feeling all right?"  
  
Vash wanted to laugh off the inquiry, but he couldn't ignore the vague  
sensation of the headache in the back of his mind, growing more painful  
by the second. "Well..." He paused for a moment, stepping back into  
the main area of the testing site and feeling the stinging bite even  
more clearly as the clouds rolled in about him. It was unnatural, the  
speed at which they were approaching, as though something bad was about  
to happen. "I do sort of have a headache. Since we got close to the  
testing site, actually, but I didn't want to say anything." He  
frowned, feeling the pain redouble, and his hands instinctively  
tightened around the handrests.  
  
"EVA-03 is unfolding its AT field!" snapped Ritsuko, drawing Misato's  
attention away from the black goliath in front of her once again  
towards the various computer displays. She had barely a moment to step  
towards the screens before Ritsuko barreled past her, stepping over to  
the microphone herself and yanking it towards her own mouth. "Koji,  
what the hell are you doing? You just activated EVA-03's AT field!  
That's going to interfere with any maintenance!"  
  
Gritting his teeth against the growing pain of the headache, Vash  
remained silent as the woman shouted at him over the microphone, his  
hand moving to rub the back of his head out of habit. "I'm not trying  
to activate the field, Dr. Akagi," he protested, letting his hand touch  
the surface of his head as he tasted the salty LCL more sharply in his  
mouth. An odd lump seemed to have formed on the back of his head, and  
he grimaced as the pain increased further, fingers tracing the lump.  
He realized only a second later that what he was feeling was a growth  
extending upwards from the base of his neck, and as he felt his eyes  
widen he traced it down with his fingers, feeling ridges of flesh  
slowly raising from his body like spiderwebs. Glancing back, he could  
see the skin rising around what seemed to be blood vessels, the pain  
increasing in his body like liquid fire, eyes widening more and more  
with each passing second.  
  
Staring at the black golem in the center of the testing area, Misato  
could hear Vash suddenly let out a scream in the same instant that one  
of the monitors beeped an angry alert and the sky opened up, darkening  
with clouds further and further as the precipitation dinged against the  
roof of the booth. Both Misato and Ritsuko whipped their heads around  
towards the display and saw the reading with a mixture of horror and  
detachment, something about them simply being too horrific to  
contemplate. "Shit," muttered Misato, her mouth working again first,  
brown eyes wide as she took in the words on the screen.  
  
"Pattern blue," whispered Ritsuko. "EVA-03 has become an Angel."  
  
Vash's horrified scream became joined by a greater, more horrific noise  
as the black monstrosity ripped away the battery, hurling it carelessly  
away as the technicians scurried about in hopes of avoiding the beast's  
wrath. Unable to do anything but watch, both women saw as the black  
beast's mouth tore itself open and let out a great roar, the battery  
crashing against one of the cranes that had raised it in the first  
place as the Angel grabbed at the remaining crane, ripping it open in a  
display of raw strength. Misato felt her eyes beginning to tear,  
realizing in the blink of an eye that she would likely never see Kaji  
or Neil or Nieve ever again, and she forced herself to focus instead on  
the window, the hail from the sky ricocheting against it angrily.  
  
The Angel's back twitched slightly, and the former Eva's eyes glowed  
for a moment before a corona of energy formed around the beast for just  
a second, cast off in a second to release an explosion spreading  
through the valley with lethal results. The forest and buildings  
around the Angel burned, and with a resolute expression the massive  
black golem began to lumber towards Tokyo-3, heedless of the screaming  
pilot within its chest.  
  
]++[  
  
"Blue pattern detected on the outskirts of Tokyo-2! EVA-03 seems to be  
right on top of the Angel!" Makoto's voice was as calm as the  
situation demanded, but the note of panic lying beneath it had nothing  
to do with the stress of the situation. The thought of Misato being so  
close to the Angel's attack instead of insulated behind the walls of  
the Geo-Front was terrifying to say the least, and the knowledge that  
he could do nothing but report only made things worse. "We've got no  
visual in the area! Waiting for UN intercept forces to scramble!"  
  
On the upper level, Fuyutsuki simply stared at the screen, his hands  
tightened as he glanced for a moment over towards Kaji, lounging  
opposite Commander Ikari with the same sort of quizzical grin on his  
face that he usually wore. "You don't seem particularly worried about  
Ritsuko," he said flatly, more than a little resentful of the other  
man's attitude towards the crisis.  
  
"She's got Misato with her. The two of them are fairly resourceful."  
Kaji's expression was unwavering as he stared at the main screen, as  
though expecting what was coming, waiting cat-like as Makoto shouted  
the announcement that initial feeds from the UN interceptor jets were  
established, revealing only a hulking humanoid figure surrounded by  
flames in the background and steadily falling hail. "Besides, Ritsuko  
wouldn't want anyone to cry over her. She certainly wouldn't cry over  
her own death. Probably work straight through it."  
  
Gendou said nothing, staring simply at the form before him, suppressing  
a sigh in the back of his mind. Though he knew that Fuyutsuki would be  
able to guess at the identity of their opponent if he would stop  
worrying about Ritsuko long enough to think, he was certain that none  
of the others had figured out what was going on. It was one of the  
advantages that he had from what he did know of the Dead Sea Scrolls,  
and while he'd expected something similar he'd almost hoped that it  
would come later, when he was better prepared. Resiting the urge to  
shake his head and sigh, he simply reached and pushed his glasses  
further up his nose, tenting his hands in front of his face as he  
watched the fighters being swatted away. "In the absence of Major  
Katsuragi, I will take control of this operation. Where are our  
nearest pilots?"  
  
The level below fell silent for just a moment, the technicians  
exchanging quick glances as the video feed on the main screen crackled  
and died, then switched to one of the remaining aerodrones. Though  
nominally the commander, Gendou had never truly taken a fully active  
hand in the operations of the Evas, and the thought that he was doing  
so now only reaffirmed the worries of what might have happened to  
Ritsuko and Misato. Then Maya let her fingers begin to move across the  
keyboard, knowing that Ritsuko would have wanted her to continue  
working. "The First and Sixth Children are within the facility. The  
Third is currently departing."  
  
Nodding, Gendou thought for a moment as he surveyed the static-speckled  
display before him, the black beast moving as though it was afraid of  
coming into full view, limbs clawing away at the aerodrones swarming  
towards it. "Deploy EVA-00 and EVA-05 immediately, EVA-00 at the  
farthest edge of our launch perimeter and EVA-05 in the fourth circle.  
When Neil is suited up, launch EVA-01 to the outskirts of the city."  
He paused briefly, pushing his glasses further up his nose, then turned  
his gaze quickly towards Fuyutsuki. "You may organize a rescue team to  
the test site, if you desire."  
  
Kozou frowned for a moment, then flicked his eyes back towards the main  
screen with a heavy sigh, his answer obvious even though he clearly  
disliked the options availble to him. "No, that's all right," he  
replied, watching the beast tear through its assailants as weapons  
bounced harmlessly off its AT field, knowing that the question was more  
of a formality than an actual option. "We have more pressing matters  
to deal with right now."  
  
]++[  
  
With a quick press of the button on the plugsuit's oversized wrist,  
Neil's suit vacuumized itself and sealed tightly against his skin, a  
sensation that still made him slightly uncomfortable but one he knew he  
had no time to contemplate. Whether he liked it or not, he had to  
pilot his Eva now, to make sure that the Angel didn't level the city  
around him, despite the fact that he had been pleased with his decision  
to finally talk to her about what had happened inside of the Angel.  
"Can't be helped," he muttered to himself, barely noticing the hissing  
of the doors as he ran from the locker room, hurtling himself through  
the teal halls of the facility as he approached the Eva hangar.  
  
By the time he actually arrived in the area, the fluid had already been  
drained from around EVA-01, the entry plug waiting in front of him as  
the purple goliath stared down at him, slit-white eyes seeming to dare  
him to get inside of the machine. He hesitated for just a moment,  
staring up at the Eva, feeling the green eye still lurking just behind  
the slit of its helmet, disapproving and terrifying at once. "No time  
for that," he muttered, shaking his head and leaping into the entry  
plug, sliding into the cockpit seat as the white cylinder began to move  
towards the Eva.  
  
"You're later than we expected, Neil," said Makoto, his voice familiar  
to Neil from the power outage incident. "We've already gotten EVA-00  
and EVA-05 out on the surface. You'll be acting as the last line of  
defense now, until the other two Children show up." He paused for a  
moment, as though checking something, remaining silent as the entry  
plug slid into the Eva and locked into place with a chorus of  
mechanical whirs. "Are you ready to synchronize?"  
  
Neil took a deep breath, savoring the sweet taste of the real air,  
trying to avoid a rising wave of panic at the thought of moving the  
gigantic machine once again, recalling the horrific taste of blood in  
his mouth as he'd hallucinated inside of the Angel. Closing his eyes,  
he nodded, realizing a second later that Makoto couldn't see him.  
"Ready," he replied, trying to keep his voice upbeat as he heard the  
LCL trickling into the chamber, waiting to feel it begin to embrace his  
ankles and creep upwards along his body. "Where's Misato? Isn't she  
in charge of the operation?"  
  
Though Neil wasn't immediately certain of the response, the second that  
Makoto hesitated he knew that it wouldn't be good, and his hands  
unconsciously tightened around the handrests, anger tickling in the  
back of his head at the though of being kept from information.  
"Neil... Misato was at the testing site of EVA-03 where we first picked  
up the Angel. We haven't heard from anyone at the site... we think  
that the Angel might have..." He trailed off, unable to see Neil  
reacting inside the cockpit. "I'm sorry. We're not certain yet."  
  
A shudder went through the boy's body as he felt a tear trickle down  
his cheek, feelings conflicted on every level, his anger only growing  
greater as he felt the thick LCL rush down his lungs, salty taste  
tearing his eyes further. "That's all right," he hissed, grip  
tightening on the handrests, the presence of the Eva beginning to echo  
in the back of his mind. "I don't suppose there's any way to get  
myself put on the front lines to take on the Angel immediately?"  
  
"Ryo and Niobe have it covered," replied Makoto as the Eva's cameras  
snapped to life, Neil's eyes focusing on the new display, his breath  
slow and steady, rage bubbling just beneath his skin. "Don't worry.  
We'll organize a team to investigate the site before long. Predicting  
what the Angels do has never been easy, so for all we know it might  
have just ignored the humans at the site."  
  
Makoto continued to talk, but Neil wasn't listening, simply feeling his  
Eva move towards the launch pad, his hands gripping the handrests in a  
stranglehold as though it would have some effect on the machine's  
operation. He could feel the hatred and anger from his last time in  
the Eva reasserting itself, but this time he knew that it was for the  
right reasons, knew that he was seeing the truth in the Eva instead of  
simply what he wanted. He would destroy the Angel, would tear it apart  
with all of his energy, would make it pay if it had hurt Misato. It  
was the right thing, and as he felt his machine begin to lurch towards  
the surface he didn't even spare a thought to realize how his anger  
truly felt, how tightly his hands gripped the cockpit.  
  
Ryo distantly heard the noise of Neil's Eva rising to the surface, but  
his thoughts were more focused, watching the horizon for the Angel that  
he knew was coming. He was the farthest out of the group according to  
Gendou, and that meant that he would be the first to test the  
capabilities of the approaching Angel. Other Children would have felt  
scared, excited, but Ryo knew that it was not his place to do anything  
but simply act, wait for the Angel to come and then attack it with the  
shotgun resting in his arms. Still, as he waited, he couldn't help but  
feel something nagging at the back of his head, a fly stuck in the  
routine as his Eva's fingers twitched against the trigger of the  
shotgun.  
  
"Evangelion unit 00, moving further out on the perimeter," announced  
Ryo quietly over the comm line, cradling the shotgun as he lumbered  
along, taking in the civilian houses and roads he was stomping past,  
the hail beginning to fall gently around the area and against his  
machine. He could feel the steady impact of the tiny projectiles, a  
mild irritation to anyone else, utterly ignored by the pale blue-haired  
boy, his Eva slowly moving and crouching behind a hill, twisting its  
head about to look in the direction that the Angel was coming from.  
"No visual confirmation of target yet. Will continue to hold position  
for five minutes." It was a standard routine, nothing out of the  
ordinary, but he couldn't chase the memory of his morning exchange with  
Niobe out of his mind, recalling how the routines around him had begun  
to break down.  
  
Then, like a flash of lightning, he saw the black beast that he knew as  
the Angel, lumbering towards him slowly, silhouetted against the small  
flecks of ice tearing through the air. The form looked familiar to  
Ryo, but he pushed the thought out of his mind, his grip on the rifle  
tightening. "Thirteenth Angel sighted," he hissed, hauling himself to  
his feet, hesitating for just a moment before lurching around and  
firing twice at the Angel, ice scattering as the massive shotgun  
released two bursts of ammunition, gunsmoke beginning to flutter about  
through the hail.  
  
Unsuprisingly, the shot simply bounced off of the black monstrosity's  
AT Field, the octagonal pattern rippling outward with the impact of the  
first shot, and Ryo felt the uncomfortable resemblance strike him again  
as a grin seemed to creep across the the Angel's face. Ignoring his  
thoughts, Ryo stepped forward once again, pumping and firing the  
shotgun, keeping his machine's lone red eye fixed on the Angel as it  
crouched and lept skyward, following its path as it came over him and  
lashed out with its arms, the two limbs extending downwards to slam  
against Ryo's AT Field. The beast's grin widened, and it landed off to  
Ryo's side, his gun following its path flawlessly. "Thirteenth Angel  
engaged," he said calmly into the radio, pumping the shotgun once more  
for effect. "Backup currently unnecessary."  
  
Without hesitation, the Angel lunged at Ryo once again, and the Eva's  
AT field collided with that of the beast in front of it, the flaring  
octagons preventing Ryo from getting a clear look at his assailant. A  
single shotgun blast sent the Angel reeling, and Ryo took the chance to  
lunge at the beast himself, intending to neutralize his opponent's AT  
field. Still grinning, the Angel flipped backwards, landing further  
back on a stretch of open land as the hail continued to fall, Ryo's Eva  
moving quickly towards its opponent and firing off a series of blasts,  
hoping to chip away at the beast's AT field at least slightly. The  
Angel leaned back for a moment, then stepped around Ryo's machine and  
swung two overextended arms towards him, knocking him to the ground  
from sheer force.  
  
Ryo grimaced involuntarily as his Eva slammed into the ground, sending  
up a gout of dirt and greenery even as the AT Field flared from the  
sudden shock of the blow. He grimaced involuntarily as he forced  
himself to remain moving, knowing that the Angel didn't actually hurt  
him yet just as he knew it wasn't about to stop trying, that his only  
true advantage was the fact that EVA-00 had the strongest AT field of  
the entire line after its reconstruction. A swift kicking motion with  
his feet sent him into something resembling a standing position, and he  
fired off a quick blast from the shotgun as he rose, trying to keep the  
Angel off-guard as he recovered, hoping that it would be possible to  
have a moment to recover.  
  
He saw the Angel moving towards him even before he had pulled the  
trigger, however, and by the time he had let the Eva's finger slam it  
down he realized that the beast's momentum alone would send it into  
him. Certainly enough, the black monstrosity slammed into the Eva once  
again, sending Ryo skidding backwards further as the octagonal pattern  
of the AT field flared about him, shimmering lights blinking outwards  
from both fields. Forcing himself to remember the routine, Ryo reached  
out and thrust his hand against the monstrosity's field, letting his  
fingers pry into it, shoving the barrel of the shotgun forward as the  
field dissipated and he got a clear look at his target.  
  
Any of the other Children would have gasped, but Ryo simply stared, his  
expression remaining fixed as he saw that he was jamming the barrel of  
his shotgun against the head of EVA-03, the black machine's jaw half-  
opened, eyes flashing with the malevolence of an Angel, arms distended  
and scraping against the ground. He knew that the routine dictated he  
show no mercy, that he pull the trigger and blast the beast's head off,  
but somehow he found himself hesitating, the routine in his mind  
faltering. Vash was inside of the Eva, he was certain of it, no doubt  
being tormented by the beast. It could not be as simple as just  
pulling the trigger. For the first time that he could remember, Ryo  
truly went against his routine, simply abandoning it in the heat of  
battle, his Eva hesitating as the muzzle of the shotgun pressed against  
the side of the black machine's head.  
  
The Angel, however, did not hesitate, and the moment that Ryo took a  
moment of shock it took the shotgun in its hands and squeezed tightly,  
crushing the metal weapon firmly, tearing it away from the other Eva  
and casting it off into the horizon. Ryo staggered backwards, then  
forced himself to return to his routine, sending a mental command to  
his machine to deploy one of his prog knives, the shoulder flange  
popping open. "Shotgun destroyed," he announced calmly, retrieving his  
knife in his left hand as the Angel approached. "Switching to  
progressive knife."  
  
Lifting one arm, Ryo brought the other Eva to a shuddering stop as it  
lunged at him, and he brought the knife towards the other machine's  
gut, planning to try and disable it. He felt the black monstrosity's  
hand grip his forearm as he stabbed upwards, however, and even as he  
struggled against it he felt the other hand latch on just as firmly.  
Ryo struggled, watching as his former ally's arms bubbled with  
strength, the same way that the limbs of the Third Angel had just  
before it broke Neil's arm. Ryo felt a moment of terror, and gritted  
his teeth for what he knew was about to come, unable to re-establish  
his AT field in time, doubting that it would make any difference if he  
did.  
  
With a horrible tearing noise, EVA-03 twisted and ripped off the left  
arm of the blue Eva unit, shoulder and all coming off in a single gout  
of blood and tearing flesh. Ryo, to his credit, resisted the urge to  
scream as best he could, but his left arm was on fire as though it had  
been torn off as well, and he let out a small howl of pain as he  
staggered backwards, his Eva's systems quickly snapping off the blood  
flow for the machine and ensuring that the unit didn't die. Gritting  
his teeth, trying to force himself through the pain, he tried to force  
up his AT field once again, the pain almost unbearable.  
  
In the command center, Gendou adjusted his glasses briefly, watching  
EVA-03 slam its opponent into the nearest foothill, knowing that the  
Angel would not release Ryo until it thought it had destroyed the  
opposition. The technicians on the level below were shouting warnings  
about Ryo's condition, about the synch ratio beginning to lower, the  
pulse connectors being damaged, neural feedback approaching dangerous  
levels. "Reverse the synch flow of EVA-00's pilot," he announced  
flatly, his tone betraying no emotion even as he worried about what  
might be happening to the boy inside the cockpit. "Shut down all  
external signs of power. Tell Niobe to be prepared to assault the  
Angel as soon as it comes within visual range."  
  
His machine rocked as the black Eva assaulted it, and Ryo struggled to  
regain his grip on the machine around him as he felt the LCL swirl  
around him. Then the cameras abruptly shut off, and one final shudder  
passed through the blue machine, Ryo knowing immediately what had  
happened simply by the lack of outside input. Through the layers of  
the Eva's armor, he could hear the sound of EVA-03 releasing him, the  
machine storming off towards Tokyo-3, its destination just as certain  
as that of the other Angels.  
  
Ryo stared at the blackness of the cockpit surrounding him, breathing  
in the bloody LCL steadily, feeling emotions that he'd never known  
before embrace his mind. He knew why the Angel had gotten a chance to  
damage his machine and send him crashing to the ground, knew that none  
of it would have happened if he hadn't decided to be a fool and break  
the routine. Much as he wanted to justify his actions, he knew that it  
was his fault, knew that whatever happened for the rest of the battle  
was a direct result of his own misplaced actions. It was a day of  
firsts for Ryo as he eased back against the LCL-soaked black nylon of  
the seat, experiencing guilt.  
  
]++[  
  
"Stupid Japanese," muttered Nieve, her foot pressed down hard against  
the gas pedal as the small red car screamed down the empty streets of  
Tokyo-3, white buildings flying past her as she headed towards Eiko's  
house. She had managed to get the directions from a rather hurried  
mark on a map she'd found in Neil's room, and while under normal  
circumstances she would have let it bother her she had other things on  
her mind. She was frustrated with the boy for not letting her in,  
annoyed at having to drive out to get Eiko, and worried about Neil out  
in the Eva at the same time that she was upset with him. It was a poor  
combination for driving, but with the blaring Angel alert the streets  
were laregely empty, and even full the streets were at least twice as  
wide as anything that Nieve was used to driving on. "They couldn't  
live a little closer to the center of the city?"  
  
Eyes flicking along the sides of the street, Nieve could see Eiko  
running towards what she assumed was the nearest entrance to NERV, an  
entrance that she knew would be at least twenty minutes away on foot.  
Screeching to a halt, she slammed hard on the wheel to send the car  
skidding around in a circle, the front lurching into the opposite  
direction as it stopped just in front of Eiko. The girl was obviously  
shocked, and shaking her head Nieve opened the door and lunged out,  
leaning precariously outside of the driver's seat and gesturing towards  
Eiko. "Come on, damn it! We've got to get down to Central Dogma  
before the Angel destroys the entire damn city!"  
  
As if on cue, a massive footfall filled the air, the ground around the  
two girls shuddering, sending Nieve falling from her rather unstable  
perch towards the ground and landing rather unceremoniously on her  
back. Frowning as her shoulderblades slammed against the pavement, she  
frowned, the fabric of her blouse tightening uncomfortably as she  
shoved herself back to her feet, her gaze scanning the sky for the  
Angel. "See? This is what happens when you don't listen to me right  
away." She paused, then noticed that Eiko was already staring off into  
the sky, at something very specific. "What? What is it?"  
  
The Japanese girl didn't even seem to hear Nieve immediately, then  
gestured upwards, and Nieve followed her gaze, staring off into the  
distance for a second before her eyes widened with shock. EVA-03 was  
storming along, but it was obvious that something was wrong with the  
machine, the arms long and slightly discolored, the jaw hanging open  
and emitting quick pulses of steam as the hail continued to fall from  
the sky. Nieve frowned, but Eiko simply stared in horror, seemingly  
ignorant of the small pellets of ice slamming against her body.  
"That's Vash's machine," she whispered, staring for a moment before  
turning and staring at Nieve. "Do you think that Vash is in there?"  
  
Nieve wanted to tell the girl that she was being silly, but she wasn't  
sure herself, had no way of knowing whether or not Eiko's boyfriend was  
inside the Eva. Before she could say anything however, she heard a  
loud hissing noise, and she knew instinctively whay was happening as a  
cloud of smoke rose from the Eva's back. Frowning more darkly, she  
took a deep breath before hurling herself over the hood of the car,  
landing gracelessly besides the Japanese girl and grabbing her  
shoulders. Eiko gaze a quick squack, but Nieve ignored it, simply  
yanking the girl away from the Eva, another hissing noise filling the  
air.  
  
Half a second later, the black panel on the upper back of the Eva that  
slid aside for the entry plug exploded upwards in a column of smoke, a  
certain sign of the emergency ejection procedure activating, a sight  
burned into Nieve's memory from the day that her mother had died. It  
was an entirely different experience watching the black monstrosity  
suddenly freeze against a backdrop of ebon clouds and streaks of ice,  
the plug disengaging roughly within without even severing the neural  
connection, followed by another burst of smoke as the plug itself  
launched upwards.  
  
Both girls watched, but the plug did not fly forth as they'd expected,  
instead stopping halfway out of the ejection port. Squinting her eyes  
and trying her best to see what was going on, Nieve could see something  
coating over the plug, something that she assumed to be a secretion of  
the Angel, some forceful way of keeping the plug inserted enough so  
that the machine could keep operating. "I guess we know about Vash,  
then," muttered Nieve, trying to sound confident as she stared at the  
black monstrosity, entry plug beginning to be shoved back in by the  
Angel's secretion as its movements resumed.  
  
Eiko was still fixated on the black monstrosity storming along the ice-  
flecked skyline, brown eyes wide and locked on the beast as it lumbered  
along, a midnight-black mirror of her Eva except for the colors and the  
obvious difference of not being taken over by an Angel. "How..." She  
swallowed hard, throat dry and raspy, then turned towards Nieve. "How  
could that have happened? I know that they're clones of the First  
Angel, but... but what happened to him?"  
  
"A different kind of Angel. The First decided to reassert itself.  
Vash is having a bad day. Sunspots. Christ, Eiko, I don't have any  
more ideas than you do!" Shaking her head, Nieve jumped back over the  
hood, landing awkwardly on the other side of the car before hurling  
open the driver's-side door. "Either way, we're the only ones who know  
that he's in there for certain, so we've got to get to base at least to  
let the others know!"  
  
The Japanese girl stared for a moment longer, then opened the  
passenger's door and jumped in the car, fastening her seat belt quickly  
as Nieve gunned the engine, the ground and vehicle shuddering around  
them as ice pinged off the metal roof. "Central Dogma must have tried  
to eject him, though," she noted, the engine of the car roaring to  
life. "You don't think that they would have told the others?"  
  
Nieve paused for a moment, then spared a glance towards Eiko as she  
eased her foot over the gas. "It would mean that the pilots might not  
be willing to destroy the Angel," she said as calmly as possible,  
pressing down on the gas pedal and letting the wheels spin in the thin  
coating of hail before the car lurched forward. "No, I don't think  
that they told the others." She bit her lower lip, something coming in  
to her mind. "If I was in charge, I don't think I would have either."  
  
]++[  
  
Her eyes were focused, muscles tensed just enough to spring in any  
direction that was required, standard-issue rifle trained in the  
direction of the Angel's approach. A wireframe display of the  
surrounding area and the Angel's position had been brought up on her  
system per her request, her AT Field was fully deployed, and her eyes  
flicked across the darkened ice-speckled landscape, swinging the barrel  
of the rifle ever so slightly, ready to move further in an instant if  
it proved necessary. Breaths came quickly for Niobe, LCL swirling  
gently over the yellow plugsuit and dark skin, blue eyes completely  
focused, her mind refusing to give any quarter to the myriad  
distractions swirling around her. "I won't fail," she whispered,  
determined that she would destroy the Angel no matter what, that she  
had to do right this time. "I won't fail."  
  
A red dot flashed on the small wireframe display, indicating that the  
Angel was getting closer, but while Niobe was tense she wasn't stupid,  
and she resisted the urge to simply let out a mad hail of fire if she  
wasn't certain. "Thirteenth Angel moving within visual range," she  
announced, loud enough for it to be heard over the radio, the blood of  
the LCL dulling her nose as she moved slightly to one side, presenting  
less of a target profile to the Angel. Waiting carefully, she tensed  
the muscles in her legs, watching the black beast move forward, then  
waited for the targeting system of her Eva to center on the beast,  
letting the crosshairs flash acknowledgement before she fired off a  
quick burst from her rifle.  
  
Before the rounds had even struck the beast, Niobe had launched herself  
into motion, and by the time that the shells exploded against the  
surface of the AT field she was already to one side of the beast,  
spitting another round before rolling to the side and firing again,  
black power cord trailing behind her but nearly invisible against the  
darkened sky. The Angel was aware of her now, but she had no time to  
contemplate that, flipping above the beast and unleashing another burst  
from the weapon before landing, spitting a burst, then rolling  
backwards and pushing herself behind a building. It had gone about as  
well as she'd expected, and she flung herself towards the nearest  
obstacle large enough to hide the yellow form of her Eva.  
  
Listening in wait for just a moment, she heard the familar explosion of  
the beast's energy blast, something she'd expected to occur simply from  
the her experience with the other humanoid Angels. The blast tore  
apart the buildings and streets around where she'd stood moments  
earlier, but she spared the fact only a moment's thought, focusing  
instead on firing a quick round off towards the Angel once again, then  
moving swiftly between the buildings, keeping her head down, her mind  
focused, her ears listening to the sounds of the Angel's movements  
instead of her own. Her father had taught her well, and as she sprang  
upwards and over, she heard the sound of a blast exploding where she'd  
stood nearly a minute before, an eternity to her. More bullets spat  
from the muzzle of her rifle before she landed, the octagonal pattern  
of the AT field rippling outwards as the bullets impacted.  
  
Rolling to one side, Niobe launched herself again, not allowing herself  
a spare second to contemplate, knowing that she had no such thing, the  
Angel blasting the space that she'd been in a minute prior once again,  
obviously lost in the sea of rapid movements that she was making. She  
spat another burst at the beast, feeling the ice spattering against her  
machine's back, focusing instead on the sensation of the ground giving  
beneath her feet as she landed, raking another blast towards the  
beast's feet before springing away once again.  
  
She was making no progress, and she knew that as the confused Angel let  
out another blast of energy, but she also knew that it was the only way  
to get it safely disabled. Confuse it, neutralize its AT field, then  
destroy it. Ryo had been too predictable, and she remebered Nieve's  
warning to her as the two of them had been flying towards the Eighth  
Angel, and she couldn't help but smile as she rolled out from behind  
her cover, spat a quick blast at the Angel, then rolled away, knowing  
the it was being thrown off balance as she once again felt the ground  
firm beneath her feet. She also knew, however, that as soon as it  
began staggering she would be revealed, and with a quick twitch of her  
leg muscles she sent her machine hurtling away from her position,  
towards another foothill for cover, then moving faster to spring back  
into another position. Smirking, she landed amongst another cluster of  
buildings, finally feeling confident that she would be able to destroy  
the Angel.  
  
Then the world exploded around her, a flare of energy that she hadn't  
expected erupting against her AT Field and sending the Eva's field into  
an eruption of octagonal ripples as her machine fell backwards. She  
had been certain she was moving quickly enough, that she had done  
everything right, but she knew as the Eva scraped to a halt that she  
had done something long, if nothing else than simply by letting the  
Angel bait her into a false sense of security. One hand remained fixed  
on the rifle, turning it towards the Angel and spitting a wide spray as  
she rose back to her feet with her other hand. Her AT field had held  
up, and that meant that she still had one advantage left, that she  
hadn't been taken out.  
  
No sooner had she gotten to her feet than the Angel was coming at her,  
but she gritted her teeth and flipped away, distantly aware of the  
black cord of the power feed fluttering behind her. The Angel lunged  
clumsily towards her position a moment before, but its head immediately  
followed her path, and she snarled at the thought that it was mocking  
her, wishing that she could see its face through the hail of debris,  
smoke and ice from the sky. Her rifle let out another burst of  
firepower as she landed roughly, her feet sending up another cloud of  
dust, the power cord slamming to the ground behind her. She had never  
stopped to consider it for a moment, had known it was there only  
distantly, but suddenly she realized that she should have been more  
attentive, that she'd done something wrong by letting it be.  
  
As she watched, the Angel smiled broadly, then reached down and grabbed  
the power cord, shooting a sinister grin towards Niobe. Niobe's heart  
fell out of her chest, and feeling herself panic she pulled down the  
trigger on the rifle as hard as she could, letting the rifle spit out  
round after round, octagons exploding around the black Angel and  
cloaking its face as the beast's muscles surged and tore through the  
cord, a few sparks flying out of the severed end as Niobe saw the power  
countdown pop up on her screen.  
  
Her breath ran deep into her lungs, the swirling blood-LCL filling her  
lungs as she flicked empty with the rifle. She knew that she still had  
a chance, and throwing the rifle aside she adopted a fighting stance,  
watching as the Angel lunged towards her, not bothering to draw her  
prog knife as the beast slammed against her AT Field. There was a  
brief moment that she felt the field beginning to buckle inward, her  
mind quickly refreshing all of her hours of practice with her father,  
then her right fist slammed out through the field and into the chest of  
the Angel.  
  
The next few moments were a blur for Niob, a blur of thrusts and slams,  
her legs gyrating about, hands slamming into the black skin of the  
Angel, her eyes moving too quickly to take in the scenery to get a good  
view of the Angel or the countdown of her internal battery. Her entire  
world became a smooth flow of lethal action, one heel slamming into the  
Angel's head followed by another, a quick punch to the chest followed  
by a knee in the midsection and a rough backhand, smooth motion and  
deadly intent. Finally, the Angel fell to the ground as she punched it  
hard with one hand, her other retireving the prog knife at long last  
and preparing to slam it home.  
  
Without hesitation borne of any kind of pain, the beast blocked her  
knife, holding her arms just far enough away from its head, her eyes  
finally having a chance to take in the structure of EVA-03. She  
couldn't help but feel some minor shock, but she forced herself to  
ignore it, the pressure she leveled against the knife unrelenting as  
she felt the Angel's arms giving slowly. It was still smiling, and she  
couldn't fathom why the beast would be greeting its demise with a smile  
as she pushed against its grip, struggled to destroy it.  
  
With a sudden click, the camera view shut off, and Niobe's eyes widened  
as she glanced down at the battery counter to see her power reading a  
straight line of zeroes. "No," she gasped, her hands clutching tightly  
against the handrests, thrusting them back and forth out of disbelief.  
"No. No, no, NO! I have to kill it! I have to kill it!" She  
screamed, the salt of the LCL stinging against her tongue, her hands  
aching as she tried with more and more force to slam the handrests  
about, hoping that the machine would activate. It did no such thing,  
instead simply falling to one side, her body shuddering slightly  
against the impact of her fall. "No. NO! NO!"  
  
Niobe felt her body go numb as she heard the sound of the Angel  
storming away, her body curling up into a fetal position. She knew  
that Joseph would be disappointed with her, but more importantly she  
knew that Ryo would be disappointed with her, that she'd made it nearly  
to the goal and then had proceeded to fail completely. Tears seeped  
from her eyes, and she pulled her knees closer against her chest,  
feeling nothing but revulsion towards herself, the salty liquid  
swirling about her stinging against her eyes.  
  
]++[  
  
"EVA-05 has fallen," came the grim announcement from Makoto, sounding  
as though he'd delivered a death sentence to the African girl sitting  
within the machine. Neil could tell that things had not gone even  
remotely according to plan, and he couldn't help but tense his hands  
again, feeling only vague guilt for being happy that he would have a  
chance to take on the Angel himself. He couldn't help but be angry  
with the beast, knowing that it had more than likely killed Misato, and  
his anger flooded through his body, sharpening the bloody taste of the  
LCL, the way that it snapped against his tongue like a razor blade.  
"That means that the Angel is up to you, Neil."  
  
"I understand," snapped Neil, leveling the rifle in the direction that  
he knew the Angel was coming from, his targeting sensors flashing on  
the screen as he watched the black form begin to come over the horizon,  
his eyes narrowed and his grip firm. There was no question in his mind  
that he would utterly destroy the beast as soon as he could, that he  
would tear it apart with all the enthusiasm he could muster. He barely  
even wanted the rifle, but he could feel his guilt kicking in again as  
he watched the silhouette begin to come into focus, his finger flexing  
against the trigger gently. "Anything important that I should know  
beforehand?"  
  
"The Angel is EVA-03," announced Gendou, drawing the gazes of all  
within the command center including Fuyutsuki and Kaji, as though the  
man had gone completely mad. His expression remained fixed, mouth  
hidden behind his tented hands, only the vaguest hints of a smile  
playing across his lips and obscured by the shadows. "It was infected  
with a parisitic Angel on the test site, from what our scanners have  
been able to determine." He paused for a moment, letting the smile  
vanish as though it had never been there, certain that none of the  
staff had seen the smile. "The pilot was not in the Eva at the time.  
It is uninhabited."  
  
Neil couldn't help but have his eyes widen at the sudden revelation,  
unsure of exactly how to react to the thought of what had doubtlessly  
happened to Vash. He took a deep breath of LCL, feeling it simply heap  
upon the list of the Angel's victims in his mind, his anger burning  
brighter as he watched the black goliath lumber towards him, his AT  
Field roaring to life about him as the demented grin on the other  
machine's face became clear. One more deep breath of LCL sank down his  
lungs in a thick mass, then he yanked down on the trigger of the rifle,  
determined to destroy the monstrosity before him, to tear it apart with  
his bare hands if at all possible.  
  
Across the fields of white buildings, the bullets screamed out,  
slamming into the Angel's field as ever Eva's weapon had, the patterns  
rippling outwards as the former Eva unit loped towards its purple  
counterpart. Neil skidded aside as the beast snatched at him, but it  
casually twisted its arm around as though it had no joints, the  
twisting rope of an arm grasping the rifle and then tearing it from  
Neil's hand with a flick of the wrist. "Damn it," muttered Neil, the  
guilt from his anger rising within him once again as he deployed the  
prog knife, watching the black machine's arm restore itself as it  
turned towards him again, flecked with ice from the ongoing hailstorm.  
  
His grip on the knife tightened, and Neil lurched towards the Angel,  
tearing the AT Field of the black monster simply with his motion,  
sending his body crashing into the other machine. For a moment, he  
thought he saw a trace of concern on the black Eva's face, something  
protruding from its back, as though one of the other two had managed to  
leave a prog knife stuck in the beast, and Neil hesitated, giving the  
Angel the chance to shove him away, letting his purple machine tumble  
backwards through a cluster of buildings, landing in an awkward stop  
near one of the various hills of Tokyo-3.  
  
Neil forced himself back to his feet, hands grabbing the narrow road  
along the side of the hill, crushing the guardrail in the hands of the  
massive machine, something tickling at the back of his mind. He stared  
outwards at the Angel as it approached him, the cityscape framed by the  
falling hail, and suddenly it struck him why he felt as though he  
recognized the area, why he thought he knew where he was. "This is  
where Eiko and I met," he muttered, flicking his eyes back towards the  
hill again. "This is the hill." His head turned back towards the  
area, seeing the way that the landscape had changed, as though he was  
now viewing the same scene in a nightmare of blood and hail, the black  
and purple ghoul of EVA-03 disturbingly close to his own machine.  
  
Then the black machine moved with the speed of something possesed, one  
arm extending to grab Neil's wrist and twist the prog knife out of his  
hand, the other slamming against his neck with the force of a  
steamroller. Neil felt the electric surge of shock, the LCL tightening  
against his neck as he released the knife, then felt the tightness  
around his neck grow even tighter. Gritting his teeth, he reached his  
machine's arms up to grab the wrists of the black beast, trying to  
force its arms open, to get back to the business of ripping it apart.  
  
In the command center, the technicians all turned their head as they  
heard the sound of the elevator hissing open, and a unanimous shocked  
look came over their faces as Nieve and Eiko dashed onto the level of  
the center, their clothes still on, dampened slightly by the hail that  
had fallen around them. "How did you two get up here?" asked Makoto,  
not sounding angry so much as surprised, while Gendou looked down with  
obvious disapproval. "The entrance to this level is supposed to be  
restricted to administration -"  
  
"Come on, Makoto, I grew up with this facility. I probably know more  
about how these things work than -you- do." Nieve strode towards the  
microphone defiantly, her eyes flicking up briefly towards the main  
screen to see Neil trying to pulling the black Eva's hands apart from  
his neck, in obvious pain. Not even sparing a moment to glance up  
towards Gendou, she grabbed the microphone and yanked it towards her  
mouth. "Neil! Neil, listen to me! Vash is still inside that  
machine! Don't destroy it!"  
  
Nieve's voice cut through Neil's thoughts like a thunderbolt, his mind  
suddenly taken aback with the realization that Vash was inside the  
beast lying before him, that what he was staring at was the face of  
Vash within the Eva, his fellow pilot, another Child. Staring at the  
grimacing visage of EVA-03, he remembered the first time that Vash had  
hit him, the taste of blood in his mouth, the way that the other boy  
had looked at Eiko. He remembered hating the other boy, remembered how  
he'd assaulted him simply for speaking to Eiko, the way that he'd  
wanted to destroy the boy. He could remembere every look of contempt  
the boy had ever given him, remember the surge of anger he'd felt at  
learning that Misato had been at the test site, the way he'd wanted to  
kill the person responsible.  
  
Gendou sighed as EVA-01's struggles seemed to weaken, the purple  
machine suddenly letting its opponent gain more grount and constrict  
its grip even more tightly around its neck. "Someone please remove the  
Second and Fifth Children from the command center where they should not  
have been allowed in at all," he snapped, perturbed at the sudden  
perversion of his otherwise flawless orchestration. "Maya, prepare the  
dummy plug system for EVA-01, and activate it as soon as it comes fully  
on-line."  
  
"That won't be necessary," hissed Neil within the cockpit of the Eva,  
blood-red rage seeping through his eyes and buring in his retinas, his  
rage uncontrollable as he stared at the black machine in front of him.  
His arms surged with a sudden burst of strength, a ferocious power  
rising within him as he yanked apart the arms of the beast in front of  
him, the Angel seeming genuinely surprised at the turn of events as its  
prey refused to go quietly. Neil knew only that he was enraged, that  
the only thing that existed in his eyes was anger, his other thoughts  
and memories drifting away, even the reason for his anger becoming  
nothing as he tugged on the beast's wrists and yanked it forward, then  
hurled it into the mess of buildings of the city.  
  
In the control center, all that could be seen by the two girls was the  
purple form of EVA-01, white flecks streaking through the sky behind  
it, the black goliath beginning to slowly rise besides it with deadly  
intent. Both machines were soon standing opposite one another, and the  
entire control room had entered a sort of collective silence, nobody  
daring to make a noise for fear of what it might mean for the two  
opponenes staring one another down. "He knows now," muttered Eiko,  
simply staring up at the screen with Nieve. "What is he doing? Why  
isn't he trying to get him free?"  
  
Neil might have been able to distantly hear Eiko speaking, but his  
thoughts were elsewhere entirely, lost in a sea of rage and ferocity,  
hands clenching tightly enough to whiten his knuckles as he waited for  
the Angel to move. He could only think of Vash, the boy's contemptuous  
expression, the way that Eiko talked of him, the mere thought that Vash  
had gotten an opportunity to touch the girl sexually. Sex and violence  
flooded through the boy's mind, and as he watched the black monstrosity  
before him he felt himself losing control, his machine lunging towards  
the other EVA with lethal intent, a howl escaping his lips as he moved.  
  
The boy's movements were clumsy, borne out of anger instead of careful  
planning, and the beast stepped aside lightly before lashing out  
towards Neil, letting an arm snake out without hesitation. Neil felt  
the other grip his arm, but ignored it for a secon, then tugged hard on  
the connection between the two of them, grabbing on to the arm with his  
fre hand and pulling the whole thing like a gigantic towline. The  
beast went sailing over his head, landing roughtly in a patch of  
buildings, sending up a cloud of debris and hail with its impact. Neil  
barely even noticed, deployed his prog knife and lunging towards the  
beast with another howl, feeling the Eva's mind wrapping around him,  
complementing his anger, almost seeming to feed off it.  
  
Both of the goliaths collided with a loud crash and Neil drove his prog  
knife hard into the shoulder of the black Eva, letting it wince at the  
unexpected pain. His mind was still filled with images of Vash, and  
with every passing moment the Eva seemed to feed him another one, one  
more reason to hate the boy, to want him to pay for what he had done.  
He had hurt Neil. He had hurt Eiko. He had killed Misato. He was  
wrong. He was bad. He deserved to be torn limb from limb, to have the  
life crushed from him like an insect, to realize the power that Neil  
wielded within the massive purple Eva. EVA-03 raised an arm towards  
the purple machine's face, but Neil ignored it, swatting it away and  
then shoving the entire Angel to the ground, ignoring the prog knife  
entirely. He didn't want or need weapons. He wanted to feel that same  
pain from the other boy, the sort of wonderful bloody sensation that he  
knew could only come from letting his hands dive into the blood of his  
foe.  
  
Without warning, the black machine's legs lurched upwards and wrapped  
around Neil's upper torso, then yanked down and sent Neil hard into the  
pavement, his anger only redoubling as the black beast let him feel the  
impact of the road, the feel of stone cracking about his face. It was  
painful, and he could taste blood on his lips, though whether it was  
LCL or truly blood he could not be sure. He'd always hated the taste  
of the liquid in his mouth, but now it seemed comforting, like a  
mother's milk, like something comforting coming from within the dark  
machine around him. The Eva wanted him to be angry, he knew it. And,  
despite everything he thought about who he was, he found himself  
agreeing with the beast.  
  
"EVA-01 has shut off all contact with base!" shouted Makoto, his voice  
obviously panicked as the black form of EVA-03 began to rise to its  
feet along with EVA-01, both machines once again seeming to stare one  
another down. "We've lost all feeds! Communication, synch  
information - everything!"  
  
Gendou let out a miniscule smile, masked by deep shadows, as the girls  
on the level below stared at the screen below. "He can't do that,"  
hissed Nieve, certain that something had to be malfunctioning in the  
machine, knowing full well that there was no way to completely cut off  
any of the Evas. "The entry plugs aren't designed for that. They're  
like open books. Heck, early tests of EVA-00 didn't have enough  
shielding to keep anyone within a fifty-mile radius from having access  
to the results. These things are supposed to be constant -beacons- of  
information, that can't just -shut- -off-!"  
  
"It could have gone berserk," offered Maya, her figners flying across  
the keyboard in front of her in an effort to try and re-establish some  
line of contact with the purple Eva. "We only received trace amounts  
of data from the machine the first time it bersekred, and the Twelfth  
Angel incident completely shut off our links to EVA-01." She paused,  
trying to keep herself calm, the way that she expected Ritsuko would  
have handled herself, her heart sinking slightly at the thought that  
she might no longer have the help of Ritsuko's guidance. "But the  
readings we got from the machine before this... they didn't seem to be  
in line with those of a berserk."  
  
Nieve and Eiko exhchanged a quick look, then stared back up to see the  
two Evas launching at one another, the two titans clashing against the  
nightmarish backdrop of the city. EVA-01's eyes remained their same  
dull white as the Angel's eyes flashed a quick burst of yellow, a flare  
of energy erupting around Neil and sending him skidding backwards.  
Neil remained standing, retireving the other prog knife from where it  
had landed and then rushing at the beast in front of him again,  
slashing madly at the black goliath's chest armor, his movements swift  
and angry, sacrificing some level of grace for simple power. Nieve  
wathced as the boy continued to drive against the Angel, wondering if  
there was something more important that she'd guessed that had happened  
inside of the Twelfth Angel that he hadn't told her.  
  
"Like he's jealous," she whispered to herself, watching Neil stab the  
prog knife into the chest of the black Eva, the Angel-possesed machine  
roaring in pain before shoving EVA-01 into a skid along the ground.  
"He's acting like a jealous husband." She fell silent, flicking her  
eyes back towards Eiko, wondering what she didn't know about Neil,  
wondering how she'd let things get so far out of control. The chill  
and pain that she'd felt earlier returned, her memory snapping back to  
the painful realization that he'd left her alone in their bed. It was  
disturbing to a point that she couldn't begin to explain, and as she  
watched the boy move on the screen something told her he was in  
complete control of his actions, that she was being given the  
opportunity to see exactly who he really was.  
  
EVA-01 rose to its feet swiftly, then lunged towards the black machine,  
grabbing the beast's arms and grappling with it, the entire control  
room remaining silent as the hail slammed against the two golems. EVA-  
01 took on a more and more demonic appearance, silhouetted by dark and  
ice, arms straining against the black monstrosity that was once its  
ally, then sending the other machine falling to the ground roughly with  
a twist of its wrists. A cloud of pavement, debris, and ice flew into  
the air as the black machine fell to the ground, but the purple beast  
surprised everyone by slamming down atop the black beast, letting its  
body weigh the other down, pinning the other Eva against the ground.  
  
"He's immobilizing it!" shouted Nieve, stepping forward, feeling as  
though she was trying to excuse the boy's actions more than anything,  
feeling more nervous than she could remember. She was hopeful, and as  
she stared at the scene on the monitor, the black Eva struggling  
unsuccessfully against Neil's grip, she felt certain that she'd gotten  
it right, that she knew what Neil was doing. "He's going to remove  
Vash's plug in a second!" She stared, watching Neil on the screen,  
knowing that she understood him, her entire emotional dilema feeling as  
though it had been poured into the scene on the main screen.  
  
Nothing changed for a moment on the main screen, the black Eva pinned  
flat on the ground, the purple counterpart holding it down forcefully,  
clutching the arms of the beast tightly. Then a massive tearing noise  
filled the air, and everyone watched as EVA-01 ripped EVA-03's right  
forearm out of its socket, blood gushing forth from the wound as Neil  
threw the arm aside. The Angel spasmed beneath him, but before the  
other arm could even try to attack Neil had already taken the liberty  
of tearing that arm free as well, the blood from the wounds spattering  
slightly against the purple frame of the Eva.  
  
Silence reigned inside of the command center for a moment as Neil  
paused, then without another moment of hesitation slammed both of his  
hands down against the beast's shoulders, happily crushing the  
shoulders beneath his hands, another gout of blood jetting out as the  
room filled with the noise of cracking bone. EVA-01 became further  
coated in blood as it contined moving, its right hand grabbing the  
lower jaw of the howling Angel, the purple machine staring down at the  
beast mercilessly, hatefully, the Angel looking at him with pleading  
eyes. Ignoring it, he ripped off the beast's lower jaw, tossing the  
body part aside.  
  
There were no more words, but Neil did not relent, proceeding to reach  
down and rip off the chest armor of the beast, tossing it aside with  
vigor, letting it scutter along the streets of Tokyo-3 before he  
reached up to the Angel's head. Both hands closed with deadly force  
around the head, and the Eva's eyes flared briefly before he continued  
to tear into the beast beneath him, letting his hands sink into the now-  
exposed skin of the black machine, ripping out mechanical units and  
body organs with vigor, tossing both indiscriminately. Blood flew  
everywhere from the gigantic Eva, spattering the white buildings and  
EVA-01, organs slapping against everything near with a wet squishing  
noise.  
  
Maya vomited loudly as the purple machine continued to rip its opponent  
apart, armor and organs tossed aside as equals, the hands of the Eva  
closing vise-like and ripping the black beast apart as though it was a  
biology dissection. Both Nieve and Eiko could only stare in horror at  
the nightmare of the situation, the blood that seemed to seep out to  
cover every conceivable surface, organs falling around like a corona  
from a horror movie, Neil's only face to the two girls the stark and  
emotionless grimace of the Eva. The entire world seemed to drift away  
for Nieve, and for reasons she couldn't exactly put into words she felt  
as though she'd been violated, as though she had made a horrible  
mistake the night that she had let Neil make love to her.  
  
In an instant, the world snapped back into focus as she realized that  
Neil had finished gutting EVA-03, that there was simply nothing left of  
the black monstrosity, only a few haphazard bones and armor shards and  
one very important lump of spine. Though Nieve had only seen quick  
glances of the internal structure of an Eva, she knew that it was the  
portion that housed the entry plug. She watched with horror as Neil  
carefully brushed away the ashen remnants of the Angelic coating around  
the entry plug, withdrwaing the white cylinder with a care that seemed  
impossible after his brutal actions against the Angel. "He's rescuing  
him," breathed Eiko, sounding vindicated. "It's going to be all right."  
  
"No," whispered Nieve, feeling a tear begin to drift down her cheek,  
knowing without having to see anything that something would go wrong,  
that both she and Eiko would not get the happy ending they wanted.  
"This isn't a dream. This is a nightmare."  
  
Time stood still for a second, the hand of EVA-01 holding the entry  
plug gently, letting it rest upon its palm with admirable care. Then  
the horrible sound of crushing metal filled the room like a death knell  
as Neil closed his fist mercilessly, the entry plug twisting and  
crumpling and spilling LCL, crushed in the Eva's hand like a roll of  
paper. Eiko screamed at the sight, but EVA-01 seemed not to notice,  
drawing itself up to its full height and giving the wreckage of the  
entry plug one last squeeze before casting the mangled mess heedlessly  
towards one of the black machine's gutted organs.  
  
Eiko's howl of agony filled the room as Maya took the opportunity to  
vomit again, the rest of the room shocked into silence by the events.  
Nieve couldn't move, fixed in place, tears streaming down her cheeks,  
horror written firmly in her eyes as she wondered what she had been a  
part of, what horror she'd given herself to. "Thirteenth Angel  
destroyed," choked Makoto, distantly aware of a beeping on his display,  
waiting for a moment before bringing up the new display. "The... the  
staff at the testing site has been recovered. Misato and Ritsuko are  
both fine."  
  
"Prepare a recovery team for the Evas on the surface," announced Gendou  
flatly, his voice echoing in Nieve's ears as her world dissolved into a  
blurry haze of tears. She wanted nothing more than to undo her past,  
and as she stared at the screen before her she felt herself spiraling  
down a dark abyss, her heart rending itself in two. It was a nightmare  
of universal proportions, an experience made unbearable by the fact  
that she knew she had no chance of awakening, only of living out a new  
horror that she knew was beyond her ability to cope.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The face of a murderer.  
The face of a monster.  
The face of a savior.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 18: DREAD COUNTENANCE  
"Niobe was right. God damn me, she was completely right."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	18. Dread Countenance

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 18: DREAD COUNTENANCE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes  
were like blazing fire.  
- REVELATIONS 1:14  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's hand gently touched the white bandage wrapped about her head,  
strips of gauze wrapping around her skull and just barely managing to  
avoid covering her eyes, her fingertips coming back without blood on  
them as a minor relief. She could remember when she had been found by  
the rescue party, how she'd been pronounced "fine" over the radio as  
soon as it was seen that she could walk and that she was entirely aware  
of her surroundings and circumstances. The horribly loud noise of the  
helicopter's rotors and the bandage patching up the wound on the back  
of her head, however, spoke less to the initial assessment and more to  
the fact that she was not fine at all.  
  
Her eyes flicked across the passenger chamber of the helicopter towards  
Ritsuko, the woman asleep, her left arm cradled in a sling with the  
tips of a splint protruding from it. They had, from what the rescue  
squad said, been among the lucky ones, on the absolute edge of the  
blast radius when the Angel had first attacked, spared anything but the  
weakest of blows. That blow alone had been more than enough to tear  
apart the observation station and send she and Ritsuko tumbling along  
the ground for at least ten meters, and she had known enough of what  
had happened to realize that the lucky ones were about the only ones  
that would escape without being dead or permanently disabled. Of  
course, she would argue that the truly lucky ones were the technicians  
that had been in a similar situation, as they didn't have to be air-  
lifted back to Central Dogma immediately.  
  
"We never really thought about it," she muttered to herself, turning  
her head to stare out the window at the trail of destruction that the  
Angel had left. Crews were already hard at work trying their best to  
clean up the devestation, a task that they were poorly equipped for in  
light of the destruction the beast had wrought. "We always just  
assumed that we'd be inside of the Geo-Front when an Angel attacked.  
We thought that the armor would be enough, that we could lock ourselves  
away from danger." She paused, flicking her gaze towards Ritsuko,  
wishing momentarily that she had a conscious audience at the very  
least. "That's what we get for trusting technology with our lives."  
  
A beep came from beside her, and Misato glanced down at the unfamiliar  
cellular phone, its screen flashing that she was being contacted. Her  
own phone had gone largely unused except in emergencies, but it had  
been more than crushed in the explosion, and so one of the field staff  
had provided her with a new one until she was able to request another  
from Commander Ikari. She'd not been informed that anyone would have  
the number, although she supposed that it could have someone for the  
technician. Shrugging, she flicked the phone on and lifted the gauze  
around the nearest ear, putting the phone against it. "Major Misato  
Katsuragi speaking."  
  
"It's good to hear your voice again, Major," replied Makoto, his voice  
slightly distorted by the static of the phone but still recognizable.  
On the other side of the helicopter, Ritsuko stirred slightly from the  
noise, awakened by the sounds of voices.  
  
Misato briefly considered trying to let her friend get more rest, but  
she knew that the top priority was to get a clear picture of what had  
happened against the Angel. "Makoto. God, it's good to hear your  
voice." She paused, biting her lip, resisting the urge to cry as she  
realized it was the second time that an Angel had nearly killed her,  
that she'd been saved only by pure luck this time instead of her  
father's naturally paranoid tendencies. "We're on our way to Central  
Dogma. The crew said that the Thirteenth had been engaged when they  
found us. What's the situation?"  
  
"Um... the Thirteenth was destroyed slightly after we heard the news  
about your safety," replied Makoto, an awkward stutter in his voice  
letting Misato know that something was wrong, something she didn't want  
to talk to him about. "EVA-00 and EVA-05 were damaged in the battle."  
He paused again, and Misato could hear the young man swallowing hard.  
"Neil... EVA-01 destroyed EVA-03. It's gone. Over the Henflick Limit  
by several thousand orders of magnitude, and even if it wasn't I doubt  
we'd be allowed to repair a former Angel."  
  
"There's something you're not telling me," said Misato flatly, crossing  
her legs as best she could with the myriad scrapes and bruises along  
them, further keepsakes of her battle with the Angel that hadn't  
merited the same level of attention as the wound on her head. "What  
else happened with the Angel?"  
  
Again, Makoto could be heard swallowing hard in the background,  
obviously doing his best to skirt the issue, giving Misato the barest  
idea of what he might be hiding. "We... we tried to eject the pilot  
from EVA-03, but we weren't able to. The Angel held in the entry  
plug." He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "During... after  
the battle, EVA-01 took the entry plug and..." There was silence. "He  
crushed it. Like a bug."  
  
Misato was stunned into silence, her mouth trying to move in reaction  
but doing nothing but mouthing at the air uselessly. At length she  
shook her head, the beat of the rotors outside seeming to grow louder,  
her eyes flicking briefly back out the window towards the nightmarish  
carnage that the Thirteenth had left in its wake. "How..." She  
paused, then tried again, struggling to wrap her mind around the news.  
"Is Vash alive?"  
  
"Barely," replied Makoto weakly. "The Eva isn't meant to take on human-  
sized opponents, and the entry plug was designed to be crush-resistant,  
after all. But between the damage from Neil's... -thorough-  
destruction of Vash's Eva, the neural feedback caused by the takeover  
by the Angel, and being crushed and discarded... he's in a bad way."  
He paused, then sighed loud enough for the phone to pick it up. "The  
doctors are doing everything they can, but he might lose his left arm,  
and at the moment it looks like he might not walk again."  
  
"Christ almighty," muttered Misato, flicking her eyes towards Ritsuko,  
seeing the concern on the other woman's face. She momentarily wondered  
if it was the right time to let the other woman know what was going on,  
but with a quick roll of her eyes she realized that Ritsuko would  
probably handle it better than she had. "Hold on a second, Makoto."  
Taking a deep breath, she moved the phone down, pressing it against her  
chest, feeling another bruise that she was glad the rescue team hadn't  
felt for as she stared into Ritsuko's blue-gray eyes. "The Thirteenth  
was neutralized. EVA-03's entry plug got crushed."  
  
True to form, Ritsuko barely batted an eyelid at the news, apparently  
unworried by the statement. Misato couldn't help but be a little angry  
at the woman's cavalier attitude, thinking of what it must have been  
like for Vash inside the sea of blood-scented LCL, wondering if it had  
been anything like Neil's experience. "Is he alive?" asked Ritsuko  
flatly, forcing herself back into a sitting position with her good arm,  
obviously resentful of her own frailty.  
  
"At the moment," replied Misato, suddenly losing all desire to continue  
talking to her former friend, bringing the cell phone back to her ear  
and flicking her eyes back out to the scar of dirt and ice that  
stretched across the landscape. "Sorry. Ritsuko just woke up." She  
paused, unsure of which of the Children to ask more about first,  
wondering about Neil even as she felt a minor pang of regret for not  
being more concerned with Vash. "Has EVA-01 been recovered yet?"  
  
"We're working on it. The machine..." A pause came from the other  
end, the same as before, as though Makoto was hiding something from  
Misato. "We think the machine -might- have gone berserk. It's hard to  
say, though. We lost all contact within the machine, but it didn't  
seem about to berserk when it shut off from us..." He paused, sighing  
heavily, and Misato felt an almost tangible sense of disorientation, of  
being shoved into the middle of the situation without any understanding  
of what was going on. "Everyone's wondering if Neil crushed the plug  
intentionally or not. Nobody wants to think that he did, but from what  
little information we have..."  
  
"I understand," Misato interjected, feeling in the back of her mind  
that there were no two ways about the problem, that the day had already  
been too horrific for the best-case scenario to have any chance of  
holding up. And she knew, as well, that she didn't want to deal with  
it, that she wanted to be able to fly back pretending that everything  
would be fine, that she could go home to her little surrogate family  
without any crisis. It was the first time in a long while that she  
found herself truly missing the arms of a lover, that all she really  
wanted was someone to hold her and console her instead of being forced  
to console others. "Fill me in when I get there. Hopefully, EVA-01  
will be back in the docks by then."  
  
Before Makoto could say another word, Misato let her thumb press  
against the button to end the call, hearing an approving chirp from the  
phone to let her know that it had terminated the connection. Sighing,  
she flicked her eyes quickly over to Ritsuko, then placed the phone  
down on the slightly-padded bench of the helicopter as she turned back  
towards the gash in the landscape, technicians and vehicles visible  
about it like flies swarming to an open wound. Though she knew that  
she didn't have the whole story about the battle with the Thirteenth  
Angel, she already wasn't looking forward to eventually dealing with  
it, and more than anything she wanted to simply turn the helicopter  
away towards a destination with less emotional investment. Another  
sigh passed her lips as she let herself focus on the steady beat of the  
rotors above her, the even and reliable noise as they cut throught the  
air.  
  
Then the phone rang again, and Misato jumped slightly, her eyes  
flicking away from the window towards the small phone immediately. She  
paused for a second, letting it ring again, terrified and excited at  
the thought that it was Makoto calling again with more news, news that  
she knew could neither be good nor bad. Closing her eyes momentarily,  
she reached out and grabbed the phone, flicking it open with her thumb  
and pressing it to her ear. "Major Misato Katsuragi speaking," she  
said, aware that her voice had a vague tremor in it now.  
  
"Misato, thank God. I thought that one of the morons in the tech  
center had given me the wrong number for a second." Nieve's voice hit  
Misato unexpectedly, and for a second she flicked her eyes back towards  
Ritsuko before she recognized the girl's tone. "I was trying to reach  
you before, but I kept getting a busy signal."  
  
"I was on the phone with Makoto," replied Misato, her mind slowly  
processing the fact that the girl couldn't possibly be doing well under  
the circumstances. For the barest of moments, she paused and let  
herself entertain the fantasy that the girl had called her as a sort of  
surrogate mother, that she wanted to hear Misato's voice again to know  
that everything was going to be all right. "What's happening down  
there right now? Are you all right?"  
  
"Fine," replied Nieve, her voice giving her away. "I'm a little wet  
and bruised from the hail, but I'm entirely healthy." She paused, and  
Misato knew that the girl was going to ask her something, adding some  
minor fuel to the woman's slightly-guilty fantasy. "Misato... when  
Neil is recovered in the Eva, you're going to be going in to see him.  
I... I want to come, too. Eiko and I both want to come with you."  
  
"I see," replied Misato, speaking more as a stalling tactic than  
anything else. She was almost certain that Nieve wouldn't feel any  
better if she was there, that it might actually make the girl's  
situation much worse, but she also didn't want for the girl to be lying  
in terrified wait. She knew what that was like, knew that it wasn't  
fair to Nieve to make her go through it. "Are you sure that's a good  
idea? You might not like what you find out."  
  
Nieve's voice was silent for a moment, and Misato suddenly had the  
sense that the young girl was planning something very different than  
what Misato had originally envisioned. "I need to be there, Misato.  
I... I just have to." She paused, the sound of an intake of breath  
cutting through the phone's static and then petering out, as though  
she'd given up on the effort.  
  
Sighing, Misato shook her head, knowing that the girl wanted to believe  
that Neil hadn't done anything wrong. It was something she was dealing  
with personally, but the urge to believe was tempered by the  
apprehension of the consequences if she was wrong, and despite herself  
something told her that she was wrong despite everything. "All right,"  
she said, knowing that her voice was giving her away, in no state to  
try and mask her emotions. "We'll all go down to EVA-01's hangar  
together." She paused. "Take care of yourself, Nieve."  
  
The phone clicked off without an answer, and Misato sighed, her eyes  
somehow drawn back to the devestated strip of land left by the Angel,  
as though in the wake of everything else it was perverted into a  
comfortingly stable feature. To say that it was disturbing would have  
been understating the situation, but Misato still let her eyes rest on  
it, even as she noticed Ritsuko moving out of the corner of her eye.  
"You're trying to believe in him, aren't you?" she asked softly, the  
barest hints of an emotion creeping into her voice but masking  
themselves too well to be identifiable.  
  
"Would you rather we gave up on all of them?" replied Misato, her voice  
harsher than she'd intended, slapping Ritsuko into silence. Misato let  
her gaze creep slightly towards Ritsuko to see the woman remaining  
completely silent, then she sighed and let her eyes fall back to the  
gash of land, her heart heavy with the weight of her circumstances.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil's memories were groggy as he felt the Eva move towards the hangar,  
his video feed shut off, the LCL tasting more sharply than ever of the  
unique salt of blood, his hands clenched in tight fists as he stared at  
the blackness of his monitors. In the back of his mind, he felt the  
nagging question of whether or not he was truly groggy or not, whether  
or not he simply wanted to be unable to remember what he had done  
because it made it wasier to live with what he had done. But those  
thoughts were being pushed from his head as soon as he became conscious  
of them, his entire mental ability being focused on the steady rush of  
LCL in and out of his lungs, the dim orange swirls about his emerald  
eyes.  
  
Though Misato had no way of seeing Neil's eyes, she would have argued  
that there was a disturbing amount of versimilitude between his eyes  
and the flashing look on Nieve's eyes, focused on the machine as it  
slowly moved into the hangar, demonic armor streaked with the blood of  
EVA-03. She was obviously trying to look strong, standing further  
forward than Misato or Eiko, as though she was trying to intimidate the  
massive machine while the teal-gray walls closed in around them. "Are  
you sure you're all right, Nieve?" asked Misato, her voice soft,  
something in the back of her mind and the bottom of her heart making  
her painfully aware that what was about to happen would not be good.  
  
"I'm fine," Nieve lied, staring at the Eva as it lurched to a halt, the  
restraints beginning to snap shut around it, a fitting gesture after  
the savage display it had made on the surface. She was resisting tears  
with all her strength, forcing herself to remain in control even as it  
tore her apart from within, knowing that it would do no good to cry as  
the jets of the nutrient bath began to activate. Her course was set,  
her thoughts reconciled, and she knew that if she simply said it to  
herself enough times she would more than believe it. "I just need to  
see him."  
  
Silence reigned over the voices for a moment, the only noise that of  
the nutrient bath swirling loosely about the bottoms of EVA-01's feet.  
Then there came the distinctive noise of the Eva's back hinging open as  
the entry plug slid out, a crane retrieving the plug as it flushed out  
the LCL and the back of the machine closed once again. A few more  
restraints slid into place around the Eva as the entry plug swung  
towards the catwalk slowly, agonizingly slowly, finally setting down  
after what seemed like an eternity.  
  
Neil reached up and gently pushed the hatch of the plug open, knowing  
full well that it would not be enough to open the hatch. He couldn't  
know for certain what awaited him outside of the plug, but a hissing  
voice in the back of his mind warned him that it would be bad. The  
hatch, unsurprisingly, remained shut, and for a moment he considered  
remaining within the plug, simply waiting for the next time that NERV  
decided he was necessary. Gritting his teeth, he pushed again, letting  
the hatch swing open, the fluorescent light from the teal-gray hangar  
flooding in like a cold bath.  
  
A moment passed before Neil found the strength to climb out of the  
plug, the sheer impact of the situation not lost on him as he stepped  
out onto the catwalk, Misato, Nieve, and Eiko all assembled before  
him. All four remained quiet as the plug closed again and was moved  
off of the catwalk, LCL dripping slowly from the boy's body and  
sloughing down into the nutrient bath harmlessly. His vocal cords felt  
choked by the blood-liquid that he had sat in, and something from his  
memory tugged at his heart, tried to leap from his mouth into the open  
air even as he tried to rein it in.  
  
"You destroyed the Thirteenth Angel," Misato said at length, unable to  
wait any longer, wanting to know the horrible truth right away instead  
of letting it simply hang in the air. The boy stared for a moment,  
then nodded weakly, some unimaginable hurt showing behind his eyes,  
only serving to deepen Misato's unspeakable terror about what she would  
learn about him. "Nobody's even confused about that. But you crushed  
the entry plug afterwards, after you'd disemboweled the machine. Why?"  
  
"I didn't," replied Neil, his voice sounding oddly hollow and  
shellshocked, devoid of any of the emotion that any of the assembled  
people knew to expect from him. He wanted to frown, to feel angry,  
sad, happy, perturbed, frustrated, something other than simply blank,  
but something was keeping him from it, keeping him from being convinced  
by his own words. "I lost control of the Eva. It crushed Vash's plug  
without me." He knew that his voice should sound something other than  
emotionless. He should be sad. Why couldn't he feel sad? "Is he all  
right?"  
  
Nieve stepped forward before anyone could say anything, her motions  
slow and awkward, feet falling irregularly and causing her path to sway  
gently from side to side as she approached the boy. His eyes fixed  
blankly on hers, and had Misato been able to see her eyes she would  
have seen the same thing on her face, not that she doubted it was there  
regardless. Moments passed this way, her steps bringing her within  
arm's length of Neil, and everyone seemed to hold their breaths as  
Nieve reached out her arm, letting her hand touch Neil's cheek gently,  
cradling the curve of the boy's face, his expression beginning to melt  
ever so slightly.  
  
Then Nieve's body lurched into action, the hand seeming to move in slow  
motion as it lifted away from the boy's cheek momentarily, then  
swinging immediately back into it with a loud crack, whipping Neil's  
head to the side as the cracking noise of the slap echoed through the  
chamber. Nieve remained frozen in position for a moment, her breaths  
obviously coming harder, and Neil could see from the corner of his eye  
the same enraged sorrow that he'd seen the day they had first made love.  
  
"You're a monster," she hissed, her eyes not flashing with anger so  
much as utter disgust. A dull ache was growing between her legs, and  
she couldn't help but feel as though she'd been dirtied, as though  
Misato and Eiko were both seeing her as some kind of Babylonian whore.  
"I regret every second that I spent on you, every time that our lips  
found each other, every second that I let myself believe for a second  
that you were even -human-. I regret -everything-." Tears were  
streaming down her face, and she stared at the boy harshly, feeling an  
emptiness inside her as he remained frozen, unmoving, still reeling  
from the slap. "Don't touch me again. Don't come -near- me."  
  
Neil's eyes fluttered shut, and Nieve felt her tears redoubled, felt  
the abandonment that had been eating away inside of her begin to claw  
with greater ferocity, the cruel joke of existence finding an even  
better punchline. The moment was frozen in time before Nieve pushed  
past Neil and began running out of the hangar, tears streaming from her  
face, only the most distant vestiges of control remaining on her body  
as the door hissed and whirred as it opened and closed. If Neil had  
gone comatose from the slap, everyone would have believed it, his body  
remaining rigid and his eyes remaining shut.  
  
Only Eiko and Misato remained, and something was obviously bothering   
Eiko as well as she stepped towards the boy, her eyes wide, her mouth   
half-opened, one hand brought up near her mouth and the other wrapped   
around her midsection. She brought herself within an arm's length of   
Neil, but she lacked the decisiveness to slap the boy, could only gape   
as he remained unmoving. Neil said nothing as she too moved past him,  
following after Nieve, obviously just as disgusted and conflicted as  
Nieve.  
  
The door whirred and shut behind Eiko, leaving just Neil and Misato in  
the room, the steady sound of the rushing nutrient bath substituting  
for words between them. "Neil," she said softly, trying to snap the  
boy back into action, taking a step towards him. She still wanted to  
believe what he had said, but it was becoming more and more difficult  
with each passing second. "Neil, talk to me. Please."  
  
"Let me speak to Commander Ikari." The words had a decidedly different  
tone to them than his flat speech before, now tinged with obvious  
sadness, tears beginning to trickle out from behind his eyes. Misato  
recoiled slightly, surprised, but Neil slowly turned his head to face  
the woman, letting his eyes open, bloodshot and a brilliant green. "I  
need to talk with him immediately."  
  
Misato paused, biting her lip. The last thing that she wanted was to  
let Neil talk to the man, knowing full well what Neil was going to say,  
that there was no possible way he would be willing to keep her few  
traces of a family together any longer. But she also knew that keeping  
him from the commander would only hurt him further, and she'd learned  
that she didn't want to hurt him, that she wanted to let him find some  
kind of release. It was the mental equivalent of an irresistable force  
meeting an immovable object, and a few minutes passed in silence,  
Neil's tears running down from his face and mingling with the dripping  
LCL, falling down into the bath of liquid that fed the Eva. At length,  
she shook her head, then turned on her heel, beginning to walk down the  
catwalk towards the command center. "I'll tell him that you need to  
see him. Get changed, and I'll meet you outside of the locker room."  
  
Neil was alone again, with no onlookers but the merciless purple Eva, a  
sight that was spared only a curosry glance as the boy stared around at  
the empty room. The touch of Nieve's hand had snapped him back to his  
senses, to the horrible realization that he had been unable to avoid no  
matter how much he wanted to. "The Eva didn't do anything I didn't  
want it to," he gasped, tears redoubling and vision blurring as he  
looked back towards his machine, knowing full well what he had to do.  
"Niobe was right. God damn me, she was completely right."  
  
A weakness overtook the boy's knees, and he fell into a kneeling  
position, his hands folded over his eyes to buffet the tears as he  
leaned back, wailing at nothing. The Eva simply stared as the boy  
kneeled as though in prayer, his cries of sorrow and anguish filling  
the chamber, echoing off the teal-gray metal walls and the stoic gray  
jaws of the Evangelion.  
  
]++[  
  
It had been perhaps half an hour since Neil had told Misato that he  
needed to speak with Commander Ikari, but it felt like years, as though  
he had needed to spend al,l of the interceding time learning to shut  
himself off. He had managed to regain control over himself since he  
had started crying, and he stood across the room from the commander  
managing to look calm, wearing the same blue shirt that he'd come to  
Tokyo-3 in, his eyes fixed on the commander as the red light of the  
office glossed over both of them. "Neil Richelieu," said the commander  
curtly, his voice flat and emotionless. "You claimed you needed to see  
me."  
  
"Yes," replied Neil, forcing himself to feel nothing, to simply stare  
at the light-obscured eyes of the commander and let his mouth form the  
words, not to let himself cry again. "I need to talk to you about.."  
He trailed off, trying to start over, to phrase his case better. "You  
certainly saw what happened against the Thirteenth Angel."  
  
"Of course. You destroyed it and made certain that it was dead.  
Excellent work." The commander reached and adjusted his glasses, then  
tented his hands in front of his mouth once again, the distance and the  
eye-bleeding light more that sufficient to prevent Neil from picking up  
any facial cues from the commander. "What about it?"  
  
"Commander..." Neil paused, then shook his head, not wanting to  
explain emotional reasoning to the commander, doubting that it would  
make any sense to the man in the first place. It looked as though the  
commander had long ago stopped paying attention to emotional urges, and  
Neil felt more than a little disgusted with himself without thinking of  
the emotions of what he had done. "Commander, I don't think it's right  
for me to pilot the Eva any longer. I have reason to believe that I  
may be a danger to myself and to my fellow pilots."  
  
"Nonsense. You attacked a known threat and dealth with it  
appropriately." There was no resignation in Gendou's voice, and for a  
brief moment Neil wished that he could blame the whole mess on the  
silent maliciousness of Ikari, that it was somehow out of his hands.  
But he knew better, and even as the commander stared at him he knew  
that Dr. Ikari's uninvolved attitude had hardly turned Neil into a  
monster. "Nothing that you did was outside of what a normal operation  
would have done. I have no reservations about sending you into combat  
again."  
  
"I'm aware of that. -I- have reservations about sending myself into  
combat again." Neil's voice had taken on a sharp edge, a tone that he  
might not have been willing to take with the commander if he had  
retained any intention of remaining with NERV. "Whatever you say, I  
didn't have to nearly kill Vash just to destroy the Angel. I know  
that." He paused for a moment, lowering his hand slightly, one hand  
twitching itself into a fist. "Even if you don't approve, I can leave  
the organization whenever I decide. I have responsibility for my  
actions, and that includes preventing them."  
  
Gendou simply stared at Neil for a moment, showing no reaction to the  
boy's harsh words other than a vague amusement. "Very well," he said  
after a moment, remaining stationary. "You will be forced to vacate  
housing with Major Katsuragi, and a transport plane back to America  
will be arranged by mid-afternoon tomorrow. You may arrange for  
transport of your belongings and accomodations for tonight. Once you  
leave, you will be closely monitored to ensure that you reveal no  
confidential information such as the nature of the Second Impact or the  
Evas, and you will no longer be allowed inside any NERV facilities.  
Are you certain about this?"  
  
Despite himself, Neil couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his  
face, soaking into his shirt as he lowered his head further, everything  
in his being protesting his actions. But he knew that he had no  
choice, that if there was no other way to control the horrible monster  
that he was then his only option was to remove himself from the  
situation. "I believe that I am more of a threat to the human race  
than the Angels. I'm certain."  
  
"A message will be placed with the upper-level staff. Meet with them  
and they will deal with the removal of your personal ID and all other  
important information relative to NERV. You will leave the facility as  
a private citizen once again." He paused briefly, expression and  
position never faltering, the shadows crouched around him seeming to  
grow darker. "In the event that the situation becomes too desperate,  
NERV may call on you again, but that would require the death of all  
remaining Children. For all intents and purposes, your career as a  
pilot has ended."  
  
"Thank you, sir," Neil choked out through a haze of tears and  
suppressed sob, turning and walking as swiftly as he could towards the  
exit. He hadn't wanted to admit it to himself, but NERV had become his  
life in a way that he'd never expected, had grown to define who he was  
and where his place was in the world like nothing else in his life.  
But he had no alternatives, and he knew that there was no way for him  
to continue piloting EVA-01, not after what he had done to Vash.  
Struggling to maintain the barest veneer of composure, he let the door  
open in front of him for what he knew to be the last time, his tears  
only growing as it whirred shut behind him.  
  
Gendou remained stationary in his seat, simply watching the empty space  
where Neil had been moments earlier as if the boy was going to return  
and beg for Gendou not to remove him from NERV, protesting that he'd  
made a mistake. Instead, he could hear the soft padding of bare feet  
behind him, his silent observer finally stepping forward. "You are  
letting him go?" she asked, tone flat and emotionless, the light note  
that it hit the only indication of her identity.  
  
"Neil is not on as specific a timetable as you and your brother,"  
replied Gendou, unmoving, resisting even the urge to flick his eyes  
sideways towards the girl. "He may well be easier to deal with once  
the first stage of the project has been completed." He paused,  
allowing himself a thin and bitter smile. "Besides, the less there is  
for SEELE to suspect, the better we look under scrutiny. I see no  
reason to force him to stay."  
  
"I understand," replied the girl in the same flat tone, as though she  
truly could care less about the outcome of events, simply interested in  
the entire issue as an academic activity more than anything. Gendou  
let the smile remain on his face as he flicked his eyes towards the  
girl, knowing that he had only a short time to wait before he was ready  
to move forward with his own goals. For her part, the girl seemed not  
to notice, simply staring into the distance emotionlessly, almost as  
though someone had bound an atomoton into flesh.  
  
]++[  
  
More than anything else, Nieve wanted to cry. She didn't want to get  
up, didn't want to get dressed, didn't want to read or talk to Misato  
or bother to eat. She wanted to lay in bed and cry, let her tears soak  
through her pillow, let everything bleed away in a forest of sobs as  
she thought about the last words that she'd said to Neil, knowing that  
it would be the last time that she'd ever see him, wishing that he'd  
done somthing differently the day prior. But somehow she'd managed to  
keep herself running on some sort of autopilot through the morning,  
rising as usual, getting dressed, eating breakfast, blankly watching  
television in a language she didn't understand and didn't want to  
understand, waiting for something that she couldn't put into words as  
the pale yellow walls of the apartment watched her harshly.  
  
Now she was eating lunch, under the definition that putting together a  
sandwich and staring at it with tears in her eyes qualified as eating.  
She knew that she needed to eat, knew that simply looking at the  
sandwich was starting down the same road that she'd spent so much time  
trying to turn away from, but it seemed like a herculean effort to even  
watch the food, much less actually eat it. The limp white bread and  
slowly-spreading jelly seemed to be of the same mind as her, sitting on  
the white porcelain plate as though depressed, waiting for Nieve to eat  
it but not particularly looking forward to the process. "I don't want  
this," she muttered to herself, slumping forward slightly and propping  
herself off the table with her elbows. "What's the point of eating?  
Why should I bother?"  
  
Her words snapped her mind to attention, and she only stared at the  
sandwich for a moment longer before she slumped fully against the  
table, sobs wracking her body, tears pooling about her face and  
mingling with her dissheveled red hair. "All I wanted was for him not  
to leave me," she muttered through a mouthful of tears and choked  
gasps, her arms circling her head as she remembered the blank look on  
Neil's face, as though he didn't care that she was leaving. All she'd  
wanted was to know that he wanted her, for him to take her no matter  
how she tried to hurt him. But he'd done no such thing, simply  
listening to her and then letting her go, unconcerned by her  
departure. "I wanted him to love me," she muttered, her words almost  
absorbed by her wailing cry, yellow walls dispassionately surrounding  
her and seeming to close in as she sobbed.  
  
Then a knock came at the door, as sharp as it was unexpected, drawing  
Nieve's attention after a moment more of crying. She lifted her bleary  
green eyes to the door, tears still dripping down onto the wood of the  
table, and in the back of her mind she hoped that simply not moving  
would be enough to convince the person at the door to leave. Then she  
wondered if it might be Neil, and hoping against hope she pushed back  
from the chair and stood, distantly noting that she was wearing the  
same green dress that she'd wore on the day she had met Neil, walking  
slowly and irregularly towards the door. "I'm coming," she called,  
wiping away her tears, trying her best to look as though she was still  
in control, wanting Neil not to see her reduced to her worst as her  
hand closed around the doorknob.  
  
A deep breath was pulled into her lungs, then she let the door swing  
open to reveal Ryo in the doorway, holding a small paper bag and  
standing with his usual rigidity. "Ryo," she muttered, feeling her  
heart sink at the boy's presence, wishing still that it was Neil.  
"Come in, I guess. Misato's not here, so you'll probably want to leave  
soon."  
  
Ryo couldn't identify the feeling that was tugging at his chest,  
knowing little beyond the fact that it wasn't pain despite feeling  
vaguely painful. He watched Nieve idly as she turned and walked back  
towards the table, her dress swaying about her smooth legs, red hair a  
mess but still undeniably attractive, and he forced himself to ignore  
her movements and follow routine, kicking off his shoes in the small  
foyer area before stepping into the apartment, bag swinging besides him  
and lightly tapping against his side. "Aren't you supposed to be in  
school?" she asked, her tone bored, obviously asking the question out  
of routine.  
  
"Commander Ikari pulled me out of school temporarily," he replied, idly  
wondering if he was supposed to disclose the information but not  
thinking of any compelling reason not to. "It's better to focus on the  
Angels at the moment." The statement drew a brief glance from Nieve  
before she turned back to her sandwich, and Ryo walked slowly towards  
the girl, the same awkward not-quite-pain sensation in his chest as  
before. "How are you doing without Neil around?"  
  
Nieve's body suddenly jerked to a stop, as though Ryo had tried  
intentionally to ask her the one question that she didn't want to  
hear. She gritted her teeth as she felt the slow trickle of tears try  
to reassert itself, thinking about leaving Neil behind the day before,  
about what he must have felt like lying alone in the hotel, without her  
arms around him. "I'm fine," she replied curtly, now definitely  
wanting Ryo to leave, unsure of how much longer she could maintain  
control over herself under the circumstances. "Don't you have other  
things to do today? Testing? Homework? Practice?" She let her eyes  
flick towards the boy, watching him slowly shake his head in response.  
"Why did you come over in the first place, then?"  
  
"I have something for you," replied Ryo, feeling the pain redouble  
itself as he lifted up the bag. Nieve's green eyes moved to follow the  
bag, briefly flitting back to Ryo and surveying his bland school  
uniform before standing and taking the bag from him tenatively. She  
surveyed the bag now, as though it was going to bite if she opened it,  
and Ryo felt another surge of the tense chest pain that wasn't quite  
pain, his mind working hard to try and figure out how to alleviate it.  
"I thought you might like it. I've been working on it for a while now,  
for you."  
  
Flicking her eyes up to the boy one last time, Nieve tenatively opened  
the bag, her mind still entirely focused on Neil and wishing that the  
pale boy would just leave. She didn't dislike him, but he'd picked the  
worst possible time, and she knew that almost any other day of the year  
she would have simply kicked him out and been done with it. Her hand  
slipped inside, feeling the rough surface of wood brush against her  
skin, and curiosity got the better of her as she closed her hand around  
the object inside and drew it out. She wondered about it for only a  
moment longer once she'd removed it from the bag, recognizing it as a  
small statue of EVA-02, almost a photorealistic replica of her red  
machine aside from the dearth of color. It was photorealistic in a  
disturbing sense, though, as though it had been machine-produced  
instead of hand-sculpted, and Nieve noticed a few darker blotches on  
the surface that gave her momentary pause.  
  
"It's..." Nieve paused, trying to find a word that described her  
reaction accurately, the way that it was well-done to the point of  
being disturbing. Shaking her head, she looked back towards Ryo, the  
boy's blank red eyes staring back at her and eerily reminiscent of the  
absent color on the carving. "You... you must have worked hard on  
this, Ryo," she said, lost in a sea of still-present sorrow from Neil's  
departure and the unmentionably disturbing nature of Ryo's gift. "Have  
you ever had any training in woodcarving?"  
  
Ryo felt another surge of the awkward pain in his chest, and he took a  
step towards Nieve, knowing that it was time for him to do something  
even though he wasn't entirely sure what that "something" was. Neil  
was out of the picture, meaning that she could no longer love him -  
he'd heard more than enough about the way that the two had parted to be  
certain of that. But something still felt wrong, as though he was  
making a leap of logic beyond himself, something that he couldn't  
derive by routine. "I thought you would like it," he said, somewhat  
softly, knowing that he was supposed to speak softly to someone who  
loved him. The girl's eyes went wide, and unsure of any other elements  
necessary he proceeded on to the next step, leaning towards Nieve with  
his mouth leading the way.  
  
Nieve only hesitated for a moment before she let her hand fly, striking  
Ryo hard across the cheek and sending a crimson flush across the impact  
point. Ryo recoiled for a moment, then turned his head with disturbing  
sluggishness back towards the girl, red eyes open and quizzical, as  
though he truly had no grasp of what was happening. "What the hell do  
you think you're -doing-?" she snapped, stepping backwards and feeling  
her breath starting to come more heavily, awkwardly reminded of the  
first kiss that she and Neil had shared.  
  
"Trying to kiss you. I thought that was what we did now." He paused,  
leaning back into a standing position, head cocked slightly to one side  
with a quizzical expression on his face. "You no longer love Neil,  
therefore you're free to love again. I gave you something. Don't you  
love me now?"  
  
"Why, you..." Nieve sputtered in anger, tears beginning to puddle  
about the corners of her eyes as she remembered the way she and Neil  
had parted once again, wanting badly to be alone and cry once again.  
Stepping forward, she grabbed Ryo's shoulders and spun him around,  
shoving him forcefully back towards the door. "Get out of here, Ryo.  
I don't want to see you right now, and if this is the way you're going  
to act to me I don't want you to come around ever again. Get out."  
  
Pushing his feet out, Ryo tried to stop himself from moving any further  
forward, utterly confused as to how the routine had managed to fail.  
He quickly went through the steps in his mind, wondering if he'd  
forgotten something after all, if there was some detail that he  
missed. "What did I do wrong?" he asked, stumbling down into the shoe  
area as Nieve stopped pushing him, turning around to frown at the girl,  
his red eyes flicking about the room and trying to pick up on some  
hidden visual cue. "I thought that I completed the routine  
successfully. What did I miss?"  
  
Ryo's gaze burned at Nieve's skin, and she felt a dull ache creeping  
through her body as she glared at the boy, as though she'd lost the  
ability to even control who came and went. "Don't you understand  
anything, Ryo? Love isn't some fucking mathematical equation, it's an  
emotion, a state of -being-. I don't fall in love with you just  
because you give me some creepy little statuette that looks like it's  
mass-produced." She knew that she was being hurtful again, just like  
she had been with Neil, but what made the entire situation even more  
disturbing was the fact that Ryo was simply staring at her weakly,  
apparently unconcerned with her words. "Get out of here, Ryo." He  
stared at her, and she slammed her fist against the wall in frustration  
and terror, worried that he might try something even as she felt  
herself losing control of her tears once again. "Get out!"  
  
Lingering for only a moment longer, Ryo reluctantly slipped on his  
shoes and stepped out the door, a profound confusion flooding his  
thoughts as he stepped back into the hallway. He had thought  
everything through, had made sure that he had all of the steps in  
place, and yet somehow he must have made a mistake with the routine,  
must have failed to do what he had set out to do. "Perhaps Niobe knows  
something," he muttered to himself, doubting that he could speak to any  
of the other Children, less concerned with solving the problem than  
with the confusion that hung over his mind like a thick veil. Glancing  
once out the bay window in the hallway, he began walking towards the  
stairwell that led out of the building, trying to figure out how he had  
managed to make a mistake and how he could correct it.  
  
Standing inside the apartment, Nieve could hear the wet plopping noise  
of her tears falling against the floor beneath her, and within moments  
she sank to her knees, sobbing once again from the horrible  
recollections that she'd had with Ryo. She felt alone, helpless, and  
much as she hated to admit it she wanted her mother's arms around her  
once again. "I can't do anything," she muttered, head bowed and tears  
streaming forth, running along her skin as she closed her eyes. "I  
just wanted him to stay."  
  
]++[  
  
It was an antiseptic white room, the sort of color that bled against  
the dull fluoresence of the lighting to make the physical boundaries  
seem to sort of melt and slough out of their shapes. Eiko had never  
particularly liked the way that hospitals looked, and her dislike had  
only grown since her brother had been put into one, necessitating  
frequent visits to his bed in the same artificially sterilized tone of  
paint. She'd idly hoped that NERV would have put slightly more  
imagination into the way that its infirmary was structured, but as she  
stepped into the white room she could see that it was exactly the same,  
that if nobody told you it was impossible to remember that you were  
underground.  
  
Taking a deep breath and smelling the sharp odor of medicine and  
sterilization, Eiko walked towards the bed, the lone spot of color in  
the room, pale blue sheets covering a body surrounded by IVs and  
monitors, an oxygen mask lying against the face of the slowly-breathing  
boy. Vash's blonde hair was lying limply against the pillow, his eyes  
closed as he took in slow, obviously-pained breaths, body moving  
slightly against the sheets. The girl felt a momentary rush of panic,  
seeing how weakened he looked, as though the simple presence of another  
human being threatened to break him irrevocably. But she didn't want  
to leave him alone, and armed with the memory of the head doctor's curt  
acknowledgement of her visitation pass she continued to walk towards  
the boy, dressed in a light blue skirt that reached down to her ankles  
and a brilliant white t-shirt, an outfit that she knew Vash had always  
liked.  
  
Her footfalls filled the room with a new sound, echoing oddly against  
the steady rush of Vash's breathing and the regular beeps of the  
condition monitors. Biting her lower lip, she stepped towards the lone  
chair placed to one side of his bed, sitting down in it and pulling it  
closer to the boy, surveying him briefly. She had been told that he  
might lose his left arm, but from what she could see the lump in the  
sheet was still there, meaning either that they'd saved the arm or that  
they simply hadn't removed it yet. A sigh escaped her lips, and  
raising her arm she placed it down on his right arm, trying to find his  
hand beneath the sheet.  
  
Vash's breaths changed frequency unexpectedly, and Eiko gave a slight  
start as the boy's eyes began to flutter slightly. She watched, trying  
to remain calm as he opened his eyes with obvious effort, a weak smile  
managing to pull itself across his face beneath the oxygen mask, eyes  
concealing an understandable sadness as he stared at the girl. "Hey,"  
he hissed through the mask, cocking his head slightly to the side to  
get a better look at her. "They said I would be getting visitors."  
  
"We're the visitors, dad," she replied, letting a smile creep across  
her face as the boy managed a weak laugh, sounding more like a cough  
with the steady hiss of the oxygen mask. Both of the Children remained  
silent for a moment, unsure of what to say, as though they both knew  
the obvious topic but also were afraid of speaking any more about it  
than was absolutely necessary. At length, Eiko coughed lightly,  
glancing over towards Vash's arm once again. "They were able to save  
your arm, I see."  
  
"No, they weren't," replied Vash, sighing slightly as he lifted the arm  
from beneath the sheet, an obviously herculean effort in his weakened  
condition. Eiko didn't notice anything different about it at first,  
but as she looked closer she could see that it was noticably paler than  
she remembered Vash's skin being, far lighter than the skin on his  
face, even under the seeping harshness of the fluorescent light. "The  
doctors said that they were able to rebuild the arm from the remaining  
tissue. I only found out about it after I had woken up." He sighed, a  
harsh raspy noise beneath the mask. "It feels... wrong. It's my arm,  
and I know it, but... I don't know. They said it wasn't a normal  
procedure, and somehow I can tell."  
  
Eiko wanted to cry in lieu of being able to do anything else for Vash,  
but instead she simply reached over and touched his arm gently, feeling  
the soft skin, devoid of any marks save the IV needle that jutted  
roughly out from around his elbow. "At least you've still got it," she  
said, moving her hand away as he dropped the arm back to the sheet, her  
eyes wide and brimming with tears despite herself. "And at least  
you'll be okay. Things could have been much worse."  
  
"You're right," replied Vash, obviously aware that the conversation was  
beginning to step into rather dangerous conversational territory, as  
though the two Children were stepping around a landmine. "I was only  
distantly conscious up until that point, and I didn't even fully wake  
up when the entry plug started moving. But I remember that it hurt."  
His smile became weaker and more bitter, his head turning back towards  
the ceiling, blue eyes flicking away from Eiko. "Kind of ironic, I  
suppose. I was unconscious before, and then Neil comes along and  
crushes me right back into unconsciousness."  
  
The girl wanted to force a laugh, but all she could manage was a slight  
choking noise, drawing Vash's eyes if not his head back in her  
direction. "I... talked to Neil," she said, unsure of what his  
reaction would be, surprised to see that he simply continued staring at  
her with the same sort of pained and bitter expression on his face.  
"They think that the Eva went berserk, and that's what Neil said,  
too." She paused, struggling to meet Vash's eyes with her own. "The  
Eva probably just thought that you were part of the Eva. It wasn't  
Neil trying to kill you, or anything."  
  
"Of course. I didn't think he would do something that malicious."  
Something in Vash's voice spoke of suspicion, a hidden doubt of Eiko's  
words, as though there was something in the background of Neil's  
statement that made it impossible to believe. A silence settled  
through the air between the two Children, Vash flicking his eyes back  
towards the ceiling, Eiko staring at him and wishing that she could  
think of something more to say. "Shouldn't you be at school today? I  
mean, I know I have an excuse, but..."  
  
"I do have one," replied Eiko flatly, the question itself feeling  
vaguely hurtful, as though Vash was resentful of her presence in the  
room. "NERV gave me a pass out of school for the day. Special  
circumstances." She paused, trying to figure out the best way to  
proceed, knowing that she needed to give Vash the news. "It was Misato  
that did most of the work for that. I think that she's just feeling  
kind of sad now, considering everything that's happening."  
  
Vash tilted his head back towards the girl, his breath coming a little  
rougher as he stared at her, blue eyes briefly losing their focus  
before training once again on the girl sitting at his side. "What do  
you mean?" He paused momentarily, then began to try and struggle into  
a sitting position, shocking Eiko visibly. "How long have I been down  
here? Are the Angels already destroyed?"  
  
"Nothing so pleasant," replied Eiko, pushing gently down on the boy's  
chest, feeling him struggle against her hold, his body unable fight  
against even her admittedly limited strength. He gave up after a  
moment, though whether it was out of actual trust or the realization  
that he wouldn't have been able to go anywhere even if he managed to  
get to his feet. "You've been down here less than a day. No,  
it's..." She paused, still unsure of exactly what to say. "Neil put  
in his resignation yesterday. He's leaving for America sometime this  
afternoon."  
  
Silence reigned for a moment, the boy looking at her as though he  
couldn't believe her words, testing to see if she was telling the truth  
about Neil's departure. "Oh," he replied at length, sounding rather  
weak, turning his head away from the girl and flicking his blue eyes  
back towards the ceiling. "I guess that's for the best, isn't it? I  
mean, he didn't like it here much anyways."  
  
"Yeah," replied Eiko, also sounding entirely unconvinced, folding her  
hands uncomfortably on her lap and following Vash's gaze, her eyes  
winding up staring at a patch of dull white on the wall. She felt as  
though she was being watched, putting on some kind of elaborate play  
for an unseen and unknown audience, a distant sorrow lurking behind her  
eyes that Vash would have been able to see had he only looked up.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato leaned against her car, feeling the warmth of the metal beneath  
her skin, wearing her black dress with its thin white piping,  
sunglasses on and eyes focused on the door in front of her. She had  
given Neil a specific meeting time, and as she stared at the monolithic  
white hotel in front of her, light reflecting off the black-tinted  
windows to make the entire building almost seem to radiate, she had  
little doubt that he would be meeting her within moments. In the back  
of her mind, she half-hoped that he'd chosen not to meet her, that he'd  
lost his nerve as was instead going to simply remain in his room and  
refuse to come down. "But that wouldn't bring him back to NERV," she  
muttered, shaking her head and letting her purple hair brush lightly  
against the back of her neck. "Nothing will, not now."  
  
She had already packed some of his things into the bacseat of her car  
but knowing without a doubt that she wouldn't be able to unhook the VCR  
she'd left it, though she was half-hoping that it would be enough of an  
excuse to get Neil back. She missed the boy already, and it had been a  
hard night with only her and Nieve in the house, lonely and empty, made  
worse by the fact that Nieve didn't seem to want to talk about what  
happened and Misato still wondered if she wasn't in some small way to  
blame for the whole thing. It had shown on her face all day at work,  
and Kaji had called her on it, barging into her office shortly before  
she was leaving.  
  
"What are you planning on doing?" he'd asked her, leaning up against  
one teal-gray wall, the self-righteous smirk finally gone from his face  
but his expression still implying that he didn't particularly care. At  
the time, Misato had been upset by his cavalier attitude, but in  
retrospect she knew that Kaji didn't have any real reason to be  
worried - he didn't know Neil, at least not in the way that Misato  
did. He was simply showing concern for a friend and former lover, just  
wondering how Misato was going to deal with it.  
  
As it happened, she didn't think she did a particularly good job  
dealing with Kaji, letting herself remain silent after he'd asked the  
question for a good few minutes. "I'm tired of losing people I care  
about," she'd said at length, the only explanation that she could come  
up with, knowing that it hardly fit the header of a plan so much as a  
general desire. She could remember glancing at Kaji then, half-wanting  
him to take her in his arms, to hold her, tell her that everything was  
going to be all right, the way that he would have comforted her if she  
hadn't driven him away.  
  
Of course, he'd done no such thing, a fact that hadn't surprised Misato  
in the slightest. "None of us want to lose something we care about,"  
he'd said flatly, his face turning serious just as he'd turned to  
leave, hands shoved in his pockets and back slumped just enough to be  
unusual for him. "Sometimes we don't have a choice about it, though.  
Sometimes the ones we care about don't want us to hold on to them.  
You've got to respect that, too."  
  
Sighing heavily, Misato adjusted her sunglasses, forcing herself back  
to the present as she glanced idly at her watch, unsure if Neil was  
officially running late yet or if she was just getting impatient. He  
still had five more minutes by the hands on her watch, and she let out  
another sigh as she tilted her head back towards the hotel. Kaji had  
been referring to when she'd asked him to leave, and she'd known that  
at the time, but she'd never let herself stop to think about what it  
might mean if Neil did the same thing. Biting her lower lip, she tried  
to push the thought from her head, not wanting to deal with the concept  
if she could avoid it, not even wanting to acknowledge Neil's departure  
as a real possibility.  
  
Then the doors of the hotel swung open outward, and Misato had to force  
herself to keep her eyes from widening at the sight of Neil, to keep  
herself from dropping to her knees and begging him not to leave. He  
was wearing the same outfit as the day prior, slightly more wrinkled  
and dissheveled, his eyes the same blank green as he stepped towards  
the car. A thin bristle of facial hair had sprouted along his face  
since the day before, although Misato couldn't be certain if he'd not  
shaved out of necessity or a simple lack of motivation. "This looks  
like a nice hotel," she said flatly, drawing his eyes blankly towards  
her, wishing that he didn't look quite so dead in the water. "Must  
have cost a fair bit. You're making good use of the money NERV's  
paying you."  
  
"I suppose," replied Neil, casting his eyes to one side as he felt a  
burning wetness behind them, forcing himself to continue breathing  
regularly despite the temptation to do otherwise. He had promised  
himself that he wouldn't cry, that he would do what he knew was the  
right thing with some dignity even if it killed him. But he knew that  
he wouldn't be able to last long, that even with the exhaustion he felt  
from the tears of the night before they were still coming again. "Can  
we leave now? The flight's a long one, and I want to be there as early  
as possible."  
  
Misato frowned momentarily, then nodded, opening the pasenger door and  
letting Neil step into the car weakly. She shut the door behind him  
and began walking around the back of the car, glancing in quickly to  
see him slumped weakly against the seat, remembering the first time  
that she'd met the boy. Taking a deep breath, she squeezed her eyes  
closed and forced herself to keep moving, finishing her steps around  
the car and sliding into the driver's seat, starting it with the twist  
of her keys and letting it begin moving out along the road to the  
airport.  
  
For a little while, the steady noise of music from the radio  
substituted for conversation between the car's two occupants, the  
constant noise of instruments seeming to choke the air and prevent  
either of them from speaking even if they wanted to. Misato would  
occasionally glance over towards Neil, flicking her brown eyes at the  
boy, but each time he was simply staring out the window towards the  
passing scenery, the white buildings and green hills seemingly  
plastered next to the black roads. Neil, for his part, was doing his  
best not to cry, feeling guilty and weak for even contemplating crying  
more, knowing that he was supposed to be a man and be stronger than the  
tears, that cry wouldn't do him any good in the situation. It was  
harder than he'd expected, and it was all he could manage to focus on  
the scene whipping past, comitting each square inch to memory, knowing  
that he'd never see the city like this again.  
  
At length, Misato frowned, then reached over to the radio and pressed  
in on the volume knob, cutting the music off just as it began to reach  
a crescendo. Neil gritted his teeth and turned towards the woman,  
still trying to keep his eyes focused elsewhere, and out of frustration  
Misato made a quick signal and pulled onto the side of the road,  
ignoring the few angry beeps behind her. "Stay," she said flatly,  
turning towards Neil and ripping the sunglasses away from her eyes,  
letting the concern flash clearly out of them. "Don't leave. Don't go  
back to America. Stay here and keep piloting the Eva. I won't deploy  
you if you don't want to, just... stay here."  
  
Neil bit his lower lip hard, trying to focus on the pain instead of the  
woman sitting beside him, knowing that he had to do the right thing  
even if it killed him, that he simply didn't have the option of  
remaining. "I can't," he said slowly, wanting to take back the words  
as soon as they were out of his lips, wanting to cry on Misato's  
shoulder and not have to go back to the way that his life had been. He  
knew that doing the right thing could hurt, but he'd never known that  
it could be so painful before.  
  
"Yes, you -can-," replied Misato, her voice becoming more forceful as  
she stared at the boy, the blonde hair falling lightly about his head,  
green eyes trembling slightly in the light as though he was about to  
cry. "Just come back with me to NERV, and I'll get them to put you  
back on the personnel records. You'll be a pilot again. If you're  
that frightened of the Eva... I don't know, I'll make sure that you  
don't see any more action inside the machine." She could feel the  
barely-healed wounds from the day prior burning, wondering if her  
injuries weren't as healed as she'd been told or if it was simply a  
side-effect of her stress. "Think about Nieve. Think about -me-."  
  
"That's why I'm -leaving-," snapped Neil, whipping his head away,  
forcing himself to focus instead on something, anything to keep him  
from crying again. He couldn't help but wonder in the back of his mind  
if part of his sorrow didn't come from the fact that he was such a  
horrible person, that he truly wanted to stay and hurt the others  
more. "Misato, I... I can't be certain about whether or not the Eva  
went berserk." A lie, and he knew it - he had no doubt in his mind  
that the Eva had only done what he had wanted to, knew that even when  
his thoughts had become hazy in the first battle the machine as  
listening to what he wanted underneath everything else. "I... I... I  
don't think that I'm suited to piloting anymore. I'm afraid...  
afraid..." He trailed off, mouth unwilling to force out the end of the  
sentence, his eyes closing tightly and letting a single pair of tears  
trickle out.  
  
Misato stared at the boy for a moment longer, eyes wide, trying to  
figure out something to say that would convince him that he was still  
wanted, some perfect combination of words that would let him know that  
he should stay in Tokyo-3. She wondered, in the back of her mind, if  
this was what Kaji had gone through the day that she had left him, if  
he'd been certain there was some phrase that would make things all  
right again. "I can't force you, I suppose," she managed at length,  
turning back towards the wheel and pulling the car back onto the road,  
trying to resist the urge to lean over and take the boy in her arms, to  
sort out her own feelings about the situation even as she continued  
slowly through the shining white city.  
  
The rest of the ride was made in relative silence, neither Misato nor  
Neil willing to reach over and turn the radio back on, resulting in a  
tense absence of any sounds save the car's engine and the minor noises  
from outside. Neil remained fixated out the window, his mind devising  
horrible punishments for himself as he stared into nothingness, wanting  
very much to accept Misato's offer to return and stay in the city,  
almost surprised with himself at him it had become his home in such a  
short time. It seemed as though the trip would never end, as if it was  
some kind of slow-motion torture through the city, reminding him of  
everything he was leaving behind and everything he would miss, the  
silence only making everythng worse.  
  
Sooner or later, however, the ride had to end. Neil knew that, and as  
he felt the car ease into a rather definitive stop just outside of the  
airport he knew that it was the end of the line, time for him to leave  
forever. "We're here," announced Misato weakly, obviously simply  
saying something for the purpose of breaking the silence instead of  
needing to convey the information. Both remained motionless inside the  
car briefly, Neil staring out over the gray asphalt of the runway and  
Misato staring at the back of the boy's head, then Misato opened her  
door and got out, every noise she made echoing inside of Neil's skull.  
"Come on, then. Let's get your stuff unpacked for the jet."  
  
Neil hesitated for a moment, then opened his door and got out, opening  
the back door and slowly taking out the neatly-packed boxes from the  
backseat. He frowned almost involuntarily as he unpacked, knowing that  
something was missing just from looking at the supplies, his eyes  
darting about and trying to figure out what it was as he tried to avoid  
looking at Misato or Nieve's neatly-scrawled writing that labeled the  
boxes. "Is everything here?" he asked at length, deciding that there  
was nothing wrong with having a last memory of Misato's voice in his  
head, resisting the urge to break down and cry once again.  
  
"Almost," replied Misato flatly, grunting slightly as she lifted one of  
the heavier boxes and placed it down on the runway, a thin layer of  
sweat beginning to emerge on her forehead. "There were a couple of  
things that I left there... like your VCR. I wasn't sure how to unhook  
it." She paused, taking a sharp breath, knowing that she was grasping  
at straws as far as ways to keep Neil in the city went. "You could  
come back and get it, if you like. Nieve is there, and she probably  
wants to say goodbye."  
  
"It's all right," replied Neil, flushing slightly as he remembered the  
sting of Nieve's hand across his face, the anger and disgust in her  
eyes, the soft feel of her lips and the wonderful electricity that came  
from her caress. He'd been doing his best not to think of her or Eiko  
at all since their last encounter, knowing full well that it would only  
make the already-difficult farewell nigh-unbearable. "I have another  
one at home. Maybe after all of this is over, I'll come back and get  
it from you. But this isn't the place for me if I'm not going to be  
helping."  
  
Misato let her hands wrap around another box, idly noting that it was  
almost the last one, that in a few minutes she would be saying farewell  
to the boy that she'd live with for what seemed like an eternity.  
She'd known, from the beginning, that goodbyes would come eventually,  
that when the Angels were defeated they would all go their separate  
ways once again. NERV would become a research organization once more,  
the Children would return to their lives, and she would find other  
people and friends, maybe wind up signing on with the UN peacekeeping  
forces. But she'd always thought that it would be under happier  
circumstances, something that she'd look forward to. The sweat from  
her forehead began to drip down to her lips as she put the box on the  
dull gray runway pavement, tasting salty enough to almost feel like  
blood.  
  
Then she heard the sound of the door on Neil's side closing, and she  
flicked her eyes back inside to realize that the car was empty. It had  
gone too fast, faster than she'd expected, and she could feel a vague  
panic gripping her from within, a knowledge that she no longer had any  
time left to convince the boy standing in front of her not to leave.  
For his part, Neil was simply staring at her, the vaguest hints of  
tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes. "I guess this is  
it, then," he said weakly, staring at Misato for only a few seconds at  
a time before flicking his eyes away towards whatever minor distraction  
he could find. "I'll keep an eye on the news, and all. Make sure that  
you're all doing all right."  
  
A weak nod was the best that Misato could manage as she walked back to  
the driver's seat, the keys feeling heavy in her hand, the boy turning  
away from her as her high heels clicked against pavement. He was  
closing his eyes, letting the tears begin to seep out from the corners  
as he wished that he was in a movie, that something would keep him in  
the city, give him a reason not to leave. He didn't want to leave.  
Much as he was afraid of piloting the Eva again, he didn't want to  
throw everything he'd built in the city away, no matter how much of a  
monster he was. But his jaw remained set, and as he heard Misato  
opening her door he stifled the urge to cry out, knowing that if he  
didn't do anything else right he would do this the way he should have  
as soon as the Twelfth Angel freed him.  
  
"I believe you, Neil." The words came from Misato's direction, and he  
turned sharply to see the woman standing just outside of her driver's  
seat, sunglasses back on, the vaguest trail of a tear visible on her  
left cheek. "Even if you don't believe yourself, I believe you didn't  
mean to crush Vash in there." She paused, lowering her head, feeling  
guilty even as she knew that the boy wouldn't get back inside the car.  
"You're just children. It's not fair to entrust you with decisions  
about life and death, to force you to grow up before you're ready." A  
momentary pause, and she reached up to remove her sunglasses, letting  
Neil stare into her eyes and fixing his gaze in place. "I trust you  
because you're a good person, Neil. And if you think that you're doing  
the right thing... I don't doubt you for a second."  
  
Neil, unable to look the woman in the eye any longer without crying,  
closed his eyes and turned his head away, wishing above all that what  
she was saying about him was true. She stared at him for a moment  
longer, then Neil heard the sound of the door shutting once again. For  
the barest of moments, he let himself believe that she had closed the  
door without her in it, but the illusion shattered moments later as he  
heard the engine start, the car pulling gently away from him, turning  
around, and driving away from the airport. Neil simply stood in place,  
tears streaming down his face, staining the blue of his shirt darker  
tones as he consoled himself with the knowledge that Misato was wrong  
about him being a good person.  
  
]++[  
  
The entire control room had fallen somewhat silent at the sight of the  
gigantic black-white beast on the horizon, moving slowly over the  
waters near Tokyo-3 towards the fortress city. There had certainly  
been larger Angels, but something about the build of this one simply  
seemed to exude power, the white bundles where arms would have been and  
an almost laughing bone-white face somehow combining with the huge  
black body to make it seem like a messenger of death. "Fourteenth  
Angel on steady approach towards city," announced Makoto calmly, his  
fingers dancing across the keyboard, blank readings emerging from each  
scan but not slowing his motions in the slightest. "Still too far out  
to get any kind of definite readings. UN aerodrones should be within  
attack range within twenty seconds."  
  
Makoto opened his mouth to speak again, but was cut off by the cool  
hiss of the elevator door, and he whirled about to see Misato walking  
in swiftly from the elevator, still pulling on her red command jacket  
as her heels clicked against the metal of the floor. "Sorry I'm late.  
The alert hit me when I was driving back from the airport." She  
hesitated for a moment, frowning as she remembered the way that she and  
Neil had parted, then stepped up to Makoto's console, surveying the  
Angel on the main screen. "This is number fourteen, right?"  
  
"Right. Nothing solid about its capabilities yet, though." As the  
young man spoke, the awkward forms of the aerodrones began to swarm  
about the Angel, and Misato paled slightly as she began to get some  
sense of scale from their eerie resemblance to ants besides the beast.  
They were firing on the Angel, but it barely even seemed to notice,  
letting the tiny octagonal ripples explode across the surface of its AT  
Field as it continued moving over the water. "Looks like a fairly  
potent field, though. Most of them at least pretend to care about the  
aerodrones."  
  
"Could just be getting smarter," replied Misato, leaning on the balcony  
over the level below, glancing briefly down towards the red tops of the  
Magi out of habit before looking towards the Angel again. She knew  
that she had a job to get done, that she couldn't be letting Neil's  
departure distract her especially under the circumstances, but it was a  
restriction that was easier said than done, and she couldn't help but  
remember the way that the tears had been coming out of the boy's eyes  
as she left. "Maya, what's the status of the Children?" she asked  
after a moment, shaking her head and turning towards the young woman.  
  
"Everyone's ready except for the Fourth and..." Maya stopped, her  
omission glaringly obvious as she blushed and leaned her head closer to  
the console screen. "Right. The Fourth might be able to get inside of  
an Eva and pilot it, but his doctors don't recommend it." She paused  
for another moment, drumming her fingers along the keyboard and  
bringing up another display. "Dr. Akagi's still supervising the repair  
of EVA-00 - the arm has been regenerated to the elbow, complete with  
armor plating, but according to her it'll be at least another twelve  
hours before the machine is fully ready for operation."  
  
Thinking for a moment, Misato nodded, turning towards Maya and trying  
to ignore the young woman's minor slip-up, less out of anger towards  
the technician and more out of her own guilt. "All right. Maya,  
launch EVA-04 and EVA-02 towards the center of Tokyo-3 - until we have  
a clearer picture of what the Angel is capable of, I want to make sure  
that they're not in any direct danger." She paused, not wanting to say  
that EVA-01 was on standby even though she knew it was, the thought of  
someone other than Neil piloting the purple machine mildly repulsive.  
"Hold the others on standby."  
  
"Standby?" Niobe's voice filled the control room, and Misato couldn't  
surpress a sigh as the girl's face appeared before her, obviously  
distraught at the woman's decision. "Misato, put me out on the front  
lines! I know that I didn't do so well against the last Angel, but if  
you give me the chance I promise that I'll -"  
  
"For the love of God, Niobe, I gave you an order and I expect you to  
follow it!" the woman snapped, tilting her head slightly forward out of  
frustration, lifting one hand to massage her temple. "Your machine was  
damaged during the battle with the Thirteenth Angel whether you like it  
or not, and we don't know if EVA-01 will even activate with you  
inside! Nieve and Eiko are going to the surface, you're on standby  
with Ryo! Is that clear?"  
  
A tense silence settled over the control room as the girl's face  
shifted to an expression of obvious pain, lips tight and eyes wide  
before the small portrait of her faded into nothingness. Misato  
sighed, still rubbing her forehead, still feeling the thin layer of  
sweat lying upon her brow as she leaned forward, the noises from the  
battle site with the Fourteenth Angel and the aerodrones hitting her  
hears like jackhammers. "Major?" asked Makoto tenatively, turning his  
chair slightly towards the woman. "Are you -"  
  
"No," replied Misato, shaking her head and knowing full well what the  
man was going to ask, the tension of the Angel mingling with her  
underlying tension about Neil as she forced herself to take slow and  
regular breaths. "I'm not even close to okay. But we can't deal with  
that right now, can we?" She smiled bitterly, then shook her head and  
forced herself back to a standing position, trying to convince herself  
that Neil had made the right decision even as she felt a headache  
beginning to slice its way into her brain. "Launch EVA-02 and EVA-04.  
We'll deal with my problems later."  
  
The LCL swirling about her as she moved to face upwards, gritting her  
teeth as the Eva began its upwards motion, Nieve couldn't help but feel  
a minor twinge of panic, an underlying worry that she wouldn't be able  
to defend against the Angel without Neil around. She wanted to believe  
that she wouldn't have any problems, but she felt her confidence lurch  
along with her machine as the entire tunnel suddenly shuddered,  
whirling her about in the cockpit and filling her mouth with the dull  
bloody taste that seemed to always accompany the Eva being injured.  
"What the hell was -that-?" she snapped, trying to convert her sadness  
into anger, to be productive instead of sad.  
  
On the command level, Misato was staring at flashing damage displays  
before she answered Nieve, unable to believe her eyes. She had known,  
on an academic level, that the massive black Angel was getting closer,  
but she hadn't believed for a second that it was getting close enough  
to attack Tokyo-3. As she flicked her eyes between the damage display  
and the main screen, however, she knew that there was no way to deny  
it, that the Angel had proven itself more than capable of being  
aggressive. "That was the Angel," Misato said into the microphone, her  
voice trembling through the communication. "It just blasted the  
surface layer of armor. It... it sheared through ten levels of armor  
with a single blast. Another couple shots like that and we're done  
for."  
  
Nieve felt a momentary rush of deeper panic as she and Eiko emerged on  
the surface, the sun setting behind the huge black beast, her hands  
tight around the handle grips as she thought about what such power  
meant in the hands of the Angel. She wasn't equipped to fight  
something like that, and she yearned momentarily for Neil to still be  
beside her, for somebody to be protecting her, keeping her safe from  
the horrific power of the Angel. Then she forced herself into action,  
her machine springing aside towards the nearest weapon deposit,  
retrieving a standard-issue rifle even as she saw Eiko moving in the  
opposite direction. "Eiko, what the hell are you doing? You're  
leaving yourself wide open?"  
  
Eiko was distantly aware of what Nieve was saying, but as she snatched  
a pair of handguns from the depot she ignored the warning, more  
concerned with the immediate situation than with the academics of the  
battle. She'd seen Neil do it before, the way that he would lose  
himself in a battle rage, and she had more than enough anger, enough  
rage to direct into the black monstrosity that was slowly turning its  
oddly-shaped face towards her. "This is for Vash, damn you!" she  
shouted, letting the handguns fire off as she dashed about the  
buidings, her machine a silver shadow flitting about, bullets exploding  
against the AT Field with the standard octagonal ripples. She knew  
that all she had to do was focus, was to make herself angrier, that she  
could be an Eva pilot, that she wouldn't fail after what the last Angel  
had done to Vash.  
  
As Nieve watched, the Angel's eyes flared with brief surges of power,  
and an explosion of energy slammed into Eiko's machine, a brilliant  
white corona of an explosion that turned the buildings surrounding the  
silver machine into nothing more than crumbling black outlines. Eiko  
herself was thrown backwards as the explosion blossomed into the shape  
of a cross, her Eva's AT Field gone and black sears covering the  
surface of her machine. "EVA-04 has sustained severe damage!" shouted  
Makoto over the radio connection, Nieve gritting her teeth at the sight  
of how easily Eiko had been laid out. "AT Field has been broken  
completely, armor at less than .5%! Machine has gone into emergency  
shutdown mode!"  
  
The Angel was looking towards Nieve now, and grimacing the young girl  
opened fire, raking the shells against the surface of the Angel's AT  
Field, watching the beast's eyes carefully for the flash of light as  
she dashed through the buildings, a growing panic in her mind. She  
wanted to have Neil by her side again, and as she saw the quick flash  
of light she knew that she was getting sloppy because of it, knew that  
she was losing control of her situation all because of one silly boy.  
Gritting her teeth more tightly, she flung her Eva to one side as the  
same blast of energy erupted from the ground beside her, seeming to  
come out of nowhere and slam into her machine even as she tried  
desperately to avoid the assault.  
  
It felt as though a sledgehammer had been driven into the side of her  
stomach, and Nieve cried out as her machine was sent tumbling though  
the air, losing its grip on the rifle as it flew across towards the  
foothills of Tokyo-3. The pilot cursed at the loss of control as she  
stumbled to a stop, Eva lying down on one side, the AT field only  
remaining at the barest level of power. "But I didn't fall for that  
trick," she snarled, forcing herself back to her feet, turning the red-  
white face of her Eva towards the Angel defiantly. "Is that the best  
you've got? Just that energy blast?"  
  
Nothing happened for a moment as Nieve stumbled to her feet, the Angel  
hovering closer but not unleashing another blast of energy. Then the  
two bundles where its arms would have been unfolded swiftly, revealing  
two long trailing ribbon-like whips. Nieve's eyes widened as she  
stared at the Angel, the beast lashing the whips quickly against a pair  
of surrounding buildings before letting the appendages lash out towards  
the girl. Both struck the Eva at the knees, and Nieve screamed as she  
felt her lower legs suddenly go numb, a burning pain shooting through  
her body as she felt her Eva fall backwards from the sudden lack of  
legs below the knee.  
  
"EVA-02's pilot is going into neural shock!" shouted Makoto, a distant  
sound for the girl as the Angel carelessly slashed away her arms,  
leaving her lying against the foothills and screaming in agony. She  
knew that she had lost control, that the boy she though she loved had  
left her, and that the Angel was about to kill her for her failure, the  
LCL choking her nearly to death with the thick taste of blood. A few  
quick lashes from the beast carved away part of the chest armor, and  
Nieve was distantly aware of the sight of a large red orb set  
underneath the armor of her Eva, the core of her own personal Angel  
clone. Then she looked up to see the Angel's ribbon-arms lunging  
towards her eyes and her core, and she screamed.  
  
Makoto may have said something, but it didn't penetrate the girl's mind  
as she felt the world suddenly go black and cold, feeling herself  
suddenly huddling naked against a cold wet floor. Tears were streaming  
from her face, and she could only sense blackness around her, knowing  
full well that she was dead, that she'd managed to fail everyone, that  
she'd lost control. "I did everything wrong," she muttered, letting  
the tears fall down her bare skin, the despair feeling like a physical  
presence. "I let mother down."  
  
"You never let me down." The voice was one that the girl hadn't heard  
for what seemed like an eternity, but Nieve forced herself to open her  
eyes and look up, her eyes going wide at the sight. Her mother was  
kneeling before her, wearing the same red and orange plugsuit that she  
remembered from the day she had died, the suit structured like Neil's  
but obviously made for a female body. The woman was smiling, her short  
red hair brushing against her neck as she extended a hand towards her  
daughter. "You made me proud. Everything you did in this machine made  
me proud, Nieve."  
  
Nieve's eyes were wide and disbelieving, but the sense of her mother's  
touch against her cheek was undeniable. "Mother?" she asked  
tenatively, reaching out herself, letting herself touch the woman's  
cheek, her neck, her hair. Then the tears began to flow more strongly,  
and she launched herself towards the woman, holding her tightly, the  
tears an odd mingling of distress and happiness. "Ma! You're back! I  
get to see you again! Oh, Ma, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry about everything  
that I did back then, I..."  
  
"We can't talk." The statement was curt, not angry so much as  
decisive, but equally cutting to the young girl as she let herself lean  
slightly away from the woman and stare. Leigh Soryu-Leary's outline  
was fading slowly, dissolving into the blackness surrounding both of  
them. "I'm sorry, Nieve. I'd wanted to talk to you, but this is the  
only chance I'll ever get. The only way that I could keep you safe  
from the Angel was to give myself."  
  
The skin against Nieve's fingers was becoming mroe distant, and she  
felt the tears quickly changing notes to fully mournful, struggling to  
hold her mother tighter. "No! Ma, don't leave! Please, don't leave!  
I'm older now, I've got a handle on things! Whatever's going on, I  
promise, I'll save you! Please, Ma, don't leave me again!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Nieve," replied the woman, her body now almost wholly  
ephemeral, enough for Nieve to see clear through the woman. "But I  
couldn't let you die, not here, not now. I want to thank you, Nieve,  
thank you for being my daughter, for riding in this thing with me.  
It's been hard for both of us, I know, but we did our best. I  
hope..." She paused, her voice becoming more distant. "I know that  
you'll become a fine woman one day. I just wish that I could see it."  
  
"-MA-!" The scream was shrill, Nieve's arms tightening more until  
there was nothing around her, her tears falling into the nothingness  
around her as she felt her world seem to dissolve again. She regained  
consciousness in the sea of LCL that was her cockpit, nothing but  
blackness and blood-orange liquid surrounding her. "Don't go, Ma," she  
whispered, leaning back against the seat and letting herself cry,  
distantly hearing the Angel moving through her twisted wreck of an Eva.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil had heard the Angel alarm clearly as it had begun to tear through  
the city, the wailing siren warning the residents that they needed to  
evacuate in preparation for another installment of the ongoing siege  
between the great beasts and NERV. He had chosen to ignore it, to  
simply sit at the airport and hear the barking warning without doing  
anything, waiting for the plane that would take him out of the country  
and back to his real home. Though it was certainly difficult to block  
out the sound of the sirens along with the growing noise of the  
aerodrones firing at the thing, he had managed it as best he could,  
wrapping himself in a ball of self-loathing. "I have to not pilot the  
Eva again," he'd muttered. "I'm a monster. I can't be trusted."  
  
Then he'd heard the sound of the Evas launching, and despite himself  
he'd been unable to stay seated, drawn to look towards the battle  
between the Angel and the titanic machines out of a sense of guilt if  
nothing else. He had walked as close to the battle as he could get  
while still staying inside the airport, giving him a mostly-clear view  
of the battle, the massive black Angel towering over EVA-02 and EVA-  
04. His heart had quickened slightly at the thought of who would be  
piloting the two machines, but he'd tried to remind himself that he  
could be just as dangerous to them, that he needed to wait for the  
plane to arrive, that trying to do something would only make things  
worse.  
  
He'd smelled the gunpowder and smoke all too clearly from his position,  
seen as the first explosion blossomed into a cross and sent Eiko  
crashing against the buildings around her like discarded rubbish. He'd  
seen the second blast hurl Nieve away, and although she'd been obscured  
from view at that point, he'd seen enough of the Angel to know that it  
had then made certain she was not getting back up. Neil doubted that  
they were dead, but he had no way of knowing, and from the second that  
he'd seen Eiko get blasted he knew that he had to do something.  
  
The Angel was turning now, slowly leaving behind EVA-02, and Neil was  
struggling to sort out his emotions as he watched the black beast turn,  
its bony face with half-open mouth seeming to laugh at him for his  
uselessness. "I'm just as bad as the Angels, though," he muttered to  
himself, his hands slowly clenching and relaxing. "I could have wound  
up hurting Nieve and Eiko. I'm an Angel in my own right, and I -"  
  
A sudden realization hit him like a splash of cold water, and Neil felt  
every muscle in his body tense even as tears began to flood from his  
eyes anew. Guilt sliced through his mind as he realized what he'd  
done, realized the sort of coward he'd been, saw starkly the way that  
he was behaving as the sun set behind the Angel. With the last few  
fingers of the sun's light extending over the horizon, blocked by the  
massive shadow that the Fourteenth Angel threw across the cityscape,  
Neil took a brief glance around the land before jumping from his perch  
at the top of the airport, letting himself fall and tucking his body in  
as he prepared to roll down the steep hill of the airport.  
  
His landing hit hard, but Neil had developed some skill at dealing with  
pain if nothing else since he'd begun piloting the Eva, and instead of  
wincing he simply let himself roll, the fall helping to augment his  
speed as he tumbled down towards ground level roughly. Clumps of grass  
and dirt tore along his clothes, but he barely noticed, simply forcing  
his legs into the soft ground and digging his hands in to bring himself  
to a stop just shy of ground level. Pausing for only a moment to get  
his bearings, he glanced up towards the airport, realizing as almost an  
afterthought that it was much further than he'd originally thought,  
then jumped down to the streets of the city, glancing about for an  
entrance to Central Dogma.  
  
Eyes settling quickly on the nearest pair of metal doors bearing the  
trademark NERV insignia, Neil set off running, ignoring the growing  
sense of exhaustion seeping through his body, feet hitting the black  
pavement at regular intervals as sweat dripped into his mouth in  
regular salty explosions. The door was his only goal, and as he grew  
closer he found himself slowing, finally coming to a halt a few feet  
shy of the actual destination. "My keycard," he muttered, shaking his  
head as he drew out the small piece of plastic. "It's probably not  
working any more. They won't let me in."  
  
Then an explosion tore through the city, shaking the ground underneath  
Neil's feet as the world filled with the harsh noise of shattering  
concrete and asphalt. Neil gritted his teeth, then slammed the card  
through the reader beside him, hoping against logic that it would  
successfully let him in. The reader flashed no verification, but a  
second later the doors creaked open, just sliding far enough apart for  
him to wedge himself through. Smiling even as his tears continued to  
flow, Neil hurled himself towards the doors, letting himself slip into  
the Geo-Front and head towards the machine that he knew he should be  
piloting.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe's machine waited patiently beneath the surface of the Geo-Front,  
Central Dogma several meters behind her as the Angel blasted away  
relentlessly at the armor that shielded NERV's underground sanctuary  
from Angel attacks. It had always been a distant possibility that an  
Angel would make it through to the bottom level of NERV, and Niobe  
couldn't help but be thankful for that as she further braced the twin  
rocket launchers against her sides, mentally refreshing in her mind how  
many shots she would get out of the weapons, her breath quickly taking  
in and exhaling the LCL, mind completely ignoring the lush scenery  
around her. "I've got to destroy this one," she muttered, training her  
launchers towards the spot where chunks of rock were already beginning  
to fall from the surface of Tokyo-3 into the Geo-Front. "I have to be  
able to destroy another Angel. It'll make Ryo love me, I'm sure of it."  
  
The corona of the explosion burst through the stony ceiling, energy  
billowing outwards in the shape of an upside-down cross as the Angel  
began its descent. Niobe took one last deep breath within the LCL of  
her machine, then waited for the crosshairs on her display to line up  
and flash an acknowledging green, the launchers trained perfectly on  
the beast in front of her. "Engaging Fourteenth Angel!" she screamed  
over the communicator, her hands slamming the handrests forward even as  
the two rocket launchers she wielded roared to life, plumes of flame  
jetting outward towards the descending black monstrosity.  
  
Eleven rockets spiraled out from the launchers before Niobe even knew  
it, their plumes of flame arcing about as the first pair impacted hard  
against the beast's AT Field accompanied by the octagonal ripples that  
she knew would come. Both rocket launchers feel to the ground, then  
without hesitation she drew another pair just as quickly from the  
ground around her, littered with Eva weaponry deployed at Misato's  
command. She had known she would need more firepower than a single  
pair of launchers, and in one fluid motion she had brought the  
replacements to bear, pointing directly at the Angel, the display  
taking only a moment before it flashed green and allowed her to once  
again release a series of rockets towards her target.  
  
Much to her surprise, the Angel seemed unconcerned with even the effort  
of dodging, letting the rockets impact against the field steadily while  
it slowly descended towards ground level, Niobe's assault continuing  
and filling her ears with the sound of roaring flames. For a moment,  
she wondered if the beast would attack her early, her leg muscles  
tensing in anticipation of a necessary dodge, but the Angel did  
nothing, simply let itself hover down as Niobe discarded the second  
pair of launchers and quickly scooped up a third in one quick motion.  
"Angel doesn't seem to be counterattacking!" she shouted over the comm,  
seeing it move towards her slowly as she tensed and prepared to begin  
moving herself. "I'm taking evasive maneuvers immediately, as a  
precautionary measure!"  
  
Something might have come over the radio, but Niobe didn't notice it,  
her Eva launching into movement, her eyes remaining focused upon the  
Angel and keeping the crosshairs flashing a brilliant green, geysers of  
flame erupting from the twin barrels of the rocket launchers. Her  
movements were steady, trained, and as the launchers clicked empty she  
quickly leaned down and scooped up another pair, letting herself train  
her eyes immediately back upon the Angel. There was no reaction from  
the black goliath except the steady ripples of octagons through the air  
and the slow motion in Niobe's direction, both more than acceptable by  
her train of thought. "Makoto, how's the Angel's AT field holding up!  
Will I need to close in and finish it manually?"  
  
"Niobe, according to our sensors, you've barely dented the thing!"  
Misato's eyes flicked up briefly towards the main screen, watching the  
yellow Eva dart in circles around the hovering black Angel before  
glancing back towards Makoto's display. There was a tangible tension  
flooding through the control room simply at the presence of the Angel  
in the Geo-Front, something that none of the beasts had managed  
before. "It's not being hurt, it's just ignoring you!"  
  
"That's -impossible-!" snapped the girl, forcing her machine to move  
faster as she let out a series of brilliant red flares, the rockets  
slamming in an explosive barrage against the surface of the Angel's AT  
Field, scooping up another pair of launchers as she clicked empty. Her  
feet slammed hard into a lake, the first time she'd even bothered to  
notice the scenery, this time more out of the simple fact that she knew  
she would be fighting from a disadvantage. "I've -got- to be hurting  
it! That's not -possible-!" Grimacing, she launched her machine  
forward, the taste of salty blood hard against her tongue as she let  
out more shots from the launcher, landing and grabbing another pair as  
she trained her shots back towards the beast. "I'm the best! I'm  
better than -any- of the other pilots! I can destroy -one- goddamn  
Angel on my -own-!"  
  
Before Niobe could even react, the Angel's arms began to unravel into  
razor-sharp whips, trailing down to the ground and scraping small  
furrows, then lashing upwards towards Niobe before she rolled away.  
She needed to get close to the Angel to hurt it, to try and close with  
it in order to neutralize the AT Field, but as it lashed the whips  
about it seemed to be taunting her, like a cat enjoying the terror of a  
mouse. Forcing her Eva to a stop, Niobe let herself drop the two  
rocket launchers that she'd been holding, scooping up another pair and  
bracing herself against the ground, her fingers tightening against the  
triggers. "I'm not going to be afraid," she muttered, watching as the  
whips tore against the ground of the Geo-Front, her teeth gritting  
tightly as her eyes widened. "I'm the best. I can do this. I can do  
this -easily-."  
  
Ignoring the sound of warning shouts coming over the radio, Niobe  
launcher her machine forward, letting the yellow golem spring towards  
the beast, avoiding a quick lash of its whips as she spread her AT  
Field as wide as she could. The Angel lashed towards her again, but  
she was already moving again, this time letting the leg muscles of her  
Eva launch her into a run, taking advantage of the naturally enhanced  
speeds of her machine, letting herself feel as the Angel's AT Field  
grew closer and closer. Her fingers tightened on the triggers as she  
watched the octagons start to ripple out, then as they dissolved into  
nothingness she slammed her machine's fingers down, letting the rockets  
in the launchers arm themselves and begin to slide out towards the  
Angel.  
  
Then the whips lashed towards her with blinding speed, and before she  
could react the Angel had stabbed both thin metallic strands through  
the barrels of the launchers, jamming the missiles in mid-flight and  
leaving them primed to explode as the whips drew themselves out.  
Niobe's eyes widened as she realized what the beast had done, and she  
released the launchers, trying to move away from them before the  
inevitable happened. She was too late, and she couldn't help but  
scream as she felt the explosive force of the launchers' entire  
payloads tear into her arms, chunks of metal mingling with the burning  
heat of the explosion, ripping away armor and flesh alike.  
  
Once the explosion had faded Niobe could feel herself nearly choking on  
the bloody LCL, her lower arms aching in a way that she'd never  
experienced, her mind tenatively reaching out towards that of her Eva  
as she distantly heard the noise of the control room filled with  
alarmed shouts. She could feel nothing of her left arm below the  
elbow, and her right arm felt mangled, broken, as though it had begun  
to bend in ways that it wasn't supposed to. Glancing down quickly, she  
felt her teeth grit as she saw the ruined bloody stump on her left and  
the shattered tan armor on her right, both arms useless as anything but  
clubs. "Niobe," said Misato's voice, sharp in her ear, sounding almost  
as disapproving as Joseph's. "You're too badly damaged. Withdraw."  
  
"-NO-!" screamed Niobe, a blood rage filling her world as she began to  
launch her machine towards the black monstrosity once again, breath  
coming quickly, legs thundering across the artificial greenery as the  
Angel lashed in anticipation. "I'll kick it to death! I'll do  
something, I won't -retreat-!" She screamed, springing towards the  
Angel, doing her best to compensate for the lack of balance provided by  
her arms, wishing that she'd trained more without them for such a  
situation, her right leg preparing to lash out in a kick as she flew  
towards the Angel.  
  
Before she had even made it halfway to the beast, it had lashed up  
towards her once again, the twin silvery whips stabbing into the joint  
between her pelvis and her hips, sending fire along her lower regions  
and a scream into the LCL of the cockpit. The Eva's legs fell to the  
ground in an awkward puddle of blood, and the limbless torso slammed  
ineffectually into the Angel before falling hard to the ground, Niobe's  
entire body on fire with agony as she cried. "No," she snarled,  
watching as the Angel began to turn away and head towards Central  
Dogma. "No! NO! NO, NO, NO! Finish me! PLEASE!" Her pain was  
fading, and a moment later the visual links was severed as the Eva  
became a distant memory. "Please... don't leave me like this..."  
  
"Severed neural link," announced Maya, the entire command center  
seeming almost haunted as Niobe's limbless body twitched once before  
falling still. Maya stared at the main screen for a moment, then back  
towards the monitor at her disposal, feeling particularly useless.  
"The good news is that the Second Child isn't dead - her vital signs  
are a little erratic, but both she and the Fifth are still alive."  
  
"The bad news is that if we don't destroy this thing soon, we're all  
going to be destroyed," muttered Misato, her brow furrowed tightly,  
trying to force herself to figure out some kind of plan to stop the  
Angel. It had resisted everything they had to throw at it, every  
defense and offense, and all that NERV had left was one damaged Eva and  
one injured pilot. Sighing, she tilted her head slightly forward,  
knowing that she only had one course of action truly remaining to her.  
"Makoto, one my mark -"  
  
"Deploy the First Child in EVA-00," announced Gendou, the sudden noise  
of his voice drawing the attention of nearly all within the room  
towards the top level of the complex. Despite the situation, Gendou  
seemed to still be perfectly confident about the outcome, his hands  
tented in front of his mouth, eyes hidden behind his glasses. "Arm the  
Eva with an N2 mine, for detonation upon contact with the core of the  
Fourteenth Angel." He paused briefly, then adjusted his glasses  
slightly, flicking his eyes towards Fuyutsuki for the barest of  
moments. "Maya, contact the medical wing. Have them prepare Vash for  
piloting EVA-01."  
  
"Vash can't pilot that!" shouted Misato, realizing as soon as the words  
were out of her mouth that at least part of her apprehension came from  
the simple fact that she still felt uncomfortable about the thought of  
someone else in the cockpit of the purple Eva. She knew that it was  
entirely the wrong time to be thinking about such things, but as the  
sweat dripped down past her lips she couldn't push the thought from her  
head. Besides, she knew that she had better reasons for refusing the  
assignment. "He's in no shape to walk, much less pilot an Eva! If you  
make him get in that thing, he'll die!"  
  
"And what will happen to us if he does not?" replied Gendou, a thin  
smile managing to creep across his face, hidden behind his hands as he  
flicked his gaze down towards Misato. "Two Evas remain, and we have  
with us two Children capable of piloting them. I would prefer to  
exhaust all of our alternatives before destroying the Geo-Front. Maya,  
launch EVA-00, and contact the medical department."  
  
Misato frowned, glacing quickly towards Maya as the young woman half-  
turned her chair to stare at the purple-haired woman. She knew,  
academically, that Gendou was right, that if EVA-00 failed Vash would  
be just as dead either way. It was a simple decision on an academic  
level, and as she nodded towards Maya she knew that she was doing the  
right thing even though it felt like signing the boy over to a death  
sentence. "Launch EVA-00 on an interception course with the Angel,"  
she snapped, trying to fight down the tension rising within her chest,  
to forget how close the Angel was getting to Central Dogma and all that  
was contained within, to not think about the fact that EVA-01 would be  
launched into battle without Neil at the helm.  
  
On the upper level, Gendou nodded as the technicians shouted quick  
announcements towards one another for the Eva's launch, the same  
procedure that they would have followed under any circumstances, made  
commendable by the danger of the situation. Turning his chair, Gendou  
stood and glanced over towards Fuyutsuki, the elder man staring  
stoically at the main screen, watching as it switched to show EVA-00  
launching into the Geo-Front. "I will go to oversee the activation of  
EVA-01. The Fourth may need some coercion before he enters the entry  
plug."  
  
"This could be the end," replied Kozou flatly, eyes never twitching  
from the screen, the display moving back to the slow-moving Angel  
retreating from the wreckage of Niobe's Eva. "But you already know  
that, don't you?" He paused, then let a humorless smile move across  
his lips, the red alarm lights in the command center springing to life  
from the Angel's proximity. "You still think we can cheat God."  
  
"I am not cheating God out of anything," replied Gendou, stepping  
calmly towards the elevator and letting the doors slide open, the hiss  
lost in the sudden blaring of alarms throughout the facility. "God is  
the one that has been cheating. I simply wish to level the playing  
field." He paused, then stepped inside of the elevator, one hand  
reaching out and holding the door open for a moment longer as he turned  
back to look at Fuyutsuki. "This will not be the end. We have too  
much left to achieve."  
  
Below, Neil froze briefly, the sound of the alarm flooding the narrow  
teal-gray hallway that he found himself in, a distraction as he tried  
to figure out where he had to go to get to the Eva hangar. He didn't  
know exactly where the Angel was, but he was willing to bet that time  
was running out, knowing full well that the alarm hadn't sounded the  
first time he'd been struggling to navigate NERV's corridors with  
Misato. Taking a deep breath, he fought down the panic within his gut,  
turning right down the nearest corridor, feet falling harshly on the  
metal floor of the hallway, green eyes flicking about for some  
indication of his location.  
  
Sirens were the only noise that penetrated the command room as Ryo's  
machine burst to the surface, an awkward stump on its left arm, green  
N2 mine cradled within its right arm as its single red eye turned  
towards the advancing Angel. Misato knew that the boy was waiting for  
her to give him orders, but it took her a moment to gather the nerve,  
knowing full well that the task before him was tantamount to suicide.  
"Ryo, advance forward at top speed and bring the N2 canister into  
contact with the core of the Angel. We will detonate the bomb remotely  
at that time."  
  
"Understood," replied Ryo, his voice sounding like the same emotionless  
tone that he always used, blue machine starting to lurch forward in an  
awkward loping run. It was only afterwards that Misato realized there  
had been a note of sorrow beneath his voice, as though the boy knew  
full well that he was going on a suicide run before he'd even begun to  
surge forward. Misato bit her lower lip, forcing herself not to say  
anything as the blue machine continued forward, flashing red lights of  
the center playing across the monitor in what seemed to be a wash of  
blood.  
  
Ryo's hands clutched the handles of the cockpit tightly, his breath  
coming quickly and shallowly, focused entirely on the task at hand. He  
still hadn't figured out what had happened with Nieve, but he knew now  
that he would have no chance of asking her or trying again, that in all  
likelihood the black monstrosity in front of him would be the last  
thing that he ever saw, the final picture that would fade from his  
bright red eyes. At the same time, however, he knew that he had to  
destroy the beast, that he was the only pilot left that had the barest  
chance, and he knew that it fell on his shoulders even if he didn't  
like it, that it was the one part of routine that had remained stable.  
He was the one that had to be sacrificed along with his Eva.  
  
Frustration boiled within Ryo's head, although he could not have put  
the name to the emotion as his breaths came more sharply, a grimace  
slowly twisting across his face. Feelings buried under layers of  
routine bubbled shallowly to the surface, and as Ryo watched the  
scenery around him blur he wondered if he was the one responsible for  
breaking the routine, if perhaps it ultimately came down to him. He'd  
been told by Dr. Ikari that he was different than the others, but he'd  
never known what that meant, only known that he had to obey procedure,  
that steady motions were his universe.  
  
The Eva charged forward, AT Field mingling with that of the Eva,  
octagonal ripples disappearing as the Angel lashed upwards with its  
metallic whips. Both stabbed through Ryo's torso, and he winced, but  
his focus remained, the last gasp of routine stinging through his mind  
as he shifted his grip on the N2 canister. Giving one last push, Ryo  
swung the bomb up and slammed it against the red core of the Angel,  
feeling something only for a moment before he watched with mild  
disappointment as the Angel snapped a bony cover over its core, like a  
bird closing its protective eyelid.  
  
It was too small of a detail for any of those inside the command center  
to notice it, and all that they saw was the Angel being hit by the  
canister. "Detonate!" shouted Misato, leaning forward against the rail  
of the level, watching intently as the red lights flashed over the  
screen and then faded away once more. The canister exploded outward  
into a wall of flame, and Central Dogma rocked, the shock of the  
detonation slamming against the pyramid-like structure and sending  
Misato falling backwards onto the floor even as she distantly heard the  
elevator hissing open.  
  
Apprehension filled the command center, and Misato only spared a quick  
glance back towards the elevator to see Ritsuko standing in awe before  
she scrambled back to her feet, flicking her eyes back towards the main  
screen and hoping against all odds that the Angel had fallen. A moment  
later, the dust and smoke of the explosion cleared, just in time for  
the command center to watch the Angel toss aside Ryo, the blue machine  
slamming into the ground harshly before the beast continued its  
advance. "Makoto, status of the Angel" she breathed, flicking her eyes  
only briefly over to the young man before gaping back at the goliath on  
the screen.  
  
"Unharmed," pronounced the technician, his eyes also fixated on the  
screen, the fact of the beast's proximity seeming to seep quietly  
through the chamber even as the alarms wailed. "At this rate, the  
Angel will reach Central Dogma in five minutes." He paused, then took  
a deep breath and turned back down towards his console, keying in a  
quick sequence. "I'll start setting the Omega protocol. If the Angel  
tries to get past us, it won't survive the attempt."  
  
]++[  
  
Neil had no way of knowing how bad the situation was getting outside,  
but he did know that something was going seriously wrong as he felt  
Central Dogma shudder under an assault from outside, sending him  
stumbling to the ground. Cold metal slammed into his side, but with a  
slight grunt he forced himself back into a standing position, dashing  
through the doors in front of them as they slid open, letting his feet  
fall on the catwalk suspended over the empty bay for EVA-00. The  
absence of the blue machine clued him in further to NERV's increasing  
desperation - he knew that Ryo had sustained serious damage, that they  
wouldn't send out the Eva unless they were grasping at straws - but he  
forced the thought out of his mind as he rushed in through the last set  
of doors between himself and EVA-01.  
  
Then, exhausted and panicked, Neil stumbled to a stop, the doors to the  
hangar sliding shut with a hiss behind him as he fell to his knees.  
The purple golem was still there, staring stoically at nothing, its  
surface now clean of the blood of EVA-03. "Always drawing me back," he  
muttered, sweat running in rivers down from his forehead into his  
shirt, the salty liquid flooding past his lips as he gasped for  
breath. "Niobe was right." He let his eyes flutter closed, his body  
aching and yearning for rest, the Eva watching him dispassionately.  
  
"You are no longer its pilot." The voice was unexpected, drawing Neil  
out of his reverie as he snapped his head up towards the small box that  
overlooked the Eva hangar. Gendou Ikari stood in the window above,  
black jacket hanging about his red turtleneck, looking for all the  
world like the way that Neil remembered first seeing him. His face was  
disapproving, eyes invisible behind the lenses of his glasses. "You  
chose to no longer pilot the machine. It is no longer your concern."  
  
"I made a mistake," croaked Neil, slowly drawing himself back to his  
feet, fabric shifting uncomfortably around him as he dragged himself to  
his full height. "I ran away. I was afraid." Taking a deep breath,  
Neil tensed his muscles once again, holding himself rigid, forcing his  
breathing to come more regularly. "I'm here now, though. I'm not  
running away any more."  
  
"How nice for you." The commander's tone was critical, and Neil felt  
his eyes narrowing before he heard the hissing and whirring of an  
opening door sounding over the alarm sirens. Whirling about, Neil saw  
a stretcher being wheeled in, a small cluster of technicians  
surrounding the white bed, lab coats trailing and fluttering as the  
wheeled Vash into the hangar. It took Neil a moment to recognize the  
other boy, plugsuit stripped of any coverings on the arm and the boy's  
hair lying limply around his head, but as he stared it became clear to  
him what Gendou was planning on doing.  
  
Vash coughed, then forced himself into something resembling a sitting  
position, eyes glancing up slowly to see Neil standing in front of him  
despite their blurry focus. Neil could only watch in terror as the  
other boy's eyes met his, blue and green eyes exchanging looks, both  
Children freezing in place Gendou and the Eva watched. Silence seemed  
to fill the room, and Neil felt guilt surging in his chest anew, the  
urge to turn around and run away from the horrific things that he had  
done almost unbearable. Both remained quiet, waiting silently until  
the base shook once again.  
  
As the hangar rocked from the impact of what was no doubt the Angel's  
attack, Vash began to tumble off the bed, and Neil's reflexes snapped  
into action, his body lunging forward and catching the other boy as the  
nutrient bath around them sloshed. Vash winced with pain, but before  
Neil could help him back onto the bed he felt the other boy's arm reach  
up and grab his shirt collar, yanking his gaze down towards the injured  
Child. "You came back," muttered Vash, voice raspy as blood began to  
seep through his bandages. "Why did you come back?"  
  
"Because I shouldn't have left in the first place," replied Neil, a  
single tear managing to pull itself out of the corner of his eye as he  
helped Vash back onto the stretcher. "I'm sorry." He paused, resting  
his hands against the side of the other boy's bed, the sadness and  
anger gripping him even as his eyes rested on the Eva for just a  
moment. Then he turned fully towards Gendou, eyes flashing, hands  
clenched into fists.  
  
"Send me out!" he shouted, taking a step towards the commander, trying  
to read something into the man's blank expression and hidden eyes.  
"I'm not going to sit on the sidelines for this. I am..." He paused,  
head faltering slightly before his neck snapped back up, his jaw set  
firmly. "I am the Third Child!"  
  
Misato stumbled to her feet, still reeling from another assault on the  
base, the walls of the command center beginning to visibly crack even  
as the red light washed through the room. "Armor down to 15%!" shouted  
Makot, ignoring the sounds of technicians on the lower levels panicking  
and running, the command level seeming to be the only level where  
everyone wasn't heading for the hills all of a sudden. "That's been  
only three blasts! We're not going to survive another one!"  
  
Glancing up at the main screen, Misato could see the leering grin of  
the Angel stretching before them, the black monstrosity leaning closer  
and preparing to tear open the face of Central Dogma. "Thanks for not  
leaving, Makoto," she said calmly, placing her hand on the young man's  
shoulder and glancing towards Ritsuko. She found herself strangely  
unconcerned about the Angel's approach, wondering idly where Kaji was  
as she managed a smile towards Ritsuko, her eyes flicking back towards  
the main screen to see the Angel's eyes flashing with energy. "Here it  
comes!"  
  
A flash of light send the entire wall of the base tumbling inwards, and  
Misato could hear screams fill the room as the Angel glared at the  
control room, its upper body leaning down and forcing itself into the  
control room. Misato could ee how close the beast was, but she forced  
herself not to panic, simply staring at the monster, knowing that she  
wouldn't be able to escape another Angel. In the back of her mind, she  
felt something resembling relief at the fact that Neil had left, and as  
the Angel's eyes flashed she took a deep breath and closed her eyes,  
wondering if it would feel like it had when her father had been  
engulfed by the Second Impact.  
  
With a roar of rage and sorrow, Neil sent the Eva crashing through the  
side wall of the control room, his vision only focusing on the Angel  
long enough to know where it was and slam into it. A great crashing  
noise filled the air as the purple golem collided with the Angel's AT  
Field, then a moment later the field dissolved into nothingness and  
send Neil's shoulder slamming hard into the black monstrosity, forcing  
it to one side and slamming the thing's leering face against the  
nearest wall. The beast struggled to bring its whips to bear, but as  
Neil stepped into the massive pit in front of the main control layer he  
felt no fear, only anger at the beast in front of him, a burning hatred  
at the thought of what it had done to Nieve and Eiko.  
  
"But that was my fault," he muttered to himself, feeling his anger  
redouble as he felt the familiar guilt creeping into his mind, his arms  
forcing the Angel further back as he crouched and sprang at the beast.  
His cockpit beeped a quick warning to let him know that he was down to  
four minutes of battery power, but he ignored it, focusing on the Angel  
rearing back away from the base, his feet hitting ground as he landed  
and tried to shove the Angel further back. Behind him he could see the  
red light flashing, oddly fitting as he drew back the Eva's arm and  
slammed it into the Angel, sending the beast floating backwards  
slightly out of sheer surprise.  
  
For the first time ever the Geo-Front was shrouded in night, the  
overhead lighting damaged by the Angel's entrance and cut from power  
when Neil had stepped into the control center, leaving EVA-01 to  
struggle with the beast in the darkness, the green decorations on the  
beast and the red core of the Angel the only glints of color that  
Misato could see. She was still reeling for a moment, watching as the  
Eva drove back the monstrosity, amazed at the machine's quick response  
and savage movements. "Maya, who's piloting the Eva?" she shouted, an  
idea forming in her mind, at once terrifying and exciting.  
  
"The Third Child!" Maya shouted back, barely able to contain her  
astonishment. "Synch ratio is up to 67% and rising! Neural activity  
is off the charts!" She paused for a moment, hammering a few quick  
commands into the console at her fingertips. "The Eva's running off of  
internal power, though! It's only got three minutes left!"  
  
Screaming in rage as the bloody LCL washed over his body, Neil felt  
himself losing himself to the cradling rage of the Eva, his anger at  
the Angel's treatment of Nieve and Eiko coupling with his anger at  
himself. The Angel was staggering, its whips flailing uselessly as he  
continued to drive the beast back, only distantly aware as one of the  
flailing metal limbs cut deeply into the thigh of his machine. Misato  
may have shouted something over the radio, but it was lost in the sound  
of the Eva's fists slamming hard against the beast's dark hide, sending  
it do the ground forcefully.  
  
Neil's eyes only distantly took in the darkened scenery as he sprang on  
top of the Angel, dropping his Eva into a crouch and letting the fist  
hammer towards the Angel's core. The impact of the golem's knuckles  
sent a small spiderweb of cracks along the glowing red orb, and Neil  
felt his lips curl into a smile as he stared at the damaged core, his  
arm slamming another blow into the target without hesitation. He would  
have never admitted it before, but he was enjoying the experience of  
fighting the beast, the way that it winced underneath his blows, and as  
one whip moved up to lash at him he simply reached out with one hand,  
grabbing it tightly, savoring the pain as the LCL grew saltier in his  
mouth. "Just a little bit longer," he hissed, slamming the fist down  
over and over, feeling his self-loathing grow, his thoughts drifting  
back towards the girls involuntarily. "Come on, damn you, break..."  
  
Abruptly, the visual display snapped off into nothingness, the  
connection with the Eva suddenly severed, and Neil knew immediately  
what had happened, his eyes going wide. "No," he gasped, distantly  
feeling the Eva lurch backwards and slam into the ground, the sound of  
the Angel rising once again more than audible through the armor of the  
Eva. "No. NO! NO, NO, -NO-!"  
  
Inside the command center, Misato could only gape at the scene, her  
view distant but still clear enough to get a clear sight of the Angel  
returning to its vertical stance, leering face turning downward to look  
at Neil. There was a single moment of nothingness, then the Angel  
lifted Neil's Eva, the golem's arm still clutching the beast's metallic  
whip tightly enough for the Angel to hurl the boy beyond where Misato  
could see. "Makoto, place the display of the main screen on one of the  
side walls!" she shouted, turning towards the least-damaged wall as  
Makoto nodded and keyed in a quick sequence of commands.  
  
The Angel's eyes flared for only a moment before letting a powerful  
blast explode across the chest of the purple machine, sending it flying  
backwards into one of the sides of the Geo-Front, fingers sliced off as  
the whip tore through the hand that held it tight. Misato felt herself  
grow weak as she realized that the Angel had exposed the Eva's core,  
and a surge of panic went through her as the Angel began to lash its  
whips against the surface of the core, sending cracks along it. "Neil  
was still synchronized with the Eva when it shut down," she gasped,  
taking a step forward. "Come on, Neil, do something."  
  
"MOVE, DAMN YOU!" screamed Neil, his arms working the handrests  
desperately, slamming the mock controls forwards and back, a deep pain  
striking him across the chest and sending his body into minor spasms  
ever few seconds. "-WORK-, damn you! Come on! You need to destroy  
the Angel!" He was sobbing now, blonde hair drifting through the  
bloody sea around him in front of his eyes, his mind recalling his  
silent time within the Twelfth Angel. "Is that what you want? I pilot  
the Eva because -I- -HATE-! I'm a -monster-! Just please, do whatever  
you have to to make yourself WORK!"  
  
Neil thrust the handrests forward one more time, then he felt something  
touching him from the back of his mind, somthing that felt distantly  
like the Eva but somehow different. Then his eyes widened, and he felt  
something new shoot through his heart, a sensation too beautiful to put  
into words, and within seconds the world had dissolved into light.  
  
A flare of white light flooded out of EVA-01's eyes, and as the control  
room gaped the machine's right arm jerked up and grabbed the  
approaching metal whip, letting it lash against the hand as if it was  
nothing. The Angel had only a second to react before the Eva pulled  
hard, and to the shock of all those within the control room the whip  
came tearing free of the Angel, the Eva discarding the strip of metal  
carelessly, its eyes turning a brilliant green as it stood once again.  
"T-the Eva has reactivated!" shouted Maya, her eyes turning towards her  
console and then widening. "Synch ratio is at 100%! There's no input  
from the cockpit!"  
  
Everyone found themselves riveted to the display as the Eva reached  
forward with its damaged hand, the injured flesh bubbling outward for a  
moment before new fingers burst free and grabbed the Angel's other  
whip, stunning the beast into stasis as the purple golem's jaws tore  
themselves open. A monstrous roar echoed through the Geo-Front, but  
Misato's eyes widened as she realized she recognized the voice, that it  
wasn't simply a bestial growl. "That's Neil voice," she gasped, gaping  
as the Eva ripped out the other whip and took it in its hand, forcing  
the metal into a makeshift spear before leaping at the Angel. "It's  
lower, but that's Neil's voice!"  
  
The Angel fell backwards as Neil slamed into it, saliva dripping from  
the metallic jaws of the Eva, the slitted eyes glowing a brilliant  
green as the machine slammed its makeshift weapon underneath the  
Angel's face. What had seemed before to be a leering grin now seemed  
like a scream of terror as the purple Eva ripped the spear free, then  
jammed its hand in the hole it had torn, letting its fingers force  
underneath the bony face. A horrendous ripping noise filled the air,  
the Eva tore off the beast's face, blood spurting up and coating the  
purple machine, a grin seeming to creep across the Eva's face as it  
tossed the face aside.  
  
Seconds passed in relative silence, the Eva simply regarding its  
opponent, the light within the red core beginning to flicker out. Then  
the Eva leaned forward, and the gigantic jaws began to tear out the  
flesh of the Angel, the gargantuan mouth taking huge bites out of the  
fallen beast as the core dimmed to solid black. Misato could hear Maya  
vomiting behind her as the Eva happily devoured the Angel, blood  
washing over its purple faceplate, drawing up only briefly every few  
seconds as if for breath.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity of its feast, the Eva reared back  
anew, then roared loudly, the voice sounding even more like Neil's as  
the Eva tilted its head back. Blood dribbled down from its would-be  
lips, then something surged in its back where the power coupling  
normally went, the armor around it sloughing off like so much dead  
skin. "It's repairing itself," gasped Ritsuko, and Misato turned to  
see the woman staring in what looked to be a mixture of surprise and  
joy. "He's regenerated his S2 organ. He's recovering on his own."  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Misato, turning back towards  
Ritsuko fully, her eyes only briefly flicking back to the roaring Eva  
on the screen. "Do you mean Neil?"  
  
Ritsuko smiled in a sort of distant fashion, disturbingly similar to  
Gendou's smiles. "You know that the Evas are clones of the first  
Angel," she said, her eyes fixed firmly on the beast on the screen.  
"But that's not entirely true. We needed some way of keeping the  
original, and we needed to make sure that it was under control... and  
we already knew how to bend the First Angel to our will."  
  
"You mean..." Misato's eyes hesitantly turned towards the screen, the  
Eva roaring at nothing, a cold breeze wafting through the shattered  
husk of Central Dogma. She had always discounted Neil's talk of the  
Eva having a mind of its own, but as she stared at the beast on the  
screen she realized that it was the same beast that had helped kill her  
father, the source of the single event in her life that had haunted her  
nightmares. "Neil's inside the First Angel," she gasped, eyes focused  
on the blood-stained monster as it finally returned to a standing  
position, the implications whirling in her mind as she stared at the  
flashing green eyes of her savior and her would-be destroyer.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Far away lies the loved one.  
Far away lies the hated one.  
Far away lies the conflict.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 19: MAKING PEACE WITH DISTANCE  
"What's lying underneath your words? What are you -really-?"  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	19. Making Peace with Distance

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 19: MAKING PEACE WITH DISTANCE +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Do I have any power to help myself,  
now that success has been driven from me?  
- JOB 6:13  
  
]++[  
  
The temperature in the hangar of EVA-01 was unbearably cold, as though  
it was the lone spot of winter in a nation dominated by summer since  
the second impact. Around it lay harsh synthetic crystals, a frozen  
nutrient bath sprayed over its surface and keeping it immobile,  
metallic restraints visible beneath the translucent patterns of the  
ice. Even then, however, there could be no mistaking that the hushed  
voices of the technicians scurrying about in dense parkas were talking  
softly because of the monstrosity before them. "They fear it,"  
muttered Ritsuko, her arms folded across her chest as she looked into  
the chamber. "They don't think that the restraints could hold it if it  
wanted to move again."  
  
"How right they are." Gendou's voice cut through the air, one arm  
hanging loosely at his side while the other rested upon the small rail  
in front of the window. The observational room was empty besides them,  
but small tracks of dust and the disturbing scent of cleaner made it  
painfully clear that the room was being pressed back into service, that  
the Eva now needed almost constant monitoring even when not in  
operation. "We hold Adam very tenuously. Should he struggle hard  
enough to break free, we would have no way of stopping him."  
  
Nodding, Ritsuko glanced towards the bespectacled man, remembering the  
eerie way that the Eva had actually seemed happy to return to the  
hangar, slowly moving back into the heart of the base and then shutting  
down. Gendou, for his part, was grinning slightly, not the usual  
humorless smirk that graced his lips but a sort of bittersweet mark of  
recollection. "He looks almost like he did the first time that we ever  
saw him, frozen like that. I remember the look on Dr. Katsuragi's face  
as we uncovered him... a sort of mixed triumph and horror, as though he  
truly knew exactly what he was doing." He paused for a moment, then  
the smile vanished, his dark eyes turning back towards Ritsuko. "What  
is the status of the other machines?"  
  
"EVA-02 has been destroyed beyond all hope of repair," replied Ritsuko  
flatly, inwardly cringing slightly, knowing full well that after the  
Angel shattered the core Nieve should have died on the spot. "It's  
beyond even being salvaged. EVA-05 will need severe repairs - it's   
almost over the Henflick Limit, but just far enough under that we can   
request funds to repair it. EVA-04 and EVA-00 sustained major damage,   
but they're the most intact of the lot - we should be able to get them   
up and running before the others." She paused briefly, glancing back  
towards the frozen Eva, unable to shake the sensation that it wasn't  
shut down at all despite knowing it was on an academic level. "EVA-01  
is a special case."  
  
"The Angel has restored its S2 organ. It no longer requires an  
external power source to activate." The declaration was obviously  
intended to be flatly pronounced, but Ritsuko could hear the barely-  
restrained enthusiasm in the commander's voice, as though he'd been  
waiting for the day to come forever. "The pilot, however, has been  
absorbed by the Eva."  
  
Ritsuko nodded, then let her eyes flick towards the frozen beast  
quickly before turning back towards Gendou, trying to fight down the  
minor feeling of panic welling within her gut. "We've seen it happen  
before. Neil's body has been reduced to its most basic components, and  
there's enough excess mass floating in the LCL to account for him. All  
that's left are his clothes." She paused briefly, glancing down for  
only a moment. "I've held back the recovery project waiting on your  
commands. I know that it failed the first time -"  
  
"We were operating under different circumstances then, and with  
different necessities. Moreover, you have already proven yourself to  
be an infinitely superior scientist to your mother." The commander  
adjusted his glasses, fluorescent light briefly reflecting against them  
and hiding his dark and beady eyes, but Ritsuko could hear the minor  
twitch of sorrow lying beneath his voice, a side that she knew he was  
taking extra effort to surpress. "Neil must be recovered, if for no  
other reason than the fact that we are down to only a handful of Evas  
to cope with the next Angel attack. I trust that you will refine the  
procedure and brief everyone as necessary."  
  
"Of course," replied Ritsuko, letting her head turn back towards the  
frozen goliath briefly, wishing that there were some pupils visible  
within the white slits of the Eva's eyes, some way of her at least  
definitely debunking her suspicion that it could still see her  
clearly. "Commander? What happens if we fail?"  
  
"There are alternatives," replied Gendou flatly, none of the prior  
sorrow managing to edge itself into his voice, his footfalls regular  
against the smooth metallic floor. "The plan simply must not fail."  
He paused, then tilted his head slightly back towards her. "The fate of  
humanity's future itself rests upon our shoulders, Ritsuko. Even if  
they may not realize it, we're doing this for the good of all mankind."  
  
Gendou only waited long enough to see Ritsuko give a quick nod of  
acknowledgement, stepping through the door as it hissed open, his head  
turned away and hands jammed loosely into his pockets while the teal-  
gray metal slid shut behind him. Ritsuko let herself stare after the  
man for a moment, then turned again towards the Eva. She knew that she  
was a woman of science, that all the indicators showed that it was shut  
off, but something in her mind wouldn't let her accept the  
explanation. She had seen the beast stepping back inside the control  
center calmly, watched the blood of the Fourteenth Angel drip from its  
jaws as it stepped towards the hangar, and she knew that it had other  
purposes, that as much as she wanted to believe she was in control it  
was the one truly pulling the strings.  
  
]++[  
  
Strings of light danced impossibly before Neil's eyes, impossible both  
because of their physical nature and the simple fact that he was  
distantly aware that he didn't have eyes. But he was still there,  
somehow, awash in a sea of dancing lights, his not-eyes sending his  
mind a firm signal of disbelief even as his mind found itself occupied  
with other matters. "Where am I?" he muttered, feeling as though thick  
gauze had been wrapped about his brain, like something had forced him  
apart from his thoughts. "What happened? I remember the Eva shutting  
down, and then I remember... feeling something."  
  
Closing his eyes or whatever else was relaying sensory information to  
him, Neil forced himself to think, to remember what had happened. He  
remembered a moment of terrible, bloody anger, then crystal clear  
vision mingled with an unspeakable bloodlust. The Angel in front of  
him had looked weak, composed of nothingness, and he could feel the  
taste of its flesh, the salt and bitterness mingling as he devoured the  
one missing part of himself, as he began to restore his body to what it  
had been before it had mangled it. He remembered the surge of power,  
the howl, the old anger flooding through his limbs again...  
  
A quick shake of the head and opened eyes brought Neil back to the sea  
of light, the memory more than a little disconserting, though oddly  
less disturbing than he would have originally imagined. He had  
expected to be repulsed by what he had done, but instead it felt oddly  
distant and somehow right. "And it was ultimately the right thing,  
wasn't it?" he muttered to himself, trying to find his body as the  
light washed over him. "I destroyed the Angel. Who cares about the  
specifics, so long as it was killed."  
  
The boy felt his fists clench, consciousness slowly returning and  
bringing full memory back as he remembered what he had thought of  
himself as he'd tumbled down the hill from the airport. He could  
remember seeing Nieve's machine be hurled aside, the way that the Angel  
had glared at the control room where Misato was no doubt standing, the  
wonderful way that it had felt to turn his hate into physical force and  
assault the Angel. It had been intoxicatingly easy to do, to slam his  
fist against the Fourteenth, and as he let himself remember he felt his  
eyes drifting closed once again. "Where am I?" he muttered to nobody.  
"Is this Hell? Did I die?"  
  
Only silence greeted his question, but he felt a sudden darkness engulf  
him a moment later, sensation returning to his numb arms and legs, the  
feel of thin fabric against his skin washing over him. Opening his  
eyes, he could see only the barest glimmer of light surrounding him,  
nothing but utter darkness stretching on in all directions around him.  
His plugsuit was on, the green and purple fabric wrapped around his  
body, something feeling oddly alien about the entire situation.  
"What's going on?" he called, glancing around, one hand almost  
unconsciously moving towards the wrist of the plugsuit. "Hello?  
Anyone?" He paused, waiting for someone to say something, and he began  
to wonder about where he'd truly wound up. "Is this my punishment? To  
be alone forever?"  
  
"Not so much of a punishment, is it?" The voice was familiar, the tone  
of the woman from within the Twelfth Angel, but though Neil whirled  
about inside his small patch of light he couldn't see the source of her  
voice. "Nobody more to hate except yourself, and nobody for you to  
feel guilty about hurting. Just solitude, without anybody trying to  
hurt you or lie to you." She paused, her body still invisible as Neil  
struggled to fight down a minor panic. "That wouldn't be so bad, would  
it? There could be worse ways to spend eternity."  
  
Another light flashed into existence silently, Neil taking a step back  
in shock as he saw the same woman as before, white lab coat trailing  
about the awkward navy blue and white plugsuit, brown hair lightly  
falling about her head. She wore a bittersweet smile, a gesture that  
seemed to be nothing if not maternal, her head cocked ever so slightly  
to one side as she surveyed Neil. "This isn't Heaven or Hell, Neil.  
It's something else entirely." She paused briefly, then stepped  
forward from her pool of light, apparently unconcerned by the darkness  
surrounding them, simply walking forward until she stepped into Neil's  
light, the same expression on her face.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Neil forced down the minor tremor of panic in his  
gut, reminding himself that he had to be hallucinating, that it was  
something about the Eva that summoned up this woman. "Is this..." He  
paused, then shook his head, a memory of blood staining the Eva's jaws  
flashing through his mind inexplicably. "Who are you?"  
  
"Yui," replied the woman calmly, taking another step towards Neil even  
as he took one back, her arms spreading slowly. "Don't be afraid. I'm  
not angry with you." Another step forward, and Neil began to let his  
foot fall behind him before he glanced back and saw that stepping back  
again would require stepping into the darkness, something that seemed  
like a poor alternative to Yui. He brought his gaze back towards the  
woman, his mind still trying to decipher why she looked so similar to  
Ryo when he felt her embrace him, resting his head gently against her  
chest.  
  
Shocked and still disoriented, Neil twitched for a moment, confused by  
the woman's actions, wondering if he was simply drawing an image from a  
hallucination for some kind of dellusional sexual fantasy. Then he  
realized that the embrace was motherly, nurturing, the way that he  
could dimly remember his mother cradling him when he was an infant.  
"Who are you, really?" he muttered, the contact feeling reassuring in a  
way that he hadn't felt for what seemed like an eternity. "Are you  
Ryo's mother?"  
  
"Ryo... oh. Ayanami." Yui's grip faltered slightly, and Neil looked  
up to see the woman's face grow slightly colder, as though he'd said  
something wrong. He had little doubt that he -had- said something  
wrong, but he couldn't for the life of him decipher what it might have  
been. "Don't worry about who I am. That's not important right now."  
The coldness vanished from her face, and she pushed the boy back just  
enough to look him in the eye. "I'm more interested in who -you- are."  
  
"There's nothing to talk about there," replied Neil bitterly, another  
memory flashing through his mind unbidden, the sensation of tearing  
through the flesh of an Angel with his bare hands, feeling the skin and  
muscle strain and tear between his fingers. His eyes cast down towards  
the floor, any natural color that it might have had bled away into  
nothingness by the force of the light. "I'm a monster. You wanted me  
to say that the last time we met, and I said it. I know."  
  
Yui's hand closed gently around Neil's chin, drawing his gaze upwards  
towards her eyes once again, something flashing within them that Neil  
couldn't quite place a finger on. "There is a great deal more to talk  
about than that," she said firmly, releasing Neil's chin and letting  
her hand gently brush against the boy's cheek. "Why did you come  
back? You were going to leave. You were determined to leave. Why  
didn't you?"  
  
"Because they need demons," replied Neil, squeezing his eyes shut,  
feeling tears start to surge behind them as he found himself thinking  
about what it meant for him to have come back. He didn't want to think  
of himself as a monster, but he knew that it would be etched in  
everyone else's face each time that they looked at him, that he had no  
chance of ever considering himself normal even for a moment. "NERV  
needs the Evas, and those are just demons they've chained up. They can  
chain me even more easily, and they need me to pilot the Eva. I had to  
return."  
  
"And you need to protect people. It's the same old song and dance."  
The voice cut through Neil's ears to the bone, and he whirled around to  
see another spot of light framing the body of his double, light  
filtering through blonde hair, a sinister expression visible in the  
half-lit green eyes. The boy turned and glanced back towards where Yui  
had been moments before, but she was gone without a trace, no sign that  
she had ever even been nearby. "You tell yourself that, that you need  
to come back even as a monster, that you need to do the right thing.  
Doesn't it ever strike you that you're being more than a little  
hypocritical?"  
  
"Shut up," snapped Neil, a single tear tracing its path down from the  
corner of his eye as he glared at the apparition before him. Another  
image flashed through his mind, the horrific nightmare of being impaled  
by an unnamed white figure, and Neil found himself taking a step  
backwards. "I can still do something right, even if I am a monster."  
  
"Oh, please. Monsters don't need to justify their existence." The  
world about the boy swirled as though it had been tossed into a  
blender, bits of light flashing before his eyes, then he found himself  
standing in an empty schoolyard, the same one that he could recall from  
that fateful day. "If you're such a monster, you don't care about  
protecting people. It's just what you say to make yourself feel  
better, to hide the truth of the matter." The double paused, then took  
a step forward, scuffing up sand as he walked, grinning devilishly.  
"You came back because you knew there was an Angel to kill. Because  
you knew you'd get to kill again."  
  
"Even if I am a monster, I can stil do the right thing!" Neil cried,  
trying to snarl but winding up whimpering. His foot stepped backwards,  
the sand giving gently beneath his feet as the double continued to  
approach slowly. "It's the only way that I can make up for -"  
  
"You don't need to make -up- for anything," the double interjected,  
extending its right hand, letting the red double-pronged knife swirl  
into existence. Neil's eyes went wide as he watched the other's  
fingers curl around the handle, the same sort of hesitant yet  
determined way that Neil recalled his own hand closing on the pencil  
that day in the schoolyard. "You're excited, aren't you? Even though  
you know that this will hurt, the thought of it hurting makes you want  
it." The other began moving more quickly, small clouds of sand  
swirling about his feet, knife outstretched. "That's why you're not  
truly running. Because you want to feel it."  
  
In a single lightning motion, the knife had buried itself within Neil's  
shoulder, a scream tearing itself from his lungs as he felt the blood  
begin to flow outwards along the blade. Gritting his teeth, he waited,  
feeling the double release its grip on the hilt, then tugging out the  
bloody metal, holding the knife tightly in his uninjured arm and  
glaring at the other. "And now you want to hurt me. That's the way  
you relate to the world. Others hurt you, you hurt them back. That's  
how you want it to hurt."  
  
Something in the tone of the double made Neil pause, his mind  
momentarily focused on the sound of his blood dripping from the wound  
to the pale sand, mingling and staining the ground a deep red. "No,"  
he muttered, shaking his head and dropping the knife, letting it stab  
into the sand harmlessly as he brought his other hand back around to  
hold back his wound. "I won't. I don't want to be like that, to be  
hateful. I just want to protect people."  
  
"That's what you say. That's what you -always- say." The other  
smiled, then stepped over to Neil, grabbing the boy by the chin and  
yanking his face forward. Dizziness was beginning to seep through his  
head, the combination of shock and blood loss beginning to weigh  
heavily on his body. "But you don't know if that's the truth, do you?  
Every time you say it, there's a nagging little voice in the back of  
your head asking whether or not you just -want- it to be the truth,  
because it's easier to deal with that way." The other released Neil,  
and the boy slumped to the ground, his gaze unable to see anything but  
the feet of the other and the expanse of sand around them both. "But  
you need to think about it, Neil," taunted his own voice, the words  
echoing in his mind as blackness overtook him. "What's lying  
underneath your words? What are you -really-?"  
  
]++[  
  
Misato hadn't been present during the earliest stages of Central  
Dogma's construction, but from what she'd heard from Ritsuko she  
imagined that the general look was similar to the one that the facility  
now sported out of necessity. Workers were swarming to try and repair  
the hole punched by the Angel and the one caused by EVA-01, to restore  
the delicate electronics of the control room's various capabilities, to  
try and bring the base back to full working order as fast as possible.  
The result was deafening and choking at once, the noise of welders and  
saws filling the air even as smoke and metal shavings drifted about the  
air. "We didn't fare nearly as badly as we could have," she noted, her  
voice rising in volume to compete with the sounds of construction. "At  
least most of the base is still intact."  
  
"But how safe is it, really?" asked Maya, obviously still somewhat  
distraught by the construction, her eyes flicking towards the hole that  
led out to the Geo-Front. Though the workers had managed to largely  
patch up the gaping wound in the side of the pyramid, the damaged  
landscape of the underground dome was still visible, along with the  
flickering light fixtures being slowly restored to full operational  
status. "Our Evas are damaged, our pilots are injured, our base is in  
trouble... the Magi don't predict that we'll be ready to intercept  
another Angel for another two weeks at least, and even then it's with a  
12.3% chance of success."  
  
"We hardly need to make that public knowledge," replied Misato, letting  
her eyes close and nodding her head forward slightly, feeling her hair  
brush against the back of her neck as she sighed. "There's already  
been a mass exodus from the city. Some people were able to see the  
battle against the Fourteenth from the shelters, and others simply  
don't like the idea that the Angel managed to get through our  
defenses. We're getting complaints constantly that the Evas aren't  
safe, that we aren't doing enough to protect civilians... there have  
only been a handful of casualties, but we're still dealing with the  
fallout pretty hard. Nobody seems to really think they're safe here  
any more."  
  
"They might be right," offered Makoto, the barest hints of regret  
creeping into his tone, his eyes flicking along the ceiling as he  
leaned back in his chair. "We're having more and more trouble keeping  
the Angels contained and figuring out how to destroy them, and they're  
getting more and more bizarre." He sighed, shaking his head, the amber  
light from the display of his console playing awkwardly across the tan  
and red of his uniform as he moved. "Tokyo-3 might have started out as  
the fortress city, but our reach might be a bit too far. It's all we  
can do at this point to remain a fortress, much less a city."  
  
A silence settled over the control area, Makoto's words not so much  
stinging as simply sinking in. Only the steady noise of tools and  
incomprehensible shouts from the workers filled the air, Misato's eyes  
still flicking about the area while Maya and Makoto reluctantly turned  
back to their consoles. There was a tension lying silently around  
them, a sort of nervousness that had started with the Twelfth Angel's  
attack but had by no means ended then, the silent knowledge that none  
of them could rely on NERV's facilities to defeat the Angels, at least  
not entirely. It was almost a welcome relief when the elevator hissed  
open, the noise somehow managing to cut through the ambient sound of  
the chamber and draw the attention of all those on the level.  
  
Something was bothering Ritsuko, and Misato could see it the second  
that the blonde woman stepped out of the elevator, her white lab coat  
seeming to chase her ankles as she strode forward. There was something  
simply off about the woman's expression, a minor detail that would have  
escaped almost anyone else but stood out like a flashing light to  
Misato. "Something up?" she asked, trying to sound casual as she  
walked to meet the other woman, wishing that she could hush her tone  
without being lost in the din of construction.  
  
"Nothing beyond the obvious," replied Ritsuko, stepping towards Maya's  
console, obviously favoring her still-injured arm. Though it had  
looked as though Ritsuko would be denied the use of her left arm for a  
time from the brief medical treatment that they'd had after the  
Thirteenth's attack, she'd ultimately only needed a brace, something  
she wore underneath her lab coat as if it would mask the fact that  
she'd been injured at all. Misato felt herself frowning at the  
thought, feeling as though the attack had been months ago when it had  
only been two days prior, the scratches on her own body still fresh.  
"We've gotten to the point where we're ready to try and recover Neil  
from the Eva."  
  
"Recover?" Misato's frown deepened, and she stepped closer to Ritsuko,  
feeling a minor tremor of panic flood through her body. She knew that  
it had been necessary to freeze the Eva and restrain it before the  
entry plug could be extracted, but Ritsuko's words made it sound as  
though there was something more involved going on. "Was the ejector  
damaged along with the radio receivers?"  
  
"The radio is working fine," replied Ritsuko, gesturing towards the  
screen of Maya's console. Misato reluctantly leaned in, and her eyes  
widened as she stared at an empty plug filled with LCL, the only sign  
that Neil had been inside at all the slowly-drifting shirt and pants  
that he had worn in. "There's nobody in there to respond. I suspected  
that something like this might happen with a 100% synchronization, but  
I'd never had a chance to test it."  
  
Misato could only distantly hear Ritsuko, her mind boggling at the  
situation. She'd heard about the first few activations of the Evas,  
the way that the test pilots had been killed, and though she hadn't  
been present for the actual events she'd read the briefings. "He's  
dead," she muttered, a lump forming in her throat, her knees beginning  
to give way beneath her.  
  
"No," replied Ritsuko flatly, drawing Misato's gaze back towards her  
reluctantly. "He's been absorbed by the Eva, but he's not dead. All  
of the chemicals that made up his body are still in the LCL, which  
means that he still has a body after a fashion. And his consciousness  
is still active, or the Eva wouldn't have been able to move in the  
first place." She paused, her blue-gray eyes flicking momentarily  
towards the scrambling construction workers. "Everything's still in  
there, the way that it's supposed to be. The only problem is that he's  
been separated. He lost his body to completely merge with the Eva."  
Again, the woman paused, eyes turning back towards the display on  
Maya's console. "That's the theory, anyways."  
  
"So..." Misato shook her head, wishing that she understood more about  
the science behind the boy's dissolution at the same time that she  
wished Ritsuko would simply say in so many words whether or not he  
would ever be coming back out. "How did the Eva keep moving, then?  
Can we get him out?" She paused, shaking her head, trying to grasp  
onto something that she understood completely. "You said that you were  
going to recover him, right? Does that just mean that we're going to  
restore contact within the Eva, or something more?"  
  
"Like I said, all of the parts are still inside the LCL and the Eva.  
All we need to do is put everything back together." Ritsuko paused,  
turning away from the console and letting her gaze rest wholly on the  
construction workers, as though she couldn't bear to face Misato for  
some unknown reason. "There is a procedure for recovering an absorbed  
pilot, and that's what we're going to attempt. The only problem is  
that it takes thirty days to prepare, and if it fails we won't be able  
to try again. The LCL, and everything left of Neil's body, will be  
flushed from the system after the attempt."  
  
Rubbing her temple roughly, Misato tried to wrap her mind around the  
concept, that the boy was still inside the Eva even though his body had  
dissolved. It was a painful thing to consider, and shaking her head  
she found herself focusing on one detail of Ritsuko's words, the one  
thing that had still stuck out in her mind despite the clamor of shock  
from the news. "You said there was a procedure. That means it's been  
tried before, right?" The scientist nodded, and Misato felt a minor  
pang of curiosity. "How did it turn out?"  
  
"It failed," replied Ritsuko flatly, only the barest sliver of concern  
managing to creep into her voice. She remained focused on the  
construction in front of her for a moment longer before turning back to  
look at Misato, her expression inexplicable. "But it's also been  
several years since then, and we know more about the way that the Evas  
work than before. We'll get him out."  
  
Misato wanted to have something to say back to the woman, something  
that sounded at least remotely strong, but all she could think of was  
the vague traces of tears on Neil's cheeks at the airport and the  
sorrow that Nieve hadn't been able to shake from her eyes since the  
wake of the Thirteenth Angel's attack. "I hope you're right," she  
muttered, her eyes flicking back to the display of swirling empty LCL,  
feeling a tension growing within her chest.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 3  
  
Vash could feel his other arm more clearly than anything else in his  
body, and as he felt himself slipping to the ground once again he  
couldn't help but be angry at the appendage. He knew full well that it  
had no brain, that it simply hadn't sustained the same sort of damage  
to its nerves that his body had, that for all intents and purposes he  
should have been more than happy to still have the left arm at all.  
But there was something almost insulting about his almost-artificial  
limb being the only thing that held him off of the floor, that he  
needed something beyond himself to even pretend to be normal.  
  
Gritting his teeth, the boy pulled himself back to his feet, feeling a  
pain growing in his right arm as he returned to his prior position,  
arms braced against two rails on either side to keep him upright as he  
struggled to walk. His legs were weak, and neither of them wanted to  
move, but he knew that he had to learn how again, that he had to force  
the muscles to respond again. It was some small reassurance that he  
was alone in the room, that he'd managed to talk the nurse out of the  
pale white room, fluorescent light spilling down and framing his body  
harshly, hair hanging limply about his head in a way that he was  
painfully conscious of.  
  
"Nothing looks right at all," he muttered to himself, feeling his  
frustration well as he took a hesitant step forward. His leg trembled,  
but held, and he let himself continue, trying to keep his focus  
unwavering even as he gritted his teeth tighter and tighter. "My arm  
is all wrong. My hair is all wrong. I don't look like myself at all,  
I look like some washed-up loser." His thoughts drifted almost  
immediately to his father as he stretched forward another trembling  
leg, and his foot hit the ground awkwardly, sending him falling  
backwards once again. "FUCK!" he exclaimed, letting himself fall  
completely out of frustration, wincing slightly as rockets of pain shot  
up and down his back the instant he hit the cold tile of the floor.  
  
Eyes drifting closed out of combined frustration and simple apathy,  
Vash only heard the door opening in one side of the room, his arms  
flopping to the ground as a quiet gasp filled the air. "Vash, what  
happened?" exclaimed Eiko, her voice forcing Vash's eyes open just long  
enough to see the girl leaning over him, still wearing her school  
uniform, fabric shifting alluringly around her skin as she moved. Her  
black hair hung down about her face as her hands closed gently around  
Vash's shoulders, trying to push him into a sitting position. "You  
must have fallen. Shouldn't there be a nurse or something watching  
you?"  
  
"I'm fine," replied the boy, somewhat more curtly than he'd wanted,  
letting his left arm hit the cold tile hard and using it to push  
himself up. The hospital gown that he wore felt uncomfortably open,  
and even the gentle touch of Eiko felt as though she was pitying him,  
that he looked like someone that -needed- pity. It was a disgusting  
sensation, like something coldy and sticky easing its way across his  
skin. "There was a nurse in here, but I asked her to leave. I don't  
want anyone watching me fail if I can help it."  
  
An awkward silence asserted itself as Vash momentarily contemplated  
pulling himself to his feet, deciding at length to simply fold his legs  
and turn towards Eiko. That action in and of itself took quite a bit  
of effort for the boy, but he forced himself not to show it any more  
than was absolutely necessary, trying not to notice the odd expression  
on Eiko's face. "It seems like you're doing really well, though," she  
said at length, sitting down across from him. "The doctors didn't  
think that you would be able to even try walking for another month or  
so."  
  
"Can't have that happening, can I?" replied Vash firmly, letting his  
left arm reach up and grip the railing above him, leaning backwards as  
though it was a casual action. His left arm screamed gently in  
protest, but he ignored it, forcing himself to remember that he needed  
to act as though it didn't bother him, that he had to keep up some kind  
of appearance even in his less-than-perfect situation. "No point in  
just letting everyone feel sorry for me, not unless I'm going to try  
and do soemthing about it."  
  
Eiko bit her lower lip again, unsure of exactly what to say, wanting to  
tell the boy that it was all right for him to have others feel sorry  
for him. But she didn't want to say it, not least because of the fact  
that she hardly felt it was true in her own case. "I brought you some  
lunch," she said at length, raising a small white paper bag, the  
contents jostling slightly from within and filling the air with the  
quiet sound of rustling paper. "It's not much, but you know that  
cooking isn't really my strong suit."  
  
"Lunch already?" Vash sighed, releasing the rail and leaning forward  
to take the bag from Eiko, inwardly noting how everything in the  
hospital seemed to be white to the point where any other colors seemed  
like islands. "You don't seem to be going to class at all any more.  
Not that I can blame you, now that everyone's favorite Humanoid Typhoon  
isn't there any more." He paused, flashing a quick smile, then opened  
the bag and peered in, letting his mind take in the sparse but  
appetizing contents of the bag.  
  
"Only half a day of classes today. The professor is leaving." She let  
her head sink slightly as the boy reached a hand into the bag to draw  
out a small container of rice, letting his blue eyes flick up towards  
the girl. "Not that it's really as much of a problem as it could be -  
most of the students are leaving, too. If it wasn't for the fact that  
I was with NERV, I think mom and dad would want to leave too." She  
paused, then looked up towards Vash, the boy eagerly eating the still-  
warm rice. "Have you talked to your father about whether or not he's  
leaving?"  
  
Vash felt his body tense slightly at the question about his father, his  
mind already drawing the connection between himself and the elder man.  
"That old drunkard? He wouldn't notice if the entire damn Geo-Front  
collapsed tomorrow. Hell, if the Angels just paid his bar tabs he'd  
probably be throwing sticks at us every time he got up off his useless  
butt." The boy let himself finish with the rice, scowling slightly for  
a moment before his expression softened slightly. "But I guess it's  
nothing that concerns me any more. I can't see why NERV would have  
much use for a Child that doesn't have an Eva any more."  
  
Eiko let a smiled flash across her face, and Vash stared for a moment  
before letting himself forget about the problems with his father for a  
moment, smiling back at the girl. "You know something you're not  
saying," he said, edging towards her as best he could with his limited  
strength. "Come on. Don't hold out on me here."  
  
The girl simply smiled for a moment longer, then edged herself closer  
to the boy, the smile growing slightly wider along her lips. "I didn't  
want to tell you yet, since I'm not even supposed to know just yet, but  
I got some good news from Makoto this morning." She paused, letting  
the suspense build as she leaned closer to the boy. "NERV's already  
requested the transfer of EVA-06 as soon as it's completed, and it  
should be ready within less than a week. You're the designated pilot.  
So you'll still be working within NERV after all."  
  
Nothing but silence filled the air for a moment, Eiko's expression  
shifting swiftly from obvious exuberance to overt bewilderment as Vash  
continued to stare at her in a sort of frozen expression. "What's  
wrong?" she asked, leaning closer as though he hadn't heard her. "I  
though you'd be happy to find out that you still would be a pilot. You  
were always saying that you could do a better job than Neil."  
  
For a moment, Vash let himself remain silent, nodding only slightly in  
response to Eiko's words. He knew that he wouldn't have come back the  
way that Neil had, and more even than that he knew that he didn't  
particularly want to get into the cockpit again. He could still dimly  
remember what it had felt like for the metal of the entry plug to  
crumple in, and while he'd never admit it he was filled with a minor  
terror at the thought that he could wind up getting crushed within the  
plug a second time. Still, he knew that he couldn't say anything, knew  
that Eiko would think of him differently if he did. "I'm just not sure  
if I'll be recovered enough by then to pilot again. Might have  
impacted my ability to pilot the Eva, and all."  
  
"Oh, don't be silly," replied Eiko, her smile restored as she gently  
smacked Vash on the shoulder, just lightly enough to avoid sending pain  
racing up and down the boy's body. Vash, for his part, managed to  
force a smile as he leaned back slightly, his mind whirling as he  
closed his eyes slightly, letting Eiko's facial features blur together  
in the sea of white light that was the hospital room. In the back of  
his mind, he found himself wondering if it was truly worth the time to  
keep up the image, if he wasn't just investing effort needlessly trying  
to seem like something he simply couldn't be.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 5  
  
It was almost time for Misato to come home, and that excited Nieve  
something fierce, even as she felt angry with herself for depending on  
the woman's presence to feel safe. The television was on, the sound  
and light providing some semblance of human contact despite Nieve's  
isolation, her eyes focused dimly on the people on screen as they  
yammered on in Japanese. She didn't understand any of the language,  
contrary to what she'd heard about being immersed in another language,  
but it was something to fill up the apartment, something to keep her  
own voice from echoing off the pale yellow walls. Something to  
distract her from crying, if nothing else.  
  
Sighing as her thoughts drifted, Nieve felt her eyes squeezing closed,  
the rough denim of her jeans flexing as she brought her knees up  
towards her chest, loose red blouse hanging about her as she lay on the  
old green couch. It hadn't even been a week since Neil had left and  
her Eva had been destroyed beyond repair, but she already felt the pain  
of loss too acutely to dull it for even a moment, Neil's blank face  
greeting her nearly every time she closed her eyes. There was no doubt  
in her mind that she'd done the wrong thing, dealt with him the wrong  
way, but with him locked inside of his Eva there was no chance for her  
to apologize, to say that she was sorry for what she'd done, to ask him  
to stay with her.  
  
Her thoughts were scattered to the wind as the sound of a doorknob  
turning filled the air, cutting through the noise of the television as  
Nieve lunged to her feet and headed towards the door. Her white socks  
slipped slightly against the paneled wood as she half-jogged over,  
smiling broadly, letting her hair fall around her elegantly, her  
control over her appearance retained by sheer force of will. "Evening,  
Misato," she called, stepping over into the kitchen as the elder woman  
removed her jacket. "How was your day at work?" She paused briefly,  
trying not to ask the first question that sprang to mind quite  
intentionally.  
  
"Neil's still inside the Eva," replied Misato flatly, stepping up out  
of the small shoe area and beginning to walk around towards the  
kitchen, either ignoring or intentionally avoiding the devestated look  
on Nieve's face. "Ritsuko's been doing everything she can to make sure  
that the procedure's safe, but there's no way that he's going to be out  
before the thirty-day mark that she gave us initially."  
  
"Of course not," replied Nieve, doing her best to sound as though she'd  
known the whole thing from the beginning, as though it was ridiculous  
for the woman to assume that she'd wanted to ask. She had, but that  
was besides the point. "I didn't ask you. Besides, Ritsuko's in  
charge of the project, she wouldn't have given us a time that she  
didn't believe she was going to meet." She paused, sinking her head  
slightly. "So... is there any news about what's going to happen with  
me as a pilot?"  
  
Misato hesitated slightly, one hand within the fridge, steamy frost  
pouring out of the chilled appliance as she stood in place, and Nieve  
needed no response to know that something wasn't quite right. "There's  
a request in for EVA-06, but Vash has already been the designated  
pilot. You know that." She glanced over at Nieve, grabbing a beer  
from the fridge as the girl nodded in reply. "EVA-07 has been started,  
and I've heard rumors that EVA-08 might be in planning stages... but  
there are also rumors that EVA-07 is going to be piloted by another  
Child. So we might be fully staffed without you."  
  
For a moment, Nieve simply stared at the woman, her lower lip trembling  
slightly, trying to convince herself that it was simply taking a moment  
or two for her brain to process the information. She was promising  
herself that she wasn't going to cry again, that she was going to keep  
herself under control, that there was nothing that she needed to cry  
about in front of Misato. "So... are you saying that NERV's going to  
just discard me?" she asked, her voice trembling involuntarily,  
swallowing hard as she stared at the woman. "I'm going to be shipped  
back to Ireland?"  
  
"I don't know," replied Misato flatly, her fingers splayed across the  
top of the can for a moment before she pulled back on the tab at the  
top, the hiss of excaping gas filling the silence between the two for a  
moment. "There... was some minor objection to you piloting 06, besides  
the fact that Vash's synch ratio has been higher historically." She  
paused, lowering her head slightly. "Some citizen groups were  
protesting because you were one of the pilots during the Fourteenth's  
attack. They're claiming that you and Eiko should have stopped the  
Angel before it got underground."  
  
"-WHAT-?" Nieve's fist slammed hard into the counter beside her, her  
legs sliding slightly apart on the smooth tile of the kitchen as her  
eyes flashed with anger. "You can't be -serious-! I was doing  
everything right, and -Eiko- decided that she wanted to go up against  
the Angel and get herself nailed by the beast! I was in -control- of  
the situation, and -she- messed it up! Hell, if they want -her- out,  
she -ought- to be kicked out! Give me -her- Eva, since she obviously  
can't keep herself under -control- inside it!"  
  
"That's enough, Nieve," replied Misato firmly, taking a quick sip of  
beer and turning towards the hallway. "You're not going to be ejected  
from NERV, I promise you that. You haven't done anything to merit it.  
All I said was that we couldn't give you EVA-06 because there were  
outside circumstances. You and Niobe might have to switch off with EVA-  
05, or perhaps we'll swap you in and out with Ryo."  
  
"I don't -want- to be swapped out with -anybody-! I want -my- Eva!"  
snarled the girl, knowing that she was whining but not particularly  
caring. She could still remember the look on her mother's face  
clearly, could still feel the gentle touch of the woman's hand on her  
skin, and even though she wanted to write the whole thing off as a  
hallucination something told her it was nothing but the truth. "My  
mother gave her -life- for that machine, and it's -mine-! There's got  
to be some way to repair it, some way to bring it back!"  
  
"Do I look like a technician now?" asked Misato, her tone growing irate  
as she turned to look back at the girl. "I have no idea how to fix the  
Evas, I just know what Ritsuko tells me, and she's said that EVA-02 is  
beyond any kind of salvage. The best we can do is use its armor to  
repair that of some of the other machines. Frankly, I believe her on  
this one. The thing's core was utterly -destroyed-, Nieve, and even if  
it is just a clone, I've never seen any of the Angels function without  
a core. Even if we could put it back together, it would take less  
effort to just build another Eva, so it's even -more- pointless."  
  
"But..." Nieve felt her knees beginning to grow weak beneath her,  
tears struggling to push forward from behind her eyes. She hadn't  
meant to make Misato so angry with her, but looking into the other  
woman's eyes she could see an unmitigated anger and frustration blended  
together, all directed towards Nieve. It was bad enough that Neil had  
left, but now Nieve could see where the conversation with Misato was  
going, and she had to force herself to bite her lip for a moment to  
keep the tears restrained. "It's my mother's Eva. She... she was  
inside the machine, with me."  
  
Sighing, Misato took a quick step towards the girl, putting her beer  
down on the table defiantly. "Your mother died during the first  
activation of EVA-02, Nieve. You and I both know that." Her tone was  
curt, as though she was explaining the entire situation to a small  
child that needed a spanking. "Really, you're being awfully immature  
about this. We're busy struggling to have -any- machines working, and  
you're whining about your specific machine. What does it -matter-?"  
  
Nieve had no answers for the woman, knees giving way completely as she  
sank to the floor of the kitchen, her tears forcing themselves past her  
defenses and running down her cheeks. She'd lost Neil, she'd lost her  
Eva, she'd lost her mother again, and she could tell that she was going  
to lose Misato as well. A low, strangled gasp escaped from her throat,  
shoulders gently shuddering as she cried, and she felt herself wishing  
that Neil wasn't gone, that he would walk through the door and hold  
her, tell her that he wasn't going to leave. "Nobody ever stays," she  
muttered, shaking her head gently. "I can't make anyone stay."  
  
A soft touch brushed against her shoulder, and Nieve turned her head  
slowly towards the source, eyes focusing through the blur of tears to  
see Misato kneeling next to her. The woman's expression was unreadable  
to Nieve, not due to any intent of the woman but simply due to the  
force of Nie'ves tears, water clouding over her vision and dissolving  
the world into a mosaic of blurred colors. "Nieve, it's okay if you  
want Neil back," she said quietly, letting her hand grip the girl's  
shoulder gently. "We both do. He's a part of our lives."  
  
"I don't -want- him back!" the girl snapped, yanking away her shoulder  
even as she felt her sobs intensify, her voice becoming a gentle wail.  
"I don't want him to come back. He left me, just because I... because  
I..." Her shoulders shuddered again gently, and she hunched forward  
slightly, her hands clutching at her upper arms, tears streaming down  
and soaking into her shirt as she closed her eyes tightly.  
  
Misato's hand closed around the girl's shoulder again, and this time  
Nieve didn't fight her, simply letting herself shudder slightly as the  
tears streamed across her face. She was disgusted with herself for  
letting herself cry, just as she was angry with herself for not being  
able to keep anyone from leaving, but the touch of Misato's hand made  
her feel ever so slightly better, as though she'd managed to hold on to  
something despite herself. "I just wanted him to want to stay with  
me," she gasped, voice almost incomprehensible through the tears and  
sobs. "I just wanted to test him, to see if he'd stay." Her wailing  
intensified, body doubling over as she shuddered from the tears. "I  
can't make anyone stay. I can't make anyone care enough to stay."  
  
Her hand squeezing the girl's shoulder tightly, Misato let her own eyes  
shut, her thoughts drifting backwards to the day that she'd left Kaji,  
the last time that she could remember feeling his arms around her. She  
wanted to reassure Nieve, to simply hold the girl and make her feel  
better, but she was beginning to realize that Ritsuko was right about  
her only having a mock family, that she was too incapable of putting  
her own life together to try and manage anybody else's. "Neil didn't  
want to leave you, Nieve," she said calmly, trying to say the right  
thing, knowing in her heart that she wouldn't succeed. "He wanted to  
protect you. He thought that was what he was doing."  
  
"Everyone says that!" shrieked the girl, her mind remembering the  
bittersweet look on her mother's face as the woman had abandoned her  
inside the lonely cockpit of the Eva, remembering the way that she'd  
cried out for her mother to return even as she heard the Angel blasting  
into the Geo-Front. "Everyone says that they want to protect me, they  
want to keep me safe! I just..." She shuddered, the edge gone from  
her voice as she leaned into her knees, the fabric of her blouse  
shifting against her skin and pulling taught. "I just want Neil back.  
I want him to say that he loves me."  
  
Misato rubbed Nieve's back, feeling at once out of place and useless.  
"Don't worry," she said, leaning closer to Nieve as the girl lifted  
bleary and bloodshot emerald eyes towards Misato. "He'll come back.  
It'll just be a little while." She forced a smile, continuing to  
gently rub the girl's back, wishing that she believed what she was  
saying even as Nieve began to cry once again.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 9  
  
Preparations for the recovery of EVA-01's pilot had necessitated the  
chipping away and outright removal of a great deal of the ice that had  
previously held the Eva in place, resulting in more mechanical  
restraints clamped about the machine as it leered over the catwalk. As  
near as Kozou Fuyutsuki could tell, however, it had gotten no less  
disturbing by the removal of the miniature glacier that had previously  
surrounded it, with only thin slivers of ice remaining. If anything,  
the now-unobscured half-open jaw made it look all the more threatening,  
almost as though it was laughing at the efforts of the technicians,  
scoffing at their attempts to regain control.  
  
Yet even through the jagged metal jawline, the slitted eyes that had  
once again faded to a white field of nothingness, the limbs twisted in  
a position of rage despite the fact that the Eva had brought itself  
back to the hangar - through all of that, Kozou could still see a sort  
of alien beauty to the monstrosity. Even with the ugly and makeshift  
restraints clamped across its body, including a rather large one that  
covered the entire midsection in dull gray steel to mask the core, it  
seemed like something powerful and elegant in its horror, something so  
beautiful that the only possible reaction of humans would be disgust.  
"But maybe I'm biased," the old man muttered to himself, tilting his  
head forward slightly and managing a weak smile. "They are the product  
of my favorite student."  
  
The hiss of a door opening cut through the air, and Kozou turned his  
head, expecting to see Ritsuko walking towards the Eva for another  
routine survey. Thinking of the younger woman still brought a minor  
pang into his chest, a sort of bittersweet memory of compounded regret  
made even worse by the situation that they found themselves in. He  
remembered the first attempt to recover a pilot from an Eva, remembered  
the way that Naoko Akagi had fussed over the specifics of the  
operation, doing her all to make sure that it would be successful.  
Despite all her work, she had failed, and Kozou could remember clearly  
the way that her elegant face had scrunched into despair, the sadly  
broken look that she had borne as the LCL sprayed from the rejected  
plug and all hope of recovery spilled out with it.  
  
It wasn't Ritsuko, however, and Kozou found himself snapped out of his  
minor reverie as he saw Eiko Suzuhara entering the hangar, looking  
slightly nervous at the sight of EVA-01 and even more nervous as she  
saw Kozou standing in front of the machine. He knew the girl by face,  
but by nothing more intimate than that, though watchin her move he  
could understand why she had something less than a stellar combat  
record. "Miss Suzuhara," he said flatly, trying to manage a smile,  
feeling somewhat neutral about the girl's presence. "What brings you  
here today? You aren't scheduled for synch testing yet, are you?"  
  
"Today's my day off," she replied, her eyes flicking back and forth  
between the shackled purple goliath and the brown-suited commander, as  
though one or the other was about to break free and attack. She had  
been nervous about simply coming to the hangar, knowing that it would  
probably make Vash unhappy, although she had to admit to a minor guilty  
rush at the thought of stealing away from the injured boy. But more to  
the point, she felt mildly embarassed, and she certainly didn't want to  
be watched by the vice-commander of NERV. "Am I not allowed to come  
into the hangar? I didn't think -"  
  
"No, it's fully accessible." He turned slowly back towards the golem  
before him, trying to find a more concise term for the odd mixture of  
beauty and horror in the Eva's visage as he saw Eiko moving closer out  
of the corner of his eye. Watching for a moment, he found himself  
slowly focusing more on the girl, more out of curiosity than anything  
else. "You never did answer my question, though. What brings you here  
today?"  
  
Eiko blushed noticably, and Kozou had to surpress a small grin,  
recalling the gesture from many of his younger students. He'd been  
told that there was something about him that was intimidating to those  
who didn't know him, though he'd never quite understood it. "I... I  
was just coming down to see it. For the first time." She paused,  
taking another hesitant step towards the commander. "And... well, I  
guess I wanted to see how they were planning on getting Neil out. Kind  
of immature of me, I suppose." She paused, hanging her head slightly,  
flicking her eyes up towards the man between falling strands of black  
hair. "What about you? Why did you come down here?"  
  
Kozou smiled at the girl now, though his gaze was still largely focused  
on the machine in front of him. "A lot of reasons, I suppose. To see  
an old project coming of age, to see another project resurrected..."  
He paused, then shook his head, raising one hand to smooth his silver-  
gray hair back. Though he doubted the girl would have any idea about  
what was truly going on with the machine, he knew that he needed to  
watch his words around her, that the risk of her finding something out  
was too great while they were still under SEELE's scrutiny. "Don't  
worry about it. Just the ramblings of an old man with too much time on  
his hands."  
  
Sighing, Kozou let his eyes focus fully on EVA-01 just for a moment,  
half-expecting the girl to have stopped or turn around. She had not,  
instead continuing to walk closer, a motion that he couldn't quite  
fathom. Most students that got a peek into his mind had a tendency to  
be surprised, expecting him to act differently around others, more  
aloof. He glanced back towards her quickly, her hesitance slowly  
fading into confidence, like a skittish animal offered some food. "It  
must seem odd to you, one of your commanders talking to you like a  
concerned uncle. I suppose none of you really know us, do you?"  
  
"N-not particularly, sir," replied Eiko, bowing ever so slightly, a  
remnant of the proper ways that her parents had tried to drill into her  
as a little girl. She didn't want to be the sort of girl that her  
parents wanted, hated to think that she was falling back on their  
teachings, but she also knew that Fuyutsuki was old enough to probably  
respect the formality. "I remember some of the other Children talking  
to you during some of the mission briefings, but I don't think we've  
ever really talked. Before now, anyways." She tried to force a smile,  
blushing and knowing that she was coming off awkward.  
  
The smile on the aging man's face remained, though it was now tinged  
ever so slightly with a sort of bittersweet cast. "Odd, I suppose. I  
always think of NERV as the sort of tightly-knit group that I remember  
from when it formed, the organization that I started investigating and  
wound up working for. But I suppose it's grown beyond that while I  
wasn't paying attention." He stared back at the Eva, head tilted  
slightly upwards and hands folding behind his back, somehow managing to  
look much younger simply by stance. "It doesn't feel any different,  
though, not to me. It's still based of the same science that Dr. Ikari  
created, still working for the same project."  
  
Eiko could tell that the man was holding something back, something  
beneath his voice making it clear that the entire situation felt  
undeniably different to him. But she doubted that she would get a  
clear answer if she asked him, and more than anything she simply wanted  
the man to leave. Still, she couldn't help but be a little curious  
despite herself. "I didn't know that the commander developed the root  
of the project," she said softly, stepping forward once again, her eyes  
breifly flicking towards the gigantic purple golem.  
  
"He didn't," replied Kozou, giving one last glance towards the Eva,  
wondering if Kaji had been right when he'd accused the older man of  
selling out. Even though he'd known everything that was going into the  
project, even though he'd known that there would be injuries and  
sacrifices necessary, he couldn't help but feel as though he had sold  
his soul to the devil to do it. "It was his wife, my student." He  
paused one last moment in front of the door, letting it hiss open  
before freezing. "I don't think I ever would have gotten involved if  
not for Yui."  
  
The old man stepped through the doors and allowed them to hiss shut,  
leaving Eiko alone in the hangar aside from whatever few technicians  
were scrabbling about the bottom layers, attaching futher restraints to  
the alread-hamstrung Eva, as though it were about to attempt to break  
free at any instant. It was a disquieting thought for the young girl,  
every bit as upsetting as the still-unanswered questions she had about  
Neil's actions, the whole thing combining into an awkward blend of  
questions void of any answers. Taking a deep breath, she stepped fully  
in front of the Eva's menacing head.  
  
"Neil," she said softly, feeling somewhat silly despite the fact that  
she'd made the decision long before, even though she knew she owed it  
to the boy within the machine. "I don't know if you can hear me in  
there, if you know that I'm even out here. Heck, I don't know much  
about this at all. It all seems too... surreal, like something out of  
a movie." She blushed, hanging her head inadvertantly. "I wanted to  
say... I wanted to tell you that I miss you. And Vash isn't mad at  
you. And... and we don't care why the entry plug got crushed. We all  
know you're a good person, Neil, even if you don't believe it. Don't  
let anyone tell you differently."  
  
For a brief moment, Eiko could swear that the Eva's eyes glowed a dull  
green, as though it had momentarily reactivated itself just to let her  
know that Neil was still inside. If the glow was there at all,  
however, she didn't notice it half a second later, the purple goliath  
simply staring at her impartially. Shaking her head, she felt another  
rush of embarassment coupled with a minor spasm of guilt at the thought  
of having gone to see the machine while Vash still lay in the hospital,  
and sparing one last glance she turned on her heel and strode out of  
the hangar swiftly.  
  
]++[  
  
Despite having never thought about it before, Neil had discovered that  
time did not truly exist, at least not when one had no way of measuring  
it. He was certain that it was still flowing for the world outside,  
but as far as he was concerned it might as well not have existed, that  
with no way of measuring it whatsoever it ceased to have much meaning.  
He had no way of knowing how long he had been in his private chamber of  
hell, nor did he have any way of controlling the flow around him, a  
feeling that made the entire experience even worse as he felt himself  
drift weightlessly in a steady flow of light.  
  
"If she was here, Nieve would hate this."  
  
The words were spoken tet silent, a paradox made true by the same laws  
that the rest of the odd are operated under, the same principle that  
made it possible for him to see without eyes, to hear without ears, to  
experience sensations occuring on levels that he was certain no human  
being had ever experienced before. "She would hate it, though," he  
muttered to himself, more out of habit than necessity, the bath of  
light about him switching into a shimmering pattern of red and green  
filled with flecks of white. "She always wants to be the one in  
control, and nobody seems to be in control here. It's like a maniac  
paradise."  
  
"But Eiko might be right at home. She might think it was like a game."  
  
Neil smiled with his lack of a mouth, thinking of the simultaneously  
energetic and reserved girl, the odd way that she could be excited and  
jovial one moment and then uncertain of herself the next. She would  
have said almost exactly what the silent voice had suggested, would  
probably have excited herself by thinking of how to make the whole  
thing work, a thought that only widened Neil's nonexistent smile as the  
pattern changed to black and white mingling into silver. "Or she would  
have figured out how to paint a picture with the void," he muttered,  
shaking the head he didn't have. "One way or the other, maybe both."  
  
"And what of Misato? She would have admired its beauty."  
  
Neil frowned, suddenly noticing a catch in the voice without sound, a  
familiar tone that he'd taken with himself dozens of times even as  
purple blotches bled across the sea of light to mingle with streams of  
gold. "Is that you?" he asked of nobody, knowing that the other could  
hear him, that it was lying happily beyond the reach of his not-quite-  
sight. "What do you think you're doing, making me miss all the people  
from my life? Is that something that makes you happy?"  
  
"Who are you trying to convince here, Neil?" asked the voice, sounding  
almost mocking now as the lights faded into blackness for seconds  
before the world solidified in front of Neil once again, the pale  
yellow walls of Misato's apartment clear around him. He could feel the  
tightness of the plugsuit fabric against his skin, the cool rush of air  
against his skin, a convincing enough illusion as far as he was  
concerned, though he'd lost the ability to be entirely sure if it was  
nothing more than an illusion. "I'm only telling the truth, after  
all. Only pointing out the things you avoid looking at."  
  
Glancing about the apartment, Neil quickly found the source of his  
double's voice leaning against the far wall of the kitchen, arms  
crossed across his chest and a mischevious grin playing across his  
face. It was eerie to think that Neil was capable of actually making  
such an expression, that he could look so hateful of the world around  
him, though he imagined that it came as an element of being the sort of  
person that he was. "Really, Neil, we both know that I'm not saying  
anything untrue. You want all three of them here, don't you?"  
  
"That has nothing to do with anything!" snapped Neil, taking a step  
towards his double as he felt his hands balling themselves into fists.  
"They're totally different situations! Misato and Eiko are friends in  
different ways, and Nieve is my girlfriend. Of course I want them all  
here - they're all people that I care about! People that I can't see  
as long as I'm stuck in here!"  
  
"So now you're getting violent. That's how it is, isn't it?" The  
double smiled wider, pushing off into a standing position and taking a  
few menacingly slow steps towards Neil. "You threaten anybody who  
starts to show you for what you really are. You say that you just care  
about all three of them, but in reality that's not the truth, is it?  
There's something else entirely going on." Moving swiftly across the  
floor, the other closed on Neil, eyes harsh. "What's the truth of the  
matter, Neil? Not what you -want- to be true, but what -is- true?"  
  
"What are you even -talking- about?" snapped Neil, his fists balled  
tightly, eyes flashing with anger as his double continued to stand and  
smirk at him. He didn't like the direction that the conversation was  
heading in, something that the double had managed to hit squarely on  
the nose, but he couldn't fathom why the other was pressing the issue  
so intently. For a moment, he wondered if he might be able to puzzle  
it out, but the thought vanished from his head in a minor twitch of  
anger, his frustration at the nightmarish landscape about him far more  
real than anything else at the moment. "Misato's taken care of me  
here, Eiko's been a friend to talk to, and Nieve..."  
  
"Gave herself to you. Go on, say it." The double reached up and  
shoved Neil backwards, packing enough force in his motion to send Neil  
staggering and falling back directly into the wall. Neil winced at the  
impact ever so slightly, but he was more concerned about the anger that  
he was feeling slowly seep through his limbs. "She offered herself to  
you, and you took her. But then you had doubts afterwards, didn't  
you? You wondered if you'd done the right thing?" Gaping, Neil stared  
at the other as his smile widened. "You don't have any secrets from  
me, Neil. I know everything about you, all of your delicious little  
lies."  
  
Something in the back of Neil's head sensed another presence in the  
room, and turning he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. As  
he turned fully away from his double he could see Eiko, walking slowly  
out of the living room, her motions the unnaturally slow movements of  
someone drugged or possessed, eyes wide as if in terror. "Do you want  
to sleep with me, Neil-san?" asked Eiko, her steps seeming irregular as  
the world around them shifted and solidified into the hill where he'd  
first met the girl. "Does that sound good to you? Maybe we should  
tell Nieve about it first, though. Maybe we should let her know that  
you were dreaming of another woman after she gave herself to you in a  
moment of weakness."  
  
Neil's eyes narrowed to slits, his hands remaining balled into fists.  
"This isn't funny," he growled, trying to surpress the waves of guilt  
washing across his body, eyes flashing with anger in the hallucinatory  
sunlight that splayed across the hill. "I paid for that. I paid for  
that in blood and tears, and I've regretted it for every single moment  
since. Don't try to make it seem as though I haven't!" Tears were  
welling now, ever so slightly, one action that he wished had been  
stolen from him inside the nightmarish world that he'd been cast into.  
  
"Oh, Neil, I don't care," replied Eiko, her voice husky as her slow  
movements brought her closer to the boy. "I don't care if you want  
Misato, too. You can sleep around with anything that wears a skirt if  
you want." She smiled as she drew closer, her arms extending up  
towards Neil. "Don't you like the idea? Of cheating on Nieve with  
me? Maybe we could invite her to watch some time. You've thought  
about that, haven't you?" The smile widened, almost beyond what Neil  
assumed the girl's jaw was capable of. "Haven't you?"  
  
"Go away," Neil half-snarled and half-sniffled, his eyes beginning to  
go blurry with tears as the girl came closer and closer. His body,  
real or illusionary, was having none of his arguments, and was reacting  
to Eiko's words and her presence even as he tried to blot it from his  
mind. Her hand gently brushed against his chin, then closed more  
firmly around his shoulder as her body moved closer, the gently warmth  
from it radiating clearly through the thin fabric of his plugsuit.  
Jerking into motion, Neil found himself bringing up one fist and  
smacking away what he knew was nothing more than an apparition, letting  
the would-be Eiko fall to the pavement roughly as he glared at her. "I  
said go away!"  
  
In a way that Neil couldn't quite explain, the world seemed to snap  
into place around him, and he found himself still standing in the same  
place, now dressed in his usual shirt and jeans, people on the hill  
around him gasping and gawking. Eiko gently rubbed her chin as she  
rose from the ground, her eyes betraying a deeper wound than the  
surface injuries, and she glared up at Neil as he tried to understand  
what had happened. "You just hit me," she muttered, letting her hand  
rub more firmly against the spot where his fist had connected.  
  
Neil felt himself trying hard to piece together the situation around  
him, the way that the entire world had become more decisively real and  
normal, when suddenly the entire thing made perfect sense. He must  
have been hallucinating since the Fourteenth Angel's attack, must have  
somehow been keeping the entire traumatic little hellhole he'd  
experienced replaying in his mind. It didn't explain the fact that he  
couldn't remember it, but somehow it seemed to fit, to answer all the  
nagging questions in the back of his mind. "Eiko, I'm sorry," he  
gasped, stepping towards her, reaching out one hand to her shoulder to  
comfort her. "My mind is still -"  
  
"Don't you -touch- me!" shrieked the girl, her voice sounding  
suspiciously similar to Nieve's from the day that they had first made  
love as Eiko slapped his hand away roughly. "Vash was right about  
you. You -are- a monster." The girl took a single hesitant step  
backwards, watching Neil with eyes filled by fear and disgust, Neil  
unable to do anything but watch as he felt his eyes going blurry once  
again. Biting her lip, Eiko turned and began running, her skirt  
flapping in the wind behind her, hair fluttering about her head, a  
beautiful girl utterly terrified of the boy standing in the road behind  
her.  
  
Then the world went fluid again for Neil, and he found himself standing  
in front of his double once more, both standing in front of the glaring  
visage of EVA-01, nutrient fluid sloshing about beneath them.  
Something was unplacably wrong about the situation, and Neil could feel  
it, but he was more concerned with the fact that his double was slowly  
clapping, as though he'd seen something that amused him beyond words.  
"Bravo, Mr. Richelieu. Violence, self-delusions, and heartache, all  
summed up in a few seconds of events. If you weren't a monster, you  
could be a moviemaker." The double's smile returned to its usual  
malignant grin, green eyes seeming to glow slightly from within. "What  
do you think that little exchange meant about who you are?"  
  
Letting himself relax for a moment to the extent that was possible,  
Neil tried to take in the scenery, the teal-gray walls arching over the  
Evangelion, the purple-orange liquid slowly swirling beneath them, as  
though searching for the one detail that proved to him that he'd been  
dreaming before. He hated the thought that he could be hallucinating  
now while still in the real world, that he was doing horrific things to  
the people that he cared about. "What's going on? Was that... real?"  
He shook his head, feeling his eyes narrow once again, still bloodshot  
from the brief flow of tears. "Tell me the truth, damn it!"  
  
Rather than answer immediately, the double simply took a step foward, a  
vague outline of hazy light forming around him as his smile continued  
to widen. "You're petrified. You're terrified that you've hit Eiko,  
really. But why? Is it because you don't believe that it's the right  
thing to do? Or..." The double paused, taking another step forwards  
as the outline around him grew clearer. "Is it something more  
fundamental?" Chuckling as Neil glared at him, the double continued  
forward, outline growing stronger with each step and growing harder and  
harder to look at. "You're afraid that if you did hit her, you  
wouldn't have any chance with her any more. That's what it's really  
about, isn't it? Not the violence, just the nasty little side effects."  
  
"For the love of God, shut -up-!" snarled Neil, taking a step towards  
the other himself, fists balling tightly and determined to find the jaw  
of his demonic mirror. His double's outline grew even brighter,  
however, and he found himself forced to look away, the light too bright  
for him to see clearly as it rippled off the shifting nutrient bath  
around them. "Where am I? Tell me, truly, where in the -hell- am I?"  
  
"Where you belong. Home. Does it really matter that much?" Without  
warning or even sound, the purple Eva broke free of its restraints, one  
hand reaching out and smashing through both double and the section of  
the catwalk he'd been standing on. There was no sound of rending metal  
or splashing debris, just the sudden absence of Neil's glowing copy for  
an instant before Neil saw the Eva's gaze turn towards him. "You're  
afraid of the machine, but why? What terrifies you so much about it?"  
  
The purple hand of the Eva closed around Neil tightly, just enough to  
keep from crushing him as the jaws tore themselves open and the arm  
slowly brough Neil towards them. Neil struggled, but he knew that he  
had no chance of breaking free from the monstrosity's grip, even if he  
was simply hallucinating. He knew that he wouldn't die, knew that what  
he was experiencing couldn't possibly be reality as the world around he  
and the Eva faded into a sea of angry black and hateful red, but he  
knew that the pain would be intense. "Where are you?" mocked the voice  
of the double as the Eva's jaws opened wide, bringing Neil closer and  
closer. "Figure it out."  
  
In one smooth motion, the Eva brought Neil to its mouth and clamped  
down, metal jaws rending through flesh and bone as if they were  
nothing. Mercifully enough for Neil, however, the world went back into  
a sea of light before the jaws finished their lethal path, leaving Neil  
alone once more in the emptiness of something he didn't understand, his  
not-arms wrapped around his body as he felt a chill seep through to his  
bones.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 15  
  
Leaning against the nearest bulkhead beneath the uppermost level of the  
command room, Misato only half-heard the steady noise of construction  
as the armor plating was replaced slowly and the main screen gradually  
returned to normal operational status. The two weeks had passed like a  
blur, but it had been a slow, agonizing blur, at least to the extent  
that such a thing was possible. Though she took some small solace in  
the fact that Ritsuko's preparation time was nearly halfway completed,  
she couldn't help but share some of Nieve's apprehensive impatience,  
vaguely curious about why the process took so long in the first place.  
  
Sighing, the woman let her thoughts drift back towards Nieve as another  
shower of sparks burst from the top of the main screen, another minor  
flaw sending a brief lightshow through the chamber and forcing the  
workers to begin to climb back towards the screen and figure out the  
problem. Despite Nieve's early difficulties with Neil's absence, she'd  
managed to pull herself together surprisingly quickly, though there was  
still an obvious sadness lurking behind the girl's eyes every time she  
mentioned the boy. It was a hard situation for both of them, and  
Misato was beginning to slowly understand why women could complain  
about being mothers even when their children were past the point of  
relying on them. "You're screwing all of us up, Neil," she muttered, a  
bittersweet smile making its way across her lips as she tilted her head  
back slightly.  
  
Characteristic hissing and whirring came from the direction of the  
elevator, and with one last sigh Misato pushed herself to a standing  
position, turning and stepping towards the doorway with a wry grin  
forced onto her face. "You're late for the coordination session,  
Makoto," she said, her tone only mildly scolding. "That should tell us  
something about the state of our organization right -"  
  
Misato's eyes finally focused on the man in the elevator, and she felt  
a minor blush spread across her cheeks as Kaji smiled at her, hands  
jammed in his pockets as usual, his stried easy and casual as he  
stepped clear of the elevator and let the doors hiss shut once again.  
"Makoto's not here yet," he offered, stepping around Misato into the  
center of the control level, his blue eyes flicking about the  
construction and the consoles. "His car wouldn't start this morning.  
Poor man's got one of the earliest electrical models, back when  
electric and gas started competing... small wonder it stalls all the  
time."  
  
"You're not the personnel coordinator," Misato half-growled, slowly  
turning to face Kaji as he continued his easy stroll about the control  
level. She considered briefly asking him how he'd managed to find out  
where the young technician was, but she decided against it, knowing  
that she wouldn't get a clear answer in any case. "What brings you  
here today, then? Did he ask you to be his replacement?"  
  
"Nope. Good thing, too, since I'd probably screw the whole thing up."  
He paused, shooting a grin back towards Misato with the slightest  
traces of bitterness lingering beneath it. "After all, I'm so  
irresponsible, and all. Isn't that right?" He paused for a moment,  
then took a few steps towards Maya's display, ignoring the growing red  
flush across Misato's cheeks. "Hmm. This is the display of Neil's  
status inside of the Eva, right? Or is it the progress meter? Ritsuko  
didn't explain the whole setup very clearly to me..."  
  
Ritsuko's name brought a sore spot to the front of Misato's mind, at  
least when it was coming from Kaji. She had, at least by her  
standards, been doing an excellent job of not being jealous or bitter  
about the situation, occasionally going out with the couple as though  
they were still all in college, trying her best not to hold it against  
Ritsuko. However, that didn't mean that she wasn't still upset with  
the both of them, and the thought that Kaji had been getting more  
explanation about what was happening with Neil than her only brought  
her frustration and jealousy back to the fore. "I wouldn't know," she  
said, knowing that her voice sounded harsher than normal, taking a step  
towards the man and letting her heels click against the metal floor  
beneath. "Ritsuko's kept me largely in the dark about this."  
  
"If it makes you feel any better, you probably wouldn't find it  
terribly interesting," offered Kaji, turning back towards Misato and  
leaning against the back of Maya's chair as he folded his hands behind  
his head. "She hasn't told me much, either, but she's left some of her  
notes lying around her apartment, and I took the chance to look through  
them." His smile shifted slightly, looking just the slightest bit  
sinister in the light of the flashes of sparks from the construction  
workers. "On an academic level, it's intruiging, but that's not the  
stuff that I find particularly worth reading, and that's the bulk of  
it. You'd probably be bored out of your skull."  
  
Frowning, Misato strode across the floor towards the man, her eyes  
narrowed nearly to slits. "What are you trying to do, Kaji?" she  
asked, her tone just quiet enough to make it clear to him that she was  
whispering. "Why the hell are you looking through Ritsuko's notes  
instead of just asking her about these things? She's dating you, after  
all. She's obligated to let you in about this."  
  
"Ah, but not about the stuff that's actually interesting," replied  
Kaji, the grin growing a bit more serious as his eyes locked with  
Misato's. "There are a lot of things that they haven't told even you,  
Misato. Stuff that only a few people within NERV know about, things  
that I'm most certainly not supposed to be involved with." He paused,  
flicking his eyes up towards the level above them before looking back  
at Misato. "Answer me this. Where was Commander Ikari during the  
Second Impact?"  
  
Misato's frown darkened at the question, utterly confused as to the  
point that Kaji was trying to make. "In Japan, I'd assume," she  
replied, knowing that her voice was growing slightly in volume as she  
spoke but not being particularly concerned by the fact. "What is this,  
a rehash of that old documentary series? What does that have to do  
with anything?"  
  
"Gendou Ikari left the Antarctic site less than two hours before the  
Second Impact, just enough time to get from Antarctica to a secure  
location in Japan. Enough time down to the minute." The man paused,  
letting the implications of his statement sink in as Misato continued  
to half-glare at him. "Something is going on that's a lot bigger than  
simply using the First Angel as our personal toy soldier. And whatever  
it is, I'm willing to bet that the project to bring Neil back is tied  
up with it somehow. Probably fairly close ties, actually."  
  
"So -what-?" replied Misato, distantly aware that she would have been  
interested nearly any other day of the year but not particularly  
worried about it. "This isn't about some vast conspiracy, this is  
about a boy that's been trapped inside of a monstrosity when we're  
supposed to be the ones protecting him. And all you can think about is  
how he factors into... whatever the hell you're trying to get at?"  
Sighing, Misato shook her head and stepped away from Kaji, turning her  
back on him as defiantly as possible. "That's disgusting, Ryoji. That  
should be the last thing on your mind."  
  
"Don't take it like that," replied Kaji, his voice seeming to drop an  
octave as his hand gently closed around Misato's shoulder, sending a  
small termor of surprise through her body at the unexpected contact.  
Slowly, she turned her head back around, seeing that the grin had  
vanished from the man's face. "I'm worried about Neil, too. I know  
how much he means to you, and I know that he doesn't deserve any of  
this." He paused, sinking his head somewhat as Misato turned towards  
him once again. "I'm sorry. That wasn't what I was trying to imply."  
  
"I know," replied Misato, sinking her head as well, painfully aware of  
how close she and Kaji were. It would be so easy to simply release  
herself, to let her body sink forward into his arms, to find a  
temporary release with him even if she knew that it couldn't last  
forever. She could distantly remember hearing her mother and father  
fight, remember the way that it had always seemed to go much the same  
way, with her father always saying just the right thing to calm her  
down. At the time, she'd hated her parents for it, her mother for  
going along with the way that her father acted and her father for being  
so terrible at being a husband in the first place. Taking a deep  
breath, she found herself unsure about whether or not she could really  
blame either of them any longer. "Ryoji... I..."  
  
A moment of awkward silence passed between the two, then Kaji quickly  
glanced at his watch and took a step back, as though he already knew  
what Misato was going to say. "Sorry, I've got to go now. I do have a  
job here, after all." He managed to flash a weak smile, jamming his  
hands back in his pockets and stepping lightly around Misato as the  
woman followed him with her eyes. Just before he stepped inside of the  
elevator, he froze, as though he'd realized what Misato had been  
feeling without her saying anything. "Trust me, Misato. Please."  
  
Then, before she could ask him anything, even so much as a quick  
request for him to explain why she would have reason to doubt him, the  
doors of the elevator whirred open, and he quickly stepped in to let  
them shut behind him. Misato stared for a moment longer, then sighed  
and shook her head, rubbing her temple with one hand while the other  
arm wrapped around her misection. She had more than enough to deal  
with as it was, she hardly needed Kaji's obfuscations on top of it.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 21  
  
His left arm still felt odd, even after three weeks with the quasi-  
artificial limb on his body, even now that his right arm was just as  
healthy as its twin. But it wasn't the same sort of burning hatred  
that he'd felt for the limb at first, and as he walked slowly towards  
his destination he only noticed it distantly, as though he could accept  
the way that it appeared to him. "Everything's going back to normal,"  
he muttered, shaking his head as he strode through the teal-gray  
corridors, the route one of the few that he'd managed to memorize  
through Central Dogma, mostly for convenience during emergencies.  
"Heck, Neil's even coming back out in a little while.  
  
Vash bit his lower lip involuntarily as he thought of the other boy,  
his left arm twitching slightly as though it knew why it had been  
needed in the first place. He knew that he should be mad at Neil, for  
crushing him in the first place and then denying him the opportunity to  
look worthy again inside the Eva, but somehow he couldn't feel anything  
except a mild concern. "Anyways, not the time to think about that," he  
muttered, reaching up and smoothing his hair slightly. It still hadn't  
quite returned to what he considered its natural state, but it was the  
best he could manage with limited supplies.  
  
With a deep breath, Vash rounded the final corner, approaching the end  
of the hallway and preparing to walk through the sliding doors that he  
almost wished would remain shut. He had been told officially about his  
piloting assignment earlier in the morning, though he'd made a show of  
not knowing about it beforehand. Though he could still feel a distant  
reservation about returning to the Eva's cockpit, he knew that there  
was one last thing he had to do before he made any decisions, that he  
needed to make certain of something.  
  
Another deep breath filled his lungs as he stepped in front of the  
doors, then Vash stepped through onto the catwalk of the Eva hangars.  
EVA-05 was visible to his right, four eyes staring at him intently, its  
yellow head seeming to loom over him, but his goal was elsewhere, and  
he ignored the yellow golem, striding swiftly across the metal lattice  
of the catwalk into the next room. The silver EVA-03 awaited him, but  
once again he ignored it, continuing forward resolutely, blue eyes  
focused on the goal, his mind trying to divert itself by paying acute  
attention to the way that his light blue t-shirt brushed against his  
left arm.  
  
In what seemed like seconds, he found himself passing through the doors  
that led into his Eva hangar, the same chamber that he had always gone  
to when he had needed to pilot his machine against an Angel. He could  
still see the leering black visage of EVA-03 in his mind's eye,  
remember standing before it for the first time in his purple and black  
plugsuit, remember the way that it had felt the first time he had  
activated it and sent it into combat. As he turned, he knew that he  
would be greeted with something different, and gritting his teeth he  
let himself look over the form of his new machine, EVA-06.  
  
Slightly to his surprise, it looked fairly similar to his previous  
machine, the same almost samurai-like look of its head as his black  
machine. What had changed were the colors, a deep forest green across  
the body, with small traces of black highlights and fades across the  
surface of its body. He could only distantly see below the surface of  
the swirling nutrient bath, but he imagined that it looked much the  
same. "It's not that ugly," he muttered to himself, almost wishing  
that it had been more different, that he could have had more  
opportunity to be frightened by it.  
  
Forcing himself not to hesitate, he flicked his eyes towards the yellow  
slits on the sides of his machine's head, almost expecting it to stare  
back. It would have been easier if it looked different from the  
machine that had turned on him, and Vash couldn't even attempt to shake  
the feeling that the machine was looking forward to doing the same to  
him as soon as it was given a chance. It was an unpleasant concept,  
and a slow sigh passed through his lips as he found himself realizing  
that he truly wanted nothing to do with the machine.  
  
"But I have to," he muttered, sinking his eyes away from the machine as  
though he couldn't bear to stare at it any longer. His thoughts were  
drifting back towards Neil, substituting one uncomfortable subject for  
another. "Is that what he meant when he said he shouldn't have left?  
This sort of obligation?"  
  
The Eva in front of Vash offered no answers, and with one more sigh the  
boy turned to leave, to return to his hospital bed for another few days  
until the doctors finally decided that he was fit enough to leave.  
halfway to the door, however, an idea came to him, and he turned ever  
so slightly towards the Eva once again, just enough to point his index  
finger at the machine, thumb raised and one eye closed as though he was  
aiming a gun. His finger traced a slow path about the machine, finally  
settling on the single yellow eye that he could still see, staring at  
him balefully.  
  
In one swift motion, his thumb slapped down on the closed fist beneath  
his finger and his arm cocked back, as though he'd sent a bullet  
straight into the eye of the Eva. He let his arm hang for a moment  
later, his doubts momentarily dulled if not assuaged completely, and  
with one final shake of the head he turned back towards the door and  
let himself walk out, the door hissing shut behind him and leaving the  
deep green Eva alone to its own thoughts.  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 27  
  
Ryo's apartment complex looked nothing like Misato's, a fact that was  
not lost on Nieve as she slowly navigated down the dull gray corridors,  
intermittent fluorescent lighting mingling with the fingers of sunlight  
through the evenly-spaced windows. Though it had been the girl's  
experience that windows tended to make a building seem more appealing,  
the light cast against the pale gray of the walls did nothing so much  
as throw into stark relief the drab and soul-crushing nature of the  
place, almost like the narrow metal corridors of Central Dogma. Still,  
she needed to see Niobe, out of simultaneous concern for the girl's  
state and out of a simple need to talk to someone other than Misato.  
  
Counting off the apartment numbers silently in her head, Nieve brought  
herself to a stop in front of Ryo's apartment, quickly double-checking  
the numbers in her head to make sure that she was at the right one.  
Nodding to herself, she stepped up to the door, rapping against it with  
the back of her knuckles, hoping that Niobe hadn't chosen to shower or  
nap at the one time that Nieve had planned to see her. Three sharp  
raps sounded against the smooth wood of the door just below the gold-  
plated numbers, and the girl waited, knowing that Niobe was closer to  
the door and more likely to answer, her chest tightening slightly at  
the thought that Ryo could answer the door as well.  
  
Her apprehensions were realized as the boy slowly and mechanically  
opened the door, red eyes almost managing to look listless as they  
flicked over Nieve. "Good morning," he said, his tone flat as usual,  
head cocking slightly to one side at the sight of the girl. Nieve  
squirmed ever so slightly, the memory of the eerie exchange between  
them on the day of the Fourteenth's attack still fresh in her mind  
despite the interceding weeks. "Is something the matter at Central  
Dogma?"  
  
"No, I'm here to see Niobe," replied Nieve firmly, stepping into the  
apartment before Ryo had a chance to say another word, slipping off her  
shoes and stepping into the small walkway between the kitchen and the  
wall. "Niobe! Niobe, it's me, Nieve!" She paused, glancing around at  
hearing no response, then sighed and turned around towards Ryo,  
obviously confused. "Is she not here right now?"  
  
"She's in her room," replied Ryo flatly, his thumb jerking towards the  
door at Nieve's right, set against the wall directly across from the  
kitchen. "Perhaps you can get her to talk to me. She hasn't been  
coming out except to eat, and then only for a few seconds at a time."  
  
Ryo's words sent a minor tremor down Nieve's spine, a recollection of  
earlier times in her own life, and she turned towards the door that Ryo  
had indicated slowly, knowing in the back of her mind that she truly  
wasn't going to be able to deal with the situation the way that she  
ought to. Stepping forward, she forced herself to take a deep breath,  
then knocked on the door, inwardly wishing that she could simply go  
home and feeling a minor pang of guilt for her selfishness. "Niobe?"  
she called, her voice tenative, ear drifting close to the wood.  
"Niobe, are you in there?"  
  
"Go away," muttered Niobe, her voice muffled by the pillow she had  
buried her head within, her thin sheets pulled tight around her body  
more out of habit than anything. A small growl of hunger was coming  
from her body, but she ignored it, not wanting to leave the room if she  
could help it, certainly not if Nieve was waiting outside.  
  
"Oh, come on, Niobe. There's stuff to talk about." She knocked again,  
more out of habit than anything else, shifting slightly uncomfortably  
as she felt Ryo's red eyes staring at her. There was no tactful way  
that she knew of to ask the boy to leave for a few minutes, but she was  
still doing her best to think of something, already made uncomfortable  
enough simply by what she assumed was going on with Niobe. "Look,  
there are only three more days until Neil comes out of the Eva, and I  
feel like celebrating. Come on out, we'll go out and have lunch  
together."  
  
"I said go away!" snapped the girl within the room, her long black hair  
a tangled mess around her head, eyes bloodshot from tears and legs  
pulled up close to her chest. "I don't want to go out and celebrate,  
and I don't want to come out of the room! Just go away and leave me  
alone!" She shuddered, feeling an inward pang of anger at herself for  
being such a child about the situation even as she knew there was  
nothing else that she could do, lethally afraid of what Nieve would  
think the instant they saw one another.  
  
Another small spasm of terror went through Nieve, her hands tightening  
into fists out of stress, her thoughts becoming more and more frantic  
as she thought about what could be happening to the girl inside the  
room. "Niobe, come on, what's bugging you?" she asked, trying to keep  
her voice casual. "We can talk about it, whatever it is. Daughters of  
NERV, remember? Have to stick together?" She paused, hoping for some  
kind of response, receiving nothing but silence from within the room.  
"Niobe?"  
  
"Please, Nieve, just go," replied the girl within the room, feeling  
tears begin to bubble back up from behind her eyes, the liquid soaking  
into the pillow that embraced her head as she shuddered gently from  
apprehension. "I'm fine. I just need some time alone right now." She  
felt her voice growing rougher, felt herself failing to even keep up a  
decent appearance, sending another burst of self-loathing spreading  
across her body. "Sometimes, sticking together means giving someone  
space, right?"  
  
Nieve's tensions redoubled, and she felt her left hand tightening to  
the point of a sharp pain, her nails digging into the soft flesh of her  
palm. Closing her eyes, she forced herself to take a deep breath, to  
fight down the mild panic rising within the back of her mind, to remind  
herself that she couldn't do anything if Niobe wasn't ready to let her  
in. "Right," she said weakly, turning towards Ryo and feeling a small  
shiver as she looked at the blue-haired boy, her feet freezing in place  
momentarily before allowing her to step back down to the lowered area  
where her shoes had rested. "Ryo, make sure that she keeps eating,  
even if it is only a little," she hissed to the boy, hoping that he  
would listen to her as she slipped the shoes back on to her feet. "And  
don't let her eat in her room. Make sure that you can see for yourself  
that she's still eating something."  
  
Ryo nodded, feelings still weakly swirling about within his chest that  
he couldn't quite identify, his head cocked ever so slightly to one  
side as the red-haired girl approached the door. The thought that Neil  
was returning filled him with ideas that he couldn't make cohesive,  
fragmentary concepts that felt impossible to reconcile. "Do you want  
me to come with you to celebrate?" he asked weakly, drawing the girl's  
attention back towards him as her hand rested lightly on the doorknob.  
"I'm not doing anything at the moment."  
  
"That's okay, Ryo," replied Nieve, a minor catch in her voice that  
seemed to indicate that she would gladly have used a more permanent  
excuse if any had sprang to mind. The girl quickly opened the door and  
stepped out, sparing only an idle wave back into the apartment before  
the door swung shut again, not even a simple farewell passing her lips  
as she began to move swiftly down the hall away from Ryo's apartment.  
  
Staring at the door for a moment longer, Ryo slowly turned around,  
taking a few hesitant steps towards Niobe's room and lifting his hand  
to knock on the door himself. He couldn't figure out the routine to  
follow for the life of him, couldn't quite puzzle out what the right  
thing to do was, and as he stared at the girl's door his hand came down  
and knocked on it almost by accident. "Niobe?" he said, the question  
sounding at once odd and relaxing coming from his mouth. "It's Ryo.  
Do you..." He paused, trying to remember what Nieve had said. "Do you  
want to talk?"  
  
Niobe's breath caught in her throat at the sound of Ryo's words, every  
muscle in her body tensing in stark terror that he would open the door  
and see her. She knew that she'd managed to fail all of his  
expectations for her, that it was only a matter of time before she had  
to face the fact that he had no reason to rely on her ability  
whatsoever after the horrible work she had done defending against the  
Fourteenth Angel. "Don't come in!" she snapped, hoping against all  
reason that he would listen to her, deathly afraid that he would simply  
come in, that he would tell her she had disappointed him. "I'm fine!  
Just go away!"  
  
Lingering a moment longer, Ryo felt himself let out a heavy breath as  
he turned away from Niobe's door, distantly aware that something odd  
was making itself known within him once again. Sparing only a second  
more in front of the girl's door, he decided that he needed to try and  
draw some kind of logical conclusion from the events of the prior days,  
that he had neglected the routine by which he was supposed to determine  
all of his actions. Another deep breath surged into his lungs as he  
walked slowly towards his room, mind whirling at the concepts that it  
could only barely begin to grasp at.  
  
Inside Niobe's room, the girl's blue eyes were fixed in horror on the  
door, hands turning from their usual chocolate color to a pale coffee  
as her fingers gripped the pillow tightly. Her knees were shaking  
slightly, the fabric of the sheets moving against her body as she  
twitched, breaths rapid and shallow as though it would somehow help  
dissuade Ryo from entering the room. It took her a few minutes to feel  
confident that he wasn't coming inside, to relax her grip on the pillow  
slightly and close her eyes, her breaths turning into shuddering gasps  
of air as the tears began to surface again.  
  
"Failure," she muttered, burying her face in the pillow once again,  
letting her anger at herself eat away at her from within like a cancer,  
the simple fact that she was crying at all only making the sensation  
worse. Tears rolled forth from the corners of her eyes, mingling with  
the strands of hair falling about her, the hair that she knew in her  
heart had been one of the many distractions she had failed to deal with  
as she should have. It was more than she could bear, and as her body  
shuddered again she wished that the Angel had finished the job that it  
had started, that it had destroyed her like she deserved.  
  
A particularly loud wail from Niobe's room hit Ryo's ears as he sat on  
his bed, and his head turned slightly to see if the girl had decided to  
emerge because of injury. There was no more particularly audible  
noise, however, and he decided to write it off as something else that  
was bothering her, an emotion that he couldn't begin to understand. As  
far as he knew, when something was bothering someone, they were  
supposed to simply think about the problem logically and come to a  
solution. That was what Commander Ikari had taught him for as long as  
he could remember, a simple procedure that kept solutions elegant and  
functional.  
  
"But maybe that's not what most people do?" mused Ryo, knowing that the  
suggestion was breaking from routine but somehow still enraptured by  
it. His brow furrowed just enough for the change to be noticable on  
his pale forehead, and he brought his head back around towards the lone  
window in his room, the sunlight streaming through and seeming to  
almost reflect against the stark light tone of his skin. The thought  
seemed to hold some merit, and he knew full well that Gendou had told  
him he was different than the others, that there was something unique  
about him.  
  
Love meant giving control. He remembered that. But staring out the  
window of his room he realized that he might have hit upon the lone  
problem with his attempt to make Nieve love him, the fact that he had  
no control to give. "My life is the routine," he muttered, somehow  
needing to hear the sound of his own voice as he felt something within  
him twitch in protest. He had never felt anything but acceptance for  
the fact, had known it for as long as he had known anything, but  
somehow he was feeling the routine breaking down, as though his life  
was crumbling along with it.  
  
]++[  
  
"How can you be a murderer without killing anybody?"  
  
Neil's feet thundered against the skewed floor of the tunnel, sand  
shifting beneath his feet as his legs flailed in terror. The voice of  
the other was filling his world, cutting through his mind like razors,  
his eyes only distantly aware of the colors or shapes that the tunnel  
around him took. He knew only that the horrible white beast was  
chasing him, that it wanted nothing so much as to drive its spear  
through his heart, to lap up his blood and burn away his existence in a  
haze of violence.  
  
The sloshing footsteps of the beast came from behind him, and Neil  
sprang into motion once again, letting his feet strike against the  
floor, the sand beneath his bare feet growing thicker as he realized it  
was still sticky with blood. Around him the air grew colder as the  
blood of the floor grew deeper and warmer, the beast behind him growing  
ever closer despite his best efforts. Stumbling to the ground, he  
found himself trapped within the warm bload-stained sand as it hardened  
into shards of ice, and he could only distantly feel the beast  
approach, horrific weapon in hand, the intent obvious as the boy  
struggled to free himself from the hallucinatory prison.  
  
"Simply enough. People can die without ever being cut by a weapon."  
  
In Neil's hands lay a weapon that he loved, a gigantic spear, the point  
double-pronged and gleaming as he slowly moved across the darkened  
hills of Tokyo-3. His eyes could see Vash, the boy sneering at him,  
disdainful of his ability as the sun set around them. "You're a  
murderer, Neil," he scowled, his defiance growing no weaker as the  
other boy prepared to stab him, hands closing tightly around the haft  
of the spear, mind relishing the feel of the weapon's weight in his  
hands even as he felt the blades of grass beneath his feet lightly  
tickle his skin.  
  
Before his weapon could strike towards the other boy's chest, however,  
he felt a pang of realization, his mind struggling to reassert itself  
for just a second, long enough for Vash to grab the spear and rip it  
from Neil's hands roughly. "I knew it," muttered the other boy as Neil  
fell backwards, his balance thrown off completely by the sudden violent  
abduction of the spear. "Monsters need to be true to themselves,  
otherwise they're worthless." Vash stepped towards Neil, the spear  
held above his head, a wicked grin rising across his face as he rose  
the weapon and the last fingers of the sunlight played across the  
angles of his face.  
  
"Destroying someone's life... how can you do it most simply?"  
  
Pain was wracking his body, his hands gripping the small handrests  
about him with enough force to nearly snap either his own fingers or  
the metal in half, bloody seas swirling about him as he screamed. The  
void was the only existence that he knew, the only thing that seemed to  
matter as he felt his skin slowly melt away. It was painful, but in an  
almost gentle way, a burning caress that slowly tore his body free from  
its existence, his muscles and tissue melting free into the great  
bloody vortex about him.  
  
Noises filled the world around him, and his hands lost the ability to  
remain tightened as the muscles holding his hands in place melted like  
ice cream on a hot summer street, his half-melted jaw falling open in  
both a scream and a sigh of relief. This was horrible, painful, wrong,  
but in another way he could feel himself reaching what he had always  
wanted, the unequivocal paradise that he knew existed just outside of  
reach. His mind, too, was melting away, and he only had time for one  
final spearing sensation of regret before the neurons began to peel  
away into nothingness.  
  
"By betraying their emotions, of course."  
  
If Neil had thought himself even capable of coughing up blood any  
longer, he would have expected the thick red liquid to be pouring from  
his mouth, his body torn with shudders as he lay on the floor of  
infinite blackness. He recognized the place that he was in, the utter  
blackness surrounded by a pool of light, recognized the tight feeling  
of the plugsuit's fabric against his skin as he lay and struggled to  
breath. Images whirled about in his mind, memories of experiences and  
emotions that he couldn't begin to fathom, things that he had to  
believe had been force-fed to him instead of being voluntary emotions.  
"What does he want?" he coughed, head still whirling about. "Who -is-  
he?"  
  
A soft touch brushed against Neil's shoulder, and turning cautiously he  
saw Yui standing behind him, her eyes seemingly sorrowful. "Yui," he  
muttered, forcing himself to his feet as he looked at the woman, only  
able to stare for a moment before she took him in her arms tightly.  
Tears bubbled behind his eyes, a simple need for release surpassing his  
self-restraint, slow trickling liquid falling down up on the brown-  
haired woman. "Yui, please, tell me that you're not him. Please tell  
me that the two of you aren't related. Please. I... I don't know if I  
can take any more."  
  
"Oh, Neil, I'm sorry," the woman replied, her voice sounding genuine,  
the catch in it seeming to indicate that she truly was something other  
than Neil's dellusionary sparring partner. "I wish that there was some  
way that I could help you, truly I do, but there's nothing I can do  
except observe." Her embrace grew tighter for a moment, then relaxed  
as she stepped back slightly, a mild smirk on her face. "In some ways  
you're very much like I'd like to picture my son. You're an amazing  
young man, Neil... I hope that my own child is still doing as well as  
you seem to be."  
  
Neil wanted to say that she was wrong, that he was still nothing more  
than a monster, but as he stared at the woman she faded away into thin  
smoke, the last expression on her face oddly bittersweet as though she  
knew that she wouldn't be able to see Neil again. Behind him, he could  
hear the laughter of his double, and with slow motions he turned to  
face the other, the room whirling about him and shifting into the  
smooth hill that he and Eiko had met upon. "How touching," the double  
sneered, stepping towards the boy slowly. "But it doesn't change  
anything, you know. A momentary chance to feel better won't change the  
sort of person you've made yourself into."  
  
"Go -away-!" snapped Neil, his hands clenching back into fists, eyes  
flashing with an anger that he couldn't put into words as he felt  
rather than saw the sky darken around him. "Gods, what the hell do  
you -want-? I've admitted that I'm a monster by now, isn't that enough  
for you?"  
  
"I told you what I want," replied the double, voice raspy as his arm  
reached up and grasped Neil firmly around the neck, the grip tightening  
as the boy dangled slightly off of the ground. The grip was just  
strong enough to keep him from outright choking while also preventing  
him from breaking free, pain without lethality. "I want to know why  
you came back." The voice had dropped an octave inexplicably, the  
double's eyes now seeming to glow an emerald hue from within. "I want  
you to tell me why you didn't stay gone. Let me know what your excuse  
is, what your -"  
  
Rage boiled and burst within Neil's gut, and tensing the muscles in his  
leg he kicked forward, letting his foot bury itself in the other's  
midsection and sending the other boy sprawling backwards. Both fell to  
the ground, but Neil scrambled to his feet first, instinctively  
shifting onto the balls of his feet as the first drops of rain began to  
fall. "Why do you care?" he cried, his hands balling into fists once  
again as the other slowly rose to his feet. "Is it because you're  
afraid you can't convince me I'm a monster any more? Because you know  
it isn't true?"  
  
"Because I know it -is- true," replied the other, sneering at Neil as  
rain soaked through his hair, eyes lighting the falling rain into an  
eerie cast of bright green. "You came back to the Eva, a tool to hurt  
others. You came back to Eiko, Nieve, and Misato, refusing to make a  
comittment to any of them, keeping them hurting by your own decision,  
just another way for you to insert more pain into the lives of all  
around you. You crushed Vash's entry plug to hurt everyone, didn't  
you?"  
  
"-No-!" snarled Neil, tears beginning to bubble into his eyes,  
confusion seeping through his limbs even though he'd felt certain of  
his movements a half-second before. "I came back because I'm needed,  
because I'm -trying- to be better than I am, because I don't want  
people to hurt because of me. Don't say that it's anything different!"  
  
The other simply smiled, letting the world dissolve into cascades of  
LCL as he slowly walked towards Neil across the ground of blood-red  
liquid. "It appears that we've reached an impasse, Neil," taunted the  
doppleganger, its face no longer resembling Neil's in any but the most  
academic sense, something imprecisely off about it. "One of us is  
telling the truth about this, and one of us is lying. Which do you  
think it is?" The sinister grin widened. "Not which do you -want-,  
but which one is -true-?"  
  
]++[  
  
DAY 30  
  
"Destrado impulse at less than 3%, all nerve pulses connected in  
primary alignment. Layers One through Five have been flushed of all  
erroneous data signals. LCL is 87% pure. Extractor has reached the  
fifth power barrier, cooling systems activated." Maya's hands danced  
across the keyboard of her console, swiftly running through the various  
systems and making sure that they were ready for the procedure, the  
silent tension through the air serving to add some urgency to her  
motions as Ritsuko looked on. "All systems are fully on-line, ma'am.  
We're ready to begin the procedure on your mark."  
  
Ritsuko nodded, turning towards Misato as the other woman stared at the  
monitor. Something had been bothering her old friend, something far  
more fundamental than simply the absence of Neil, but try though she  
might Misato refused to let her in except in the most surface ways,  
leaving Ritsuko with little recourse but to accept the woman's  
explanations and insistence of being fine. "Everything's been set up,"  
Ritsuko announced, drawing Misato's gaze away from the main screen's  
display of the empty sea of LCL, various status meters cluttering the  
view within the entry plug. "You're ready, right?"  
  
Misato sighed, wanting to nod even as the muscles in her neck screamed  
in protest out of terror. She certainly wanted Ritsuko to try and  
extract Neil, to bring him back into the world, but as the time had  
grown closer she'd become aware of the stakes, and somehow she couldn't  
help but be nervous at leaving the entire chance to revive the boy up  
to Ritsuko. "Yes," she managed, her voice an awkward whisper. "But if  
anything goes wrong, I want you to abort if at all possible. I don't  
want to lose Neil to that monstrosity."  
  
"Of course," replied Ritsuko, wishing that her friend could know that  
she didn't want to lose the boy either at the same time that she wanted  
to explain again there would likely be no chance to abort the  
procedure. Staring at Misato for a moment longer, she flicked her blue-  
gray eyes down towards Maya, the younger woman staring up eagerly.  
"Maya, begin the extraction process. Keep all machinery running at  
minimal operating specifications until I note otherwise."  
  
"Yes, ma'am," replied Maya, her head nodding swiftly before she turned  
back to the console and let her fingers dance across the keyboard.  
"Activating turbines. LCL filters are engaging within the Eva... no  
erroneous data signals. Neural pathways are fully active, information  
being split and filtered." She paused, a smile on her face as she  
looked up towards her would-be mentor. "Everything's going perfectly.  
You did an amazing job, Dr. Akagi."  
  
"It's not all mine," replied Ritsuko, staring up at the main screen as  
a vague apprehension bubbled in the back of her mind. "My mother  
perfected the initial procedure. I just tried to make sure we wouldn't  
fail this time." She considered saying that she knew her mother hardly  
wanted the procedure to succeed the first time around, but she bit her  
tongue, knowing that personal politics were hardly appropriate, instead  
forcing herself to watch the main screen and hope that nothing went  
wrong.  
  
Around Neil, the world had briefly gone liquid before solidifying once  
again, the entire horizon and landscape about him seeming to snap  
momentarily out of focus for both him and the other. The other seemed  
to be more than a little amused by the new development, eyes glowing  
bright green as they found themselves standing in front of Central  
Dogma, the artificial light of the Geo-Front washing down on both of  
them. "They're trying to bring you back," he said flatly, stepping  
towards Neil once again, the same destination that the other always  
seemed to have. "They want you to be in their world again, outside of  
here. What does that make you think?"  
  
For once, the voice seemed less than contemptuous, giving Neil pause  
just long enough for the other to begin talking once again. "You want  
to see Misato and Nieve and Eiko again, don't you? You want to  
continue stringing them along, to hurt them in ways that don't have  
anything to do with physical pain. Abuse them. You want your Eva  
back." The other smiled, watching as Neil stared wide-eyed, the boy  
taking a step back as the double approached. "Sounds nice, doesn't  
it? All your power comes back, all your ability to hurt people -"  
  
"-No-!" snapped Neil, shaking his head, wishing that he had some way of  
knowing how long he'd been trapped inside his own little corner of hell  
with his private tormentor. "I want to go back to -protect- people! I  
want to do something -right-, to make -up- for what I am!" His words  
sounded hollow, whiny, as though he lacked the certainty to even affirm  
his existence as the horrific double continued to approach him. He was  
tired, confused, and while he wanted to return to his world in Tokyo-3  
he couldn't help but doubt. "I... I want to be a better person."  
  
"Spare the posturing, Neil," sneered the other, stepping closer to the  
boy as the world momentarily went liquid once again. "Stay inside,  
away from them. You know full well that you're a monster. You lacked  
the spine to protect them from yourself once, so show it now." The  
voice was only distantly related to Neil's now, and as he looked up he  
could see that the features of his double had become more angular, the  
eyes still glowing a bright green from within as the light above the  
two of them turned blood red.  
  
Maya's eyes widened only an instant before the alert sirens tore  
through the control room, sending a rush of adrenaline through all  
those present as the young woman let her fingers hammer against the  
keyboard. "Nerve pulses are being rejected by the Eva from within!  
The fifth layer has been completely filled with neural static!  
Cohesion within the cockpit has been lowered to 45%!"  
  
Ritsuko could distantly hear Misato running towards the elevator, but  
her mind was elsewhere, her teeth biting into her lower lip as she  
tried to think of how to reverse the procedure, knowing that she only  
had a few moments before she would no longer have the option. "Reverse  
the pulse flow manually," she said, her voice strained as she stared at  
the cockpit, the vague outline of a human body taking shape inside the  
floating sea of blood. "Cut off the connection with the Eva, cancel  
the operation, and attempt to reset the filters."  
  
"Not working!" replied Maya, her eyes growing wide as a small film of  
sweat dusted across Ritsuko's forehead, the panic and tension of the  
room becoming infectious. "Eva is attempting to eject the LCL due to  
foreign substances! I've cut off the command signals, but the neural  
pulses are still registering only as static!"  
  
The world had swirled back into the room of darkness once again, cold  
seeping through the thin fabric of the plugsuit and stinging Neil's  
knees like fire. He was kneeling for reasons that even he couldn't  
quite explain, eyes closed out of exhaustion rather than a need for  
tears, his hands slowly clenching and relaxing as he thought about what  
the double had said, the emptiness seeming the perfect opportunity for  
him to simply contemplate himself. "I want to see everyone again," he  
whispered, knowing there was nobody around to hear him but whispering  
all the same. "But maybe the other's right. Maybe I would just hurt  
everyone again."  
  
"Why did you come back?" asked Yui's voice, drawing Neil's eyes open  
and his head around to see the woman standing behind him. She looked  
sorrowful, crouching behind him with her arms resting on her knees, as  
though she was not so much angry with him as disappointed. "You could  
have stayed gone, simply avoiding ever coming to Tokyo-3 again.  
Please, Neil, even if you don't want to tell him, let me know. Why  
didn't you leave?"  
  
"I... I don't know," replied Neil, shaking and hanging his head,  
feeling unworthy of even looking towards Yui. "I thought that I came  
back because it was the right thing to do, because I knew that everyone  
needed my help. But... but I don't know. It doesn't make sense. I  
just don't understand." He sighed, gritting his teeth as his fists  
clenched, frustration burning into his mind. "Why does there have to  
be some kind of complicated reason? Why do I need to -know- why I came  
back?"  
  
Misato could only barely think of her reasons for rushing from the  
control room, much less put them into words as she impatiently tapped  
her foot on the floor of the elevator, waiting for the teal-gray box of  
metal to bring her to the level of the Eva hangars. She knew that she  
had to be there, that she didn't want to watch the process unravel on  
the monitors, and as the elevator doors hissed open she found herself  
running to the door that led into the hangars, her shoes clicking  
against the metal catwalks as she ran through the chamber holding EVA-  
00, mind focused on reaching the next holding bay without fail.  
  
The doors hissed open, and Misato found herself coming to a stop as she  
saw Nieve standing in front of the Eva, eyes wide and focused on the  
white slits that passed for the golem's eyes, as though she might see  
Neil within them. "Something's gone wrong, hasn't it?" asked the girl,  
her voice weak as she turned towards Misato. She was wearing one of  
Neil's shirts, the pale green fabric managing to not quite be too loose  
for her, as though it had been a last memento of his presence. "Of  
course something has gone wrong. You'd still be up there otherwise."  
  
"Nieve..." Misato wanted to scold the girl, wanted to ask why she'd  
been waiting in the hangar, wanted to say something other than simply  
her name. But the the thought of losing Neil not simply to the  
distance of continents but to death froze her lips, made her powerless  
to do anything but simply move towards Nieve slowly. "We don't know  
yet," she managed at length, wishing that she sounded convincing,  
wishing that she could have let Neil rely on her, wishing that she  
could convince -herself- that everything was going to be all right.  
"Maybe."  
  
Yui had either departed or simply become invisible in the swirling  
eddies of light that surrounded Neil's vision, and either way the  
rushing and tearing noise searing at his ears wouldn't have allowed him  
to talk with her in the first place. Though he knew he had no body, he  
could feel his image of a body being pulled apart, dissected, becoming  
more and more of an indistinct blob vaguely resembling a human shape.  
"I just wanted to protect people," he sighed, his voice audible to him  
despite the sensation of his ears sloughing back into his head, his  
thoughts beginning to drift towards a merciful sleep. "Maybe I should  
just leave, like they said..."  
  
Then, at the back of his mind, Neil felt something, something he  
couldn't put into words except to describe it as a glowing point of  
warm light. It was close, he could feel, just outside of the prison  
that he'd been locked within, as though it was waiting for him.  
"Nieve?" he asked, the slow slur of his voice beginning to recede.  
"Eiko? Misato? Are they alive?" His disintegrating body turned,  
trying to take in the new information. "I'd thought that they were...  
but..."  
  
His mind closed around the light even as he felt it flicker, the eddies  
around him growing more fierce as he felt his body pulling itself back  
together. "They're alive because I came back," he snarled, sending  
impulses along his nerves to tense his fingers, the thin appendages  
slowly reappearing as he felt the light around him calm. "They need  
me. That's why I returned, even if it isn't the only reason." He  
gritted his teeth, the world around him calming into an ocean of pure  
white light, the glowing point in the back of his head spreading into a  
relaxing rush across his entire reforming body. "I want to go back.  
I -will- go back!"  
  
In the control room, Ritsuko could only watch as the displays on the  
main screen denied her best efforts to stabilize the procedure, the LCL  
becoming a swirling mess of debris and nothingness, alarms shrieking  
about her as she tried to think of another last resort. "Try to  
manually recycle the LCL and deactivate the pollution filters. We  
might be able to trick the machine's systems into thinking it's a fresh  
batch." She paused, hearing Maya's fingers racing across the  
keyboard. "And switch back to the primary neural interface routers -  
hopefully some of the pollution has purged itself now."  
  
Maya said nothing immediately, but it was obvious simply from the noise  
of her keystrokes that Ritsuko's plans weren't working. "Filters  
refusing to disengage! Command to recycle is being rejected!" The  
tone of her voice was becoming more pointed, obviously distraught by  
the situation. "All neural connections are being severed from within  
the Eva! It's engaging the command to reject the LCL as an emergency  
precaution!"  
  
Time seemed to freeze for Ritsuko, and she slammed her eyes shut as she  
waited for Maya to announce their failure, not wanting to watch the  
main screen display it for everyone to see. It took her a moment to  
realize that the alarms had fallen silent, and as she slowly opened her  
eyes she saw the LCL calming, gauges returning to a normal position  
swiftly without any explanation. "Maya, what's going on?" she asked,  
her voice sounding just the slightest bit caustic.  
  
"I don't know, ma'am," replied Maya, her fingers still racing across  
the keyboard as the gauges began to fly violently towards the positive  
position. "Everything just... started working again. The neural  
connections are re-establishing themselves... and the Eva's forcing the  
machines as fast as they can go. It's like something switched the  
procedure back on from within." Maya paused briefly, then tapped a  
couple new keys and let her eyes widen. "Pushing them -faster- than  
they can go. At this rate, the entire procedure will be finished  
within less than a minute!"  
  
Down in the Eva hangar, neither Nieve nor Misato knew about the  
dramatic reversal of the recovery attempt, their knowledge of the  
situation limited to what they could see of the purple golem towering  
over them. Neither had said anything, both waiting for some obvious  
physical indication that the operation had succeeded or failed, some  
way of being certain that something was happening within the recesses  
of the great beast. "Please, Neil," Nieve whispered, emerald eyes  
focused sharply on the golem before her, biting her lip gently.  
  
Almost as though the girl had spurred the Eva into action, the hatch on  
the back designed to admit the entry plug shifted open, the plug  
snapping out with a speed of motion that Misato recognized with a rush  
of terror. As they watched, ports slid open on the white cylinder and  
violently ejected the LCL, letting the red-orange liquid sprawy outward  
in small jets of fluid, the bloody shower filling the room as Nieve and  
Misato watched in horror. "It must have been a failure," Misato choked  
out, disbelieving even though she hadn't believed in any other outcome  
from the beginning. "The LCL wouldn't be ejected like that unless the  
machine considered it an emergency... Ritsuko must have..."  
  
"Stop," hissed Nieve, her eyes wide and brimming with tears, a thin  
film of the bloody liquid coating her body, mingling with her hair and  
splattered lightly across her shirt. Misato looked at the girl  
briefly, then followed her gaze towards the entry plug, watching as it  
was removed fully from the Eva and brought around to the catwalk, as  
though Neil had simply returned from a routine sortie within his  
machine. "We don't know until we see inside. We don't know  
anything." The girl's voice was hushed as she began stepping slowly  
towards where she knew the plug would set down, her eyes brimming with  
tears, motions seeming almost drugged. "He can't have died. He can't."  
  
Misato stepped forward, about to tell Nieve that Ritsuko must have been  
unable to extract the boy firmly, to try and make her feel better, when  
she heard a sharp coughing noise, too deep to have come from Nieve's  
mouth. Frowning, Misato took another step forward, her eyes wide in  
expectation, still doubting that she was going to see anything besides  
the emptiness of the entry plug. Then she saw a single hand gripping  
the lip of the entry plug's exit hatch, the coughing redoubling as the  
grip of the LCL-streaked hand tightened.  
  
Neil's lungs seemed to have been filled with the bloody taste of LCL  
for an eternity, and as he slowly pulled himself out of the cavernous  
interior of the entry plug he could feel each particle of air rushing  
in and out of his lungs, the cool sensation like a blessing as he  
slowly pulled himself to his feet. He had managed to pull his pants  
and shirt on loosely before he lost the cushioning liquid around him,  
but it was only a peripheral concern to him as he slowly brought  
himself to his feet, legs unsteady and LCL dripping off of his body.  
  
Both Nieve and Misato were staring at him, and swallowing hard he  
pulled himself fully out of the plug, carefully letting himself down to  
the catwalk, his eyes focusing slowly as strength and blood flowed back  
into his unused limbs. "Hi," he said, his voice flat and awkward  
despite the fact that he wanted to be more emotional, his body  
shivering at the cold of the chamber as the LCL dripped down into  
nothingness. Both of his eyes were trained firmly on Nieve, trying to  
think of something more to say, something that would make up for the  
last words that had passed between them.  
  
Then the girl threw herself forward, her arms pulling Neil close as her  
staggered slightly in reaction, the LCL thinly coating their bodies  
mingling as his arms slowly raised to embrace her as well. Tears  
flowed gently from her eyes, face buried against his neck and hands  
clutching at his shirt, the warmth of her body cutting through the cold  
of the chamber and reminding Neil of the small point of light he'd  
remembered. "Don't leave again," the girl sobbed, her body heaving  
with each word.  
  
"I won't," replied the boy, letting his eyes close, for the moment not  
caring about where he'd been before or what had happened to the Angel,  
happy simply in the fact that he was back where he belonged. "I  
won't." His hands reached up to stroke her hair gently, tears of  
relief slowly beading down his cheeks and mingling with the salty LCL,  
the two Children crying in one another's arms as Misato stood by with  
an oddly contented smile on her face. There were other things that  
needed to be done, but for the moment everything was working correctly,  
and Misato couldn't help but feel relieved, as though the world was  
returning to peace with itself.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The sun shines over all.  
The sun is what we all strive towards.  
The sun can burn those who draw too close.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 20: SCARRING LIGHT  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	20. Scarrring Light

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 20: SCARRING LIGHT +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Then the king told the attendants, "Tie him hand and foot, and throw   
him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and   
gnashing of teeth."  
- MATTHEW 22:13  
  
]++[  
  
Gendou Ikari resisted the urge to smile, much less the desire to   
outright laugh at the black monoliths hovering about him serenely. He   
knew that he could not yet afford to be openly contemptuous of SEELE   
and its power, knew that there were still many things that remained to   
be done before the project neared the point where he could be assure of   
its success, but he also knew full well that he would not be sitting in   
the room and speaking with SEELE if his triumph was not growing ever   
closer. "I must admit some confusion as to the purpose of the   
meeting," he said slowly, hands tented before his mouth as the   
miniscule amount of light reflected flatly off his glasses. "There   
seems to be little to discuss at the moment."  
  
"EVA-01 has generated an S2 organ," replied the harsh voice that Gendou   
recognized as that of the chairman, eminating vaguely from the monolith   
directly in front of him. "That in and of itself is more than worth   
discussing." Gendou did not reply, simply staring at the black slab of   
holographic imagery, the number one printed on it in burning red   
letters. "The Evas must not be allowed to generate the organ. That   
was made clear from the beginning of the project."  
  
"Rubbish," replied Gendou, trying his best to surpress the urge to   
sweat and panic, knowing full well that he was pressing his luck   
noticably. "It has been planned since the beginning that at least two   
S2 organs would be necessary for the completion of our goals. The fact   
that 01 has generated one only obviates the need for one of artificial   
origin."  
  
"That Eva is of different circumstances," bellowed one of the other old   
men, the voice distinct from the others while at the same time being   
more or less unremarkably angry. "Allowing it to generate an S2 organ   
brings it dangerously close to a full awakening, and that cannot be   
allowed to happen. Man cannot be in control of a god."  
  
"You have been attempting to control this god, haven't you, Ikari?"   
asked another voice, virtually indistinguishable under casual   
observation, the differences minute enough to be irrelevant. "You   
selected the pilot for your own reasons, nothing more. The only other   
person that the Eva has ever taken into itself... how much effort did   
you put into finding the Third Child specifically, making sure that he   
was the one who was given the machine?"  
  
"None," replied Gendou, his tension growing beneath his skin but   
remaining hidden from the sight of the monoliths about him. A quick   
adjustment of his glasses gave him enough of a tension relief to   
continue, a skill practiced from years of failure. "The Third Child   
was in Tokyo-3 at the right time, nothing more. By all of our   
knowledge, he had already departed at the time of the Fourteenth   
Angel's attack, and the record will clearly show that we made no   
special effort to retain him as the pilot of the machine."  
  
"Do not presume that your treatment of the Father is our only concern,   
Ikari," snapped the voice of the first monolith, drawing quiet murmurs   
from the other eleven slabs of holographic stone. "EVA-02 and EVA-03   
have both been destroyed. We have lost two links in the chain, and the   
Human Instrumentality Project has been severely slowed by your   
irresponsible handling of the machines."  
  
Gendou wanted to laugh at the statement, at the harsh disapproval the   
council was showing for the realities of the situation, but instead he   
simply let himself adjust his glasses once again. "Destroying EVA-03   
was necessary in order to break the thirteenth seal. And EVA-02 was   
destroyed at the hands of Zeruel. This was a known risk at the   
beginning of the project." He considered shrugging for a moment, then   
decided against it. "There are high stakes in this project. Setbacks   
cannot be avoided altogether."  
  
"And your entire presence is centered around minimizing those risks and   
accelerating the project, Ikari," snapped the voice from the head   
monolith, the chairman obviously growing irate from Gendou's   
statements. "There will need to be additional Evas produced,   
additional risks taken, all as a result of this failure on your part.   
This is unacceptable."  
  
"The production of additional Evas is only a tertiary concern,   
however," intoned another of the monoliths, the tone measured and   
perhaps the least angry of all the voices that came from the   
holographic images, as though it had simply accepted the idea that   
Gendou was betraying the lot of them. "All the evidence we have seen   
points to you attempting to control the Father above and beyond our   
ultimate goals."  
  
"Your evidence is faulty," replied Gendou, his tone flat and unworried,   
the stress slowly seeping out of his body. He knew that SEELE's   
suspicions might point in the correct direction, but he also knew that   
they could not have nearly enough proof to justify any kind of removal   
for him, a position that he knew was only beginning to waver. "The   
work that I have done towards achieving our ultimate goals has far   
outweighed any setbacks. The Human Instrumentality Project continues   
with greater speed than we had originally thought possible, and only   
three seals remain upon the Chamber of Gaf. Evidence aside, there is   
outright proof of these facts."  
  
Tense silence permeated the air like oil through a rag, almost eagerly   
awaiting the single spark that would send the room into commotion.   
"You are being watched, Ikari," said the voice of the chairman, the   
cold and hateful voice of Keel Lorenz, the only voice amongst the   
monoliths that Gendou could place without doubt. "We have more eyes   
and ears than you would think, and if you continue to press your luck   
with us there will be repurcussions."  
  
"I am certain," replied Gendou, letting the thinnest smile drift across   
his lips, hidden by his white-gloved hands as the black monoliths   
winked out of existence about him. A moment or two passed before he   
rose from his desk in the center of the room, adjusting the black   
jacket he wore before turning towards the door the he knew lay just   
behind him, the gateway from what he had grown to consider as the   
center of hell.  
  
Before he could reach the door, however, it hissed open of its own   
accord, the slender body of a young girl silhouetted in his eyes from   
the fluorescent light of the hall behind her. "They are growing   
suspicious," she said, her tone flat and emotionless, body rigid as she   
stared at the elder man walking towards her with measured steps. "Are   
you going to send the Third away again?"  
  
"Hardly a need for that, is there?" replied Gendou, the smirk   
disappearing from his lips as he stepped towards the doorway. His feet   
sounded heavy against the empty metallic floor of the room, as though   
he was carrying an immense burden upon his shoulders. "SEELE believes   
some facts correctly, some facts incorrectly, and we grow ever closer   
to being free to cut our ties with them completely. They lack the   
initiative or the option to destroy us unless we prove an outright   
threat, and by the time we reach that stage of development it will be   
far too late for them."  
  
"Yes, sir," replied the girl, turning halfway out of the door, light   
filtering through her thin hair. "I heard them mention that they have   
spies amongst us. Have you considered who it might be?"  
  
"I would imagine either Fuyutsuki or Kaji, but neither of them seems to   
fit the profile. Fuyutsuki is far too involved in the project for them   
to lack the information they need to incriminate me, and Kaji is far   
too human to suit their needs." He smiled thinly, his steps leading   
him closer to the girl, mind drawing the few connections necessary for   
the resemblance between her and another almost idly. "I have minor   
suspicions for others, however. Whoever it is, they cannot possibly   
tell SEELE enough for it to matter."  
  
]++[  
  
Neil had grown uncomfortably accustomed to the sensation of incoherent   
images and blackness fading into nothingness, making the transition   
from sleep to wakefulness still slightly disquieting even with a few   
day's distance between he and the inside of the Eva. It took him a few   
moments to regain his bearings, the physical shape of the room slowly   
solidifying in his eyes, his hands closing gently around the soft   
warmth of Nieve's skin as her rubbed his eyes with his spare hand.   
"I'm at Misato's," he whispered, keeping his voice quiet enough to   
avoid waking the girl beside him, a gentle sigh escaping his lips as he   
lay back on the bed once again.  
  
Steady breaths kept him focused as Nieve stirred gently beside him, her   
arms reaching out and encircling him once again, the thinnest rays of   
light from the morning sun filtering around the shades over the   
window. There were still moments when he needed to reassure himself   
that he was actually freed from the hold of the purple golem, that he   
wasn't simply waiting for the next torment to emerge from the mind of   
his double, the swirling seas of light to bleed away his material   
existence. It was worse than the nightmares that he had grown   
accustomed to within sleep, a sort of perpetual terror running through   
his body with no certainty that he would eventually awaken. Nieve's   
presence was a warm anchor, a body that felt and tasted and smelled   
real, even neglecting the emotional connections.  
  
Reaching out gently, Neil stroked the girl's hair strewn gently across   
the bed, letting his thoughts drift as the golden beams of light played   
across them, throwing into stark relief the folds of the sheets around   
their bodies. "I missed you, Nieve," he muttered, his eyes growing   
wistful as he remembered their first awkward night together after he   
had returned. He'd expected that she wouldn't want to sleep beside   
him, but when he had prepared to go to sleep she had appeared inside   
his room, pillows in hand, her eyes leaving little doubt as to her   
absolute intentions.  
  
His gentle motions slowed as Neil found his thoughts drifting further,   
idly wondering what the other Children had been doing. The medical   
staff had insisted that he stay as inactive as possible, though whether   
the request sprang from concern for his well-being or a desire to keep   
their medical miracle pristine for some time was relatively difficult   
to gauge. That had meant little interaction with the other Children,   
combined with the fact that he hadn't been called in for   
synchronization testing. "I wonder if Eiko still hates me," he   
muttered, tilting his head towards the wall and letting the sun glare   
slightly into his eyes. "Heck, I wonder if -Vash- still hates me."  
  
The girl beside him stirred, and Neil realized he'd been speaking too   
loudly, her deep green eyes slowly fluttering open as Neil inwardly   
scolded himself. "Mmph... morning," she muttered, obviously still   
tired as he rolled to face her, her arms stretching over her head as   
her back arched slightly. "You sleep okay, Neil? You were tossing   
around a lot."  
  
Giving a weak smile, Neil reached over to the girl's hair, letting some   
of it fall between his fingers as he idly stirred it around, somewhat   
preoccupied by his previous train of thought. "Just been a little   
uncomfortable lately," he replied, inwardly wincing at the thought that   
he was holding something back from her. He knew that she didn't   
deserve it, that after the way she'd stayed with him and not given up   
after his excursion inside the Eva she was owed something more than   
half-truth answers and intentional vagueness. A minor pang of guilt   
sloughed through his body, his smile remaining frozen on his face   
through sheer force of will.  
  
"You're thinking about something big. I can tell." Nieve's voice was   
playful with only the slightest edge to it, her exhaustion seeming to   
evaporate as she rolled onto her stomach and looked towards Neil.   
Golden sunlight shone against her eyes, provoking an unintentional   
smile from Neil that in turn made Nieve even more certain of what was   
going on. "You -are- thinking about something. Come on, Neil, share   
with me. Let me know what's going on."  
  
"It's nothing," replied Neil, shaking his head gently as he wondered   
idly why he was denying the obvious fact of the matter, one hand   
tensing ever so slightly as he stared at the girl on the other side of   
the bed. "Just... well, thinking about synch testing, actually. NERV   
hasn't called me in since I was retrieved, and it's sort of strange."   
He paused, then flicked his eyes across the girl's face, noticing that   
she was biting her lower lip, inwardly scolding himself again for the   
fact that he hadn't remembered about her Eva's fate. "I'm sorry. You   
probably haven't had any testing, either."  
  
"No, I still go in. They're using EVA-05 as a replacement for my   
testing, a substitute until such time as more permanent arrangements   
are made." The girl sighed, shaking her head and rolling over once   
again, folding both hands behind her head and the pillow as she stared   
up at the ceiling. "Misato's offered to let me have a minor position   
up in the command room during Eva missions, as a sort of consolation   
prize for not having my Eva any more. I think she sees it as the same   
thing, like I'm still getting to be in the action so I shouldn't be   
upset about it."  
  
"But you don't want to watch, you want to pilot," replied Neil, a thin   
smile working its way across his lips as the girl nodded. Outside the   
room, they could both hear the noise of Misato beginning her   
preparations for the morning, the awkward crashes and angry sounds of   
clattering furniture filling the apartment. "Well, if it makes you   
feel any better, I'd let you pilot 01 if you wanted to."  
  
The words seemed to have the exact opposite effect of what Neil was   
hoping for, and Nieve's faint vestiges of a smile evaporated as she   
flicked her eyes towards Neil. "That's your machine, though," she   
said, her voice sounding calm but betraying a notable tension beneath   
it, body slowly turning to face the boy beside her. "Hell, I don't   
want -you- to stop piloting the Evas, I don't understand why NERV is   
letting an idiot like Vash stay on as a pilot instead of me. You're   
actually good at your job."  
  
"Yeah. Yay for me." The boy sighed, shaking his head, idly wondering   
in the back of his mind why he'd bothered to mention it in the first   
place. He knew that the girl wouldn't want his machine - not that he   
could blame her - and he knew that one way or another he would still   
have to get in the cockpit again, even if it was only for a few   
moments. Part of him even remembered how determined he had been to get   
himself out of the Eva and return to pilot again, to go back to being a   
defender for the city instead of a destroyer. But he couldn't shake   
the fear cloying at the back of his mind, and as he looked at Nieve he   
knew that he wasn't ready to tell her that fact. "Sorry. I just want   
you to be able to pilot. I know how much it means to you."  
  
"I know. You're a sweetie." Nieve let a minor grin float across her   
mouth, then she leaned towards the boy and let her lips press against   
his forehead in a quick kiss, the sheets rearranging and falling from   
her bare shoulder as she moved towards him. "Now come on. Misato's   
probably going to be cranky today anyways, and I'm still rather fond of   
the idea of having breakfast with you." She paused, then winked. "You   
have been gone for a month, after all."  
  
Forcing another smile, Neil pushed himself up as Nieve tossed herself   
out of bed, thin nightshirt allowing the sunlight to play across her   
pale skin as she walked towards the door. Part of the boy was still   
preoccupied with the girl's beauty, amazed at the fact that she still   
wanted to be with him, constantly half-expecting to blink and find that   
she'd vanished into nothingness. But as he looked at her he couldn't   
help but think of his time speaking with his double, the way that he'd   
been taunted, the nagging question of whether or not he was simply   
staying with Nieve to hurt her.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash was sick to death of the metallic chambers that had become his   
existence for nearly a month, the pale whitewashed rooms of the medical   
wing and the oppressive teal-gray that the entirety of Central Dogma   
seemed to be colored. Had it been up to him, he would have happily   
avoided the facility for the rest of his natural life, freed at long   
last from the necessity of hospital care. "But there's still an Eva   
that needs a pilot," he sighed, rubbing the back of his head idly as he   
walked along the hallways, fluorescent lights flickering in his eyes.  
  
His hair still hadn't entirely restored itself to its previous state of   
spikiness, partially due to the fact it had been forced out of it for   
so long after the Thirteenth Angel's attack. Part of it, however, was   
that he'd found himself lacking the energy to bother with it, even   
though his father had mocked him when he'd mentioned it over dinner.   
In the back of his mind, he knew that the black roots were beginning to   
show, that he needed to die it blonde once again or it would begin to   
look particularly like his father's. Still, something in him didn't   
seem to catch the severity of the fact, as though it was more of a   
distant problem than the crisis that he always recalled it as before.  
  
Part of it, he supposed, simply sprang from the changes in the world   
around him. The school had shrank noticably in size, and throughout   
the city there were signs of sudden movements. Vash had never been   
very good at social sciences, but he could see and understand what was   
going on around him, and he knew that there were some serious doubts in   
the minds of Tokyo-3's population about NERV's ability to repulse the   
Angels. He knew full well that there were fewer people who would be   
watching him, fewer students who thought that he was the hero of the   
school, and that in and of itself was depressing.  
  
But as he turned the final corner towards the locker room, he found   
himself wondering if he simply had ceased to care about the act   
altogether, if the effort of maintaining his appearance so meticulously   
hadn't become more trouble than it was worth. It was a nagging thought   
at the back of his head, freed and allowed to drift as he stepped   
towards the door into the locker room, turning on his heel as the metal   
gateway slid open with its characteristic hiss and whir. Taking a deep   
breath, he stepped inside of the locker, his hands balling into fists   
as the doors slid shut behind him.  
  
It took a moment for the smell of half-wet towels and mildew to assault   
his nostrils, but he had grown accustomed to the scent enough to avoid   
wincing, stepping lightly towards the third row of lockers furthest   
from the wall. There were far more lockers in the room than were   
necessary, more than enough to keep all of the Children in a single   
locker room, a thought that made him smile even as he stepped over to   
the small vertical chamber with his name stenciled on the front. A   
deep breath, and he undid the latch holding the locker closed, letting   
it swing open as he surveyed the interior.  
  
The plugsuit hung limply within, a field of purple fabric broken by a   
few black pieces. Vash had almost expected that they would have given   
him a different plugsuit to correspond with the change in his Eva's   
colors, but he could easily understand that NERV had bigger things to   
worry about. Reaching in, he drew out the fabric, placing it firmly   
against the wooden bench that sat in front of the lockers before   
removing his shirt, tossing the garment into the metal container before   
sparing a moment to survey the seam between his left arm and his body.  
  
Although the doctors had told him that there would be virtually no   
difference between the artificially-cloned flesh and his own skin, he   
could still tell the difference, could still see thin lines between the   
shoulder and his chest, the telltale marks of where his real arm had   
been before. Certainly, it was reassuring to still have both arms, and   
he doubted that he would have even been allowed to continue piloting an   
Eva if he hadn't been given his limbs back. But as he flexed the arm   
and began to undo his pants he couldn't help but feel the inexplicable   
otherness of the arm, a sort of nagging reminder that it wasn't the   
same as the arm he'd been born with. "Except it is," he muttered to   
himself, letting his trousers fall to the floor and idly scuffing them   
away.  
  
Being naked in the locker room made him uncomfortable, even with the   
emptiness of the room, and he decided to don his plugsuit before   
putting his clothes in the locker, grabbing the suit and taking a quick   
moment to make sure that he was putting it on correctly. His legs   
slipped easily into the still-loose fabric of the legs, and he tugged   
hard on the suit to bring the thin coverings fully around his lower   
body before slipping one arm and then another into the sleeves. Much   
to his surprise, he found the left arm slightly uncomfortable inside   
the sleeve, as though it had been tailored for someone with slightly   
smaller arms. Shaking his head, he reached over to his back and pulled   
the halves of the suit together, tugging up the zipper that would close   
the suit around his back and neck.  
  
"Vash?" His head jerked up at the sound of another voice, and as the   
door hissed open his brain ceased any effort to try and figure out   
whose voice it was in light of the fact that it was both female and   
entering the locker room. A moment of panic followed, then the boy   
jumped backwards awkwardly, loose plugsuit flopping around horribly as   
he pressed himself against the side of the row of lockers.  
  
A moment of tension passed through his body before he realized that it   
was Eiko's voice, and with a sigh he shook his head and finished   
drawing up the seal in the back of the suit, letting the collar clamp   
shut tightly around his neck. "You know, hon, this is the -men's-   
locker room," he said, sounding more annoyed than gratified as he   
pressed his thumb against the button on the wrist of the suit. The   
hissing noise of air escaping filled his ears as the suit tightened to   
a skintight fit, still feeling slightly awkward around the left arm but   
not too unnervingly so. "You're not supposed to come in here."  
  
"Your dad said that you had already left, and I assumed that this was   
the first place you'd go." Vash's hand tightened into a fist   
involuntarily at the mention of his father, and he closed his eyes for   
just a moment before stepping out from behind the locker. Eiko was   
standing at the other end of the row, hands folded behind her back, her   
loose tan pants folding around her legs as she took a step towards him   
and tugged on the tight red shirt she wore. "I had wanted to see you   
before you got here. To talk to you a little before the activation."  
  
"Plenty of time for that," replied Vash, gathering up his pants and   
tossing them into the locker, a vague metallic clank muffled by the   
fabric. Shutting the door to the chamber with the seemingly   
unavoidable sound of metal crashing together, Vash stepped slowly   
towards Eiko, shaking his left arm gently to try and get accustomed to   
the feel of it inside of the plugsuit. "The actual activation won't   
start for at least an hour - they've got other things they need to be   
sure of first, making sure that the Eva has its eject systems working,   
all that fun stuff. Nothing they couldn't have done before." He   
shrugged. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
Eiko's mouth opened halfway, then closed as she stepped forward and sat   
down on the cold wooden bench, her right hand patting the spot slightly   
to her right. Vash, getting the message, stepped over and sat down,   
the chill of the wood cutting clear through the thin fabric sheathing   
his body. "I just..." She paused, shaking her head for a second   
before turning back towards the boy. "You haven't really been talking   
about this at all, and every time I try to bring it up you change the   
subject. I'm... worried, I guess. About whether or not you're ready   
to do this."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Vash, inwardly feeling a brief surge of anger   
at himself for letting his weaknesses show through as he forced a   
smile. "Of course I'm ready for this. I'm -Vash-, savior of the   
planet!" The smile broadened, and the boy stood, hands planted   
squarely on his hips as he stared off into the distance, his mind   
wishing that he had some way of seeing Eiko's reaction to know whether   
or not it was working. "The people of Tokyo-3 -need- my skills as a   
pilot, and a hero like me could never turn them down."  
  
"Vash, could you be serious for just a second here?" The girl's tone   
was surprisingly harsh, and Vash turned towards her with halting steps,   
his blue eyes lighting on her without any idea of what to expect. He'd   
assumed that he'd given her the vaguest inkling about how he truly felt   
in regards to the Eva, but obviously he'd let his appearance slip more   
than he'd initially thought. "If you don't want to pilot the Eva, you   
don't have to. Nobody would think less of you, especially after what   
you've been through."  
  
The boy felt his muscles tensing at the girl's words, eyes flashing   
with a momentary anger before dulling back into confusion. She was   
lying, something that he could never remember her doing before, and it   
made him more than a little distressed at the thought of how obvious   
his reluctance to pilot truly was. "Hon, come on, I -want- to pilot   
the Eva again," he said, forcing himself not to let the nagging   
nervousness beneath his voice show, the grin on his face wavering only   
slightly as though he was simply taking her seriously. "Really." He   
struggled internally to come up with something more convincing, but   
nothing sprang forth as Eiko's eyes slowly drifted to meet his. "Would   
I lie to you?"  
  
"No," replied Eiko, sounding only fairly certain of her words. She   
sighed, shaking her head gently as Vash sat down beside her again.   
"I'm sorry, I just... you just really haven't said anything about it,   
not even to me. You've been acting kind of odd lately."  
  
A gnawing pain flared to life in Vash's chest, like something slowly   
clawing away at the walls of his heart in a desperate attempt to free   
itself. Bad enough that he'd been acting obviously different, but   
Eiko's words merely drove home a point that he'd already guessed at,   
and his right hand tightened into a fist involuntarily as he raised his   
left to squeeze her around the shoulders. "I'm sorry," he whispered,   
his voice echoing gently off the metal lockers surrounding the two.  
  
]++[  
  
Light trickled in slowly through the drawn shade, the golden energy   
dancing lightly about the room and shedding the vaguest bit of visual   
interest into the bland gray walls. It had hardly been necessary to   
wake Ryo up, but as he swiftly buttoned his shirt he was struck by the   
coincidence that he had woken with the rising sun, a sort of accidental   
symmetry that he hadn't expected or planned. Still, it had no bearing   
on his routine, and he knew that he was suppose to ignore it entirely,   
to simply continue with the path that he had been given by Dr. Ikari.  
  
Quick motions of the fingers buttoned his shirt, then he stepped out of   
his loose pajama bottoms and towards his pants stretched out   
immaculately on the bed. It was the same way that he had gotten   
dressed every day for as long as he could remember, slight alterations   
made over time but the basic flow unchanging. His underwear slid on   
first, then the pants, tucking the shirt in about the waist before   
buttoning and then zipping the pants, right sock before the left, never   
put on socks while standing.  
  
But something was nagging Ryo today, a small little voice in the back   
of his head that he couldn't quite place as he sat down to slip on his   
socks. Folding his right leg over his left, he felt the vaguest hints   
of frustration tickle at the back of his mind, knowing he was breaking   
routine slightly simply by questioning it. Part of him wanted to   
experiment, to try putting the left sock on first, to dress   
differently, to somehow break the routine that had been set for him for   
so long. It was an odd sensation, one he didn't have a precise word   
for simply due to inexperience.  
  
Shaking his head so gently that it might not have been visible to a   
casual observer, Ryo stood from his bed and walked to the door, opening   
it and stepping out in one smooth motion, then closing the door behind   
him. He stepped down the hall calmly, arms swinging in precise   
rythyms, one hand balling into a fist as he reached Niobe's door and   
turned to face it. "Niobe," he said flatly, knuckles rapping gently   
against the surface of the wood. "It's time for breakfast."  
  
Niobe wished, almost idly, that the boy had woken her up, that she had   
been deep within the relaxed slumber of someone who had earned their   
daily rest. As he fingers gripped the pillows about her more tightly,   
the fabric dampened from the cold sweat that had ripped through her   
body in the depths of the night, she let herself entertain the thought   
for just a moment, letting the reality of her body become one with the   
dark room around her. "I'm not hungry," she said, her tone just as   
flat as Ryo's, her teeth closing gently around her lower lip in an   
effort to avoid tears once again. "I'll be out later."  
  
Ryo turned towards the kitchen, but before he had completed his motion   
he froze, the nagging sensation in the back of his head growing   
stronger. He knew that according to routine, Niobe's presence at   
breakfast was completely irrelevant, that all his routine dictated was   
that he notify her when it was time for her to rise from bed if she   
wasn't already active. But something about the routine seemed off, as   
though he'd taken the steps for granted, that there was something   
missing despite the fact that he'd followed the routine to the letter.  
  
It was, he realized, similar to the time in Misato's apartment, the way   
that he'd felt a nagging presence at the back of his mind as he spoke   
to Nieve, as though he'd missed a step even though he knew that he   
hadn't. That situation still baffled him, but slowly he turned back   
towards Niobe's door, wondering if somehow the two necessary breaches   
of routine were connected somehow. "Niobe," he said, his voice still   
flat as he knocked on the door once again, seeing if simply repeating   
the step would correct the problem. "It's time for breakfast now."  
  
"Yes, I -know-," replied Niobe, her teeth biting harder against the   
chocolate skin of her lower lip, flushing the skin around her lip a   
light pink from pressure. "I'm just not hungry right now." Her   
stomach growled a protest, but she had no interest in listening to it,   
knew in the back of her mind that it was better to be hungry for a   
while than to let Ryo see her and what she'd become. "I'll come out a   
little later, around nine or so. Then I'll head down to Central Dogma   
for testing. Just not right now."  
  
The nagging sensation had not abated in the least, and had possibly   
only grown more intense, though the difference was only slight and   
almost unnoticable. He still couldn't figure out a reason for the   
nagging doubt, but he was beginning to wonder if Niobe's continued   
refusal to participate in the routine didn't have something to do with   
it. "Niobe," he said again, knuckles rapping against the hard wood, a   
dull ache creeping into them. "It's time for breakfast. You should   
come out and have some cereal, or perhaps a piece of toast."  
  
"Perhaps you should listen when I say -not- -now-!" snapped the girl,   
her fingers digging more tightly into the pillows as she pressed her   
face into the soft down, letting her eyes close tightly as she felt the   
tears begin to flow again. A deep breath forced its way into her lungs   
past the lump slowly congealing within her throat, her mind trying to   
reassure her that she could successfully get Ryo to leave her alone,   
that she could avoiding having him see her so broken. "I'm fine, just   
not hungry! Leave it alone!"  
  
"Niobe, it's time for breakfast," repeated the boy, his voice beginning   
to acquire a tone that he had no name for, his pulse picking up   
noticably as he leaned closer to the door. He had no idea what was   
going on, knew only that he seemed to be doing the right thing, that   
somehow the breach of routine was the correct thing under the   
circumstances. "We... I... You're not supposed to stay in there.   
You're supposed to come out and have breakfast."  
  
"Damn it, leave it -alone-!" Niobe snapped, jerking upright in her bed,   
the sweat-soaked sheets sloughing off of her body and falling gently to   
the bed. "Ryo, for the love of God, I'm just not -hungry- right now!   
What about that don't you -understand-?"  
  
Closing his eyes, Ryo forced himself to take a deep breath, the sudden   
rush of air into his lungs calming through means that he couldn't   
entirely explain. "You're supposed to have breakfast now," he   
repeated, his mind struggling to cope with the sudden influx of new   
ideas even as he forced himself to say something else. "I'm not going   
to leave until you come out of your room. We can keep arguing until   
you are hungry, or you can come out now and not be hungry later."  
  
Silence was the only reply that Ryo received for a moment, and he felt   
the tension within his body increase by the second, each heartbeat   
seeming to increase the tightness within his body. Then the sound of   
the doorknob turning filled the air, and the slab of wood swung inward   
weakly, revealing Niobe in the doorway, her blue eyes flicking only   
briefly towards Ryo. A yellow nightshirt hung loosely around her body,   
tracing the curves of her skin clearly underneath, sagging to the left   
and rising alluringly high on her right thigh. Her hair was matted and   
dissheveled, eyes bloodshot and haggard. "Fine," she said, sounding   
not so much angry as simply exhausted. "I'm out. Let's have breakfast   
already."  
  
Ryo's eyes flicked across the girl's body, another sensation seeping   
gently through his body, another breach in the routine that he had   
grown accustomed to. Still, he knew that he couldn't break the routine   
entirely, that it was important to maintain it at least partially, and   
he turned on his heel and stepped into the kitchen, trying to gauge   
whether or not the routine felt complete. Something was still nagging   
at the back of his head, but he still couldn't place what it was, the   
name seeming to be just out of his reach. "May I fix you something?"   
he asked, voice flat, the proper order seemingly restored.  
  
"If you want to. I certainly don't care." The girl's breaths were   
coming slowly and shallowly, eyelids half-closed and head hung low as   
she sat at the table in the center of the kitchen. She had done   
everything that she knew to be possible to avoid having Ryo see her,   
and she'd failed to even succeed at that, another item on the long list   
of things that she was failing to do correctly. "I'm really not   
hungry, though. It's not like it matters."  
  
Hesitating for another moment, Ryo slowly stepped over to the nearest   
cabinet and retrieved a pair of bowls, the tension still hanging in his   
chest. He knew, through means that he couldn't place, that it did   
matter, that something very serious was going wrong, but he couldn't   
for the life of him figure out what that was though he tried. There   
was still some nagging detail of the routine that he couldn't figure   
out, somehow compounded by the fact that he was aware of it in the   
first place. Shaking his head gently, he placed the bowls firmly on   
the counter, moving to retrieve a pair of spoons as he wished   
internally that there was something he could do.  
  
]++[  
  
EVA-01 had been stripped of some extra restraints but not all, yet for   
all the world it seemed to still be perfectly content, its hidden eyes   
seeming to take in the entirety of the hangar silently. There was a   
sort of sinister intent written along the metallic jawline, as though   
it was laughing at the humans about it, knowing full well that they   
believed they had some measure of control over it when it needed no   
help from them. The purple-orange nutrient bath swirling about it   
seemed to slosh more slowly than usual, as though it had somehow been   
thickened as another level of restraint, the Eva's innate threatening   
nature being enough to convince NERV's staff that more restraints and   
shackles were necessary.  
  
"Do you find this amusing?" asked Neil, staring up at the white slitted   
eyes of the machine in front of him, watching and half-expecting the   
beast to move with his words. There was nothing but silence to greet   
his question, however, only the steady low noise of the liquid that   
surrounded the machine. "You do like it, don't you? Letting everyone   
think that you can be held back, that they can keep you under control,   
when you know full well that you could tear this entire place apart."  
  
Neil stared for a moment longer, then sighed, letting his head fall   
forward to stare into the darkened depths of the liquid beneath his   
feet. "Why -didn't- you tear it apart?" he muttered, shaking his head   
gently and trying to resist the urge to fall into a sitting position.   
It was a massive effort to simply be standing in the hangar of the   
machine once again, after all that it had put him through, knowing that   
whatever Yui and his double represented they still lay somewhere within   
the Eva. He'd not expected it to be difficult, had believed that   
simply going to see the Eva would reassure him that he would be able to   
pilot it again when the time came.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Neil looked up towards the Eva again, wishing   
that he'd asked Nieve to come with him instead of trying to deal with   
the beast on his own. He'd come, allegedly, to find out if he would   
still be allowed to pilot at all, if NERV wasn't planning on keeping   
him without a machine the same way that they were leaving Nieve, but in   
reality he'd wanted to see the Eva again. Part of him, even, had   
wanted to get back inside right away, to feel the steady rush of power   
that only it could bring, the unmistakable warmth and strength that   
came from the wash of LCL inside the cockpit. "But that's not why I   
came back," he muttered to himself, unsure if he was trying to convince   
himself or the Eva. "I came back to help people. I came back because   
I was needed."  
  
A hissing noise came from one of the doors at the far end of the   
catwalk, and Neil's thoughts were scattered to the wind as he jerked   
his head around to see Gendou Ikari standing in the doorway. Tension   
shot through his body momentarily, his hands balling into fists   
unintentionally as the man walked towards him slowly. "Commander   
Ikari," he said, trying to keep his voice flat as the man approached,   
feeling as though something was fundamentally wrong with the   
situation. "I was just leaving."  
  
"Stay," replied the commander, sounding utterly unconcerned with the   
boy's presence as he paused and turned fully towards the purple Eva,   
his mouth a thin line and his eyes unreadable. Neil momentarily   
considered ignoring the command and simply leaving, but he forced   
himself to stay put, trying to relax the muscles in his body and   
release his fists. Gendou didn't seem to notice. "Were you admiring   
him, too?"  
  
Momentary confusion spread across Neil's face, enough cue for Gendou to   
continue talking without interruption from the boy. "The First Angel,   
Adam," he said flatly, reaching up with one arm and adjusting his   
glasses as the other hung limply at his side. "Even underneath all of   
this, he's still recognizable. I can still remember the first time   
that we saw him, buried within an Antarctic prison, back when there was   
still an Antarctica to be buried in." He paused, then looked towards   
Neil, expression still flat. "But you wouldn't remember that. The   
South Pole was nothing but ocean and icebergs when you were born."  
  
"I know about it, though. My mother used to mention it from time to   
time." Neil's voice was haltering, trembling just the slightest bit,   
something he couldn't quite place lingering in the back of his head as   
he raised his emerald eyes to meet Gendou's. "It's starting to form   
again, though, isn't it? The temperature's still cold enough for it to   
freeze down there, so the ice cap is starting to come back together.   
That's what Misato said."  
  
"Correct. The climate is slowly repairing itself, one of the natural   
failsafes that this planet has hardwired into it. It's unlikely that   
you'll see the pratical upshot of it in your lifetime, however." The   
commander flicked his eyes briefly towards the Eva again, then turned   
fully towards Neil, black jacket fluttering slightly around the red   
turtleneck beneath. "Something else is occupying your mind, or you   
would not be here. What is it?"  
  
The stark forward nature of the statement was enough to put Neil off   
for a moment, taking a small step back away from Gendou as he wondered   
almost idly what the commander was trying to get at. Gendou simply   
stared at the boy, and after a moment Neil shook his head and cleared   
his throat, still slightly nervous but somewhat more confident. "I was   
wondering about whether or not I would still be allowed to pilot the   
Eva," he said, unsure if he wanted Gendou to tell him yes or no. "I   
know that 01's acted a little odd, and... well, I didn't know if you   
were going to get rid of it."  
  
"Of course not. We have already lost two Eva units, we can hardly   
afford to lose a third." The commander's words were scolding, but his   
tone was simply flat and businesslike as his briefly let his eyes flick   
towards the Eva from beneath his glasses. "However, taking into   
account the unusual situation of EVA-01, there will be a necessary   
delay before you will be allowed to pilot again. You may be deployed   
in fewer situations, and certain tests will be run on the machine   
before it is declared fit for operation against the Angels once again."  
  
"All right," replied Neil, his voice sounding somewhat weak, unsure of   
exactly how to react to the news. Shaking his head slightly, he began   
to turn away from the commander, the information slowly processing and   
sinking in, knowing that he'd done the right thing even though he felt   
some reluctance. "I suppose I'll be going, then. You'll... NERV will   
let me know when I should start coming in for synch testing again,   
right?"  
  
"Correct," replied Gendou, his voice still flat as he turned back   
towards the Eva completely and Neil turned to walk out of the hangar.   
The boy still felt uncomfortable, something nagging at the back of his   
head compounded by the disinterested tone of Gendou's final word.   
Letting his eyes drift closed as he walked slowly along the metal   
lattice of the catwalk, Neil remembered the first time that he'd ever   
seen the commander, standing far above the hangar in his observation   
box, the same sort of flat tone in the man's speech then. Something   
was bubbling in his mind, the beginnings of anger, of realization of   
why the situation angered him so much.  
  
Freezing, Neil whirled about on his heel, heartbeat growing faster as   
he felt his breath begin to come quicker. "Commander Ikari," he said,   
trying to keep his voice calm as he stared at the older man, eyes   
flashing with anger and nervousness. Gendou ignored the boy for a   
moment, then slowly turned to face Neil, eyes now hidden entirely   
behind the lenses of his glasses. "I... I hate you. I hate you."  
  
"Is that so?" The man's tone was casual as he reached up once again to   
adjust his glasses, no visible reaction on his face to the statement.   
He didn't even sound vaguely distressed, simply observing the fact that   
Neil had said something and then wanting some kind of confirmation, a   
fact that infuriated Neil even more as he stared.  
  
"Yes," replied Neil, slowly walking back towards the man, hands   
clenching and relaxing in agonizingly steady rythyms. "I hate you. I   
hate your organization. I hate your machines. But most of all, I hate   
you for what you and your organization and your machines have -done-."   
He paused, gritting his teeth, knowing that on some level he was   
whining but trying to keep the thought pushed out of his head. "You've   
made me into a monster, Gendou. You've used me as your pet monstrosity   
without caring what happens. I hate you for that."  
  
"So you really only hate me because of what I've done to you, not some   
grand crime against humanity." The man's tone was still flat and   
unconcerned, his arms still hanging limply against the sides of his   
body as Neil continued his approach. "Or, more accurately, you hate me   
because of what you've become. Utterly independent of me, really." A   
thin smile was beginning to play across the man's lips, serving to   
infuriate Neil further. "Tell me something, Neil - do you think that I   
made you who you are? Do you think that everything you think inside of   
the Eva is somehow my doing?"  
  
Neil's step slowed, his mouth opening partway to offer an answer but no   
sound coming out. "I thought as much," continued Gendou, turning away   
from the boy and back towards the Eva once again, seeming utterly   
unconcerned by the unfolding situation. "I did not make you crush the   
entry plug of 03, or make you rush headlong into the Twelfth Angel, or   
even make you pilot the Eva in the first place. These are all choices   
that you made yourself, free of any help on my part. All I have done   
is observe."  
  
"That's not -true-!" snapped Neil, his feet now rooted into the   
catwalk, his determination becoming more certain. He knew that this   
was all Gendou's fault, that all the blame for what had been going   
wrong in his life could be laid at the feet of another, that he'd been   
doing the right thing. "You -did- make me pilot the Eva. No decent   
person could have turned away in that situation. I didn't have any -  
choice-, you -know- that."  
  
"Wrong. I offered you a choice, and one of the options simply proved   
undesirable to you. Any restrictions on that choice were self-  
imposed." The thin smile was still there, humorless and vaguely   
frightening as the man's eyes continued to fixate on the purple golem   
in front of him. "I have a proposition for you, Neil. I propose that   
you only hate me because of the fact that I've forced you to realize   
the sort of person that you are, not because I have done anything to   
harm you." He paused, letting his statement sink in momentarily. "Let   
me ask you, then - if you're angry about finding out who you are,   
doesn't the true burden on yourself for being that person, not the   
person who thrusts it into the light?"  
  
A single stumbling step backwards hit the lattice catwalk, Neil's face   
beginning to flush red as the world slowed down around him. He'd been   
acting off adrenaline, and as Gendou spoke he found himsef feeling the   
old familiar guilt creep into the back of his mind, the facts of his   
situation slowly hitting him like lead bricks. "I... I didn't..." He   
paused, swallowing the dry taste in his mouth as best he could. "I   
should be going now. There are other things I have to do, and..."  
  
"Feel free. I'm not keeping you." The words finally seemed to catch a   
sort of inflection, somewhere between disgust and disappointment, each   
syllable seeming to strike Neil with a miniature force. The boy simply   
bit his lip for a moment, then sighed heavily and turned away towards   
the exit, wishing once again that he'd decided to stay home at the same   
time that he wished he could take back the mistakes he had just made.  
  
]++[  
  
Kozou Fuyutsuki was tired. Not that most would have considered that   
particularly unusual; he was fast approaching his sixties, and even   
with the advances in medical technology following the Second Impact it   
wasn't uncommon for those his age to begin to slow down at least   
slightly. But it was a more fundamental exhaustion than anything borne   
of age or even outright activity, a sort of tiredness that stretched   
down into his bones that felt clear in ever twitch of his muscles.   
Part of that, he knew, came from the green golem visible on the main   
screen of NERV's command room, its face staring at nothing as   
technicians milled about.  
  
"Initial test results look promising for the new model," noted Misato,   
her hair pulled up beneath the small red beret that technically   
completed her outfit. There seemed to be something gnawing at her   
beneath the air of professionality that she assumed, but Kozou knew it   
wasn't his place to pry, that if she wanted to say anything she   
probably would find someone other than him. "Armor's just as strong as   
it was on EVA-03, but the reaction time is improved, and it looks like   
the musculature's been improved enough to keep it moving at a higher   
speed." She paused, then gave a small laugh. "I'm starting to sound   
like Ritsuko."  
  
"Slightly," replied Kozou, forcing a humorless smile at the comment as   
he flicked his eyes briefly towards the highest level, as though he   
expected Gendou to appear at any moment. "Don't worry too much,   
though. It's in a good way. I'm sure she'd agree if she wasn't   
working with the Eva."  
  
Misato tried to force a smile herself, but it wound up as nothing more   
than a slight twitch of her lips as she stared at the display in front   
of them, as though she was watching for some sign of movement from the   
immobile machine. "I have to admit, though, I'm a little surprised by   
the fact that we're getting Vash to pilot the new model. I'd have   
expected that it would be Nieve, considering the connections that she   
has to the project." She paused. "Or did Dr. Soryu not want his   
daughter to pilot it?"  
  
Kozou laughed at the comment, knowing that it would momentarily mystify   
Misato but not particularly worried by the fact. "That man is the last   
person in the world who'd be worried about his daughter's safety," he   
explained, giving a knowing nod to Misato and drawing an oddly   
displeased stare from the woman as he let his chuckling peter out.   
"But no, Vash wasn't our first choice. We decided on him largely   
because we were unsure of Nieve's familiarity with the Japanese model,   
so we planned on slating her as EVA-07's pilot."  
  
"07?" The woman's curiosity had obviously been piqued, her upper body   
twisting towards Kozou as her eyes flicked back and forth between the   
elder man and the main screen. "I was under the impression that EVA-06   
was only intended as a replacement for our lost units. We're planning   
on producing another?"  
  
"The Eva series has been planned through EVA-08 since the beginning of   
the project. There was simply no need to accelerate production without   
the pilots necessary to man additional Evas. But both EVA-07 and EVA-  
08 are in preliminary production stages, and the series is probably   
going to be extended past that." He paused, idly wondering if he was   
saying too much, doubting seriously that the woman would truly be able   
to catch at the underlying implications. "You probably received some   
sort of notification about it. It's gone through all of the regular   
channels."  
  
"But why now?" asked Misato, her voice still sounding oddly curious as   
she turned back towards the main screen. "Fourteen Angels have been   
destroyed, and that leaves us with only three more that we're supposed   
to expect. I tend to doubt that we'll go through machines that   
quickly." She paused, then flicked her eyes back towards Kozou,   
something undreadable glimmering beneath her deep brown eyes. "Is   
there something else going on?"  
  
"SEELE makes all of the ultimate decisions about the production of the   
machines, according to the charter that created NERV." He accompanied   
his response with a quick shrug, hoping that it would still Misato's   
curiosity at least for the moment, knowing in the back of his mind that   
she didn't have enough information to piece everthing together but   
still wanting to leave her in the dark slightly. The response was an   
honest one, simply avoiding her question instead of giving a false   
answer, a bit of semantics that still meant something to him.  
  
For a moment, Misato's eyes lingered on the elder man, then turned back   
towards the golem on the screen as though she'd lost interest in a   
problem that offered no likelihood of solving itself any time in the   
near future. "I suppose it can't hurt to have a few extra machines on   
the grounds," she noted, her tone implying that there was something   
more lingering beneath her words, that she had hardly given up hope of   
finding out more on the subject. "Besides, that's a problem for   
another day."  
  
Nodding, Kozou turned and began to step slowly towards the elevator   
door, his head remaining turned towards Misato. "I've got other   
projects that I need to check on at the moment, so I had best get   
going. Both Commander Ikari and I will be here once the actual testing   
begins." He paused breifly, waiting to see if Misato was going to say   
any final words, but the woman simply offered a quick nod.  
  
Eyes moving back towards the elevator, Kozou resisted the urge to sigh   
as he pressed the button to bring the elevator to his level. He was   
still tired, perhaps even more so than before, the conversation with   
Misato now nagging at the back of his mind as he let the elevator doors   
slide open and stepped within. It was a distraction, and as the   
elevator began to move down he rubbed his forehead gently, wondering   
idly why he'd never noticced any sort of exhaustion for all the years   
that he'd been working with the Evangelions. "I must be getting   
older," he muttered, shaking his head to nobody in particular, waiting   
for the elevator to ding open before he stepped out and prepared to go   
about the other matters he needed to attend to before the testing   
commenced.  
  
"Activation of a new machine today," noted the surprisingly calm voice   
of Ryoji Kaji, drawing Kozou's attention to his left as he stepped out   
of the elevator. The other man was leaning against one of the nearer   
bulkheads, his arms folded across his chest and a lazy grin on his   
mouth. "It's kind of disappointing that I don't get to be a part of   
it, honestly. I know that it's not really in my job description as the   
head of the intelligence department, but it's still a bit of a slight."  
  
"Consider it the lesser of two evils. If I didn't feel some sympathy   
for your situation, I could have you dismissed from your post for your   
activities." The man paused for a moment, wondering almost casually if   
Kaji would show any sort of crack in his apparently unnervable facade   
at the mention, but his expression remained unchanging, not the   
slightest change in expression flicking across his face. "I know more   
about what you're trying to do than you let yourself believe, Kaji.   
You're tready on rather dangerous ground."  
  
"You could make my life a lot easier by simply letting me know what I   
want," offered Kaji, the smile on his lips broadening for a moment as   
he pushed off the bulkhead and uncrossed his arms. "But if you wanted   
me gotten rid of, then you would have done it by now. Which either   
means that I'm not anywhere near something worth knowing about, you   
don't think I know nearly as much as I do, or you actually want me to   
keep poking around the closets in the building."  
  
The younger man's smile seemed oddly infectious, a gesture borne not   
out of any actual amusement but simply as a way of cutting through the   
stress. In the back of his mind, Kozou wondered if there was some   
truth to his statement, but he let it fall to the side for the moment,   
keeping his attention more firmly focused on the concerns of the   
moment. "Believe whichever you want. I'm certainly not going to let   
you in on the truth of the matter." He paused, then turned halfway   
away from Kaji, his eyes flicking down towards the opposite end of the   
hallway. "Something's on your mind, isn't it?"  
  
"Depends on whether or not I can get something out of you," replied   
Kaji, jamming his hands casually in his pockets and taking a few slow   
steps towards the elderly man, his expression unreadably except for the   
vague amusement still traced along his mouth. "I'm well aware of what   
NERV's production plans are for the Evas at the moment - that's not   
difficult to get ahold of. But I notice that NERV hasn't specifically   
requested anything but EVA-06, that all of the other machines are being   
made under SEELE's sole jurisdiction."  
  
"Nosy," noted Kozou, the statement made somewhat redundant by the   
simple nature of the conversation. "If that's all you're asking about,   
there's nothing to know. SEELE decided that the Evas would be   
produced, and they're the ones that make the declarations about what   
does and doesn't get produced. That's hardly a secret." He paused,   
wishing vaguely that he was a better liar, that he could simply send   
Kaji down a trail to nowhere. "You're drawing conspiracies where none   
exist."  
  
"Who said anything about a conspiracy?" asked Kaji, obviously trying   
his hardest to sound innocent as he took another step towards   
Fuyutsuki, fluorescent light bouncing off his eyes at an odd angle.   
"No, I'm more curious about the implications beyond who's requesting   
the Evas." He paused for a moment, glancing back and forth up and down   
the hallway, as though to verify the initial appearance that all of the   
technicians were otherwise occupied. "I'm wondering, Kozou, what are   
the Evas actually supposed to be -doing-? If you don't have the pilots   
for these machines, they're certainly not going to be effective in   
combat... so why are they necessary?"  
  
"And now you're asking questions that you know you won't get the answer   
to," replied Kozou, almost tempted to answer the other man despite   
himself. It was, he imagined, much the same sort of nagging thought in   
the back of his head that kept him from simply blowing the younger   
man's cover, preventing him any further access to NERV's secrets.   
"You're not going to find what you're looking for, Kaji. My advice is   
to give it up and stop before somebody else catches notice of what   
you're doing."  
  
Kaji shrugged, turning halfway away from Kozou and once again glancing   
up and down the hallways. "I'm only trying to find out what SEELE and   
NERV are really after, Kozou. Is that such a bad thing? If there   
aren't any conspiracies going on, then shouldn't that be public   
knowledge?" He paused, then smiled, an oddly resigned look in his   
eyes. "After all, you looked, and you apparently found that you liked   
the plan so much you wanted to sign on."  
  
Silence passed between the two men for a moment, deep enough for both   
to hear the steady buzzing of the fluorescent lights above them. "I   
don't have time to argue with you today," replied Kozou at length,   
Kaji's accusation stinging slightly as the elder man turned down the   
hallway to move on to more important projects. "Just don't do anything   
too stupid. Ritsuko would miss you." He paused, then began walking,   
feet echoing against the metallic floor beneath him, not bothering to   
wait for whatever Kaji would have in reply.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash could still remember the first time that EVA-03 had been   
activated, could clearly recall sitting inside of the darkened cockpit   
for what seemed like an eternity as the LCL swirled around him and   
offended his tongue. It wasn't a pleasing experience, and leaning back   
in the seat of the cockpit he knew that this activation was going to be   
even worse, with even more time before they activated the cameras and   
actually allowed him to see. Though he had no method of measuring   
time, he knew it had been at least half an hour since the entry plug   
had slid into the back of EVA-06, and the cockpit still hadn't been   
flooded, the synchronization of the machine not even ready. "Couldn't   
you have had me wait outside before I got into the machine?" he asked,   
voice impatient as he listened to the sounds of voices over the radio.   
"How much longer are we going to be doing this, anyways?"  
  
"A while. It depends on how well the tests go." Ritsuko had to bite   
her lip, resisting the urge to let the boy know that they were largely   
preparing for the minor chance that he was still infected by the   
Thirteenth, that if it ahd been any other Child in the cockpit they   
would have been further along in the process. It was simply another   
wrinkle in the system, one that she still wished could be rectified   
with the dummy plug setup. Shaking her head, she turned away from the   
main window of the observation booth, looking back towards the rows of   
computer consoles, stepping quickly towards Maya. "How are the systems   
responding currently?"  
  
"Everything's in full working order. All neural pathways are clear and   
responsive, all primary systems activated." Maya paused briefly, a   
worried look drifting across her face for the barest of moments before   
she returned to a calm, professional facade. "The command level is   
standing by in the event that the Eva becomes infected with an Angel.   
All emergency interrupts are readied. If necessary, the Eva can be at   
least handicapped should the Thirteenth attempt to gain hold of it."  
  
Nodding, Ritsuko glanced towards the forest-green golem standing   
outside of the window, hunched over and seeming almost calm despite the   
perpetual grimace of its jawline. She wondered, almost idly, why it   
was that Gendou had chosen not to attend the activation, especially   
considering the stakes that it was operating under and the fact that   
he'd been present for every other machine first activated in the   
hangars. But it was a peripheral thought as the woman stepped back   
towards the main window, her lab coat swirling about behind her as she   
grabbed the microphone and leaned slightly towards it. "Vash, we're   
ready to begin synchronization. The chamber will be flooded with LCL   
in a few seconds."  
  
"I know," replied Vash, trying to sound calm but winding up as more   
perturbed than anything. "This isn't the first time I've been in one   
of these things, you know." He sighed, inwardly scolding himself for   
sounding more whiny than confident as he felt the warm orange-red   
liquid begin to rise up around his ankles. Though he knew that Eiko   
had meant well, the sole fact that she mentioned him seeming different   
had simply driven home the point of how importance his appearance was,   
a deeply tiring sensation that made even the rush of LCL into his mouth   
and lungs seem unremarkable. Coughing briefly, he shook his head and   
waited to feel the Eva's body around him, the practice grown familiar   
through time.  
  
"Synchronization beginning to appear, neural pulses flowing through the   
networks normally." There was an almost physical tension moving   
through the chamber as the technicians remained glued to their   
monitors, the nagging question about the Angel obviously on everyone's   
mind. None of them were speaking up save for Maya, however, the other   
technicians seeming to prefer sitting and worrying in silence to   
calling out announcements. "There are a few minor glitches in the   
network so far, but nothing unusual. Synch ratio at 31% and rising."  
  
His hands slowly tensing and releasing around the metal handrests, Vash   
could feel himself relaxing with the steady sound of Maya's voice,   
letting himself simply focus on working with the Eva instead of   
worrying about anything else. It wasn't half as frightening as he'd   
expected, especially with the subtle reminders that his synch ratio was   
generally the second-highest of all the Children. He had nothing to   
worry about - as long as he got in the Eva and did his best, nothing   
would change at all. "Eiko'll probably forget about me acting   
differently at all," he muttered to himself, taking slow and steady   
breaths as he continued focusing on the Eva around him.  
  
Inside the booth, the tension was slowly clearing, the dearth of any   
anomalous readings seeming to calm the staff down. It was a minor   
blessing that Ritsuko was thankful for, preferring to hear at least   
some noise to indicate that all of the technicians were actually doing   
their jobs. "Synch ratio up to 36%," noted Maya, her fingers moving   
quickly across her keyboard, the light from the computer screen   
reflecting slightly against her face. "Now at 40%... the rate of   
ascension's slowing a fair bit, though." She paused, then frowned.   
"44%... it's not quite at operational levels just yet, but the ratio is   
barely rising at all. Looks like he's just about hit his barrier."  
  
Though the words were muffled by the distance and the barrier of LCL,   
Vash could hear Maya from over the radio, and his eyes went momentarily   
wide at the thought. Something had to be wrong with the equipment, he   
couldn't possibly have lost some of his synch ratio. Gritting his   
teeth, he gently eased the handrests forward, trying to use the   
functionless handles to help him focus.  
  
Ritsuko had stepped over to survey Maya's screen, a slight frown on her   
face as she watched the synchronization gauge slowly force itself past   
the 45% mark, flickering ever so slightly further forwards. "45%," she   
muttered, shaking her head disapprovingly, doing her best to keep her   
voice quiet enough for Vash not to hear her. "Might have something to   
do with the fact that he lost an arm." Sighing, she pushed away from   
the console and walked back to the microphone, idly wishing that she   
could see inside of the cockpit even as she reminded herself that it   
wasn't necessary. "Vash? Your synch ratio's peaked at 45%. That's   
within normal operating parameters." She paused, feeling vaguely   
guilty as no response came from within the Eva. "The neural systems in   
the Eva might need to be double-checked. Low synch ratios with new   
machines are the expected norm."  
  
"Of course," replied Vash, fully aware that the woman was lying to   
him. He knew full well that all of the Eva's systems had been checked   
exhaustively, that any problem with the synch ratio fell squarely on   
his shoulders and not on the machine. Sighing, he released his grip on   
the handrests, slowly relaxing against the padded back of the cockpit   
as he tensed and relaxed his hands, his left arm tingling oddly from   
the LCL that swirled around it.  
  
More announcements came over the radio, but Vash was ignoring them,   
bringing his left arm up to stare at it, the skin invisible beneath the   
purple and black of the plugsuit. Even if he didn't feel normal any   
longer, he'd known that he could make it look different, but acting as   
though he still wanted to pilot the Eva didn't make up for the obvious   
deficiency in his synch ratio. "Maybe I was right the first time," he   
muttered, sighing and watching as the liquid about him swirled in   
reaction. "Maybe it just isn't worth it anymore."  
  
]++[  
  
The questions that Gendou had planted in Neil's mind hadn't faded even   
with the passing of a full day, a somewhat agonizing distraction as he   
tried to focus on the school papers lying on the table in front of   
him. He had more than enough work to catch up on after his month spent   
inside the Eva, and the last thing that he wanted was to have it   
hanging over his head any longer than necessary, but each time that he   
started reading he found his thoughts drifting right back to the   
conversation from the previous day. "I should have just left right   
away," he muttered, shaking his head and drumming his pencil idly   
against the table. "Or not gone in the first place."  
  
"Sounds like somebody isn't doing their schoolwork." Nieve's soft   
footsteps had managed to evade Neil's attention, but before he could   
even turn towards the girl he found her arms wrapped tightly around his   
shoulders, head resting gently atop his own. "I'll take that as   
indication that you're not particularly worried about it. Come on,   
let's go do something -fun-."  
  
"Nieve... I'm just having trouble, it's not that I'm done or   
anything." He tried weakly to wrestle his way out of the girl's   
embrace, not truly wanting to but knowing that he had other things that   
he needed to do. She'd been increasingly intent on staying close to   
him, and while it was hardly unpleasant it did have some decided   
negative aspects. "Besides, I'm leaving to have lunch with Eiko in   
something like fifteen minutes. I don't really have the time to do   
anything."  
  
A certain tension seemed to twitch through the girl's limbs, and Neil   
found himself wishing that he hadn't said anything even as he tried to   
go through his memory, certain that he'd mentioned something about   
having lunch with the other Child the previous night. "I must have   
forgotten about that," she said, her voice trembling just the slightest   
bit as she released Neil's shoulders and moved around to the other side   
of the table before sitting down. "Are.. are you sure you're ready,   
though? I know you haven't really talked to any of the others... but I   
guess you must have talked to her to set this up, right?"  
  
"Briefly," replied Neil with a shrug, trying to act as casual about the   
situation as possible. He stared at Nieve for a moment, then reached   
over and gently squeezed the girl's shoulder, wondering in the back of   
his mind how Gendou would see his actions. "It wasn't anything   
approaching a real conversation, though. We didn't even talk about the   
one obvious thing. Just set a time and place to meet, then we got off   
the phone."  
  
"It's still a conversation," replied Nieve, sounding slightly more   
confident as she looked up at the boy, her eyes glittering with   
something not quite certain. Silence hung between them for a moment,   
Nieve's mouth opening and closing in slow motions before she coughed   
gently. "What about Vash? The two of them go to the same school, so   
there's a pretty good chance that the two of you will..."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I realized that afterwards, too." He sighed, shaking   
his head gently, trying his best not to look Nieve in the eye as he   
found his thoughts drifting back to his conversation with Gendou once   
again. He couldn't get the words out of his head, especially with the   
similarity between the older man's statements and the taunts that his   
double had offered him before. "I planned on dealing with the problem   
as maturely as possible, though. I was going to avoid entirely."  
  
Nieve frowned at him, and he offered a weak smile in response, fully   
aware that he was hardly doing the right thing under the circumstances   
aside from being open with the girl. "You're going to have to deal   
with him sooner or later, Neil. You said it yourself, the Eva went   
berserk, it wasn't under your control." She paused, reaching over and   
gently brushing her fingers against the boy's arm. "That's not your   
fault, Neil. It doesn't invalidate all the things you've done right,   
or the fact that you managed to destroy the Angel anyways."  
  
Staring into the girl's eyes, Neil wanted to tell her everything that   
he'd said to Misato as she drove him to the airport, that he knew it   
was what he had wanted even if he hadn't been in total control at the   
time. He wanted to tell her that the Eva had never done something he   
truly didn't want it to even when it did go berserk, that he could   
remember everything that had happened with the Thirteenth Angel even   
though it was through a blood-red haze. But he also wanted her not to   
leave him in disgust, and biting his lower lip he felt himself unable   
to say anything while his thoughts lingered, left simply looking into   
the deep seas of green that were her eyes. "I'm just not sure if I'm   
ready to talk to him about it yet," he said, feeling a pang of guilt at   
the omission even before the words had left his mouth.  
  
"Can't say I really blame you," replied Nieve, her hand gripping the   
boy's shoulder more firmly as if it would somehow correct the   
situation. "Listen, Neil, if you want..." Pausing briefly, the girl   
took a deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed for just a second before   
staring back at Neil. "If you want, I'll come with you. For emotional   
support, and whatever else you need. Heck, what kind of girlfriend   
would I be if I didn't come?"  
  
"That's okay," replied Neil, shaking his head and recalling how he'd   
half-wished that she had been there at the time, wondering almost idly   
if the same situation would turn out to be true. "I'll be fine.   
Besides, if it happens, it happens. Like you said, I'm going to have   
to deal with him sooner or later, right?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but that doesn't necessarily have to be 'sooner,'" replied   
Nieve, a slightly-awkward smile playing across her lips as she sank her   
head slightly. She looked almost disappointed that he didn't want her   
there, and for a moment Neil considered taking it back just to make her   
feel better. "Okay, hon, I'll trust your call on this one. I just   
want you to be okay. I..." She paused, biting her lower lip. "I need   
you not to leave. You're too important to me."  
  
"I know," replied Neil, his voice haltering as he took Nieve's hand in   
his, trying to avoid her eyes even as he tried not to feel so awkward   
about the situation. "I'm not going anywhere. Promise." He felt   
another quick rush of guilt as the words passed his lips, wishing that   
he hadn't talked to Eiko about going to have lunch with her, wishing   
that he hadn't talked with Gendou, wishing for nearly anything besides   
the situation that he was actually in. Flicking his eyes towards his   
watch quickly, he saw the time as the easy excuse out of the   
conversation, giving Nieve's hand one last squeeze before releasing it   
and standing. "Well, okay, now I have to get going to Eiko's school...   
but I'll be back soon. Lunch doesn't last long."  
  
"Have fun," replied Nieve, her voice somewhat weak as Neil moved   
towards the small shoe area and slipped on his sneakers, pausing only a   
moment to adjust his feet before stepping out the door and letting it   
shut softly behind him. Sighing, the girl hung her head as she stood,   
wishing that she hadn't lost her Eva against the Fourteenth Angel for   
what seemed like the millionth time. It would have been nice to have   
even a momentary distraction with the red golem, some proof that her   
life was at least partially under control, something to keep her from   
feeling as though the bottom was quickly falling out from beneath her.   
"I'll miss you."  
  
]++[  
  
Both Children were sitting in relative silence, only the sound of   
chewing filling the empty air between them. In and of itself, the   
break in conversation wouldn't have been a bad thing except for the   
fact that there had been no conversation besides the silence, and   
combined with the relative emptiness of the terrace whatever tension   
might have normally been imposed by the situation was only hightened.   
Neither Eiko nor Neil was feeling brave enough to break the tense aura   
of still air between them immediately, however, so instead they simply   
sat and ate, having lunch together only in the most basic definition of   
the process.  
  
Putting down his sandwich at length, Neil managed a cough, the closest   
that either of them had come to a sentence as the sunlight filtered   
through the leaves and branches of the trees above them. Neil was   
distantly aware that they were sitting in the same terrace that had set   
off the same fateful chain of events that had led him to his battle   
with the Thirteenth Angel, but he pushed the thought out of his mind,   
knowing that it would only make things worse. "Not many people left   
around here," he noted, voice trembling slightly. "That's what it   
seems like to me, anyways."  
  
"Yeah. Lots of people have been leaving." Eiko's voice was soft,   
nervous, as though she was afraid the wrong few words would send Neil   
into a rage. She didn't know what to feel about him any longer - or to   
be more accurate, she knew what she was supposed to feel but knew that   
it didn't relate to her actual feelings. It was a familiar situation   
with Neil, something she'd grown accustomed to since she'd first   
learned that he had been the pilot of EVA-01, but it hadn't made things   
any easier over time. "Mom and Dad kind of want to leave, too.   
Especially now that Toji's out of the hospital."  
  
"Toji... he's your brother, right?" asked Neil, some confidence   
creeping into his tone as he looked towards the girl. She nodded, and   
he managed to force a smile as he flicked his emerald eyes up towards   
the flickering sunlight. "I've never actually met him, I guess.   
Though you could argue that he's well aware of at least part of who I   
am." He paused, glancing towards Eiko, seeing the awkward expression   
on his face and feeling a pang of guilt as the smile vanished from his   
face. "I'm sorry. That seemed funnier in my head."  
  
"I think the bigger problem was that it sounded funny at all in your   
head," replied Eiko, managing a slight giggle that temporarily   
afflicted both of the Children. It only calmed the tension between the   
two slightly, but it was enough for the moment, more than either of   
them had been able to manage before. "You two would probably get   
along, though. I know that he's not angry with you any more... about   
what happened."  
  
Neil managed one final, forced laugh before his momentum sputtered out,   
his head leaning slightly forward and his eyes focused simply on the   
mosaic gray stone of the school's walkway. He'd been avoiding talking   
in no small part precisely to avoid talking about anything relating to   
him and the Evas, the only obvious thing that there seemed to be   
available to talk about. But he doubted that Eiko was entirely   
enamoured with the idea either, and he also knew that there was no way   
for him to back himself out of the topic. "What about you?" he asked,   
his eyes fluttering half-closed. "Are you still mad at me about what's   
happened?"  
  
Silence settled into the air once again, the same sort of crippling and   
oppressive quiet that had been lodged in the air around them before,   
and Neil felt himself swallow hard as his mouth went dry. "No,"   
replied Eiko at length, drawing Neil's gaze towards her as her own eyes   
flicked away towards what seemed to be the nearest convenient object.   
"I'm not mad at you, Neil. Not really." She paused. "I don't know if   
I was ever mad at you."  
  
"You certainly seemed to be," replied Neil rather flatly, now keeping   
his eyes focused on the girl to his side as her breaths began to come   
slightly more shallowly. "I still remember the way that you looked at   
me that day, Eiko. I thought..." He paused, shaking his head as he   
turned his gaze partially away, almost idly trying to follow the path   
of her eyes. "I thought that you were never going to want to speak to   
me again. I was certain that you didn't believe me. I -"  
  
"Please, Neil, enough," Eiko interjected, her voice unusually strong   
considering the circumstances. "I get the picture." Acquisecing, Neil   
let himself fall silent while the young girl took a deep breath, her   
shoulders heaving as the air moved into her lungs. "I won't tell you   
that I wasn't angry. I was -horribly- angry about what happened.   
But..." She paused, taking the opportunity to bite her lower lip   
momentarily. "I was angry that Vash's Eva was destroyed. I was angry   
that Vash might have died. I was angry that there was nothing that I   
could have done. But it wasn't you that I was mad at, not even for a   
second." She sighed. "I was just angry, and I knew that it was   
because of you even though I wasn't mad at you. I was confused."  
  
Once again, the two Children let themselves remain silent momentarily,   
Neil staring into Eiko's eyes as she stared back into his, a gentle   
breeze picking up and stirring the branches above them. A tension was   
growing in Neil's chest as he stared at the girl, and he felt himself   
unconsciously moving closer to her, his mind distantly aware that he   
should feel guilty but more focused on the sensations creeping through   
his body. It was a mesmerizing moment for the boy, and it wasn't until   
the sound of footsteps echoed harshly against the stone walkway that   
Neil found the concentration necessary to turn away from the girl, his   
eyes flicking towards the source of the noise as his head turned   
somewhat reluctantly.  
  
Vash was walking towards them, an unreadable expression on his face,   
and Neil felt a minor rush of adrenaline flood through his body at the   
sight of the boy. His mouth opened halfway to say something, then   
closed as he stood, his hands tensing into fists and relaxing in steady   
motions. The last thing that he wanted was for Vash to get another   
punch in before Neil even knew what was happening, although in the back   
of his mind he was reminding himself that he couldn't really blame the   
other boy if he did want a fight. "Vash," he said, biting his lower   
lip gently, the electric feeling of tension prickling along his skin as   
the boy drew closer. "I didn't think I'd see you just yet."  
  
"I did," replied Vash, staring at the boy as the branches rustled over   
head, the sunlight cast downwards in mosaic patterns wheeling across   
the two. "I came here to talk to you." Vash allowed himself a   
momentary pause, his right hand tensing as his left hung loosely,   
trying to remind himself that he couldn't back out of his decision now   
even as he wished that he'd told someone so they could hold him to it.   
"Neil..." He paused. "It's about the Evas."  
  
"Yeah, well, it couldn't really be about anything else," replied Neil,   
his voice tense as he took a step towards the boy, the mild rush of   
adrenaline increasing as he moved. "Look, Vash, I... I don't know what   
to say about what happened. I..." He struggled for a moment, feeling   
guilty about the prospect of lying to Vash about the Eva even as he   
felt terrified of what might happen if he told the truth. "I know it's   
not worth much, especially not now, but I'm sorry."  
  
"That wasn't what I wanted to talk about," replied Vash, his left hand   
balling int a fist unconsciously even as he tried to calm himself   
down. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Eiko watching him, at   
once giving him more confidence and making him feel as though his words   
were under scrutiny. "We still have some unfinished business, you and   
I. Back before the Twelfth Angel, I..." He paused, shaking his head   
as Neil visibly tensed. "You remember. Anyways, I said that we would   
finish it later." Once again, Vash paused, his breath coming shallowly   
now. "It's later."  
  
"I still don't want to fight you, Vash," replied Neil, his body sending   
quite the opposite message to his muscles as they tensed and relaxed in   
quick motions, his body shifting ever so slightly into the rudimentary   
beginnings of a fighting stance. "Especially not after what happened   
with the Thirteenth." He paused, lowering his head, opening his mouth   
to speak again but then simply falling silent with a heavy sigh.  
  
"Not one on one," replied Vash, shaking his head, his mind whirling   
even as the words came out of his mouth. He at once wanted and didn't   
want to say that he needed some way of seeing whether or not his best   
efforts at appearing normal were worth it, partially because he knew   
that Eiko was sitting so close but more because he didn't want to admit   
it to himself. "At least, not like this, not now." Gritting his   
teeth, the boy cast his eyes off towards the serene grove of trees   
beside him, a welcome alternative focus for his senses. "It's been a   
while since I've been inside one of the Evas, and I need practice."  
  
Neil cocked an eyebrow, somewhat surprised by the turn of events as his   
muscles relaxed noticably. He truly hadn't wanted to fight Vash in the   
middle of the school again, especially with the memories attatched to   
it, but the thought of fighting the boy inside of an Eva again only   
made things worse. "Doesn't that strike you as just a bit of a dumb   
idea?" he asked, frowning and flicking his eyes quickly in Eiko's   
direction. "I mean, consider what happened the last time we went up   
against one another in an Eva. The track record isn't exactly stellar."  
  
Vash didn't respond, simply stared at Neil, his blue eyes holding   
something vaguely sad behind them as the light from the sun flickered   
across them. It was an uncomfortable gesture, and as Neil glanced back   
towards Eiko he found no obvious support from her end either. Sighing,   
he hung his head and rubbed his temple, unsure of what to do, knowing   
full well that he'd feel guilty no matter what he said. "All right,"   
he said with a sigh, shaking his head gently. "Once you get out of   
school, I'll meet you down at Central Dogma." He paused, then raised   
his head, looking towards the other boy. "But I don't like this."  
  
Eiko gave a slight noise of shock, but Vash forced himself to ignore it   
as he nodded at Neil. He knew that what he'd done must have shown   
something to Eiko, must have at least done a little to repair the   
tarnished image she doubtlessly held of him. "Thanks, Neil," he said,   
forcing himself to keep his voice calm as he turned and began to walk   
away, silence permeating the air behind him as his breaths came   
steadily and his mind tried to wrap itself around what he was planning.  
  
]++[  
  
"Absolutely -not-," snapped Misato, her eyes harsh and unyielding as   
she stared at Neil. In the back of her mind she was distantly aware   
that Makoto was staring, but it was a minor detail that ultimately felt   
of little consequence to her, especially in light of the request that   
Neil had presented her with. "You've -got- to be kidding me, Neil.   
Did you actually think that I'd let the two of you -do- that?"  
  
Shifting his weight uncomfortably, Neil shrugged, more than a little   
put off by the entire situation and wishing that Vash had been the one   
asking the difficult questions. "It's not like we've never used the   
Eva for non-Angel purposes before," he argued, voice trembling   
slightly, fully aware of the fact that he had virtually no bargaining   
position. "What about the war games? That was basically the same   
thing, and we deployed -all- of the Evas for that."  
  
"Right. And I didn't want to have anything to do with -that-, either.   
The only reason that you were in the games was because it helped smooth   
over relations with the government." She paused, taking a deep breath   
and trying to force herself to relax, idly wondering if Neil didn't   
have ulterior motives in wanting to duel with Vash. It wasn't a   
pleasant thought, but she knew full well how terrified Neil seemed to   
be of the Eva, and she couldn't wonder what might have convinced him to   
do something inside of it so casually. "Besides, there was no risk of   
damage to the machines in that. As long as you all kept your AT Fields   
active, you couldn't be hurt."  
  
"We'll have to be careful, then," replied Neil, his voice rising   
slightly in volume. Part of him was subtly noting the irony of him   
arguing in favor of the duel, an idea that he still wasn't particularly   
enamoured with, but it was too late to back himself out of the debate.   
"I'm sure that the armor of the machines can handle a little damage.   
There hasn't even been an Angel attack for more than a month now - it's   
not like they're crawling out of the woodwork or something."  
  
Misato managed a weak grin, shaking her head loosely in the boy's   
direction. "And that's part of the problem, too. This is the longest   
lull that we've ever had since the Third Angel's attack, which either   
means that the Angels have decided to just wait for a while - which I   
don't believe for a second - or that they're due for another attempt.   
That would be soon, if it happens, and what does that leave us if you   
and Vash bang each other up too much?"  
  
"Two damaged Evas, I -get- that. Hence the point about being -careful-  
." Neil inwardly winced at his own words, knowing that he truly was   
getting nowhere and sounding rather foolish for it. "Come on, Misato,   
you know that you can trust us. Time us, cripple our weapons,   
whatever. I'm sure that there's a way to keep the machines from   
hurting each other, the sort of thing that you did during the war   
games."  
  
"Nobody expected anything to be touching the Evas during the war   
games. There wasn't any need to set up combat between the two of   
them." Shaking her head, Misato turned halfway away from Neil, trying   
to calm herself down. "Besides, Neil, it has nothing to do with   
trusting you. These aren't just particularly big toys that we happen   
to have lying around, these are military weapons. I can't just let you   
take them out to have fun with them."  
  
"Incorrect." The voice was harsh, almost grating, and both Neil and   
Misato were stunned for a moment at the simple sound of it before they   
both turned their heads upwards. Commander Ikari was leaning against   
the outermost edge of the highest level, arms at an angle and   
supproting his body, head tilted down just far enough so that his eyes   
could catch the conversation as it progressed below him. "You have   
full command over when the Evas are and are not deployed. It is well   
within your authority to launch two of them for the purposes of a   
training duel."  
  
Misato's face shifted into a dark frown as Neil felt his muscles tense   
unconsciously, the thought of Gendou supporting his position feeling   
more than a little uncomfortable. "It's not an appropriate use of the   
Evas, though," Misato offered, taking a step backwards to get a better   
look at the commander, her arms unconsciously folding across her   
chest. "Not to mention the potential risk to the pilots or the Evas   
themselves."  
  
"Using the Evas in a duel against one another provides actual   
information about the machines' capabilities in a combat situation. We   
have nothing else that can even approach the abilities of the Angels."   
The commander remained stationary as he looked down, his mouth only   
moving slightly and the motion difficult to see from the lower level.   
"As long as appropriate restrictions are placed on the weaponry   
available to the two Evas, damage to their systems should be minimal."  
  
The frown on Misato's face darkened as she flicked her eyes quickly   
towards Neil, still curious why the boy seemed so insistent about   
getting into the Eva in the first place. Something felt off, as though   
he and Gendou had discussed the possibility before she had been   
informed of it, circumventing the need to bring it up with her   
completely. "It strikes me as a bad idea, sir," she said, her gaze   
unwavering as she stared up towards the elder man, worried about what   
could happen to the boy standing next to her even as she wondered why   
Gendou was so enthralled by the concept.  
  
"Your concern is noted," replied Gendou, his tone unflinching.   
"However, I maintain that a mock battle between the two machines could   
provide useful information about their pilots and their capabilities."   
The man's lips curled ever so slightly at the edge, just enough to keep   
anyone on the level below from catching the gesture. "Neil has not   
piloted EVA-01 since his assimilation by the machine. It is important   
to ensure that he is still fully capable of acting in his duty as the   
Third Child."  
  
"Fine," muttered Misato, offering only a curt nod to the commander   
before turning towards Neil. The boy simply stared at her, glancing   
quickly back towards the top level to see that Gendou had moved away   
from the edge of the level before letting his eyes focus on Misato.   
She was obviously angry at the situation, something that Neil knew full   
well was at least partially his fault, reminding himself in the back of   
his mind that if he'd just let Vash ask the question Gendou might not   
have offered any support. "Well, Neil, looks like you're getting what   
you wanted."  
  
"Lucky me," he replied, turning somewhat weakly towards the elevator to   
head down and change into his plugsuit. He'd been doing his best to   
ignore the gnawing doubt in the back of his mind, forget about the   
taunts of his double and his conversation with Gendou, but they were   
both glaring in his mind now, and as he pressed the button to call the   
elevator he couldn't help but wonder if history was about to repeat   
itself.  
  
]++[  
  
His arm still felt uncomfortable beneath the tight plugsuit fabric,   
something that he took as a less than stellar indicator as he pulled   
himself into the cockpit, feet echoing against the empty metal of the   
chamber. "Still, can't let it keep me down," he muttered to himself,   
sliding into the cockpit as the hatch snapped shut, hands closing   
around the metal handrests and testing their range of motion quickly as   
the entry plug lurched. He was nervous, something that he was doing   
his best to ignore as the plug swayed slightly, breath coming faster as   
he let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the unactivated plug.  
  
A mechanical cacophony filled the air, signaling to Vash that the plug   
was about to be inserted into the Eva, the machine that he still didn't   
want to pilot even though he knew that he had little choice left in the   
matter. It wasn't a comforting thought as the plug slid in, the fact   
that he was being strung along, similar to some extent to his situation   
with the thirteenth Angel. "Well, too late to back out now," he   
muttered, releasing the handrests and drumming his fingers against the   
nearest part of the cockpit seat with one hand. "Besides, I've got   
nothing to worry about. I'll show everybody that I'm as good as I say   
I am, and then things will just go back to normal."  
  
Sitting inside of his own Eva, Neil had no idea that Vash was in any   
way tense about the situation, though having learned that would have   
been unlikely to alleviate his own stress. He couldn't get Gendou's   
words out of his head, nor could he forget the creeping suspicion that   
the only reason Gendou had taken his side was because of what he'd said   
the previous day. More even than that, however, he was afraid of what   
would happen when he synchronized Eva, unsure of whether or not he'd   
hear the other's mocking tones anew. "I'm doing my best," he muttered,   
breath coming irregularly as the hatch in the Eva's back closed above   
him. "There's nothing more to it. I'm doing my best."  
  
Clicking noises that Neil had only distantly noticed before suddenly   
jumped out at him, and his fists tightened to the point of pain as his   
whole body tensed for a second, realizing only afterwards that it was   
simply the noise of the Eva's LCL injection systems activating. It did   
little to alleviate his stress, however, and his eyes watched with   
minor trepidation as the orange-red liquid crept up from the bottom of   
the angled plug, slowly filling the chamber as it made its way towards   
the boy. A rush of terror and anticipation went through his body as it   
moved, and instinctively he found himself gulping down breaths of air   
as it quickly ascended up and past his ankles, covering his legs in   
what seemed like the blink of an eye. It was as shocking as the first   
time that he'd ever been immersed in the cloying blood-liquid, and he   
pitched forward from coughing as the liquid sloughed into his lungs, a   
tickling feeling running up and down his throat as his breathing   
restored.  
  
"Both pilots have begun their synchronization procedures," announced   
Maya, sparing a quick sideways glance towards Misato as she let her   
hands move swiftly across the keyboard, more than aware of the tension   
running behind the other woman's eyes. "EVA-06 is currently at 31% and   
rising normally..." She paused, her brow furrowing as she watched the   
other Eva's gauge momentarily, drawing Misato's attention. "EVA-01   
doesn't seem to be synchronizing at all."  
  
"Are you certain?" asked Misato, leaning over and squinting hard at the   
display, as though it was simply a matter of Maya not looking hard   
enough. The small indicator for the synch ratio remained flashing at   
the zero mark, no sign of even the slightest motion from it. For a   
moment, Misato wondered if something was wrong with the machine, but as   
she turned and stepped towards the microphone she began to feel the   
vaguest inkling of what might be going on instead. "Neil?" she said,   
keeping her voice as calm as possible. "Your synch rate isn't   
increasing at all. Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, sorry. I was just distracted." The boy let out a low sigh, his   
hands flexing about the handrests simply out of a need for something to   
break his tention even momentarily, the LCL tasting bloody against his   
tongue. He was afraid of what might happen if he let the Eva's mind   
brush against his again, afraid of hearing the sinister mocking tones   
of his double anew, but gritting his teeth he forced himself to take a   
deep breath. "I'm going to have to pilot this again at some point   
anyways," he breathed quietly, gently extending his mind outwards,   
adrenaline slowly trickling into his bloodstream. "This is what I came   
back to do in the first place."  
  
To Neil's surprise, the pressure that he was accustomed to feeling from   
the Eva wasn't there, instead replaced by an odd sensation that Neil   
couldn't quite put a name to. It was still hateful, but there was   
something tempering it, almost a sort of eagerness for the boy's mind   
to join with it, as though it reveled in the idea of a chance for   
further destruction. "There," he said, his voice sounding weak through   
the liquid-filled chamber. "How does it look now?"  
  
"Good. Your synch ratio's up to 50%, better than your average." Vash   
could hear the awkward pause in Misato's voice, and he knew that   
something was wrong with his synchronization, that he hadn't quite   
reached his previous levels. "Vash... you've hit 45%, barely. It's   
still lingering close to lower levels. We can hold on for another few   
minutes, if you're not ready to -"  
  
"I'm ready," snarled Vash, his teeth gritting almost involuntarily as   
he kicked himself mentally, more than aware of the fact that he was   
doing a horrendous job of making himself appear anything but   
incapable. He didn't understand why the Eva was resisting him,   
especially with the amount of concentration he was devoting to the   
damned machine, his hands wrapped as tightly as they could go around   
the metal handrests. "It'll pick up in a minute or so, I'm certain.   
Let's just get on with this."  
  
Misato bit her lip momentarily, then gestured towards Maya, the young   
woman giving a quick nod before hitting the button to send the two   
golems racing towards the exterior of the Geo-Front. "You'll both find   
a number of weapons on the surface," announced Misato, trying her best   
to sound professional as she flicked her eyes quickly towards the   
highest level to scan for the commander. He was sitting and observing,   
watching like a hawk as the main screen displayed the Evas in motion.   
"They're all rigged as they were in the war games - they can't do any   
actual damage, but your systems will register them. Both of your prog   
knives have had their vibrational systems disabled, so while you can   
still use them and the other progressive weaponry, they won't be nearly   
as lethal."  
  
The noise of the launch sequence was interrupted by the quick noise of   
opening exit pads, and with a loud clang both Children felt their Evas   
lurch to a stop, the hatches closing behind them and leaving the two   
standing unsupported. "Vash's Eva requires a power cord, but now that   
Neil's has an S2 organ it can produce effectively unlimited power for   
itself," announced Misato's voice, cutting through the sudden silence   
as both Evas seemed to survey one another. "Still, the weaponry won't   
be able to damage the cord, so if you're going to fight fairly it won't   
come into play." Misato paused briefly, as though she was reluctant to   
continue. "And most importantly, be careful. Don't kill each other."  
  
Neither Eva moved immediately, though both of the pilots were flicking   
their eyes about the battlefield, taking a quick mental note of the   
various weapons scattered about on the ground, available for immediate   
usage. It was a test of nerves to see who would move first, an   
agonizing time that seemed to stretch on forever, both golems simply   
staring at the other and making only the slightest movements. Then,   
with a sudden crash, both moved for the nearest weapons, kicking up   
clouds of dirt and foliage around them as they snatched up their   
instruments of destruction and brought them to bear.  
  
Vash had always preferred handguns to other firearms, one of the more   
minor details that he carried over from the source of his nickname. It   
was of some minor consolation to him that the nearest weapons available   
to him were twin pistols, Eva-scaled but otherwise identical to human   
weaponry, gleaming black against the artificial daylight of the Geo-  
Front. Not wasting a moment, Vash brought the weapons around even as   
he saw EVA-01 rising, letting the targeting crosshairs circle and flash   
green on the form of the purple golem before slamming back the triggers   
and letting both flash forth with their assault. "First strike," he   
announced, a minor grin rolling across his lips.  
  
Ducking and rolling, Neil forced himself to keep a grip on his weapon,   
the structure of the gun unfamiliar to him but the intent perfectly   
obvious. He could feel the anger from before bubbling in the back of   
his mind, his eyes fixing firmly on Vash as the bullets from the other   
boy's gun exploded harmlessly against a rockface. Knowing that he only   
had a momentary chance to even aim, Neil brought up the gun, bracing it   
against his shoulder as he lashed out with a quick burst of fire, not   
bothering to let the crosshairs in hopes that he'd be able to throw off   
Vash at least slightly.  
  
The blasts exploded to one side of Vash's Eva, but unable to tell where   
Neil was firing Vash jerked his machine to one side, losing his lock on   
Neil even as Neil managed to get the crosshairs to flash a quick green   
acknowledgement. Another pull of the trigger sent a ripple across   
Vash's AT Field, the impact throwing off the other boy slightly as Neil   
felt his face curl into a grimace. He hated to enjoy the situation,   
hated the fact that he found it somehow liberating, but he could do   
nothing to alleviate the sensation, his breath naturally coming faster   
as he kept Vash pinned under a stream from his weapon.  
  
Relaxing almost the second that he saw the unmistakable ripple of his   
AT Field, Vash let himself relax for a moment, forcing himself to   
remain calm even as the sound of impacts with the bullets filled the   
air. Glancing about quickly to get a full view of the surroundings,   
Vash's eyes settled on the lake only a short distance away, and after a   
momentary pause he flung himself into the air, letting Neil's shots   
begin to bite into rock as his green Eva hurled towards the lake. Both   
pistols trained towards the purple goliath, letting the indicator flash   
green just as he impacted hard with the surface of the water, sending   
up a massive spray of water as he resumed firing.  
  
Neil couldn't see the green Eva behind the cascading sheet of water   
that exploded upwards, but he could guess at the other boy's intent,   
and he forced his machine into motion even as the bullets whipped past   
his location, focusing his weapon's bullets on the lake, letting the   
rifle fire until it clicked out of ammo just as the waters began to   
fall back to their natural postion. The green Eva stood in the center   
of the lake, water dripping slowly off its body, looking like some   
abomination spawned from the depths of the underground as it slowly let   
the liquid roll off it. Gritting his teeth more tightly, Neil hurled   
his rifle with all his strength towards Vash, diving for the nearest   
other weapon as Vash's handguns whipped up towards him.  
  
Seeing a rifle whirl towards him was not what Vash had expected, and   
Vash forced his Eva to one side as he tried to train his guns back on   
the boy, determined to continue looking better than the other boy,   
knowing that he had at least managed to start well. "I have to make   
them see me like they used to," he snarled, distantly feeling the LCL   
rush about his body as he let his guns fire off with steady pulses,   
smoke erupting from the barrel as Neil's machine slowly moved back to   
its feet.  
  
The weapon in Neil's hand was a shotgun, a weapon that he'd never had a   
chance to use before that felt a little too heavy for his arms.   
Ignoring it, he pumped the shotgun once and let the barrel swing   
towards Vash's location, slamming on the trigger and letting out a   
powerful burst of smoke even as he remained moving. The Geo-Front was   
beginning to clog with smoke and dust, but Neil could still see EVA-06   
diving to one side as the shotgun's blast bit against thin air, the   
green Eva tossing aside both handguns and pausing for a moment before   
hefting a rocket launcher.  
  
"In this case, I don't have to worry about holding back," Vash   
announced with a smirk, knowing he was misquoting but not caring as he   
let the launcher fire twice. Twin contrails of fire and smoke snaked   
out from the launcher, veering about even as 01 began to lurch away   
from the attack. One rocket exploded harmlessly against a cliff, but   
the second slammed into Neil's AT Field, sending the purple Eva   
sprawling as Vash trained the launcher back on his opponent. He was no   
longer thinking entirely clearly, something that distantly resonated in   
his brain as he idly wondered if his synch ratio had improved at all.   
"Let's see if we can't get rid of your AT Field, Neil."  
  
"Both pilots are currently at 50% synch ratio with their machines.   
Still a little lower than Vash's normal totals, but more than   
impressive." Maya paused, flicking her eyes towards the main screen   
and watching as Neil's Eva kicked hard against the dirt, sending the   
machine skidding away from a pair of explosions before Neil forced it   
back into a standing postion. "Both of their AT Fields are holding   
steady at 92% power. They could be at this for hours at this rate."  
  
"Let's hope not," replied Misato, resisting the temptation to lean into   
the microphone and declare that the duel was over, knowing that Gendou   
would have none of it as he sat overhead. Even with the crippled   
weaponry, Misato couldn't shake the feeling that something could go   
seriously wrong, the nagging doubt that Neil had managed to destroy   
Vash once before and would be more than willing to do it again. It   
felt almost as though she was betraying the boy, but as bursts of   
gunfire flashed across them main screen and whipped clouds of smoke and   
dust into maddening patterns, she couldn't shake the sensation,   
couldn't wonder how far the boys were willing to go to win.  
  
The last few rockets harmlessly exploded against nothing, and a smile   
emerged across Neil's lips as he realized the green Eva was out of   
rockets, able to see the beast clearly even through the hazy mist of   
battle that they'd kicked up. He took a distant mental note that the   
LCL around him was beginning to acquire a red tint instead of its usual   
transparency during operation, but his primary focus was on snatching   
up the oddly-shaped gun lying at his feet, letting the barrel whip   
around to point at his opponent even as Vash scrambled towards the   
nearest weapon. "Enjoy," he announced, sneering as his finger slammed   
down on the trigger, the explosion of smoke from the weapon sending a   
thrill down his spine even as he felt a mild pang of guilt for enjoying   
himself so much.  
  
Vash had never seen anything like the gun that Neil held in his hand,   
but the harsh impact from the blast hurled his machine against the   
nearest obstruction, octagonal ripples from the AT Field filling his   
line of vision completely as he struggled to recover from the shock.   
Another loud snap of fire filled the air, and knowing full well what   
was coming Vash rolled to the side, letting the projectile burst   
ineffectively against the cliff he'd been pinned against moments   
earlier, his eyes scanning the ground before seizing upon a pair of   
shotguns. Smirking, Vash grabbed the weapons, waiting until Neil had   
fired another shot before dropping to a crouch and aiming the twin   
weapons. Despite their bulk, they felt perfectly comfortable in his   
hands, a benefit of his machine's strength that he was more than   
thankful for as he let the guns fire off.  
  
"I'm enjoying this plenty, Neil," taunted Vash, his voice cutting   
through the noise of gunfire as Neil whirled his machine around and   
fired another quick shot towards the shotgun-wielding golem across from   
him. "What about you?" Another shot lashed out from Neil's weapon,   
his breath coming faster and harder, the red tint in the LCL seeming   
more pronounced and beginning to obscure the battlefield behind clouds   
of reddish smoke. "Are you having fun yet?"  
  
Both shotguns slammed into Neil's AT Field, and he felt his hand   
unintentionally release his weapon as he fell backwards, the impact   
more than enough to send him to the ground. Gritting his teeth, he   
forced his eyes shut for a moment, knowing that he had to relax, that   
he didn't want to have anything to do with the angry mind of the Eva.   
"I have to keep this under control," he muttered, hands groping around   
the ground for a weapon as he let his eyes open, glancing towards Vash   
to see the other machine training its weaponry on Neil's position.   
"Even if it means that I lose to Vash, I can't let myself get carried   
away..."  
  
Within half a second, Neil's hands brushed across the handle of a   
weapon even as he watched Vash begin to fire again, and without   
thinking the boy grabbed the hilt of the weapon and rolled aside, not   
even noticing what he was holding until he had scrambled back to his   
feet and pointed it towards Vash. He'd expected another gun, but in   
his hands was a sword, an elegantly curved katana whose blade seemed to   
reach up past the boy's head, the hilt perfectly shaped for an Eva to   
grip it, armor surrounding the hilt to protect the machine's hands.   
Neil stared for a moment, then grasped the hilt with his other hand,   
brandishing the weapon for only a moment before he began running   
towards EVA-06.  
  
"Silly move, Neil, bringing a sword to a gunfight," Vash called,   
letting both shotguns lash out towards his opponent as he took a step   
backwards. The sheer sense of power from the guns was appreciable, the   
kickback a solid and easy feeling as he watched Neil lunge to one   
side, releasing his dual-handed grip on the blade and letting it trail   
along in the ground beside him as he ran. A trail of dust followed the   
purple golem as it moved, but Vash forced himself not to worry, letting   
the shotguns fire again, his Eva more than capable of dealing with the   
weight of the weapons as EVA-01 again lunged to one side faster than   
Vash had expected it to be able to. "Come on, damn it, hit him," he   
snarled, moving more quickly, swinging his guns from left to right,   
trying his best to hit Neil as the other boy swung back and forth.  
  
Neil was forcing himself to breathe slowly, the red tint in the LCL   
faded as he came closer and closer to Vash, right hand gripping the   
weapon in his hand as tightly as possible. He could feel the blasts   
from the shotgun whipping just past him, but he ignored it, forcing   
himself to simply focus on the task at hand as he lunged closer and   
closer to the green Eva, waiting until what seemed like the last   
possible moment before dropping into a crouch and springing upwards.   
Bringing the katana back into a striking position, he held the blade   
over his head as he began his descent, waiting as he fell until his   
position was perfect before bringing it down with all of his strength.  
  
A mild wave of panic washed over Vash as the gargantuan blade tore into   
his AT field, cutting the octagonal waves in half even as Neil's field   
dissolved into thin air. There was a momentary pause from the two   
Evas, Neil landing hard and kicking up a cloud of dust around them with   
his katana buried in the dirt. Then Vash's eyes narrowed, realizing   
the opportunity as he brought around both of the shotguns to point at   
Neil's head. "That was pretty dumb, Neil," he taunted, taking a deep   
breath and relishing the style of his victory as he slammed down on the   
triggers.  
  
The sound of both shotguns firing filled Neil's ears, a horrifically   
loud noise that took him a moment to recover from even though he'd   
jerked himself just far enough forward that he didn't think Vash's guns   
would hit him. For a moment, he wondered if he'd been wrong, then he   
saw that his head had moved just within the range of the other boy's   
arms, the guns poking at the space it had occupied moments earlier.   
Taking the opportunity, Neil lunged forward, letting the jagged chin of   
his machine impact hard against the green armor of Vash's Eva, sending   
the other staggering back enough for Neil to yank out his katana in a   
sudden burst of dirt and greenery. Vash had already recovered his   
bearings, but Neil was more than ready to move, stepping elegantly to   
the side as Vash fired again.  
  
Cursing as his shots flew wide, Vash stumbled back from a sudden slash   
from Neil, his targeting cursor flying wide as he took another quick   
step away from the boy. Shaking his head, Vash ignored the cursor and   
pointed the guns himself, firing quickly at the other boy at a range   
too close for him to possibly dodge. Neil's Eva stepped far enough to   
avoid the bulk of the blast, but the shot scored across the purple   
machine's upper arm, giving Vash some small satisfaction once again at   
having gotten the first shot in on his opponent. Then he felt the   
electric sting of the katana impacting hard against his forearm, and   
out of sheer reflex his hand released one of the shotguns as he   
staggered backwards, his Eva flashing a damage warning about his left   
arm.  
  
It was becoming harder and harder to remain calm, but Neil forced   
himself to try, blocking out any thoughts of his opponent as he swung   
the katana in wide arcs, only noticing the green machine's position   
relative to the trailing path of the blade. A missed slash sent the   
sword embedding itself into a cliff, and as Neil tugged hard on it he   
knew that Vash would take the opportunity to attack, gritting his teeth   
in anticipation of the minor pain that he knew would accompany getting   
shot. Sure enough, tiny pinpricks that shot through his skin like   
liquid fire emerged along his left arm as the noise of the weapon   
firing filled the air, but Neil forced himself to ignore the damage as   
best he could, bringing around the blade in another arc and scoring   
clear across 06's chest.  
  
Stumbling backwards, Vash took an instant to try and get his bearings,   
letting himself step away from another lunging cut by Neil as his mind   
began to formulate a plan. "I can't lose," he muttered, watching as   
the other boy brought the katana around and twisted the blade in his   
hands, trying to hit the remaining shotgun out of Vash's hand. "I've   
made things bad enough as it is, I can't afford to lose now." Aiming   
his shotgun, he slammed down on the trigger, and with a smile he   
watched as Neil stepped to one side of where he thought the gun was   
aimed, seeming utterly shocked as the blast impacted hard against the   
blade in his hands.  
  
The shimmering weapon flew backwards and embedded itself in the ground,   
and Vash's smile grew wider as he trained the shotgun on Neil's chest   
and slammed on the trigger again. Instead of the satisfying noise and   
smoke of the gun, however, he heard only a loud click, and glancing   
quickly down at the shotgun both he and Neil realized what had   
happened. Vash glanced up at the purple Eva, both combatants frozen   
for a moment as they looked for the nearest weapon, Vash's eyes   
settling on a nearby rifle. A moment more lingered in peace, the   
drifting clouds of smoke and dust the only thing moving on the field,   
then Vash hurled his gun to the side and dove for the rifle, only   
distantly aware of Neil's eva lurching into motion as well.  
  
Certain that he'd managed to get Neil right where he wanted him, Vash   
scooped up the rifle and whirled around, finger easing against the   
trigger even as he spun to face the purple blur of Neil's machine. As   
soon as his finger had finished closing on the trigger, however, he saw   
a quick blur of motion from the other machine, then felt the rifle in   
his hand get knocked off to the side. It took him a second to realize   
what was going on, but by that time Neil had already twirled the spear   
in his hands around to knock the rifle clear out of Vash's grip, the   
weapon flying loose through the air. Vash had a moment longer to gape   
at the Eva, noticing that its eyes were beginning to turn a shade of   
green, then felt himself falling backwards as the spear slammed into   
his chest.  
  
EVA-06 fell to the ground as Neil drew the spear back, moving with   
swift but deliberate steps towards the other machine as his hands   
tightened around the weapon. His breath was coming faster now, the red   
tint beginning to seep through the LCL around him as he brought the   
spear around and pointed it dead at the throat of Vash's machine,   
knowing full well that the blade would still be more than able to cut   
through the neck even if it couldn't penetrate the Eva's armor. "It's   
over," he said firmly, pressing the spear just far enough down so that   
Vash couldn't yank it away without risking the point penetrating the   
skin of the Eva, a position that left little mystery as to the victor   
of the fight.  
  
"All right, boys, that's enough," snapped Misato, her concern about   
Neil's ultimate goal in the duel compounded by the scene before her,   
one hand tightened into a fist out of stress. Neil's Eva remained   
motionless, however, Vash pinned against the ground and in obvious   
danger. "Neil, it's time to let Vash get up. You know that."  
  
Sitting inside of the cockpit, Neil felt only a minor twitch of guilt   
as he thought about how easy it would be to simply force the spear   
down, wondering if it would be enough to kill the other boy. He knew   
that it was wrong, that he shouldn't do it, but something about the   
idea made it immensely appealing, despite Misato's warning to the   
contrary. The Eva's hands shifted excitedly around the haft of the   
spear, as though the great machine were simply waiting for Neil to go   
along with his desires, to thrust the pointed weapon forward and see   
what happened.  
  
"No," hissed Neil, closing his eyes as he forced the machine to   
withdraw the spear from the other boy's throat. There was a sensation   
of protest, but despite it he kept the arms moving, bringing the spear   
up and away from Vash before he stabbed it hard into the ground beside   
him. "I'm not going to act like that, even if I -am- like that."   
Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes flutter open again as he released   
the spear, the LCL clear around him once again, Vash's Eva looking   
almost relieved at the decision he'd made as he extended a hand   
downward. "Okay, Vash, we're done."  
  
Lying inside of his Eva, Vash felt his arms and legs going weak, the   
situation undeniable as he stared up at Neil. He'd been distantly   
aware of a nagging doubt in his head about what he'd find if he fought   
Neil, but as the thick LCL swirled gently around him he knew that he no   
longer had any chance of convincing anyone of who he was, that all of   
his weaknesses were plain to see for anyone who cared enough to look.   
It was proof enough to simply look at his defeat, to see that he'd been   
so clearly outmatched by the other boy. "Thanks," he said, his voice   
hesitant as he reached up and took the hand of the other machine,   
thankful that the other boy couldn't see his eyes as he wondered what   
he was going to do.  
  
]++[  
  
Each ring of the phone only made the situation worse, the slow beeping   
noise from the other line only compounding Niobe's worries as she   
forced herself to focus on the light of the setting sun outside the   
window. She was almost looking forward to no answer on the other end,   
but another part of her wondered what it would mean if her parents no   
longer were even willing to talk to her, if she'd lost the ability to   
merit their attention. "Why couldn't you call me?" she muttered,   
shifting her legs uncomfortably, the denim of her jeans feeling   
agonizingly rough against her chocolate skin.  
  
Then, like the sound of a gunshot, she heard the pick up on the other   
line, a momentary agony shooting through her body as she waited for the   
person on the other end to speak, knowing full well it would be her   
father. "Niobe," said the elder man harshly, his voice leaving no   
doubt in her mind as to how the conversation was going to go as she   
gently gritted her teeth. "You're five minutes late. That's the   
latest that you've ever been for our scheduled call time. I am not   
happy about that."  
  
Niobe grimaced. She wanted to say that she hadn't had any choice in   
the matter, that it had been her first chance to get into the shower   
without Ryo seeing her, but she knew full well that excuses would only   
make things worse, that she wouldn't have had to worry about Ryo in the   
first place if she hadn't managed to be such a spectacular failure.   
"You're right, fa- Joseph," she stammered, her voice trembling   
slightly. "I should have called sooner."  
  
"It's all right," replied the man on the other hand, giving Niobe a   
momentary pause as she wondered about whether or not he was actually   
pleased with her. "Frankly, I shouldn't be expecting even this much   
from you. You seem to have great difficulty managing anything else,   
the fact that you're late for a phone call comes as no surprise in the   
least."  
  
"Joseph..." Her voice trailed off for a moment, teeth biting hard   
against her lip as she forced herself not to cry, a thin layer of cold   
sweat beading across her forehead. "You're correct, and I'm ashamed   
about being late for the phone call, especially considering how long it   
was. But I..." She hesitated. "I don't understand what else I've   
done to make you upset with me."  
  
"Perhaps you should consider the fact that you are a failure, then,"   
replied Joseph, his voice harsh as Niobe's hand shifted against the   
receiver in her hand, sweat beginning to coat the deep black plastic   
coating as she shifted uncomfortably. "I've seen what happened during   
the battle with the Fourteenth Angel, Niobe, and I am not happy in the   
least. But even more than that, I've seen from the reports at NERV's   
central base that you haven't even been going in for your regular   
training. You've been sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself,   
nothing more."  
  
"That's not true!" snapped Niobe, her words tumbling out before she had   
the chance to think about it. "I've been waiting for my Eva to be   
repaired! There's no point in going in to practice if EVA-05 isn't   
available for me to -"  
  
"Don't you -dare- to talk back to me, young lady!" snapped Joseph, his   
voice loud and hard enough to snap Niobe into silence. It took all of   
her effort to avoid whimpering into the receiver, her entire body   
trembling from shock and fear, more than aware of what was coming.   
"You have no excuses for the way that you have been behaving lately.   
You were useless against the Twelfth, reckless against the Thirteenth,   
and nearly killed against the Fourteenth. You've failed to even   
approach being able to deal with an Angel on your own, and even your   
performance against the Eleventh was haphazard luck as much as   
anything."  
  
"I understand," Niobe sniffled, realizing a moment later that she'd   
allowed some noise of her sorrow to creep through the phone. A dulling   
terror seeped through her body, and she could hear her father's breath   
growing harsher on the other end of the phone, obviously displeased   
with her actions. "I'm not crying," she said, her voice hasty, forcing   
herself to resist the reflex to sniffle again. "I've just gotten a bit   
of a cold from Ryo, and -"  
  
"Now you're -lying- to me," growled Joseph, once again stunning the   
girl into silence, her body slowly trembling as each word seemed to   
lash out of the phone like a physical blow. "Pathetic. I'm more than   
aware of the fact that Ryo Ayanami is in perfect physical condition,   
just as much as I'm aware of the fact that he's actually been going in   
and doing his duty as an Eva pilot." He paused. "What does that say   
to -you-, Niobe? That a little bone-white boy can do better than you,   
the only daughter of Africa? What do you think other people will think   
when the nothing Japanese boy -"  
  
"He's not -nothing-!" snapped Niobe, a tear trickling down her cheek   
despite her best efforts as she screamed into the phone. Her breaths   
were coming shorter now, more ragged even as she tried to surpress her   
growing panic. "Dad, you don't know anything about Ryo, about how   
focused he is and how hard he -tries-! We're not enemies, we're both   
trying do the same thing!"  
  
A momentary silence came from the other end of the phone, and Niobe   
allowed herself the opportunity to briefly believe that her father was   
truly listening to her, that he was going to understand what she was   
saying and not be furious with her. It was a fantasy, and she knew it,   
simply let herself believe it for the scant few seconds until she heard   
her father sharply breathe in. "You talk back to me, you don't listen   
to me, and worst of all you called me -Dad-," sneered the man,   
obviously now finding easy fodder to be angry at the girl at the other   
end of the line. "But that's not what disturbs me the most. I can   
tell that you've gone and decided that you want to start -dating-. You   
and this boy have been doing this for a while, haven't you?"  
  
"Joseph, please, you don't understand," stammered Niobe, her eyes shut   
tight to try and hold back the floodgate of her tears. Her entire body   
was shivering now, the few seconds of the conversation more than enough   
to set her trembling despite the warmth of Tokyo-3's setting sunlight.  
  
"Don't assume that I don't understand something obvious, you lying   
little girl," snarled the man, his words sounding more hateful than   
Niobe could ever remember them being before. "You've been dating this   
boy behind my back. Bad enough that you're dating in the first place,   
letting yourself be distracted from more important things, but you have   
to pick the worst possible person, a Japanese boy instead of someone   
actually worthy of you, worthy of my daughter." There was a momentary   
pause, and Niobe tried to say something, but her voice caught in her   
throat as a choking sob, just quiet enough for Joseph not to hear her.   
"Fine. Why should it surprise me? Why should any of the worthless   
things that you do surprise me any more? You don't seem to care at all   
about all the time and effort that made you what you are, Niobe. All   
you care about is yourself, not success." The man snarled, the noise   
incoherent. "There's nothing left for me to say, Niobe, except for the   
fact that I've never been so disappointed in you."  
  
"Please don't say that," sniffled Niobe, her body shuddering so hard   
that she could barely even keep her hands steady enough to hold the   
phone, the only thing clearly visible through her tearing eyes the   
slowly-moving sunlight outside the window. "I'm your daughter,   
Joseph. You know that."  
  
"You're no daughter of mine. Not any more." Without so much as a   
goodbye, the phone clicked off, leaving only a dead dial tone ringing   
in Niobe's ear. She stared at the receiver for a moment, dumbfounded,   
then let her body pitch forward as she began to sob, her tears   
streaming down across her skin, small glittering furrows against the   
chocolate surface of her skin.  
  
She didn't even notice the noise of the front door opening and closing,   
or the sound of footsteps approaching her location. "Niobe?" asked   
Ryo, his voice enough to snap her to attention as he stepped towards   
her, red eyes wide as he extended a hand. She felt herself only slowly   
realizing what was happening, glancing quickly at the phone in terror   
before looking back towards Ryo. "Is something the matter? I heard   
you when I got home, and -"  
  
"Don't look at me," whispered Niobe, staggering off the couch and   
letting the phone drop to the floor, her vision blurred and head dizzy   
as she staggered to her feet. Ryo still stared, and she stepped away   
from the couch she had sat on, her feet unsteady, tears dripping from   
her eyes and splattering against the floor, the world swimming as the   
sunlight struck against the wall besides her in its last few beams.   
"Don't look at me!" She took a single haltering step forward, still   
unsteady on her feet, Ryo stepping backwards but still keeping her in   
clear sight. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!"  
  
Lunging forward, Niobe pushed past Ryo as her legs gained some minor   
measure of stability, just enough to send her barreling past the pale   
blue-haired boy and towards her room. The door didn't seem to want to   
open fast enough, but the second that it allowed her entrance she let   
it slam behind her, hurling her body towards the bed, her sobs   
escalating to wails as she felt the soft fabric of the sheets embrace   
her.  
  
"I've failed him," she moaned, ignoring the noise of Ryo gently   
knocking on the door and asking her to come out, knowing that she'd   
already made more than enough of a fool out of herself in his eyes.   
"I've failed Joseph, I've failed Ryo, I've failed me. I'm worthless."   
Her fingers clutched tightly at the bedsheets, tears dripping into them   
and sending out small bursts of moisture across the fabric. "Why   
couldn't I have just destroyed that damn Angel? Why?"  
  
No answer was forthcoming, and Niobe simply let herself continue to   
sob, knowing for certain that she wouldn't be forgiven her failures   
this time, that Joseph was too angry with her failure for anything to   
make it all right again. Her body shuddered, and pressing her body   
hard against the bed she wished that it would absorb her, that she   
could simply dissolve away into its folds instead of trying to prove   
herself worthy of anything ever again. She only distantly noticed when   
Ryo moved away from her door, her eyes still holding the images of the   
setting sun from the window, the recollection of light not nearly   
enough to chase away the dark shadows that had overtaken her eyes.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
A city lies shattered.  
An enemy lies in waiting.  
A child lies broken.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 21: BROKEN HALOS  
"Even my own body doesn't want me to walk any more."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	21. Broken Halos

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 21: BROKEN HALOS +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness. The  
Lord delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on  
the Lord's annointed.  
- 1 SAMUEL 26:23  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2007 ]  
  
The entire world outside was filled with fire, a concept that would  
have fascinated Niobe far more if she wasn't painfully aware of how  
distressed her mother was. "Your father should have been home by now,"  
the elder woman said, wringing her hands, glancing anxiously out the  
window of the house as a resounding shout seemed to shake the building  
to the bottom layers of its foundations. "He shouldn't be out in  
this." Niobe, for her part, didn't know what was wrong in being  
outside at the moment - it looked like everyone was having lots of fun,  
shouting and jumping and waving candles and torches around. Her mother  
seemed to think differently, a confusing concept for a girl not quite  
seven years old.  
  
"Where are you, Joseph?" muttered her mother, the words obviously not  
intended to hit Niobe's ears. It was enough to provoke the young girl  
to move away from the window, however, walking slowly towards her  
mother as the elder woman stared into nothingness nervously. Her ebon  
hair was trailing down behind the back of the chair she sat at, the  
lines of her face thrown into stark relief by the light shining from  
the lamp in one corner of the room. "You have a wife and daughter now,  
you old fool, don't try to be a hero, not today, please..."  
  
A shattering noise filled the air, and both mother and daughter whipped  
their heads around to stare at the window, the world seeming to move in  
slow motion as the dull-red brick flew through the field of glistening  
glass shards and impacted hard against the wooden floor. "Jesus  
Christ," gasped Niobe's mother, grabbing the young girl and yanking her  
away from the window, pulling her close enough for it to almost hurt.  
"Niobe, thank God that you came over. Stay near mommy right now, okay?"  
  
"Mommy, what's going on?" asked Niobe, beginning to understand why her  
mother had been so worried, doubting that she wanted to have anything  
to do with a group of people throwing bricks through windows. "It  
looks like all those people are having a party or something, but why  
are they throwing bricks at us?"  
  
"Oh, God, Niobe, I wish that you didn't have to deal with this," sighed  
the woman, slowly rubbing her dauther's head, a sure sign that she  
didn't intend to answer Niobe's question. "You'll understand more when  
you're older, but you shouldn't have to understand any of this, not in  
this day and age." The woman sighed, looking towards the other windows  
nervously. "Where in the world is your father? For that matter, where  
in the world are the security guards? Gehirn should be protecting the  
families of its employees -"  
  
The doorknob rattled hard, and Niobe's mother strengthened a grip, now  
definitively too tight as she stood and pulled herself away from the  
door. There were no words now, only the sound of shouting from outside  
growing as the knob rattled more firmly, a dry thump hitting the wood  
before the handle turned all the way and a dark form staggered into the  
room.  
  
"-Joseph!-" shouted Niobe's mother, placing Niobe down on the ground  
before rushing over and slamming the door shut behind her husband.  
Niobe was baffled, utterly confused about what had happened to her  
father. She knew how strong he was, but there were drops of crimson  
slowly falling from his body and splattering against the floor, and his  
entire body was hunched over as though from pain, nothing like the tall  
and imposing man that Niobe recognized. "Christ, Joseph, where the  
hell have you -been-? This is the worst that the riots have been in  
years, and you pick tonight of all nights to be late."  
  
"It wasn't a choice," replied the man, slowly drawing himself back to  
his full height, his clothes visibly dissheveled and torn, a few  
streaks of blood darkening the fabric. "They assaulted my car when I  
was on my way home - the first time I was able to get past them, but  
they overwhelmed me about a block away. Just barely managed to get  
back before they tried anything more drastic."  
  
Niobe stood and stared at her father, utterly confused about how he  
could be hurt, knowing full well that he was too big and strong for  
anything to hurt him. His eyes lighted momentarily on the girl as  
Niobe's mother grabbed a chair, letting the main slump down on  
something to support him, her hands brushing over his body anxiously.  
"Oh, God, Joseph, I'm just glad that you're all right," she gasped,  
tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. "Where the hell  
are the UN forces that are supposed to be protecting us?"  
  
"On their way. They're having trouble getting around, though. The  
rioters have been getting smarter, cutting off access routes and  
closing them in. It's almost like a war zone out there at times." He  
sighed, shaking his head limply. "I'm sorry, I should have gotten a  
special retinue for you. I didn't even think about what the two of you  
would go through, surrounded by these filthy hooligans. All I could  
think of was trying to get the rest of the area organized, to try and  
keep things under control."  
  
"Don't worry about it, beloved," replied Niobe's mother, her hands  
stroking the man's forehead before she drew herself back up to full  
height. "I'll run upstairs and get some bandages. We'll get you  
patched up here - I'm not going to risk a trip to the hospital at this  
point."  
  
Letting her fingers linger upon her husband for only a second longer,  
Niobe's mother headed away, her black hair fluttering behind her as  
Niobe stared up at her father. His breathing seemed labored, a small  
blossom of crimson blood welling on his forehead, hands slowly tensing  
and relaxing. "Daddy?" she asked, taking a hesitant step forward, not  
entirely certain of what was going on and becoming more frightened by  
the moment. "What's going on outside? Who hurt you?"  
  
Joseph said nothing immediately, simply smiled weakly, his eyes focused  
on his daughter with an odd look glistening behind them. "I'm sorry,  
Niobe," he offered, gesturing for her to come closer even as she took  
hesitant steps. "I wish that you didn't have to grow up in this world,  
with all these people around you. I wish that you could have grown up  
in your home as the empress of your land, not a second-class citizen in  
a land raped by the white men."  
  
The man sighed, and Niobe took another step forward, still utterly  
confused as to what her father was talking about. "Listen, Niobe. I'm  
going to tell you something very important." Pausing, her father  
leaned closer to her, one hand closing gently against the side of her  
head, something tender and at the same moment harsh glistening in the  
depths of his eyes. "You have to be the best at everything. These  
white men that rule our world, they think that your skin left you  
destined for failure, and they'll force you to prove you're worth  
anything. Unless you're better than them, they'll just try to push you  
down." He paused, sighing heavily as he stared into his daughter's  
eyes. "Will you do that for me? Will you promise that to daddy?"  
  
Niobe bit her lower lip, her arms falling behind her body as she  
squeezed her hands together, trying to figure out what was going on.  
Somebody had hurt her father, she understood that, but she still didn't  
understand why, nor did she understand all of the people shouting and  
throwing things outside. It was more stimulation than she'd expected,  
and she felt - if she could have put such thoughts into words - that  
she was standing on the cusp of something far beyond her  
understanding. "I promise, daddy," she replied, taking another step  
towards her father. "I don't want anybody else to hurt you."  
  
A more earnest smile made its way across Joseph's lips, and Niobe felt  
a warm flood of happiness at the sight of her father returning to  
normal, a great comfort to her young mind. She knew that she wanted  
almost nothing more than to make her father happy, that she wanted to  
somehow make up for whoever had hurt him. Whatever had happened, she  
knew that it had made him sad, and she didn't want that to happen, not  
to her father. Not if she could help it.  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2016 ]  
  
It was an oddly hazy day outside, the mid-day sun of Tokyo-3 shining  
through the open window like fire, casting long streaks of light and  
distorted shadows across the living room. The back of Niobe's mind was  
reveling in the light, happy to have something to chase away the  
shadows, even as pain raced up and down her leg and kept her biting  
down hard on her lower lip. Even the steady heat flooding inward and  
causing beads of sweat to slowly emerge along her dark skin was worth  
the light of the sun, the light still better than the bleak darkness of  
the rest of the apartment.  
  
Her leg lay at a painful angle, as though it had chosen to stop just  
short of twisting itself to the breaking point, the pain still racing  
up and down from her ankle. Yellow ribbons adorned her calves, laced  
up meticulously and tied tightly, looking for all the world as though  
they'd been donned by someone of professional quality. But as she  
stared at her ankle, letting the agony seep through her skin, she knew  
that a professional wouldn't have slipped, wouldn't have let herself  
fail again.  
  
Sighing, the girl forced herself to her feet, her legs moving slowly as  
she balanced gently on the ankle. Her pain abated slightly, but a dull  
throbbing ache still trickled outwards, and as she tried to tense the  
muscles to return to her toes the pain redoubled and stabbed through  
like needles of fire. Gritting her teeth tightly, Niobe tried to force  
herself, knowing that she couldn't let pain hold her back, hoping that  
the damage was only skin deep and that the ankle would simply  
relinquish its protests in a few moments.  
  
The ankle refused to support her with a sudden spasm, and Niobe felt  
herself fall backwards for only a second before the floor hit her back  
hard. "FUCK!" she shouted, the word shouted simply for the catharsis  
of saying something, pinpricks of pain blossoming across her back as  
she drew her leg closer to her and gingerly touched the ankle. Pain  
greeted a gentle touch, and with a sigh she realized that she'd twisted  
it, that she'd once again managed to fail at a simple task. "God damn  
it -all-, I could -do- this," she snarled, closing her eyes tightly for  
a second before rolling on to her stomach.  
  
Joseph still wasn't even answering her phone calls, though Niobe could  
hardly blame him after the way that she'd acted towards him. Simply  
thinking about her actions stung something terrible, and she could  
remember the sound of his voice all too clearly, her hands tensing  
unconsciously at the thought. As she pushed herself back up to her  
knees, she felt a wet warmth beginning to flood out behind her eyes,  
the beginnings of tears forming as she tried to stumble up to her  
feet. "I failed him," she muttered, a sigh escaping her lips as she  
tried to relax and avoid crying once again. "I let him down."  
  
Her ankle was still protesting loudly at having her weight supported by  
it, but Niobe ignored the minor spasms of pain as she began to shuffle  
back towards her room, any hope of actually getting something  
accomplished now gone from her mind. She simply wanted to change out  
of the leotard clinging against her skin and fall asleep, to find some  
way to dull the self-loathing that permeated her world. "But that  
wouldn't help anything," she muttered, shaking her head as another bolt  
of pain raced up from her ankle. "I'd still be a failure, still be  
letting Joseph down. It'd be even worse, because I'd just be feeling  
sorry for myself."  
  
A single tear managed to worm its way free of Niobe's eye, falling and  
lightly splattering against the floor as she continued along her path,  
the light of the living room receding behind her as she tried to brush  
away whatever tears remained in her eyes. She almost couldn't stand to  
be in the light and the comfort of the sun, feeling as though she  
hardly deserved it, as though she were ashamed of what she was.  
Another spasm of pain rocked her ankle, and with a small gasp Niobe  
fell towards the floor again, the ankle giving out and sending her  
falling forward this time.  
  
Niobe's arms struck the floor hard, holding her just the slightest bit  
away from the hard wood beneath her, her eyes shut tight as new tears  
slowly formed in her eyes. "I'm to crawl, then?" she asked of nobody,  
her upper body slowly lowering down to the floor as her raven-black  
hair fell down about her. "Even my own body doesn't want me to walk  
any more. I don't deserve the right to -walk-, much less to be an Eva  
pilot. Much less to be -anything-."  
  
Tears began to fall from the girl's eyes towards the floor, and Niobe  
let out a small gasping sob as she began to pull herself across the  
floor, the cold hardness of the wood sliding across the thin fabric and  
sending a minor shiver through her spine. She wished, in the back of  
her mind, that Ryo was in the apartment, that the red-eyed boy was  
beside her when she needed somebody more than anything. A sigh escaped  
her lips at the thought, her heart grown wistful as she thought of him,  
the way that he'd looked standing in the moonlight the one night that  
she'd first truly begun to fall for him.  
  
"But I'm nothing to him," she half-moaned, her arms continuing to pull  
her along as the light receded further, dirt and dust from the floor  
slowly accumulating along the length of her body, the fabric thin  
enough for her to feel as each new object adhered itself to her. Still  
quietly sobbing and hating herself all the more for giving in to  
sadness, Niobe slowly pushed herself towards her room, wondering what  
she would do after everything was over, knowing beyond a doubt that she  
was no longer welcome in her father's home or Ryo's home.  
  
]++[  
  
It was a test like nearly any other that he had grown accustomed to,  
the LCL washing over his body as he waited in the vertical chamber,  
eyes doing their best to focus on something even as he knew that the  
best course of action was to focus on nothing. He'd never had any  
problem with that routine before, never had failed to be able to clear  
his mind of thoughts as Gendou had instructed, but for the first time  
that he could remember he was stuck, other things lingering within his  
thoughts. As the force of the LCL slowly forced him around and his  
eyes lighted on Gendou and Ritsuko, he knew that they were aware of  
that fact, could see their disappointment etched on their faces.  
  
But even still, the thoughts lingered in Ryo's mind, thoughts that he  
knew would have angered the commander immensely had he said anything.  
He had done his best to follow routine with Niobe, but it had been  
difficult if not impossible, and more to the point it didn't seem to be  
achieving the desired effect. Something was wrong, something that he  
couldn't figure out logically, and he was beginning to find himself  
wondering if there was truly a point to holding on to the routine. It  
was a thought that he would have considered insane not so long ago, but  
he couldn't shake the picture of Niobe fleeing from him after she'd  
gotten off of the phone, the way that her words had been something more  
than simply a method of communication.  
  
"Ryo." The voice was Gendou's, curt and professional, something  
beneath his voice letting Ryo know that he was not pleased with the way  
that the tests had been going. It stirred something within Ryo's  
chest, knowing that the man was not pleased, a sensation that Ryo had  
no words for aside from a vague perception of the fact. "We are  
finished with the testing. You will be returned to your school  
slightly before noon, after your synchronization testing and other  
evaluations have been completed for the day."  
  
"Understood," Ryo echoed, the vaguest hints of a frown beginning to  
cross his face as the LCL's currents began to abate, Ryo slowly  
drifting to the bottom of the vertical tank as the orange-red liquid  
drained out beneath him. It was a new routine, and he understood that,  
fully aware that his life was described by routine as he gently coughed  
up the LCL sitting within his lungs. But he couldn't shake the nagging  
suspicion that he was doing something wrong by subscribing blindly to  
routine, a thought that was only reinforced by what he had seen  
resulting from the routine. Routine had not helped him with Nieve and  
had done nothing for Niobe, a logical impossibility when Gendou had  
told him that a logical pattern was all he needed in life.  
  
A hissing noise filled the air as the seal around the glass of the tank  
was removed, and the tube slid upwards, the glass disappearing and  
allowing Ryo to gently step out of the chamber onto the cold metal  
floor of the darkened room. Ritsuko, flicking her eyes back and forth  
between the computer display and the pale naked boy shivering almost  
imperceptibly, offered him a towel, the white coten accepted gratefully  
as Ryo began to dry himself off. "Something is wrong with the tests?"  
he asked, his eyes closed as he went through the simple patterns of  
drying himself, a routine followed for as long as he could recall.  
  
"In a way," replied Gendou, his voice still curt, none of the usual  
vaguely sympathetic tones that he took with the boy. The commander had  
been growing more distant with the passage of time, something Ryo  
hadn't noticed before but was slowly seeing more clearly. Gendou  
opened his mouth to continue, then paused for a second, flicking his  
eyes towards the door of the room as it hissed open and Dr. Fuyutsuki  
stepped in hesitatntly. "Have you been following your routines  
correctly?"  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo, the barest trace of a frown flickering acros his  
face as he tied the towel around his waist, the cold only slightly  
alleviated by the act of drying. He paused for a moment, then took a  
deep breath, unsure of whether or not he would be breaking routine by  
asking another question. "Is something the matter with Niobe? I  
have..." He paused, the same frown once again gracing his features for  
just a moment, as though his facial muscles were trying to emulate  
something they'd seen others do without being certain of how it was  
done. "I have noticed some distinct changes in her personality and  
actions. It is worrisome."  
  
"The Sixth Child suffered a great deal of neural feedback during the  
battle with the Fourteenth Angel," replied Gendou, the answer coming  
just the slightest bit too quickly, as though he wasn't truly answering  
the question. "Any abnormalities you notice in her personality is  
simply a result of her mind attempting to deal with the aftershocks.  
It is nothing to be worried about." A pause, the man adjusting his  
glasses, Ryo staring at him and wondering what it was that he wasn't  
being told. "Is there anything else?"  
  
Ryo stared for a moment, knowing that routine dictated he should leave  
and prepare for other testing, something in the back of his mind  
questioning whether or not he should actually go on with the routine.  
Closing his eyes for a second, Ryo forced the nagging question to fall  
silent, then shook his head at Gendou and turned, walking slowly  
towards the door. His thoughts were still on Niobe, however, something  
in him knowing full well that what was going on with the girl had  
nothing to do with neural feedback.  
  
Gendou's eyes watched Ryo from behind his glasses as the blue-haired  
boy slowly walked out of the room, then snapped his gaze back towards  
Ritsuko, his expression unchanging but the fact that he was unhappy  
quite clear from the way that he held his body. "You are certain that  
there are no malfunctions within the testing devices?" he asked, his  
voice remaining calm with only the vaguest hints of anger lingering  
behind it.  
  
"Beyond any shadow of a doubt. We extended the test for an excess  
thirty minutes, they would have shown something if they weren't working  
right." The woman sighed, letting her fingers move in quick patterns  
across the keyboard, bringing up the display that she needed even as  
she knew the commanders wouldn't like the result. "His soul is up to  
39% impurity, nearly at the limit for safe operation of the plan.  
There's contamination beginning to spread inwards from his mind, as  
well, and the thought processes are breaking down." She paused, almost  
tempted to let her conclusion draw itself. "I'm not sure if he's  
suitable as a vessel any longer. There's a great risk of failure."  
  
Kozou and Ritsuko both looked towards Gendou, wondering what the man's  
reaction would be as he stared at the display. They both had some  
inkling of what he was going to want to do about the situation, but it  
didn't change the fact that he was looking at years of his own work and  
effort being dashed to pieces within a few short months, enough to  
seriously damage anyone's ego. The commander stared for only a moment,  
however, then calmly looked towards Ritsuko, no visible change in his  
expression despite the circumstances. "Prepare a secondary, but do not  
complete the procedure. We will step up the pattern of Ryo's testing.  
Should he breach the safe barrier, we will be forced to use the  
alternate." He paused, then turned towards Fuyutsuki, seemingly  
unaffected by the situation. "What about the girl?"  
  
For a moment, Fuyutsuki stared, wondering if the other man would show  
some sign that made it clear he was truly distressed by the situation,  
if the loss of so much effort was sinking in or simply didn't matter to  
the commander. Either way, his expression remained unchanging, and  
Kozou cleared his throat, still wondering in the back of his mind what  
Gendou was ultimately planning. "Almost completely integrated," he  
announced, his voice slightly hesitant. "She should be ready for  
introduction soon. You've spoken with her, and you seem to be pleased  
with her progress."  
  
"She has Yui's curiosity," replied Gendou, the vaguest hints of a smile  
playing at the corner of his lips for just a second before he glanced  
back at Ryo's display. "This is a worrisome development with Ryo, but  
the benefits that I had hoped to garner by his growth were minor at  
best, and extended only after the fact. The risk of contamination was  
unavoidable." Pausing, he glanced back and forth between Kozou and  
Ritsuko, his eyes almost hidden behind the lenses of his glasses. "You  
will be able to complete the remainder of the process for today?"  
  
"Of course," replied Kozou, nodding as he folded his hands behind his  
back, a tension growing within the back of his head at Gendou's mention  
of Yui. His reservations about NERV's ultimate goals had only grown  
with time, made only worse by the tomb-like air that sat without  
circulation in the cold and darkened room. "SEELE will probably  
request another meeting in the near future, and you need to prepare.  
We will have to begin moving some of our operations at least partially  
into the light, and that carries a great deal of risk."  
  
"There are no alternatives," replied Gendou flatly, turning and walking  
towards where he knew the door lay, the black of his coat and slacks  
almost blending into the darkness of the room around him. "We are the  
shepherds of humanity, tasked with bringing about a new Eden. Toying  
with risks cannot be a detriment to that fact."  
  
Kozou let his gaze linger on the door for a moment after Gendou had  
stepped out, then shook his head and turned towards Ritsuko, her eyes  
already trained back on the computer display. "He's not showing any  
disappointment with Ryo," noted the elder man, stepping closer to  
Ritsuko and letting his eyes flick down towards the display, scanning  
along the lines for some useful information. "It's admirable, really.  
Considering all the time that we've invested into this part of the  
project."  
  
"But like he said, it's not the setback that it could be. -She- could  
have been contaminated." Pausing, Ritsuko hit a few buttons, shifting  
the display slightly and beginning the data compilation process, her  
eyes quickly scanning the screen as the computer worked. "I'm just  
still curious about where the contamination is originating from. It  
can't be from school, considering that it continued to spread while he  
was out of the school. I half-suspect the other Children, but it would  
be nearly impossible to keep him shut off from all of the others, not  
to mention the effect it might have of them during operations."  
  
Listening to Ritsuko, Kozou couldn't help but notice the way that she  
spoke of Ryo as though he was an object, and his muscles tensed  
slightly as he thought of the way that she'd react if she knew the  
whole story about the boy. "Doesn't that strike you as a little harsh,  
though?" asked Fuyutsuki, his expression darkening slightly as the  
computer continued to process the commands it had been fed. "Removing  
him from almost all human contact?"  
  
"Could be a necessary evil in any event," replied Ritsuko, her eyes  
remaining focused on the computer display in front of her. If she  
noticed the change in Fuyutsuki's expression, she certainly didn't show  
it. "But no, I don't think it's particularly harsh. It's simply  
another stage of the project."  
  
"You don't see anything wrong with closing off a boy completely," Kozou  
said, meaning the sentence as a question but noting that it wound up as  
more of an accusation than anything. "He's sixteen, Ritsuko, and it's  
not as though he has a particularly full life anyways. The idea of  
pulling him out of school and cutting him off from the Children... he'd  
be living in his own little world, away from everything. That's  
inhumane."  
  
"If we were talking about one of the other children, I'd agree  
wholeheartedly. I even feel a bit bad about doing it to Ryo. But he's  
a special case." There was the slightest catch in the woman's voice,  
as though she were trying less to argue her case and more to convince  
herself. "Ryo's not a normal boy. He was born for this, and he'll no  
doubt die for it. Harsh though it might sound, it's the right thing to  
do."  
  
Kozou's mouth half-opened to tell Ritsuko the truth, to spill the one  
secret that he knew was still being kept from her, something that might  
have made her change her opinion of Ryo. But he found himself  
stopping, the words catching in his throat, an embarassing situation  
for the older man but undeniable. "I suppose you're right," he  
muttered, the irony of his own lack of personal connections not  
escaping him as he cast his eyes away from the computer display,  
letting them rest on Ryo's testing chamber. "Ritsuko... did your  
mother ever tell you anything about Ryo? Back in the nascent stages of  
the project?"  
  
"She never mentioned him except in passing," replied Ritsuko flatly,  
the slight catch from before evaporating from her tone. "Any time that  
she did talk about him, it wasn't a pleasant conversation - she  
mentioned that Dr. Ikari had something to do with him on a regular  
basis, but she was never clear on the exact details." She paused. "I  
suspect she had some interactions with the boy before she killed  
herself, but I wouldn't know. I stopped seeing her on a regular basis  
when I turned thirteen."  
  
Biting his lip, Kozou cast his eyes towards the blonde woman once  
again, almost wishing that she'd been present for more of the early  
days of NERV, that she could have seen everything going on with her own  
eyes. It was difficult to know that she was being lied to despite how  
close she was to the highest levels of the command structure, and even  
though it made him worried for her it was worrisome for him as well.  
"It's a shame," he said, his voice dropping in volume almost  
unintentionally. "She would be proud of how you've turned out."  
  
]++[  
  
It was a different school than Ryo remembered, down to the very  
atmosphere that seemed to permeate the structures about him like a  
scent. He could recall all too clearly the sound of the other children  
in the school laughing and enjoying themselves, thoughts of the Angels  
and the ongoing battle with them only a peripheral concern, a negative  
possibility that mostly resulted in the need for shuffling into various  
shelters. But now the yard remained silent, only a few tense laughs  
breaking the sun-bleached air as Ryo walked slowly towards the terrace,  
his mind only half-focused on the changes that had been wrought to the  
school as his legs moved in accustomed patterns.  
  
"Niobe is in trouble." The words seemed odd, an aknowledgement of fact  
that Ryo's logic told him could not be possible. He had been told by  
Gendou that he didn't need to worry about the problems of the other  
Children, that the only time they were his concern was inside of the  
Eva. But he also knew that Gendou had told him that he would not be  
defended by the other Children, that his role was different, that he  
would only need to follow routine and everything would be find.  
"Everything is not fine, though," he muttered. "Something is wrong.  
Something is -very- wrong."  
  
"Ayanami?" The voice was familiar, and Ryo's brain told him that it  
was the Fourth Child even before his eyes had turned to catch sight of  
Vash walking towards him, one arm outstretched in a casual wave. Ryo's  
eyes squinted slightly, wondering if he was perceiving the voice  
correctly, a bit put off by the boy's appearance. Though it was the  
right build for Vash, the hair was all wrong, falling down about the  
other boy's face with the barest traces of black roots visible through  
the mess of blonde. "I didn't think that you were coming to school any  
more. You've missed a lot."  
  
Blinking, Ryo cocked his head slightly to one side, now certain that it  
was Vash even though he was still struggling to cope with the boy's new  
appearance. "Koji," he said, voice remaining flat as he watched the  
other approach. "I didn't recognize you at first. Your hair looks  
different."  
  
"It's not 'Koji,' it's... oh, never mind." The boy shook his head,  
stepping past Ryo and waving the blue-haired boy along. Ryo puzzled  
for a moment, then shrugged to nobody in particular and followed Vash,  
confused about where he was headed. "Really, though, I'm kind of glad  
to see you. It'd be nice to have somebody to talk with, even if it is  
you."  
  
Ryo's mouth fell open, and he was about to tell Vash that he had other  
things to do when he found himself hesitating. The routine he knew  
dictated that he go straight into the school and arrange his desk, that  
he prepare for the next lesson and be certain that he was ready. But  
the routines he knew were beginning to feel awkward, almost hollow, as  
though he was doing the wrong thing simply by following them. "I'm  
actually glad to have someone to talk to, as well," replied Ryo,  
continuing to follow the other boy, the words sounding awkward on his  
ears.  
  
Vash froze momentarily, glancing back towards Ryo in surprise and  
blinking. "Well, I'll be," he said, shaking his head slightly as he  
turned towards a nearby bench, taking a few steps before sitting down  
limply. "I didn't think that you had anything to talk about in the  
first place." He paused for a moment, sinking his head slightly, then  
shrugged. "What the heck, go ahead. Tell me what's going on."  
  
Staring for a moment longer, Ryo took a hesitant seat next to the other  
boy, his mind racing with the thought that he was breaching routine so  
blatantly, the implications staggering to him. He had always assumed  
that he couldn't break routine okutright, that he didn't have nearly  
enough control over his life to do so, the very reason why the thought  
of Nieve being in love had been fascinating to him. Realizing that he  
was doing it utterly on his own was a heady rush, almost enough to  
knock him out of his thoughts of Niobe. "I... I'm..." He paused,  
unsure of exactly what to do. "What was it that you wanted to talk  
about?"  
  
"Ah, never mind, this is much more interesting," replied Vash, a thin  
smirk crossing his lips as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his  
knees and tilting his head towards Ryo. "I was just kind of  
wondering..." He paused, then closed his eyes for a second, the barest  
hints of something deeper flickering across his face like a shadow.  
"Never mind. Like I said, this is more interesting. Come on, Ryo,  
spill it."  
  
"It... it's Niobe," replied Ryo, wondering if perhaps Vash could  
provide answers that Gendou and Ritsuko hadn't been willing to. There  
was some merit to breaking routine for that, he was certain of it, the  
concept of justification only barely tickling at the back of his mind  
as he stared at Vash. "She's been acting... odd, ever since the battle  
with the Fourteenth." He paused. "I think she might be in trouble."  
  
Nodding, Vash seemed to be genuinely listening, as though Ryo were just  
another student in the school. It was an odd sensation, and although  
Ryo couldn't shake the feeling that his routines were collapsing around  
him it was somehow liberating to be speaking with the other boy.  
"How's she been acting?" asked Vash, leaning slightly closer to Ryo.  
"I mean, is she acting as though she doesn't want to speak to you any  
more, or like she doesn't want to pilot the Eva any more, or... what?"  
  
Ryo stared at Vash for a moment, having difficulty believing that it  
was the same boy that he had met not so long ago even as he struggled  
to wrap his mind around what he was doing. "I... I don't know,  
exactly," he replied, turning his head and letting his eyes focus on  
the steadily-shifting mosaic pattern of light filtering down through  
the tree branches. "She hasn't been talking to me as often as she used  
to, however. And... I don't know, something seems to be wrong." He  
paused, struggling for the words as a cool breeze filtered through the  
terrace, stirring the patterns of light on the stone walkway. "I don't  
know the words. I'm not supposed to be worried about the other  
Children."  
  
Vash sniggered slightly, but by the time that Ryo had flicked his eyes  
back towards the other boy the laugher was gone, replaced by a somewhat  
jovial expression. Ryo was utterly confused as to why the other boy  
was even listening to him, much less seeming concerned about the  
problem and actually treating Ryo like an equal. "Well, I wouldn't be  
too worried about Niobe," offered Vash, leaning back in the bench and  
staring up at the sky, something unusually languid about his  
movements. "She's a tough girl, after all. Heck, remember when she  
took down the Eleventh Angel? Ripped that robot apart."  
  
"I remember," replied Ryo, a slight frown creasing his features as he  
found himself thinking of the incident that Vash mentioned, doing his  
best to remember what had happened afterwards. He distantly could  
recall that she had been upset then as well, that something had put her  
into distress, something that she hadn't been willing to talk about.  
He'd barely noticed at the time, assuaging his curiosity with the  
knowledge that it was not part of his routine, but as he thought he  
realized that her unhappiness seemed to have originated from a phone  
call, a call that he knew in the back of his mind was with her father.  
"Her parents," he said, jerking his head up slightly. "I think it  
might have something to do with her parents."  
  
"Oh." Vash's words sounded oddly hollow, and Ryo glanced back towards  
him, catching an odd expression on the other boy's face. There was  
something there, another item in a long list of things that Ryo  
couldn't quite explain, but before he could even think to ask about it  
the expression was gone. "Listen, maybe it's something that Niobe  
doesn't want to talk about with you right now, but she might be willing  
to talk to another girl."  
  
Ryo blinked, confused slightly by the implications of the statement.  
"Why would that make any difference?"  
  
"Dunno. Girls are like that sometimes. I don't understand it  
myself." Shrugging, Vash pulled himself to his feet, as though  
anticipating the gentle ring that announced the time to head back  
towards class. "But yeah, she might want to talk to another girl, and  
I know that Eiko's the expert on all things parent-related. I'll talk  
about it with Eiko, and try to get it so that the two of them have  
lunch together sometime soon, okay? And whatever I find out, I'll let  
you know." He paused. "Assuming that you're still going to be in  
school, I mean."  
  
"As far as I know, I'll remain in school for the time being," replied  
Ryo, standing as well and wishing that he had more adequete words for  
the sensation he was feeling. It was the same sort of emotion that  
he'd felt when Neil had spoken with him after their first battle  
together, an inexplicable sense of being accepted by the other Child,  
as though he wasn't as different as Gendou kept reminding him.  
Although Ryo only had the most fundamental perception of it, he knew  
that he liked it, even if he still couldn't quite figure out what  
brought it on. "Koji... Vash, thank you."  
  
Vash froze for a moment, glancing back at Ryo, obviously surprised at  
the boy's words, eyes wide until he sighed and shook his head, a thin  
smirk tracing its way across his lips. "You're something else,  
Ayanami," the boy said with a slightly bitter chuckle, turning back  
towards the school's main building and walking with Ryo as few steps  
behind. "Incidentally, if you don't mind me asking... are you and  
Niobe..." He paused, then glanced back once again. "Do you like her,  
or something?"  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Ryo, having some inkling of what the question  
was truly about but deciding to feign innocence regardless. He knew  
that by the routine he'd managed to piece together he wasn't even  
capable of being in a relationship with someone, and the memory of his  
failure with Nieve still lingered in the back of his mind. Despite  
that, he couldn't dismiss Vash's statement outright, an odd thought  
bubbling up in the back of his mind. "I believe that she's a fine Eva  
pilot, and I enjoy working with her during standard operations of -"  
  
"Forget I asked," interrupted the other boy, holding up a hand to  
indicate silence as they drew closer to the main doors. The other  
students were beginning to crowd slightly, and Ryo could see the almost  
eerie dearth of live bodies on the schoolyard, the uncommon emptiness  
around the school's entryway. Vash seemed to notice as well, but he  
said nothing, simply began to elbow his way towards the entrance,  
leaving Ryo alone with thoughts that he didn't quite understand.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe had never been reluctant to sit inside of the entry plug before,  
but as the swirling red-orange LCL slid into her lungs and choked her  
momentarily she had the creeping suspicion that something was going to  
go wrong. Nothing had gone right for her for more than a month, ever  
since she began to fail at every opportunity, and she doubted that a  
failure like herself would do well in a round of synchronization  
testing. "Especially against those two," she muttered to nobody,  
glancing towards the side of her darkened plug, knowing that Neil and  
Nieve were sitting in their own plugs not too far away, waiting for the  
test along with her.  
  
"All right, everyone, get ready. We're going to start slowly, so just  
relax and concentrate on the Eva." Misato's voice was as calm as it  
ever was, but it did nothing to ease Niobe's nerves as she leaned back  
against the black cushioning of her seat, her mind struggling to focus  
as she felt the presence of her Eva tickle at the back of her mind.  
She had done it thousands of times, and she knew that she was more than  
capable of making it work for her. It was simply the nagging doubt  
about herself that kept drawing her back away from the yellow golem's  
mind, kept her hands relaxing and then tightening around the metal  
handrests.  
  
Outside of the testing booth, Ritsuko found herself equally distracted,  
her mind lingering on Kozou's words from the day before as Maya slowly  
called off announcements to her. It was important information, and she  
knew that she should be listening, but as she tried to focus her blue-  
gray eyes on the computer display her thoughts kept running away from  
her and drifting back towards Ryo's testing. Flicking her eyes up  
quickly, she found herself wishing that it was his time for synch  
testing, that she had some way of studying the boy, trying to figure  
out what it was that Fuyutsuki was implying about him.  
  
"Dr. Akagi?" The urgency of Maya's voice cut through Ritsuko's mental  
distractions, and blinking once she managed to force a smile at the  
younger woman, flicking her eyes back towards the computer display.  
"Are you all right, ma'am? You look a little pale."  
  
"I think I'm coming down with a bit of a cold," Ritsuko lied, knwoing  
that the truth would only make the situation more complicated than it  
already was. She could feel Misato staring at her for a moment, both  
women fully aware that it was a lie, but Ritsuko forced herself to  
ignore her companion and focus on whatever Maya had interrupted her  
reverie for. "It's just making me a little scatterbrained, though.  
What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing's exactly -wrong-, it's just..." Maya hesitated, biting her  
lower lip for a second before hitting a few quick keys on her  
observation console and drawing up a detailed graph of the Children's  
synch ratios. Ritsuko's eyes picked out an abnormality before Maya had  
even said anything, but the younger woman continued talking before  
Ritsuko had a chance to say anything. "Niobe's synch rate has fallen.  
Dramatically. It's lower than any of the other Children's now, even  
Vash."  
  
"40%," muttered Ritsuko, shaking her head as she stared at the graph.  
It seemed to almost be an epidemic amongst the Children, the dramatic  
falls in their synchronization since the Fourteenth's attack. It was  
worrisome to say the least, and not for the first time Ritsuko found  
herself wishing that there was some way to replace the Children more  
reliably with computers, wishing that the dummy plug test hadn't been  
interrupted by the Angels. "Misato, have you told her?"  
  
"Must we?" asked Misato, her voice sounding odd, a catch in it that  
Ritsuko only thought of as a sure sign the other woman would complain  
about the Children. "She hasn't been coming into Central Dogma like  
she used to. Before, she would be in here day and night, always  
pressuring to get more practice time inside of EVA-05, more synch  
testing, more -something-. Ever since the Fourteenth, though, she's  
been staying away."  
  
Ritsuko smiled thinly despite herself, turning slowly towards Misato as  
she drew herself up to her full height, her lab coat shifting tangibly  
against her skin. "I would think that would make you happy," she  
offered, the slightest bit of nastiness managing to creep into her tone  
rather intentionally. "I remember how angry you were when I let her  
out to practice in the first place - you seemed to want her to stop  
coming around."  
  
"Just because I'm happy about the end result doesn't mean I'm confident  
in the reasoning," replied Misato, arms folded across her chest as she  
stared into the testing area, her eyes oddly distant as though she was  
trying to look through the metal of the entry plugs. "It's a sudden  
shift in the way that she acts, and I doubt that's a good sign. Maybe  
we shouldn't tell her about her synch rate just yet, considering the  
situation."  
  
"Misato, we're not here to deal with the mental problems of the  
Children," sighed Ritsuko, once again wishing that she was simply  
dealing with machinery. It was one of the few things that had once  
endeared her to Ryo, the smooth and mechanical way that the boy  
operated, the way that she could predict his responses without  
difficulty. "We're here to facilitate the usage of the Eva units, and  
that's it. If you're that worried about Niobe, send her to a  
pyschiatrist. You might even be able to get money for it out of NERV.  
But that doesn't change the fact that we're obligated to disclose her  
synch rate and any changes at the time of -"  
  
"I know," replied Misato, her tone curt as she leaned over into the  
microphone. Ritsuko let out another sigh, this one more gentle as she  
found her thoughts drifting back towards Ryo, her brow furrowing  
unconsciously as she let her eyes lose focus. Misato seemed to notice,  
but said nothing to the other woman, simply flicked on the microphone  
curtly. "Niobe? Your synch ratio has fallen a bit since last time.  
Is there something that we should know about?"  
  
Niobe's hands tightened aroung the handrests, her eyes going wide in  
panic for just a second. There was something in Misato's voice that  
made her suspect that she was doing far worse than the words would  
imply, and it took a moment of steady breathing before Niobe could even  
begin to relax herself again, feeling the LCL steadily flow in and out  
of her lungs as the salty taste exploded across her tongue. "I'm  
fine," she said, mentally noting that she was turning out to be an even  
bigger failure than she'd expected. "How low is it? Below fifty?"  
  
Silence greeted her for just a second, and the girl's hands tightened  
again in anticipation, knowing that she wasn't going to like what  
Misato had to say. "You're currently holding steady at 40%," announced  
Misato at length, her voice sounding almost apologetic. "That's below  
standard operating parameters for the Evas."  
  
"You're kidding." The words tried their best to sound casual, but  
Niobe knew that she was starting to panic, feeling her muscles tense  
across her body as the adrenaline slowly leaked into her system, her  
hands tightening and relaxing around the handrests as though it was  
part of a ceremony. "You've -got- to be kidding. I've got one of the  
highest rates of the Children."  
  
"Had," replied Misato, her tone flat as Niobe felt the tension in her  
body increase. There seemed to be just the slightest bit of contempt  
riding beneath Misato's words, and Niobe was certain that it was  
directed towards her, her panic rising as the LCL seemed to thicken  
around her. "That's why we're wondering if something is wrong. It's a  
pretty big drop, even with the time gap since your last test... are you  
sure that you're all right?"  
  
A strangled cry of response caught in Niobe's throat, her hands  
clutching at her head as she violently rocked back and forth. She knew  
full well what it meant if she couldn't keep her Eva under control, the  
old threat that she would be kicked out of NERV. The first time that  
Misato had ever told her that she could be removed, the sound of the  
words had buried itself in the girl's ears, and she could hear nothing  
but that as she thrashed helplessly for what felt like an eternity in  
the bloody liquid, her muscles tensing nearly to the point of  
breaking. "No," she hissed, trying to focus on the body of the Eva  
outside of her. "No, no, no, no."  
  
There were urgent voices coming over the radio, and Niobe slowly forced  
herself to calm down as Misato called for some kind of response, her  
voice growing more urgent with each passing moment. "I'm fine," she  
lied, crossing her arms and clutching at her upper arms, pulling  
herself tightly inward. She was anything but fine, but she knew there  
was no way to say so to Misato, knew that the woman was already  
disgusted with the failure that she'd become. "It's nothing. I  
suppose I'll just have to try harder next time."  
  
Ritsuko found herself mirroring Misato's frown at the oddly mecahnical  
sound of Niobe's voice, little doubt in her mind that the girl was  
trying to cover something up. She momentarily wondered if it might  
have something to do with Ryo before she felt Misato's eyes on her,  
flicking her gaze away from the observation room towards her one-time  
friend. "We're ending the simulation now," announced Misato, almost  
provoking a reaction from Ritsuko before she realized that the other  
woman was speaking into the microphone. "Get down to the locker rooms  
and clean up."  
  
"You realize that isn't your call to make," snapped Ritsuko, her voice  
growing harsher as the other woman flipped the switch to deactivate the  
microphone. "We're not dealing with the Evas here, and I'm the one who  
decides when a synch test is and isn't over." She paused, her temper  
only sharpened by the lingering mystery of Ryo. "Or as you put it,  
I'll do my job if you don't mind."  
  
"I don't care. If you want to keep doing a synch test, fine. But  
you're going to have to find another set of Children to perform it  
on." Misato's tone was oddly flat, the only tone that Ritsuko could  
pick up a vague exhaustion as the purple-haired woman turned and strode  
out of the room, walking fast enough to nearly slam into the doors  
before they hissed open.  
  
Maya was staring up at Ritsuko, waiting for guidance, seemingly  
oblivious to the fact that the elder woman was gently rubbing her  
temple in an effort to calm herself. "Get them out of there," she said  
after a moment, waving one hand distractedly towards the observation  
room. "We'll compile a full report from what we've gotten now. It's  
not worth a fight over." Maya nodded, and with only a moment longer  
spent looking at Ritsuko the young woman began to type in new commands  
to the console, leaving Ritsuko to try and ponder out what Kozou had  
meant even as she tried to figure out what she was feeling towards  
Misato.  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe wasn't quite sure if she wanted to hit something or cry, thought  
both seemed like rather attractive courses of action in light of the  
circumstances. "They can't kick me out of NERV," she muttered, her wet  
feet slapping against the floor gently as she walked towards her  
locker, wet hair hanging limply against her back and more than tangible  
through the thin white cotton towel. She'd never worn a towel before  
in the showers, had never seen a need to, but she knew that she wasn't  
half as attractive as she'd always assumed, that her body obviously  
didn't appeal to Ryo. Even her hair frustrated her, the knowledge that  
she'd been distracted by her own appearance unwilling to leave her mind  
as she strode in front of her locker.  
  
"They can't kick me out. Joseph wouldn't let them." Her voice  
trembled slightly with the statement, some uncertainty about the  
assertion managing to creep into her mind as she unfurled the towel  
wrapped around her body. The locker room air was cold against her dark  
skin, painfully so, nopthing that she felt she didn't deserve as she  
mopped off the few remaining beads of moisture. "I'm their best  
pilot. They know that. They wouldn't."  
  
Her hands were trembling as she reached over to her locker, another  
frustration to add on to a long list as she angrily pulled the door  
open. It swung and slammed against the next-door locker with the  
clanging noise of metal against metal, setting her teeth slightly on  
edge but alleviating her frustration ever so slightly. "They wouldn't  
do it," she snapped, gritting her teeth as she snatched her bra out of  
the locker, taking the barest of moments to examine it. It was lace,  
another distraction when she could have simply used a plain article,  
another source of internal scolding as she slid it over her chest and  
clipped it shut. "Misato wouldn't have the guts to kick me out. I  
know it."  
  
Grabbing her panties from the locker, her trembling grew even worse as  
she slid the thin fabric over her skin, the sensation smooth, enjoyable  
under any other circumstances except for the fact that she knew she had  
no right to feel good about anything. "Won't get kicked out," she  
snapped, her anger growing despite being directed at nobody. "I'll do  
better. I won't let them kick me out, not now, not ever. I'll make  
sure that I do better from now on. I can cut out more distractions,  
the ones that I should have gotten rid of before."  
  
"Niobe?" The voice was Nieve's, an odd tension in the other girl's  
tone as Niobe whipped her head around. She was standing at the end of  
the locker row in a short red skirt and a dull orange blouse, her green  
eyes wide and seeming to pull in the fluorescent light from the  
fixtures above them. "Do you mind if I come over?"  
  
"Do whatever you want," replied Niobe, her trembling not abating as she  
snatched out her jeans, sitting down and forcing her legs into the  
rough denim without ceremony. She only distantly heard Nieve's  
footsteps approaching her, focusing instead on what she needed to do  
before she could return to her prior synch ratio, to make Ryo notice  
her instead of Nieve once again. "Was there something you wanted to  
talk about?"  
  
Silence filled the air for the barest of seconds, and Niobe could tell  
in the back of her mind that she wasn't going to like what the other  
girl had to say. "Niobe... you're looking thin." The words were  
fraught with something that the African girl couldn't quite place,  
something that scared her just the slightest bit even as she tugged her  
blouse out of the locker. "Really thin. I mean, you've never been  
really bulky, but you're..." She paused. "Listen, have you been  
eating lately? Three meals a day?"  
  
"I've been avoiding Ryo as best I can," replied Niobe, her tone curt as  
she tugged the shirt around her body, distantly noticing that the  
blouse was fitting a bit more loosely than it had before. "It's hard  
to do, especially since he's been out of school for so long. Now that  
he's going back, I'll be able to get more to eat."  
  
"You can't do that!" snapped Nieve, grabbing Niobe's shoulder and  
jerking the other girl around. "Niobe, eating isn't about whether or  
not you want to see someone, it's about keeping yourself healthy. If  
you don't eat, you could do some serious damage to your body." She  
paused, hanging her head ever so briefly, giving Niobe just the  
slightest pause for thought before she continued. "Why wouldn't you  
want to see Ryo, anyways? I'll admit that he's a little creepy  
sometimes, but -"  
  
Frustration at herself had reached a boiling point within the depths of  
Niobe's mind, and she found herself lashing out, letting her open palm  
strike hard against Nieve's cheek. "He is -not- creepy," she snapped,  
unable to tell whether she was angrier at herself for everything she  
had done wrong or with Nieve for not wanting the boy when he had  
clearly shifted his attentions towards her. "You don't know the first  
thing about him, and you don't know the first thing about me. Don't  
pretend that you do."  
  
Nieve said nothing immediately, and Niobe turned back towards her  
locker, her hand stinging from the impact with Nieve's pale skin,  
fluorescent lights feeling physically oppressive as she snatched out  
her socks and shoes from the locker. "Niobe, this isn't something that  
you should trivialize," Nieve offered after a moment, her tone not  
angry so much as concerned, measured and infuriatingly calm. "I know  
where you're coming from, believe me. Daughters of NERV, remember?"  
  
Her hands clenched, and Niobe forced her socks on roughly, slamming her  
feet into her shoes and wishing that the other girl would simply go  
away. "Just because we both grew up in this program doesn't mean that  
we're the same," snapped Niobe, standing and staring at the other girl,  
becoming aware for the first time just how pale she truly was, her tone  
only slightly darkened by the time she'd spent in the constant sun of  
Tokyo-3. "We're from completely different worlds. Now go away. I've  
got other things to do."  
  
"I don't care," snapped Nieve in response, rising to her feet and  
stepping in front of the other girl, her eyes narrowing slightly as she  
spread her arms to block off the dark-skinned girl from passage.  
"Niobe, you need to -eat-. Even if you're busy, even if you're trying  
to avoid Ryo for whatever reason. Don't you want to eat?"  
  
"And what if I don't, Nieve? What then?" Her tone was growing more  
frantic as she took a step towards the other girl, her teeth locked  
together tightly. "What are you going to do then, force me to? This  
is my life, damn it, and you've got nothing to do with it." She  
snarled, then forced her way past Nieve, knowing in the back of her  
mind that Nieve was right but utterly unwilling to admit it. "I've got  
to go meet Eiko for lunch. Where I'll -eat-, thank you very much."  
  
The other girl offered no response as Niobe strode out the sliding  
doors, her hands tensing and relaxing in steady patterns as the  
fluorescent lights beamed harshly into her eyes. She hadn't wanted to  
tell Nieve that she just had been trying to look prettier so that Ryo  
would notice her, especially since the implication that she was looking  
worse only compouded the situation. She didn't want to have failed  
again, to have tried to appear attractive and succeeded at nothing, not  
in the wake of so many other failures.  
  
]++[  
  
She had honestly intended to go to lunch with Eiko, a fact that  
slightly alleviated her internal anger for lying to Nieve. But there  
had been no alternative to avoiding the other girl, something that  
she'd realized halfway to the school, forcing her to run the rest of  
the way back to her apartment in hopes of making up for the time that  
she'd lost by going out of her way. It was frivolous, going to lunch  
with the other girl under the circumstances, forging personal  
relationships that would only distract her when she was supposed to be  
eliminating distractions from her life. "Sorry, Nieve," she muttered,  
stepping slowly into the living room.  
  
One hand has holding the scissors, the metal cold against her skin as  
she stepped into the mid-day wash of light, the sun momentarily  
blinding before she stepped over to the window and drew the shade down  
halfway. The room immediately fell darker, feeling slightly more  
comfortable to the girl as she took a deep breath and sat down on the  
couch, her chest heaving from the exhaustion of running and the stress  
of the situation. Her stomach offered a weak growl, hungry before the  
decision to skip lunch and in no way made happier by the sudden  
sprinting back to the apartment. "It had to be done, though," she  
muttered, slowly opening and closing the scissors. "I didn't have any  
choice. I've got to focus on the important things."  
  
She could still remember Joseph's angry words towards her, the things  
that he'd shouted over the phone, every curse that he'd spat at her  
about her irresponsibility. She hadn't wanted to believe any of it,  
but she knew that he was right, that her failure was her own fault,  
that even though she had thought there were no distractions in her life  
she had let them crowd around her. "No more personal relationships  
getting in my way," she said, her hands trembling slightly as she  
raised the scissors, steel blade glinting against the sunlight. "No  
more selfishness, no more ignorance, and no more distractions. Just  
me, my Eva, and Ryo." She took one last breath, then jerked the  
scissors around and let the blades close with a snap.  
  
Distantly aware of the noise of the front door to the apartment  
opening, Niobe ignored it, focusing on the task at hand, opening the  
scissor's blades and then shutting them again decisively. They closed  
with a satisfying clicking noise, enough to give Niobe a mild rush of  
satisfaction with each motion even as she felt her head growing  
lighter. "It's the right thing to do," she whispered, moving the  
scissors again and letting them click shut. "I have to cut out these  
distractions if I'm going to still be an Eva pilot. I can't let them  
kick me out of NERV, not if I ever want Ryo to -"  
  
"Niobe?" The voice was Ryo's, but there was something odd about it, an  
odd sort of inflection that seemed not to match his usual flat tone.  
"Niobe, are you home?" Considering answering for a moment, the girl  
ignored his voice and let the scissors close with another clicking  
noise, slowly chanting to herself that she was doing the right thing.  
"You were supposed to have lunch with Eiko today, but you didn't show  
up. Is something -"  
  
A final snip of the scissors, and the last of Niobe's long hair fell  
limply to the floor, resting atop the rest of her severed tresses in a  
pool of sunlight that was drifting in through the window. "Nothing's  
wrong," she said firmly, staring down at the mass of hair, surprised  
that she had so much to cut off in the first place. She was certain  
that she'd been distracted by it more than ever, seeing the volume that  
she'd had to cut off driving the point home to her. "I just had  
something else that I needed to do first."  
  
Ryo's footsteps echoed through the apartment momentarily as Niobe  
stood, releasing the scissors and letting them fall against the  
cushions of the couch as the boy approached the living room. His eyes  
went wide at the sight of the girl's clipped hair, and Niobe forced  
herself not to react, certain that he was still testing her, that he  
simply couldn't admit how he felt after the horrific way that she'd  
handled herself. "You cut your hair," he said, the surprise evident in  
his voice. "Why?"  
  
The remark stung slightly, but Niobe forced herself to take another  
deep breath, knowing that Ryo was simply pushing her to show her true  
colors. "Because it was a distraction," she replied firmly, shaking  
her head to let a few loose strands of long hair fall free. "In times  
like these, it's not important to focus on silly things like that. You  
said it yourself - all that matters is that the Angels are destroyed."  
  
"But I didn't mean..." Ryo shook his head, feeling only more confused  
by the conversation, as though he'd walked in on the middle of a  
conversation that was already going on. "That's not a reason to cut  
your hair. Hair is in no way related to destroying the Angels."  
  
"Yes, it is," Niobe insisted, feeling her hands tense slightly at the  
thought that she'd managed to make a mistake once again. She'd already  
failed to attract Ryo with long hair, it seemed impossible that he'd be  
equally disgusted with short hair, that he was as unimpressed by her  
devotion either way. "Without all that to worry about taking care of,  
I can focus on being a better pilot instead. That way we'll be closer  
to destroying the rest of the Angel. Eliminating distractions. Right?"  
  
"Niobe, cutting your hair won't make you a better Eva pilot," replied  
Ryo, his words slow and measured, his mind trying to wrap itself around  
Niobe's train of logic even as he wondered what was really going on.  
There had to be something more important, he was certain of it, a  
routine slowly piecing together instinctively in the back of his mind.  
"And what does it matter? As long as the Angels are destroyed, it  
could matter less who turns out to be the best pilot."  
  
"It -does- matter!" snapped Niobe, taking a step forward as her hands  
clenched tightly, blue eyes flashing in desperation. "It matters to -  
you-, doesn't it?" Her breath was coming faster now, her heartbeat  
speeding up as she stared into the boy's red eyes, watching as her  
world came down around her. He had to just be testing her, seeing  
whether or not she would give in and let up in her devotion. That was  
the only possibility, the only thing that she could logically conceive  
of.  
  
"All I want is to destroy the Angels," replied Ryo, keeping his voice  
calm even as he noticed the vaguest hint of panic creeping in to his  
own voice. He was beginning to find half-formed ideas about what was  
really wrong with the girl floating around in his head, but they  
confused him, seperated fully from any routine, dangerously unstable  
despite the steps he'd taken away from his routines. "You know that.  
I've said as much to you many times."  
  
"-Liar!-" snapped Niobe, her hand nearly flying forth and slapping the  
pale boy across the cheek, her anger and self-loathing compounding as  
she stared at him and tried to understand why the testing didn't end.  
She couldn't believe what he was saying, knew that it had to be some  
kind of test of her ability to remain focused, that she couldn't have  
failed so dramatically to understand Ryo's words. "You -do- care about  
who's the best! I -know- it!"  
  
Silence passed between the two Children for a moment, Niobe's breaths  
coming harsh and ragged as Ryo simply stared as calmly as possible, the  
slightest glints of something other than simple observation managing to  
surface in the bright red pools of his eyes. Then something  
imperceptible snap, and Niobe pushed her way past Ryo, moving swiftly  
as a lone tear glittered in the thin light of the apartment and fell  
towards the floor. Remaining silent, the girl stepped lightly into the  
small lowered area for her shoes, letting her feet slip into the  
sneakers and opening the door in one smooth motion. One glance back  
towards Ryo, then she was out the door with a slam.  
  
Ryo stared at the door for a moment, the expression on Niobe's face  
etched into his memory even with the sparse seconds of exposure to it.  
He'd never seen the girl look so hurt before, as though Ryo was the  
direct cause of her problems even though he wanted to help her. "It's  
not her parents," he offered to nobody, hearing his words echo against  
the silence of the apartment, his eyes drifting shut after a moment as  
he struggled to deal with the tumult his thoughts had been thrown into.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Ryo forced himself to move, placing his schoolbag  
down gently on the floor and stepping into the living room. Something  
bubbled within his chest as he stared at the limp black hair on the  
floor, the sunlight glinting off the surface the way that he'd always  
seen her hair in motion. Biting his lower lip gently, he knelt besides  
the hair, pushing his hand into the mass and pulling up a small group  
of strands, watching as each individual piece moved and reflected the  
light. "When she was dancing," he whispered to himself, trying to sort  
out the multitude of emotions conflicting within his chest, feelings  
that he couldn't begin to understand without any frame of reference.  
"It shone like this then."  
  
His hand relaxed and let the hair flutter to the floor a few scant  
seconds before the Angel alarm ripped through the air like a knife,  
prompting Ryo to stand and begin to move towards the door as he'd been  
taught. It was routine, the only thing that he knew for certain, but  
as his foot rested in the hall directly outside of the living room he  
hesitated for the first time that he could remember. Glancing back  
towards the mass of Niobe's discarded hair, he felt himself sigh,  
struggling to understand what he was feeling and what the girl was  
going through.  
  
Another second passed, and the alarm blared to life again, the steady  
noise that seemed to be pushing Ryo back into his routine. A quick nod  
to nobody, and Ryo was moving again, swiftly walking down the hall and  
into the small space before the door, slipping on his shoes and  
stepping out, his thoughts lingering on the thin strands still  
lingering in a pool of sunlight.  
  
]++[  
  
It was the second time that NERV had found a use for the satellite  
monitoring systems, but as Misato stared at the main screen she  
couldn't help but wonder how useful they were truly being. All that  
could be seen of the Angel was a winglike series of glowing  
projections, like some sort of unnatural bird floating through space,  
the light seemingly internal and resisting any efforts to make out  
details of the beast's body. "Just as inscrutable as ever," the woman  
muttered, arms balancing her just above the drop to the level below.  
"What's it doing now?"  
  
"Nothing, as far as we can tell," replied Makoto, his hands moving  
slowly across the keyboard, speed dulled simply by the apparent  
inactivity of the beast. He'd had more than enough time to analyze  
what was facing them so his task was little more than keeping a  
watchful eye and making sure that nothing changed. "No energy buildup,  
no motion, nothing. We haven't been able to gauge the strength of its  
AT Field, but as it stands it isn't even approaching the surface. It's  
just waiting for something."  
  
"Probably for us," she noted, a frown slowly spreading across her face  
as she stared at the bird-like form on the main screen. "Either  
they're getting smarter or more daring. It's letting us take the first  
move, and betting on us not being able to take it out before it makes  
its own first move. Either that, or it's just being reckless." She  
paused, her frown darkening as she flicked her eyes across the screen,  
as though trying to determine something more about the Angel from the  
black field it sat atop.  
  
"At that height, it's fairly safe against anything we'd want to try on  
it," offered Ritsuko, standing only scant feet behind Misato, waiting  
for the other woman to offer some minor acknowledgement of her  
presence. There was a momentary pause, then Misato turned her head  
halfway towards Ritsuko, the same resentful expression on her face that  
Ritsuko recognized from inside the observation booth. "The technical  
division has been working on the Type-20 Particle Cannon, though. It  
might be able to at least take a few shots at the beast, though we'd  
have difficulty setting up the targeting coordinates."  
  
Misato stared for a moment longer, then nodded, no change in her  
expression as she turned back towards the main screen. It stung more  
than it should have, made in no way easier by the fact that Ritsuko was  
still puzzling over Kozou's comments about Ryo. "All right, Makoto,  
start setting up a targeting program to work off of the satellites.  
Maya, deploy the particle cannon to the surface and prepare the Evas  
for launch."  
  
Sitting inside of the Eva, Niobe could hear none of the conversation,  
only the harsh sound of her breathing, her lungs slowly ingesting and  
exhaling the bloody LCL as she tried to force herself to be calm. Her  
stomach was growling like a caged beast, but she forced it to be quiet,  
knowing full well that she had other things to worry about, that her  
top priority had to be piloting the Eva the way that she was supposed  
to. "No distractions," she hissed, tightening her hands around the  
metal rests instinctively. "This time I'll destroy the Angel. I've  
got to. I can't let them kick me out of NERV."  
  
The radio crackled to life, and Niobe found herself leaning forward in  
her seat, her eyes going wide even though there was nothing to see  
except for the teal-gray walls of her hangar. "The Angel's currently  
in high orbit, like the Tenth," announced Misato's voice, her tone  
oddly hollow, as though something was eating at her from within.  
"Unfortunately, it's too far out for us to hit it with conventional  
weaponry. We're going to be relying on one of the technical division's  
experimental weapons, and even then it's a long shot."  
  
"Let me do it!" snapped Niobe, knowing that she was speaking too early  
but not caring. She knew how angry Misato had gotten the last time  
she'd tried to force herself into an operation, but she could feel the  
desperation surging within her chest, little doubt in her mind that she  
was facing the frighteningly real proposition of losing her position as  
pilot. "I know that you probably have something else in mind, but -"  
  
"Actually, Niobe, I was going to send you up anyways. Your machine's  
onboard targeting system is the best suited to the situation. Eiko,  
you'll be standing on backup in case something goes wrong." She paused  
as Niobe's machine began to move towards the launching pad, unable to  
see the almost sinister smile creeping across Niobe's face. "Be  
careful. We don't know what the Angel's capable of."  
  
"I'll be careful after I've destroyed the Angel," replied Niobe, her  
voice firm as she jerked back hard on the handrests, forcing herself to  
focus. She had eliminated all the distractions that she could from her  
life, and she knew it. There was no way that she would fail this time.  
  
Misato sighed gently, then shut off the microphone, letting her eyes  
flick up towards the main screen as it displayed Niobe's yellow golem  
streaking towards the surface. "Are you sure that was a good idea?"  
asked Ritsuko, her tone taking a slightly bitter edge. "You said  
yourself that you don't think Niobe's doing well. This might be the  
worst possible thing you could do for her."  
  
"Couldn't be worse than your synch test," replied Misato, her voice  
equally bitter as her eyes continued to rest on the main screen.  
"Besides, as I see it, Niobe's got more impetus to succeed now. She  
knows exactly what she has to overcome." She paused, her body shifting  
uncomfortably from one foot to the other, as though Misato was trying  
to convince herself. "And she does have the best machine for the  
operation. We can always pull her out if we need to."  
  
Niobe's eyes flicked about her display swiftly, waiting until the  
second that she saw the street to begin focusing on moving, her Eva  
stepping off the launch platform as soon as the safety restraints had  
disengaged. Glancing to her side, she saw the particle cannon, at  
least half as tall as her Eva, a long and flattened white cannon with  
an equally large shoulder harness. "The cannon fastens against your  
Eva's shoulder port," announced Misato, her voice sounding slightly  
reluctant. "You'll need to jettison one of your flanges."  
  
"Understood," Niobe replied, pulling back on the handrest and shrugging  
her shoulder, the motions helping her to focus as the clamps holding on  
the tan and yellow flange removed themselves with a loud hiss.  
Reaching up and removing the thin metal, Niobe placed it gently down on  
the ground beside her, then reached down and hefted the shoulder  
cannon, slowly moving the upper half into place. It clamped down fimly  
upon her shoulder with another hissing noise, the suddenly added weight  
feeling slightly unbalancing. Forcing the thought out of her head, she  
swung the rest of the weapon into place, her right hand closing around  
the handle and trigger while her spare hand helped hold the weapon  
aloft.  
  
The familiar twin red targeting cursors popped up on her screen, and  
Niobe smiled, watching as her display popped open a quick windowbox  
showing the Angel's position. "Just like any other operation," she  
said, tightening her fingers around the trigger and letting the cursors  
move towards the center slowly, simply waiting for the flash of green  
to pull and destroy her opponent. "I won't fail. I'll destroy this  
one, the way that I should have handled the other Angels."  
  
"Angel's AT Field is shifting!" shouted Makoto, lunging forward  
slightly as the sudden activity of the beast snapped him out of the  
momentary lull. "Pattern is still blue, but fluctuating! We're seeing  
traces of a green pattern now, the same as the Evas!" He paused,  
hitting a few more keys. "Energy buildup is detected, but it's not  
consistent with our data on the S2 organ's energy projections - it  
doesn't seem to be any kind of physical attack!"  
  
Misato said nothing immediately, but her hands reached instinctively  
towards the microphone, her thumb flipping the switch as the display  
shifted to the shimmering form of the Angel. It had changed its  
position slightly, the gigantic wings beginning to scissor closed as an  
octagonal ripple appeared above what seemed to be its head, as though  
something had struck it there. Then a flare of light came from the  
same spot, and though Misato still didn't know exactly what the beast  
was doing she knew that it couldn't be good. "Niobe! Change your  
position immediately! Jettison the particle cannon if necessary!"  
  
Niobe heard the words clearly, but she ignored them, shoving the  
handles of her cockpit forward as she tried to pump more power into her  
AT Field. "No point in moving," she said firmly, watching as her field  
began to manifest despite the lack of anything striking her, the red  
targeting cursors growing ever closer to the center of the display.  
"Whatever it hits me with, EVA-05 can take it, and I've nearly gotten a  
target lock on it. Just a couple of good shots and it won't matter any  
more."  
  
Distantly aware of the sound of Misato shouting in the background,  
Niobe focused on moving her cannon in minute degrees, a glint of light  
showing up on her display as she trained the cannon to immaculate  
precision, cursors hovering a hair's breadth away from their magical  
center position. The light in her display grew sharper, but she  
ignored it and grinned widely as the cursors flashed green, her teeth  
gritting shut tightly as she tensed her finger.  
  
Just before the cannon lashed out with its projectiles, Niobe felt  
something tickle at the back of her mind, just enough to slow her  
reactions and keep her from slamming the trigger down quite far  
enough. Then the tickle became a scrape, then a tear, then a horrific  
scratching sensation against the back of her gray matter, an agonizing  
neural mess that speared through her body in surges of electrical  
agony. "NO!" she screamed, her body spasming as she forced herself to  
pull down the trigger, vision blurred by the pain, unable to see the  
cursors drifting away from their locked position.  
  
"EVA-05 is firing!" shouted Makoto, his hands still dancing across the  
keyboard at alarming speeds. "The trajectory is off by at least  
fifteen degrees! She's firing wildly!" He paused, then hammered down  
a few more keys, eyes flicking about the computer display behind his  
thin-rimmed glasses. "There doesn't appear to be any damage to the  
Angel! Only fifteen shots left inside the cannon!"  
  
"Pilot is suffering from severe neural feedback! Something inside that  
beam is transmitting directly on her mental frequency!" Maya's words  
managed to sound even more urgent than Makoto's, her hands moving just  
as quickly as the main screen popped up a few graphs. "There's not  
much at the moment, but her pain receptors are being triggered at an  
alarming rate! It's rendering her Eva's targeting systems useless!  
Synch ratio down to 39% and dropping fast!"  
  
"Cut off the neural links!" snapped Ritsuko, her eyes flicking only  
briefly up to the main screen as the yellow golem writhed within the  
column of light. "Activate emergency ejection system! Full buffering  
power to the cockpit, sever all unnecessary systems!"  
  
"Unsuccessful!" Maya replied, a thin film of sweat beginning to emerge  
on her forehead as she frowned at the display. "We've lost all  
immediate contact with the Eva - it's rejecting external impulses from  
within!" The younger woman paused momentarily, punching in a different  
sequence of keys, struggling to make the beast respond to her  
commands. "Ego and Superego are beginning to form within the Eva!  
It's reacting to the Angel!"  
  
"Niobe!" shouted Misato, staring up at the machine as it thrashed  
about, arms flailing and sending the particle cannon crashing into  
buildings around it. There was no response from the radio, only a wall  
of static as the Eva's head seemed to shift slightly, eyes beginning to  
flare a bright yellow as its entire body arched back.  
  
Within the cockpit, Niobe could feel the scratching sensation still  
clawing away at her brain, but there was something else accompanying  
it, a sort of whispering voice just beyond her reach. She couldn't  
quite make out the words, but she could feel a sort of slime exuding  
from it, and even without the benefit of hearing it clearly she knew  
that she wanted nothing to do with it. "Get -away- from me!" she  
screamed, raising the cannon again, trying to aim it without the  
benefit of the vanished targeting cursors. "Leave my mind -ALONE-!"  
  
Then something stabbed through Niobe's mind like a physical object, and  
she screamed, clutching at her head as the agony tore through her. Her  
focus on the Eva was in no way abated, however, and she distantly felt  
the gigantic machine clutching its head as well, body rocking back and  
forth as the lines between the two began to blur. "I've got to destroy  
it," she hissed, her teeth gritted tightly as light shone into her  
eyes. "Can't let it beat me. I have to be better than this."  
  
"But you're not." The voice was clear now if not immediately placable,  
a sort of odd harmony of voices speaking as one. "You know full well  
that this is the best you could ever do. Rather pathetic, isn't it?  
One little insult, and you fall to pieces completely -"  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Niobe, her hands moving back towards the grip of  
the particle cannon as she felt her body spasm from the mental agony.  
Thrusting upwards with the particle cannon, the girl ignored the world  
around her and let her finger slam down, watching as the glowing white  
balls of energy hurled forth from the weapon and disappeared into the  
air. "JUST DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!"  
  
"Oh, silly Niobe, you can't kill me," hissed the voice, beginning to  
sound oddly familiar. "You know that you can't kill me. You're not  
good enough to even come close. A little failure like you? Don't make  
me laugh, girl." There was a pause, then Niobe felt the scratching  
beginning at the back of her mind again. "What is there that you don't  
want to let yourself see, hmm?"  
  
"NO!" The girl's shriek pierced the air of the control room, drawing  
the attention of everyone even as the yellow machine writhed back and  
forth, still smashing into the buildings around it heedlessly. "Leave  
me alone! If you're going to kill me, do it, but don't leave me here  
like this!"  
  
"Particle cannon is out of ammunition," announced Makoto, his tone grim  
as he stared up at the main screen. The Eva had released the cannon's  
grip, grasping its head once again and leaning back further than seemed  
physically possible for the yellow golem to do. "None of the shots hit  
their target." He paused, briefly flicking to another display on his  
own monitor. "The Angel isn't coming any closer, and it doesn't look  
like it's having any difficulty maintaining the beam trained on Niobe.  
Whatever it's doing, it's not going to stop."  
  
"Damn it!" snapped Misato, slamming her fist down on Makoto's console  
out of a need to hit something, not particularly caring if it unnerved  
the young man. "We've got to have something else here that we can use  
to hit it, something else with the range to at least see what the  
beast's AT Field can take!" She paused, thumbing her chin, brow  
furrowed in thought.  
  
Gendou only flicked his eyes briefly down towards the lower level, then  
trained his gaze back upon the thrashing Eva on the screen, watching as  
it tore away part of a building in its spasms of agony. "This may be  
it, Dr. Fuyutsuki," noted Gendou calmly, adjusting his glasses slightly  
without bothering to look towards the elder man. "We may have found a  
useful excuse in this Angel."  
  
"SEELE won't like that," replied Kozou, a worried frown on his face.  
He knew that he had other things to deal with, that he needed to focus  
on the specifics of the operation against the Angel, but his mind was  
filled with the thought that he had put the girl in the Eva, that it  
was partially his work that allowed the Angel to place her through such  
agony. "They'd argue that it wasn't worth the cost. They'll argue  
that no matter how you decide to use the Lance."  
  
"Exactly why this would be the best possible situation to utilize it,"  
replied Gendou flatly, hands tented in front of his mouth, apparently  
unaffected by the obvious pain on the screen. "We may be able to  
convince them that we had no alternatives in this situation, to throw  
further suspicion away from our true purpose. Even if not an optimal  
situation, it may be the best we'll get."  
  
Niobe could see the flames outside of her Eva, hear the screaming noise  
of the crowd from that horrific night, feel her arms slowly shrinking  
to the feeble stubs that she could remember from when she was younger.  
"This isn't happening again," she hissed, forcing herself to maintain  
her grip on reality, focusing on the harsh metal of the cockpit  
handles, the flames flickering slightly as she closed her hands tightly  
enough to send waves of pain upwards. "This isn't the truth. I'm in  
Tokyo-3, in Japan, I'm sixteen..."  
  
"You're right, you are sixteen," mocked the voice, the fire increasing  
and threatening to engulf her Eva even as he struggled to regain  
control. "Starting to like boys, aren't you? Going out with your  
friends, partying, enjoying yourself?" The flames licked against her  
display, and Niobe could feel a searing heat begin to spread through  
her legs. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"  
  
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" screamed Niobe again, shutting her eyes tightly  
and thrashing her body back and forth, distantly hearing loud crashes  
as she looked down to see the legs of her plugsuit on fire. The pain  
tore through her legs, and she gritted her teeth shut more tightly,  
releasing the Eva's handrests and trying to slap the fire out, not even  
bothering to wonder how fire could burn within the LCL. In an instant,  
the flames vanished, and Niobe felt herself hurtling upwards, away from  
her cockpit into a sea of LCL ringed by flames and darkness. "What are  
you trying to do? Give me back my Eva!"  
  
Another stabbing sensation tore through the girl's brain, and she  
spasmed, her arms flailing for something to grab on to before she felt  
her hand closing tightly around a shaft of glass. Opening her eyes,  
she saw herself holding a wine glass, standing in the yard of her home  
as seemingly thousands of people danced drunkenly. "This is what you'd  
love, isn't it?" taunted the voice as flames began to emerge, Niobe  
feeling hands begin to grab and paw her. "All the love of other  
people, enjoyment, relaxing with the crowd. Giving yourself over to  
the drunken tides of existence."  
  
"That's not -true-!" screamed Niobe, lashing out and pushing away the  
hands grabbing at her, her eyes darting about the yard for the door  
into her house, only distantly seeing it rimmed by fire. Gritting her  
teeth, she forced herself through the crowd with swift blows, feeling  
sweat slicken along her body as she pushed through the masses of human  
skin. "I don't want to have anything to do with other people! They  
just distract me from the goal, keep me from achieving anything!"  
  
"What about me?" asked the voice again, mockingly, echoing in Niobe's  
ears as she flung herself through the door to her house. Before she  
could do anything she felt another warm body fling itself on top of  
her, sending her falling forward before she kicked off the unidentified  
body. Snarling, she flicked her eyes back to the assailant, and her  
eyes widened as she saw Ryo standing again, his skin whiter than she'd  
ever seen it, only his loose pajama bottoms hanging around his waist.  
"Don't you want to have something to do with me?"  
  
"You're not Ryo!" snapped Niobe, moving swiftly away from the pale-  
skinned boy as she felt the house growing hotter, flames beginning to  
sprout around the room. The doors had vanished, leaving only her and  
the odd apparition of Ryo standing there. "Ryo's different! He's as  
focused on the goal as I am, trying to do his best! That's why I'm in  
love with him, because he -helps- me focus!"  
  
"Really? You still believe that?" The apparition of Ryo lunged  
towards her, slamming her against the nearest wall and pressing his  
pale body against hers, sweat mingling between the two as flames licked  
about them. "This is what you want from him, isn't it? You want his  
body, his touch, his contact." The apparition smiled. "You want a  
relationship."  
  
"But that's -different-!" Niobe tried to place her hands on the  
apparition's chest as the flames began to sear through her plugsuit,  
but Ryo pinned them against the wall, smiling all the more broadly as  
the girl's clothes began to burn away. The flames weren't taking her  
skin, but it made little difference as she felt the heat draw tighter,  
her arms exposed to the licking flames. "I love him! He pushes me  
forward!"  
  
Her cheek stung as the figure of the boy slapped her hard, pulling  
himself closer to her as sweat dripped down against her exposed skin.  
"He holds you back," snarled the other, red eyes growing wider as the  
face drew closer and closer to her own. "You've grown fixated on him,  
Niobe Littmore. Too fixated. It's beyond a relationship." The smile  
on the face grew wider, ice-cold lips touching against Niobe's.  
"You're obsessed."  
  
"Destrado impulse beginning to manifest within the pilot!" shouted  
Maya, her fingers racing across the keyboard, sweat glistening along  
her skin as her terror grew. "Synch ratio down to 17% and falling!  
Niobe's completely out of control! All commands to the Eva unit are  
failing to connect!"  
  
Misato forced herself to take a deep breath, watching the side of the  
main screen devoted to Niobe's spastic Eva, then flicking her eyes back  
towards the other half of the screen. Eiko's Eva had propped the  
sniper rifle against one of the buildings, cradling the weapon as  
though she'd been using it since the day she was born, the Eva's head  
moving slightly as Eiko glanced at the sky and then at EVA-05 in steady  
patterns. "Eiko, have you gotten a target lock yet?"  
  
"Not yet," replied the girl, her voice sounding terrified as EVA-04's  
hands shifted slightly on her weapon, the barrel trembling slightly.  
Within the cockpit, she could feel every minor motion of the  
transparent LCL about her, her eyes flicking across her display even as  
she watched the red targeting cursors draw ever closer to the center.  
"It's kind of ironic, though, me using the sniper rifle now, after the  
first operation I ever had."  
  
"Irony later. There's an Angel that needs to be destroyed now."  
Misato's voice was obviously tense, and Eiko couldn't help but  
sympathize as she felt her eyes drawn back to the flailing yellow  
machine in front of her. She had no way of defending against the Angel  
if it decided to attack her, and the knowledge terrified her,  
especially in light of the damage wrought upon her machine against the  
Fourteenth Angel.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Eiko forced herself to keep her eyes focused on  
the targeting cursors, her finger twitching slightly against the  
trigger as she watched Niobe flail about. "It's just like in  
deathmatch," she hissed, her breath coming more slowly as she watched  
the cursors move closer to the center, the thought of video games  
calming her nerves slightly. "Vash takes point, you take backup, just  
go for the headshot..."  
  
Eiko nearly jumped at the quiet sound of the beep of the curors hitting  
center, but it only lasted for a second before she slammed down on the  
trigger, letting the blue-white beam of energy lash out towards the  
heavens, towards the source of Niobe's agony. "Direct hit!" shouted  
Eiko, her hands clenching around the handrests instinctively. "Is it  
dead yet!"  
  
Makoto's fingers keyed in a quick sequence, and the main screen was  
replaced by an image of the bird-like Angel, the spindly almost-wings  
of the beast spreading once again as the beam from the sniper rifle  
shot towards the beast. It made no effort to move, and the beam  
slammed into its AT Field harmlessly, the octagons surging outwards and  
disspating the attack. "Too much energy lost in the passage from the  
surface," Makoto announced reluctantly. "And that's all the energy  
that we can muster for the rifle from the power grid - there simply  
isn't any more available."  
  
"God," moaned Misato, slumping forward slightly and resting her head in  
her hands for just a moment, her entire body seeming to bend for just a  
moment. Staring at the other woman, Ritsuko couldn't help but feel  
sympathetic for Misato, knowing the burden that she had to be under.  
"We've got to get her out of there. We've got to have -something-  
capable of piercing that thing's AT Field."  
  
Inside the Eva, Niobe could feel her reflexes slowing as her vision  
grew more hazy, her body spasming once out of biological pleasure even  
as her mind rolled with agony. "Stop it," she hissed, the Eva's  
movements seeming distant as it thrashed about, the world beginning to  
fade into an indistinct blur. "You're wrong. I'm not obsessed. I'm  
not. -I'm- -not-!"  
  
"Who are you trying to convince, Niobe?" mocked the voice, coming at  
her from all angles as her vision blurred to nothingness. "You know  
your obsession like the back of your hand. You know the nights you've  
dreamt of his naked body lying against yours, the times you've tried to  
sneak in a hug or a kiss..." The voice paused, and even though Niobe  
could see nothing but black she could feel the grin. "The way that  
you've reacted every time he's spurned you."  
  
"He hasn't spurned me!" screamed Niobe, her hands flying to the sides  
of her head instinctively as her body thrashed back and forth. The  
physical agony had been bad enough, but it seemed as though the  
situation was only getting worse, that the torment it seemed to want  
her to go through was infinitely worse than simple pain. "He's been  
testing me, making sure that he can rely upon me! He loves me the way  
that I love him."  
  
"Silly girl, don't you realize it?" snapped the voice, a leg clad in  
the yellow surface of a plugsuit appearing before Niobe's eyes.  
Looking up, she expected to see her own face, and gaped as she saw  
Nieve standing before her, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Ryo  
doesn't love you any more than he loves me. He's not -capable- of  
loving -anybody-. The only one in love is you, and you're not even in  
love, just infatuated." The voice paused for a moment, and Nieve began  
to smile. "Besides, he wouldn't want you even if he was capable of  
loving somebody. You're -ugly-."  
  
"That's not TRUE!" screamed Niobe, lurching to her feet and letting her  
hands close tightly around Nieve's neck, certain that she was  
hallucinating, praying to God that she was hurting the Angel in some  
way. "I'm beautiful! I know that! Everyone always told me that I was  
a beautiful girl, that -"  
  
"Lies," replied the Nieve-thing, her grin beginning to spread too far  
for her face to have realistically contained it, apparently unaffected  
by the other girl's tight grip around her neck. "There's nothing  
attractive about you, Niobe, especially for Ryo. You're too thin, too  
athletic, and without your hair you look ridiculous." The voice  
paused, then Nieve's arms reached up and pulled the girl's face closer,  
the grin continuing to spread to impossible width. "And you're not  
even the same race as Ryo. You're -black-."  
  
Niobe's eyes widened even further, and she released Nieve's neck for  
just a moment before she let her fists slam into the center of the  
girl's throat, sending both of them falling to the nonexistent floor  
with a wet thud. Distantly aware of the apartment slowly fading into  
view around her, Niobe ignored it, slamming her fists into Nieve's  
throat, her eyes, her nose, whatever she could reach. "That doesn't  
have anything to do with it!" she screamed, flailing even as she felt  
another spike of pain beginning to drive through the back of her mind.  
"People are people! He loves me!"  
  
"I hate you." The quiet noise of Ryo's voice finally stopped Niobe,  
and she found herself looking down at his face instead of Nieve's,  
wearing his school uniform instead of a plugsuit, his face battered and  
bruised. Niobe recoiled in shock, and Ryo pushed her off roughly,  
slowly drawing himself up to her full height. "I hate you, Niobe.  
Your appearance disgusts me. You're a failure, and you always have  
been." There was a pause, then Ryo smiled sinisterly. "Stupid little  
black girl, think you're better than the rest of us?"  
  
Memories of her grade school began to flood back into Niobe's mind, and  
she staggered backwards, another jab of pain pushing through her body.  
"No," she hissed, unable to articulate herself any more elegantly, her  
hands clenching and relaxing in slow rythyms. "This isn't real. This  
isn't real. I'm not a failure. I'm not a failure."  
  
"Of course you are, idiot," offered another voice, and Niobe whirled  
her head about to see Neil standing nearby, arms folded across his  
chest. "You're a disgrace. Thinking that you're the best pilot, after  
everything that -I- did? I destroyed the Fourteenth, the Thirteenth,  
all the Angels that you couldn't even touch. You're a disgrace  
compared to me, just a weak little black girl that thinks she's better  
than she really is."  
  
"You can't blame her, though," mocked another voice, this one coming  
from a clone of Nieve leaning off of Ryo's shoulder, her position  
implying the obvious. "After all, she's just some weak, scared little  
girl trying to make it in the outside world. She's got to pretend that  
she's the best, or nobody's going to notice her, are they?"  
  
"Do you hate us for what we are?" asked Eiko, wrapping her arms tightly  
around Niobe before she even realized that the other girl was there,  
her head nuzzling hard against Niobe even as her nails dug into the  
plugsuit. "Because we're not you. This is our world, isn't it? We're  
the ones who make these buildings, erect these walls, and all you can  
do is try to be noticed as one of us."  
  
"Why bother with her?" mocked Vash, appearing out of thin air and  
leaning casually against a wall, a contemptuous smile on his face as he  
stared at the girl. "After all, she's just an imitation. She has  
nothing of substance to offer anybody. Dancing to our music, using our  
piloting techniques, trying to be something that anyone can see that  
she isn't." The boy shoved off from the wall, clenching his fists as  
his features seemed to go liquid. "Copies are never as good as the  
original. Don't you think so?"  
  
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Niobe, tearing free of Eiko's grasp and  
shoving the girl away from her. None of the other Children seemed  
affected, and as Niobe ran towards the kitchen they simply followed her  
slowly. Her heart was racing as pain stabbed through her head, feet  
slipping against the floor of the apartment as she ran towards the  
door, struggling to free herself from the nightmare around her.  
  
Then the door swung open, and she could see herself standing before  
her, sickly thin, hair a unevenly chopped mess, eyes sunken and  
bloodshot but wide open. "Mockery," hissed the double, taking a step  
towards Niobe even as the girl glanced behind her. The Children were  
slowly shifting to more nightmarish copies, smiles wide across their  
faces as flames began to lick around the walls of the apartment. "You  
destroyed yourself and you still weren't good enough. You never even  
had a chance, did you?"  
  
Her lungs swallowed a bloody gasp of smoke, and Niobe stumbled her way  
into the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as she staggered away  
from the doubles. Glancing to one side, her eyes went wide as she saw  
her reflection, saw her form slowly changing to match that of the  
doubles crowding about her, her eyes receding even as the plugsuit  
began to hang more loosely about her. "No," she gaped, grasping the  
handle of the nearest drawer and yanking it open, letting her hand  
grope around for just a moment before it closed up what she wanted.  
"No, I'm not a failure! I'm NOT!"  
  
A knife glinted in the firelight as the doubles approached, and Niobe  
brandished it for only a second before moving towards the nearest  
mockery, the blade down and prepared for stabbing, her motions  
practiced and smooth. Then the double simply wove aside and slammed  
the girl down, sending her skidding down on the tile of the floor with  
a sharp bite of pain through her body. "Worthless," snarled the  
double, yanking the knife from her hand and stabbing it into Niobe's  
midsection, provoking a howl of pain.  
  
Blood was beginning to bubble up from her lips, a frothy red foam about  
her lips as she felt her suit going more limp, her body shrinking into  
a nearly skeletal form. "You're an embarassment," cooed the double,  
lying atop Niobe and drawing the girl close, a sinister smile across  
its face. "Never had even the slightest chance of victory, and you  
knew it. YOU KNEW IT ALL ALONG."  
  
"Neural interference has passed all safety barriers! Destrado at  
fifteenth level and rising! The Eva's mental pathways are attempting a  
connection with the pilot!" Maya's voice was panicked as she hammered  
across the keyboard, struggling desperately to try and make the yellow  
golem respond to some kind of command, to bring it under some sort of  
control. "No positive response signals coming! Synchronization is  
holding steady at 10%, but the nerve pulses are beginning to flow  
backwards!"  
  
Gendou Ikari simply stared, the only change to his expression the small  
wrinkle at the corner of his mouth that might have generously been  
called a smile. "We posses only one weapon that could possibly pierce  
the Angel's AT Field from this range," he intoned, his voice oddly  
sinister as he rose to his feet, eyes never deviating from the main  
screen. "Instrument of the Second Impact... the Lance of Longinus."  
  
"Sir, you can't be serious!" shouted Misato, her panic evident as  
Ritsuko's eyes widened. It was suddenly clear to her exactly what the  
commander was planning to do, and as she watched Misato's reaction she  
truly understood for the first time exactly how little her friend  
knew. "Using the Lance could trigger the Third Impact! There's too  
much risk involved!"  
  
"Wait!" Neil's voice cut through the air sharply, snapping the entire  
control room to attention and erasing the mildest traces of a smile  
from Gendou's mouth. "I just thought of something. The problem with  
the sniper rifle was the fact that it didn't have enough power to  
pierce the Angel's AT Field, right? What if we could provide enough  
power to it?"  
  
"That's impossible," snapped Gendou, distantly aware that his tone was  
too sharp for the situation, that he was letting the barest traces of  
his true desires show through despite himself. "We've tapped all the  
available power, and even if we drained all of the power from the  
Japanese system it would be insufficient. We lack a power source to  
generate sufficient energy for -"  
  
"My Eva." Neil's tone was equally sharp, provoking an almost  
unnoticable reaction from the commander. "The S2 organ produces  
effectively unlimited power, right? We could use my Eva as a power  
generator, to flood enough energy into the rifle for it to break  
through the Angel's AT Field!" He paused, his tone leaving little  
doubt that he only liked the plan better than the more risky  
alternative by a slim margin. "Would it work?"  
  
A momentary silence filled the room, and Gendou was distantly aware of  
Fuyutsuki stepping next to him, the elder man's eyes flicking about the  
room as though afraid of any listeners. "This might be our only chance  
to dispose of the lance," offered Kozou, leaning slightly towards  
Gendou's ear. "SEELE will be suspicious, but if you tell the boy his  
plan won't work we could dispose of it now."  
  
"Unacceptable. They would know that we were attempting to do away with  
it." Gendou cleared his throat more loudly, then adjusted his glasses  
and nodded curtly. "Very well. Deploy EVA-01 to the surface, and  
prepare the sniper rifle for another shot." The commander hesitated,  
then leaned back and sat in his chair once again, hands tented in front  
of his face, no visible sign of a break in his confidence.  
  
Ritsuko had no way of knowing for certain if she was correct about  
Gendou's ultimate plan, but she had little doubt that Neil had thrown  
it off at least slightly, her eyes watching as the purple golem raced  
up the launch shaft on the main screen. "We're going to need to be  
creative for this to work," noted Ritsuko, glancing briefly towards  
Maya, receiving a quick nod. "If Neil injects power directly into the  
rifle, it probably won't be able to take the stress. The primary power  
coupling is attached to a subgenerator, though - that could serve as an  
access port."  
  
"Fine," replied Misato, sounding as though she was exhausted, turning  
towards Maya swiftly and not even bothering to glance at Ritsuko.  
"Maya, how's Niobe doing?"  
  
"Not good," replied Maya, her voice growing less panicked but more  
grim, hands moving deftly across the keyboard. "Her neural activity  
has taken a sharp downturn, and the pulse from the Eva has nearly  
ceased to activate at all. I still can't get the ejection system to  
work - the Eva's mechanics are shutting down slowly, and life support  
might be on that list. We'll have one shot at this, nothing more."  
  
His hands clenched tightly around the handrests of his Eva, Neil could  
hear none of the conversation within the control center, could only  
feel his machine shudded slightly as it raced towards the surface, the  
rage of the Eva seeming to whisper at the back of his mind. "Can't  
lose control now," he muttered to himself, forcing the handrests  
forward as her heard the mechanical noise of the hatch opening above  
him, machine lurching to a stop as Neil slowly took in the scene around  
him. EVA-05 had finally ceased its thrashing, now leaning on the  
particle cannon as though it was a cane, the golem's eyes still shining  
a brilliant yellow. Eiko hadn't moved an inch, her machine simply  
waiting for the chance for another shot, eyes looking towards the sky.  
"All right, how do I hook up with this thing?"  
  
"Follow the cord from the sniper rifle. It's hooked up to a  
generator." Neil nodded even though he knew that the command center  
couldn't see the gesture, and quickly traced his eyes along the length  
of the cord, finally letting his gaze rest upon a squat green structure  
that the power supply was trailing out of. "You're going to have to  
use the organ to inject power directly into the generator. But it's  
probably going to be enough to burn the generator out entirely, so  
you're not going to have a second chance. And..."  
  
"You can't tell me how to do it. I guessed that part." Biting his  
lower lip gently, Neil knelt his machine beside the generator, then  
took a deep breath and rested his hands upon it gently, trying to  
extend his mind further back into the Eva's. "Come on," he coaxed,  
remembering the first time that he'd managed to activate his AT Field,  
certain that the procedure would be at least similar. "Just do this,  
and then I'll leave you alone."  
  
There was no response from the Eva, only a vague tickling sensation  
along Neil's arms, and frowning he glanced to one side, watching the  
body of Niobe's Eva slump against the cannon more and more with each  
passing second, as though the golem's muscles were giving out. "Come  
on, don't give out on me now," he snarled, forcing the handrests  
forward, focusing on the Eva's body as fists tightened. "You've seen  
the Angels do it plenty of times before now, you can certainly do it  
yourself just this once..."  
  
A brief feeling of sparks came from Neil's arms, and he found himself  
wondering what the sensation was for just a moment before fire erupted  
along his arms, the sudden shock of pain sending him lurching back  
inside of his cockpit. The generator beneath him began to pulse with  
energy, the Eva's hands glowing a bright white as energy flooded forth,  
Neil trying to force himself not to panic as pain rippled up and down  
his arms. "How's that?" he gasped, his fists tightening instinctively  
from the sheer pain of the effort.  
  
"Generator power at 172% of capacity," offered Makoto, his eyes  
flicking back and forth between the sight of EVA-01's efforts and the  
display in front of him. "No distinct reaction from the Angel - it's  
maintaining its position." He paused, then glanced up at EVA-01 once  
again, hands hesitating over the keyboard. "I didn't know that the S2  
organ would let it manifest energy like..."  
  
"Like the Angels?" offered Misato, leaning over and flicking on the  
microphone, only letting her gaze deviate from the main screen for a  
second to catch a quick nod from the young man. "I didn't, either."  
She paused, then leaned into the microphone, the main screen's display  
switching to EVA-04 with the sniper rifle pointed to the heavens.  
"Eiko, you're going to need a target lock quickly. The generator won't  
be able to handle that much power for very long."  
  
Eiko didn't reply, instead focusing on the cursors on her screen, her  
hands tight around the handrests, her mind distantly aware of EVA-05  
beginning to move again slightly. "I've got to destroy it," she  
hissed, her eyes narrowing to slits as the cursors hovered an almost  
imperceptible distance apart. "Just let the targeting boxes line up  
and pull the trigger." She waited, breathing hard, finger twitching  
against the trigger of the rifle, her eyes trained closely enough to  
see the exact second that the target indicator flashed green.  
  
Neil remembered the time that he had fired the sniper rifle, but he was  
certain that the sensation of the weapon's discharge couldn't compare  
to the massive corona of energy that lashed out from the weapon towards  
the sky, a blue-white ray that seemed to stretch on forever. It would  
have been beautiful to observe except for the pain ripping through his  
arms and beginning to spread through his body, the hissing voice of the  
Eva still echoing in his ears. "Is it dead yet?" he asked, fists  
clenching tighter.  
  
On the main screen, everyone in the command center could see the spear  
of light jabbing up from the atmosphere, pushing away clouds from the  
surface of the Earth as it shot towards the Angel. If the winged beast  
noticed, it made no effort to dodge, but reacted visible as the beam  
struck the Angel's AT Field, the octagonal ripples surging outwards  
from the point of contact even as the beam began to push the field  
inward ever so slightly. "It's not enough," announced Makoto after a  
moment, a few quick keypresses bringing up a new display on his  
monitor. "We're still going to need more power to break through the  
field - there's a lot of dissipation at this range."  
  
Though he couldn't hear the conversation inside the command center,  
Neil knew that something had to be wrong simply from the fact that he  
hadn't been told to stop, that Eiko was still training the massive beam  
of energy towards the sky. "Come on, damn it, die," he hissed, the  
pain spreading throughout his body as he pushed even harder than he'd  
dared before, eyes blurring with agony. "Just a little bit more... I  
know you've got it in you..."  
  
Without warning, Neil felt his body pitch forward as he coughed blood,  
a red mist that soaked through the LCL as his body began to go numb  
from pain. He was distantly aware of the noise of his Eva's fingers  
crunching through the generator beneath him as white light flashed out  
side of him, a dizzy feeling passing through his head at the thought of  
having just hacked blood into the LCL around him. Coughing again, the  
taste of blood in his mouth grew stronger, but the pain seemed to be  
bleeding away, only a distant warmth rippling along his arms.  
"Please," he hissed, lacking further words as he pushed the handrests  
as far forward as the metal would allow.  
  
EVA-01 applied still more pressure to the generator as its hands  
cracked through the casing, energy flaring along the length of its  
arms, pouring into the rifle as the beam it produced grew even wider.  
The Angel on the main screen seemed to finally grow afraid of the  
attack as the surge of power rippled along the beam's length, but it  
was too late to do anything about it as the beam tore through the AT  
Field, plunging clear through the beast's body. It spasmed once, the  
beam of light that it had struck Niobe with disappearing into  
nothingness, then its body darkened and seemed to dissolve, rifle beam  
still firing off even as it withered away. "Fifteenth Angel  
destroyed," announced Misato over the radio, her relief more than  
audible. "Check on EVA-05."  
  
Both machines began to move towards the yellow golem, Neil moving  
slightly more slowly as Eiko helped him to his feet. There was no  
twitch of movement from the other machine, its body slumped limply  
against the gleaming white particle cannon, the setting sun casting it  
into an odd shade. Within the cockpit lay Niobe, here eyes wide and  
body limp, the only sign of any motion from her the tight grip of her  
hands around the metal handrests and the half-open position of her  
mouth.  
  
]++[  
  
Fluorescent lighting bled away the surface of the white hallways,  
soaking into the white coats of the doctors crowding the chambers,  
seeming to perfectly the icy stares that hit Ryo as he slowly walked  
towards his destination. It had been quite some time since he'd been  
forced to return to the hospital, something that he'd had to do only  
briefly after the attack of the Fourteenth to ensure that he hadn't  
suffered any permanent injuries. He could still remember sitting and  
waiting within his single and lonely room after the devestating  
activation of EVA-00, though, could still hear the steady and  
permeating buzz of the fluorescent light, the numb hours marching away  
into nothingness.  
  
At the time, it had meant nothing to him, a simple necessity of the  
situation, nothing to be worked up about. He couldn't recover that  
sensation despite his efforts, couldn't help but feel some vague urging  
away from the hospital room, a thought pattern as perplexing as any of  
those rattling about in his head. It had never been easy for him to  
undersatnd emotions, but as he slowly moved through the sterilized  
corridors into the neurology ward of NERV's internal hospital, he  
couldn't help but baffle at the things that were emerging slowly in his  
mind, emotions that he had no names or precedents for, a conflicting  
series of instructions that threatened the very foundations of his  
routine.  
  
Somehow, it didn't scare him, even though he was beginning to  
understand the emotion that could only be referred to as fear, the same  
uneasy break in routine that he had managed to identify from his  
encounter with Nieve. The death of routine seemed to be the least of  
his worries, the least frightening of the specters that loomed about  
his head as he trudged towards his destination, at once dreading and  
anticipating the encounter he knew that he would undergo.  
  
"502." The words felt empty as he stood in front of the sliding door  
the same soul-numbing white as the rest of the building, numbers carved  
on a plastic plate to one side. The sensations bleeding through his  
body were nameless to him, and as he stepped forward he could only let  
them wash over his thoughts, unable to even attempt to pick out the  
individual emotions and try to classify them.  
  
Beeps filled the room, steady like a metronome, flashing devices wired  
to Niobe's skin with small white pads. She was dressed in a bland blue  
blouse and pants, lying limply atop her white sheets, eyes staring  
towards the ceiling at nothing, her chocolate skin seemingly the only  
splash of color against the white around her. As Ryo stepped over, he  
could see that the light had gone out of her eyes, that all that  
remained was the vaguest hints of the sparkling blue that he'd grown  
accustomed to and barely even noticed himself expecting.  
  
"Niobe," he said, his voice trembling from something that he didn't  
understand as his red eyes flicked across the girl's body, arms hanging  
limply at his side. "We destroyed the Fifteenth, Niobe. We did  
everything that we could to try and destroy it before it hurt you too  
badly, before it did anything like this to you." He paused, wishing  
that there was something better to say, the mere concept of desire  
feeling strangely alien to him. "Obviously, we weren't fast enough."  
  
The girl remained silent, and Ryo stared for a moment, briefly  
considering the routine that he was supposed to undergo before ignoring  
it. There was a lone chair propped up against a wall, and he stepped  
lightly over to it, pulling it up to the side of Niobe's bed, sitting  
in it rather woodenly as he stared down at her. "I was only supposed  
to come down to see what had happened to you," he explained, fully  
aware that the girl couldn't hear him. "But I don't think I'm going to  
leave just yet."  
  
Sighing, Ryo tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling along with  
the girl, his memories casting him back to the activation of his own  
Eva once again. "They don't know exactly what the Angel did to you,"  
he offered, words quiet, almost drowned by the humming of the  
fluorescent light. "You suffered from catastrophic levels of neural  
feedback, enough to kill a fully-grown woman at the height of her  
health." He paused. "But you didn't die. They don't know if you'll  
ever snap out of your trance, if you'll ever be able to even speak to  
another human being again, but you lived through it."  
  
A beep issued forth from one of the machines, and Ryo found himself  
leaning towards Niobe, his hands resting upon his knees. "You were  
amazing, Niobe. Even without destroying the Angel, you were simply  
amazing. Anyone else would have died out there, but you... you even  
stayed synchronized with your Eva the whole time, even after you should  
have been completely unconscious." His lower lip trembled slightly,  
the words seeming to catch in his throat. "You never lost sight of the  
goal, never wavered for so much as a second. You... you just kept  
trying, certain that you could win if you just tried hard enough."  
  
Niobe's chocolate skin seemed inexplicably inviting to Ryo for reasons  
that he couldn't explain, her hands lying open as if waiting for  
something to take them. Ryo hesitated for a second, then placed his  
hand in hers, clasping both hands around hers, feeling the warmth seep  
from her skin into his, the dark skin contrasting against his own  
paleness. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he whispered, taking a deep breath,  
staring at the girl, wanting her to move, to react in some fashion.  
  
Thoughts ran through Ryo's head of what had passed between the two of  
them since they had met, all of their conversations, the times that she  
had been angry with him and the times that she had wanted to talk with  
him. Biting his lower lip, he simply stared for a moment before he  
felt the slightest droplet of moisture splatter against his hand,  
enough to make him look down, the small traces of water glistening in  
the fluorescent light. "Am I... crying?" he asked, the sensation  
flooding through his body unfamiliar and far from pleasant. "Am I  
crying?"  
  
More tears splattered down against Ryo's hand, his vision blurring  
slightly as he looked up towards the girl's face again, the empty stare  
that seemed less like the girl he remembered and more like a mask of  
sadness. "Yes," he whispered, slowly beginning to realize the emotions  
tumbling about within his chest. "I'm crying. This is... this is  
sorrow."  
  
Choking a sob, Ryo felt what seemed to be a floodgate open within his  
chest, and a horrific pain that had nothing to do with physical agony  
tore into him as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he  
sobbed, tears streaming from his eyes and dampening the bed as he  
clutched the girl's hand more tightly, his body trembling for reasons  
that he couldn't understand, breath coming more slowly as he slowly  
opened his eyes again. "God, Niobe, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm  
sorry!"  
  
Ryo's hands released the girl's hand, and in desperation he embraced  
her, his arms gripping her tightly as he sobbed against her stomach,  
the gentle warmth of her body only aggravating the sadness racing  
through his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he gasped, shaking his  
head as his hands stroked her back. "I didn't want to hurt you, Niobe,  
I just didn't know. I didn't understand. Oh, God, I was trying to  
understand, I just couldn't, I wanted to, I didn't want to make this  
happen!" His sobs grew in intensity, the chair slipping out from  
beneath him and leaving him leaning over the bed, body broken.  
  
"Please, Niobe, say something," he gasped, eyes buried against the  
girl's skin, his mind recalling every moment that he'd seen her up  
close, the beautiful curves of her body, the realization of her  
feelings only compounding his sorrow. "You didn't have to prove  
yourself to me, to anybody. Not to me of all people. I..." He  
choked, body shuddering violently as he tried to pull the girl closer.  
"I'm just a tool. I'm no better than an Eva unit, for never noticing  
the wonderful girl that I was hurting, for the way that you wanted me,  
for all the horrible things I... I..."  
  
The boy's voice trailed off into sobs, back bent and body defeated as  
he leaned against Niobe, wailing into the nothingness of the white  
walls around him, his fingers digging into the girl's back. He could  
only feel the horrible pain that encompassed his heart, wishing that he  
had been smarter, that he had never been brought into the world to hurt  
the girl. She simply lay motionless, unaware of the boy that was  
crying for the first time in his life against her body, eyes staring  
sightless into a world filled with her imaginary failures.  
  
]++[  
  
It had, all things considered, been a trying week for Gendou Ikari, but  
he had long ago taught himself not to be held back by minor details, to  
push on no matter the tragedy. It was a skill he had learned when he  
had first lost Yui, something he'd learned well enough to only barely  
react to losing his son. The atrocity witnessed on Niobe was a  
tragedy, a fact that more than registered in his mind, but as the  
holographic monoliths of SEELE appeared around him he forced himself to  
focus on the task at hand, reminding himsefl that sacrifices  
occasionally had to be made.  
  
"Fifteen seals on the Chamber of Gaf have been broken," intoned the  
harsh voice of Keel, chairman of the group, the only one whose face  
Gendou could see without the benefit of any aid. "This was a far more  
impressive run than the previous Angels, Ikari. Destroyed without the  
destruction of any Eva units."  
  
"A worrisome matter, however, the fate of EVA-05's pilot," offered  
another one of the monoliths, this with the same universally aged voice  
of the SEELE constituents. "EVA-07 arrives in Tokyo-3 soon, and we  
find ourselves short of one useful pilot. Have you at all prepared for  
this eventuality?"  
  
"Unnecessary," replied Gendou, inwardly pleased at the fact that his  
minor failure of the day had wound up being beneficial, diverting  
attention away from his own activities. "EVA-05 has a pilot awaiting -  
the Second will prove to be a suitable replacement, should the need  
arise for the Eva's deployment again. As for EVA-07..." He hesitated  
briefly, taking just the slightest moment to let the members mull over  
what he was going to suggest. "I was going to bring in the Seventh."  
  
There was a momentary pause, the barest of murmurs rippling through the  
darkened air of the room, Gendou managing to surpress the smile that  
nearly flooded across his lips. "You are treading on dangerous ground,  
Ikari," spoke Keel at length, voice echoing throught the chamber. "You  
know full well of our objections to the alleged Seventh Child,  
especially in light of the circumstances surrounding the designation."  
  
"Only two seals remain, and we are in need of pilots. There is little  
space to be fussy about details at the moment." He paused, pushing his  
glasses further up his nose, confident that there was little SEELE  
could do to aggravate this portion of his plan. "More to the point,  
the Child has been designated and proven acceptable for the task of  
piloting the Eva unit. We will need all of the pilots to ultimately  
achieve our goal - without the Sixth, there is a gap in our sequence  
that can only be repaired in one fashion."  
  
"You may utilize the Seventh freely, Ikari," replied one of the hateful  
old voices hidden by the holographic monolith. "Simply understand that  
it draws scrutiny towards your actions." There was a pause. "But you  
tell us that you have nothing to be suspicious of. So there should be  
no difficulty with a closer look at the workings of your organization,  
should there?"  
  
"And there is none," replied Gendou, knowing full well that the SEELE  
members were struggling to make him sweat, to make him give in to their  
pressures and expose himself. He had expected no less, and he took  
some small pleasure in giving them nothing to cling to or look further  
into. "I will bring in the Seventh within one week's time, before the  
arrival of EVA-07. If you have any further questions about the  
deployment, feel free to ask me at the time."  
  
"We have more questions for you -now-," rumbled Keel, obviously aware  
of what Gendou was doing. The eldest man had always been the smartest  
of SEELE's members, something that Gendou respected as much as he  
respected the group's power. "We are aware that during the engagement  
with the Fifteenth Angel, you discussed using the Lance of Longinus to  
destroy the Angel." There was a pause. "Would you care to explain  
yourself?"  
  
"There is little to explain," replied Gendou calmly. "The Angel was  
out of range of all but two of our weapons. One weapon was  
inaccessible and out of ammunition due to EVA-05's condition, and one  
was unable to generate sufficient power to pierce the Angel's AT  
Field. There was only one piece of our arsenal that seemed as though  
it could satisfy the needs of the situation, until the Third suggested  
an alternative course of action." He paused. "An alternative only  
made possible by the fact that his Eva unit possesses an S2 organ."  
  
"Ofuscation is not appreciated at the moment," offered another one of  
SEELE's members, the tone almost amused, the first one of the member  
voices that Gendou could remember being the slightest bit worried by.  
It implied to him that SEELE knew more than he thought they did, that  
he was walking on more tenuous ground than he'd expected, something  
that nearly provoked a reaction from him. "You had been ready to use  
the Lance, despite how critical it is to our designs. How would we  
have retrieved it from orbit after the destruction of the Fifteenth?"  
  
"Unless the Angels are destroyed, we stand no hope of ever opening the  
Chamber of Gaf, Lance or no Lance," replied Gendou firmly, adjusting  
his glasses once more. "I was in no way enamoured with the thought of  
utilizing the Lance, but there were no alternatives open when I  
suggested it." He paused, letting his words sink in. "But EVA-01  
provided a viable alternative, leaving the matter irrelevant. The  
Lance remains within Central Dogma, along with Her body."  
  
"Do not attempt to cross us, Ikari," warned Keel's voice, the monoliths  
surrounding Gendou slowly fading into nothingness. "We have waited too  
long and placed too much effort into this project to relinquish it  
without a fight. If you move too far, we will strike you down, have no  
doubt."  
  
Gendou simply stared at the monoliths before him until they faded away  
to nothingness, letting the darkness slowly encircle the room until  
their was nothing else remaining besides the pool of light that he sat  
in. He could still feel a vague tension in the back of his head,  
brought on in no small part by the amusement of the SEELE members, as  
though his pretensions of keeping secrets from them was nothing but his  
own deluded fantasy. Forcing a sigh, he pushed back in his seat and  
stood, letting his arms hand loosely to his sides and turning towards  
the door.  
  
As he'd grown to expect, the door had already slid open before he was  
halfway across the room, the silhouette of the familiar girl standing  
in front of him. "You were unable to dispose of the Lance," she said,  
her words offering no pretense of being anything but bare facts, light  
flitting through her thin hair. "Dr. Fuyutsuki has mentioned that we  
may have no further chances to remove the Lance from the equation, that  
we may be left with the lance in the equation no matter our efforts."  
  
"It certainly appears that way at the moment," replied Gendou, only  
slightly unnerved by the girl's presence as he stepped towards her.  
"But we need not worry too greatly about the continued presence of the  
artifact. Even if it does remain within our possession, our project  
should be close enough to completion so that we will be prepared to  
complete it before SEELE has a chance to complete their own goals."  
  
The girl simply nodded, waiting for Gendou to step out of the room and  
past her before following behind him, her eyes focused on him as they  
stepped towards the elevator. "What of Ryo?" she asked, her voice flat  
as fluorescent lights traced across their bodies, the lighting thinner  
due simply to how low in the structure the corridors were. "Well he be  
departing to take his place soon?"  
  
"Ryo has proven unsuitable," replied Gendou flatly, the barest note of  
regret creeping in to his voice as they walked slowly towards the end  
of the hallway. "There is too high a risk associated with his soul,  
too much contamination from his exposure." He paused for an instant,  
letting himself think on what might have caused the change in the boy,  
having only the slightest suspicions. "We have prepared an  
alternative, and he will be deployed for the project instead. It is  
regrettable, but there are no alternatives."  
  
"Of course," she replied, standing a few feet behind Gendou as he  
pressed the button for the elevator, her body rigid. "You did,  
however, have to remove the Sixth from the equation. Without her,  
SEELE may be able to succesfully -"  
  
"We will simply have to assure that they cannot complete the sequence,"  
replied Gendou, his voice slightly tense as the elevator doors dinged  
open. "If we destroy the next two Angels before they are able to  
prepare their own devices... we may be able to jump ahead of them, to  
allow humanity's ascension before they can proceed with their own  
degradation." He paused, glancing only briefly towards the girl's red  
eyes before hitting the button for the elevator to send them lower in  
the structure. "It is a difficult burden to bear, certainly. But  
somebody must save us."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by  
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,  
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with  
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the  
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the  
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but  
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Strung along for years on end.  
Strung out and lowered in dignity.  
Strung across the arms of a cross.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 22: CRUCIFIX OF HEARTS  
"If we can't take care of six teenagers, how the hell can we be   
expected to take care of the entire planet?"  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	22. Crucifix of Hearts

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 22: CRUCIFIX OF HEARTS +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But   
this man has done nothing wrong.  
- LUKE 23:10  
  
]++[  
  
Somehow, the simple absence of one of the Children made the entire   
testing room seem more empty, even though it was the first time that   
Misato could remember in recent history, with almost all of the   
Children testing at once. The simple sight of the five entry plugs in   
the chamber should have been enough to offset any of her feelings of   
loneliness, but as she stared at the plugs, numbers bold across the   
entry hatch, she couldn't help but be painfully aware of the lack of   
Niobe. "How much longer is it going to take?" she asked Ritsuko,   
briefly flicking her eyes towards the blonde woman.  
  
"I don't know," replied Ritsuko, her eyes fixed on Maya's console, not   
bothering to deviate for even a second. "We've still got a lapse in   
data from the stunt you pulled last week. So I have to at least finish   
putting together enough information for Nieve and Neil to make up for   
the gap, and then I can start dealing with the rest of the Children."   
She paused. "Or are you going to object to that, too?"  
  
Misato felt her fists clenching tightly, her pulse quickening slightly   
as she stared at the other woman. There had been an obvious tension   
between the two of them since the incident with the Fifteenth Angel, as   
though the veneer of civility had disappeared from Misato at just the   
right time. It was simultaneously a liberating experience and an   
irritation - while Misato had little interest in the continued   
emotional fencing between her and Ritsuko over Kaji, she couldn't say   
that she was enjoying the new dynamic any more. "Despite what you   
might think, Ritsuko, we have an obligation to these children," Misato   
sighed, forcing herself to remain calm.  
  
Ritsuko glanced back towards Misato momentarily, then flicked her eyes   
back towards Maya's display, apparently unconcerned with the other   
woman's statement. "Nieve's ratio is the only one that hasn't fallen   
at all since recent events," she noted, speaking to Maya and not   
Misato. "Even Ryo seems to have tapered off a little."  
  
"He's been going down to visit Niobe daily," offered Misato, taking a   
step forward, finally drawing some attention from Ritsuko as she   
spoke. "I imagine that he's taken the loss of his roommate rather   
hard, considering how little he sees of others. Especially the   
circumstances under which -"  
  
"That's a minor detail," replied Ritsuko sharply, turning immediately   
back towards the testing booth, her white lab coat swishing about her   
ankles. "Much as it might be nice to worry about Ryo's emotional   
problems, we have to be more concerned about the reality of the   
situation. Our pilots are in a downward spiral, and that doesn't bode   
well for our long-term goals." She paused briefly, staring at the   
booth before glancing towards Maya once again. "You don't suppose we   
could try manually increasing the synch ratio and hoping to minimize   
the feedback?"  
  
"You've got to be kidding." Misato stepped forward and forced her heel   
down firmly, letting the point click hard against the metal floor and   
drawing Ritsuko's attention just as Maya opened her mouth to speak.   
The expression on the blonde woman's face left Misato with little doubt   
that the woman was fully serious, but she allowed her the benefit of   
the doubt. "Look at what just happened to Niobe, Ritsuko. We can't   
force these children into that sort of situation in good conscience."  
  
"And what of our obligation to be the adults here?" hissed Ritsuko,   
lowering her voice even as she took a step closer to Misato. Her eyes   
were flashing with something Misato couldn't quite place, somewhere   
between anger and simple resentment. "I don't like the thought of it   
either. But what's important isn't being kind to them, whether we like   
it or not. If push comes to shove, our first priority is to destroy   
the Angels, you know that."  
  
"Our priorities are -wrong-," snarled Misato, the old doubts flaring in   
the back of her mind and springing to life. "I've been hearing that   
since the first time we deployed EVA-01, and it's not -right-. If we   
can't take care of six teenagers, how the hell can we be expected to   
take care of the entire planet?"  
  
Ritsuko's jaw clenched more tightly, and the other woman forced herself   
to look away for a moment before stepping closer to Misato and staring   
her directly in the eye. "Even if our priorities are wrong, we don't   
have any choices. You should know that, -Major- Katsuragi - this is a   
military organization at its core. Our responsibility has to be saving   
as many people as we can. If six children have to die in order to save   
three billion others, that's an acceptable loss." She paused. "And if   
you're not willing to make that decision, perhaps it's time you   
considered another line of work."  
  
"What the -hell- has happened to you, Ritsuko?" snapped Misato,   
stepping closer herself and staring her former best friend in the eye   
as well, feeling anger build up in her chest. "You're using people as   
if they were nothing but machines, and you don't seem to care about   
it. Every time you talked about your mother, this is what you said   
that you hated about her, and now you're -"  
  
"-Don't-," snapped Ritsuko, her right hand jerking up and her index   
finger pushing hard against Misato's nose. There was only anger   
flashing in her eyes now, no traces of anything else. "Don't you dare   
finish that sentence. You have -no- right to talk about me or my   
mother." She paused, then turned away from Misato, coat and hair   
swishing gently. "Just like you don't have any right to talk about   
Kaji."  
  
Misato frowned for a moment, then reached out and grabbed Ritsuko's   
shoulder, yanking the other woman back towards her, a more physical   
gesture than she was accustomed to making. "That's where you're wrong,   
Dr. Akagi," she snapped, forcing herself into Ritsuko's face, distantly   
aware of the pensive look taking hold on Maya's face. "I was with Kaji   
a lot longer than you have been, and I know more about him than you   
ever could."  
  
"That's what you convinced yourself," snapped Ritsuko, yanking her   
shoulder away from the other woman with a scowl, straightening her lab   
coat with a quick tug. "You thought you knew a lot more about him than   
you actually did. But if you knew the first thing about him, it   
wouldn't be you alone right now." Glaring, Ritsuko took a step   
backwards, her gaze still locked on Misato. "Not like you could get   
him back now if you tried."  
  
"I don't -want- him back," snapped Misato right back, taking a step   
forward to counter the other woman's movement, her anger drawing her   
along. "I just don't want -you- to have him. You don't have any   
right, Ritsuko, after the relationship he and I had. We were lovers   
back then, you know that better than anybody."  
  
"You were the only one in love, Misato," Ritsuko said coldly, folding   
her arms across her chest and letting her blue-gray eyes shimmer   
underneath the humming fluorescent lights above them. "You want to   
know what Kaji was going to tell you the day that you left him? He was   
going to say that he was leaving, that he didn't want to lie to you any   
longer." She paused, seeming to take some small pleasure in the pain   
written across her friend's face. "He was only staying with you out of   
pity, not any kind of genuine love. Once his obligations were   
finished, he didn't have any interest in you."  
  
Before Misato even knew it, her hand was flying along a path of its   
own, striking across Ritsuko's cheek hard and filling the air with the   
snapping noise of a slap. There was a momentary pause, the world   
seeming to slow down to a crawl as Ritsuko's head recoiled, red   
blossoming along her cheek, her expression returning to the icy and   
disapproving gaze that Misato had grown accustomed to. Then, shaking   
her head, Misato turned and stepped away from Ritsuko, her jaw set in a   
hard line, hand rippling with the sting of the contact with the other   
woman.  
  
Ritsuko watched Misato leave, then raised one hand and gingerly touched   
the spot where she had been slapped, as though she was afraid it was   
bleeding. "Ma'am?" Maya's voice sounded worried, and Ritsuko only   
lingered for a moment longer before turning towards the younger woman,   
taking in the nervous position of her body. "Are... are you all   
right? Is there something I should know about?"  
  
"No," replied Ritsuko, forcing herself to take a deep breath as she   
stepped over towards the testing booth once again. "Just me letting my   
emotions get the better of me once again." She paused for a moment,   
flicking her eyes towards the booth, then turning back towards Maya   
reluctantly. "Though between the two of us, we'll need to keep an eye   
on Misato. I'm starting to wonder whether or not she's fit for her   
position any longer."  
  
]++[  
  
"You shouldn't be in here." It was a simple statement, enough to   
rattle Kaji ever so slightly as he leaned back in his chair, a minor   
look of surprise sweeping over his face as he leaned back and stared at   
the entering subcommander. Kozou had no doubt that the man took the   
warning as hollow, but he still felt a vague obligation to say it, to   
make it clear that he did understand full well what Kaji was doing.   
"The security room is no place for the head of the Intelligence   
department."  
  
"I disagree. I consider this gathering intelligence." Kaji paused,   
then glanced back towards the wall of television monitors in front of   
him, each one conveniently labeled in regards to where the security   
camera was located. It was dizzying, seeing all of the images flashing   
at once, but Kaji seemed unaffected, sitting in the chair in front of   
the screens and leaning back, his legs just beneath the control console   
for the room. "There's an awful lot to be found out in this building,   
you know, and a lot of it isn't hidden too well. Or at least, not so   
well that the security system doesn't look over it."  
  
Kozou shook his head, then stepped fully into the room, letting the   
darkness encase him as the teal-gray metal doors slid shut behind him.   
The only light in the room came from the cameras and the flashing   
indicators on the console, a way to keep the room as free of   
distractions as possible. "How did you even get in here, anyways?" he   
asked, casting his eyes about the multitude of screens. "I didn't see   
any damage with the key lock, and I know you don't have the authority   
on your entry card."  
  
The younger man didn't reply for a moment, then tilted his head back   
towards his elder and smiled broadly. "A girl has to keep some   
secrets," he offered, drumming his fingers idly along the arm of the   
chair before looking back towards the monitor. "So, what are you going   
to do to me today, Commander Fuyutsuki? Heck, for that matter, how did   
you even know that I was in here?"  
  
"You think that we don't have failsafe monitors on this room?" asked   
Kozou, sounding just the slightest bit incredulous as he stepped over   
to the younger man's chair, letting himself take in the displays around   
him. "This was really a more reckless move than I would have expected   
of you, Ryoji. We've got this room under close surveillance, you have   
to know that. And you knew that we'd notice the second you entered it."  
  
"I'm getting bold," replied Kaji lightly, leaning forward in his chair   
and looking more closely at one of the monitors, apparently unconcerned   
by the implications Kozou was making. "Besides, you've said it   
yourself, you think that NERV has a leak to SEELE. I'm doing my best   
to monitor the situation and find out who it might be." He paused,   
then smirked. "Not that NERV has anything to hide."  
  
"We both know that's not the truth, Kaji. Who are you trying to   
convince?" The elder man sighed, looking towards the monitor that   
looked into the synch testing room, distantly aware of the fact that   
Misato should have been there. "And you shouldn't take this so   
lightly. I find you out because I know more about this than you do.   
My patience is nearing its end. Can't you accept the idea that NERV is   
benevolent?"  
  
"Not really, no," replied Kaji, turning towards the elder man fully,   
his hands planted firmly behind his head as he stared up. "If it was,   
it really wouldn't have anything to hide. I wouldn't be finding such   
interesting little secrets when I dig through old records, just   
financial information and other things that any organization would keep   
secret."  
  
Sighing, Kozou shook his head, feeling as though he was in a   
confessional despite the circumstances. "Being a benevolent   
organization doesn't mean that everyone will agree with your methods,"   
he offered, knowing that he was saying more than he should but also   
knowing that he wasn't saying anything Kaji didn't already know.   
"Sometimes, people need to have the truth obscured from them for their   
own good. That's what differentiates leaders and visionaries from   
others."  
  
Kaji chuckled, sounding more bitter than anything else. "Sounds to me   
as though you're trying to justify yourself," he said, turning back   
towards the monitors and leaning back, seemingly unfazed by the tack of   
the conversation. "Leaders who have something to hide from the public   
usually have a different idea of what's good for them than the   
majority. They either make people afraid to question their goals, or   
they keep them hidden so that nobody can question them. Don't you   
think people know what is and isn't good for them?"  
  
"People just want to stay the same," replied Kozou, shaking his head   
and grabbing the back of Kaji's chair, forcing the younger man to turn   
and face him. The motion obviously shocked Kaji, something that gave   
Kozou some mild satisfaction. "They don't realize that this is a time   
of change, that someone is needed to guide the changes in the most   
beneficial direction." He paused, staring the younger man in the eye   
for a moment before glancing back towards the display of the synch   
booth. "Ritsuko's more than aware of everything that goes on here,   
things I'm certain you haven't found out. Does that bother you?"  
  
"Not particularly," replied Kaji, letting his gaze follow Kozou's, his   
eyes resting on the glass monitor and growing slightly wistful.   
"What's going on between her and Misato bothers me more. I wish this   
room got some kind of audio feed from the room, something to let me   
know what they had been arguing about." He paused, biting his lower   
lip gently. "They were great friends in college. Nothing could come   
between them."  
  
"Obviously -you- could," replied Kozou, a hint of bitterness creeping   
into his voice even as Kaji looked towards him in surprise. The elder   
man only glanced briefly towards the younger man, shaking his head.   
"Come on, Kaji, do you honestly not realize what they're arguing   
about? Or have you been so busy trying to undermine NERV's ultimate   
goals that you simply haven't noticed the tension between the two of   
them?"  
  
"I was being optimistic," replied Kaji, shaking his head gently as he   
stared at the main screen. He was taking the situation seriously, that   
much Kozou could tell from the expression on his face, but exactly what   
he was thinking was hidden. "I don't like the thought of doing   
something to the two of them... but I hardly have a choice in the   
matter."  
  
"Explain that," replied Kozou firmly, distantly aware that his voice   
was growing more angry. "You decided to begin a relationship with   
Ritsuko when you arrived, not the other way around. Whatever you   
believe, I'm certain that you couldn't have imagined that would have a   
positive effect on their relationship with one another. How could you   
not call that your own fault?"  
  
Kaji didn't reply immediately, instead letting his eyes fall back   
towards the display of the testing room, a vaguely wistful look in his   
eyes. "It's for their own good," he said at length, only flicking his   
eyes towards Kozou for a second as if to see the elder man's reaction   
to his prodding. "Even if they don't realize it."  
  
"You're too hold to be acting like this," snapped Kozou, his patience   
beginning to wear thin. "And I don't have interest in playing verbal   
fencing games with you, especially not right now. Those women are in   
this state because of your actions, and you need to take responsibility   
for that."  
  
"What makes you think I -don't-?" asked Kaji, his expression unchanging   
as he stood from his seat, standing nearly level with Dr. Fuyutsuki in   
height. "I take responsibility for all of my actions, Kozou. Even the   
ones where I don't like the consequences." He paused, letting his   
words sink in. "What isn't NERV admitting responsibility for, doctor?   
For that matter, what was it that made you decide to stop trying to   
find that out yourself, made you decide that you were going to join the   
organization you'd spent so much time investigating?"  
  
A dry lump formed in Kozou's throat, and he kept his eyes fixed on the   
monitor that looked into the synch testing chamber. "I found out what   
was being kept secret," replied Kozou flatly. "Just because I was   
investigating didn't mean that I wanted to tear the organization down,   
Ryoji. I only wanted to know what I wasn't being told."  
  
"I don't believe that for a second," replied Kaji flatly, drawing a   
sharp stare from Kozou. "Here's what I think happened. I know full   
well that SEELE contacted you after the Second Impact, and that's when   
you pieced together enough about the research being performed at the   
site to know that there was something far more interesting than a   
meteor impact going on. Except you also knew something more important   
than anyone else who was curious about the site - you knew Yui and   
Gendou Ikari, two of the head researchers. And that gave you the   
momentum to start looking into what the heck Gehirn was doing in the   
first place." He paused. "But when you confronted your old student   
Yui -"  
  
"Enough," snapped Kozou, stepping between Kaji and the monitors, brown   
eyes flashing with anger in a way that he couldn't remember happening   
for years. He was almost always within complete control of his   
emotions, but something in Kaji's words had tipped him over the edge to   
anger. "This room is off-limits to you, Ryoji. Leave now, or I'll   
contact NERV's security personnel, and we can see if they'll be as   
lenient as I've been with your activities."  
  
The two men stared at one another for a moment, as though they were   
feeling each other out, testing to see which would break first. It was   
an uncomfortable situation for Kozou, something he could never remember   
being good at coupled with the fact that he was already nervous about   
what Kaji might be planning. After a moment, Kaji simply shook his   
head, turning and stepping slowly towards the exit. "All right,   
doctor," he said calmly. "No more for today."  
  
"No more. Period." Something in the elder man's voice convinced Kaji   
to turn back around and look at Fuyutsuki, a minor courtesy he was   
grateful for. "I'm not going to allow this any longer. Enough is   
enough. The next time that I catch you doing something that you're not   
supposed to, you'll be called on it." He paused. "I've tried warning   
you, but you haven't listened. Call this your final warning."  
  
Kaji glanced towards the door again, then back at Fuyutsuki, as though   
he was weighing his option. "This really means that much to you, does   
it?" he asked, sounding genuine as he took a step back towards the   
elder man. "I'd thought that you considered me something of a   
comrade. But protecting NERV comes first?"  
  
"For your own good." The words felt awkward coming out of his mouth, a   
sensation he didn't like in the least, having long assumed that periods   
of awkward words and self-doubt lay in his distant past. He knew that   
at his age he was supposed to have a handle on his situation, that he   
shouldn't be second-guessing himself and his words. "I can't trust   
what you'd do if you knew everything, Kaji. There's too much risk   
involved in that. If you're going to keep trying to tear down this   
organization, I won't protect you." He paused. "And while you're at   
it, stop playing around with Ritsuko and Misato. They're people, not   
tools."  
  
"So is everyone on this planet," replied Kaji gravely, turning on his   
heel and heading for the door. The was an oddly resigned expression on   
his face, as though he intended not to give up so much as simply ensure   
Fuyutsuki didn't find out what he was doing. "Keep that in mind,   
professor. You have no more right to play with the lives of the planet   
than I do."  
  
The doors slid open and shut behind Kaji, and Fuyutsuki forced himself   
to take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and remind himself   
that he was doing the right thing. It was an awkward feeling, the   
doubt coursing through his mind as he gazed back at the display of the   
testing room, his mind gently toying with the idea of whether Kaji was   
right or not.  
  
]++[  
  
Eiko Suzuhara was feeling just the slightest bit out of step with her   
world. That, in and of itself, was nothing particularly unusual to   
her, having felt as though she'd missed something important ever since   
Neil's cataclysmic battle with the Thirteenth Angel. It was a   
different feeling now, though, a sort of creeping discomfort in her gut   
as she stared at the half-filled glass in front of her, the sound of   
laughter echoing from the tables nearby, eyes taking in unfocused   
images of the rest of the restaurant. "Wonder what's taking Vash so   
long," she muttered to herself, idly running a finger along the rim of   
her glass.  
  
Sighing, the girl let herself shift her gaze about the room, taking in   
the deep brown furniture and the dim romantic lighting, the slow   
movements of the fan on the ceiling keeping the place just cool enough   
as waiters bustled about in perfectly pressed black and white suits.   
There had been a time when she would have laughed at them for being so   
caught up in their appearance, but she couldn't figure out whether or   
not she was so disgusted with them or not. It was a dicomforting   
thought that she hadn't even intended to have, and casting her eyes   
back towards the direction of the restroom she tried to push it back   
out of her head.  
  
It hadn't been a good day, even with the fact that Vash had finally   
lived up to his word and taken her out to someplace nicer than the   
arcade for dinner. The worst part, though, was the fact that she   
couldn't put a finger on what it was that was bugging her, what the   
strange melancholy seeping through her body had come from. It had been   
permeating everything she did for weeks now, and it irritated her in   
the back of her mind that it had been Nieve who had noticed it first.  
  
Taking a sip of her drink, Eiko let her eyes flicker to the smooth tan   
pattern running across the ceiling, memory playing the quick exchange   
between her and the other girl inside the locker room. It had been   
sudden and unexpected, the other girl pulling her aside just as she was   
about to leave. "Hey, Eiko, can I ask you something?" she'd asked, her   
head cocking slightly to one side, red hair falling along the shoulder   
of her half-buttoned blouse.  
  
At the time, Eiko hadn't thought anything of it. "Sure, go ahead,"   
she'd replied, happy to have someone to talk to in the wake of Hikari's   
impending departure. "What's going on? Was something wrong with your   
Eva?"  
  
"Um, not exactly." Nieve's voice had gone oddly quiet at that moment,   
the first sign to Eiko that something odd was going on. "Eiko...   
you're not attracted to Neil at all, are you?" She'd paused then,   
letting her head roll back slightly, the fluorescent light reflecting   
into her emerald eyes, an oddly derisive gesture. "I mean, I know the   
two of you are friends, but... that's all, right?"  
  
Exhaling sharply, Eiko shook her head, breaking from her memory for the   
barest moment, letting herself trace her finger along the rim of the   
glass as she glanced towards the men's room again, wishing that Vash   
would return to the table. "She didn't have any right to ask me that,"   
she muttered to herself, letting her fingers move down and drum against   
the side of the glass, small beads of moisture splattering against her   
skin.  
  
She'd said nothing that sharp at the time, however, and while part of   
her wished that she had part of her was glad that she hadn't been   
rude. "We're just friends," she'd said, turning somewhat sharply away   
from Nieve, her musceles tensing slightly as she felt a red flush seep   
into her cheeks. "Nothing more than that. Good friends, I'll admit,   
but that doesn't mean anything."  
  
"Right." There had been a tension in the other girl's voice just then,   
something that Eiko couldn't quite place even as she thought back to   
it, as though Nieve had seen through Eiko's own doubts on the matter.   
"Sorry. Just needed to ask." She paused. "I guess it's just because   
of how lonely this place is now, without Niobe. It was empty enough   
with only the three of us."  
  
"Yeah," muttered Eiko, letting her eyes drift closed momentarily as she   
tapped her fingers against the glass once again, trying to figure out   
why the conversation had bothered her so intensely. She knew that it   
was irrational, that all she'd done was answer a question honestly, but   
something in the back of her mind wouldn't stop nagging her about the   
fact that she'd answered it honestly, as though she was lying to   
herself simply by saying so.  
  
Her eyes flicked back towards the men's room idly, and she'd grown so   
accustomed to not seeing Vash that it took her a moment to fully   
realize that he was walking towards her. "Hey," she said, trying to   
sound calm as she straightened her body out in her seat, trying to look   
proper as best she could. "Nothing yet. We always know what we want   
as soon as we come..."  
  
"...and that frightens the waiters away," Vash finished, smirking   
towards the girl as he sat down, his blonde hair swishing about his   
chin. It was a disturbing change that she'd noticed in the boy, the   
way that he'd stopped caring at all about his hair and his appearance,   
a change that had only grown more marked with time. She could see the   
black roots of his hair clearly now, poking out between the dyed-blonde   
strands. "But that's okay. I'm in no hurry, especially considering   
how much homework we've got."  
  
The remark would have made Eiko laugh under normal circumstances, but   
with the doubts riddling her mind she simply tilted her head forward   
and managed a weak smile. "Everyone's moving away," she sighed.   
"Hikari's mother is moving within a week, now, and Mom and Dad want to   
take Toji and move out to the fringe of Tokyo-3. I've told them that   
it's not going to be any better out there, that the Evas would have   
more trouble getting out there, but..."  
  
"I know. Dad's the only one in the city that doesn't seem to be   
worried." Vash sighed, letting his blue eyes trace across the table   
for a moment, something hidden beneath his eyes by the dim light of the   
restaurant. It was gone in an instant, but Eiko knew that it had been   
there, knew that she would have to figure out what it was sooner or   
later. "But, then, it's not like his habits would change anyways.   
Unless the Angels crush all the liquor stores."  
  
"At least you can -talk- to your parents," replied Eiko, shifting   
uncomfortably in her seat. "I mean, I even try to explain to Mom and   
Dad that they wouldn't be any safer on the outskirts, and..." She   
paused, realizing that the boy was looking noticably less comfortable   
with the new topic of conversation. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't worry. It wasn't intentional, I know it." He sighed, shaking   
his head, right hand snaking forth and grabbing his fork to tap it   
gently against the dull brown table. "I just wish that Mom was still   
around. She'd be able to talk some sense into the man." Another sigh,   
and Vash let his eyes rest on Eiko once again, seemingly finished with   
his melancholy on the surface. "Enough of that. How did your day go?"  
  
"Okay, I suppose. After testing I finally found that nifty little B-  
net client that you'd been talking about, then I spent a little time   
online, got a bit of sketching done, nothing too major." She paused,   
momentarily debating whether or not to talk about her conversation with   
Nieve, knowing that she shouldn't have anything to worry about but   
still feeling slightly nervous. "And I had a kind of weird talk with   
Nieve today, after testing."  
  
Vash's fingers slipped ever so slightly, and the fork clattered out of   
his fingers unexpectedly, drawing Eiko's gaze towards it momentarily   
before she snapped her eyes back towards the boy. "Oh," he said,   
sounding as though he was holding something back but at the same time   
sounding more normal than Eiko could remember him sounding for some   
time. "What was it about? Evangelion troubles? Woman troubles?"  
  
"I'm not exactly sure," replied Eiko, shaking her head weakly, eyes   
glancing about the room and wishing that she could see some sign of   
their waiter, already regretting the direction she'd steered the   
conversation in. "But she asked me if I was attracted to Neil or not.   
That was the part that really threw me."  
  
Glancing towards Vash quickly, Eiko expected some reaction from the   
boy, and was rather surprised to simply see a blank expression on the   
boy's face. He had recovered the fork, letting the thin metal drum   
lightly against the table, and after watching him for a moment Eiko   
shook her head and returned to scanning the building for their waiter,   
glad that the conversation had cut itself off.  
  
"Are you?" The question sent a shock down Eiko's spine, all of her   
muscles tensing in unison as she stared at Vash in surprise. He seemed   
unidistressed, his voice calm and measured, eye focused on Eiko as he   
let his fork fall rythmically against the table in smooth motions.   
"It's not a hard question. Are you?"  
  
"You... I... of course not!" Eiko could feel her cheeks seeping full   
of a burning red flush, her own inability to make a decision about her   
feelings gnawing at her gut along with hunger. "Vash, I'm with -you-,   
not Neil. Doesn't that say something to you? Something important?"  
  
"It says to me that you're dodging the question," replied Vash, setting   
his fork down gently and taking a quick sip of his own drink, something   
hiding within his eyes that Eiko couldn't quite put a name on. "Hon,   
I'm not asking you if you're dating him or something. I'm just asking   
you whether or not you're attracted to him or not. It's a simple   
question." He paused, setting his drink down and staring intently at   
the girl, arms folding on the table in front of him. "So... are you   
attracted to Neil or not? What did you say to Nieve?"  
  
"I said..." Eiko paused, biting her lower lip gently, knowing what the   
correct answer was and not wanting to answer the question at all. She   
had no idea what Vash was looking for, not the slightest clue what he   
was trying to find out, but most confusing of all was the fact that he   
didn't look the slightest bit rattled by the prospect of her saying   
yes. It threw her more than she'd expected, and in the back of her   
mind she let the concept kick around while she turned back to the   
situation at hand. "Where is this coming from?"  
  
"You brought it up," he replied with a shrug, letting himself lean back   
slightly in his chair, head tilting back and staring at the ceiling.   
"You said that Nieve had asked you the question, so I was curious about   
what your answer had been. Nothing more, nothing less." He paused,   
then tilted his head forward as the rest of his body remain leaning, an   
oddly relaxed appearance for the boy. "Why don't you want to answer   
the question?"  
  
"Because it's not the sort of thing that you usually ask," replied   
Eiko, tone sharper than before, a note of concern managing to slide   
in. "Because you're acting odd about this, because usually you'd go   
nuts at the simple concept of me being attracted to Neil." She paused,   
cocking her head slightly to one side. "Is something wrong, hon? Is   
this connected to why you haven't dyed your hair again?"  
  
Vash's eyes widened noticably, and one hand raised to the side of his   
head, touching against the thin blonde hairs. "Oh. This." He   
shrugged, letting his arm drift back down. "Not really. It's just not   
the way that my hair looks, you know that. Back before I saw Trigun, I   
had black hair. I barely even remember why I spent all that time dying   
and styling it in the first place." He paused, then smirked weakly at   
her, something obviously gnawing at him from behind the grin. "You   
always said that it was the hair that got you, though. That if I   
hadn't changed it, you might not have started dating me."  
  
Eiko managed a nervous smile, but she knew that the boy was glossing   
over the issue, that something far more fundamental was wrong. "You've   
been keeping your hair that way for years now, though," she sighed,   
shaking her head. "Hon, what's going on? Why do you care about some   
stupid question Nieve asked me out of the blue, something I shouldn't   
have evene told you about?"  
  
"I'm curious," replied Vash with a shrug, tilting his head back towards   
the ceiling, dim light still managing to filter through the remaining   
blonde strands of his hair. "It's a question that I want the answer to   
anyways." He sighed, then shook his head gently. "Besides, there's   
nothing that I can do about it either way. You're attracted to who   
you're attracted to, even if it isn't me."  
  
"What are you -talking- about?" asked Eiko, beginning to grow visibly   
more distraught as she stared at the boy across from her, wishing that   
he would turn his face towards her. She had no way of knowing what he   
was expecting or wanting from her, knew only that she was nervous.   
"Come on. You're really starting to scare me."  
  
"Sorry," replied the boy weakly, letting his eyes flutter shut for a   
moment before slowly leaning back towards Eiko, elbows resting on the   
table. "I guess I've just been thinking about it a lot, ever since my   
little duel with Neil, the way that he managed to take me out even with   
me trying my hardest." He sighed. "Remember how much I said that I   
was going to fix NERV? How I bragged all that first day that I was   
going to show all those slackers what it meant to pilot an Eva?"  
  
Again, Eiko smiled weakly, but Vash didn't seem to notice, lost in his   
own words and recollection. "Thing is, Neil's not a slacker. He's   
done everything right in his Eva... even when he almost killed me, he   
was doing the right thing for the situation, making certain that the   
Angel was destroyed. We would all be dead several times over if it   
wasn't for the way that he piloted that machine." He paused. "I   
guess... I can see why you were attracted to him in the first place. I   
don't blame you. I'm even a little upset with myself for not seeing it   
sooner."  
  
"Vash..." Eiko's voice trembled and cracked slightly, her nervousness   
increasing with each word out of the boy's mouth, something   
inexplicably damning about them. She wanted to reach over the table   
and grasp him, to make him feel better, but part of her couldn't help   
but agree with him, that there was something inescapably attractive   
about Neil. Torn between two emotions that both seemed oddly foreign   
to her, she could only shake and hang her head, her hands clenching   
gently. "Vash."  
  
"Forget I mentioned it," replied the boy, shaking his head again as he   
stared off into the distance, a feeling Eiko couldn't quite place   
lingering behind his eyes. She had never understood her relationship   
with Vash perfectly, but the situation only seemed to have made things   
more complicated. One hand closed around the fork, and she found   
herself wishing for her sketchpad, for some means of exerting reason on   
the world before her eyes.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato Katsuragi was crying. She knew that, and she hated the fact   
that she was being so weak about the situation, that a simple remark   
designed to sting from Ritsuko had worked so successfully. She took   
some solace in the fact that her tears were weak, simple minor droplets   
of water rolling down against her tanned cheek like miniature marbles,   
her brown eyes half-closed as she walked through the hallways of NERV.  
  
On an ordinary day, she would have expected to see more technicians and   
other employees crowing the streets, something other than the   
conspicious lack of other human beings. But she knew that she would   
have the hallway mostly to herself, especially in light of the   
increasing turnover rate for NERV, the sharp increase in the number of   
employees resigning from the agency. It was something that she knew   
she was supposed to be managing on some level, but trying to stop the   
flow of people out of Tokyo-3 seemed a task akin to turning back the   
tide. "They don't trust us," she muttered, trying to distract herself   
with thoughts of the city, fluorescent light going blurry in the tear-  
filled view of her eyes. "They're probably right, too. We haven't   
been doing a banner job of keeping the city safe."  
  
Biting her lower lip, Misato found herself thinking of the fact that   
all of the work she was protecting was directly related to her father's   
research. And her father always made her think of Kaji, of everything   
she loved and hated about the man, of the harsh words that Ritsuko had   
uttered. "I don't want him back," she snarled, shaking her head,   
trying to ignore the tears falling and splattering against the teal-  
gray floor. "If my father had been alive to meet him, they would have   
loved each other like brothers. That's reason enough not to want him.   
Ritsuko doesn't know what she's signing on to."  
  
The pressure on her lip increased, her thoughts whirling as she stepped   
around a corner almost blindly, heels clicking against the metal   
surface of the floor beneath her feet. She knew that she was right,   
that her father was a horrible man, but something in her didn't want to   
believe it, kept her flashing back to the horrible night of the Second   
Impact, the way that her father had shoved her away from the explosion   
with no thought for himself. "He just hurt Mom more that way, though.   
He just let her fare for herself without any concern for what it would   
be like." She sniffed slightly, the tears beginning to come with more   
force. "He always was a horrible person like that."  
  
She forced herself to take a deep breath, forcing the heavy air down   
into her lungs, her hands trembling slightly as she resolved to make   
her way back to her office, knowing that she was lost in the maze of   
Central Dogma with little hope of extraction. Thinking about her   
father always made her equal parts angry and confused, struggling to   
understand the last act that he had taken even, what the look on his   
face had meant as she shot out of his life and light consumed him. It   
was better not to think about, and she knew that - a problem without an   
answer, something she couldn't begin to work through.  
  
"You look distraught." Kaji's voice cut through Misato's other   
thoughts, and she found herself spinning to see the man standing behind   
her, hands jammed in his pockets as usual, a weak smile on his face.   
"Poor time for it, too. There's so much left to be done in the day,   
and so little time with which to do it. Want to talk about it at all?"  
  
"Not with you," snapped Misato, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as   
best she could, glancing back and forth around the hallway, trying to   
figure out which way would lead to her office and utterly unable to   
guess. "What in the world are you doing here, anyways? Your office is   
three floors down..." She frowned, trying to get some sense of her   
location. "Or up. One or the other. It's not here."  
  
"When am I ever in my office?" asked Kaji with a smirk, taking a step   
towards Misato and extending a hand towards her. She hesitated for a   
moment, then slapped him away, an act that only seem to surprise him   
for a moment. "Come on. Talk to me." He paused. "Are you lost   
again?"  
  
"I've got nothing to say to you," Misato snarled back, inwardly wishing   
that Kaji wasn't himself, wanting very badly to break down and ask for   
directions. She was lost, and she knew that, but she didn't want to   
have to deal with admitting that, not as she was trying her damndest to   
remind herself that she didn't need Kaji's help. "I'll find my way   
back sooner or later. Anyways, get back to wherever the hell you   
crawled out of."  
  
"Don't think that Dr. Fuyutsuki would let me back into the security   
room, frankly," replied Kaji, his words almost falling on deaf ears as   
Misato tried to think of where she was. Then the implications hit her,   
and slowly she moved her eyes back towards the man, letting herself   
take in his expression and stance, trying to figure out if he was being   
sarcastic or not. "He was rather irritated that I was there in the   
first place. Don't think he's figured out how I managed it, but that's   
okay - I'll probably let him know sooner or later, just so he doesn't   
lose sleep over it."  
  
"The security room," Misato repeated, drawing a nod from Kaji as she   
flicked her eyes around the hallway. They were alone, without any   
onlookers - as far as she knew, there weren't even any cameras in the   
corridor. "You... you aren't supposed to be in there." She paused,   
biting her lower lip once again, unsure of whether or not to ask the   
question on her mind. "Did you see... in the testing room?"  
  
"Yep. Nice follow-through on that slap. That would sting." He   
paused, then managed a smirk, cocking his head slightly to one side.   
"Were you looking for comments on your form?" He paused, then took a   
step towards the woman, something hiding behind his deep blue eyes that   
Misato couldn't quite place. "What were you two arguing about,   
anyways? There's no sound feed into the rooms, so -"  
  
"I need you to tell me something, Ryoji," Misato said, making her tone   
as grave as she could, letting the man know that she was entirely   
serious as she forced herself not to cry. As much as she wanted to   
hate him, it was difficult when he was standing before her, his eyes   
taking her in and his body uncomfortably close. "Ritsuko said... she   
said that you never cared about me. And you told me that there was   
something you wanted to tell me, the day that I left." She paused,   
taking a deep breath, feeling the air rushing into her lungs. "Was   
that what you were going to tell me? That you weren't in love with me,   
you didn't care about me?"  
  
Something flickered across Kaji's face, a sort of awkward guilt that   
Misato had never seen, a stark deviation from his usual air of   
confidence. It only lasted for a second, however, replaced quickly by   
a morose frown, eyes downcast slightly as he took a step backwards.   
"Yes," he replied, his hands finally leaving his pockets, straightening   
his body up to its full height. "I didn't want to tell you now,   
because I knew that you'd only be angry, and I knew you didn't need me   
to dredge old things up again. But if you hadn't left, I was going to."  
  
Misato felt herself beginning to brim with tears, the thought hurting   
even though she'd made the decision to leave Kaji years before, a quiet   
voice inside her head reminding her that she didn't want him back.   
"Why did you stay, then?" she asked quietly, her hands tugging her   
skirt down, body feeling unnaturally exposed.  
  
"Pity," Kaji replied, hands hovering awkwardly by the sides of his   
body, as if they were unsure of what to do without the comforting womb   
of his pockets. "I felt sorry for you, for the life that you'd had to   
lead after the Second Impact. It wasn't as though I didn't like you,   
but I thought that you were in love with me, and I simply didn't feel   
the same." He shrugged. "To be honest, it was almost a relief when   
you left - I hadn't wanted to break your heart or anything. You're a   
great woman, Misato. I just don't feel that way about you, and I   
couln't bring myself to say that."  
  
Kaji's arm raised and grabbed the woman's wrist a few inches short of   
his cheek, the same sort of resigned sadness written across his face.   
Misato didn't care, her emotions thrown into a tumult, tears beginning   
to force themselves forward despite her best efforts. "So that's what   
you think," she snarled, tugging her arm back, forcing herself not to   
cry. "You're wrong, you know. I was never in love with you. I stayed   
with you because you were convenient, that's all."  
  
"I know," replied Kaji, nodding slowly, his expression slowly growing   
more relieved even as it looked forced, stepping closer to Misato. "A   
shame, isn't it? We spent so much of our time together, time that we   
could have spent with someone who really cared about us." He paused,   
then smiled at the woman, her mind too distracted to notice the fact   
that it was clearly a forced smile. "I'm sorry. I should have told   
you when we were together so that you could have moved on."  
  
"Yeah," replied Misato, her eyes fluttering closed, chest clenching   
tightly as she remembered the night he had kissed her in Central   
Dogma. She couldn't forget the perfect electric feeling of that   
instant, the way that it had managed to mesh perfectly with everything   
she had wanted. The thought that it was all for her benefit made her   
feel cheap. "I've got to go back to my office. I have work to do."  
  
Kaji simply stood and watched the woman go, his expression unchanging   
as she walked unsteadily out of the hallway, turning at the first   
intersection without any clear sense of her destination. Had she been   
able to see back into the hallway, she would have seen Kaji frown   
deeply, his body slumping forward slightly as he took a deep breath,   
one fist clenching. "Damn," he muttered, the clenched fist hitting the   
teal-gray wall gently, his eyes shut tight as the fluorescent light   
hummed weakly above him.  
  
"This is why you didn't go further, isn't it?" the man asked nobody,   
drawing himself back to his full height, forcing his expression back to   
the casual smirk that he usually wore, his hands slipping back into his   
pockets. "We're too deeply intwined in this place, aren't we? Digging   
down for the scars is bound to hurt us, too."  
  
Shrugging, Ryoji Kaji turned and began walking, looking for all the   
world as if nothing had happened to him.  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko heard the door slide open behind her, but she let herself   
ignore it for a moment, fully aware of who would be entering her   
office. Her fingers rested lightly on the white plastic on her   
computer's keyboard, legs crossed as she shoved her cigarette into the   
overfilled ashtray beside her, letting her eyes linger for a moment on   
the small black and white kitten statuettes littering her desk. "I'm   
busy right now," she announced, hearing the steady noise of footsteps   
on the floor, her hands twitching slightly in anticipation. "What do   
you need?"  
  
Not a word was spoken as Kaji wrapped his arms around the woman's   
shoulders, pulling her back towards him as he leaned over and turned   
his smile towards her. "Nothing much," he replied, managing a shrug as   
his arms moved down Ritsuko's body and encircled her stomach. "A few   
half-decent drinks, a cigarette, maybe a little lovemaking later   
today. Not necessarily in that order." He smiled more broadly, then   
pecked the woman gently on the cheek. "How are you doing?"  
  
"Decently," replied Ritsuko, letting her head fall back against Kaji's   
shoulder, her blonde hair drifting across the light blue of his shirt,   
eyes focusing up towards the ceiling as her body soaked in the   
magnificent warmth of the man's body. "I'm still trying to fill in the   
blanks for Nieve and Neil after the synch test Misato pulled them   
from." She sighed, letting her tension ease and melt slightly.   
"Sometimes that woman is infuriating. If not usually."  
  
Kaji gave the woman's body one last squeeze, then released her,   
stepping around her chair and leaning on her desk, something hiding   
behind his eyes. "I ran into her, actually. A little before I came   
down here." He paused momentarily, flicking his eyes towards the door   
inexplicably. "She said that the two of you had a fight at the synch   
testing. Do you want to tell me -"  
  
"Honestly? No." Ritsuko shook her head rather emphatically, her eyes   
shifting back to her computer as a convenient resting place for her   
gaze. "She was being an idiot, and I lost my temper when I shouldn't   
have. I'm embarassed with myself already." She sighed, folding her   
arms across her chest. "Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if she's fit   
to hold such a high position, all things considered."  
  
"You're being awfully harsh," Kaji said, shaking his head gently, his   
lower lip sinking slightly into his mouth for reasons that Ritsuko   
couldn't place. "The two of you used to be the closest friends I'd   
ever met. It's hard to believe that so much has changed since college."  
  
"We've changed everything since then, Ryoji. Jobs, lives, goals,   
personalities... the Misato that I used to be friends with doesn't seem   
to exist any more." She sighed, letting her head tilt forward   
slightly. "We were arguing about nearly everything, if you must know.   
The way we deal with the Children, our parents, our goals..." She   
paused, biting her lip for a second before taking another breath.   
"You."  
  
Her eyes still cast towards the computer screen, Ritsuko missed seeing   
the look of tension that briefly washed across Kaji's face, her   
thoughts elsewhere as her eyes turned back towards his. "She's still   
in love with you, you know," she said, doing her best to sound and   
remain calm, legs uncrossing and recrossing in one smooth motion, the   
fabric of her skirt tangible through the thin cloth of her panthose.   
"I can tell it just from the way that she talks about you."  
  
"That's not true," replied Kaji, moving closer to Ritsuko and looking   
into her eyes. "She said that you told her the truth about my   
feelings, and she said she didn't love me any more, either." He   
paused, then shrugged. "We had a little talk about it, actually. It   
was a good thing. Got a lot of our old baggage into the open air."  
  
"Of course she's not going to admit that she'd in love with you,"   
snorted Ritsuko, shaking her head as she leaned closer to Kaji as   
well. "But you can -see- it, Ryoji. Just look into her eyes. She's   
furious at me about nearly everything else, but she's angrier than   
anything else about the fact that you're with me and not with her."   
Sighing, Ritsuko stared up at the man, her legs uncrossing almost   
unintentionally. "Trust me. I notice these things."  
  
"I suppose you do," replied Kaji with a shrug, kneeling and letting   
himself lean forward, elbows planted firmly between her legs as he   
smiled up at her. "What about you, though? Are you in love with me?"  
  
Ritsuko managed to force a smile, then leaned forward and let her   
fingers run against Kaji's hair, moving through the dark strands even   
as her own blonde hair fell around her face. "I though we agreed never   
to talk about that," she teased, moving herself slightly closer to the   
kneeling man, one of his arms falling down to his side as she moved   
closer. "Really, it's not something that we need to be worried about,   
not right now of all times. I'm satisfied proving my mother wrong."  
  
Kaji's eyes widened for a moment, and Ritsuko's smile gradually   
softened from forced into genuine happiness. "What do you mean by   
that?" he asked, leaning slightly closer to her. "Did your mother say   
that you would never land a man? More importantly, did she say you'd   
never get one as good as me?"  
  
"No, she always pointed to my mole," replied Ritsuko, one hand lifting   
away from Kaji's hair, her finger gently touching against the small   
brown mole slightly below her left eye. It was a small mark, easily   
overlooked if not specifically pointed out. "She said that a woman   
with a mole in the path of her tears was doomed to unhappy love   
affairs." She paused. "But she was wrong. The one who had the   
unhappy love affair was her, after all."  
  
Propping himself up slightly, Kaji drew closer to Ritsuko, and she   
could smell the inexplicably unique scent that rose from his body, feel   
the warmth of his closeness seeping through the thin fabric between   
them. "And what affair was that?" he asked calmly, letting himself   
draw closer to her, one arm wrapping around her body as the other   
remained limply by his side. "Your father?"  
  
"Perhaps, but it wasn't what I meant." She paused for a moment, her   
expression growing more morose. "It was Commander Ikari. She was   
obsessed with him from the day that she met him, even though she met   
him long before Yui's death." Sighing, Ritsuko shook her head, letting   
herself draw closer to Kaji once again. "But that's not important.   
This isn't the time to talk about things like that."  
  
"Right," replied Kaji, leaning closer to Ritsuko, her body giving a   
slight electric thrill as his moved against it. "There's nobody else   
around right now. We've got the office all to ourselves." He smiled,   
and Ritsuko let herself sink forward into his lips, letting her tongue   
rub against his, warmth and softness melding together. It was a   
perfect sensation, and she felt her hands tightening as they wrapped   
around his back, the thoughts in her head scattered as the kiss ended   
and he stared at her with a bittersweet smile. "I'm sorry, Ritsuko."  
  
The remark surprised Ritsuko for a moment before she felt a pricking   
sensation in her thigh, a slight pressure that she recognized from her   
own medical training. Eyes going wide, she glanced down to see a small   
syringe jabbed into her thigh, Kaji's thumb slowly pressing down and   
letting the contents seep into her bloodstream. Gasping, Ritsuko   
shoved the man back as best she could just as the syringe emptied, her   
hands flying to the small plastic device. "What are you -doing-?" she   
exclaimed, feeling a dull ache begin to creep through her body as she   
tried to stagger to her feet.  
  
Kaji moved faster than she could ever remember seeing him move before,   
his hands pinning her shoulders against the chair, an expression she   
couldn't quite recognize in his eyes. "Calm down. It's just a   
tranquilizer." He took a deep breath, obviously intending for her to   
do the same. "You'll be completely fine, I promise. I picked it up   
during my most recent visit to the hospital area. It's safe for   
humans, I checked."  
  
Struggling against the man's grip, Ritsuko could feel her strength   
slipping away, her mind too preoccupied with the immediacy of the   
situation to notice how gentle Kaji was being, hands holding on just   
tight enough to restrain her without hurting her. "What are you trying   
to do?" she asked again, letting the syringe fall to the floor weakly.   
"Are you going to -"  
  
"No," replied Kaji, shaking his head and staring sorrowfully at   
Ritsuko. "I need your access card, and I knew you wouldn't give it to   
me. Managed to copy some of the encoding off of it, but not enough,   
though it was enough to get me into parts of the base I'm fairly   
certain I shouldn't get to see. There's all sorts of intersting things   
going on here... but you knew that already."  
  
"You..." Ritsuko knew that it was the drug affecting her, but she   
couldn't help but feel tired, her muscles going limp, sleep beginning   
to cloud her eyes over as she tried to force herself to remain awake.   
It was a battle between her body's physiology and her own willpower, a   
battle she had no doubt that she would lose. "You... why did... I   
don't..."  
  
"I didn't want to do things like this," Kaji said, his voice implying   
that he had the vaguest idea of what she was going to say, hands   
slipping into the pockets of her lab coat and drawing out her small   
NERV access card. He only stared at the red piece of plastic for a   
moment before tucking it into his breast pocket, releasing Ritsuko's   
shoulders and moving away from her. "But my welcome seems to be   
wearing out with NERV, and that means I have to find out what I can   
while I still have the chance." He paused, giving a weak smirk.   
"Assuming I actually make it back, I assume you're going to want to   
break up. I understand that."  
  
Ritsuko was feeling too tired to speak, her mouth only managing to   
drift halfway open as Kaji stared at her. "I really am sorry,   
Ritsuko," he said again, beginning to step away from the woman sitting   
weakly in the chair. "I didn't want things to end this way... really,   
I would have been happier if I could have avoided doing anything like   
this to you. You were my friend, not somebody that I wanted to hurt."   
He paused, touching his hand to his breast pocket where Ritsuko dimly   
knew her card lay. "There isn't any other way. There never was. And   
I'm sorry for hurting you." He sighed, shaking his head. "I wish that   
I had the time for a better apology."  
  
The dull throb of interrupted sex had mingled with the unspeakable   
exhaustion seeping through Ritsuko's body, and as she slumped further   
in the chair she found herself unable to even lift her hand as Kaji   
walked away calmly. Fluorescent humming was all that filled her world,   
her eyes slowly drifting shut, darkness seeping in around her vision as   
she heard the noise of the office doors hissing open. "Don't hate   
Misato," he offered, the words only vaguely registering with her sleep-  
dulled ears. "Hate me. I'm the one that deseves it."  
  
Before Ritsuko could say anything, or at least make some drug-addled   
effort to make noise, the doors had hissed shut, leaving her alone in   
the seemingly darkening room. Her mind distantly registered the   
thought that she should press the alarm, send someone in pursuit of   
Kaji, prevent him from his goal, but the effort of simply lifting her   
arm proved far more than she could manage. Her body slumped against   
the chair, cradled in the arms of a drug-filled sleep.  
  
]++[  
  
Japanese had always sounded vaguely mysterious to Neil, a sort of   
language that didn't seem to obey any laws he could understand, unlike   
the snippets of other languages that he'd managed to pick up from   
school. It had intimidated him just slightly that he would be   
completely immersed in the language from the day that he was first   
invited to Tokyo-3 - he doubted that he would start to pick up on it,   
and the thought of not knowing what anyone was saying was   
understandably a somewhat stressful idea. However, the wafting noise   
of Japanese voices coming from the living room arrested his attention   
for entirely different reasons, more from the fact that he knew the   
only other person in the house was Nieve, who spoke no more Japanese   
than he did.  
  
Stepping into the living room, Neil's eyes flicked towards the   
television, taking a moment to absorb the three people shouting at one   
another, presumably some kind of argument about the woman on the screen   
from what Neil could see. "I thought you said you hated Japanese   
television," Neil said flatly, stepping around and sitting on the couch   
before looking towards Nieve.  
  
"Yeah, that was -before- I finished my book," replied Nieve with a   
shrug, shifting slightly as one of the two men on screen slapped the   
other one. She was wearing a low-cut red blouse that Neil could   
remember seeing before, a knee-length plaid skirt riding up to her   
thighs simply from her slouched position. One elbow rested on the arm   
of the couch, propping her up as she leaned towards it, the other arm   
balancing the remote gently on her knee. "Nothing else to read, at   
least not right now. All of the libraries in this country have nothing   
but Japanese books."  
  
"For no apparent reason whatsoever," offered Neil, drawing a   
momentarily nasty stare from Nieve and flashing a weak smile in   
response. She turned back towards the television, Neil's gaze   
following hers as the participants on the screen continued shouting.   
"You could always watch a movie, though. Everything I have at least   
has English subtitles, so you'd know what was going on."  
  
"I'm starting to get the hang of this show, actually," replied Nieve,   
smirking as she gestured towards the screen with the remote. "See, the   
woman is Rumiko - or something like that - and, um, the guy in the   
business suit is Hiro-something. I don't remember what the other guy's   
name is, but I think he might be her husband or something, because I   
know that he was fooling around with some other long-haired person   
before." She paused, frowning. "I'm pretty sure the long-haired one   
was a girl, but I'm not certain. I know their name was something that   
started with a vowel."  
  
Neil nodded reluctantly, his eyes flicking back and forth between the   
screen and Nieve. "Did you get to see anything?" he asked, turning   
fully towards Nieve, realizing almost immediately from her expression   
that he should have been clearer in his statement. "I mean, if you got   
to see her breasts, or something, you'd know that she was a woman,   
or... or if..." A red flush spread across his cheek. "Please don't   
look at me like that."  
  
"When you're acting like this, it's kind of hard not to," replied   
Nieve, the mischevious smirk on her lips growing as she edged her way   
closer and closer to Neil. "That's all that's on your mind, isn't it?   
Breasts, breasts, and more breasts." She paused, edging slightly   
closer, red hair falling alluringly down her shoulders, the television   
program long forgotten. "It's not as though you'd have trouble getting   
your hands on them, you know. You could always try -asking-."  
  
"That wasn't - I didn't - you don't..." Neil shook his head, aware   
that he was stammering even as he felt himself sinking further into a   
pit of incoherence, the red flush on his cheeks growing brighter. "I   
was just asking if you'd been able to tell if the damn person was a man   
or a woman. I didn't mean for you to -"  
  
"I -know-, Neil," replied Nieve, reaching over and letting the back of   
her hand brush lightly against Neil's cheek, his eyes turning towards   
her reluctantly. The traces of mischief had disappeared from her   
expression, replaced with a smile of simple warmth, her body shifting   
and turning to face the boy. "You're so cute sometimes, you know? It   
doesn't take much for you to get all bent out of shape about these   
things, and..." She paused for a moment, biting her lower lip, then   
moving quickly closer to Neil, letting her body press against his.   
"It's just so nice to have you back. I mean... -you-."  
  
"Yeah," replied Neil, raising his arm and letting his fingers run   
through the girl's hair, the flaming red strands slipping through his   
fingers in a delicate cascade, her smile growing wider and wider. "I   
missed you a lot while I was stuck inside of the Eva, and..." He   
paused, then shook his head, taking a deep breath. "I don't know. It   
feels like it hasn't been that long."  
  
"Mm." Nieve paused for a moment, flicking her eyes briefly towards the   
television screen before moving closer to Neil, her hands closing   
around his shoulders. "Hey, I just had an idea. Why don't we catch up   
on something more important than the television, and we'll see if we   
can't make you blush about something other than -thinking- about   
breasts."  
  
Neil felt almost immediately guilty, knowing that he didn't do anything   
wrong but feeling as though he'd made Nieve self-conscious, his   
expression dropping for just a moment. Before he had time to dwell on   
the regret, however, Nieve had pressed her lips against his, her intent   
obvious as she pulled him towards her. "Shh," she muttered, letting   
her tongue dart between his lips, the gently wetness rushing past his   
admittedly limited defenses.  
  
The kiss felt perfect, and Neil felt his arms raising to embrace the   
girl, her body moving backwards and pulling the two of them towards the   
couch, the soft padding cradling their bodies as Nieve broke the kiss   
and smiled up at the boy. One of her hands reached towards the arm of   
the couch where the discarded remote lay, fumbling for a moment before   
hitting the off button, letting the voices click silent. "This is much   
more interesting than anything on television," she muttered, pulling   
the boy closer, letting the warmth of their bodies mingle.  
  
Any reply Neil might have made was stifled by the sensation of Nieve's   
tongue pushing gently into his mouth once again, eliminating his   
admittedly minor protests without any further effort. The girl arched   
her back gently, and Neil felt an electric ripple through his body at   
the contact, his arms tightening around her as he pressed his hips   
against her, letting their bodies draw closer even as the kiss   
lingered. Her scent drifted through Neil's nose as his eyes closed,   
letting himself surrender to the moment and simply let the process   
proceed naturally.  
  
Her back arched once again, drawing their bodies still closer as Neil   
ran his hands along her back, lips gently drawing away from Nieve's as   
he dropped his head slightly. He kissed her neck gently, feeling the   
muscles within it tense as air rushed into her lungs, the excitement in   
her body more than tangible. As her fingers wrapped around his head   
and through the blonde strands of his hair, however, something sprang   
to his mind, so glaringly that he couldn't help but move away from   
Nieve's neck and say it. "Eiko -"  
  
Before he even realized what was happening, Neil felt Nieve pushing him   
away, and the realization of what he'd done slammed against the back of   
his head like a sledgehammer. "Please tell me you didn't just say what   
I -know- you said," breathed Nieve, forcing herself to take a deep   
breath, her hands planted firmly on Neil's chest. "Please, for the   
love of God, have a good explanation for this."  
  
"No, no, no, Nieve, it's not what you think," gasped Neil, trying to   
continue speaking despite the guilt gnawing into the back of his mind,   
knowing that he barely deserved for Nieve not to throw him off of her   
simply by virtue of his mistake. "I was saying that Eiko had mentioned   
she might be moving away. It just sprang into my mind, I don't know   
why. I'm sorry." He paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Nieve,   
I didn't mean for you to think that, not when we were just about to...   
you know."  
  
"I know. I know, Neil, I believe you." The girl's voice left that   
more than a little doubtful, drawing her legs closer to her body even   
as her skirt rode just far enough up to reveal her underwear, any trace   
of arousal clearly gone from her mind. "It was just... just really   
sudden, a little too sudden." She paused, taking a deep breath, puling   
her knees up against her chest. "You had to say that right then? You   
couldn't have waited until afterwards?"  
  
"You're right, I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me," replied   
Neil, his words coming in a jumble, guilt surging through his body with   
new motivation. He'd been feeling genuinely good about himself for   
more than a few days, but he inwardly noted that he should have seen   
something similar coming, knowing full well that he had a tendency to   
say the wrong thing at the words possible moment. "It just... it just   
sprang into my mind."  
  
Sighing, Neil squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to crawl into a hole, the   
realization of what he'd done slowly seeping into his body like water   
into a sponge. He could remember the night he and Nieve had first   
kissed clearly, and he remembered the horrible mistakes he had made   
then as well, as though the whole thing was coming back to haunt him.   
The problem was that he knew it would take more to fix the problem this   
time, that it was something more serious. Nieve had been more   
concerned about their relationship since his return, he knew that, and   
he couldn't help but wonder if his stupid mistake had put that   
relationship in danger.  
  
"Neil. Neil, look at me." Nieve's voice was calm enough that Neil   
felt comfortable letting his lids crack open, staring towards the red-  
haired girl with his eyes wide, a nervousness bleeding through his body   
about what she would say. There was worry written within her emerald   
eyes, a tangible sensation that Neil could feel across his skin as she   
stared at him. "Neil... are you attracted to Eiko?"  
  
The boy said nothing for a moment, simply stared at Nieve awkwardly,   
shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He knew that there was a right and   
a wrong answer to the question, but he also knew that the answer he was   
supposed to give wasn't entirely true. Sighing, he hung his head   
slightly, feeling guilty without saying anything further, his mind   
fighting itself over whether to tell the truth or say what he knew   
Nieve wanted to hear. "A little," he replied at length, hands   
clenching shut. "I guess I am, a little bit."  
  
There was no immediate response, and Neil only hung his head for a   
moment longer before turning his head towards Nieve, hoping that the   
girl would be taking his response at least vaguely well. To his horror   
if not surprise, she was simply staring at him, lower lip trembling   
slightly, sadness sitting within her emerald eyes as she looked at   
him. "Nieve, that doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to you," he   
said, moving closer to her, knowing the whole situation was his fault.   
"I mean, anyone our age would be attracted to her. It's not as though   
I -"  
  
"Enough." Her voice sounded pained, and Neil fell silent, simply   
watching as the girl hung her head, strands of red hair obscuring her   
face, Neil wondering what was going on. She sighed heavily, a single   
tear falling from her eyes and gently splattering against her bare   
leg. "Neil... do you know what it feels like when you've got an eating   
disorder? Do you know what it's like to feel as though you're not in   
control of anything going on around you, that somebody else is   
scripting your actions?"  
  
Neil's mouth half-opened to say something, but before he could utter a   
word Nieve had sprang from the couch, her hair swishing behind her as   
she stormed out of the living room, not looking so much angry as   
mournful. Hesitating for a moment, Neil realized that he needed to   
follow the girl and sprang off the couch as well, but by the time he   
had exited the living room she had already put her shoes on. Nieve   
shot one last glance at the boy, a piercingly sorrowful expression that   
froze him in his tracks as she opened the door and stepped out.  
  
"Please don't leave," Neil whispered as the door shut, his words lost   
to the noise, his body slumping weakly against the wall behind him as   
he forced himself to take slow and steady breaths. He knew that he had   
done something horribly wrong, but he hadn't the first idea of how to   
fix it. Closing his eyes, he let himself begin to slide down the wall,   
tears beginning to tickle at the back of his eyes, his guilt eating   
away at his chest.  
  
]++[  
  
Moonlight was filtering through the windows of the hallway as Misato   
trudged through them slowly, her lids heavy, body aching with a pain   
not quite physical but not little enough for simple emotion. She could   
hear Kaji's words ringing in her ears as she moved, the horrible   
statements spewing from his mouth without thought. "Pity -me-," she   
muttered, one hand drifting into her pockets, drawing out the small   
keyring lying within. "I don't need anybody's pity. Least of all his."  
  
Her fingers found her apartment key, her other hand rubbing her eyes   
gently, exhaustion and irritation melding into an unpleasent emotion.   
She knew that what she really needed was a drink, a good few beers to   
bleed the day away, the same way that she always did. It would kick   
out all the unpleasant thoughts that Kaji had filled her head with,   
would let her just be alone with herself for a while, something she   
sorely needed.  
  
"It's not like a couldn't find someone else if I wanted to," she   
muttered to herself, letting the silver key glint in the moonlight for   
a second before it splipped into the lock. "I just haven't wanted to.   
I'd have another man in my life, but I'm happy as it is." She sighed,   
turning the key and listening for the click, trying to force herself to   
relax. "Shut up, Misato. Just go inside and have a few drinks, fall   
asleep, have some aspirin ready for a hangover. That's what you need   
tonight."  
  
The door swung open, and Misato could hear the noise of the television   
echoing from the living room as she kicked her shoes off weakly.   
Blinking once, she heard the noise of quick footsteps towards the door,   
her brown eyes flicking towards the hallway to see Neil come out of the   
Living room swiftly, then stop in his tracks with a rather disappointed   
expression. "Oh," he muttered. "I thought you were Nieve."  
  
"She's not here?" asked Misato, trying to ignore the disappointment in   
the boy's voice as she trudged towards the kitchen, her entire body   
seeming to ache. She didn't particularly want to deal with Neil, not   
in the state she was in - more than anything, she wanted to be alone to   
get drunk.  
  
"No," replied Neil, his voice somewhat weak as Misato half-ignored him,   
her goal already certain as she moved towards the kitchen. "We had a   
fight, and she left... I'm not quite sure how long ago. I was hoping   
that she would be back by now." Misato opened the fridge, reaching in   
and retrieving a small golden can from within, the cool caress of the   
metal a precursor to the solace that she knew lay within. "You know,   
Misato, it really might not be a good idea to get drunk tonight."  
  
"You know something, Neil?" asked Misato, slamming the door to the   
fridge with her foot as she cracked open the can, the bitter smell of   
the liquid within hitting her nose immediately. "I don't care if it's   
a good idea or not. It's what I'm doing." She paused, then took a   
sip, the liquid fizzing harshly against her tongue as it slid down her   
throat, cool and soothing, promising release from a day that had worn   
on too long. "It's none of your damn business anyways. We adults make   
decisions about our lives without consulting you, and there's nothing   
you can do about it." Another momentary pause, her brain reaching back   
for a second to try and remember what the boy had been talking about.   
"What were you two fighting about, anyways?"  
  
For a moment, Neil didn't respond, leaning against the wall and   
shifting uncomfortably on his feet, casting his eyes down towards the   
floor. "She... she asked if I was attracted to Eiko. I told her the   
truth, that I was, and then... she just left. She didn't explain   
anything more to me, just left."  
  
Misato closed her eyes momentarily, feeling something build in the back   
of her head as the alcohol slowly seeped through her cells, dulling the   
pain that was still throbbing in her chest. "If you're not attracted   
to Nieve, don't stay with her," she hissed, forcing herself to breath   
slowly, taking another sip of her beer. "It's not fair to the girl,   
you know that. Be honest with her."  
  
"I didn't say that I wasn't attracted to her," replied Neil, shaking   
his head and glancing towards Misato momentarily before looking back   
towards the floor. "I am attracted to her. I'm just attracted to Eiko   
too. It isn't necessarily a zero-sum equation, you know." He sighed.   
"She's been so much more sensitive about our relationship since I came   
back from the Eva. It's getting kind of worrisome, as though she'd   
have a heart attack if I wasn't with her for a moment."  
  
"Why don't you let -her- judge that?" snapped Misato, another burst mof   
alcohol surging down her throat before she slammed the can on the   
counter and glaring at the boy, feeling the fizzing liquid splash up   
from the can as a few droplets landed on her hand. Neil looked shocked   
at her anger, but she was only mildly concerned by the fact, releasing   
the beer and taking a step towards the boy. "God, I hate men like   
you. You think women can't live on their own without your help? You   
don't think that we can be perfectly happy without interference?"  
  
"N-no!" replied Neil, his voice shaky but forceful as he shook his   
head, green eyes wide and catching the light from the room as his   
blonde hair swished around his head. "Misato, I didn't say any of   
that! I was just telling you what had happened between Nieve and I!"   
He paused, then took a hesitant step towards the woman, obviously   
unsure of what was going on. "Are... are you all right? Did something   
happen?"  
  
"Like I said before, none of your damn business," replied Misato,   
shaking her head as her brown eyes fixed on Neil. She'd not wanted to   
deal with the boy, had simply wanted to have her beer, and he'd made   
even that difficult. "I'm an adult, and I'm more than capable of   
dealing with my own problems."  
  
She paused, letting herself take in Neil's appearance for a moment, the   
blonde locks of his hair falling down loosely around his forehead, the   
way that his eyes caught the light from overhead, the way that he held   
his body even as he took another reluctant step towards the woman. He   
was handsome - she'd known that on an academic level before, but it had   
never truly resonated with her. Now she couldn't seem to take her eyes   
off of him. "Neil... do you find -me- attractive?"  
  
"Oh, God," muttered Neil, taking a hesitant step backwards, the   
expression on his face changing as Misato continued to scan over his   
body. She could see the way that the fabric of his shirt was shifting   
across his skin underneath, the way that his muscles tensed and relaxed   
with each movement. "Misato, please, I don't want to answer that   
question any more. Especially considering how horribly wrong each   
answer that I've given has been."  
  
"Just be honest, then," replied Misato, taking another step towards the   
boy, stepping around the corner as her hand swept across the counter.   
She had forgotten the beer, but gave the can little mind as it went   
flying from the force of her hand motion, the fizzing golden liquid   
splashing out across the floor as the aluminum can weakly pinged   
against the floor. "Remember the night that I came in to your room,   
Neil? You wanted to see the rest of my body then, didn't you?" She   
smiled. "You are attracted to me, right?"  
  
"Misato, -please-," replied Neil, his insistent backing away beginning   
to irritate the woman, his expression looking somewhat awkward. "I   
really can't deal with this right this instant, okay?" He sighed   
again, shaking his head, taking another stumbling step back towards the   
living room. "Look, drink all you want, it's okay. You're right, it's   
none of my business. I'll just be in my room, and you let me know when   
you're done, okay?"  
  
"Get -back- here!" snapped Misato, something she couldn't quite place   
rising in the back of her throat, her arms reaching out as she barreled   
towards Neil. He wasn't expecting the quick flurry of the woman's   
motion, and with a slam his back hit the wall, Misato pressing her   
weight against him as her arms pinned his, her expression a harsh   
grimace. "Don't you dare just -leave- me, Neil. Tell me! Do you find   
me attractive or not?"  
  
Neil's muscles tensed, but they weren't nearly strong enough to push   
Misato off of him, a small grunt coming from behind closed lips as   
Misato heard the gentle noise of the beer continuing to flood out of   
the forgotten can. "I... you're beautfiul, Misato, you know that,"   
grunted Neil, his eyes closed tightly, head turned away from Misato,   
face twisted into a grimace. "Please, let go... you're hurting me."  
  
For a moment longer, Misato stared at the boy, her eyes narrowed and   
her hands pressed hard against his arms, the warmth of her body   
mingling with his as the merciful dulling sensation of alcohol   
continued to permeate her mind. She wanted somebody to hold her, she   
knew that, and she knew that above everything else Neil was a   
funadmentally decent human being, that to be held by him wouldn't be a   
bad thing. Then her eyes widened, and she realized what she was doing,   
realized the harsh pressure she was placing on the boy's body, the   
gentle squirming of his body as he tried to escape. Her mouth half-  
opened in shock, the only sound in the apartment the fizzing noise of   
spilled alcohol.  
  
"I'm sorry," she whispered, releasing Neil almost as an afterthought as   
she staggered backwards, her mind reeling. Her feet were unsteady, the   
releasing caress of alcohol unable to dull the growing realization in   
her mind, motions slowly sending her towards the spilled beer. "I... I   
don't know what I was... I didn't mean to..."  
  
Her foor hit the chilled alcohol pooling and dribbling down into the   
small recessed area of shoes, and a shot of clarity burst through her   
head like a ray of dawn, panic gripping her as the pain in her chest   
returned with a vengeance. "I'm sorry," she said again, stepping down   
carefully, slipping her shoes on with motions only slightly dulled by   
beer, her eyes remaining fixed on Neil. "I'm sorry. I'm going out. I   
don't know how long I'm going to be gone, maybe until tomorrow   
morning. Don't worry about me."  
  
"Wait! Misato, you've been drinking, you're in no state to -" Misato   
shut the door before Neil could continue, turning on her heel and   
moving swiftly down the hallway, her eyes beginning to tear gently.   
She wanted to reassure the boy at the same moment that she wanted to   
hide from him, but more than anything she knew that she needed to   
leave, that she couldn't bear to be within the oppressive yellow walls   
of her apartment for a moment longer. Swallowing hard, she moved   
towards the staircase, emotions whirling about in her head like boats   
caught in a storm.  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve's wrung her hands nervously as she walked cautiously down the   
hallway, her eyes darting about the drab walls and half-expecting   
something to burst out of them and try to grab her. Ryo's apartment   
building was unpleasant under the best of circumstances, something that   
the situation was most certainly not. She was worried, scared, and as   
she walked down the hallway she couldn't help but feel the vaguest   
tickle of guilt creeping into her head.  
  
Lost in her own thoughs, she almost didn't notice the numbers on Ryo's   
door indicating she had reached her destination, and it took her a   
moment of standing in front of the door before she even raised her hand   
to knock. Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, she let her   
knuckles rap against the surface, each motion seeming to take an   
eternity, here eyes taking in every detail as her hand rose and fell   
against the door.  
  
Then the world snapped back into the normal flow of events, the door   
clicking from within as it swung open, Ryo revealed in the doorframe.   
Nieve blushed almost instinctively at the sight of him - he was wearing   
only loose white pajama bottoms, his naked chest seeming almost   
reflectively pale in the fluorescent lighting of the hallway. "Nieve,"   
he said, his voice calm but holding a slight twitch of curiosity to   
it. "What are you doing here? Are you all right?"  
  
"No," replied Nieve, pushing her way into the apartment and brushing   
past Ryo gently, her heart rushing at the slight contact with the boy,   
mind still whirling about what Neil had said to her. She didn't want   
to think about it more than she had to, but having to think about it at   
all seemed like far too much. "I... I was just... Neil and I..." She   
sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I'm sorry. You were probably asleep."  
  
"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, his voice still sounding awkward,   
almost sad, as his eyes flicked towards the hallway that led towards   
the living room, the moonlight pouring in visible even from just inside   
the apartment's door. He stared at the girl for a moment before he let   
the door swing shut, turning fully to face her, his bare feet making a   
soft slapping noise as he stepped towards her. "I... I've been going   
to bed later, lately." He paused, biting his lower lip for a moment.   
"It's... my way of coping with losing Niobe."  
  
"I know. I know you miss her, and I know you don't need to deal with   
my problems on top of everything else, I just didn't know where else to   
go." She sighed, letting herself step hesitantly towards the living   
room, legs unsteady as her eyes darted around the apartment. "Neil and   
I had a fight tonight, when we were..." A pause, and she shook her   
head, leaning against the nearest wall and letting her green eyes   
follow Ryo walking towards her. "We were fooling around. We do that.   
Everyone probably knew, I just... assumed... never mind."  
  
Ryo hesitated for just a moment, looking as though he was made   
uncomfortable by the conversation, but he said nothing, simply   
continuing towards the girl slowly. "I never noticed," he said calmly,   
his bare chest reflecting the moonlight spilling in from the living   
room, thin blue hair swishing about his head. "Then again... I suppose   
I didn't notice a lot of things that would have been obvious to anyone."  
  
"Suppose neither of us did," replied Nieve, shaking her head, pushing   
off the wall and stepping lightly towards the living room, her eyes   
squeezing shut even as tears managed to begin shoving themselves   
forward behind her eyes. "Anyways, we were fooling around, and Neil...   
I asked him if he was attracted if he was attracted to Eiko. Stupid   
thing to ask, a question I didn't want to know the answer to, I   
shouldn't have asked it in the first place, but I did anyways." She   
sighed. "Why do I get the feeling that this whole damn thing is my own   
fault?"  
  
"It's okay," replied Ryo, shaking his head as he stepped swiftly behind   
Nieve, the speed more or less unnecessarily considering the fact that   
he was noticably taller than Nieve. He could feel the tension rising   
his chest, the awkward worry that he was breaking routine - a poor   
description that he held onto despite the fact that he had let himself   
begin to release from his routines, a description that he only used   
because he knew no better frame of reference. "You had every right to   
ask the question, I'm sure."  
  
"Oh, Christ, that doesn't mean that I -should- have," muttered Nieve,   
beginning to let her own self-resentment begin to seep in from the back   
of her skull, her eyes only opening long enough to let her find the   
couch, flopping down on it limply as the moonlight streamed down around   
her. "Hell, I could be having sex now if I'd just kept a handle on the   
situation. I'm supposed to be able to keep a handle on myself, least   
of all the situation that I'm in, especially when..." She sighed.  
  
"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, stepping over and sitting down on   
the couch, his red eyes focused closely on Nieve as she rubbed her eyes   
weakly. "What did he say?"  
  
"Yes," replied Nieve, her voice beginning to break slightly, every   
ounce of her willpower beginning to be devoted to the effort to resist   
crying as best she could. "Would I be here if he'd said no?" She   
sighed, trying to remain calm, trying to remind herself that she didn't   
have to worry so much. "Anyways, I just... I... Christ, I can't even   
talk straight any more." Another sigh. "So I left. So I needed to   
come somewhere else, and... and I remembered when you had stopped by,   
after Neil seemed to be leaving." She paused, opening her eyes and   
looking towards Ryo. "Remember? We all thought that he was going to   
leave Tokyo-3, before the Fourteenth came and Neil... Neil..."  
  
Nieve's tears began to push themselves forward more forcefully,   
something that even Ryo could notice as the girl slapped her hand hard   
against her eyes, her mouth drawing into a thin and harsh line as she   
forced herself to breathe hard. "I know when you're talking about,"   
offered Ryo, the tension in his chest growing larger as he moved   
tenatively towards Nieve. "What... why do you bring it up again? Do   
you want to -"  
  
"It's what -you- wanted then, that's what concerns me," replied Nieve,   
another breath drawing into her lungs harshly as she turned her tear-  
brimming green eyes towards Ryo. She didn't want to say what she was   
thinking, didn't want to voice the ulterior motives lying beneath her   
actions as she inched closer to the boy. "I know that you wanted me to   
love you, then... and..." She paused, then swallowed hard. "Maybe we   
could both find what we wanted. Together."  
  
Ryo's eyes widened slightly as the girl's hands moved towards him, her   
fingers lightly splaying across his skin, moonligh embracing the two   
Children as she allowed herself to completely take in the appearance of   
the boy next to her. A twitch of guilt licked along her spine, the boy   
looking angelic as the moonlight shone off his pale skin, his red eyes   
wide and innocent. Taking another deep breath, Nieve forced herself   
towards him, letting her lips part gently, trying to tell herself that   
she was doing the right thing, that she had no alternatives left to her.  
  
"What are you trying to -do-?" asked Ryo, his voice more forceful than   
Nieve could remember him ever being, his hands firmly pressing against   
Nieve's chest and pushing her back. Her eyes flew open, taking in the   
boy's gaze, his red eyes more curious than angry. "You're not in love   
with me. I know that."  
  
"No," replied Nieve, shaking her head as she let her hands wrap around   
Ryo's wrists, pulling his arms away, letting her move closer to him   
once again. "But you want me to be. And I want Neil to want my   
affection, for him to be mine, completely..." She hesitated, the   
meaning of her words slowly sinking in for a moment before she pressed   
forward. "We're using each other for what we want. That's the way   
that the world works."  
  
Once again, Ryo pushed away from Nieve, this time gently flexing his   
arms and letting his body move away from the girl, her eyes opening   
again as he began to frown. "No," he said firmly, shaking his head as   
he wrestled his arms free of Nieve's weakening grip. "No. I don't   
want to be used by anyone. If you did this to me... you'd be turning   
me into a tool for your own ends."  
  
"You're all I've got -left-!" replied Nieve, her voice cracking as one   
arm thrashed against the couch, moonlight nearly blinding as she tried   
again to move closer to the boy next to her. Her body was sending   
creeping sensations of dirt across her body, as though she was mired in   
filth and was only working her way further in, her arms aching as she   
continued to force herself not to cry. "Don't you understand that?   
I'm not using you out of hatred! I'm doing the best that I -can-!"  
  
"No," Ryo repeated, shaking his head as he stood, the moonlight   
striking him squarely on the chest, blue hair swaying slightly and   
seeming to filter the light through each individual strand. "I don't   
want to be used any more, Nieve. I've been used my entire life, and   
I'm tired of it." He paused, hanging his head slightly, as though the   
mere concept of speaking out against being used was novel to him.   
"Please, don't force this. I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you. It was   
wrong of me."  
  
Biting her lower lip, Nieve stared up at the boy, feeling her body   
begin to tremble, tears trying to force their way through her defenses   
as they crumbled. "I... I just want Neil to want me the way that he   
wants her," she sighed, sinking her head, unable to look Ryo in the   
eye, her own guilt beginning to rip into her from the back of her   
head. Her hands began to clench into fists, eyes shutting tightly even   
as the moonlight bled in from the corners of her vision. "I wanted   
your help, Ryo, and I know it was wrong, but..." She coughed, the only   
thing she could think of to hold back a sob. "You don't know what this   
is like for me. You don't have any idea what I'm going through."  
  
"I don't," replied Ryo, drawing Nieve's gaze back towards him as her   
hands relaxed slowly, green eyes taking in the half-naked boy washed   
over with silvery illumination. "But that doesn't..." He paused,   
voice faltering as his gaze lowered slightly, red eyes seeming to lose   
their focus slightly. "I don't know what to tell you, Nieve. If you   
want to use me, then I'll -"  
  
"Please, stop," replied Nieve, rising unsteadily to her feet and   
stepping around the boy swiftly, the feeling of filth still crawling   
across her skin. She had done nothing, and she knew it, but she   
couldn't shake the feeling that she'd surrendered even more of her   
control simply by going to Ryo's apartment. "Don't... just don't tell   
Neil that I came here, that I asked you to do... anything. Promise me   
that."  
  
"Of course," replied Ryo, his eyes regaining their focus on the girl   
stepping away, her legs moving unsteadily as she moved towards the door   
of the apartment. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Nieve. I..." He   
paused. "I'm still willing to talk if you want to. I won't go to bed   
for a while, so if you need someone to -"  
  
"No, no, no," replied Nieve, opening her mouth to say something more   
but then closing it again as her shoes slip on. She let her hand find   
the doorknob swiftly, twisting it harshly and letting the lock click   
open, her feet moving her out of the door. Ryo's red eyes followed her   
even as she awkwardly staggered out, letting the door shut behind her   
before she let herself fall backwards against the drab gray wall of the   
building, her eyes going blurry as the tears finally refused to stay   
restrained any longer.  
  
She still didn't know if she had truly seen her mother inside the   
depths of of her Eva or if she had simply hallucinated under the   
stress, but either way she knew that it had been her mother's machine   
in her control when the Eva had been destroyed. "I used to have a   
handle on things," she muttered, wringing her hands once again, tears   
falling to the floor as she wished she knew how to get control back in   
her hands, how she could stop being drawn and pushed along by the   
outside world.  
  
A noise came from one end of the hallway, and Nieve forced herself to   
take a deep breath, to regain control of herself at least temporarily   
as she turned towards the exit. The creeping sensation of filth hadn't   
left her as she began walking once again, wanting Neil to hold her,   
wanting him not to leave, wishing that she had never tested his loyalty   
even as she knew that she had done what she had to do.  
  
]++[  
  
Japanese pop music echoed from the car's speakers, the noise just loud   
enough to register on the edges of Misato's brain as her hands gently   
cradled her pistol. The music itself was the same bland and   
inoffensive mixture of synthesized chords that Misato could remember   
from when she was in college - it may well have been a song that was   
around when she was in college, considering how little the style had   
changed. It was on because she lacked the heart to turn off the radio,   
because it had been on when she had started her brilliant blue car from   
its resting place within the parking lot.   
  
Her pistol was the sort of black that only weaponry could be, bland and   
unattractive and obviously designed for nothing more elegant than the   
taking of human life. It was standard issue for NERV personnel, and   
while she knew that she'd learned the model's name in small arms   
training she couldn't remember it for the life of her. For her   
purposes, however, it mattered little, her smooth fingers running along   
the surface of the weapon and sliding bullets smoothly into the   
chamber, the gold and silver cylinders slipping in nearly effortlessly.  
  
Sighing, her legs shifted, kicking an empty bottle of liquor off of the   
passenger's seat, the glass clinking slightly against the carpeted   
floor of the car. Letting her eyes remain fixed on the gun for a   
moment, she flicked her eyes down towards the bottle, feeling the   
inexplicable sensation to shoot it, to let the glass shatter into   
nothingness with one simple action. "We're destroyers," she muttered,   
her voice slurred slightly from alcohol coursing through her blood.   
"We gain pleasure from controlling creation and destruction, but mostly   
destruction. Things that we can blow up."  
  
Another sigh, and she slid the gun's clip back in, letting her hands   
shift to hold the smooth and oddly comfortable grip, one finger falling   
against the trigger while her thumb cocked the gun with a satisfying   
click. She'd never contemplated suicide before, had never had a reason   
to, but holding a gun in her hands she couldn't help but think about it   
if only momentarily, wonder what it felt like to pull the trigger   
knowing full well the bullet would penetrate your own skin. It gave   
her a shudder, and shaking her head she pointed the barrel of the gun   
towards the bottle, doing her best to aim at the emptied container   
despite the haze of alcohol surrounding her vision.  
  
"Bang," she muttered, words slurred as she weakly shook the gun,   
imagining the glass shattering as she lowered the weapon. She had no   
idea what she was doing, and even the liquor permeating her world   
couldn't dull that awareness. She could remember what she had done to   
Neil vividly, the look upon his face, a mixture of horror and disgust,   
only barely tolerable at the time and torture after the fact.   
"Shouldn't have done that. Not his fault that I can't deal with God   
damned Kaji and his damn lies, he's not..."  
  
Rage bubbled within Misato's gut, and snarling she kicked the door to   
her car open, stepping out into the cool night air, the area around the   
bluff empty. It was an excellent place to look out over the whole   
city, but she had chosen it because it was also the perfect place to be   
alone, something that she more than wanted as she howled in desperation   
at nothing. Whirling on her heels, she aimed her gun at the moon,   
steadying the weapon only for a second before slamming down on the   
trigger, feeling the kick of recoil from the weapon as a plume of   
explosive smoke seeped out of it.  
  
Not caring about the implications, Misato pulled the trigger again, the   
weapon growing comfortable as it fired again into nothingness, each   
pull sending out another burst of smoke and flash of light as a bullet   
tore through the night air. It continued for what seemed like an   
eternity, until Misato forced the trigger back one final time and was   
greeted only with an empty click. "That's all of it," she muttered,   
falling to her knees and sighing heavily, her eyes beginning to tear   
despite her best alcohol-coated efforts. "Dad and Kaji, all for you.   
Stupid heartless bastards."  
  
The moonlight washed over her, and Misato let her body pitch forward,   
the dirt and grass folding beneath her hands as she felt her stomach   
violently reject its contents, vomit mingling with undesired tears as   
Misato shuddered violently. "Why spoil a perfect evening?" she   
muttered before another wave of sickness hit her, vomit falling past   
her lips as she shuddered, her body feeling inexplicably filthy as she   
knelt in the dirt beside her car.  
  
Both vomit and gunshots faded after a few moments, and Misato's ears   
began to pick up the vapidly lilting tunes of another pop song, dirt   
pushed up about the red sleeves of her jacket, tears falling weakly on   
the ground as she tried to force herself back to her feet. "Nothing   
new," she muttered, trying to dust herself off even as she moved   
unsteadily. "Just because he saved you instead of himself doesn't make   
him a good person. Just because he made you feel like a woman doesn't   
make him worth loving. They're both the same in so many ways."  
  
She sighed again, staggering back to her car, gun held limply in her   
hand, her brown eyes blurrily flicking about the area, something   
picking at the edge of her attention that she couldn't quite pick out   
through the haze of alcohol and tears. "I don't really love him. The   
only reason I think I do is because he was my father, because he   
brought me into this world and then finally defended me at the last   
possible moment, because -"  
  
Hesitating, Misato realized that the pull on her attention was the   
gently beeping of her cell phone, sitting on her pasenger's seat   
amongst the discarded beer cans. She let the phone beep for a moment   
or two longer, then lunged over and fished it out, her hands curling   
around the smooth black plastic, gun clattering to the floor as she   
flipped it open and tried to regain her demeanor, knowing full well   
that the only people who would be calling her were inside of NERV.   
"Katsuragi," she said, noticing the slightest slur in her tone, doing   
her best to ignore it as she shoved herself into a sitting position in   
the driver's seat.  
  
"There has been an incident inside Central Dogma," replied the cool and   
emotionless tone of an Intelligence agent, sending a minor chill down   
the back of Misato's neck even as she forced herself to pay attetnion.   
"Ryoji Kaji has been observed to have penetrated the lower levels of   
the compound beyond his security access, and is believed to have   
possibly injured several NERV employees. Your presence is requested at   
the base for his necessary capture or termination."  
  
Misato froze for a moment, shocked, the thought that Kaji had run so   
squarely afoul of NERV more than a little disorienting. She knew that   
he was doing things that he shouldn't, that he was pressing his luck,   
but she had little doubt that he would manage to squirm free of the   
base's security forces - skilled though he might be, the best he could   
hope for was likely spending the rest of his natural life inside of a   
prison cell. Her regret and anger surged upwards, gnawing at her chest   
as she stared into the darkness outside of her car, the minor benefits   
of alcohol seemingly shocked out of her system. "I'm within a few   
minutes of an entrance to the base," she said slowly, trying to figure   
out the easiest route. "I should be there within ten minutes."  
  
"Come," replied the voice on the other end, capping the sentence with   
the firm and unmistakable noise of the phone hanging up. Misato let   
herself simply hold the phone to her ear for a few moments before   
turning it off and tossing it back into the seat beside her, eyes   
shutting as she thought about the situation, the realization that she   
was going to be partially responsible for Kaji's capture sinking in.   
Her emotions were a maelstrom, tossed about and distorted by the sudden   
news, adrenaline seeping into her bloodstream.  
  
Then the expression on her face hardened, and she fumbled on the floor   
of her car for a moment before she found her gun, a flick of a switch   
sliding the now-empty clip out as she buckled herself into her seat.   
Her ammunition was sitting beside her, and with quick movements she   
slid the smooth bullets into the clip, fingers moving more quickly,   
spurned by both urgency and desire until the clip was filled. "This is   
it," she muttered, slamming the clip back into the weapon, letting the   
weapon arm with a satisfying click, her eyes narrowing as she let her   
car's engine spring to life once again. "You're not getting away with   
this one, Ryoji."  
  
]++[  
  
"I screwed up," muttered Neil, his green eyes fixed on the ceiling as   
he shifted his body uncomfortably, taking in the sheer dearth of   
interesting activity above him as the only available distraction left   
in the apartment. He wasn't entirely sure about how long it had been   
since Nieve and Misato had both left, but he knew that it was too long,   
that he'd had too much time to think about all the mistakes he had made   
in dealing with both of them.  
  
Sighing, Neil let his eyes close for a moment, the green of EVA-01's   
eye greeting him within the darkness of his eyelids as he'd grown   
accustomed to. He could still remember hearing the sound of Vash's   
voice over the phone, picking up when he'd expected to hear Eiko,   
something at the back of the boy's voice that Neil hadn't been able to   
identify and hadn't quite wanted to. "I just wanted to talk to a   
friend," he muttered, rolling to his side, not trying to sleep so much   
as trying to chase the thoughts in his brain away. "It wasn't anything   
more. But Nieve wouldn't believe that."  
  
Another sigh, and Neil dug his fingers into the soft surface of the   
mattress beneath him, unsure if he was trying to convince himself or   
the night air of that fact. He could remember clearly every moment of   
sparse physical contact that he and Eiko had shared, each time that   
their hands had accidentally brushed together and each time the warmth   
of her body had merged with his own. It was an exhilirating memory,   
enough to provoke a mild shudder along his skin at the thought.  
  
"But that's not right of me," he muttered, forcing his eyes open again,   
letting them take in the whole of the room around him, blue-black   
darkness cloaking the room and cut through by piercingly silver   
moonlight. "I'm with Nieve. I should be thinking about her touch, her   
voice, the way that we interact." Shaking his head, he rolled again,   
his arms flopping to his sides as he found his eyes twisting towards   
the ceiling. "That's what normal people do. Vash sure as hell isn't   
thinking about anyone else."  
  
Momentary silence wrapped around the boy's head, and he let himself   
think for a moment, breathing deep and trying to assemble the scattered   
ideas within his head. "Vash doesn't live here, though," he muttered,   
remembering the way that Nieve had cried the day that they'd first made   
love, the way that he'd felt a spearing agony for hurting her, the   
guilt that had occupied his mind that night. He couldn't escape the   
notion that his guilt had been pulling his hands along with the girl,   
that the only reason he wanted to apologize to her was because he felt   
guilty for hurting her.  
  
His mouth opened to utter another confession into the night, but he was   
frozen in place by the noise of the front door clicking open, clearly   
audible from his room laying almost directly across from it. Both arms   
pushed him upwards before his body froze, eyes locked on his own door,   
indecision and worry holding him in place. Part of him wanted to rush   
forward, to greet Misato or Nieve and apologize, to hope that he could   
patch up the relations that he assumed were strained. Part of him also   
wanted to do nothing more than pretend to be asleep and hide as best he   
could, to avoid dealing with the worries that surrounded his mind.   
Even the gentle sound of footsteps kept him from moving, his mouth only   
halfway open as he listened to the unknown person move towards him.  
  
Another click came with the opening of his own door, and it took him a   
moment to recognize Nieve's silhouette, her features obscured by the   
light behind her that briefly flooded into his room. The girl said   
nothing, simply stepped in and closed the door softly behind her,   
moonlight running along her body as Neil stared, her hands lingering   
for a moment on the doorknob before moving to the front of her blouse.  
  
It took Neil's mouth a moment to work correctly again, but he finally   
managed to kick himself into action. "Nieve, please, you don't have   
to -"  
  
"Shh." The noise was decisive enough to make the boy fall silent as   
Nieve shrugged the red fabric of the blouse off, letting it fall to the   
floor as the moonlight caressed her shoulders. She paused for only a   
moment longer before reaching back and unzipping her skirt, stepping   
out of the pleated garment carefully and walking towards Neil's bed,   
her body basking in the moonlight and an inexplicably sorrowful   
expression on her face.  
  
Both Children remained silent as Nieve stepped onto the bed, one hand   
resting on Neil's chest and gently pushing him down to the surface. He   
acquiesced, feeling guilt surge within his chest as he surmised what   
was about to happen. Then, to his surprise, Nieve simply lay next to   
him and wrapped her arms around him, her body pulling itself closer to   
him, skin pressed hard against the fabric of his clothes as her hair   
fell against his arm. "I'm sorry, Neil," she whispered, voice almost   
inaudible as her lips spoke into the side of his body. "I was out of   
line."  
  
"Don't worry," replied Neil, letting his arms embrace the girl lying   
next to him, feeling her warm skin shift slightly under the touch of   
his fingers. "So was I." He paused, then half-opened his mouth before   
closing it again, settling for simply letting his embrace tighten, the   
only way that he could conceive of sending the message that he wanted.  
  
There was more to discuss, but the two remained silent, holding one   
another and letting moonlight wrap around them, the soft heartbeats of   
their bodies echoing in time with one another. After what seemed like   
an eternity of silence, Nieve moved herself slightly, bringing her face   
closer to Neil's, her lips brushing lightly against his cheek. "Neil?"   
she asked quietly, obviously afraid of something that he didn't quite   
understand. "Do you think that I'm... that I..." She paused, biting   
her lower lip for a second as the boy's emerald eyes looked towards   
her. "Do you think that I'm worthless?"  
  
Neil was taken aback for a moment, his eyes widening as he took in   
Nieve's features, his guilt over having hurt the girl increasing as he   
felt his arms tighten unconsciously. "No," he whispered, shaking his   
head at the same time, feeling as the girl's lips moved along his face   
from his own motion. "You're a wonderful girl, Nieve. You're not   
worthless at all." He paused briefly, feeling her own arms tighten   
around him. "Nieve, do you want to talk about something?"  
  
"No," replied Nieve, shaking her head before nestling it upon Neil's   
shoulder, exhaustion obviously managing to sink into her body as she   
clung to him. "I just want to feel clean again." The boy began to ask   
her what she meant, then decided against it, simply holding her more   
tightly, thoughts of Eiko driven away by the immediacy of Nieve's   
troubles.  
  
]++[  
  
Anger burned like a halo around Misato's thoughts, her muscles moving   
smoothly as she ran down another corridor, her gun held firmly with   
both hands and prepared to fire as soon as necessary. She had seen   
Ritsuko, drugged and robbed, and despite the resentment she still bore   
towards her former best friend the thought of what Kaji had done was   
enough to spring her into action. Her intentions lethal, the woman let   
her eyes scan the hallways about her, fluorescent lighting shimmering   
through the air around her as she tried to pick out a noise other than   
the sound of her own breathing.  
  
There was no other visible life in the corridors, not even the   
intelligence agents that had called for her assistance in pursuing   
Kaji. They were patrolling upper levels, performing a methodical sweep   
downward, a standard routine for pursuing a classified intruder in   
Central Dogma. "Shame I can't tell them they're doing it all wrong,"   
sighed Misato, still slinking through the hallways swiftly. "Kaji must   
have expected their moves. He's the head of the their department.   
Must be expecting to get out of here alive."  
  
Gentle beeps coming from the earpiece that she wore provoked a   
momentary start from Misato, followed by a scowl as she glanced about   
and pressed against a wall. She had been forced into wearing the   
communicator in order to keep in touch with the Intel agents, but she'd   
immediately seen it as a stupid idea, an excellent noisemaker to make   
it perfectly clear to Kaji when his pursuers were approaching. "This   
is Katsuragi," she hissed, glancing back and forth, hoping that her   
former lover couldn't hear her. "Make this fast."  
  
"Major!" Makoto's tone was unmistakable, even distorted through the   
hissing noise of the ear communicator. "I've been fumbling with this   
thing for a few minutes and thought I'd never get your frequency right!"  
  
Her eyes widening, Misato flicked her gaze about once again, still   
concerned about Kaji hearing her but also baffled by the fact that   
Makoto was even using one of the communicators. "Makoto?" she asked,   
her hands returning to her gun as she slowly inched her way along the   
wall. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Looking for Kaji, same as you. Intel wasn't too enthusiastic about a   
technician piching in, but I was on the late shift anyways, and...   
well, I didn't want you to be all alone with them." He paused, and   
Misato could hear him blushing on the other end of the line, enough to   
bring a slight smile to her face. "Anyhow, where the hell are you?   
I'm on one of the mostly cleared levels of the facility, and I was   
hoping to arrange a rendezvous point?"  
  
"Can't. I'm too busy trying to find him." She paused for a moment,   
then let herself step across an intersection of hallways, keeping her   
gun out and pointing it at the air, determined not to let Kaji past   
her. "Listen, he's not going to be where any of the agents are. I'm   
certain of it. I'm almost at the bottom of the facility now, but I'm   
going to proceed further. If I know him, I'd be willing to bet that   
he's not going to be headed anywhere inside Central Dogma."  
  
"You mean..." Makoto's voice took on an almost reverent tone, as   
though Misato were unveiling the secrets of the universe to him. "You   
think that he's heading for Terminal Dogma?"  
  
"I'd be willing to bet on it," replied Misato, casting her eyes towards   
the staircase that she knew lay only a few dozen feet away, knowing   
full well that Kaji would have to descent through it if he was going to   
head any further down. "Be careful, Makoto. I can't stay on any   
longer."  
  
The younger man doubtlessly had something more to say, but Misato   
quickly reached up and snapped off the signal, focusing instead on   
aiming her gun towards the door to the stairwell, keeping her ears   
peeled for the slightest hint of noise around her. It was ferociously   
quiet inside the hallways, and as she listened to the quiet humming of   
the fluorescent lights about her she couldn't help but wonder if she'd   
moved to slowly, if Kaji hadn't already made his way lower. "I should   
keep going," she whispered, eyes fixed on the door in front of her.   
"Even if he's not down there, I'll cut him off."  
  
"Sorry, Misato." The words were unexpected, and the woman had barely   
whirled her head halfway around when she felt Kaji's strong arms   
wrapping around her and sending her skidding away, the distorting   
effects of alcohol allowing her only the barest glimpse of the man's   
powder-blue shirt as he moved past her. By the time that she had   
recovered her footing, she could see him moving into the stairwell, the   
sliding doors already shutting behind him.  
  
"Don't move a muscle!" shouted Misato, bringing her pistol to bear and   
firing without thinking, the weapon giving a loud burst of smoke and   
light as a single bullet ripped forward. She knew she had missed, but   
she ignored that, running forward on slightly unsteady feet and forcing   
the sliding doors open again, standing on the landing and pointing her   
weapon down towards Kaji, fully aware of his destination. "Stay there,   
Ryoji! I don't want to have to shoot you!"  
  
Forcing a grin, Kaji flung himself sideways as Misato fired again, her   
bullet pinging against the wall a moment too late. Muttering a curse   
under her breath, Misato began to descend the stairs as fast as she   
could, fully aware that he would reach the bottom before she did, his   
movements already too fast for her to get a solid shot off at him. In   
the back of her head she knew that she needed to call and get some kind   
of backup, but something kept her determined to follow the man herself,   
to keep the conflict just between the two of them. "Don't do this,   
Kaji!" she shouted, trying her best to catch up. "We're going to catch   
you!"  
  
There was no reply, and Misato's eyes widened with the realization that   
he had opened the door into Terminal Dogma, the unmistakable noise of   
the sliding doors hissing open coming from just below her. Gritting   
her teeth, she flung herself down the stairs, falling awkwardly on her   
high heels and feeling a jab of pain from her ankle, forcing herself to   
keep moving forward and down another level to see the doors beginning   
to slide shut. Her ankle sent another pained protest, but she ignored   
it, lunging forward and wedging her hands between the closing halves of   
the door, doubting that her own keycard would open it again.  
  
Metal gears whined in protest of her presence for a moment, then the   
door slid open again, apparently convinced that it was not being left   
any choice in the matter. The doors rushed open to reveal corridors   
that Misato had never seen, the drab teal-gray of Central Dogma   
replaced with a red and black that seemed even more oppressive, the   
lights above her seeming just the slightest bit dimmer. "Terminal   
Dogma," she muttered, stepping tenatively into the corridors. "NERV's   
lowest levels. Even I'm not supposed to be down here."  
  
Her thoughts were scattered as she heard footsteps, and flicking her   
gaze to one side she saw Kaji dashing down the hallway, disappearing   
into the darkness of the cavernous hallways. "-Stop-!" she shouted,   
forcing herself into motion as she pointed her gun towards the man,   
something keeping her from pulling the trigger immediately, his outline   
only a vague silhouette in depths of the corridor. "God -damn- it,   
Ryoji, give it -up-!"  
  
Exact moments began to lose meaning as Misato chased the man lower and   
lower, occasionally running through stairwells anew and firing when she   
thought she had a clear shot, each bullet missing its mark by scant   
inches. The levels only caught her eyes briefly, just long enough to   
realize what it meant that she was treading in areas where she was   
unwanted, where only a few were supposed to be present. She had the   
vaguest ideas what lay within the rooms of Terminal Dogma, but there   
was no time or desire to confirm her thoughts, only a single-minded   
certainty that Kaji had to be stopped.  
  
Flipping out another clip, Misato let the spent canister fall weakly to   
the floor as Kaji continued to run, her mind distantly aware of the   
fact that they were passing a truly massive chamber. As she slammed   
the fresh clip into the gun, she saw an opportunity that she hadn't had   
before, a momentary stumble from Kaji, as though his feet had slipped   
on something unexpected. "FREEZE!" she shouted, hesitating only half a   
second before slamming her finger down hard on the trigger.  
  
Kaji's entire body pitched forward as a red mist jetted out of his   
shoulder, the wound slowing him to a halt as one hand clutched at the   
wound. Misato paused for a moment, her eyes going wide with the   
implications of what she had done, then began to walk swiftly forward,   
her gun remaining trained on Kaji, hands trembling only slightly.   
"This is the end of the line, Ryoji," she said, struggling to remain   
calm as the man drew himself back to his full height. "You try to run,   
and I swear to God that I'll shoot you dead."  
  
The man said nothing for a moment, then turned slowly towards Misato,   
his mouth an awkward grin despite the blood seeping slowly out from his   
left shoulder, one hand clenched tightly around the wounded area.   
"Good shot," he noted, his breaths coming slowly. "I love you, Misato."  
  
Misato's eyes went wider, the thought of another revelation giving her   
a momentary rush. She knew that she wanted nothing to do with the man,   
that she didn't want to feel his warm embrace, his soft kiss, his   
gentle touch, but the thought was enough to provoke a pause before her   
eyes narrowed again. "That's it," she snarled, cocking the pistol once   
more. "I've had enough of you playing around with my emotions. You   
and my father both, you've had enough fun with me for one lifetime."  
  
"I'm not playing with you," replied Kaji, his voice carrying an   
inexplicable air of decisiveness about it, his eyes lacking the sort of   
impish sparkle that the woman would have expected from some kind of   
deception. "I love you, Misato. Not Ritsuko. That was what I wanted   
to tell you the day that you left - that I wanted you to marry me, that   
I was in love with you."  
  
Part of Misato wanted to shoot the man regardless of whether or not he   
was telling the truth, simply because it was easier than trying to deal   
with the implications of his words. But she couldn't bear to pull the   
trigger back and fire on him, not with the expression on his face, with   
the thought that he was truly in love with her. "Then why did you lie   
to me?" she asked, her voice trembling, pistol shaking in her hands   
even as she pointed it towards his heart.  
  
"Ritsuko had something you don't, Misato. She had access to this level   
of NERV, to the place of secrets." He paused, wincing slightly from   
the pain of his wound. "I lied because the only way to get access to   
this point of the building was through Ritsuko. And like I told you   
before, I've been trying to investigate NERV, trying to find out what   
it's hiding from us."  
  
The man paused for a moment, as though allowing Misato a chance to   
speak, a chance she found herself unable to take before he cleared his   
throat and continued, obviously in pain. "Something big is going on   
here, and there are people that don't want NERV to keep obscuring the   
truth from his." He paused, then slowly drew his hand away from his   
wound, reaching towards his breast pocket. "There are things in this   
base that even you don't know about. This is one of them."  
  
Kaji hesitated for a second, then swiped the card through the reader to   
one side of the massive chamber's doors, letting them slide open with a   
creaking noise. Misato frowned at the man, then let herself look   
inside, expecting to see nothing of any particular note. As she took   
in the sight, she gasped, and her hands involuntarily released the gun   
still pointed at Kaji, letting it clatter to the floor and ignoring it.  
  
She was looking into the chamber from the side, and simply by glancing   
in she could tell that it extended far below them, that it was far   
bigger than she had expected. However, the size of the chamber was   
necessary for the massive occupant in the center of the room, nailed to   
a blood-red cross that seemed more than large enough to hold an Eva   
unit. It was a white, doughy mass in only the vaguest shape of a human   
being, but it was obviously patterned after the body structure of   
humans, even ignoring the mask nailed to its face as its entire body   
slouched forward. From its chest projected a great red weapon, massive   
even were it to be wielded by an Eva, a red double-pronged spear with a   
great whirled haft that stretched almost beyond Misato's ability to see   
in the dimly-lit room. "Lillith," she gasped, blinking once, her eyes   
widening.  
  
"Yes. The Second Angel. They've been keeping her down here since the   
Second Impact, exactly like this." Kaji paused, wincing from pain and   
bringing his hand back up to his wound, Ritsuko's keycard clattering to   
the floor as he staggered slightly. "The first two Angels are both in   
NERV's possession - the Second was not destroyed as they'd have you   
believe. And if that sounds bad... they've got a reason for keeping   
her here, too."  
  
Misato could only stare for a moment longer, her mind struggling to   
wrap itself around the sight of the great white Angel nailed inertly to   
a metal cross. She remembered the beast, though only distantly, the   
one who had been the source of the Second Impact and her father's   
death, something she at once hated them for and could care less about.   
Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she turned back towards Kaji.   
"What's the purpose?" she asked, voice trembling. "Why are they   
keeping her here?"  
  
"That's what I'm trying to find out," replied Kaji with a quick nod,   
taking a deep breath and a step towards Misato, an odd expression on   
his face, one that she couldn't quite read. "But I have a few   
guesses." A pause, then he glanced up and down the hallway, as though   
he expected someone to come after them at any moment. "Don't trust the   
Seventh, Misato. They're going to bring her out soon, I'm certain of   
it, and I promise you that whatever they're keeping the Angel here for   
is related to -"  
  
A gunshot pierced the air, and Misato felt the world seem to go into   
slow motion for a few second as it pierced Kaji's back, blood   
blossoming outwards as his body pitched forward, following after what   
seemed like an eternity by the bullet bursting out of the man's chest.   
She could only watch in horror as the blood slowly began to seep out of   
his chest, ignoring the sting as the bullet clipped her ear, more   
concerned with the man pitching forward in slow motion. Everything   
stayed slow until the moment her hands touched him again, then she   
could feel time snapping back to normal, the bullet pinging off the   
walls of the corridor, blood spilling out of the wound in the dead   
center of Kaji's chest.  
  
"No," gasped Misato, holding Kaji as his breaths became more pained,   
her eyes flicking up to see Makoto standing with his gun still   
smoking. For the barest of moments she considered screaming at the   
young man, but she ignored the sensation in favor of the more immediate   
fact of Kaji's dimming life, burying her head against his chest.   
"Ryoji, why didn't you tell me any of this? Why didn't you let me   
know? I would have understood, you know that!"  
  
"Because... I love you," hacked the man, his body shuddering slightly   
as Misato's arms clutched him tightly, blood trickling out and   
splattering against the dark gray floor. "If you'd... known... you   
would... have... followed... me." He hacked again, this time a fine   
mist of blood bubbling to his lips. "Misato... go to where... we   
first... kissed. I've left... you... every..." The coughing increased   
again, his body pitching franticly, voice distorted through the vital   
fluids seeping out of his body. "I - love -"  
  
One last shuddering cough managed to escape the man's lips, then his   
body fell still, eyes half-closed and blood still slowly trickling out,   
Makoto approaching almost reverently. Misato stared at the body for a   
moment longer, then clutched to it with all her strength, letting her   
tears fall and mingle with the blood covering her former lover, her   
entire body wracked with sorrow as he gazed blankly into darkness.  
  
"You should have told me," she whispered, her hands desperately   
clutching at the man's bloodstained shirt, eyes closed tightly as the   
tears continued to stream forth. "It's my decision if I want to follow   
you or not, even if it hurt me. I..." She hesitated, unsure of what   
to say, wishing that she had just a few scant seconds more to speak   
with the man. "I love you, Ryoji Kaji."  
  
A moment passed in relative silence before Misato let out a low,   
wailing moan, her entire body seeming to collapse against Kaji's inert   
form as her shoulders shuddered violently. Makoto took a tenative step   
forward, then stopped, tossing his gun to one side, unsure of what to   
do as he watched the elder woman cry. There were no words left, only   
tears, only the spreading blood along the ash-gray floor as Misato   
cried over her lover.  
  
]++[  
  
The air was tense inside of the meeting room, the Children all sharing   
an awkward silence as Dr. Ikari approached the podium towards the front   
of the room. Neil and Nieve had both heard about Kaji's death first,   
directly from Misato, but the other Children had been filled in with   
varying degrees of sensitivity, something that struck Neil as   
ultimately being trivial. He had only briefly interacted with the man,   
but he knew full well that Nieve and Niobe had had the most to do with   
him, something that was reaffirmed by the state that the girl was in, a   
sort of disbelief mixed with sadness.  
  
Gendou, for his part, was unconcerned with the state of the Children   
regarding the events of the prior night, although he couldn't help but   
be mildly irritated by how far Kaji had managed to get before someone   
had managed to stop him. Mercifully, there appeared to be no signs of   
sabotage, something he certainly didn't need in light of SEELE's   
increasing curiosity. He was being forced to play his hand far more   
quickly than he'd originally wanted to, but he knew that it was for the   
best as he stood behind the podium, that he was advancing appropriately.  
  
"Ryoji Kaji was shot dead during an intrusion attempt into Central   
Dogma last night," he announced flatly, riveting the attention of the   
Children with the sheer bluntness of his statement. "It is unknown   
exactly what he intended to accomplish, but he posed a clear threat to   
the security of this organization." He paused for a moment, adjusting   
his glasses. "As you have all been informed, any information that you   
may have regarding this matter should be divulged as soon as possible."  
  
Letting his voice fall silent, Gendou glanced about the room for a   
moment, knowing full well that whatever Kaji had been doing was   
independent of the Children. It was something that he had to say, the   
best way to help keep the man's death uninvestigated. "Furthermore, we   
have another matter to discuss," he continued, fixing his eyes on the   
entrance to the room, resisting the urge to smile. "As you may or may   
not know, Evangelion unit 07 has been completed and is being delivered   
to NERV for our use. This unit was originally comissioned to restore   
our forces after the destruction of EVA-02 at the hands of the   
Fourteenth Angel."  
  
Nieve shifted in her seat, made obviously uncomfortable by the mention   
of her lost Eva. She disliked the thought of what had happened to it   
every bit as much as she disliked the almost ghoulish sensation of   
piloting Niobe's Eva as the African girl lay comatose. "We're fully   
staffed now, though," offered Nieve weakly, almost wishing that she had   
remained silent. "Why do we need another Eva?"  
  
"The unit was comissioned before the incident with the Fifteenth Angel,   
therefore giving us a surplus of one Eva unit," replied Gendou flatly.   
"Because of the circumstances, however, it seems wasteful to not use   
the unit to its full potential. For this reason, we have recruited   
another Child to utilize EVA-07."  
  
As though on cue, the entrance to the room slid open, and everyone   
turned their gazes towards the door, watching as a girl stepped through   
almost mechanically. Her appearance was striking in its almost eerie   
familiarity, her pale skin beneath the fluorescent lights, red eyes   
blankly surveying the assembled Children, light blue hair hanging   
thinly about her head. She wore a short blue skirt and a white blouse,   
and took a moment to let her eyes flick about the room, something about   
her appearance tugging at the back of Neil's room before she opened her   
mouth.  
  
"Hello," she said, voice cold and surprisingly flat as her eyes rested   
on Ryo. "I am the Seventh Child. My name is Rei Ayanami."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The dove flies free from the tree.  
The animals return to their homes.  
The hate returns to the hearts of man.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 23: AFTER THE FLOOD  
"It's just not the same any more."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	23. After the Flood

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 23: AFTER THE FLOOD +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Now the springs of the deep and the floodgates of the heavens had been   
closed, and the rain had stopped falling from the sky.  
- GENESIS 8:2  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2009 ]  
  
Gendou Ikari's eyes looked over the two children rather critically,   
hidden behind the reflective lenses of his glasses. They could have   
almost been twins, both the same age, pale white skin accented by thin   
blue hair and red eyes, the same slightly disturbingly blank expression   
on their faces. After a moment of staring, he turned towards   
Fuyutsuki, his own expression perfectly flat. "He is fully intact?"  
  
"It took time, but yes, he's been correctly duplicated," replied   
Fuyutsuki with a nod, glancing back down towards the Children.   
Gendou's office cast them in an odd red light, making them look almost   
demonic from the red light that shone from both floor and ceiling. "It   
was a more intensive project than we've had to undergo before. We   
almost needed to recreate Naoko's genetic material completely." He   
paused. "SEELE is curious about the death of Naoko, incidentally.   
They haven't confronted you directly, but they're suspecting that they   
were unaware of something."  
  
"They have good reason to be suspicious," replied Gendou with a thin   
smirk, turning back towards the two children and kneeling in front of   
them. "We should have been faster with Rei, Kozou. We should have   
made sure that they had no time to find an alternative Child. They've   
been suspicious of her since we announced her placement."  
  
Kozou said nothing immediately, simply stared down at the children,   
almost struggling to see some traces of Naoko in their faces, something   
that would hint at her role in their life. It had been some time since   
the woman's death, but thoughts of her were still haunting him, and the   
continuation of the project despite it had felt more than a little   
ghoulish. "We've already begun the sampling necessary for the   
project," he announced, drawing Gendou's attention back towards him.   
"It appears that everything will work as you proposed."  
  
"You doubted it?" asked Gendou, a thin smile crossing his face as he   
stood and turned away from the children, neither of them showing the   
slightest acknowledgement as he stepped towards Kozou. "Prepare her   
for the integration, as we originally planned. Ryo will be given a   
different purpose, although there's little to be done for it for the   
moment."  
  
Frowning, Kozou's eyes flicked back towards the motionless children,   
still feeling on edge simply by their presence. He had known children   
their age before, and while he knew that he was hardly one for personal   
contact he was certain that the seeming indifference of children so   
young was reason to be disturbed. "Are you certain that SEELE won't   
find any of this out?" asked Kozou, turning towards the other man as   
Gendou stepped towards his desk, knowing that he would be ridiculed   
slightly for his nervousness but not particularly concerned about it.   
"We're running directly against them with this plan. If they notice   
anything about what we're doing with Rei, then it's over."  
  
"Smoke and mirrors, Dr. Fuyutsuki. They will have no reason to notice   
Rei, because she will not be in the picture until absolutely   
necessary." He paused, rifling through the papers on his desk before   
finding a slim manilla folder, removing it and handing it over to   
Kozou. "Besides, you'll notice that the ultimate plan has more than   
enough leeway to obscure the truth as necessary. SEELE is all too   
happy to have all of the Evas functional. I'm certain that they'll   
overlook the procedures involved for at least long enough to let us   
complete our goals."  
  
Kozou took the folder almost reluctantly, flipping it open and paging   
through the leafs of paper within. "SEELE could decide to investigate   
one of NERV's production facilities," he offered, his eyes buried in   
the sheets of paper before him, scanning the lines and soaking up the   
bulk of the information as quickly as possible. "We'll have to be   
careful about it." He paused. "It's not what Yui envisioned when she   
first put these theories forth, you know."  
  
"Of course I know," replied Gendou, the slightest hint of bitterness   
creeping into his tone as his gaze turned back towards the two children   
standing before him. "I don't suppose that she would approve of many   
of the choices that I'm making. But it's the principle that matters,   
not the actual practice." He paused, then turned towards Kozou again.   
"Didn't you ever teach an ethics class at university? Can you honestly   
say that we're doing the wrong thing?"  
  
"No," replied Kozou, shaking his head and sighing as he stared at Rei   
and Ryo again. He wished that he could have come up with some   
alternative to the children, not looking forward to the contact that he   
would inevitably have with the pair. "I simply wish that we weren't   
building our fortress on the graves of others."  
  
"We did not kill Naoko, Dr. Fuyutsuki. She chose her own death." He   
paused, staring at Ryo as though the boy would somehow understand the   
necessity of the woman's absence. "And the end result is perfect. Ryo   
and Rei will complement one another perfectly, one soul and one pilot,   
the perfect 'vessel.'" A smile once again began to cross his lips. "I   
look forward to the day that they meet again."  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2016 ]  
  
Rei sat on one of the benches outside of the locker rooms, her red eyes   
darting about the pages of the book in her hand, the cover and spine a   
solid black that kept Neil from having anything but the absolute   
vaguest idea what she was reading. She had been sitting in place for   
as long as Neil could remember, even before he had sat down and began   
waiting for Nieve. He didn't have to be tested for once, but Nieve   
did, and that meant a long stretch of waiting with nothing happening,   
something that he was less than enthusiastic about.  
  
He'd hoped that he could strike up some kind of conversation with Rei,   
but each time that he'd looked towards her she had been utterly   
engrossed in her book, barely even seeming to notice his presence. It   
was daunting, a sensation that he remembered from his first meeting   
with Ryo outside of the Eva hangar, a silent intimidation that he   
doubted either of them had even tried to manifest. Sighing, he flicked   
his eyes away from her down the teal-gray corridors of the building,   
trying to find something else to focus on, anything to distract his   
attention temporarily.  
  
A few more moments passed with absolutely nothing happening, Rei   
sitting and reading and Neil growing bored, even the guilt he felt from   
the previous night unable to sustain itself in the vacuum of events.   
Finally, he leaned towards Rei, clearing his throat and hoping to   
attract some of her attention. She seemed unaffected, so he cleared   
his throat again. "What are you reading?" he asked at length, growing   
frustrated with her apparent ignorance of his presence.  
  
It was still a moment or two before the girl answered him, her eyes   
still flicking along the pages before she placed the book down primly   
on her lap and looked towards Neil. "A book on military tactics and   
fighting styles in a single-unit context." Her voice was flat, almost   
seeming resentful of the question, and she stared at Neil a second   
longer before turning back to the book.  
  
Smiling, Neil edged himself slightly closer to the girl, unsure of   
exactly why her apparent resent bothered him but certain that he wanted   
to do something about it. He remembered how out of place he had felt   
on his first few days in Tokyo-3, and while he knew that he'd had the   
unique experience of piloting EVA-01 at the time he doubted the   
sensations were that different. "You interested in that stuff?" he   
asked, shifting his weight forward.  
  
"No," replied Rei, her voice still flat, this time not even bothering   
to put the book down as her eyes continued to move across the pages.   
"Commander Ikari told me to read it while I waited for my   
synchronization tests today. He claimed that it would be useful   
knowledge for my first mission in an Eva."  
  
"Oh," replied Neil, feeling a bit deflated as he stared at the girl,   
her attention remaining completely on the book in front of her.   
Another few moments of silence set in, neither of the Children saying a   
word, the only noise the occasional turning of the page by Rei.   
However, Neil was determined to cheer the girl up at least slightly,   
and he knew full well that it was possible, remembering the way that   
Ryo had seemed to warm over after their battle with the Fourth Angel.   
"Are you enjoying it anyways, though? I mean, even if you weren't   
interested in it before, is it well written?"  
  
Rei looked at the boy for a moment as though his question baffled her,   
then looked back down at the book in her hands as she began to flick   
her deep red eyes over the pages. "It's written in English, and I have   
yet to notice any grammatical inaccuracies." She paused, flipping back   
and checking another pair of pages. "I don't notice anything wrong   
with it. That would make it a well-written book, correct?"  
  
"Well, yeah, but that's not what I meant." Neil sighed, rubbing his   
forehead momentarily, wishing that Nieve would come out of the locker   
room sooner rather than later. "I mean, just because there's nothing   
wrong with it doesn't mean it's enjoyable to read. Do you want to keep   
reading it?"  
  
There was no answer for a second, Rei's eyes simply staring at Neil   
before turning back to her book. "Commander Ikari told me to read it,"   
she said at length, her voice still perfectly flat as she turned back   
to the volume, apparently uninterested in Neil's attempts at   
conversation. "I need to continue reading."  
  
Blinking, Neil stared at the girl for a moment, trying to figure out   
anything else to get her to speak, something to make the conversation   
something more than one-sided. "Okay, we won't talk about the book,"   
he said, trying to keep the flow of speech at least relatively steady.   
"What about your family? Ryo barely even seemed to recognize you, but   
you're practically identical twins. Have you just not spent much time   
together or something?"  
  
"Ryo and I have had different upbringings," replied Rei, flipping the   
page and then summarily ignoring the boy's presence, her expression   
making it unclear if she'd noticed him at all.  
  
Neil waited, expecting something more from her for a moment before he   
realized that she had said all she planned to. "What happened to your   
parents?" he asked, knowing that he was grasping at straws but still   
determined. "Did they die in the Second Impact? ...no, they couldn't   
have, then you and Ryo wouldn't be here. What -did- happen to them?"  
  
"I don't know," replied Rei, her eyes still riveted to the book despite   
her professed nonchalance about its presence. "They died." She paused   
for a moment, then flipped a page once again, her gaze remaining cold   
and apparently unconcerned.  
  
Something about her speech set something off inside the back of Neil's   
mind, the way that she so casually asserted the death of her parents.   
He could remember dealing with people who had lost relatives in the   
Second Impact or soon afterwards, a fact that most children born after   
the Impact could attest to. Though exact emotions had varied, none of   
them had been able to speak of their lost relatives without some amount   
of emotion creeping into their speech. He had never heard someone   
speak of them as blankly as Rei did, devoid of any trace of emotion, as   
though she could care less about the answers to the question. "Don't   
you know anything about them?" he asked, leaning further forward. "I   
mean... don't you feel anything about them?"  
"What about you?" asked Rei, her voice still quiet as she turned   
another page in her book, her eyes never flicking towards Neil. "Your   
father is dead. Do you feel anything about him?"  
  
The boy's fists clenched involuntarily at the mention of his father   
even as the back of his mind reminded him that he hadn't expected Rei   
to know that. He knew that Misato had been privy to all of his   
history, but he hadn't expected that the same would hold true for the   
girl sitting across from him. "Yes," he said after a moment, trying   
his best to fight off the memory of his father. "You have to feel   
something about your parents when they die. They're too much a part of   
your life not to."  
  
"Do you have to?" replied Rei, her eyes remaining fixed on her book.   
Her voice still hadn't changed inflection in any meaningful way,   
something that was beginning to send a prickling sensation up the back   
of Neil's neck. Even Ryo had given him some indications that he was   
feeling something, even if they were only the most distant of   
emotions. "Or are you just told that you have to?"  
  
"Forget it. I wasn't asking about my parents." Neil shook his head,   
taking a deep breath, trying to figure out what about the girl was   
nagging at the back of his mind, what it was about her mannerisms that   
tugged at a memory. "Where have you been living, then?"  
  
Rei said nothing in response, simply reading her book dilligently and   
ignoring Neil, apparently in no mood to attempt to continue the   
conversation. Neil glanced back and forth down the hall, then stood   
and stepped over to Rei's bench, sitting down beside her and looking   
towards her. She still made no effort to acknowledge his presence, and   
Neil sighed as he edged slightly closer. "Rei, I know what it's like   
to be new here. I'm really trying my hardest to -"  
  
The locker room door hissed open, and Neil's eyes flew towards the door   
even as Rei continued to ignore the world around her. Nieve had   
finished dresssing again, loose black shorts that hung down to her   
knees and a sleeveless green blouse with a low-cut collar. She paused   
for a moment, seemingly surprised to see Neil sitting next to Rei, then   
frowned, taking a decisive step forward. "Hey, Neil," she said,   
something lying beneath her voice. "Thanks for waiting." She paused,   
then flicked her eyes towards Rei. "What are you doing out here?"  
  
"Reading a book," replied Rei flatly, turning a page as though to   
accent her point.  
  
Nieve's expression grew sharper, and she leaned towards Rei, obviously   
trying to get the other girl's expression. "We didn't get a chance to   
properly introduce ourselves before. I'm the Second Child, Nieve Soryu-  
Leary." She waited for a second, then her frown darkened as Rei   
continued reading nonchalantly. "Aren't you going to look at me?"  
  
"I saw you during the introduction," replied Rei flatly, shifting her   
body slightly to one side as if to catch a better angle of light.   
"Please don't bother me. I'm trying to read."  
  
Glancing back towards Neil for a second, Nieve stepped closer to Rei,   
trying to lean fully over the girl and obscure her light completely.   
It was a difficult task considering Nieve's height, but she managed to   
at least partially succeed at her objective as she placed her hands   
squarely on her hips. "Don't be getting any ideas about Neil, Miss   
Ayanami," she said firmly, provoking a slight flush from the boy.   
"He's already -got- a girlfriend, meaning -me-. Just because you're   
the new girl in town doesn't mean that you can go around having   
everything you want."  
  
"He sat over here," replied Rei flatly, shifting herself a few inches   
to one side and leaning into something that resembled a decent reading   
position, her eyes never deviating from the pages of her book. "Please   
leave me alone."  
  
Nieve's eyes widened for a moment, and she flicked her eyes back   
towards Neil, seemingly studying his face as though for some hint of   
what was going on. "You led him on, didn't you?" she asked, sliding to   
one side and once again doing her best to loom over the girl. "That's   
what you did, I'm sure of it. You should be ashamed of yourself,   
treating someone like that."  
  
Rei flicked her eyes up towards Nieve for the barest of moments,   
letting her blank stare match with the girl's half-formed anger for a   
moment before turning back towards her book, apparently unconcerned.   
Nieve stood for a moment longer, staring at the girl and expecting her   
to say something, but Rei remained silent, apparently content to read   
in the darkness.  
  
"Come on," said Neil at length, rising to his feet and hoping to defuse   
the situation at least partially, drawing Nieve's gaze towards him.   
"We should be getting home. Misato wanted us to have the apartment   
more or less cleaned up by the time that she got home, after all."  
  
The red-haired girl glanced back and forth between Rei and Neil for a   
moment, and Neil felt a new burst of guilt gnawing at his chest as he   
stared at the two girls, one that he couldn't quite explain. There was   
something pained on Nieve's expression, something that he couldn't   
begin to place or understand, his only definite knowledge of it the   
fact that it sprang from him in some way. He knew, distantly, that he   
hadn't done anything wrong, but the doubts from the previous night   
hadn't left his mind, and he felt his hands slowly clench as he waited   
for what seemed like an eternity for Nieve to say something.  
  
"All right," replied Nieve, flicking her green eyes down towards Rei   
one last time before stepping towards Neil, obviously masking her   
resentment. Neil spared one last glance towards the oddly cold girl   
sitting on the bench, then turned and walked away with Nieve, certain   
that the answers to his questions were drifting just out of reach.  
  
]++[  
  
Sunlight coated Tokyo-3 like a second skin, the bright light seeming to   
make the whitewashed buildings of the city gleam from within. It was   
something that Vash had seen before, something that would have given   
him little pause even if he wasn't preoccupied with his thoughts, his   
feet falling slowly and steadily as he walked towards his house. He   
was alone, something that would have irritated him slightly under any   
circumstances but seemed particularly pointed given his train of   
thought.  
  
His father would be at home, something he knew without even bothering   
to reach his house. "Could try to get a job, Dad," the boy muttered,   
scuffing his feet in the thin dirt of the sidewalk as he continued   
walking, the darkening strands of his hair swinging about his head as   
he walked. Frowning, he tried to think of what his father had done   
when he had still had a job, before he'd decided to spend the rest of   
his life as a drunk and layabout. It was a fuzzy memory, much like   
most of the memories that Vash had of the time before his mother died.  
  
Biting his lower lip, Vash quickened his pace slightly, remembering   
when he had first heard about the woman's death, his father grief-  
stricken at the thought he had lost his wife. At the time, Vash had   
only distantly understood the situation, and even after several years   
his understanding remained dim, marred by the lack of coherent   
information from his father. "He just wants to drown everything in   
that damn bottle," he snarled, shaking his head and forcing himself to   
walk still faster. "Every single thing that he failed at. He's just a   
drunk now."  
  
A car whizzed past him on the other side of the street, kicking up a   
small dust cloud and making the world around Vash unexpectedly hazy.   
Squinting, he tried to wave the dust clear, coughing as he moved   
through the cloud of dirt. His mind almost instinctively jumped back   
to the duel with Neil in his new Eva, the clouds of dirt and smoke that   
had surrounded their battle, blinding them both.  
  
The thought gave him a momentary pause, and as the cloud of dust   
dissipated on the dry breeze Vash found himself standing in place,   
staring off into the distance, his eyes focused just far enough away   
from the sun to avoid hurting his eyes. He had been unable to drive   
the increasing sensation of loneliness from his mind, and his loss to   
the purple machine had only been the most decisive of his failures, a   
fitting reminder of his own shortcomings.  
  
"Everybody's leaving," he muttered, his eyes resting on another car   
driving more slowly up the road, a few bits of furniture visibly poking   
out of the half-open trunk. He allowed himself to linger for a few   
seconds more, then turned and continued walking, only peripherally   
aware of the area around him, thoughts still lingering on the duel   
between he and Neil. "It's just not the same any more."  
  
"Vash!" The call was unexpected, and it took Vash a moment to even   
acknowledge it, his head turning sluggishly towards the source.   
Kensuke was lightly jogging towards him, a half-worried expression on   
his face, dirty blonde hair seeming to bounce with each step he took.   
"Didn't think I'd see you today. I was getting worried - I called your   
house, but your dad said that you weren't home."  
  
"I wasn't," replied Vash somewhat reluctantly, taking a moment to get   
his bearings, not having even realized that he was anywhere near   
Kensuke's house. His face slowly morphed into a frown as he stepped   
towards the boy's home, suspecting that something big was going on. "I   
told you that I wasn't going to be there for a while. Why? Is   
something the..."  
  
Kensuke's house had a prominent "For Sale" sign displayed on the front   
lawn, the characters on it swimming in front of Vash's eyes as he let   
his sight dart towards the driveway. There were two cars in the   
driveway, both packed nearly to capacity with furniture and boxes,   
locked now and simply waiting for departure. Vash could only stare for   
a moment, disbelieving as he took a halting step forward, baffled by   
the scene in front of him even as Kensuke began to approach from   
behind. "I'd meant to tell you," Kensuke offered, his voice cracking   
slightly.  
  
"You're moving away." The words sounded unreal, the entire lawn and   
house suddenly going liquid as Vash unsteadily turned to face the boy.   
It took him a moment to connect any thoughts more coherent than the   
simple statement of fact, the guilt on Kensuke's face not helping the   
situation any. "Wait - how can you be moving away? I thought that   
your dad was working for NERV, and you -"  
  
"Dad got a transfer to the branch in Tokyo-2," replied Kensuke   
reluctantly, casting his eyes downwards, his feet scuffing along the   
thin dust of his driveway as the light glinted off his thick glasses.   
"He'd been trying for a while, actually, ever since what happened with   
the Twelfth Angel. I just didn't think that he'd ever get the   
transfer, that NERV was fully staffed over there." He paused, biting   
his lower lip for a second. "People are leaving Tokyo-2, too. They're   
starting to act as though there's no safe place to be inside of Japan."  
  
"That's -ridiculous-," snapped Vash, seizing upon the one piece of   
information that he could actually deal with. "Tokyo-3 has -us-. It   
has the Evas. If there's any safe place to be on the planet, it's   
right here." He paused, staring at his friend's eyes as best he   
could. "Come on, Kensuke, you've got to know that, right?" No   
response. "Right?"  
  
The other boy shifted uncomfortably on his feet once again, and   
although his mouth remained shut for a moment longer Vash had all the   
answer that he needed. "Look, Vash, I know about the Evas, and   
everything. Heck, my dad used to work in the same department. It's   
just..." He paused for a moment, once again shifting uncomfortably as   
Vash clenched his hands in frustration. "You know. It's just not safe   
for -people- to be here."  
  
"Right," replied Vash, unsure of exactly what was rattling through his   
skull as he cast his eyes across the vehicles in the driveway,   
uncertain of exactly what to think, knowing that he couldn't face   
Kensuke right away. He forced himself to breathe deeply, letting the   
warmth of the sun wash over him as he examined the other boy's house.   
"Of course, we'll still be here. So I guess this is goodbye, at least   
for a while."  
  
"Hey, don't be like that. We'll still be in touch." Kensuke's hand   
found its way to Vash's shoulder, lightly rapping against it as Vash   
turned to look at his friend. There was an awkward expression sitting   
in Kensuke's eyes just behind the lenses of his glasses, as though he   
knew he was lying and hoping he wouldn't be called on it. "After all,   
I've still got to whip you for what you did to me during our last   
couple matches in Starcraft III. Think you'd get off easily?"  
  
"I don't know if I'll really have the time for games," replied Vash,   
shrugging roughly and forcing Kensuke's hand away as he turned back   
towards the street. Something in the back of his head was driving him   
away, drawing him towards a free space to think. "But, yeah, mail me   
your number or something. I'll see what I can do."  
  
"Vash?" Kensuke's voice echoed gently against the houses surrounding   
the boys, the sun flitting through the dry air as Vash stepped swiftly   
back towards the sidewalk. "Hey, Vash, come on." The request was   
ignored, not even a glance spared back in the direction of the other   
boy. "Vash, don't leave like this. I was trying to let you know. It   
isn't like..." The voice trailed off, growing more quiet as Vash   
continued walking away. "Hey, Vash!"  
  
The temptation to say something was overwhelming, but Vash ignored it,   
forcing himself to keep walking, not even letting himself call out some   
last remark that Kensuke had almost never called him by his real name.   
It was only after the other boy's voice had ceased entirely that Vash   
allowed himself a quick look back towards the house, remembering all   
the time that he'd spent at his friend's house. "Smartest kid in   
school," he muttered, turning his gaze back down the street, forcing   
himself to focus. "Always was, even when we were younger."  
  
Another deep sigh found its way past Vash's lips, his thoughts drifting   
to when he was younger. He hadn't been a popular kid then, but he'd   
been much happier, and he knew it. He hadn't ever had to worry about   
what other people thought of him, just about how he got through each   
day, whether or not he was enjoying himself. "Simpler times," he   
muttered, closing his eyes as he shuffled along the street, almost   
wishing that he'd never set foot inside of an Eva unit.  
  
]++[  
  
"What -nerve- that girl has," muttered Nieve, her fingers drumming idly   
against the wooden surface of the table, her brow furrowed as her eyes   
flitted wildly about the yellow walls. "Trying to come on to you when   
you're -obviously- taken. You'd think that being the Seventh Child was   
some vast accomplishment or something."  
  
"Can we drop this already?" asked Neil, his voice betraying his   
exasperation, hands flying to his forehead and rubbing it gently. He   
was doing his best to remain calm, but it was a losing battle, one that   
Nieve had been fighting with him nearly since the moment that they had   
returned home. It was, he was certain, yet another effort on her part   
to find some kind of distraction from the loss of her Eva, a habit that   
Neil had found himself increasingly losing patience with. "We were   
just talking, after all. It's not like that means she was -"  
  
"Neil, it's sweet of you to try and defend her, but she doesn't deserve   
it," replied Nieve, waving her hand towards him dismissively. Her eyes   
briefly shot towards Pen-Pen as the penguin emerged from his fridge for   
what seemed to be his customary mid-day apartment stroll, then she   
turned back towards the blank sheet of paper in front of her. "I know   
full well what's going on. It's one of my skills."  
  
Sighing, Neil tried to ignore the girl as she began scribbling   
something on the paper in front of her, forcing himself to simply stand   
and walk calmly towards the fridge. "You're getting insufferable," he   
muttered, reaching into the fridge and retrieving a can of soda, his   
eyes flicking unconsciously towards Misato's rows of beer cans. "Just   
drop it, okay? She just didn't have anybody to talk to."  
  
"Don't treat me like I don't understand what's -happening-!" snapped   
Nieve, one hand slamming down on the table, green eyes flashing with   
anger as Neil turned to face her. "I'm a smart girl. You damn well   
know that. I don't need to have things spelled out for me in order to   
pick up on what's going on." She faltered for a moment, something   
softer beginning to tickle at the back of her emerald eyes. "Kaji used   
to do the same thing, and it wasn't right then, either."  
  
"Nieve, for the love of God, you're chasing shadows," sighed Neil,   
shaking his head as he stepped back towards the girl. "If you want to   
talk about Kaji, fine, but leave Rei alone already. We were talking   
because I went over to talk to her."  
  
"I -know- that!" snapped Nieve, her eyes growing angry once again, her   
fingers closing around the pen in front of her and tapping it hard   
against the table's surface, her expression darkening with each passing   
moment. "But I know that she must have led you on, that you were only   
talking to her because she forced you into it. And that's what I'm   
angry about. We've -discussed- this. Weren't you listening?"  
  
"Were -you-?" asked Neil, his tone growing further exasperated, a   
headache beginning to blossom in the back of his head as crimson aches   
began to emerge. "Nieve, I talked to her of my own free will. I tend   
to doubt that Rei's even -capable- of trying to lead someone on.   
There's something different about her." He sighed. "Is it so hard to   
believe that I was just talking with the girl."  
  
"-Yes-!" replied Nieve, leaning across the table as best she could, her   
hands managing to barely cling to the front of Neil's shirt. It was a   
gesture obviously intended to be angry and intimidating, but the end   
effect was more of a woman begging for something than of a girl angry   
at her lover. "Because I -know- you, Neil, and I know that you can't   
talk to a girl without getting infatuated with her! And I know that   
you want to be with -me-, not some ghost-pale stick girl!"  
  
The girl's words cut deeply, and Neil recoiled slightly, knowing that   
his expression was growing more angry even as guilt began to bleed   
along with his growing headache. "That - that's not true," he said,   
trying to remain calm, sounding angry despite himself. "I was just   
talking with her, Nieve. I can talk to -"  
  
"Do you think I'm a -moron-?" snapped Nieve, releasing the boy's shirt   
and pushing away from the table, stepping over to him with surprisingly   
swift motions. "I -know- how obsessed you are with Eiko, and I -know-   
that the same damn thing would have happened with Niobe if it wasn't   
for the fact that you never talked to her! I'm not -blind-, damn it!   
But you're with -me-, and I thought you were -realizing- that!"  
  
Neil stared at Nieve for a moment, his eyes matching hers before he   
pushed back, trying to remain calm. "I don't understand what your   
problem is right now, Nieve," he said. "You're overreacting to   
something completely innocent."  
  
Instead of calming the girl, Neil's words seemed to anger her further,   
her eyes narrowing and her fists clenching for a moment before she   
pressed herself closer to him. "I'm reacting to what you -do-,"   
replied Nieve firmly, her hands opening before they clasped hard   
against his shoulders. "I understand it, Neil, and I know that I have   
to deal with it. It's all right. But I don't believe that you'd do   
that to me, that you'd... you'd -cheat- on me like that."  
  
Only her words were needed to send Neil further down the spiral of   
guilt, even as he felt himself growing angry at being falsely accused   
of unfaithfulness. "I just -talked- with someone," he snapped, forcing   
himself away from the girl even as her fingers dug more tightly into   
his skin. "There's nothing wrong with that."  
  
"Stop -saying- that!" snappped Nieve, trying to pull Neil back towards   
her and finding herself unable to, her arms straining momentarily as he   
stood his ground as best he could. Tears were beginning to pool at the   
corner of her eyes, her muscles seemingly going limp. "She led you on,   
I know it. You... you're not going to leave me." She paused, her eyes   
drifting hesitantly towards Neil's. "Please tell me the truth. Tell   
me that you didn't cheat on me."  
  
"Talking with someone else -isn't- cheating!" snapped Neil, stepping   
around Nieve, his voice carrying more impact than he'd initially   
intended. He felt momentarily guilty about it, but he was feeling   
frustrated, tired of playing along with Nieve's groundless insecurities   
as he stepped towards the door. "Come on, Nieve, what's going on? Are   
you upset about Kaji, or -"  
  
"BE QUIET!" screamed Nieve, stepping away from Neil, her eyes flashing   
with anger even as a lone tear fell from the corner of her eye to the   
dark wooden floor beneath her. "I don't -need- him around! I didn't   
need him around even -before- we came to Tokyo-3! He thought that he   
was my father, that he was obligated to take care of me, as if..." She   
paused, then snarled. "Stop dodging the issue already!"  
  
Part of Neil felt guilty as he stared at the girl, his feet slowly   
moving him towards the door even as she looked at him angrily. But   
even as part of him felt the familiar guilt wash over him, part of him   
simply felt anger and frustration, an exasperation at having to endure   
the girl's constant suspicions. His mouth opened to say something,   
then he shook his head and stepped down to put his shoes on, his back   
facing Nieve.  
  
"Don't you leave, Neil Richelieu." Nieve's voice was forceful, tinged   
with a sort of hysterical sadness that he'd grown used to, that he had   
no desire to deal with under the circumstances. He felt guilty for   
knowing the reason he was leaving, but his feet still slipped into his   
shoes, never turning back to face the girl. "Don't you leave me now.   
I'm the one in control of this relationship, you know that, -I- know   
that, and everyone -"  
  
The door shut behind Neil with a decisive slam, cutting off the end of   
Nieve's sentence, filling the hall with an eerie silence even as the   
beautiful hazy orange of the looming sunset began to filter in through   
the apartment hall's windows. Neil stayed in place for a moment, anger   
mizing with guilt, and with a deep breath he forced himself to walk, to   
try and let himself experience what he needed to on his own as best he   
could.  
  
]++[  
  
"Was wondering where you'd gone off to." The voice was already slurred   
with what Vash could only assume was a day's worth of alcohol, the   
speech more comprehensible simply out of years of expectance than out   
of actual words being formed by the man. "Thought you said you were   
getting out of there 'round dinnertime. Been a long time since then,   
that's for damn sure." He paused. "You off at that arcade with   
Kensuke again?"  
  
"Not today, dad," replied Vash, his voice sounding weakened even to him   
as he let the door shut behind him, slipping his shoes off as he   
stepped into the house fully. His father, as usual, was slumped in the   
maroon couch, a beer in hand and filthy hair hanging around him.   
"Kensuke's... moving away. Leaving town."  
  
"Is he?" The elder man actually sounded vaguely incredulous, tilting   
his head back towards Vash as the boy headed towards the kitchen to   
grab some variety of food. "Why the hell's he doing that?" The man   
paused for a moment in what Vash assumed was thought, then coughed   
loudly. "Doesn't his father work for NERV? I didn't think that they   
were letting their own people leave."  
  
"They're not. Kenuske's dad got a transfer to Tokyo-2." Vash sighed,   
fishing out a half-eaten ham sandwich that he'd left in the fridge the   
day prior on the off chance that he'd need it. It had grown to be a   
habit, leaving food in place in case his father forgot all about   
dinner. "He says that it's not safe in this city any longer."  
  
"Kensuke say that, or his father?" asked the man, his question   
accompanied by the clink of beer cans as he stood from the couch.   
"Either way, anybody saying that about Tokyo-3 is a damn fool. NERV   
shouldn't even bother with all those other branches. I'd march down   
there and straighten things out with their organization myself, if I   
wasn't getting so old." He paused, shuffling into the kitchen with a   
slightly dazed look in his eyes. "You told him that, right?"  
  
"That you're getting old?" replied Vash, his tone intentionally   
scathing. "No, I left that out." He stared at his father for a   
moment, the slumped posture and unkempt black hair, then felt his hand   
unconsciously and uncomfortable twitch towards his own once-blonde   
locks as he started to move towards the living room. When he was   
younger, he had remember loving to look like his father, even to the   
extent of growing his hair as long as he could. It made him feel   
uneasy to think that he'd done anything of the sort, and he forced   
himself to think of something else as he flopped down on the reclining   
chair to one side of the beer-reeking couch.  
  
"Ah, forget that kid, Koji. Some people just don't have smart   
parents." The elder man either didn't hear or ignored Vash's indignant   
snort in response, but either way he remained silent until he returned   
to the living room, a fresh six-pack in tow. "Hell, if that man worked   
for NERV and didn't know what was going on, he's probably better off in   
Tokyo-2. I'd be surprised if he could cross the street without   
shitting himself."  
  
Irritation boiled in Vash's head as his father fumbled for the remote,   
and leaning over Vash snatched the small black device away, flipping   
the channel and glaring at the man. "God, Dad, do you even -know- what   
you're talking about? He's probably -right-. It -isn't- safe here any   
more."  
  
"Now -you're- sounding like a fool," replied his father, smirking at   
the boy as though he'd only heard what he wanted, something that seemed   
more than likely in light of the situation. "Tokyo-3 is the safest   
place to be. It might get a couple buildings smashed every now and   
again, but it's the only place in the world with the Evangelions - and   
even if they get 'em somewhere else, they're not going to have you as a   
pilot."  
  
"Dad, I'm not a very -good- pilot," replied Vash, shaking his head   
somewhat halfheartedly, not particularly wanting to argue with his   
father but also not wanting the drunken man's praise. "I'm still   
wondering why the hell they gave me another Eva after the first one was   
destroyed."  
  
"You kidding? You're a -great- pilot," replied the man, settling back   
in the couch, the noise of the beer cans shifting around his body   
following the slow motion. "You're my son, after all, and you know   
that saying about the fruit never falling far from the tree. Mark my   
words, Koji - you're going to grow up to be just like your old man.   
It's in your blood."  
  
Vash bit his tongue, resisting the urge to come back with a snappy   
retort immediately. Instead, he simply stared at his father, the elder   
man slouching as he sipped his beer, greasy black hair beginning to mix   
with prematurely gray strands. "You really think that?" asked Vash,   
for once being entirely honest with his father.  
  
"Of course," replied his father curtly, staring at the television for a   
moment longer before turning his alcohol-misted eyes towards his son.   
"Hey - usually when I call you Koji, you complain about it, say you   
want me to call you by that nickname instead. Why not tonight?"  
  
"Lots of reasons," replied Vash, turning his gaze towards the flashing   
lights of the television once again, his fists tightening instinctively   
as he forced himself to take a deep breath. There was anger growing in   
the back of his head, but it was an anger directed inward for the first   
time that he could remember, and he hesitantly raised a hand to his   
hair, letting his fingers run through the darkening strands as though   
he'd never touched it before.  
  
It was his father's hair, and he knew it. He could distantly remember   
hearing his mother talking about how he'd inherited the long black   
strands from the elder man, how she had praised his father's long hair   
as one of the marks that had first attracted her to him. A heavy sigh   
pushed its way up from the depths of Vash's lungs, and he let his hand   
fall back to his side, weakly taking a bite out of his almost-forgotten   
sandwich. The feeling of contamination seemed to be seeping along his   
skin irreversibly, like an oil slick moving across the surface of the   
ocean.  
  
]++[  
  
It was unnervingly quiet in the apartment despite the sound of the   
television, the sickeningly sweet music playing in the background as   
the actors spoke a fluid string of syllables Nieve could only assume   
was Japanese. The sound did nothing to quell the real silence that she   
felt, the almost tangible dearth of anybody real to talk to, the lack   
of human contact that seemed to permeate the walls around her. "He   
should have come back by now," she muttered to herself, folding her   
arms firmly across her chest as she slouched down further. "He's not   
being fair."  
  
No voice answered her remark, and Nieve felt a slight chill run along   
her skin, her lips tightening as she pulled her knees closer to her   
chest out of instinct. She was still thrown by the fact that he had   
left in the first place when he should have stayed, when she should   
have had more than enough control over the situation to keep him in one   
place. "Got to figure out what's going on with him," she muttered,   
shaking her head. "I have to keep a handle on this. Kaji being dead   
doesn't affect that, not in the least."  
  
Silence wrapped around her again as her words fell silent, wrapping   
around her body like a suffocatingly tight blanket before the door   
clicked open. Instinctively, Nieve launched herself to her feet, eager   
to rush towards the door before she caught herself, a quick reminder to   
her brain that she needed to act as though she was the one in control   
if she was ever going to have a stable situation with Neil. Taking a   
deep breath, she stepped smoothly around towards the door, her   
expression haughty and only vaguely angry.  
  
"Hey," offered Misato, her shoes falling lightly against the floor as   
she stepped towards Nieve, eyes tired and body obviously weak. "It's   
good to be home again, but you didn't have to get up just to greet   
me." She paused for a moment, her brown eyes flicking towards Nieve,   
then she sighed and turned towards the fridge, her purple hair swaying   
behind her. "But you were waiting for Neil, weren't you?"  
  
"He left a while ago. I was starting to get worried about him." Nieve   
paused for a moment, then decided to omit the details of their   
argument, doubting that Misato would have anything meaningful to add to   
what they had already said. Misato stepped towards the kitchen, and   
Nieve struggled to think of something to say to the woman, her mind   
finally lighting on a concept too quickly for her to think about what   
it meant. "You were there when Kaji died, weren't you?"  
  
Misato froze, her entire body going rigid for a moment before she   
slowly resumed her path towards the fridge. "Kaji was in charge of   
your departure from Ireland," she muttered, one hand opening the door   
of the fridge even as she smacked her forehead with the other. "He was   
your guardian. Shit. I'm sorry, Nieve, it completely slipped my mind,   
with everything else that's been going on today..." She paused, then   
turned back towards Nieve, an unopened beer in one hand. "This must be   
hard on you, too."  
  
The woman's halting apology was met with a dismissive snort, Nieve's   
eyes growing harder as she turned away from Misato. "You're being   
ridiculous, Misato. I could care less about what happened to him."   
She paused, then turned her head halfway towards the woman, her eyes   
peeking out just behind a thin film of fire-red hair. "Besides, he got   
what he deserved, from what I understand. Assaulting a senior member   
of NERV's staff and then invading the base? Stupid move."  
  
"You don't understand what happened," replied Misato firmly, her   
fingers moving deftly across her top of the beer can and popping it   
open with a hiss. "He was there for the right reasons." She stepped   
towards Nieve as the girl looked away once again, her motions tired but   
still graceful. "Are you sure that you're not upset about it?"  
  
"Positive. Don't be ridiculous." Nieve forced a laugh, stepping away   
from Misato swiftly and feeling a vague discomfort growing in the pit   
of her stomach. She didn't want to talk about Kaji at all, and she'd   
only asked about his death as a way to say something to the woman. She   
knew more than enough about the situation, and the last thing she   
wanted was to address the nagging doubt in the back of her mind about   
the man. "After all, it's not like I need him around any more."  
  
Misato said nothing immediately, simply moved past Nieve towards the   
living room, staring at the television as Nieve looked towards her.   
There was a moment of silence, then the woman turned to look at the   
girl, something unreadable in her eyes. "Are you talking about me?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself," replied Nieve, her tone remaining sharper   
than she'd originally intended. "I have -me-, and that's what's   
important. No offense, but I haven't needed a guardian since I was   
ten, and I certainly don't need someone as irresponsible as Kaji. I'm   
better off on my own."  
  
"If you're better off alone, why are you so intent about staying with   
Neil?" The woman's tone was somewhat exhausted, and she took a quick   
sip of her beer as Nieve's eyes widened in response to the question.   
"Just curious."  
  
"T-that's completely unrelated," replied Nieve after a moment, shaking   
her head, anger beginning to cloud her thoughts again. "I don't -need-   
to have Neil around, not at all. I just... I prefer it." Her arms   
folded across her chest almost unconsciously, her feet moving her   
towards the nearest wall as a convenient space to lean on. "What's   
wrong with that, anyways? That doesn't mean I need him around."  
  
Both Misato and Nieve remained silent for a moment, their eyes loosely   
meeting, Misat's expression unreadable and Nieve's harshly dismissive.   
Then Nieve whipped her head away, staring towards the kitchen and away   
from Misato, her lips a tightly line and her brow furrowed. "It's none   
of your business anyways," she said firmly, biting her lower lip   
gently, the doubt in the back of her mind growing louder. "What are   
you trying to do, get me to admit something?"  
  
"All I asked was why you were so intent on keeping Neil around,"   
replied Misato, her tone growing slightly harder, her footsteps echoing   
in Nieve's ears as she stepped closer. "It's a simple question. If   
you don't need other people around, then -"  
  
"I don't -need- him around, I just -want- him around," replied Nieve,   
her arms folding more tightly across her chest as she let her eyes shut   
tightly, forcing herself to take deep breaths. "And I don't like it   
when he's not around any more than you would like not having a beer to   
come home to." She paused. "That doesn't prove anything, and you know   
that. I don't need him just because I want to have him around."  
  
"Nieve, you don't have to lie to me," replied Misato, her voice almost   
unnaturally calm as she placed her free hand on Nieve's shoulder, the   
sudden contact sending a minor twitch through Nieve's muscles.   
"There's nothing wrong with needing other people around. That's part   
of who we are. We can't rely just on ourselves."  
  
"Maybe -you- can't, but I -can-," replied Nieve firmly, shrugging hard   
and forcing Misato's hand off her shoulder. She forced herself away   
from the wall and walked swiftly towards her room, her eyes growing   
more angry even as her thoughts began to drift in directions that made   
her more than a little nervous. "I don't need -anybody-. Not -you-,   
not -Neil-, and certainly not -Kaji-."  
  
Silence reigned for another moment, and Nieve felt her breath coming   
harder. "What did you and Neil fight about?" asked Misato, her voice   
still calm.  
  
"None of your BUSINESS!" shouted Nieve, whipping around to face the   
woman, her eyes narrowed to slits as she felt inexplicable tears begin   
to push themselves forward behind her eyes. Misato was still calm, her   
beer loosely held in one hand as she stared at Nieve, a gesture that   
only served to infuriate the girl further. "What difference does it   
make to you, anyways? If things get hard for you, you can just go   
ahead and leave, can't you? You're not obligated to take care of us!   
You're just doing it because you want to feel good about yourself!"  
  
Again, Misato froze, and Nieve could tell that the comment had been   
more biting that she'd originally intended from the subtle shift in the   
woman's expression, the slightly growing furrows along her brow.   
"That's what you're really worried about, isn't it?" asked Misato, her   
voice straining but still managing to remain calm, her expression   
softening ever so slightly as she stepped towards Nieve once again.   
"You can't stand the thought of being alone."  
  
"SHUT UP!" screamed Nieve, her voice cracking as she began to tip   
forward towards her knees, tears making their way down her cheeks as   
she stared at Misato. Her entire body was trembling from sorrow, her   
fists clenched into tight balls, her voice straining between anger and   
sorrow. "That's not true! I don't need anybody else! I don't -want-   
anybody else! Other people just - just leave!"  
  
The girl's mouth opened halfway to say something more, then closed   
again as she fell to her knees, sobbing even as she struggled to remain   
angry, tears falling swiftly to the floor and collecting in small pools   
of fluid. Misato stood for only a moment longer, then knelt beside   
Nieve and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder as Nieve muttered   
something that might have been "go away." "You could have told me,"   
offered Misato, her words still calm. "You could have told Neil."  
  
"Why bother? You're both going to leave sooner or later." The girl   
inched halfheartedly away from Misato, her sobs beginning to diminish   
in force, seemingly more out of exhaustion than anything. "Everyone   
does. Even Kaji's left now." She paused, curling over further towards   
the floor, beginning to cry with more enthusiasm. "Oh, God, Kaji.   
He's gone. He's gone forever."  
  
Misato began to say something, but a choking sob from Nieve cut her   
short, the girl's mouth parting halfway as ragged breaths began to   
escape her lips. "I... I thought... I thought that being a pilot... I   
thought that I could..." Her words trailed off, and she made a hacking   
cough before starting again. "I couldn't do anything to help him. I   
didn't even know what was going on, and it was all happening -right- in   
front of me..."  
  
"You're only sixteen, Nieve," replied Misato, something subtly breaking   
in her voice, as though she was running out of sympathy for the girl.   
"It's not your job to try and manage everyone's life just yet. For all   
the responsibility that you're being given, you shouldn't -"  
  
"Don't patronize me," Nieve replied, trying her best to snap and sound   
angry but winding up simply sounding defeated. Another awkward silence   
passed between the two, Nieve's body gently shuddering as Misato weakly   
rested her hand upon the girl's shoulder. "I don't want to need   
anybody. People just leave no matter what you do. You can't rely on   
anybody but yourself, but even that doesn't work." She sighed heavily,   
the breath tearing itself out of her lungs. "What do I do, Misato?   
What am I -supposed- to do?"  
  
"I don't know either," replied Misato, her voice weak as she gently   
rubbed the girl's shoulder. There was a shift in her tone, as though   
she was accustomed to exactly what the girl was going through and could   
sympathize. "All I can tell you is that I miss him too."  
  
The door clicked open, and both Misato and Nieve glanced towards it to   
see Neil standing there, his expression blank. Misato glanced   
momentarily at the girl, then at Neil, then stood with her beer in   
hand, taking a sip of the bitter liquid as she glanced down the hall   
towards the television. "I'm going to my room," she announced, her   
voice beginning to take the slight slurring tone of alcohol. "I'll let   
you two work things out yourselves."  
  
Neither Child moved as Misato left the room, Neil remaining frozen in   
the doorway as Nieve awkwardly sobbed on the floor. Then, hesitantly,   
he stepped into the apartment and let the door shut, slipping his shoes   
off and letting them fall against the floor as he stepped gently   
towards Nieve. "Listen, Nieve, I -"  
  
"Please don't say what I think you're about to," said Nieve quietly,   
forcing herself to her feet, wobbling for a moment before stepping over   
towards the boy with uneasy steps. He remained rooted in the floor as   
she moved, something in her eyes sending an undeniable message. "I...   
I know that I overreacted. I know that you didn't do anything wrong.   
I... I'm sorry."  
  
Silence reigned for a moment, then Neil cleared his throat before Nieve   
continued, her voice gaining strength slightly. "I got scared, Neil.   
I found out this morning that someone that had been nearly omnipresent   
in my life in NERV for a long while had just died. It scared me   
because it meant that I didn't know as much as I thought I did, but...   
it scared me more because I couldn't do anything to prevent it.   
Because I couldn't keep him near me."  
  
"You could have told me," replied Neil, his voice sounding oddly weak,   
as though he was kicking himself for even having the conversation with   
Nieve. His feet moved towards her slowly, his expression still   
difficult to read even as he grew closer. "I know that I should have   
been more patient, Nieve, I just..." He paused, then cast his eyes   
away from the girl, a frown beginning to cross his lips. "I don't like   
being suspected of things like that. I don't like you looking at me as   
though I've betrayed you."  
  
A halting step closer to the girl, and Neil froze, his eyes shutting   
gently as they continued to point away from her. Nieve hesitated, then   
began to step towards him as well, emotions still jumbled within her   
head. "Neil..." She paused, swallowing hard as she took another step   
forward. "Stay."  
  
The boy's eyes opened and pivoted towards Nieve as she continued   
moving, drawing herself up as best she could, her hair falling limply   
around her shoulders. "Stay with me tonight, Neil. Please. Let me   
feel you next to me, your arms holding me. The way that we slept   
together the first time." She paused in her speech, her feet still   
shuffling awkwardly towards the boy. "Just please, stay. I... I need   
somebody to stay with me."  
  
Neil stared blankly at the girl, and Nieve felt her heart begin to beat   
faster in light of his apparent indifference. "I'll beg if that's what   
you want," she said softly, biting her lower lip as a single droplet of   
a tear hung itself at the corner of her eye. "If that what it takes to   
keep you here tonight, then -"  
  
"Shh." The boy stepped forward and embraced Nieve, his arms wrapping   
around her and squeezing her body close to his, gentle warmth seeping   
from his skin into hers. Nieve let her body go limp for a moment as   
she felt herself nearly begin crying out of relief, then let her own   
arms wrap around Neil, her breath coming slowly and uneasily. She   
couldn't chase the thought that something was still wrong out of her   
head, but she let it remain without attention, focusing instead on the   
simple comfort of Neil's arms.  
  
]++[  
  
The damp noise of LCL splattering against the cold metal floor filled   
the room for a moment as Ryo slowly dried himself, his bare feet   
occasionally slapping against the floor as Ritsuko and Gendou looked   
on. Ritsuko had still not figured out what Fuyutsuki had been getting   
at with his prior comments about the boy, a thought that frustrated her   
as she stared at him moving slowly, his motions just shy of   
mechanical. It was one of many disappointments that she saw embodied   
in his pale skin and blue hair, and almost unconsciously she felt her   
breath beginning to come more quickly. "Please move faster, Ryo. We   
do have other things to do today."  
  
"So do I," replied Ryo, his tone almost flat but bearing just enough   
inflection to sound like someone other than himself. His red eyes   
seemed sorrowful, and at the same time that there almost seemed to be a   
trace of embarassment within them, as though he had somehow become   
aware of the way that most teenagers would have reacted to being naked   
in front of two scientists. "I'm moving as fast as I can, Dr. Akagi.   
I apologize if there's a rush that I'm not aware of."  
  
"Don't worry about it," replied Gendou, the vaguest trace of a smile   
crossing his face as he placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. It was a   
gesture that Ritsuko couldn't quite gauge, too uncharacteristic for the   
normally stoic commander for Ritsuko to begin to puzzle a meaning out   
of it.  
  
Ryo stared at him for a moment, then finished drying himself and tied   
the towel about his waist, his gaze lighting away from Gendou. "Am I   
free to go, then?" he asked calmly, still sounding almost embarassed,   
more of an emotion that Ritsuko could remember him ever displaying   
before.  
  
"Completely," replied Gendou, the same almost-smile remaining on his   
lips as he adjusted his glasses. They were not his usual glasses,   
something Ritsuko had recognized with a small amount of dread - these   
were dark-tinted, making his eyes impossible to see even when he didn't   
manage to catch the glare of the fluorescent lights perfectly. "In   
fact, unless I'm significantly surprised by your test results today,   
you're done for the forseeable future. You won't have to come in for   
any more testing."  
  
The boy's eyes widened at the comment, his mouth parting slightly   
coupled with a sharp intake of breath. Ritsuko began to have the   
vaguest suspicion about why the commander had placed the smile on his   
face, but she kept her expression stoic as Ryo stared at him, obviously   
surprised. "Have... have I somehow provided unsatisfactory results?"   
he asked, sounding not so much devestated as curious, almost as though   
he was pleased at having failed the near-constant testing.  
  
"Far from it. We have collected all of the data that we need." Gendou   
nodded, then glanced towards Ritsuko and nodded. "You've been an   
invaluable resource in determining the origins of your ability to pilot   
the Evangelion units. With this information, we may no longer force   
you Children to pilot them."  
  
"I understand," replied Ryo, sounding more than a little disappointed   
despite himself. He lingered for a moment longer, then turned towards   
where he knew the doorway lay in the darkness of the room, stepping   
towards it even as Fuyutsuki's form appeared in the doorway.  
  
Ritsuko watched and waited until he seemed distant enough to be out of   
earshot, then leaned slightly towards Gendou, flicking her eyes   
momentarily towards the boy's pale form to ensure that he wasn't about   
to overhear. "That's what you told him the testing was for?" she   
asked. "To determine the origin of the Children's ability?"  
  
"He could not know the truth," replied Gendou, the smile disappearing   
from his face. It was almost a relief for Ritsuko to see his   
expression return to its stoic norm, as though the natural order of   
things had been restored. "The risk of contamination was far too   
great. Judging from these results, knowing of his failure or success   
is utterly unnecessary."  
  
A vague twitch of guilt summoned itself within Ritsuko's chest, and she   
flicked her eyes once more towards the retreating form of Ryo, watching   
as he passed Kozou without so much as a nod. "The replacement has   
already been prepared," she said, her voice still sounding in hushed   
tones, eyes still flicking back and forth between Gendou and Ryo.   
"We've instructed the production facility to hold off on the activation   
of 08, but we could have the vessel shipped to them by tomorrow   
morning."  
  
"Do so. And tell them to complete the process as soon as they receive   
him - I have a sneaking suspicion that SEELE may attempt to sabotage   
the process if we allow things to linger for too long." Gendou paused,   
glancing down towards Ritsuko's display, the creeping corruption across   
Ryo's status visible. "This is not a failure, ultimately. We knew   
from the start that allowing him exposure could make him unusable.   
Sacrifices must be made."  
  
"Of course," replied Ritsuko, feeling slightly unsure of her own   
words. She shot one last glance towards the door as it hissed shut   
behind Ryo, then turned towards Gendou completely. "Why did you smile   
at him, sir? Was it to convince him that the testing had gone well?"  
  
"No," replied Gendou flatly, glancing towards Ritsuko before turning   
and heading towards the doorway himself, his thoughts seemingly   
elsewhere. "I do still have some attachment to the boy, after all."   
He paused momentarily to nod at Fuyutsuki, then proceeded towards the   
door without looking back towards Ritsuko, his feet echoing into the   
darkness.  
  
Ritsuko stared after the commander for a moment, then turned her gaze   
back towards the consoles as Fuyutsuki approached, one hand   
unconsciously gravitating towards the bridge of her nose and gently   
rubbing it between her fingers. "How is Rei doing?" she asked,   
distantly aware as Fuyutsuki came up beside her. "No rejection of the   
portions yet?"  
  
"They're fully assimilated. She's more than capable of performing the   
task set out for her." The elderly man paused for a moment, then   
looked down at the displays in front of Ritsuko, obviously expecting   
what he saw dancing on the screens. "So he's been found unsuitable   
after all. Not as though we didn't know it already, but still... it's   
a harsh blow."  
  
"I know," replied Ritsuko, shaking her head. "Dr. Ikari's taking it a   
lot better than I had expected... heck, a lot better than -I- feel like   
taking it. The thought that all that work went to waste is just...   
well, not quite infuriating, but it certainly isn't a good sign,   
especially when we're so close to the moment of truth."  
  
"He's just a boy, Ritsuko." The tone of Fuyutsuki's voice was slightly   
off, and Ritsuko distantly recognized it from his earlier comments   
about Ryo, as though the conversation was drifting back in the same   
direction. "It's not -contamination- for him to have forged some   
emotional connections with the other Children."  
  
"Of course it is. We needed him to remain pure if he was going to act   
as a component of the vessel, and he isn't. We're not certain if we'll   
be able to make this work even if the vessel is completely empty, and   
there's no way that it'll work with him holding on to all the trappings   
of his world like this." She sighed, shaking her head. "But you know   
all of that. You know that we need a pure vessel to make this work.   
Half of the theories involved are your work."  
  
"What would you say if I told you that I wished I had never let Gendou   
Ikari hear one word of those theories?" replied Kozou, his eyes fixated   
on the now-empty testing tube. Ritsuko's blue-gray eyes widened, then   
flicked up to follow his gaze. "I can still remember when Yui Ikari   
first brought me her theories about biological engineering, and I   
remember how my heart nearly skipped a beat when I read her own   
admission that the technology could be used for military purposes.   
Here was something that could be used for nearly anything, with   
unlimited potential to advance humanity... and I knew then and there   
that it would first visit the world as a tool of war."  
  
"The Evangelion units are hardly tools of any war that the world has   
seen before," replied Ritsuko, her tone becoming slightly more curt   
almost in spite of herself. "They're the only defense that humanity   
has against annhilation. They're weapons of salvation." She paused   
for a moment, turning her gaze back towards the monitors. "Ryo is just   
another part of that salvation. Another tool."  
  
"Do you -hear- yourself?" asked Kozou, his tone becoming more insistent   
as he leaned towards the younger woman. Ritsuko felt a minor flush   
flow throught her body as she stared at the man, almost worried that he   
was about to do something drastic. "You're talking about a -boy-, Dr.   
Akagi. A living, breathing, human being. He was born into this world   
just like we were."  
  
"And he was born into this world to help save it," replied Ritsuko, her   
tone growing slightly more forceful. She felt vaguely uncomfortable   
with the direction that the conversation was heading in, thought she   
couldn't quite tell if it was because Fuyutsuki was wrong or because   
she knew that it was right. "You know the circumstances of his birth   
as well as I do."  
  
"No, I know them -better-," replied Kozou, his tone harsher, one hand   
grabbing Ritsuko's shoulder and forcing her around to look him in the   
eye. Her heart skipped a quick beat, and her eyes went wide as she   
stared at the man, unsure of whether to be angry or afraid.   
"Ritsuko... there are things that you don't know about what's going on   
around here. I know that you think you're priveleged to all of the   
secrets inside of NERV, but there are things that have been kept from   
you, things that might change your view of this entire program."  
  
Ritsuko stared at the man for a moment longer, then pulled her shoulder   
away curtly, trying to force herself to breathe normally. "I tend to   
doubt that, -doctor-," she said, unsure of exactly why she had   
emphasized his title, her heart and mind still racing. "I know what   
NERV is trying to do just as well as you do. We've been entrusted with   
the fate of humanity. Doubts and regrets have no place if we're going   
to try and stand on equal footing with God."  
  
Kozou stared at Ritsuko for a moment longer, then cast his eyes back   
towards the testing chamber, the LCL still occasionally dripping from   
the parts that had been submerged in the orange-red liquid. "We   
haven't been entrusted with the fate of humanity, we've taken the   
burden onto ourselves," he sighed, closing his eyes slowly. "When did   
you start putting that duty first, Ritsuko? When did being a woman   
start taking a lower priority?"  
  
"You've said it yourself, Dr. Fuyutsuki - I'm my mother's child,"   
replied Ritsuko, feeling a flush of embarassment begin to spread across   
her cheeks and becoming grateful for the sparse light of the testing   
room. "This is too important to let my personal feelings interfere   
with my performance. That was one of the first things that I learned   
about my job." She paused, then almost unexpectedly turned towards   
Kozou once again. "My relationship with Kaji was the last time that I   
let my personal feelings come first. I've learned my lesson the hard   
way."  
  
The man said nothing for a moment, then sighed and lowered his head,   
seemingly not so much defeated as simply tired. "You're right, I   
suppose. You're even a little like me at your age. I thought that all   
that really mattered was that I performed my task, that personal   
feelings were only going to interfere with science." He sighed again,   
then turned towards the door, eyes still closed. "Now, though... I   
suppose I'm just starting to wonder about that. I wonder if emotions   
obstructing science isn't a good thing, if it isn't the only thing that   
keeps us from becoming monsters of our own creation."  
  
Ritsuko's eyes slowly followed Kozou as he headed towards the door, his   
stride unusually slow, as though he was holding back one last rejoinder   
to her arguments. As the door slid open, he paused for just one   
moment, then turned his head back towards Ritsuko, eyes wide open now,   
glinting slightly in the light. "You don't know enough about what   
happened to your mother," he said, his voice almost cracking. "There's   
a moral within her story."  
  
Before Ritsuko could ask him for any kind of explanation, Kozou was out   
the door, letting it hiss shut behind him as she opened her mouth. A   
moment passed, and with a shake of her head she turned back towards the   
display, forcing herself back to the task at hand, knowing that it   
would be the last time she had to deal with the boy's information.  
  
]++[  
  
Central Dogma was constructed as a place of routine. Navigating the   
labyrinthine teal-gray corridors was not a task of simply ascertaining   
direction, but one of rote memorization, of simply recalling the number   
of turns one took to reach a certain locations. There was simply not   
enough information to navigate by otherwise, as though the building was   
designed to confuse and baffle, to keep outsiders from accessing its   
lowest levels simply though misdirection and obfuscation. The more   
likely explanation was that it had simply been a result of trying to   
fit a huge amount of capability into a very finite space, but there was   
too little navigational sense within the building to make that   
reasoning wholly believable.  
  
It had never been a problem for Ryo to navigate Central Dogma before.   
Memorizing routines and following them was the way that he went through   
the entirety of his life, and applying it to the building's corridors   
was no stretch of his abilities. For the first time, however, he found   
himself lost within the maze of the maddening corridors, his eyes   
clancing back and forth down the bland halls but finding no hint as to   
his position.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Ryo began to walk down the corridor that   
indicated an escalator further down, the most likely place for him to   
re-establish the known route. He'd decided to experiment, to see what   
it meant to ignore the routines of navigation that Gendou had taught to   
him early in his time at NERV, but he had already ascertained that the   
sensation of being lost was one that he had no interest in experiencing   
again, certainly not if he could avoid it. Still, he wasn't angered by   
the delay - the world seemed to be a cacophony of sensations that he'd   
never experienced, something that he was acutely aware of, and simply   
beginning to put names to them was a step in the right direction as far   
as he could tell.  
  
His footsteps echoed against the empty walls of NERV's corridors as he   
headed towards the escalator, red eyes glancing about for some   
indication of his position. Knowing full well that his ultimate   
destination lay upwards, he glanced around for only a moment before   
stepping on the vertical escalator, taking a moment to glance down over   
the balcony of the moving stairwell towards the depths of Central   
Dogma. It was dizzying to see how far down the base extended, but Ryo   
had found himself unable to avoid the chance to look down, to finally   
gain some sense of height and depth in more than the most strictly   
academic sense.  
  
Shaking his head, he turned his gaze back towards the top of the   
escalator, and his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Rei standing   
and waiting, as though she'd known he would be coming. He recognized   
the sensation that twitched through his body as a minor panic attack,   
knowing full well that the girl would have had no way of knowing his   
route, trying to reassure himself that it was simply a coincidence.   
"Hello, Rei," he said, trying to calm himself by speaking.  
  
"Ryo," she said flatly, the tone conspicuously familiar to him. It was   
the same flat inflection that he knew had made up the near entirety of   
his speech for as long as he could remember. A barely-visible frown   
crossed his face as he stepped off the escalator, but Rei's expression   
remained blank, another gesture that he recognized from his own   
tendencies.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Ryo cast his gaze around the platform that he and   
Rei stood on before he let his eyes rest on the girl, red eyes meeting   
in almost-equally blank expressions. "I don't remember you," he said,   
trying to force himself to ignore the odd creeping sense of nervousness   
overtaking his body. He had no idea if the girl would be able to pick   
up on the minor cues of his apprehension, but he knew that he would   
have noticed it if he were in her shoes. "Do you remember me as a   
child? What we were like?"  
  
"We were children of God," replied Rei, her tone still flat, her body   
remaining unnaturally still. There was an odd sense of chaotic   
serenity around her, as though a thousand screaming voices had all   
achieved some sort of accidental unity at once, and it disturbed Ryo in   
a way that he'd never thought possible. "As we are now."  
  
"But why don't I remember you?" asked Ryo, his mind beginning to puzzle   
over the situation. He knew that the Children had all been born within   
seven months of the Second Impact, but he couldn't help but wonder why   
he'd been left in the dark about Rei if she was his twin. "We couldn't   
have been separated at birth, or you wouldn't still be named Ayanami.   
You would have to be my twin to be my sister, but -"  
  
"You ask too many questions," replied Rei, her voice still quietly   
intense as she turned away from the boy towards the labyrinthine   
corridors beyond them. "The route out of Central Dogma resumes through   
that hallway." She paused for a moment, then lifted her arm and   
pointed towards one of the halls, her arm almost reflecting the   
flickering fluorescent light around it.  
  
Ryo took a step towards the hallway that Rei indicated, then paused,   
looking back at the girl, surveying her once again. She was wearing   
the bland and form-obscuring uniform of the school that Ryo went to,   
any hints of her figure lost within the folds of her shirt. Her   
expression bore nothing, no trace of recognition or annoyance, none of   
the things that Ryo was accustomed to seeing. For the barest of   
instants he realized what it must have felt like for other people   
seeing him, but that emotion was quickly overtaken by another   
realization about the girl in front of him.  
  
"A tool," he said, his voice conveying the slightest sense of surprise   
and disgust. "That's what you are. Another tool for Commander Ikari."  
  
Her expression was unchanging as she turned and fixed her blood-red   
eyes on Ryo, still displaying no sign that she had even listened to   
him. "I am what I am," she replied smoothly, her voice still flat, not   
even allowing the emotion that Ryo would have shown.  
  
"Rei, you don't know what you're doing," replied Ryo, shaking his head   
and stepping closer to the girl. "Being a tool for one person means   
that you only hurt other people. I learned that lesson through my own   
failures. Being a tool is something to try and avoid, not something to   
be accepted."  
  
"You know not of what you speak," replied Rei, her voice still   
perfectly calm. There was the slightest twitch of motion in her right   
arm for a split second, but it vanished almost before Ryo had even   
flicked his eyes towards it. "Do you even know what a tool is?"  
  
"The Evangelion units are tools," replied Ryo, feeling something grow   
in the back of his head as he stared at the girl. He was distantly   
aware of the fact that his voice was becoming louder, something that he   
couldn't remember having done before. "I was a tool to allow Dr. Ikari   
a reliable pilot for the Evangelion units."  
  
"Human beings require tools to survive," Rei interjected, her voice   
still the same quietly intense tone. "Without fire, humans cannot   
survive cold. But fire does not require human beings. Tools exist   
independent of humans, serving them but not needing them." She paused,   
another momentary twitch of movement going through her arm. "Tools are   
used, but they are assured of their continued existence."  
  
Both Children stared at one another for what might have been a few   
seconds longer or a few minutes longer. There was no real way to tell   
how much time had passed, something Ryo only became aware of when Rei   
snapped away from him, her red eyes glancing quickly down the corridor   
that she had indicated before and then fixing on Ryo once again. "You   
should go," she said flatly, the dearth of tone somehow making the   
statement sound like a command.  
  
Shaking his head, Ryo forced himself to begin walking, his eyes   
lingering on the girl for just a moment before he turned to stare down   
the corridor. A thought tickled at the back of his head as he passed   
her, and after a second he turned halfway around, his mouth falling   
open to speak before he saw that the girl was already gone. A moment   
of bewilderment followed, then he shook his head once again, knowing   
that he didn't have the knowledge to deal with the puzzle.  
  
]++[  
  
It would have been clear to anyone with an ounce of sense that things   
had changed around Eiko's high school, but as he stepped through the   
gates Neil was acutely aware of precisely how different it was. Gone   
were the masses of students, all speaking a language that he couldn't   
hope to understand, the constant motion kicking up pale clouds of   
dust. Instead, the courtyard had been turned into an empty expanse,   
one obviously intended for people but having been deserted.  
  
A deep breath forced its way into Neil's lungs as he began to walk   
towards the terrace where he and Eiko had always met, his green eyes   
darting about to the few groups of students that remained. "I'm still   
not welcome here," he muttered, head turning back and forth as he   
recalled trying to find his way to the terrace on his first visit.   
"But nobody else is, either."  
  
Biting his lower lip, Neil shook his head and forced his gaze forward,   
stepping lightly down the gray stone walkway, past the courtyard and   
the unnaturally sparse student populace and into the greenery of the   
school's terrace. It was a welcome destination, someplace where the   
lack of other human beings would be less jarring by virtue of the fact   
that it had never attracted large crowds. The thought that his own   
task of piloting the Evas had contributed to the seeming desertion of   
the courtyard hung in the back of the boy's mind, but he did his best   
to ignore it as he walked along, sun shining in his eyes and blonde   
hair lightly blowing around his ears in a warm breeze.  
  
Sparing one last glance around the courtyard and fighting down a   
growing sense of unease, Neil stepped into the terrace, casting his   
gaze about to see where Eiko had situated herself. Sunlight was   
filtering through the leaves of the trees, casting mosaic shadows about   
the walkway and making it slightly more difficult to pick out figures,   
a minor detail that Neil found himself noticing almost unconsciously.   
"I'm almost acting like I don't want to see the girl," he muttered to   
himself.  
  
The boy began to walk again, certain that he wouldn't be able to spot   
the girl from his position as his own words began to sink in to his   
mind. He could remember the way that Nieve had looked at him all too   
clearly, and at the thought he couldn't help but feel a pang of regret   
at still going to see Eiko. "Almost makes me miss the Angels," he   
muttered, stepping around a corner, ears strainging to hear the sound   
of the Japanese girl's voice. "At least they're attention-grabbing.   
You can't worry about -"  
  
"Neil!" The voice cut through the boy's thoughts, and after a second   
of hesitation he turned to see Eiko waving at him, a thin smile on her   
face. "Sorry I'm a little bit late - I had to take care of some things   
with Hikari. She's leaving town soon, and... well..." The girl   
paused, then shook her head. "Never mind. I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay," replied Neil, stepping towards Eiko and trying to force a   
smile, unable to place a name to the feeling in his chest. She sat   
down on the nearest bench, drawing out her lunch as Neil sat beside   
her, not seeming to notice the confusion on his face. "I'm just glad   
to see you again. It's been a while since we did this."  
  
"Mm." Eiko paused for a moment, then set to unwrapping the sandwich   
from her lunch, seemingly avoiding any eye contact with the boy.   
"Things have kept getting in the way, I guess. It's just been... odd."  
  
Both Children said nothing further for what seemed like an eternity,   
both unwrapping their lunches and stealing awkward glances towards one   
another. Neil felt the odd sensation in his chest grow tighter, the   
pain feeling somewhere between guilt and nervousness. "Rei started   
school here, didn't she?" he asked at length, hoping for some   
conversation to keep his mind occupied.  
  
"Yeah. She's in my class - there are only a few classes left, though,   
so that's nothing unusual." The girl's tone was eager, as though she   
was as happy as Neil to have something else to focus on. "She's an odd   
one, even more than Ryo."  
  
Thinking back to his brief conversation with Rei, Neil nodded even as   
he felt another pang of guilt, recalling how hurt Nieve had seemed as a   
result. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, trying to force himself   
not to feel guilty as best he could.  
  
"Ryo... he was always silent, but he always seemed like he was just   
odd," replied Eiko, shaking her head gently. "When you tried to talk   
to him, he felt like he was just a kind of strange teenager, weird but   
not... well, not -frighteningly- weird. Talking with Rei - heck, even   
looking at her - you just get this sense that she's not even human.   
Like you shouldn't be looking her in the eyes." She paused, then shook   
her head again. "I'm sorry. I probably sound like an idiot now."  
  
"Don't worry about that. I tried to talk to her, too." The boy   
managed a smile, the tension in his chest still feeling overpowering as   
he made momentary eye contact with the girl next to him. "I wonder   
about her, though. Something about her just gives me the impression   
that she's not really the same as the rest of us, as if..." He paused,   
then shook his head. "Never mind. It's nothing."  
  
A small alarm went off in Neil's head as Eiko let the subject drop as   
he'd asked, something that struck Neil as rather odd for her. Instead,   
she turned back towards her lunch, lifting her sandwich and taking an   
almost miniscule bite out of it, her smooth skin seeming to soak up the   
mosaic patches of skin in a way that Neil couldn't hope to explain. It   
took a moment for Neil to realize that he was staring, and a flush rose   
to his cheeks as he turned back to his own lunch, the tightness in his   
chest asserting itself once again.  
  
"So, how are you and Vash doing?" he asked after a moment, realizing   
only after the words were out of his mouth that he had opened himself   
up to an area that he had little desire to talk about. Her eyes turned   
towards him, and the flush in his cheeks intensified as he tried to   
figure out something more to say. "I mean... well, with everything   
that's been going on lately... I could understand why..."  
  
"I think we're breaking up," replied Eiko softly, her tone emotional   
enough to stop Neil's speech dead in its tracks. "We haven't talked   
about it yet, but I think that our next few dates will be the end."   
She sighed. "Two years... I guess I just assumed that it wouldn't ever   
end. I thought that I was really picking out a direction for my life   
and sticking to it..."  
  
"You're kidding," Neil interjected, feeling the tightness in his chest   
grow almost unbearable. In the back of his mind, a nagging voice was   
taunting him, telling him that the only problem was in the timing, that   
if she had been breaking up with Vash after Neil had arrived there   
would be nothing troubling him whatsoever. "You two have been together   
for two whole years? I mean... you can't be ready to call it quits so   
quickly, can you?"  
  
"This isn't something new," replied Eiko, shifting uncomfortably and   
tugging on her skirt, her eyes cast down towards the patterns of   
shadows on the walkway. "It's been starting ever since... well...   
since the day that the Thirteenth Angel was destroyed." She sighed,   
shaking her head. "Something changed with Vash that day. I feel like   
I don't even recognize him any more, and that scares me a lot. And I   
think he knows that."  
  
"Well, yeah, if I had been absorbed by an Angel I would probably change   
a little myself," replied Neil, his mind blocking out the fact that he   
had been absorbed by EVA-01. "Heck, look at what happened to Niobe,   
and she just had to communicate with one. Just because he's changed a   
bit, that's no reason to just give up and end it all."  
  
Eiko said nothing immediately, her lids falling half-closed over her   
brown eyes, strands of black hair swinging around her head as she   
tilted ever so slightly forward. "I think it has something to do with   
you, honestly," she whispered, as though she was afraid of the trees   
overhearing her. "He said that he felt bad for not seeing you for what   
you were sooner. That he should have realized how noble you really   
were."  
  
Neil's eyes widened as another pang shot through his chest, the   
mingling pain beginning to become overwhelming. "That's ridiculous.   
I'm not noble." The boy stared for a moment, then leaned closer to the   
girl. "You told him that, right?"  
  
"I didn't tell him anything," replied Eiko, her tone growing even   
softer. "He asked me if I..." The sentence trailed off into silence,   
followed by a gentle cough. "It's not important what he asked me. But   
he seemed... almost reverent of you. Of what a amazing job you've been   
doing inside of the Eva, the way that you've kept the city safe so many   
times, the way that you -"  
  
"Stop it," Neil interjected, his hands tensing into fists as the   
awkward tension in his chest began to fade into the familiar sensation   
of guilt. Closing his eyes, he could distantly see the specter of the   
Eva's bright green iris, an image that seemed to grow no more distant   
with time, mingled with the memory of the blood-red rage within the   
cockpit. "I haven't done anything worth respecting. I've just been   
lucky inside the Eva, that's all."  
  
"Please, Neil," whispered Eiko, her hand reaching out and gently   
brushing his shoulder. "You know that's not true. You came back when   
all of us were being torn apart by the Fourteenth, when you could have   
just left us to die. That's -"  
  
"And what if I didn't come back for you?" replied Neil, the guilt and   
tension in his chest sending him to his feet and forcing the girl's   
hand away from him. "Eiko, every time that I get inside of that   
machine, I can feel it whispering every horrible thing that it wants in   
the back of my head. I know that it wants me to let it go berserk,   
that it wants to tear through the Geo-Front itself and hear the screams   
of the people dying." He paused, body and fists trembling   
involuntarily. "Every single time. From the first day that I ever got   
in there."  
  
"But that's just because it's an Angel," replied Eiko, shaking her head   
and standing before Neil, her expression utterly impossible to read.   
"EVA-01 is the First Angel. You know that. It's bound to have a   
stronger personality than the other machines, but that doesn't mean   
you're -"  
  
"You're not -listening-!" snapped Neil, his voice growing in volume   
almost despite himself. "The Eva is under -my- control. It doesn't do   
anything that I don't -want- it to on some level." He paused for a   
moment, watching the expression of mingled shock and horror spread   
across Eiko's face as the implications of his statement slowly sank   
in. "I'm not a hero, Eiko. I'm not even a good person."  
  
Silence settled in to the air between the Children, an almost   
oppressive sensation, their eyes meeting only momentarily. Neil could   
see the shock and fear in Eiko's eyes, and as he stared at her he felt   
his body react, the tension in his chest growing. He wanted nothing   
more than to reach over and hold her, to make her feel better once   
again. It took him a moment to even realize what he was thinking, and   
as soon as it sank in he shook his head and turned away. "I should be   
going," he whispered.  
  
"I don't believe you," said Eiko, her voice just loud enough to catch   
Neil's ear and turn him back towards her. "You're not a bad person,   
Neil Richelieu. You... you can't convince me of that." She paused,   
biting her lower lip. "I wouldn't want to be around you if that was   
true."  
  
The sound of a bell ringing prevented even a second of the Children   
staring at each other, and Eiko swiftly turned and snatched up her   
lunch as the bell faded and then resumed. Neil opened his mouth to say   
something, but Eiko was moving too quickly for him to catch her, a   
quick flurry of motion sending her towards the nearest entrance to the   
school. Before Neil could even fully register it, she was gone,   
leaving him alone in the terrace, his mouth half-opened and his chest   
only slowly relaxing.  
  
]++[  
  
Ryo forced a deep breath into his lungs as he let his fingers wrap   
around the smooth metal surface of the folding chair, red eyes drifting   
halfway closed as he tried to ignore the steady beep of Niobe's various   
monitors. He knew full well what he owed to the girl, but he couldn't   
help but feel guilty for her situation, knowing that he could have   
tried harder and averted her fall. It was his fault, and the simple   
knowledge of that concept gave him pause, made him regret having come   
to her room to speak with her.  
  
Then his fingers tightened, and he pulled the chair out from against   
the wall, setting it up directly in front of her bed. Her position   
hadn't changed in any noticable way since the day of the Fifteenth's   
attack, her eyes still staring blankly into space. "Hello, Niobe," he   
said calmly, resting his hands against the soft mattress, leaning   
towards the girl and idly hoping that she would look towards him.  
  
A moment passed in silence, then he shook his head and leaned back   
slightly, his red eyes still falling squarely on the chocolate skin of   
the girl's face. "The doctors still have no idea when you're going to   
be able to come out of this, but they've also told me that you can hear   
what I'm saying." He paused for a moment, trying to reconcile another   
new feeling surging in his chest. "I wonder if you heard me the day   
that all this happen."  
  
Silence continued to grip the room, and Ryo sighed and leaned back   
towards the girl. "The Seventh Child arrived today," he offered, his   
hands tightening against the mattress. "Rei Ayanami. Commander Ikari   
claims that we're related, but... I don't know her." He paused. "She   
seems to know me, however."  
  
Ryo bit his lower lip, then inched the chair closer to Niobe's bed,   
almost seeming ashamed by the motion. "There are so many things that I   
don't understand, Niobe. There are so many things that I wish I could   
ask you, now that I... now that I understand what I am." He paused   
again, the pressure of his teeth against his lip growing harder, then   
he inched the chair closer to her head, a slight screeching noise   
filling the air.  
  
"Do you think that it's a bad thing to be a tool?" he asked, letting   
himself stare into her blank eyes, blocking out the steady beeping   
noise of her various monitors. "I suppose that I always knew what I   
was. I knew that I was Commander Ikari's tool for piloting the Eva,   
that I was his tool for determining more about the nature of what made   
us Children." He paused, leaning closer to the girl, his voice   
dropping in volume. "I never thought about it before, though. I never   
questioned it. I just was curious about what it felt like to be in   
control of your own life."  
  
Had Ryo been paying attention the displays crowding Niobe's bed, he   
would have noticed an erratic beep, a quick spike in the constant   
monitors that indicated something out of the ordinary. But his blood-  
red eyes remained focused on the girl. "Do you know what it feels   
like, knowing that you're supposed to do one thing and only one   
thing?" Hesitation gripped him, and he shut his eyes, unsure of why he   
was pouring himself out to the girl even if she could hear him. "Of   
course not. You would have been furious if someone had tried to do   
that to you."  
  
More beeping filled the air, the pitch and frequency of the noises   
growing even as Ryo ignored them. "But I wasn't furious," the boy   
continued, his hands unconsciously creeping towards Niobe's limp   
fingers. "I wasn't angry. I didn't even understand that things could   
be different."  
  
The noise intensified, but now Ryo was lost in his own thoughts for   
what seemed like the first time. "You tried to explain things to me,   
though. You seemed to genuinely want to show me that there was   
something above and beyond the routines I knew." He paused, his hands   
beginning to entangle themselves with Niobe's, eyes never deviating   
from the girl's face as his lids opened again. "You didn't seem to   
know that I was a tool. Not you, not Neil... none of the others seemed   
to realize it."  
  
Sighing, Ryo, let his head drop down, missing the slight twitch of   
motion from Niobe's free hand. "There's so much that I don't   
understand about what Rei's connection to me is. There's so much that   
I don't understand about -me-. I... I don't who my parents are, why I   
can't remember someone who's supposed to be my sister. I..." The   
beeping tickled at the corner of his perception for a moment, just   
enough to make him pause as he looked back up towards the girl. "I   
think I want you to wake up again. But I don't even know that for   
certain."  
  
Ryo's eyes closed again, then flew open again as the slightest twitch   
registered in Niobe's fingers. Eyes wide, he cast his gaze towards the   
beeping machine, then towards the girl's face, watching as her eyes   
began to roll about limply. The boy's mouth fell halfway open as his   
hands unconsciously released her, leaning closer to her face as hereyes   
began to focus, her eyes narrowing slowly and her pupils contracting.  
  
Hours or seconds might have passed before the girl seemed to finally   
focus on something again, her blue eyes seemingly taking in the   
existence of the ceiling, slowly looking around the room. Ryo leaned   
closer to her, breathless, and to his amazement her eyes locked on his,   
recognition slowly dawning behind them. "Ryo," she hissed, her voice   
barely a whisper, almost lost to the noise of the machines. "Ryo..."  
  
"Yes?" Ryo had never known the sensation in his chest before, the sort   
of tight anticipation of her next words. He was amazed with the   
thought that he might have somehow awakened her from her slumber, and   
could do nothing but gape at her as her mouth slowly opened again,   
breath escaping for a moment before she inhaled to finish her sentence.  
  
"...go away."  
  
A few seconds of silence passed, Ryo staring at the girl with his mouth   
hanging open, his brain refusing to acknowledge the words that had come   
from her. "Go away," she repeated, still speaking softly, her head   
gently tilting away from him towards the nearest window. For a split   
second, Ryo entertained the thought that she wasn't able to say   
anything else, but he ruled it out as soon as he remembered that she   
had recognized him and said his name. "Go away, Ryo."  
  
Before Ryo could even begin to deal with the reality of the girl's   
statement, the door behind him hissed open, and he whirled his head to   
see one of the doctors of NERV's medical division standing there,   
seemingly not believing the situation, his white coat fluttering behind   
him and his eyes darting between the various monitors. "Ayanami, did   
you tamper with the machinery?" he asked, turning towards the boy and   
then flicking his gaze towards Niobe, as though he was incapable of   
focusing on any one thing for too long.  
  
The boy gaped for a few seconds longer, then managed to shake his head   
as the doctor's eyes widened. "Holy shit," he muttered, glancing   
quickly towards the girl again before leaning out the door into the   
hallway. "Sazaki! Tatsuki! O'Connell! The Sixth is waking up!"  
  
Another second passed, then Ryo felt himself suddenly sandwiched   
against the wall as the entirety of NERV's medical staff seemed to poor   
into the room, carrying clipboards bearing the familiar red insignia   
and white coats that seemed to flutter behind them like wings. Ryo   
watched as they swept into the room, catching distasteful stares from   
them when they bothered to look at him at all, and slowly he began to   
process Niobe's waking request. With a tension inexplicably surging   
within his chest, he slipped out of the room quietly, leaving Niobe and   
the white-robed doctors to their own devices.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's fingers were twirled about a thin black thread, just rough   
enough against her skin so that she couldn't quite ignore the sensation   
of holding it. It was tied in a loop, the knot resting firmly against   
the underside of her index finger as a white cross dangled at the end   
of the loop. The pendant seemed almost oversized for the string, but   
both seemed to bear the same natural workmanship - the cross was   
smooth, elegantly carved from wood and painted a white that almost   
seemed to give off light on its own. It was beautiful in its own way,   
a way that Misato could not remember ever contemplating before.  
  
Her computer was quietly whirring away beside her, set up on the space   
that she'd cleared away on her otherwise unusued desk, the deep maroon   
NERV emblem visible out of the corner of her eye. "Didn't leave me   
much to work with, Ryoji," she muttered, tapping her foot for a second   
before untangling the pendant's threat from her fingers and taking the   
knot in both hands. "Didn't leave -anyone- much to work with."  
  
A few quick twists of the bundled knot, and the thread came undone in   
her hands, leaving the cross at the end suspended only by position.   
The woman hesitated for just a second, then exhaled sharply and tied   
the thread again about the back of her neck, pulling the knot tight   
with a flick of her wrist. It was an awkward feeling, something she   
doubted she would grow accustomed to without a good deal of time, but   
it fit well enough. "I wonder if you meant for me to wear it," she   
muttered. "You always were planning things without me knowing."  
  
One tear fell from the corner of her eye, interrupted by a beeping   
acknowledgement from her computer. Wiping her eyes clear, she sighed   
and turned towards the display, her jaw setting firmly and her hands   
flying to the keyboard. She had never suspected for even a moment that   
she had half as much access to NERV's information databases as she   
actually did, but she knew that she didn't have enough to find   
everything she wanted. "Time to see how right you were," muttered the   
woman, hitting a quick combination of keys as the command prompt for   
her requested information flashed on the screen.  
  
For a moment, the computer simply flashed her an error message, letting   
her no quite bluntly that she was unauthorized for the information that   
she had requested. Then the steady whirring noise of the computer   
restarted, and the message disappeared, replaced by a blunt   
acknowledgement that the information was being searched for. Unable to   
resist the urge the smile, Misato leaned back and waited for a moment,   
confident that she was doing the right thing.  
  
"Ayanami Rei." The name had flashed into existence at the upper-left   
corner of the screen, followed quickly by a picture of the girl staring   
blankly into space and then by a quick series of notes on her personal   
data. "Born January 1st, 2000... the same day as Ryo. They must be   
twins." She paused for a moment, frowning. "How could anyone be   
giving birth to children that day? The entire planet was in chaos,   
most of all Japan."  
  
Shaking her head, Misato forced herself to focus on the information,   
her eyes skimming over the mundane information at the top of the file   
and letting her eyes trace down towards the greater secrets, slowly   
scrolling downward. Her eyes widened after a moment, and a second   
later the computer emitted a beep to let her know that she'd hit the   
end of the file.  
  
"Nothing. She's got no personal history whatsoever." A frown began to   
cross the woman's face as she scolled back up, checking again to make   
sure that she hadn't missed any details. "Ryo's the only relative   
listed."  
  
Misato bit her lip for a second, then something occurred to her, and   
with a few quick keystrokes she closed Rei's profile and opened one for   
Ryo. There was a momentary pause, then his name appeared in the same   
position and same blocky font, a second longer passing before his   
picture and information appeared. Misato only had to scroll down   
slightly to see what she was looking for, and her frown only darkened   
at the sight.  
  
"Ryo is listed as having no living relatives, but Rei acknowledges   
him. They both have the same birthday, they'd have to be twins. Dr.   
Ikari didn't want anyone drawing out the existence of Rei before now."   
She paused for a moment, thumbing her chin. "But why wouldn't he   
acknowledge someone who would almost certainly one of the Children?   
Why wouldn't he list both twins..." Another pause, this one of   
realization. "Unless Rei isn't really Ryo's sister. Unless maybe   
she's not a Child like the others are."  
  
The statement sound suitably profound to her, but as Misato leaned back   
once again she couldn't puzzle out any other logical conclusions to the   
problem of Rei's sattus. "I need more information," she muttered,   
shaking her head and sighing for a moment before she heard the beeping   
ring of her cell phone.  
  
It took her a few seconds to become fully cognizant of the fact that   
she was being called from Central Dogma, and after a split-second of   
trepidation she flicked the small black phone open, pressing it to her   
ear. "Katsuragi," she said, trying to remain calm, hoping that she   
hadn't been traced in her hacking of NERV's computers.  
  
"EVA-07 is being delivered," replied the oddly-tired voice of Kozou   
Fuyutsuki. "You're required here for the final transfer paperwork and   
for oversseing the procedure, after the mess we had with EVA-03's   
transport and infection. How soon can you be here?"  
  
"Just a few minutes," replied Misato, quickly shutting off her computer   
and considering tucking the cross beneath her blouse. After a moment,   
she shook her head at the idea, letting it dangle about her neck as she   
shut the phone and stood. She moved towards the door swiftly, then   
hesitated for the barest of moments, her fingers flying to the small   
wooden cross instinctively, eyes drifting half-closed.  
  
"I'll find out what they're doing, Ryoji," she whispered, fingers   
holding the cross tightly, mentally thanking the man for what he'd left   
her to work with. Then she released the pendant, opening her door and   
stepping out, her mind still working on the puzzle of Rei's identity   
even as she knew she'd have to try and find another access port.  
  
]++[  
  
Neil sat inside the darkened entry pug, hands caressing the metal   
handrests as he waited for the bloody LCL to soak into the chamber,   
wishing not for the first time that he had just not shown up at Central   
Dogma. The last few words of his conversation with Eiko still stung in   
his ears, and he was acutely aware of the fact that he hadn't seen   
Nieve since then, something having kept him away from the house for   
reasons he couldn't explain. So it had seemed as though the logical   
course of action was to go in for synch testing early, to simply get   
the other disgusting experience of the day out of the way.  
  
Had he known that EVA-07 was arriving, he might have been more   
hesitant, but he hadn't expected Gendou to request a duel between his   
machine and Rei's so soon, with the other golem barely even settled in   
to the docking area. A distant suspicion that the commander had   
planned to have the Evas fight from the beginning wouldn't leave the   
back of his mind, but more than anything he was experiencing his usual   
reservations about fighting inside of EVA-01, knowing the touch of its   
mind all too well.  
  
Though he had no way of knowing it, Misato was expressing similar   
reservations in the Control room, flanked by Makoto and Ritsuko as she   
peered up at the commander's position. "This is insane, sir. We don't   
have any synchronization data on Rei - she's never even activated an   
Evangelion unit before. We need to perform a standard test on her   
first."  
  
"You would do well to remember that the Third had never activated an   
Eva either. Moreover, he was piloting one under circumstances of   
extreme duress, without any prior training or experience, using a   
machine that was far inferior in synchronization capabilities to EVA-  
07." The commander adjusted his glasses quickly, never bothering to   
look down at Misato. "It is more than possible."  
  
"EVA-07's systems haven't even had a chance to be checked out. There   
could be something wrong internally, something we don't know about   
yet." She hesitated, knowing full well she was floundering, then   
glanced towards Ritsuko. "Help me out here, Ritsuko."  
  
The blonde woman's gaze was cold, but there was the slightest tint of   
regret behind her eyes, as though she genuinely believed that she was   
doing the wrong thing and simply had no other options. "A field test   
is perfectly within the operating parameters of the new unit," replied   
Ritsuko after a second, turning away from Misato and towards Maya's   
station. "It's the most advanced Evangelion unit yet. Any   
instabilities in the systems should balance themselves out."  
  
Misato glared at the woman for a moment, then glanced towards the   
commander indignantly, knowing that she had lost. "Makoto, deploy the   
dueling weaponry," she muttered at length, shaking her head and turning   
towards the main screen. Kaji's final warning about Rei wouldn't leave   
her head, and she found herself idly wondering if Neil was being played   
into Gendou's hands.  
  
Predictably enough, the sticky orange-red LCL began to seep into the   
chamber after a moment, tickling at Neil's feet and then seemingly upon   
his mouth instantaneously. Forcing himself not to panic, the boy   
swallowed the liquid as he'd grown accustomed to doing, letting himself   
hack for a second before he felt the presence of the other mind at the   
back of his head. "Two demons of a kind," he muttered, shaking his   
head as the cameras came online.  
  
"Both Evangelion units will be launched into the Geo-Front. Weapons   
will be scattered about for your use. All progressive weaponry has had   
its vibrational machinery disabled, making your arsenal completely   
nonlethal. However, the Evas will register any and all damage done to   
them, treating the blunted weapons as normal attacks." Misato's voice   
sounded bitter, resentful, and Neil wondered for a moment if she was as   
opposed to the idea as he was. "Launch."  
  
For once, Neil barely even noticed the sensation of being shot upwards   
in the golem, his mind slowly extending outwards to the machine's   
limbs. He had too many other things on his mind to worry about the   
acceleration.  
  
"Neil is holding at 49% - down from his last sortie, but admirable.   
Rei -" Maya's voice suddenly snapped off as she leaned closer to the   
monitor, obviously disbelieving. "Rei... Rei is holding at 65%.   
That's the highest any of the pilots have ever had on initial   
activation. There's no sign of neural feedback, either."  
  
"Keep an eye on her," replied Misato, her eyes watching the main screen   
as both machines were displayed, launching opposite one another before   
they burst onto the surface. Their bodies remained rigid for just a   
moment before slumping forward into their characteristic hunchbacked   
posture, the purple and green of Neil's machine seeming in direct   
contrast to Rei's bone-white Eva. Misato had only seen the other   
machine briefly, but it took her a moment to see that cyan ran up and   
down the machine's arms, the color seemingly an afterthought to the   
stark whiteness.  
  
Almost the second that the launching mechanisms left the Evas behind,   
Neil saw Rei's Eva move towards the nearest weapon, her eyes never   
seeming to bother looking towards Neil. It was a surprising level of   
decisiveness, and it shocked Neil in to remaining stationary for a   
moment before he dove away from his position. A gunshot echoed in the   
air, and Neil was distantly aware of something whipping past him by   
scant inches as he fell to his knees and looked quickly for a weapon.  
  
The girl seemed to know how long Neil was going to hesitate for, and an   
instant later Neil felt something slam against his AT Field, sending   
the octagonal ripples across his field of vision as his fingers closed   
around the nearest handle and ripped the weapon up from the surface.   
Rei had already fired again, but Neil was on the move, taking a second   
to ascertain what he was holding, feeling minor comfort in the fact   
that he was using the standard Eva rifle despite himself. Taking a   
deep breath of LCL, he waved the weapon in Rei's direction and began   
firing.  
  
Bullets bit her AT Field and the ground around her, but nothing hit   
home as Neil forced himself into motion, sending his Eva running in a   
circle. He could feel the frustration from his conversation with Eiko   
still burning in his chest, and biting his lower lip he forced the   
anger into the most productive direction, keeping himself moving,   
distantly feeling the Eva's mind embrace his anger. Rei, for her part,   
seemed to be confused, a sensation that Neil could empathize with from   
his own first experience in the Eva.  
  
With a quick movement, Rei suddenly ducked beneath Neil's stream of   
fire and whipped around a rocket launcher, firing the weapon in a   
smooth motion that caught Neil without the time to even think of   
dodging. His AT Field filled the space in front of him as he felt his   
Eva fly backwards, the force enough to knock him backwards even as Rei   
fired again. It was only once the AT Field had calmed that he could   
see the bone-white golem again, watching as it casually discarded the   
rocket launcher to grip the rifle in its other hand with both hands.  
  
"She's good," the boy muttered, wincing as his machine slammed into the   
ground, forcing himself to maintain his focus and sending the Eva   
rolling away from its landing spot. He had little doubt that the girl   
would give him the chance to rest for long, and sure enough bullets   
sent up clouds of dirt almost the second he had moved, the view around   
his machine clouding and blurring. "Maybe too good for me to even try   
to beat."  
  
The comment stung for a moment, but Neil felt his Eva roll to a stop   
almost inadvertantly, his thoughts drifting away from the battle at   
hand. "It shouldn't matter to me in the first place," he muttered,   
rolling back to his feet and crouching below another swift volley from   
Rei. "Everyone keeps saying that I'm good at piloting this damn   
machine, and I don't even want to be here." A harsh breath choked out   
of his throat, and forcing himself to focus Neil grabbed a weapon and   
began to bring it to bear. "Have to do something right, I guess."  
  
"Rei is holding steady at 67%," Maya announced, the slight shock at the   
girl's amazing synchronization still clear in her voice. "Neil is up   
to 52%, but there are some cursory traces of low-level neural   
feedback." She paused, letting her fingers dance across the keyboard   
for a moment to double-check the information. "It's odd... there's   
nothing wrong with the Eva's interface, nothing to cause the feedback."  
  
"Manually lower the synch ratio," replied Misato, her eyes flicking   
quickly back and forth between the main screen and Makoto's display in   
front of her. "If things get too dangerous, we'll abort the duel."   
She waited for a second, letting her head tilt slightly back, waiting   
for some kind of response from Gendou, hoping that he wasn't trying to   
push Neil beyond what he could handle.  
  
Neil had lost all sight of the white Eva, the machine lost in a flurry   
of dust and gunsmoke as he tried desperately to line up a clear shot   
long enough to get the coveted green blink of his targeting cursor.   
She was too fast, too quick to react, leaving Neil to simply run about   
and hope that he could avoid any further damage from her. "It's a   
losing battle," he muttered, rolling aside as a rocket lashed out and   
slammed into the ground beside him. "Got to figure out another tactic."  
  
Something about the girl's almost inhuman movements tickled at the back   
of Neil's mind, but he ignored it, instead simply ducking as she fired   
again and being momentarily thankful that he didn't have his power cord   
to be keeping track of. "She would have severed the thing by now," he   
muttered, firing a quick burst from his rifle in hopes of momentarily   
distracting her.  
  
Then he felt a sudden flash of realization, and gritting his teeth he   
launched himself forward towards where he believed the girl's machine   
still was standing. Bullets bounced off his AT Field and sent out   
small explosions of octagons, but he ignored the minor kickback from   
each impact, reminding himself that the field would keep him safe. His   
Eva's legs pumped hard against the soil, kicking up new clouds of dust   
as he headed forward, hands waiting to grasp at their target.  
  
A quick twitch of his Eva's shoulder cut through the smoke and dust   
surrounding the two combatants, and Rei's machine was standing before   
him, a bone-white clone of Nieve's now-dead Eva. Two shotguns were   
hanging from the golem's fingers, but as the machine brought them to   
bear with uncanny speed Neil was already moving around it. His AT   
Field began to grate against Rei's, but Neil ignored it, hands reaching   
forward as he saw the trailing black cord lying behind EVA-07.  
  
Rei had either deduced the boy's plan or simply understood that she had   
to protect the cord, sending her Eva flipping aside, twisting in mid-  
air to bring the twin shotguns to bear on Neil. Neil resisted the urge   
to curse as he watched the cord flip upwards and begin to snake away   
from him, the world swerving around him as he dug in his heels and   
lurched to a stop. A quick glance to the side gave him Rei's position,   
and as the bloody LCL grew sharp against his tongue he reached up,   
forcing all the concentration he could on his AT Field. The sound of   
Rei's shotguns filled his ears, but he ignored it, fingers stretching   
towards the slinking black snake above him.  
  
Fingers closed around the cord as the world exploded in octagons, but   
Neil ignored the change as his hands grasped the power cord hard. In   
one swift motion, EVA-01 ejected and retrieved its left prog knife as   
its foot slammed the cord down and its right hand tugged it upward.   
The LCL around Neil grew a darker shade of red as he prepared to slam   
the edge of the blade against the now-taut cord, his eyes flicking   
towards Rei almost academically.  
  
Eyes widened for only a second, then Neil brought his knife up above   
his head, blocking the girl's downward slash with a prog katana, the   
blow falling with the force of a meteor. Pain rocketed up Neil's arm   
as he pushed back against the girl's blade with his own, struggling to   
keep the impact away from him. The two machines were matched in   
strength, but her weapon outclassed his, and after a second Neil spat   
and slipped aside, his left foot rising off the power cord once again.  
  
"Both machines have had their AT Fields neutralized. Rei continues at   
67%, while Neil seems to be rising slightly at 51%." Maya's eyes   
flicked towards the main screen, watching with seeming horror as Neil   
barely slipped away from Rei's downward slash. "Neither Eva has had   
any damage inflicted on them. The neural interference from Neil's   
machine seems to have vanished."  
  
"Could have just been a minor malfunction in the data relay equipment,"   
offered Ritsuko, her voice trembling slightly. Misato flicked her eyes   
towards the other woman momentarily, knowing simply from the tone that   
Ritsuko was lying. For the barest moment she wondered why the other   
woman couldn't have bothered to come up with a more believable lie, but   
a second later she caught motion on the main screen and flicked her   
eyes back towards the display.  
  
Neil's right hand remained tightly wrapped around the power cord for   
Rei's machine, his feet shuffling about as he struggled to bring the   
black connection between himself and Rei. Her sword was large enough   
to be cumbersome at close quarters, but to his annoyance he was at just   
the right distance to be slashed at by the girl, the blade flipping   
about as she slashed upwards. Neil stepped aside, then slammed his own   
prog knife into the back of the blade, trying to force it further   
upwards.  
  
Rei slipped aside, then changed her grip on the blade and stabbed   
towards Neil as he struggled to bring her power cord around. The point   
of the katana slipped just past Neil as he found himself stepping in   
the same direction as Rei, the black cord inches above the glistening   
metal blade as Neil yanked hard in an effort to throw the attached Eva   
off-balance. To his surprise, it worked, and Rei's machine lost its   
footing for just a moment, the katana's blunted edge bumping against   
Neil's leg even as he struggled to bring around his prog knife.  
  
Then Rei forced herself back, pulling Neil off-balance as well as she   
moved the katana slightly. There was enough space between Neil's leg   
and the blade for her to change its direction, the edge positioned just   
right to slash into Neil, and seeing the shift Neil gritted his teeth   
and launched himself upwards. The blade whistled just beneath his   
feet, and Rei reversed the direction of the blade once again as Neil   
hit the ground again and fell into a crouch.  
  
A quick motion of his arm put Neil's knife in the path of Rei's blade,   
deflecting the blow and holding it at bay for just a moment. Neil   
remained crouching for a second, trying to think of a decent way to   
bring around the power cord still clutched in his right hand, when   
Rei's machine suddenly released the pressure on her sword. The boy's   
eyes widened in confusion, then narrowed again as he saw the girl lift   
one bone-white leg and kick it into the boy's chin harshly.  
  
EVA-01 fell to its back, still clutching at the power cord as EVA-07   
brought the katana over its head for a downward blow. Thinking   
quickly, Neil reached over and grabbed the power cord with his other   
hand, then stretched the line in the path of Rei's attack. Her blow   
stopped barely short of cutting through the cord, and Neil took the   
chance to raise his legs and kick the white machine backwards with all   
the force that he could manage. His feet slammed square into the   
golem's midsection, sending it stumbling backwards.  
  
Neil took a second to take stock of the situation, then gritted his   
teeth and began to divert all of the strength he could to pulling the   
cord apart. He knew that it had been designed to withstand immense   
amounts of pressure, but he also knew that his machine had done the   
impossible before, and as the LCL's blood taste grew sharper against   
his tongue he felt the cord beginning to give. Out of the corner of   
his mind he could hear Rei recovering, and gritting his teeth tightly   
he forced himself to pull harder.  
  
Only a second passed before EVA-07 was standing over his prone form   
once again, this time with the point of the katana aiming down towards   
Neil's head. Panic washed over the boy for a moment, then an idea   
flashed into his mind, and surpressing the urge to move he let himself   
continue pulling as Rei let the blade's stabbing tip dive towards him.   
At what seemed to be the last possible moment, he jerked himself to one   
side, sending the katana's tip into his shoulder joint instead of his   
face.  
  
Pain rocketed along Neil's arm, but he ignored it, forcing the arm to   
continue moving and bring the black cord in line with the katana's   
blade. His fingers could feel the vaguest give coming from the cord,   
but he ignored it, clenching his shoulder as best he could as Rei   
struggled to pull her weapon free. With all the strength he could   
manage, he slammed the power cord against the edge of Rei's weapon,   
driving it further into his shoulder even as the cord frayed and   
snapped in two.  
  
A hacking cough escaped from Neil's lips, tainted with blood as his   
hands flew towards the still-embedded katana. He hadn't thought that   
Rei would have been able to hurt him so severely in a training   
simulation, but it was only a peripheral consideration in his mind as   
she released the katana, ejecting the frayed remnants of her power cord   
and heading towards the nearest alternative feed port. Wrapping his   
fingers around the blade, Neil yanked it free and pulled himself to his   
feet, letting the weapon fall to the ground as he began chasing after   
Rei.  
  
"EVA-07 is currently running off auxiliary power. Synch ratio remains   
steady at 67%. EVA-01 has taken damage to the shoulder area, but it is   
still fully capable of functioning." Maya paused for a moment, her   
eyes darting towards the main screen as the two Evas began running.   
"There's been tearing of the musculature and some of the neural relays   
to the arm. Rei managed to cut fairly deep."  
  
"Those weapons are supposed to be blunted," snarled Misato, her brown   
eyes narrowing as she turned up towards the commander once again.   
"Sir, Rei shouldn't have been able to do that without the progressive   
katana being fully active. If there are live weapons on that field, we   
should -"  
  
"We cannot abort an operation against an Angel because it does   
something unexpected," replied Gendou flatly. "There has been only   
minor damage to EVA-01. The duel will continue normally."  
  
Misato resisted the urge to object again, her eyes flicking quickly   
between the main screen and the commander. She was increasingly   
concerned about Neil's safety, and while she could think of no reason   
why Gendou would want to eliminate the Third Child the suspicion   
wouldn't leave her thoughts. Sparing a quick glance towards Ritsuko in   
hopes of some support from her former friend, Misato sighed and turned   
back towards the main screen, painfully aware of her inability to do   
anything.  
  
The bone-white form of Rei's Eva was almost lost in the cloud of dust   
its feet kicked up, but Neil forced himself to keep a solid view of   
her, his prog knife still gripped tightly, his feet hammering against   
the ground. Bloody LCL stung against his lips as he saw the other   
machine freeze in place, obviously at the power feed location. His   
breath coming hard, he lunged forward, lashing at the girl with a   
single striking motion.  
  
Rei seemed at first to ignore him, then in one swift motion she whirled   
about and slammed her prog knife into Neil's, deflecting the blow   
harmlessly as the machine's other arm thrust towards Neil's   
midsection. There was barely a moment to react before the girl's   
second knife had slammed against the surface of his chest, joined   
shortly afterwards by the first knife drilling into his left side.  
  
Blindingly cold metal snapped through the surface of Neil's skin and   
sank deep into his flesh, and he screamed as the world around him   
turned red. His heart skipped a beat as he felt himself hack up   
another wad of blood, the liquid clouding the LCL directly in front of   
his eyes as he staggered backwards. Rei simply watched as his machine   
limply walked away, then slammed the replacement power cord into the   
port on her back.  
  
"EVA-07's weaponry has pierced the surface of Unit 01's armor!" shouted   
Maya, her voice frantic as she redoubled her pace at the keyboard.   
"Pilot is suffering from minor shock, but cardiac activity is growing   
slightly erratic! Severe damage to EVA-01's abdomen and pectoral   
areas!"  
  
Misato's eyes went wide with shock for a moment, then narrowed with   
anger. "Rei's weapons aren't blunted," she snarled, hesitating for a   
moment before looking towards Gendou once again. "Rei's prog knives   
are fully active! Neil's in serious danger out there!"  
  
Gendou said nothing, simply adjusted his glasses and stared at the main   
screen. Staring upwards, Misato suddenly felt a profound sense of   
helplessness, and while she knew that she was technically in charge of   
the situation she had little doubt that Gendou would override any   
command that she gave. Turning back towards the main screen, she   
glanced quickly at both Maya and Makoto, wondering if either of them   
would listen to her if necessary.  
  
Neil could only stare with bleary eyes towards Rei, the pain ripping   
through his body too intense to coax any kind of reaction out of   
himself. His hands feebly grasped at the metal handrests as he watched   
Rei approach, her knives still at the ready, the wounds in his body   
aching at the thought of her renewed assault. "No," he muttered,   
shaking his head, managing a staggering step backwards.  
  
Then the vague presence of the Evangelion unit in the back of his mind   
sprang forward, and he felt something like an electric shock spring   
through his brain unbidden. "NO!" he screamed, suddenly energized, his   
arms raising as if to push Rei away. A burning sensation raced along   
his arms for a second, then the world in front of him turned a   
brilliant white, the tearing noise of an explosion biting his ears.  
  
Inside the command center, silence reigned as Neil's machine let out a   
huge burst of energy from its arms, lancing forward and striking Rei's   
Eva with surprising force. A glow began to seep out from the purple   
Eva's eyes, then intensified as another bolt lashed out and slammed Rei   
backwards, her feet skidding along the uneven ground from simple   
force. "The S2 organ," muttered Misato, her jaw beginning to drop.  
  
His arms burned, and Neil was uncertain of exactly what he had managed   
to do, but as he watched Rei regain her footing once again he knew that   
he had to keep it up. Mouth tearing open in a scream, the boy focused   
on the indefiniable point in his mind that had blasted Rei the first   
time, squeezing and letting out another burst of brilliant white   
light. It was like tensing a muscle that he'd never discovered before,   
strangely thrilling at the same time that it was painful.  
  
Rei was recovering, and Neil forced out another blast, the pain   
beginning to recede as Rei was sent stumbling further back. LCL   
swirled about him, fading slowly to red, but he ignored the color of   
the liquid as he crossed his arms in front of him and then flung them   
to his sides, forcing as much energy as he could towards the girl in   
front of him. The blast sent her to her back, the explosion dreadfully   
familiar and shocking Neil out of his momentary bloodlust.  
  
Misato could only stare at the main screen, Neil's machine frozen in   
position as though waiting for her to react. She had watched its eyes   
flash for just a moment, as the explosion from its attack had raised   
and spiked out as if it were a cross. "Just like one of the Angels,"   
she muttered, shaking her head and grabbing the microphone in front of   
her. "Neil? Neil, answer me!"  
  
Breathing heavily, Neil forced himself to release the handrests. "I'm   
right here," he replied, trying to sound calm. "I'm sorry... I guess I   
just panicked a little. It felt like Rei's Eva was really tearing me   
apart, and I lost it a little."  
  
"It's all right," replied Misato's voice, still sounding more than a   
little nervous. "The duel's over. Just return to your entry port, and   
we'll repair both machines." She paused. "Neil... did you see what   
you did with that last attack? The way that it looked was identical to   
the energy projections -"  
  
"Of the Angels. I know." The boy bit his lip for a moment, then began   
walking his machine towards the nearest entry port, watching as Rei   
slowly pulled herself back to her feet. He could remember telling Eiko   
that he was a monster, but the knowledge was more painful now,   
perilously close to the surface and seemingly tearing its way free.  
  
]++[  
  
Small beads of sweat were rolling off of Neil's forehead as he stared   
at the ceiling, the heat unbearable for reasons that he couldn't   
explain. He had already thrown the sheets off, let his window hang   
open to let the cool night breeze trail across his bare chest, but it   
wasn't enough to bring his temperature down. "Wonder if Nieve's doing   
any better," he muttered, letting his eyes drift closed for a moment.  
  
He could still see the expression on her face clearly from when he'd   
asked her not to stay with him for the night, and it stung horribly to   
think of how she felt. It had been a difficult thing to say, her   
reaction notwithstanding, and as he lay in the harshe, sweltering heat   
of the night he couldn't help but wish that she was beside him to at   
least try and assuage his fears. But he'd known even before he'd   
returned home that he needed to spend the night alone, that whatever he   
had to work through had to be done alone.  
  
The though of Nieve made him pause, though, and with a sigh he let his   
eyes open once again, letting the guilt sink in slowly. "There was no   
other way to do things," he muttered to nobody, rolling slowly onto his   
side as the sweat rolled across his skin. "I didn't do it because I   
wanted to hurt her." He knew it was the truth, but he also knew that   
he had managed to hurt her despite his efforts.  
  
Forcing a sigh past his lips, he let himself move on from the girl,   
thinking once again on his conversation with Eiko and his time within   
the Eva. He had never felt the level of raw power at his disposal that   
the machine had placed in his hands, almost as if it was growing to   
rely on him. To say that it was disorienting would have been an   
understatement, but what scared him most was the fact that he could   
still feel the energy rolling along his skin, the odd muscle tension   
still sitting within the back of his mind.  
  
"I don't understand," he sighed, clutching his hands into fists,   
recalling seeing the mangled chest of his own Eva, knowing how deathly   
lethal Rei's intent had been as well. He couldn't surpress the feeling   
of fear welling in his gut, not only at the growing viciousness of the   
Eva but at his own slowly-forming bond with the machine. "I don't want   
to be a pilot any longer. I want to go back to... to something else.   
Anything else."  
  
Closing his eyes again, Neil expected to see the green eye of the   
machine again, his brain reminding him on some barely-conscious level   
that he didn't even know if the green eye was real or simply a   
hallucination he'd had after the Third Angel had punched a hole in his   
brain. The question was rendered moot, however, when he saw Rei's bone-  
white Eva standing in the darkness of his vision, wielding not her twin   
daggers but a gigantic red double-pronged spear. It was an image that   
Neil could remember from his nightmares, and with a start his eyes flew   
open once again, his breath beginning to come faster.  
  
Sweat still coated Neil's skin, but it was colder than ice now, brought   
on by nervousness and a sudden terror that he was more intimately   
involved with the monstrous golems than he wanted to believe. "That's   
ridiculous," he muttered, closing his eyes again, forcing himself to   
think back to his battle with the girl. "She was just participating in   
the duel, doing what she was supposed to. She had no idea that her   
weapons would actually cut into me."  
  
Neil took a deep breath, remembering the way that the girl had   
approached him with her weapons, the memory surprisingly clear despite   
the taint of the blood-red LCL that had surrounded him. The Evas   
couldn't convey an expression from their users, and he knew it, but   
there was and had been something that had bugged him about the way she   
had moved, something about the way that she'd looked at him. His mind   
slowly moved through the slow and methodical approach she'd made, the   
way that her machine had lumbered towards him...  
  
"The Eva," Neil whispered, eyes opening once again as his breath began   
to come still faster. "Something about her... it's like the Eva."  
  
Swallowing hard, Neil clutched at the sheets beneath him, wanting Nieve   
beside him even as he felt some concern for her safety trickle into his   
head. Eiko's conversation with him and his experiences with Rei were   
wearing on his mind, and even as he struggled to close his eyes once   
again he knew that sleep would be a long time coming. His mouth dry,   
the boy struggled to fall to unconsciousness, something grand and   
terrifying on the cusp of realization in his thoughts.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
Define yourself.  
Explore yourself.  
Save yourself.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 24: THE END TIMES  
"I don't think he even understood exactly what was going on."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	24. The End Times

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 24: THE END TIMES +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Let my persecutors be put to shame,  
but keep me from shame;  
let them be terrified,  
but keep me from terror.  
Bring on them the day of disaster;  
destroy them with double destruction.  
- JEREMIAH 17:18  
  
]++[  
  
The artificial noise of the television hissed in through the cracks in   
the wall, beyond the soundproofing that Vash had always wished that he   
had. It would have been the perfect sanctuary, he knew, if only he   
could have found a way to block out the sound. The man had never been   
able to handle closed doors when he was drunk, not possessing the   
coordination necessary to wrap his fingers around the handle. But the   
sound was still able to worm its way through, to find just the right   
way to bleed through the walls, to keep him from being able to outright   
ignore the man that sat outside.  
  
Still, for the first time that he could remember, Vash was only   
peripherally concerned with his father's drunkeness, his eyes and   
thoughts focused instead on the mosaic of pictures that lay strewn   
around his bed. There was the slightest blur in his vision from slowly-  
growing tears, his hands slowly moving across the crystaline images as   
his father laughed outside. "I wish we'd gone out," he muttered,   
fingers closing around a picture and drawing it towards him. "It could   
have been tonight."  
  
He and Eiko were happy in the picture, his arms wrapped tightly around   
her midsection as a jet of water splashed against her, a moment that   
should have been dynamic but was left as a sort of frozen monument.   
"We were... what, twelve?" he asked of nobody, studying the picture   
meticulously. "Goofing around over at Kensuke's house, and I was on   
the opposite team." He smiled. "Hikari was so mad at her for not   
fighting harder. But she wasn't really mad, she was just..."  
  
A sigh gently trickled out of Vash's throat, followed by a choked noise   
and a shaking of his head. "Hikari's already moved away," he said,   
trying to remain calm. "I'm not going to say goodbye to Kensuke, not   
the way that he left. That just leaves you and I, doesn't it? Toji   
goes where you do, doesn't he?"  
  
Nobody answered, and the boy sighed as he let the fragment of the past   
slip between his fingers and flutter to the floor, falling backwards   
against the pillows of his bed as his eyes drifted closed. He had been   
waiting for the girl to call him for what seemed like an eternity, a   
call he didn't want to receive but one he knew would come surely   
enough. "End it," he muttered, his hands clenching to fists against   
the glossy surface of the photographs beneath his fingers.  
  
Moments passed in silence from Vash, the only response the drunken   
laughter of his father. He could feel anger building within him as he   
waited for what seemed like an eternity, until it reached the breaking   
point and forced him into motion. His fists slammed down against the   
photos, depressing the soft mattress and burying the photographs   
within. "END IT!" he shouted, his eyes flying open, gaze narrowed and   
breath coming hard.  
  
Only another laugh from his father answered his would-be plea, and with   
another sigh he slumped back against the bed, his fists slowly   
clenching and relaxing. There was no doubt in his mind that Eiko would   
call him sooner or later, that she would tell him that it was time that   
they went their separate ways. It was a foregone conclusion, and while   
he loathed the thought he also doubted that there was any other   
possible outcome. What grated on his mind was simply the waiting, the   
way that she was forcing him to simply lie and patiently expect the   
girl to call him at her leisure, as though it made no difference to him.  
  
More laughter echoed into the room, and Vash sighed again, lacking the   
energy to do much else. "This is what I get for being me," he   
muttered, shaking his head as one hand moved across the bed and swept   
off the mosaic of photographs. "The second that I stopped behaving the   
way that I should... just like I always knew it would happen. My own   
stupid fault."  
  
Lying back fully on the bed, Vash slowly inhaled and exhaled, focusing   
on the steady motion of his longs to distract him from the pain and   
irritation of waiting. "I need a drink," he muttered, hearing his   
father's regretless laughter once again, slowly understanding why his   
father acted the way that he did.  
  
]++[  
  
Time was passing in agonizing slow motion for a girl who was accustomed   
to squeezing every moment of wakefulness into productivity. It was a   
hated change, to suddenly be able to only wait patiently for the   
doctors to come and tell her what was happening, to wait for the sparse   
bits of interaction that she had. In the back of her mind, Niobe   
couldn't help but wonder if it might have been better to have no   
machines surrounding her, to allow silence that would eny her the   
ability to keep track of the steady passage of time.  
  
Her head gently turned towards the various monitors crowded on one side   
of the bed, steadily beeping and displaying vital conditions in the   
form of indecipherable graphs and blocky numbers. "Won't even let me   
have a book," she muttered, sighing and closing her eyes as her body   
shifted beneath the thin cotton sheets. "I wonder if Joseph would   
bother to do anything about it if he knew what was going on."  
  
Another sigh passed her lips, brought on simply by the thought of her   
father. She had no way of knowing whether or not he was aware of her   
condition, whether or not he had made any attempts to contact her after   
their last devestating exchange, or even whether or not he had died.   
All she knew was what the doctors and nurses told her, and that was   
almost wholly contained within the room. Even how long she'd been   
lying comatose seemed to be classified information; attempting to get a   
straight answer had been fruitless, and the only allusion that she'd   
managed to wrestle out of the staff was that it was long enough for   
another Child to enter the picture.  
  
"Not that it should matter to me," she muttered, her fingers clenching   
into fists and pulling the sheets with them almost unconsciously. "I   
failed for the last time. They wouldn't let me inside an Eva again   
even if I could pilot one."  
  
She could remember the doctor's words with painful clarity - "There's a   
good chance that your mental damage has had permanent effects upon your   
abilities." He'd almost seemed gleeful about it, informing her that   
her sense of balance might not return to normal for years, that she   
would most likely be haunted by nightmares for the rest of her life,   
that she may find remembering certain individuals or events   
impossible. That had been bad enough, but he'd saved the worst for   
last. "We're still unsure of the exact nature of the ability to pilot   
the Evangelion units," he had said. "But it's very likely that your   
ability has been diminished or excised completely."  
  
That day had been the worst, and simply thinking of it sent a small   
shiver down her spine. She'd begged them to dunk her in some LCL and   
run a synch test, to let her in some way prove that she could still at   
least attempt to pilot an Eva, but they'd informed her that the   
decisions had already been made. "I stay until I'm considered   
recovered, then they ship me back to Africa," she muttered, shaking her   
head for her own benefit, the sound of her own voice a welcome   
distraction. "God damn it, they're not giving me any more chances. I   
really blew it."  
  
Another sigh hissed past her lips, her body feeling unbearably heavy,   
the simple thought of returning home feeling like a death sentence.   
She knew that her parents would never accept her again, that even   
though she'd had no chances left the failure would be considered hers.   
"Why me?" she whispered, almost disbelieving the words as she said   
them, her mind condemning her for asking a question she knew the answer   
to. "Why do I have to be the one to -"  
  
Clicking and whirring came from the door, and she quickly shut her   
mouth as she turned her gaze towards the metal portal, eyes focusing   
only slowly. It took what seemed like an eternity for them to slide   
open with their characteristic hiss, but Niobe was looking forward to   
it on some level - she knew that with it came the doctors, and that   
meant at least a momentary break in the daily nothingness.  
  
Her eyes widened noticably when she saw Ryo walking through the door, a   
loose white t-shirt hanging around his upper body and trailing about   
the slacks of his school uniform. "Ryo?" she asked, disbelieving as he   
stepped towards the nearest chair.  
  
The boy nodded, then grabbed the chair and moved it towards the bed,   
letting Niobe catch the barest glimpse of something blue and   
rectangular tucked beneath one arm. "I'd been coming to see you up   
until three days ago, when you woke up. This was the first time that   
the doctors would let me back in to the facility. They said that you   
were in a delicate condition."  
  
"It means that they're still trying to figure out how I managed to   
survive the Angel," replied Niobe weakly, turning her head away from   
Ryo. She didn't have the energy or the mobility to cry or tear herself   
away from his presence, but the stare of his blood-red eyes hurt no   
less. "I thought I told you to go away when I woke up."  
  
"You did," replied Ryo, his voice sounding oddly halting. "So I left.   
But..." He paused momentarily, making small noises that sounded like   
half-formed words. "I don't have to follow everyone's directions."  
  
Niobe knew that the statement sounded a little odd, but she had little   
interest in pressing the matter. "You don't have to be here, you   
know," she mumbled, half to her pillow. "You've got other things to   
do, I know. Synch testing, combat training, everything that a normal   
pilot does."  
  
"Finished synch testing for the day, and my next scheduled training   
session is two weeks away." He paused. "I should probably be getting   
back to school at some point, but even the administration has stopped   
caring about attendance. There's been a massive exodus from the   
school." Another pause, this one wrought with a more awkward air.   
"Besides, I had to bring you your books."  
  
Turning back towards the boy out of curiosity, Niobe couldn't tell   
whether she felt ecstatic or resentful as he drew the small rectangular   
bundle out from under his arm. "There were a number of books within   
your room, but I assumed that only the ones with the bookmarks between   
the pages were ones that you were actually reading." He gently lay the   
books on the bed, a half-smile trying to cross his lips. "Did I miss   
any of them?"  
  
A moment of concentration passed before Niobe could prop herself up   
enough to get a decent look at the hardcover books, her eyes tracing   
the words along the covers. Military strategies, combat tactics,   
secrets of personal defense... all books she knew that Joseph had   
picked out for her, if not personally than by unquestionable   
recommendation. "This is all of them," she replied, flatly. "They   
haven't let me have any books here. Don't know if I'll be needing   
these, though."  
  
Ryo said nothing immediately, simply studying the girl's face as she   
idly opened and closed the top book. "Why not?" he asked, voice   
surprisingly quiet even for him.  
  
"They don't think that I'll be able to pilot an Eva any more," she   
replied with a sigh, shoving the books away from her. "All this   
information on how to be a better pilot, and now it's all useless.   
Whatever the Angel did to me..." She sighed again, turning her head   
away from Ryo. "They're just keeping me here to run a few more tests   
and make sure that I won't keel over on a flight back to Africa. Then   
they're shipping me out."  
  
"You can't be serious." There was conviction in Ryo's voice, a force   
that Niobe couldn't remember ever hearing from the boy. "NERV can't be   
ready to just... get rid of you like that. Even if you can't pilot the   
Eva any more, you can -"  
  
"All the decisions have already been made," she replied flatly. "I was   
only a peripheral element in the whole process - they let me know the   
other day, but I wasn't given any choice in the matter." Pausing, she   
let herself turn her head partway towards Ryo, just enough to see him   
out of the corner of her eye. "I suppose on some level it's a good   
thing. It'll be... different, but better."  
  
"Niobe, I... I don't want you to go." Ryo's voice was tenative, this   
time as if he was afraid of hearing himself admit to any emotion. It   
was enough to draw her gaze back towards him completely. "Even if   
you're not part of NERV any more, I'll let you stay in the apartment.   
You can have your room back - everything's still there -"  
  
The girl shook her head just forcefully enough to stop Ryo from   
continuing, his voice trailing off weakly. "They'd never let me stay.   
At this point I'm an embarassment to the organization." She paused,   
sinking her head. "Besides that... part of the reason that I'm looking   
forward to leaving is you."  
  
Ryo's blood-red eyes went wide, and Niobe stared into them, sensing the   
turmoil just beneath them. She had no idea what had brought on the   
sudden outpouring of emotion, only knew that she was tired of trying to   
prove herself worthy to the boy when she knew she'd failed long ago.   
"I envied you, Ryo. You were everything that I couldn't hope to be.   
You were just so... focused, so unquestioning. I thought that if I   
just tried hard enough, I could be like you..."  
  
The trailing sentence hung in the air for a moment before Niobe picked   
it up again, daggers of resentment stabbing inward. "I thought that I   
was in love with you. I don't know what I really felt. Maybe just   
envy. Maybe even hatred. But I knew that I had to be better to earn   
your love, to make you look at me as something other than... well, me."  
  
Both Children simply stared at one another for a moment, Niobe's words   
hanging heavy between them. "You don't understand," Ryo whispered at   
length, inching closer to the girl. "There's nothing about me to be   
envied. I'm just -"  
  
"Please." It was a quiet statement, but forceful enough to keep the   
boy quiet as Niobe sighed and shook her head. "I don't think I'd want   
to stay if I could, at least unless I was piloting again. I don't know   
if I could take looking at you every day and seeing my failure."   
Biting her lip, she hung her head in shame, her fingers clenching   
against the bedsheets. "I've already lost so much, Ryo. Every time I   
look at you just reminds me of that."  
  
The expression on the boy's face had gone back to the unemotional mask   
that Niobe was accustomed to - a simple, blank stare in her general   
direction, almost as if he was bored by listening to her. "Of course,"   
he muttered, standing from the chair and casting his eyes away from the   
girl. "I will pack up your clothes for you. Let somebody know if you   
want more books, and I will pick them up. Without school, I have   
little to do."  
  
Something was wrong, and Niobe knew it, but she couldn't bring herself   
to do anything but stare at the boy as he turned away from her bed and   
walked slowly towards the door. A hiss and a whir, and he was gone,   
light blue hair swishing around his pale neck, leaving Niobe alone on   
the bleached-white sheets, surrounding by nothing but machines.  
  
"He didn't say anything," she whispered to herself, feeling her eyes   
grow hot and watery. "I told him that I thought I loved him, and he...   
he..."  
  
Droplets of water fell from the girl's eyes, and with a heavy sigh she   
lay herself flat on the bed, pressing her head into the soft warmth of   
the pillow as best she could. She didn't know what she would do once   
she left Tokyo-3, but even as she knew it would be bad she also was   
looking forward to it. Anything she could think of would be better   
than what was happening.  
  
]++[  
  
It was a quiet day at the school, something that Eiko couldn't help but   
notice on a regular basis. She'd never been fully aware of just how   
much she took in from the world around her, only peripherally - it was   
only when she picked out a subject for drawing that she really paid   
specific attention to details. But she could tell that everything was   
wrong in the school around her. It was painfully clear to her, grating   
on her senses like fingernails on a chalkboard.  
  
Somehow, it was made even worse by the tiniest details, by the things   
that she would have normally thought of as immaterial. She had never   
paid more attention that was necessary in school, but the tired and   
disinterested tone of the lecture drove home the oddity of the   
situation around her. Hikari and Kensuke had been gone for long enough   
that she almost didn't notice it, but coupled with Vash's inexplicable   
silence it made her feel painfully alone.  
  
Vash. Hard as she tried, Eiko couldn't sort out her feelings about the   
boy, something in no way helped by his uncharacteristic behavior. It   
was bad enough that he seemed to have erected a wall between the two of   
them, but he seemed to have already assumed that he had lost her   
affections to Neil. Eiko had no idea how to deal with that, not even   
entirely sure that she had any affections for Neil in the first place.  
  
"It's undeniable, isn't it?" she muttered to herself, wringing her   
hands anxiously as the sunlight filtered through the slowly-moving   
leaves above her. "You know that you like him. You've liked him since   
the day you met. It's just not something that you expected this soon."  
  
The statement still left her feeling uncomfortable in ways that she   
couldn't put her finger on, and she felt a slight chill pass through   
her despite the typical heat of the day. Neil was an enigma to her   
emotionally, one made no clearer by his insistence at his own devilish   
leanings. She wanted, more than anything, to believe that her   
reluctance to make a decision on her feelings towards him sprang from   
that revelation, but she knew that wasn't the case, that there was   
something far more fundamental that hovered just out of the reach of   
her perception.  
  
Eyes closed, she heard Neil's approach before she saw him, her thoughts   
whirling about the heart of the matter like hunters circling a beast   
beyond their abilities to fight. He was wearing a deep red shirt with   
the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, skin startingly pale despite his   
long time spent within Tokyo-3, blonde hair blowing lightly around his   
face and framing his emerald eyes. There was something unusual about   
him, an unnatural sort of inner luminescence that radiated something   
less tangible than light. "Hey," he said simply, hands jammed into his   
pockets, face seemingly calm on the surface but betraying tension lying   
just beneath.  
  
"Hey," she replied, unsure of any other way to reply, trying to stop   
the nervous wringing of her hands. "I was getting a little worried -   
you were kind of late."  
  
"Yeah. Sorry about that." He moved over to the bench that she was   
sitting at, sitting down firmly, tension flickering across his face   
just beneath his expression. "Nieve and I had to have a talk about...   
something," he offered after a moment, almost as an afterthought.  
  
"Oh." The reminder stung and drove home her own insecurities about the   
situation, something that she hardly liked to be reminded of. "It's   
not really a big deal at the moment. There's barely any school to   
speak of at the moment - it'll hardly matter if I go back on time or at   
all." She paused, letting the silence sit in the air for a moment, her   
own apprehensions and worries besetting her. "Do you mind if I ask   
what you and Nieve were talking about?"  
  
"Kind of," replied the boy, hanging his head slightly. "We've had...   
things happened. Around us, and with us. It... it's just   
complicated. There's no other way to put it." He sighed. "You know,   
I really didn't come to Tokyo-3 looking for a relationship, especially   
after I found out why I was brought here in the first place."  
  
Eiko's chest tightened slightly, something inside of her tugging in a   
way that she couldn't remember feeling before. "Then why do you stay   
with Nieve in the first place?" she asked. "I know it's not my place   
to ask, really, but..."  
  
"Can we please stop talking about this?" asked Neil, a harsh   
undercurrent of stress lying within his question. "I've never tried to   
analyze your relationship or why you stay with Vash, and I don't   
pretend to know all the intimate secrets that make it work."  
  
"-Made- it work," replied Eiko weakly, her eyes flicking towards Neil.   
His gaze remained downturned, as though he felt guilty or angry - she   
couldn't tell which. "It's over between us now, I'm sure of it. We   
haven't really said as much to one another, but... it's just one of   
those things. I'm certain."  
  
Neil continued to avoid her eyes, and after a moment she pulled them   
away from him, feeling a deep red flush surge into her cheeks, unsure   
of why she bothered to tell him that she and Vash were breaking up.   
She didn't know what to do, and it was a feeling of weightlessness that   
scared her, not the sort of buoyant feeling that she'd had the first   
time she'd met Neil.  
  
"I'm sorry," the boy offered at length, languidly turning his gaze   
towards her as a fresh breeze ruffled the trees above them. "That   
wasn't fair, what I said."  
  
"Your relationship, not mine. You choose whether or not you want to   
let me in on it." She sighed, hanging her head. "I'm sorry, too. I   
feel like I haven't been myself lately, the way that everything's been   
changing..." She sighed again. "Ever since you came, actually.   
Nothing's been the same since then."  
  
"Don't say that," requested Neil, pulling his eyes away from Eiko and   
staring up into the slowly swaying tree branches. "Please don't say   
that. I don't know if I can deal with that right now."  
  
Another surge of tension echoed in Eiko's chest as she cautiously   
turned her eyes towards the boy sitting beside her, as though she was   
afraid looking on him would cause her to go blind. His face was drawn,   
tired, and Eiko realized something that she should have known, that the   
conversation between he and Nieve had not simply been a discussion of   
something amiable. "What... do you mean by that?"  
  
"We were arguing, all right?" Neil's eyes had snapped shut, something   
in his expression changing at the question. It was only barely   
visible, but Eiko knew it was there, saw it in every line of his face   
even as she found herself unable to describe it. "We were having an   
argument about why I'd asked to spend a night alone."  
  
Eiko's chest was tensed near to the breaking point now, and she   
couldn't help but inch closer to the boy. "Why did you?" she asked,   
volume scarcely above a whisper.  
  
"I can't talk about this with you," replied Neil in a tone that sounded   
less angry and more frustrated. He pushed himself off the bench,   
raising his hands to his forehead, muttering under his breath as he   
quickly paced a short distance away from the bench. "God, why did all   
of this have to happen..."  
  
A whisper began to escape the girl's lips, a question that she hadn't   
the courage to ask but that Neil seemed to know anyways. "I said why   
did all this have to happen NOW," he offered, whirling to face her,   
emerald eyes reflecting an emotion that excited and scared her. He   
looked tortured in ways that Eiko couldn't begin to imagine. "I don't   
understand why it had to be now, right now, that you and Vash start   
breaking up for good. Things could finally have started to get... to   
get... I don't know."  
  
"Neil, you're babbling," offered Eiko, standing and stepping towards   
the boy slowly, trying to keep her face calm as she touched her hand to   
his shoulder gently. "Relax. Just tell me what's going on, and I   
promise that I won't be mad."  
  
The boy's eyes momentarily met hers, and he shook his head, pulling   
himself away from her hand. "Why did you have to be on that hill   
there?" he asked, sounding almost plaintive. "Why couldn't you have   
been somewhere else? Better yet, why couldn't you and Vash be reaching   
the breaking point then, not now?"  
  
Both Children stared into one another's eyes for a moment, a motion   
that they could only sustain for a few seconds before Eiko forced   
herself to pull away. There was a growing discomfort in the pit of her   
stomach. "I don't understand what you're talking about," she said as   
flatly as possible, trying her best to remain calm.  
  
"You have to. -Please- tell me you do." He sighed, obviously   
overwrought. "Or maybe it would be better if you told me you had no   
idea after all. Maybe that would be the most tolerable option left.   
Then we could just go on with our lives normally, as though nothing bad   
passed between us, just..."  
  
Silence hung in the air for a moment, only broken by the gentle and   
steady stirring of the leaves around the Children. "I like you, Eiko,"   
said Neil at length, his voice sounding terrified and hopeful, broken   
and energized, a mass of contradictions forced into noise.  
  
"I like you too," replied Eiko, knowing full well what he meant and   
wishing that she didn't.  
  
An eternity passed again before the girl felt his hand on her shoulder,   
a slight start passing through her body as she turned to face him. "I   
thought that... I thought that there was no chance of us being..." He   
stammered for a moment. "You know. When Nieve arrived, I just...   
neither of us expected for anything to happen. Something did anyways.   
It wasn't as though we'd been planning it." He sighed. "I sound like   
I'm apologizing to my wife."  
  
Eiko's eyes were wide, flicking about the terrace, taking in the   
details around her in the hope of finding something stable to clasp   
onto. She could feel herself drawing the smooth mosaic of light and   
shadow in her mind, the way that the patterns played across the gray   
stone and surrounded both her and Neil. "I don't know what to say,"   
she said, having no difficulty whatsoever sounding sincere.  
  
"Neither do I. I'm ad-libbing this." He sank his head slightly, his   
hand tightening slightly on her shoulder. "We shouldn't even be having   
this conversation. This is wrong, and we both know it."  
  
"Why?" replied Eiko, reaching a hand out to his cheek, letting her   
fingers brush against his skin lightly. It was smooth, delicate, a   
wonderfully soft sensation, but somehow it almost made her recoil, as   
though there was something innately wrong with touching it. "Why is it   
wrong for us to talk about this? We're friends, right? We can be   
honest with mone another, can't we?"  
  
"I'm with Nieve," replied Neil, breaking his grip on Eiko's shoulder,   
the subtle torment from before surging from behind his eyes once   
again. "You don't understand what life is like for her, the things   
that she's been forced to suffer. It isn't fair for anyone, least of   
all her, least of all someone so genuinely good-hearted and..." He   
shook his head, just weakly enough to avoid removing her hand   
entirely. "I can't."  
  
"Do you love her?" asked Eiko, drawing Neil's eyes back towards her   
with an almost unnatural speed. She could only match his gaze for a   
moment or two, then forced herself to turn away, lids closing halfway   
over her eyes. "That's the question, right? Do you love her?"  
  
"Even if I said no, it wouldn't make it the right thing to do," Neil   
replied, casting his eyes away from the girl as well. "I'm with her   
now. I... I can't leave her." He sighed. "Don't you understand,   
Eiko? Don't you know what that would mean about me as a person? I   
don't want to do that, even if..."  
  
Another breeze stirred the branches overhead, sending the light and   
shadow mosaic into a tumult, the specks of light shifting all about   
stone pattern as if caught within a cyclone. Eiko felt the tension in   
her chest grow as she reached out weakly towards Neil, her hand   
touching and holding his cheek once again, this time forcing him to   
look at her. "It's not wrong," she whispered. "We're not doing   
anything wrong."  
  
Neil said nothing as the girl's lips moved closer to his, her eyes   
slowly closing in time with his, their bodies moving in an intricate   
and agonizingly slow collision course. A mumbled noise passed the   
boy's lips, but it was too quiet to comprehend. His hands simply moved   
to the small of her back, pressing against her skin gently but firmly,   
sending a minor rush of excitement tingling along her spine. It seemed   
as though the instant before the kiss would go on forever as she slowly   
moved bother her hands to the sides of his head, her fingers tangling   
about in his blonde hair, something inside her slowly breaking apart.  
  
Then, almost as if by accident, their lips touched. It was a moment   
surprising in its inevitability, and in the shock neither boy nor girl   
could think of doing anything but kissing. A single tear slipped from   
Eiko's eye as she felt her lips press hard against Neil's, their tongue   
gently and almost cautiously touching together. It was warm, inviting,   
almost the perfect kiss, tainted somehow by the simple knowledge that   
it wasn't Vash.  
  
With sharp force, Neil tore his lips away from the girl's, his eyes   
flying open and his hands jerking free of her body. Her eyes flew open   
accordingly, and staring into his she could see a look at horror   
directed inward, at utter shock at his own deeds. "I'm a monster," he   
whispered, taking a step backwards, letting Eiko's fingers fall free of   
his hair. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have... I don't..."  
  
"Stay." Eiko's voice was trembling as she stepped towards the boy,   
even as his feet hit the stone beneath him lightly. "Please, Neil,   
just stay here. Don't worry right this instant about whether or no you   
should or shouldn't have done something, just stay."  
  
There was no response from the boy, and Eiko could feel tears beginning   
to push into her eyes. "I don't know how I feel about you, Neil. I   
just want to try and find out. Is that so bad? Is it so horrifying to   
think that you might like being with me?"  
  
"I shouldn't ever find out," replied Neil, his voice strangely forceful   
as he continued stepping backwards and away from the girl. "I   
shouldn't care. It shouldn't matter. I... I'm sorry." His eyes   
closed, lids twitching gently as he stepped beyond the shaded terrace.   
"I'm sorry that I ever invaded your life."  
  
Neil turned and half-walked, half-ran out of the terrace, his legs   
moving swiftly, head hung as his purple shirt fluttered slightly around   
his body. The image sent an inexplicable shiver down Eiko's spine even   
as she felt a tearing surge of guilt and confusion, her lips still   
lightly tasting Neil's kiss. Sighing heavily, she turned towards the   
school, having no interest in returning but not wanting to be alone   
with her thoughts.  
  
Vash was standing between her and the door, his face a mask of   
something that Eiko couldn't pick out. She felt her heart skip for a   
moment, her muscles all tensing in one painful motion, eyes going wide   
and mouth shocking itself dry. "Vash," she whispered, another blush   
seeping through her cheeks. "How... how long have you been out here?"  
  
"Doesn't matter," replied the boy, sinking his head slightly and   
shaking it, his darkening hair swishing about limply. He looked like   
nothing so much as a broken man, and Eiko suddenly felt painfully aware   
of how much he resembled his father, a man that she remembered only   
distantly but clearly enough. "Silly question, really. You know what   
I saw, without having to ask me. So unless I felt like lying and   
pretending nothing happened..."  
  
"Please, Vash, talk to me," Eiko pleaded, walking towards the boy, the   
tension in her chest almost unbearable, her mind filled with the memory   
of watching Neil crush Vash's entry plug into shards. "You can't be   
angry with me when you won't even tell me what's going on."  
  
Vash's eyes drifted closed almost casually, his entire body slumping   
against the wall beside the door. "Who says there has to be anything   
going on?" he asked, disquietingly calm about the situation. "I'm not   
angry, you know that. Maybe there's nothing abnormal about me   
whatsoever."  
  
"There -is-," Eiko insisted. The horrific vision of EVA-03's death   
throes wouldn't leave her mind as she instinctively bit her lower lip,   
nervousness rising like flood waters. "You haven't been acting the   
same at all since you were inside the Thirteenth Angel, and you won't   
let me know what's going on. You just keep acting more and more   
different, and -"  
  
"And how do you know that this is me not acting normal?" snapped Vash,   
his eyes flying open as he fixed the girl with a piercing stare. "How   
do you know that you just don't know me as well as you'd like to think   
you do? You can't even start to imagine what it's like to..." He   
shook his head. "Forget it. It's not worth bothering with."  
  
Eiko's fists clenched tightly, her nails biting into her skin. The   
leaves above her ruffled once again, and she became painfully aware for   
not the first time how alone she truly was, how vacant the school had   
become since what seemed like horrifically recent events. "Vash,   
I..." The words caught in her throat, frozen by indecision and doubt   
and fear. "Please, please, don't assume anything. I... I don't..."  
  
"I'm not angry," sighed Vash, turning and opening the door back into   
the school, his entire body slumped slightly forward. "I hope that the   
two of you are happy together. Neil's a lot more honest with himself   
about who he is. You know what you're getting into."  
  
The door swung shut, and Eiko was left standing alone, the mosaic of   
shadow and light whirling about her feet, her heart fluttering and   
tensing in ways that pained her even to conceive of. She was still   
standing in that half-numbed state when the Angel alert tore through   
the city, a call to action that could only make her think of what Neil   
had said about the Eva and the image of Vash's entry plug crushed   
within his hand.  
  
]++[  
  
"Sixteenth Angel is holding a steady position," announced Makoto,   
ignoring the pain in his wrists as he worked his own display, trying to   
cycle through the various gauges as best he could. It had been his job   
since the inception of NERV, but he knew realistically that it hadn't   
been that long since he first began to truly play the role. There had   
been no Angels for the longest time that it had seemed almost like a   
joke of job, as though he had nothing to do except be on call in the   
amazingly remote possibility that an Angel attacked Tokyo-3.  
  
Flicking his eyes up to the main screen, he felt himself grow   
nostalgic, remembering the approach of the Third Angel and the   
excitement mixed with terror that the whole of NERV's staff had felt on   
that day. The midnight-black beast that had attacked the city that day   
was what everyone had been waiting for since the day that they had   
signed on with the organization. Until then they had never been forced   
to see if they were cut out for the job; the extreme trial by fire that   
they had gone through then was almost like a rebirth, a beautiful   
beginning to NERV's mission despite the horror of the night.  
  
"Pattern is confirmed blue." His voice was languid as he stared at the   
Angel, knowing that the energy of the entire organization had seeped   
out like a bleeding wound. He felt some vague terror staring at the   
glowing ring of light hovering above a wooded patch of Tokyo-3, but   
more than anything he simply felt a creeping sensation of depression.   
"AT Field is extremely thin, barely an inch from the surface of its   
body. The Evas will have to engage it in close combat."  
  
Misato was gently thumbing her chin, trying to take the opportunity to   
collect her thoughts. She was exhausted, and she knew that it showed   
to everyone around her. The only solace that she could take was in the   
fact that she was uncovering more information than she'd ever thought   
possible, and nobody would suspect her exhaustion to come from anything   
besides her normal wanton habits. "Pilots," she muttered, closing her   
eyes for a second and then flicking them in Maya's direction.  
  
"Rei, Eiko, and Vash are within the facility," replied Maya. "Nieve,   
Neil, and Ryo are believed to be en route. Rei and Vash are already   
prepped for launch."  
  
"Launch EVA-06 and EVA-07," announced Gendou flatly, the measured and   
controlled calm of his voice perhaps the sole thing about NERV that   
hadn't changed since the first battle against the Angels. Had he been   
lower or more familiar to the majority of the staff, they might have   
able to see the lines of stress etching themselves deeper into his   
face, but for all anyone below could see he was unchanged since the   
beginning. "Monitor the beast's AT Field to see if it expands further."  
  
Acknowledgement came from below, but Gendou ignored it, twitching ever   
so slightly to acknowledge Fuyutsuki entering from behind. The elder   
man said nothing until he had walked to Gendou's side, leaning close   
enough to talk softly despite the cacophony of the command center.   
"I've just finished speaking with SEELE. They've already made their   
decisions about the transfer."  
  
"Inevitable, I suppose," replied Gendou, keeping his eyes fixed   
forward, his voice muffled slightly by his hands tented in front of his   
mouth. "They may not know exactly what we're up to here, but they know   
enough to try and complicate it however they can. No huge surprise   
there."  
  
Kozou frowned, then stood tall, his eyes catching the steady display of   
the main screen, the Angel floating without any signs of activity.   
"They couldn't be that foolish." His volume had increased now, but   
still quiet enough to avoid being overheard. "This is a critical time   
for their project as well. They wouldn't send you -"  
  
"You're becoming too concerned about this. That's exactly what they   
want." The barest of smiles tickled at the edges of Gendou's lips,   
invisible but still present. "Don't you see, Kozou? They're trying to   
throw a wrench into our plans when they're ennabling us to move   
faster. The final seal will be broken in such a way that we will be   
more than capable of acting before they can."  
  
"I certainly hope you're right," replied Kozou, his voice leaving   
little doubt as to how convincing he considered Gendou's statement.   
"They might be taking that into account, however. They've known things   
that they shouldn't have before now."  
  
"And we hold more cards than they know, no matter the situation,"   
replied Gendou. "They lack the imagination to thwart our plans. They   
simply read their scriptures and follow them, unable to deviate in any   
meaningful way." He averted his gaze from the main screen to stare at   
Fuyutsuki. "Don't lose your nerve now, Dr. Fuyutsuki. This is not the   
time to be questioning your faith."  
  
"There never was a time, was there?" muttered Fuyutsuki, keeping his   
voice low enough to be silent to Gendou's ears. There was an ache in   
his body that he couldn't quite place, and as he stared up at the   
shimmering ring of light that he knew was their most recent Angel he   
felt it redouble. "I should have known before we started."  
  
]++[  
  
Vash's eyes were closed, though the absolute blackness of the entry   
plug made it largely a meaningless gesture. It was a meditative   
gesture, an attempt to lose himself in the smooth motion of the plug   
towards the back of his machine, sending him into combat for the first   
time since his experience with the Thirteenth Angel. The fact was not   
lost on him as he slowly flexed his semi-artificial left arm, an   
appendage that had somehow grown to simultaneously feel more and less   
alien as time passed.  
  
"No more Eiko and Vash," he muttered to himself, distantly hearing the   
mechanical noise of the Eva's back opening up to accept the entry plug,   
his teeth setting firmly as it began to slide inside. "Good for   
Neil." It was a concept that he felt oddly numb about - he'd expected   
to be angry, sad, something other than simply accepting. But there was   
something else blocking off any emotion besides a grim relief,   
something that Vash couldn't quite put his finger on but was there   
despite that fact.  
  
LCL began to seep into the chamber, and Vash began breathing steadily,   
prepared for the rush of liquid into his lungs and the salty blood   
sting on his tongue. It was surprising how easily he'd remembered the   
way that it had slipped won his throat, and even more to his surprise   
he'd found himself more and more drawn to it. When the orange-red   
fluid passed his lips and sank into his lungs, he was surprised to find   
himself almost thankful after he had finished with the normal brief fit   
of coughing. Somehow it comforted him, knowing that he was still a   
pilot despite his failures, that he still had something to cling to.  
  
"Eiko and Vash are gone," he muttered, opening his eyes as he felt the   
external cameras pop on, knowing it would be only a few seconds until   
he was expected to synchronize with the Eva. Despite his numbness, the   
thought wouldn't leave his mind, and he sighed as he extended his   
perception outwards towards the Eva's body, the machine's left arm   
somehow feeling almost more natural than his own.  
  
The radio hissed to life, and Vash's eyes drifted closed again   
unconciously. "EVA-06 is online," he said, keeping his voice calm and   
measured, forcing himself to focus on the machine around him. It was   
steadily growing less disquieting that he derived comfort from it.   
"What's my synch ratio looking like?"  
  
"51%," replied Maya's voice, some exhaustion creeping in past her   
enthusiasm. "Not quite at the level that you'd had before, but getting   
closer."  
  
"Good." A deep sigh escaped Vash's lips as Misato began talking,   
explaining the mission plan. He was ignoring her, knowing full well   
that any kind of plan would invariably break down almost the second the   
machines emerged on the surface. Besides, his thoughts were elsewhere,   
slowly flitting through the cybernetic neurons and artificial fibers   
that mingled with the biological structure of the Eva. He had never   
let himself fully appreciate the nightmarish nature of the golems, the   
harsh welding of flesh and metal.  
  
"Vash and Eiko are gone," he whispered to himself. "Vash is gone.   
Vash never existed." He removed one hand from the handrests, letting   
his fingers run through his hair, hanging limply around his head, the   
black showing through with increasing volume. "Just Koji Nekasa,   
Fourth Child." His teeth set hard against one another. "That's all I   
ever really was after all."  
  
Hearing the words come from his own lips stung, and Vash could feel a   
rage begin to bubble inside his gut as he felt the machine around him   
lurch towards the launch tube, distantly aware that he was going to be   
sent against the Angel. Around him was the Eva unit, a comforting   
presence, its thoughts a whispering cacophony of soothing anger. "Are   
you angry, too?" he asked nobody, for once unfazed by the sharp   
acceleration vertically.  
  
Fingers tightened around the handrests as Vash - no, Koji - pushed his   
thoughts further into the Eva, trying to hear it. "You're hiding   
something, too," he said calmly, distantly curious about whether or not   
the beast could hear him. "You aren't really this mechanical thing,   
are you? Even if you don't have a brain to tell you... you know that   
you're really an Angel. It's in your nature. It's what you are."  
  
The exit port irised open above the forest-green golem, and as it   
lurched to a stop Koji leveled his eyes on the glowing ring of an   
Angel, blue eyes sparkling with an energy borne of self-loathing as his   
darkening hair settled against his head. An image of his father   
floated briefly before him, the older man reclining in his filth-  
encrusted chair, staining away his cares with the arms of alcohol. "We   
are what we are. And nobody wants that." He bit his lower lip for a   
moment, then launched himself forward.  
  
A sharp reprimand sounded through the radio, but Koji ignored it, lips   
curling into a snarl as he raced towards the glowing Angel. With a   
quick motion of his shoulder, his prog knife flipped out and fell into   
his hand, his machine never slowing for a second in its race towards   
the target. Skidding to a halt and kicking up a great cloud of dust,   
Koji let out a battle cry as he brought the prog knife down in a   
slashing motion with all the force he could muster, expecting to tear   
through the ring.  
  
His assumption seemed partially correct, but he felt no resistance   
offered as the knife cleaved through the beast, and his eyes snapped up   
to see it slowly parting from the location of the supposed wound. Then   
the glowing strand straightened itself for a second, apparently   
unconcerned by the cut. It hovered as nothing more than a bar of light   
for a moment, then suddenly seemed to go fluid once again, coiling like   
a snake in mid-air and lashing out towards Koji's head.  
  
"No noticable damage to the Angel from the attack," announced Makoto as   
EVA-06 barely managed to swing away from the attacking strand, his eyes   
slowly tracing the Angel's motions as it swerved about like some lethal   
worm. "The Angel's AT Field has shifted slightly, but it's maintained   
roughly the same power output as before."  
  
"Containment," announced Misato, watching as the beast wove about,   
trying to hit Koji's machine and missing by scant inches. The green   
Eva was obviously being taxed to the absolute limits of its abilities,   
but it was keeping pace with the Angel, even occasionally making a   
knife swipe as Rei moved to retrieve some heavier weaponry. "The AT   
Field isn't holding us out, it's holding the Angel in. That's why it's   
so thin - it's just moving and reacting to the shape the Angel needs to   
take."  
  
The Angel swung around to take another stab at Koji, its body trailing   
behind and whipping about like the tail of some predatory beast. It   
would have frightened him nearly any other day, but he could feel the   
Eva soothing around him, something inexplicably horrible and yet   
perfectly comfortable for his thoughts. It stabbed forward, and with a   
flick of his wrist Koji brought his prog knife around to slice at it,   
scoring a quick cut along its side as it lunged.  
  
Recoiling momentarily, the would-be tail whipped around and began   
diving at Koji with a mind of its own. "It's not an animal," Koji   
snarled to himself, rolling aside and springing to his feet as trees   
fell lifeless around him. "That's not really a tail. It's just toying   
with me right now."  
  
Before the Angel to jab at him again, the sharp report of a gun firing   
filled the air, and the Angel's surface exploded in bright orange   
octagons as it recoiled from the blast. Koji briefly glanced towards   
Rei to see the girl's bone-white machine wielding a shotgun in one   
hand, lowering the weapon as her other hand brought up a standard-issue   
rifle. "We need to distract it," she said calmly. "Neutralize its AT   
Field, and it should fall."  
  
Nodding, Koji dropped into a crouch and sprang at the writhing snake,   
its body aflame in octagonal patterns as it tried hopelessly to flow   
away from the hail of bullets. A few shots glanced off his own field   
as he reversed his grip on the knife, the blade pointing downward as he   
thrust it forward. "Neutralizing AT Field," he announced, slamming his   
prog knife against the beast's field as he spread his own, feeling the   
two press together as his free hand gripped the snake firmly.  
  
Then, to his shock, he felt a hold emerge in his own field, as though   
the Angel were merging with it, forcing its way in instead of dropping   
its own defenses. The writhing head of the snake jabbed itself towards   
Koji's midsection, and with a swift motion it had slammed into and   
through it.  
  
"AT Field pattern of Angel and EVA-06 are merging!" announced Maya,   
sounding shocked but not panicked. "Neurofeedback is emerging and   
steadily increasing! Synch ratio holding steady at 51%, but there's no   
clear way of telling whether or not Vash is still in control of his   
machine!"  
  
Blood issued forth from Koji's lips, darkening the LCL even as he saw   
the camera display begin to flicker around him. It was painful,   
nothing that he hadn't expected, but there was something more severe   
rolling within his gut besides the sensation of being pierced by the   
Angel. Glancing down, he could see the snake still twitching, seeming   
to even elongate and make quick jabs at Rei protected by 06's AT   
Field. "What the hell is this thing doing?" he snarled, his fingers   
tightening around the handrests as he tried to jerk away from Rei.  
  
"Koji."  
  
It was a quiet voice, enough so that he almost didn't notice it as he   
forced the forest-green Eva's hands towards the wriggling parasite   
jutting out from his gut. It felt as though he was forcing his arms   
through ground glass, slicing and tearing through his skin and veins,   
even as the pain deep within his gut grew more unbearable. Still, he   
persisted, knowing that he needed to force the Angel out to have any   
chance of victory.  
  
"Koji Nekasa." The second time he could not help but hear the voice,   
eerily familiar to his ears. "You can hear me, can't you, Koji? My   
words make sense to you, don't they?"  
  
Jerking his head around quickly, Koji felt the pain in his gut increase   
momentarily before he felt something shudder beneath him. Within what   
seemed like an instant, the cockpit dissolved into a mist of blood,   
allowing him to turn completely and face the source of the mocking   
voice.  
  
It was him standing there, floating in nothing, eyes vacant and wide,   
smile numb. The hair was still pointed and blonde, however, a smooth   
and ordered facade that made Vash vaguely uncomfortable simply by its   
presence. "Who are you?" he asked, his fists clenching, anger   
building. "What are you doing inside of my entry plug? Hell, how   
didn't I notice you before?"  
  
"I am that I am," replied the figure, jerking its head slightly to one   
side. It was wearing his purple-black plugsuit, the shape of its body   
making it painfully clear to Koji that it was still in possession of   
both its natural arms. "Am I not that which you seek? Am I not the   
body that you want to have?"  
  
Eyes widening, Koji tried to get closer to the figure, then the sound   
of rending metal and a harsh impact drew him back to the cockpit of Eva   
in a quick whirl of liquid and metal. His Eva had slammed down on its   
back now with enough force to damage the entry plug, and the boy winced   
as he felt a small shard of metal draw roughly against his cheek.   
"It's attacking my machine from within," he snarled, forcing his arms   
further downward, trying with all his might to seize upon the wriggling   
form of the Angel.  
  
As the pain in his arms began to grow unbearable, he felt his fingers   
mercifully close on his quarry, slowly encircling the shimmering body   
of the beast. His fists closed tightly, then with all the strength he   
could muster he began pulling, the muscles of his arms straining hard   
against the Angel's might. It seemed determined to remain embedded   
within his body, to anchor itself to the Eva's flesh, and even as the   
static flickered across his display he could see dark pink flesh slowly   
growing around the Angel within him.  
  
The Eva's muscles never faltered, and Vash poured himself into the   
seemingly simple motion, struggling to rip the Angel out of his body.   
He was too focused to notice his hands until he had been pulling for a   
moment, but the second that his eyes fell upon them he felt himself   
falter for just a moment. They were covered in something   
indescribable, like the roots of plants pushing themselves up from   
within his skin, spreading upwards along his fingers.  
  
Recoiling in horror, he glanced down to his gut to see the same root-  
like fingers rolling along his skin, slowly creeping upwards towards   
his head. All thoughts of yanking the Angel out had been forgotten as   
he began trying to slap down the sudden protrusions across his skin.   
The pain was intensifying, and he could feel something indescribably   
else slipping into his body along with them. "Get out," he growled,   
feeling the protrusions hard and rigid beneath his hands. "Get out!"  
  
"Why would you want that?" The voice was his, but not his, possessed   
of the alien otherness of his earlier self, now squatting at the far   
end of the entry plug rather casually. The view outside had been   
replaced with darkness, LCL turning a bright orange-red as it seemed to   
thicken around the two figures. "You and I are the same. You believe   
it yourself."  
  
Koji stared for a moment, protrusions continuing to spread along his   
body slowly, his previous self staring at him blankly. "The Angel," he   
whispered, eyes widening. "Of course. I should have known. You're   
trying to do the same thing that you did to me before." He scowled.   
"Do you know each other? Do you get a good laugh out of what happens   
to us?"  
  
The apparition ignored the boy's remarks, simply drifting closer as the   
color of the LCL intensified. "Is that not your dream? Mutability?   
Don't you want to be able to change as it suits you?" The figure   
smiled. "You seek it even as you deny and curse it."  
  
One root-encrusted hand flew towards the leering mockery, striking it   
firmly on the nose and sending it drifting back through the entry   
plug. Koji forced himself to his feet, feeling as he did so that the   
world was shifting around him. A moment later he found himself ankle-  
deep in LCL, his counterpart splashing into the liquid roughly, the   
room around him dark and featureless. "Get out of my mind," he   
snarled, wading forward slightly. "I don't want you in here."  
  
"Liar." LCL shifted as the Angel stood, letting the bloody liquid drip   
off it in slow streams. "You lie to both of us. Let it go, Koji.   
Join me. Let us work together, to be what we are supposed to be."  
  
"I'm not interested!" shouted the boy, trying his best to rush forward   
through the liquid that sloshed around his ankles. He had kept his   
hand clenched in a tight fist, and with a cry of rage he swung at the   
Angel's avatar, growing only angrier as the blow struck air. Another   
swing missed as well, and before he could try to land another he felt a   
force like a steamroller connect with his chin.  
  
His body fell backwards, but instead of the warm and cloying embrace of   
LCL he felt only harsh pavement. It took him a second to see his   
surroundings, the deserted streets of Tokyo-3, whitewashed buildings   
surrounding him like the walls of an asylum. Above him stood Neil, a   
smug grin on the blonde boy's face, green eyes burning like a demon   
fire. "You are interested," mocked Neil's face. "You know our power.   
And you have no substance to pollute."  
  
Koji wasted no time in thought, simply lashed upwards with his foot,   
letting the limb strike hard against Neil's chest. He knew it wasn't   
really the boy, but it felt undeniably wonderful to hurt something that   
looked like Neil, even if it was just wearing his skin. "You're my   
enemy," he snarled, forcing himself to his feet as Neil staggered   
backwards, lashing out with a fist before the blonde boy had the time   
to recover fully. "I don't want anything from you except your life."  
  
Neil's mouth half-opened, but Koji ignored it, letting another fist   
pound into the boy's skin, the hard impact feeling better with each   
blow that he landed. Neil's form was withering under the assault, the   
way that Vash knew it should have the day they met. Something in him   
was shutting off the reality of the situation, letting him mercilessly   
assault the boy, harsh blows driving into his face and gut as the white-  
washed street seemed to grow dimmer around him. It was only a   
peripheral concern to him, his entire attention on beating Neil   
senseless, even as the noise of skin hitting skin began to be replaced   
with the harsh tones of metal slamming together.  
  
It wasn't until Neil fought back that Koji even realized that something   
was wrong, and even then the reaction was delayed as his quarry gripped   
his wrists and threw him. He only distantly noticed the crushing   
noises beneath him, the hailstones now falling along his body, the   
sudden sense of distance. But as he looked back towards Neil he   
realized that the boy's form had been replaced with the dark silhouette   
of EVA-01, the leering jaws and horned helmet looking like a demon   
fresh from hell.  
  
"The Thirteenth," he whispered, looking down at his hands as he   
realized he was inside of his Eva. The same contamination was spread   
along them, just as it had been on that day and as it was growing along   
his body in the real world. It was full along him now, a ridged mass   
prohibiting his movement, keeping him locked in his cockpit as the   
horrific and wordless voice of the Angel in his machine taunted him.  
  
EVA-01 was moving towards him slowly, leering as the thick shards of   
ice pinged against its armor, moving towards Koji like an executioner.   
Almost cautiously Koji reached up to his hair, and to his shock he   
could feel it perfectly ordered and spiked above him, as he'd always   
arranged it before the horrific events of that day. "It was a dream?"   
he asked himself, slowly focusing on the Eva bearing down on him.   
"Just some nightmare of the Angel?"  
  
As the other machine moved towards him, his memory whirled backwards,   
recalling how the scene had ended, the crushed entry plug like a   
shining beacon in his memory. "You know he'll do it," whispered   
another voice, slipping into the noise screaming from his Eva. "Get   
him first. Show him what it feels like to be crushed alive. This is   
still your Eva. It obeys you."  
  
Without further goading, Vash let out a cry, forcing his machine to its   
feet and knocking away the purple Eva's hands. His golem's black and   
purple skin seemed almost a relief as he shoved Neil away, flexing his   
limbs, feeling them extend and retract at his whim. "You're not going   
to get away with this, Richelieu," he snarled. "I won't -let- you!"  
  
His hand whipped up and dug itself deep into the riveted chest armor of   
EVA-01, tearing the metal even as his free hand moved to rip the armor   
free. It came off with a gigantic tearing noise, blood spilling freely   
from the purple machine as Vash lashed out and grabbed it by the neck   
with one hand. The other was plunging into the chest, fingers seeking   
the entry plug, anger welling as a sinister grin crept across the boy's   
face.  
  
Reality reasserted itself half a second later as Koji's hand closed   
around the entry plug, something in the back of his mind snapping him   
to attention as a harsh impact jolted his Eva around. The real world   
swayed back into view, the LCL around Koji a deep orange-red, the   
display flickering with static and giving him only a blurred picture as   
he felt his machine slam into something mysterious. "No," he snarled.   
"Just because I hate Neil... that's got nothing to do with it! I don't   
want revenge!"  
  
"You do," replied the mocking voice of the Angel even as Koji looked at   
his body in horror, seeing the ridges covering his body, feeling the   
horrible sensation of something crawling through his veins. "We can   
let you do that, Koji. We can make you like us. Eternally changing,   
reacting, adapting. You would love it. No substance, simply   
dynamism..."  
  
"Stop -saying- that!" screamed the boy, desperately trying to get some   
sort of picture of what was going on outside, catching only quick   
glimpses of Rei's Eva moving about, the shimmering tendril of the Angel   
stabbing at her idly. "I am what I am. I don't want to keep changing   
my face for the people around me!"  
  
"Liar," replied the Angel. His face was beginning to materialize in   
front of him, the blonde hair slicked back, the eyes vacant and the   
mouth twisted into a sinister grin. "You want to. You want to be   
anything other than what you are, don't you?" The voice paused, then   
broke into laughter as Koji tried to claw at the apparition. "Look at   
yourself. Even now, you're just acting the part of the wounded pilot,   
the broken man. You're not able to face yourself."  
  
Koji - Vash - whatever his name, the boy sitting in the cockpit   
screamed, clutching his hands at the handrests, then at the leering   
face in front of him. It seemed an eternity before he realized that   
his hands were still locked around the Angel outside him, and with a   
growl he began to pull, coughing blood once again as slivers of evil   
forced their way into his brain.  
  
"EVA-06's pilot is regaining control!" shouted Maya, hammering away at   
her keyboard, the previous boredom lost in the fearsome sight on the   
main screen. The green Eva had pitched on its back and was struggling   
with the glowing worm wrapped around it, but it was obviously fighting   
a steadily losing battle, and there were signs that something new was   
growing beneath the Eva's armor. "Synch ratio is up to 24% and   
rising - slowly, but actively! He's trying to take it back from the   
Angel!"  
  
"And it's trying to take it from him," replied Misato. She stared for   
a moment, her eyes narrowing, then widening in shock. "Or maybe it's   
trying to take -him- from -it-."  
  
"Ridiculous," Ritsuko offered, her eyes flicking back and forth between   
the main screen and Maya's display. There had been an almost eerie   
cold growing around the blonde woman, due in no doubt to the events   
with Ryoji Kaji. "The Angels have never shown any interest in the   
pilots. We know full well what their objective is."  
  
"Maybe we don't." Misato's voice was not so much angry as simply   
curious, her feet drawing her closer to the main screen. The entire   
command room seemed to have grown silent, the echoing and vast halls   
almost like those of a cathedral. "We've made assumptions, made   
guesses... but what if they've been deceiving us? What if their   
objective was never the Second Angel -"  
  
She paused for a moment, glancing up at the commander. She knew,   
academically, that it was classified information, that the Second Angel   
was not supposed to even be held at Central Dogma. But he had no   
reaction, and in the back of her mind she wondered if it was another   
secret that everyone but her had been in on. "What if the Angels   
weren't seeking their own, but were seeking -us-? What if they've been   
trying to get to us the whole time, and we've been rushing to meet them   
without realizing it?"  
  
No response was offered to the unexpected philosophy, and as Misato   
cast her gaze back towards the main screen she knew that she would have   
to do something other than theorize. "Launch EVA-04," she said curtly,   
wondering almost idly what reasons were given to others for the Angel's   
inexplicable draw to Tokyo-3. "Try to re-establish communications with   
the entry plug inside of unit 06 - I don't care how we do it, but give   
us -some- method of talking to the boy."  
  
Eiko had received no radio contact when she felt her Eva lurch out of   
its place, heading towards the launch platform, her nerves snapping at   
attention with a nervous terror. The LCL around her tasted dank, old,   
as though the disgusting blood tint of the liquid wasn't bad enough as   
it was. "Will I be in charge of support fire?" she asked reluctantly,   
almost certain that her job would be harder than that.  
  
"You will extract the Sixteenth Angel from EVA-06," replied the cold   
and measured tone of Gendou Ikari, his seeming contempt for the girl   
tangible across her skin. The Eva seemed to move in time with his   
words, lurching to a stop as he fell silent, the clicks of a preparing   
launch filling her ears. "Should the unit be possessed, you will   
destroy it and its pilot."  
  
A surge of adrenaline coursed through the girl's veins as she recalled   
the death of Vash's last Eva unconsciously, her hands tightening around   
the handrests in front of her as the silver machine began lurching   
towards the surface. Her mind was aching for the time to stop and   
process, to do anything but simply throw herself into conflict after   
conflict, yet it was painfully clear that she would get no such   
reprieve. "Vash, please, help me," she muttered to herself, painfully   
aware of the approaching surface.  
  
With no warning, the Eva slammed to a stop, quickly disengaging the few   
remaining restraints and practically hurling her forward. Her breath   
was coming quickly, and she struggled to take in the scene around her,   
eyes whirling about the maze of the battlefield. She could see the   
Angel twitching and stabbing, Rei's bone-white goliath firing   
dispassionately, and Vash's poor machine clutching frantically at the   
Angel's wound. They all seemed as though they were disconnected   
elements of a larger picture, something she was observing but not part   
of.  
  
Then everything snapped into frantic motion, clouds of dust swirling   
about as if they were alive and darkening the high sun, the Angel's   
snaking form lashing out as Rei stepped nimbly about it. Eiko forced   
herself to take a deep breath as she let her Eva start moving forward,   
noticing the odd symmetry between Rei and her opponent, both moving   
with an almost alien grace and certainty. "I'm coming, Vash!" she   
shouted, her movements slowly growing more sure.  
  
Koji forced himself to look towards the source of the voice. Eiko's   
machine glinted silver under the sunlight, penetrating the maze of dust   
and static that clouded his vision, like some sort of divine savior.   
"Eiko!" he shouted, his determination bolstered for a moment, his   
fingers digging more tightly into the Angel embedded within him.  
  
It took a second for him to remember seeing her and Neil kissing in the   
terrace, remember how quickly she had left him behind for the American   
boy. Something inexplicable took hold of him, and he could hear the   
Angel whispering reminders in his ears even as its infection spread   
along his skin. "She didn't say she was coming for me," he muttered,   
his grip loosening slightly. "She was coming for Vash."  
  
Like the flash of sun off the silver armor of Eiko's machine, the Angel   
moved away from Rei, weaving towards Eiko with a speed that seemed   
almost dizzying. It struggled against her AT Field for only the barest   
of moments, then plunged itself through her midsection, pulling itself   
taught and seeming to spread tendrils from both of the Evas it had now   
taken.  
  
There was a searing burst of light in Koji's eyes, the same in Eiko's,   
a pain stabbing through their stomachs, and the world dissolved.   
Everything went liquid, and the two could feel it, a stabbing and   
horrific forced merging. Lines between bodies blurred as Koji tried to   
lift his hand, feeling Eiko's fingers and plugsuit, the natural curve   
of her left shoulder, her taste upon her tongue in their mind.  
  
Shutting someone's eyes, Koji struggled to focus on his left arm, the   
single alien part of his body. He hated it, Eiko knew that, they knew   
that, and somehow it seemed to be the one thing that could be saved.   
It was his, irrevocably, something only he could bear upon his body.   
"My arm," he muttered, finding himself wondering what Neil was thinking   
as he felt his mind stretch between two perceptions. "It's mine.   
Mine."  
  
Agony ripped through the boy's shared mind and body, but he forced his   
focus, ignoring the tickling sensation of Eiko's presence. Slowly,   
gradually, he could feel them separating again, their minds and bodies   
discriminating once again. "I do have substance," he growled to   
nobody. "It's not true. It's not..."  
  
Floodgates opened, and Koji and Eiko were standing apart from one   
another, the world around them nothing but pure white light, as though   
their minds had simply constructed a framework for them. No words   
could pass between them, information passing between them without   
words, their hearts and minds opened irrevocably. They were distantly   
aware of the fact that their Evas were spasming in the real world, but   
it was a distant fact, something lost in the knowledge of one another.  
  
It was the greatest pain that Koji could imagine. He had always wanted   
to think that sharing everything about himself would be different,   
triumphant, perfect, but as he felt himself and Eiko merge their   
perceptions he knew that it was an illusion. Every secret corner of   
his soul was being flung open, the real him being made bare to Eiko,   
and at the same time he could feel everything that she had agonized   
over, every single moment of hesitation or regret...  
  
One thought inserted itself into Koji's brain, and his eyes flew open.  
  
His mind began to be dragged away almost the second that he saw through   
his own eyes once again, and stumbling for an anchor he settled on his   
left arm, tightening every single muscle in the adopted limb, digging   
his nails into his palm as best he could, anything to force the reality   
of the arm and his body home to his mind. He could see the static   
clearing from his display, the world beginning to spread before him   
without confusion, his strength returning to him along with the Eva.  
  
Fingers wrapped around the Angel protruding from his stomach, and   
ignoring the sense of pain his hands gave him he pulled the Angel's   
form taught, forcing it to stay rigid. It was all he could muster, but   
as he saw Rei's machine glance towards him he realized that she   
understood, that she knew exactly what her role was going to be in the   
defeat of the Angel.  
  
With smooth movements, she dropped her ranged weapons, ejecting her   
prog knife from its shoulder flange and letting it fall into her hand.   
She moved with determination, lunging towards the newly-vulnerable   
Angel, letting the blade tear through the Angel as she swung it in a   
clear and perfect arc. It was something that Koji could only be   
distantly aware of as he felt the presence in his mind and body slowly   
recede, his own thoughts unbelievably tired.  
  
]++[  
  
Koji hated what he was about to do, but he knew it was necessary. He'd   
never bought into the idea of life working in cycles, of certain things   
needing to end periods of living, and the last thing that he wanted was   
to prove himself wrong about it. But there were no alternatives open   
to him, and so he forced himself to continue towards Eiko's house, the   
pale cyan paint of the building lost in the sunset's orange and red   
flare, rehearsing the conversation in his mind.  
  
The door was in front of him almost before he knew it, and with gritted   
teeth he rapped hard against the wooden surface, praying internally   
that it wouldn't be her parents that answered. They hadn't liked him   
beforehand, and under the circumstances he tended to doubt he would   
even be able to get inside the door.  
  
A clicking noise came from within the house, and the door swung open,   
prompting Vash's eyes to widen. He'd almost forgotten about the fact   
that Toji had gotten out of the hospital, so caught up in the flurry of   
other people leaving. "Vash," said the boy, sounding somewhere between   
surprised and disinterested. "I didn't think you'd be coming around."  
  
Both stared at one another for a few moments, Toji's blue eyes meeting   
Koji's with a rather harsh stare. Then the elder boy broke the   
silence, stepping inside and clapping Eiko's brother on the back, half-  
forcing a smile onto his face. "Hey, Toji," he said, coughing   
slightly. "Sorry that I haven't been by. I've kind of been..." He   
paused, then glanced away. "I've kind of been a jerk lately."  
  
"Yeah, Eiko mentioned something to that effect." The younger boy   
grinned, a simple gesture that took a huge burden off of Koji's   
thoughts. "I figured that you finally managed to beat her at a   
fighting game. It was bound to happen sooner or later."  
  
"Nothing so boring," replied the boy, shaking his head and glancing   
towards the stairs. He was glad that Toji didn't want to rip his eyes   
out, but he was relatively unconcerned with what the younger boy wanted   
or thought. "Speaking of Eiko, is she... here?"  
  
"Of course. With Kensuke and Hikari gone, she doesn't want to go to   
the arcade with -me-." He smirked, a good-natured grin oddly   
reminscent of his sister's. "I think she's just nervous. With all   
that free time in the hospital, I've been able to practice. You should   
see the sort of rushes I can pull off in SC3."  
  
Koji was already heading up the stairs, but he stopped and glanced back   
at the other boy, a smile still on his lips. "Tell you what. Next   
time Eiko and I go off to the arcade, I'll make -sure- you come   
alone." He paused, then turned back towards the upper floor. "And I'm   
betting that you're -still- not good enough to beat me, rushes or not."  
  
The younger boy shouted back his own challenge, but Koji's ears were   
dead to it, his concentration elsewhere. It had seemed like the wrong   
time to mention that he and Eiko might never go anywhere together, but   
as he drew closer to the top of the staircase he couldn't push the   
thought out of his head. It was almost insanely tempting to simply   
turn around and leave, to avoid talking with the girl about something   
that he was almost certain would go poorly Certainly, it would be   
easier than dealing with her.  
  
Still, he held his ground, walking to the top floor and knocking on the   
Eiko's door, reminding himself that it couldn't possibly be more   
stressful than having his mind invaded by the Angel. It seemed like an   
eternity before the girl actually opened the door, and even then her   
eyes were blank for a few moments, as though she didn't recognize the   
boy standing in front of her. "Vash?" she asked, sounding puzzled.   
"Is something -"  
  
"Can I come in?" he asked, avoiding the girl's eyes as he stared into   
her bedroom. Part of him wanted her to say no and end his   
responsibility, but most of him wanted her to say yes.  
  
"Um... of course. Yeah." Her answer sounded more confused than   
reluctant, and she awkwardly stepped back and away from the door,   
allowing Koji to step into the room. "Sorry that it's kind of a   
mess... um... I know that..."  
  
"Relax. I'm not angry." He sighed, then took a deep breath, as if he   
was forcing himself to cleanse the air before he said anything.   
"Actually... I came here to say I'm sorry. It... it was my fault that   
things happened the way that they did, not yours. I have no right to   
be angry."  
  
Eiko took a hesitant step towards the boy, but he held up a hand to   
stop her, his eyes cast towards the floor and resting on a single   
photograph. The photo looked like a forgotten child, painfully obvious   
and out of place amongst the soft carpeting that surrounded it. "I   
didn't let you in after the Thirteenth attacked me," continued Koji,   
his confidence slowly growing. "I was afraid. But I didn't want to   
tell you that. I didn't want you to think I could be scared."  
  
"Vash..." The girl's voice qas awkward and halting, as though the name   
felt uncomfortable on her tongue. "I... I wouldn't have minded if   
you'd just told me. If you had let me know, I..."  
  
"You don't know what you would have done," replied Koji, shaking his   
head as he unconsciously clenched his fists. "I thought I knew. I   
thought it was a foregone conclusion that you wouldn't have wanted to   
have anything to do with me any longer." He forced himself to take a   
deep breath. "Because you've never really known me, not the way that   
you think, not..."  
  
Empty air sat between the two for a moment, Koji struggling to find the   
words. "You don't understand," he said at length, sighing and stepping   
over to the bed, flopping on it with an exhausted grunt. "What my   
father was like after my mother left... I thought that was -me-. I   
thought that if everyone saw somebody else, than sooner or later... if   
you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it yourself."  
  
The girl's soft footsteps seemed to hammer on the floor like   
explosions, and Koji squeezed his eyes shut. "You and I, Eiko... we're   
not creatures of substance. We're not deep people, we just pretend at   
being them. I'm just putting on a brave face, and you're just living   
by reaction."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" asked Eiko, her tone sharp, the bed shaking   
slightly as she sat beside the boy. Cautiously, he opened his eyes to   
stare at her, taking in the perfect clarity of her form, feeling   
something in his chest tighten simply from the look of her.  
  
"Your parents want you to be a respectable Japanese girl, so you become   
the opposite. They want you to date someone they approve of, so you   
date me. Neil displays affection for you, so you reciprocate."  
  
"That's not true!" snapped Eiko, a red flush covering her face, every   
muscle in her body tensing in unison. "I... I truly like Neil. I   
kissed him because... because I -wanted- to."  
  
"I know. I'm just questioning your motives." He held up a hand,   
stilling her response before it passed her lips. "I didn't come here   
to accuse you of anything, Eiko. I came here to apologize, to tell you   
what was going on, and... to ask you to come back. I expected that   
groveling would be involved."  
  
He glanced towards the girl, seeing only a blank expression on her   
face, and sighed again, more heavily than before. It was an awkward   
situation anyways, and her seeming dearth of interest only served to   
make things worse. "Eiko, I know that we have problems. I know that   
we haven't let one another in for the most part. But I'm willing to   
try."  
  
"Vash... Koji..." Eiko stared at him a moment longer, then rather   
unexpectedly burst into tears. "I don't know who I am, Koji. I don't   
have the vaguest idea. I'm afraid that you... you won't like what's   
underneath, that I'll bore you, that I'll disappoint you, that -"  
  
"I'll take the chance," replied Koji, settling one hand on her   
shoulder. Her tear-streaked eyes flicked up to him, obviously afraid   
of his response, and he forced a smile despite feeling like joining her   
tears. "No more false fronts. No more pretending to be someone. For   
either of us. We're going to be honest with one another... and with   
ourselves."  
  
Eiko's only response was a weak sob, followed by a swift motion closer   
to the boy, her arms wrapping around him as her nails dug into his   
back, her breath coming quickly and shallowly. He could feel the   
pressure in his chest recede, and without hesitation he joined her   
embrace, letting his eyes trace about the room, the sketches and   
pictures adorning the walls filling his heart with a warmth he couldn't   
describe. "I love you, Vash."  
  
For a moment, the boy considered objecting to the old nickname, but it   
felt comforting despite everything, as though he had slipped back into   
the life that he had loved. "I love you, Eiko," Vash replied, letting   
the bitterness from the earlier day melt away like morning dew,   
resisting the urge to cry for only a moment before he let tears trickle   
slowly from his eyes.  
  
]++[  
  
"They could have at least let me sit in the damned cockpit," snarled   
Nieve, scuffing her feet against the floor as best she could without   
any shoes. She had been largely silent during the walk back from   
Central Dogma, a merciful reprieve for the boy who had known that they   
would be shouting once they returned home. "Christ, it's been more   
than a month since I piloted an Eva. They haven't sent out EVA-05 once   
since I've been appointed its pilot. Eiko's as much responsible for   
the Fourteenth Angel penetrating our defenses as I am."  
  
"Uh-huh," replied Neil weakly, almost wondering why he was bothering to   
remove his shoes as he stepped into the apartment. It had been a sweet   
mercy of fate that he hadn't had to talk to the girl after his   
encounter with Eiko, but as he watched her hair bob along lightly   
behind her he could feel guilt eating him away physically from within.   
His stomach was tying itself in knots, but even that seemed a minor   
problem compared to the searing pain lit along his chest, as though the   
girl in front of him had caused his heart to eat itself. "Maybe the   
next Angel."  
  
"Bugger the lot of them. Misato included. She could have said   
something, and instead she just stood by mutely and let Rei and Eiko   
get all the glory." The girl sighed, stepping into the den almost idly   
and vanishing from Neil's sight as he slowly followed. "Can't believe   
you ever saw anything in Eiko, for that matter. I don't think she's   
done anything useful since she became a pilot."  
  
"Probably not," replied Neil. The thought had occurred to him to   
simply leave, but he could feel himself drawn to the flame-haired girl   
sitting on the couch, as though he couldn't rush to burn himself fast   
enough. "She's just not a very good pilot. Shouldn't have agreed when   
NERV offered her the position."  
  
Nieve said nothing immediately, simply waited as the boy walked around   
and sat on the couch, putting as much distance between the two of them   
as possible. It was then that she turned towards him, her eyes full of   
worry, her mouth pursed ever so slightly. "What's wrong?" she asked   
quietly, edging towards him. "I can tell that something's bothering   
you. You always have that little catch in your tone."  
  
"You don't want to know." It was a partially honest statement; Neil   
wasn't entirely sure if she would have wanted to know or not, but he   
was certain that he didn't want to tell her. But he knew that it was   
going to happen, could feel it in the air around them. It was pressing   
upon him like a weight, threatening to smother him momentarily if some   
pressure wasn't relieved.  
  
"Of course I want to know," replied Nieve somewhat curtly, leaning   
closer to the the boy once again. Her green eyes were too earnest, and   
Neil had to force himself to look away towards the pale yellow walls,   
knowing that he couldn't even bear to think of what he had done to   
her. "Neil, come on, I hate when you get like this." She paused. "Is   
this... is this because of the way that I've been acting without my   
Eva? Do you think that I've -"  
  
"It has nothing to do with you!" snapped Neil. He wasn't angry, his   
emotions just needed some way to release themselves and seized first   
upon anger. He regretted his action immediately, another knife of   
guilt driving into his chest as he stared at the girl once again,   
watching sadness drift across the clear green of her eyes. "I'm   
sorry. That's not fair. It's not even true."  
  
Something in the boy's tone gave Nieve the vaguest inkling of how   
important whatever had happened was to him, and she felt herself grow   
still, her hand slowly stretching towards his leg and resting gently   
upon it. "Please tell me," she murmured, her lower lip trembling   
slightly.  
  
Neil wanted to scream. He wanted to shove Nieve away, to throw himself   
from the window and let the ground absolve his sins, to simply kiss her   
and forget that the whole mess had come to pass. He wanted to do   
something, anything besides the confession of the truth, anything but   
cement in Nieve's mind once and for all the fact that he was a horrible   
mockery of a human being that deserved nothing less than utter   
ostracism. But he couldn't utter so much as a word of that emotion,   
instead stumbling over his tongue as he slowly opened his mouth,   
eternities seeming to pass between the Children.  
  
"At lunch. With Eiko." His voice sounded oddly cool, as if he was   
calm, as if the conflicting emotions had fought one another to a   
standstill. "She and I were talking about things - about   
relationships. She said that she and Vash were about to break up, that   
their relationship was on its last legs." There was a pause, not from   
emotion but from simple necessity of breath. "I didn't know what to   
think of that."  
  
The girl's face was slowly shifting, as though it was beginning to   
understand what Neil was getting at. It only hurt him further.   
"There's been something between her and I since the day we met, I   
suppose. She was beautiful the first time I saw her." He paused   
again, the weight of his feeble self-preservation instinct throwing the   
last of its strength against his guilty urge to reveal the truth.  
  
"She -" He shook his head, not wanting to place the blame on Eiko.   
"We kissed. I kissed her."  
  
Neither boy nor girl spoke for a moment. Nothing seemed to move, as   
though the room had been frozen in crystal, an eternity for Neil to   
feel the pain of the horrible secret be replaced by the agony of what   
he knew was about to happen. "You're kidding," whispered Nieve at   
length, her hand trembling upon Neil's leg, her eyes slowly beginning   
to fill with tears."  
  
"I'm not," replied Neil. He could feel his heart rending itself apart,   
and wondered almost casually why his voice was reflecting nothing. His   
voice was quiet, businesslike, almost as if he was proud of what he had   
done. "I wouldn't make a joke about something like this. I know what   
it means to you."  
  
Everything became fuzzy and indistinct, and Nieve slowly rose from the   
couch, the same sort of eerie stillness in her motions. "Of course,"   
she whispered, words only reaching Neil's ears due to the stillness   
around them. "I should have known. It was my own fault for expecting   
that you wouldn't leave sooner or later. I should have known."  
  
Something stirred within Neil's chest, and he stood, stepping towards   
Nieve as she began pacing uncomfortably in the hall between the den and   
the kitchen. "Nieve -"  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" Her emotions burst like a dam under the   
minor pressure, and in one smooth motion her hand flew across his face,   
leaving a stinging red mark even as she swiftly moved away from him.   
"I don't want to see your face ever -again-! I don't want you to say   
that you're -sorry-, that you're not -leaving-, -any- of it!"  
  
"I didn't think that you would," replied Neil weakly, taking a step   
forward, moving gingerly towards the doorway out of the apartment. He   
felt defeated, even with the irrepressible guilt tearing him apart from   
within, consuming him like fire and sending arrows of pain up through   
his eyes. His voice remained unchanging. "I'll schedule my tests to   
be as far away from yours as possible."  
  
"You made love to -me-!" screamed Nieve, her hand flying to the nearest   
object and flinging it towards Neil. It happened to be a magazine that   
hit the boy's back gently and ineffectually, but it was the act that   
mattered. "You said you loved -me-!"  
  
"No," replied Neil, still sounding perfectly businesslike. Inside he   
was hating himself more and more with every single moment, as though he   
was watching himself from a camera. No reaction seemed to cross his   
face as he slowly shuffled along the polished wood towards the door,   
recalling the first time that he'd stepped down the hallway. "I don't   
remember ever saying that I loved you."  
  
He knew it was the wrong thing to say long before the words had left   
his mouth, but it didn't give him pause. Tears were flowing from   
Nieve's eyes now, splattering against the floor weakly as her hands   
grasped at the salt shaker on the table. A bitter smile was drawing   
itself across her lips, eyes glaring even as they cried. "No, you   
wouldn't say that, would you? The only person you love is -yourself-!   
You don't -care- about me!"  
  
The boy wanted to fight for himself, but he hated the thought of   
fighting for something he didn't believe in. He held his tongue,   
simply slipping his shoes on as he felt the hard glass salt shaker slam   
against his shoulder. It fell and shattered, spilling the fine white   
dust in cloud around him, but he ignored it. "You're a -monster-, Neil   
Richelieu!" screamed the girl. "A selfish, hateful -monster-!"  
  
Neil paused, turning and staring at the girl for just a moment. He   
could see rage etched across her face, the beautiful lines of her face   
marred by anger and the steady flow of tears. Sighing deeply, he let   
his eyes close, remembering the first time that he'd met the girl, the   
beautiful way that the sun on the ocean has played across her skin, the   
way that she had been blown about by the winds.  
  
Their first kiss flickered across his mind, a single crystal moment of   
perfect happiness. And the first time that they had ever truly gone on   
a date, and the sensation of warmth and joy he'd felt ebbing from her   
body when he'd first moved within her. It seemed to bleed from his   
mind like an open wound, and he had to suppress a shudder as he let his   
eyes open once again, staring at the enraged girl, wishing that he had   
never been a part of her life.  
  
"You're right, Nieve. I am a monster. I deserve what I get." He   
lingered a moment longer, then turned and opened the door, let himself   
step out of the apartment and into the hallway, his feet carrying him   
along towards an unknown destination. He was certain that Nieve was   
crying behind him, and every cell in his body screamed for him to   
comfort her, but he resisted the urge, knowing full well that he had   
hurt her more than enough.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato and Ritsuko had already been talking to the boy, telling him   
what he needed to know, what he was being expected to do. It was not a   
converation that Gendou Ikari was aware of in any exact detail, but he   
was certain that it was transpiring even as he felt the elevator slowly   
lurch towards its destination. That left him with the rather awkward   
task of inserting himself into the middle of the discussion, something   
that he knew would sit poorly with both women and with the boy. It was   
the absolute last thing that he wanted to do, and he knew beyond a   
doubt that there was no more graceful alternative.  
  
By training, of course, his discomfort didn't show. It was purely   
internal, kept beneath the surface without the slightest hint managing   
to bubble to the surface. Any of the employees who might have passed   
Gendou in the hallways would have simply seen him the same as always,   
perhaps slightly thinner but not glaringly so. It was a trick he had   
begun to teach himself in college and had refined to an art form once   
Yui had died.  
  
A lone beep sounded, and the elevator doors slid open with a whir,   
revealing the seemingly endless hallway that led to the observation   
booth. Forcing a deep breath into his lungs, Gendou strode down the   
hall, ignoring the teal-gray walls as he moved resolutely, his only   
focus the door at the end of the hall emblazoned with the NERV   
insignia. It yielded to him with the usual soft mechanical noise, and   
he stepped into the booth, empty except for his presence.  
  
The audio, as he'd requested, was on, and he could hear every word   
being spoken far below on the catwalk of the Eva hangar. It was   
Ritsuko talking now, her measured calm doubtlessly in contrast to   
Misato's tones. "This is childish," she said, obviously displeased   
with the boy standing with her. "You need to pilot this machine. It's   
your destiny."  
  
Gendou froze for a moment, straining to hear the sound of the boy's   
voice, the eerie similarity to his own and the comforting echo of Yui's   
beautiful tone. "I don't want to. I don't want to have anything to do   
with my father's machines."  
  
"Ritsuko is right," said Gendou calmly, flicking his eyes towards the   
catwalk. He couldn't hope to make out facial details, but he knew that   
the boy's head was turning towards him in surprise. "You are being   
childish about the situation."  
  
Silence filled the hangar for a moment, the boy staring up at the glass   
skybox, Gendou standing dispassionately in front of it. "Father," said   
the boy at length, making a slight motion that Gendou couldn't pick out   
at the distance.  
  
"Shinji," replied Gendou, forcing down the glowing admiration that   
filled him upon speaking his son's name. It was an awkward sensation   
that he knew would only get in the way of what had to be done, and it   
was not an emotion that he had the vaguest clue of how to deal with.   
"It's been too long."  
  
"You're right, it has," replied Shinji weakly, dropping his head and   
staring at the purple-orange liquid sloshing beneath the catwalk.   
"Father... you... you left me alone. When mother died, you left me   
alone..."  
  
The pain carried perfectly in the boy's voice, nothing that Gendou   
hadn't been expecting. He hadn't quite expected the words to sting so   
deeply, but he had known when he had set his plans into motion that it   
would necessitate extreme measures. "I had more important things to   
take care of," replied Gendou flatly, adjusting his glasses and turning   
his gaze towards the orange form of EVA-00. "Such as this. The   
culmination of all that your mother and I worked for, Shinji - the   
artificial life form 'Evangelion'."  
  
"I don't care!" snapped the boy, suddenly staring up again at the   
skybox, the tremble in his voice implying that he was unaccustomed to   
the act of assertiveness. "Why did you send for me, father? Why did   
you have be brought here?"  
  
"Because I need you." It was a lie, but Gendou knew that the entire   
execution hinged upon the lie. "Ritsuko and Misato have told you why   
you were brought here. You are to be the pilot of Evangelion unit 00,   
the prototype unit. It is your birthright."  
  
"So you didn't want me," sighed Shinji, slumping to his knees, as   
though he'd both expected Gendou's words and dreaded actually hearing   
them. Gendou could only see him distantly, but he could tell that his   
son had become a handsome boy, possessing his mother's delicate   
features almost to the point of girlishness. "You just brought me here   
because you had a use for me."  
  
Misato glared briefly at the skybox, then knelt beside Shinji, placing   
one hand on his shoulder. It was nothing that Gendou hadn't expected   
from what he knew of the woman - she was more likely to sympathize with   
him if she saw his father as a monster, a personal element that the   
commander had long ago considered. "Don't worry about why he brought   
you here, Shinji," she offered soothingly. "There are more important   
reasons to pilot the machine besides him -"  
  
"No!" The boy was struggling half to be defiant and half simply to   
avoid responsibility, something Gendou could distantly sense in his   
tone and bearing. "I don't want to help him at all! He doesn't want   
me here!"  
  
A pain throbbed in Gendou's chest, and he felt an awkward moment of   
clarity, knowing full well that his son's future was resting entirely   
in his hands. He knew that if he simply said nothing more, his son   
would leave, would be freed at least temporarily from the machinations   
and desings that Gendou sought to protect him from. It was unspeakably   
tempting, and it took him a moment before he could compose himself   
enough to be convincing.  
  
"There are reasons beyond your piloting of the Evangelion unit," said   
Gendou flatly, drawing Shinji's gaze back towards him. "Shinji... I   
have never been good at this. If you will pilot the machine..." He   
paused, just long enough for Shinji to think that it was emotionally   
taxing to think, a calculated effect. "You are my son. I have no   
doubt that you will prove an excellent pilot."  
  
It was just a minor benediction, but already Shinji's eyes had turned   
towards the orange golem in front of him. The conversation's outcome   
was set now, and Gendou knew it full well, knew that the boy would get   
inside the LCL. In his mind's eye he could see the boy's face within   
the cockpit, panicked, screaming for his mother, watching his body   
dissolve into nothingness, being absorbed into the machine. And all   
the while, he knew that he would be the architect of the boy's   
suffering -  
  
With a start, Gendou Ikari snapped back to wakefulness, realizing too   
late that he had fallen asleep at his desk. "Too many late nights," he   
muttered, adjusting his glasses and running a cursory hand through his   
hair, inwardly hating the memory that had begun to haunt his every   
dream. "The culmination of too much is lying in our hands."  
  
Sighing, he caught a glance of himself in the reflective surface of the   
lone photograph sitting on his desk, a poor reflection but decent   
enough to judge his own appearance by. He had not aged well, and he   
knew it - the gauntness of his face had only grown with time, combined   
with a natural exhaustion that seemed to permeate his body down to the   
bone. "I wonder if Yui would recognize me today," he muttered, closing   
his eye and allowing himself a bittersweet smile.  
  
His door slid open with its typical whir, and without a moment's notice   
Gendou's expression snapped back to its typical blank and disapproving   
stare. It was Kozou stepping into the room, his eyes still remarkably   
sharp in comparison to Gendou's. "There have been developments," said   
the elder man flatly, striding across the massive chamber swiftly, his   
graying hair cast an odd shade of red by the lighting in the room.  
  
"I fail to see how they could throw any more wrenches in our plans,"   
muttered Gendou, adjusting his glasses and resisting the urge to simply   
march back to his apartment and sleep. "The transfer must have   
finished going through by now." He paused, then frowned slightly. "Or   
have they played their trump card?"  
  
"What remained of their initial sample is no longer registering,"   
replied Kozou flatly, only the slightest catch in his tone betraying   
the fact that he was deathly afraid of the implications. "It could be   
that they simply disabled our transmission, that they made sure we   
would be unable to cause any further frustration to their plan -"  
  
"Or it could be for obvious reasons," replied Gendou. "A bold move.   
They no doubt intend for the final seal to be broken at the same moment   
that our last asset is destroyed." He smirked ever so slightly. "EVA-  
08's development has been obscured sufficiently?"  
  
"They don't know," replied Kozou, confidence returning to his voice.   
"They've made no effort to impede the process, and we're ahead of   
schedule. I could have it down here by early morning tomorrow -"  
  
"No. We'll let them have their illusion until it's too late for them   
to do anything about it." He allowed himself a hissing sigh, letting   
his eyes close momentarily. "It's working, Kozou. Every piece of   
planning is coming to fruition."  
  
"Yui's dream," replied Fuyutsuki, staring up at the ceiling of the   
office, at the intricate pattern of curves and lines forming a design   
at once terrifying and beautiful. "I'll make sure that NERV   
Intelligence has a solid watch on our latest addition. And I'll make   
sure that we're prepared for intrusion when it happens."  
  
"See that you do," replied Gendou, drawing his mouth into a thin line,   
signaling the end of the conversation. He watched out of the corner of   
his eyes as Kozou left the room, pretending to be engrossed by a report   
sitting in front of him when he truly could have cared less. His eyes   
were more closely focusing on the NERV insignia in the upper left-hand   
corner, the small half-leaf surrounded by familiar text.  
  
"God's in his heaven, all's right with the world," repeated Gendou,   
allowing himself the momentary indulgence of speaking the words and   
smirking at them before shoving the report aside. It was a moment more   
before he forced himself to his feet, feeling the weight of his   
position across the whole of his body. The burden of the world was a   
difficult one to bear, but he had no doubt that he would be able, that   
he would prove all of his enemies wrong.  
  
]++[  
  
Vash had answered the door almost by accident, but he felt a pang of   
irritating circularity in his life when he saw Neil standing in front   
of him, the boy's eyes tired, his body seemingly broken and his pale   
green shirt ruffled. "Neil," he said, trying to sound calm and   
failing, his surprise overwhelming him. "I don't know why you came -"  
  
"Because you weren't at your house," replied Neil weakly. The dark   
blue velvet of the night had wrapped itself around him, and he stood   
just far enough away from the door to keep the darkness shrouding him,   
as though he was ashamed of being seen. Vash, for his part, was   
standing inside of Eiko's house, his feet against the cool wooden   
floor, the sounds of video games leaking through the air from the   
living room to where he stood.  
  
"I - how do you even know where I live?" Vash stared for a moment,   
then shook his head. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Look, Neil,   
I know everything that happened between Eiko and you earlier today."  
  
The words seemed to hit the boy like a slap in the face, and something   
within Vash tightened at the hurt look that moved across his expression   
like a ghost. "You do," he replied, his voice calm and measured even   
as his eyes betrayed him. "But you're obviously not broken up at this   
point. I doubt you'd be here."  
  
Glancing awkwardly into the house, Vash took a step forward, on the   
cusp of stepping outside, the pale white light from inside the house   
seeming the slowly radiate off his shoulders. "We talked about it a   
little, but no, we're still together. It was... something the Angel   
did to us, I think. Something it put us through." He paused, then   
grimaced. "I'm not making much sense, am I?"  
  
"That's all right. I came to you, not the other way around." He   
sighed, sinking his head. "Vash... Eiko told me that you called me a   
good person once. She said that you... you honestly thought that I   
should be with her instead of you. Do... do you still believe that?"  
  
Vash was truly confused as to what Neil was actually trying to   
achieve. He could only stab at the ultimate point in his mind, and the   
only reasonable guess that he could manage was that Neil had expected   
he and Eiko to break up, the same assumption that Vash had harbored not   
so long before. "I... I believe you're a good person. I really do.   
But Eiko..." He sighed. "I can't answer that question, Neil. You and   
I don't know each other well enough for that."  
  
"Obviously not," replied Neil, shaking his head dejectedly. "I didn't   
come here for her. I came here for you. To tell you what had   
happened - you beat me to that - and to apologize."  
  
Neil raised a hand to Vash, stopping the other boy from saying another   
word, the light from within the house barely brushing against the green-  
eyed Child's skin. "You were wrong, Vash. I'm not a good person." He   
bit his lip, lowering his head until only the blonde strands of his   
hair were visible. "I'm barely even a person in any meaningful sense.   
I'm a monstrosity. I had no right to kiss Eiko... to try and deny you   
that..."  
  
There was a momentary, awkward pause, and Neil bit his lip once again   
for just a moment. "You were right on the day we met, you know. You   
said that I should be ashamed of myself for what I'd done. I fought   
back because I knew that you were right." The vaguest hints of sadness   
were beginning to creep into his voice. "Not much to be proud of, is   
it?"  
  
Vash had no response, something that didn't seem to surprise Neil as he   
looked into the other boy's eyes. "You should be with Eiko," he said   
softly, his eyes flashing a pain from deep within his thoughts. "You   
two... you're what lovers should be. I'm not even going to be here   
after the last Angel is destroyed, and..." He sighed. "I'm babbling."  
  
There was some vague sense of responsibility fighting inside of Vash,   
and he felt himself fighting between the urge to step outside and   
confront the other boy and the urge to put his shoes on first. "Neil,   
what happened?" he managed at length.  
  
"I told Nieve that I kissed Eiko," replied Neil sheepishly, this time   
casting his gaze towards the moon, the silvery orb hanging bright in   
the sky and casting fingers of white light across the night. There was   
something almost alien in his eyes as he looked upwards, something that   
stirred Vash's soul. "Stupid of me, wasn't it? All it would have   
taken was silence, and maybe everything could have been fine. We could   
have all waited for the last Angel in peace, and pretended that nothing   
was wrong."  
  
Both boys remained silent, then Neil gave one last bittersweet smile in   
Vash's direction. "Sorry to have bothered you," he said at length,   
turning away from the house. "Have fun tonight. I certainly won't."  
  
It was some time before Vash even felt capable of movement again,   
staring out into the night with a confused expression on his face,   
light winter wind blowing his black hair about in small flurries. He   
let his eyes drift closed at length, then stepped back from the door   
slowly, reaching and shutting it with slow and deliberate movements.   
He had expected to have to deal with Neil at some point, but he had   
expected anything but a silent acquiescence from the other Child.  
  
"Vash?" Eiko's voice sounded almost alien, and it took him another   
moment to turn and realize her, biting his lower lip and wearing a   
confused look on his face. "Who was at the door? You've been down   
here an awfully long time."  
  
"Neil," replied Vash, turning once again and looking at the door. Eiko   
started slightly, but he didn't see, his eyes locking on his shoes as   
he began to wonder what it had cost Neil to come and talk with him.   
"He told Nieve what happened with you two today. I'm guessing that it   
went pretty badly."  
  
"Oh, God. I didn't even think of Neil." She sighed, slapping herself   
gently on her forehead, stepping over towards Vash with heavy   
footsteps. "I've made a mess of everything, haven't I?"  
  
"It's part of who we were. We both made a mess of things." The boy   
turned and pecked Eiko quickly on the cheek, then returned to his   
shoes, kicking them in front of him and slipping them on with quick,   
deft movements. "Maybe that's why Neil came over in the first place,   
trying to set something right."  
  
"You're going, aren't you?" asked Eiko, her voice nervous. A small   
pang of guilt stabbed through Vash's chest, but he forced it down,   
slipping his other shoe on before turning back to look at the girl. He   
knew what he needed to do, and he wanted to be sure that any regrets   
would prove to be meaningless.  
  
His eyes took in Eiko's entire body in one quick glance, the slender   
and deft hands, the short black hair, the curve of her neck, the stoic   
jaw and perfectly innocent eyes. "I have to," he said, stepping as   
close to her as he could, letting his arms wrap around her as she   
stepped over to him. Her warmth mingled with his own, and for a moment   
he could feel the connection from the Angel's attack open just the   
slightest bit. The girl's thoughts and dreams seemed to tickle at the   
back of his mind, as though she was waiting to thrust them fully into   
his head...  
  
Closing his eyes, Vash released the girl, smiling at her as he opened   
the door and stepped outside. He could feel the vaguest sense of dread   
growing at the back of his mind, but he ignored it, lightly jogging to   
the street, struggling to remember where Misato lived. Moonlight   
spilled along the black asphalt, and within a moment Vash was off, his   
suspicions pushed aside for the moment.  
  
]++[  
  
There was a gentle flow of blood trickling from the wound, just enough   
to run down the girl's forearm, dripping from her elbow to the surface   
of the couch. Her breathing was steady, only slightly shallow, her   
eyes closed peacefully, arm held up to let her bleed more steadily. As   
near as she could tell, there was no feeling in her body, no fear or   
sadness, only a grim acceptance if there was anything.  
  
Nieve let out a slow breath, shifting her hand slightly, rolling her   
thumb and shifting the position of the blade slightly. It scored more   
deeply along her thumb, just enough to redouble the bleeding as she   
suppressed a shudder, tears pooling slowly as the pain weakly throbbed   
from her mangled thumb. "It ought to hurt," she muttered, her voice as   
calm and still as Neil's had been. "I should be in agony now. I   
should be screaming."  
  
Without knowing exactly why, the girl released the knife, letting it   
fall to the couch, blood spattering lightly from the gleaming silver   
blade as she moved to examine the wound she'd inflicted upon herself.   
It was a relatively deep cut, but nothing that she hadn't seen before,   
nothing deep enough to sever nerve endings. Exact depth was hard to   
judge with the blood welling around it, but she knew that she should   
have felt something, that if nothing else the blood along her arm   
should have given her sensation. "Might be bad enough to scar," she   
muttered to herself, wiping the blood away with her fingers, trying to   
get a good look at the wound on her thumb.  
  
She hadn't intended to do it to herself, at least not specifically. It   
had just been a result of her numbness, a simple test of whether or not   
her body had simply burned out its ability to feel anything in one   
final burst of energy. So she had gone to the kitchen, half-intending   
to steal a beer from Misato, and somehow it had seemed like a more   
satisfying test to hurt herself directly. She doubt that Misato would   
be pleased about her use of the steak knife, but it felt of little   
consequence.  
  
Her body lurched to its feet slowly, rocked forward and backwards for a   
second or two, then headed towards the bathroom, distantly aware that   
she needed to stop the bleeding but feeling rather disconnected from   
the associated pain. It took her a moment to even realize that the   
door was opening, another for eyes to heavily swing towards the   
entrance to see Misato standing there, a tired expression on the   
woman's face.  
  
Then Misato looked fully at Nieve, and in a flurry of motion she had   
kicked off her shoes and lunged over to the girl, grabbing her arm and   
yanking it to eye level as she frantically searching for the source of   
the bleeding. "What the hell happened?" she asked, sounding   
frighteningly alert as she dragged the girl into the bathroom with her.  
  
"I cut myself," replied Nieve calmly, knowing that Misato was twisting   
her arm at an uncomfortable angle but too distanced from the pain to   
say anything.  
  
"Well, obviously," replied Misato curtly, finally locating the cut on   
Nieve's thumb and examining it closely, her brow knitted as her brown   
eyes flicked across the girl's arm. "You bled this much from this one   
cut? How long did you wait to get a bandage?"  
  
Nieve stopped for a moment, trying to think as the elder woman rummaged   
around in the medicine cabinet for the bandages, her thoughts still   
disconnected with the situation. "I don't know, exactly. I think I   
cut myself about ten minutes ago, but I wasn't sure if the pain was   
just delayed. Then I tried making the wound deeper, but it still   
didn't hurt."  
  
Misato froze, a bandage in her hand, poised to place it over the cut as   
she slowly raised her eyes to level with Nieve's eyes. "Hold on. When   
you say that you cut yourself, do you mean... intentionally?"  
  
"It's not as thought I was trying to kill myself," replied Nieve   
flatly, reaching over and snatching the bandage from Misato, placing it   
over her thumb and letting the adhesive hold it against her skin. "I   
just wanted to see if it would hurt or not." She paused for a moment,   
then turned and left the bathroom, her back to Misato. "Neil kissed   
Eiko, you know. Earlier today."  
  
The elder woman's face went pale as she stepped out towards the girl,   
her hands finding their way to Nieve's shoulders almost unconciously.   
Part of her didn't want to believe that Neil would do anything of the   
sort, but she could remember the way he had treated her in the past,   
and she knew it was the truth. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wishing   
that the girl was her own. "Is there anything I can do to help you,   
or -"  
  
"Not really. I'm not feeling anything. That was why I cut myself."   
She shrugged Misato's hands off her shoulders, then began to walk   
slowly towards the living room once again. Rivulets of blood still   
stuck to her arm, now smeared by Misato's fingers. "I should probably   
go get the knife. I don't know if blood can attract ants or not, but I   
guess it's better not to find out."  
  
Misato watched Nieve move, her red hair swaying behind her, a thin   
layer of sweat lying on her skin, catching the light just enough to   
reveal itself. "You're denying yourself," said Misato softly, touching   
the small wooden cross she wore around her neck, feeling something   
twitch inside her chest. "You must be dying inside, but you don't want   
to admit it."  
  
"Of course not. I'm fine." Her voice felt hollow, but she forced   
herself to ignore the nagging doubt in her head, stepping over to the   
couch and lifting the knife calmly, only distantly noting the blood on   
the blade. "I knew it was coming, it just didn't happen when I thought   
that it would. Nothing so unusual about that."  
  
"Stop distancing yourself," snapped Misato, stepping towards Nieve as   
the girl slowly walked out of the living room. Nieve simply watched as   
her guardian blocked her path to the kitchen, then tried halfheartedly   
to step around the purple-haired woman. "I know that this is hard, but   
you have to deal with it."  
  
"I am dealing with it. It's not my fault that I can't feel anything."   
The same nagging doubt began surging at the back of her mind, and she   
had to grip the knife more tightly to distract herself, realizing only   
then that she was holding it with the same hand that she had cut. "I   
guess that I just burned myself out. My own stupid fault. It's just   
Neil. Sooner or later he was bound to leave, so it's just as well that   
it was -"  
  
A slap cut through the air, harsh and unexpected, and Nieve could feel   
the stinging pain prickling along her cheek. "Don't lie to me or   
yourself," Misato half-growled and half-stated, her eyes flashing.  
  
Nieve slowly turned her eyes towards Misato again, her shock growing as   
the pain of being slapped sank in more firmly. Then, as if a switch   
had been triggered, the searing pain of her thumb tore through her arm,   
and she suddenly found a sadness gripping her as if it threatened to   
crush the life out of her. She stood only a second longer, then   
released the knife and fell forward, tears streaming from her face, a   
howl slowly pulling itself from her lips.  
  
"He left," she moaned, her entire weight supported by Misato, her   
fingers clutching at the woman's jacket, her tears flowing like a   
waterfall. "Oh, God, I tried so hard to do everything right, and he   
still left. I gave him -everything- I had, and he didn't even seem to   
care about it." She sobbed again, sniffling as she pulled herself   
closer to Misato. "But I want him back. I... I..."  
  
"I know," replied Misato, wrapping her arms around the girl, inhaling   
deeply and tasting Kaji's skin in the still air. A tear pooled at the   
corner of one of her eyes, and the woman and the girl held one another   
more tightly, Nieve wailing and Misato crying quietly. It was the only   
thing that either of them could manage, lamentations for their lost   
darlings, both seemingly out of reach for an eternity.  
  
For all that either of them knew, it could have been hours before the   
knock on the door sounded. Time had gone fluid for both of them, and   
neither was expecting a visitor. It was Nieve that noticed first,   
however, lifting her tear-covered face away from Misato, turning her   
blurry green eyes towards the door hopefully. "You don't think...?"  
  
"Maybe," replied Misato, releasing Nieve and stepping towards the door,   
feeling her body tremble. She wanted to reassure the girl, but she   
knew that it would be lying on at least some level, and as she stepped   
to the door the cross around her neck seemed almost chokingly heavy.   
Taking a deep breath, she let her fingers close around the gold   
doorknob and turn it gently, the door swinging open easily.  
  
"Katsuragi-san," Vash said, his voice sounding rushed, his eyes   
flicking around the hallway leading from the door. He seemed eager to   
move into the apartment, and the moment that Misato had given him half   
an inch of room he was inside, his shoes kicked off with quick   
motions. "Nieve, listen, I have to talk to you."  
  
Nieve had the vaguest idea what the discussion would be about, but she   
held her tongue, simply watching as the boy moved towards her, an   
intensity burning beneath the blue surface of his eyes. "Neil came to   
see me tonight. He said that he'd told you what happened, but... well,   
I figured he half kicked himself out, but I know that you wouldn't have   
made things any -"  
  
"Vash, -please- get to the point," Nieve snapped, her eyes fluttering   
shut as she felt an inexplicable anger bury itself in her breast. She   
knew that she missed Neil, but somehow she didn't feel as though she   
wanted the boy to return so quickly. "Did he ask you to come over   
here?"  
  
"He barely said anything about what happened. I came over because I   
wanted to." He paused. "Look, Nieve, I don't think you understand   
what happened today. I'm not even entirely clear on it myself."  
  
"I understand -enough-," replied Nieve, her tone growing sharper as she   
turned her back on Vash. Her thumb was throbbing weakly, her chest   
tightening at the mere thought of Neil kissing the other girl. "He   
kissed her. I don't blame you if you want to hurt him for what he did,   
but -"  
  
"She kissed him." There was an almost tangible pain in Vash's words,   
and Nieve cocked her head back just far enough to catch the boy out of   
the corner of her eye. It was hard to tell exactly what he was   
feeling, but she knew that the words had cost him something. "She was   
the one that started it, not him. He... he ran, as soon as he realized   
what was going on."  
  
"But he didn't -stop- her!" snapped Nieve, whipping her gaze away once   
again, shutting her eyes tightly and trying to force herself not to cry   
again. She wanted to be stronger than that, wanted to have more   
control over herself even if she'd lost her handle on everything else   
around her. "He still let her kiss him."  
  
Vash was silent for a moment or two, and Nieve felt herself waiting   
almost desperately, hoping to hear another word, something to prove her   
wrong. "You're right," the boy replied at length. "He didn't stop   
her. I don't think he even understood exactly what was going on.   
It..." He sighed. "It wasn't his fault. I wouldn't -be- here if I   
thought otherwise."  
  
Nieve inhaled long and hard, feeling her hair tickle along the back of   
her neck as she lowered her head slightly. "I can't know that for   
sure. Even you can't." She paused. "I think you should leave now."  
  
"What are you so afraid of?" he asked, his voice still quiet. "You   
didn't look into his eyes, did you? He didn't do anything to hurt you,   
not intentionally. He looked as though he was about to die when I saw   
him, as though you'd stabbed him through the heart. Just because he   
made a mistake -"  
  
"-Go- now," snarled Nieve, her eyes squeezing more tightly shut, her   
fists clenching almost unconsciously. "You don't -know- what I've had   
to deal with, Vash. You don't know what I have to be afraid of. You   
don't know what -my- eyes look like right now."  
  
"Then find him," said Vash, voice growing more and more quiet. "Bring   
him back here. Forgive him. Nieve, don't make my mistake. I know how   
much you're hurting right now, but... as long as you keep waiting for   
someone else to beg you for forgiveness -"  
  
"GO AWAY!" screamed Nieve, whirling on her heel and flinging herself at   
Vash, pressing her face close to his, forcing him to look her in the   
eye. "You don't know -anything-! I'll deal with this on my -own-!   
I'm in -control- here, do you -understand- that?"  
  
Vash recoiled slightly, then weakly stepped away, slowly walking   
towards the door in halting half-steps. He stepped down beside Misato   
and slipped his shoes back on silently, occasionally glancing towards   
Nieve weakly, as though he'd genuinely expected to have some effect.   
He didn't truly look at her again until his hand was on the door, an   
unreadably blank expression on his face. "You have to let it go," he   
said, softly, only barely loud enough for the girl to even hear. "We   
all have to."  
  
Then he was gone, leaving Nieve and Misato alone in the apartment.   
Nieve looked into Misato's eyes as calmly as she could manage, seeing   
the questions on the woman's face. Beneath it all she could see an   
acceptance of Vash's words, as though she somehow trusted in Neil   
beyond the facts. It made Nieve feel hopeful and angry at once, and   
she had to look away, casting her eyes towards the table, tracing the   
lines of the wood with her mind.  
  
"I'm going to bed," she said, her voice raspy as she turned and almost   
stepped into Neil's room. Biting her lower lip, she headed towards her   
room and opened the door, silently praying that she would wake to find   
that she had dreamed the whole thing.  
  
]++[  
  
His map was sitting back in Misato's apartment, the map he had bought   
during his first full day in Tokyo-3. It was an oddly symbolic thing,   
and if he had had it he would have burned it happily. As it was, he   
had no idea where he was, only that he was lost somewhere in the midst   
of Tokyo-3, sitting on the shore of what seemed like a grand and   
powerful lake, leaning against the harsh bark of the tree as the cool   
night encompassed him, and wanting nothing so badly as the sweet   
release of death.  
  
Neil Richelieu, as far as he was concerned, was dead. There was   
nothing left at Misato's, not with the woman or the girl, and the last   
traces of a chance he might have had with Eiko were shattered the   
instant he saw Vash standing in her doorway. "Everything went wrong,"   
he muttered, still feeling oddly distant. "Everything's ruined, and   
it's all because I decided to be an idiot and let her kiss me."  
  
Crickets chirped around him, and he cast his eyes weakly towards the   
heavens, watching as the moon's silver outline became blurry and   
indistinct. He was crying, and a moment or two after he realized it he   
threw himself into the act, flinging himself down against the cool   
grass at the shore of the lake, letting out a howl into the night,   
wishing that sleep would take him and save him from realizing what he   
had done.  
  
"I'm the worst," he muttered through intermittent sobs, unsure of how   
much time was passing, of whether or not he had been there for simply   
minutes or months. "She did give me everything, and I just ruined it,   
crumpled it and threw it away, and..." Another choking sob interrupted   
his own words. "I'm a demon."  
  
Enough time passed, and the tears faded, not from a loss of sadness but   
from a simple inability to cry any longer. He pulled himself weakly to   
his feet, casting his eyes towards the heavens once again. The   
intensity of the moment had passed, and that left him with nothing to   
do but simply contemplate his own inevitable damnation. Closing his   
eyes tightly, he let himself begin singing, quietly, just enough for   
the tune to reach his own ears. It was a mournful song, one he'd   
learned from his mother, one that had always stirred him into sorrow   
upon hearing it. It certainly wasn't making things any better.  
  
Lost in the emotion of the song, it took Neil a few moment to realize   
that a high tenor note was echoing his own singing. He wrote it off as   
his own dellusion at first, but the sound persisted, growing louder and   
closer, and Neil could feel himself singing louder to match the other   
voice.  
  
Finally driven out of his own sorrow long enough to be curious, Neil   
turned, his eyes wide as he looked on the unexpected visitor. It was   
another boy, he could tell that much, but the figure seemed indistinct   
until it drew closer. "Who are you?" asked Neil, his voice still   
trembling slightly, his body tensing and relaxing at slow intervals.  
  
"A friend," replied the other boy, his voice high without being   
feminine. He stepped into the moonlight decisively, and the moon   
seemed almost to turn to frame him, the silver tone of its light   
matching the light color of the boy's hair. He was pale without being   
deathly, and his hair hung around his hair in a great mane, as though   
he'd never let a comb touch it before. It was a sharp contrast to his   
almost dangerously thin body, his large blood-red eyes, the thin and   
delicate features of his face. "I'd like to think that, anyways."  
  
Neil stepped backwards slightly, but the boy seemed unthreatening, his   
hands jammed in the pockets of his black pants, his movements graceful   
and decisive. "I..." He stopped, struggling to find the words. "How   
long have you been here?"  
  
"Long enough. Don't worry." The boy took another step forward,   
wearing a thin but friendly smile, as though he was trying to placate   
Neil. "I just want to help. It doesn't seem right for you to be   
hurting as much as you are."  
  
One slender, pale hand emerged from the pockets and extended towards   
Neil, fingers splayed in the pale moonlight, and Neil felt something   
oddly reverent about the gesture. After only a moment's hesitation, he   
extended his own hand, seizing the thin boy's hand in his own,   
surprised at the warmth. "I'm Neil Richelieu," he said, quietly and   
reluctantly.  
  
"I know," replied the boy, still smiling. "My name's Kaworu Nagisa."   
His smile flickered for the barest of instants, looking almost guilty   
for a second. "It seems as though I've been waiting for you for a very   
long time."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
An Angel touched me,  
An Angel held me,  
An Angel loved me.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 25: SIGH OF AN ANGEL  
"God have mercy on my soul."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	25. Sigh of an Angel

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 25: SIGH OF AN ANGEL +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is   
light; in him there is no darkness at all.  
- JOHN 1:5  
  
]++[  
  
Sun was more or less a constant in Tokyo-3, as far as Neil knew it. It   
was odd to see the entire cityscape framed by the pale silver   
moonlight, the whitewashed buildings almost seeming to be exchanging   
their own luminesence with the moon above them. "It looks so different   
from the day," he muttered, letting his eyes flick about the buildings,   
unsure of whether or not he was honestly pleased by the appearance.  
  
"Almost like a cathedral," offered Kaworu, stepping beside the boy, the   
same thin and vaguely impish smile playing across his lips. "That's   
what the architects of medieval cathedrals wanted, you know - to build   
something filled with the light of the sun so that it seemed to have no   
walls whatsoever. I imagine they would have been happy with this city."  
  
"Parts of it, anyways," replied Neil, shaking his head gently and   
casting his eyes towards the sidewalk, just barely high enough to keep   
him from running into other people as he walked. He had been talking   
with Kaworu for the better part of an hour, as near as he could tell,   
and the other boy had been surprisingly attentive and understanding.   
The conversation had been shallow and largely meaningless, but   
something about the silver-haired boy seemed at once trusting and   
trustworthy, almost like a child.  
  
Harsh, jarring music poured out of the doors of a building not so far   
ahead, loud enough to make Neil's head snap up in surprise. Kaworu   
simply smiled at him, placing his hand gently on the other boy's   
shoulder. "You haven't told me why it is that you're out here, you   
know," he said, just barely audible over the whining guitars spilling   
into the street. "I'm tempted to believe that it's not just for a late-  
night walk."  
  
Neil glaned towards Kaworu, then back towards the sidewalk, losing his   
vision in the steady pattern of gray concrete broken at regular   
intervals. "I hadn't thought that far ahead," he replied. "I'd   
assumed that I would be spending the night out here, I guess. Grab   
some coffee to keep me awake, wait for the sun to come up. So you   
could call it a walk."  
  
"You didn't answer me. I was wondering why you'd come out in the first   
place." There was the slightest edge in the boy's voice, as though he   
knew the answer and was simply waiting for Neil to admit it. "Do you   
just enjoy staying up all night?"  
  
"Not really. I just didn't think that sleeping on a park bench was a   
good idea." The guitars slowly faded into the background. "I... I   
can't really go home. Not after what happened." He sighed, shaking   
his head gently. "Heh. I've barely known you for a full hour, and I'm   
already letting you know all this. You'd make a good priest, you know   
that?"  
  
Kaworu simply shrugged. "I grew up in a very religious household. It   
comes naturally." He let his eyes linger on Neil for a moment, as if   
trying to express something without words, then turned his gaze back   
towards the street, seemingly trying to catch every movement around   
him. "So what happened at home?"  
  
"You don't really want to know," replied Neil, guilt beginning to   
overtake him once again in slow waves. It wasn't the searing pain that   
he could remember freshly, but a sort of dull ache, a resignation to   
consequence. "Like I said, we just met."  
  
"Man should not suffer his pain alone. We exist only to support one   
another." The words drew Neil's attention, but Kaworu simply smiled.   
"I'm happy to listen, if you're willing to talk. But I suspect that   
this might not be the best place to hold this discussion."  
  
"Probably not, but I don't see as we have a choice," replied Neil, his   
steps slowing in time with Kaworu's, his head still bowed. The reality   
of the situation was sinking in now, in ways that it simply hadn't been   
able to before. What had happened between he and Nieve was slowly   
registering, and it filled him with self-loathing. He wanted to talk   
to Kaworu, but more than that he wanted to run away and never face his   
fellow pilots again. "I can't go home, and your parents -"  
  
"Aren't around." The statement seemed almost eager. "If you're that   
put out, you can stay with me. I live alone - it'd be nice to have   
some company for a change."  
  
Neil shook his head. He felt something monstrous in his chest, as if   
being close to another human being was virtually asking him to hurt   
them. "That's all right. I figured that I would head down to NERV   
tomorrow and request some sort of housing from them - they'll provide   
it, I know that much." He paused, then frowned. "I didn't tell you   
that, did I?"  
  
"Hardly necessary, Third Child," replied Kaworu, his smile growing   
slightly mischevious. Neil's eyes widened, and Kaworu clapped him hard   
on the shoulders. "I had better recognize my own teammates, hadn't I?"  
  
The blonde Child simply gaped, Kaworu's hands releasing him after a   
moment. "Kaworu Nagisa, Eighth Child," he said flatly. "I was   
initially sent for to replace the Sixth, before it was clear that other   
accomodations had been made. Considering that NERV is nearing the end   
of its functional life, I've been called in on reserve."  
  
"I... I'm sorry. I didn't know." Neil shook his head, feeling dumb   
and slightly jealous, almost wishing that he could simply go back to   
his first day in Tokyo-3 and do better against the Third Angel, as if   
it would somehow fix things. "So you probably know me better than I   
thought, huh?"  
  
The mischief vanished from Kaworu's smile, replaced by an almost   
paternal expression of pride. "I know that you're the same pilot that   
went into battle for the first time without training. I know that it   
was you that nearly destroyed yourself to save both the First and Fifth   
Children in battles, and that you single-handedly destroyed the   
Fourteenth Angel when it was only inches away from Central Dogma. I   
know that you have proven yourself the most talented and versatile   
pilot in NERV."  
  
"You're flattering me," replied Neil, shaking his head. "It's all luck   
and stupidity on my part." He fought down the urge to add that it had   
something to do with his own demonic nature, clenching one fist tightly   
enough to nearly break his own skin. "Besides, you haven't dealt with   
me personally. I'm not much of a friend."  
  
Kaworu's eyes took on a faraway look, even as he reached out and gently   
took Neil's chin in his hand, raising his head to be on eye level.   
"Once, a holy man was traveling through the wilderness when he met a   
farmer. The farmer cried for the man to stop, and he regaled him with   
explanations of how his crops were dying left and right. If the holy   
man did nothing, then the farmer and his family would starve to death."  
  
Neil found himself inexplicably rooted in place, unable to do anything   
more than listen to the strange silver-haired boy. "The holy man went   
with the farmer, and he saw the crops withering. And he asked the   
farmer, 'Have you watered the crops? Have you kept the fields free of   
weeds? Have you devoted yourself to caring for them?'"  
  
Somewhere in the distance, a bell sounded, and Neil flicked his eyes   
away from Kaworu for the barest of seconds, pulling his chin free of   
the other boy's hand. "I think I heard this once, in Sunday school,"   
offered Neil. "It was a bishop then, I think. But the idea is the   
same. The farmer says that he hasn't been taking care of the crops   
like that, and the bishop or holy man or whatever says that it's not   
the fault of the crops that they aren't being cared for."  
  
"And I suppose they didn't ask you who was right?" replied Kaworu, his   
eyes seemingly focused once more. Neil shook his head, the moonlight   
shining harsh in the corner of his eyes. "It's not important for   
tonight. Come on. Let's go home." The boy turned and began walking,   
striking off in a direction Neil didn't recognize.  
  
"Wait!" shouted Neil, still feeling vaguely uncomfortable about the   
concept. He wanted to be able to return to Nieve, to beg for her   
forgiveness, to somehow redeem himself for his horrible lack of emotion   
from earlier in the night. It was a painfully unlikely reality, but he   
could feel a stabbing pain growing deeper each second he was apart from   
the girl, knowing that he would never again feel her arms around him.  
  
Kaworu, unaware of this internal struggle, simply turned and smiled at   
Neil. "There is something to be said for acceptance, Neil. What's   
done cannot be undone, and you can only rage against the day for so   
long. Let it go for right this instant. Let yourself sleep on it."   
He extended a hand towards the other boy, moonlight reflecting from the   
thin white fabric of his shirt and the fringed silver of his hair.  
  
He was right, and Neil resented it. It was not Kaworu's fault, and he   
knew it, but he resented the idea that there was nothing he could do to   
fix the situation, that he'd finally made such a huge mistake that it   
couldn't be mended. Closing his eyes for a moment and letting a single   
tear run down his cheek, he stepped towards Kaworu, fists slowly   
clenching and relaxing, his body yearning for the fire-haired girl he'd   
been so close to hours before.  
  
]++[  
  
The fire was going out of Niobe. Ryo could see it from where he stood,   
like watching a proud hawk struggle to escape a cage. In the depths of   
his soul he felt a vague sense of responsibility, as though he was   
somehow contributing to what was happening to the girl, but it was a   
nebulous and unfamiliar concept to him. The only tangible thing that   
he could do was stand in the doorway, watching the fluorescent lights   
seemingly leeching the dark chocolate from her skin as she struggled to   
return to her feet.  
  
It was, as he understood it, a fairly standard exercise for patients   
regaining their ability to walk - two parallel bars set on either side   
of a padded walkway, with the intention being that the recovering   
patient would be able to use their arms as well as their legs to move.   
Niobe had rejected any outside assistance, however, and so she sat, a   
grimace on her face, struggling to force her arms and legs to lift her   
up despite her obvious weakness.  
  
At length, Ryo could watch no more, and with smooth motions he stepped   
over to the girl, walking behind her and grasping her firmly around the   
waist with his hands. He was surprised by how much warmth seeped   
through the thin blue pajamas that they had provided for her, but he   
ignored it, pulling the girl upwards. "Here," he said, quietly."  
  
Niobe said nothing immediately, waiting until her feet were firmly on   
the pad again before she pulled away from Ryo. "I didn't need your   
help," she spat, her anger not directed at him. "It was just taking a   
while, but I would have gotten it eventually."  
  
"I know," Ryo lied, hanging his head slightly. He had known that it   
would only make things worse, but there hadn't seemed to be any   
alternatives. "I just wanted to help."  
  
"You don't -need- to help. I can stand on my own to feet." She   
punctuated her statement with an awkward step forward, her short black   
hair twitching behind her head as if it was longing for its lost length.  
  
"I thought I said that I didn't want to see you any more," she said at   
length, quietly and almost regretfully. Ryo was still standing behind   
her, watching her move, the way that the thin blue fabric traced along   
her skin beneath. "The last time that you came to see me, I said... I   
thought that -"  
  
Ryo stepped forward swiftly and placed his hand on the girl's shoulder,   
unable to explain why except for knowing that it felt right. He felt   
an odd sort of empathy for her anger, the sensation of being caged   
against one's will. "I don't want you to think of failure... when you   
think of me," he said quietly, his eyes closed tightly. "I didn't want   
you to be alone in here."  
  
Neither boy nor girl said anything for a moment. There was something   
passing between them, seemingly conducted by the contact between Ryo's   
hand and Nieve's skin, filtered though it was through the fabric. An   
idea began to form in Ryo's head that he could convey himself truly   
simply by touching the girl's bare skin, and his hand began to creep   
ever so slightly towards her neck, like a drowning man to shore.  
  
Then Niobe laughed and took another awkward step forward, casting off   
Ryo's hand and shattering the moment. "You seem to be the only one,"   
she said, her words coming quickly. "My mother and father haven't   
called at all since I got put in here. Did I tell you that last time?"  
  
Ryo couldn't remember, and he shook his head, swiftly walking out of   
the padded alley in the center of the bars and out to stand beside   
Niobe. Her face seemed oddly drawn, even more out of place than usual   
against the stark whiteness of the hospital. "Perhaps they just don't   
know. I could see why the communication might have been delayed."  
  
"Heh. Don't humor me like that, Ryo. My father was one of the first   
people brought into NERV from the UN - he knows every detail of every   
encounter with the Angels. He just doesn't -want- to call." She had   
reached the end of the bars, and gritting her teeth she released the   
bars, slowly moving her feet and trying to turn around. She had turned   
half about in stumbling motions before her legs gave out from under   
her, sending her falling roughly to the floor. "God -damn- me!"  
  
Niobe sighed, then reached up to the bar, almost seeming not to notice   
when Ryo's pale hands once again grasped her waist and helped her back   
to her feet. "It's all right," he said, trying to remain calm. "You   
can't do everything yourself."  
  
"Doesn't mean I should give up on trying," she replied with a tired   
smile, beginning her slow and awkward walk back down the padded way.   
"Anyways, that's just the tip of they iceberg. No contact from my   
parents, nothing from NERV's top command except for the occasional   
message relayed through nurses -" The girl sighed again, an action   
that was becoming reflexive. "Even Nieve hasn't bothered to get in   
touch with me. 'Daughters of NERV' indeed."  
  
A wincing pain surfaced in Ryo's chest, recalling the news that had   
taken him by surprise almost as soon as he'd received it. "Nieve...   
has had her own problems to deal with," he said softly. "You know Neil   
isn't living there any longer?"  
  
The African girl froze but said nothing, obviously expecting the pale   
blue-haired boy to continue. He forced his eyes shut, the stark white   
of the walls beginning to make him sick to his stomach. "Neil and   
Eiko... they kissed, yesterday, before the Sixteenth attacked. Nieve   
found out about it from him, and... he left. She hasn't seen him   
since."  
  
Niobe made a small indignant noise, then forced herself forward another   
step. She tilted her head back towards Ryo, opening her blue eyes as   
wide as she could and fixing them firmly on her lone companion. "You   
were in love with Nieve," she said. "You went to her as soon as Neil   
had seemed to be leaving Tokyo-3."  
  
"I don't know what I felt towards Nieve," replied Ryo, recoiling   
further from the girl's gaze. The concept of embarassment was still   
somewhat alien to him, but it was still something he was capable of   
feeling, and it made him urgently wish to change the topic. "I don't   
know what was going through my head at the time. I don't understand a   
lot of what I did."  
  
"But you still hate Neil." It was not a question, and the girl forced   
herself forward another step, almost seeming to take some small   
strength from the growing flaws in Ryo's porcelain facade. "Or at the   
least, you're angry with him."  
  
Ryo closed his eyes as tightly as he could, recalling the other boy   
hurling his Eva on top of the Fourth Angel recklessly, wishing almost   
desperately that he could still identify with the boy inside of EVA-00   
on that day. "I don't know what I feel towards Neil," he said, trying   
to remain calm, the state that he was most accustomed to. "This is so   
much easier for you, Niobe. You... you're used to feeling things in   
ways that I'm not. I don't -know- my feelings."  
  
Niobe's hands tremebled against the cold metal of the bars, feeling   
something tremble within her. She had only rarely heard Ryo put such   
force into his voice, and on some level it still scared her half to   
death. "Guess at it," she said, taking another halting step towards   
the end of the padded walkway.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Ryo forced himself to think of the other boy, of   
everything that he had spurred and everything that he had done. He   
remembered being spurred into his affections for Nieve by Neil's   
bewildering actions, rembered being shocked that the normal Child would   
risk his life for others against Dr. Ikari's orders. He remembered   
seeing the way he reacted to Eiko and Nieve and Misato, the way that he   
seemed to turn daggers inward towards himself, and in one great gust of   
breath Ryo felt profound confusion, an utter inability to answer   
Niobe's question.  
  
"It's too much," he said, shaking his head gently. "I do not know."   
He paused, then took another breath, grasping for some kind of answer.   
"All I can be certain of is that he treated Nieve poorly. He's made   
her unhappy so many times." Another sigh. "I don't know. I don't   
understand."  
  
"Don't be too hard on him for making her unhappy."  
  
The statement cut through the stale white air like the wing of a raven,   
and Ryo's eyes snapped open once more, taking in the whole of Niobe.   
She was leaning at the end of the padded walkway, and though Ryo   
strained he couldn't quite tell if she was crying or simply resting.   
"Don't be so hard on him," she said, quietly. "I'm starting to think   
that we all make one another unhappy all the time... that we just do   
that sort of thing by accident and nature, as though it was the only   
thing we were ever good at."  
  
Something stirred in Ryo as he watched Niobe struggle to turn around   
once again, and before she had even made it halfway around he was over   
standing beside her, his hands flying to her waist seconds before she   
could slip and fall. Her body trembled slightly, and Ryo found himself   
marveling at the warmth from her skin once again, this time seeming to   
trace its way up his arms into his body. "I would have made it," she   
whispered, a thin smile upon her lips.  
  
Ryo had no idea what to do, and he did the only thing that he could   
conceive of in the situation. He turned Niobe around as best he could   
and kissed her, letting his lips press hard against hers, his hands   
encircling her waist tightly. A shudder ran up and down her body like   
electricity even as her tongue darted weakly against Ryo's lips. He   
could see the surprise and confusion in her eyes, and he felt unable to   
do anything but simply stared back into the blue abyss.  
  
Then her hands managed to press tightly enough against his chest to   
make him stop, and she gripped the bars again firmly as he staggered   
backwards. "What did you... what..." Her voice was tinged by desire   
and shock at once, and a thin mist of red was passing across her cheeks.  
  
"I don't know," replied Ryo, feeling the intensely awkward pain of   
embarassment passing through his chest once again. He knew that he'd   
made the wrong decision, and he felt himself long to return to the   
steady comfort of routine once again. "You just seemed so sad, leaning   
there, and I know how sad I had made you, and... I don't know. I don't   
understand."  
  
"You can't just -hide- behind that!" snapped Niobe, nearly falling   
forward from the effort of pronouncing the words. "You're not an   
idiot, Ryo, so don't expect that you can do whatever you want and   
then..." She coughed, then bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I... I   
just... when you..."  
  
"I should go." It was a decisive statement, spoken flatly and without   
question, and even through the pain of the moment it brought Ryo a   
momentary reassurance. The sudden look of pain on Niobe's face sent a   
dagger through his chest, but he let the stark white of the room blur   
the edges of her outline. "Would you like me to send for a nurse or a   
doctor?"  
  
"No." Her voice was firm once again, as though she'd somehow started   
to regain her previous determination in earnest. Her hands gripped the   
bars tightly enough to turn her knuckles white, and taking a deep   
breath she forced herself to spin around roughly, staggering slightly   
but remaining upright even as she wobbled. "I'll be fine until they   
come to take me back to my room."  
  
"Good," replied Ryo firmly, turning away and heading out of the room.   
He was tempted to tell her that he would be back, but he didn't allow   
himself the luxury of looking backwards until the doors had hissed shut   
behind him, leaving the action meaningless. Almost the second that he   
was out of the room he coughed, feeling as though the air of the   
medical area was infesting his lungs. With a heavy heart, he walked   
towards the elevators, confused and frightened, wanting very badly to   
have an absolute direction once more.  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko stared at the monitor for a moment, halfway baffled by what she   
was seeing. "You haven't loaded any of his data into the Eva's core,   
have you?" she asked Maya, her eyes flicking back and forth now between   
the young brown-haired woman and the triplet of entry plugs sitting in   
the testing chamber.  
  
"EVA-06 is still configured for the Fourth," replied Maya, shaking her   
head rather awkwardly. "Kaworu achieved his synch ratio naturally."  
  
The silver-haired boy was sitting rather contentedly in his entry plug,   
his eyes closed, the dark blue and black of his plugsuit in harsh   
contrast to the light color of his skin and hair. Ritsuko could see   
him clearly on the main computer display, just as she could see the   
indicator of a 60% synch ratio with the Eva that hadn't been configured   
for him. It was an insanely high value, beyond even what Rei was   
capable of. "There's no damage to the diagnostic equipment?"  
  
"Of course not. We swept all the devices before we even began   
testing." Maya sounded vaguely irritated, her eyes moving to follow   
the agitated Dr. Akagi. "Is something the matter?"  
  
"You know full well," replied Ritsuko, gently biting her lower lip,   
trying to fight off a vague discomfort about the boy sitting in the   
entry plug. There was something familiar about him that she couldn't   
quite place, a similar nagging reminder to Ryo but somehow different.   
"Try to scale back the ratio slightly. Get him down to fifty percent."  
  
Maya flicked her eyes towards Ritsuko somewhat balefully, and her mouth   
parted ever so slightly as if she was considering questioning the   
woman's orders. Then it snapped shut once again, a slight furrow   
appearing on Maya's brow as she tapped out a few quick commands.   
"Scaling back EVA-06's synch ratio to 50%," announced the woman flatly.  
  
"Understood," replied Kaworu, smiling as the ratio beside his portrait   
plummeted to 50% in what seemed to be the space of an instant. The boy   
did not so much as twitch, but the ratio stayed perfectly fixed at 50%,   
without even the slightest fluctuation. Ritsuko's frown deepend, and   
her breathing began to come more quickly.  
  
A quick tap on her shoulder drew her attention to Misato, the purple-  
haired woman simply standing behind her with a blank expression.   
Ritsuko watched the woman's eyes, and Misato flicked them quickly   
towards a far corner of the testing room, then leisurely walked over,   
obviously intending for her former friend to follow. After a moment's   
hesitation, Ritsuko followed, forcing herself not to feel awkward,   
repeating in her head that it was simply a professional relationship   
now.  
  
"Something's going on with Kaworu, isn't it?" asked Misato as soon as   
the blonde woman was within earshot, her words barely above a hiss. "I   
can see the way that you're looking at his display. There's something   
you know that you're not telling me."  
  
"Perhaps it's nothing," replied Ritsuko flatly. "A minor suspicion   
because of a boy who's just arrived at NERV and tests better than any   
of our more experienced pilots. I'm surprised that you're not more   
worried yourself."  
  
"I -am-," replied Misato, drawing herself closer to Ritsuko. There was   
an odd scent about the red-jacketed woman, and it took Ritsuko a moment   
to realize that it was Misato's natural scent, undiluted by the haze of   
alcohol that she had always seemed to carry around. It was almost a   
slap in the face for the scientist. "Look, something's going on with   
Kaworu, and it's something that I want to know about. And I'm almost   
certain that you know something that I'm not going to be told. So let   
me in."  
  
Ritsuko fought a quick war within herself, staring at her former   
friend, the thin lines of age beginning to hint at formation on   
Misato's otherwise still-young face. Behind her, she could hear the   
noises of the computers, of the ongoing synchronization test, the slow   
sloshing of the liquid within the test chamber. If she could have   
smelled beer on Misato's breath, it would have been easy to say no, but   
the thought that something had changed in both of them following Kaji's   
death would not leave her mind, almost parasitic.  
  
"There's nothing to tell, really," replied Ritsuko at length, turning   
away from her friend and staring at Maya, unsure of exactly what she   
was doing. "It's just an odd situation prompting some rather paranoid   
theories - probably nothing." She paused. "Of course, if it's   
correct, that would be something worth talking about."  
  
Misato said nothing, and Ritsuko wished that she could see the other   
woman's face. "You see... Kaworu officially was requested by NERV as   
the Eighth Child, as a sort of prelude to the end of the conflict. But   
that's not the exact procedure. He was set -to- NERV, by SEELE."  
  
"Doesn't say much," replied Misato, obviously picking up on the   
pattern. "After all, it was certainly a matter of time before the full   
list of Children was revealed to the general public, especially once   
the Angels are destroyed. Might as well have as many on record as   
possible. And, after all, NERV would have sent for him in the first   
place."  
  
"Of course. We would have done so as soon as the Sixth was lost."   
Another pause from Ritsuko, this time to lower her head slightly. She   
didn't like the conversation, and it made her feel ghoulish in a way   
that she couldn't explain. "But, we did have the Seventh. We had   
enough pilots for all of our Eva units. It certainly isn't necessary   
to have one final pilot... if the final Angel falls on us with enough   
force for one extra to make a difference, he would -need- his own Eva   
unit."  
  
Without another word, Misato stepped beside Ritsuko, keeping her head   
fixed forward, her body as still as possible. "Are you suggesting what   
I think you're suggesting?" she hissed, words almost lost to the hum of   
the fluorescent lighting above them. "That Kaworu could be -"  
  
"Enough. He isn't, at least as far as we know now, and until we find   
out anything more we're just jumping at shadows." She took a long   
breath. "But to be -entirely- honest, I don't think I'd be surprised."  
  
Nodding gravely, Misato stepped backwards. "I suppose that I should go   
meet with Makoto," she offered, a weak excuse but a functional one.   
"We need to account for Kaworu in our battle strategies, after all -   
being able to move out an injured pilot might be able to make a   
difference in the fight."  
  
Ritsuko nodded absently, utterly unconcerned with her friend's   
pretense. She felt sick at heart, as though she was lying each time   
she denied having fallen for Kaji despite herself. Pushing the thought   
out of her head as best she could, she stepped curtly over to the   
testing computers. Whatever Misato knew, she would only ultimately   
help NERV, and in the end Ritsuko doubted the woman would interfere   
with their ultimate goals. "God be with us," she muttered, almost by   
accident, as her blue-gray eyes fell on the serenely grinning Kaworu   
once again.  
  
]++[  
  
The teal-gray of Central Dogma's metal bulkheads had never felt   
welcoming, and Neil's sole interest in them was the way that they could   
slowly morph from one form of hostility to another with time. As near   
as he could tell, they had taken the role of prison walls on, seeming   
to hedge him in as he sat outside the door to the girl's locker room,   
scuffing his feet gently against the smooth metal. "I should have done   
this last night," he muttered quietly, his voice raspy from   
exhaustion. "I shouldn't have left. She's not going to even want to   
talk to me, much less even think about offering me a second -"  
  
Hissing came from the door, and Neil sprang to his feet, trying to make   
himself presentable as it slid open. Swallowing hard, he looked Nieve   
in the eye as she stepped out of the locker room, catching her gaze   
almost immediately and rooting her to the floor as soon as the door had   
closed behind her. "Hey," he said, trying to sound casual, feeling a   
nervous twitch slowly start in his body.  
  
Nieve stared for a moment, then lowered her head slowly. "Hey," she   
replied, her voice sounding remarkably unbitter. He had been expecting   
some kind of hammer blow to fall the moment that he opened his mouth to   
her, but instead she simply regarded him calmly, slightly shifting her   
weight back and forth between her feet. She was wearing the long-  
sleeved green blouse that he liked, the top few buttons left hanging   
open, the bottom edge of the shirt hanging over the short red skirt   
that brushed against her knees. Her hair was perfect, falling along   
her shoulders and setting off her bright green eyes, and Neil felt an   
intense pain sear through his chest at the sight of her. "Where were   
you last night?"  
  
"At Kaworu's," he replied in the same sort of deadened tone. "I didn't   
think that it was a good idea for me to go back to Misato's apartment   
after what had happened, and I ran into Kaworu while I was out   
walking. Pure luck, really." He paused. "I was here mostly to meet   
him when he got out of his synch test."  
  
Both Children stared at one another, then Neil bowed his head and shook   
hit, thin fingers of blonde hair waving across his brow. "That's not   
true," he sighed, his muscles tightening. "I could have waited for him   
at his apartment. I... I came because I wanted to see you. Because I   
had to see you."  
  
"Oh." Nieve's voice was still oddly emotionless - not the bitter cold   
that had pervaded Neil's voice the night before, but a sort of weak and   
tired stillness that matched the flickering light above them. "You   
could have come by Misato's apartment, you know."  
  
"I... I didn't know if you would let me in," he replied, honestly. He   
slowly lifted his eyes to look at the girl once again, another pang of   
love traveling through his body. Simply looking at her body made him   
hate himself even more, and at the same time it made him yearn to hold   
her, to feel her soft warmth against his skin. "This was the one place   
that I didn't think you could avoid me."  
  
Nieve said nothing, averting her eyes slightly from the boy in front of   
her, just enough for him to notice it and not enough to seem   
significant. He was failing at the one thing he genuinely wanted to   
do, and he was painfully aware of it. "Nieve, we need to talk about   
what happened last night," he half-begged, taking a cautious step   
forward as if she would bolt away.  
  
"You know, Vash came over after you left," said the girl calmly, biting   
her lower lip for a second as she rocked unsteadily on her feet. "He   
said that you'd come to Eiko's house and that you'd claimed you were   
looking for him. I only thought later that you might have been looking   
for Eiko at the time, that you simply changed your mind when you saw   
him there." She paused, then cast her gaze towards the floor   
awkwardly. "Which was it, Neil?"  
  
"Please, Nieve, understand what happened," he said weakly, avoiding her   
question less because he was afraid of answering and more because he   
could already feel himself losing his nerve. "Eiko kissed me first.   
It wasn't anything that I saw coming, that I even -expected-. I just   
didn't know what to do for a second or two, as if I'd been hit by a   
train." He sighed. "I didn't want to... I didn't mean to..."  
  
"Vash told me." Her voice was still the same quietly mournful tone as   
it had been before, but there seemed to be a subtle undercurrent of   
impatience. "He mentioned that he'd seen the whole thing between the   
two of you, that it wasn't your fault in the end." She forced a smile   
awkwardly. "Funny, isn't it? I can't tell if you really went over to   
find him or to find Eiko. I can't tell if what Vash said to me last   
night was an honest defense of a friend or his way of trying to keep   
you away from Eiko. It's all painfully unclear."  
  
Neil's hands, almost unbidden, flew into fists. "Trust me," he   
pleaded, taking another step towards her. He didn't know exactly what   
he was feeling, only that it was tearing him apart from within with   
alarming speed. "Nieve... that day when the Fourteenth attacked, I   
came back because I saw it hurt you. I came back for you."  
  
"You're not listening. I can't -know-." The irritation was more   
pronounced now. "I don't know if that's just a convenient story for   
right now. You might be telling the truth, and I would have no way of   
knowing, not for certain. All this time, I've trusted you to act a   
certain way -"  
  
Anger sprang into flame in Neil's chest, and in rage he slammed his   
fist hard against the teal-gray bulkhead, ignoring the electric pain   
that shot through his hand and up his arm in reaction. It startled   
Nieve enough to silence her, and it startled Neil enough to freeze him   
in place, head bowed and eyes closed. "I don't want to fight you," he   
whispered. His breathing was growing slightly irregular.  
  
The girl stared for a moment, then reached towards him with one hand,   
trembling as a branch in a strong breeze. "I don't want to fight you,   
either," she whispered, her fingers stretching weakly towards the boy.   
He slowly looked towards her, meeting her eyes with his own, watching   
the hand move slowly towards him.  
  
It was Neil who stopped her, to his surprise, raising one hand and   
gently gripping her wrist. The mere touch of her sent images rolling   
through his mind, but he forced himself to ignore them, simply   
releasing her and raising his head. "I miss you," he said, knowing he   
was circling the one thing that he wanted to say but unable to stop.   
"I don't want to be without you. I... I don't just want your   
forgiveness."  
  
He sighed, and once again his head fell forward, bowed in a gesture   
between humility and self-loathing. "I want you to trust me," he   
whispered, vaguely urged to cry. "I know that I haven't done anything   
to deserve your trust - especially now - but..." He shook his head,   
then forced himself to look the beautiful girl in the eye, painfully   
aware of how much he was hurting her as well as himself. "I need you   
to give me that trust, as much as I need you to forgive me."  
  
Nieve remained motionless for a few moments, staring into Neil's eyes,   
the emerald color almost a perfect mirror for her own eyes. They both   
seemed to be waiting for him to say the few critical words, but not a   
sound passed between them save for the constant humming of the lights   
above them. At length, she turned away, closing her eyes and clasping   
her hands against her chest. "I want to be able to give you that," she   
whispered, her body trembling as she struggled against tears. "But I   
can't. Not quite. I can't."  
  
Then her eyes flew to meet his once again, and volumes seemed to pass   
between the two in the space of a second before the girl took off down   
the hall, brushing past him within scant inches of touching him, her   
motions fluid and beautiful. Neil, feeling impotent and hobbled,   
simply watched as she fled, unable to do anything besides feel his body   
rupture irrevocably.  
  
It might have been hours before Kaworu came down the hallway for him, a   
sympathetic smile on his face. "Neil," he said calmly, his red eyes   
clear of malice. "I'd expected that you would meet me after I finished   
with synch testing."  
  
"So did I," replied Neil weakly. He resented himself for not caring   
more about Kaworu, knowing full well that the other boy had been   
nothing but kind and accomodating, but he couldn't help it. "But I had   
to stop and talk with Nieve. I... I should have talked with her   
yesterday... I should have handled the argument better... God damn it,   
why couldn't I have just been smarter and not -kissed- her?"  
  
"Do you mean Nieve or Eiko?" The question drew Neil's attention fully   
to the silver-haired boy, like lightning to the ground, but Kaworu's   
expression never flickered for a moment. Neil could feel something   
vaguely disquieting from the other boy, as though he was asking   
questions he shouldn't have known to ask. "After all... it really   
depends on which of them you want more, I suppose."  
  
Neil simply stared at the other boy for a moment, then shook his head,   
breathing deeply and exhaling with the same force. "I was just trying   
to be honest," he sighed. "I was just trying to tell everyone the   
truth. Isn't that supposed to be the right thing to do?"  
  
"The truth changes things. Little that anyone can do about that."   
Kaworu stepped forward and gently touched Neil's arm, his red eyes   
glittering beneath the fluorescent light, something vaguely sinister   
lurking behind his expression. "Come on. Let's go home. You need   
some time apart."  
  
Kaworu tugged on Neil's arm, and Neil weakly followed, feeling rather   
neutral about the entire situation. He didn't understand how he'd   
managed to make such a mess of things, but he knew that it somehow   
drove back to the things he'd all but forgotten after he charged back   
to NERV on that fateful day. The teal-gray of the metal walls   
surrounding him felt more like prison walls than ever, and as he   
followed Kaworu through them he couldn't help but wonder if that wasn't   
fully appropriate - if they weren't keeping him in a very subtle form   
of hell.  
  
]++[  
  
Every time the white wooden cross hit her chest, it felt almost like a   
hammer falling. It made her almost wish that she was still wearing the   
bright red jacket that indicated her as commander of NERV opeartions,   
just so that it wouldn't be able to touch her bare flesh. Still, there   
was something about it that kept her unable to remove it, some   
indescribable serenity that went along with each slow oscillation of   
the pendant. "You could have given me a little more warning, Ryoji,"   
she muttered, slowly shaking her head, drumming her fingers weakly on   
the desk and waiting for her computer to finish its grinding processing.  
  
Ritsuko's warning had only driven home a creeping suspicion that was   
beginning to form in Misato's brain. There was a familiarity to   
Kaworu's form, something oddly reminiscent of another boy that she   
could remember clearly. The delicate way in which he moved, the thin   
features, something in the way that he smiled. "The skin's paler, the   
hair's longer, but he could be a dead ringer for Shinji," she muttered,   
still drumming her fingers impatiently.  
  
Shinji. She had only met the boy for a brief time, and then she had   
watched him be ripped away from both her and his father. She could   
still remember standing in the testing booth, watching EVA-00 sink   
forward weakly, Ritsuko and the technicians shouting frantically behind   
them, lights flashing as the great orange goliath crashed through the   
catwalk. Standing beside her was Gendou Ikari, simply watching, not   
saying a word, only taking in the slow-motion ballet of the scene.  
  
It had all happened in seconds, and through it all Gendou had remained   
unmoved. Misato had lingered in the glass box, however, knowing   
painfully well what it felt like to watch someone be torn away from   
you. She had let the technicians file out, and then she had walked   
over to Gendou, unable to see his eyes behind the shimmering   
reflectiveness of his glasses. "Commander Ikari?"  
  
Her eyes had glanced down to the hangar, towards the slumped form of   
EVA-00. Its hands had dug furrows in the teal-gray of the walls, its   
head sunk as far forward as it could go, the twisted wreckage of the   
catwalk still wrapped around its midsection. Something unspeakably   
desperate seemed to hover around its motionless form, the lone red eye   
staring towards the floor. Then she had looked back to the commander,   
having no doubt in her head about what he was feeling. "You had no way   
of knowing," she had whispered. "Shinji made the choice of his own   
free will."  
  
"And now I have neither wife nor son," he had whispered back, almost   
too quiet to be audible. For just the barest of moments, his head had   
turned slightly, and she could see lines of sadness moving across his   
face, see him struggle to keep himself focused. It was more than   
simple regret - it was a deep-rooted guilt, as though he held himself   
personally responsible for the entire mess.  
  
Then it was gone, and his face went perfectly cold once again, as   
though he had never felt anything. "I believe that you have work to   
do, Captain Katsuragi," he had said calmly, turning towards her, his   
black jacket hanging open and matching the color of his hair   
perfectly. "Our first attempt at locating a pilot for the Evangelion   
units has failed. We will need to find a suitable replacement."  
  
At long last, Misato's computer ground to a halt, but her mind was   
wandering now. It had been the first and only time that she had gotten   
even a glimpse of what was behind the facade that Gendou maintained   
almost religiously - a hint of what he was truly interested in. She   
couldn't forget it in light of the disturbing resemblance between the   
commander's lost son and the mysterious Eighth Child, and something   
about the concept chilled her to the bone.  
  
Then her eyes flicked towards the computer screen, and she nearly   
slapped herself for losing her train of thought, leaning towards the   
computer as one hand moved towards the mouse. "Kaworu Nagisa," she   
muttered, slowly scrolling along his portrait, examining the scant   
information that she was being given. "No parents... no relatives..."   
She froze, her eyes going wide. "No date of birth. The only thing in   
here is the date he was transfered to Central Dogma on."  
  
Biting her lower lip for a second, she typed in another quick command,   
drawing up the central database of the Children. She had discovered it   
almost by accident during a quick hack into Gendou's personal database,   
and something about the list had innately disturbed her, the Children's   
names set up along what seemed to be the branches of an elaborate   
tree. Then there were other names listed, presumably more Children.   
It looked as though it was haphazard, but Misato knew that it was   
anything but, that there was some mystery to the arrangement that she   
simply hadn't deciphered.  
  
Kaworu's name jumped out at her, and she clicked on it, hoping that the   
commander would have some more information. Certainly enough, a new   
display emerged on her computer, but her hopes were dashed as she saw   
only a lone sentence to describe him, a sentence that offered her only   
cursory insight into the boy.  
  
"Possible vessel for Tabris," she read quietly, biting her lower lip   
gently as she let her eyes flicker back and forth across the screen.   
There was something missing, one final element that she simply hadn't   
been able to piece together. "Is that what Ritsuko was warning me   
about? Is 'Tabris' going to be...?"  
  
Sighing, she quickly shut off the computer, not wanting to remain   
hacked into NERV's network for too long. Kaji had left her everything,   
entrusted her with the whole and breadth of the work he had done. "I   
miss you, Ryoji," she muttered, shaking her head as she stood from her   
desk. She had other things to do before the night ended, and she   
didn't doubt that one of those would end up being comforting Nieve.  
  
]++[  
  
The sun seemed hateful towards Tokyo-3, as if it was glaring down on it   
and waiting for it to repent. Eiko could distantly remember having   
heard from her grandmother long ago that the sun was the Eye of God,   
that it watched over everyone and judged them by their deeds. The old   
woman had never been religious in any serious sense so much as she was   
superstitious, but as Eiko looked up at the hatefully glowing orb in   
the sky she couldn't help but wonder if her grandmother hadn't had   
something right.  
  
She moved awkwardly towards the spot on the hill that she remembered   
irrevocably, seeing Neil full well as he leaned over the guardrail, his   
blonde hair blowing gently in the breeze. Her heart clenched tightly   
along with her fists, and she fought down the urge to run. "I've run   
away from this every time," she whispered, forcing herself to keep   
walking, the green hill on one side and the gleaming buildings on the   
other. "I'll do it. I'll talk to him."  
  
Neil didn't look up as the girl approached him, simply stared down at   
the disturbingly slick surface below the path that the road took.   
"This was the first place that I learned to go to in Tokyo-3, you   
know," he said calmly, so much so that he could have been talking to   
himself. "Even before I could go to Central Dogma reliably, I could   
always come here, above the city, outside of it just far enough. I   
always loved it, and I thought it was because it was the first place we   
met."  
  
Eiko said nothing, breathing more quickly, forcing herself to look away   
from the boy and towards the gently-swaying leaves of the trees above   
her. She had come expecting him to fight her, and she'd been prepared   
for that for perhaps the first time in her life. The idea that he was   
being gentle threw her preparations into disarray - but that seemed to   
be what he was best at anyways. "I'm sorry," she offered.  
  
"Don't be," he replied. With slow, laborious efforts, he pushed   
himself off the guardrail, his muscles moving in tandem beneath the   
teal fabric of his shirt. It was a lovable gesture, something that   
Eiko had seen him do seemingly hundreds of times before and still   
couldn't get over. "I created it all in my head, you know. Half of   
what passed between us was just what I thought would be going on if I   
was somehow in control of the way the world worked. It wasn't real."   
He chuckled, more than a little bitterly. "I have nobody but myself to   
blame."  
  
The raven-haired girl stood and stared, feeling a conflict within her   
and not shunning it immediately. She knew that it would be easy to   
rush to him and hold him, to say that it wasn't in his head, and that   
would be just the thing to shock everybody. It would have been perfect   
poetry in motion, and she knew it. But Vash's comment from the day   
before had stuck in her head - that she was nothing but a pastiche of   
reactions. "I won't," she whispered, closing her eyes momentarily. "I   
won't be that anymore."  
  
Her eyes flew back open to see the boy's mouth half-open, ready to say   
something, and for the barest, final instant she had the urge to stay   
silent. "I don't think that we should spend time together any longer,"   
she said, flatly, her words sounding rushed even as they froze Neil in   
place.  
  
The leaves rustled above the Children, and Eiko bowed her head, feeling   
as though a great weight had been removed even as another seemed to be   
forming itself. "You've been a great friend, Neil," she continued,   
more quiet now. "And you've done things for me that are beyond what I   
would expect. You're great. But..." She sighed. "I love Vash. I   
truly do. I don't love you... not in the way that you'd need me to."   
Her head tilted back once again, her eyes meeting his. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's all right," replied Neil with a shrug, something breaking just   
behind his eyes as he stared at her. "I knew, more or less from the   
day we met." He sighed. "Like I said... it's not your fault that I   
came to the point that I did. I did it on my own, without your help.   
You... you just happened to be along for the ride."  
  
"Really?" It sounded odd to the girl, and she forced herself to take a   
halting step towards him, even as a pang rolled across her chest. "You   
don't hate me for it?"  
  
"How could I -hate- you?" asked Neil. Shaking his head, he turned back   
to face out across the city, his eyes a twinkling green in the hateful   
sunlight. "Look, Eiko, I can't help the way that -I- felt. It'd   
hardly be fair to expect you to be different. The heart wants what the   
heart wants." He sighed again. "I'm just sorry for the damage that   
I've done. It's the last thing I wanted."  
  
"You did your best," replied Eiko, beginning to feel unspeakably   
nervous. She knew that she couldn't linger near the boy too much   
longer, that guilt and fear were beginning to overtake her. "I don't   
hate you either, you know. I really do care about you."  
  
"Of course you do," replied Neil. His voice was still placid, and it   
was slowly becoming frightening for Eiko. At first, he had sounded   
normal to her, but she was slowly realizing that it was the voice of a   
man who had resigned himself to execution and had no further interest   
in fighting. "You just can't reciprocate what I feel. No shame in   
that. Thanks for being honest."  
  
His words had defused her once again, and shaking her head she turned   
sharply on her heel, trying to snuff out the disturbance in her soul   
with anger. "Goodbye, then," she said flatly. "I guess I'll see you   
when the final Angel attacks Tokyo-3."  
  
Something held her in place for a few seconds, just long enough for her   
to hear a single, tortured breath escape Neil's lips. She tilted her   
head ever so slightly backwards, and she could see that he hadn't moved   
except to lean his head back. "You know, my life's getting torn   
apart," he sighed, his eyes fluttering closed as the breeze continued   
to gently stir his hair.  
  
Eiko couldn't move, but Neil wasn't looking at her. Once again she   
couldn't tell if he was simply talking to himself or to her. Taking a   
deep breath, she resolved to move, but her feet remained rooted to the   
ground, as though something bigger than both of them needed her to stay   
in place.  
  
"When I came to Tokyo-3... I didn't have anything, you know." The   
boy's voice still had the odd quality of resignation. "And then I met   
a wonderful girl that I fell in love with. And she was beyond me, and   
I met another wonderful girl whom I fell in love with just as   
intensely. I knew that there was only one solution, one way to keep   
things functional - I had to never let things change."  
  
He sighed. "Everything's falling apart now. I've lost almost   
everybody, and fairly soon I will lose everybody. The only thing left   
for me to do is just watch it crumble." Without warning, his eyes   
opened and turned towards Eiko, burning with an intensity and an   
honesty she couldn't remember seeing before. "All this, and I was just   
trying to tell the truth."  
  
There were no words for the girl. Her legs were freed, and with swift   
steps she began walking, trying to pretend as though she hadn't been   
paying attention to Neil. The image of his final look at her would not   
leave her mind, and as she walked she knew that she would see those   
brilliant green eyes when she went to sleep.  
  
]++[  
  
"You don't understand it, do you?" Kaworu's tone was calm and   
understanding, the sort of tone that the silver-haired boy seemed to   
address everyone with. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his   
head tilted halfway towards Neil and halfway towards the television.   
"They say that after enough time spent in another culture, you start to   
pick up on the language."  
  
"Obviously not a conclusion reached by someone piloting an Eva,"   
replied Neil weakly, trying to avoid Kaworu's eyes as best he could.   
It was nothing personally against Kaworu so much as it was against Neil   
himself. He was uncomfortable with the thought that he hurt people   
simply by proximity, but he could hardly deny it. He was uncomfortable   
by the strange pictures flashing across the television in a strange   
apartment, feeling cold and alien in the borrowed navy blue pajamas.   
And, though he doubted that there was anything that he wasn't reading   
into it, he felt uncomfortable by the other boy's proximity. "No, I   
don't understand a word."  
  
Kaworu simply smiled more deeply, then turned his head fully towards   
the television, his red eyes focused but at the same time oddly   
distant. "He's preaching," the boy explained calmly. "He's telling   
all those watching that it is better to love and forgive one another   
than to obsess over crimes. He's saying that love is something free,   
not apportioned, and that love is not and never has been a zero-sum   
game."  
  
Neil turned to look at the pale boy sitting beside him, trying to   
understand him. There was an oddly alien quality about him, as though   
he was watching the television but not truly understanding it. "It's   
good to love people," breathed the boy, his eyes shutting halfway.   
"There is nothing better."  
  
Resisting the urge to spit out some rejoinder, Neil instead rose to his   
feet, the straw mat that he had been sitting on feeling rough and   
prickly beneath his soles. "I should probably get some sleep," he said   
softly. "I haven't been sleeping well, after all, and the Seventeenth   
Angel could be upon us any moment." He sighed. "Better be ready for   
the one thing that I'm still any good at."  
  
"Very well," replied Kaworu with a nod, leaving Neil to turn and begin   
walking towards his bed. "Why is it that you're staying here?"  
  
The boy's entire body went stiff, his eyes widening and then shrinking   
in one smooth motion, a quick surge of terror flooding his body.   
"Because I don't have anywhere else to go," he replied, struggling to   
remain calm. "Nobody else wants me, Kaworu. Frankly, I can't blame   
them."  
  
"You're wrong." Neil could hear the noise of Kaworu rising clear as   
day, and with baited breath he turned to see the pale boy walking   
towards him. "And you know that, don't you? The real pain is the   
thought of going back to them, not being separated."  
  
"Shut up, Kaworu," Neil snapped, retaining what tiny shred of spine he   
had managed to hold on to. The last thing that he needed was another   
source of grief, and he could feel long-forgotten defensive mechanisms   
slowly kick in inside his mind. "You don't want to go treading places   
that you don't know anything about. Just leave it the hell alone."  
  
"And what makes you think that you can tell me to do that?" Neil's   
eyes narrowed, and he stared into Kaworu's blood-red orbs, seeing the   
same alien quality in them once again, as though the boy was at once   
present and missing. "Come now, Neil. You tell yourself all the time   
that you're a weak person. You don't honestly believe that you can do   
anything to stop me."  
  
"I -can-," replied Neil, growing angry. It wasn't intentional or even   
wholly merited, but the bare white walls of Kaworu's apartment were   
setting him on edge just as the Japanese preacher in the background   
did. It was alien to him, and something about it simply resonated as   
wrong within his chest. "Don't -push- me, Kaworu. Just because I   
can't seem to -love- right doesn't mean that I can't fight back."  
  
Kaworu's smile took on a slightly mischevious tint, then he was moving,   
and before Neil could realize it he was slamming Neil as gently as   
possible against the wall. There was barely any pain, and as Neil   
looked into the boy's eyes he could see no malice, nothing but an   
indecipherable mask. "Why aren't you fighting back, then?" he asked   
quietly. "Not against me - but against everything falling apart? Why   
don't you fight to keep things together?"  
  
"God -damn- it, you just don't understand at all!" Neil placed his   
hands firmly on Kaworu's chest and shoved, forcing the other boy away   
roughly. "Nobody -wants- me, don't you -get- it? There's nothing to   
fight -for-!"  
  
"Of course they want you," replied Kaworu, stumbling to a halt weakly,   
his limbs seeming just slightly too flexible for a human body. "Nieve,   
Misato, Vash, Eiko... even Ryo and Niobe. They all love you, Neil, in   
their own ways. And you can't blind yourself to that, because it's   
obvious. I've seen it in less than two full days."  
  
Neil's hackles rose again, but as he stared at Kaworu something in him   
seemed to gain understanding, as though staring into the other boy's   
eyes long enough was all it took. "You're a fool, then," he sighed,   
turning away from Kaworu, shaking his head gently. "And you don't know   
the first thing about me."  
  
The sound of footsteps was so quiet as to be invisible, but Neil could   
feel the rough warmth of Kaworu colliding with him just as he could   
feel the floor as their twin bodies crashed into it. His teeth gritted   
in anger, he pulled himself around so that he was lying upright,   
intending to shove Kaworu away again.  
  
Kaworu was moving and thinking faster. His hands snaked out and pinned   
Neil's wrists roughly against the cold wood of the floor, and he   
balanced perfectly against Neil's legs. "You don't know the first   
thing about me, but you trusted me," replied Kaworu, the smile on his   
face no longer alien and instead warm. Under the half-light of the dim   
apartment, his features looked disturbingly androgynous. "You have   
this picture in your head, Neil, but you know full well where you're   
wrong. You know the people who love you would take you back, no matter   
what you've done."  
  
"I don't -have- anybody that loves me," replied Neil roughly, his   
breath coming more quickly, a tension growing in his chest. He   
suddenly wanted very badly to be lying in a bed in a room where   
moonlight streamed in through the windows. He wanted to lie in a bed   
where a beautiful woman had told him that she had lived through hell by   
pure luck, and where a girl he loved had slowly come over to him to   
make love to him. "That's just the problem."  
  
Then there was a quick warm pressure against his lips, and his eyes   
flew open a moment too late. Kaworu's face was hovering not an inch   
away from his, the red eyes seeming to take up the whole of Neil's   
vision. "Now you do," whispered the boy, sounding no so much excited   
as simply pleased with himself.  
  
Neil gaped, and Kaworu released him and rose to his feet in one swift   
motion. He had reverted back to the mysteriously serene boy once   
again, with barely even any warning. "I'll let you go to bed, then,"   
said Kaworu, stepping gently back towards the television. "I hope you   
sleep well tonight."  
  
For a moment, Neil remained stationary. Then his fingers lifted to his   
lips, touching them as gently as possible, as though trying to sort out   
the mess of impressions left on them. He had no idea what to make of   
the situation, only knew that there was an awkward pressure in his   
chest once again. "I miss Nieve," he muttered, shaking his head gently   
and pushing himself to his feet.  
  
It was an odd night for Neil Richelieu, and he knew that it would only   
grow more indecipherable with time. But even beyond the tangled   
personal relations, he knew that something had changed. For the first   
time that he could remember, he fell asleep without the touch of EVA-  
01's leering green eye, replaced simply by Nieve's face, scarred with   
hurt as though he had destroyed her.  
  
]++[  
  
Clouds were cloaking the sun, only letting out the slim golden rays in   
tiny bursts across the face of the school. It was beautiful to look   
at, and it sent pangs of loss and resent through Eiko's chest as each   
beam seemed to score across the ground. The last time that she had   
tried to draw light effectively had been the day that she had met Neil,   
and now she found herself unable to draw at all. "It's all still   
there," she muttered to herself, leaning forward and tapping her foot.   
"Just locked away."  
  
The air was thick outside, and only a few scant noises reached the girl   
as she sat in the terrace, never a popular location for lunches and now   
more or less deserted. She was sitting there our of a desperate hope,   
watching the path that she'd always seen Neil walk, hoping that he   
would have ignored her and was coming anyways. Her eyes could already   
trace out the outline of his shoulders, his blonde hair blowing lightly   
in the wind, his arms swinging peacefully by his sides. So the girl   
sat, her arm beginning to ache, the light of the sun striking only a   
few patches of pavement along the path.  
  
"He's not coming." At first, Eiko thought she only imagined the voice,   
but a second later her head snapped around to see Ryo standing next to   
her. There was an oddly harrowed expression on the boy's face as he   
sat down, his movements slow and deliberate. "Probably having lunch   
with Kaworu now."  
  
"I wasn't waiting for Neil, if that's what you're thinking," snapped   
Eiko, a flush blossoming on her cheeks as she leaned back in her seat.   
"I was... just admiring the way that the sun looks today. It's not the   
usual sort of scornful thing, you know."  
  
Ryo flicked his eyes towards the sky, then towards Eiko once again.   
Something moved across his red eyes like a fevered rage, and Eiko felt   
a momentary cold rush through her body, as though the boy sitting   
beside her was only biding his time with her. "There's nothing to be   
ashamed of," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I think he's trying   
to distance himself from everyone now."  
  
"Of course. Neil always does." It hurt to say the words, but Eiko   
forced herself not to feel it, instead simply grabbing the small brown   
bag that contained her lunch and opening it. "It must have something   
to do with the Angels. After all, we're nearly done fighting them,   
aren't we?"  
  
"Yes," replied Ryo, the same flicker moving across his eyes as he   
turned back towards the cloud-streaked heavens. "The Seventeenth Angel   
is coming, and once that's done... it's over. NERV will be dismantled,   
the Evas will be destroyed permanently, and we will find ourselves   
growing into middle age as the people who once saved the world."  
  
Eiko bit her lower lip for a moment. "You don't sound very convinced,"   
she replied at length.  
  
"I'm not," replied Ryo, shaking his head and closing his eyes, his   
entire body tilting forward in a single eerily smooth motion. "Eiko...   
there are things that I've been involved with in NERV, things that   
nobody else has been participating in. I can't shake the feeling that   
the whole time I was just not noticing something important... something   
that Commander Ikari was willing to show me because he assumed I would   
never care about it."  
  
Tenatively, Eiko edged closer to Ryo, placing her hand gently on his   
back as his breath came more slowly. "Commander Ikari is only trying   
to save this world," she said, struggling to make her voice   
reassuring. "That's all."  
  
"No." There was a force to his words, and without warning he stood,   
his hands clenched into fists. "There's something else that he's   
trying to do. There's something else that the Angels are trying to   
do. There's... there is something, something I can't remember for the   
life of me. Almost as though it's locked into my brain somehow."  
  
A breeze blew through the trees, stirring the leaves and senting the   
few mosaic lights along the terrace into eddies of activity. Ryo's   
eyes attached themselves to one such whirl, his brow furrowing as   
though he was trying to puzzle out what was in the pattern. "Something   
about God," whispered the boy, taking a halting step towards the   
light. "About God's wrath and forgiveness. About the First Angel   
and..."  
  
"I don't want to know!" snapped Eiko, pitching forward and burying her   
face in her hands, an inexplicable terror seizing her. She could   
almost see her grandmother warning her about the sun as the angry eye   
of God, and it terrified her, her body shivering despite the normal   
summer heat of the day. "We're doing everything that we've been told,   
aren't we? If we destroy the Angels, the world is safe. That's what   
we've all learned."  
  
Ryo's hand closed on the girl's shoulder, and she snapped into a   
sitting position, her eyes flying up and meeting his. "You're right,"   
he sighed, still sounding unconvinced. "We save the world by   
destroying the Angels. It shouldn't be any more complicated than that."  
  
Eiko was slowing her breathing down gradually, taking some small solace   
in Ryo's words despite their doubt. She didn't want to admit to having   
felt uneasy about the situation, but it seemed as though things were   
only getting worse rather than better. "You know what's going on with   
Neil?" she breathed, happy to have an alternative focus for the   
conversation. "Is... is he all right?"  
  
The pale boy closed his eyes, then opened them again, the flickering   
uneasiness gone from them. "Not really," he replied, stepping to   
Eiko's other side and sitting down gracefully, blue hair fluttering   
slightly in the wind. "He doesn't seem to be taking the whole   
situation well. I've only seen him once, but I've heard a few things   
from Misato."  
  
Eiko frowned, letting out a slow breath and turning her eyes towards   
the heavens as well. "It's all my fault," she said, watching the   
clouds roll across the sky and intercept sunbeams as if it was their   
only purpose. "The way that I've been acting... it's horrendous. As   
though I was the only person with feelings that matter. As if -"  
  
"Stop." Ryo's voice still sounded odd when it was saying something   
decisive, but Eiko fell silent, looking on the boy sitting next to   
her. "Neil doesn't blame you at all. I don't even think that Nieve   
does. He blames himself for being weak."  
  
"That doesn't make me feel better," replied Eiko, sinking her head   
forward weakly, her hands clenching limply into fists. She wanted to   
be angrier with herself, but somehow all she could feel was tired. In   
the back of her mind, she couldn't figure out whether she'd really done   
what she had intended when she met with Neil, or if she'd just reacted   
to something that frightened her the same way that she always had.   
"That really doesn't make me feel better at all."  
  
Ryo didn't respond immediately, but after a moment he extended a hand   
and placed it firmly on the girl's shoulder, the only gesture that he   
seemed to be capable of. It was touching on some level, and it brought   
a smile to her lips. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice wavering ever   
so slightly from its usual monotone.  
  
"I don't have the vaguest idea what's wrong with me," replied Eiko,   
shutting her eyes tightly for a moment. "Vash told me the other day   
that I wasn't a normal person... that all I ever did was react to the   
world around me. Like a personality assembled by patchwork." Her   
shoulder twitched slightly, and Ryo's grip loosened almost   
unintentionally. "I don't know the first thing about who I really am,   
and I've gone and ruined everything for Neil and Nieve."  
  
"You..." Ryo bit his tongue for a moment, as if he was trying to find   
the words in a painfully undeveloped vocabulary. "I don't know who I   
am, either. I don't think that I'm much of anything. But... I   
remember that you were kind to me, when I first talked to you." He   
smiled weakly. "You answered my questions. You talked to me. You and   
Neil... you two are like that. Both of you."  
  
Despite her intentions, Eiko could feel a smile slinking across her   
lips, stirred by the boy's halting and friendly words. "Thanks," she   
said softly, edging closer to Ryo. "I'm sorry that I shouted at you   
before."  
  
"Don't be," replied Ryo, shaking his head before glancing towards   
Eiko's lunch, the vaguest tremor appearing in his lips for an instant.   
"Let's have something to eat."  
  
]++[  
  
Neil took intermittent, pensive bites from his sandwich, glancing   
occasionally towards Kaworu and then letting his eyes fall back on his   
meal. The bread tasted like a wet kitchen sponge, the meat like slimy   
rubber, making the cheese the high point simply by virtue of it tasting   
like virtually nothing at all. As the boy nibbled away at the meal, he   
found himself wondering if the food tasted bad normally, or if was just   
a manifestation of his emotions. "Suppose it's possible," he muttered,   
shaking his head.  
  
"What's possible?" asked Kaworu, turning his attention towards Neil,   
the same indecipherable half-smile on his face. The two were sitting   
in what Neil assumed was the same place that they'd first met so long   
ago, small packages of food unfolded before them amid the thin green   
blades of grass. Neither of them had synch testing or school, and   
Kaworu had suggested that a picnic might help lighten Neil's spirits.   
It seemed not to be working.  
  
"Oh, nothing," replied Neil, sounding rather bored as he leaned back   
against a tree. "Just thinking... food tastes different when you're   
sick, because of the way that smell mingles with taste. So I just   
assumed that the same thing could happen when you're unhappy." He   
paused, taking another bite from his sponge and rubber. "Or it could   
just be that I managed to get a sandwich that complemented my mood."  
  
"I'd suspect the latter. Mine's atrocious, too." The silver-haired   
boy smiled at Neil, then gently placed his sandwich back within the   
small unfolded package at his feet, lingering a moment longer before   
falling backwards to lie staring at the clouds. "So, are you planning   
on addressing what happened last night any time soon?"  
  
The blonde boy started, his eyes flying almost unintentionally towards   
Kaworu as the sun briefly slipped out from the nest of clouds. The   
night before had been disturbing enough, and while he wouldn't have   
said it in so many words he didn't think that being with Kaworu was   
making things any better. "I was hoping not to," he replied flatly.   
"There didn't seem to be anything to discuss."  
  
"You have a wonderful way of avoiding these things," noted Kaworu idly,   
his eyes fixed on the sky above him. "But you're not the sort of   
person to run away, are you? That's the whole reason why you're   
sitting here with me, because you faced down something you could have   
run from."  
  
"Different circumstances," replied Neil firmly, forcing himself to take   
another bite of the sandwich. A rolling unease rippled through his   
stomach, and he felt the urge to crawl over to the lake and vomit.  
  
"Mm. You felt guilty then." The words were spoken so casually that   
Neil barely even heard them, and by the time his eyes had fixed on   
Kaworu's the other boy had already moved on. "I kissed you last night,   
though. That's worth confronting."  
  
"No, it's not," replied Neil flatly, pausing for a moment before   
sighing heavily. "I told you last night that there was nobody left who   
would even tolerate me in Tokyo-3, and I can't risk losing that now."  
  
"Why?" Kaworu rolled towards Neil, balancing on his elbow as he stared   
at his fellow. "If nobody wants you in Tokyo-3, you can always leave.   
NERV will be fully staffed and prepared to deal with the Seventeenth,   
and you'd be leaving then anyways. Why are you willing to throw   
yourself in with a boy that you've only just met instead of leave   
people that don't care for you any more?"  
  
Neil felt the vaguest urge to utter some kind of response, but he shook   
it off and simply shrugged, taking another bite of his sandwich, the   
urge to empty his stomach painfully strong. "No idea. Because I'm   
stupid, I suppose."  
  
"You're many things, but I wouldn't say that stupid is one of them,"   
replied Kaworu gently. "You know the real reason why you stay. Why   
not say it?"  
  
"Because I don't know." Neil sighed. "Do we have to -talk-? I'm only   
here until the Seventeenth appears, and that's it."  
  
Kaworu opened his mouth to say something else, then closed it once   
again, an oddly understanding smile crossing his face. "I'm not trying   
to fight you, Neil. I'm sorry if it seems like I am." He pushed   
himself to his feet, ambling the few steps towards Neil before flopping   
to the ground once again. "I only want for you to be happy."  
  
A bitter laugh escaped Neil's lips almost accidentally, and he found   
his hands clenching into fists despite himself. "Aim for the sky," he   
muttered, shaking his head. "Kaworu, everyone that cared about me is   
gone from my life now. I thought that I had a life here, and now it's   
gone. There isn't much -to- be happy about."  
  
"Perhaps you still do have a life here," offered Kaworu, gently placing   
his hand on the other boy's shoulder. "You know, people care about you   
and about what happens to you. Even if they're angry at you now, or   
scared of you... maybe you shouldn't give up on them so easily."  
  
"Thank you. I needed advice from an after-school special." Neil   
sighed again, pulling away from Kaworu. "This isn't as simple as   
getting other people angry. This is me betraying the trust of a girl   
who relied on me, taking advantage of an immature girl who didn't know   
what she wanted, nearly killing someone I should have been saving..."  
  
"But you don't leave. I notice it, and you can be certain that they   
notice it too." The silver-haired boy edged closer to Neil once again,   
and this time Neil made no effort to pull away. "You're right, I can't   
be certain about all of this. I'm coming into the situation too late   
to know things intimately." He closed his eyes gently. "But I believe   
that we all want to love if we can. And I don't think that your entire   
life is in shambles."  
  
"It feels it," replied Neil, almost unconsciously dropping the noxious   
sandwich, feeling sick to his stomach once again as tears began to form   
behind his eyes. He was painfully aware of how alien the situation   
was, how it had been less than two days since the two boys had met, but   
he could feel something melting inside of him. "I was just trying my   
best, you know."  
  
"Of course I know." Gingerly, Kaworu wrapped his arms around Neil.   
Neil started, then slowly felt the other boy's warmth seep into his   
body and realized that the gesture was a purely platonic one. He   
relaxed, finding an awkward comfort in the almost-stranger's arms. "I   
watched everything that you did from afar, and I saw the sort of person   
that you'd made yourself into. You're a wonderful boy, Neil, and   
you'll grow to be a spectacular man."  
  
The tears came now, though whether they were from accepting the words   
as true or simply an expression of denial he couldn't tell. "I'm a   
liar, a coward, and a villain," he replied, slow drips of water running   
along his cheeks and into the corners of his mouth. "Not that   
different from my father, I suppose. And I know the sort of man he   
grew into."  
  
"You just want to believe that about yourself, because it's easier,"   
replied Kaworu softly, pulling the boy closer. "I saw everything,   
Neil, and I knew that I had to meet you before you were gone forever.   
That's the real reason I came to Tokyo-3. I knew that there was no   
need for another pilot... I just had to meet you."  
  
A shiver of embarassment ran through Neil's body as he thought of the   
other boy using his ties to NERV. It was different than the near-  
revulsion he had felt when Misato had confessed her knowledge about   
Neil's past - now he felt a personal shame, as though Kaworu had been   
let in on all of his most private and evil emotions. "Don't model   
yourself after me," he whispered, his tears beginning to trickle past   
his lips.  
  
"I'm not. I just saw you for who you were, and I liked it." Kaworu   
brought his face close to Neil's, his embrace growing tighter. Neil   
knew that it would have looked like an intimate gesture to anyone   
passing by, but he could feel the calm love radiating from the other   
boy, the simple and almost paternal emotion. Somehow, it almost made   
him more shamed. "I believe in you, Neil. I'm impressed by you just   
the way that you are now."  
  
Neil took a long, slow breath, then let his hands grasp the other boy's   
arms, trying to calm himself. "You're a lot more forgiving than I am,"   
he whispered. "I don't like anything about the way that I am now."  
  
"Perhaps you never will," replied Kaworu, closing his eyes as if he   
couldn't bear the light of the sun any longer. "I sometimes believe   
that's part of the way the world works, too - that those with the most   
love to give can't love themselves. They love everyone around them,   
and they try to fill up that hole with other people." He sighed,   
biting his lip, obviously leaving something out as if from guilt.  
  
The blonde boy felt it and ignored it, feeling comfortable for the   
first time that he could remember in a long while. "Thank you,   
Kaworu," he whispered, painfully aware of the insufficiency of his   
words to express the relief that he felt. He closed his eyes as well,   
silently dreaming of Nieve, the vaguest glimmer of hope moving through   
his veins.  
  
]++[  
  
She could feel the apartment slowly becoming permeated with the stale   
air of a tomb. The pale yellow walls were becoming more oppressive   
daily, and her books lay unread, spread out across the couch, ignored   
in favor of Japanese television that she didn't understand and a   
growing resentment towards the world. Nieve had never realized how   
totally her routine had relied upon Neil's presence, but as her world   
crumbled around her she knew that there was no point to denying the   
problem.  
  
Her skin felt bare, unaided by the red blouse that she wore half-  
unbuttoned and the unusually long white skirt that stopped slightly   
below her knees. "Nothing to do," she muttered, tilting her head   
slightly to one side and flipping the channels, almost happier not to   
know the language that everyone else seemed to be speaking. "Just   
waiting for Godot, I suppose."  
  
The thought struck her as odd, and she forced a laugh, her hand slowly   
moving towards the decorated red box of crackers. The salty taste of   
the snacks was still lingering in her mouth, but she didn't see the   
point in not eating more, and she scolded herself for eating too much   
even as another handful found its way into her mouth. "Getting fat all   
over again. Small wonder that Neil didn't want me any more."  
  
Misato's keys sounded in the door, and Nieve pulled herself to her   
feet, still feeling uncomfortably naked and imagining mounds of fat   
attached to her body all over. She shuffled towards the door, watching   
the purple-haired slip off her shoes with practiced grace, as though   
nothing had changed at all. "I thought you had work for the rest of   
the day," Nieve half-whispered, lacking the energy to put more into her   
speech."  
  
"I figured that I might be able to get more work done later in the   
day," replied Misato calmly, stepping swiftly past Nieve and towards   
her room. "Besides, I just wanted to check on a few things here.   
There were some... projects. I left them to their own devices while I   
was at work."  
  
Nieve knew that she was being left out of the loop, and for the barest   
of moments she felt energy flow into her once again. "You've never   
told me anything about these," she said, following Misato somewhat   
awkwardly. "What are you up to?"  
  
The woman stepping into her room and shut the door firmly, obviously   
not interested in furthering the conversation. "Don't you worry about   
that," she replied, her voice muffled through the wooden door."  
  
Sighing, Nieve slumped against the wall besides the door, her eyes   
drifting closed. She didn't feel like fighting, and she doubted that   
there was any ultimate reason to bother. Misato had made her decision,   
the same way that she'd always done, and Nieve could do little but sit   
and watch. For all of Nieve's supposed importance, she knew with   
painful clarity that she was on the outside looking in. "Do you   
suppose that Neil's ever coming back?"  
  
Misato's door opened a second or two later, and Nieve started,   
realizing belatedly that she'd asked the question aloud. "You really   
do miss him," murmured the elder woman, crouching beside the girl with   
a look of sympathy. "I miss him, too."  
  
"He has to come back. He - everything of his, it's right here." She   
sighed, lowering her head further, avoiding Misato's gaze as best she   
could. "But I guess nothing would be any better if he did come back.   
It's not as though -" Another sigh passed her lips, as if words simply   
hadn't been invented to express her thoughts. "I don't want him back.   
I want EVA-02 back."  
  
Nieve flicked her eyes towards her guardian, watching the woman remain   
silent, simply staring at her patiently. "I honestly don't know what   
he plans on doing," she said at length, shaking her head. "The Eighth   
has put him up for the time being - past that, we just have to wait and   
see." She paused. "He'd probably be more willing to come back if   
you'd forgive him."  
  
"I want to," replied Nieve, drawing her knees against her chest and   
hugging them close, feeling a slight chill pass through her body.   
"Lord knows that I want to."  
  
"Then why don't you?" Misato's hand had found its way almost   
accidentally to the girl's knee, squeezing it gently in an effort to be   
caring. Nieve could only think of the way that it had felt to flex her   
red goliath's body, the perfect harmony she had felt whenever she was   
in control of it, the wonderful rush she'd gotten after her first   
battle with the Sixth Angel.  
  
"Have you ever tried to pinpoint the exact moment in your life that   
things started to go wrong, Misato?" she asked limply, finally drawing   
her head up and staring Misato in the eye. "Do you know when   
everything started falling apart around you?"  
  
"Of course I do," replied Misato, sounding genuinely empathetic as she   
sat beside the girl. "I used to think that it was the day of the   
Second Impact, the last day that I ever saw my father alive." She   
paused for a moment, flicking her brown eyes away towards the nearest   
lamp as if it would provide insight. "But I don't think that was it.   
I think it was when I left Ryoji Kaji behind. If I'd been just a   
little bit smarter, I think I wouldn't be in this mess today."  
  
"It was the day that the Fourteenth destroyed my Eva," replied Nieve,   
turning to watch the television. She could distantly hear the words   
that she didn't understand, but she could see the actors clearly as   
they ran back and forth, desperately struggling to keep piles of dishes   
from falling. "I was so angry at Neil, and at myself, and at   
everything around me - and I kept my cool, and the Angel tore me apart   
as if I was nothing. And then..."  
  
A choked sob escaped her throat unexpectedly. "I saw my mother before   
me, wearing the same clothes that she'd worn the day she died, as if   
nothing had happened after the Eva had killed her. And she was gone,   
before I could do anything, as if all the work I'd put into having a   
handle on things was just... was just..."  
  
Misato pulled Nieve forward, and the girl let out a wail of   
desperation, tears streaming from the corners of her eyes. She knew   
that crying was ineffectual and she didn't care, focused only on the   
pain eating away within her chest. The feeling of dread she'd felt for   
so long would not escape her, and in the back of her ming she knew that   
Neil would never return. She had been given her one chance to forgive   
him, and now she had damned herself away from him forever.  
  
]++[  
  
Kaworu's motions were fast and deliberate, almost as if he were ashamed   
of even standing within the Eva hangars, his shoes clicking gently   
against the metal lattice of the catwalk. His head hung low, his eyes   
closed tightly, but the same awkward smile still played across his   
lips, as though he was laughing at a joke that only he had been let in   
on. As he stepped towards the hangar housing EVA-07, he was distantly   
aware that he was being watched by NERV's command staff, but the   
thought didn't bother him in the least.  
  
The white beast had been perhaps the first Eva repaired, and as Kaworu   
saw it loom before him he could see that everything had been carefully   
restored by the technicians, ensuring that it would function to the   
utmost capacity. It was an unintentional courtesy that he appreciated,   
and he almost wept as he stood in front of the golem's face and stared   
it down, as if waiting for it to respond. "Hello," he whispered,   
opening his bright red eyes and staring at it.  
  
The purple-orange nutrient bath surrounding the Eva sloshed as it   
usually did, the slightest disturbance rippling through the surface as   
Kaworu stood. "I told Neil that I was coming in for synchronization   
tests," he said calmly, his smile fluctuating between malignant and   
simply amused. "Is that what you were told? Is that what you told   
them, too? Did you even know the truth before it was too late?"  
  
A low rumble sounded through the hangar, and Kaworu turned his eyes   
towards the place that he knew the security cameras were housed. His   
grin fluctuated again, his eyes flicking back towards the golem.   
"False child of Adam. What an existence you must be forced to lead."   
A sigh passed his lips, and he raised his left arm towards the sky, his   
fingers splayed outward, the rumbling growing and the nutrient bath   
stirring more violently. "Come, then. The last eye of God can still   
see the works of his children."  
  
Soft white light seemed to be cloaking itself around Kaworu as he   
brought himself to his tiptoes, his body otherwise remaining rigid. A   
spray of nutrients flew up and snapped away from his body, coating the   
catwalk but leaving him dry. "Must I do this?" he asked, this time not   
addressing the Eva in front of him, his eyes closed and his head   
suddenly bowed once again. "There is no other way?"  
  
No response came, but Kaworu had received his answer, and his head and   
eyes snapped back to their previous positions. "So be it. The horizon   
of eternity is denied humanity."  
  
EVA-07 suddenly twitched, sending great sprays of the nutrient bath   
along the walls a second before the screaming red alerts began to rip   
through the air. The golem's head seemed to open wider, the lenses of   
its four eyes shining with stark white radiance. Its arms strained at   
the restraints, and Kaworu's body slowly left the surface of the   
catwalk. "Come. We have much that must be done."  
  
The restraints snapped, and Kaworu could hear the echoing noise of the   
other Evas damaging themselves involuntarily. His eyes turned towards   
the security camera, and he moved his Eva towards it, letting a white   
hand move to crush the hateful eye. "Contact him," he said simply,   
letting the vaguest hint of orange octagons ripple in the air before   
him before EVA-07 crushed the camera and left nothing but darkness   
within its chamber.  
  
]++[  
  
His radio was active even before his entry plug was halfway to the   
massive purple goliath, the alarms searing his ears as they came from   
both outside and the internal speakers. Neil hadn't been given an   
explanation of the reason behind it, but he knew that the base had been   
invaded from the only other time that he'd ever heard the alert in full   
force. It was only slowly becoming clear to him just how bad the   
situation was. "EVA-07 is penetrating the lowest level of Central   
Dogma!" shouted what he assumed to be Makoto's voice, the panic evident   
as the white cylinder moved towards the waiting Eva.  
  
LCL began to spill in almost before the plug had finished inserting   
itself, and Neil felt a rush of terror at the implications. "What the   
hell is going on?" he shouted, hoping that someone would hear him   
before he choked momentarily on the LCL. "If there's an Angel attack,   
why did you drag me here without the others?"  
  
There was still a sore spot on his arm from where the Intelligence   
agents had grabbed him, and he rubbed it gently as a crackle came back   
from the command center. "Neil..." Misato's voice sounded almost   
apologetic, and his ears perked slightly into attention. "It is the   
Seventeenth Angel. He's taken EVA-07 and he's trying to get to the   
depths of the base."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," muttered Neil, shaking his head as the   
camera came on line, feeling the Eva's body begin to wrap around his   
own, the perception reaching outward. "But why just me? And why   
haven't you sounded the alert for the city yet? Hell, how did the   
Seventeenth get into Central Dogma without -"  
  
"Kaworu," replied the cold voice of Gendou Ikari, stilling Neil's   
outburst. "His pattern spiked as blue when he was already within the   
base. Our internal defenses were not designed with such an intrustion   
in mind, and so he proceeded to highjack EVA-07."  
  
Neil's eyes went wide for a moment, his hands unintentionally releasing   
the metal handrests of his Eva. The liquid in his mouth suddenly felt   
choking, and the Eva around him seemed to retreat into the distance.   
"That's impossible," he breathed, closing his eyes and shaking his   
head. "Kaworu can't possibly be an Angel. We... we would have known.   
He's just another Child, not -"  
  
"He is Tabris, the Seventeenth Angel and the last of God's messengers,"   
replied Gendou flatly. "He deceived us all, and he is going to use our   
own weapon against us to bring out the Third Impact that will destroy   
mankind forever." He paused. "You are the only one that can pilot a   
machine against him, Third Child. Destroy the Angel."  
  
"But..." In desperation, Neil slammed his fist against the wall of the   
cockpit, feeling smothered and helpless. The entire situation felt   
like a dream, as though he had fallen asleep in Kaworu's apartment and   
only dreamed of NERV Intelligence bursting in and dragging him to   
Central Dogma. But the plugsuit he'd been forced to wear was no   
illusion, and much as he struggled to explain the whole mess away he   
knew that it was reality. "Why me? Why can't you send one of the   
other Children against him?"  
  
"All of the other Evas were disabled," replied Misato's voice, sounding   
more comforting, almost as if she felt as guilty as Neil knew he soon   
would. "He did that when he took EVA-07. That's why his synch ratio   
is so high - he communicates with the Angel inside each Eva. He broke   
all of them but EVA-01." She paused. "He didn't even try to damage   
it, Neil. He wanted you to come after him."  
  
Bile rose at the back of Neil's throat, and he pitched forward in the   
seat, his hands digging into his knees as he struggled to wrap his mind   
around the concept and blamed himself. "Stupid boy," he muttered,   
shaking his head slowly, trying to stay quiet as he felt like   
screaming. "Should have known that it was too good to be true. Your   
own damn fault."  
  
A lone tear floated off into the LCL, and Neil's fingers gripped the   
handrests once again. "All right," he breathed, turning his Eva   
around, feeling hatred bubble behind his eyes. "You're going to have   
to give me some idea of where I need to go."  
  
Within seconds, a small flashing display had emerged on his camera, and   
nodding he jerked his machine forward, rushing out into the launching   
area, skidding to a halt as he glanced up and down the massive   
structures. He had seen it only once before in a similar situation,   
and he could remember the Fourteenth Angel only too clearly. Shaking   
the memory from his head, he noticed a light in his camera leading him   
towards one end of the great corridor, and without words he began   
running, breath coming quickly and harshly.  
  
There was a vertical opening that led downward, and EVA-01 dove into   
it, darkness attaching itself to the purple goliath as it plummeted   
past the ruined wreckage of what he knew to be former defensive   
barriers. "Why's he taking EVA-07 further into the base?" he spat,   
following the light as he landed once again, racing through a dimly-lit   
corridor he'd never known existed. "Why doesn't he just level the   
place from within?"  
  
"None of the Angels are trying to destroy NERV specifically," replied   
Gendou, still sounding calm as Neil rounded a corner, his eyes staring   
down the long hallway lit only by weak fluoresence. "They never have   
been. Their goal has always been Lillith, the Second Angel, the   
bringer of the Second Impact."  
  
"Contact between another Angel and the Second would bring about the   
Third Impact," Misato said weakly, almost as if she was holding   
something back. It only distantly registered in Neil's mind as he   
continued running, seeing another vertical drop and throwing himself   
down it. "We housed Lillith here to defend her from them as best we   
could, in the deepest reaches of our base, immobilized and kept secret."  
  
Neil wanted to spit insults at the phantom voices guiding him, but he   
resisted the urge. His eyes could pick out the gaunt white shape of   
EVA-07 beneath him, and he could hear the resounding echo of buckling   
metal. "I'm approaching the Seventeenth Angel," said Neil firmly,   
gritting his teeth as he continued falling. "Fully deploying AT Field."  
  
Kaworu was floating beside the almost silver EVA-07 with a soft glow   
about him, his eyes focused on the steady beats of the golem's fists   
against the bulkhead holding them both back. "Terminal Dogma," he   
whispered, a faint smile upon his lips. "You have a way with   
terminology, Gendou Ikari."  
  
Then he looked up, and as Neil hurtled downward he sighed, raising one   
hand towards the purple Eva. Neil ignored it, then felt his machine   
slam hard against a barrier just above EVA-07, the rippling octagons   
leaving no doubt as to its origin. "I'm sorry, Neil," he said softly,   
staring at the eyes of the boy's machine. "I can't let you stop me,   
not when I'm this close. It's nothing personal."  
  
"Shut up," snarled Neil, forcing himself outward into the Eva, knowing   
full well the rage that lay beneath its surface. His fists tightened,   
and he slammed his machine's arms against the AT Field hard, letting   
his fingers slowly pry the field open even as Kaworu visibly struggled   
to hold it in place. "I'm going to stop you, after what you did to me,   
after what you... I'll stop you!"  
  
The field crumpled and opened just as EVA-07 stuck its fist through the   
barrier with a triumphant noise of tearing metal. Its head jerked   
towards Neil, but the boy already had deployed and prepared a prog   
knife, sending the blade racing towards the bone-white golem. "DIE!"   
screamed Neil, lunging forward, feeling the reassuring impact of the   
other Eva's body as his knife slammed hard against its armor. White   
rage burned behind his eyes, and for a moment the whole of his anger   
was focused against Kaworu's puppet.  
  
"Pay attention." The voice was Kaworu's, and Neil whipped his head   
about to see the boy slowly descending through the hole that he had   
already inflicted. "I no longer need EVA-07, Neil. Please, don't   
waste your energy."  
  
Kaworu's form slipped out of sight, and Neil felt anger burn along his   
skin once again, a burst of strength overcoming him as he slammed the   
prog knife through the armored skin of his white opponent. He   
recognized the burning needles flowing through his arms, but instead of   
struggling against it he forced himself to release the energy. EVA-  
01's hands pointed towards the bulkhead beneath it, and a brilliant   
burst of white light took it to pieces as if it were scrap paper.  
  
A cold wind ripped through the chamber beneath the shaft, and Kaworu   
was slowly floating towards the ground as he stared up, watching Neil   
and EVA-07 fall in unison, the shattered fragments of the defensive   
barrier almost seemingly like snow. Neil only barely saw the gleaming   
white of the landscape he hurtled towards, simply knew that he had to   
catch Kaworu, that he was dangerously close to failing. "Stop!" he   
shouted, bracing himself for the impact, letting himself slam against   
the loose snow beneath his feet and dropping into a crouch.  
  
"No." Kaworu's reply seemed tinged with sadness, but the emotion   
didn't register, and Neil simply let out a guttural scream and rushed   
for the boy. His arms lashed out, then froze in place as they slammed   
against another AT Field. Growling, Neil struggled to pierce the   
barrier once again, resisting the urge to cough up the blood that   
accompanied every time he used the S2 organ within his machine, blood   
trailing from the corner of his lip. "I told you, Neil, I can't let   
you stop me now."  
  
The full weight of EVA-07 slammed against Neil, and he felt a wave of   
pain wash over his side as he struggled to regain his footing, eyes   
flung about the room in a desperate attempt to get his bearings. It   
was snow - he could see that now - lying atop a glacier of some kind,   
the primary presence in the huge domed room containing himself and   
Kaworu. At one side sat a pair of Eva-sized doors, and all about the   
room were great crosses of red metal, seemingly placed at random.   
"Don't do this!" shouted Neil, shoving the other Eva off and turning   
towards the retreating Kaworu once again. "Kaworu, -please-!"  
  
"Make me." It was almost a taunt, and Neil felt himself starting to   
rush forward before the white Eva once again grabbed him tightly,   
rooting him in place despite his best efforts to free himself. He   
could only watch as Kaworu floated towards the double doors, his own   
strength less than a match for the more entrenched EVA-07.  
  
Growling, Neil whirled and slammed his knuckles across the head of   
Rei's machine, forcing it to release him. The prog knife still lay   
embedded within its armor, and Neil realized that he couldn't simply   
damage it to stop it, that Kaworu could keep moving it around until   
Neil relented. "I've got to tear it to pieces," he breathed, licking   
at the blood still sitting by his lips. "I can't let any of it remain,   
or it'll..."  
  
Something snapped within Neil, and his eyes widened as he stared at the   
white goliath before him, realizing what he was contemplating. Fresh   
self-loathing stirred in his gut, his hands flexing weakly against the   
cold metal handrests of his cockpit. "The only person," he muttered,   
staggering backwards. "The only one that ever told me that they..."  
  
His back hit one of the metal crosses, and without even thinking he   
found his hands wrapping around it. Unit 07 simply watched, then began   
approaching, a lone knife deploying from its shoulders. Ignoring the   
other machine, Neil set his feet against the slippery powder beneath   
him and pulled upwards with all his strength, wrenching the gigantic   
metal cross out of its place, revealing a sharp point at its bottom.   
"Misato?" he whispered, feeling terrified. "Misato, can you hear me?"  
  
There was no answer, and with a cry of rage Neil launched himself   
forward at the white Eva, his hands gripping the arms of the cross   
tightly. "KAWORU!" he screamed, impaling EVA-07 with his makeshift   
weapon, forcing it backwards until the point of the cross buried itself   
in the metal wall. The golem speared by it twitched, its blood   
spilling out across the snow beneath it, marring the perfect white as   
Neil turned his back to it. "KAWORU! I'M COMING FOR YOU!"  
  
Kaworu had already passed through the huge doors, and without thought   
Neil launched himself towards them, breaking them down, sending them   
forward with a splash into a lake of liquid. He could see the boy's   
hovering form, and he launched himself into the lake, sending up a   
great spray of the liquid, coating his camera for a moment. "KAWORU!"   
he screamed, taking a moment to notice the room around him.  
  
Slowly, Kaworu turned to face Neil as the boy took in the   
surroundings. He was standing in a great lake of LCL, the red-orange   
liquid lapping against his knees and filling the room beyond his range   
of vision. In the center of the room, perhaps only a dozen feet away   
from Kaworu, there was a cross more gigantic than those within the snow-  
filled room, this one starkly upright, forcing the attention of Neil's   
eyes. It was not the cross that fascinated him - it was what hung upon   
it.  
  
It was the size of an Eva, its hands impaled against the cross, head   
slumping forward slightly, a bulbous and disturbingly humanoid body,   
the skin limp as if it were merely a bag holding the innards. What   
little light fell into the room threw it into stark relief, forcing the   
white monster to cast shadows around the room. Only its upper body   
hung on the cross - the legs were missing, and only a mangled waist   
spoke to the fact that they had ever existed. LCL trailed from that   
ruined waist, slowly trickling in to the lake surrounding EVA-01. But   
Neil knew that he recognized the red spear embedded within its chest, a   
great red double-pronged weapon that seemed to extend impossibly far   
towards the ceiling, like some great forbidding scepter.  
  
"Lillith," intoned Kaworu, turning to face Neil, the smile evident on   
his face. "Second Angel. Bearer of the Second Impact. Your enemy,   
and yet what you struggle to defend." The boy hovered up towards the   
massive spear, wrapping his hands around it as best he could. "This is   
how it ends, Third Child - with your final defeat."  
  
Neil's eyes widened, and as he watched the lance slowly emerge from the   
bulbous white flesh he forced himself forward, moving forward with all   
the speed that the spraying foam of LCL would allow him. Everything   
else faded from view - he could only watch as the tips of the spear   
first touched open air once again, Kaworu drawing back and gripping the   
two-pronged weapon tightly, something within Neil telling him that he   
must not be allowed to finish what he had started...  
  
In one smooth motion, EVA-01's hand lashed out and slammed into   
Kaworu's body, a sickening crack filling the air as Kaworu released the   
spear in shock. The massive weapon tumbled and fell into the red-  
orange lake with a splash, filling the air with a thin mist of bloody   
mixture, spraying against Eva and Angel alike as Neil continued to rush   
forward. It was not until his hand slammed into the wall that he   
stopped, both of his hands now hovering over Kaworu, pinning him hard   
against the wall.  
  
A silence filled the room, Kaworu's eyes staring at the purple golem   
that loomed above him, the thin and angry line of its inhuman jaws.   
"You struck back," Kaworu whispered, closing his eyes gently. "I   
didn't think that you would have it in you, Neil. I'm impressed."  
  
"Shut up!" screamed Neil, inching the palms of his hands closer to the   
boy beneath them, tears streaming down from his eyes and filling the   
bloody liquid around him. The rage hadn't faded completely, but it was   
tinged by realization, by the unendurable fact of what he knew he was   
about to do. "You lied to me. You said that you liked me for who I   
was, that you accepted me."  
  
"When did I lie?" replied Kaworu, resting limply between the fingers of   
the machine. There was no fear within his eyes, though whether that   
came from acceptance or confidence Neil couldn't puzzle out. "I never   
spoke a false word to you, Neil. I respect you too much to do that."  
  
Neil couldn't respond immediately, his concentration focused on the act   
of not shutting his eyes, of not burying his head between his knees and   
wailing to the heavens. It was the last straw, of that he was   
certain. "Why did you have to do this, then?" he choked, slamming the   
handrests forward in frustration. "We were becoming friends. We - I -   
this wasn't necessary! You had a life!"  
  
"Yes, I did," replied Kaworu, closing his eyes gently. "I had this   
life from the moment that we met, Neil. I am that I am. There was no   
choice involved in anything that I did."  
  
"I don't -believe- you!" Neil lied. "You could have let me alone! You   
could have let me deal with this on my own, not... not -inserted-   
yourself like you did! Didn't you ever think about what it would mean   
for me, how much it would hurt when you..."  
  
"Of course I thought about it." His eyes opened again, and the smile   
from the day before crossed his face, an unspeakably loving gaze that   
nearly broke Neil's heart simply to look on it. "I knew that when the   
time came, you would do the right thing. I have faith in you and your   
decisions." He paused. "It's all right, what you need to do. I've   
known that from the beginning, too."  
  
The boy within the Eva twisted his face into a grimace, leaning forward   
as though Kaworu could see him. "You selfish, impudent, horrible,   
lying..." His voice broke off, and despite himself he pitched forward   
in tears, shuddering within his seat, almost waiting for Kaworu to   
emerge and destroy him as he knew the Angel should. "You're no Angel,   
damn you. It's not my fault. It's yours."  
  
"I forgive you." Kaworu's voice was still calm. "With all my heart,   
Neil, I forgive your actions. I don't -"  
  
"This isn't about -you-, damn it!" screamed Neil, inadvertantly pushing   
the palms of his Eva ever so slightly forward, watching a grimace of   
pain cross the other boy's face. "You... you were the only person that   
ever told me that you liked me! That you didn't care about anything   
else, that you liked who I -was-!" He sobbed. "I -hate- myself!   
Everyone -else- hates me! You're the only person that liked me, and   
you're... you're..."  
  
"Angry with you? Perhaps. But they don't hate you, Neil." The silver-  
haired boy sighed and shifted slightly, as if the whole affair barely   
troubled him. "You know what you're supposed to do now, Neil. I leave   
everything in your capable hands."  
  
Neil waited for a moment, wanting Kaworu to say something more, to   
somehow give him an order, to take the responsibility from his hands.   
Almost every voice in his head was urging him to let the boy go, that   
it didn't matter if Kaworu was an Angel. "I can pretend that he's not   
a monster," he breathed, his hands slowly flexing against the   
handrests, lungs sucking in the blood that he knew the LCL to be. "He   
cares about me. He really believe that I'm a good person. Even if he   
is one of them... maybe he could seem to be right. Maybe I'm... I'm..."  
  
Pangs of hatred ran across Neil's chest, and he let out a loud wail,   
pitching forward in his chair. He knew that he had no choices, that he   
would only be lying to himself if he let things drop. "He's only   
telling me what I know about myself," he whispered. "A monster would   
love me."  
  
With heavy eyes, Neil forced himself to look at Kaworu once more,   
trying to see the other boy's delicate features through the blur of   
tears. There was only one right choice, no matter how much it hurt,   
and Neil knew that it was the only reason for anyone to love him. "God   
have mercy on my soul." Closing his eyes, he forced his Eva forward.  
  
Snapping and popping filled the air, a wet squishing noise that sent   
revulsion through Neil's body, and he barely choked down a wave of   
vomit. His body pitched forward out of the seat, eyes closed tightly,   
arms quickly hugging his knees tight to his chest, teeth biting into   
his lower lip as if the pain would release him. His Eva stood silent   
as he sobbed, crying for his own damnation and the loss of Kaworu, and   
he wanted nothing more than to let himself dissolve into the blood   
around him.  
  
]++[  
  
Moonlight cast itself across the still waters of the lake, sparkling   
pearls of light framing Neil's body as he crouched beside it. Misato   
had to bite her tongue as she walked towards him, wanting to call out   
his name, to startle him into doing something, to bring back the boy   
that she'd met what seemed like an eternity beforehand. Instead, she   
simply walked to him, her heels scuffing against the grass, her red   
jacket a protection from the unexpected chill of the night.  
  
Neil's eyes flicked towards her as she sat down beside him, then   
towards the moon, a dead and almost emotionless expression lingering   
behind the two green orbs. "It took you a while," he said calmly. "I   
sort of assumed that you'd come looking for me after I'd come out of   
the Eva."  
  
"I did," replied Misato, shifting uncomfortably. "But I didn't want to   
get NERV Intelligence involved... I thought it was too impersonal."   
She paused. "Was I wrong? Were you -"  
  
"Don't worry about it," he replied, not bothering to look in her   
direction. "You did what you thought best." He shifted slightly, his   
hair catching the moonlight for a second and shimmering bright and   
golden. "That was the last Angel, wasn't it?"  
  
"Seems that way." She was struggling to remain calm, knowing that she   
wanted to take the boy in her arms even though she couldn't be sure of   
exactly why. "NERV's completed its mission. The Angels are destroyed,   
and Third Impact has been averted." A tenative hand brushed his   
shoulder reassuringly. "We have you to thank for that."  
  
Without words, Neil reached to his shoulder and grasped Misato's hand   
tightly, squeezing it as though waiting for reassurance. She started,   
but didn't force him to release her. "I don't feel as though anyone   
should be thanking me," he replied, squeezing the woman's hand   
tightly. "I'm certainly not proud of myself."  
  
There was something in his tone that requested silence, and Misato   
obliged, simply edging closer to him as he spoke. "You know... the   
first time I ever got inside that Eva, I thought that I could fix what   
was wrong with the world. I was scared, confused, hurt... but I knew   
that I was being given a chance to really do something right. I was   
being trusted as a defender of the human race. I could -do- something,   
could really be -worth- something."  
  
His head fell upon Misato's shoulder, eyes still focused upon the   
moon. "But I was wrong," he whispered. "In the end, I... I couldn't   
change anything. I couldn't make anything better. I met one of the   
kindest and most lovable souls in the world... and I crushed the life   
out of him, to do what was right. I couldn't save anybody. Things   
happened regardless of what I tried to do."  
  
"You did the right thing," replied Misato as calmly as she could,   
wrapping her arm around the boy, wanting to provide something more but   
holding back. "That was noble of you. It was brave. It was..." She   
sighed, shaking her head. "You gave yourself up for something bigger   
than anyone."  
  
"It was -stupid-," replied Neil firmly, squirming slightly in Misato's   
embrace, his eyes falling shut tightly. "There wasn't any choice in   
that. There was something that was right and something that I wanted,   
and I knew which had to win out in the end. I'm ashamed that I didn't   
want what I -knew- was right in the first place."  
  
Neil's hand brushed against Misato's leg, and a small shiver went along   
her body at the touch through her pantyhose. A slow warmth spready   
across her chest and face, and she hugged Neil more tightly, telling   
herself that it was because of the unusual chill of the night. "Don't   
blame yourself so easily. He was your friend."  
  
"Of course. Monsters befriend monsters." There wasn't anger in the   
boy's tone so much as simply exhaustion, as if he wanted nothing more   
than to simply be at peace with his own failures. "I know I did the   
right thing, Misato. I -understand-. That's what makes this -hard-."  
  
Her mouth opened, then closed again as she pulled him closer. "It's   
all right," she whispered, gently stroking his hair with her free hand,   
letting her eyes watch the slow path of moonlight across the surface of   
the water. "It's all right."  
  
"We'll be sent off, won't we?" asked Neil, struggling away from Misato   
gently. She released him, feeling momentarily ashamed before she even   
thought to feel concerned by his tone. "With the Seventeenth   
destroyed... it's back to our old lives, for all of us."  
  
"I suppose so," replied Misato, turning her face away as she felt the   
tear beginning to brim behind her eyes. "Commander Ikari will likely   
want to debrief you all first, but I imagine that you'll be sent back   
within the week. You'll be a bit of a celebrity for the rest of your   
life, probably - I know what it's like, I could -"  
  
Neil stood mechanically, his body fringed by the silver of the   
moonlight. "I'm going back to Kaworu's apartment for tonight. I'll   
ask the commander if he'll let me return earlier." He hesitated,   
hanging his head, his fists slowly clenching and releasing. "I think I   
would like to go back home. Back to America."  
  
Misato felt as though she had been stabbed, and a slow tumble of   
emotions began to pile within her throat, waiting to be voiced.   
Coughing awkwardly, she stumbled to her feet and fixed Neil with her   
stare, struggling to find a way to ask him to remain in Japan, to come   
short of begging him. It was impossible, she knew it, but something in   
her couldn't bear to say goodbye, not after the one almost-farewell   
they had experienced before. "Neil, I -"  
  
The words caught in her throat, and she simply stared at the boy,   
struggling to find something else to say. "Neil, you shouldn't go to   
Kaworu's. Come - come back with me. Back to my apartment. With Nieve   
and I."  
  
"I can't," replied Neil, turning his back to the woman, sorrow lacing   
his words like a drug. "It wouldn't be right of me."  
  
Something twitched in Misato's chest, and in half-anger she reached   
forward and grabbed the boy roughly by the shoulder, yanking him back   
in her direction. He looked almost as surprised by the action as she   
felt, but she didn't let up the intensity. "There is a girl in that   
apartment that is -waiting- for you, Neil. Nieve has been going out of   
her mind with grief since the second that you stepped out the door.   
You can't deny her at least one last chance to see you. I..." She   
stammered, then bit her lower lip for an instant before continuing. "I   
know what she's feeling right now. You -owe- this to her."  
  
"Don't you think I know that?" asked Neil, closing his eyes, obviously   
struggling to keep tears restrained and failing. "I know full well   
that she misses me, but... but... she deserves better than me."  
  
The boy pulled away, and Misato suddenly felt as though the light of   
the moon was that at the top of grave, watching her descend into the   
hateful soil. She could see the boy's form retreating away from her,   
shrouded in darkness, his shape losing distinction more and more with   
each passing moment. "She doesn't -want- better than you!" she shouted   
at length, the only thought that she could grab on to, a weak argument   
that she regretted almost before it had left her lips.  
  
Neil stopped. His shirt blew lightly in the wind, mirrored by the fine   
strands of his hair, all moving in a sort of intricate dance around the   
boy's body. Then, slowly, he turned back towards Misato, his eyes   
heavy, cast towards his feet as they shuffled in Misato's direction.  
  
"I still don't think I should," he whispered, not daring to glance at   
the woman's brown eyes. Misato barely heard his words, a deep   
thankfulness spreading through her body. Part of her believed that   
things would finally be correcting themselves, that at last she could   
set right at least some of the wrongs around her.  
  
]++[  
  
Everything was just as he remembered it - the pale yellow walls, the   
way that the light reflected off of the white countertops as if it were   
springing to freedom, the surprisingly comfortable hard wood of the   
floors. It was at once pleasing and frightening, and Neil had a   
distant urge to turn and run away even as he slipped off his shoes and   
left them lying in the small lowered area. "Just like the first day,"   
he whispered, slowly moving towards the living room, hearing the sounds   
of the television. "Except harder."  
  
Nieve lay slumped on the couch, and Neil found himself freezing in   
place, stunned by the simple casual beauty that she seemed to be   
radiating almost by accident. Her flamingly red hair lay coiled   
against the back of her head in a bun, only a few strands falling loose   
and touching the surface of a shirt he knew to be his own. It was the   
blue shirt he had worn on his first day in Tokyo-3, obviously too big   
for the girl and trailing down around the short green skirt that hugged   
against her legs. It was perfect, sterling, the exact beautiful girl   
that he'd seen in his mind since the instant he left.  
  
"You're home late," Nieve said as calmly as possible, and Neil started   
before he realized that she didn't know it was him and not Misato. "I   
just got the call from Central Dogma about the Seventeenth's   
destruction." She chuckled bitterly, leaning her head forward. "Neil   
was the first and the last, ironically enough. Sort of makes me wonder   
what I was doing here."  
  
The boy's throat closed tightly, choking off speech for a moment as he   
watched the way her body moved. He couldn't do it, couldn't risk the   
thought of her rejecting him again. It was a certainty, and as he   
stared he knew that his situation was no different now than it had been   
with Kaworu. "You were giving me the time of my life," he whispered,   
unsure of why the words had passed his lips.  
  
A gasp came from Nieve's throat, and she slowly turned towards the   
hallway, letting her brilliant green eyes fall on him, cloaked with   
surprise and bewilderment. "Hey," he offered weakly, taking a cautious   
step forward, waiting for the girl to scream at him.  
  
Nieve stared for a moment, then slowly reached towards the bun at the   
back of her head, making a few quick flicks of her wrists and letting   
the hair fall loose once more. She stood from the couch, swaying like   
a willow as she stepped towards Neil, eyes frightened and determined.   
"Hey," she echoed. "You... haven't been around for a while."  
  
Words began spilling from Neil's brain half-formed, and he opened his   
mouth to explain. He wanted to tell the girl that he was wrong, that   
she should forget about him forever, that they would be leaving anyways   
and that anything would just be momentary. He wanted to tell her   
everything he had seen inside of EVA-01, all of the things he had   
faced, all of the reasons why she would have been right to despise him.  
  
Before he had a chance to begin explaining anything, Nieve's arms had   
flung themselves around him tightly, pulling their bodies tightly   
together as tears trickled slowly from her eyes. "Please don't leave,"   
she whispered. "Please. Never again."  
  
The thought that it was something that had happened before had barely   
even occurred to him, and it sent a new pang of guilt through his   
body. But he ignored it, and with gentle hands he reached up and   
embraced the girl himself, feeling the softness of her skin and the   
warmth of her body. "I won't," he whispered, resting his chin against   
her hair. "I'm sorry."  
  
Misato's entry and almost immediate departure went unnoticed by both   
Children save for distant knowledge, filed in the back of their brains   
for later recognition. Only their bodies existed for a few moments,   
and the world around them bled into nothingness, a mass of pale yellow   
and brown wood that could as well have been a sea of LCL. It was   
everything that Neil had missed, and as he held her he could feel   
himself even beginning to forgive himself, too happy just to be holding   
his beloved once again.  
  
The embrace ended at length, Nieve's arms letting both boy and girl   
step apart what seemed to be a fraction of an inch too far. Neil could   
see that there were fears lingering in her eyes, questions that she   
didn't dare to ask, as if she would sacrifice her strength for his   
presence. "You knew Kaworu," she whispered at length, sounding afraid   
of the name itself. "Are you... all right?"  
  
"Of course not," replied Neil, stepping forward and embracing her once   
again, this time more tightly. "Please, Nieve, just... just hold me.   
I need to feel like I can do something right."  
  
He hated himself for what he had done to the girl that wrapped her arms   
around him, and he hated himself for having destroyed the final Angel.   
It was almost tempting to blame Kaworu for the situation, but he   
couldn't find the anger there, only guilt and remorse. Choking down a   
sob, he held Nieve more tightly, feeling her tension melt away, taking   
some small solace in the fact that she, at least, was serene.  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
The final foe is yet unfaced.  
The final struggle is yet unwon.  
The final cruelty is still to come.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 26: CRUEL THESIS  
"We will be forced to save this world through our own means."  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	26. Cruel Thesis

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 26: CRUEL THESIS +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
Blessed and holy are those that have part in the first resurrection.   
The second death has no power over them, but they will be priests of   
God and of Christ and will reign with him for a thousand years.  
- REVELATIONS 20:6  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2006 ]  
  
Naoko Akagi was surveying the boy in front of her with a critical   
stare, a fact that didn't quite seem to be lost on him as he looked   
back and forth between the goliath outside the window and his father.   
"This really isn't the place for children," she said, her voice firm,   
eyes flashing as she turned towards the boy's father herself. "We   
still aren't certain of what's going to happen out there. I'd prefer   
it if he was kept -"  
  
"Oh, let him be, Dr. Akagi," replied Gendou Ikari, a smile on his lips   
as he watched his son look around the room with enthusiasm. His face   
was almost frighteningly gaunt, his chin coming to what looked like a   
dangerous point, but there was genuine joy in his features. "It's a   
big day for his mother - for all of us. He's got as much of a right as   
anyone else to observe."  
  
"Don't say I didn't -warn- you," replied Naoko firmly, provoking a   
broader smile on Gendou's face. He still felt some vague guilt for   
everything that had been done to her, but he also felt justified. Even   
though the teal-gray paint still seemed to be drying on the metallic   
bulkheads of Gehirn's headquarters, it felt finished, only waiting for   
the successful activation of their first experiment to be free of any   
failures.  
  
And there was nothing that -could- go wrong. He winced slightly as he   
remembered his flight from the Katsuragi expedition site, knowing full   
well what was going to happen, wondering why SEELE had only informed   
him in enough time to flee. The guilt had been nearly unbearable at   
the time, but he had come to understand what needed to be done, and as   
he walked towards the window to stand beside Shinji, he knew that he   
had done the right thing.  
  
"You remember what I told you about that?" he asked the boy, dropping   
to his knees as he watched the technicians finishing up their final   
preparations. "That's what your mother and I have been working on   
here - the artificial life form Evangelion."  
  
Shinji stared at it for a moment, then looked towards his father   
reluctantly. "It looks scary," he replied, eyes wide. "Isn't it   
supposed to be friendly?"  
  
"It's scary, but it's friendly anyways. It's -our- monster." The   
words sounded oxymoronic to Gendou, but he ignored the thought and   
stood once again, his white lab coat shifting around him as he stood.   
"We're using it to keep the bad monsters away, your mother and I. One   
day, we're going to need it to save us all."  
  
"Dr. Ikari?" The tone of Kozou Fuyutsuki's voice was ever so slightly   
accusatory, as if Gendou was still his unruly student that had to be   
reminded of his assigments. Another day, Gendou would have been   
irritated by the tone, but he was too filled with enthusiasm to even   
let it bother him. "Yui's all suited up, and the technicians are   
preparing to withdraw. As soon as you're ready, we can begin the   
activation."  
  
Gendou adjusted his glasses, then turned on his heel, stepped towards   
the gray computer console that Fuyutsuki was standing behind, and   
flipped on the microphone. "Dr. Yui Ikari?" he asked with mock   
seriousness. "We're prepared for the experiment. If you would enter   
the launch chamber?"  
  
"Of course," replied the woman, her voice accompanied by the whir and   
hiss of the doors of the hangar opening. Yui stepped in quickly, her   
short brown hair bobbing along with her, the long white lab coat   
covering her blue and white test suit. "We just finished running tests   
on the new plug suit. All of the receptors are working perfectly. We   
should be able to achieve synchronization with the machine."  
  
"Spectacular. The entry plug is being lowered now. Once you're in,   
we'll begin the experiment in earnest." He leaned back from the   
microphone, turning towards Dr. Fuyutsuki. "Have the technicians   
prepare for the system activation on my cue. The generators should   
already be up and running."  
  
Yui's form slowly climbed into the white cylinder of the entry plug,   
and Gendou couldn't help but watch, almost wanting to rush over to the   
microphone and cry out that he loved her. It was inappropriate, but   
somehow it seemed as though it could be excused under the   
circumstances. Still, he forced himself to remain in place, watching   
the hatch close, the automated arms lifting the entry plug as Yui's   
voice came through the radio once again. "Shinji's watching, isn't he?"  
  
"He is. You're going to make all of us proud." The man smiled one   
last time, then turned towards Fuyutsuki, receiving a nod of approval.   
Taking a few quick steps across the smooth floor towards the wide class   
observation window, he clasped his arms behind his back, then cleared   
his throat. "Activate EVA-01! Full power to docking systems!"  
  
"Full power engaged!" came the reply, the technician's voice one that   
he didn't recognize. He was only listening in the most peripheral   
sense - it was far more important to him to watch as the back of the   
Eva split open to receive the entry plug, all of the machinery moving   
in smooth concert to allow the vessel entry. "Entry plug received   
normally! All interlocks engaging, prepared for second phase of   
activation!"  
  
"Engage internal cameras!" shouted Gendou, feeling an almost giddy rush   
as the purple goliath sealed its back once again. He'd almost not   
believed that it would work, and it was moving like clockwork.   
"Prepare flood of LCL and power up the synchronization grid! All life   
support systems should be at full operational status!"  
  
A slight flash seemed to move across the pure white eyes of the Eva,   
something Gendou took as a sign that it was working correctly.   
"Cameras engaged! LCL is being flooded, synchronization grid is   
perpared! Pilot's life signs are normal, aside from a slight peak in   
blood pressure!"  
  
Gendou smiled even more broadly, and forcing his hands not to trembled   
he adjusted his glasses, amazed at the sight of the machine in front of   
him. "Engage synchronization systems!" he shouted, a rush of   
adrenaline flooding his bloodstream as he leaned towards the window.   
"How are you feeling, Yui?"  
  
"I'm fine. The LCL tastes a little funny, but I'm not having any   
trouble breathing it." Her voice was light and optimistic, a tone that   
Gendou couldn't help but feel burned into his memory. "I'm starting to   
feel the Eva's presence - this must be what synchronization will feel   
like. It's a bit painful - and it almost sounds as if -"  
  
Yui's voice suddenly fell silent, and Gendou had only a second to frown   
in bewilderment before he saw the eyes of the Eva flash a bright   
green. There were no pupils, but he felt as though it was looking at   
him directly, and in shock he stepped backwards, almost certain that   
there was something malfunctioning. "Something's going wrong,"   
Fuyutsuki said loudly, trying to draw Gendou's attention. "There's a   
synchronization spike already. She shouldn't have this level of   
connection, not yet."  
  
Then Yui's voice came back over the speakers, a howling scream of agony   
that sent Shinji running away from the window in shock. Gendou's eyes   
flew back towards the Eva, and in his horror he could see the machine   
straining against its restraints. "Yui!" he shouted, lunging towards   
the window once again. "Eject the entry plug! Something's gone wrong!"  
  
"Ejection systems are not responding!" the technicians shouted back.   
"Pilot's heart seems to have stopped! Her body mass is down by 20%!   
Something seems to be eating her alive in there!"  
  
"No!" shouted Gendou, watching the Eva rip its arms away from the   
walls, eyes glowing a brilliant green, the metal jaw tearing itself   
open and letting out a roar. He could distantly see Shinji still   
cowering in the corner, rocking on his heels in terror, but his   
thoughts rested with Yui's voice, still screaming chokingly through the   
speakers. "Disengage the power! Scale back the synch ratio! Abort!   
Abort!"  
  
"Power has been cut!" shouted the technicians, accompanied by a louder   
roar from EVA-01 as Yui's scream grew more strangled. "The ejection   
system still isn't working! Pilot's skeletal structure is undergoing   
severe decalcification!"  
  
"YUI!" Turning, Gendou rushed towards the door that he knew led into   
the hangar, his mind on his wife as he felt Dr. Fuyutsuki's grip   
restrain him. "Let me -go-, damn it! She's trapped inside that   
thing! I've got to get her out!"  
  
"There's nothing you can do," replied Fuyutsuki, staring grimly at the   
Eva as it continued to break away from its restraints, roaring at   
nothing, Yui's voice choking away to nothing. "Gendou, that thing will   
destroy you if you go out there. Until we shut it down, you've got to   
stay inside!"  
  
"I don't care if it kills me! I have to save her!" The younger man   
struggled against his former teacher's arms, his frenzy growing as his   
beloved's voice grew quieter and quieter. "Yui! YUI! Don't give up!   
I'm coming! I'll save you, I promise! Let me go! -YUI-!"  
  
Gendou couldn't remember how long it had taken before the whole thing   
was over. He couldn't see anything but EVA-01 raging, its massive and   
jagged mouth mocking his efforts. He only knew that Shinji had   
screamed and cried, that Naoko had tried to recover control of the   
monster, that Fuyutsuki had held him in place as Yui slipped from his   
fingers. It wasn't until he stood in front of the deactivated goliath   
that he truly began to comprehend the world around him again.  
  
Kozou Fuyutsuki went to console him, something he began to realize as   
if through a haze. "Naoko is piecing together plans for recovering   
Yui's soul. There's enough carbon and water in the LCL to allow for   
her body - if we can reconstruct it, we might be able to bring her out   
of the Eva again. It's risky, but possible."  
  
It was a long time before Gendou turned to look at Fuyutsuki, his eyes   
wide and filled with pain. "They claimed that we would be protected.   
You remember that, don't you?" He laughed bitterly, feeling something   
close off in his chest. "I thought that everything we'd done was worth   
it. All the sacrifices made in the name of humanity. But now... now   
something like -this- happens."  
  
"She's not gone," replied Kozou, sounding halfway between apologetic   
and uncertain. "We'll find a way to get her back, I'm certain of it."  
  
"Perhaps we will. But..." He paused, then shook his head and sighed.   
"This is not the way. This is not a path to ascension. This is us   
following some arbitrary higher power's dictates." An idea was forming   
in his head, and as he turned towards Fuyutsuki the light caught his   
glasses just right, reflecting off the lenses as if they were mirrors.   
"If this is the upshot of their experiment, do you really want any part   
in it?"  
  
"You were the one who convinced me to help them," replied Kozou,   
sounding somewhat reluctant. "Remember? You approached me after the   
Second Impact, told me that I was needed elsewhere. You and Yui both."  
  
"But if I had known then," replied Gendou, letting himself trail off as   
he turned up to stare at EVA-01 once again. He could remember looking   
up at it with Yui not more than three hours before, talking with her   
and smiling. "I still believe what I said, Kozou. But I don't know if   
SEELE really knows what it would mean to save humanity. I don't know   
if their God even leads to salvation."  
  
Both men remained silent for a moment, looking at the goliath before   
them, both fully aware of what lay beneath the purple armor. "You   
think that there might be another way?"  
  
"After what I saw today, I don't think that I can sign over the fate of   
humanity to those old men." He smiled bitterly, then looked Kozou in   
the eye. "We will have to make more sacrifices, of course. It won't   
be easy to save everyone from themselves and from what SEELE has   
envisioned." A cold air overtook his voice, his chest tightening as he   
spoke. "You may leave if you wish. We will be forced to save this   
world through our own means."  
  
Kozou didn't reply immediately, his eyes locked on the half-open maw of   
the beast that loomed above them. "For Yui," he said weakly, turning   
his eyes halfway towards Gendou. "If you haven't gone completely   
insane, I can't imagine that I'd deny you."  
  
"Thank you." A thin sliver of pain was resting in Gendou's chest, but   
he ignored it, focusing instead on the barest foundations of a plan   
slowly coming to focus in his head. "We will bring her back. One way   
or another, I swear that we will bring her back."  
  
]++[  
  
[ 2016 ]  
  
For the first time that he could remember, Gendou Ikari was eschewing   
his desk in the meeting room. He stood, his face unmasked, simply   
waiting for the holographic monoliths to come into existence around him   
as he knew they would. It had been two hours since they had requested   
the meeting, and the wear of lost sleep was painfully grating on him,   
but it was worth it for the culmination of ten years' planning.   
"Whenever you're ready," he whispered into the darkness.  
  
Almost on cue, the black slabs of SEELE began to shimmer into existence   
around him. "The final seal has been broken," intoned the dark voice   
of Keel Lorenz, rippling out through the darkness from the slab   
directly in front of Gendou. "Your project has been successful, Gendou   
Ikari. The Chamber of Gaf is open, and humanity stands prepared on the   
horizon of eternity."  
  
"We lack the Evangelion units necessary for construction of the Ark,"   
offered another voice, this one indistinct to Gendou's ears. The age   
and feebleness of the tone angered Gendou in ways that he couldn't   
explain, but he forced himself to remain calm. "EVA-02 and EVA-03 have   
both been destroyed. More units must be constructed to replace them."  
  
"It is a matter of little time," replied Keel firmly. "All of the   
preparations are in place for humanity's judgement." There was a   
pause, then Gendou could almost feel the weight of the ancient man's   
attention being placed upon him. "Ikari. Your final task is to use   
the Father's body to impale Lillith once more, to bring God from His   
chamber to seal those worthy of ascension."  
  
Gendou, at last, allowed himself a smile. He had never smiled before   
the old men, not once, knowing that even when he could not see them   
that they could see him. But now he let himself relax his guard at   
long last, a sense of heady triumph flooding his body. He waited for a   
few moments, letting the others mull over the smile, and then spoke a   
single defiant word:  
  
"No."  
  
Silence was followed swiftly by a clamor of protest, hushed firmly by   
Keel as Gendou stood without movement. "You overstep your bounds,   
Ikari," the leader said firmly, his voice more angry than usual. "God   
will be brought -"  
  
"I agree. God will most certainly be brought from His chamber." The   
smile had not faded, a confident expression brought on from certainty   
in victory. "But there will be no judgement, not as you envision it.   
I have not worked so hard to save humanity to witness its damnation."  
  
"Don't be a fool, Ikari," replied Keel firmly, obviously trying to keep   
his fear in check. It was slightly amusing, to hear someone that had   
so long been assured of his own inviolability having the rug pulled out   
from beneath them. "This is as it is and as it was always intended to   
be. You possess no means of perverting the course of justice."  
  
"Justice?" Ire was growing within Gendou's mind, and it was taking   
immense concentration to maintain collected. "You know nothing of   
justice. The death of humanity is no ascension, and staking our   
existence on scripture and spiritual ascension is a fool's bargain. I   
will have no part in it, and I have the means to ensure -true-   
salvation." He paused, giving himself a moment to restore his calm.   
"EVA-08 has been completed."  
  
Another cacophony of voices filled the chamber, and Gendou couldn't   
help but take a perverse pleasure in the knowledge of how thoroughly he   
was frustrating the old men. "That's impossible," shouted one of the   
voices. "Our reports have shown us -"  
  
"Your reports have been doctored. EVA-08 has been completed and   
transported to Tokyo-3. The orders were confirmed about two hours ago,   
enough time for the transit to be completed." His smile widened.   
"There is nothing that you can do. By the time that you could motivate   
any kind of military force, the Eva will have already been activated."  
  
"This is blasphemy," spat another voice, its sound like that of   
fingernails scraping a blackboard. "God does not bow to suit your   
whims, Ikari."  
  
"Nor yours," replied the man, adjusting his glasses and turning towards   
where he knew the door lay. He had antagonized the old men long   
enough, and he knew that despite the futility of their actions he could   
not simply goad them without expecting retaliation. "Despite what you   
wish, I will save this world. I thank you for helping me to that goal."  
  
More shouts came from the monoliths, but Gendou ignored them, stepping   
into the hallway to see Fuyutsuki and Rei waiting for him. The girl   
had already donned her white plugsuit, an almost disturbingly familiar   
sight. "How did they take it?" asked Fuyutsuki, his face drawn,   
expression concerned but resolute.  
  
"As could be expected," Gendou replied, turning on his heel and   
beginning to stride towards the elevator. "Contact all branches of   
NERV, all major governments, and notify them that we believe an Angel   
has infiltrated the computer networks of the world. If necessary,   
release the reports about the Eleventh Angel to serve as confirmation.   
Any orders coming to them to destroy our branch should be seen as   
suspect."  
  
"It will not last," replied Fuyutsuki. He looked older under the dim   
light of Terminal Dogma's corridors, his brown uniform almost making   
him appear monastic. "SEELE can't be held off forever, and they can   
release information about the Seventeenth as well. As soon as it's   
made clear all of the Angels are destroyed, they will be coming for us."  
  
"By the time that would happen, Dr. Fuyutsuki, there will no longer be   
any need to worry." He smiled, receiving a reluctant nod of acceptance   
from his elder. "Good. Prepare the Gathering. I will oversee the   
initial preparation of EVA-08."  
  
The doctor turned and began striding down another corridor, while   
Gendou and Rei continued towards the elevator, the red light seeming to   
mingle with the girl's eyes. It was stunning how closely she resembled   
Yui in body, and yet every time that he looked at her Gendou could feel   
the distance between the two in personality. "Are you ready?" he asked   
her, trying to push the thoughts from his head, knowing that he had to   
remain completely focused.  
  
"Of course," replied the girl, pressing the button to call the elevator   
as she and Gendou came to a halt. "This is my purpose in life."  
  
"Correct." The man adjusted his glasses, taking a deep breath and   
forcing himself to relax. "Humanity's fate rests with you, Rei." He   
stole one last glance at the girl's short blue hair, then turned his   
gaze towards the elevator, feeling his anticipation growing steadily.   
It was the same as the day that he had first activated EVA-01 - the   
culmination of so many years of planning and work. Yet he was certain,   
this time, that there would be no failures.  
  
]++[  
  
Nieve was almost reluctant to let herself wake up, nestled in the bliss   
of the first genuine sleep she'd gotten since the Sixteenth Angel's   
attack. She wanted to spend time with Neil again, to let things return   
to normal, but as she stretched her arms above her and let her entire   
body extend itself she couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't be just   
as good to spend the whole day in bed with her lover. A lazy smile   
spread across her face, and she rolled over, expecting to see Neil   
beside her.  
  
She was alone, and as her hand reached out halfheartedly to touch the   
space where Neil should have been she felt a chill move through her   
body. It must have been a dream, having him beside her again, and as   
she pulled the covers closer against her she felt the cold seep through   
her skin and down to her bones. "At least that means the Seventeenth   
isn't destroyed, I suppose," she muttered. Exhaustion was overtaking   
her, and her memories of the prior day's events seemed unbearably   
spotty. "So I might still -"  
  
A loud crash echoed through the house, followed by a light but   
masculine voice cursing. Nieve's entire body perked into attention,   
and she threw off the blankets, rolling herself out of bed, feeling an   
inherent distaste of her body. Grabbing a nightshirt off the floor,   
she slipped the light blue fabric over her body and stepped out of her   
room, glancing around for the source of the exclamation.  
  
Neil's door was open, and Nieve hesitantly stepped towards it to see   
the boy sitting on his bed and rubbing his toes vigorously. There were   
boxes piled around him, most in an orderly fashion, one sitting just in   
front of him as if it had been dropped there. "Neil?" she asked   
quietly, her feet cold against the floor.  
  
The boy's eyes flicked quickly towards her, then towards the boxes with   
a sigh. "Nieve," he replied. "I'm sorry. I was trying not to wake   
you - Misato had told me how much trouble you had been having sleeping,   
and you looked so peaceful that I... I..." He shook his head. "No,   
that's not it."  
  
"You were packing," replied Nieve, saying the words without malice as   
she stepped over to his bed, surprised at how much he'd been able to   
accomplish. Shafts of light pierced the room from his window, falling   
on his bed and seeming to cast both Children in a sort of halo as she   
sat beside him. "It's all right. I just... I just was worried, when I   
woke up alone, that..."  
  
"I wouldn't do that to you," replied Neil, shaking his head   
enthusiastically. "I... I just wanted to get this done before you woke   
up, so that we could spend our time together. I'm sorry that I woke   
you up - my hands slipped, and I -"  
  
"Shh." The girl leaned towards Neil, resting her head on his shoulder,   
letting the thin red strands trace across his clothing. Her eyes   
fluttered closed, and after a moment he placed his hand on her head,   
slowly rubbing it affectionately, bringing a thin smile to her lips.   
"I'm just glad that I wasn't dreaming."  
  
Neil made a small choking noise, then his arms wrapped around the   
girl's body tightly, drawing her closer to him with a loving ferocity.   
It at once excited and scared her, and as he released her he knew that   
he wouldn't be telling her good news. "Nieve..." He paused, turning   
his face away from her reluctantly. "We're going to all be leaving   
soon, you know. You, Niobe, and I... we're all going back to where we   
came from, now that the Angels are gone."  
  
Nieve nodded, the statement hitting her somewhat unprepared. She had   
known, of course, but hearing the boy say it made her feel something   
entirely different. "It's going to change everything," she said,   
trying to maintain her calm. "I... I don't know how we'll manage to   
maintain a relationship over that kind of distance, but -"  
  
"I don't think that we -should-," replied Neil firmly, his eyes   
snapping shut as tears began to well in the corners. Nieve's eyes went   
wide, and she recoiled from the boy out of shock as he slowly tried to   
make out another sentence. "I think - that is, I know - it might be   
for the best that we're going to be so far apart, that we need to bring   
our relationship to a close." His words seemed fraught with pain, and   
Nieve couldn't tell whether to answer that pain or her own first.  
  
"What did I do?" she asked at length, her voice trembling. "Neil, I   
understand that I was too possessive, but please, don't leave just for   
that. I can - I -will- change, if that's what it takes. I just want   
you to be happy, to love me, to -"  
  
"Don't think that," replied Neil, bowing his head and nestling his eyes   
in this hands. "It's not you. It's me. It's... I see how I keep   
hurting you, Nieve, and I -hate- myself for it. And the worst part is   
that it just keeps happening, that we just keep going back and forth   
like this." With a raspy sigh, he leaned back and looked the girl in   
the eye, tears brimming to overflowing about his emerald irises. "I   
feel the same way about you, Nieve. I want you not to hurt. But   
that's something that I don't seem to be able to provide for you."  
  
A clenching sensation flooded the girls chest, and she slowly lifted   
her body away from Neil. "So... what do we do, then?" she asked   
halfheartedly, edging away from the boy as if she was worried he would   
bite. "Just not talk to one another until we get sent away?"  
  
"I was going to try and get sent away early," replied Neil. "I came   
back because I didn't want you to think that I had just left you   
without any warning, as if it was on a whim." He sighed, forcing   
himself to his feet. "I'm sorry, Nieve. I just don't think that we   
can work, not with the way that we've been so far. We'll just keep   
hurting each other."  
  
Part of Nieve wanted to scream at him that he was hurting her even   
without staying with her, but she maintained control over her   
disposition. "All right," she whispered, hating the words. "I...   
guess it's for the best, after all. It would be problematic,   
maintaining a relationship from Ireland. Better to find someone closer   
to home."  
  
"Yes," replied Neil, his head bent forward, tears splashing gently   
against the floor. He was looking away from Nieve, denying her the   
opportunity to see his pain, as though he was trying to prevent her   
from feeling sorry for him. "Nieve... I will miss you."  
  
"Then don't give up," replied Nieve, feeling a harsh determination burn   
itself into her chest. She could feel the old flames licking at the   
backs of her eyes once again, as though awakened from a long slumber.   
She had fought to keep him from the Angels, from Eiko, from himself,   
from every possible source of opposition - she certainly hadn't gone to   
that much trouble to let him go -now-. "I'm going to keep holding on,   
Neil, whether you like it or not. Even if it -kills- me."  
  
The boy's head snapped back upright, but Nieve was already out the   
door, a blur of motion, her eyes burning with determination as she   
strode towards her room. Her hair tickled against the back of her neck   
as she went, and she almost felt as if the color was moving back into   
it. "I'm not giving up my handle on this now," she whispered to   
herself. "This is just beginning."  
  
]++[  
  
Niobe took her steps with confidence now, her hands hovering slightly   
above the twin metal bars that she was intended to use for support.   
Her feet didn't move swiftly, but they moved with assurance, fueled by   
self-hatred and a determination to be able to walk once again. With   
gritted teeth, she reached the end of the path and turned around,   
cursing herself under her breath as she strode back in the opposite   
direction. "Got to get something right," she muttered.  
  
She had been informed that the Seventeenth Angel had been destroyed   
almost as an afterthought by one of the nurses, a sniveling Japanese   
woman that Niobe would have loved to have met on equal footing. It had   
been all Niobe could think about since then, enough to spurn her into   
spending nearly her entire day practicing the art of walking once   
again. Academically, she had known that there was little chance of her   
being brought out of the painfully white hospital and into the entry   
plug once again, but as long as the Angels remained there was a thin   
glimmer of hope still dancing in her mind. Now...  
  
"You're doing much better," said Ryo calmly, drawing Niobe's gaze and   
forcing her off-balance. She stumbled for a moment, then her hands   
firmly gripped the rails and kept her upright, arm muscles refusing to   
let her fall. He stood in the doorway, dressed in the same school   
uniform that he always seemed to wear, his hands jammed in his pockets,   
blue hair dissheveled and red eyes weak. "The last time I saw you, you   
could barely make it halfway, and now -"  
  
"Too little, too late," replied Niobe with a sigh, releasing the   
handlebars and walking once again. "You were probably there when the   
Seventeenth was destroyed - you know as well as I do that the Children   
are no longer useful. I'll be kicked out and sent back home within a   
matter of days."  
  
"I wasn't there," replied Ryo weakly, stepping into the room with slow   
motions, his eyes flicking about the room cautiously. "It was only   
Neil. Didn't they tell you anything about the battle other than the   
fact that -"  
  
"Not a word. Just the fact that the Angels were defeated." She   
reached the end of her path and turned once again, noting distantly   
that she had taken to interrupting Ryo on a regular basis. "And the   
whole time I was down here, lying in my bed and feeling sorry for   
myself. My entire purpose was coming to a head, and I didn't even lift   
a finger to do anything."  
  
Gripping the rails again, Niobe leaned her head forward, closing her   
eyes and wishing that she could still have the comfort of her long dark   
hair shielding her face. It barely covered anything now, something she   
was painfully aware of. "Some pilot I turned out to be," she muttered,   
resisting the urge to cry.  
  
Ryo's hand rested gently on the girl's shoulder, and she started   
slightly, remembering the heat from the boy's lips during his last   
visit. "You aren't..." His voice choked, and Niobe forced herself to   
open her eyes, looking towards Ryo through the fine strands of her own   
hair. "You aren't the only one who's been discarded, Niobe. I know   
how you feel."  
  
Niobe felt a sudden awkwardness grip her, and she drew herself to her   
full height, looking Ryo in the eye, suddenly fully aware of his body.   
She remembered the horrible picture of him within the Angel, remembered   
the perfect curve of his body, and wondered if it hadn't simply been a   
flight of fancy. "Nobody's discarded you, Ryo," she said softly.   
"You're cared for. You're important. You're -needed-."  
  
"I -was-," replied Ryo, shaking his head gently. "But... I failed Dr.   
Ikari, by failing in my routines. I know it. He's always taught me   
that I should follow the routine, that I was different than others, and   
then I... I threw it away. He stopped testing me."  
  
Extending a hand from the rail, Niobe slowly leaned her body weight   
against Ryo for support, an added burden that he didn't seem to mind.   
"What do you mean by that?" she whispered, somehow afraid to speak in   
anything but hushed tones. "You've stopped having synch testing with   
the others?"  
  
"No. This was different, always." The boy's red eyes squeezed shut,   
one pale had clenching hard against Niobe's chocolate skin. "He said   
that he was using me to find out more about what gave us the ability to   
pilot the Evas, but... I knew that it was more. I didn't know exactly   
what, but I could feel something in my soul, as if they were peering   
inside me." He sighed. "He told me never to talk about it to anyone.   
I shouldn't be saying this."  
  
"You're not doing anything wrong," replied Niobe, stumbling slightly as   
he moved away from her. Gritting her teeth, she forced herself to move   
towards him once again, stepping out from between the rails, her steps   
uneasy but certain. "Ryo, you're not under any obligation to do what   
he tells you."  
  
The boy shook his head once more, eyes still squeezed shut even as   
Niobe's took his hands in her own. "You don't understand, Niobe. I...   
I don't even think that I always understood." He sighed. "I'm not   
like you. I'm not a normal boy. I'm barely even a boy at all." A   
word seemed to catch in his throat as he started once again, and he   
fell silent.  
  
"Don't talk like that. You're just like anyone else, Ryo. I believe   
that, truly." She took a hesitant step towards him once again. "I   
wish that I could have met you in a different time, really. I would   
have liked to have known your parents, your -"  
  
"I don't... have any parents," Ryo interjected, voice faltering, tears   
brimming at the corners of his eyes. "I know that. Commander Ikari   
told me. I was born... unlike others. I was supposed to be different   
from the beginning." He stammered for a moment, brow furrowed, breath   
coming quickly and shallowly. "I was Ikari's tool. I was his path   
into the Eva unit."  
  
Niobe's eyes went wide, and she jerked her gaze up to meet Ryo's eyes.   
"There was more to it, I'm certain. But... that was why he needed me.   
That was why I was his favorite." The boy's tears began to fall   
gently, his hands tightening and forcing blood out of Niobe's skin.   
"Once he couldn't use me as a tool any longer, he discarded me. I...   
I'm no better than a tool. I'm just something for people to use when   
it's convenient."  
  
"That..." Niobe felt a rush of guilt at her own selfishness, a deep   
red flush blossoming upon her cheeks. "Ryo, you're just like anyone   
else. You're not -"  
  
"It's not as though you're different," replied the boy bitterly. "You   
used me just like the others. I was your basis of comparison,   
something for you to strive to beat. All the while I hated piloting   
the Eva, you were trying to model yourself..." He coughed, shaking his   
head. "I'm sorry. I'm only making things worse."  
  
Jerking away from Niobe, Ryo began to leave, and Niobe felt herself   
lean forward to stop him. Then she felt a momentary rush of   
weightlessness, and in horror she realized that she'd leaned too far   
and that she was going to fall. A choked noise escaped her throat, and   
Ryo froze and turned towards her just in time to catch her full weight   
as she fell, her body pushing close against his as he staggered   
backwards to receive her.  
  
After a moment, Niobe's concentration returned, and she became   
painfully aware of the closeness of the boy's body, the soft touch of   
his arms around her. Her pulse began to race, and her hands clutched   
at the collar of his shirt, drawing herself up to face him as her chest   
began heaving gently. "This was what I wanted," she muttered. "You.   
I... I thought if I... you didn't notice because..."  
  
Both Children were moving fumblingly towards a kiss, their lips   
trembling as Niobe struggled to keep herself upright, blue eyes wide   
and excited. Then the hiss and whir of the opening doors threw off   
their rythym, and in shock the two staggered apart before they even   
looked towards the door, Niobe forcing herself to regain her footing.   
The sensuality slowly fading from her mind, she turned her attention   
towards the door, her blush of shame deepening.  
  
Two NERV Intelligence agents stood in the doorway, thick black   
sunglasses obscuring their eyes, a rather devious smile seemingly   
shared between them. "The First and the Sixth at once. What luck."   
One of the agents stepped forward, flexing his hands casually. "You're   
both coming with us. Commander Ikari has need of your presence."  
  
Ryo frowned, as if something was tickling at the back of his mind not   
quite formed. Then, without further prompting, he moved like a dart   
towards the door, obviously hoping that his small size would make him   
an impossible target for the larger agents. His optimism proved   
unfounded as the silent agent drove a quick fist into his side, sending   
Ryo sprawling on the floor. Niobe felt herself jump slightly,   
wondering what it was Ryo had figured out even as her eyes slowly   
leveled towards the agents once again.  
  
"Contact Ikari. Tell him that we have these two under control." The   
silent agent nodded and removed a cellular phone from his pocket while   
the other agent took a step towards Niobe. "Now, are you going to be   
more cooperative?"  
  
]++[  
  
Neil and Vash had only been alone together a handful of times, and   
there hadn't been a single one that was entirely pleasant. The deep   
shadows of the now-abandoned terrace seemed to accent that fact more   
than necessary, making it painfully clear that the two were not   
behaving according to their normal patterns. "Thanks for meeting me,"   
Neil said at length, casting his eyes towards the ruffling leaves above   
him. "I didn't think you'd want to cooperate with me after everything   
that's happened."  
  
Vash shrugged. The black windbreaker that he wore over his clothes had   
been zipped up tight to chase off the light chill of the dark day - it   
had grown cloudy only a few hours into the day, and mingled with the   
dearth of people in the city it made the day feel like a funeral   
march. "I don't hate you, Neil. You ought to know that by now."  
  
"Yeah. Nieve told me that you came over the night that I..." He   
sighed, then shook his head, looking towards the gray stones that would   
have had the light dancing across them any other day. "You know."   
There was a momentary silence between the boys, then Neil coughed and   
began again. "I told Nieve this morning that I was breaking it off   
with her."  
  
Eyes wide, Vash let his eyes focus on Neil, half-expecting the other   
boy to be weeping. Neil was perfectly composed, however, as if nothing   
new had happened. "Are... are you sure that was a good idea?" he   
asked. "I mean, you seemed to miss her so much, and -"  
  
"I -did-. I miss her already." With weak motions, Neil flopped on the   
nearest bench, letting his arms and legs go limp. A soft breeze blew   
his hair into quick flurries of motion, something that the boy didn't   
even seem to notice. "It just wasn't right. I knew that we would just   
keep going through the same thing otherwise, unless something changed.   
You probably know what that's like." He flicked his eyes towards Vash,   
studying him.  
  
Vash ran a quick finger through his hair, feeling the comfortable   
spikes slowly returning. He was letting the dye bleed itself out, but   
he had returned to his old hairstyle - the closest compromise that he   
could think of under the circumstances. "I suppose so. It's not as   
though Eiko and I had been doing that well when things hit the fan."   
He sat down beside Neil, looking his fellow pilot in the eye with   
resolute intensity. "Thanks about that, actually. You shouldn't have   
had to get involved."  
  
"I was involved from the moment I was here. That was the first brave   
thing I'd done." Neil sighed again, leaning forward and sinking his   
head towards the ground, his back bent and shoulders slumped forward.   
"Pathetic, isn't it? I've made one huge mess of everything I could   
have had here."  
  
"Not everything." Vash's tone seemed almost reverent, and Neil turned   
towards the other boy in surprise even as Vash tried to puzzle out what   
was going on. "You defeated more of the Angels by yourself than anyone   
else. And you did it all without regard for yourself. And..." Vash   
choked on the words for a moment, then forced them out, his body   
seeming to rock with the effort. "And you made me open my eyes."  
  
"Come on. I nearly crushed you to death." Neil's hands tightened into   
fists involuntarily. "I can still feel it, seeing you standing there,   
and knowing..."  
  
"Yeah, you nearly killed me. But you didn't, regardless of   
intention." The boy's lips curled into a smile despite himself. "It   
made me take a hard look at myself, and I'd like to think I'm a better   
person for it. Would have preferred it didn't involve getting nearly   
crushed inside of an entry plug, but I suppose we can't always choose   
these things."  
  
"Glad it worked out." Neil hardly sounded convinced. "You're lucky,   
you know. Once this is all over, you stay here with Eiko. Me, I just   
go back home as if nothing ever happened."  
  
Vash hesitated for a moment, then clapped the other boy heartily on the   
back, hoping that the gesture was at least slightly reassuring. Neil   
started slightly, but he seemed to be keeping his emotions guarded.   
"Come on, Neil. -Everything- happened because of -you-." He paused   
again, still struggling with the words. "Look, if you hadn't made the   
choices you did, none of us would be here. You... you're a good guy,   
Neil. Someday you'll be a great man, I'm certain."  
  
"Maybe," replied Neil, still sounding as if he didn't believe Vash.   
With a heavy sigh, he forced himself into a standing position, letting   
the wind whip through his hair once again. "Maybe not. Maybe NERV had   
the right idea in the first place - use Angels to kill Angels. Maybe   
it says more about me that I am the sort of pilot who -"  
  
"Stop." Vash's words were hard, and he rose as well, forcing the   
blonde boy's attention in his direction. "Look, Neil, I'm not   
brilliant. But I know that you did something good in your time here.   
And I'd like to think that's enough to make you at least a -decent-   
person, whatever you believe."  
  
Neil simply stared into Vash's eyes for a moment, and Vash could feel   
his eyes widen again at the sight. There was something lingering   
beyond the emerald surface of the Third Child's eyes, something he'd   
never noticed before, but something he recognized from his own life, a   
sort of tortured pain. It threw the boy into a new light, and Vash   
suddenly didn't know exactly what to think even as Neil turned and   
began to walk away.  
  
"I wish I could believe you, Vash," he whispered, words nearly torn   
away by the wind that caressed the dark green surface of the leaves   
above them. "But I know that you'll take good care of Eiko." He   
paused. "Goodbye."  
  
His shoulders slumped gently, Neil moved resolutely into the distance,   
leaving Vash behind to stand alone in the terrace. Shaking his head,   
Vash turned slowly, ready to go back to Eiko's house, still feeling   
oddly conflicted. He'd expected something more dramatic and final...   
the idea that their last exchange was so low-key seemed to cheapen the   
whole thing. "I guess you can't always have the dramatic ending," he   
muttered, scuffing his feet against the ground as he walked.  
  
Then he realized that Eiko was standing in front of him, and his eyes   
widened as he saw the large black-suited agent standing behind the   
girl, the thick black sunglasses telling Vash everything he needed to   
know in an instant. Behind Eiko's agent were three others, all   
virtually indistinguishable from one another. "She told us where you   
were, Fourth," spat one of them, stepping ahead of the others. "Come   
on. Let's just all get in the car and have a nice little ride."  
  
Vash frowned, flicking his eyes between the trio of agents and Eiko,   
scanning their faces for some cue of what to do. The girl's eyes   
trembled slightly, and something seemed to snap inside of Vash as he   
took a casual step back away from the scene. "Sure," he said calmly,   
letting a smile spread and replace the frown. "Just catch me first."  
  
With that, he whirled on his heel and started running, hearing the   
angry thunder of the agents behind him, his mind racing at the thought   
of what had happened. They were from NERV, he knew that, but something   
in his gut told him not to trust them, that their methods were all   
off. Ducking back into the terrace, he took a quick glance at the   
group, then flung open the door into the school and let it slam behind   
him. It was one of the entrances he commonly used, leading only to a   
stairwell that wove itself upwards, exactly what he needed.  
  
Gritting his teeth, the boy climbed a few steps up the stairwell, his   
eyes watching the small window in the blue door, waiting for the agents   
to stand outside it. Taking a deep breath, he flung himself forward   
off the stairwell, kicking the door open forcefully, hearing the   
decisive crack of the door hitting one of the agents in the chin.   
Trying to remember what he'd learned inside of the Eva, he tucked and   
rolled, barely slipping out of the grasp of the other agents,   
adrenaline pulsing through his body like a drug.  
  
"Little punk," snarled one of the agents, extending a meaty hand   
towards the boy. A quick motion from Vash sent him to one side of the   
agent's reach, and with a cry he slammed his elbow into the agent's   
side, hoping to at least manage to crack a rib. The man let out a   
grunt of pain, and with a expression of triumph Vash moved back once   
again, certain that he wouldn't be taken by the men, that he would be   
able to find out for himself what was going on.  
  
Then stars exploded across his vision as a thick blow hit the back of   
his head, and Vash whirled drunkenly to see another one of the agents   
standing behind him. "Insolent," snapped the man, driving a fist   
absently into Vash's gut and doubling the boy over, then grabbing the   
collar of the windbreaker dismissively. "Something about the boys,   
they just won't be taken peacefully."  
  
"Maybe they got tipped off." The agent that had been hit by the door   
seemed none the worse for wear from what little Vash could see. "I'll   
give the Commander a call. It's just the last two now."  
  
]++[  
  
Neil opened the door to Misato's apartment hesitantly, as if he was   
afraid of what might lie within. Part of him wanted to run away again,   
to not have to face Nieve for another instant, but he didn't entertain   
the notion for more than a few scant seconds before pushing the door   
open completely and stepping inside. "I'm back," he announced, kicking   
off his shoes and stepping up from the small depressed area,   
remembering the first time that he'd ever entered the apartment.  
  
"Heard," replied Nieve, her voice coming not from the den but from   
Neil's room. Curious, the boy frowned and stepped lightly over to the   
door, hesitating for only a moment before opening it completely and   
taking a deep breath. Nieve stood over a half-filled box, the slim   
black form of DVD cases piled beside her. "You didn't have these   
organized in any particular way in the boxes, did you?"  
  
"Um... no," replied Neil, stepping over and reluctantly touching   
Nieve's hand. She trembled slightly, but let the cases lie on the bed,   
releasing her grip on them as she turned her eyes towards Neil. "I...   
I thought you said that you weren't going to give me up that easily.   
And now... now you're packing for me?"  
  
The girl bit her lip for a second, then sighed heavily, tilting her   
head forward and letting the bright strands of her hair fall across her   
eyes. "I did say that, yeah," she muttered. "But I was thinking about   
things after you left, and, well..." Closing her eyes for an instant,   
she flipped her head back upright, sending her hair arcing back to   
where it should be in one graceful motion. "You were saying goodbye to   
Eiko, weren't you?"  
  
"Vash," he replied, a red flush blossoming on his cheeks. "But... I'd   
half-expected Eiko to be there, yes. Is that so bad? Saying goodbye   
to the people I've -"  
  
"Who do you love?" Nieve's words seemed harsh, almost masculine, her   
eyes flashing with anger and sorrow at the same time. "Eiko or me?"   
She took a step forward, placing one hand firmly on Neil's chest, her   
fingers splayed and her palm resting directly above his heart. "Just   
be honest, Neil. Please. I won't be angry, I promise."  
  
Neil sincerely doubted the truth of Nieve's statement, and in   
frustration he turned his head away, casting his eyes down towards the   
drab brown of the half-filled boxes. "I... that isn't a fair   
question." He sighed. "I'm not even sure of the answer myself. It...   
it's too complicated."  
  
"Try me," replied Nieve, moving her body closer to the boy, obviously   
trying to make him give a very specific answer. "Please, Neil, just...   
tell me. Is it me, or is it... her?"  
  
"I..." A deep stabbing sensation lodged in his chest, and he forced   
his eyes shut. "I can't deny the way that I feel about Eiko, even   
though I want to." He felt the pressure on the girl's hand relax   
slightly, and inside he wished that he could find some way to express   
how horrible it made him feel to even think that, that he would change   
himself if he could. "But that doesn't change the way I feel about   
you, Nieve. It's... it isn't as cut and dry as one or the other."  
  
"You won't even say it," whispered Nieve, moving closer to Neil once   
again, resting her head gently against his chest, her ear pressed   
against his heart. Neil started slightly, but the girl remained   
unmoved, one hand pressed to his chest, the other hanging limply by her   
side. "Can you even say it? Can you tell me that you love me?"  
  
Of course he could. He looked down at the girl resting on his chest,   
the thin strands like liquid sunlight flowing from her head, the   
delicate features of her face, the perfect sculpt of her body that she   
denied. In just one glance he could see all of her strength and her   
frailty, condensed into one crystalline moment, and as his mouth opened   
he intended to tell her as much, to say the three simple words that he   
knew would restore her confidence. "I..." He stopped, faltering for   
reasons he couldn't explain. "I... I do."  
  
"For the love of God, Neil, don't you think I -know- that?" replied   
Nieve, her eyes suddenly flashing as she pushed him backwards. She had   
enough strength to send him staggering backwards, his back hitting the   
wall roughly as she stood with fists clenched. "I don't need to know   
it, I need for you to -say- it." She bit her lower lip, eyes trembling   
as her lids closed. "But you can't tell me that you love me. You   
can't give me that one little thing -"  
  
"And what about you?" replied Neil, stepping towards the girl gently,   
hating himself for what he'd done even as he reminded himself that it   
was ultimately the best thing to do. It would only continue like this,   
and it was best to end it as fast as possible. "Can you say it to me?   
Can you tell me that you love me?"  
  
Nieve's eyes opened, brimming with tears, and her eyes traced slowly   
towards his, one set of emerald eyes meeting with another. "No," she   
replied at length, casting her eyes towards the floor and shuddering   
slightly. "I want to say it, but... something stops me. I just can't   
bring myself to... to..."  
  
"Shh." The dagger was twisting in the boy's heart, deepening the wound   
that he'd inflicted upon himself as he gently lay his hand upon Nieve's   
shoulder. "I know. That's why I couldn't." He coughed, wishing that   
he could simply dissolve into the air around them. "You deserve so   
much better than this, Nieve, and we can't keep going like this. One   
of us had to say it, sooner or later."  
  
The girl said nothing, simply shrugged his shoulder off weakly and   
headed for the door, her eyes downcast, her entire form slumped as if   
in defeat. "You're right," she whispered, her hand resting on the   
doorframe, head tilting forward and pulling the delicate hair along   
with it. "Maybe we were lying to ourselves the whole time. Maybe we   
just didn't want it to hurt this badly."  
  
"Maybe that's it," replied Neil as the door shut behind the girl,   
flopping backwards onto the bed, his fists clenching for what seemed   
like the millionth time, thin shafts of sunlight piercing the darkness   
of the room in momentary instants. He wanted to rush out and comfort   
Nieve, tell her that he must have been crazy, that he wanted her back,   
that he would never leave her, but despite it all he stayed in place.   
It was for the best, a fact he kept repeating in his mind to nobody.   
It was all for the best, and that made all of it worthwhile.  
  
]++[  
  
Misato's eyes flicked like sparks between the small screen of her   
laptop and the doorway, her back pressed hard against the cool metal of   
the computer housings. Her legs were positioned to balance the small   
computer, one hand typing away while the other pointed her handgun   
towards the door, ready to fire at a single sign of motion from the   
entryway. Around her hummed the fans that kept the components of   
NERV's network system from overheating, wafting heated air through the   
room in an effort to keep the more delicate machinery cooled and safe.  
  
Sweat beaded lightly on her brow, but she ignored it, keeping her eyes   
flicking back and forth as she kept working at the computer, her teeth   
set resolutely. "Come on," she muttered, watching another rejection   
message pop up on the screen, closing it and trying another tactic.   
Her computer issued a small beep, and Misato leaned forward ever so   
slightly to see the wires trailing out from behind, assuring herself   
that she was, in fact, connected directly to the central database.  
  
With a few quick keystrokes, the computer tried once more to penetrate   
the elaborate security measures that Gendou had cloaked his files in,   
cursing Kaji for what seemed like the hundreth time for leaving her   
only the most cursory information to work with. "You tell me what   
you've found, tell me only the basics of this program, and then you   
expect me to finish penetrating NERV's buried secrets." She sighed,   
removing her hand from the computer for just a moment to wipe the sweat   
gently from her brow. "Idiot."  
  
Another beeping acknowledgement came from the laptop, and Misato   
quickly turned her attention back towards it, striking a few keys in   
quick succession, smiling broadly as the inner recesses of Gendou's   
computer were proudly displayed for her investigation. "All right,   
Ikari," she whispered, leaning closer to the screen, still keeping her   
eyes in motion. "What are you really planning?"  
  
Her fingers moved with swift assurance, passing through information   
that she'd already uncovered on her own, glossing huge chunks that she   
simply didn't have the time to read. It was only once he began   
discussing Ryo and Rei that she began to read with more ferocity once   
again, knowing full well that it had been one of the few secrets she   
hadn't managed to penetrate earlier. "Rei should not have been the   
Seventh," she muttered, speaking aloud almost unintentionally as her   
eyes scanned. "It was supposed to be -"  
  
The name on the page caused her eyes to widen, and she fell silent, her   
eyes still flipping through the information, now taking it in with   
greater speed, the whole situation beginning to grow painfully clear.   
"Of course," she hissed through gritted teeth. "They're not supposed   
to be normal Children. They're his tools." Her eyes narrowed, brow   
furrowed and fists tightening. "Good God. He's trying to -"  
  
Even through the sound of the fans, Misato could hear the door sliding   
open, and without hesitation she kicked herself into a crouching   
position, aiming her pistol and firing as soon as she recognized the   
silhouette of an Intel agent. The shot hit the man square in the   
chest, but she forced herself to remain calm, firing again as the   
second and then third agent tried to step inside. "Neil and Nieve,"   
she hissed, thrusting herself to her feet. "They've got to get out of   
here."  
  
Rushing forward, Misato stepped lightly through the maze of cords on   
the floor with her heels, edging past the trio of agents and glancing   
quickly back and forth down the hall. She knew her ammo was limited,   
but as she saw the path to her left open she made a dash for the end of   
the hall, knowing more agents would come after her in moments. One   
hand held tight to her gun as she ran, the other jammed itself into the   
pocket of her red jacket, searching for the small cell phone.  
  
The sound of angry footsteps echoed in the hall behind her, and   
gritting her teeth she continued forward, her fingers closing around   
the phone as her eyes fell upon the nearby elevator. Whipping out the   
phone, she flipped it open just as she reached the elevator, hitting   
the button and waving her gun back at the hallway she had come from.   
She could see a pair of agents, and gritting her teeth she fired once,   
sending one sprawling to the floor and freezing the other in panic.  
  
With a ding, the elevator's doors hissed open, and Misato spared a   
quick glance inside to ensure that it was empty. "Sorry," she smiled,   
taking a quick shot at the remaining agent before ducking into the   
elevator and hitting the highest number that she could find. The doors   
slid closed before she could check on her last target, but she had   
other concerns, and with fumbling hands she keyed in her number,   
feeling the elevator lurch into motion.  
  
A ring came and went, then another, then another. Panic rose into   
Misato's throat before the telltale click of reception came on the   
other end. "Hello?" asked Neil's voice, sounding weak and exhausted.  
  
"Neil!" Misato pressed her back against the back of the elevator,   
pointing her gun out the front, not doubting that there would be   
someone posted at the top. "Listen to me. You and Nieve have to go   
down to the airfield where you first came into Tokyo-3 right now. Tell   
the pilot there that Commander Ikari has ordered your immediate   
departure for America."  
  
"Misato?" Neil's voice had lost the exhausted hint to it, as if he was   
grasping the situation despite himself. "What's going on? Are you -"  
  
"I don't have time to explain, Neil!" she shouted, silencing him simply   
by the force of her voice. "You and Nieve have to get out of the   
country right away. I don't know if the other Children are already   
here or not, but we can't let him have you." She paused. "Commander   
Ikari - he's trying to -"  
  
The elevator wrenched itself to a stop, and Misato gasped slightly   
before dropping the phone, holding her gun with both hands, realizing   
that she must not have killed the last agent. Her jaw was set as the   
doors opened, and to her horror she saw what seemed like a small army   
of agents standing outside waiting for her.  
  
Gunshots pierced the air immediately, felling the most immediate agents   
and sending the others ducking for cover before her gun clicked an   
angry and empty noise. Cursing, the woman rushed forward, throwing the   
gun ineffectually down the hallway, seeing the agents readying   
themselves to grab at her once again. If she could just make it down   
to a research area, she might be able to -  
  
Her thoughts were cut short as a shoulder slammed hard into her,   
shoving her back towards the elevator forcefully, leaving her to   
stumble back through the doorway as another agent shoved her back   
against the wall. "We've got her now," announced one happily,   
motioning for the other agents to enter the room. "Get in touch with   
Ikari. Find out what he wants us to do with her."  
  
Misato's mind was racing, but only for a second as her hands balled   
themselves into fists. Letting out a slight cry, she lashed out with   
her foot towards the nearest agent's crotch, burying the sharp tip of   
her heel in just the right spot to double over her opponent. She swung   
angrily at the next agent barring her path, but he seemed unconcerned,   
catching her hands casually in his own, forcing her back against the   
wall once again. "You've got guts, Major Katsuragi," he hissed,   
obviously not someone that she wanted anywhere near her. "Don't think   
that we won't hurt you to get you to -"  
  
"Commander Ikari wants her alive and unharmed," insisted another agent,   
apparently the one that had followed the orders of his more unfortunate   
partner. "She's to be brought to the same room as the Children, at   
least for now. Just grab her and let's get going."  
  
"Hold on." The agent gripping her hands shoved her casually against   
the nearest wall, his eyes falling towards the small cell phone still   
obviously active as he drew his gun. "Should have noticed this   
beforehand." He fired, scattering the phone into small pieces of   
plastic and wire, then returned the gun the small shoulder holster   
within his jacket. "All right. -Now- let's grab her."  
  
]++[  
  
For all its monstrous features, Ritsuko couldn't help but seem   
something angelic in the massive form of EVA-08. The shimmering gold   
form of the machine was at the center of her vision, vague hints of   
sparkling white drawing her attention as the light shifter around it,   
its firm-set jaw and elongated head looking almost noble compared to   
the similar profile of EVA-06. "All neural interfaces check out," she   
announced, turning her attention towards the computer terminal beneath   
her. "Check the nutrient levels."  
  
A response came from the holding bay, but Ritsuko's focus had shifted   
back to the golem standing just outside the observation room, watching   
as it waited for the preparations to be complete. In the back of her   
mind, she couldn't help but wonder if the experience was similar to   
what her mother had felt on the day of EVA-01's activation, the   
culmination of so much effort. "The savior of the human race," she   
whispered out loud, resting her chin in her hand as she leaned forward   
unconsciously.  
  
"Only part of it." The voice startled Ritsuko, and she spun around in   
terror before her eyes rested on Kozou standing in the doorway, a thin   
and humorless smile on his lips. "It wouldn't be saving anything   
without Rei and Ryo. And the only promise of true salvation is -"  
  
"I know," replied Ritsuko, holding up a hand and turning back towards   
the Eva. Something about Kozou made her distantly uncomfortable,   
knowing that he held a secret over her head that she could only grasp   
at and fumble with. "But Rei and Ryo would save nothing without EVA-  
08. It's just... odd, to think that it's so close to one of the   
Angels."  
  
Kozou said nothing, simply stepped up to Ritsuko softly, remaining only   
a few steps behind her as he watched the technicians himself. "That is   
ironic, isn't it? Something that nearly destroyed our world, and we're   
now using it as a savior."  
  
"No other way to do it." Ritsuko folded her arms across her chest,   
unconsciously drawing the white lab coat closer around her. "Isn't   
this what SEELE claims was written in the Scrolls, anyways? 'God's   
destroyers become the harbingers of a new order' or something to that   
effect?"  
  
"Yes," replied Kozou, stepping closer to the blonde woman. "But we   
shouldn't be quoting the scrolls any longer. We're not following their   
scriptures any longer."  
  
Something in Kozou's voice gave Ritsuko pause, but before she could say   
anything the crackling voice of the technicians cut through the air.   
"Nutrient levels are optimal. There do appear to be some minor stress   
fractures along the intake vents from transport."  
  
Blushing slightly, Ritsuko stepped back to the console, leaning towards   
the microphone even as her eyes flicked back towards Kozou. "Repair   
the fractures as best you can, but stay on schedule. EVA-08 must be   
ready by 1700 hours." She ignored the reply to the statement, staring   
dead at Fuyutsuki, her brow furrowed, blue-gray eyes curious. "Do you   
know something that I don't?"  
  
"Ritsuko..." There was something awkward and young in Kozou's tone, as   
if he was old prematurely and was struggling to recapture himself.   
"You do know that the Gathering is going on, correct?"  
  
"Of course. We have to ensure that the Children are all accounted   
for. I still stand by retrieving the Children without Evas, but -"  
  
A deep shadow passed across the elder man's face, stilling Ritsuko's   
tongue. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?" he asked quietly, shaking   
his head. "These aren't adults, you know. They're not even old enough   
to remember what the Second Impact was like. We're supposed to be   
making the world a better place for them."  
  
"And we -are-," replied Ritsuko, an awkward tightness growing in her   
chest. She had always respected the vice-commander of NERV, but it   
seemed obvious to her that something was going seriously wrong with   
him. "Sometimes, to protect people, you have to steer them in the   
right direction whether they like it or not. You wouldn't dream of   
letting a small child loose with construction equipment, would you?"  
  
"That's arguing semantics. Ritsuko, just think about whether or not   
what you're doing is -right-." Sighing, Fuyutsuki turned towards the   
golden Eva outside the window, watching the technicians swarm over it,   
his head slightly bowed. "What gives us the right to decide whether or   
not the world needs to be saved?"  
  
Ritsuko took a hesitant step towards Kozou, painfully conscious of the   
flickering light about them, the distinct scent of LCL slowly seeping   
into the room as the tecnicians worked over the golem. "It was decided   
before we did anything," she replied awkwardly. "Everything can't   
remain the same, not any longer. Either we change, or the Angels   
destroy us." She began to open her mouth again, then froze, unsure of   
herself.  
  
"We're not infallible. We're not following a script that tells us how   
to save the world." The elder man slowly turned to face Ritsuko, a   
deep sorrow etched across the lines of his face. "This is all based   
off our own judgement, Ritsuko, not that of whatever God we believe   
in. How do we know that we're not just paving another way to   
destruction with our actions?"  
  
Forcing her fears into a hard ball within her gut, Ritsuko took a   
decisive step forward, focusing on the humming of the fluorescent   
lights above them, letting it grow loud enough to drown out every other   
noise. "I think that you should go now, Dr. Fuyutsuki," she said   
firmly. "We will save the world, no matter what it might think of us.   
The righteous always appear monstrous to the damned."  
  
"Do they? Or is that just what the monstrous tell themselves?" With   
quick steps, the old men drew himself directly in front of Ritsuko,   
looking down at her with penetrating eyes. "For the love of mercy,   
think about what you're doing. Abducting children, strapping them into   
machines that torture and nearly kill them, deceiving the -world- about   
what you're trying to do - I wouldn't trust the fate of the world to   
your judgement."  
  
Ritsuko's hand moved without thinking, striking the old man's cheek   
harshly and forcing him to recoil slightly. "Major Katsuragi has   
already been restrained, doctor," she said calmly, daggers of ice   
rushing past her lips with each word. "If I talk with Commander Ikari,   
I have no doubt that he will not hesitate to have you -"  
  
"Theatening me too, now," whispered the old man, struggling to regain   
his composure. "You're like your mother in more ways than you'll   
admit. She could never bear to hear it, either." He started towards   
the door, then stopped, his eyes falling on Ritsuko once again. "The   
truth is right in front of you, Dr. Akagi. If you would just open your   
eyes -"  
  
"Get out," she snapped, turning her eyes firmly towards the Eva outside   
of the observation booth, not even bothering to watch the elder man   
stalk out of the room. It was only after he had left that she allowed   
herself to breathe again, her chest heaving in and out, her entire body   
seeming to slump forward.  
  
He was right, she knew. They were relying wholly on their own   
judgement, their own moral bases, the one thing that they were supposed   
to be divorced from. Ritsuko's knees seemed to give out beneath her,   
and she slowly lowered herself to the floor, kneeling weakly, her hands   
trembling. "Was Misato right?" she whispered. "Perhaps... perhaps   
I've let myself be..."  
  
"Doctor Akagi?" Again, the technician's voice seemed to come just at   
the right instant. "The fractures have been repaired. What do you   
want done next?"  
  
Flicking her eyes towards the window, Ritsuko caught a glimpse of   
herself, blonde hair short around her head, makeup elegantly applied,   
kneeling weakly on the teal-gray floor of the observation booth. "I'm   
not my mother," she hissed through gritted teeth, forcing herself to   
her feet on trembling legs. "Misato's just a silly, sentimental little   
girl." Another harsh breath forced its way into her lungs, and she   
turned on her heel, walking with brisk steps over to the computer   
console, mentally refreshing her list of what needed to be done before   
EVA-08 could rise to meet its destiny.  
  
]++[  
  
"You're certain about this?" shouted Nieve over the squeal of the car's   
tires, her fingers gripping the steering wheel with what seemed like   
bone-crushing force. Around them blurred the scenery of Tokyo-3,   
indistinct shapes and patches of color lost to the car's velocity.  
  
"Absolutely," replied Neil, his own hands gripping the seat with the   
same intensity that Nieve held the wheel. It was just slightly padded,   
more or less identical to the interior of every other car in Japan, and   
while Neil distantly knew that holding it would do him no good if they   
crashed it reassured him slightly as he felt the wheels tear along   
beneath him.  
  
Nieve didn't respond to Neil immediately, instead leaning her body as   
she sent the car skidding into a turn down another street. The   
spedometer briefly dipped, then ascended once again as the car's small   
engine forced it forward with all the force it could muster. "Misato   
calls, sounding panicked, and tells you to go to America with me?"  
  
"Then I hear thumping noises, angry voices, and the whole thing ends   
with a gunshot," replied Neil. "Something very definitely is going on   
at Central Dogma."  
  
"So instead of doing what she told us to and getting the hell out of   
the country, we do the exact opposite and race straight towards the one   
place she probably wants us to go away from?"  
  
"That would be the essence of the plan, yes," replied Neil weakly,   
straining to make out something resembling the NERV logo as the world   
around them raced past. He didn't like the idea of outright ignoring   
what Misato had told him to do, but he liked the idea of leaving her to   
bleed to death even less. For all that he'd inflicted on her, he owed   
her at least some concern over whether she lived or died. "If I hadn't   
suggested it, wouldn't you have?"  
  
"Probably," replied Nieve, her foot easing off the gas and slamming on   
the brakes in one smooth motion. Neil's eyes went wide as the car's   
wheels suddenly locked into position, and the entire vehicle began   
spinning down the street, gyrating around its center as the stench of   
burning rubber filled the interior. It was like a momentary burst of   
madness, the shrieking squeal of the tires coupled with the spinning   
scenery, and Neil squeezed his eyes shut, struggling not to vomit.  
  
It took him a few minutes to realize that the car had finally screeched   
to a halt, and his breathing was slow as he cracked open his eyes. He   
could see the large metal gates that led into the Geo-Front sitting in   
front of him, the car only a few inches short. "We're here," announced   
Nieve, tapping him on the shoulder gently. "Are we going to go in, or   
not?"  
  
Giving a slow nod, Neil opened his door and stepped out, glancing at   
the doors for a second before looking back at the red-haired girl with   
him. "You're not working through some of your personal irritations   
with this, are you?" he asked, sounding distantly accusatory.  
  
"Shut up," she replied, her voice not in the least amused. Her eyes   
flicked quickly towards the overcast skies before she walked swiftly   
over to the card reader, removing her ID card and swiping it through   
decisively. "Let's just get inside and find out what's going on.   
Misato's not going to be happy with us for not listening to her."  
  
Both Children looked towards the door, waiting to hear the typical   
grinding of it opening. It was a moment before Nieve angrily swiped   
her card through again, letting out a small grunt of anger as the doors   
remained stationary. "Did we lose power -again-?" she growled, her   
head sinking into her hands. "God, I don't need this today of -all-   
days, I just want to get this -over- with..."  
  
"The power's still on," replied Neil, cautiously stepping towards the   
card reader while he retrieved his own ID card. "See? The little   
confirmation light is still on. Something else is wrong."  
  
Motioning for Nieve to step aside, Neil ran his card through the   
reader, watching the small yellow indicator light as it flashed off and   
then returned with a red color. "Yeah. The power's on. We're just   
not being given access to the Geo-Front."  
  
"What?" Nieve asked, exasperated, throwing her card to the ground as   
she removed her head from her hands. "That's ridiculous! They   
wouldn't revoke our entry just because we've finished destroying the   
Angels!" She paused, a look of slow concern coming over her face as   
her emerald eyes flicked back towards the door. "Right? I mean...   
we're the ones that are really important to NERV, right? They wouldn't   
discard us..."  
  
"No. Misato told me that we were going to be expected for the next few   
days, and that would require us to be able to get into the base.   
There's something else going on." He frowned at the door for a moment,   
relieved to have something to focus on other than his relationship with   
Nieve for just a moment. "Maybe... she mentioned something about   
Commander Ikari. He could have locked us out."  
  
Sighing, Nieve nodded, as if she already knew what was going on. "But   
why would he do that? What could possibly be going on that we couldn't   
be allowed in for?"  
  
Closing his eyes, Neil tried to think, trying to piece together what   
few fragments of information he knew about the situation at hand.   
"Maybe he's not trying to keep us out," he whispered after a moment.   
"Maybe... maybe he's trying to keep something else -in-. They're   
keeping the Second Angel alive down there, for some reason."  
  
Nieve's eyes went wide with realization, her gaze slowly turning back   
towards Neil. "And EVA-01 is the First. They could have resurrected   
themselves somehow. If it just takes those two Angels coming in to   
contact with one another to cause the Second Impact... they could be   
able to do it again."  
  
"Everything's there for Third Impact," whispered Neil, shaking his head   
in disbelief, only distantly wondering how long Nieve had known the   
whole story while he'd been kept in the dark. "Good God. Both of them   
might never have been dead at all. They were just waiting for us to   
shut down our defenses and leave them alone, and now everything's in   
place." He paused, casting his eyes away from Nieve's, unable to   
endure the girl's stare. "But why would Gendou seal off the base?"  
  
"Armor," replied Nieve, beginning to pace in agitation, her right hand   
firmly grasping her chin, left arm wrapped around her chest. "The Geo-  
Front was designed with enough armor to withstand the blast of multiple   
N2 mines, to keep out the Angels. And there's a stockpile of N2   
weaponry within the base." She gasped. "That's why Misato was trying   
to get us to leave. He's going to destroy the city to stop the Angels."  
  
"Unless we're able to destroy them first." His heart racing, Neil took   
a step towards Nieve. "We were able to get into the Geo-Front once   
before when the power was down. Maybe we can get in there and prevent   
them from coming into contact with one another."  
  
A thin smile traced across Nieve's face, and she turned towards Neil   
fully, her arms folded across her chest. "We might die trying," she   
replied softly.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Neil closed his eyes for a moment, thinking back   
to his time in Tokyo-3. He could feel Nieve standing painfully close   
to him, and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and   
hold her tight, to pretend at least for a moment that they could still   
have a future together. But in the back of his mind, he could see the   
whole situation from a distance, knew that this was the reason he had   
come to the city in the first place. There was no question as he   
opened his eyes. "I'm not afraid of that," he whispered, the monstrous   
green eye of EVA-01 seeming to loom in his mind.  
  
Nieve continued staring at the boy and smiling for a moment, then   
lunged forward and took him in her arms, pressing her lips against his,   
forcing her tongue into his mouth, her eyes fluttering closed as Neil   
simply stared in shock. His arms gently brushed against her back, and   
then she was gone again, standing a few inches away, wiping her lips   
with the back of her hand and breathing quickly. "I wanted to do that   
one more time," she whispered. "Let's go."  
  
Fierce adrenaline flooded Neil's bloodstream, and glancing about he   
started jogging towards the side of the hill in which the entrance was   
set, his eyes flashing. "There was a high-speed entrance here the last   
time we had to do this," he shouted, glancing about for the same   
irregular patch of grass as before. "It'll bring us close to the   
hangars - close enough."  
  
"Got it," shouted Nieve, dashing towards a spot on the hill as Neil   
followed, falling to her knees and quickly clearing the grass away.   
Her fingers slipped beneath the metal plate with practiced speed, and   
planting her feet firmly against the thick greenery of the hill she   
pulled with all her might. Neil jammed his own hands beneath the plate   
and pulled as well, his arms beginning to ache as the plate resisted   
their attempts to open it.  
  
Finally, the entrance swung open with a creak, and Neil felt a thick   
drop of moisture fall along the back of his neck. His hand flew to the   
spot, and he glanced up at the sky as more drops began to fall, the   
small orbs of water streaking through the sky as if they were souls   
fallen from heaven. "Raining," he muttered. "Perfect."  
  
Turning his eyes back towards Nieve, he saw that she was already   
throwing herself down the passage, and gritting his teeth he followed   
her, his body hitting the slick metal surface as a few droplets of   
water followed him. Beneath him he could see Nieve already racing   
along the tube, distant for only a moment before the force of gravity   
took over and started him on his path towards Central Dogma.  
  
Closing his eyes, Neil let himself be simply thrown along by the   
passage, feeling the cool metal guide him towards his destination,   
breath coming slowly but regularly. The reality of the situation was   
only hitting him slowly, but he still didn't feel afraid. "A monster   
dead by other monsters," he whispered, too quietly for even his own   
ears to catch it. "It's only right."  
  
The fall ended before he knew it, dropping him onto the same soft   
landing area as it had his first time through. Nieve had already   
moved, and shaking his head he forced himself to his feet, opening his   
eyes and glancing around, taking in the teal-gray walls as almost a   
reassurance. "Nieve?" he said, still feeling slightly dizzy from the   
fall.  
  
"Right here," she replied, drawing Neil's gaze. She stood only a few   
feet away, but seemed lost in thought, her red hair swinging behind her   
as her head moved back and forth. "They haven't activated the internal   
alarm. Everything's quiet." She paused. "It might not be the Angels."  
  
"Or maybe nobody's had the time to be activating the alarm in the midst   
of trying to stop them," replied Neil, a gentle urgency in his voice as   
he moved around Nieve, striding resolutely down the corridor. "I   
remember this from when the power had been deactivated. At the end of   
the corridor to the right are the locker rooms, so if we go left..."  
  
"The hangars. Right." Something in Nieve's voice brought Neil to a   
stop, and he slowly turned to face the girl as she followed behind   
him. There was the thinnest film of liquid over her eyes, as if she   
was just sad enough to contemplate crying. "Neil? You're not afraid   
of dying... with me?"  
  
"I don't plan on you dying," replied Neil, closing his eyes for a   
moment. He wanted not to think about anything but the necessity of the   
situation, to prevent himself from having second thoughts, and Nieve   
was making that impossible. "Look, we can't accomplish anything   
standing out here. If we're the only two Children in here, we're the   
only ones that can try to stop the Angels. So let's get moving and do   
what we can."  
  
Waiting only a moment for a nod from the girl, Neil set off once again,   
this time moving faster, his eyes focused on the end of the narrow   
corridor, the rest of the world blurring together. His feet moved   
faster unconsciously, and he hurtled around the corner, quickly   
changing directions and jogging towards the door into the hangars.   
Closing his eyes as he approached the doors, he could all but feel the   
LCL around him, the tickling presence of EVA-01 at the back of his   
mind...  
  
The doors in front of him hissed and whirred open, and Neil spared a   
quick glance behind himself to see Nieve following close on his heels.   
Nodding, he ran into the hangar, hearing the thin metal clang of his   
feet against the metal lattice. His eyes registered the lack of   
nutrient bath within the hangar an instant before he realized that   
there was an Eva in the hangar, and by the time that he'd glanced   
towards it the catwalk had already started moving.  
  
Caught off-guard, Neil almost tumbled forward to his death, but his   
hands reached out and grabbed the lattice before he went too far   
forward, falling on the catwalk but simply staring down towards the   
bottom instead of rushing to greet it. He could see the outline of two   
golden feet beneath him, and as he returned to his feet he looked up to   
see an unfamiliar Eva, gold and shimmering white, its bearing almost   
regal as it stared down at himself and Nieve hatefully. "EVA-08?" he   
whispered, the first words to come to mind.  
  
"Once again, Third Child, you are correct," announced the voice of   
Gendou Ikari, drawing Neil's eyes to the skybox above the hangar. "And   
once again, you have delivered yourself directly to me. I must thank   
you."  
  
Neil's mouth opened to respond, but he was cut short as a door he   
hadn't noticed at one end of the catwalk opened, causing Nieve to jump   
back slightly in surprise. Three intelligence agents stood in the   
doorway, and as Neil's eyes flicked to their hands he could see that   
they were armed. "Should have listened to Misato," he whispered, his   
heart sinking at the revelation. "Should have left when I had the   
chance."  
  
There was nowhere to go, and Neil distantly thought that he noticed EVA-  
08 moving towards him, as if to even deny him the option of suicide.   
"The Gathering is complete," announced Ikari, seemingly numb to the   
Children outside. "Rei, once the Second and Third are taken, you will   
be ejected from the machine. I will meet with you in the Confessional."  
  
]++[  
  
Gendou stood in the doorway to the darkened room, his eyes focusing   
slowly in the dimmed light. A few steps behind him stood Rei, still   
wearing her white plugsuit, like a ghost waiting to be directed back to   
her grave. "I hope you all understand that this is for the greater   
good," he said, not bothering to make his voice even distantly   
sympathetic. "I simply couldn't risk any interference with my plan."  
  
"Fuck you," snarled Misato, struggling against her restraints, trying   
to lunge forward. Her body was suspended like that of the Children   
against the far wall, her arms head straight out to her sides, legs   
clamped down beneath her, her entire body fixed almost in the shape of   
a cross. The restraints themselves were fused to the wall, tight   
enough that the woman could only move a few inches towards Gendou   
before she was jerked to a stop.  
  
A thin smile curled at the edge of Gendou's lips, and he held up a hand   
to Rei as he stepped into the dim room, feet echoing in the overlarge   
room and onto the pale diagram projected by the lights above. "I   
suppose I deserve that," he replied, glancing around at the Children,   
all hanging limply on the wall with Misato. Only Rei stood free,   
silent and unconcerned. "But one has to make sacrifices to achieve   
good. You understand that, don't you? All of you?"  
  
"Doctor Ikari..." Eiko's voice was halting, confused, her head hanging   
forward and her black hair framing her face. There was the distant   
sound of moisture hitting the metallic floor, though Gendou couldn't be   
certain of its origin. "How could you do this? We're all working   
together to save the world, aren't we?"  
  
"No," spat Misato, her eyes burning balefully at Gendou, still   
struggling against her restraints, obviously unwilling to surrender   
herself. "Why don't you tell them, you lying bastard? Explain to them   
what you're really after?" She tried once again to force herself   
forward, meeting no more success than before. "Why don't you explain   
that you're trying to instigate the Third Impact!"  
  
Rage flared momentarily in Gendou, but he forced himself to ignore it,   
letting the smile on his face vanish as he adjusted his glasses.   
"Correct. I am attempting to bring about Third Impact. That is the   
true purpose of NERV, Project Evangelion, all of the research we have   
been doing - the Human Complementation Project." He paused, staring   
dead at Misato, focusing his own buried emotion into the glare. "Do   
you even understand what the Third Impact is?"  
  
"Contact between the Angels," Neil offered weakly, his body held   
upright but his eyes half-dead. "That was what caused the Second.   
It's what Kaworu was trying to achieve with Lillith."  
  
"Wrong." Gendou smiled thinly, letting his arms fall to his sides,   
taking a step forward with one foot and casting his eyes towards the   
ceiling. The light was dim enough that he could clearly make out the   
etched pattern above, an intricate linked series of circles and lines.   
"Each Impact is not simply a cataclysm. It is the arrival of part of   
the Divine on Earth. First Humans, then Angels... and now God."  
  
A flush of triumph came over the doctor, and he felt the wave carrying   
him along, the moment of culmination finally spilling everything out.   
"We knew that the Second Impact was going to happen long before it did,   
but the date was too far forward. So we accelerated it. With Adam   
unearthed by the Katsuragi Expedition, Lillith was drawn to this world   
to complete her mission - and with her arrival, half of the world was   
shattered. It was the only way we could be ready to retrieve the First   
and Second Angels reliably - the safest way to ensure that the Impact   
did not catch us off-guard."  
  
"You evil bastard," muttered Misato, beginning to divert her efforts to   
finding a way out of the restraints, her eyes still flicking towards   
Gendou every few seconds. "You killed half of the world. You killed   
my -father-. You -"  
  
"Please, Major Katsuragi. Some of us are trying to learn something."   
The man's smile widened slightly, his gaze turning down towards the   
Children once again. "Third Impact is the arrival of God on Earth to   
judge humanity. If humanity is pure enough to mingle with Angels - if   
some of its number can defeat His servants - then there would be hope   
for us yet. If not, we have been weighed and found wanting. Third   
Impact would come sooner or later. It was either us or the Angels."  
  
Clearing his throat, Gendou turned his back on the Children, letting   
his eyes rest on Rei's thin frame, her piercing red eyes and thin blue   
hair. "It was only after Yui was taken by the Eva that I realized I   
was being a fool to believe that nonsense. Human beings do not need to   
be judged. Humans need to be saved." He sighed gently. "We are weak   
and fragile. Our only hope is to be made pure once again, to truly rid   
ourselves of these frailties."  
  
"Why don't you unlock these, Commander?" Vash sneered, his entire body   
seemingly tensed like a spring. "Then we'll see who's so fragile after   
all."  
  
"None of you understand. This is the only way to save the world." He   
paused, then turned to face the Children, his arms spread slightly.   
"What keeps us divided from one another? Why do we hate one another?   
Because we believe it's possible to judge one another. Because we have   
a moral basis embedded in our minds from the day that we're born. Our   
only hope of freeing ourselves from hatred and death is to eliminate   
those morals."  
  
"You're insane." Neil's voice was still quiet, but there was the   
slightest edge behind it. Gendou glanced towards the boy, momentarily   
tempted to explain his role in the whole affair, but decided against it   
as he strode towards the center of the room.  
  
"God must come to Earth. If we do not instigate Third Impact, it will   
be instigated for us." He stared Neil in the eye, smiling thinly, the   
determination of a righteousness visible in his eyes. "But God will   
not judge. He will free us all. We will all be free of the chains of   
morality, of being taught what is right and wrong. There will be no   
hate, because we will not have reason to hate. There will be no lies,   
because we will have nothing to be ashamed of. There will be only   
peace."  
  
Gesturing towards Rei again, Gendou waited until the girl stood beside   
him, then clapped her firmly on the shoulder. "The Second Impact did   
more than destroy the ice cap. It shattered the soul of the two Angels   
into fragments, mingled and sent across the world. And certain   
Children were born with their souls intermingled with those   
fragments." He smiled, for once not a thin or sinister gesture but one   
of genuine joy. "You all carry part of the Divine within you. That is   
what allows you to control the Evas - the fact that you hold part of   
their shattered souls."  
  
Turning, Gendou gave Rei a small push on the shoulder, and she   
accordingly began to walk towards the door. "Rei is the combination of   
all those fragments. She is the apotheosis of what you use to control   
the Angels, and at the same time she is unburdened by human morality."   
He paused, glancing back at the Children. "Do you begin to understand   
what will happen here today?"  
  
"Don't do this," whispered Misato, obviously panicking. "Gendou -   
Doctor Ikari - this is crazy. You're going to destroy us all. You're   
going to bring on Third Impact after everything that you've done to   
stop it -"  
  
"Wrong. Rei and I will save the world." He gave one last smile to the   
group, then turned and followed the girl out of the room, tossing his   
last few words behind him as the doors slid closed with a hiss. "I   
will see you again when you have been cleansed of sin."  
  
]++[  
  
"All of EVA-08's systems are fully engaged." There was a sharp tension   
in Maya's voice as her hands moved across the keyboard, the displays   
coming up with less than usual speed. "Disengaging all restraints...   
opening restraining doors."  
  
Ritsuko gently brushed her hand against the younger woman's shoulder,   
producing a slight start before Maya looked up at her. "It's all   
right," she said softly, leaning towards Maya with a serene smile on   
her face. "You're doing the right thing. I'm proud of you. All   
that's left is to just wait for Commander Ikari and Rei to finish their   
work."  
  
Maya frowned, biting her lip and turning back to the display, idly   
hitting the keys before she noticed something of the corner of her   
eye. Her brow furrowed, and she leaned closer, bringing up another   
display. "Dr. Akagi! There's a reaction occurring in EVA-01! It's   
not fully active, but I'm picking up the beginnings of its systems   
engaging - the entry plug is loading itself!"  
  
"You're kidding," snapped Ritsuko, stepping swiftly over to Maya's   
console, watching as it displayed a small picture of EVA-01, the hatch   
on its back opening to accept the white plug. "We've accounted for all   
of the Children. Who's in the plug?"  
  
"Nobody." The answer surprised Maya as much as Ritsuko, and it took   
the younger woman a few moments before she seemed satisfied that she   
was giving an honest reply. "The plug is empty. It just... loaded the   
plug and then shut right back down, as if nothing was happening."  
  
Shadows flitted across Ritsuko's face as she stared at the display for   
a moment longer. "Keep an eye on that unit," she said softly, turning   
towards Makoto as he eyed her uneasily. "Tighten up the restraints.   
Whatever happens, don't allow it to leave the hangar."  
  
"But -" Maya's words failed her, and she forced herself out of her   
seat. "There's no pilot inside. It can't possibly go anywhere, not   
without one of the -"  
  
"I -said- to keep an eye on it!" snapped Ritsuko, her eyes stunning   
Maya into silence for an instant before the younger woman sat back   
down. A cold fear began to grow at the back of Maya's throat, and she   
found herself staring at the now-inert form of EVA-01, wondering if   
there wasn't more that her superior was keeping hidden from all of them.  
  
]++[  
  
The restraints were padded inside, comfortable against the skin, a cold   
comfort as Neil's eyes traced out the pattern on the floor. "Nothing,"   
he whispered inaudibly, his heart a barren rock, all of the strength   
drained from his body, leaning forward in the crucified restraints and   
waiting for the end he knew was coming. "I was wrong. I wasn't saving   
humanity from monsters... just delivering it to another monster. Even   
when I try to do right, I do wrong."  
  
"Misato, there has to be some way out of here!" shouted Nieve,   
struggling to tug her arms free of the restraints that held them, her   
emerald eyes darting back and forth around the room. "Some sort of   
failsafe! An override! We can't just be -stuck- here!"  
  
"We are," replied Misato weakly, her own struggles beginning to weaken   
and growing more intermittent. "They disabled every aspect of access I   
have to the system here. We might as well be strangers to NERV." She   
sighed. "We're not fighting from the inside out any longer. We're on   
the outside looking in. There doesn't seem to be a thing that we can   
do."  
  
Nieve ignored the woman for a moment, thrashing her body to and fro,   
her mouth set in a hard line of determination. "NO!" she shrieked at   
length, her entire body arching backwards before falling limp, exerted   
beyond what it could take. "No. This can't be. I worked so hard, and   
now... and now it's all... all..."  
  
"Evas," said Ryo after a moment, his voice quiet. "That's what Gendou   
was denying us access to. We're all imprinted into the Evas,   
individually. Locked in here... we can't possibly pilot them to stop   
him. That's why he was making sure that we were all accounted for - so   
that we couldn't even try to get one of them active."  
  
Something in Ryo's tone drew Neil's attention, and he jerked his head   
upwards, a cold and stinging epiphany bursting through his head. "Ryo,   
do you know how close we are to the hangars?" he shouted, his hands   
trembling within the restraints.  
  
"Close enough," replied Niobe, lying rigid in place, seemingly dead to   
the whole situation. "A few minutes of walking, perhaps. Nothing   
major. If we were free, we would have more than enough time to stop   
him."  
  
"Lovely, Niobe. Make this even -more- infuriating." Nieve let out   
another howl of anguish, thrashing her head about in desperation, small   
tears flying from her eyes in rage and fear. After a few seconds, she   
let herself fall back to limply hanging, her breath now ragged.   
"Inches away, and we're powerless. I hope that whatever that demon   
unleashes kills -him- first, if nothing else."  
  
The dialogue was only white noise to Neil, his eyes wide, heart   
racing. He could see the open eye of EVA-01 all too clearly, could   
remember the touch of Yui and the mocking sneer of his other, all   
hidden away somewhere within the machine. It was his, he knew, as much   
a part of him as his arms or legs. Something in him almost seemed to   
reach out to the machine, and for the barest instant he could feel its   
monstrous hunger tickling at the back of his mind, begging him to set   
it free.  
  
He recoiled from instinct, but the idea had already planted itself in   
his head. In his eye he could see every one of the Angels that he had   
faced, the effort that he'd put into destroying them. "I thought that   
I was doing the right thing," he whispered, his hands clenching into   
fists, teeth gritting and eyes narrowing. "But maybe I can undo all my   
mistakes... maybe I can still fight against myself..."  
  
With tenative and nervous thoughts, Neil let himself reach out towards   
the Eva once again, the rolling red hunger, the demonic impulses that   
he knew lay just beneath his own skin. A hot breath seemed to wash   
over his body, scented by blood and fire, the touch of icy crystals   
somehow caressing his cheeks. "Come to me," he hissed, every muscle in   
his body tensing. "Give me the strength to defeat Gendou, to avert   
Third Impact. I give up."  
  
Still it danced, just out of reach, and Neil threw his body into   
thrashing, his eyes furious, fine hair whipping about his head as he   
forced all of his muscles into the effort. "God damn you, come to me!   
I give up! I'm a monster, just like you! If that's what it takes to   
have your strength, -I- -don't- -care-! Whatever the cost to me, I   
will -not- let it end like this!" The monstrous eye drew ever so   
slightly closer, and Neil redoubled his efforts once again. "LET ME   
SAVE THEM!"  
  
The sound of tearing metal filled the air, but Neil was dead to them,   
screaming for the Eva to take him as the others in the room looked   
around in fear. He had to be able to get his machine before Gendou   
could initiate Third Impact. All thoughts of himself had vanished,   
replaced with a burning desire to climb within his Eva once again,   
whatever the cost. It had to come. It had to listen. It had to...  
  
A second later, the hand of EVA-01 ripped through the side wall of the   
room with a resounding crash.  
  
Neil's eyes shut tight, the room shuddering around him from the impact,   
the massive hand seeming almost as if it was grasping in a box for a   
particularly desirable trinket. Then the shock of impact faded, and   
the boy stared at the grasping hand, trying to lunge forward slightly,   
feeling the restraints give way to his strength ever so slightly.   
Glancing at the shackles, he realized that they were cracked just   
enough to allow him to get free. With a cry of triumph, he pulled his   
arms free, forcing his legs out of the restraints as the great hand   
withdrew from the room.  
  
Stumbling to his feet, Neil looked out the hole to see the Eva standing   
amid the wreckage of what looked like several levels of the base, its   
body laced with broken pieces of the thick teal-gray metal. The entry   
plug protruded from its back, and with smooth movements it retrieved   
the plug and slid it into the room, letting the smooth white cylinder   
rest in front of Neil, beckoning and mocking him at once.  
  
"Neil!" Nieve's voice was just sharp enough to prevent him from moving   
forward, and he looked towards the girl, feeling a sharp pang of fear   
and loss at the look of her emerald eyes. "Help me out. We'll do this   
together. All of us."  
  
"No." He shook his head firmly, then strode decisively over to the   
plug, flinging the hatch open and staring inside. It was dark within,   
the chair only distantly visible, the familiar structure seemingly   
cloaked in death. "You... you all have something to live for. I can't   
let you die."  
  
"Please, Neil." Nieve struggled against her restraints, trying to   
achieve the same freedom as Neil and falling short. "Please. I'm not   
afraid to die. Not with you."  
  
"I still don't plan on letting you die," replied Neil, stepping inside   
of the cockpit. His eyes flicked towards the Eva, and he could seen   
the green glow flashing beneath the white surface of its eyes. It was   
waiting for him, and he knew it. The monster was waiting to finally   
receive its own.  
  
"Say that you don't plan on dying. Neil, tell me that you don't plan   
on dying." Nieve's words were more desperate now, as if she was   
pleading with the boy. "We can do this together, all of us. You...   
you don't deserve to -"  
  
"Goodbye," whispered the boy, slamming the hatch shut and feeling his   
way to the soft cushioning of the seat, tears forming at the corners of   
his eyes. He felt the Eva pick him up, could hear the distant   
mechanical noise of the hatch opening up once again. Another deep   
breath tore into his lungs, and as the LCL began to trickle into the   
chamber he felt himself flex his hands against the handrests, the   
leering Eva holding tight to the back of his mind.  
  
Then the LCL rushed into his lungs, and he felt the eye rip through the   
soft meat of his brain, his entire body arcing in shock, knives of ice   
embedding themselves in his skin even as he felt his rage growing. His   
mouth was bound by weak metal, and with all the strength he possessed   
he reared back, letting his body push aside the metal framework around   
him. Another flood of strength, and his jaw was free once again,   
letting out a mighty roar to shake the foundations of the building he   
stood within, his power growing with every passing moment -  
  
"Control," he hissed, focusing his vision once again, taking stock of   
his position. He - no, the Eva - had torn its way through parts of   
Central Dogma not meant to accomodate the machines, and he doubted the   
fesability of trying to return to the hangar and following Gendou and   
Rei down their own path. "I need to beat them to the punch," he   
muttered, glancing around quickly. "Need to get down to Terminal Dogma   
right now."  
  
A burning fire of energy tore along Neil's arms, and he let out a   
scream before coughing blood, forcing the energy down, letting the   
force shred through the metal that stood in his way, shattering walls   
and barriers and letting him plummet down a makeshift shaft. The power   
tore through his body, but he ignored the pain, only letting the energy   
dissipate once again when he felt the shifting snows beneath his feet,   
his eyes distantly registering the still-impaled form of EVA-07 not far   
from him.  
  
"GENDOU!" he screamed, letting the power of his voice send ripples   
through the walls, the power of the Eva flooding across his body in   
quick and steady bursts. His eyes cast themselves towards the shaft   
that he knew the other machine would be coming from, his hands flexing   
into fists. "You will -not- reach Lillith! I will not allow it!"  
  
Moments passed in silence like months, the burning green eyes of the   
purple Eva fixed on the shaft, the boy within panting as blood trickled   
from the corner of his lip. Then, at last, the outline of the golden   
EVA-08 appeared, descending with slow purposefulness, its hands cupped   
around an unknown cargo, silver and golden wings spread on its back as   
it hovered to a landing on the snowfield. Neil felt himself start   
slightly, watching the wings fold against the machine's back once   
again, a burning blue fire visible in its eyes.  
  
"Neil," announced Gendou from the cupped hands of EVA-08, sounding   
disinterested with the boy's presence. "Congratulations. You were   
able to call your machine. I doubted that you would have progressed   
this far."  
  
"Enough. This ends here." Neil grabbed one of the massive crosses   
still embedded in the snow around him, drawing it up and letting the   
thin film of ice shake away. "I will not let you reach the Second   
Angel, whatever it takes me."  
  
"I do not doubt that you believe that," replied Gendou as EVA-08 moved   
slowly, placing Gendou on a high ledge of the room that Neil couldn't   
remember having seen before, a door hissing open with obvious purpose.   
"But you still don't possess the strength to stop me, Neil. This Eva   
is the pinnacle of everything that the units can be - the strongest and   
fastest ever constructed. It is everything you are, and more." The   
machine seemed to punctuate the statement by letting its wings spread,   
its hands flying towards one of the crosses as well. "Stand down,   
Neil. This is for the best."  
  
Fear struck the boy to the bone, but his grip tightened around the   
cross in his hand, orienting it to attack his enemy as a thin smile   
crossed Gendou's face. "So be it. Rei, you know your duty."  
  
"Yes," replied Rei, and with swift motions she lunged towards Neil,   
swinging the massive cross as if it were nothing, the point racing   
towards the Eva's face. Panic seized the boy for a moment, and he   
jerked backwards, letting the point scrape across his left eye,   
shattering the lens and shredding flesh. His grip on the cross   
faltered slightly, and he stumbled backwards, shocked by the speed of   
the other machine, certain that Gendou was correct.  
  
"Idiot." The voice was his own, but not coming from his lips. "This   
is the First Angel. You know that. Whatever fearsome visage it might   
take, do you truly believe that anything less can stand against you?"  
  
The pain in his eye subsided to nothing, and Neil could see the green   
eye that stared at Rei in his mind. His hands gripped the cross firmly   
and swung it back at the golden Eva, deflecting the girl's assault,   
matching her speed effortlessly. Letting out a cry, he lunged towards   
her, the point of his weapon driving towards the girl's midsection.  
  
Rei's free hand gripped the cross and wrenched it free of Neil's hands,   
flinging it across the room and trying to stab him with her own   
weapon. Slipping to one side, Neil grabbed the cross and forced it   
into the ground, then let his hands snap to Rei's throat, his fingers   
pressing hard against the golem's neck, hot breath blasting from his   
machine's open mouth. It was a moment before he even noticed the   
burning pain in his gut, another moment before he realized that it was   
a knife that had broken through his armor.  
  
One hand flying to the prog knife in hopes of extracting it, Neil   
caught a glimpse of the girl going for the other knife, and with swift   
resources he grabbed the shoulder flange and crushed it with all the   
strength he had. Then Rei's feet slammed against his gut, forcing the   
knife deeper and sending him tumbling back, her machine rearing up to   
its full height as he skidded to a halt. Gritting his teeth, Neil   
yanked the knife free, snapping it between his fingers before racing   
towards her once again.  
  
A punch aimed at her face was deflected, answered with a swift blow to   
the eye, enough to leave Rei unprepared for a blow to the chin. Her   
Eva reeled slightly, and Neil took the opportunity, flinging himself   
into the air and towards her, his hands reaching for her head. The   
silver wings of the Eva snapped in front of him, then flung him   
backwards, sending his Eva flying against the wall, shuddering waves of   
pain racing along his back. Rei yanked the cross free once again,   
rushing at Neil, holding the weapon like a spear.  
  
Neil remained immobile until it seemed to late, then flung himself   
aside with the grace of a cat, and Rei embedded her weapon in the wall,   
fixing her in place long enough for Neil to fall on her back. The   
golden machine struggled as he tried to pry off the hatch that   
protected the entry plug, but his strength began to tear free small   
bits of the armor, sending EVA-08 into spasms of pain. Before it came   
free, however, Rei's leg slammed against Neil's midsection, awkward but   
strong enough to give him a moment's pause.  
  
Spinning around, EVA-08 slammed its wings against EVA-01, sending it   
sprawling to the ground, great waves of snow kicked up by the sheer   
mass of the purple golem. Before Neil could move, Rei was upon him,   
her hands reaching towards his head with lethal intent, no trace of   
hesitation in her motion. Snarling, he lashed out with his feet at her   
midsection, slamming her backwards, one silver wing tearing as it   
scraped along the edge of the cross still embedded in the wall.  
  
Red blood spilled from the wound and splattered the snow a deep color,   
but Rei seemed unaffected, furling her winds shut and moving towards   
Neil even as he scrambled to his feet, his breath coming hard and   
angry, hands flying to his shoulder units and retrieving the two knives   
stored within. Holding them tightly, he let himself slip to one side   
of Rei's charge, then stabbed towards her head with one hand, her heart   
with the other.  
  
An almost imperceptible motion of the girl's machine sent one knife out   
of his hand and into hers, and she deflected the other blow with   
inhuman accuracy. Her eyes met his, and Neil felt a momentary sense of   
dislocation, painfully aware of the frail white girl sitting inside the   
other Eva. There was an emptiness in the eyes of the Eva, enough to   
freeze him in place for a moment, almost reacting too late to the   
swinging knife, deflecting the blow with a dulled motion.  
  
EVA-08 showed no trace of Neil's hesitation, and the golden machine   
continued to swing vicious blows in his direction, forcing Neil   
backwards even as his grip began to weaken slightly. The girl was more   
skilled with the weapon than he was, but as he watched the smooth   
motion of her arm he got an idea, and as her arm recoiled from the   
sharp deflection of her blow Neil's jaws fell open and he lunged for   
the girl's arm.  
  
The great metal teeth of EVA-01 sank into the arm of its opponent,   
tearing through the flexible armor as if it was paper, provoking the   
golden machine to drop the knife even as Neil drove his own weapon deep   
into Rei's chest. His face split into an agry grin as he tasted the   
other machine's blood on his lips, felt the flesh and metal cracking   
beneath his grip. "Nothing can stand against me," he hissed. "I have   
all the power of the First Angel."  
  
Something snapped in his mind, and he felt his connection with the Eva   
fall slack as he recoiled from the damaged golem before him. The taste   
of blood still lingered upon his lips, and he felt his entire body   
shake gently at the thought. "I am a monster," he gasped, the meaning   
of the words sinking in. "I... I don't want to kill her. I don't -"  
  
Neil realized his mistake too late as a knife drove into his chest,   
followed by another dangerously close to the core of his machine. Pain   
ripped through his body, and he saw Rei standing over him, apparently   
unconcerned by the damage to her machine, her hands gripping a cross   
again as blood trickled out of her arm. "It ends, Third Child," she   
said softly, raising the cross over her head, the point aimed for his   
chest.  
  
Closing his eyes for a second, Neil felt himself sink back into his   
Eva's mind, hating himself as the hatred encircled him. "You knew   
this," he snarled, and with one swift motion he raised one hand and   
blasted the cross to smithereens.  
  
Green light poured from the eyes of the purple machine like water, and   
Neil forced himself to his feet as Rei staggered backwards, ignoring   
the pain in his body, knowing that it was inconsequential. The golden   
Eva hesitated a moment, then rushed towards the boy once more, and he   
stood his ground, raising his hands and lashing out once again, letting   
the pure white light sear the surface of the other machine, slamming it   
backwards against the double doors that led to Lillith. "You're right,   
Rei," he said, letting his energy build like a gathering storm. "It   
does end now."  
  
The girl raised her good arm, and as Neil lashed out again he could see   
his blasts hit the octagonal surface of her AT Field. Growling, he   
intensified his efforts, barely noticing the constant mouthfuls of   
blood that he was coughing into the LCL, only distantly aware of the   
slow red tint flooding the world around him. It was only a matter of   
time, he knew. He had more than enough power to tear the Eva's field   
to pieces, and then he would destroy himself, save the world from what   
he might do. It was for the best, the only way he could -  
  
Pain ripped along the back of the boy's head, a pain that he couldn't   
hope to ignore, followed quickly by the sensation of drowning. The   
oxygen seemed to choke itself out of the LCL, and Neil clutched at his   
throat as the Eva vanished into the distance, his entire body on fire,   
spasming and thrashing in a desperate plea for air. The world began   
swimming and going black in the instants before the oxygen returned,   
and he sucked in a deep breath of LCL, grateful for the first time for   
the bloody liquid.  
  
It was only afterwards that he realized that he could no longer feel   
his machine around him, that the Eva had vanished into the mists of the   
LCL. "No," he whispered, thrusting the handles back and forth,   
struggling to activate it once again. "What the hell is going on?   
Activate!"  
  
"You forgot a critical fact, Third Child. Whatever connection you   
might have to the First Angel, its body is shattered." Even though   
Neil could no longer see the world outside of the dark entry plug,   
Gendou's harsh voice still sounded through the radio. "It only moves   
and interfaces with you through machinery - machinery that I helped   
design. Should that machinery cease to interface with the Angel, it no   
longer has any connection to you."  
  
Realization spread across Neil, and he felt his body go numb. "I... I   
can't..."  
  
"Stop me," finished Gendou. "You put up a righteous effort, but it was   
in vain. Take your rest." With that, the radio snapped off, leaving   
Neil alone in the dark tomb of blood and metal, his Eva slowly being   
coated by the artificial snow around it.  
  
]++[  
  
Gendou Ikari let the massive hands of EVA-08 set him down upon the thin   
black walkway that led towards Lillith, his eyes focused on the   
crucified form of the Second Angel with a smile. "I've waited so long   
for this moment," he whispered, slowly walking towards the massive red   
cross, the LCL around him gently lapping against the sides of the   
path. "Despite everything, we will be saved after all."  
  
Beside him, the golden goliath brought itself around to face Lillith,   
its arms hanging limply by its sides, blood still falling in slow   
trickles from its mangled arm. "I am to merge with the Second?" asked   
Rei calmly, her Eva's gaze never deviating from a second from the Angel.  
  
Freezing for a moment, Gendou let himself take in the monstrous   
profile, the ridged armor, the wings folded with joints that no natural   
beast had ever possessed, snow slowly drifting out of the mechanical   
joints. "Rei," he said calmly, closing his eyes and taking another   
step towards the Second Angel. "Do you think that I did the right   
thing? I know that Neil was only working under false pretenses, but..."  
  
"There is no right or wrong," replied Rei, her voice hollow. Gendou   
let himself stare at her machine, almost wishing that he could see the   
girl in front of him. "Theses are only lies we tell ourselves,   
shackles of our own making. Our purpose is to eliminate these   
shackles. That is what you have told me from the beginning."  
  
Sighing, Gendou nodded. Adjusting his glasses, he focused on the Angel   
upon the crucifix once more. "Merge with the Second Angel using your   
wounded arm, Rei. You know what is required of you."  
  
Without another word, Rei raised the bleeding arm of her Eva and   
pressed it against the flabby white chest of the Second Angel, letting   
the soft white substance react slightly under the pressure of her   
hand. Then, with a step forward, her hand passed into the body of   
Lillith, the chest parting and absorbing the Eva's arm, armor and all.   
Thin white tendrils snaked forth from the place where arm and chest   
met, seeking the bleeding wreck that EVA-01's jaws had made, slowly   
wrapping about like bandages, tightening and forming a white outline of   
the arm.  
  
Lillith's head twitched, then slowly raised to level with Rei's. A   
purple mask lay over her face, emblaxoned with SEELE's insignia, and it   
seemed to slowly melt off of the giant's face, falling at length into   
the LCL with a splash, revealing the featureless blank of a face   
beneath. As Rei pressed her hand further into the beast's chest, the   
face began to take on an expression, a mouth slowly coming into view,   
followed by eyes, the vague semblance of hair, a mouth, a nose, the   
body shifting too as if reminded of its true form.  
  
Energy flitted between the Eva and the Angel, and Gendou could see the   
glow coming from Rei's S2 organ, flooding the connection with energy,   
answering the Angel's output flawlessly. It began to form a brilliant   
corona around the two giants, and sparks seemed to fly from it towards   
the heavens, small arcs of energy that fell back into the growing force   
between the two.  
  
A sound like a trumpet and a voice pierced the air, and a lance of   
energy burst upward, melting away the ceiling as if it was nothing,   
streaking towards the heavens. The LCL around Gendou was filled with   
particles of light, a beautiful ocean of shimmering stars. "The Third   
Impact," he breathed, falling on his knees despite himself. "Yui. I'm   
coming."  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.  
  
NEXT EPISODE:  
End.  
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 27: BRING HEAVEN LOW  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


	27. Bring Heaven Low

]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[  
presents  
  
]+ NEON EPOCH +[  
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[  
  
]+ EPISODE 27: BRING HEAVEN LOW +[  
  
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre  
  
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX  
  
]++[  
  
God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the   
darkness.  
-GENESIS 1:4  
  
]++[  
  
Neil sat in the tomblike cockpit of EVA-01, bloody LCL washing across   
his body in steady waves, and struggled to cry. His eyes were   
bloodshot, his body weak from tears and exasperation, but he couldn't   
feel the outrage and terror that he knew he ought to. All that he   
could perceive was the steady beat of the LCL and the emptiness at the   
back of his mind.  
  
"I can't feel the Eva any more," he whispered, letting bubbles of air   
rise from his lips as he spoke, his hands flexing against the handrests   
as numbness invaded his muscles. For all his efforts, he'd always   
believed that he would be happy when the Eva's mind no longer clawed at   
the back of his own. "There's nothing I can do. It's all over."  
  
"Weakling." The voice was familiar, and as Neil slowly raised his eyes   
he could see the familiar visage of his double, squatting at the far   
end of the darkened chamber, the red-orange liquid seeming almost to   
melt away from him. There was only the dimmest light with which to see   
the apparition, but Neil knew full well that a red dagger rested within   
its hands. "You come this close, and you give it all up."  
  
Closing his eyes, Neil stretched out his mind, fumbling for the beast   
that always surrounded him in the cockpit. "It's no good," he replied,   
shaking his head and struggling once more to cry. "Gendou wasn't   
lying. There's nothing left to connect my mind with EVA-01. It might   
as well have been destroyed."  
  
"And you think that your ability comes from your mind?" asked the   
double mockingly. "Gendou told you that, too. Your ability comes from   
the soul as much as it comes from anywhere. As long as you're still   
alive, you can pilot this machine."  
  
"No, I -can't-!" snapped Neil, bolting upright and staring at the empty   
space where the other had been seconds before. He stared for a moment   
longer, then fell back into his seat, cursing his own weakness   
silently. If he hadn't hesitated in that one instant against Rei, he   
would have been able to destroy her, would have stopped Gendou before   
he had alternatives. He hadn't even managed to be a monster the one   
time that he needed to be.  
  
The boy crossed his arms across his chest as a slow chill moved through   
the cockpit, then flicked his eyes to one side to see the double   
standing beside him once again. He was wearing Neil's purple and green   
plugsuit, and the dagger glittered freely in his hand, his eyes staring   
harshly at the boy. "You're just afraid to try, aren't you?" sneered   
the other. "It would mean connecting your soul to this monster, and   
you know it. You're still clinging to something that you're not."  
  
"God damn it, I don't -care- if I live through this or not!" snapped   
Neil, his hand shooting forward and grabbing the arm that held the   
dagger. The other seemed surprised, but managed to hold on to the   
weapon despite Neil's efforts to wrest it free. "I want to save the   
others, not myself. I... I just can't do anything right."  
  
"Coward," snarled the other, yanking his hand free with a strength Neil   
hadn't known it possessed. Neil gaped, but the double-pronged red   
weapon did not fall on him, and the other simply stood and looked at   
the boy with hateful eyes. "You're still just as afraid as ever to   
embrace what you are. The more you say that you're willing to be a   
monster, the more you -"  
  
"If you know, -help- me!" snapped Neil, the words leaping from his   
mouth before he even realized it. The other started slightly, but Neil   
rose to his feet, his head falling just shy of hitting the metal   
ceiling of the entry plug. "I... I don't know how else to pilot this   
machine, even if I can. But I..." He half-sighed and half-growled,   
the words choking in his throat. "I'm asking you. Help me."  
  
The other stared for a moment, then pointed the dagger at Neil's chest   
in one smooth motion, letting the twin red tips dance inches away from   
the boy's heart. Neil resisted the urge to twitch, sweat beading   
slowly on his brow, and without hesitation the other flipped the knife   
around, pointing the hilt at Neil, his hands holding the blade,   
illusionary blood spilling forth. "Stab me," whispered the other as   
Neil took the hilt. "You know where."  
  
Neil stared at the blade for a moment, the thin traces of blood already   
along it, the perfect red metal it was forged from. Gritting his   
teeth, he moved towards the other, holding the blade at the ready,   
pointing it at the double's heart. A deep breath tore its way into his   
lungs, his heart pumping like a jackhammer as he prepared to stab.  
  
Then his eyes met his mirror image's eyes, and Neil understood.   
Lifting the dagger and letting out a cry, he slammed the twin points   
into his other's eyes, the red metal vanishing into the twin green orbs   
as Neil pushed with all his strength.  
  
For a moment, the world froze in slow motion, the double smiling   
gradually as Neil watched the blood trickle down. Then he felt a sharp   
pain in his hands, and saw the slow mist of blood releasing itself from   
his own body as well. "It starts with the hands," he whispered to   
himself, feeling a new sensation at the back of his mind, still   
recognizably the Eva but in a way that he'd never experienced before.   
"That was how it happened before -"  
  
In an instant, he felt himself torn away, and even as he did the great   
power of his limbs flooded through him once again. His eyes snapped   
open as the cold cut against his body, and opening his great jaws he   
let loose a roar of triumph. Above him swirled false snows, but he   
paid them no mind as he dragged himself to his feet, eyes casting a   
green light around him. There was too much to be done to stay in   
place. Even as the mechanical shackles riddling his body held him   
down, he forced himself upwards, roaring all the while.  
  
]++[  
  
Ritsuko's eyes widened as the main screen showed EVA-01, its great   
purple body slowly rising into a standing position, the great roar   
issuing forth from its lips and and noise of cybernetics grinding to   
obediance filling the air. "He revived it," she hissed, leaning   
towards the screen as flashing alert displays filled the room. "God in   
heaven, he wasn't supposed to be able to do that! We shut down all of   
the mechanical connections!"  
  
"Synch ratio at 100% again!" shouted Maya, a small note of triumph in   
her voice even as she frantically worked the console. "EVA-01's   
biomass is growing in unprecedented directions! It's replacing some of   
the cybernetic systems with biological equivalents! All neural   
connections are offline, but it's still synchronized!"  
  
"Fine," Ritsuko spat, whirling towards Maya as anger flashed in her   
eyes. She would show the boy who had control over the rotting husk he   
piloted. "Maya, deactivate all life support systems aboard the Eva.   
Remove all circulatory systems. Initiate necrosis."  
  
Maya started, then turned her eyes slowly towards Ritsuko, a terrified   
expression on her face. "Ma'am?" she gasped, her shoulders trembling.   
"You - you can't be serious."  
  
"It's our technology that's keeping that thing and its pilot alive. If   
that impairs our ultimate goals, then we have the ability to remove   
that technology." She took a step towards Maya, feeling the vaguest   
disconnection from her body as the thin white lab coat rushed around   
her ankles. "Deactivate every system on that machine. It will set to   
rot within seconds."  
  
After a moment, Maya turned back towards her console, her fingers   
gently striking the console as if she was moving through thick syrup.   
Then, without warning, she pushed back from her station, standing as   
her fists clenched, turning slowly towards Ritsuko with a firm look in   
her eyes. "No."  
  
Once again, Ritsuko's eyes widened, but she recovered more swiftly this   
time. "This time you really -are- overstepping yourself, Maya. I am   
giving you an order, and I -"  
  
"No." There was no hesitation in the young woman's voice this time,   
even as her entire body trembled like a willow in a hurricane. "Dr.   
Akagi... I started working here because I admired you, and that's the   
only reason that I've stayed even while people have left. I've admired   
your courage, I've admired your brilliance, I've -" A brilliant   
crimson flushed into Maya's cheeks, and she bowed her head slightly.  
  
"We don't have time for this," snapped Ritsuko, stepping forward until   
she nearly touched Maya, ice flashing from her eyes. "If we don't stop   
Neil now, everything that we've worked on will be for nothing. Get   
back to your post and -"  
  
"You're willing to -murder- a -child-!" snapped Maya, lunging forward   
and grabbing Ritsuko's jacket, desperation passing across her face.   
"Ritsuko, for the love of God, look at yourself! You're letting   
yourself become inhuman! I... I would follow you -anywhere-, but I'm   
not going to let you continue to -"  
  
Cutting Maya short, Ritsuko grabbed the young woman and flung her aside   
with all the strength she could muster. It was just barely enough, and   
Maya staggered aside as Ritsuko sat angrily in her chair. "Fine," she   
snapped. "If you don't have the willpower to do what's -right-, I   
will." Her fingers hesitated against the keyboard for just a moment,   
and with quick and determined motions she changed the display, her   
finger hovering above the final keystroke needed to destroy the purple   
Eva.  
  
Then, almost by accident, her eyes fell on Maya. The young woman had   
crumpled to the floor, and the only thing that Ritsuko could feel was   
contempt at the imperfections in her staff. It was just enough to stay   
her hand for a moment as she watched Maya cry, her irritation growing   
as the alarms blared louder. "Maya, you knew all of this! You helped   
us achieve this goal! Don't tell me you've changed your mind after all   
that!"  
  
"Shut up," Maya spat, her body shuddering as tears fell from her eyes,   
making small noises as they hit the floor. "I wish I had never met any   
of you. You're not trying to save people. You can't even see what   
you're doing."  
  
Another roar shook the chamber, and Ritsuko found herself unable to   
bring down her finger even though she knew it was time. Kozou's words   
kept racing through her head about the situation, the lingering doubt   
about whether or not Gendou was truly pursuing the right course of   
action. She remembered testing Ryo, hearing the Children scream, the   
way that Neil had raced to his Eva every time it seemed worthless. And   
more than anything, she remembered her mother.  
  
Her eyes fell on the reflective screen in front of her, trembling   
slightly as her hand drew back. Her hair was no longer the same color,   
her face bore the makeup that her mother had always eschewed, her   
outfit graceful instead of utilitarian. But even as she stared she   
could recognize the expression, and could remember standing alone in a   
corridor of Central Dogma before it was the heart of NERV, a scared and   
lonely girl hating her mother with all her heart. "Never like her,"   
she whispered. "Never become..."  
  
"You're just like your mother." Kozou's words rang in her ears as she   
staggered backwards, hands still locked in position, her steps uneasy   
and off-balance. "She could never bear to hear it, either."  
  
Without realizing it, Ritsuko had fallen to her knees, her hands   
pressing against her face, lipstick and eyeshadow smearing as tears   
began to pool within her cupped hands. "I did what I said I never   
would," she gasped, shuddering gently on the floor, the world around   
her seeming to lose substance. "I... I thought that I just needed   
the... that..."  
  
Choking down another sob, the woman pulled herself to her feet, staring   
at the main screen, the Eva roaring and struggling against its   
weakness. She knew that the boy inside was hurting, was being used as   
a cog in a machine because of her own lack of compassion. "He's going   
to turn us all into machines," she whispered, her eyes now off of Neil   
and flicking towards the Magi. "Gendou wants to take all of us and...   
and God, I helped him..."  
  
Then a shudder raced through the base, nearly sending Ritsuko back to   
the floor, and she realized what was happening. Squeezing her eyes   
shut for a moment, Ritsuko clenched her fists, forcing herself to   
remain calm, knowing that everyone's eyes were on her. "Maya," she   
said softly, turning halfway towards the young woman. "Re-activate all   
of the mechanical systems on board EVA-01. Disengage all locking   
mechanisms in Terminal Dogma. Try to override EVA-08's systems."  
  
Maya's face split into a nervous grin, and she took her seat, quickly   
cancelling Ritsuko's previous command and entering another sequence.   
"EVA-01's cybernetics should be online within one minute," she   
announced decisively. "EVA-08... there's some kind of security system   
in place, holding me out!"  
  
"I know. I designed it." Ritsuko resisted the urge to shudder at the   
thought, stepping over to Maya's terminal as the purple Eva on the   
screen roared ever louder. "Keep trying. We've got to stop Third   
Impact before it goes any further."  
  
On the higher level, Kozou was staring down at the scene, watching the   
blonde woman begin moving back and forth, working to revive Neil and   
his machine even as alarms blared through the area. A thin smile had   
made its way across his mouth at the sight, his regrets momentarily   
lifted. "You're not so much like your mother after all, then," he   
whispered, closing his eyes.  
  
"Dr. Fuyutsuki!" The shout caught the elder man off-guard, and the   
smile vanished from his lips as he stared down at the lower level.   
Ritsuko was looking up at him, her makeup smeared beyond recognition   
but a strength visible in her eyes. "We... we could use your help down   
here. If you're willing."  
  
A brief shudder went through his body, and he nodded curtly to Ritsuko,   
turning sharply and heading towards the elevator door. His eyes   
drifted half-closed once again, thinkin of the delicate features of   
Yui, remembering the broken way that Gendou had stood in front of EVA-  
01 after the first activation. "Forgive me," he whispered, pressing   
the button and letting the doors slide open. "But we're only humans.   
We can't substitute for God."  
  
]++[  
  
The doors that held Neil back crumpled under the pressure of his AT   
Field, the octagonal field ripping forth and hurling everything around   
him away. It took only a light pressure from his hands to break   
through the doors completely, sending the massive slabs of black metal   
crashing forward into the sea of LCL. "Your time is over, Ikari," he   
hissed, his voice sounding deeper and more powerful as it roared past   
metal jaws.  
  
He had never, to his knowledge, been so connected with the Eva before,   
certainly not when he was fully conscious of it, but now he could feel   
every inch of the thin and powerful body, could see clearly from its   
green-lit eyes, felt the armor move across his skin as he launched   
himself into the LCL. There was no disconnection between his own mind   
and the Eva's as he felt the LCL lap against his knees, watching Gendou   
and EVA-08 look towards him in unified shock. It was heady and   
frightening at once, but he ignored his fright, letting his hands   
clench into fists, letting out a powerful roar that seemed to send   
shockwaves through the entire building.  
  
Gendou was nothing more than an ant on a walkway, and Neil paid no   
attention to him, instead rushing towards the golden monster with its   
hand half-sunk through Lillith, eyes glowing a hateful blue even as   
Neil approached. Energy crackled around the Second and the Eva, and   
Neil saw Rei raise her arm in almost slow-motion, pointing it in his   
direction and letting a jagged burst of energy lash towards him. He   
sprang aside with trained reflexes, then launched towards the girl once   
again, muscles tensed in reflexive postures.  
  
Another bolt of energy forced him backwards, the force slamming against   
his AT Field and making him land scant feet away from Rei's position.   
The girl's eyes jumped to his position swiftly, and more blasts struck   
out towards him, now moving like snakes, quick and curving paths   
breaking the surface of the LCL ocean as Neil swung himself away. He   
could only distantly notice the glow of the red-orange liquid as he   
gathered his own power, forcing it into his voice as he let out another   
roar.  
  
A stream of energy jetted forth from his throat, lashing towards Rei   
and slamming against an AT Field inches away from her. Neil cursed,   
and Rei brought around another series of snaking tendrils, each glowing   
with lethal intent as Neil flipped back and away from them. Something   
in the back of his head told him that Third Impact was growing   
perilously close, that he was running short on time to stop Gendou.  
  
Gathering as much strength as he could, Neil let out a roar and charged   
forward, feeling the muscles of his new and strangely familiar body   
bulge underneath the action. His legs cleaved through the LCL without   
hesitation, sending up great jets of the now-glowing liquid, and his   
eyes burned with a fire intense enough to even seem to give Rei pause.   
But she recovered her nerve almost instantly, and her hand pointed   
towards Neil for only a moment before letting out a river of energy.  
  
The AT Field held, and Neil pushed against the force, his hands   
grasping at the golden golem. Rei was glowing now, the gold sparkling   
brightly in the cacophony of light, the white surface of Lillith   
seeming to melt into her body even as it spread towards her chest.   
Roaring, Neil struggled, his whole existence pushing to break through   
the force that held him even as he felt his feet slipping, his fingers   
reaching out and clawing weakly at the girl's AT field, trying to find   
a handhold.  
  
It was too much, and the purple Eva went flying backwards, falling to   
its back and skidding along beneath the glowing ocean of LCL. Neil   
felt the scraping floor beneath him, and felt a moment of despair   
before a fire of revenge started itself again within his gut. "Nieve,"   
he hissed, feeling something jerk him to a stop. "I won't. I won't   
fail. I won't let that happen."  
  
Neil's hands flew to the object that had stopped his motion, assuming   
that it was the wall, ready to pull himself up. His fingers closed   
around a ridged and twirled shaft of red metal, and after a second of   
confusion he closed his right hand around the object completely,   
lurching to his feet while his hand remained beneath the surface. "I   
understand now," he muttered. With a baleful stare at Gendou, he   
pulled the great red spear from beneath the surface of the bloody   
liquid, letting the LCL drip away from it for just a moment.  
  
Even though Gendou was tiny in Neil's eyes, his shock was visible.   
"The Lance of Longinus," gasped the doctor. "Rei, you must accelerate   
Third Impact! Do not allow the First to attack you with that weapon!"  
  
A sound like trumpets pierced the air for a third time, and Neil lunged   
forward, his hands closed around the spear, the twin red prongs   
pointing towards EVA-08. The blue glow of the Eva grew brighter, but   
Neil ignored the snaking bursts of energy, running with all his might,   
knowing in his soul that he had only scant seconds remaining to avert   
the disaster that he knew would come. Focusing, he shoved his AT Field   
outwards, letting it mingle with Rei's and dissipate, leaving both   
machines exposed and vulnerable.  
  
One spear of light stabbed through Neil's chest, another through his   
gut, another through his arm. He froze for half an instant, but then   
ignored it, letting himself keep moving, the pain burning and spurring   
him onward as the wounds bubbled and closed. Rei's hand was clenched   
into a fist now, and bolts pierced him left and right, slashing away   
flesh and armor with alarming speed, slowing Neil's approach. "God is   
coming," the girl said flatly, her eyes burning fiercely. "You will   
not reach me in time."  
  
Words were beyond Neil now, and he could feel his mind dissolving,   
giving in to something far greater and older. Only the barest sliver   
of fear remained, and he ignored it as he shoved the Lance forward, his   
muscles straining against Rei's assault.  
  
EVA-08's eyes widened, then went dark as the lance shattered the Eva's   
armor, the great weapon pushing through its body and shoving it closer   
to Lillith.  
  
Neil could only distantly be away of what was going on, feeling a   
burning storm of pain assault his skin as he pushed on the lance, the   
twirled red metal untwirling into two shafts that continued through   
Rei's body and into Lillith. Not until the spear had passed fully   
through the Second Angel and the cross that it was on did it finally   
stop, and with a last burst of strength Neil gave one last push,   
cracking the cross and sending EVA-08 and Lillith into the glowing sea.  
  
He stood for a moment longer, holding the spear downward, impaling Rei   
and Lillith, before he felt the entire world bleed away into white. A   
momentary picture of Rei standing naked in a field of light flashed   
into his eyes, and he lunged towards her before everything shattered   
into nothing.  
  
]++[  
  
"Energy buildup in Terminal Dogma has persisted!" shouted Makoto, his   
fingers racing across the keyboard, beads of sweat flying from his skin   
as he moved. "There's something approaching Central Dogma at high   
velocity from beyond the atmosphere!"  
  
"EVA-01's S2 organ is at full output! Synch ratio holding steady at   
100%! No sign of activity from Unit 08!" Maya turned towards Ritsuko   
with a panicked expression, obviously aware that something had gone   
wrong. "Dr. Akagi, what are we -"  
  
Ritsuko frowned for a second, then glanced towards Kozou, standing only   
a few feet away. He nodded, and shutting her eyes she flung herself to   
the gray metal floor. "Everybody, get down!" she shouted, putting her   
arms over her head.  
  
The tecnicians around her followed her movements, and a second later   
the entire world seemed to turn upside down. Ritsuko could feel the   
floor beneath her buck upwards and almost fling her off, her body   
sliding across the slick floor into what might have been a wall, Maya   
crying out in pain as her eyes snapped open once again. The entire   
room was shaking in great, violent shudders, the alerts flashing on   
even more intensely as the command level pitched forward.  
  
"God," shouted Kozou, pulling himself to his feet as the force   
subsided, trying his best to balance against the slope of the floor.   
"Makoto! Maya! Get back to your stations! Makoto, pull up a display   
of Lillith's chamber in Terminal Dogma on the main screen! Maya, try   
to eject EVA-01's pilot!"  
  
Clumsily, Ritsuko pulled herself to her feet, her heels slipping   
slightly against the now-sloped floor. Glancing back and forth, she   
could see Makoto and Maya trying to follow Kozou's orders, Makoto   
holding his left arm close against his body, Maya limping slightly as   
she braced herself against the computer console. "That's it?" she   
asked Fuyutsuki, feeling a sharp pain in her right shoulder. "That's   
the end?"  
  
"Not yet," replied the elder man, staring grimly at the main screen.   
EVA-01 was in spasms, its fingers clinging to the haft of the lance as   
it fell to its knees, bolts of light racing across its body. "Gendou   
managed to call God to Earth, but Neil took it from Rei. It's in his   
hands now."  
  
Before Ritsuko could ask another question, she felt the base shudder   
once more, and she could see the force that ran along EVA-01's body   
beginning to lash out intermittently. "This base isn't safe any more,"   
she shouted, forcing herself not to feel the guilt bubbling at the back   
of her mind. "Everyone, move towards the nearest functional exit and   
try to reach the Geo-Front! Evacuate Central Dogma at all costs!"  
  
]++[  
  
Fish. That was what the world consisted of - fish.  
  
His mind was too dull to comprehend anything beyond the existence of   
the fish. They swam around him and apart, and he breathed and moved   
through the dark ocean that had no color for him. A vague taste of   
salt always clawed at his throat, and he could only sate it for a   
moment by plucking out a fish and devouring it. The bones splintered   
under his jaws, the flesh shredded, and the blood slid with it all down   
his throat to his stomach.  
  
None of it affected the pain in the abyss of his stomach, though he   
could only dimly consider the fact that it should. All he knew was   
that it was the way of things to reach out and snatch one of the fishes   
with his appendages - he did not have names for such things - and eat   
them. Names and logical thoughts were alien and foreign to them, and   
though he sometimes felt as though they were important he ignored and   
eschewed them.  
  
All that he was certain of that reached beyond his existence in the   
salty ocean was the fact that there was such a thing as a name, and   
that he might have possessed one at one point. It was an important   
concept, but he could not place it any more concretely than that. So   
he swam and ate, ate and swam, circling around the chance that he might   
have had a name to think of, and time passed.  
  
It was not until he saw the light for the first time that the concept   
of time even made sense to him. There was the ocean, and fish, and   
that was that - nothing changed, not the dim light by which he saw, not   
his hunger, not his strength. But when he saw the speck of something   
different out of the corner of his eyes, he knew that there was   
something unusual going on, something was happening. And once again   
his brain registered the fact that a name was within him.  
  
Thrashing his appendages, he moved himself towards the unknown object,   
one that created the need for names. As he swam, he realized that   
there had to be some way to distinguish, that the simple concepts of   
"self" and "other" and "world" no longer sufficed to define   
everything. It frightened him, but with no concept of fear he   
continued, unaware that he should be given even the slightest pause in   
his movement towards the unknown thing.  
  
With steady motions, he moved about to observe the thing, confused. It   
was similar to him, he could tell - the same appendages in the same   
arrangement, though it lacked his magnificent skin and replaced it with   
something ugly. Its jaws were different, face odd, but it was like   
him, not the fishes - and as he realized this he knew that he was   
different from the fishes, that there had to be something beyond the   
ocean.  
  
A trembling appendage reached out to touch the new thing's skin, and it   
brushed against it lightly. Thoughts clustered in his head as if   
trying to force their way through a small doorway, as if a river was   
waiting just outside.  
  
Color faded into the world, and the pink skin of the thing became   
clear, the wide green eyes, the light yellow hair. And he could see   
his own colors - the purple hand, the black forearm, the green bar that   
proudly proclaimed name. "EVA-01 Test Type," he read silently, his   
brain railing against the identification. "Neil."  
  
Water turned deep orange, and Neil's hands flew to his head, feeling   
the smooth surface of EVA-01's helmet, the ornamental horn, everything   
that he knew all too well. "No," he whispered, moving back as the eyes   
of his body flicked towards him. "This isn't my body. This... this is   
EVA-01!" He turned towards himself, realizing with fright that he was   
the same size as the other. "You!"  
  
"Yes," replied Neil's double, smiling mischeviously. His hands jerked   
out and grabbed the boy by the shoulders, and his mouth opened, the   
teeth great jagged things of red metal, the jaw splitting open to   
swallow Neil's body. Neil kicked and thrashed, then felt the teeth of   
the double tear into him, pulling his body to pieces, the ocean   
swirling around them -  
  
"-NO!-" Everything exploded in a shattering of glass, and Neil found   
himself standing atop a great mountain, clouds torn about its spire,   
his body restored and his plugsuit tight against his skin. His breath   
came quickly, and he fell to his knees, amazed by the view around him,   
mind trying to puzzle out what had happened. Had he been within the   
Eva again? Did he avert Third Impact? Where in the world was he?  
  
A hand brushed against his shoulder, and he sprang to his feet, only   
slowly becoming aware of his environment, the sheer amount of space on   
what should have been a sheer peak. It was arranged almost like a   
theater, clear space all around, with individual spires reaching   
upwards as if remembering a removed peak. In the midst of it stood   
Neil, and staring at him was Kaworu, a thin smile across the boy's face.  
  
"Kaworu?" The name awkwardly tumbled past Neil's lips as he stared at   
the boy, taking a step backwards, his eyes scanning the pale skin half-  
hidden by thick brown robes. "Where are we? What in the world is   
going on?" He paused, then frowned. "Are you really Kaworu?"  
  
"If you like," replied the boy, stepping towards Neil and letting his   
red eyes flash in the sunlight. There was an energy about them,   
invisible but tangible, and it forced Neil backwards as light began to   
stream into the bare peak. "My name is irrelevant."  
  
Light was spilling in and growing in intensity, nearly blinding Neil,   
his feet taking awkward steps backwards as Kaworu walked forward.   
"What's going on?" he shouted, trying to make out the silhouette of the   
boy as the light intensified. "Where am I? Is this Third Impact?"  
  
"Perhaps." An odd echoing quality had seeped into Kaworu's voice, and   
Neil had the distinct sense that the boy would soon vanish into a   
flutter of light, the searing whiteness growing ever brighter around   
them. "You know nothing of the Impact or of what has happened thus   
far; why should you be concerned? Brought into life in dull ignorance,   
so you shall be judged. So shall all of humanity be judged."  
  
Judgement. The concept seemed to flip a switch in Neil's mind, and he   
stopped retreating, finding that he was still being pushed towards the   
edge of the mountain. "No," he commanded, trying to step forward,   
feeling something shoving him backwards. "No! Judge me, but leave the   
others alone!"  
  
Crouching and springing forward, Neil reached his hands out for the now-  
indistinct form of Kaworu, but the other boy raised an arm casually,   
letting Neil slam against the octagonal surface of an AT Field.   
Bounced backwards, Neil felt himself tumble through the air, then the   
field slammed into him once again and sent him flying out through the   
air above the sea of clouds.  
  
The wind whipped around Neil's body as he was cast from the mountain,   
the point of light on the peak growing ever more distant as he began to   
arc downward once again. Panic rose in his gut, and he reached out   
weakly towards the spire, wishing that he had some way to bring himself   
closer once again.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye he saw his other materialize in a beam of   
light, clad in the same dull robes as Kaworu. "You!" shouted Neil,   
trying to move towards the double as they fell along the same path.   
"You're in control here! Help me! What in the world is -"  
  
"I have no power here," replied the other as they plunged through the   
clouds, the beads of moisture whipping against Neil's skin and suit for   
a second before they broke through the cover into a storm of rain.   
Beneath them sprawled a huge desert that seemed to reach forever, rain   
driving towards it with anger. "Not with only half of myself."  
  
"Then how do you complete yourself?" shouted Neil, feeling the ground   
hurtle ever closer. "Tell me! We can't let him stay up there! Third   
Impact - if we don't stop it, everything's going to die!"  
  
Particles of water seemed to fall into slow motion around the pair as   
the other turned towards him slowly. His mouth opened slowly, then   
dissolved into a mass of LCL as the world around Neil jerked itself   
into nothingness, washing away in great waves of the bloody liquid that   
streamed across his vision, heat burning against his skin, handrests   
against his palms, his body feeling oddly unfamiliar.  
  
A sound of wrenching machinery filled the air, and Neil felt the   
cockpit fly backwards, hurtling through the air and flipping end over   
end, the LCL buffering the shock as it slammed down hard and continued   
to tumble. Only when it had ceased moving completely did the liquid   
spray out, leaving Neil alone in the cockpit to cough blood and LCL   
onto the seat.  
  
He was back in his previous clothes - a teal button-down shirt,   
slightly loose jeans, sneakers, nothing unusual. They felt slightly   
tigheter than before, but it seemed to be hardly worth noticing, and it   
was only after a moment of silence that he decided to try and open the   
hatch himself. Reaching up, he gave a slight push on the metal hatch,   
and the curved metal moved away at the gentle force with hardly a   
protest.  
  
The sun struck him in the face as the hatch opened, and he   
instinctively shielded high, thinking only afterwards that he should   
have been still within Terminal Dogma. Pulling himself awkardly to his   
feet, Neil felt a cool breeze wash across his skin as he looked around,   
his green eyes wide with shock.  
  
What was once the Geo-Front seemed to have had the top sliced off -   
instead of the massive cavern it had once been, it was like a gigantic   
bowl carved into the land, with Neil sitting at the center. Metal   
fragments surrounded him, and he could see his Eva standing,   
motionless, the Lance of Longinus still gripped tightly, its pale white   
eyes staring hatefully down into the depths of the wreckage surrounding   
it. The wreck stretched wide around, and at the edges were new pieces   
of machinery that Neil didn't recognize, sectioning off his seeming   
memorial from the tall white buildings that surrounded him.  
  
Climbing weakly out of the cockpit, he jumped down on the loose pile of   
metal shards, then his eyes widened as he noticed a teal-gray piece in   
the wreckage, the unmistakable NERV insignia etched onto it. "This was   
Central Dogma," he gasped, looking back towards EVA-01. "What - how   
could all this have happened?"  
  
As if in response, the chopping noise of helicopter blades filled the   
air, and Neil glanced around for a second to see a small group of   
angular green vehicles flying towards him, the same red NERV insignia   
etched into their wings, twin rotors suspended above them as they swung   
low towards him. He had only second to observe those helicopters   
before he saw more people rushing towards him past the unfamiliar ring   
of buildings surrounding the wreck.  
  
Panic seized Neil in an icy grip, and he began moving towards the Eva,   
unsure of what protection it could offer him but knowing that it had   
responded to him at least once before. Glancing towards his pursuers   
on foot, Neil saw the group more clearly - a red uniform leading a   
group of black, distantly related to the familiar NERV outfit but a few   
steps removed. The fear grew, and he moved more swiftly even as he   
heard the steps behind him, the blades growing louder with every   
passing second.  
  
One step fell on a loose piece of metal, and Neil felt his legs give   
out from underneath him, sending him falling upon the hard pile of   
scrap. He pushed himself roughly to his feet in what seemed like an   
instant, but by that point he knew he had no chance, and he felt a firm   
grip on his shoulder spinning him around.  
  
The red-uniformed officer was smirking, and with a smooth motion she   
removed the beret that sat loosely upon her head, letting her short red   
hair fall free and curl slightly underneath her chin. "We've been   
watching you for long enough now, Third Child." Her arms folded across   
her chest, over the small black badge that indicated her identity and   
rank in the organization. "You didn't think we'd let you get away   
again, did you?"  
  
Neil's eyes widened. The uniform was unfamiliar, though he recognized   
traces of Misato's - the bright blood-red color with golden piping, the   
conservative skirt hovering just above the knees, the triangular zipper   
lowered just enough to be suggestive. The woman, too, wasn't   
familiar. But there was something in the twinkle of her green eyes   
that spoke volumes about her, and Neil felt himself moving closer   
despite himself. "Nieve?"  
  
A single tear rolled down the Irish woman's cheek, and she lunged   
forward to embrace Neil, her dry cheek nuzzling against his. "Thank   
God," she whispered, pulling him as close as she could. "I missed you,   
Neil."  
  
]++[  
  
Four huge, incomprehensible years had passed since the averted Third   
Impact, and all the while the world had deified a hero that had been   
thought dead and alive in turns. Neil was briefed on the whole   
situation by Nieve in one of NERV's VTOL helicopters - as she put it,   
the most convenient method of transportation, since even Niobe wouldn't   
be able to keep the hordes of gawkers away. "They've spent every day   
waiting to see you," she explained, looking through one of the small   
cubic windows towards the ground. "I can sympathize."  
  
It had been one revelation following another, and Neil had been silent   
for most of the ride, only asking questions on the few occassions where   
Nieve was speaking too fast to explain everything that she talked   
about. He was still feeling uncomfortable in his body - he had no   
sense of the massive time shift, and as far as he was concerned he was   
not a twenty-year-old man. But it seemed to be beyond his power to   
change, and he accepted it with all of the dignity he could muster.  
  
Nieve, on the other hand, seemed radiant, and as the helicopter touched   
down just outside the familiar old apartment building he couldn't help   
but be amazed at the way that she'd grown into a radiant woman. The   
winds swirled about her fine red hair, but she ignored it as she led   
Neil off the helicopter, their feet touching down against pavement,   
Neil's eyes flicking back and forth to see the mass of people held back   
by blockades. "They're intent on seeing me, aren't they?" he asked,   
feeling somewhat confused and jamming his hands in his pockets.  
  
"Little chance of them getting through." Nieve smiled and winked, then   
led Neil towards the building, the door opening to allow them both in.   
"Niobe couldn't keep the whole city away from your path, but she could   
keep the building fairly secure. I half-expected Eiko to try and slip   
past her, but obviously she had better things to do."  
  
"She's a reporter now, right?" asked Neil as he followed Nieve into the   
whitewashed building, simply trying to keep everything straight. The   
girl - no, she was a woman now - nodded, leading him towards the silver   
doors of the elevators, past the doors leading to the laundry room and   
the common area without hesitation. "She and Vash are the only ones   
that aren't involved in NERV."  
  
"Vash is peripherally involved, remember?" replied Nieve, the giddy joy   
audible just beneath her voice as she pressed the button for the   
elevator. "Liason between NERV and the Japanese government. And how   
long have he and Eiko been married?"  
  
Neil frowned, then shook his head. Nieve shrugged and laid a hand on   
his shoulder, pulling him with her into the elevator. "It's a trick   
question. They broke it off when she decided to go to college and he   
took his post with the government." The elevator doors slid shut.   
"But let's not talk about them."  
  
Before the boy could say anything, Nieve's body was pressed against   
his, holding him against the slick metal walls of the elevator, her   
lips fumbling against his as her tongue brushed against his. Overcome,   
Neil could only let himself be pinned against the wall, drinking in her   
scent, the familiar odor of the girl mingled with the plastic scent of   
the uniform. His hands embraced her tightly, his tongue returning her   
affections, the kiss seemingly endless until the elevator dinged its   
arrival.  
  
A quick touch of his cheek, and Nieve was off, striding down the   
hallway with determination, the sunlight streaming in from the windows   
as she beckoned Neil to follow. He smiled distantly, then followed   
behind the woman, watching her trace her way towards the same apartment   
that he could still remember so clearly, even though she claimed it had   
been four long years. It was surprising how similar everything seemed,   
even with the changes that Nieve had described.  
  
"Misato left it to me," she explained almost apologetically, turning a   
key in the lock and letting it click open. "I just didn't have the   
heart to leave, not after what happened. I suppose I would have gone   
to work for NERV's Irish branch, but as it was there was nothing else   
for it but -" She paused, then frowned at the boy. "Did I already   
explain this to you?"  
  
"Could have," replied the boy - no, just as Nieve was a woman, he was a   
man, like it or not - as he stepped with her into the familiar   
apartment, slipping off his shoes and kicking them to one side as he   
had grown accustomed to. "I really don't know. Four whole years...   
it's a lot to take in all at once."  
  
"You've got other things to catch up on besides that," replied Nieve,   
beckoning towards the living room as she walked swiftly, a smile of   
obvious intent on her face. Neil blushed, then followed, something   
vaguely disturbed tickling at the back of his mind.  
  
The door to Misato's bedroom was open, and Nieve had unzipped the front   
of her jacket, letting it hang open around her. Neil could see the   
thin lace that caressed her skin beneath the jacket, and something   
unseen gave him a push towards her, his hands reaching out to embrace   
her. "You're beautiful," he whispered. "You always were beautiful."  
  
"Neil..." The woman buried her head in his shoulder for a moment, her   
thin hair tickling his chin. "I haven't been perfectly faithful, you   
know. I've taken lovers... some for work, some not. It was just so   
hard, waiting for you to come back, not knowing if you would." She   
paused, then lifted her head and eyes to meet his. "Do you blame me?"  
  
Smiling, Neil pressed his lips against hers once again, letting his   
tongue dart out and meet hers, the comfort of her touch setting him at   
ease once again. He only dimly understood what was going on, but he   
had faith in Nieve to guide him, and if she had forgiven him he knew it   
would turn out for the best. His words lingered on the tip of his   
tongue as he pulled away, looking her in the eye, mouth half-opening to   
speak.  
  
Then he froze. A shadow, almost invisible, moved across her eyes, and   
Neil felt something within him stir violently. "You're not Nieve," he   
whispered, releasing the woman and staggering backwards.  
  
The woman watched him, confused at first, then seemingly unconcerned,   
her arms falling loosely to her side. In horror, Neil watched as the   
emerald of her eyes seemed to bleed out, replaced by a blood red to   
match her uniform. "No," she replied, her hair beginning to shift hues   
as well. The voice was familiar, but it was not Nieve's.  
  
"Rei," gasped Neil, taking a step backwards as he felt the alien   
quality of his body evaporate. A quick glance told him he was once   
more sixteen, and he began moving backwards more swiftly as Rei   
approached. "How are you -"  
  
"We were created as vessels," Rei said flatly, lunging towards Neil,   
her featues seemingly superimposed over Nieve's. He tumbled aside,   
moving back into the kitchen as she recovered from the missed lunge.   
"Ryo, the Evas, and I... all were meant to be vessels for God to come   
into this world. Gendou planned every step of it."  
  
"Good Lord. Third Impact isn't over." Neil's eyes flashed with anger,   
and he stepped into the kitchen as Rei drew herself up once again.   
"Where are we? What's going on? You set this whole thing into motion,   
you must know how to stop it!"  
  
Nieve's body was beginning to melt into the younger form of Rei, the   
robust but slender limbs being replaced with Rei's thinner and more   
willowy appendages. "God comes to Earth to judge. The Lance of   
Longinus calls him. That was what the council wanted from the   
beginning." She lunged towards Neil once again, moving as if she was a   
marionette, and once more the boy moved clear or her. "But Gendou knew   
that it would bring no peace. He knew that morality had to be purged   
from this world. There is no right or wrong."  
  
Rei's hands flew towards the first drawer she could find, tugging it   
open and drawing forth a pair of knives. Neil's blood ran cold, and he   
gritted his teeth as he caught a flash of light out of the corner of   
his eye. "How did you intend to do that?" he asked, eyeing the girl   
with caution.  
  
"The vessel. Ryo, myself, and the Eva - blank templates to absorb and   
channel God, instead of calling him." She lunged towards the boy with   
the knives in motion, nearly slashing through his sleeve. "But you   
disrupted everything. You called God from us into yourself. He must   
be returned."  
  
Another stab lashed out towards Neil, and instinctively he raised an   
arm, feeling the sharp metal of the knife bite into his skin even as he   
saw the walls around him melt into nothingness. "No," Rei said firmly,   
stabbing towards him with another knife even as he grabbed her wrist.   
The knife went wide, and Neil shoved the girl backwards, disarmed and   
separate from him. Her clothes now hung loose around her, but she   
seemed to barely notice. "You will not escape me, not now that you -"  
  
Without another word, the girl's body burst into LCL, and the room   
melted into a pure field of light as Neil tugged out the knife from his   
arm. The wound bled for a moment, then seemed to seal over itself, and   
with a relieved sigh he discarded the weapon into the nothingness.   
"Third Impact hasn't ended," he muttered, glancing around the light,   
trying to find some kind of guide. "She said that she and Ryo were   
supposed to be a vessel for God... I've got to figure out what the hell   
they're talking about. It can't actually be... God."  
  
"So certain?" The voice of the other was mocking as Neil whirled to   
face him. He was still clad in the dark robes from before, but the   
Lance of Longinus was slung across his shoulders, his arms holding it   
in place as if it was a feather weight. "You presume much to know the   
ways of a deity."  
  
"Don't try to mock me," replied Neil, stepping towards his double   
resolutely. "NERV is all about science. It's about understanding the   
Angels and the Second Impact. We might be dealing with things beyond   
human comprehension, but they're just -called- Angels."  
  
"Oh? You know nothing, Neil. You didn't even know what the Third   
Impact was until you were told." A sinister grin spread across the   
face of the other as he slung the spear off of his shoulders. "Who   
named them Angels, Neil? Who began all of this? It was the same   
organization that you fight against now. NERV, Gehirn, SEELE... call   
them whatever you want. They were devout then, and they are devout   
now."  
  
Neil's eyes went wide at the concept, but he shook his head even as he   
felt icy winds begin to bite into his skin. There was snow beginning   
to whip through the air as the light faded, and Neil could feel the   
chill. "How would you know any of this?" he asked. "Who are you?"  
  
"Your fairy godfather. Whatever I am, Neil, that's beside the point."   
The other boy smiled and leveled the great red spear at him even as the   
landscape became clear, the barren fields of Antarctica. "I'm not on   
trial here. I'm not even the judge. You're the one under examination,   
and you need to stop stumbling around and get to the heart of the   
matter."  
  
"Examination...?" A light was growing in the skies, and Neil could see   
the form of something female hurtling down from the atmosphere. Though   
he knew he remained in the same spot, he could see her more clearly -   
gargantuan, white as a bone, holding the great twined red spear that he   
remembered so clearly. And he could see her destination, recognized it   
even without the armor. Involuntarily, he gasped.  
  
"Lillith was called. Humanity's trial began. They were to produce   
their best and brightest in this era, to overcome obstacles and serve   
the will of God." The double smiled as Neil felt himself hurled back   
into his place. "But Ikari found a way to cheat the process. Shame   
that it's backfired on him. Now you're in control of the whole thing,   
and I have to say that I don't think you're up to it."  
  
For a moment, Neil gaped, then he frowned and lunged towards the   
double, stepping away from the spear's tip even as he shoved it away.   
"You got me into this!" he shouted. "You're the one that gave me   
control of the Eva when it was shut down, when I should have just sat   
there."  
  
"And I was to know that you would use the Lance without thinking? I   
was to assume that you would take things so thoroughly into your own   
hands?" The double smiled, then let his lance drop. "Irrelevant.   
Face yourself, Neil. I suppose there's nothing else for it. Look,   
it's starting."  
  
The meaning of the words was lost on Neil for a moment before he saw a   
great pillar of light erupt into the sky, spreading into the shape of a   
cross as the shockwave expanded and consumed. In a drift of snow, the   
double vanished, and Neil could do nothing but watch as the Second   
Impact played out before his eyes, the pure force washing over him and   
sending daggers of hate through his mind.  
  
]++[  
  
"God DAMN it, Neil!" screamed Nieve, pulling with all her strength   
against the slowly yielding remains of her restraints, feeling the hard   
pressure on her arm as she struggled for freedom. Then another shock   
rocked the world around her, and she felt her arm burst free, provoking   
a shout of triumph. Smiling as she flexed the newly-freed arm, she   
disengaged the remaining restraints from her body, awkwardly climbing   
free as she surveyed the room.  
  
It had fallen at least seven levels, metal twisting beneath them as the   
base seemed to fall apart around them. The only visible exit was the   
wrecked hole that Neil had made earlier - the doors were jammed shut by   
wreckage, and Nieve could still see traces of dark red blood that   
trickled in from that mass of wreckage. "All right," she announced,   
glancing at the other Children and Misato. "Everyone still conscious?"  
  
Weak nods came in assent, and giving a replying nod Nieve set about   
undoing Misato's restraints, letting the woman step down and wordlessly   
signaling for her help. Between the two of them, it was only a matter   
of a minute before the Children were freed from their constraints,   
though Niobe hung loosely in Misato's grip, obviously still strained by   
the act of walking.  
  
"Central Dogma is falling," announced Ryo flatly as he looked around,   
his eyes peering out over the twisted masses of metal that had once   
been the familiar teal-gray corridors of the base. "We need to get out   
of here right away. Third Impact... it will kill us, this far from the   
center of operations."  
  
"Are you serious? Neil is still down there?" Nieve's voice was   
frantic, her eyes flicking between the other Children, obviously   
searching for support. "We can't just leave him alone! He's fighting   
for us! We've got to try and reach the hangars, and -"  
  
"No way of knowing that the Evas will even be working if we get there,"   
replied Ryo, shaking his head firmly. Something authoritative had come   
over him, as though he was finally sure of himself in the midst of the   
chaos. "Gendou disabled all of them, I would imagine. EVA-01 is a   
special case. Neil is on his own this time."  
  
Nieve's eyes flashed again. She remembered the awkward pale boy that   
had once seemed so caring towards her lover, and couldn't help but feel   
a lump of bitterness forming in her chest. Closing her eyes for a   
second, she turned towards the hole in the room. "Fine. Escape." Her   
eyes snapped open in time to see another shattered piece of machinery   
plummet down towards Terminal Dogma. "I'm going down there. I have to   
go to Neil."  
  
Misato's hand rested firmly on the girl's shoulder, and Nieve was ready   
to shout a protest before she realized that the woman didn't look about   
to scold. "All of you, get out of here," she said firmly. "Evacuate   
as far from the Geo-Front as possible. Ryo, you should know the escape   
routes well enough, even in this chaos." She paused. "Nieve and I are   
going to Terminal Dogma. We have to."  
  
Vash stepped forward, his blue eyes flashing as sparks of electricity   
flew through the wrecked corridors and fell gently from the fluorescent   
lights in their room. "I'll go with you," he said firmly. "Neil...   
Neil's a friend. We all should go down and -"  
  
"That was an -order-, Vash," snapped Nieve, staring the boy in the eye   
for a moment. She could see a momentary anger pass across the surface   
of his eyes, then it faded into acceptance, the first time that she   
could remember seeing him back down. "You need to focus on getting   
Niobe out of here. She still can't walk that well."  
  
Nodding, Vash reached out to take Niobe, but she forced his hands away,   
staggering into a vaguely stable standing position, but swaying as if   
pushed by an unseen force. "I will walk out of here under my own   
power," she said firmly. "I can do that much."  
  
Ryo's eyes met hers for a moment, and stepping forward he took her in   
his arms, ignoring her indignant squawk as he forced her to lean on him   
for support. "Come on," he said, jerking his head towards the right as   
Eiko and Vash approached the hole in the room. "We're probably low   
enough now to try and reach one of the emergency access tunnels, but I   
wouldn't count on it just yet. Step lightly."  
  
The four Children disappeared down the hallway, leaving only Nieve and   
Misato in the room, their eyes meeting in a brief and almost guilty   
glance. "Any idea how to get to Terminal Dogma from here?" she asked,   
glancing down the abyss that Neil had carved for himself. "I doubt   
that any of the elevators are still working on this level, and it looks   
like the others took the only viable path."  
  
Misato looked down, then nodded to nobody, as if she approved of the   
damage visited upon the facility. Removing her jacket, she knelt and   
began slashing it upon the first shard of metal she could find, cutting   
through the red fabric as sweat beaded across her brow. Nieve could   
only watch as she tore it into four strips, holding onto a pair and   
handing two to the girl. "The floors look like they can work as decent   
ladder rungs for a ways," she explained, wrapping one strip around her   
left hand. "Wrap those around your hands and follow me. And be   
careful - this stuff can cut you."  
  
"I'll lead," replied Nieve firmly, bunching the fabric around her hand   
and stepping to the edge of Neil's tunnel straight down. Turning her   
back towards it, she felt with her feet for the least jagged point,   
then began her descent, her hands gripping the metal surface even as   
she felt it shudder in her grip. "Hurry! This might not last much   
longer!"  
  
No sooner had the elder woman nodded and begun her descent than the   
base rocked violently once again, a shaft of light piercing the metal   
only a few feet away from where they climbed. The entire thing tilted   
and groaned, and Nieve felt the world lurch into slow motion as she   
lost her grip, fumbling for a second before falling backwards, Misato   
following close after. They were falling towards Terminal Dogma.  
  
Air whipping past her, Nieve felt panic sieze her as she glanced down,   
seeing only brilliant red and white flashes that did little to   
alleviate her concerns. "Out of my hands again," she muttered to   
herself, feeling oddly disconnected as she fell ever closer, the teal-  
gray being replaced with stark black only seconds before a great wave   
of LCL burst up and swallowed her and Misato.  
  
Her motion seemed to stop for a moment, then reverse, then turn back   
towards the ground, as if unseen hands gripped and pulled her. There   
were glittering specks all around her, obscuring her vision even as she   
felt herself plunge deep into the liquid, her arms and legs kicking   
fiercely to bring her back to the surface without even stopping to   
think if there was a surface. Waves beat her back and down, and she   
let out a silent cry as she burst back about the salty liquid, her hair   
trailing behind her in a wet mass.  
  
The LCL seemed almost to leap out of her lungs as she stared at Neil's   
machine, its jaws hanging open, the entire body still seeming to force   
down on the lance as if trying to drive it still deeper. Light poured   
out of it, a green flicker from the eyes almost lost amidst the shafts   
that filled the room. "Neil?" she whispered.  
  
"It's no use," came Gendou's voice, now hoarse and defeated. Nieve   
whirled her head towards the slim black walkway not far from her   
position, beginning to swim towards it as she watched the commander.   
"I've been trying to call to him all this time. He's already started   
Third Impact inside of himself. Everything rests in Neil's hands."  
  
Misato reached the platform first, climbing up and grabbing Gendou's   
collar, yanking the man towards her as she slapped him. "What in the   
hell do you -mean- it's in his hands?" she screamed, one hand clenching   
tight enough around his collar for her knuckles to turn white, the   
other waving frantically towards the Evas. "How do you -stop- this   
Impact?"  
  
"Silly woman. You -can't- stop the Impacts. They're out of our   
control." Gendou was trying to retain his imperious air, but despite   
all of the light flooding the room his glasses failed to reflect even a   
bit of it. His thin eyes were entirely visible, and they were afraid.   
"Rei, Ryo, and EVA-08... they're blanks. No morality whatsoever. They   
were to give God a judgement to pass, to use his power to remove our   
self-imposed shackles, to -"  
  
"-Brainwash- the planet?" screamed Misato, gripping the man's collar   
with both hands, whirling him around dangerously close to the LCL as   
Nieve climbed onto the platform. "Tell me how to stop this, Gendou, or   
I swear to God I will drown you long before you see the end of Third   
Impact."  
  
"It's LCL. Oxygenated." Gendou reached up and adjusted his glasses,   
still looking pitiful in Misato's grip. "And if we could simply roll   
back the clock and stop this, I would. But the only one in charge of   
the process now is Neil." He sighed. "The only chance left to Rei is   
to reassert her control over the process and finish our task."  
  
"And what about -Neil-?" asked Nieve, trying to shake the LCL out of   
her clothes and hair, painfully aware of her complete loss of control.   
"What's going to happen to him?"  
  
"No idea," replied Gendou flatly, his eyes flicking towards the Evas   
and the Angel, visible through the light that crackled around them.   
"The entire process was flawless, and he disrupted it. We were going   
to free the souls of humanity, and now... Neil might well destroy us   
all."  
  
Cold cut through Nieve's skin, and she stepped hesitantly towards EVA-  
01, the great golem's body still seeming to move despite its perfect   
stillness. "Neil..." She could remember the pain on his face as   
though it had been a second earlier, the way that he had gotten into   
the cockpit with such grim acceptance. Words caught in her throat, and   
all she managed was a small coughing noise before she fell to her   
knees, eyes fixed on the glowing green eyes of his machine.  
  
]++[  
  
Maya and Makoto were still chanting off data from the pieces of   
equipment they'd managed to salvage, shouting it to whatever officer   
Kozou had delegated authority to. The old man didn't care. He had   
seen Ritsuko wander away from the field that they had set up their   
temporary base on, into the lush green woods of the Geo-Front. It   
seemed to him that there was nothing else to do but follow her, to try   
and say something to her, to let her know what he needed to tell her.  
  
Despite the light spilling out of the shattering pyramid that was   
Central Dogma, the woods were still surprisingly dark, devoid of life   
but feeling alive as Kozou stepped into them. The trees almost seemed   
to try and caress him with their branches as he moved through them, the   
dark green leaves brushing against him as he walked. Any other time,   
he would have appreciated the beauty of the artificial environment, but   
now he was simply trying to find a needle in a haystack, passing   
through branch and leaf with quick glances around, wishing that he knew   
more about tracking others in the woods.  
  
It wasn't until he heard the sharp intake of her breath that he finally   
began heading in the right direction, through the underbrush towards   
her. She had found a small clearing, not small enough for the canopy   
to break significantly but large enough for her to sit down   
comfortably. "We were worried about you," Kozou said awkwardly,   
stepping towards her.  
  
"How sweet." Her eyes were closed, now devoid of the eyeshadow that   
she had always used. Kozou's eyes flicked to a small tissue next to   
her, smeared with dark blue and red. "You don't need to worry about   
me, you know. Third Impact is the priority. We have to... well, help   
Gendou or hurt him, try to do something."  
  
"You're the head of the technical department. You're the one who's   
supposed to decide on these things." He knelt beside her, watching her   
face carefully. "What do you think we should do?"  
  
"Don't patronize me, Dr. Fuyutsuki. I know already." A small tear   
beaded at the corner of her eye, but she shook her head with a quick   
twitch, sending it flying off into nowhere. "The great, professional   
Ritsuko Akagi is nothing more than a shallow teenage girl. Say it if   
you'd like."  
  
Her bitterness hit Kozou like a slap across the face, and he frowned,   
edging slightly closer to her. "I didn't mean it that way," he said,   
voice breaking slightly. "Don't put words in my mouth."  
  
Ritsuko smiled bitterly. "We're not equals, doctor. You'd be right to   
be unimpressed with me." The smile melted into nothingness. "I signed   
away the world. I knew the burden that was on me and threw it all to   
the wind for a chance to prove something utterly insignificant.   
Whatever happens to me, I deserve far worse than this."  
  
"That's not true. It wasn't your responsibility to stop this." Half a   
word began to come from Kozou's throat, but it caught and refused to   
budge, and he settled for simply sighing and trying again. "You did   
everything right. Better than you had to."  
  
"Like my mother, right? Of course I was. We're the exact same   
person." A slow, hissing sigh escaped her lips between clenched   
teeth. "I always thought the problem with her was that she felt all   
the wrong things. I thought that if you just cut feelings out of the   
equation..."  
  
"I know." Again, the words caught in the old man's throat, and he   
became acutely aware for a moment of how ridiculous he looked.   
Shuddering a bit, he edged closer to the woman. "Ritsuko... I've had   
the privelege to work with both of you. You're both brilliant women,   
driven, self-aware... I would have loved to teach you. It's a shame   
that I was already working for Gehirn when we met."  
  
"Probably better you didn't teach me. I'd be disappointing you." She   
sniffled, pulling her knees up closer to her chest. "What a sham I   
was. And all the while I was calling Misato the imbecile..."  
  
Kozou let his eyes shut for a moment, then reached out one hand to the   
woman's shoulder, squeezing it just enough to draw her attention. Her   
eyes opened, trembling under the intermittent light, beautiful blue-  
gray orbs that seemed to lay her soul bare. "You did your best," he   
said, feeling his words come out awkwardly. "I would be - I am - proud   
of you."  
  
"Thank you," whispered Ritsuko, her body trembling slightly. "Dr.   
Fuyutsuki... Kozou... I just wanted... I didn't want another girl to   
have to go through my mother... the way that she..."  
  
Something snapped inside the man, and he reached over to Ritsuko,   
drawing her close as her tears began to flow in earnest. "It's all   
right," he whispered, drawing them both to their feet, light flashing   
above into the pattern of a cross. "You're forgiven."  
  
]++[  
  
Yui's form was huddled into a small ball at the far corner of the dark   
room, shuddering in the cold, her skin bare and almost radiant beneath   
the lone light source. It took a moment for Neil to even realize that   
she was there, another moment to full regain control of his body,   
feeling the plugsuit clinging tight to his skin, the chill of the room   
cutting past the thin fabric. Taking hesitant steps towards the woman,   
he glanced about for something to voer her with, something to alleviate   
her pain. "Yui?"  
  
"I can't help any more, Neil," whispered the woman, her teeth   
chattering. "I brought you the Eva. I pulled you back to the   
machine. I've used all of my strength, and I've seen everything." She   
shuddered. "I don't want to be a part of this any longer."  
  
A connection drew through Neil's mind, and he crouched beside her,   
placing his hand gently on her shoulder. "Yui Ikari. I never made the   
connection." He sighed. "You know what Gendou's trying to do, don't   
you? Instigating Third Impact?"  
  
"Of course I know," replied Yui, shuddering enough to throw off Neil's   
hand from her shoulder. "That was what we were trying for from the   
beginning. Didn't you understand that?"  
  
Neil said nothing, still kneeling beside Yui, looking at her   
expectantly. "Yui, please. I don't know why you wanted to end the   
world, but I need your help to stop this. You can't honestly think   
that Gendou's doing the right thing now, not if you're seeing   
everything. He wants to -"  
  
"Brainwash everyone," replied Yui weakly, shaking her head, her brown   
hair skimming lightly along the pale skin of her neck. "It's not what   
we wanted. Maybe we were never really after the same thing. But..."   
She paused. "I'm out of power. I don't have anything left to give.   
Just leave me alone."  
  
"Come on, Yui!" shouted Neil, grabbing her shoulders by both hands and   
squeezing tightly. She let out a small yelp, but he didn't relent.   
"Please... I don't want to hurt people any more. I'm trying to stop   
this, but I need your help."  
  
A bitter laughter cut through the chilled air, and Neil whirled around   
to see Kaworu standing not far from him, still clad in the dark brown   
robes from high on the mountain. His eyes no longer looked at all like   
Kaworu's - a swirling mass of green and red, mingling and dancing back   
and forth. "How can you say that you don't want to hurt people in a   
situation like this?" he asked mockingly, stepping towards Neil,   
letting his robes flutter around him.  
  
Neil was already on his feet, and he glanced quickly down to make sure   
that Yui was all right only to discover that she had already vanished.   
It was only him and Kaworu in the room, a thought that filled him with   
a crystal panic. "Who are you?" he asked, stepping towards the other   
boy, feeling dangerously alone.  
  
Kaworu didn't answer him, simply raised a hand, letting the empty room   
wash away as if it had never been there at all. They stood instead   
atop a tall building, hail falling around them, bouncing lightly off   
Kaworu's AT field that shimmered in the absolute blackness around   
them. "You're rather hypocritical, Neil. You do realize that, don't   
you? You understand how much you truly hurt the people around you?"  
  
Realizing immediately where they stood, Neil needed only to flick his   
eyes towards the horizon to see the black form of EVA-03 approaching,   
arms long and distended, the Angel's presence clear in his memory if   
not from the golem's appearance. "This was something that had to be   
done," he replied grimly. "Vash was trapped inside of an Angel. I had   
to destroy the Angel to save him and everyone else."  
  
"And you crushed the entry plug," finished Kaworu, stepping towards   
Neil slowly. "Why did you do that, Third Child? You knew that the   
Angel was destroyed. There was no need. No justification."  
  
"I..." Neil let his eyes shut, his arms wrapping around his chest   
unconsciously. "I lost control of the Eva. It went berserk, and it   
crushed the plug on its own. There was nothing that I could do."  
  
"Of course," replied the other boy, making no pretense about believing   
him. "But that's not the important thing, and you know it. Even if it   
had gone berserk... there's a reason that you were afraid when you were   
coming back down to Central Dogma, wasn't there?"  
  
"Go to hell," snapped Neil, eyes snapping open, flashing a brilliant   
green as a blue-white stroke of lightning tore open the sky overhead.  
  
"You knew that it wasn't important if the Eva went berserk or not.   
Because you knew immediately that it hadn't done anything that you   
didn't want it to." Kaworu's smile widened past the point that human   
lips could sustain the grin, his eyes growing wider as his iris and   
pupil shrank. "That's it, isn't it? You wanted Koji Nekasa to die.   
Because even if it was by your hand, that meant that Eiko was -"  
  
"Shut up!" shouted Neil, flinging himself at Kaworu and feeling a burst   
of red anger as the AT Field held him back. His fists slammed against   
the octagonal field, and his fingers began to dig against its surface,   
trying to pry it open as he'd done before. "I did the right thing! If   
I hadn't beaten the Angel, Gendou would have gotten me to do it some   
other way!"  
  
"How do you know? He never got the chance." Kaworu's smile spread   
even more, and with a cry of anger Neil felt the AT Field surrounding   
the white-haired boy crumble into dust. Without hesitation, Neil   
brought his hands around the Kaworu-thing's throat, pulling his fingers   
as tight as he could as the other boy flailed.  
  
"You don't understand," he hissed. "You don't understand any of it. I   
did the right thing. Even if my reasons were wrong, isn't it enough   
that I did what was right?"  
  
The thing in his hands smiled, then dissolved into LCL, running down   
Neil's arms thickly, pooling at his feet as the world faded around   
him. Wood replaced concrete, yellow walls replaced the dark expanse of   
sky, light replaced darkness, shirt and jeans replaced plugsuit. Still   
the LCL ran down the boy's arms, soaking through his shirt to the skin,   
sending a shudder through his body as he glanced around.  
  
Misato's apartment seemed empty, at once a welcome relief and a cause   
for fear. Creeping towards the kitchen, he looked for the silverware   
drawer, deathly afraid of being attacked once again. His feet made a   
squishing noise as he walked to the drawer, flinging it open and   
grabbing the first knife he could find, his hand wrapping tightly   
around the handle.  
  
"Quite the protector, aren't you?" The other's voice rang clear, and   
Neil sprang to the ready, expecting the double to be wielding his spear   
once again. This time, though, he wore the same clothes as Neil, no   
knife or spear in sight, only a hateful glow in his emerald eyes.   
"You're in an apartment, and you grab for a weapon. First instinct.   
Why don't you admit to yourself what you are?"  
  
"I -have-," snapped Neil, tears trickling to his eyes as he started   
towards the double. "I'm a monster, remember? Anything that it takes   
to save the world around me." His thumb shifted against the handle of   
the knife, struggling to get in the best grip to stab with it.  
  
Shaking his head, the double rushed forward, grabbing Neil's wrists   
effortlessly, disarming the boy and flinging him away towards the   
wall. Neil felt the hard impact of Nieve's door against his back, felt   
the wood splinter as he slumped to the ground. "Stop trying to play   
the martyr, boy," he hissed, crouching as he looked Neil in the eye.   
"You know you love it."  
  
"I..." Neil's vision swam as he tried to stand once again, and for a   
moment he could see Nieve from the corner of his eye, inexplicably tiny   
against an ocean of light, her hands gripped around something unnamed.   
Then it faded, and he was back in Misato's apartment, now standing, now   
with the same red dagger as before resting in his hand. "I don't! I   
don't want anything to do with it! I don't have a choice!"  
  
"Oh, the hell you don't. We all have choices, Neil. Be an adult and   
accept that." The double smirked, then stood and lunged at Neil,   
crashing into the boy and the door, sending both shuddering into   
Nieve's room. It was pitch-black in the room save for shafts of   
moonlight, tracing odd spots of the room as the double approached and   
Neil struggled to ready himself. "It's your morals that keep you in   
the Eva, not any kind of force. You could stop any time that you   
wanted to."  
  
The double rushed forward with his knife, eyes flashing with a tangible   
light as Neil jerked aside. "I have to protect people!" shouted Neil,   
dancing about the room as his double moved like a snake, lashing out   
with the bright red weapon over and over, tracing thin paths through   
the moonlight. "What kind of person would I be otherwise? How the   
hell can I -"  
  
"Be quiet, Neil. You don't protect people." The other's voice was   
oddly dispassionate despite the maniac grin on his face, the frenzied   
way he lashed out with the knife, sending Neil staggering around as the   
world spun about. "Asking Yui to help you when she says she's got   
nothing left? You know that she'd have to sacrifice herself to save   
you? Or does this just not occur to you?"  
  
"Yui -" Once again, Neil found himself cut short, his double dropping   
him to the floor with a quick sweep of his leg, everything around him   
losing focus. Blood swirled around his eyes, cloaking everything in   
thick drops, the vague pattern of Rei's profile appearing in the   
ceiling. His head slammed against the wood hard, and the other   
straddled him, gripping the knife tightly and pressing the tips against   
Neil's chest.  
  
Neil let out a small gasp, and the other drew the dagger down Neil's   
chest in a swift motion, snapping the buttons from his shirt and   
provoking a thin red line of blood. Tossing the dagger casually over   
his shoulder, the other bent over, touching his tongue against the   
blood, smiling broadly.  
  
Pain seared through Neil's bloodstream, forcing his body into quick   
convlusions as if he'd been filled with liquid flame. The feeling of   
the other's body against him shifted, but he barely noticed, reaching   
down to the head, forcing his fingers to grip tightly, letting his   
nails bite skin. "Get off of me!" he shouted, struggling as he heard   
the slow noise of drinking, revulsion bubbling in his stomach.  
  
With a wrenching force, he pushed the other off of him, forcing it into   
a sitting position as Neil gasped. Nieve was kneeling before him,   
naked, blood smeared across her lips, a suggestive smile playing across   
her face. Her lips parted slightly, and a dribble of LCL followed,   
dripping along her body with slow deliberation. "Is this what you want   
to see, Neil? This girl?"  
  
It was the other's voice, and a cold sweat came across Neil as he felt   
the soft touch of another hand on his cheek. Flicking his eyes towards   
the source, he saw Eiko and Misato crouching beside him, both naked,   
the same smile on their lips as on Nieve's. "What about the other   
girl? Or the woman? You want all three of them, don't you? Think you   
have some sort of right to have them?"  
  
"-Stop-!" Neil snapped, forcing Nieve off of him, sending her tumbling   
to the floor as he pulled himself to his feet. Eiko and Misato reached   
out and grabbed at him, holding his wrist and waist even as he tried to   
run, Nieve slowly raising to her feet. "What the hell are you trying   
to -prove-?"  
  
"That you're an idiot," replied the voice, now coming from nowhere and   
everywhere at once. The room dissolved into blood, but the women   
remained, holding Neil in place, drawing him closer. Nieve's fingers   
were slowly easy across the waist of his jeans, tickling at the zipper   
casually. "You enjoy hurting them, don't you? Especially this one?"  
  
Grunting, Neil tore himself free, shoving Nieve to the ground, now the   
cold metal floor of Central Dogma, fluorescent lights casting her   
nudity in an unflattering light. "I stopped hurting Nieve!" he   
screamed, running down the corridor, glancing over his shoulder quickly   
to see the trio catching up with him. "I tried not to hurt her! I did   
the right thing!"  
  
"How long do you plan on hiding behind that excuse?" Neil's eyes   
flicked back to the end of the corridor to see another trio waiting for   
him, moving towards him casually. "You hurt her, and yet you stayed   
with her because it hurt her more. You hurt her again by leaving her   
behind. No matter what you do, you cause her pain."  
  
"It's not my fault!" shouted Neil in response, holding his arms above   
his head and slamming through the line of women, slowing only slightly   
as he hurled himself down another corridor. He could hear the slap of   
bare skin on metal as the pursuit continued, sending a dagger of fear   
through his chest.  
  
"'Not your fault,' indeed. What's not your fault, Neil? The fact that   
you hurt the people around you no matter what you do?" He could see   
the outlines of more women in front of him, and glancing behind himself   
he knew that there were still more following him. "You don't want   
responsibility, that's all. But you're more than willing to take their   
affections, aren't you? Would take all of them if you thought you   
could get away with it?"  
  
The boy never had a chance to answer as he felt a wave of naked skin   
wash into him, hands running along every part of his body, his clothing   
seeming almost to melt away. Misato, Nieve, and Eiko writhed around   
him in numbers almost imperceivable, and he could see them licking   
their lips, saw the hints of pointed teeth beneath their lips, the mark   
of hunger. A wave of mixed joy and pain washed over him, and it was   
all he could do to scream and struggle as his limbs lost feeling...  
  
]++[  
  
"Neil." The voice was curt without being hateful, and Neil slowly   
opened his eyes, the haze of darkness slowly lifting to reveal rolling   
green hills around him. They stretched off into the horizon to meet a   
field of perfect blue sky, no speck of clouds to stand between the   
hills and the high sun in the sky. Blinking slowly, Neil stood,   
looking around to find the source of the voice.  
  
Rei stood only a few feet away, a white robe blowing around her body in   
a gentle breeze, the fabric too thin to concel her body beneath. Neil   
felt the same clothes on his body as he recoiled from the girl,   
balancing on the balls of his feet as he glanced around for some kind   
of weapon. "What do you want?"  
  
"You," replied Rei, stepping towards him gently. A thin smile drew   
across her face, her eyes glittering in the sunlight as she reached   
towards the boy. "I don't want to fight you, Neil. Not any more.   
We're both Children; we should be working together."  
  
Hesitating for a moment, Neil continued stepping backwards, his feet   
bare against the tickling blades of grass. Rei seemed unconcerned,   
still walking towards him, her arm painfully white against the bright   
light of the sun. Biting his lower lip, Neil stayed in place for a   
moment, then reached out and took her hand, the soft chill of her skin   
surprising him.  
  
Surprisingly enough, the girl's lips split into a true smile as she   
looked up towards the sun, still walking closer to Neil. "I knew that   
you'd understand," she whispered. "You were the only one who tried to   
reach me, you know. Everyone else ignored me."  
  
"We don't have time to talk about that," replied Neil, half-expecting   
the double or Kaworu to materialize in front of him. "I have to stop   
Third Impact. It must still be going on... there's still time to keep   
it from happening, to keep Gendou from -"  
  
"Maybe there isn't," replied Rei calmly, drawing Neil close to her with   
surprising strength. Her skin was softer than feathers, carrying the   
slightest chill about it, the deep scent of blood mingled with   
perfume. "We weren't outside when the Impact began. Perhaps we'll   
never be able to return."  
  
The thought hadn't occurred to Neil, but as he stared into Rei's eyes   
he felt something tug within him. Closing his eyes, he struggled to   
find some way of knowing how much time had passed, whether or not he'd   
already failed in his task. Releasing Rei's hand, he pulled away,   
sinking to his knees against the soft grass, breathing in deeply. "Do   
you really believe that?" he asked reluctantly, bowing his head forward.  
  
"I have no way of knowing." She paused, then he heard the soft rustle   
of plant and robe as she sat down beside him. "It may be best if we're   
removed from the equation, however. We don't need the world to live a   
perfect life here, inside of our Evas."  
  
Neil's eyes opened again weakly, the scent of the girl beside him   
drifting into his nose once again. "I failed again," he whispered,   
shaking his head. "The last chance I had to really do something right,   
and I... I screwed it all up again."  
  
Rei place her hand gently on Neil's shoulder, but she didn't notice his   
hands clenching into fists, his brow furrowing in anger. Letting out a   
shout, he sprang to his feet and flung himself forward, flying in the   
open air for a moment before tumbling down the gently rolling hill, the   
earth soft enough to cushion his fall, world spinning around in passes   
of green and blue. Resting on his side, he pulled himself back to his   
feet once again, crying out in rage, clenching his fists tight enough   
for his knuckles to go white, falling to his knees and slamming his   
hands against the ground.  
  
Tears formed in his eyes, and he distantly felt Rei approaching from   
behind him as the slow drops of water fell from his eyes, splattering   
against the white robe that clung to him. "I can't do anything right,"   
he hissed, feeling the futility of his rage with pained clarity. "I   
knew that I was a monster, but I... I can't even -try- to do anything   
good. It always goes wrong."  
  
A soft pressure against his back let him know that Rei was there, and   
he shuddered slightly as the chill of her skin cut through his own,   
expecting a warmth to accompany the soft touch. "It's all right,   
Neil," she whispered, rubbing her cheek against the back of his head,   
her arms encircling his shoulders. "We're not in that world any   
longer. You don't have to worry any more."  
  
"Of course I do. Rei... some things are just right, and some things   
are just wrong. What Gendou wants - wanted - to do... it wouldn't   
change that fact." He sighed. "People would still die, feel sorrow,   
try to come to terms with things, have limited resources... morals are   
a part of human life."  
  
"No." The soft pressure against the back of Neil's neck didn't   
register as a kiss until a second afterwards, and he felt a hot flush   
run through his face. "We impose it on ourselves, but we don't need   
it. Don't you think that people are basically good? What do you think   
would be corrupting them if not morals?"  
  
"I... I don't know. I don't know anything." Neil sighed, the tears   
slowing. "Rei... I don't know what you want from me. I don't know   
what you're expecting me to do. But you shouldn't rely on me to do   
anything right, not when I -"  
  
"Shh," whispered the girl, lifting herself away from Neil's back,   
leaving him mometarily confused before he felt her pulling him down,   
forcing him to lie flat against the grass, staring into the sky for   
only a second before she lay on top of him. "You can't do anything   
that's wrong. There is no right or wrong. Who's to say to us that   
we're doing anything wrong, in our own little world?"  
  
There was something odd in the girl's voice, but Neil didn't feel the   
same clawing at the back of his soul that the other's presence gave   
him. He began to think about what it might be, but before he had the   
chance Rei had already pressed her lips against his, letting her small   
pink tongue dart out to part his lips. Again the oddity of her actions   
struck him, but he hardly had the energy to fight any longer, and so he   
simply answered her kiss in kind.  
  
"Anything that you want, I can be," she whispered. Her voice sounded   
heady with emotion, and Neil's eyes widened slightly to see the genuine   
desire rolling across her bright red eyes. "I'll be your woman, you'll   
be my man. We'll make a wonderful land here, where nothing hurts any   
more."  
  
Exhaustion was seeping through Neil like water through cloth, and his   
eyes began to drift closed as he felt Rei move on top of him, the pain   
of the earlier moments passing from him effortlessly. Perhaps it was   
best that he couldn't go back - he'd never have accomplished anything   
anyways. At least here he could be with Rei, be free of doing things   
wrong. "Nice," he whispered, the girl's body shifting to an upright   
position on top of him, a smile tracing across his face as he felt her   
hips lock around his waist.  
  
"You don't actually believe that, do you?"  
  
It was the other's voice, whispering in his ears and jerking him to   
attention, his eyes flying open and his arms raising reflexively.   
Rei's arm shuddered to a stop as his fingers wrapped around her wrist,   
her hand clenched tightly around the familiar red dagger, her eyes   
flashing with anger at the sight of the boy.  
  
Giving a small noise of frustration, Rei tried to force the dagger   
down, but Neil pushed upward, forcing her back off of him, his free   
hand clutching at her hand and struggling to release the dagger from   
her grasp. "You're going to ruin everything," she snarled, struggling   
to pull her hand clear, the grass around them growing darker. "You're   
causing the same judgement we were trying to avoid. You have to let   
go, -now-."  
  
Neil had no words to respond, and so he simply gave one final jerk and   
pulled the dagger free, letting the red weapon fall to the ground for   
only a second before scooping it up. "Third Impact is still going on,   
isn't it?" he asked, voice harsh, the sky darkening and casting long   
shadows across his face. "How do I stop it? Damn it, how do I reverse   
the process?"  
  
"You -can't-," snapped Rei, her arm pulling free as drops of rain began   
to fall. "That's what you don't understand. We can't simply stop this   
from happening. It's -done-. Even if we had done nothing, it would   
have happened -eventually-. All that we can hope to do is alter the   
outcome, and that's what you're denying us." She let out a slow hiss   
of breath, her robes slowly solidifying into her plugsuit. "Do the   
right thing, Neil. Give me control over this. Let me save us."  
  
"Brainwashing everyone isn't salvation!" snapped the boy, staggering   
away from her, the grass now dry and cracking underfoot, sky slowly   
unleashing the water it contained. "I've got to find a way - there's   
got to be -something- that I can do to stop it!"  
  
Rei scoffed. "By your own admission, everything you do turns out   
wrong. You can't stop this. Neither can I. Give me that knife and   
let me have the chance to save us. It's the best that we can hope for."  
  
"I don't accept that!" shouted Neil, steadying the dagger in his hand   
and waving it as menacingly as possible, his eyes flashing at Rei.   
"I... I'll figure something out! Damn it all, if I give up now it's   
pointless!"  
  
The girl frowned, then lunged towards him. Without thinking, Neil   
thrust the dagger forward, the twin points flickering in the dimmed   
light before they pierced Rei's chest. Blood spurted from the wounds,   
splattering against Neil's face, along his arms, a small trickle coming   
from the corner of Rei's mouth as it shifted into a small O of   
surprise. It took Neil a moment to even realize what he'd done, his   
eyes slowly focusing on Rei as her blood spilled forth.  
  
A chocking gurgle came from her throat as she struggled to say   
something, one hand raising and trying to reach towards Neil, and the   
landscape around them filtered away to LCL. His body went half-  
transparent, the dagger vanished, but he could see her slumping against   
the seat of her entry plug, two pinprick wounds just above her heart   
exhaling clouds of blood into the cockpit around her, the light going   
out of her eyes.  
  
"No." He shook his head as the picture faded, leaving him standing   
atop the mountain once again, alone amongst the great spires of stone.   
"That - that's impossible. I can't affect anyone in the real world   
from here, I know it. It's just a trick, just like before. Rei's   
still alive, she has to be."  
  
Fluttering light coalesced into the shape of the other once again,   
still clad in flowing brown robes. "It doesn't really matter if you   
killed her or not, does it?" he whispered, kneeling beside Neil. "You   
know that you wanted to kill her. That was your first instinct. Just   
like it was your first instinct when Vash was -"  
  
"GO AWAY!" screamed Neil, staggering away from the other, tears pooling   
in his eyes once again. "I... even if I might fail... that doesn't   
mean that I..."  
  
"That you can't do anything good," finished the double, invisible to   
Neil now, the light around them fading to nothing. "You're simply   
incapable of it. You try to do right, and you do wrong; you try to do   
wrong, and you do wrong." A pause. "Perhaps you're right. Perhaps   
there's no point in trying any more. All that happens is that you   
fail. Perhaps you truly are simply evil."  
  
Neil was distantly aware that the other was gone, but he didn't care,   
falling to his knees and sobbing, then falling forward, hands propping   
him up on all fours. His tears fell to an alien and unrecognized   
floor, but he didn't care, lost in his thoughts and his guilt.   
Choking sobs wracked his body, and thoughts of Third Impact faded from   
mind as the darkness permeated about him.  
  
]++[  
  
"Second corridor on our right!" shouted Ryo, running as best he could   
with Niobe hanging off his shoulder, Vash and Eiko close on his heels.   
Another shudder tore through Central Dogma, white light lancing up and   
obliterating a small portion of the corridor that they had been in   
moments before. Fluorescent lighting in the hall flickered and died   
intermittently, but Ryo knew enough of the base to make his way without   
it. "This tube's designed to withstand almost anything! It should be   
intact!"  
  
The other Children didn't answer Ryo, as he'd expected. Pulling and   
pushing Niobe along in equal degrees, the pale boy hurtled towards   
their destination, red eyes flicking around to make sure that the base   
around them remained intact enough to keep going. They'd already been   
to two evacuation areas and found them impassable, and a cold dread was   
slowly forming in his gut at the thought of this one being cut off as   
well.  
  
As he rounded the corner, Ryo breathed a sigh of relief, seeing the   
hallway mostly intact, the round port at the end unspeakably welcome.   
"Vash! Eiko! Come here!" He let go of Niobe, letting her lean   
against the wall as he ran to the port, hearing another shuddering   
blast tear more of the base apart.  
  
Ignoring the noise, Ryo rushed to the circular port, wedging his   
fingers into the thin grips embedded in the surface, putting all of his   
strength into twisting the hatch. It was a moment before Vash came up   
beside him, lending his strength to the task, grunting slightly as it   
began to give. "Don't make these things easy to open, do they?" he   
asked, a grimace passing over his face, the base shuddering from the   
force of another blast.  
  
"Not meant to be opened casually. We'd be evacuating with the rest of   
NERV in theory." A thin layer of sweat glazed Ryo's forehead as the   
hatch continued to twist at a glacial speech, then finally gave a   
satisfied groan and wrenched free, falling to the floor as Ryo and Vash   
released it. "All right! Eiko, you first!"  
  
Acting without question, the girl rushed into the exit without   
hesitation, slipping herself in and letting her body be carried out by   
the smooth surface. Ryo moved swiftly over to Niobe, helping her to   
his shoulder as Vash climbed halfway in. "Stay there," snapped Ryo,   
his eyes flicking back and forth for a moment, nerves on edge with the   
constant shuddering of the base. "We'll need to work together to get   
Niobe into the tube."  
  
Leaning against Ryo, Niobe could feel the self-loathing bubble inside   
her stomach, limping weakly towards the port with him. He was doing so   
much, and she... she'd proved him right in the end after all. "Every   
chance I get," she whispered, shaking her head weakly, casting her eyes   
away from Vash.  
  
Everything pitched into slow motion as the space between the exit and   
Niobe exploded into a shower of white light. She could see Vash pushed   
down by the force before he even had a chance to react, could see the   
metal flying upwards as the corridor pitched wildly, could feel Ryo's   
hands circle her and push her back. The world became a blur of light   
and metal, sending her to the floor, sliding along in pain as she tried   
to regain her bearings, head hitting the metal hard and nearly stunning   
her into unconsciousness.  
  
Wincing, Niobe shook her head and forced herself up on her arms, her   
eyes flying towards the corridor that she and Ryo had stood in moments   
earlier. Most of it had been torn away now, replaced by a gaping hole   
of jagged metal, cutting off any path to the emergency exit. Ryo lay   
crumpled against the floor, motionless except for obviously labored   
breathing, his legs dangling out over the gap as his hands clutched at   
his side.  
  
Niobe's eyes widened as she realized that he wasn't unhurt - his hands   
were clenched around a shard of teal-gray metal, blood welling around   
his fingers as he tried to stumble to his feet. "Ryo!" she shouted,   
struggling to pull herself towards him as the base shuddered once   
again, sending him a little closer to the hole. "Are you all right?"  
  
"It's not that deep, but it needs medical attention," he replied   
grimly, releasing one hand and placing it firmly against the floor,   
trying to push himself up but failing. "I don't know how much blood   
I've lost from it, though I'm not dizzy yet." He paused. "I don't   
think I can pull myself up."  
  
The base shuddered once again, sending Ryo slipping closer to the hole,   
his waist scarcely clear of it. Niobe let out a shout involuntarily,   
and Ryo's eyes flicked to the pit for a moment before looking back at   
her. "You've got to try and crawl to safety," he said flatly, wincing   
in pain. "The walls seem to be the safest places to be... if you think   
you can reach the hangars, get in the entry plug and stay there. I   
can't help you to -"  
  
Another shudder tore through the base, and Ryo slipped a bit further.   
Niobe was seized with panic, and tears brimmed into her eyes as she   
buried her head on the floor, unable to watch any longer. "Damn me,"   
she whispered, sobbing weakly. "I could pull him up. Every single   
time I have the chance to succeed, I..."  
  
Once again, the base shuddered, and Niobe felt a sudden rush of   
adrenaline move through her, borne of anger and desperation and a   
simple exhaustion with crying. Her eyes narrowed, and placing her   
palms flat against the floor she pushed her upper body up, placing her   
legs firmly beneath her. "I'm not going anywhere without you," she   
snapped, drawing herself up to her full height, ignoring the trembling   
in her legs.  
  
"Don't do it!" shouted Ryo, wincing in pain once again, his eyes   
watching each trembling step the girl took. "Niobe, you don't have the   
strength for it. Please, get somewhere safe, if not for yourself than   
for me."  
  
Niobe ignored him, still walking as resolutely as possible towards him,   
forcing herself against the wall as the base shuddered from another   
impact. Her legs threatened once again to give way, but she drew in a   
deep breath and walked to him, clenching her hands into fists as she   
reached down. "Take my hand, Ryo."  
  
The boy made no movement, obviously hoping that she'd give up the   
effort. He was obviously struggling not to fall, his legs tucked in   
close and barely keeping him in place. Grimacing, Niobe knelt and   
seized him tightly, then let out a cry of determination and pulled   
hard, forcing her legs to tug with her as the base shuddered once again.  
  
For the barest moment, Niobe felt that Ryo was right. She could feel   
her legs giving out from underneath her, feel the weight of the boy she   
held pulling her down towards the fatal abyss. But she held tightly,   
not relenting for a moment, her voice scratching her throat as she   
howled in defiance at the sky. In that moment she didn't have the   
words to scream that she wouldn't fail, that she would make herself   
succeed even if it killed both of them, that there was no way in the   
world that she would back down at her last chance.  
  
Then she felt herself move backwards, away from the pit, and she felt   
Ryo's body move with her. The boy made a small noise of pain, but she   
ignored it, forcing herself to pull him further, keeping her legs   
moving in steady patterns, pulling him along even as the base continued   
shuddering, until the tips of his feet were safely within the hallway.  
  
Gasping, Niobe collapsed to her knees for a moment, panting hard and   
staring down at Ryo. Their eyes met, and even though she couldn't know   
she knew that her own eyes were strong once again, that she was   
displaying her triumph proudly. Ryo's lips parted halfway, visibly   
amazed, almost seeming on the edge of tears. "You..."  
  
"We're not safe here," she said firmly, pulling herself to her feet   
once again, then pulling Ryo up with her. "Is there another emergency   
exit, or are we out by now?"  
  
Ryo didn't respond for a moment, then he shook his head. "There's a   
couple left that I can remember. If we leave this corridor and head   
straight for a little while, we should hit one." He paused, then   
flicked his eyes up and down her body. "Can you walk?"  
  
Her legs were screaming for release, trembling like grass in a   
hurricane. A vague dizziness had crept into her skull, and she could   
feel tears still blurring her vision, helped little by the darkness of   
the corridors. "Absolutely," she replied firmly, turning away from the   
lost exit. "Which way?"  
  
]++[  
  
LCL dripped quietly around Neil as he wept, the droplets making small   
pinging noises against an unknown floor. In the back of his mind, he   
could feel voices screaming at him to stand, to move forward, that   
Third Impact needed to be averted, but he could barely muster the   
willpower to draw breath, much less to draw up from his knees, to move   
his hands away from his face.  
  
He had failed. At everything. It was diriving through his chest   
relentlessly, spasms of guilt and self-loathing keeping him immobilized   
save for the steady shudders of crying. Every good thing that he'd   
tried to do had gone wrong somehow, and every thing that wound up going   
right he'd done for all the wrong reasons. He was a bloodthirsty   
monster, filled with hate, unable to do anything but destroy. "If I   
try to stop the Impact, I'll only make things worse," he whispered.   
"And now Rei's dead. Rei can't take it over... God, I should have   
listened to her when she told me... when she tried..."  
  
Choking sobs cut his words short, and he trailed off into a loud wail,   
feeling his voice fling out into the impossibly huge room, seeming   
almost to make him smaller with each passing moment. Tears blurred his   
vision into nothing, and his body pitched forward, forehead hitting the   
cold metal roughly, the dark seeming to pierce his skin and begin to   
infest him. It hurt, but he knew that it was his time, that he had to   
give it up. He was too steeped in blood to accomplish anything further.  
  
"Neil." The voice was soft, caring, but Neil was too lost in himself   
to hear it, barely even noticing as gentle hands pushed him into an   
upright positiong. "Neil. Neil, listen to me. Please."  
  
Forcing down another sob, Neil weakly tried to brush away the tears   
from his eyes, only distantly aware of a blue and white figure in front   
of him. The figure reached to his eyes and wiped them clear, and as   
his vision cleared Neil recognized the proto-plugsuit, the white lab   
coat, the maternal and caring face. "Yui," he whispered, feeling more   
tears coming on. "I've been hurting you too, haven't I?"  
  
Yui said nothing, simply knelt beside Neil and embraced him tightly,   
resting his head on her shoulder, her fingers running through his   
hair. The tears came again, but weaker now, and he could feel the room   
around him begin to fade into focus. "Poor boy," she whispered.   
"You've been thinking that all along, haven't you?"  
  
"Because it's true," he replied, lacking the strength to rage. "I hurt   
everyone around me just by being near them. That... that's who I am.   
Small wonder the Eva responds so well to me."  
  
"Wrong again," snapped the harsh voice of the double, somewhere from   
behind Yui, outside of what little Neil could see around him. The boy   
surppressed the urge to look, knowing that it would do little good.   
"Sometimes you seem almost too eager to let yourself be a monster, you   
know that? You don't even allow for the possibility that you and the   
Eva just happen to be connected. It has to be because you're a   
monster."  
  
"That's what you wanted me to admit, though," whispered Neil, his arms   
limply struggling to embrace Yui, feeling very small and afraid. "You   
wanted me to say that I was a monster, didn't you? That I'm horrible,   
unclean, and -"  
  
"Quiet." Yui's voice was quiet and soft, but carried enough impact to   
make Neil fall silent. "You accept what you do wrong too readily,   
Neil. No matter how hard you try or what you achieve, it's always   
wrong for some reason."  
  
"And it -should- be," replied Neil, feeling the woman's arms release   
him as he spoke, his sadness increasing. "I... I don't deserve to live   
with other people. I ought to sacrifice myself to undo everything   
wrong, to try and fix all my mistakes, to -"  
  
"Idiot. Who do you think would have destroyed the Third Angel if not   
for you?" The double stepped over and jerked Neil roughly to his feet,   
his green eyes flashing with an emotion that Neil couldn't quite   
place. "Who else would have stayed to save Ryo? Who would have given   
Nieve moments of happiness? Who else would have gone back to Central   
Dogma in the face of certain death?" He smirked. "You can't deny the   
positive outcomes, Neil. Even if you hate yourself as much as you   
claim, you must realize that you've done things right."  
  
"For the wrong reasons!" shouted Neil, pulling away from his double and   
shaking his head. "I keep trying to be a good person and I keep   
failing! It's not worth it any more! I'll just keep failing over and   
over again, and I'll keep hurting people in the process!"  
  
"And you'll keep helping people, too," replied Yui, her voice   
surprisingly small and trembling. Blinking back tears, Neil looked   
towards the woman, seeing her and the double standing beside one   
another. "You don't do things for just one reason. If you manage to   
bring just a little bit more light into the world, isn't that enough?   
Haven't you made the world a better place just for trying?"  
  
"But..." His breathing was coming shallowly and quickly now, his heart   
pounding against his ribs like a maniac. "The bloodlust. The hatred.   
All of these things... I shouldn't feel them like this. Not this   
intensely. Other people don't act like I do."  
  
"Other people don't pilot the Eva like you do," replied the double, a   
thin smile tracing across his face. "You're not an angel, Neil.   
Nobody is. That's not what you're supposed to be." His eyes widened   
slightly as if seeing some unknown horror standing behind Neil, and   
light began to flash from his body. "But we can't hold your hand any   
longer. This part is up to you."  
  
Neil's eyes flicked back and forth between Yui and the other. His   
mouth half-opened to ask a question, then shut, his lips pressing   
together in a hard line, swallowing a dry lump of fear. He wanted to   
ask the pair to stay, but something in him knew that it would be   
futile, that whatever was waiting for him wouldn't wait for his own   
concerns. "I won't forget," he whispered, letting his hands clench   
into fists. "I won't let you down."  
  
Yui and the other opened their mouths in unison, as if about to speak,   
but not a noise issued forth. They both dissolved in a flurry of light   
and feathers, melting into nothingness as Neil shielded his eyes,   
illuminating the black walls of the chamber lined with thin red   
patterns.  
  
As the light faded, Neil could see another figure standing in their   
place, a thin body cloaked in thick robes, eyes an uncanny mixture of   
colors. "Kaworu," Neil called, no doubt left in his mind as he forced   
himself to look on the other boy. His fists tightened slightly. "But   
you're not really Kaworu, are you?"  
  
"Very perceptive, Third Child," replied the thing that wore Kaworu's   
skin, smiling once more past where his jaws would have allowed for it,   
his eyes growing unnaturally wide. "I wonder, are you now able to see   
me for who I am? Or are you still blinded by your denial?"  
  
"God," snapped Neil, feeling a warm rush of adrenaline seep into his   
bloodstream.  
  
The smile spread until it threatened to split the head, and the robes   
and skin fell away in a cascade of light, dissolving before they ever   
hit the floor. Neil's eyes burned with the intense display, but he   
forced himself not to look away, watching as the pale boy's form split   
to reveal only three gigantic eyes, each easily as tall as Neil,   
arranged in a triangle before him. Each iris was a swirling mass of   
conflicting colors, and as the eyes blinked the land around them   
shifted to a beautiful garden, high atop a hill, looking out across a   
barren desert. "Well done," boomed a voice. "Speak."  
  
Neil felt his through go dry in shock, having half-expected to be wrong   
despit himself. Coughing gently, he forced a scratching breath into   
his lungs, feeling his confidence flagging. "You've been sent to judge   
the Earth, haven't you?"  
  
"I am not 'sent' anywhere. I choose where I will go." Two of the eyes   
closed, leaving only one to stare at him, looking as disdainful as a   
disembodied eye could. "I have come to this world to judge the works   
and lives of my children, of the human race. You, Neil Richelieu, have   
been the sole specimen presented in the defense of your world." There   
was a pause, as if the deity was waiting for Neil to interject.  
  
Cold sweat beaded along Neil's forehead, his mind struggling to figure   
out if he wasn't just seeing another illusion, trying to comprehend the   
possibility that he was truly addressing a god. The eye stared for a   
moment longer, then blinked, letting the garden wither to blackened   
remnants in a second. "You have done little to defend yourself, Neil.   
I have seen your race as represented by you, and it is not something   
that I wish to continue inflicting upon Earth."  
  
"Why?" shouted Neil, beginning to feel some small courage assert itself   
inside his chest. "What even gives you the right to judge us? You   
cast us out, and then you expect us to -"  
  
"Do not question me, boy," snapped the voice. Its volume did not   
alter, but all three eyes flew open, and Neil felt a spasm of pain   
consume him, sending him involuntarily to his knees. "I am that I am.   
You are a race of selfish individuals that exist only to hurt one   
another and further your own desires. I give you this last chance to   
defend your actions out of mercy. Do not try my patience."  
  
Blood brushed against Neil's lips, and he swallowed hard, pulling   
himself roughly to his feet. "I've tried to save the Earth from   
destruction," he said simply, feeling his eyes go blurry.  
  
"You have done anything but. You have attempted to kill companions to   
usurp their stations amongst others. You have allowed yourself to be   
consumed with rage and hatred. You have destroyed people that care for   
you because of your own selfishness. What do you have to say to   
alleviate that?"  
  
"Nothing," the boy half-coughed, releasing and clenching his fists in   
steady intervals, watching the world around him become consumed by an   
eyeblink winter. "But I realize that I've done things wrong. I'm   
trying to correct them as best I can. It's the moral thing to -"  
  
"Morals? Do not trifle me with your absurdities. You are no more   
moral than the ice aroung you." The garden was past recognition now,   
coated in thick snows and blocks of ice. "Yours is a basically selfish   
race. You impose morals only to try and curb your natural instincts.   
If that is the best defense that you can muster, then judgement is done   
and passed."  
  
Snow and razor-sharp wind bit into Neil's skin, but he could feel   
something burning within him, some last bit of strength from Yui and   
the other, from Rei and Nieve - perhaps even from himself. "They're   
not shackles," he whispered, knowing full well that the other entity   
could hear him. "We try to use them to hold ourselves back, but we use   
them just as readily to drive ourselves upwards. They make us what we   
are - they make -me- who -I- am."  
  
"And this is something to be proud of?" replied the voice of the eyes.   
For the barest moment the image of the old school playground flashed   
before Neil's eyes, the bully tormenting his friend, a pencil hard and   
lethal in his hand. "You are bloodthirsty, selfish, and cruel. You do   
things for your own gain."  
  
"Yes. But I also do things because they're the right thing to do." He   
sighed heavily, feeling his confidence grow and flag in equal amounts.   
Snow whipped about with more ferocity. "I can't say why I got in the   
Eva that first day. Maybe it was because I didn't want to feel   
guilty. Maybe it was because I knew it was the right thing to do. But   
whatever my reasons... I got in, I piloted it, I fought for others."   
His eyes flashed with determination. "For whatever I've done wrong,   
I've done things right."  
  
"Of little consequence," replied the deity flatly, the three eyes now   
flashing with an inner fire that implied a growing anger. "You are a   
basically selfish species, and you will fail as often as you succeed."  
  
"Probably. But that's no reason to stop trying." The image of the   
bully flashed in his eyes once again, but this time he didn't feel the   
guilt from before. "If we're basically selfish, that means that we're   
not basically evil, that we're capable of doing better. If we do wrong   
in trying to do good... we just have to keep trying."  
  
Silence hung in the snow-covered land for a moment, the colors of the   
eyes flashing with greater intensity. "This is your defense, then?"   
asked the voice, almost mockingly. "You believe that you can succeed   
at something so contrary to your nature?"  
  
Neil's eyes drifted closed heavily, images flashing through his mind   
once again. He could see the Fourth Angel, thrashing about as he tried   
to stab it, his arms struggling to pull it away from Ryo. He could see   
Eiko's machine shielding him from the Fifth. He could feel the air   
whistle past him as he ran towards Central Dogma, the Fourteenth   
tearing apart the city. And above it all, he could see Nieve's face,   
smiling, crying, laughing, shouting, always the two points of liquid   
and beautiful green that were her eyes dancing before him.  
  
"No," he said, opening his eyes once again, staring at the triangle   
before him without fear. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop   
trying."  
  
The image of the bully was flashing in his eyes as he extended his arm,   
palm open, feeling power surge through his body as he felt the red   
double-pointed lance form in his hand. He gripped it tightly, feeling   
his body flick back and forth between the snowfield and the schoolyard,   
and in each his face twisted into a grimace of determination. Gripping   
his weapon tightly, he ran forward, eyes not angry but certain, a cry   
of defiance on his lips, the bully and the eyes growing larger in his   
sight as the rest of the world faded into nothingness. His weapon   
flashed forward in both, towards its ultimate target, the lethal points   
driving home -  
  
"Enough," snapped the voice, a sound like trumpets and thunder filling   
the air with it. Neil's world went perfectly white, his body lost   
substance, and he suddenly felt himself falling faster than he had ever   
known, hurtling away from the garden and the schoolyard, a sense of   
triumph overcoming him as he flew.  
  
]++[  
  
A shaft of light shot forth from the deepest recesses of Terminal   
Dogma, shattering metal as it raced upwards, blasting through the armor   
of the Geo-Front without effort. It continued moving past the city of   
Tokyo-3, towering into the heavens, past the moon and into space   
unknown, drawing the attention of the world as it lingered for what   
seemed like an eternity, the vaguest hints of the arms of a cross   
flickering as it met the outer edges of Earth's atmosphere.  
  
Inside Terminal Dogma, however, there was far more to see than simply   
the light cascading upwards from EVA-01. White light flooded from the   
machine, encompassing the room, throwing it into black and white for   
only an instant before growing too bright to allow anything but white.   
Nieve felt her eyes go blind for a moment at the sheer intensity of the   
burst, falling to her knees as she felt herself buffeted by winds, her   
eyes closing tightly but unable to block out the perfect and searing   
light.  
  
Then the corona around the Evas and the Angel burst, flying outwards,   
passing through the base without substance, washing over everything   
within the Geo-Front like first sunlight. It took Nieve's eyes a   
moment to adjust to the faded light of the chamber, the LCL dark once   
again, but even as she adjusted she could see EVA-01 moving. "Neil,"   
she whispered, drawing herself to her feet, eyes blinking back   
involuntary tears.  
  
EVA-01 pulled the lance free of both Lillith and EVA-08 effortlessly,   
holding the weapon aloft for only a moment before it seemed to liquify   
and run into the palm of the great beast. A slight red glow surrounded   
the beast for a moment, but it soon faded to white, the eyes flashing   
green as it staggered away from its fallen opponents. Its fingers   
clawed at its chest, LCL spraying around it in great showers as it   
tried to wrench something free from itself, the massive jaws closed   
tightly once again.  
  
Nieve stepped forward, and as if on cue the Eva opened its mouth once   
more, letting out a mighty roar. The entire machine pitched forward,   
huddling over as if chilled, then arched backwards, presenting its   
chest proudly to the heavens, arms spread wide. A great tearing noise   
filled the air, and as if newly-born the entry plug shot forth from the   
beast's chest, trailing blood and metal, hurtling through the air and   
twirling madly.  
  
The spinning cockpit slammed first into the ceiling, then one wall,   
then another, and with each impact Nieve could feel her gut wrenching   
slightly at the sound even as she prayed that Neil was inside. Another   
harsh slam against the wall, hard enough to possibly break the neck of   
any pilot within, and the thing spun into the LCL, skipping along the   
surface once before plummeting into its depths, swallowed by the ocean   
like so much debris.  
  
Misato and Nieve both watched the spot of the plug's disappearance, the   
ripples expanding slowly outwards. "If he's alive, he should be all   
right," Gendou announced weakly from behind them. "But the plug will   
probably eject any LCL within it regardless. If he's been absorbed by   
the Eva..."  
  
"Pray that he hasn't been," whispered Misato, watching as the plug   
bobbed back to the surface, the LCL exhaust porst on the sides dripping   
and open, the white cylinder moving slowly towards the walkway. Not   
another word pierced the air as the three watched, waiting for some   
sign that the boy inside was alive, Nieve's heart sinking at the wait.  
  
A slight twitch came from the hatch, then a larger one. The metal   
ground harshly against itself, but it swung upwards, pushed by a blood-  
streaked arm, pale against the dim light of the chamber. With slow,   
pained, deliberate movements, Neil Richelieu stood once again, hunched   
over and panting, streaked with blood and LCL. His eyes weakly flicked   
towards Nieve, then his body pitched forward into the LCL, eyes   
closing, chest heaving what seemed a final breath.  
  
In the instant it took Neil to fall into the red-orange liquid, Nieve   
felt her knees go weak, buckling beneath her as the boy's arms seemed   
to spread, though whether it was from gravity or a conscious choice was   
unclear. The splash filled her world for a second, then vanished from   
memory as she watched him pull himself back to the surface, head   
arching back as his lungs ripped a breath from the air around him,   
droplets of LCL clinging to him as he leaned forward and began swimming.  
  
Gendou watched coldly as the boy swam towards the platform, pulling   
himself up on the thin metal platform with slow and labored movments,   
dripping LCL as he pulled himself to his full height. The boy met the   
elder man's gaze, his emerald eyes displaying a fierce determination   
Gendou couldn't remember having seen before. "You saw God," he said   
flatly, knowing that the boy would ask no questions.  
  
"No judgement," replied Neil, shivering slightly in the chill, his   
voice resonating with a deep and powerful certainty. "Or judgement has   
been passed without sentence. Your choice. It's over now, either   
way." He turned towards Nieve, eyes wider now, pleading, but still   
with that same strength.  
  
"You destroyed it all, you realize," Gendou said, feeling his own voice   
come across his lips sounding broken, the noise of a frayed and barely-  
working violin. "Everything that we worked so long for... you   
discarded it like that, just because you -"  
  
"I did what I saw as right," replied Neil, his hands clenching into   
fists. "That's all I could have done. That's all any of us can do."  
  
Silence hovered between the two for a moment, broken only by the gentle   
sloshing of the LCL around them. "I was going to set us free," Gendou   
repeated weakly, his own hands going limp, face slowly dropping into an   
expression. "You understand that, don't you?"  
  
"We were never shackled, except by things that we couldn't change."   
Neil half-turned his head back towards Gendou, his eyes catching the   
scant light at just the right angle and seeming to glow a radiant   
emerald. "Yui realized that. That's why she helped me... why she   
saved us." He turned away once again. "I'm leaving."  
  
The strength fled from Gendou's knees, and only through force of will   
did he stop himself from collapsing completely, the shock and confusion   
written plainly across his face. It was a moment before he could   
regain any kind of composure, and by that time the others had already   
moved halfway towards the exit of the chamber. "Wait," he called, his   
voice sounding unimaginably small, barely reaching the trio.  
  
Neil heard him, froze, turned slowly to face the elder man, his face   
stoic and unafraid. Gendou couldn't help but wonder if Shinji would   
have looked the same, if the same strength would have been present in   
his own child. "Neil... this isn't over. SEELE will be coming for us,   
to try and avert what they know we've already achieved. Their plans   
span far beyond Third Impact, and I cannot stop them alone. Not any   
longer." He choked on the last sentence, struggling to get out   
anything more than the boy's name.  
  
Sighing heavily, Neil bowed his head slightly, seeming to understand.   
"I can't do otherwise," he whispered, words managing to reach Gendou   
despite the distance. "I'm not running away."  
  
Then they were gone, leaving Gendou alone to survey the wreckage of   
Lillith and EVA-08, the great purple form of EVA-01 standing motionless   
above both. "Yui," he whispered, stepping towards the goliath that   
screamed triumphantly at the sky. He could see his wife's face clearly   
enough, her delicate features, her fine brown hair that clung around   
her chin, the beautiful and affectionate smile that still warmed him   
when he closed his eyes.  
  
Falling to his knees, Gendou could feel the tears welling in his eyes,   
bubbling up and blurring his vision, sending the scene before him into   
a mass of indistinct colors. He could only see his wife and son, both   
gone now, only him alone left to try and carry on. It seemed an   
unbearable burden at last, as if all the while he'd simply carried it   
by convincing himself it was possible. Spasms of guilt shook his body,   
sending him to all fours as the first tears forced their way from his   
eyes towards the thin black metal.  
  
Gendou Ikari, from his lone and ruined work deep within the bowels of   
the earth, wept alone before the towering goliath of EVA-01.  
  
]++[  
  
Unbroken by clouds, the crystal-blue canopy of the sky stretched around   
Tokyo-3, the faintest hint of a chill rushing through the air. The sun   
still shone upon the city, however, just as it always did, its perfect   
rays streaming from high above, pointing out the perfect edges of the   
buildings, the great hole that had been carved into the Geo-Front, the   
construction equipment being lowered in to repair the half-destroyed   
Central Dogma. It was the wind that brought the chill out, a distant   
and unfamiliar wind that seemed to blow straight down from the sky, but   
cleansing rather than oppressive.  
  
Lying on his back, Neil simply basked in the interplay of the warm   
sunlight and the cold wind, focusing only on his breath, his eyes   
taking in scenery with a detached air. Already they were beginning to   
rebuild Central Dogma and patch together the armor of the Geo-Front,   
though Gendou was claiming that the Japanese government's help might   
prove to be abortive. It was only hours since the end of Third Impact,   
but already NERV had been pulled back together.  
  
Neil closed his eyes, letting himself remember the quick meeting that   
Gendou had held with the Children, Ritsuko and Kozou flanking him as if   
it somehow lended credence to his claims that they were all in danger.   
None of them had given him a clear yes or no, except Neil. He had been   
the first to leave, simply nodding an agreement with the other man and   
climbing to the surface, wanting time alone with himself.  
  
"Alone," he whispered, eyes opening and taking in the shimmering   
buildings of the city, the red insignia of NERV, the way that light   
seemed to play off of anything reflective in the shape of a cross. He   
felt a burden lifted, the sudden dearth of guilt unnaturally relieving,   
and his eyes sank closed once again as if weighted. "How utterly   
beautiful."  
  
It might have been days before he felt the soft touch upon his   
shoulder, and even before he opened his eyes he could feel Nieve above   
him. "Hey," she offered, thin red hair nearly brushing his face.   
"I've been looking for you."  
  
"Sorry," replied Neil, watching as the girl stood and went to lie   
beside him, a thin smile upon her lips. There was the familiar pain in   
his chest, and inwardly his spirits sank ever so slightly. Whatever   
course he took in the future, he couldn't escape the fact that he'd   
hurt her deeply. "I just needed a little space. A little open air."  
  
"Mmm." Her eyes drifted closed as she spread her arms and legs,   
seeming to bask in the sun. "It's so beautiful here, isn't it? With   
the sun, and this nice little wind - I think this is the nicest day   
we've had since I got here." She smiled more earnestly, turning her   
head towards Neil. "Makes me miss Ireland."  
  
Neil returned the smile, looking towards him as well, folding his arms   
beneath his head. "Are you planning on going back?" he asked,   
resisting his first instinct to feel that he'd said the worst possible   
thing. "I mean, Gendou's offer -"  
  
"I'm staying," she announced firmly, the smile wavering as she cast her   
eyes back towards the heavens. "If you're staying here, so am I. Not   
getting rid of me that easily." She paused. "You're not getting rid   
of me at all."  
  
Drawing a slow, coughing breath, Neil felt his throat tighten. This   
was what he had been terrified of, the vague dread that had kept him   
tense. "Nieve..." He coughed, tried to start over. "Listen, what we   
had talked about earlier -"  
  
"Shh." The girl said nothing more for a moment, then edged herself   
beside Neil, letting their bodies brush together. She hovered there,   
her lips pursed and her eyes trembling beneath closed lids. "I   
remember everything, Neil. But you're still not going to get rid of me   
that easily."  
  
Neither child said a word, and Nieve almost effortlessly rolled herself   
on top of Neil. Instantly his body reacted to her presence, the fire-  
red hair framing her face and surrounding his, the perfect green eyes   
staring into his with tears brimming in them. "I know that you've hurt   
me, Neil," she whipsered, voice trembling. "But I... I... I don't   
care. I know how we feel about one another, know that it wasn't out of   
malice, know..." She paused, choking down a sob, a lone tear falling   
from her eyes. "I trust you, Neil. I really do."  
  
Breathing deeply, Neil stared into the girl's eyes, amazed. He could   
still see every way that he'd hurt her, every single blow that he'd   
dealt her, all of the things that he had every reason to feel guilty   
for. Then he remembered Yui's words, and in a crystalline moment   
everything meant nothing. All that mattered was the beautiful and   
lovable girl lying on top of him, and the fact that his heart was   
struggling to meet hers. "I love you, Nieve."  
  
"I love you, Neil."  
  
The two brought their lips together, pressing them tightly, their arms   
moving into an embrace without words, the guilt and fear washing away   
from them as if it had never been them. Above them stretched the   
infinite heavens, unbroken and placid, sheltering the world gently like   
the wings of a dove.  
  
]++[  
  
I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If   
anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described   
in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of   
prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and   
in the holy city, which are described in this book.  
-REVELATIONS 22:18  
  
]++[  
  
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by   
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,   
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with   
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.   
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the   
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.  
  
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.  
  
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the   
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but   
that's more than I know.  
  
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre. Remember, love one another.  
  
FINIS.  
  
]++[  
  
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.  
Electronic Transcendence Productions:   
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.  
Rants: 


End file.
